#but i do miss when carlos did not make stupid decisions

[softtdaisy]

hellu lando with it's okay, just breathe.

I LOVE your writing, you deserve all the celebration love!

Pairing: Lando Norris x female!reader

Words: 1020

A/n: the fact i went over 1k words for a story i don’t feel confident about is crazy. I really hope you will like it, i’ve never write about Lando before so it’s a first try  

Dating Lando was like living in a new sitcom episode every single day. Even when he was away for the championship and you couldn’t travel with him, he found a way to make your day better. A call, a message, the stupidest joke ever or the cutest proof of love. 

There were some bad days, of course. But somehow, the sun always seemed to shine even in the darkest sky. 

You could write a whole book about your boyfriend. 

You really considered doing it these past days. Being away from him for too long was getting harder for you. It was really like missing a half of yourself when he was in another country or, worse, in another continent. No amount of calls was making for the lack of waking up with him by your side.

“You realize that one day you’re going to deal with me every day for the rest of your life? Shouldn’t you enjoy your free time while you can?” he told you on the phone after you admitted being sad about him leaving early for Canada. He hasn’t even been home since Spain and he was already leaving.

“Well right now, I miss you, idiot.”

“Well I miss you too, dummy.” 

It was probably one of the quickest decisions you’ve ever made. After waking up again feeling alone and sad without the man you loved, you booked a flight for Montréal during the afternoon to see him. You didn’t even tell anyone, except for Max, Lando’s best friend, to make sure at least one person would be aware of your trip. You wanted to surprise your boyfriend.

You had no idea that this would become one of the most stressful days for him.

When Lando woke up on the other side of the world, you were already up in the air. He didn’t question why you weren’t answering his texts. He knew that when you were working, you tended to be so focused that you forget about the world around you. He also knew that he could call you if he was worried because that was the only thing that would make you pick up your phone. 

Somehow, Lando felt like something was off. He could put his finger on what.

If he was a fan of media duties, he couldn’t focus on anything today. His laugh sounded fake, he wasn’t smiling as much. “If something is wrong, you can tell me.” Oscar reassured him after he had to handle every interview that morning.

But he didn’t say anything. Lando wasn’t the kind to cry on anyone’s shoulder for nothing. He didn’t want to bother his teammate for just a feeling. 

Then it became more than a feeling when he still couldn’t reach you. 

You were supposed to be home. Or heading home. Anyway, you would have answered Lando’s texts already. But you didn’t.

He tried to call you. But you didn’t answer.

He asked Carlos to call you too, knowing he was one of the few drivers to have your number. But you didn’t answer either.

“Something wrong?” Carlos asked him but he refused to say anything. If he kept it to himself, it wouldn’t be real, right?

So Lando did the worst thing he could have done, he knew that. He went to the practices with fear and stress. He couldn’t think about the race or the cars or his whole career. Fuck that. All he cared about was you. He did so many mistakes he couldn’t even imagine the number of comments on social media about him being done or whatever these stupid opinions were saying. The team was already giving him a hard time on the radio.

When Lando got out of the car, he felt like he saw a ghost. Expect it wasn’t one.

It was you. Standing in the middle of the garage.

It took him a few seconds to realize that he wasn’t dreaming, that it wasn’t his mind giving him what he wanted to see. You were here. For real. Not home. But here with him.

Lando then ran to you and took you in his arms. “Oh wow I didn’t expect that to be so welcoming.” you laughed in his ears. Knowing him, you were convinced he would make a joke about you being here at the same time as his mistress. Or that you should take a shower, when he was the one dirty after racing. 

Not that he would hug you that tight. You felt him bringing him to his room and you followed him, quite perplexed on why he was reacting like that. 

It wasn’t until you were alone that you noticed he was shivering against you. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” you asked him, moving your head to see his sad face. You barely ever saw him being that miserable around you.

“You’re here…” he replied, breathless. You took his face between your hands.

“it's okay, just breathe,” you put your forehead against his and felt him relaxed slowly. 

“You didn’t answer me and I thought something had happened. I couldn’t call you, I couldn’t reach you and I thought you were… I can’t imagine my life without you!” 

“I’m not planning on leaving you.” you replied with a sweet smile, giving him a soft kiss on his lips. Lando always said that your lips had some calming power. And he wasn’t wrong. You could feel relaxed after that, like it was the proof he needed to be sure you were really here.

You spent some long minutes together in the silence. Now that he was accepting that nothing had happened to you and that you were here, for real, he was enjoying your presence. You gave him small kisses in the hair, the one he loved when he had a terrible weekend. It felt quite the same for once.

“I’m taking notes that you don’t like surprises.” you whispered in his hair.

“Not the one where I think I’m losing the love of my life, dummy.”

“Love of my life and dummy in the same sentence? What a pretty love language, Norris.” 

[liminalmemories21]

have you seen the deleted wedding scene? hell, even the whole thing? I want your thoughts.

Sorry, I saw this right as I was going to bed and needed to be awake and functional again in 5 hours.  So, thoughts developed during my commute to work this morning.

My thoughts on the finale episodes fall broadly into three categories - the good, the okay sure but why, and the bad.  I think this is actually kind of my reaction to this entire season, but that's a longer discussion. The Good

These episodes had some gorgeous scenes between characters.  TK doing Carlos's tie for him before the funeral.  The conversation between Carlos and TK where they postpone the wedding, and the way the whole thing is a mirror of the proposal scene, and TK promising that he's not going anywhere.  The moment where Carlos comes back and says, no now because this makes sense, you make sense for me.  The entire conversation between Owen and Carlos.   The joy of the wedding. [cutting here for anyone who wants to skip the rest of the commentary]

The Okay Sure, but Why

Iris stood up with Carlos at his wedding in place of his father?  Why?  Why on earth would you not have Andrea stand up with Carlos?  It would be such a mirror for Owen standing up with TK.  Or, if for some reason you don't want to do that (again, why?), Iris is an odd choice simply because we do not know her.  This has nothing to do with anything I think about the Iris plotline in general - but she's there in the first few episodes and what we know is that they used to be best friends but haven't spoken in 5-6 years.  If you want to have her as a major player at the wedding you need to foreshadow that - some throw away lines about, hey we had dinner with Iris the other night, or have her show up in the background at game night like Asha did.  And, if you aren't going to do that, and you aren't going to have Andrea stand up with Carlos, it would have made more sense to have one of the 126 stand up with him (Marjan maybe since Paul was officiating) - we've seen his relationship with the 126 for 4 seasons.  They know him. Carlos's sisters - why?  In a season that is heavily about Carlos's relationship with his family we know nothing about his sisters.  What did they think when he came out?  What did they think of his marriage to Iris?  What do they think of TK?  What's their relationship with Carlos now?  Do they live nearby?  It's possible I missed it, but I don't think they even got named in the episode.  I had to go look up their names on IMDB.  So, if you're not going to do anything with them, why have them there.

Especially, why cast Carlos's sisters - and their husbands, and at least one child - if you aren't going to cast Enzo and Jonah.  We haven't heard Carlos even mention his sisters before halfway through this season, but TK's first thought when he hears that Gwyn died was, but what about Jonah.  They had Carlos's sisters and family, and TK's uncle and family (who he's known for a hot second) at the rehearsal dinner, but not his brother and the man who was basically his step-father for 15 years?  Why? The Bad

Okay, the entire Judd-Wyatt plot line is a hot mess of stupid.  Wyatt is a grown man who was training to be a firefighter, but got no say in his occupational therapy?  What about his fiance/mother of his child?  She didn't get to have an opinion about this?  Is she also going to move into the Judd/Grace household?

Judd isn't trained for occupational therapy.  Just full stop, no further commentary.  And, giving up your pension is a really stupid financial decision?  Take the leave of absence Owen offered, get a home loan to make your house more accessible when Wyatt gets out of OT.  Continue to have a salary.  I do not understand any of the reasoning in this plot line.

There's a comment from Tim floating around that there were 30+ minutes of cut footage that they just didn't have time for.  And, what that tells me is that this should have been a three-episode arc, instead of trying to cram all of this plot into two episodes.  It would have given Carlos's grief time to breathe, and time for the investigation of Gabriel's death to play out.  It would have given more time for the wedding - why cut the scene of Andrea helping Carlos get ready the morning of his wedding?  This whole season has been about the wedding, and it's this triumph of choosing life, but we barely get to see it?

Also, the timing of Robert dying - TK and Carlos are going to cut their honeymoon short to come back for another funeral?  They're not going to the funeral?  They're coming home from their honeymoon and being told, hey while you were gone . . . .?  Also, this is so very obviously going to come back and bite Owen in the ass I can't even. I feel like the theme of this season was fathers and sons - TK and Owen finding a way back to each other, Carlos and Gabriel (and Andrea) finding a way back to a relationship.  But, I feel like a lot of the time the way it read was Carlos being gaslit about his relationship with his parents.  You hear Andrea regret the way they reacted when Carlos came out, but you never hear her say it to him.  You never hear Gabriel say it to him.  You have three seasons of Carlos feeling alienated from his family, and then a lot of moments this season where people tell him that he was wrong to feel like that, that he was so loved.  Which, fine, that's great, but doesn't actually erase a decade of feeling like he wasn't good enough.

So, in conclusion, some lovely gorgeous moments in an episode that had a lot of tonal and emotional whiplash.  Which is kind of what I think about the season in general.

[asydicsydney]

I was just remembering how Carlos said he could catch Cecil's broadcasts in the Desert Otherworld, but that they were sometimes from the past or future.

Anyway here's a very inaccurate fic I just cranked out with that premise.

I haven't eaten or drunk anything in days. Although I'm not sure I need to anymore, really. I also haven't heard his voice in days. I was so accustomed to slacking on work when his show came on, punishing myself for it later on with all the all nighters, such a welcome escape from reality while I assured my team I was simply using my resources wisely for finding new issues around town. His voice could slip into the air around me and dig out my deepest secrets. A prize only for him, but one of which he knew nothing of. Even after a year of dating and moving in with each other, you can't know someone's deepest secrets. It would take a lifetime to know someone that well. And we would never get a lifetime, all because I went through that stupid door. Carlos, 'the man who can't stop sciencing even during a capitalistic uprising'. My team definitely owes me those 5$.

I've managed to find a wire hanger sticking out of a cactus. I bent it into an antenna-like shape and stuck it in the top of my phone. I couldn't do any damage to it anyway, maybe I could do some good, find a signal.

Yes! Oh, sweet radio waves, how I missed you! Now, if I go to my NVCR app I might catch him on the air... Unless it's his lunch break, or the weather, or it's 2AM and he's pretending to sleep. Oh, I forgot to turn my volume up.

"-has a square jaw, and teeth like a military cemetery. His hair is perfect, and we all hate, and despair, and love that perfect hair in equal measure."

Is he waxing poetic about me again? Eh, at least he still thinks of me.

"-had come to study just what is going on around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly."

Aww, he sounds exactly the same as when...

He sounds exactly the same...

Did I just go back in time?

No no no no no, this must not be tuned right, I'll just-

"And here I remind you that he became trapped there while saving our city from treacherous, dark forces. I remind you he is a hero. I remind you that my boyfriend is-"

Wait! No no, go back! That sounded like the right frequency... Where are we now?

"-and Carlos. I'm proud to call you family."

Steve? Family?

"I said once that a home is just a group of objects connected by a shared personal experience of time. Which was just a fancy way of asking you to move in with me. And it worked."

Now I'm talking? Am I talking to Cecil? Where on the timeline is this?

"In other words, changing the story about you or the story about me into a story about us."

I- what? I'll-I'll just sit down for awhile and listen. Not like an oak door will just show up anyway.

"And now, tonight, I say I'm glad again, for this decision and all the decisions that will come every day after. Which is to say-"

Is this really?

"I just thought that it was time for us to make a life together."

Us? Did.. we? R-really? And of course it's on air. Oh, Cecil, babe! We did it! Wait, that means-

"-knowing that Carlos was there, that no matter what else happened we would come back to each other-"

I made it home.

"I know nowhere friendlier. I know nowhere hotter. The moon is still beautiful, mysterious lights still pass overhead."

I really made it home.

"Stay tuned next for a drunk, newly married couple, long after all the well-wishers have left, pilling up bags of garbage-"

I'm gonna make it, Cecil.

"And good night, Night Vale, and every person who can hear my voice. Good night."

I'll make it home on time. I promise.

[soulemissary]

but like...i had SO MUCH FUN in 2019 when i was waking up rlly early to watch matches like msi 2019 was such a joy to watch i literally woke up at 4 am specifically for it and it was so good and i miss that!!!!! i miss being so interested in it and trying to learn everything. i miss pc league and i miss my team being Normal

[rangergurlgleek1211]

Title: Am I not good enough for you?

Fandom: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)

Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand

Characters: Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), TK StrandTK Strand (9-1-1 Lone Star), Carlos Reyes, Mentioned Judd Ryder (9-1-1 Lone Star), Mentioned Owen Strand (9-1-1 Lone Star)

Additional Tags: Sad TK Strand, Insecure TK Strand, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Worried Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Protective Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Tk over thinks, Triggers, Concerned Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Upset Tk Strand (9-1-1 Lone Star)

Summary:

One sentence had been stuck in his mind all day. The reason why his Dad was making all these amendments. Six Stupid words “I’m about to be a father”. Where was the “again” in that sentence, he was his son too. Why was having another child making his dad want to make these changes now.

Or

A Missing Scene I feel should have been in S02E06. There should have been a scene where Tk spoke to Carlos about What his dad had said earlier in the day and a brief mention of the incident at the mine field.

Read here on A03

Sticking his key in the lock, opening the door to a dark house wasn’t Tk’s idea of a great start to his evening. Especially after the shift he had today. He just wanted to sink into Carlos arms on the couch and hide away from the world for the next 24hrs. But Carlos had a couple hours left on shift, so Tk had to find something to occupy his active mind.

It had been a rough day especially being on the mine-field call. The Call had made Tk think more about his future and what he wanted to do and achieve. The mine-field really made him think about changing from firefighter to medic. He had all his certifications and it would be a simple transition so what was stopping him.

Also the conversation he had with his dad about him signing over his power of attorney to him had been going over and over in his mind all day. Making it hard for him to concentrate. It worried him. How much power his dad had given to him concerning his care. If something was to go wrong, he knew he would do everything he could if the choice came down to it. But that wasn’t what had been bothering him most.

Asking his dad about why he had started to make all these decisions had been the deciding point in his overactive mind. It was the reason why he hadn’t been at the top of his game and taking necessary risks all day. Getting shouted at by Judd at one point wasn’t on his to do list today. Especially when it was something he could have avoided altogether weren't it for his mind being elsewhere.

One sentence had been stuck in his mind all day. The reason why his Dad was making all these amendments. Six Stupid words “I’m about to be a father”.

Where was the “again” in that sentence, he was his son too. Why was having another child making his dad want to make these changes now. Tk had asked his dad to make these changes so many times in the past, but it’s only now that he’s decided it’s time.

