#but i do like a good chunk of them so i'm thinking 'what the heck'

[mikunology]

been trying to re-acquaint myself with the alphabetloids so I made a Yuma!

light kaga similarities because to me they're a len oshi lmaoo

[savage-rhi]

Fuchgenta??

[archonadeptus]

Hi ^^ ok so I got a spark of inspo and I want to get this out before I forget, Genshin x Creator! Y/n (GN) angst thing. Idea is that Creator y/n has a nightmare where their body is almost not their own and they're forced to watch themself kill all of their beloveds, then go to pov the Genshin characters and they have to watch y/n thrashing around saying little "no.."'s and "stop.."s while the Genshin characters are trying to wake them up and stop their suffering, :insert something with ur incredible imagination:, and then they finally wake up with a gasp and tears falling down their face and they hug the nearest character (say like Tighnari or someone else you choose ❤️) and then they just sob their heart out saying "I'm sorry...." Over and over again until they get comforted, then they tell the Genshin characters (I'm leaving the character choosing to you) what the nightmare was abt and then at the end they breakout crying all over again, then one big group hug later y/n is happy (but still very sorry and regretful) and it goes to fluff cuz I can't handle having my heart shattered, with y/n being a bit more clingy. The end. And ofc you don't have to do this req but it was an idea that I got just after reading one on your other fics, anywho have a good day/night/whatever the heck and take care of yourself, imma go cry bc this idea already shattered my heart thinking abt it. 🙂

A/N: Thank you so much for your request! I appreciate it so much~♡ I absolutely love this idea, I love Angst and comfort so much!! I truly hope that this is everything you were looking for. I hope I shatter all of your hearts and mend them again at the end with all of the fluff! Enjoy, lovelies.♡

Edit A/N: I got a little excited and carried away I'm so sorry it's so long omg.

Characters: Tighnari, Kazuha, Wanderer, Xiao, Zhongli

Warnings: A lot of Angst within the first section. Main character deaths (in the form of a dream), upsetting scenes, mention of a character ending their own life. A lot of comfort at the end!~ (The Angst is just a dream!)

Control.

Sitting upon your throne carefully crafted by only the most glorious chunks of cor lapis and most vibrant of flowers always felt a little too much for you. Yes, you had embraced being the creator long ago, but it still felt a little too much. The way everybody would bow to you, some even looking a little afraid. Why in Teyvat would any of your own creations fear you? Then again, why were you even in your throne room to begin with? This was reserved for occasions where your beloved acolytes had assured you that your presence specifically on the throne was important, you just had to address Teyvat from your rightful place. As far as you knew, there were no emergencies that needed tending to and nobody had told you to come here.

"Tell me, what makes you think I adore you all?" Who said that? Wait, that's your voice echoing off the marble walls. Why… Why do you sound so angry? Why is your voice void of any love? Silence fell upon the room, the pressure of the air seeming to thicken. "I do require a reply, that was in no way rhetorical." Your eyes narrowed, deep golden eyes glaring down at five of your acolytes beneath you, bowing lowly on the floor. You weren't controlling your own voice, nor were you controlling your own body. Why is this happening? They all look so afraid.

"M-my divine." Zhongli spoke first, daring to lift his amber hues to meet your own. "You created us. Everything is made with nothing but your own hands and abilities. Do you not love what you have created?-"

"Shut it, Morax." Your voice was so heavy in the air, the floors lightly rumbling with an ever-growing rage. "I did not ask for a rant, just a simple reply. And did I hear you questioning me?" You stood rather abruptly, Zhonglis eyes meeting the floor once again. You summoned a weapon made of nothing but pure golden swirls, you placed the tip beneath Zhonglis chin and lifted his gaze upward to meet yours again. "I simply detest you. My most loyal acolyte? What a lie." Kazuha seemed to slowly lift his gentle tear filled gaze up, his soft doe eyes meeting your own.

"B-beloved, he didn't mean it in the way you think. We truly adore you… But please…" The sword you now wielded left Zhongli causing his gaze to move away to the floor again, it now lifted up Kazuha's gaze to meet your own.

"Beloved?" You spat out, glaring down at him. "And you too dare to question my judgement?" He slowly shook his head, shutting his eyes tightly to try and will away his pretty tears threatening to spill down his dusted cheeks.

"I-im sorry, your grace." A smirk painted itself on your lips before you knelt down a little before him.

"Let me tell you a little secret, my dearest wandering samurai. You know your beloved Tomo?" His eyes immediately filled with love and pain at the mention of the fallens name. "I had so much fun controlling his fate, you know. His obsession with the Musou no Hitotachi was such a good plan. Do you know why I led your beloved to death?" He was trying to muffle his own sobs with his hands pressed against his mouth. You… You led Tomo to death? "Because I grew bored of him. I didn't want to play with him anymore. But my goodness, seeing you watch him die certainly was a treat. I mean, look at what it did for your character development!" Why were you telling lies? This wasn't you, why can't you stop yourself? "Do you want to know what he was saying before your arrival? He was begging me to spare him for longer, just so he could say goodbye to you. To ensure you were okay." You scoffed at this, "He didn't trust that you were safe with me." Kazuhas sobs now escaped his lips as his broken stare met your own. "Ah, but maybe he was correct. I'm bored of you too, Kaedehara Kazuha. Tell me now, how badly do you wish to see him again?"

"N-no please… T-this isn't you. S-stop, I beg of you, I'll do anything." Rolling your eyes you stood,

"Your begging no longer amuses me, Kazuha. Do you desire to see what Tomo saw upon his death? Let me show you…" Before he could even cry out his love for you and his apologies, you preformed the divine punishment upon him. Though this time, it was all golden. His body lay before you, your other acolytes whimpering at the sight.

"Now, Xiao my darling." He seemed the calmest of them all, his eternal suffering allowing him to mask his emotions easily. That now though was boring to you, you wanted to see him break. "You're nothing but loyal to me, right?" Your hand gently cupped his cheek, thumb rubbing against his skin in soothing circles. He nodded eagerly, eyes on your own.

"Yes, your grace."

"Would you do anything I ask of you, beloved?" Once again, another gentle nod as his faze softened at your touch.

"Yes, your grace."

"Good boy." With a smile, you gave him his Jade Spear again, standing with him. "Kill Morax."

"Y-your grace?" Zhonglis head snapped up at your words before gazing at Xiao with the Jade spear he once gifted him.

"You heard me, darling. Kill him, he's a traitor. Did you hear how he questioned me? Did you hear his lack of faith?" Xiao's hands gripped harder onto the spear before his eyes met Zhonglis again.

"Child, you must." He sighed, lowering his head. "It is what our creator desires. I deserve this punishment…" Xiao raised the spear as you smiled brightly, stepping back.

"Any last words, Rex Lapis?" Zhongli knelt on his knees, gazing up at Xiao.

"It was an honour to fight beside you, to raise you, and die by your hands my Adeptus. You are my strongest warrior, and you shall always shine like gold within my memories. Even during death." Xiao shook, eyes finally filling with tears. Did he… have to do this? Did he have to kill him… n-no. There must be another way for him. Immediately he lowered his spear and fell down to the ground before your throne once you sat back upon it.

"Your grace, please. Spare him, let me die in his place"

"Oh how boring. I would have thought you'd at least inflicted some damage. Not even offering Tighnari over there as a substitute? Or Wanderer? No?" Rolling your eyes you hummed. "Very well. Put on a show for me." Xiao simply nodded, Zhongli however stood and began to rush over to Xiao.

"No!" Golden chains soon shoved him to the ground. "You cannot make him do this! This is unjust, your grace." His eyes shone as he struggled against the ever strengthening chains.

"Unjust?" You smirked, "I see now that I sit before Rex Lapis and not Zhongli. Only the God of contracts would have the will of stone to dare question his creator." He growled lowly, golden markings forming upon his skin.

"Do not lay a hand upon him." You giggled, throwing your head back in glee against your throne.

"Me? Lay a hand upon him? No, no. I think you'll find yourself quite mistaken there, Morax. For he shall kill himself." Without another word needed from you, Xiao did just as you had said. He laid there before your throne, body weak as he whined and reached for you within his final moments. At this, you simply smacked his hand away and sighed. Zhongli was screaming with rage at this point, nothing but agony filling his body. Wanderer and Tighnari simply sat there and watched it all.

"H-how could you kill off your own acolytes like this?"

"Ah look who's finally decided to join this wonderful discussion of ours~ If another word leaves your lips, I too shall end you Tighnari. I'm not interested in you right now…" Your golden eyes drifted over to wanderer. "I'm interested in him."

You knew Wanderer was panicking, all of the memories about being abandoned, tortured and broken replaying in his head. You were watching his memories and his thoughts, they made the real you scream in upset. Surely all of this wasn't happening right now?

"My dear Wanderer." His doe eyes gazed at you longingly. Ah, so this wasn't Wanderer. This was your beloved Kunikuzushi, before you got bored and put him through suffering so all of his love and loyalty would belong to you. "My darling Kuni… You love me, don't you?"

"Y-yes my divine." You smiled brightly, moving over to him and removing his hat to pat his head.

"Good boy. How will you prove your love to me, Kuni?" He scrunched his eyebrows in thought, it was almost beyond adorable.

"However you see fit. You have all of me, my Divine." You smiled brightly before humming again.

"Then perish just for me? Just like Xiao?" He simply nodded almost like he was in a trance.

"Yes, my divine."

No. No. No. No! No!

"NO MORE!" Your eyes snapped open as you threw yourself up into a sitting position, out of it and seeming to be in a half awake dream state. You were pushing whoever was around you away, whilst simultaneously trying to pull them closer.

"What's going on? Your grace, wake up now." Wanderer sighed whilst trying to hold you still to prevent you from hurting yourself in your panic.

"Hey, hey!" Was that Wanderer? "Calm it down love… Wake up." You began to scream, the dream still feeling so real. Tears rapidly rolled down your face as firm hands gripped onto your shoulders. "Hey! Fox boy! Get here now!" In any other circumstance, if you were fully awake, you would have giggled at Wanderers words. But not now, not when you killed them all. Not when you forced Tighnari and Zhongli to witness such brutal deaths.

"Seriously?! 'Wake up now?' That's all you could think of saying? I tried that already!" He growled lowly as he struggled to keep you calm, your cries and screaming tearing at what heart he wished he had.

"Our divine can hear our voices, that will keep them grounded onto something and saying 'wake up' just proves to them they're in a dream." Tighnari snapped lightly whilst fumbling in his bag before pulling out an orb filled with plants. "Hold them still!"

"What does it look like I'm trying to do? I'm not just sitting here for my own amusement." He spoke harshly to others, but his lips moved by your ear as he whispered. "Shh, I've got you. Everythings alright now, I'm here, I've got you. Love… Come back to me." At his gentle tone, your screams lessened into light whimpers. This prompted Tighnari to place the orb beneath your nose, and once the sharp smell of several herbs filled your senses your eyes snapped open.

"KAZUHA!" You panted, starting to cry again hiding within Wanderers arms. "X-xiao! Wanderer- What have I done?!" Tighnari immediately moved the orb away, tucking it back into his bag as he cupped your cheeks so you looked at him. Wanderer was a little taken aback at the possessive feeling within him especially after hearing you call his name like that. He'd never seen you look so helpless, almost like the way he once was when he was known as Kunikuzushi. Tighnari offered you the most reassuring smile he could,

"Hey there my Lotus, we've got you now. You're here darling, you're away from that place." Your whimpers shattered his heart, yet due to calling his name you didn't see Xiao rapidly approaching.

