#me @ myself every time i write one of these: we GET it youre a gina and ej stan

[cultivating-wildflowers]

2024 Reading - March

By now it is clear that I will not achieve my arbitrary goal of reading 100 books this year, and that's fine. My overall progress so far is what I really care about. I am confronting my TBR, I've already read a good number of nonfics, and for the most part my reading has been enjoyable.

While I do have some large books coming up on my list, I am hoping to set aside a little time in April to get to a couple of anticipated rereads (finally) because I'm starting to crave a change of pace into something more familiar.

Total books: 4  |  New reads: 4   |   2024 TBR completed: 5 (2 DNF) / 9/36 total   |   2024 Reading Goal: 11/100

February | April

potential reading list from March 1st

#1 - Dorothy and Jack: The Transforming Friendship of Dorothy L. Sayers and C. S. Lewis by Gina Dalfonzo - 4/5 stars (audio)

After the whole Thing with The Mutual Admiration Society, I went into this book with no small amount of trepidation.

I was immediately put at ease.

This was a surprisingly cozy little book that accomplished what it set out to do. It wasn't horribly deep, but it was thorough and heartwarming. And I found myself cheering when I discovered that Sayers and I apparently have the same opinions about a certain aspect of Paradise Lost, so that was fun.

It does lose a star for spending what felt like too long on the Charles Williams scandal. I think the writer was trying to make a point but I'm a bit lost on what it was.

Notes: 1) Do not get the audiobook if you are at all put off by poor pronunciation and enunciation. The narrator couldn't even say "Pevensie" correctly. 2) I have to be objective, since I kicked up such a stink with the last Sayers-adjacent nonfic I tried, and say there is a bit of bias to this one, with the writer coming from an Evangelical background. It's not overpowering but I would say it informs Dalfonzo's approach. (Which...is how writing works. Whatever.)

#2 - Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik - 5/5 stars ('24 TBR)

"There are men who are wolves inside, and want to eat up other people to fill their bellies. That it what was in your house with you, all your life. But here you are with your brothers, and you are not eaten up, and there is not a wolf inside you. You have fed each other, and you kept the wolf away. That is all we can do for each other in the world, to keep the wolf away."

I haven't had much luck with Novik in the past. I read Uprooted probably six years ago and remember it struck me as kind of bland and disjointed. When A Deadly Education was released I picked it up, excited by the premise, but didn't make it through the first chapter. I was starting to think Novik's style just wasn't for me.

Then while chatting with Elsabet (@eddis-not-eeddis), she mentioned how much she loves Spinning Silver and urged me to give it a try, so here we are.

Friends.

I did in fact enjoy it quite a lot.

The standout aspect for me is how Novik writes relationships. Any kind of relationship. Even the little ones that barely get a paragraph's mention. And then we get to see how those relationships build bonds, build links, make their own kind of magic, and I'm sold. This is how you flesh out characters. And this is how you make me care about them and connect with them.

Novik still has a very distinct style that sometimes trips me up, but it works.

(side note: I always forget Novik helped found AO3, and every time I'm reminded I go "oh yeah! good for her!)

More like this: "The Bear and the Nightingale" by Katherine Arden; "Anya and the Dragon" by Sofiya Pasternack (middle grade but the same sort of vibes); "Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow" by Jessica Day George.

#3 - A Natural History of Dragons by Marie Brennan - 4/5 stars ('24 TBR, audio)

Fantastically written, well-paced, with an engaging narrative and a solid cast of characters. However, it works well as a stand-alone and I’m not sure whether or not I’ll continue the series. There was something in it that was lacking for me personally. I would definitely recommend it, though!

More like this: the Emily Wilde series; the Frontier Magic trilogy by Patricia C. Wrede.

#4 - South With the Sun: Roald Amundsen, His Polar Explorations, and the Quest for Discovery by Lynne Cox - 3/5 stars ('24 TBR)

If you’re looking for a book that's strictly about Roald Amundsen, don't start here. This book is half a general history of 19th century polar exploration leading up to Roald Amundsen; and half a recounting of some of Lynne Cox’s swimming accomplishments, which were largely inspired by Amundsen's work and travels.

I also wouldn't recommend this as a starting-off point for people who aren't familiar with the details of Lynne's story, since she ties so much of that into Amundsen's story.

Overall, it was a decent enough read. Lynne's passion and enthusiasm are plain all throughout the story, but her writing voice is lacking and parts of the book--especially those focusing on Amundsen's various expeditions--were clumsily written and difficult to follow. Amundsen finally crossing the North Pole received a grand total of one paragraph and was so unclear that I had to read it twice and then google the details of the endeavor to understand the significance of the dates listed. The last hundred pages are a proper muddle.

DNF

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern ('24 TBR) - Another book that was strongly recommended by a tumblr mutual! I wanted to like this one, and not just for Jules's sake. I gave it about 15% but it wasn’t clicking and I kept getting lost. Some reviews say the first part is rough, so maybe I’ll give this another try later. Don’t hate me, Jules 😅.

A Boy and His Dog at the End of the World by C.A. Fletcher ('24 TBR) - I will not apologize for not finishing this one. I'm straight-up ticked off.

The story started out strong (despite me being pathetic and having to really power through the stressful parts). It set a good pace AND the story was straight-forward and compelling. The first red flag was the writing style because my. stars. Did we have to get ominous, melodramatic, foreshadow-y asides practically every single chapter? Could be my fresh-from-DNFing self talking, but the whole voice came off as pretentious trying for profound. [Edit from after browsing 1- and 2-star reviews: it's not just me.]

I decided to put up with it because I honestly did want to know how the story would end. But it just dragged on and on with no direction. Stuff just...happened. And I got bored.

So I looked up reviews. And found spoilers. And rage-skimmed the last few chapters.

Friends. If you can get to the half-way mark in the story you're telling without even a hint of setting up for a stunt like that ending, you're doing it wrong.

Don't read this book. It's dumb.

Currently Reading:

Recorder by Cathy McCrumb (reread)

[achillyscomedown]

dead poets as song lyrics pt.3-

todd: blue skies turn to grey now // my eyes turn to rain clouds // and i’m tired // it’s been three weeks since you’ve left me // so tonight i’m feeling empty // i don’t know why // we were nine clouds high, then we fell down // nowhere to hide, caught in the fallout // and i can’t lie, wish you’d call now // for one more time // one more time //

charlie: i’m not sad but i’m not exactly happy yet either // unless i live forever, i have to keep writing this sh!t // my biggest fear is that i will be forgotten // the grass will grow over my gravestone and nobody will bother // you know the beautiful thoughts you always think? // nobody will hear them again // 

neil: i’m just a tenant paying rent inside this body and i // got two windows and those windows, well i call them my eyes // i’m just going where the wind blows, i don’t get to decide // sometimes i think too much // yeah, i get so caught up // i’m always stuck in my head // i wish i could escape // i tried to yesterday // took all the sheets of my bed // then i tied up my linen with five strips of ribbon i found // scaled the side of a building, i ran to the hills til’ they found me // and they put me back in my cell, all by myself //

knox: oh, i fell for your charm // i was so infatuated // but you left me in the dark, and my heart completely vacant // and now i don’t know // is your heart just preconditioned for brevity? // i don’t mean to accuse you of refusing longevity // but i can not excuse you for abusing my empathy // my empathy // i can take rejection // but you gave the impression that this was the inception of something real //

cameron: i know i’m not as cool as i’d like me to be // but why do you feel so down again? // i know i’m not a very good friend // why do you feel so down? // sure, that’s not something i’d stick around for // why do you feel so down? // 

pitts: a couple whiskey and cigarettes // i got a few things to get up off my chest // i’ve been knee-deep in my regrets // i’m missing home // and if i go back, i might not like // where my heads at every night // i feel a semblance of where i’d like to go // 

meeks: thought if we were free for a night // we’d make it right // live in peace // not bleed // heaven cries // and buries my hope for all the people // who are here to live and die // yeah tell all the people // there’s no need to dim the lights to hide // just live and die //

edit:

todd’s song: ‘it’s raining, it’s pouring’ by anson seabra

charlie’s song: ‘fentanyl’ by mccafferty

neil’s song: ‘mind is a prison’ by alec benjamin

knox’s song: ‘the way you felt’ by alex benjamin

cameron’s song: ‘why do you feel so down’ by declan mckenna

meeks song: ‘live and die’ by gina dirawi

pitts song: ‘whiskey & cigarettes’ by chance peña

[toms-cherry-trees]

Alright I am very nervous but here we go

First of all A MASSIVE THANK YOU to every single one of the 1500 followers I've gathered in this blog. I have been way too close to throwing it all away plenty of times but moments like this make it all worth it. I know I may not seem like i but I cherish every comment, reblog, like and ask I receive about my work, even thought I don't post often, I approeaciate those who still follow all my debaucheries

Now, I had never done a celebration before for any milestone so I am keeping it small and simple to not overwhelm myself. We are going to keep it nice and simple and hopefully people will want to join in.

Find the masterlist with all the celebrations fics here

1. Blurbs!!

I want to get my creative juices back into flow (that is some terrible terrible wording) so I want youto send me gifs to my askbox, plus what type you want (angst, smut, fluff) and I will write a short blurb about them (most likely under 1k words) about any of the Peaky males + Alfie and Luca + Polly or Ada

2. Fic Recs!!

I have been slacking deep in my reading, so I want you all to drop some of your fave writings of your own on my ask (you can also send in works from others but I want y'all to hype up yourselves) and I will write a fic rec with my favourites

3. Celebrate with me!!

I love you all like you are the reason I am alive so I want you all to celebrate with me. I would LOVE for you to write blurbs of your own for my celebration, any sort you like (fluff, angts, smut if you are of the right age) with just one prompt word in mind: autumn. (My fave season)

Some guidelines because it is better establishing limits rather than being sorry later

I don't write Mosley (I don't care if you think Sam Claflin is hot), nor any other "villain" aside Luca. I don't write Gina, Grace, Linda, Esme or Ada as I don't really vibe with them

I can write dark! characters if you specifically request it but I don't make any promises

This may take me time to write because my work is both time and energy draining but I will do my very best!

You don't have to follow me or be my mutual to participate! Everyone is more than welcome to join, I'd love to make some more friends through this

I will accept the gif requests and the fic recs up until April 16th. Submission blurbs (remember the prompt word ;)) I will accept them as long as it takes you! If you want to write but it will take you a month, bring it on!

Tagging some of my mutuals and peaky blogs who can help me get the word around since I am deadly shy: @runnning-outof-time @zablife @cillmequick @look-at-the-soul @there-goes-thefighter @theshelbyclan @shelbydelrey

[27emailsicantsend]

Here is Ashlyn’s! :)

Favorite thing about them: So this might sound a little like Kourtney’s, but I promise I see them as two very distinct characters. I really love Ashlyn’s ability to unapologetically be herself. She knows herself inside and out and is so willing to go the extra mile if it is for the sake of authenticity. Integrity seems to be a common theme for her throughout the seasons. Kourtney is more about self-discovery whereas Ashlyn is more about knowing who she is already and not letting outside sources shock that system.

Least favorite thing about them: I know a lot of people were “bugged” by her season 3 but honestly she didn’t really bother me. The only time I remember getting frustrated with her was in s2 when Gina was obviously going through something and she had that line “it’s not that serious”. I have heard other people say this before and it is so invalidating. Nothing irks me more than someone thinking because they’re fine, everyone else should be too. Even writing about it now gets me heated 😂

Favorite line(s):

“I sort of forgot the documentary was even coming out *cue smile*”

When she mouths “milking?”

“I got the part! I got Belle! I’m Belle!”

“I suppose you could say that my dating pool got a little bigger… and so did my heart”

“Oh. That’s why.”

“But I think it could be yours, Anna. And you deserve it.”

“But, you know, I’ve always been interested in psychology ever since losing my unborn twin. In prison. DURING A RECESSION”.

Miss Jenn: You’re giving me uncommon depth. Miss Darbus? Ashlyn: “I’m dying. I’m deceased. Yes.” (And then her parallel to this in 3x5)

OTP: equally Redlyn and Madlyn

nOTP: Ashlyn and Val

brOTP: Ashlyn and EJ

Something I expect from them season 4 (if applicable): I talked about this before, but I very much could see the show going in a “Ashlyn accepting herself/queerness” s4 type of vibe. I think she and Red could break up so she discovers herself, but Maddox takes that as Ashlyn wanting to get with her. So Ashlyn is like “I meant time for myself… play the field ya know” but the whole season ends up being Ashlyn not being good at playing the field and Maddox pining/always being there for her. So then the last episode we either get Madlyn endgame or Ashlyn accepting herself/pursuing single life and hinting towards a future of them as endgame.

Random Headcanon: When Ashlyn comes back from CSL, she tells Red that she’s queer and then they spend the majority of their time checking out boys and girls together (with Red’s uncanny lip reading)

Unpopular Opinion: I love Redlyn and Madlyn equally. I think they both could be good endgames and I would have been happy with the show going either way.