Tk had always known he wasn't good enough for his dad. Today just made things much more clearer in his overactive mind.

“I know I’m a mess, I’ve mucked up enough times” Tk mumbled to himself. Dropping his bag by the door, Tk shuffled his feet into the living room to collapse on the couch.

He felt so tired after such a long shift, but Tk thought about cooking a meal, ready for when Carlos got home. Checking his watch, Tk decided he would surprise Carlos with one of his favourite meals. As long as Carlos shift did not run late, he had about 3 hours before Carlos came home to do some of the jobs he reluctantly needed to get done.

Tk sent a quick text to Carlos letting him know he was home safe.

“I’m home baby, can’t wait to see you soon”

Tk phone soon pinged with a reply.

“Can’t wait tiger, relax and unwind I’ll see you soon, love you xxx”.

“Love you to baby xxx”

Putting his phone on the table, Tk went into the bedroom to change into some sweats and one of Carlos hoodies. Already feeling some tension release from his shoulders just by putting it on. Taking in the smell of Carlos. Grounding Tk’s mind some.

To keep himself occupied Tk did a load of washing, organised his bag ready for his next shift and began cooking one of Carlos favourite meals.

Looking back at the clock Tk noticed Carlos only had an hour left of his shift. Smiling to himself he kept adding more ingredients to his bolognaise. Tk was adding a pinch of salt and Pepper to the pot when he realised he couldn’t find the fresh basil. Tk knew he had only just brought some the other day on the grocery run.

Tk bent down to look in the cupboards under the stove. Pulling a few ingredients out of the way, Tk finally found the fresh basil. For some reason it had been pushed almost to the back of the cupboard. Taking the basil out Tk noticed a bottle at the back. Pulling it forward to see what it was, Tk’s hands started to shake slightly when he realised what he had just found.

It was a bottle of red wine.

Tk took a deep breath and put the bottle back in the cupboard. And started to put the fresh basil into the pot, stirring it in. But Tk’s mind kept going back to the bottle.

Normally he would be fine knowing it was in the cupboard but after today he isn’t so sure.

Tk’s thoughts from earlier kept running through his head.

“I’m your son too”…..

“Am I not good enough”…..

“Why is he only changing it all now”…..

“Was going into that minefield the right decision”

“ If a mine had exploded it wouldn’t have been the end of the world, at least I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone one anymore”

Tk’s thoughts kept going round and round in his head. The thoughts getting worse and his mind and body moving on autopilot.

It’s not until he’s sat himself down on the couch that he realised he has at some point taken the Bottle of wine out of the cupboard and sat down at the table with it. Tk's mind now in overdrive panicking over every little detail, all he can do is stare.

——————-

Stepping through his front door the first thing Carlos notices is the smell. Something's burning his mind shouts. ‘Where’s TK?’.

Concerned Carlos quickly runs into the kitchen noticing the pan on the kitchen stove bubbling over. Quickly turning off the stove Carlos puts the pan in the sink. Running the water and opening the windows to let in some fresh air to help get rid of the burning smell in the air.

“What’s going on, where’s Tk, this isn’t like him? '' Carlos thinks to himself. He is about to shout out for Tk when he notices Tk sitting on their couch, oblivious to the smells and noises around him.

Seeing Tk sitting there so still and unmoving. A hundred different scenarios start running though his head. Alarm bells ringing in his mind that something is clearly not right. Carlos knows he needs to be cautious with his next steps, he can't just bombard Tk with questions. He needs to get his attention without scaring him more.

Slowly Carlos starts moving closer to the couch, that is when he realises the situation is much worse then he could bare to see. Because sitting in front of Tk is a bottle of red wine. Un-opened thank god but for it to be sitting in front of Tk something dire must have happened.

“Tk, darling are you okay” Carlos says as he crouches down next to Tk trying not to startle him.

After no response Carlos slowly picks up the bottle of wine and moves it away from the table. That small movement though violently jolted Tk from his thoughts.

Suddenly a whimper rips through Tk as he quietly calls out “Carlos” before his body starts trembling, sobbing his heart out.

Carlos quickly pulls him into his arms. Whispering “It’s okay… I’ve got you”.

When Tk has moments like this Carlos has learnt that he has to just sit and wait for Tk to calm down before he can get any kind of reaction from him.

Carlos patiently waits as long as Tk needs, whispering sweet words of “I love you” and “It’s going to be okay” repeatedly while holding him in his arms, making Tk feel as safe as possible. Tk’s sobs eventually started to subside leaving him tired and slightly shaking.

Slowly coming back to his senses, Tk loosened his grip on Carlos. Taking in a deep breath to anchor himself back to reality.

Speaking quietly. Tk whispers “I’m sorry, I ruined dinner”.

Carlos rolls his eyes at the comment. Chucking quietly to himself because of course that is the first thing Tk is worried about. The dinner. Not himself. He always worries about others more, then his own wellbeing.

“Babe, I’m not worried about the food. I’m worried about you and what’s got you so upset. Talk to me” Carlos pulls back looking Into Tk’s puffy green eyes. Wiping away the tears from his face.

“Its stupid” Tk replies looking away from Carlos.

“Hey” Carlos tips Tk’s chin up to look at him “If it’s got you this upset, it’s not stupid”

Pulling away from Carlos, Tk looks back down and spills everything that has been on his mind all day. What his father said, what happened at the minefield and how he found the bottle of wine in the bottom cupboard while making dinner.

“Omg Tk I am so sorry, I thought I’d gotten rid of all the alcohol in the house. I am so sorry, didn’t even think to check the food cupboard”

Carlos felt so guilty. He really thought he had gotten rid of the alcohol in the house. He didn’t want to make Tk feel guilty or overwhelmed seeing it around the house when he stayed over or visited.

“Hey no babe, this is on me. You shouldn’t feel obligated to get rid of everything that triggers me. I shouldn’t be so weak”

Taking Tk’s hands in his, Carlos gently ran his fingers over them. Releasing more of the tension Tk didn’t realise his body held.

“Hey no, Babe none of that, I did it because I care about you. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to you because I left something like a bottle of wine around the house”

“Tk, I love you”

“I love you to babe”

Tk pulled Carlos back into a hug, allowing them both to take a deep breath and take comfort in each other's embrace.

“ Sooooo you went into a minefield today”.

Tk knew what was coming next, he could see it in the way Carlos was holding him.

“Are you and your father insane? You both could have been killed.”

Holding his hands up “In my defence if it weren’t for the new paramedic I wouldn’t have offered. But I couldn’t let my dad go out there with someone who didn’t have any experience with situations like that, we were both fine… look seeeeeee.”

Tk jumps up, turning around. Showing Carlos he was okay “ see I’m fine, no bandages, no wounds, nothing…. I’m fine”

“Still I really wish you wouldn’t volunteer for these things, I want you home in one piece. The last time you were in the hospital after being shot, Before we even got together. I don’t ever want to feel that way again”

“Babe this is the job, you know it and so do I, nothing is certain. But I will always fight to come back to you, no matter the situation, I promise”

“I promise to Tk, no matter what I will fight to come home to you as well” Carlos replied playing with Tk’s fingers. Pulling him back into his arms, manoeuvring Tk so his back is leaning against his chest.

“Babe you need to also Speak to your dad. I’m sure he didn’t mean it. Just a poor choice of words on his part. I know he hasn’t been the best father in the world from what you have said in the past, but he adores you and wants what’s best for you babe”

“It’s just…. I don’t understand why now he has to make these big decisions. Especially after I mentioned it to him before this, when he told me about his cancer diagnosis. It just scared me I guess. Made me second guess what I mean to him” Tk spoke playing with the palm of Carlos hands.

“ You mean the world to him TK, he never left your bedside when you were in the hospital and I can always tell he worries about you, when I see you on calls, he tries to hide it but I can tell”

Turning in Carlos arms, Tk kisses him softly “thank you, thank you for noticing, I don’t know what I would do without you. You help keep me grounded and I’m so thankful for everyone thing you do”

“Babe we’re a team, we hold each other together though the good and the bad, we make each other whole, that’s what being in a relationship is all about”

Carlos leans forward and kisses Tk forehead.

“Will you go with me to a meeting Tomorrow” Tk whispers.

“Of course, I’ll go anywhere with you as long as you need me. Always remember that.”

Leaning forward Tk kisses Carlos okay, both bringing more passion into their kiss. Only pulling back when air was finally needed

“Right, let’s order a pizza and then we can go curl up in bed”

Smiling tk, looks up as Carlos gets up from the couch to grab his phone.

Tk’s day may not have been one of his good days and he still has so much he needs to sort though. But as long as he has Carlos by his side he knows he can take on anything.

[morganaspendragonss]

reckless but honest words

However much TK had thought he’d grown used to his parents’ shit, he’s far from prepared for the next words that come out of his dad’s mouth.

“We’re - that is to say, your mom - well… We’re having a baby.”

ao3 | 2.3k | title from anger by sleeping at last

TK narrows his eyes as he walks into his parents’ house, the trepidation that’s been building throughout the day coming to a peak as he spots them waiting for him on the couch. His dad had texted earlier, specifically requesting he come home tonight instead of going to Carlos’s, and while TK hadn’t exactly had any objections, it had given him a bad feeling.

His suspicions are instantly confirmed when he sees his parents’ unnatural postures, the way they’re smiling at him just a bit too widely. He walks in cautiously, feeling weirdly like he’s heading into a trap, though there’s nothing in the room that would outwardly suggest so.

Just his mom and dad, and how they keep looking between him and each other, like they’re in on some sort of joke that TK’s the butt of. 

“What’s going on?” he asks, easing himself into an armchair. They share another glance - giggling, for god’s sake - and clasp hands.

“TK,” his dad starts. “Your mom and I… We’ve got some news.”

TK eyes them warily, his mind instantly flashing to the possibility that his dad’s cancer is back. He dismisses the thought almost immediately - they’re far too happy for it to be that - but he also can’t think of what else it could be. Maybe his mom is moving in permanently? Which… TK wouldn’t be opposed, but he’s not sure how much longer he can cope with their bickering, and he’s barely here half the time.

“Do you want to tell him?” his dad asks, but she shakes her head and waves her hand towards him.

“Go ahead.”

And however much TK had thought he’d grown used to his parents’ shit, he’s far from prepared for the next words that come out of his dad’s mouth.

“We’re - that is to say, your mom - well… We’re having a baby.”

They grin at him, waiting expectantly for…congratulations, TK guesses? A hysterical laugh bubbles up in his chest, and he’s barely able to push it down, clamping his jaw firmly shut until he feels like he’s in control again.

“You… You’re serious,” he says eventually.

“Well, it’s hardly the sort of thing you joke about,” his dad says, laughing a little. His mom swats at him, but they’re both still smiling, both still acting like this isn’t incredibly fucked up.

“How long have you known?”

“A while,” his mom admits. “We weren’t going to keep it, but then we thought about it and we realised that we both want a child. Another one.”

TK barely notices her hastily added-on amendment. He gets what she means - he’s not a child, and hasn’t been in many years. He’s more stuck on the fact that they’re choosing to bring another child into this pressure cooker of a household, and not seeing anything wrong with that.

Even when he’d been a kid, TK had felt like he was being pulled in every direction, constantly caught in the middle of their arguments. The feeling’s eased now he’s an adult, but only because he knows he has places to escape to when it all becomes too much. He hadn’t had that growing up, and this new kid won’t have it either. 

Maybe he’s being too unfair on them; maybe they can pull it together after all. But, having borne witness to their behaviour these past few months, TK kind of doubts it. Knowing them, they’ll have decided to keep the kid by way of an argument.

And TK knows it’s far from his decision to make, but he can’t help but question them. “Are you sure you’ve thought this through?” he asks. 

Their faces drop, smiles faltering as they look at each other, seemingly having a wordless conversation. His dad nods encouragingly, and his mom turns back to him, reaching across the gap between them to take TK’s hands in her own.

“Honey…” she sighs. “We know the risks, alright? Lord knows we’ve both done enough googling. But I’m healthy, and I know what I need to do to make this pregnancy as safe as possible, and we truly believe we can beat the odds. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

She smiles hesitantly, and TK just gapes, not quite understanding how she’s managed to miss the point this badly.

“That’s not what I… Wow.” He presses his lips together in a firm line, standing up abruptly and dropping his mom’s hands. “Okay.”

He shakes his head and turns to go, but he’s stopped when they also rise, effectively blocking his path.

“Where are you going?” his mom asks, frowning in confusion.

TK feels a twinge of guilt, but he pushes it away. “Carlos’s.”

“Now, hold on a minute there, son,” his dad says. “I thought you could stay here tonight, we could have a meal as a family for once. You’re barely here these days.”

“Wonder why,” he mutters, though clearly not quietly enough judging by the way his dad flinches. TK can’t bring himself to care. “I’m going,” he says, louder this time. “I’ll see you at work.”

He squeezes past them, and makes it to the door before he’s stopped again.

“I thought you’d be happy for us.”

TK freezes, hand on the doorknob. “I am,” he lies through gritted teeth, and he doesn’t need to look to see the disappointment written all over his dad’s face. “Congrats.”

He’s gone before they can get another word in, just barely refraining from slamming the door behind him. His skin itches, his whole body jittery and on edge, and TK briefly laments the fact that he’s in no way dressed for running. He has clothes inside that he could change into, but there’s no way he’s going back in there now. He’ll just have to stick it out until he can get to Carlos’s.

Getting into his car, TK has to resist the urge to hit the steering wheel. But he doesn’t trust his parents enough to think that they aren’t watching him from the window, so he simply starts the ignition, driving away without a backward glance.

*

Carlos is surprised when he walks in, pausing his meal with the fork halfway to his mouth.

“TK,” he says, frowning. “I thought you were staying with your parents tonight.”

“Me too.” TK scowls, tossing his keys into the bowl and making a beeline for the bedroom. He feels bad for ignoring Carlos like that, but he’s worried that if he stops to think, he’ll snap, and Carlos doesn’t deserve that.

Carlos must follow him up the stairs anyway, as when TK looks up from yanking his spare running clothes out of the drawers, he’s standing in the doorway, the picture of concern. He sighs, sitting back on his heels, taking a moment to collect himself.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I just… They asked me over because they had some news, and it sort of threw me. I needed to get out of there.”

Carlos nods in understanding. “Is it your dad? Was there a problem with the cancer, or something?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“That’s good, right?” Carlos is looking at him with those wide, worried eyes of his, and TK feels a little bit of his anger drain away at the sight.

“That part is, yeah,” he allows. “I’m not sure the same can be said for the rest.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

TK hesitates, then rises from the floor, shaking his head. “I will, later,” he promises, “but right now I just need to be alone.”

He quickly changes and grabs his headphones from the night stand, though he stops in his tracks when he catches sight of Carlos’s pained expression.

“Hey,” he says, crossing the room and cupping Carlos’s face in one hand. “I’m not shutting you out, I swear. I need air and some time to think, that’s all. Promise I won’t do anything stupid.”