"Get away from them! What happened?" He moved to push them away to check to ensure you were alright, but Wanderer just shoved him away with his leg as he continued to hold you.

"Watch yourself little Adeptus, don't take what isn't yours." Xiao opened his mouth to say something more before Zhongli cut them off once walking into the room.

"Do not upset our Divine any further, your rage is distressing them." Xiao gazed at your tear stained face, but once your shaky hand reached up to his cheek curiosity filled his mind from your words.

"You're alive…"

"Yes, I am alive." He responded quickly, confused as to why you were asking. His debt didn't affect him whilst you were there, why would he be dead? Your head turned to see Wanderer holding you safely in his arms.

"Wanderer… My Kuni - you're alive too." Your eyes trailed around the room to try and find Kazuha. Where was he? Did you actually kill him whilst that horrible nightmare possessed your body? "Kazuha. Where is Kazuha?" You immediately stood up despite shaking, it felt like your body was still gaining its rightful strength after your dream. As you heard once in a previous life, all dreams pass a realm of reality. You tried to move forward, only for Xiao to hold you safely as you fell a little. Zhongli placed his hand upon your back,

"Tighnari, please go and get the samurai. I believe this is the only way we can calm them." Tighnari nodded before giving you one last look before leaving to quickly go and find Kazuha. He was always wandering your serenitea pot lands at this time, he wouldn't be too hard to track down. They soon moved you back down to sit upon the sofa again trying to keep your attention on them and not on the nightmare.

"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." Your tone was filled with nothing but heartbreak, your tears rolling down your flushed cheeks once again. "I'm sorry, please forgive me. Please don't hate me, I don't think I can bear it." Your soft sobs and begging flickered panic within your acolytes' hearts. Their own creator was begging them… This felt so wrong.

A bang from the main door made you jump whilst the others summoned their weapons to protect you, Wanderer standing in front of you to shield you with himself.

"Your grace!" The sound of Kazuha's voice made you sob out in relief as you pushed past to bring him into your arms, fist clinging onto Xiao's clothes as you held him.

"You're alive. You're both alive - you're okay." Taking a shaky breath in between your sobs you continued to cry out apologies. "I'm sorry, I'm so truly sorry." Falling to your knees, the wandering samurai and adeptus followed your lead and dropped to their knees with you to bring you into their warm embrace.

"My beloved divine, I am here now. I'm so sorry I'm late, dearest. I won't leave your side now okay?" You nodded against his warmth, hiccuping as after a while your sobs slowed.

"I killed you. I killed you Kazuha, fed you dreadful lies then killed you." Taking a jagged breath inward, your eyes met Xiaos. "You ended your own life due to my words in return for me sparing Morax. I- … I then went to kill Wanderer the same way as Xiao before waking. I forced Tighnari to watch all of it, I was so horrid I couldn't control my own body. Please, forgive me." A cup of cold water was soon brought to your lips by Tighnari as both anemo users held you closer. Softly sniffling, you began to drink slowly before coughing a little.

"Gentle, your grace. Do not rush…" Xiao gazed at you sorrowfully before looking downwards.

"No, you do not need to be forgiven. I do. If I was here, I would have destroyed the dream before it dared to even look upon you."

"Xiao," Zhongli began, his hand upon Xiao's head with a gentle smile. "Not now. This wasn't your fault, nor was it our divines. Bad dreams happen, I've seen my fair share during my lifetime. Many were brutal from the archon war." He sighed lightly, placing his hand carefully upon your cheek trying to comfort you. "But you see, dearest, they are a manifestation of our worst thoughts. Something that you would never do turns into something so real. We are all okay now, my divine, we're all here." His touch grounded you even more as he slowly lifted your now fragile form up and into his arms before getting you comfortable back on the sofa. Wanderer was sitting beside you, hand fiddling with the divine material of your clothing. Your gentle voice was but a whisper, but it made him practically melt.

"Please, hold me?" You didn't have to ask twice. You were immediately against his chest, safe and warm. A warm hand upon your back making soothing circles. Sure, you couldn't feel any heartbeat to ground you, but he was trying by channelling power through his vision to slowly bring it to life to mimic a heartbeat.

"Your grace, you can tuck your hands into my tail. You seem chilly… And don't worry, that was a case of a night terror and sleep paralysis. I've got little herbs to ensure that won't happen to you again." He paused, smiling as you held onto his tail. A light giggle escaped your lips as Xiao moved over to dry your tears. "We know we're safe with you, just like you know you're safe with us."

"What're you looking at, grandpa? They're safe with me, they don't need any extra. Move aside." Wanderer smirked before sticking his tongue out at Zhongli causing the archon to sigh. Though he buried his head against your neck as you held onto him hiding into his warmth with only a gentle whisper to be shared between you both. "I'm not going anywhere, yeah? I won't abandon you, and you won't abandon me. I've got you, I'll keep you safe." He pressed a gentle fleeting kiss to your shoulder before Tighnari took the place beside you, his tail soon brushing against your hand.

"Such a thing won't happen again." Xiao stated a matter of factly, crossing his arms against his chest. He'd be keeping a closer eye on your dreams now, so do not fret.

"And even if it did…" Kazuha's voice soon joined in, leaning over the sofa to fiddle with your strands of hair. Oh how you melted his heart, creator. "We will forever be here to pull you out of the world of dreams. They shall never hold onto you forever, but we shall do so."

"I agree with Kazuha, your grace. Forgive our selfishness, but you cannot get rid of us so easily. We shall forever be here with you and we won't ever lose you. As, my beloved, you shine like gold to us and us alone."

You're safe with them now, and believe me when I say you don't leave their arms for a long while. They never complain about this of course as this is all they want. You.♡

You have the control, your grace. Nothing like that will ever occur unless you desire so.

[askthe-r-m-au]

I'm sick and it's the middle of the night...

Yall know what that means...

R-M FIC TIME!!!! :D

Uhh yeah It's been a while since I did chapter 1 (link right here) so I think nows the time to continue!

Man I wish I could just copy paste stuff from my brain-

Uhh so ye let's go

[The Ring-Misstress Chapter 2: A Promotion]

Several days have passed since Pomni and Caine became "coding buddies." Or- since Pomni made her ultimate plan to find the exit. Other than that, it was actually kinda nice. The more time she spent fixing things around the circus, the less time she'd have to spend alone in a room that wasn't hers. Just doing mundane things... heck, maybe that's all she needed...

☆Well then, looks like we're done for the day!! Great work as always, Pomni!☆

And just like that, the mundane was over.

♧Oh... uh, thanks...♧

☆I best be off for now then! Oh-! Don't be late tomorrow morning, because I have some news for all of you!!☆

He looked up to see the Jester walking away, giving a weak thumbs up.

☆Alright then, goodnight, my dear!☆

Pomni shut the door behind her and crawled into bed. She lay there, staring at the ceiling as she recollected the days events. She thought about the last thing Caine brought up. "News? What was so important that they all needed to know??" Part of her kind of dreaded it, but...

Another part of her didn't.

Meanwhile, Caine slowly flew down the circus hall. He, too, reflected on the work they got done today. He was proud of it, really he was!! But... he wondered what caused these sorts of bugs in the first place. He thought about the first time pomni fixed a line of code. What even happened to bubble that day?? He's never seen him glitch like that before. It almost looked like a-

°○ Hi boss...○°

Speak of the devil...

°○All these new textures sure look shiny...○°

Bubble chimed, staring at the wall and licking his lips.

☆Bubble, if you so much as Touch a PIXEL, I-☆

Bubble began gnawing on the wall, ignoring Caine's sterness.

"Pop!"

The ringmaster let out an annoyed sigh, snapping his fingers to fix the wall.

"Just how is he going to deal with Bubble now?! With the big important stuff coming up, his behavior certainly wouldn't do..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The next morning, Caine eagerly woke everyone up, including Pomni. They all quickly gathered to the main stage, ready for whatever nonsense Caine had to give them today.

☆Good morning, Superstars!! Now, you are all aware that I have some very important news today!!☆

•Yeah, yeah, we get it. What's soooooo important dentures?•

☆I'm glad you asked, Jax!! As you may have noticed, the graphics look much more polished now!☆

Everyone collectively looked around. He was right. The circus did look more high-quality.

◇Yeah, and?◇

☆As you are also aware, this place is usually inactive. BUT, I've noticed more of these enhancements, AND, some developers' notes! (Which I haven't found in a while actually) Seems like the game is finally being published!☆

The crew were confused for a moment, but then it hit them. How could they forget this was a kids' game? This place was about to get a lot more crowded... with children nonetheless! They could barely survive this place, let alone could kids!!

This was not good...

���Uhh, exactly how much time do we have before the game launches..?♧

☆Probably within the next couple of days. So, we should have a little bit of time to-☆

The group was interrupted by a loud "Thud," followed by glitching noises coming from the hallway.

☆... I... I'm gonna go investigate. Pomni, mind if I pull you aside for a second?☆

The Noises in the Distance didn't sound like any normal code bug... but what choice did she have.

They followed the glitching sounds to the hallway entrance, Pomni jumped slightly when Caine suddenly froze to a stop.

☆...Bubble?☆

At the end of the hallway stood Bubble, only larger and heavily corrupted, covered in glitches and code. He kept biting chunks of code from the wall, making him increase in size.

☆My, how did this happen??☆

Bubble didn't reply and continued eating away at the code.

☆Uhm, hello??☆

♧CAINE I DONT THINK NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK QUESTIONS...♧

☆Ah, of course! Now... let's fix this up!!☆

Caine snapped his fingers to no success.

☆Okay, Pomni, any ideas?☆

♧Me? Uhm...♧

She noticed an odd looking piece of code in the center of Bubble's corruption

♧K-keep him distracted! I think I have an idea!♧

Caine followed orders, snapping the walls fixed, making Bubble eat them again, and then He'd fix them again, so on so fourth.

As He kept Bubble Occupied, Pomni snuck behind Bubble and Snagged the strange line of code. Bubble slowly returned to normal size but remained slightly glitchy and corrupted.

♧Got it!!♧

She held it up for Caine to see.

☆Hold on a second... are you sure that's what caused it??☆

♧Well, yeah, I-♧

Caine cut her off, sounding almost confused.

☆That's... That's his central code... he's always had that...☆

Pomni thought for a moment... "That's weird... it looked an awful lot like a virus code..."

☆Well, now what??☆

Pomni stood in silence for a second... she wasn't sure how Caine would take this. But they didn't have much choice.

♧Looks like you're gonna have to pop him one last time...♧

Caine slowly reached his index finger towards Bubble.

"Pop!"

The glitching stopped. And the stray peices of code faded away.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

•Man, where on earth are those two?!•

◆Hey, I'm pretty sure it takes em a while to fix things◆

•Well yeah, but it definitely shouldn't take more than 20 minutes! I'm outta here.•

◇Honestly, this is the one time I agree with you.◇

Just as the crew were about to go back to their rooms, Caine and Pomni made their return.

♧Heheh... we're back...♧

☆Apologies for that, superstars...☆

•Well it's about time!! What happened back there??•

The pair stood in silence for a long time...

☆So... Bubble is dead.☆

A few of the cast simultaneously gasped, visibly confused, and surprised.

♧L-let me explain. Turns out Bubble... was a virus. He was eating the place inside-out, so we kinda sorta had to...♧

•Eh, whatever. I never liked the guy anyway! He was pretty annoying. Good on you two.•

The others collectively chattered to eatch other.