Song I associate with them: “Home�� from Beauty and the Beast. I know it’s technically in the show, but I was listening to a Broadway version of it and all I could think of was Ashlyn Caswell. That performance could have won Emmy’s it was so well done. I sob in that scene every time (especially her just hugging Gina without any words, but those unspoken words were enough to redeem their relationship… TEARS)

Favorite picture of them: she’s literally so pretty how could I choose just one 🥹

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Since you were talking about games, I know you're also a Dai Gyakuten Saiban/Great Ace Attorney fan (so am I! I followed you originally because you're into both it and BSD hehe), and I'm curious to know your thoughts on it! 💖 Who are your favorite characters/relationships/cases/parts? (My fave character is Benedict/Graydon. Yes I have a tendency to become obsessed with minor characters no one else cares about, oops) Did you play it with the Chronicles version (I assume so, like most people did) or are you an og who followed along with the fan translation like I did? One of the best/funniest parts of getting into that duology was coming across Souseki and being like "if I had a nickel for every time I've encountered a piece of media that had an anime version of real-life author Natsume Souseki, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice" lmao 😭

Since they're two of my favorite media, sometimes I try to imagine how a BSD/DGS crossover would work, and which characters would get along, though granted the only things they really have in common are detective work/mysteries, an old-fashioned aesthetic, and some similar themes lol... I just really love both of them a lot 🥹💖 Ryuunosuke and Atsushi being the exasperated straight men to the genius comedy duo that is Sholmes and Dazai? lmao (also Iris and Kyouka and their bunnies 🥹)

I need to play Hatoful Boyfriend. I've played lots of visual novels but that one is still on my to-play list (I don't know how seriously I'll be able to take it with bird sprites instead of actual human facial expressions, even though I fully trust that it is as good as its reputation says it is, but I'll just have to see for myself lmao)

Hsjfdnvskdf ok so I don't know what keeps happening to me with TGAA because I love it so much but I can't seem to write proper meta on it so. I just keep reiterating how much I like it lol. I got into it a bit later - I knew it existed almost since it came out in Japan but since I hadn't played original Ace Attorney, I avoided it for a long time. Then I saw a playthrough of the fan translation Case 1 and was hooked. By that point, I knew there was going to be a full English release so I waited for that because I wanted so badly to play it through! It's such a good game.

Oh, Graydon was interesting. That case was really fun, if it weren't for the fact that I figured out the key evidence really early and I kept trying to present it too soon aojsbsidhb. Graydon as a character was great because he's exactly as he appears but then there's just that bit more that fleshes him out and made him the slightest bit more sympathetic while not detracting from his actions. He was cool. (I actually had an idea for an after trial fic with him and the Skulkins but I don't think I'll ever get around to writing it :/)

Oh yeah I flipped out when I saw Natsume - my whole brain stopped (this was before my BSD obsession btw so this was very strange to me lol) and I shrieked out "NATSUME SOSEKI???" and my mom from the other room was just "???". yeah. And then he showed up again in BSD and I just said "...hi Natsume".

My favourites are the Mikotobas! Both Susato and Yuujin! They're such sweet people aghhhhh they deserve the world. But I really love all the main cast tbh. Ryuunosuke is such a dork but there's real personality to him, Sholmes is the perfect adaptation of that character, Gina should get all the puppies and friends she wants, and though I have some mixed feelings on him, I hope van Zieks gets a fucking break at some point (or just keep friendly tormenting him. I think it's good for him actually. unlearn your prejudices and relearn how to smile, you edgy vampire man.). Kazuma's arc was excellent and I wish so badly we could've gotten a true reunion scene with less of the baggage... actually, thinking about Kazuma for too long makes me ill. You essentially watch him break in the middle of court and it sucks. It sucks man.

And Iris was a standout character to me because her archetype could've so easily been bland or annoying but instead she's a realistic kid who happens to be a genius and she's kind and gets sad and angry and has depth and I would give her a big hug.

In terms of case specific characters, I liked Haori/Rei a lot, just because her dynamic with Susato was so silly and she's a cool gifted forensics student! She's awesome! I want to see her again!

However, my favourite was Olive. OLIVE. I adore her and I adore the twist with her. God she's so passive aggressive. Like damn. Have I mentioned that I adore her character? If Olive has only 1 fan then I am that fan. I wished we had gotten to consult with her again, even though that wouldn't have made much sense... just because she was interesting to me and I would've liked to have seen her character more fleshed out.

I'd really love to see a lot of these characters again. I've seen some people talking about Kazuma Asougi Investigations but tbh I'd really like to see Susato Mikotoba Investigations with Haori and Yuujin helping out! It'd be neat to see more Meiji Japan and Susato continue to grow as a character in her own right, since she started that journey in Chronicles. Oh well. I know that's a pipe dream but still.

Omg omg so Iris and Kyouka was such a sweet mental image that I had to doodle it!

I bet Kyouka would really find Iris's inventions fascinating and love to listen to how they work and stuff! I think they'd get along tbh. The idea of Sholmes and Dazai ever interacting terrifies me. Keep them away from each other. Please.

As for Hatoful, I am biased but I'd say it is well worth a playthrough. Given you like both DGS and BSD, I'd say you'll probably like it. My mom (who has also played it) and I were chatting about it recently and thinking that weirdly enough, BSD gives us a lot of the same vibes... like it's nowhere near identical, but that kind of desperate darkness where the characters are not who they appear to be at first and everyone has a different motive for doing what they do, but it's also not taking itself too seriously and it's still kinda silly... yeah. Same feel. It's better to go in with no expectations but I'm thinking of making a post later about why people should play that game... it's still one of my favourites of all time.

About the stock bird images: I know it's weird. I know it's weird that they're birds. But the best part of this game - to me, anyways - is that for as much as it is a gag, the story leans into it so heavily that you will quickly realize the main plot only makes logical sense if the main cast are birds and the player the only human. Like, it literally would not make sense otherwise. Please play it. It's wacky, it's zany, the characters have a good amount of depth, it's mildly traumatizing, it's one of the best things I've played and I feel it's become an inscrutable part of my identity. I am still obsessed with it many years later. That almost never happens to me. It's that good.

Agh this was long. I hope it wasn't overwhelming haha. Actually I'm curious: did you like Olive too? And/or what do you like about Graydon? :D

(Also if you ever decide to start Hatoful, please let me know your thoughts!!!)

[adamgant]

Friday Faves 11.17

Friday Faves 11.17 https://ift.tt/bgEUtsB Hi friends! Happy Friday! How are you? I hope you’ve enjoyed the week. I feel like it was our first *real* week back in the world. I started to ease my way back into workouts, the girls were back at school, and we got to celebrate my birthday with the fam. I just wanted to get together for brunch, so we had a lovely brunch at First Watch with our small party of 15 🙂 We had the BEST gluten-free funfetti cake from Lovin’ Spoonfuls with buttercream frosting: (fun inside scoop: I went to high school with their pastry chef and we order the cake from her every year. I also look forward to it all year! My favorite cake in the world.) And the rest of the day was perfect and low-key. I read a book, we had a Pilot-cooked dinner here at home, and watched Home Alone. The rest of the week has flown by in a blur and I’m looking forward to the weekend! Liv has a birthday party and one of her friends is sleeping over, I’m getting a much-needed mani pedi, we’re going out to dinner, and decorating for Christmas. Since we’re traveling next week, my favorite grinch gave the green light to decorate early. Usually he’s the captain of team “Honor the Bird” but he’s making an exception this year. Flashback to our enormous tree! Frida is too big to move her now. 😉 I’d love to hear what you have going on! It’s time for the weekly Friday Faves party. This is where I share some of my favorite finds from the week and around the web. I always love to hear about your faves, too, so please shout out something you’re loving in the comments section  below. Friday Faves 11.17 Fitness, health, and good eats: SO many Black Friday deals are happening early. Here are some of my faves so far: – You can use XOGINAH for 25% off Sakara. I LOVE their meal delivery – it’s something I do to treat myself once a month – and their snacks and supplements. The meals are fresh, vibrant, energizing, and beautiful. I highly recommend giving it a try — this is their best sale of the whole year. – FITNESSISTA20 will get you 20% off at HigherDOSE. (My regular code is FITNESSISTA15 for 15%.) I use their sauna blanket, PEMF Go Mat, Red Light Face Mask, and Red Light Neck enhancer on a regular basis. I’ve notice a huge difference in my energy, mood, skin, and sleep since I’ve started implementing their amazing products. Check it out here and you can read a roundup of my favorite HigherDOSE products in this post. – My favorite rower is on sale for the only time this year. If you’ve been wanting to upgrade your home gym, I highly recommend Aviron. It stores vertically and is the best quality rower I’ve used. You can stream Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and play games while you row. I’m totally going to row and watch some Friends episodes this weekend. (If you’re curious about the rower and have questions, send me an Instagram DM. I’d love to help! My full blog post review is here, too.) – If you have anything in your cart from EquiLife, wait until Monday! Same goes for Organifi. 😉 Read, watch, listen: I started Fourth Wing to see if it lives up to the hype, and while fantasy usually isn’t my go-to genre, I’m completely sucked in. The writing is excellent and it’s super intense so far! The only problem is that I read it before bed and have weird dragon dreams lol. Check out this week’s podcast episode here! We’re chatting about immune system tips and food allergies. What holiday coupons would your kids love? FINALLY. Sheesh. Fashion + beauty: I have to admit that Nap Dresses 100% live up to their reputation. (They’re 30% off right now!) It’s super flattering and comfortable and now I want every color. (I’m trying to decide if I like this style or the Somerset more) Wore this slip dress this week with a cardigan and GG low-tops. The quality is excellent and they have so many colors. Happy Friday, friends! Did you decorate already or are you waiting until after Thanksgiving? xo Gina The post Friday Faves 11.17 appeared first on The Fitnessista. via The Fitnessista https://ift.tt/SxsXZeq November 17, 2023 at 10:03AM

[iridescentides]

i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

[magicshopaholic]

hey, do you read fic at all? i was wondering if you had any recs, i feel like i don't see you interact with fic a lot on here! i love your stories, so wondered what are your favorite authors too :]

Hello! The short answer to this is yes, but it comes with the caveat that I haven’t read much lately, primarily because I have no time but also because now that my characters are getting more and more fleshed out with every fic, reading other fanfic feels like my members are cheating on their OCs 😕 (I read this really good Namjoon fic where he met the reader at a party, and spent a whole week imagining Namjoon cheating on Kaya with that Y/N and it kind of killed me)

Having said that, I still do read fics when I can, definitely those that don’t interfere in my head with my OCs. I’m joining collabs and book clubs as much as I can so that I read more; but in the meantime I’d love to recommend some of my favourite fics and authors to you and any other readers:

(Please read the warnings on each fic before proceeding)

1. Poetry of the Stars by @jjiimin: This is the best fic I have read my entire life (barring one legendary series in the HP fandom - iykyk) and I honestly have nothing else to say about it. Riley has unfortunately deactivated her Tumblr account but I’m so glad I got to tell her how incredible her story was before she did so, so this is my number one. It’s 25K+ words iirc and was one of the first fics I read in the fandom and I just read it all in one go because I couldn’t stop.

(Also a favourite is Irresistible by the same author but I unfortunately don’t have a link to it)

2. @sahmfanficbts: There’s no fic mentioned here because I recommend Sam’s entire masterlist. She’s one of my all time favourite authors in the fandom and I have read and will read every single BTS fic she ever posts. Every fic is so immersive and every character is so deeply developed that they just stay with me and I find myself thinking about them at random times. Just beautiful, fantastic writing.

3. The Rich Man’s Crochet Club series by @kpopfanfictrash: Funny, quippy dialogue is my absolute favourite thing and this series has some of the best combination of humour and heart. Shanna’s works are pretty popular so you may have already checked this one out but I’m gonna recommend it anyway. (I remember coming on anon to gush about it because I was shy af, but I absolutely loved it, Shanna :))

4. Four Seven Eight by @jiminrings: This is the one I’ve read most recently and I’ve had it in my drafts since then so that I don’t forget to write a review because it deserves a great one. So here’s my apology to Hannah for taking so long to do it 🤓 but this is an amazing series, full of angst and hope and has my recommendation for sure.

5. For The Crown by @chimknj: I don’t read mxm fics, particularly mxm smut, but there was no way on earth I was going to pass on this one. Gina and I share an obsession with A Song of Ice and Fire (and I mean OBSESSION - we talk about it 24x7) and the premise of this fic was so compelling and so exciting to discuss that the only thing better than that was actually reading it. The way Gina has written this - I was transported to Westeros instantly. Everything is subtle and nuanced and I found myself connecting with every single character (also Kingsguard!Namjoon was not something I knew I needed). Idk if she’s planning on writing future parts but if she is… fuck, I’m so excited I can’t even talk about it.

6. A Silent Heart Still Beats by @akinnie75: This is another fic I have in my drafts because its review deserves my entire attention. It deals with some difficult topics but is so sad yet hopeful. The OC is such a beautiful character inside and out and this doesn’t usually happen to me with fics, but she actually changed my life and taught me how to rise above, be compassionate and forgive. I won’t give away anymore but this is just a gorgeous, gorgeous fic.

7. Just Practice by @lamourche: I can’t BELIEVE I’ve finally found this fic again!!! I read it once and then lost it (now I realise it’s because the author has seemingly removed their masterlist) but I’d commented on it from my main blog. It is one of my favourite fics of all time: it reads like a college indie movie or like a Sally Rooney novel. I was crying at the end but I couldn’t even put my finger on what it was which just meant that it was the entire vibe of the story rather than a specific scene. It breaks my heart that I’ll never get to read this again but the author has all my appreciation and gratitude for writing it.