He smiles and holds his pinky out, and Carlos huffs a brief laugh. He links their pinkies and meets TK’s eyes, searching his face. “I’m holding you to that, Strand.”

TK presses a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll see you later.”

*

He doesn’t know how long he runs for, but by the time he gets back he’s winded, and his thoughts are no less scrambled. The lights in the living room are off when TK walks in, but he can see a soft glow coming from upstairs that lets him know that Carlos is still awake. He’s sitting up in bed, reading, when TK manages to drag himself to the bedroom, having already showered and changed. He holds an arm out in invitation, and TK goes gratefully into the embrace, leaning his head on Carlos’s shoulder.

Carlos absent-mindedly traces circles on TK’s arm with his thumb, a silent comfort that TK relishes in.

“My mom’s pregnant,” he says eventually.

Carlos freezes. “Oh. That’s… Wow.”

TK chuckles humourlessly. “I know.” He sighs. “I feel like I shouldn’t be mad, but I can’t help it. I mean, I knew something was up, they’ve both been acting cagey for ages, but I just… I never thought it would be this.”

“I think you’ll be forgiven for not expecting it,” Carlos comments drily. 

TK hums, fiddling with the sheets. “It’s not just that, though. I’m pissed that they didn’t tell me, sure, but I’m less mad for me, and more for this kid. I know what it’s like to grow up with them, and you’ve seen how terrible the past few months have been. I can’t believe they’re seriously going to put another kid through it all.”

“Maybe they’ll work things out,” Carlos suggests, though even he sounds doubtful.

“I want to believe that. But…”

“But?”

“I don’t think they even noticed it,” he confesses, voice quiet. “I was so alone as a kid, but Mom had her firm and Dad had the firehouse, and I was just...there. I know they loved me, but that doesn’t mean they were great parents, and I don’t think they realise even half of what they did. They’re having this baby because they want the good times back, and they’re forgetting just how many bad times there were.”

Carlos squeezes his shoulders. “Shit, Ty-”

“You know it’s part of the reason I became a firefighter?” TK asks. He should probably feel guilty for interrupting, but it’s like some dam has broken inside of him and it’s all coming spilling out whether he wants it to or not. “I’d see my dad with his crew - with this family he’d built at the firehouse - and I just… I wanted in. I wanted my family back, but I couldn’t have that so I settled for inserting myself into his.

“It sort of worked, I guess. We were close. But he’s never been a father to me, exactly, not in the way I needed. I’m okay with it now, but I’m worried the same is going to happen all over again.”

Carlos waits, but TK’s done this time, gritting his teeth against the emotion welling up in him 

“Have you spoken to your dad about any of this?” Carlos asks.

TK scoffs. “I tried. Remember my identity crisis after I got shot? I went to him and told him, but he just turned it on me and started talking about 9/11 again. It’s like, I know how bad it was. I know his whole house was killed, and I know how badly that hurt him. But I was seven, and I lived through it too. It’s not the same, I get that, but I did. I think he forgets that sometimes.”

He groans, slumping down further into the bed - and, by extension, into Carlos. “I sound like a dick, don’t I?”

Carlos is silent for a long time, and when TK looks up at him, he’s worrying his bottom lip, brows creased in a frown. 

“I think…” he starts slowly, turning his head to meet TK’s eyes. “I think you’re being perfectly reasonable. Everything you just said… I can’t even imagine, Ty.”

TK stares at him, startled by how firm, how fervent Carlos’s voice is. There’s anger there, too, and it’s strangely comforting to know he’s not alone in his frustrations. Even so, TK feels the need to reassure him.

“Hey,” he murmurs, lightly touching Carlos’s arm. “You know I’m okay, right? I’m over all that.”

Carlos sends him a doubtful look.

“Mostly,” he amends. “Besides, I have you now, and the team. I’m not the one who needs to be worried about.”

“I’ll always worry about you,” Carlos says, but he sighs, relenting. “You should talk to your parents, though. They need to know how you’re feeling, especially if they’re going through with this.”

TK shrugs non-commitantly. “Yeah, maybe. Not like they’ll listen to me.”

Carlos sighs. “TK -”

“Can we not talk about this anymore?” TK interrupts, turning pleading eyes on his boyfriend. He’s tired of thinking about his parents, and he feels more than a little guilty for taking over their evening complaining about them, like he’s done far too many times before. He points to the book lying abandoned at Carlos’s side. “Tell me about that?”

Carlos sends him a look, emphatically letting TK know that he’s not going to let him push this away, but he does eventually pick up the book. “I don’t think it’s something you’ll like,” he warns.

“You like it,” TK says. “That’s enough for me.”

The brilliant smile Carlos sends him is almost enough to make him forget everything else that happened tonight. And when he starts talking, TK closes his eyes and lets Carlos’s beautiful voice wash over him, chasing any other thoughts from his head.

It’s peace, of a kind.

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x06 Review

Yes, And was a messy ep that brings us to the halfway point of the season. Let’s dig in!

Tonight took some big steps towards the Rini breakup. The conflict isn’t quite earned as they did too much too quickly in making Ricky overbearing; to go from Ricky supporting Nini going to YAC and them singing love songs to each other just 3 eps ago to Ricky now accusing Nini of changing because she didn’t get pineapple on her pizza just doesn’t work. Largely that’s because it’s clear that the writers are working backwards from an outline that requires Rini to be broken up before the finale.

The Rose song is great and Olivia’s vocals are wonderful as always but again it’s not quite earned. The lyrics make it seem like Nini thinks Ricky is holding her on a pedestal and holding her back when that’s not what we’ve seen on screen. Ricky and Nini went through a lot as they were finding their way back to each other and they learned not to see each other through rose coloured glasses and while Ricky was sad that Nini went to YAC he was supportive and respected her wishes, notably the only time he admitted how much he wanted Nini to come back to Salt Lake was after Nini had already made up her mind to return.

Rini was always going to break up both because writers struggle with writing happy or stable couples and because Tim became enamoured of Rina after writing 1x05 and will want to explore them at some point. Tim’s claimed that he has future seasons all planned out but I’m skeptical that he’s really thought out how to keep Ricky and Nini and Gina on goodish terms with each other for the remaining 2 seasons of the show while also not completely closing the door on the Rini endgame the show’s been aiming towards since the pilot.

It’s clear that Ricky has unresolved issues from his mom effectively abandoning him which are impairing all his relationships. And while it’s true he could try calling Lynne it’s the parents job to reach out and she is obviously fine living her life without Ricky. Not sure how much closure we can get with Lynne when she comes back in 2x09 but I hope we at least get an apology on her part.

Yet another ep of Gina going through it. That flashback to Gina tearfully telling Ricky that she wouldn’t have ‘’given up on us’’ if she hadn’t moved certainly paints Ricky’s behaviour this season in a worse light. I do hope the show doesn’t take the cowards way out and have Ricky being too stupid to realize that Gina had romantic feelings for him. Though again we run into the problem that these emotions aren’t fitting the story. There really wasn’t an ‘us’ for Gina to fight for, she and Ricky had only been hanging from 1x05-1x08 and never actually dated or went on dates. Also by this point Gina should be questioning her feelings for Ricky and whether he’s worth it; it’s not like he’s done anything nice for her this season like getting her chocolates for Valentine’s Day. 

Still Gina did make some strides tonight. She finally opened up to Ashlyn which seems to have lifted a weight off of her shoulders and makes the decision to stay in Salt Lake. She also brushes off Ricky wanting to be improv partners which leads to her accepting EJ’s offer which led to a sweet callback to them being wonderstudies. I’m glad she’s not going to Louisiana but it does mean we were robbed of a HSMTMTS/Secrets of Sulphur Springs crossover. 

Kourtney and Howie are finally together. I’m glad they didn’t waste time dragging this out. Kourtney’s confession was very in character and I liked the earlier hufflepuff dragging. As an aside I wonder if say 10 years in the future, shows will still be making light hearted unqualified references to Harry Potter or will J.K. Terfling have completely destroyed the goodwill the series has by then.

Lily continues to act as if she’s in Glee working for Sue Sylvester to take down the One Directions and honestly I’m here for it. I especially liked that she stole some of the condiments on her way out of Salt Lake Slices. Antoine seems alright, the espionage bit was funny. Seems like Salt Lake City would be a pretty shitty place for a French student to study.

EJ remains underused especially since this is his last semester as a student. His Gaston answer was surprisingly thoughtful and hinted at him getting over Nini with Gina as he sat down next to her. His may I have this exercise was just the right amount of smooth and goofy. 

Ashlyn had a good ep, she killed Home, Julia has a great voice. And she stood her ground with Gina but was also there for her and managed to help her decide to stay. Loved her line that she was still part Caswell.

Mike Bowen is sweet, thoughtful, and rocking that beard? Must have been hard for Miss. Jenn to let him go but ultimately she made the right decision as it would just be too messy to date the parent of one of your students.

Lots of funny little moments this ep; the camera panning to the exit sign during Gina’s confessional, the group chat with Miss. Jenn and the real group chat without her, Seb hula-hooping with wild abandon. 

Looking Ahead:

Well we’re now at the official halfway mark of the season. It’s been an uneven first half, lots of pacing issues, and clear signs of the covid pandemic impacting production. Disney + has announced that future seasons of Disney + originals will be released on Wednesdays from now on so we have that to look forward to for S3 and S4.

Carlos uploading the Rose song will inevitably lead to disaster. Nini is very right to tell Kourtney not to let Ricky know, the lyrics paint him in a very bad light. The song gives us more context for why Lily said to Ricky that his gf needed some space in the trailer. I suspect Lily will end up being the party crasher that Ricky re-evaluates in 2x12, I don’t think Tim is going to keep Lily as a one dimensional antagonist this entire season. 

Ricky said in 2x01 that he’s never breaking up with Nini again and I think that’s true because Nini will break up with him. I think it comes before 2x12, maybe them exploring an old haunt in 2x08 is where it happens though the description for 2x11 also sounds like it could be hinting at a Rini breakup.

Well we now know what one of the secrets rising between Gina and Nini will be in 2x10, Nini was already jealous of Gina and Ricky in S1 and I doubt she’ll enjoy hearing that Gina confessed to Ricky in 1x10. Since Gina has already confessed to Ricky it makes it less likely that her speaking her truth in 2x12 is related to her and Ricky. 

EJ and Gina doing the morning announcements starts next ep, that should be fun. Especially since Mazzara is aware of EJ’s feelings for Gina. There’s a pretty clear path to end the season with Portwell or at least set it up for S3. EJ already likes Gina, the announcements help bring them closer, Gina starts getting over Ricky and realizes that EJ puts her first,  maybe Mazzara helps one or both of them at the cast party, and Gina shares her truth and confesses to EJ. So far the show hasn’t done anything it can’t pull back from but sooner or later the writing will have to commit one way or the other. One thing I’ll say is that it’s already clear that making EJ a senior was a big mistake and I expect it to cause a lot more problems for the show in the remaining two seasons.

There’s also a path for Ricky and Gina to get together but that seems less likely given the clear mess Ricky is right now. Seeing his mom in 2x09 probably helps a bit but it’s hard to see how any relationship Ricky gets into won’t swiftly crash and burn. There’s also the matter of when exactly Rini break up, if it’s too late in the season then there wouldn’t be time to jump right into Rina. There’s also the matter of the unexpected facetime call he gets in 2x10 and the party crasher he re-evaluates in 2x12. Even if they’re not linked it does suggest there will be some curveballs in Ricky’s story and at least the party crasher info suggests there’s some non Rini or Rina related twist being planned for Ricky in 2x12. 

Until next week Wildcats

[agoldengalaxy]

deny, deny, deny

read on Ao3

5 times someone told Sam and Bucky they cared about each other, and the 1 time they showed it.

--

1.

“You two bicker a lot,” Dr. Raynor says, eyeing the two men who sit, fuming, on the other side of her desk. “If you won’t speak to each other, then tell me this, instead. James, why would you ignore Sam’s texts?”

Bucky grumbles something under his breath. Sam seems genuinely curious to hear the answer. Raynor glares until Bucky sighs and repeats himself, staring at the floor. “Didn’t wanna bother ‘im.”

“What? I was the one texting you, Bucky! Why would I -”

“Just drop it, Sam.”

“…Fine.”

Folding her hands on her desk, Raynor sighs. She can’t be certain, but Bucky has been her client for a few months now, and she knows it takes a long time for him to tell the truth. In this case, however, she thinks the truth is there, as a small part of it. The way that the tips of his ears redden tell her that there must be more to it.

She isn’t blind. She has a feeling she might know that answer. So she leans forward a little. “Good. Thank you for that answer, James.” Her gaze slides to Sam, whose arms are crossed over his chest as he looks toward the wall. “How does that make you feel, Sam?”

He scoffs. “After everything I’ve done for him, he still -”

“You shouldn’t have given up the shield, Sam.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Gentlemen, please,” Raynor interrupts, feeling a headache coming on. She blows out a breath. “You’re both big boys now. You can handle this -“ she gestures vaguely, because she knows that they don’t quite understand yet, “- if you just talk to each other. Emotions are powerful things, you can’t ignore them forever.”

Bucky groans. Sam huffs.

They don’t get it. She’s not sure she wants to see them flounder, but she should put it out there, anyway. She leans forward. “Emotions including love, that you may have buried deep below.”

For a split second, she is met with stunned silence, before they both erupt, loudly. Denying, denying, denying, pushing the feelings down even deeper than they had been before despite the way that they fluster.

It’s okay, she tells herself. Deep breath in and out. They’ll accept it soon, someday.

Still, she shakes her head, effectively cutting them off. “No matter what kind of love it is, you care about each other. And that’s the bottom line. Once you cross it, things’ll be a whole lot easier.”

Sam looks at his lap, blinking. Bucky’s cheeks flush pink.

Raynor needs a drink.

2.

“This is really easy for you, isn’t it? All that serum runnin’ through your veins.” John hates the man standing in front of him. Maybe, in another life, they could have been friends. But the stubbornness just pisses him off, so he goes for Bucky’s weakness. He knows Bucky can take being insulted, but there is one thing he won’t accept. “Barnes, your partner needs backup in there.”

He watches Bucky’s cold stare waver, if only for a moment. John takes that opportunity to stand his ground, glancing behind Bucky, to that open door he wants to go through so desperately. Karli is right there, and the only thing standing in his way now is Barnes, and his stupid loyalty to Sam.

Bucky thinks so highly of Sam, he doesn’t have any other choice but to use that one weakness.

So they lock eyes again. “I know you care about him. Do you really want his blood on your hands?”

Beside him, Lemar shifts his weight from one foot to the other as Bucky looks down for a split second. John knows what it’s like. He’d never leave Lemar behind, though he knows with Sam and Bucky, things are a little different. He can feel Zemo’s eyes boring into them now, clearly amused. They wait.

Bucky’s jaw is clenched, every inch of him now rigid. John knows the feeling, and knows perhaps it might have been unfair to put him in that position; he knows he would stop at nothing if it were his wife in that room. That’s almost the equivalent of what Bucky must have been thinking.