☆Well, now that that's out of the way... that's really all I have for you. You're all free to go. I have plenty of work to do!☆

The cast all started towards the hallway to their rooms, as usual. Pomni began to follow them when Caine stopped her.

☆Pomni... I have one more favor I need from you.☆

♧Hm?♧

Caine seemed strangley less energetic.

☆I know this is on rather short notice, but... with my- lack of an assistant... I was thinking...☆

He snapped his fingers, and in front of Pomni was a new string of code

☆How would you like a promotion??☆

♧...as what??♧

She examined the jumble of numbers in front of her.

☆As my Co-host!!☆

♧...Gee, I dunno... I don't think I-♧

☆May I add, being my assistant, has its benefits!! You'd share my capabilities! You'd be able to help fix things full time and help with making future adventures!!☆

She thought about it for a moment... she wouldn't have to go on any adventures. Just make them. Also, this gave her a chance to get closer to Caine. Again, to get answers about the exit...

☆Well..?☆

She looked down at the code again... this could be her chance...

She reached out and touched the Code...

With a quick flash, it suddenly disappeared. Or so she thought at first.

She looked down at herself to see that her model had changed. It was a lot higher in quality. Her Jester hat had decreased in size and wrapped around a larger yellow top hat, similar to Caine's. As well as blue and red stripped leggings and a splitting coat tail. Next to her floated a red and blue striped cane (or more of a wand in size). She looked down at her new features and looked back up at Caine.

☆How do you feel?☆

♧... Well, it definitely does look nice.♧

☆Now that's the spirit!!☆

Caine beamed at his new assistant. He then looked down at his own model.

☆Heh, suppose I need an upgrade too!☆

With a snap of his fingers, his model was also polished. Brighter, bolder colors, and star embroidery on his hat and the back of his coat.

☆Well, we've got the looks right! Now, let's get to work kn adventures!! Any suggestions??☆

♧Hm... Maybe we can start making them a little more... mundane...♧

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Holy moly this was waaaaaaaay longer than chapter one-

This was alot-

I feel like crap rn-

Uhh, yeah, you know the drill. Ask Caine Pomni and Voz, ask me maybe, check out my main acc [ @dayseedrawz2 ]

Buh bye chat

[chimakiisane]

I read the post about being disheartened and taking down the public demo for 4.8, and I'm honestly so shocked at how the OFF fandom has changed. (And wondering what the heck the fangame community turned into)

I got into OFF pretty early in the 2010's, dropped out of the tags for a few years, and have been getting back into the fandom slowly these past few months (I've been meaning to get back into the fandom much, much sooner but got intimidated by how much has changed ;_; I do regret not coming back sooner). I remember being so excited for the fangames, ask blogs for OCs, and just stuff people made and being able to interact. It's sad to hear that it's changed into something dreary :(

I understand why you took down the public demo; I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with the weight of rude or cruel comments nor the disheartening. But whenever you're ready to re-release the demo (and I don't mean to add pressure--that's not what I intend to do since mental health comes first), I'll definitely be there to play it!

I put the demo link back up when the OFF remaster on Steam and Switch was announced, don't worry. I still feel anxious about it all, but I'm hoping the resurgence will make a difference.

But yeah, I really do love this community and the amazing people I've met through it, but the ever growing hostility and negativity that I've seen quite a lot of people give towards a good chunk of fangames has been so saddening. I wish I knew what the heck happened that made people become so hateful and bitter towards us and the hard work we pour out to give everyone free content to play. And yes, people are allowed to not like certain ones, but this has gone far beyond, "This one isn't my favorite." It's just straight animosity.

Having been here for about 12 or so years now, I remember when people used to be so excited to play the next upcoming fangame that would pop out of nowhere and race to be the first to stream or record it. I really miss those days and hope that perhaps things will steadily return to them, even if not entirely. I want future devs to feel welcome and comfortable creating something out of the love they felt from OFF especially now that there will be new lore added to it to expand upon. I know, even though I probably won't be as active once mine is done, I will still support them and lend a helping hand as I always do to help them get started if I am able.

If you do end up playing ONE, let me know what you think! I can also give you some of my own personal recommendations of fangames to play, too!

[zhaohuis-lost-walnut]

Hasen: Two Sides of the Same Coin

[spoilers up to chapter 215]

In my Guo Weili hate post I mentioned how QJJ shows how some of the nation's influential men that have made positive change also engage in bad behavior. Now I want to focus on the opposite if you will.

From Dazhou's perspective, the Biansha Tribes are a universal enemy. Yeah, Shen Zechuan and co got serious beef with Qudu, but they can both agree the Biansha pose a serious threat.

Hasen is Amu'er's son and one of the "big bads" in this narrative, if you will. But unlike how I want to watch Guo Weili grovel at Gu Jin's mercy, I genuinely like Hasen. From his first introduction I couldn't help but smile at this guy who blushes when he gets complimented. A guy who looks up to his father and understands he has big shoes to fill. A guy who wants to fight for his people that he feels have been mistreated and suffer unfairly. A guy who is absolutely infatuated with his childhood sweetheart.

Hasen is a member of the Biansha Tribes, and yet he's more likable than Guo Weili, a literal Libei Armored Cavalry General. And what I really like about this is how it amplifies how human these characters are. There are very few characters are that very skewed "evil" or "good". Most of them are shades of grey.

Hasen nearly killed Xiao Chiye and successfully killed Xiao Fangxu. And yet I can't bring myself to even dislike him. Because from his perspective, he's fighting for his nation and avenging people he loves. His brother-in-law died at Xiao Fangxu's hands so he wanted to get back at him. Even when he was attacking Xiao Chiye, it wasn't personal, Xiao Chiye simply got in the way of his goals.

While it's true the Biansha Tribes have done horrible things--the inciting incident for the entirety of this story for example--but I don't like lumping everyone together. Simply because the same could be said for Dazhou's actions. The nation's governing bodies and noble clans have hurt their own people. The rich get richer while they watch common folk starve. The noble clans kill those who try to bring positive change and endanger the entire nation for their own petty gains. Going as far to hold back back Qidong and Libei as if they aren't the only forces preventing the Biansha to make a Zhongbo out of all of Dazhou.

The Biansha have their own societal corruption as well. There is a tribal hierarchy amongst them. Some tribes are considered better than others, and some are used as slaves. They take advantage of the Scorpions and make promises they have no intentions of keeping. Even the Biansha SLAVES look down on the Scorpions as if they aren't on the same boat.

Both sides of the border have their own infighting going on and it makes everything feel all so real. I love how complex the politics are. I love how vast the conspiracies go. And I love how there are even sub groups working towards their own goals. The Imperial Court, the various bandits, King Yi, the Scorpions, Amu'er, Qidong, Libei, Zhongbo under Shen Zechuan's control and so much more. I'm so invested in it all!

Man, this post is barely about Hasen. I do be rambling.

I love how you can look at events from different angles and see a whole different perspective. One of my favorites being Xiao Fangxu's conquering of Libei: it's framed as this incredible win for Dazhou, but to the Biansha, they lost access to farmable land and it exasperated their food issue even more. I'm not here to debate whether Xiao Fangxu is an evil colonizer, but I do think it's interesting to think about his action's implications and how you could make a case for the Biansha being victims of his *insert really smart word here*. The Biansha leveled a good chunk of Zhongbo, but how many Biansha perished in Xiao Fangxu's conquest?

There are Biansha that defect to Dazhou and those of Dazhou that defect to the Biansha. Heck, when Lu Guangbai went rouge, a lot of people thought he was gonna link up with Amu'er (as if bro would let Lu Guangbai join his clerb after killing so many Biansha. Let's use our brains). Lei Jingzhe dipped to become a Scorpion and Hairigu escaped to Dazhou to escape the conflict in Gedale. I honestly chuckled a little in Chapter 215 when Bayin reported to Hasen that Hairigu is now Zhongbo's slave. Like, Hairigu is an employee. I think it's very telling that Bayin assumed that Hairigu is a slave when he sees him working with Xiao Chiye; as if they can't fathom someone (attempt) treating Scorpions right and paying them for their labor ToT I'm not sure if Hairigu is "happy" at his post, but he's at least being compensated along with some of his peers that Shen Zechuan accepted as his own and provides for.

Okay, okay. I really just wanted to yap about how much I like Hasen and I actually got emotional when he got married, but I ended up doing all this lol. I appreciate that the narrative doesn't really frame any side as being "right". The Biansha do the things that they do out of desperation. And rather than faulting the collective, some of them just take apprehensible action; Even the sadistic hostility some of the members display could be considered a symptom of generations of suffering. Chapter 133 highlighted this perfectly. While Huhelu wanted to torture and kill the Libei craftsmen they captured, Bayin wanted to be humane to the prisoners of war. I'm not trying to say Bayin is "one of the good ones", but rather what is important to each individual character is different. Bayin sees the battle as being won so there is no need for more violence. While Huhelu relishes in it as a show off of his power and to command fear.

Another perfect parallel is the Zhonbo bandits. They get up to some heinous crap, but amongst them are war veterans who only joined because they didn't want to starve. It doesn't make their crimes okay, but it shows how "good people" can partake in bad systems. Perpetuating others' hardships at the alleviation of their own.

At the end of the day, what both sides want is to prosper. But both nations have corruption and ignore the suffering of those they don't care about. Both nations have deep rooted evil... but they also have good.

Even the story points out how similiar Hasen and Xiao Chiye are. The only real difference is the side of the war they're on. Truthfully, I'm rooting for both of them to find peace for their people. In another world, they could have been good friends or rivals in the same veign as Xiao Fangxu and Qi Shiyu. They could have gone on double dates with their wives and compete in horse races together.

They're all human. Hasen has killed people important to Xiao Chiye. And Xiao Chiye has done the same to Hasen. The cycle continues, which is unfortunate, but both sides are too prideful to concede at each other's injustices which I understand.

I love QJJ man! I love all the characters and how complex they are!

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Hayley's Completely Self-Indulgent and Borderline Ridiculous Bill Cipher Playlist (Part 1)

Just gonna go for it and make a masterpost of all the songs (video links included) I've got on my Bill playlist so far.

'So far' being the key words; I've added over a hundred songs at this point and will probably add more in time. Whether it's songs I think Bill would like, songs that just remind me of Bill, the most obnoxious songs to hear on a party playlist, songs connected to the side of himself he tries to bury in lies, or songs that I'll admit are a bit of a stretch but they still remind me of Bill so I added them anyway, I've got a little bit of everything here.

I do take requests for songs to add but also don't make fun of me for some of the more obvious and basic choices because I know. I know. But also I can do whatever I want forever.

I did put some small reasons/infodumps next to each song, to explain why I picked them. Or I'll just say that it had Bill vibes to me and leave it at that.

Anyway, for anyone interested (if you actually read all my little blurbs, massive props to you), the first chunk of songs are listed below. Just a heads up, it's LONG and this is only the first part:

Mariana & The Diamonds - Oh No! - Yeah, obviously. Obviously.

Taylor Swift - Death Note ｢AMV｣ Look What You Made Me Do - I said it before, I'll say it again; Death Note AMV creators can turn water into wine and every time I watch this one, I can't stop picturing the song from the POV of a manipulative, power-hungry bastard with a God Complex. So you know, Bill. But only specifically in this context, it doesn't hit as hard without the AMV.

Fall Out Boy - Centuries - Listen to the lyrics of the chorus. That's Bill. Like...that's Bill. The rest of the song has a lot of really good Bill lyrics as well.