These are some recs off the top of my head that have stayed with me and I’ll probably add to this if I think of more. A huge thank you to all these authors for their wonderful work - and thanks to you too, anon, for the question. It felt great to go back to old fics and give a shout out to such talented writers <3

[petruchio]

i think the world needs your hsmtmts analysis

i was waiting until i watched this weeks episode to answer this ask and my current answer is that it’s a bad show with bad writing and insanely amazing and talented and appealing young people acting in the dumbest storylines a human being could ever think up. ok im being unfair. but let me talk about it i guess

season 1 was remarkably good young peoples television, the stories were tight, the actors were extremely appealing, it handled a lot of topics in a way that felt pretty well-thought out (for a disney show. like for example in s1 i thought rickys family situation was given the appropriate complexity and informed the story and the character in a believable way) also every single song in s1 slapped so hard it was insane. wondering is still in my top 50 songs of all time on spotify bc that song went SO hard. the main problem was that the narrative was concluded when ricky and nini got together. that was the driving force behind all of season 1. so they already had an uphill battle going on from there.

season 2 was one of the worst pieces of television ive ever suffered through. the stakes were all over the place, the ending was a complete garbage fire, and as olivia rodrigos star rose, it became a problem because she was kind of… the main character. she was the whole center of the show. the whole season just felt like everyone was running around with their heads on fire trying to figure out what to do now that everyone knew that her and joshua had dated and broken up and she’d released a smash hit of an album about it, and the only shining lights in that season were seblos and portwell, again mostly just bc the actors are so appealing. (and watching the villains of s1 get redeemed through liking each other… it was great. i loved it.)

season 3 just feels like it’s retreading ground that doesn’t need retreading? like oh now ej is an asshole again! for no reason except that he’s only acting that way because the writers don’t know what to do with him because he got too appealing last season and now we don’t have a villain! ricky is in love with gina again because we invented that lily girl and then everyone hated her so we wrote her out! nini is just… gone because olivia rodrigo is on the sour tour but we did have one random episode with the guy from modern family in it and we just haven’t addressed it since! like it’s better than s2 by a long shot but it still doesn’t feel like there’s any drive to the narrative, except the ricky/gina thing which, like i said, just feels like an unnecessary retread to me.

the only thing that’s not a retread this season is this sibling storyline that is BORING MY TEETH OUT because WHO CARES. why are we wasting so much screen time on siblings we don’t care about who we have no investment in? who cares about them? also have any of the writers ever had a sibling? sometimes they’re annoying! that’s the whole thing about siblings!! it’s not some unforgivable roadblock it’s just like. a normal part of being in a family. i cannot bring myself to care in the slightest about either of these characters.

i think another problem in s3 is that there’s no villain. like maybe corbin bleu is the villain? or the documentary is the villain? maybe they’re trying to make ej the villain again? even in s2 we had that lily girl. but this season there’s no real antagonist so it doesn’t feel like the story is going anywhere. so they’re doing a documentary. okay? why does it matter? why do they care? there needs to be some kind of stakes if it doesn’t work out. i mean last season the stakes changed episode to episode and the ultimate conclusion to them was “nvm<3” but at least they *tried* to have stakes? this season things are just like, happening.

also in s1 the musical was like, central to the story and this season it’s like. oh yeah we’re doing frozen btw but you can’t see any of it which is the same thing they did last season with batb and it’s annoying to me. because if they wanted to draw parallels (which it seems ? like they’re trying to do, but they’re lazy about it) they’d do what they did in s1 and do 1 original song and 1 musical song in each episode and tie the stories together. but instead they’re like. no <3

also i love kourtney. i feel like i never talk about her but i love her. ashlyn too. i wish they still had arcs that impacted the central narrative but i guess the problem is there IS no central narrative anymore. maybe that’s the whole problem — the show just feels unfocused. like what are they trying to say anymore? we’re just spinning our wheels. where are we GOING? why does it matter? what justifies this narrative? it feels like even the writers don’t know anymore.

ok that was more of a rant than an analysis but anyway the point is im ANNOYED and i feel like all these crazy talented kids are being wasted in these storylines and it bums me out because i loved s1 SO MUCH and i just feel like the show isn’t doing justice to it’s own characters.

i mean not to go here AGAIN but im going to do the glee comparison bc tbh it’s true. basically go read my glee s1 essay about why glee s1 is the only good season of THAT show and it’s basically the same thing. bc so often with these shows they have a good and coherent narrative purpose in the first season, and then in the subsequent seasons they just spin their wheels doing fanservice and having fun with the characters people latched onto, but they don’t actually write a good STORY. and that’s what’s missing from hsmtmts. it’s not good characters, or good acting, or good writing on a micro scale (we’ve had some bangers of lines this season!!) what’s missing is a good, justified, truly plot-driving story that keeps people hooked AND develops and explores all the characters at the same time

[mythiccheroacademia]

A Dip in the Hot Tub

A/N: Sooooo, I wasn’t originally going to participate in kinktober in any way, but so many blogs inspired me to do something. Even if it’s one thing. So here I am sinning™️.  I wanna start writing for haikyuu, so this is my experimental fic. I wrote it with my two favs so I hope got the characters somewhat right. I hope y’all enjoy this and happy kinktober <3

Pairing: Bokuto x Fem!Reader x Kuroo Word Count: 2k Context: You’re a volleyball player (you choose the school) that caught the eye of the Fukurōdani and Nekoma volleyball team’s captains. They’ve expressed their interest, but you don’t believe it. Now they’ve cornered you and won’t leave until they’ve convinced you of their feelings in a way you can’t deny. 

All characters are 18+

Warnings: sexual content aka dry humping, fingering, threesomes without p*nis to v*gina penetration...but it is later implied, cursing

A Dip in the Hot Tub

The private hot tub was supposed to be relaxing treat. And it was. At first.

That was until you realized you were in the water with two insanely aggravated (read: jealous) men who had recently expressed their attraction to you. And your dumb ass only believed them after seeing their reaction when they caught Oikawa flirting with you.

You admittedly had an ego boost under the power you felt in that moment. Now, with Bokuto and Kuroo sitting across from you, displeasure in their gazes, you were filled with anxiety.

Or was that excitement?

You decided to stay on your side, legs tightly bound together.

“Uhh, so the first day of camp went well,” you said, attempting to make conversation.

“Yeah.”

“Sure.”

Wow. Okay.

“Tough crowd,” you muttered. You tried again. “Um, have any plans for the rest of the evening?”

“Not really.”

Then, it was crickets.

You nodded, giving up. You can take a hint.

“Okay, well, obviously I’m not wanted here so I’ll just take my leave—”

“No, wait.” You felt your body tense as Kuroo put his hand on your shoulder. His brown eyes were rigid, but not with anger. It was something more vulnerable. However, he looked away before you could decipher it.

“Kuroo…” you whispered.

“Stay. We didn’t mean to make you feel unwelcomed,” he said.

You stared at him for a second before looking over to Bokuto who still looked…emo…but didn’t seem to make any protest. Despite your apprehension, you let the dark-haired man slowly pull you back down into the water.

“Okay,” you breathed.

You hadn’t realized just how hurt they’d be. Your own insecurities made you believe there was no possible way both of your crushes were interested in you. However, that didn’t give you a right to mess with their feelings like you did. You were grown enough to know better.

Sucking in your pride, you apologized.

“Hey. Tetsu, Tarō. I’m sorry,” you quietly spoke. You looked down at your hands in embarrassment. “I was wrong to not take your feelings seriously. I just…I just couldn’t believe that you two liked someone like me more than a friend. Especially when I um like you two aswell. So, I’m sorry if that really turned you off. I wouldn’t blame you.”

What was said next totally caught you off guard.

“You really don’t understand how much we want you, do you?”

Your eyes snapped up to see a pair of golden irises closing in on you. You couldn’t get the chance to wonder how Bokuto got so close to you because the intensity of his gaze made you blank out.

“Huh?” you dumbly said.

His hands readily found your waist before running down your hips, fingering the laces of your bottoms before finding purchase on your thighs. “Even though I’m incredibly pissed off at you, all I can think about is how much I wanna fuck you right now.”

The way his eyes rolled down your body made goosebumps flood your skin and your pussy clench with desire. Bokuto pushed himself closer to you and you gasped at the feeling of his erection on your abdomen.

You couldn’t even comment before Kuroo came up behind you, placing wet kisses on the back of your neck. You felt his clear excitement on your back.

“I guess we’re just going to have to show you how much we like you, huh princess?” he said with a Cheshire-like smile.

You were easily feeling overwhelmed with four hands and two mouths feeling you up. You wanted it, but you couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. You’d never taken two men at the same time.

“W-wait—I’ve never…I haven’t—”

“Don’t worry. We won’t go all the way. We’ve got you babygirl,” Kuroo whispered before nipping your shoulder.

Your words turned into putty as you finally welcomed Bokuto’s lips. Despite his past seriousness, he was soft and hesitant with his kisses until he felt your arms wrap around his neck. Then his confidence shined through. You were pushed further into Kuroo’s embrace as you deepened the kiss.

You felt yourself moan as his tongue passed through your mouth, leaving no crevice unexplored. He kissed you like he couldn’t have enough of your taste, swallowing down every whimper you gave. It was almost instinct for you to wrap your legs around him and you reveled in how he grinded his hips against you. You were breathless as he positioned himself so that he was right on your clit.

“Oh, Bokuto…”

“This is how you make me feel, Y/N,” he panted. “You don’t know how many times I’ve dreamt about your legs around me.”

Bokuto’s hips continued to buck into you and it felt amazing. He was slow in his movements, his hips like sensual waves as he rutted against your sensitive nub. You moaned, hands latching onto whatever you could hold of his muscular back.

“You like that? Does it feel good, baby?” he exhaled. “Does it feel good when I pretend like I’m fucking you?”

You whined out a yes and dug your fingers in his hair. But just when you thought this was it, a pair of hands from behind untied your bikini top, letting it fall down your shoulders. Kuroo smoothed one of his hands over your breasts, teasing your nipples with his thumb and forefingers. The other hand squeezed your ass before his thick finger past your bottoms and into your slick folds.

The feeling of his fingers curling against your walls and Bokuto’s dick against your clit made your head fall back. Kuroo bit down on your neck and licked the mark before whispering in your ear, “All we’ve ever wanted was to make you feel good, kitten. There were so many nights I touched myself thinking of how you’d feel wrapped around me. So many nights I wished it were your pretty little mouth choking on my dick.”

He found satisfaction in how his words alone had such an effect on you when he felt you shiver. Meanwhile, you were on cloud nine. You closed your eyes and let a desperate whine drip from your lips as you felt Kuroo start to thrust against your ass. He then took his fingers out from your heat and lied them flat against your tongue.

“Suck,” he ordered, and you did just that, tasting yourself. A delicious moan vibrated through your body as he slowly moved his fingers in and out of your mouth.

It took a few moments, but soon, the three of you were moving in sync, chasing the orgasm you felt within their bellies. The closeness of it all was nearly overwhelming. Their grunts and moans were hot in your ears; one hand was in Kuroo’s hair while the other gripped Bokuto’s back.

“Imagine that we’re in you, filling your pretty holes up. So stuffed that you can barely tell who is who and god—you’d feel so good. Taking us like the good girl you are. So wet and hot for us as we fuck you until you can’t remember your own name,” Bokuto groaned.

Your eyes nearly rolled into the back of your head. You were trying your best to keep your voice down, but the two men against you were not on the same wave. The white and black haired man gripped the flesh of your thighs to pull you closer as his thrusts got faster and messier.

Bokuto buried his head into your neck and moaned, “Y-Y/N, baby, I’m close.”

Close? You were barely holding on. If it wasn’t for that fact that Kuroo twisted your head to swallow your moans away, you would’ve been heard through the walls of the private room.  

In your pleasure filled daze, you found it within yourself to slip your hand within his trunks and pump his dick. The extra heat from your hand and the way you stroked your thumb over the tip nearly pushed him over the edge. Kuroo let out the prettiest moan that made his face heat up. Gone was the smugness as he peered at you with desperation.

“Princess—fuck Y/N!”

You huffed out a chuckle.

Kuroo took his hand out of your mouth so he could wrap one arm around your waist and pinch your nipples. He began to urgently thrust in your hand as you pulled Bokuto’s hair back so you could also see his face.

You almost came on the spot as he gazed at you like a lovesick puppy, golden eyes begging for release.

Within both of their gazes, you could see the fondness they had been trying to express to you. That along with the overstimulation was enough to make your eyes prick with tears.

The feeling was all too much. Your stomach was coiled tight. One more thrust and you were nearly sent over the edge.

“Kuroo! Boku—ah! Oh shit!” you sung.

“Come on, sweetheart,” Bokuto growled. “You’re right there—ah! C-cum for us.”

He grabbed the ledge of tub and nearly slammed into you as Kuroo licked his lips at the sight of your open mouth gasps. The water sloshed back and forth, spilling over the edges with your movements. You looked so pretty with your tongue out and eyes fluttering between open and closed.

Kuroo’s hand wrapped around your neck and gave it a slight squeeze. “Let us hear you princess—“

Then it hit you. Your eyes blacked out from the intensity. “I’m cumming!” you screamed. A wave of pleasure shot up your belly and spread warmth hotter than the humid air throughout your shaking limbs.

It was weird how their bodies automatically followed yours. Your voices tangled in the air for a few seconds before all that was left were the sounds of your heavy breaths.

The two men slumped over, each taking a different shoulder to rest on. You leaned your head back and closed your eyes to steady yourself from that mind blowing orgasm.

There was a moment of peace as you three simmered in the afterglow. Then Bokuto broke the silence.

“Now do you believe us?” he asked.

He lifted his head and you saw that confidence of his shine behind rosy, cheeks. And although he was flushed from what occurred moments ago, his blush was more attributed to the rush of getting to be so intimate with you.