But the ends justify the means.

Drawing in a sharp breath, Bucky turns around, his shoulders still tight, and John exchanges a look with Lemar as he speaks. “You’re right. We should help him.”

John’s grip on the shield tightens. Lemar grins. “Maybe you should tell him how you feel,” he suggests as they start up the stairs.

Bucky ignores them both, readying for the fight.

3.

“Super soldiers cannot be allowed to exist.”

“Isn’t that how gods talk?” Sam asks, cool and collected as ever. “And if that’s how you feel, then what about Bucky?”

Zemo carefully removes the ice pack from his forehead, weighing it in his hand as he sits up. He doesn’t know how to feel about Bucky just yet. For now, that question doesn’t have an answer. For now, Steve Rogers is the only exception, and he can’t imagine that changing anytime soon.

Still, he has to have some kind of fun, right?

So he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, tilting his head to get a better look at the man sitting at the table, and shrugs. “Why don’t you tell me?”

Sam blinks, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean?”

“Come now, Sam, I always thought you were an intelligent individual,” he replies, only slightly teasing. He does like Sam. He’s righteous, level-headed, and doesn’t make any stupid decisions. Except, perhaps, the person he might have chosen to love. “What do you think of James?”

“Is this a trick question?”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

Nodding, the other smiles and looks down, gathering his thoughts. “I think he’s annoyin’ as hell,” he answers slowly. “But...he’s passionate, smart, a big softie deep down...and he always does the right thing even though he’s hurting, too.” He pauses, then adds, “I still can’t tell if breakin’ you out of jail counts as the right thing, though.”

Zemo smirks, leaning back a little, tossing the ice pack from one hand to the other. “You know, when I first met my wife, she hated my guts.”

“Can’t say I blame her, Zemo.”

He chuckles, somewhat sadly, then continues. “These fights that you and James have, over the small things, they are nothing more than just couple’s quarrels.”

Sam’s eyes widen and he turns to look at him fully, as if he’s lost his mind. “What the hell are you talkin’ about? Bucky and I are just -”

“Just what, Sam?” Zemo tilts his head, as if challenging him. This is exactly the reaction he had been hoping for. It isn’t often the calm and collected Sam Wilson loses his cool, and Zemo likes to know he’s one of the ones who can get a rise out of him. “Friends, partners, all these terms you both throw around…” He thinks back to that look on Bucky’s face when John had challenged him, and his smile returns. “Perhaps you ought to think about what you truly want.”

And okay, maybe it isn’t just wanting to get a reaction from Sam. Maybe Zemo has seen the good in both of them, and thinks, perhaps, they ought to be happy, for once. His own partner is long gone, but it isn’t too late for Sam and Bucky.

Sam opens his mouth to respond, but he is cut off by the heavy sound of the door opening, and he immediately falls silent as Bucky walks in, with news that the Dora Milaje are after Zemo. Although Sam recovers quickly, staring at his laptop, Zemo side-eyes him, wondering if he might be blushing.

So Zemo stands up, shaking his head. How juvenile.

4.

Sarah leans against the truck, wiping sweat from her forehead. It’s been hours, and she still can’t believe Sam has managed to pull off receiving this much help. She knows their parents did a lot of favors, but she never could have imagined it would pay off this much one day.

She’s already made up her mind. She can’t sell this boat. It means so much to her, and to Sam.

Her gaze drifts toward the dock, where Bucky is helping Sam carry some things to Carlos. She’s almost certain they’re bickering again, but as they walk, their shoulders almost touch. Sam smiles. It’s something she hadn’t realized she had missed so much.

Seeing her brother smile, and seeing the reason for that smile, is all the evidence she needs to agree to let Bucky crash on her couch. The sun is already dipping closer and closer to the horizon, and she knows people will begin returning home soon. Personally, she has to get the boys to bed. But she lets herself enjoy this moment as long as she can.

When Sam and Bucky place down their loads, Sarah whistles, getting their attention to wave Sam over. Bucky seems to think about following, but is soon distracted by AJ and Cass, excited to meet their uncle’s ‘cool friend.’ Sam chuckles as he tells them to behave, then makes his way over to his sister, a huge grin on his face.

“What’d I tell you? I knew we could make it work,” he says, spreading his hands. Just as confident as ever, she supposes. She rolls her eyes, but for some reason, she can’t stop smiling, and his grin fades a little. “What’re you lookin’ at me like that for?”

Sarah shakes her head. “Nothing. I just missed seeing you so happy,” she admits, because although they tease each other, although they bicker, she loves him. She has no trouble admitting she cares. Seeing the confusion on his face, she hops up to sit on the back of the truck, folding her hands in her lap. “You were gone. For a really long time. And that’s okay, I know what you had to do.” A pause. “When you came back all sad-puppy-dog in the rain that first night, my heart broke. I guess I’m just trying to say I’m glad my brother’s back.”

There’s another pause until Sam comes to sit beside her, so that their shoulders touch. He nods. “It’s been a rough couple years,” he murmurs, and she nods. It has been for both of them.

They gaze at the boys, who are excitedly coaxing Bucky to flex his metal arm, who has a confused look on his face as per usual. Sarah rests her head on Sam’s shoulder, just grateful to know she’s no longer so alone. And then she sits up, turning to face him.

“But enough of that sappy stuff,” she says. “Tell me about Bucky.”

He groans. “Don’t tell me his awful attempt at flirting was actually successful.”

“What?” Pulling a face, she shakes her head. “No, not that. Tell me about him. A guy that makes you smile that much is probably one worth keepin’ around.” She nudges his shoulder and he chuckles a little, his gaze returning to the man in question.

“You’re the second person who’s asked me about him recently.” He seems to collect his thoughts for a moment. “...He reminds me a lot of Riley, sometimes.”

Sarah nods, having expected something like that. “Is it the same?” Sam and Riley had always been close, but she had never seen them get physically close the way that Sam and Bucky did. Sam shakes his head.

“Some things are better. Some things are...more annoying.”

“It’s okay,” she assures, patting his shoulder as she slides off the truck to stand up. “In case you were wonderin’, I still know everything, and I also happen to know he feels exactly the same about you. He cares about you, and I know you care, too, so it’s up to you to do somethin’ with it.” She grins as a stunned look appears on his face, walking away before he can even think of something to reply with.

She hopes they can get their heads out of their asses and realize it. After all, having Bucky around could be pretty helpful.

5.

“I’m sorry for how things ended down there.” A lie. “But for what it’s worth, suit looks good on you.”

Things had gotten dangerously close for Sharon. Too close. Luckily, though, Sam and Bucky haven’t found out the truth. If they had...well, she doesn’t want to think about what she would have to do if that were the case.

But here he is, their new Captain America, standing there in front of her with a soft chuckle and a slight nod. “Thanks.”

“All right, look, can we get out of here, please?” Bucky interjects, sounding...somewhat annoyed, for some reason. Her abdomen hurts terribly, but it’s not like she can’t handle a single gunshot wound. Still, standing around probably isn’t going to do her any good, so she nods and lets Bucky guide her.

They walk in silence for a little while until she looks at him. His gaze is fixed ahead, maybe lost in thought about something. Her eyes narrow a little. “What was that all about?”

“What was what all about?”

“I mean, you basically cut Sam off. Why’d you wanna leave so bad?” Her interest is peaked when she notices that, despite the fact that his expression barely changes, his ears redden.

Bucky clears his throat. “In case you forgot, you’re kind of bleeding out here, Sharon.”

She huffs. “I told you, I’m fine.” Watching him for a moment, she attempts to piece the puzzle together. His eyes hadn’t left Sam since he returned with Karli’s body. Back at her apartment, he’d seemed almost angry when she had complimented Sam without his shirt on. It dawns on her and she smirks. “Oh, don’t tell me you have a crush.”

His ears redden further. She guessed right.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I like you?” Deflecting the accusation and dissing her all in one go. She’s almost impressed.

“We both know I’m not talking about myself.” She grabs his arm, and they both stop walking. He won’t look her in the eye. “Hey, it’s okay, all right? Your secret’s safe with me.” Of course, unless he gets in her way. That’s a bridge she’ll cross if it comes to it. “For what it’s worth, I think he’s a great candidate for you.”

Bucky frowns, shaking his head a little. “...I don’t wanna talk about this.”

Sighing, she nods. “Of course you don’t. Look, you should just go for it. What do you have to lose?”

A flicker of pain flashes across his face. “Everything,” he mumbles, almost inaudibly.

“Sam wouldn’t leave you if he didn’t feel the same. You shouldn’t hide from him.” She winces, then, not quite sure why she’s giving him advice. If he knew the truth, he’d have left her to die. But she doesn’t dwell on that, feeling his hand on her arm to ground her, and they begin walking again.

Bucky doesn’t say anything else, and neither does Sharon. She might have gone down a different path a long time ago, but she still thinks they both deserve to be happy.

Unless, of course, they get in her way.

+1

It’s late when Bucky comes to Sam’s door, knocking quietly before opening it to stand in the doorway, offering a beer out to him. “Fresh air?”

Sam accepts, and they walk outside together, footsteps sounding in tandem on the empty dock. A fresh sea breeze whips past, but not enough for either of them to get cold, the smell of salt filling their noses and the last couple cries of the seagulls before they settle in for the night.

They stop in front of the boat, admiring the work they had done on it together. Sam breaks the silence first. “Thanks for helpin’ out. With everything.”

Bucky looks at him and nods. “You’re welcome.” A pause. “It’s nice here, you know. Quiet. Nothing like New York.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Yeah, I think it is.”

They gaze at each other for a moment before turning to their bottles. Silence is filled by the quiet crashing of waves in the distance. There’s a tension there that hadn’t been there before; an unspoken understanding of the situation.

Sam looks at Bucky, noticing the way the shadows under his eyes look a little lighter than they had been before. Bucky’s jaw is clenched, showcasing the stubble he’s been letting grow out, and Sam can’t help but think he looks princely.

And Bucky looks at Sam, at the way the moonlight so perfectly etches his features, his eyes bright as they stare back at him. He remembers the way Sam’s eyes crinkle when he smiles, how he reminds him of a sunshine that had pulled him from the deep, dark abyss he had been stuck in after Steve left.

They aren’t sure how long they’ve been standing there, quietly. Two words tear from Bucky’s throat, like he has no choice in the matter. “Sam, I…-”

Instead of answering, Sam steps closer, cupping one of Bucky’s cheeks, smashing their lips together. It’s rough but sweet.  Sam tastes like vanilla. Bucky tastes like beer. And nothing has ever felt so right before.

Sam pulls away and chuckles. “I hope that was what you were gonna say.”

Bucky smiles, though his face is bright red, placing a hand on Sam’s hip to pull him closer. “Somethin’ like that. Want to say it again?”

“I like that idea.”

They suppose they can put the promise of ‘going their separate ways’ on hold for a little while.

[reyescarlos]

all through the night || a tarlos fic

❄️ @911giftexchange fic for @buckieys ❄️

happy holidays, sy! i'm wishing you a wonderful and prosperous new year. i hope this fic helps to usher in 2021 right!

word count: 5.2k || read on ao3

All through the night I'll be awake and I'll be with you All through the night This precious time when time is new

When Carlos envisioned winter in New York, his elaborate fantasies had somehow managed to eclipse the reality of what it might actually entail. He had enjoyed his brief stay, taking in the window displays along Fifth Avenue. It had long since been something he wanted to see for himself and the storefronts had more than delivered. But on the flipside of such a picturesque scene has come the downside of what heavy amounts of snow could mean.

It’s why he finds himself now planted in a too hard seat at JFK Airport, wondering how he’ll possibly fill his time now that his flight has been delayed until morning. Outside the blizzard rages on with no real end in sight and Carlos mulls over the merits of his decision to leave Texas in the New Year and make this city his home. This is a far cry from Austin. He’d once thought winter temperatures there could be bad but it’s been nothing compared to the arctic blast in the North.

He tries to keep busy with a book but his attention is split between the words before him and the cute guy across from him frantically digging inside his backpack, a phone teetering dangerously on his knee.

“God, where is that stupid thing,” the man mumbles to himself. “Come on charger, where are you?”

Carlos looks away, burying his head in his book to hide the smile that breaks out on his face. The guy is obviously peeved but Carlos can’t help but to find his muttering endearing. After another moment of fruitless searching on the stranger’s end, Carlos takes mercy on him.

“Here, you can borrow mine,” he says, unzipping his own backpack and fishing out his charger.

The man sighs in relief. “Thank you. I really appreciate it,” he replies, reaching over and taking the cord from Carlos.

He settles back and plugs it into the wall, the screen lighting up a moment later. Carlos smiles politely and gets back to reading, only to be interrupted.

“So, I take it you’re heading down to visit family before the new year comes, huh?” the stranger says.

Carlos looks up from his book, head tilting slightly. It hadn’t been expecting the man to strike up a conversation.

“Sorry, awkward small talk. I’ll let you get back to it,” he says, face scrunching as he gestures to the book in Carlos’ hands.

Carlos waves him off, bookmarking his page and closing it.

“No worries. We’re here all night so...plenty of time for that.” He licks his lips and drums his fingers against the front. “To answer your question though, no. Austin is actually my home so I’m just heading back.”

“Oh, cool. I’m going to see my dad. I thought he’d want to do the whole white Christmas, New York for the New Year thing but ever since he moved down to Austin last year, I think he’s gotten spoiled by the warmer weather.”

The man looks out of the window where the snow is swirling so heavily it’s hard to even see the sky or planes sitting idly on the tarmac.

“Guess I can’t exactly blame him.”

Carlos laughs. “It’s disgustingly cold here and all of that,” he says, gesturing to the storm, “doesn’t help. I don’t know how you guys manage.”

“You get used to it. I’ve only ever grown up with it so while I like to complain about the snow at times, I can’t picture this time of year without it. It’s been a few years since it’s been this bad though, I’ll admit.”

Carlos smiles a bit, looking out of the window briefly. “This is actually my first time experiencing snow. And the city was gracious enough to give me a blizzard to commemorate.”

The man smiles at this thoughtfully. He sits up, stretching his hand out across the aisle towards Carlos.

“I’m TK, by the way.”

Carlos touches his fingertips to his forehead before shaking TK’s hand.

“God, my mother would be so ashamed of my manners right now,” he laughs. “I’m Carlos. It’s nice to meet you.”

He lets go, his palm feeling extremely warm from TK’s touch. TK smiles at him, a slow grin that ultimately reveals his teeth. This man is very good looking, there’s no denying that. He’s got an easy way about him that makes Carlos feel comfortable in his presence as if they’re old friends catching up and not perfectly good strangers meeting for the first time.

TK’s phone buzzes, stealing his attention and Carlos is all too grateful for it. TK types something on the device for a few seconds before pausing.

“Sorry, excuse me for a second,” he says, putting his phone to his ear.

Carlos nods and gestures for him to go for it.