Scissor Sisters - I Can't Decide - Shut up. SHUT UP. I knew about the song WAY before it was ever applied to Bill. Heck, I knew about this song way before Bill even existed so SHUSH. But like, come on. Sometimes a song choice is overapplied to a character for a reason; it works.

Creature Feature - The Greatest Show Unearthed - I think my teenage self would strangle me if I didn't put at least one Creature Feature song on here. Lucky for him, I've put more than one. But the other one comes later. ...Did I add it? I should check that.

Voltaire - Land of the Dead - Speaking of teenage Hayley's tastes, time for the Voltaire songs I've definitely just added because of the 'I'm 13 and this is Deep' vibes. But also Voltaire fucks severely and every Bill playlist should have at least one of his songs on it, in my personal opinion.

Voltaire - When You're Evil - Once again, I'm 13 and this is Deep, but also tell me you can't imagine Bill singing this to himself. No, not in a sexy way in a human body who looks like Oregonian Onceler, in the edgy teenager way where you thinks you're the most evilest evil in the entire world but you're really just going through puberty and also probably transgender, but you don't know that yet.

Voltaire - Death Death (Devil, Devil, Evil, Evil, Song) - Once again, edgy teen who thinks he's the most evilest evil in the entire world (I don't think Bill is actually irredeemably, unquestionably evil, he'd just really vibe with 'Ooh I'm so evil! I'm such a bad guy!' songs).

I'm pretty sure this is the last Voltaire song for now, unless I added Brains! somewhere down the line and forgot. (Also just a mild warning but this song DOES use the f-slur, if that bugs you)

The Greatest Showman Cast - The Other Side - Sighs. Look. It's a Bill and Ford song to me. I don't even mean romantically or anything, just LISTEN to it. That's them. If there were a Gravity Falls Musical, dedicated to recreating the entire show through song and dance, the two of them meeting for the first time would have a song exactly like this. I refuse to apologize for this choice. Also a Gravity Falls musical would rule, someone should make that eventually.

Italobrothers - My Life is a Party - Just the first of my many Dragostea Din Tei choices for this playlist. I really like the original, okay? And I usually end up attached to people who try to remix it/make a new song outta it. This one has the bonus of also being a fun party song.

David Guetta, Bebe Rexha - I'm Good (Blue) - Speaking of the first choice of a song I have multiple times on this playlist in some form. I don't care what anybody says, I think this song is a lot of fun and I think Bill would have it on one of his party playlists somewhere. Probably the Nightcore version, it's a lot quicker and makes for a better fistpumping song, in my personal opinion.

Set It Off ft. William Beckett - Wolf In Sheep's Clothing - Yeah, I'm not explaining this one, you get it.

Vocaloid (made by Fukase) - ‘Cause I’m a Liar - I actually don't like this one all that much, and I can feel everyone's judgment about having a fucking Kokichi Ouma fansong on here. But the lyrics don't lie. Or...I guess they do. It's a song about being a liar, that's the joke. (Also slight content warning but the video has a lot of flashy effects, so take caution!)

Kesha - Blow - Of course we've gotta have some Kesha. There will be more. She needs no explanation.

Kesha - TiK ToK - Once again, not explaining myself. It's Kesha.

Taylor Swift -【AMV】Death Note - Blank Space - What I said about the last Death Note AMV with a Taylor Swift song. It just works so well for a manipulative guy like Bill, but only when set to Death Note specifically. Why? I have no idea, it just hits different. It's like eating crackers with cheese whiz: not a healthy or fantastic snack by any means but sometimes I just want some junk food. Except this junk food manipulates people.

Kesha - Take It Off - Once again, will not explain my Kesha choices. You understand that Bill and the Henchmaniacs would be Kesha girlies or you don't.

Neil Cicierega - It's Gonna Get Weird - Giggles. Also funny enough, I don't listen to this all that often. Dunno why.

Gravity Falls Soundtrack - Is It Bottomless - Triangulum Entagulum - I mean, yeah.

Gravity Falls Soundtrack - A Very Tricky Triangle - I mean, yeah x2. I don't care if this might be cheating, I can do what I want. But also, isn't this such a FUN instrumental? I love the music they use for him in the show SO much. It's so sinister and otherworldly. Top-notch soundtracking.

Voltaire - Brains! - Oh, hey, I did add Brains! to this. Anyway, we can tell I was a Billy and Mandy kid so I'm gonna project that onto Bill. Also I'm 90% sure this is the last Voltaire song I have on the list. For now.

Trolls 3 - Mount Rageous [Extended Edition] - This is absolutely one of my most self-indulgent picks on the list, especially because I went straight for the one that includes the Sweet Dreams part of the song (because I guess the soundtrack doesn't actually have it?)

Anyway, it's a song all about faking it to make it, sung by people who have gone on to manipulate everyone around them by using others for their own abilities. So I think I at least have SOME excuse to connect it to Bill. Maybe? Possibly? I think so. Plus it fucks and actually got me to semi-care about the Trolls films again.

Alex Hirsch - We'll Meet Again - Giggles again.

Marina and The Diamonds - Bubblegum Bitch - Insert that post about always understanding whenever someone slaps Bubblegum Bitch onto a character playlist. That character's Miss Sugar Pink Liquor Liquor Lips now. Admittedly I don't have any other real reason for it to be on here, other than its extreme levels of cunt. Maybe Bill adds it to his party mix at Pyronica's request or something. Now THERE'S a Bubblegum Bitch.

Rihanna - Disturbia - Another song that gives me Bill and Ford vibes. Pretty self-explanatory, probably. Probably?

Malia J - Smells Like Teen Spirit - I also have the original version and the Weird Al parody down further on the playlist, and I tie them all to Bill in different ways. This one's for his more ominous and sinister side, where it's like 'I'm coming and I'm not leaving :)', whereas the original touches more on the 'teen/young adult revolutionary' side of things and the Weird Al cover is just because Weird Al. Also this cover is so pretty and chilling to me.

David Guetta ft.Sia - Titanium - This one's kind of a 'I could take it or leave it on here' song, admittedly, but also it gives me pre-Second Dimension-Destruction Bill vibes, in a twisted kind of sense. Like, he feels all powerful and like nobody can stop him...as he proceeds to make the worst mistakes of his life and destroys everything he knows. Might stew on this one and potentially remove it, but it can stay for now.

Ricky Martin - Livin' La Vida Loca - I feel like this one speaks for itself. He's insane. He's cah-RAZZYYYYY. Also it's a fun party song.

Freak Kitchen - Freak of the Week - This one just fucking rules. I'll admit connecting it to Bill outside of the title is a stretch, it's more a critique on people so desperate to achieve fame and fortune that they'll go as far as putting their own lives in danger to get it, whereas Bill is more likely to put others in danger to achieve his own goals.

But also he was willing to destroy the universe with himself inside it, for the sake of the most wild party imaginable. Also, desperate to seek fame and fortune without considering the dangers necessary to get there? Could always stretch further, say it's a Bill and Ford song. Either way, I'm keeping it on the playlist.

Christina Milian - Am to Pm - I've just really liked this song since I was like, ten, and it's a fun party song. Not all of Bill's party songs have to be super annoying, sometimes they can be bops. The bops make you lower your defenses. So when he drops a What Does The Fox Say? down the line, you're completely blindsided. Yes, it will be on here.

Viva La Vida - Coldplay - A human Bill song if I ever heard one. Another fairly basic choice, but again, I don't think it's a HUGE stretch to tie it to him. Plus again, insert that Top Forty Hits quote from Dipper here. They're in the top forty for a reason, they're CATCHY.

Eurobeat Brony - Discord (Remix) - Yeah.

Alina - When You Leave [Numa Numa] [Basshunter Radio Mix] - I told you this song was going to be all over the playlist. And we still haven't gotten to the original yet. Also fun fact; there was originally another version of the song before this one, but upon a relisten I was like 'Hmm, nah, it's good but I don't know if it's got that Bill energy.' Yes, I can and do compare Dragostea Din Tei covers for my Bill Cipher playlist like I'm comparing paint swatches at Home Depot. It's that important to me.

Switchfoot - Dare You To Move - I have no excuses for putting a song from a psuedo-Christian rock band on my Bill Cipher playlist outside of the sheer nostalgia factor, and I can't even pretend it's a one-off thing because there's another one of their songs further down the list. But CONSIDER; the Axolotl singing it to him. That's all I'm going to say. I will not apologize.

BB Cooper - Blame - To me, this is one of those songs about the feelings Bill probably tries to drown in lies. I realize it's a stretch, because we know he wouldn't actually stop and self-reflect in the way that the song does.

But at the same time...I could easily see someone making an animatic set to this song with Pre-Second-Dimension-Destruction Bill at the beginning and it switches to present-day Bill for the second half. I see the vision, even if I realize Bill would try his hardest NOT to see it.

Either that or he'll interpret it as a 'You see? I'm not the villain here. My tragic past is the real reason I'm like this.' song. But you know, there's always that thin thread that's tied to his past, before everything unfolded as it did. Where at some point, he really and truly wasn't to blame. Alas.

They Might Be Giants - Particle Man - Heehee hoohoo triangle man.

Tom Cardy (ft. Montaigne) - Red Flags UNO REVERSE - I added these two in reverse order, oops. Oh, well. I feel like it adds to the chaos.

Tom Cardy (ft. Montaigne) - Red Flags - Of course. Sidenote but this song is physically impossible to sing out loud in public unless you want some WEIRD looks from people.

Hudson Mohawke - Cbat - Tell me he wouldn't love this garbage.

Circus Music - Just circus music. Because he's a massive clown.

Earth Wind & Fire - Boogie Wonderland - Just a fun song, especially for parties.

Nicki Minaj - Super Bass - It feels so wrong to think of a party mix without it, and I feel like Bill would agree.

Toby Fox - Your Best Friend and Toby Fox - Your Best Nightmare - These two are tied together in that order, for pretty obvious reasons.

Simple Plan - I'm Just A Kid - I bounced back and forth with myself before eventually taking Teenagers by MCR off the playlist. I'm not doing that with this song. It just...it feels Bill, you know?

Maybe specifically my version of him, but also can't you imagine your own version of him blasting this at the age of like, fourteen? Am I wrong? I don't feel like I'm wrong. Also I might add Teenagers back onto the list, he needs more of those angsty teen songs.

Darude - Sandstorm - It's a meme, it's funny, it'd be a blast at parties.

Flo Rida ft. Kesha - Right Round - I wouldn't count this as a Kesha song but also I could easily see them bumping it in the Fearamid.

Sia - Chandelier and Toad - Chandelier - Once again, a two-for-one special. I feel like Bill would enjoy both for various reasons. He can interpret it as just another party song, while ignoring the obvious darker implications behind the song of masking your true pain and emotions through a wild and reckless lifestyle. He'd probably love to get as literal as possible with it and try swinging from a chandelier. The Toad once is ear-splitting annoying. I think they fit

Florence and the Machine - Cosmic Love - This one is just for Mina. That's the only reason it's here.

Weird Al - Polka Face - Funny Weird Al song.

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby - Drake suggested this one and it was right. I laughed and added it, then proceeded to get jumpscared by it when I shuffled the playlist this morning. So that was funny. Go, white boy, go.

Tim Rothrock & Jim Wise - Goofy Goober Rock - More Drake suggestions (this and the other Spongebob songs, along with a few others down the line), and this makes me smile extra hard because I've been in such a Spongebob mood lately :)

Spongebob - Jelly Fish Jam (4 Hour Edition) - Yes, the 4-hour edition specifically. If you're not jamming as much as the jellyfish did in the episode, you're doing something wrong.