“Believe you about what?” you panted with a lazy grin.

“That we’re yours, duh,” he goofily smiled.

Kuroo kissed your cheek. “That is…if you’ll have us,” he softly spoke.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the incredulousness of the situation.

Both of them, huh?

You sighed. There was no use in denying their feelings anymore.

“You two always had a weird habit of sharing anyways,” you conceded.

“Hey! Hey! Hey! I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist our charm!” Bokuto cheered. “Now let’s head to my room do the real thing!”

You choked on your spit. “W-what!? The real thing? Aren’t you two tired!?”

“Tired?” Kuroo chuckled. “You got caught up with two A-List volleyball players and you think we’re tired after this? You’re funny.”

You squealed in surprised as Bokuto suddenly lifted you out of the tub, bridal style. They began to cheerfully walk out the room ignoring the fact that you were completely topless. You scrambled to cover your chest and cursed the two out for laughing as if someone wouldn’t see you half naked as soon you walked out of the door.

“Kuroo! Bokuto! If you dickheads don’t get my fucking bikini top—”

“Yeah yeah. You’ll be fine. You won’t need it anyways~” Bokuto chirped.

Kuroo nodded. “What are the chances that anyone will see us?”

“Uhh a lot!?”

“Welp! I guess we’ll find out!”

Just what the hell did you get yourself into?

[engie-ivy]

Receiving a love confession from Sirius Black is probably the dream of almost every student at Hogwarts. Remus just whishes Sirius would move on, but you should be careful what you wish for...

Don't worry, it's a short, fluffy Wolfstar get-together. Lily knows about Remus’ Furry Little Problem in this.

How do you feel about Sirius Black?

“I swear to Merlin, if Gina Simmons looks at me like that one more time, I’m gonna give her something to be mad about,” Lily grumbles, her eyes flaming with anger.

Gina Simmons, who had been glaring in their direction, quickly turns her head as Remus looks over his shoulder. She whispers something to Beth Walker and Davey Martens, who both glare at Lily and Remus as well.

Remus sighs. “Is it always like this?”

Lily’s expression softens. “It gets less,” she says. “But there’s this persistent group that just can’t get over it. This morning, I heard Rosemary Rowle call me ‘an entitled bitch who thinks she’s too good for James Potter’. Rosemary Rowle! The girl who can’t finish a sentence without mentioning her ‘daddy, who has such an important job at the Ministry’ calling me entitled!” The angry expression is back and she clenches her quill so hard Remus worries she’s gonna break the thing.

Remus frowns. “I overheard Randall Thorne ask Jules Flemming whether he reckoned I thought I could do better, and during Potions Kirsten Pembroke threw a vial of Armadillo bile over me!”

Lily winces. “I’m sorry. I should’ve warned you to stay away from Kirsten Pembroke if she has throwable substances within reach.”

“I just don’t understand what their problem is,” Remus mutters.

Lily smiles ruefully. “You’re now officially part of the club of people who have committed the atrocious crime of rejecting the school’s most popular and beloved students, Potter and Black. With you joining, our member count is now a total of two.”

“But that’s the thing! I rejected him,” Remus says. “Nothing’s changed. They can go on writing Mrs or Mr Black on their notebooks for all I care.”

“Oh Remus,” Lily sighs wistfully. “To be so naive. I’ve rejected Potter about fifteen times now, and they still won’t forgive me for him apparently choosing me over them. Of course, in my case it doesn’t help that Potter still refers to himself as the future Mr Evans,” Lily adds with a grimace.

“It just doesn’t make sense,” Remus says, shaking his head. “They should be thankful I don’t return his feelings!”

“Well, first of all, you saying no to Black doesn’t chance the fact that he’s head over heels in love with you. Not immediately, at least. So he’s still just as unavailable to them. And more importantly, in their eyes you were given the greatest gift that can be bestowed upon a man or woman: a full-blown love confession by Sirius Black.” Lily rolls her eyes while speaking. “And the fact that you didn’t even appreciate it, just makes it worse.”

“I never asked for-”

“I know, Remus, I know. I’m just explaining how they see it. You and I are the horrible people who had the audacity to break their heartthrobs Potter and Black’s hearts.”

Remus groans. “I whish Sirius would see how ridiculous it is for him to be in love with someone like me.”

“Remus,” Lily says in a dangerous tone.

Remus ignores her. “I whish he’d just move on. I whish he’d date someone else, so they’ll have no reason to pester me anymore!”

Remus is writing his essay. Frantically. Or rather, furiously. Pressing hard on his quill while scribbling in angry, fast strokes, a pile of broken quills already forming next to his parchment.

“Did that essay murder your family?” Lily asks, as she sits down in front of Remus. “I honestly thought you’d be in a good mood.”

Remus looks up at her, a sulky expression on his face. “So you’ve heard?”

“Heard?” Lily asks. “I’ve orchestrated the whole thing!”

Remus gives her a confused look, so Lily elaborates.

“After our last conversation, I went up to Black and I just told him ‘oi, the whole school knows about your unrequited love for Remus, and some twats are giving him a really hard time about it, so if you could just take someone on a date to Hogsmeade this Saturday so they’ll stop pestering Remus, that’ll be great’. And he agreed!”

Remus just blinks at her.

Lily frowns. “That’s what you wanted, right?”

“Yes!” Remus says a little too quickly. “I just... don’t get why he’d ask Alyssa MacMillan. She’s rather dull, don’t you think?”

Lily shrugs. “She’s nice enough, but more importantly, she thinks Black is fit and would love to go out with him, but she’s got no real feelings for him and isn’t looking for a relationship, so she won’t mind just drawing people’s attention away from you, or draw his attention away from you, for that matter.”

“Right,” Remus says. “Guess I just didn’t think she’s his type, is all.”

“Who knows,” Lily smiles mischievously. “It could become some kind of Fake Dating, Friends to Lovers scenario, and they might fall in love for real! Then your problem is solved for good.”

Remus looks at her like she just told him puppies have gone extinct.

“Merlin, Remus. What is it? Is this some kind of ‘I don’t want him, but I don’t want anybody else to have him either’ thing? Because that’s really shitty!”

“No,” Remus says defensively. “No, that’s not it. I just think Sirius can do better than Alyssa MacMillan, but if that’s what he likes, than good for him.”

“Oh, for Godric’s sake, you’re jealous!”

“No, I’m not! Or at least, I don’t think I am. Am I?”

Lily folds her arms over her chest and stares at Remus intently. “Remus Lupin, do you have feelings for Sirius Black?”

“I... I don’t know,” Remus looks quite miserable. “I mean, I’ve never thought about it.”

“Never thought about it?” Lily exclaims. “How do you mean, never thought about it? Do you remember that evening when Black took you out on a moonlit walk by the Great Lake, and poured his heart out to you, saying how he’s been crazy in love with you since the beginning of fifth year, and asked if you wanted to go on a date with him, to which you answered no? That would’ve been the moment to think about it!”

“It’s just...” Remus anxiously runs a hand through his hair. “With my condition, romantic relationships simply are not an option. I always saw romance as one part of being a teenager I didn’t have to concern myself with. I guess I just started to automatically ignore all thoughts and feelings related to romantic relationships. When Sirius made that confession, I was shocked, and the only thing I could think was ‘no, he can’t, he shouldn’t. I don’t do romance. I have to put an end to this immediately’. I never considered my own feelings. I mean, why would I?”

“Well, that’s a load of crap,” Lily scolds.

Remus opens his mouth to protest, but Lily cuts off whatever he was going to say.

“Not that you thought all of that, I believe you did, but that you can’t have romantic relationships with your condition is nonsense.”

“It’s never been done,” Remus argues.

“If no one ever did anything that’s never been done, we’d still be living in caves,” Lily firmly replies.

Remus fiddles with the hem of his sweater. “You really think it’s possible?”

“I don’t think it’s possible, I know it’s possible. So now we have established that, how do you feel about Sirius Black?”

“I’ve never thought-”

“Well, think about it now!”

“I don’t know,” Remus says, staring at the table. “Of course I think he’s attractive, but that doesn’t mean anything except that I have eyes. I mean, who doesn’t think he’s attractive? With that hair and those eyes... And I have even more reason, sharing a dorm with him. I see him when he comes out of the shower wearing just a towel, sweet mother of Merlin...”

Lily waits patiently for Remus to finish daydreaming.

Remus shakes himself out of his daze. “And of course I like him as a person. I wouldn’t have been friends with him all these years if I didn’t like him as a person. And what’s not to like? He’s clever, funny and brave, but he also has this really sweet side, you know? A side he doesn’t show much, and I guess it makes me feel special that he does show it around me. He always makes me feel special. It’s kind of weird, actually. He makes me feel special, but at the same time he makes me feel like I can just be myself, and that’s enough. I feel comfortable around him, and I suppose I do prefer his company above anyone else’s. Even on those moments when I normally don’t want to see anyone, he’s the only one I prefer being with over being alone. And when he’s not around I often find myself thinking about him. Now that I think about, I think about him almost all the time...”

Remus trails of and looks at Lily with wide eyes. Lily just nods.

“Oh Merlin,” Remus groans, hiding his face in his hands.

“Remus, Remus, Remus,” Lily sighs. “You’re so lucky to have me as a friend. Here’s what you’re going to do...”

“Padfoot?”

Sirius whirls around, and grins at Remus. Remus can tell he’s trying to act like everything’s normal between them, but he can also tell that his grin is somewhat forced and there’s a hint of pain in his eyes.

“Wotcher, Moony.”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Remus says.

The grin fades from Sirius’ face, and he runs a hand through his hair. “Ah, yeah, Evans told me about those people that’ve been bothering you. I’m really sorry, Moony. If I had known...”

“It’s not your fault,” Remus says.

“I know you feel uncomfortable about my feelings for you.” There’s a sadness in Sirius’ voice. “I won’t mention it again. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. If I could change it, I would, but being in love with you has become such a big part of me, and it’s not something I can just stop. Turns out, you’re a very hard person to not be in love with.”

“I don’t want you to not be in love with me!” Remus says.

Sirius frowns. “You like having me hopelessly pine after you that much?” He looks slightly hurt.

“No,” Remus says quickly. “No, I just think I might have been... too hasty in rejecting you?”

“Moony,” Sirius sighs. “You have every right to reject me. You don’t have to try and force yourself into feeling something you don’t, just because you pity me, or some stupid twats think they can judge you.”

“I rejected you because I didn’t think you should be with...” Remus gestures vaguely at himself. “Well, with someone like me. It only occurred to me recently, very recently, that I never even considered whether I have feelings for you.”

“And do you...”

“I do.”

“Oh.”

“Oh indeed.”

Sirius lets out a nervous chuckle. “So do you want to-”

“No!”

Sirius blinks in confusion. Remus quickly tries to clarify.

“I mean, no, you already asked me last time, this time I want to ask you.”

Sirius mutters something under his breath about a bloody emotional roller-coaster. Remus continues.

“I already talked to Alyssa MacMillan, and she told me to ‘go get my man’, so since you’re now free this Saturday, would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me, as in a date?”

Sirius’ face lights up in a smile so beautiful it makes Remus a little dizzy. “I’d absolutely love to!”

[alpacaparkaseok]

Inside “The Pact”

Hello! For those of you that followed along with The Pact, I received a few questions and requests to get an inside look. I’ll link the post here that explains a bit more about what this is gonna be about. 

We’re gonna break this down into sections: first will be answering your questions about The Pact & the characters. Then I’ll show you guys a little about my notes & decision making process (which is very obscure because I just tend to keep a hypothetical tab open in my brain most of the time lol) as well as some pictures of my ideas!! 

Thanks for requesting such a fun thing to do now that this series is over. It’s been fun to look back!

Q. What song did the boys dedicate to y/n?

A. “Her” || This is a sad song, but I felt like it fit so well with how the boys had to hide a part of themselves (their feelings) away for the sake of the pact!

--

Q. Did the boys get mad/how did the boys react to Jungkook’s kiss?

A. Jungkook was a little shocked, and felt extremely guilty on the drive back home. He wasn’t sure if he could stand to tell his hyungs, but he also knew he couldn’t lie to them. Naturally, the second he walked in the house and everyone saw his face, they knew. It was just quiet, everybody was a little hesitant to say anything/bring it up because they were all upset. Only Jimin has heard all of the details of JK’s kiss, whereas the others are simply aware that he kissed her and that’s that.

Namjoon was the most upset, although he didn’t say anything. He just sat there on the couch and did the jaw-clenching thing he always does. Yoongi just tried to change the subject and ask about other aspects of the date. Taehyung was actually pretty pissed, especially because he’d been so good about refraining from kissing you even when you’d asked for it. Hobi had a chat with him later that night and calmed him down. Jin wasn’t angry so much as he was worried that he missed his shot & couldn’t stop replaying his date in his head.

--

Q. Who fell for y/n last?

A. Namjoon. He’d had a little crush, and that’s why he was willing to go along with the pact. But it hit a point less than a year ago when he fell hard and fast. (you called him in the middle of the night when he was on tour and he realized that your sleepy voice is possibly the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard) The boys noticed and as a result teased him endlessly about it, because he doesn’t quite know how to navigate his feelings. 