“Hey, Dad. I—,” TK starts out but stops short as his father speaks. “I bet it’s all over the news but I’m alright. Not looking forward to being stuck here overnight but,” he continues, his eyes landing on Carlos and away so quickly Carlos is sure he’s imagined it. “I guess there are worse ways to be trapped for a few hours.”

Carlos looks away then, cracking open his book again to keep himself occupied while TK chats with his father. He tries not to dwell heavily on TK’s look or what the implications of that glance could mean. It could’ve been a coincidence and nothing more. All the same, it doesn’t make his heart race any less to think that TK feels a spark too.

TK ends the call with a sigh, stretching out his legs before bouncing one of them. The gesture is distracting but endearing. For the second time, Carlos closes his book, this time putting it back into his bag for good as TK speaks to him again.

“Are you hungry? I could go for a bite.”

“I could eat,” Carlos says. He rises from his seat as TK does, both men dragging their carry-ons along with them.

They follow the winding path down from their gate, Carlos taking notice of all the fellow flyers now forced to wait out the storm. Some have taken to stretching out on the ground, laying on top of jackets like makeshift sleeping bags, others keeping busy with phones and tablets, hunched over in chairs.

Carlos isn’t looking forward to the uncomfortable sleep he’ll have tonight but as he looks over at TK, he wonders just how much rest he’ll actually manage to get. The guy is already proving himself to be a good way to pass the time and Carlos can’t say he wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to keep chatting with him.

As they approach the cluster of food stands, TK groans and it’s easy to see why. Many of the shops are already closed, no doubt the employees hurrying home before the worst of the storm kicked in. All that’s available now is Cinnabon but Carlos supposes that can suffice as dinner.

TK orders a hot chocolate and a classic roll while Carlos opts for a cold brew in addition to a roll as well. TK eyes the drink with raised brows.

“I’m fully committing to the cause of being awake until we board, apparently,” Carlos muses, pushing his straw through the lid and taking a sip. “Worth it.”

The two head to a nearby empty table, settling into their elevated seats before unloading their food. The scent coming off the baked goods is incredible and Carlos’ stomach suddenly feels desperate for a bite.

“So, Carlos, since we’ve nominated each other for the buddy system while we wait this storm out,” he jokes, “Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?”

Carlos drums his fingers on the tabletop as he tries to decide what to share.

“Well, you already know that Austin is where I’m from but the whole reason I’m even here now is because I’m going to be moving to New York soon. I’ll be transferring next month.”

TK’s brows raise. “Seriously? That’s awesome. Do you mind if I ask what you do?”

“I’m a police officer. I’ve been with the Austin Police Department for a few years but I’ve been considering leaving Texas for a little while now and I’ve been exploring my options. For some reason my mind kept coming back to the idea of New York and I figured I should just take the chance and see what happens.”

TK laughs and shakes his head. “Oh man, well, we have something in common, more or less. I’m with the NYFD myself.”

Carlos holds up a hand. “Wait, wait, wait. You’re a firefighter?” he laughs.

TK puffs out his chest jokingly and nods with a grin on his face. “That’s right. Ladder 252.”

Carlos does his best to push the image of TK in uniform from mind but the picture is an appealing one. He can see it so clearly, the way he’d look in suspenders, not to mention full gear. It’s almost unfair just how much hotter the man becomes as if Carlos hasn’t spent this whole time finding him attractive. He picks up his drink again for something to do with his hands, swirling the straw inside of the cup.

“Small world. Outside of my own little bubble, I can’t say I casually meet many people who are first responders. We seem to be a pretty special breed to get into this line of work.”

TK laughs. “I fell into this because of my dad. He’s been a firefighter for years. He, uh, actually was on site during 9/11. I always thought he was incredible but knowing the full scope of what he and so many others did that day and for people in times of crisis, big and small in general, it just made me want to be like him.”

Carlos frowns, unsure of what to even say or think. “Your dad’s a hero.”

“I like to think so.” TK draws in a breath, squaring his shoulders. “Anyway, now he’s kicking ass down in Texas so, even though I miss him as my captain, I know he’s doing great work with his crew down there.”

Curiosity gets the better of Carlos as he asks, “What station is he with?”

“The 126,” TK replies, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

Carlos’ eyes widen. “Captain Owen Strand is your father?”

It makes sense the longer he looks at TK. Captain Strand is an attractive older guy and TK clearly got handed some solid genes. Still, it throws him for a loop to realize they have a legitimate connection to each other.

TK tilts his head to the side. “You know him? Shit, okay, wow, small world just got a whole hell of a lot smaller.”

“Unbelievable,” Carlos laughs in disbelief. “I don’t know him that well but we work together sometimes on calls. He’s amazing in the field and he’s really turned that station around.”

TK practically beams. “Guess this means we’ll be seeing each other again soon once we finally make it to Austin then.”

“Uh, yeah. I guess so. Assuming you don’t get sick of me before this night is through, that is.”

TK holds Carlos’ gaze for a moment and if it were anyone else, it would be unnerving but something in TK’s stare just sends a thrill through Carlos, excites him in a way no stranger has ever really gotten under his skin.

“I don’t see that happening,” he says plainly, as if this is an irrefutable fact and not something that’s truly subject to change.

Carlos doesn’t argue the point. He merely enjoys the next few hours, seeing just how easily TK’s theory pans out.

~*~*~

The contrast in weather between New York and Austin is one of the first things Carlos’ remarks on as he steps outside of Austin-Bergstrom. He’s never been more grateful for a forty degree afternoon. He’s kept Michelle updated about his new set time and he waits patiently outside of arrivals. Beside him now, TK types out a message on his phone before smiling over at him.

Carlos has had hours to get used to that look on TK’s face and yet he’s still brought up short. Last night and the early morning hours were spent talking to TK about everything imaginable, trading stories about crazy calls they’ve been on and even touching on personal things like their families. When they grew tired of talking, they watched movies on TK’s laptop, fighting off the urge to sleep for the mere sake of hanging out.

It isn’t rare for Carlos to become friendly with a person but this connection to TK feels different in a way he can’t quite parse.

By the time their flight boarded, Carlos knocked out for the entire length of the trip but it had been worth it in his eyes to stay up and take advantage of the uninterrupted time that stretched before him with TK. It was safe to say a bit of a crush had formed, as absurd as Carlos felt for it. TK was going to be in town for the next few days and that prospect was both thrilling and terrifying. If he could feel this close to TK in one night, there’s no telling what could happen in a few days.

Before he can get lost in that thought, Carlos sees Michelle as she pulls up to the curb, the trunk popping open.

“Are you good out here?”

“My dad’s coming in just a minute. I��ll be just fine,” TK muses as Carlos puts his carry-on inside and slams the trunk shut.

“Alright, well. You have my number now so text me whenever you’re free. I’ll show you a few places while you’re here.”

Carlos extends his hand but TK rolls his eyes jokingly and pulls him into a half hug instead.

“We’ve spent the night together, Carlos. I think we’re past handshakes now.”

Carlos’ face burns with TK’s wording but the man merely laughs.

“See you soon?”

Carlos just nods and finds the wherewithal to get inside of Michelle’s car. He waves after he buckles himself in, TK lifting a hand in response.

“Okay, who is that?” Michelle asks immediately, head turned to take in the sight of TK.

Carlos tips his head back against the seat. “You won’t believe the night I’ve had.”

~*~*~

Carlos has spent two days showing TK some of his favorite stomping grounds. TK relished in all that Austin had to offer and Carlos has been happy to see that their closeness from the unexpected overnight at the airport hadn’t been a fluke. If anything, these outings have only made Carlos feel closer to TK.

Michelle has been relentless in her teasing, finding it all too amusing that Carlos managed to cross paths with Captain Strand’s son of all people. She’d clung to his every word during the ride home from the airport as he filled her in on how he waited out the storm.

The 126 meets at their usual bar and Carlos is glad for this post-work gathering. It’s the perfect time to show TK what a real honky-tonk is like, further immersing him in the culture of the state his father now resides.

TK sits next to him at the table, the large group so packed in that his leg presses against Carlos’. It’s light but it’s enough to make the point of contact all Carlos can focus on even as everyone else at the table engages in conversations that overlap, laughing amongst themselves. He does his best to ignore it but it’s difficult not to take notice of each shift TK makes. Michelle keeps looking at him and Carlos, to the best of his abilities, avoids her gaze knowing that it’ll make it just that much more difficult to act as if he isn’t freaking out internally.

“I’m gonna get another. You want anything?” Carlos asks TK.

TK shakes his head. “No, I’m alright but thank you though.”

Carlos nods once and gets up, finding it much easier to breathe already now that he’s no longer sitting beside TK. Michelle catches his eye as he leaves from the table and he can hear her shoes as she follows behind him to the bar. She rests against the counter facing the room at large as Carlos gets the attention of the bartender and asks for another beer.

“You sure know how to pick them,” Michelle laughs at his side.

“Chelle,” he groans, shaking his head.

She merely laughs again, bumping her hip against his. “When did your life become a romantic comedy?”

“I must’ve missed the memo myself because this sure snuck up on me.”

The bartender sets a bottle down in front of him but Carlos doesn’t move. This little reprieve away from everyone but Michelle right now is welcome.

“I like him. He’s nice. Really cute too.”

“Oh, so you’ve noticed?” he deadpans, looking over his shoulder at TK.

He looks so at home here, hanging out and laughing with these people he’s, up until now, only known secondhand from his father’s work stories. TK is personable as ever, Carlos knows all too well. Had he not been swept away after one night in the man’s company?

“I think this is so great.”

“Funny, I think it’s the universe trying to mess with me.”

Michelle scoffs, finally turning to face the bar like him. “There are worse things in the world than a seemingly perfect guy practically falling into your lap. We should all be so lucky.”

Carlos casts the mental image aside, taking a sip of his drink. “The timing though. I can’t think about guys right now. I need to be figuring out my next set of moves for New York.”

“If those plans just so happen to include an attractive new friend…,” she trails off with a grin.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to screw this up because yeah, he is a new friend and we get along well, it’s a good feeling.”

“Do you like him?”

Carlos falters. “I barely even know the guy.”

“That’s not even remotely close to what I asked you.”

Carlos scratches at his forehead before letting out a sigh. “I do. Which hardly makes any sense at all. It’s only been a few days and yet I can’t stop thinking about him. That’s strange, isn’t it?”

Michelle shakes her head. “No, actually. I don’t think so. You guys had such a cute introduction to each other and you clearly hit it off. Some people just click and are meant to meet. The fact that you two had a connection to each other beforehand without even knowing it? I think there’s something to be said for that.”

“What, you think it’s fate or something?”

Michelle shrugs. “I wouldn’t rule it out. Your flight could have been a day earlier or even a few hours before his. On a plane filled with hundreds, you connected with him, Captain Strand’s son who just so happens to live in the city you’re about to move to. I think it’s worth seeing just how far it could go. If you ask me, you’ll wind up with a boyfriend in no time.”

Carlos mulls it over for a moment. He can admit he is in fact curious. It’s been a while since he’s felt this drawn to someone and with TK, it’s been as natural as breathing since they first met. The timing is less than ideal but it’s been so long since Carlos has felt this urge to get close to someone, since he’s felt safe enough to even open his mind and heart up to the possibility.

“Maybe you’re onto something.”

“One of these days you’ll learn to just accept my brilliance, no questions asked. But this will do for now.”

Carlos rolls his eyes but drapes an arm over her shoulder, pulling her into his side and kissing her temple.

“I’m going moments like this with you,” he says.

Michelle sighs and pats his back. “I will too but we still have time on the clock, right? Let’s not think about that now.”

Carlos sighs, knowing she’s right. It just feels as if these moments are slipping through his fingers, the new year and all its changes lurking just around the corner.

~*~*~

As customary, the Ryder house is the staple for parties among the team and New Year’s Eve is no different. Carlos has lost track of how many times he’s sat on their couch or been treated for Grace’s incredible home-cooking. It’s always been a source of comfort for him, being surrounded by these colleagues who have become an extended family to him.

This time next year, he’ll be in another time zone, familiarized with a new group of people. Carlos knows he’s jumping the gun. There’s no doubt in his mind that he’ll be able to visit back home and that this collection of people will still love him as they do now.

Carlos looks around the living room, taking stock: Marjan blowing into a noise maker in Mateo’s face and bursting into laughter, Paul shaking his head and dropping his face into his palm. Over by the kitchen he sees Grace and Judd swaying to the music playing as Captain Strand takes Michelle’s hand and begins dancing alongside the other couple. It warms Carlos’ heart and breaks it too, seeing this all for what will be the last time with this city being home.

Suddenly the room feels too small and he finds himself heading for the door, grabbing his jacket off of the coat rack. It’s cold out but Carlos remembers just how bitter the weather in New York was. This is nothing compared to that. And it’s this thought that twists at his heart a bit more, one more reminder of how much his life is set to change sooner than he thinks he’s ready for.

The new year is biting at his heels and time is just slipping by. Logically he knows that he shouldn’t be outside now, that he would be wise to savor these memories with his Austin crew while they’re here rather than lament later. But it all feels like too much and the last thing he wants is to let his pensive mood be a dark cloud over a celebratory and joyous time.

Carlos keeps walking until he reaches the park nearby the Ryder household. Naturally it’s abandoned as everyone is tucked away inside their homes either enjoying a quiet night in or throwing parties like the Ryders. Carlos draws in a breath and takes a seat on one of the swings, his fingers clutching on to the links. He quickly stands up the second he hears footsteps approaching, a figure walking towards him.

“It’s just me,” comes TK’s voice and sure enough the man’s features come into focus the closer he gets until he’s settling into the swing beside Carlos.

“I saw you take off. I just wanted to check that you were okay.”

Carlos smiles a bit. “I appreciate it. I’m okay. I’m just...thinking about a lot right now.”

TK sways on his swing, letting a comfortable silence fall between them before he speaks.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Carlos’ heart and thoughts feel so heavy now, such a contrast to how lighthearted and hopeful this holiday is meant to be. But TK looks at him with such genuine care that he finds himself almost desperate to unburden himself a bit.

“Sometimes I wish I could just stop time, you know? But hell, it’s New Year’s Eve. What more proof do I need that life is always moving forward?”

Carlos sighs and rocks slightly back and forth.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a downer. You should head on back inside, have fun with the others.”

TK is silent beside him, long enough for Carlos to pull his gaze toward the other man. TK is eyeing him thoughtfully.

“You’re scared about what comes next. That’s totally normal. Moving away, starting a new life somewhere else, it’s a big step. A huge change.”

Carlos frowns as he nods. “I wish I could see the end, you know? I wish I could see if it’s all worth it, that I’m making the right choice.”

TK hums in thought. “Well, the best way out is through, right?”

“So you don’t think it’s a mistake to move out to New York?”

TK shrugs. “I don’t know you well enough to say one way or the other for sure. But no, I don’t think it is. I think the fact that you’re even considering it at all should tell you something about how you feel about where you are now.”

Carlos grows quiet, considering the man’s words. But TK isn’t done dishing out his opinion.