Spongebob - Sweet Victory - Of course. Gotta honor the classics.

Weird Al - NOW That's What I Call Polka! - Another one of my personal favorite Weird Al polka mashups.

LMFAO - Party Rock Anthem - Would Bill be Team Party Rockers or Team Party Rock Is?

Cutting it off here because this playlist has over a hundred songs so far and I'm only at...57. How fun for me personally to stop there for the first part. Anyway, expect the next part in a bit.

[parab0mb]

So, now that I finished the game (again) and the DLC chapters, I'm going to ramble about Crosscode C:

This game is really bizarre in the sense that, to be completely 100% honest, there isn't any particular part of the game that I think is all that mind-blowing. But all the individual elements (heh) of the game come together so well that the resulting product ends up being so much stronger and memorable than the sum of its parts.

Like, most indie games have one or several notable flaws or shortcomings (and understandably so) but this game is such an airtight experience that I can't help thinking about it and just being like "the how HECK is this game so GOOD?!"

...I am of course just getting started, I've got a wall of text of things I liked and thought were just "meh" under the 'keep reading' if you're interested (you've been warned (also spoilers obviously)):

The combat is definitely one of the strongest elements of the game and probably one of my personal favorites; its brutally difficult and sometimes feels like bullshit (and maybe there is one or two instances where it actually is just bullshit) but once you get the hang of it is really is flashy and satisfying and makes you feel badass to pull off. Plus its got the whole easy to learn, hard to master thing going on (like most of it is just charging SP and pressing the space bar, but knowing what moves to use and when def play into things).

I dunno how much of a hot take this is, but I really liked the puzzles in this game! I won't deny that they can sometimes drag on and interrupt the pacing of a temple, but personally I didn't mind. And just like the combat they're so well constructed that, while you'll spend minutes staring blankly reminded that you're a simple-minded creature and that the human mind wasn't made for this and you should be foraging for mushrooms in the woods and risking death over your next meal, they rarely feel impossible to solve without having to resort to a playthrough and are really satisfying to finally figure out (not to brag but there was exactly one puzzle in the game where I had to look up the solution and another where I did solve it on my own but then looked it up cause I thought I cheesed it by mistake). At first I wasn't a huge fan of how fast/precise you have to be for some puzzles on top of just finding out the solution in the first place, but after a while you kinda get used to it (and there is an option to slow things down which is really nice of the devs to include).

The story is... pretty alright. Yeah. I honestly don't have much to say about it. Bit of a slow pace, does the job, and has it's share of twists and emotional moments, but the narrative itself doesn't really do anything mind-blowing either so... you know. I definitely think it's the characters themselves that are memorable and prop up an otherwise average story. I mean every single one of them is just the hugest goober and even characters who initially seem forgettable or one-dimensional end up subverting your expectations and being super endearing/compelling/layered. Oh yeah, and Lea is a character that can only say like 10 words and SHE DESERVES THE WORLD I WOULD KILL FOR H-

Also, since the DLC is brand new to me I do wanna say that the ending was the tiniest bit underwhelming. Like you break into Vermillion Wasteland, fight a (surprisingly easy) boss, and that's... just it. Like 20 minutes top. I dunno, it feels like... something was missing. Still thoroughly enjoyed the entire thing and it is nice for the cast to get their happy ending (not quite as emotionally impactful as the base game's end imo, but still great and I'm glad they gave us more time with these dorks).

The platforming and navigating the overworld is tedious, which sucks a bit since that makes up a good chunk of the game. Idk man, having to scale different elevations of platforms is made frustrating by the fixed camera and the fact that the different "levels" of platforms aren't distinct from each other at all, so its easy to get duped by the perspective and jump to something you can't actually reach (yes you can use projectiles to check but it still isn't fun). Even without everything blending into each other visually, trying to find which obscure paths from four rooms ago will bring you to a chest just isn't all that enjoyable (some of the later maps like Sapphire Ridge were okay though, if only cause they started to have actually interesting puzzles to do). Basically they're just... there, between the actually fun stuff.

The trading system and farming for resources is confusing and kind of a chore. That's all I got.

Guess I'll touch on the art/music since I don't have too much to say about them. To be perfectly honest I'm not actually super crazy about the artstyle (blasphemy!), but I won't deny that the sprite-work and overall aesthetic are still super-well done, even if they aren't my personal taste (tl;dr I'm neutral on it). The soundtrack isn't something I'd put on my phone and listen to in the car, but like the art it's still well-made and perfectly suits the mood of/drives the emotional impact of the game, and there are still a handful of standout bangers (Lea's theme will live rent-free in my brain of course).

One last thing I'll say (that I mentioned before) is that as fun as this game is, it feels like a commitment to get through at times. Even when I first played it and had more free time, sometimes this game just felt "imposing" to pick back up after a break. Idk its hard to describe, but at least for me it was hard to play any other games alongside this (especially with my limited free time) which kinda sucked a bit.

To wrap things up, if I had to give the game an arbitrary number rating, I have to give Crosscode a 0/10 because its an indie game that doesn't have a fishing game (smh honestly how could they make such an obvious mistake 😔).

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Wow this is a definite hot take to be sure as I know a lot of people have A-2 ranked as their personal favourite Another case period, so seeing it ranked so low is...a interesting manoeuvre.

The characterisation of the victim and culprit is interesting because it shows a massive inconstency with LINUJ's worldbuilding and his worldview. You see LINUJ had ideas to make certain characters more jerkish and more evil then they were. I already discussed how he planned to make Kanata into a serial killer but decided she was too cute and wholesome to be twisted so it was dropped. Similarly he had plans to make Ayame into someone evil as well, so that one segment where Ayame claims to be evil was meant to be geniune. This was again dropped because I think LINUJ started to realise if he made all his culprits to be complete arseholes, then it would get boring very quickly. Also because of the big reveal that not only were all of Class 79 members of the Kisagari Foundation but apparantely they all got the best character development imaginable and all became good buddy-buddy friends.

So by this logic that means Kizuna eventually evolves and develops to be more then a shallow bullying bitch, so why the fuck is she described as being a hollow bitch all along LINUJ? I know Killing Games are high stress enviroments which do nobody any good but what happened in the one year the Class 79 knew each other which was so different from the now? Its just so much of a tonial dissonance that its almost as if LINUJ's views on human nature and how the story are progressing are competiting against each other. Now I'm starting to have a better picture why Void are the way they are, because maybe LINUJ realised having a group who supposedly all got along so well, that he needed to create a massively evil group to justify what he says about them.

So long story short if you remember Bubble's Mean Girl Problem essay, Kizuna is the biggest victim of it because she is literally treated like a bitch and nothing else. Like the crying and the fact she was lonely was all a ruse so she could kill Yuki? And that's not even ignoring the fact Kizuna in some ways would have become an accidental heroine given her original targets of Yuki and Akane ARE the masterminds all along, but I don't really think she had noble intentions there. It makes me suspect if Divine Luck came into play why Ayame happened to be in the area when the murder was taking place so that Akane and Yuki could dodge death.

This chapter also makes me realise how overrated Akane and Ayame's relationship is because those two barely interacted with each other during A-2, and the main reason people ship these two together is soley because of the fact Ayame saved Akane from Kizuna. Which its a solid reason and we know Ayame's actions do have a lasting effect as its the main catalyst which causes Akane to develop a conscious in the end, Akane doesn't really interact much with Ayame beyond that. Most of her Chapter 2 interactions are with Kizuna and we all know how THAT ends up unfortunately. Dom't get me wrong I do like all the shipping done with that, but its something that's blown WAY out of proporation.

Seems like wasting a good chunk of the class trial on pointless stuff is a recurring theme with Chapter 2s isn't it? 2-2 had to go through the video game and then Hiyoko having a Twitter like meltdown, 3-2 had not only Himiko but then Maki accused of murder and that took up a good deal of trial time, this obviously spends a lot of time with Akane in the hot seat and Despair Time takes the cake with the majority being spend on pointless secrets that in the end adds to nothing. That's easily the worst one since at least the others kinda were related to murder crime but that...was so not it. Heck even 1-1 and A2-2 weren't spared this since 1-1 had the Genocider Syo stuff though that was actually a important point to the trial so it wasn't nonsense that out stayed its welcome, and A2-2 was a trainwreck conducted by Kanade Otonokoji so less said there the better.

This is another reminder I REALLY need to read +2-2 at some point, because I know quite a few people, especially Carol herself, having been asking me to read it, which for those who don't know, its an AU where Ayame was able to give Kizuna medical attention before she bled out to death. Because seeing the main reason why Ayame decided to kill Kizuna was because she knew there was no way she could get Kizuna medicial attention in time before she died and then Akane would be the blackened, Ayame would basically finish off the job. So I am curious how Carol gets around that issue and how it effects the rest of the Chapter.

I also notice there is some translation errors in this Chapter since the motive is the dark secrets that everyone randomly picks out, but they keep referring to the notes as videos, so unless these are like Harry Potter like notes where the words move, I'm gonna suspect the translator fucked up here. The remake should clear this up though.

Going back to my previous discussions on how Junko is watching all this footage and taking notes how to finetune it for her own Killing Game, I think the actions of Kizuna and Ayame is what not only motivated her to kill Mukuro off, since she didn't want Mukuro doing a Akane and siding against her, but also why she decided to have Mukuro pose as her while she hides in the background. As after seeing Kizuna (rightfully) suspect that Yuki and Akane are tied to the Mastermind, she tries to kill them off which to Junko was too much of a risk factor for her. I did always wonder why Junko didn't hide herself among the students and was just cooped up in her mastermind room all the time, but now I know why this is the case, you cannot kill the Mastermind if you cannot find them.

We all know the Doylst reasoning for this is LINUJ trying to play it safe, but I do like my Wattson explanation for why there are differences between the Proto Killing Game and the Killing School Life as Junko taking notes on the test run and figuring out what works well and what doesn't. Like the notes are given randomly so others do find out, but I wonder why Junko decides to have it so Class 78 get their own secrets and the threat that no murder in 24 hours means the entire world finds out about them. As I would think others knowing the secrets would cause more chaos.

It is cool that while Ayame said she did do it to protect Akane, she also had ulteror motives for wanting to escape too. This is something I had to talk about on my blog where someone mentioned someone saying that Gundham covering up evidence for his crime means he was trying to escape and not kill Nekomaru to sacifice himself, because if he wanted to help everyone, why not say so at the start? Now of course that should be pinned for 2-4 but my rebuttal at the time is that the reason nobody who does a sacifice says I did it is firstly survival instincts mean nobody wants to fess up since confessing means death, but secondly even if they did admit it would anyone believe them? Plenty of characters like to falsely confess to killing which means said confessions won't be accepted. And by plenty I do mean Nagito and Kokichi. Mostly Kokichi.

Also the fact that Danganronpa is a video game and it would make it very boring. And yeah I agree there should be more evidence to pin Ayame as the culprit rather then opps I slipped. Since the lack of it is what leads the discussion to be focused on Akane for so long and not shift to Ayame until Rei had to literally spell it out by saying "Ayame did it, you guys are morons and never ask for anything ever again."

Tsurugi's downward sprial is also a big yikes because this is what happens when the "leader" becomes the rival character and everyone suffers as a result. But I do disagree that Tsurugi doesn't improve as as the game goes, and the rest of the characters call him out on his bullshit, he does eventually realise it leaves him isolated with no one but Yuki for company, and even that is hollow in the end. So there was a sense by A-5 that Tsurugi would eventually improve as a person...but then Yuki being Utsuro completely killed any intention of that and really made him become the maniac he was by SDRA2. Having said that, I will say he isn't the worst example of this in Fanganronpas, because I'm going through The After right now and if you hate how Tsurugi is treated...