--

Q. Who did the boys bet on? (We already know that Jimin bet on Yoongi and won lol)

A. Namjoon bet on JK, Tae bet on Hobi, Hobi bet on JK, Jin bet on JK, and Yoongi bet on Jin, and JK bet on Namjoon (because we all know JK would pick Namjoon lol)

--

Q. Didn’t y/n ever date other guys? How did the boys react?

A. hahaha ok I actually would have such a fun time writing this Yes, she dated around a bit. For the first year of the pact, she had an on again, off again bf. It wasn’t very serious, and she always made that clear to the boys. They still hated the dude. After they broke up, she only went on a few dates here and there. Didn’t really seriously date. (except for that one time she went on vacation and had a fling, but everyone has decided to forget that) They just smiled and supported her, although Tae was always very clear that he didn’t like any of the guys she dated. 

--

Q. In Namjoon’s date, who was the 1950′s author mentioned?

A. Agatha Christie, the queen. 

--

Q. How did y/n meet Jimin? (he was the one that introduced her to the rest of the group)

A. She was a PR intern for Lee Hyun. Jimin and Lee Hyun are close, and they crossed paths fairly often until Jimin decided to invite her to hang out. 

--

Q. What is y/n studying in school?

A. Public Relations (which will honestly come in handy with her new relationship lol)

--

Q. Where was Jin in the last chapter when y/n came to the studio?

A. Agh how could you ask me this and bring back all that pain?! Jin was at his brother’s restaurant for some much needed R&R. He ended up staying the night with him, not wanting to go home just yet and have to face his decision.

--

Q. Who would you personally choose to end up with and why?

A. KIM SEOKJIN. Date #5 was basically for me lol. Like, unapologetically wrote that for myself. Not just because he’s my bias, but because I personally felt like I could picture myself chilling on that couch watching Dateline with him. And it was beautiful. 🤧 Also, while Jin can be loud and goofy, he’s an introvert. I’m an extravert with introverted tendencies, so I just feel like his date would have been the most comfortable for me.

--

CREATING THE PACT - AN INSIDE LOOK AT MY NOTES

First thing’s first, I have an on-going page in my notes on my phone which is FILLED with ideas & half-formed thoughts. Before I began writing The Pact (or even Spooked, for that matter), this happened:

So you can see that I had no idea what I was doing lol, but I thought that it would be cool. Mainly I wanted an excuse to write OT7 and display all the members in a sweet light. Also, we see that not all of these actually made it into the series. (Tae w/ the family)

BUT THEN, “SPOOKED” HAPPENED, AND A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY POPPED UP 

ngl, I cracked up when I looked back at my notes and saw this. 

“Sweet Gloria what am I doing to myself” 😂😂 this was when I was pushing “Lost & Found” out and planning for Taehyung’s series (which is why so much is blocked out on my notes, because it’s riddled with spoilers lol) so I literally had no idea why I was jumping into another project as I was already super busy. That’s why I scheduled it for just Saturday’s! (and also why I sometimes posted super late at night lol)

As you can see, Seokjinnie’s date was literally always on my mind. From the very beginning. Which is odd, considering the fact that he didn’t end up being endgame. wow it’s like he’s my bias or something

Occasionally I’d take breaks from hw and work on getting to know how the boys were with y/n. Quotes and poetry serve as a great source of inspiration, and I assigned a quote to each member. (notice the little stars by Jin, Yoongi’s and JK’s names lol, they were my top three as I’m sure you’ve noticed by now)

There were a couple of things that I didn’t think of adding until I was reading through your theories and got an idea of what you needed to push the series in the right decision. i.e. bringing Gina back to explain that she closed the door in Spooked. 

I have a whiteboard in my room that I use to map out what I need to do that week for whatever series I’m working on (as well as jot down ideas for new series, which I why this photo doesn’t show the whole board haha) 

So here’s a peek at my thought process for writing about how the pact was formed. Sorry if you can’t read it haha

NOW, the last few questions you guys had:

Q. Did you ever change your mind while writing the pact?

A. Yes! I actually originally intended for Hobi to have written the note. It fit very well with how angry he was at first and how worried he was during the date. But by the time I'd gotten to Jin’s date I kinda knew that he wouldn’t be that petty but Jin would haha

I also planned on Yoongi kissing y/n on their date. It was supposed to be on a rooftop somewhere, which we know didn’t happen. In fact, I didn’t really intend for their date to be so disastrous until I was coming closer to having to write it. I think I was a mess, so the date was a mess lol

I had no idea what I was doing for Tae’s date until I wrote it, all I knew was that there had to be a museum. The rest I just made up as I wrote and hoped that it made sense. (also, for some reason I hated the museum portion of the date. Idk why, but it just felt so stark to me. still don’t like it lol)

Q. When did you know how it was going to end? 

A. That’s a....difficult question lol. Honestly, I thought of just doing an audio recording and uploading it because it I didn’t really know how to put it into words, but then I realized that most people probably wouldn’t wanna listen to that lol. So here we are. 

I had the ending scene in mind before The Pact even became a thing. I knew I had a series that I wanted to end with baking cookies. (weird, I know.) It didn’t exactly go how I planned, but I remember having the thought while writing Spooked (when I thought I was just writing a one shot) that it would be nice for y/n to be with Yoongi. I just instantly felt like they had a connection, when he was the first one she went toward. From then on out, I always kinda kept Yoongi in the background. 

I had a crisis about halfway through (right before Jin’s date) when there were a bunch of people rooting for Tae, because he hadn’t even been on my radar. But then Jin’s date went much better than I thought it was going to/received better, so I think that got me back on track. 

But from the beginning, Yoongi was #1. (I wrote this in the back of my Career’s notebook lol) when I was trying to figure out for myself who wrote the pact. 

So yeah! There you have it! Just an FYI, I had to physically restrain myself from throwing caution to the wind and making Jin endgame. Especially when so many of you were on board. :( However, the survey helped because Yoongi was the majority of votes (closely followed by Jin & JK) and that showed me that we were still on the right track! 

Ngl, my brain stopped working around Wednesday of last week, so writing the finale took FOREVER because nothing would compute. But I’m so happy you guys enjoyed it and reached out to me about it! This really is like a part-time job most days, and I really felt like this series paid off. 

Hopefully I covered everything! To end, here's the most satisfying part of every project for me:

Thanks guys!

[snarkwrites]

ssw | juice ortiz ; when he can't go any deeper | m

Notes:

Okay so here's the thing.. This is a bit of a glimpse into the future / what if for a fic I'm about to start writing.. well, re-writing. Despite me knowing jack fuckall about strip clubs / exotic dancing / how to describe someone giving or getting a lapdance or pole work, I got the idea to have Hazel working two nights a week in a club, idk why.. Anyway.. The idea wouldn't leave me alone so here we are, loves.

Also.. I'm no longer just dipping my toes in the filth pool anymore. I went all in with this, oops rip. If anyone wants me to actually write the fic I have in mind for this... Pls.. I beg.. LMK.

Prompts:

taken from either [ HERE ] or [ HERE ] give or take. It could be one or the other or a mix of both at my own choosing.

kiss me up against the wall // moan my name as you come // when he can't go any deeper. - those were all the inspiration / prompts for this.

Fandom / Character:

Sons Of Anarchy / Juice Ortiz x Teller Morrow!OFC, Hazel

Fics Hazel can be found in:

None..Yet.

** the one I've used her in is being discontinued to do a rewrite.**

Warnings:

No minors, full stop. There is NSFW / adult content ahead. If you're underage, this was not meant for you -nor should you be reading this. If you choose to stick around after my warnings, this is strictly a you thing and it's not my problem or fault.

If you choose to go on and read this, these are the things present you need to be aware of: stripper!ofc - I admit.. I really am not too sure on how strip clubs operate, so.. if I'm wrong, sorry. lap dancing. thigh riding. body fluids tw. unprotected sex. That's pretty much it.

Tagging:

@brithedemonspawn

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@kyleoreillysknee

@sassymox

@twistnet

Other Stuff:

[ ABOUT MY WRITING | TAG LIST DOC - IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED, THAT IS. | FANDOMS I WRITE FOR]

I swear I wanted to melt into the floor when I happened to glance out in the crowd and see Juice Ortiz sitting in the back with his eyes glued to the stage. I froze where I stood behind the curtain peering out and for a good five seconds, I heavily contemplated just bolting out the back door of the club.

But if I did that, I’d be out of the killer tips I’ve been told I could get dancing at this place. I wouldn’t have an outlet to express myself freely, either.

,, I had to know this would happen sooner or later. Charming is a small town and the guys from Samcro do come to this club. Even taking the audition and showing up tonight was me, taking a huge risk… So I had to know this would’ve happened at some point if I actually get the gig.” the thought came and I took three deep breaths. The hope was that I’d center myself.

Spoiler alert… it did not happen.

But I did catch sight of a brunette wig. And I convinced myself that between the wig and the dim lighting and the fact that Juice was so far away from the front of the club where I’d be dancing on the stage, he wouldn’t figure it out.

I’d just finished putting on the wig when the club owner cleared his throat and nodded to the curtains in front of me. “You’re up, kid. Do this right and Tuesdays and Thursdays are yours. Fuck it up and you can forget ever getting a chance to try again.”

I scoffed at him for a second or two but he stared me down, humorless.

My favorite Motley Crue song began to play and I stepped through the curtain. Out onto the stage and just as I did, I happened to see that prick AJ Weston and the guy who bought one of the shops downtown making their way to the table right in front of me.

My stomach dropped.

Those cold and emotionless eyes locked on me and he smirked. Nodding to me and leaning in to the shop owner. His best buddy or whatever. I don’t try and keep up with whose pissed off my father day by day, so I didn’t exactly know names.

All I did know was that for whatever reason, my mother’s scared to death of AJ Weston. She thinks she hides it, but she doesn’t. And my mother is not a woman who scares easily.

Suddenly, my biggest worry wasn’t Juice sitting in the back of the club anymore. It was the prick sitting right in front of the stage. I strutted out on the stage, not bothering to make eye contact with AJ Weston, no matter how hard I could feel him staring at me, willing me to do so. I tore off the cropped leather jacket I wore over my favorite red lace bra and after twirling it in the air a time or two, I tossed it onto the stage, hitting the floor. Writhing. Arching my back and crawling around, whipping my hair around to the song playing. I kept away from the center of the stage because I did not want to lock eyes with AJ Weston. I literally had zero desire.

The crowd was starting to get into it. I started to feel that rush like I used to feel when I danced in Las Vegas. I completely forgot about AJ Weston, thankfully. And what started off as a bumpy dance got smoother. Even more so when I found myself searching the crowd. Finding Juice in the back and locking eyes with him. That seemed to cut out a lot of my nervousness.

My hands drifted down my body, and I caught myself pretending they weren’t my hands but Juice’s. Just the thought of him feeling me up, his hands pinning my hands over my head. Pressing into me. The way he’d feel strained against those baggy jeans when he bucked against me in the heat of the moment. I used my dirty mind to fuel the dance. Letting my hands wander down to the waistband of my leather pants, working them down.

The crowd was really getting vocal now. They usually do when the clothing starts to actually come off. My stomach fluttered nervously when I locked eyes with Juice in the back of the club and I actually saw the way what I was doing on stage was affecting him.

He sat up a little straighter in his seat. Spread his legs a little. Squirming around. He nursed a glass of whiskey and his eyes wandered up and down my body slowly. When I hit the floor and started to writhe around, my back arching and my ass up in the air, he bit his lip. Watching intently. Rubbing his chin in thought.

Out towards the front of the club, right in front of me, I heard AJ swearing. Laughing out loud. I wanted to strangle the asshole, especially when he really got started with all his stupid filthy commentary as if he were mocking me, as if he were somehow better than this place even though he was willingly sitting here, of his own volition… But I went back to blocking him out. Focusing all my attention on Juice all over again instead.

Imagining what I’d do if I truly had half the nerve. What I’d let him do to me if I weren’t so damn afraid of falling in love with a Samcro man.

Because if I were going to love one, I’d choose him. Hands down. If I were ever to settle, I’d want to settle with Juice Ortiz.

My song was nearing an end. My dance was slowing down. I made my way up the pole again, grinding it as I inched up it. Slowly. Seductively as I could... Eyes locked on Juice the entire time as I flipped myself upside down and started to wind around the pole, spinning slowly with my arm outstretched as the other arm gripped the pole to hold myself. And just before the official end of my song, I dropped to the ground, crawling away from the pole. Towards the front of the stage, bolder. Getting closer in the hopes I could at least get a little better look at Juice’s face because I was dying to see the expression on it right now.

I smirked in his direction and gave a teasing wink as I pulled myself off the floor and slunk towards the red velvet curtain separating the back of the club from the front.

“Stormy Knight, ladies and gentlemen. If anyone wants the VIP experience, find Vinnie.” the announcer called out over the rowdy crowd. I was just about to reach for the doorknob on the door that lead into the dressing room when a throat cleared behind me.

“Not bad, kid. If you can bring that every single Tuesday and Thursday, gigs yours.” the club owner was standing there, smirking. He almost looked like he felt bad for doubting me in the first place. He added casually, “Had three guys come to me about VIP dances. I usually leave all that to my girls to work out. That’s extra dough in your pocket, makes no difference to me. I know half of ya have extra mouths to feed.”

I eyed him, my mouth falling open.

“Three guys? Like.. altogether?”

“No, no.. Two were together. One was by himself. Belonged to one of the MCs. Just do me a favor and at least attempt to obey club rules, kid. Don’t go gettin knocked up on the clock.” the man laughed and I took a deep breath.

At best, I figured that the biker in question was probably one of the Mayans I’d seen sitting towards the middle of the club.

I was pretty damn sure I knew exactly who the two men were and after mulling it over because it seemed as if my new boss was awaiting a decision from me, I decided I wanted no part of the risk of having to give AJ Weston and his slimy friend a private show.