“You’ve got an amazing team here, there’s no denying that. It’s a real family, not to mention your actual family is here too. But—and mind you I’m super biased here— New York is an amazing place to be, to live. If you’re feeling restless in Austin, I think New York is the perfect alternative.”

Carlos laughs at this. “So, so biased,” he muses.

TK jokingly puffs up his chest. “Hey, it’s not my fault people have written songs about it and flock to it from all corners of the world,” he jokes. “And all of them, like you would, find home.”

A soft sigh escapes Carlos’ lips as he grips the chain link of the swing.

“That does actually sound pretty nice. I’d miss everyone here like crazy but maybe it’s time for something new? I don’t know. I keep waiting for something extraordinary to happen but nothing ever really changes around here. And there’s nothing wrong with that, of course. I just—“

“You’ve outgrown it,” TK says simply. “And there’s nothing wrong with that either.”

Carlos smiles at him and nods. “I suppose not, no.”

“At least you’ll come to the city knowing someone; you won’t be alone or completely starting from scratch.”

“You? You would take that on?”

TK rolls his eyes. “Of course me. You think I’d leave you high and dry? Damn, I know New Yorkers have a bit of a rep but jeez,” he teases.

Carlos laughs. “I only meant...you barely even know me. You don’t owe me anything.”

“Maybe so but I’d like to get to know you better. And if we’re gonna be calling the same city home, it’s kind of perfect. You get a new job, a new city, a new friend. Pretty sweet package, if you ask me.”

“You’ll be my tour guide then? You can take me to all the hot spots, Central Park and Times Square for starters.”

TK shakes his head in dismay. “God, Times Square,” he groans. “Hell on earth but sure, just for you I’d make the exception.”

“I’m honored,” Carlos says, placing a hand over his heart.

“As you should be. There aren’t many reasons I’d willingly go there so you should be patting yourself on the back right now.”

Carlos raises a brow. “But you’re thinking I’d be worth it?”

TK’s face grows serious. “In a lot of ways I’m thinking you would be, yes.”

Carlos' face flushes a bit and he looks away, down at his feet as he begins to kick out in earnest to start swinging.

Not for the first time since meeting TK he isn’t sure if there’s more to his words just below the surface, if he’s flirting or just being naturally charismatic. It shouldn’t matter either way, Carlos tells himself. Starting up a new relationship when so much in his life is already about to change doesn’t seem smart.

And yet it’s difficult to bear that in mind when he looks over and sees that TK is still watching him. The man smiles softly and follows Carlos' lead, swinging a bit.

In the distance Carlos can hear the rise in voices from houses where everyone is celebrating, just waiting to usher in the new year.

“One minute to go,” TK says, looking at the time on his watch and digging his feet into the ground to stop himself.

Carlos keeps going, breathing in the last dregs of this year before it’s gone with the tick of the clock. He looks up at the pinpricks of stars above, almost glistening in the clear sky. He closes his eyes, soaks in the moment, the last few seconds of this year winding down.

The New Years party goers can be heard shouting their countdown and beside him, TK joins in quietly as well.

10

9

8

7

Carlos opens his eyes once more and holds his breath as he upward, counting down the last few seconds in his head. This year is going, going...

3

2

1

Gone.

He exhales as shouts from the neighboring houses rent the air. He stops swinging then, digging his feet into the hard earth beneath him as he looks over at TK. Beside him the man’s face is flushed, the tip of his nose pink from the cold but his gaze is unrelenting as he leans forward.

Carlos’ body seems to move on its own accord, closing the distance between them as well. He doesn’t think about anything other than what TK’s lips will feel like and before he realizes it, he’s getting his answer.

It’s a chaste kiss, truly just a meeting of mouths in a gentle press but it warms Carlos from the center all the way through his entire body. TK’s lips are soft and warm despite the cold.

“Happy New Year, Carlos,” TK says softly.

Carlos doesn’t have the slightest clue of what the road ahead will look like exactly but it’s enough to know that in some capacity, TK is going to be a part of it. Be it as a friend or something more, it makes Carlos hopeful to see how life will unfold, what other surprises it may have in store.

Carlos stares at him for a moment and it seems as if TK and the whole world is holding its breath as they sit in silence together. This feeling in his chest is so unlike anything Carlos has experienced before. He likes to think things through, to anticipate at least three steps ahead but his future is such a blank slate that it’s truly anyone’s guess as to what will happen next. All he can do is control this present moment and as Carlos sees it, kissing TK is the only thing on his agenda for right now.

He leans in again and kisses the man once more, deeply this time, hand cradling the back of TK’s neck.

Maybe this is risky, maybe this will only complicate his life further when he settles in New York and has to figure out what this all means. But in this moment, that all feels like a lifetime away, a page from a chapter that hasn’t been written yet. There’s only the here and now with this beautiful man that fills him with possibilities.

[hohoz]

The future of Resident Evil and Valenfield (of course)

So It’s me again and I’m here to talk a little about what I think it’s going to happen with this series and my main ship - “Valenfield all the way, always”

First let’s talk about this game here...

Resident Evil 3 Remake

First of all, I’m really happy to see Jill again, the last time we got a chance to play using her was in Revelations 1 and that game was released in 2012 - that time she also got a different character model

What I liked about the game was the nostalgia, if we look at the graphics and gameplay it's the same engine so it hasn't changed much (not that this is bad). In this game we have the fact that Nemesis proves himself to be the most feared BOW so far in the franchise, all the persecutions and all the determination to eliminate JV, his ability to evolve and continue only with the goal of killing someone shows what Umbrella wants, to create life that is capable of changing the course of a war...But Umbrella made a stupid decision to make this creature go after Alpha’s team finest. (Spencer was trying to become a god - that’s why he used Umbrella)

Capcom had informed us that their idea was to launch RE2 and RE3 together, that is, the game model was almost ready that’s why it didnt take long to release RE3, if you played both you would not complain that the main campaign is short but playing only RE3 it feels like it is very short... Indeed that is, If you analyze the city map it is small and does not give you any freedom to explore, same thing with the other maps and this is very sad, especially for a fan who wants to explore every corner of RC.

ABOUT VALENFIELD

I had said in a post before that there would be a good number of people shipping Jill with Carlos (I was prepared for that), but what I didn’t expect is that she wouldn’t mention Chris in the game, we didn’t even get a chance to go into RPD as Jill to read the letter he had left.

BUT THERE IS MORE

WTF, SHE DIDN’T SAY A WORD about Chris probably dying, one thing that I miss a lot from old versions of RE games, is that we see what they are thinking about the object when they interact with it - when he actually moves to Europe he leaves a letter saying he’s okay so Claire wouldnt be worried (HE’S THE BEST BROTHER - dafuq)

BUT THERE IS MORE - HOW DO I UNLOCK HER DIARY ???

I wanted to see how Capcom would adapt this, but they didnt put this file in the game - Not that we know of (because her diary is a secret file in the original game)

AND FINALLY SOMETHING GOOD

In the old version of the game we had this epilogue, but I didn't think they were going to put it that way, because it was going to be kind of weird, so what they did was show Chris (Chris is highly associated with the color green) with the vaccine - that means - She found him in Europe / She is probably in the same apartment as him, because who the hell would rent a place if there is a possibility of sharing the rent

Since I’m really mad about the lack of Valenfield content let’s talk about the future of Resident evil games.

REMAKES or new stories ? Why not both ?

An insider at Capcom said that RE8 has been rebooted,this would mean that the game would be far from release but the beta testers of RE Revelations 3 had great reviews, so REV3 became Resident Evil 8.

But that doesnt mean that we wont get more Reworks in the meanwhile and there is two games that comes in my mind right now.

Resident Evil : Code Veronica

Whoever played this game knows how good it is, the protagonists are nothing less than the Redfield brothers and Stevie Burnside unraveling the mysteries of the Ashford family, and this game can easily be remade, because it has so much information about Resident Evil universe, about Wesker and Umbrella, let’s not forget about the horror, this is a survival horror game for sure, the files that we see in the camp are scary af.

Since RE has been getting a lot of new fans this would be appreciated by the new one and the old ones. Claire’s character model already showed a lot of interest to play her again in code Veronica - and to see a young Chris Redfield again it would be so cool.

But there is another option, that in my opnion wouldn’t even be considered a Remake, because i’m not talking about an actually a game.

I’m talking about RESIDENT EVIL:Umbrella Chronicles

Don't let the WII logo fool you Resident Evil Revelations was a Nintendo DS exclusive, when it became multiplatform it was very welcome and had great reviews, being the first of the most recent games to bring Survival horror back

Umbrella Chronicles is one of the most important in the history of Resident Evil because it’s the only one that shows how Chris and Jill set the end of Umbrella (this sound familiar, right ? ) that’s because you saw this in the ending

it should be after Code Veronica to follow chronological order

This game is really short, and it shows so many stuff about RE 0 and RE1, so if they decided to make a “Remake” version of Umbrella’s fall it would be so nice because they wouldnt be actually tied to the original game - (Like RE2 and RE3) - they could use the same history but have creativity freedom to do more things, more maps, more enemies, more dialogue PLEASE and keep the “No Ladies first this time?”

So this is it, thanks for reading (english is not my main language), let’s enjoy and play a lot of RE during these hard time (COVID-19)

If you have something to say about RE future or Valenfield I would like to read your opinion.

Thanks and see you later !

[iridescentides]

i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

[meaningofmotorsport]

Italian Grand Prix Review

One thing that is certain, is that whether you like the Sprint format or not, it somehow gives us some chaotic and bonkers racing on the Sunday. I can’t wait to see what Brazil could give us for their Sprint weekend!

Incredibly, the biggest moment of the race was probably not the eventual winners, but instead the traditional Sprint weekend crash between Lewis and Max! I hope this one won’t be as controversial as at Silverstone, simply because both cars were out, and it was more of a racing incident in my view. Before I delve further into my thoughts on it, we have to be thankful for the halo, as it almost certainly saved Hamilton’s life, in what was already quite a scary crash.

As mentioned, I see it as a racing incident, however I wouldn’t call it a stupid decision to penalise Max, as he was being rather bold in his move, and it would have been difficult to get through there cleanly. The reason I think there should have been no penalty, is that Lewis was rather indecisive in his defence, he didn’t completely block off the move from Max, like what happened on Lap 1 when the roles were reversed. This meant that there was a clear opening for Max to try and fit into, which then closed up at the apex of Turn 2, causing the incident.

Do I think that the circumstances leading up to the crash may have clouded Max’s judgement? Probably, simply because he is human, and when things go against you, it can cause you to drive differently. So, without that, he may have been more cautious. It was also good to see Red Bull and Max being more sensible in their reaction to this incident compared to Silverstone, possibly because they knew they had a bigger part to play in this one.

What a day for McLaren, and for Ricciardo! To be honest, I don’t think the crash for the title leaders changed the outcome of the race much! They were both unable to pass the McLarens in the first stint, so that could have continued for the rest of the race! It was the start and 1st lap that was crucial, as Ricciardo got past Verstappen, and could control the race from there. Their pace was not better than Mercedes and Red Bull, but it was still better than we have seen all year so far. The strategy was also on point, as they were able to react to Red Bull wanting to pit Max, to make sure they didn’t get the undercut. Which meant that even if Red Bull had nailed the stop, they would probably have come out behind Daniel.

No one should be disappointed with the result, as everyone wanted to see Ricciardo back to winning ways, and see him return to his old self! He is such a character in the paddock, as well as being an absolutely talented driver, and we all missed the shoey! With momentum on his side, it could be a great end to the year for the team! You do have to feel for Norris a bit, as he may have been faster in the race, and given he has carried the team for most of the year, he may have felt he deserved to win first. Nevertheless, he drove perfectly too, and was rightfully pleased with how it all turned out!

What is it with drivers being fired from teams, and then performing really well! First, we see Giovinazzi finding pace in the Alfa out of nowhere, and now Bottas has had one of his best weekends ever in the sport! It may just be that the pressure is off now, and so Valtteri can just relax and drive as he wants to. We just haven’t seen him pass cars that well whilst at Mercedes before yesterday. Perez too did as much as he could really, to finish on the road behind the McLaren’s. He should have given the place back to Leclerc, although if the FIA didn’t tell them to give it back, it is a bit of a harsh penalty!

Given their power deficits, 4th and 6th is pretty good going for the home team of Ferrari. Yes, luck played its part, but they were able to stay with the front runners in the 2nd stint. Leclerc defending from Norris was a bit iffy, as he was just in the middle of the road and forced Lando onto the grass. Looking ahead, the battle isn’t over with McLaren, despite them scoring big today!

Stroll and Alonso fought their way up to finish 6th and 7th respectively, with Stroll being rather aggressive with his teammate in the first few laps. Given that the low rake concept really helped Mercedes with weekend, we may have expected more from Aston Martin, who also have their engine too. That incident with Stroll really ruined Vettel’s race, as he couldn’t make up positions from there.

Williams really is making their way into the midfield fight now, as Russell bags some more points, and both cars were fighting the Alpine’s and Aston Martin’s all day. Granted their pace may have been slightly slower, and they were holding some of them up, but the improvements are massive at the moment. Ocon made a silly mistake whilst battling with Vettel, in pushing him off the track, which cost him any chance of points, as he got a penalty for it.

Giovinazzi lost any hope of points on Lap 1, when he simply drove across the front of Sainz exiting the 2nd chicane. Carlos had the right to pull alongside him, as he had the momentum, and Antonio just didn’t see him. Kubica did well again, given he is just filling in for Kimi. The Haas’ crashed into each other again, as Mazepin spun Schumacher, which I am sure will only help inter team relations! It was worse for AlphaTauri, as Tsunoda couldn’t start the race, due to a technical issue, whilst the team couldn’t set the suspension up correctly for Gasly after his crash in the Sprint!

Finally, I have talked about their crash, but up until then, the race was going very differently for the 2 title contenders. In my opinion, Max didn’t lose the race in the crash, or the pit stop, it was the race start instead, as he just didn’t have the straight line speed to get past the McLaren’s after that. They tried to do the undercut, but McLaren were wise to it, and their mistake in the pits was human error, to do with the new FIA regulations around it. Hamilton on the other hand, by starting on the hard’s, had set himself up very well for the 2nd half of the race. He was able to eventually pass Norris, and with a clean pit stop, could have beat out Lando, and pressured those in front!

On a track where Mercedes looked so strong, it may be a net win for Max to lose nothing in the championship to him, but it could have been so better for Red Bull if Sunday had gone smoothly! With his penalty, expect Max to take his engine penalties too at Russia, where Mercedes is strong too, which will be prime opportunity for Hamilton to close the lead and possibly overtake Max again for the title lead!

-M

Thank you very much for reading this article! To keep up to date with when they go out, and to see my reactions to races and other news, follow me on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/MeaningofMotor1

Also, if you want to support me, I have a Patreon Page at: https://www.patreon.com/meaningofmotorsport

[lonestarbabe]

Some Worlds Are Better Left Apart

A conflicted TK talks to his mom about how he feels about her and Owen starting up their relationship again. (AO3)

“What’s with you and Dad?” T.K. asks his mom one day when his dad had gone out and it was just him and his mom left at the house. These moments just between the two of them were rare, so he had to take the opportunity when it arose. The relationship between his parents has been bothering him more than he let on, mostly because he thinks it’s going to end up hurting both Owen and Gwyn.