Then you are really gonna loathe Ryohei Seki. I do like this approach because Tsurugi does become quite hateable but its a very unique take on a rival character as normally the distain for the character is like "they are werid/creepy" whereas Tsurugi is very antagonistic and the others do call him out on that. Remember how I said Mitch being so irredeemable allowed Tsurugi's idealogy to sneak into the other's heads? Well having Ayame be sympathatic and Tsurugi to be like she's evil all along, is the point where most characters will start to realise Tsurugi is in the wrong.

I also find Tsurugi's idealogy to be very hypocritical as he got that idealogy from his father, who was working with Junko all this time and thus is the Ultimate evil. So why double down, and thus making himself to be as deprived as Despair itself? Is he literally that delusional in SDRA2?

That being said A-2 is an original case which is more then what can be said for all of Another 1. And while Ayame and Akane's dynamic was handled well, abet right at the end, Kizuna wasn't handled well and some of the stuff LINUJ says really goes against his own writings. Tsurugi is going a interesting turn as while he's not a very likable character I find it compelling he's like this, and while the first trail serves to help you support his idealogy, the second one is to tell you Tsurugi is very much in the wrong.

Overall I tell now we are in the C tier of Chapters, where we are past the real stinkers and ones with glaring flaws to them, and are now into the okay ones but with some significent flaws here and there. And I'm curious who you consider to be a better Another culpirt then Ayame but we will eventually find that out.

//I find it funny how LINUJ decided against making all his culprits assholes, but then rehashed that idea in SDRA2.

//I mean, with VOID, it makes sense. Their whole gimmick is that they're an evil organization infiltrating the group and steering events in Mikado's favor. For SDRA2's plot, it does make sense.

//But then with the killers in Another 1, all of them are somewhat sympathetic, even Kinji, except for MItch. So I'm not sure what happened between DRA's creation and SDRA2's creation that really got LINUJ to change his tune like this.

//And yeah, trust me when I say Mod Carol is definitely happy about the fact that everyone was very friendly. Makes their favourite killer/victim ship that's shown here a lot more justifiable.

//Speaking of Carol, I had no idea that she wrote that fic. I might have to read it myself. Unlike my interactions with other DR Mods like Bubbles and Poi, I've not really talked to her ever, but I've been a fan of her art long before I ever found A Student Out Of Time. If she's the one who wrote that fic, I'll for sure give it a go.

//Also, the fact that Divine Luck came into play to protect Akane is canon. Divine Luck made it so that everything in the killing game happened just as Utsuro wanted it to without Utsuro even being conscious or aware of his own abilities. It's also why Tsurugi just so happened to trip over the carpet in Chapter 4 when he was was trying to goad everyone into group suicide, and why he didn't die despite shooting himself point-blank in the brain.

//The fact that Ayame and Akane didn't interact too much during the Chapter isn't something I take fault with, because I think it's implied that they still hung out behind closed doors (and no, that's not an innuendo) when Yuki wasn't present, but yeah, you have a point. It would have been more impactful had we seen something like Mondo and Taka's bonding session in DR1, but at the same time, Akane and Ayame were never really at odds with each other.

//Maybe if you were to send that to the guys working on the remake, they might consider adding a little scene to better explain it. The only problem in that case is that it would make it way too obvious that either one of them is going to be the Chapter 2 killer.

//The thing is that of all the second cases in this series, yes, they all do have the common trait of dancing around a lot until you reach a conclusion, but I think that 2-2 and A2-2 are the only ones that did that poorly, and A-2 kind of does it...okayish. 1-2 and V3-2 actually do really good stuff with their red herrings and it makes the case way more interesting.

//Also, the main reason why 2-2 is so bad in that regard is because the killer is outed REALLY quickly. If it was the other way around in that the killer was outed very late into the trial, and most of it was waffling around trying to figure out their identity, I wouldn't mind as much, because that's the whole point of Danganronpa.

//And yeah, please don't put too much credit to the direct translation of Another 1 that most people have played. The translation issues and the fact that the team who originally did it did such a half-baked job is one of the raving issues of that game when I and my friend Megacomet played it for the first time, and I'm glad the remake seems to be serious about fixing that.

//That stuff about Junko makes sense, but honestly, thinking about it that way, I do think that does ultimately take away from Junko's character. The fact that her master plans aren't even hers originally is one thing, but I also feel like she would happily have killed Mukuro regardless of what happened. I think she saw the killing game as a spectacular event that she could use as an excuse to finally get rid of her after all this.

//Weirdly enough, this motive and the tension it causes reminded me of the Chapter 2 motive of Hyper Danganronpa H20 of all things. I don't know why because it's completely different, but it carries the same amount of weight with its reveals and stuff, even if its handled relatively poorly.

//The quick version is that the motive itself gives you one other random member of the main cast, and how many people over the course of their life that they have hurt, and how many people they have killed. And it comes with some interesting revelations, such as Victoria Hester having killed several thousands as part of being a naval officer. Although in that game, this comes back to bite her much later in Chapter 4 when one of the other characters turns out to be a survivor of a camp that she and her squadron destroyed.

//The reason why Victoria manages to survive for much longer after that though is because the others confront her about it in a non-violent confrontation, and she explains herself. Meanwhile, that chapter's killer, like Kizuna here, doesn't question the circumstances behind her own note, and chooses to assinate that chapters victim based on this unproveable evidence.

//So HDRH20 does it better and just as bad at the same time, which for Another, is NOT a good look.

//Also, that spiel about Gundham and why he didn't step forward immediately following Nekomaru's body discovery? There actually is a more thorough and detailed reason why he chose to do, and it's a lot more obvious than people think it is. But I'll cover that when we get to talking about 2-4, which in case you don't know me by now, won't be for quite a while.

//All I can say in regards to how the Ayame stuff gets resolved is #SleiMekaru, and that's both good and bad.

//Tsurugi in SDRA2 is a discussion for another time, for sure, and I will touch on it when we get to talking about A2-6. There are, I'm sure, a lot of reasons why he became so disjointed, but the fact that he regressed so much still bothers me.

//Although, if there's one thing I do like about Tsurugi, it's that even as a "rival" character, his main relationship with Yuki is surprisingly cooperative and very not rival-like. The only ways in which they differ are their chosen methodology, but both know they ultimately want the same thing. Contrasting that with other rivals:

Makoto wants to work with Byakuya to ensure that everyone can survive, but Byakuya wants none of that, and initially, he would much rather the killing game continue so he can have his fun. He's very serious about making Makoto know that the two of them come from very different worlds that should never cross.

Hajime and Nagito go through a rollercoaster in which they start as friends before Hajime develops a disdain for Nagito after he reveals his true nature and ideology, then Nagito turns that disdain back on Hajime, and then they are...somehow okay with each other again in 3, but...whatever.

Shuichi and Kokichi maintain an...interesting relationship in that they're not quite friends, but definitely not enemies either. Kokichi is clearly very endeared to Shuichi with the fact that he likes playing around with him, but never specifically subjects Shuichi to any of his more extreme antics, while Shuichi never holds Kokichi's actions against him, despite some of the absolutely terrible shit that he does, because he just wants to understand Kokichi.

Sora and Syobai just despise each other and maintain an unhealthy and bitter dynamic with each other, even when they try to avoid one another. Makes sense considering SDRA2 literally starts off with Syobai stabbing her, but in the end, they do eventually accept each other for who they are, and come together to destroy Mikado in an epic fashion.

//In contrast, Yuki and Tsurugi disagree on each others way of going about the Killing Game, with Yuki trying to be friendly and reasonable, and Tsurugi trying to be a totalitarian dictator about it, but they themselves are ammicable with each other and respect the other as a person.

//And this carries over in SDRA2 when Tsurugi very clearly genuinely wants to save Yuki from the Neo World. As bad as Tsurugi is, his relationship with Yuki is one of his best points. It's just not something that gets brought up in the trials a lot.

//But yeah, the key word when it comes to analysing Tsurugi is "hypocrisy." It is ABUNDANT throughout his entire writing.

//As for Ryohei Sasaki, I am partially familiar with him, but there's a difference between them.

//Tsurugi fell into despair and became corrupt as a result of the circumstances around him, and he genuinely thinks that what he's doing is for the betterment of the world, and in some ways, he is right.

//Sasaki is just a bad person through and through.

//And yeah, to finish this quick response, I did actually make a tier-list version of this ranking, and we are in the C-Tier right now. This is how it is so far:

C Rank - ???, A-2, A-1, 2-2 D Rank - V3-5, 1-3, A2-5 E Rank - V3-6, 2-3 F Rank - 1-1, 1-5, A-3 G Rank - V3-3, A2-2, A2-3

//Right now, the trial that I'll be covering tomorrow is not only our final "C-Rank" trial in my opinion, but at the risk of spoiling but alsk keeping you guessing, it's also going to be our third Another 1 case in a row.

//And given its status, probably one that's going to be similarly a controversial pick.

-Mod

[obae-me]

Hi! I don't really have a request or anything but I just wanted to say that whenever I see u on my dash I feel so happy, as if I randomly encountered an old friend again :D And even when you are gone, I am still excited to see you whenever the next time is, so pls don't feel sad or guilty TvT

With that being said I am sorry to hear about what you are going through :( I don't mean to patronizing or anything, but I genuinely wish for you to have the best in life ;-; Going through that is so taxing, both physically and especially mentally and I admire you for still sticking through it. As someone who keeps getting sick often but has never gotten a proper diagnosis to actually be able to fix the problem, I can relate so much to the anxiety of not knowing what the heck is going on in this meat vessel of ours. (A problem which is made so much worse by how the healthcare industry treats womens' problems in general T^T)

But things will get better! Atleast I sincerely hope that they do for you; and even if they don't just remember there's always someone right here willing to lend an ear <3 You are so loved and cared for, by so many people. Let's promise to each other to take good care of ourselves till the next time we meet <333

You're so sweet, thank you <3 I always love seeing your name pop in my inbox

I don't feel like that was patronizing at all, I think that's very nice of you to say. I've always had anxiety when it comes to health related stuff. I've never really been healthy my entire life, getting tested for certain things since probably 12 years old if not younger? Once you reach enough dead ends after blood tests, ultrasounds, scans, and monitors, you don't really have the motivation to do them again....

Pus I'm just frustrated, mostly, that I can't function like most people (I know it's all on a spectrum and my perspective on other people is only surface level and I'll never really know what's going on underneath). I don't have the spoons to be able to do everything I want to do in a single day, which means this blog and other things I enjoy are left at the wayside. And being gone in such big chunks of time, the community kind of dies (which is to be expected obviously). And it fuels my intense fear of becoming obsolete or invisible- something I wish therapy would help me with but most of the time, I end up being too self aware.

I've had these dreams of writing books and big chunks of fanfiction and streaming on twitch and etc. etc. Will I ever be able to start working on those dreams? Am I not pushing myself hard enough to get those done? Are they too ambitious?

^ Just what goes through my brain sometimes, I'm not really spiraling or anything, just trying to find the line where my reality is set.

Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have written all that out? Just all sort of happened in a single stream of consciousness.

I just have to work on everything one step at a time, I know that.

Thanks for taking the time to send a lovely message <3

[writebackatya]

Was tagged by @justaboot in a post with a lot of questions, let's do this!

how many fics do you have on ao3?