“I’ll take the biker tonight, man. I’m not feelin up to a three way.”

The owner nodded and mused thoughtfully, “Good idea, kid.. That one guy out of the two of ‘em looked like his elevator didn’t go all the way to the top floor. I’ll go get your biker and bring him back. You got room 3. That was Gina’s old room.” before walking away, disappearing out into the front of the club again.

“Please god… at least let it be the J.D Pardo look alike if it’s one of the Mayans.” I muttered to myself, not daring to get my hopes up that it’d be Juice.

A throat cleared from behind me. I nearly shit myself when I heard Tig Trager mumble with a laugh, “Okay Ortiz. Go get your girl.” before walking away. I did not dare turn around until I knew Tig was long gone.

“Stormy, huh? That’s one hell of a name, baby girl.” he mused aloud.

I turned around slowly. Found myself body to body with him. He was staring down at me intently, licking his lips. Chuckling as he shook his head and leaned in a little closer to whisper, “Does daddy know you dance, Hazelynn? Because if he’d been here… Seen all that…” he fanned himself and gave me a teasing smirk.

My mouth dropped open.

“How? How’d you know?” I stammered out.

“I saw your car parked outside… Life pro tip, princess.. If you wanna keep this a secret, I’d suggest parking around back. Or catching a ride. Because your car? Kind of hard to forget.” Juice’s hand settled on my hip and he pulled me just a little closer. His eyes dipped down, settling on my lips, a quiet groan coming when his intent stare made me lick my lips and fidget a little.. Melting against him a little before I could stop myself from doing it. Giving a sheepish laugh as I glanced up at him.

“Your secret’s safe with me. Relax.” he chuckled. He must have felt how tense my body was as I pressed against him. I let out a shaky breath. Parts of me wanted to ask the logical question, if he came here a lot, but also, at the same time parts of me definitely didn’t want to know. Those parts of me knew that if I did ask and he said he did, I’d get just a little jealous. Because it already happened whenever I’d see him at the bar and he’d have Croweaters flocking to him.

“Guess I owe you a VIP.” I teased gently, nodding towards the door with the gold star and the black number 3 painted on it. I reached down, grabbing hold of his hand, starting to lead him in the direction of the room.

“If you don’t wanna do this…” Juice frowned slightly and acted like he was going to walk away, but I stopped him. Made him look at me.

“It’s fine. It’s part of the job.” I gave him a reassuring smile as I opened the door to the room, stepping inside. Letting him step inside.

He closed the door behind him and we found ourselves body to body all over again. He muttered quietly, “Confession… I saw that Weston asshole and his idiot friend talking to the owner about a VIP dance with you so I went over and offered more money.”

Between the goofy little shit eating grin he gave me as he said it and the fact that he did that because he knows the guy creeps me right the fuck out, I was blown away. Before I could stop myself, I rose to tiptoe, gently pressing my lips against the corner of his mouth. “You’re an actual angel come to Earth, sir. You have definitely earned that dance.” I muttered softly as I pulled back to look up at him.

He bit his lip and my eyes followed the movement helplessly.

If I thought I was making myself wet on stage with my own dirty imagination, it was nothing compared to how wet I got when I locked eyes with him and realized that he was fully aware that I’d been staring at his mouth like a proper idiot.

I stepped close to him again and placed my palm on the front of his cutte, gently shoving him so that he settled in the chair right behind him.

Right away, his hands went to my hips. I lowered my hands, pushing his hands back down as I shook my head. “No touching. Club rules, Juice.”

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, sorry.” he gave an awkward laugh and I giggled softly. Sinking down into his lap slowly.

Maybe I was slightly exaggerating out in the hallway when I told him I could do this and made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal. The second I settled in his lap and started to grind against it, I could feel myself dripping just a little more. I rose up slightly and he sucked in a breath. His knuckles went white with the way he was gripping the arms of the chair. His eyes were absolutely glued to me and I smirked. Teasing a little. Acting as if I’d take off the cropped leather jacket over my bra only to pull it back up.

The third time I did this, he growled quietly. Bucked himself against me. When I whimpered and grinded myself down harder against his lap, he muttered in a heated whisper, “You feel what you’re doing to me right now, baby girl?”

Oh. I felt it alright. The way he strained at his jeans, cock still twitching and growing harder and harder. The little friction I was allowing myself wasn’t enough. My cunt was throbbing and I was getting so wet that I was pretty sure when I finished giving him his lapdance the poor guy was going to have a wet spot on his jeans.

“Mhm.” I answered in a daze, leaning in so that my lips brushed against the shell of his ear and my tits rubbed right against him. He whimpered and bucked into me all over again and when I slipped out of his lap, he frowned. I hit my knees, parting his legs. Staring up at him from where I kneeled on the floor and he shifted in his seat, gripping the arms of the chair tighter when I started to rise up. Swaying my hips side to side. Leaning in. Rubbing against him as much as I could get away with. Oh, I was definitely using this little VIP dance he paid for as an excuse to do as much touching and teasing as I thought I could get away with.

All those urges to touch him I normally kept at bay were finally being allowed free reign and it felt so good.

I settled on his lap again. He let out a long and shaky breath and we locked eyes. He was staring at me like he wanted to ask me something or he wanted to say something but he wasn’t sure how.

“What’s up?” I asked quietly.

“Nothin, it’s nothin.” he said it quickly. Too quick. I gripped his cutte and pulled him in closer. My mouth inching dangerously close to his as I muttered against it, “Whatever you want to say, say it. Trust me. I can handle it.”

“Okay, you asked for it.” he muttered. After a second or two of staring at his lap, he looked up at me again and asked quietly, “Did you wanna dance for me?”

“I got the owner to come get you, didn’t I?” my heart was beating faster. I thought it’d jump right out of my chest. I did my best to play as cool and casual as I could but every single part of me wanted to tell him that dancing was not all I wanted to do for him.

“I know that… what I mean is.. Forget it.” he went quiet. Looked down again and I gripped his jaw, making him look up at my face. “Eyes up here, Ortiz.” I teased gently, my smile falling away when I saw the serious and somber look in his eyes. I scooted away a little, an attempt to give him some space. Settling myself over his thigh instead of fully positioned on his lap as I had been.

“Talk to me.” the words left my mouth in a whimper as I pressed myself right against his thigh, rocking my throbbing sex back and forth over it. Getting wetter and wetter with each second that passed. And the ache. Oh god, the ache. I was on the brink of frustrated tears. And I couldn’t break down, I couldn’t act anything less than totally professional, because this was my night job and I was on the clock but God.. did I ever want to.

He spread his legs wider and took a deep breath. Trying not to touch me, but I could tell with the way he kept raising his hands only to put them back down on the arm rests of the velvet covered chair he sat in that he wanted nothing more than to do that very thing.

And the thought of those hands on me had me flooded in a split second. If there was any doubt before that I’d leave a wet spot behind on his jeans at the end of this dance, there wasn’t going to be by the time it was over.

Anticipation and desire had my stomach coiled tightly. I wanted, more than anything, to be able to pick up with this back home… Behind closed doors. Just him and I.

But I knew that tonight was most likely just going to be an awkward little secret. Kept between two friends. And it bothered me, because I wanted so much more than that but I was afraid to cross lines and let myself have that… I doubted it was even an option anyway because I just didn’t think Juice even saw me like that.

Sure, we flirted now and then, but nothing ever came of it.

God, did I want it to.

This heavy tension seemed to settle in all around us and I picked up on it. Juice groaned quietly, and after he nearly broke the no touch rule again and very nearly reached out to grab hold of my ass and rock me against his thigh faster, I leaned in.. Pressed against him as I continued to grind against his leg and muttered against his ear, “Most guys put their arms behind their head… Til they’re used to not being allowed to touch.. They get verbal too…” my words hitching in my throat, rushing out over each other breathlessly.

He raised his hands, locking them behind his head. Sprawling back against the chair. It seemed to help ease the tension built in his body too, because I felt him sort of melting into the chair a little and I smiled.

“C’mon.. Tell me what you want me to do.” I coaxed, fixing my eyes on him and biting my lip when I immediately found myself getting sucked far too deep into his gaze.

“Touch yourself.” he muttered. Raising up a little. Leaning forward. “Touch yourself for me, baby girl… Like you were when you were dancin out front.”

I let my hands wander.

They were shaking slightly and I just hoped to God that it wasn’t noticed.

Juice took a few shaky breaths and bucked a little in the seat. “Come closer.. Get on my lap.”

I moved so that I was straddling his lap and the way his cock strained against his jeans and I tried to stop myself, but as I started to rock myself back and forth over it, I whimpered quietly. My breath caught in my throat a time or two and my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to beat out of my chest.

“I normally don’t buy dances if I come here.” he muttered quietly, shattering through my own current internal struggle.

Knowing this relaxed me a little. It was obvious he didn’t just going off the way he acted, but.. I still wondered. Some guys like to pretend it’s their first lap dance because it gets them going.

I’m not here to judge anyone.

I mean.. I have a good paying day job as a legal assistant and here I am.. Dancing two nights a week whenever I can find a club to take me just so I have some form of release.. Just so I can feel intimacy that for whatever reason, I tend to deny myself in reality.

I almost asked him why, but I remembered what he told me out in the hallway about outbidding AJ because he knew the guy scared me. And I stopped myself, even though parts of me hoped there was more to it than that.

My hands moved over my chest and I rocked myself over him faster. My breath catching in my throat as I felt myself rushing straight into an orgasm I’d been trying like hell to hold back the whole time we’d been in the VIP room.

I could feel my body burning up under his gaze and he leaned in again. Muttered breathlessly against my ear, “If you’re nervous..”

“It’s fine.” I pretended to brush it off. I acted as chill about doing this for him as I possibly could.

“Turn away.. I wanna watch you movin from behind, baby girl.” he muttered. The request caught me by surprise a little, but I kind of realized that he was doing it more for me than for himself.

I did what he asked, turning in his lap so that I faced away. My eyes caught his in the reflection of the mirrored wall in front of us. As I started to rock my ass over his bulge, he growled quietly. Bucking himself up into me. Biting his lip as he did it three more times. Muttered in a lust filled daze “Fuck yeah, baby girl.. Work that ass.”

Just the way he said it had me dripping all over again.

“Faster.” he panted, bucking himself up into me all over again. Harder.

I tried not to, but I found myself imagining that he was taking me from behind. A fist full of my hair and my tits pressed right against the mirrored wall in front of us. And I rocked myself back and forth over his cock, pressing down even harder. Moving even faster. Almost close to a blinding orgasm.

“Fuck.” I swore quietly.

Juice sat up in the chair. Pressing his chest into my back. Muttering against my ear, “ Did you wanna dance for me like this?”

“Juice, I told you already.” my head fell back and my eyes fluttered open and shut. I squeezed my tits and rolled my hips faster. My breath came in short pants because I was so close to an orgasm that I was throbbing. He was leaning in again to whisper. “What I mean is if this wasn’t your job.. And it was just me and you… Would you wanna..” he rocked himself against me all over again. Harder. With more urgency as he swore under his breath and muttered that if I kept it up, he was going to come all over himself.

“ Turn around facin me.” he panted, his lips brushing against my ear and sending a shiver rushing through me. I turned back around in his lap to face him. Raising up a little. Teasing him by putting my tits at level with his mouth. Squeezing them together before lowering my hand. Toying with the waistband of my leather pants. Teasing him like I’d take them off.

“ Tease.” he pouted up at me.

“ That’s kind of what you’re paying me for right now, Juice.” I gave a soft laugh as I tucked a finger beneath his chin. Pulling his mouth dangerously close to mine. He licked his lips in anticipation and when he did, his tongue brushed right against my mouth. I whimpered helplessly.

And I just barely kept myself from exploding.

“You’re tensin up on me, Haze… Somethin wrong?” Juice asked quietly.

Looking at me as if he were bracing himself for something bad to be said.

By this point, I was so caught up in the moment, in the way it felt to grind myself against his cock and get out all these long denied urges to touch him to my hearts content.. It slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

“Honestly? I’m a breath away from coming and this never.. Ever… happens to me when I’m givin a private dance.” my words came in a breathless rush and as soon as I realized what I’d just said, I lost my groove for a second or two. Slowing down. Trying to pull myself together.

Hoping to God that I didn’t just make things awkward for him and I in the future because I’d rather have him as a friend than not have him at all.

His mouth opened and closed and his hands gripped the arm rests again. Tighter.

“Do you know how hard it is for me? Feelin you dancin on my cock like this? Knowin I.. Knowin that this is probably as close as I’m ever gonna get? Fuck… If I were ever lucky enough to have you all to myself, baby girl...”

His words caught me by surprise. My heart fluttered a little and I swallowed hard. Going still in his lap just to stare at him.

The lights getting brighter and the music in the room going quiet had both of us jumping apart. I realized that probably meant my time in the room was done and before I could give myself a chance to back out, I slipped off his lap and held out my hand to him.

“ C’mon.”

He eyed my hand and took hold of it, standing. I practically drug him out of the room and then down the hall. Out the door and into the back lot behind the club. Once the door was shut behind us, I started to pace in front of him. Just trying to put it all together.

Torn between continuing to fight what I felt for him and caving in.

When he stepped in front of me and placed his hands on my upper arms, staring down into my eyes intently, something in me snapped and before I could stop myself, I had his back pressed against the door of the building. My hands caught his, holding them over his head as I rose up slightly and crashed my mouth against his mouth.

Devouring. Hungry.