“Why? Did he say something?” She looks up from her lunch, putting her fork down to listen to what he has to say. She’s been less busy lately, so she has more time to stop and talk. Plus, she’s actually in the same time zone now. He likes having his mom around, but having his mom around also complicates things in a way that T.K. isn’t sure how to manage. Mostly, he goes over to his boyfriend’s house. Carlos gave him a key so that he go there whenever his parents are too insufferable. So even when Carlos isn’t home, T.K. has a refuge.

“No,” T.K. shook his head. “But why are you doing this?” He can’t quite fathom it— why his mother has decided that his father deserves a second chance. “What even is the point?” Gwyn had given a lot to the relationship, especially after 9/11 when she had to hold the family together and still try to balance her blossoming career. She’d been the one who had always somehow found time to be there while Owen had devoted more time to his other family of firefighters.

“Are you not okay with your dad and I starting things up again?” Her voice is gentle, and she’s trying to figure out what he’s thinking. Years of family therapy had taught them some skills, even if they didn’t always apply those skills. Owen had missed most of the sessions, but Gwyn had always made the time.

“I don’t know that you’re thinking this through clearly,” T.K. tells her. She thinks that they’re moving too fast, and he thinks it's weird that after so much time they’ve decided that they want to try to go back to old times. He gets that the pandemic has made everything weird, but he never would have expected that it would it this weird. There’s part of him that likes the idea of his parents being together again, but the bigger part of him is already thinking of the end.

“Honey, I know what I’m getting into. I’ve known your dad for a long time. I know exactly how he can be, and I’ve taken that in mind when I made my decision.” Owen is stubborn and riddled with guilt, and with all the emotions that are still so poignant, it’s not just T.K. mom who is going to get hurt, but he’s focusing on her for now. He doesn’t like to think of how Owen might react when things go wrong. He might push away. He might crumble. Owen and T.K. are a lot alike, and T.K. knows how badly he’d react if things went wrong with Carlos, who T.K. has a far less complicated history with. T.K. doesn’t want his mom to go through the heartbreak, but he knows that she’ll survive it because she’s never been able to be the one who breaks down.

“Which means that you should know that he’s going to hurt you, Mom. That’s what he’s always done. Or have you forgotten what he did? What he put us through.” T.K. loves his dad. He’d give his life for him without any questions asked, but he also thinks that his parents getting back together is a stupid, impulsive idea because they’ve never fixed whatever it is that broke them. Their wounds are still open, and while they’ve forgotten about them because they happened so long ago, nothing has really changed. T.K. doesn’t want to go through the turbulence again, and once the honeymoon period is over, he thinks the turbulence will come. He’s an adult now, and he can better handle everything, but they’re still his parents. He worries.

“He’s been through a lot, T.K. I know we had our hard times, but it’s different now. We’re working on being different.”

“How is it different? He left us! I know he was dealing with a lot, and I know that he lost more that day than I can ever imagine, but he left his family when we needed him most.” T.K. can’t talk about this with his dad, so he’s taking it out on the one person who probably could best understand how he felt.

“He never left you,” his Mom tries to console him. “He left me. Our relationship crumbled, but he was always your dad.”

“But he did leave,” T.K. yells because he’s been trying to say this for so long, and his words have always fallen on deaf ears. No one seems to understand that while Owen may have been around after 9/11, he wasn’t serving as a father to T.K., and whether it was fair to Owen or not, T.K. felt abandoned. He always thought, at least in the back of his mind, that Owen didn’t care about him. Owen was either at the firehouse or thinking of the firehouse. He burdened you with a crazy, angry kid who gave you both more grief than you needed.”

“I never felt burdened, T.K. You were going through a hard time like the rest of us were.” It doesn’t make him feel like less of a burden when his parents tell him that he isn’t one. He always thinks that they’re too nice or too guilty to tell the truth about how T.K. had messed up their life.

“The hard time lasted over a decade! I made your life hell, and dad didn’t do anything to help you.” He’d been a menace, finding trouble wherever he could and trying to get his dad to pay attention, but nothing he did could ever be as big as a disaster for Owen as 9/11. He always fears that Owen sees him as a responsibility and not otherwise important.

“He did what he could. I wasn’t perfect either, you know that. I dropped the ball too, and I’m sorry for that.” He doesn’t want apologies. He doesn’t want them to try to wipe the past clean and act like that’s proper atonement. He’s let most of those mistakes go, anyway. The one he holds onto is the refusal to pay attention to what he’s trying to say and what he needs. He feels guilty for these feelings because he knows they never meant to make him feel bad. They weren’t bad parents, but life threw them all off course, and they never found their way back to the path they should be on.

T.K. takes a breath. He levels his tone so that he’s not yelling. “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m not mad at you for not having all the answers. I’m mad at him for not even trying. I’m mad at him for not admitting what he did to his family. Whenever I try to bring it up, he always makes me feel like a fool. He brings up stats of how many people died that day and acts like my feelings make me childish. I was a child, and just because I’ve grown up doesn’t make the hurt go away.”

“We should talk about this with your dad.” Her voice is calm and diplomatic. She didn’t get her name on the door of a big New York law firm without knowing how to keep her calm. Owen knows how to push all her buttons and unsteady her calm, and T.K. still isn’t sure if that’s a good thing. It results in fights, but it also can help Gwyn open up.

“And when we do, we won’t get anywhere because he feels too guilty over what happened to even talk about it with me. He’d rather pretend that none of that bullshit even existed.” After he’s said it, the anger starts to fade, and he just feels exhausted. “I wanted us to be a family again for so long, but this doesn’t change anything. We’re just more civil about our issues now,” and sooner or later, that’s going to blow up into a civil war.

“So, you think this is a bad idea,” his mom confirms, and her voice tells T.K. that he is confirming what she already suspected about her relationship with Owen— that it was a silly mistake and that she should be smarter than to fall for Owen’s charm again.

“I just think that we all need to slow the hell down.” It’s not even that he wants to put a halt to his parents doing whatever they’re doing. They’re adults and they can make their own romantic and sexual decisions, but it’s all been happening too fast for T.K. to process. He tries to tease and joke about the whole thing, but deep down, it all makes him uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to kill his parents’ vibes, but he can’t stand to stay silent anymore.

Gwyneth is quick to piece together a plan. She’s always been good at planning. Those plants don’t always become reality, but she can’t help but try. “We’re going to start by talking to your Dad about how you’re feeling, and then, we’re going to keep open lines of communication. That includes you, T.K. I don’t want you to feel like you have to keep your feelings from us to spare our feelings.”

“I still don’t believe this is going to work.” All he can think is that the whole thing is going to go up in flames, and he’s going to stand between two walls of fire. They’ll want him to choose one or the other. They’ve always had the bad tendency to use T.K. as a mediator. He wants no part of that because he doesn’t have the mental energy to deal with that, and he doesn’t want to regress. He wants to move on with his life and grab the future, which he can’t do if he lets his mind get stuck in the past.

Gwyneth puts a hand on his arm, “And maybe it won’t. Some worlds are better left apart, but if we do this the right way, we’ll know that we did everything we could.” If T.K. ever had to make a similar choice with Carlos, he knows that he would make it. He wouldn’t be able to resist the chance of having such a great love. It wouldn’t matter if he was deluding himself. Sometimes, you just had to try to escape the chance of regret.

T.K. sighs. “I don’t want to be forced to take sides,” and he feels brave saying it because years ago, he never would have created that boundary. Maybe therapy is doing good things for him.

“We won’t make you do that,” and T.K. wants to believe her. He knows that she has the best intention, but the scars of the past remind him of the tug of war that has always happened in the past.

“Even during little fights,” T.K. adds. “They all feel the same.” Every time he is put between them, he feels like a little kid with an impossible decision. He’s torn between his loyalty for his mom who was always there and his dad who he wants to convince to be there.

She purses her lips and nods. “We’ll work on that,” and only time will tell how hard they will work because they’ve got so much shit to sort through, and T.K. can’t figure out how they’re ever going to get through so many years of dysfunction, but the child inside him wants to hope. He wants to believe that a second chance at love is possible. He wants to think their family can be simple— and isn’t that a joke— because no family in the history of families has ever been simple.

[everettlance]

instructions for dancing // self-para

It didn’t take long for Everett to find Maverick. They shared a floor in the Tower; technically Maverick’s stuff was still in his room, the trainer’s room, on the second floor, and he had to return sometime if only to grab his bag before retreating back to Seven.

Mav hadn’t been hiding. He’d just spent the day before primarily with Alder, which happened to be on the seventh floor and not the second. In part, he wanted to keep the conversation with Everett at bay for as long as he could. He had to get his head straight, figure out what the hell he was going to say, how he was going to explain himself. He knew that Everett would see his being with Alder as a betrayal, but he had never meant to betray him, had never meant to hurt him — he’d been dead, that was a pretty good fucking defense, wasn’t it? And sure, he’d been wracked with guilt for it, on and off, had hesitated as long as he did before admitting his own feelings to himself because Alder was, after all, Everett’s killer.

But if Mav had been taught anything, any core value, at the Academy, it was that the Games were a different world. They were a world in which you could kill and be lauded. On the outside, killing was a punishable offense, would get you thrown in jail or worse, facing down the firing squad. But in the Arena it was different. The rules were erased. Alder had had no choice.

Everett had shot first.

Of course Maverick missed his best friend, of course he fuckng did. It had been 18 months of grief and mourning, the sort that could ebb but never entirely leave him. He knew he’d never have full peace nor would he be able to forget Everett. Ev was his first for so many things. His first friend, his first crush, his first love. Though the feelings of infatuation could and did fade, he maintained love for him in his heart and knew that he always would. The fact that he was back now in a new body identical to his old one didn’t change it. He was his best friend. He always had been. Everett knew parts of Maverick that he had never shown to anyone before Alder. That was significant.

But it didn’t make it any easier when he was finally faced with Everett, who was standing in the lounge, wearing the Capitol-issued pants and t-shirt that they gave to the tributes for training. Maverick had just wanted to grab his things, to get changed before heading down to the training center to begin work. (Not that he wanted to train anyone else. He selfishly wanted to give only Everett a chance. It was the least he could do for the guy who had died for him. The guy who had died so he could live.)

“Sorry,” were the first words from his lips, while Everett stared as if he were the one seeing the ghost. The ‘sorry’ wasn’t meant to cover everything, but rather, what you say when you’ve interrupted someone, when you want to excuse your presence and move on as quickly as possible. If Maverick didn’t make a move to continue to his room, then it was because of Everett’s stare, which seemed to somehow pierce through him and pin him to the wall.

It was the stare of someone who knew.

“Sorry?” Everett repeated, his tone tilting up at the end, turning it into much more of a question, one that asked everything he wanted to know. Jeanine had pointed out that he had been dead, that it couldn’t be out of spite that Mav would be with Alder because he was simply gone, and he could fathom the idea that the entire world didn’t revolve around him but he couldn’t put these pieces together. Each of them had jagged edges: Maverick was dating Alder, had been for a year or so, as far as Everett could tell; Alder had killed Everett.

There was room inside of him for many things. For guilt at his own killing: Carlos. Travela. Memphis. Marino. His first two kills had been in the bloodbath, had been in a moment of panic, he’d been swept up in it all. But those last two… he had known them both, talked to them both. Memphis had simply been in his way. Marino had been an accident.

The dart was meant for Alder, but Everett was not an idiot, he knew what he’d have done had it met its target. His sights would have shifted to the other boy. He was a killer. He had simply wanted to survive.

Somewhere he knew that it was possible that Alder had wanted the same. Or maybe he’d just wanted revenge for Marino. But Everett had talked to Alder, he fucking knew him, was it possible that he and Maverick could really have something together?

“Okay, I assume you found out about Alder and me,” Maverick said, stepping forward, his hands up like he was proclaiming his innocence with the gesture while simultaneously revoking it with his very statement.

“Cain told me.” The words clipped, short. Everett could do nothing but stare. Maverick looked older, his hair was longer, his edges seemed softer somehow, how was that possible? The world had only ever made either of them harder.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to tell you myself.”

“So you avoided me.”

“You avoided me too.”

They had always been too similar. Growing up you become a mirror of the people around you and attached at the hip as they’d been, they couldn’t help but grow in the same way, towards the same source of light. Both of them clinging to the violence they were taught to speak in. Was that what Maverick did with Alder?

“I wanted to find you,” Maverick said, “I wanted to teach you some stuff—” He hadn’t planned the words, hadn’t really thought about it, but it was true. He wanted to work with Everett. He’d watched his every move in the Games enough times that he knew exactly where his weak spots were. With three days of training, he could strengthen those places, if Everett would let him.

“I don’t need to learn anything.” Everett was aware of his own weak spots, of course he was, he’d gotten killed. You don’t die and think yourself a god.

“Why did you volunteer?” The question came from Maverick’s lips almost unbidden, and yet it felt like it’d sat there for 18 months, waiting to be spoken. To speak it at last was a relief; to face down a potential response, less so.

“I have no fucking idea.” Everett’s gaze faltered, he looked away finally. “Why the fuck did you kiss me?”

“Why did you kiss Orpheus?”

There were too many questions. Too much confusion on both sides. The air between them was filled with it. The uncertainty too thick to wade through. It’d take more than a few days. It’d take more than a few years.

“You don’t know Alder,” Maverick said, as if the conversation were progressing in any linear way. “He’s different from the person you met.”

“He killed me.”

“He was in the Arena.” A pause. It didn’t feel like enough. “And believe me, I fucking hated him at first.”

“So what changed? You’re his boyfriend now.”

“I got to know him.” Maverick couldn’t plead with Everett to understand, didn’t need him to understand. He’d already made his peace with the fact that he’d never have Everett’s blessing, though the reason used to be because Everett himself was dead. The dead do not forgive, they don’t have the capacity. Perhaps the living didn’t forgive either.

That would need to be okay.

“Why?” Everett had meant the word to be like a dagger, the weapon he’d wielded through the Games, the one he’d have killed Alder with. But it wasn’t as sharp. He was looking for answers, not looking for another kill.

“I didn’t mean to,” Maverick said, not wanting to apologize and yet knowing that Everett was owed at least a partial explanation. “I swear, I never set out looking for him except to beat his ass at his Victor’s Ball. I was pissed. So fucking pissed. But — you know, you volunteered, too, I was pissed at you.” His gaze tried to find Everett’s but Everett couldn’t look at him directly, the question of his own volunteering too difficult to face.

“You might have died,” Everett said. The conversation’s veering off its intended path was typical for them, often on the same wavelength growing up, not needing to draw one another a map to get from one thought to the next. Even now it was easy to find old patterns.

“I might not have.” Maverick knew that surviving meant Alder’s death, though. He knew that he owed Everett a thank you.