14

what's your total ao3 word count?

159,641 words. but let's be real, a good chunk of them are song lyrics.

what fandoms do you write for?

DuckTales (2017)

what are your top five fics by kudos?

Indi-Quack!

Rainbow Connections

Home for the Holidays!

Moon with a View!

Let's All Go to the Movies!

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

For the most part, yes. I try my best to get back to people's comments, especially if they have questions. But sometimes I just don't have the energy when I wish I did

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'd say the ending to F.O.W.L. Play! from Indi-Quack! might be the angstiest. Nothing like ending a story where you go through the morning routine of one FOWL employee and finding out she keeps her sanity by getting high with another underpaid employee who works her ass off a minimum wage and is also not happy where she is in life

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hard to choose since I almost always go for the happy ending route. I think any of the stories for Home for the Holidays! could be the answer to this one cause those stories are nothing but holiday and winter fluff.

do you get hate on your fics?

it happens but not often. the first time I ever got hate was from a Della hater troll and they seem to be the only one who leaves hate on my fics

do you write smut?

no, but I've thought about it before. I don't mind sex in a story, but I don't know if I'm the right person to write that kind of stuff in a story. Honestly, the only reason why I wanna write smut is because I've plenty of jokes that I think are funny that would only work in a smut story

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've ever written?

kinda??? would you consider having characters from various Duck media that never appeared in DuckTales 2017 crossover stuff? Heck I've got a couple of Della Duck stories in the works where she interacts with Mickey and Friends and I don't know if that should be considered a crossover

have you ever had a fic stolen?

no. thanks guys!

have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but that'd be neat!

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

no, but that is something I wouldn't mind doing some day

what's your all time favorite ship?

Of all time!? I don’t know. I love love

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh so many: An Act of Murder!, Back in the Game!, F.O.W.L. Play!, The Iron Duck of Steel: The Gizmoduck Movie, Part I!, The Spear of Selene, and Thanks for the Memories!. I've just been working on these for so long that it feels like I'll never finish any of them

what are your writing strengths?

when I'm in the mood to write I can really write, I like to think my dialogue is interesting, characterization, and I'd say my rapid fire humor

what are your writing weaknesses?

I'm a terrible planner, I don't write stuff down, I keep stuff in my head like it's the best storage place, I underestimate how big some stuff will be, I don't allow myself to just write

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I've mainly used Google Translate for other languages such as Jose and Panchito's dialogue in The Three Cabablleros (and Della)!. But for Let's All Go to the Movies! I got my buddy @tokuvivor to translate a conversation between Fenton and Gosalyn. Honestly, one of my favorite parts of that story and I think tokuvivor translating it himself adds to the joke. Both Lin-Manuel Miranda and Stephanie Beatriz both know Spanish, so having someone who can help me translate my dialogue so that it can sound natural and be a bonus to bilingual speakers just makes me happy beyond comprehension

I will say I did use Google Translate for that story, but for English! So for the Fight Fighters game I wanted to get that badly translated English feel for the dialogue so for pretty much every dialogue in the game was translated to Japanese and then back to English. Except the line "Now I will kill you until you die from it!", that comes from the movie Hot Shots! Part Deux

first fandom you wrote for?

...Sonic. it was a phase, i have no strong opinions about that blue hedgehog these days I mean I guess his games are...fine? The cast of characters are...pretty cool, I like Tails I guess.

favorite fic you've ever written?

hard to say, but I think I'd put Indi-Quack!, Rainbow Connections, Let's All go to the Movies! in the top spot

I choose to tag: @tokuvivor, @imjustusingthistolikeartists, if they choose to answer these questions

[bluezey]

Sharing cause had to. It's nice to see people admit they're wrong, and that Elemental didn't flop. It's not a smash hit, but it's a hit

It does hint that Saberspark is going over what's ruining Pixar. And my two cents is, it's not ruined. It's not a failing company, and their films are not bad. With exception of Cars 2, and Lightyear I take with a pinch of salt. But, I do admit that there's a shift in the company since John Lassetter left. Now don't get me wrong, if the allegations are true, and I don't have confirmation of that, Lassetter needed to leave. But, company wise, he was a big piece of Pixar, and something has changed since Pete Docter took over. Now it's not a bad shift, they're still making good films. I'll even admit, Lightyear was fine. Flawed, bit fine. But, I do see one difference with Pixar films after Lassetter left. But, it's difficult to describe it, so bear with me.

With exception of Soul and Lightyear, the films after Lassetter left aren't as big or grand. They're still great stories with great animation, and everything we like about Pixar. But, they're mostly simpler stories. Onward had a deep story, but it was not big or grand. Luca was a nice slice of life story, but it was not big or grand. Turning Red, great story, still simple. Elemental is a little different, as it's a simple story, but the concept, world and racial overtones gave it a big scale, but not big enough

If you want to know what I mean by big, we'll, compare it to Up, or Coco, or Finding Nemo, or Incredibles, or Wall-E. Something about those films had everything on a grand scale. The story, the animation, the characters, the innovation. Just everything clicked in a big way. Now I admit, there were some smaller films in the Lassetter era, such as Ratatouille and Monsters University, heck even Monsters Inc was kinda small (but gets a pass as I think the first three Pixar films and the Toy Story sequel are automatically big because it was during Pixar's infancy). But, in the Lassetter years, there were bigger films with bigger spectacle. In the Docter years, there's more simpler films than grander films. They still deliver what people love about Pixar, but to the average film goer who's not in it for the Pixar magic, it doesn't wow people. And losing that chunk of the audience could lead to a problem.

Which could explain why the films are a little simpler: Pixar hasn't been doing so hot financially. It's mostly due to covid, but covid did happen around the time of the shift from Lassetter to Docter. Pixar are gamblers, and did some gambles such as doing something innovative such as the animation style in Luca, the deep plot and abstract great before in Soul, going meta like Lightyear, or going big budget wise with Elemental. Some of them did well like Soul, some failed like Lightyear, but mostly they're breaking even like Luca and Lightyear. And breaking even is a safe result for gambling, but apparently not in the animation film industry

With exception of Disney, I don't think Pixar has much issues with competition. Unless Sony can find another big franchise to go with Spiderverse, DreamWorks and Illumination can make films that can be upsets in the awards season, but they're few and far between. I think the big issue is somewhere in the Pixar company itself, but as a viewer looking in from the outside, I can't exactly pinpoint the precise problem. All I can find is that it involves the shift from Lassetter to Docter, followed by the films getting simpler but still Pixar quality films. It's just, they're still Pixar quality films, so I'm not sure what's missing other than they're not as epic as Wall-E or Up or Coco. And epic doesn't always mean good, but to some film viewers, it's important.

Thankfully, I see Elio having a chance at being a grander film. I mean the teaser doesn't exactly show it, but it does show it's in space, and what little we saw, it looks far better and grander than Lightyear. So hopefully the official trailer will drop and show us something as big as Wall-E with the style of Luca. I also have high hopes for Inside Out 2 as well. Granted, Inside Out 1 had a simple story from Riley's perspective: she just moved across the country. But, through her emotions, it was a big, epic deal, that led to a deep story and a big adventure. I'd love to see what kind of problem will become a bigger deal in the sequel.

So long story short, I wouldn't count out Pixar. While it may have a stumble and a shake up, I don't see them hurting their final products, which is the films themselves. But, there is something small affecting them between the audience and the film production, and they need to find and resolve it before it snowballs into a bigger problem.

[mentallyshattered]

This is part 9 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

Lunch was going to be mostly sushi, but Vil went out of his way to make sure everyone is eating a balanced diet, so there's a salad, too. Grim doesn't seem to like it, but I have dressing, so the two of us eat it anyway.

"You know, one of the Heartslabyuls in our class was talking about how they have an 'unbirthday party' coming up. Apparently, their housewarden is bored, so they're throwing a huge party just because." Mandible finishes talking and takes a huge (for his size) bite of romaine. Evidently, he and Korrak are the type to eat salads one ingredient at a time.

"Wow. Ain't them folks based on bein' strict? Parties're fer havin' fun! Bet their party'll be real borin'." Epel, on the other hand, adds as much blue cheese as Vil will let him get away with and douses the whole thing in ranch.

"You know, our class has two Heartslabyuls who sit right in front of us in history. One of them is pretty chaotic." Grim attempts to lick the dressing off of a leaf and put it back in the bowl, but I shoot him a look and he begrudgingly eats it.

"That doesn't mean it's going to be fun to attend, Grim. Fun to watch? Absolutely." Having eaten all of his romaine, Mandible nabs a decently-sized chunk of blue cheese and starts turning it over in his paws.

"Small bite-ts, Mandible." Since this morning, Korrak has been talking more. He does so slowly and quietly, and doesn't say many words with the "t" sound in them. When he does, it's often a word like "nettle," where the "t" sound can be safely ignored or pronounced like "d" without anyone noticing his stutter. I'm glad he has the confidence to speak in a room full of people- chances are, we have Vil to thank.

That also explains why Mandible does most of the talking. Pretty clever fix, if I'm being honest. Also, it seems like Pomefiore is way more familiar-based than the other dorms. Not only do we seem to have more familiars than the other dorms, but Pomefiore also provides uniforms for them, and is the only dorm that does. It doesn't cost extra, either.

Ah, well. After lunch is over, we have a biology class, followed by an art course and then a lesson on improvised engineering, my favorite class. Apparently, it's a "joint class," which concerns me, as using my joints too much makes them sore.

"Hey, Yuu, do you have a joint class t-today?" I've noticed Korrak doesn't stutter on the "m," "k," "n," "a," "d," "i," "b," or "l" sounds. I think that's because they're all in his and Mandible's names.

"Yeah."

"Do you know w-what that is?"

"Nope."

Epel's face brightens. "I do! Got one later t'day."

"Myaah, really? What class?"

"MacGyvering. Pr'tty damn good skill, ain't it?"

"Not on our schedule."

"Epel... Our join-t class is Improv-vised Engineering."

"Yeah, yeah, they c'n call it by whatever th' fancy fuckin' shit they feel like, but I'm tellin' ya, that righ' there's a class 'n MacGyvering."

"Epel, language."

"Ack! Vil!"

...Okay, maybe the fact that I have to actively not laugh at the sight of a terrified Epel sitting right in front of an upright, clearly displeased Vil means I'm going to hell, but can you really blame me? There has to be a foot and a half of height difference between them, and Epel's face is priceless.

"Repeat that sentence without swearing."

"Uhh... they can call that whatever th' heck they wanna, but that doesn't mean it ain't a class on MacGyvering."

"Your word choice is on thin ice, but that is an improvement." Vil leaves.

"Um... S-so, Epel, are you any g-good at MacGyvering?"

The concern instantly evaporates from Epel's face. "You betcha sweet biscuits, I am! Back at th' farm, ya don't jus' fix things, ya MacGyver 'em. Ev'ry shed's got a hinge held t'gether by a dow'l, or a nail, or sum'thi'n else. 'M pretty good at it, 'f I say so myself."

"So... MacGyvering is just using whatever to fix stuff? Sounds easy enough."

Epel laughs. "That ain't all it's about. MacGyvering's 'bout comin' up wit' creative fixes to stuff. Y'know, shit most city folk jus' don't consider."

"Epel."

"Um, solutions most city folk jus' don't consider."

Vil nods. "Perfect!"

"Uh, class is st-t-tarting soon. We should leave."

"Oh, shit, Korrak's right!"

"Yuu. Try that again."