At first, he didn’t really react. But when the shock cleared and he realized what I was doing, he came alive. I melted against him and he growled into my mouth, deepening the kiss. Teeth latching onto my bottom lip and tugging until I felt it starting to bruise. I let his hands go and they were all over me. Settling on my ass. Rocking me up against him and making me whimper and dig my fingers into his shoulders. I couldn’t melt into him any more if I tried. I was so exhausted from trying to hold back in more ways than one at this point that my filter was totally shot. I rocked myself against him clumsily, a begging and needy whine filling the space between our mouths as the kiss broke when I just couldn’t hold it back.

“Do you know why I almost got off giving you a lap dance? Do you know what you do to me, Juice? I.. I tried so hard not to fall for you and yet.. Here I am.”

He blinked in shock. For a few seconds we stared at each other, panting for our next breath. Neither of us saying a word.

Then he bent and scooped me up. Started to carry me towards the end of the alley where he’d parked his Dyna Glide.

I didn’t do or say anything to try to stop him. I didn’t want to.

I’m so tired of keeping him at arms length. I’m tired of fighting the way I feel.

He sat me on the back of his bike and I grabbed hold of the front of his vest, pulling him down. Pulling his mouth down against mine all over again because I just.. I was needy. I craved him on this level I couldn’t even begin to get my head around.

His bike came to a stop in front of his apartment building and he got off. Scooping me up all over again. Stopping just outside the doors leading into the building to grope and kiss me. Letting his lips stray down the side of my neck. Sucking a mark deep into my skin. I clung to him and begged breathlessly, “Juice, please..”

Neither of us was really stopping to think. I didn’t want to.

I wanted him.

More importantly, I wanted to be with him. And tonight just proved to me that I couldn’t fight it anymore.

The whole time he was trying to unlock his apartment door, he kept fumbling with the keys. Rutting right against me. Stopping to kiss or touch me. When he finally got it unlocked, he stepped through the door and stepped over to the couch. Tossing me down onto it gently. Following close behind. Pressing himself down into me and snapping his hips against mine, making me whimper. My whimper echoing off the walls of the quiet room. I reached down between us, tugging at the hem of his white t shirt and he rose up, pulling off his vest and tossing it at a chair nearby. Then pulling his shirt off and tossing it too. It settled on the floor in front of the chair. Then he was pulling me up. Tearing my bra away and tossing it out into the room. My hands lowered, tugging at the waistband of his jeans and he bit his lip. Gazing at me for a second or two with this look of lust and adoration in his eyes. Savoring the moment and what was about to happen.

Because it’s been building for a while, apparently. I just focused so damn hard on keeping myself from caving in and letting myself have what I wanted, with him, that somehow, I missed all the signs.

“Baby, c’mon.” I begged.

The term of endearment slipped out.

He gave me that little smirk. Rubbed his chin in thought as he let his eyes wander.

He worked his way down my body, using his body to part my legs. He worked my leather pants down my legs and I kicked them free at my ankles.

His fingers caught in the thin strap of my panties and they came away with a quiet tear. I tried to get him out of his pants again and he lowered my hands. Slipping off the sofa. I watched intently as he teased me, pouting about it. Begging.

I needed him buried inside me. Fucking me. Slow. Deep. All night long.

His pants fell to his ankles and he kicked off his boots and then kicked his pants free from his legs. When he dropped his boxers, I swallowed hard as my eyes settled on the way his cock stood at attention once it was free from fabric. He was pressing himself down into me all over again.

His mouth roaming over my tits. Tongue teasing my nipples as my back arched away from the sofa and I rocked myself against him. His free hand settled between us, circling his thick cock. Teasing it between my folds and making me shiver and cling to him. Try to rock myself against him urgently.

And then he buried his cock inside me. Shallow at first. Going still to let me adjust to him. I felt like I was being split in two and the feeling had me whining. Nipping at his chest, at any patch of skin I could get my mouth on just so I could muffle the way I wanted to scream his name at the top of my lungs.

I rocked into him clumsily and he growled quietly. His hands going down to my hips. Holding them still as he started to pound me harder. Deeper. So deep he couldn’t go any deeper. When he bottomed out, I dragged my nails down his back.

“Not yet, baby girl. C’mon, hold out just a little longer for me.” Juice coaxed breathlessly as his hips crashed against me with a bruising pace. I begged for release, on the verge of tears. The more I begged, the more he’d slow down. Stop to kiss me or leave marks on me. Torture.

Slow, steady and deep torture.

“You gonna moan my name when you cum?” he questioned, slamming his cock deep into my womb. Going still and capturing my mouth in a deep and passionate kiss. “ God. You’re so.” he panted, snapping his hips against mine, cock pistoning in and out of me with steady deep thrusts, “So fuckin wet I can barely stay in. Fuck. Shit. Shiiiit, baby girl. I wanna cum so bad.”

“Juice! Ah, -ah fuck. Right there.” my back arched away from the couch and my orgasm ripped through me, leaving me weak and dazed, clinging to him as I tried desperately to keep up with his pace, spent. Dripping. My walls vising his cock and clenched around it. Tears flooding my eyes because holy fuck, all I’ve wanted for the entire time was to finally be allowed to let go.

Juice stared down at me from above, a soft gaze. He caught a tear as it made a black trail down my cheek. Chuckling quietly. Going still to pepper kisses soft against my mouth and then trail them down the front of my throat. When he started to move again, he muttered against my lips softly, “It’s okay, baby girl. I got you. I’m right here.” as he pistoned in and out, the wet sloshing sounds accompanying each thrust he made seeming to make him move just a little faster. His hands were all over me and all I could really do was lie there, pinned beneath him. Whimpering his name as I tried to come down from the high. Stare up at him softly as my mind spun, replaying every single thing that led us here, to this exact moment.

“Oh fuck. Fuck baby girl. You want it?” his hips stammered, smashing against mine in a bruising pace and his words were swallowed by another hungry kiss and I nodded. Just when I thought he couldn’t get any deeper, he did. Striking against my throbbing g-spot a time or two and growling, biting. Locking his lips against my neck and sucking yet another big,deep mark into soft flesh. The warmth of his release flooded me, making me whimper. Overfilling me, because I could feel the excess slowly leak down. Puddle beneath me on the sofa.. I bucked my hips against him greedily trying to take it all because I wanted it. I needed it. I craved him so badly I couldn’t have put it to words if I tried. He leaned into me heavily, panting for his next breath. Spent. A fine sheen of sweat gathered on our bodies. I grabbed hold of his face and pulled his mouth against mine. Our foreheads pressed together and he muttered quietly, “Mine?”

“Yours.” it shocked me when the word bubbled out. It shocked me because a, I was saying it and b, I meant it. With everything in me. As soon as I said it, he gave me a soft and lazy grin. Pressing his lips to my forehead. He collapsed onto the couch settling behind me. Pulling me on top of him.

Quiet little soft kisses. Caressing my face as he stared up at me and caught sight of one of the bigger marks he left on my throat, grimacing as he chuckled about it quietly.

“Fuck me. Baby, that was amazing...” I groaned out in a daze, making him laugh and gaze up at me. “Give me an hour, babe.” he teased…

“Careful. I might take you up on that.” I teased back, melting against his body. Letting his arms wrap around me and hold me tight.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series: The Rewatch pt.3

Ok, full disclosure: I should not be doing this right now. But I've been thinking about it since yesterday and, well, I reckon I can go over 1x4 and 5, and then move on to my actual work. So here we are. I'm really, really excited for these two, so without further ado, I'll dive right into:

1x4: It's hard to believe that I couldn't see... the majority of what happens in this episode when I first watched it

Why is Nini such a pro at making a scene with whoever her current boyfriend is in the middle of a public place? I mean, I get it that she's upset about EJ going through her phone — who wouldn't be — but maybe - and this is just a friendly suggestion — she could try and discuss that in private, not start a shouting match within view of all their classmates. Just saying.

'Ricky would never steal my phone' — well, perhaps not, but he's not quite above deleting stuff from it, either... I wonder if whoever is writing this show knows that there are many other ways to make a relationship unhealthy... it's not funny anymore. Just repetitive.

Ahhh Natalie and her emotional support hamster! At least there's one good thing about this scene.

Sure, Ricky, blame Big Red for the fact that you misplace your stuff... a very nice best friend he's got, indeed.

Gosh, everything is so awkward and there is just so much tension all over the place — Ricky's parents, then EJ and Nini, and then Carlos just being oblivious to the fact that they just broke up... you know, that last part just made me laugh. And then Ricky's reaction to his parents legally separating just broke my heart. That boy's been through too much.

Big Red being completely clueless about theatre terms is super funny and endearing, but let me just put myself in his shoes for a sec. He's followed his best friend into a badly thought-out scheme to get back together with his ex, got dragged into joining the crew, and is now expected to know what everything is. I would not put up with that... ok, who are we kidding, I'm a massive pushover and would put up with anything, but my point is... he shouldn't have to. At least people are doing the bare minimum to help him learn and nobody's laughed at him for not knowing. That's the good thing about this crew.

Ok, so I have posted about my thoughts of their take on What I've Been Looking For before, back when the episode was brand new, so I won't go into detail about that. In short, I think they've got the arrangement all wrong considering that it is a plot point in the original movie, but... the execution is funny. The scene is about Nini and EJ's post-breakup tension and it shows. I just kind of wish now Miss Jenn had pulled Nini out and put Gina in, even just for this rehearsal — and I might or might not be saying this as a Portwell shipper.

Miss Jenn is done with the students' personal drama and honestly, I'm right behind her. These kids are being completely unprofessional — and well, I realise that we can't expect them to be professional at this stage, but... they could at least try to concentrate on rehearsal and not their personal lives for a second.

Ricky hugging a cushion is my spirit animal. That's it, that's the comment.

Ahhh the tension between EJ and Gina though... 'around here seniors don't follow sophomores' — well, we'll see how it goes, Mr. Senior.

What gives Nini the right to shout at strangers about their relationship? I am honestly so frustrated with her these days. Wonder why I never was during season 1. The reasons are all there.

'He loves you' — yeah, like a little sister, he does. Also, Ash is so precious, always trying to see the good in other people. EJ 1.0 is so lucky he had her as an example.

Ok, I'm not going to go into what an amazing best friend Big Red is because we all know that (plus I'm saving it for a certain scene in 1x5), but this must be so hard for him. I mean, he's trying his absolute best to help Ricky feel better and distract him from his problems, and Ricky is turning everything down. I mean, I guess I understand where he's coming from too, but I'm unable to look at things through the lead-centric lens alone anymore. I'm more aware of non-lead characters now (some more so than others) and this is putting a whole new spin on my perception of everything that happens.

I've got no idea how Big Red can sleep with all this noise, though. I could never. But to each their own.

'perfect on paper' — that's EJ 1.0 to a T. I've got to give Nini that.

Ricky wearing the pride t-shirt... we love to see it.

See, this is why I keep forgetting why I ever shipped Rini and then remembering again... their chemistry is just so on-again-off-again, and here it's definitely present, but I just need a couple with consistent chemistry, you know. Hey, isn't that kind of what All I Want is about? Kind of. I don't know. I've been unable to listen to that song ever since it got big irl. I have this... problem with media that becomes popular and mainstream... I mean, I never hold a grudge against things just for being popular, but I just... relate to underrated stuff much easier. Not because it's underrated, but it just so happens that nearly everything I like and relate to is underrated in some capacity. Even HSMTMTS itself — it's practically unheard of here in Bulgaria, so I would not have found it if I hadn't been looking for it specifically. Ok, this comment got derailed several times. I guess I'll just stop here and move right on to 1x5 at this point.

1x5: A bedazzled tablecloth, a perfectly balanced unicycle and bad reception at the barn... not the perfect ingredients, but they can still... Work This Out

'Miss Jenn says that's a life in the arts... well, that and almost constant unemployment' — alright, I know this line is not supposed to be funny, and that it's a painful reality for a lot of people, but... maybe it's the delivery. I just laugh every time.

See, this is what I mean when I say I want to see consistent chemistry — Seblos have it. I mean, I really don't want to jinx things, but... they do.

Big Red seems to be in a more... outspoken mood today, I guess you could say. Too bad Ricky is still shutting everything he says down. Seriously, Big Red and Seb should start a club for people who try their best to be there for their loved ones and still keep being shushed.

I might be super frustrated with nearly everything Nini says and does (can somebody please tell me why that is?), but... flushing her dress down the toilet? Major mood.

Listen, I love Miss Jenn and that she's close to her students, but... emerging from a toilet cubicle and inviting herself to Kourtney and Nini's girls' night was... Will Shuester level of questionable.

Ricky being the mature one about his parents separation is... I mean, it's admirable, but how did he move past the impending depression of last episode and towards being the one who tells his dad to get up and move on? Well, I mean, good for him. But I think the issue is far from buried yet.

'Friend of the year'? Ricky? I don't think so. First of all, if he were, he'd know that Big Red does not have two left feet. Wasn't it you, Ricky, who was stumbling over the steps in HSM a couple of weeks ago? You're one to talk. Plus Big Red's been listening and trying to help while you've just been spouting off about your personal problems for... how long has it been now? I get it, Ricky has issues that he needs to work through, but he's almost legally blind in both eyes when it comes to Big Red.

Ok, but Ricky is the epitome of 'cannot solve his own problems but has a suggestion on how everybody else should solve theirs' in this episode. Maybe take a step back and listen to your own advice?