“I couldn’t just let you die,” Everett said, stepping around Maverick’s statement. “Because you — you, I mean, you could have been, you can be somebody, but I was just gonna be a Peacekeeper, just a brute. Just a no one. You could have done anything. It’s not — I’m not like some martyr or some shit, I didn’t even think it through, Mav, I just… you fucking kissed me, you dick, and I — I don’t know, next to you, who the fuck am I, what the fuck am I? I’m just a stupid fucking soldier.”

It wasn’t true, Maverick didn’t think any of it was true, Everett had never just been a soldier, nor was he a brute. He was a person. Just as capable of great things as Maverick was himself. But Mav’s great thing was going to be the Games. It was going to be a Victory. Enough time had passed that he wasn’t still angry with Everett for taking that away, but there was still a place in him that held something akin to resentment. Resentment for the fact that he had made the choice for both of them. Resentment that he’d done the right thing when Maverick wouldn’t. Resentment that he’d died. The tangle of it was too much.

“You’re not a stupid fucking soldier,” Maverick said, “you’re a stupid fucking volunteer.”

“This time I didn’t ask for it.” There was almost pride in Everett’s voice. Pride that he’d been thrust here without making the decision for himself. Maverick knew that pride masked something else, something much more real.

When had Everett been given a choice? When in his life had he been allowed to decide his own fate? Only once. Only once, and he’d died.

“You gonna train me?” Everett asked after a silence. “I heard you work at the Academy.”

Maverick didn’t know if he should be ashamed of that or not. He never had been before, not around anyone from Two, but was this what Everett tried to give him when he’d volunteered? Was this the ‘more’ of which he was supposedly so capable? He felt, for a moment, like he’d been given a gift and had squandered it.

“I do,” he said, “I brought home a Victor. I can do it again.”

Everett shook his head, just once. “You can train me, but don’t expect shit.”

Maverick wasn’t sure what that meant. What would he expect? A Victory? A willing participant?

“We’ll see,” he said, knowing that they hadn’t come to any conclusion, that nothing had been decided or resolved. But that was okay, it didn’t need to. For now, it was time to train. “I’ll see you downstairs in ten. No, five. Be ready to fucking work.”

[reyesstrand]

Hi!! I’m absolutely obsessed with your writings! You are absolutely amazing. If you’re still taking prompts would love to see 11. “How could you ask me that?” and 36. “You’ve shown me what love can feel like.” Thank you so much. 💕💕

thank you so much! i’m sorry for the wait on this one but i hope you enjoy!! 

feel free to send me a number from this list if you’d like. also available on ao3! 

“It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve gotten you alone.”

There’s no bite to Michelle’s words as she speaks, but Carlos immediately picks up on the insinuation that she’s lying down: that Carlos is a little too caught up in the whirlwind that is TK Strand for him to make time for their weekly tradition of drinks and street tacos at their favourite place downtown. He’s missed the last three or four chances they had to hang out, due to picking up shifts or getting wrapped up in his — what, friend? boyfriend? guy-that-he’s-exclusively-seeing-but-has-no-label-for is too wordy, but it’s really the only thing that makes sense when trying to describe what he has with TK.

“Sorry,” Carlos says, because he is. Michelle’s been there for him through thick and thin ever since he was barely out of high school and he started hanging out with her as much as he hung out with Iris. But she waves him off immediately.

“No need to apologize, I know that boy of yours, you should feel no shame for getting as much time in with him as you can,” Michelle offers him a wink, but when he just sort of sighs and sinks down into his chair, she cocks her head to the side. “Is everything okay with you two?”

Carlos could offer her the same response he’s been giving his sister, who’s wanted to meet his so-called mystery guy for almost a month, now. She’d noticed his change of tone whenever he spoke about his and TK’s relationships, and Carlos had quickly chalked it up to him being tired after a long day. Which was true — but he could just sense that something was up with TK, and it wasn’t something he was ready to get into with his sister. But Michelle’s different; she might actually know if something’s up with the 126 that could be attributed to TK’s slow but steady act of pulling away from him.

“Actually, uh, he’s been kind of distant, lately,” Carlos says, trying to keep it casual, but Michelle’s eyebrows furrow almost immediately.

“For how long?” Michelle asks, bringing her beer to her lips and taking a sip.

Carlos sighs. “Two weeks. I thought maybe something was going on at work?”

Michelle presses her lips together, but the corners of her mouth still turn down in a frown as she shakes her head. “I mean, he seems normal at the station. The whole team does.”

They’re quiet for a few moments, as Michelle taps her fingers against the neck of her bottle.

“How is he being distant?” Michelle finally asks, and Carlos shrugs, squinting as he looks off into the distance, the setting sun just low enough to be in his line of vision.

“We still go on dates and stuff, but he doesn’t really talk to me like he did before. He always seems like he’s lying when I ask him if he’s okay,” Carlos shrugs, taking a breath before speaking the words out loud, finally voicing the fear that’s been brewing in his chest. “I think he might want to break up with me.”

“Are you serious?” Michelle looks at him with wide eyes, and Carlos slowly nods.

“I mean, what else could it be? We gave us a shot for real two months ago, maybe he doesn’t like how it’s turning out,” Carlos rubs at the back of his neck.

“I’ll talk to him,” Michelle says, eyes suddenly a little darker as her protective side starts coming out. Carlos quickly reaches across the table and takes her hands in his.

“God, no way, Michelle, I don’t want you to scare him off,” Carlos insists, rubbing a thumb along the inside of her wrist to calm her, a little. “I think I should just ask him tomorrow. Be straight up about everything.”

He makes the decision without really thinking it through. Maybe he’s the one that’s freaking out too much — TK could just be exhausted, or dealing with his dad’s chemo appointments on top of having a strenuous job. But he knows what his ma would say, that he probably should’ve already talked with TK about this when he first started worrying. And the way it seems to settle Michelle’s willingness to go after TK herself is also a bonus.

“How’s your mom?” he asks, to shove the focus off of his issues for a little while. And it seems to work, Michelle only giving him one last wary glance before she talks about their plan to bring Iris a care package, Carlos quietly stewing in his own mind over what to do next.

* * * 

Carlos knows that work isn’t the best place to do this. But he also knows just how distracted he’s been all day just thinking about all the possibilities of what TK’s struggling with, and if he doesn’t get his emotions off his chest he’s going to crash and burn. Besides, they’ve been called to an accident at a state fair — a malfunctioning ferris wheel, that hadn’t moved for half an hour with people stuck on the ride — and once the 126 rescued the ten stranded people, they were all milling around, waiting for the all-clear, and Carlos has been watching TK just chat with Marjan for the last ten minutes and he figures this is as good a time as any.

Marjan catches his eye before TK sees him, and she says something quickly to him as TK begins to turn around. He offers Carlos a small smile as he approaches and Marjan clears her throat.

“I’m just...not going to be here right now. Nice to see you, Carlos,” Marjan says as she slips away from them, going over to where Mateo’s checking on equipment. Carlos nods at her as she leaves, and TK steps a little closer.

“How’s your night going?” TK asks, and Carlos frowns a little at the way that TK has yet to really look him in the eye.

“This is going to sound stupid,” Carlos says, instead of actually answering the other man. “But are you trying to break up with me?”

After ten seconds of silence, TK barks out a laugh. But when he takes in Carlos’ worried look and his tense jaw, his eyebrows shoot up. “Wait, you’re serious?”

“Sorry, I’m just being an idiot, I—”

“Wait, Carlos,” TK says, curling his fingers around Carlos’ wrist. “Talk to me?”

“It’s just...you’ve been distant, over the past couple of weeks. And at first I thought you were just tired, or maybe wrapped up in your head, which I totally get. But I want to be there for you no matter what, and I feel like you couldn’t wait for me to get out of your hair on our past few dates.” Carlos explains, watching as TK runs a hand down his face. “So, do you want to break up with me? I just can’t keep doing this, Ty.”

“How could you ask me that?” TK’s brought his voice down to a whisper, and Carlos shakes his head.

“I’m just wondering where we stand, Ty,” Carlos says. “I really like you, but I don’t want you to feel forced into this relationship if you—”

“I don’t,” TK quickly interjects, stepping even more into Carlos’ space. “I don't feel forced into anything. You have to believe me, okay? I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. And it still blows my mind that I get to have you in my life. Carlos— you’ve shown me what love can feel like. After all I’ve been through and all that I’ve put you through, you’ve stood by me, and I can’t even express to you how important you are to me.”

Carlos feels warmth spread through him, but he still doesn’t get the distance. He opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, TK presses on.

“I’ve been distant because I wanted,” TK stops for a second, inhaling shakily as he glances around, his eyes illuminated under the twinkling lights of the various rides and the signs advertising games and food. He meets Carlos’ gaze again and finally continues. “I wanted to ask you to be my boyfriend. Officially. But I didn’t know how to do it because you mean so much to me and I wanted to do this right, and I’ve been kind of stressing out about making things perfect and—”

“Hey, hey, TK,” Carlos says, bringing his hands up to frame TK’s face, practically feeling the other man’s mind going thousand miles a minute. “I think boyfriend has a nice ring to it.”

TK’s mouth quirks up in a lopsided smile. “Yeah?”

Carlos hums in agreement. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry for making you worry,” TK says, “that’s the last thing I wanted to do.”

“Well, this is much better than all the other scenarios I was imagining,” Carlos jokes, but when he sees the flash of worry clouding up TK’s eyes, he presses a quick kiss to his boyfriend’s temple. “It’s okay, Ty. I swear.”

TK opens his mouth to speak, only for Judd’s voice to pipe up.

“Hey, loverboys! I won’t hesitate to use this hose on y’all,” Judd teases, as the others smirk all around them. “Come on, TK, we gotta go save some chickens from a barn fire.”

“Texas manages to surprise me every day,” TK mutters, meeting Carlos’ eyes one last time. “What are you doing later? I have to make things up to my boyfriend.”

TK waggles his eyebrows and Carlos snorts, leaning in quick to kiss him. “Come to my place when you’re done, I’m making you dinner.”

“You’re seriously the best,” TK says, as he turns to head toward the rig, where Marjan’s holding the door open for him.

“Be safe!” Carlos shouts out after him, and TK gives him one last smile and wave before he’s disappeared into the truck. As he retreats to his squad car, he shoots Michelle a quick text — things are all good, won’t need you threatening my boyfriend any time soon — before he heads off to the next call, unable to stop himself from smiling to himself over that label, one he hopes will stick for as long as humanly possible.

[griimhilde-a]

you always make mal the bad guy, but evie ignores her in the second movie and never cares about her feelings. they're friends, mal was suffering, and evie only cared about cotillion and being happy in auradon. think about that.

wow that’s a lot to unpack so i’m going to try and write this out as clearly as i can so there are no misunderstandings here !!   i’m also going to only speak on canon, not my divergences in evie’s dynamic with the core four just to make it less confusing. 

1. i never make mal the bad guy !!  all i’ve ever done was point out canon things mal has done, whether from the books or the movies. i don’t make anything up !!  with mal and evie, specifically, did mal try and kill evie twice in the books ? yes, she did. does nearly being killed twice put a damper on relationships ? most definitely, i mean, i wouldn’t feel the most comfortable with someone that actively tried to kill me. twice. i have other reservations about mal throughout the movies / books, all of which are about her canon actions. i don’t want to go off about them and make this post way longer than it’ll already be, so i’ll stop there.

2. something i really don’t like is people dragging evie, carlos, and jay for what happened in d2. let’s put this into perspective: the first book is actually where the core four get acquainted for the first time, and where mal tries to kill evie twice. the timeline between those events and d1, is only a few months, i think ? so it’d be weird to claim that they were a family and super close friends by then, when it’s very obvious that they weren’t, not even in the first movie. circumstances brought them together, and that’s that. there’s a clear unbalanced power dynamic. 

so, why is there this wrong idea that evie, carlos, and jay knew mal inside-out ? why are people blaming them for not knowing what mal was going through in d2 ? they don’t owe her anything. they can’t read minds !!!!!  do you know how incredibly toxic, disgusting, and entitled it is to blame friends for not knowing something is wrong when you don’t EXPLICITLY communicate with them ? it’s gross !!! and nasty !!!  and no, mal being like “but don’t you guys miss being on the isle and stealing and breaking things” is NOT communicating her feelings. 

something i also see a lot is that they, “especially evie” should have realized that something was wrong when mal changed herself completely during those six months in auradon. aside from the fact that people go through phases and it’s a very real thing ( like i had blue hair for two years and i regret it but i was so into it that if someone questioned me about it, i’d probably cry ), let’s break that down : during coronation, mal publicly chose “good”, turned against her mother, publicly declared she wanted to be with ben, and blah blah. in d2, you can see that even evie’s changed the way she’s dressed a bit and is throwing herself into designing clothes for basically all of auradon. jay and carlos are in r.o.a.r. and tourney          they’re all adjusting to life in auradon. why would it be wrong to assume that was also the case for mal ? if the argument here is that mal was internally struggling, wouldn’t them being like “but mal, you don’t like dresses ! why did you dye your hair blonde ? why are you doing so-and-so ? ” be just as discouraging if she genuinely liked and wanted those things ? if anything, you could say they were being supportive of her decisions. auradon, to them, is the place where they could reinvent themselves, be someone they didn’t have the chance to be on the isle.

evie, jay, and carlos are not stupid nor apathetic nor self-absorbed. i’m sure if they’d gotten more than “don’t you miss being criminals !!!!” they’d be more receptive. so. i’ll say it again : evie, carlos, and jay owed nothing to mal. they cannot read her mind. it was not their responsibility. even if they were super duper close friends, it is still not their responsibility.

if we’re going to talk about them not checking in on mal or validating her feelings, what about d1 where jay admits he might like it in auradon and mal shuts that down, tells him it’s wrong, and that he’s supposed to be evil ? hm. 

mal canonically never listens or asks about them, so why is it expected that they do it for her ? and specifically for evie, i don’t think mal has ever asked her how she felt ? correct me if i’m wrong !!

3. cotillion wasn’t all that evie cared about, but it’s kind of ... really sad that you’re implying she can’t be happy in auradon because mal isn’t ? that’s basically saying, “you’re not allowed to be happy because i’m not. and if you are, you are a BAD person and a BAD friend.” it’s so wrong and mean and just          no ? also, cotillion wasn’t simply about herself ? she was making a dress for mal !! she was making dresses for like, all of auradon prep !!  evie’s entire life was being isolated in a castle for ten years with her abusive mother and always having to watch out for herself, and now she can sleep peacefully ? and only worry about something as “insignificant” cotillion instead of where she was gonna get her next meal or who was going to kill her ?  

i can’t speak for carlos and jay since i don’t write them, but i know that evie doesn’t want to talk about the isle at the start of d2, it’s canon that she tries to ignore that part of her, which she admits during girl talk. all of this focus about how she didn’t pay attention to mal is garbage, why didn’t mal pay attention to evie ? it goes both ways. 

this post got so much longer than i intended but i’m realizing i had a lot of feelings about this.