'My parents think I'm bonding with the livestock' — I've got no idea why I find this line so funny, but I do. And I've got so much love for this entire scene. Carlos' reaction to Seb's response to his invitation is just... the most adorable thing ever! My heart might just burst. Especially given what we're about to go through tomorrow in 2x10... I am. Not. Ready.

The entire karaoke scene just reminds me of... pretty much every extended family reunion on my mum's side. Her cousins love karaoke and are also completely tone-deaf. I love it that they're able to have fun with it, but my ears are still recovering from my great aunt's birthday party two years ago.

'When did you become Nini?' — Why does Mr. Mazzara know so much about his students' dating lives? I mean, Miss Jenn does, too, but he doesn't strike me as someone as invested in them as her. Idk, it just struck me as kind of weird.

'I didn't agree to photos' — please, EJ, I'm sure you'll want memories from your first fake-dating gig with Gina... once you're no longer fake-dating, you know. Boy, these two are going to have stories to tell to their grandchildren.

I've said some stuff about Nini, but... 'a bedazzled tablecloth' is the funniest description I've heard for Gina's homecoming dress.

'Maybe it's not actually about you at all.' Yeah, you tell him, Reddy! Ricky needs to get over himself.

The way Big Red sniffs out the drama, though... I was not-so-randomly reminded of that moment in 2x9 where Seb was like Carlos. and Big Red was like, 'Are you guys fighting?'...

Big Red doing a comedic lip-reading of Gina and EJ's dramatic scene is absolutely hilarious. I might or might not have sold my heart and soul to him after seeing that scene for the first time. But I just remembered how he said earlier that maybe he can't read lips and that just makes this 100% funnier — he was basically like a child who can't read yet making up a story based on the pictures in a book, and I mean it in the best way possible. He's a theatre dark horse, this one, and they should all be intimidated — or inspired, whatever they choose — by his hidden talents. Gosh, I love this guy. But can you blame me?

'You think I'm actually going to confide in you?' — Absolutely. You can't bully someone from your position of authority over them and then act like you're their friend. I do know now that Mr. Mazzara has hidden depths, but he had no right to be as rude to Carlos as he was in 1x3. He was right about one thing, though — Carlos doesn't need a dance partner to dance.

Ricky saying he was going to apologise to Gina and counting that as an apology is giving me major TJ/ Buffy flashbacks. I wonder why that is... * sarcasm *

Nini feeling like a fraud makes me actually sympathise with her for a second. But I feel like Nini's flaw of defining herself through boys and Ricky in particular has been addressed one time too many now, since it was first addressed here in this episode. If they make her and Ricky get back together again in season 2, I will riot. [side note: I feel like the Born to Be Brave scene says a lot about both Rini and Seblos as couples. Nini and Carlos both feel, in the moments leading up to the song, like they are incomplete without their partners. Ricky, too, has built his personality entirely around Nini at that time (and is still not completely over that in s2). And then the song comes in to remind them that they don't need a partner to be happy. I'm just thinking of Big Red's 'perfectly balanced unicycle' comment from the promotional materials, and of how he and Ashlyn, even when they're dating in s2, are never portrayed as being incomplete without each other. I guess there's a reason why they're the Beta Couple of the show — their relationship drama is nearly non-existent, and when it does exist, it's just caused by them caring too much about each other. Every other couple on the show should learn from them.]

Everybody supporting Carlos during the Born to Be Brave number just warms my heart so much... I am actually crying real tears. And then the end, when Seb finally shows up, right in time for the slow dance... I have a lot of feelings about this scene.

Seblos' dialogue here still kind of makes me cringe a little... but like, in a good way.

Yikes... Miss Jenn's getting into trouble... I mean, it was bound to happen sooner or later. But she's lucky she's had enough time with her students for them to love her enough to fight for her. Still, this is a topic for another episode, and so I won't expand on it in this post.

Well, that's it. That was 1x4 and 5. Those were pretty much my favourite episodes when season 1 was airing. And I can definitely see why, even if my views on some things have changed due to stuff that happens later. But, as I constantly say, that's what rewatches are for. In other words, 'once more, with feeling this time' as my choir director used to say.

[hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis]

Virago 31. There’s a War Brewing

Summary: Y/N was sent to the ground after spending five years in the Skybox for stealing medical supplies and murder. How will she deal with her new environment and learn to survive on earth? Will she crack under the pressure of becoming a leader of the 100 or will she embrace it. 

Post Date: 03.26.21

Word count: 1.1k

Based off: 03x05 “Hakeldama”

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Reader

Masterlist

100 Master List

The next morning you wake up to Bellamy, Pike, and his followers walking in from the gates with guns in their hands and blood on their vests.

“I thought they were in lock-up?” You asked coming up to Octavia.

“Pike won as a write-in,” Octavia says. You didn’t say anything else as you watched them walk in from whatever they just did. “Bellamy, you okay?” Octavia asks making her way to her brother.

“I’m fine,” He replied practically ignoring her.

“What happened out there?” You asked, but he just walked past you.

“Lock it up,” Pike says as he walks into Arkadia. “Everybody, listen up. 24 hours ago, you elected me your Chancellor. Every action I’ve taken since, and every action I will take, will be to achieve one sacred goal. The creation of a self-sustaining, prosperous, and safe Arkadia. This morning, on a muddy field, our people paid tribute to those who have been taken from us by sending a message to the grounders. This land is ours now. Resist and you will be met by force. Fight and you will be greeted by death. Today is a new beginning. Mark it down, remember it just like the grounders will remember it,” Pike says to everyone outside.

Once Pike and his group were inside, Kane didn’t hesitate to approach Octavia and you. You all made your way through the halls of the Ark, “Is it true you tried to leave camp to see Indra yesterday?” Kane asks Octavia.

“Look, don’t you have more important things to worry about than who’s sneaking out of camp?” She asks back.

“As it turns out, that’s why you two are here,” Kane says as you and Octavia look around to where you stopped. “Indra signaled. She wants to meet. I’d go myself, but Pike’s watching everything I do now,” Kane explains.

“You want us to go see Indra?” You ask.

“I need you to,” He says handing us our machetes.

“If I can speak for the both of us. We’re in. But how do we get out? The gate is armed with--” You start as Kane lifts a panel on the wall.

“Crawlspace door in 20 feet, drops you outside the camp wall. Get out there. You find out what the hell happened and you report back here. Can you two do that?” Kane asks. 

“I was born for this,” Octavia says before Kane was called to the Chancellor’s office.

“Be safe,” Kane says to me.

“You too,” You say and head down the crawlspace after Octavia. 

You and Octavia make it out of Arkadia and head to the hill where the army was. When you got there, you couldn’t believe what they had done. There were dead grounders everywhere. The two of you made your way to the tent and found, Lexa, Clarke, Indra, and a few others inside.

“Octavia? Y/N? Where’s Kane?” Clarke says.

“He sent us,” You say.

“Indra. Thank god,” Octavia says sitting down next to her.

“How did this happen?” Lexa asks.

“Kane lost the election to Pike. Everything’s different,” You explain.

“Your people voted for this,” Lexa says.

“No. No, I don’t believe that” Clarke says.

“How would you know, Clarke? You haven’t been here,” You say.

“Listen to me. The grounder army is gonna be here in less than a day. I need to see Bellamy,” Clarke says.

“Bellamy was a part of this. He’s with Pike. What makes you think he’ll help us”? Octavia says.

“He saved Indra’s life. If what Octavia and Y/N is saying is true, then Pike trusts him. If I can get to him, he can get to Pike,” Clarke tells Lexa.

“You can’t just walk through the gates, Clarke. You’ve been living with their enemy. If it were me, I’d kill you on the spot,” Lexa says.

“We can get her in,” You say. The three of you head back to Arkadia and sneak Clarke in. You take Clarke to your room and wait there as Octavia gets Bellamy.

“Do you know what’s going on with Bellamy? I mean I can’t believe he’d do something like this,” Clarke says as you wait.

“Ater Gina died, he’s just been giving us a cold shoulder. And I think he just wants to avenge her,” You say before the door opens up.

“Now, I’m done,” Octavia says and walks out. You follow to allow them to speak alone.

“What happened?” You ask her.

“Lincoln and the rest of the sick grounders were interned. And he tried to tell me that I need to stop playing grounder. He just….ugh,” Octavia explains.

“Are you serious? For what?” You ask.

“For being grounders,” Octavia says.

“This is ridiculous. We need to figure out what the hell is going on,” You say.

“I agree,” Octavia says as you hear voices from down the hall. You recognized them as Bellamy and Clarke, which means this probably wasn’t good.

“Believe it or not, I’m doing this for your own good,” Bellamy says.

“Believe it or not, I’m doing this for yours,” Octavia says taking down the guard with them.

“You can’t just hit a guard,” Bellamy says.

“She just did,” You say.

“Let her go,” Octavia says.

“I can’t do that,” Bellamy responds.

“They’re coming,” Clarke says as we heard voices further down the hall.

“You two should go,” Bellamy says before Clarke takes a baton to Bellamy.

“Y/N, hurry up,” Octavia says and you try to find the key to unlock the cuffs. “Follow me,” She says after you find it. You all make it back to the panel where Kane and Abby were waiting.

“Mom?” Clarke asks as Kane takes no time to lift the panel. 

“We know what happened. We know what Pike did. Is there anything we can do to prevent retaliation?” Abby asks.

“Abby, hurry,” Kane says.

“We came here to give them Pike,” Octavia blurts out.

“He’s the duly elected Chancellor. Our people knew what they were voting for. Besides, he has the gaurs and all the guns. Can’t get close to him,” Kane explains.

“And that’s not the way we do things,” Abby says.

“Then maybe it’s time we changed the way we do things,” Octavia says as someone announces a security breach over the PA.

“You three need to go, now,” Kane whispers.

“What about Lincoln?” Octavia asks.

“You want to help him? Do it from outside. With this. The range isn’t great, stay close and wait for me to contact you. Go,” Kane says and hands Octavia a radio. The three of you quickly head into the crawlspace and head outside the wall. You and Octavia wait outside of the camp as Clarke goes to talk with Lexa.

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[twopoppies]

Hi Gina! I already know I'm going to struggle to frame this ask so my apologies in advance. I love Fanfiction ( as one does ) , I love it too much to attempt it , you know? Like, all of the Fanfiction I've read has been so good, so...... fascinating. I just don't see myself as someone who could ever come up with something so real and relatable but also beautiful with words. I marvel at everything, plot, character, scenes, visuals, all of it seems so perfect, so planned and meant to be. And I've never felt the urge to even attempt anything of that sort before. I did enjoy writing in the past, even got some praise , felt in my element doing it, but that was very long ago. And they were never proper stories or anything. More like essays mostly. Then, well, idk I got busy with other stuff and could never find the time or motivation to write.

Now, with the pandemic and being locked in for over a year ( and continuing ), my brain feels like a blur much too often. Too many thoughts, too much consumption of content , too much work and too much idle time up there to really make sense of anything. coupled with the anxiety that's been building for a year over the state of affairs in my country, conflict at home, unending doubts about important decisions in the future, I felt like I need a creative outlet again. I am a dancer but I've not been able to bring myself to create something with that either. So, I have decided that in an attempt to Indulge in a hobby - a way to relax - that does not require me to stare at a screen all the damn time or refresh my feed every two minutes, I've decided I want to fall back to writing. Anything really, irrespective of it making sense, being praiseworthy, just brain dumping on paper, putting things out of my mind. But I find journalling too difficult and overwhelming.

This has been a rant up until now I'm sorry🙈

My question is , I've read fanfic writers mention multiple times that they find writing fanfics therapeutic. And I know this is going to sound absurd but I really want to know how? I'm sure this is confusing and again, sooo sorry, but I really want to understand the process. How do you begin writing in a way that actually releases the tension, the pent up emotions. Do you project them onto your character, consciously? Do you write an alternative happy ending that you wish for? How do you make writing therapeutic? I hope you get my drift but I honestly understand if you don't.

Also, this is not limited to you, I'm sure you know a lot of fabulously talented writers who might have things to say too. This is after all, a classic " How to start" question and I'd love to hear the answers from the people whose writing I admire so much.

Thanks for your kindness, it enables me to send in random asks like this! Have a great day/night 💫

Hi sweetheart. So, first of all, i think everyone’s definition of what feels therapeutic will be different. For me, there are a few ways I approach that kind of thinking. Sometimes I just write because I have an idea stuck in my head and it won’t leave me alone until I get something on paper. Even if I never go anywhere with it, it feels good to let it out.

Sometimes there are concepts I’m struggling with or thoughts I have that get in my way irl, and it’s helpful to me to write through them… so, yes, I might give a character some of my inner world or my hang ups or what I wish I could be like, and it feels “therapeutic” to be able to work through it, or live through them, on paper.

I know that when @hazzabeeforlou wrote Promise in the Sky, one of the motivating factors was to work through a real life experience and give the characters the happy ending the they deserved. And when @indiaalphawhiskey wrote Our Lives, Non-Fiction, she gave Marcel many characteristics and insecurities and thoughts she has, herself. And when I wrote Literally Making Love, I knew I wanted Louis to have some of the introversion I do, and to explore a bit of what comes from that. I think @disgruntledkittenface has talked about how writing Harry’s character in her fic we should open up (before it’s all too much) really helped her process some issues she was struggling with at the time.

I don’t know that writers always start out with the intention of their work being therapeutic, but if there’s something specific you want to focus on and work through, I’d say either just start writing a scene, or if you want to write a whole fic, start to work on an outline of a story you want to tell that would allow you to explore what you want to dig into.

If there are some other authors who find writing therapeutic, maybe they can chime in with their processes or thoughts.