"Oh, fuck, we have five minutes!"

"Without swearing!"

"Myaah, we need to go right now!"

"Yuu, not Grim."

"We're gonna be late!"

Vil sighs. "I'll accept that, but you are on thin ice. Now, hurry."

Disobeying him now would be a death sentence, so off we go!

Biology was pretty interesting. From what I can tell- aka Trein starting class with, "the only reason you have this is because most schools don't clear up the local misconceptions about other species-" the only reason we have this class is because most schools don't clear up the local misconceptions about other species.

Time flies when you're having fun, though, so we are soon off to health class- which is boring, honestly. Trappola actually fell asleep there, and Deuce had to wake him.

And then, it comes. The long-awaited MacGyvering class, taught by Crewel.

Turns out: "joint class" means "multiple classes, one lesson!" We just so happen to be going with class B, so this'll be fun.

It's here that Grim and I learn Trappola has apparently never seen an opossum before.

"Huh. That's cool." Trappola says stuff is "cool" a lot. That probably means it caught his eye more than anything else.

"Myeeh? What is? The fact that we have multiple friends in the same dorm as us?"

That gets the present Pomefiores to snicker for a while, much to Trappola's evident disdain.

"No. I meant the fact that you," he points at Grim, "are friends with a rat," he points at Mandible. "I just find that weird.

For a solid minute, all six of us are staring at a very confused redhead.

"Dude," Mandible starts, "I'm an opossum."

Trappola stands there, mouth open and eyes darting around, for a couple of seconds.

"Oh."

Crewel walks in, voice booming as always. "Hello, pups! Today, we will be continuing our course on using basic tools for unintended uses. To begin, you should have a group of up to five, but you may work alone if you please. Now, you need to locate the person in your group who is the most responsible and have him raise his hand." We pick Korrak.

[pumpkin-patch-cat]

C R A V E

Beelzebub x GN reader one shot

(NSFWish. No severe warnings)

I wrote this for the heck of it 🤷🏾‍♀️.

(A/n - as usual, please pardon any grammar and punctuation mistakes. Thanks!)

How had you managed to let your mind wander so carelessly? And why were you still staring at them? 

"Them" being Beelzebubs fingers; the ones currently wrapped tight around a Gigadeath burger. Squished against his mouth as if it were his last meal on earth. 

The usual.  

You were certain he had just asked you a question. Unfortunately, that question ended up lost in translation the moment he acquired the chunk of sustenance. And for the life of you, you couldn't remember what he had said. 

Instead, a few minutes prior, your focus had reluctantly shifted to his thicker than normal appendages as they tapped impatiently on the table you two shared.

Beelzebub had invited you out to Hell's Kitchen for a bite to eat, which you happily accepted. He took the time to ask you, and yet your mind kept turning to mush each time a bit of grease from the acquired burger gushed from in between his fingers and over his knuckles. 

'Those should be my juic- Where did that even come from!?'

Quickly, you shoved the merciless thoughts away, opting to focus on your own burger. 

Compared to Beels hulking hands, your own hands were considerably small. You struggled to keep the contents of the sandwich from falling to its demise back onto the table while the demon across from you secured his portion with ease. 

'Focus...focus' 

"Hey, y/n? Are you good over there? Looks like you're having problems." 

"Huh?" 

"I said it looks like dinner is getting the best of you. You're dropping all the best parts." 

With your attention finally preoccupied, you peered down at the messy mound of toppings starting to form beneath the burgers position. Damnit.

"Oh, shoot...I didn't even notice." You knitted your brows. Beel chuckled, wiped his hands on a napkin, and then reached for your sandwich. 

"Wait, I'm still gonna eat that-"

"I know, but I want to help" 

Beel did things usually without thinking much about it. So when he reached in front of you to open the top most bun of your burger, and skillfully place the toppings back in their rightful spots, you were certain your brain short circuited. The couple silver rings he wore on his middle and pinky fingers glinted in the light of the restaurant as he worked. Ever the perfectionist when it came to food preparation, and a firm believer in not wasting food, he made sure no toppings were left behind. 

You watched closely as the burger seemed to take shape back into the work of art it was before. Now neatly nestled between two thick, large hands that held it toward you, you bit your lip.

"There, now eat up." He beamed, proud of his handy work.

You blinked, mystified, after finally catching up with Beelzebubs actions. He'd hold it for you while you ate. A simple gesture to him, but something on an entirely different level of intimacy for you. You swallowed hard. 

"Are...are you sure? I can honestly do it myself."

"Don't worry about it. I'd feel bad if we came all this way just for you to spend the entire time fighting with your food. So, take a bite...before I do." The demon chuckled, urging the sandwich closer, but you knew he was serious.

With a nod, you leaned up and forward. The grease from your burger had begun to drip against his fingers now, slowly decending over his knuckles and leaving a shimmering trail against his skin. 

Only a few inches more and you'd over come this moment and you would be satisfied, with embarrassments avoided, right?

That certainly would be the case if the sound of your heartbeat hadn't drowned out the sound of your name being called softly moments later. 

Without realizing it, your eyes had closed the moment you took a bite. Your mouth moved on its own, coming in for a second bite simply for your lips to connect with his knuckles, your tongue lapping out to catch the excess grease. 

"Y-y/n?" 

Your breath ghosted over his skin gently after you swallowed, finally meeting the magenta and purple gaze of the demon across from you; suddenly aware of your mistake.

'Crap…'

"Beelzeboo, I'm sorry! I-" 

"Was it good?" 

 He peered at you curiously, cutting you off; burger still in hand.

After a few seconds of the question buffering in your mind, you answered.

"It...it was, thanks" 

The demon simply nodded before setting the burger down. Although not before ripping another smaller piece from the sandwich and holding it up before you. 

The look on his face was perplexing. Curiosity mixed with...something else. 

"Here...eat" the piece of food in his hand moved closer to you, however, it was moved away when you attempted to capture it with your own hand. 

"Nah uh, I'll hold it...you eat." 

You stared dumbfounded at the smaller offering, your eyes flickering back to his when he urged it closer. 

"You look like you're hungry…" he tilted his head slightly, offering you a small, toothy smile to punctuate his gesture. "I'd be happy to help…" 

You gulped with anticipation the closer his hand came. And when the bit of food passed your lips, you sighed, closing your eyes; basking in the flavor. 

Beelzebub watched on gingerly, noting the moment the food slid down your throat. And while the food was gone, he kept his painted fingers pressed against your grease stained lips. 

His eyes remained on your plump tiers, calculating his next move. But as though you could read his mind, your tongue simply laved out gently over one of his waiting fingertips; his index finger slowly disappearing into your mouth. 

Thankfully, you two found a quieter spot toward the back of the restaurant. Mainly because Beelzebub's eating habits tended to unnerve customers. 

The longer beel studied your face, the bolder you felt having the appendage pressed beyond your lips. 

Never in your wildest dreams had you seen this coming, yet here you were, sucking shamelessly on the demons finger; twirling and curling your tongue around it in a dance a pure seduction.

"So good…" he murmured.

On the other side of the table, although stone faced, Beel sat enamored by your musings. Sucking the appendage a little harder pulled an almost guttural purr from the belly of the beast who seemed to just stroke his lips idly in thought. But in reality, Beel was wiping away the bits of drool threatening to dribble down his chin.

His hunger was growing at an exponential rate and not for food. 

On the contrary, both meals had since been forgotten. 

"Y/n..." his husky voice drifted across the table, pulling you from your task. When your eyes connected again, you were reminded instantly of the supernatural prowess the man across from you possesses. Although the room was lit well, his eyes shone bright, glowing magenta and purple; pulsing with primal need. 

"I think…we should go."

It wasn't a suggestion, but a command uttered the moment his finger was reluctantly pulled from your mouth. 

"Go where?" The sudden movement of the large demon pushing away from the table to stand quickly had you pressed back against your seat. With his hand now outstretched awaiting yours, he only grinned. 

"Well, you still look hungry, and I'm all too willing to feed you exactly what you want" 

[animebw]

Re-Watching: Kimi ni Todoke Season 2

In which my opinion has flipped so completely on its head that I'm un-retiring for a single post to talk about it.

Return of the King

It's been almost two years since I've made a post like this.

For those of you who've only joined me after my semi-retirement on the tail end of 2021, The Anime Binge-Watcher used to be one of the most extensive anime analysis projects I've ever seen in Western fandom. I would consume anime at ridiculous rates and blog my thoughts in chunks of 3 or 4 episodes, piecing together all my observations and opinions in nice structured paragraphs like the ones you're reading now. In my glory days, I could get through two, three, even four posts a day. Heck, when I first watched Kimi ni Todoke five years ago, I tore through all twelve episodes of season 2 in a single day, writing no less than five separate analyses of my developing thoughts along the way. My long-term readers can attest to what a wild and wonderful journey it was, and even though I've since transitioned into a much looser and low-key blogging style, I still miss those days when I could spill countless words about the countless stories I consumed.

But of course, life moves on, and there was only so long I could dedicate that much of my free time to a hobby when real life was knocking at the door. I started this project as a college freshman with way too much free time on his hands; I'm an actual adult now, overseas job and everything. Not to mention all the other hobbies and creative pursuits taking up my attention. I just don't have enough time anymore to spend on truly in-depth analytical writing like I used to. And that's okay; the three-and-a-half years I dedicated to The Anime Binge-Watcher in its true form were more than enough to say everything I needed to about this medium and my relationship to it. This project is as complete as it could ever meaningfully be. So while I certainly miss those days, I'm more than happy to let this be my casual anime watching blog from now on.

But I'm making an exception today.

Because re-watching the second season of Kimi ni Todoke has so thoroughly upended my opinion on it that I have no choice but break my thoughts down just as extensively and in-depth as I used to do on a regular basis to explain why.

God, it's so fucking good to be back.

Sympathy for the Devil

So, since it's been... god, it really has been half a decade at this point, huh? Since it's been five years since I first watched and blogged about Kimi ni Todoke, here's a quick rundown of my thoughts for the countless among you who weren't around for it: I fucking love this show so much. Not only is it one of the most achingly sweet shoujo rom-coms out there, but the protagonist Sawako Kuronoma so perfectly captures my experience of teenage awkwardness and uncertainty that I swear the author was taking notes from my life. It's a story about growing up on the spectrum, whether it realizes it or not, about the difficulty of communication when you can't grasp the norms everyone else takes for granted. But it's also about how those seeming walls between you and everyone else barely exist at all, and as long as you have the courage to reach out, you'll forge connections wherever you go. It's a feel-good masterpiece the likes of which we so rarely see, and I recommend it to anyone with even a passing interest in anime.

And when I first watched the second season all those years ago, I absolutely hated it.

Okay, to be clear, what I hated was the first half of season 2. I hated the miscommunications, I hated the contrived misunderstandings, I hated how the very fabric of the show seemed to be conspiring to force Kazehaya and Sawako apart. By the time we reached the point where they both confess to each other and yet somehow think the other only means "I like you" as a friend, I wanted to rip my hair out of my skull. Mercifully, the second half won me back by finally letting them get together as a couple and indulge in adorable puppy love awkwardness so mind-numbingly sweet I needed an industrial warehouse full of epi pens to make it through unscathed. And I'm not exaggerating, god the final stretch here is some of the cutest shit I've ever seen. But it was really rough going to reach that point through what felt like the absolute nadir of forced misunderstanding plotlines. Nothing but contrivance after contrivance piled on top of each other to force the couple apart long past the point they should have gotten together for the sake of dragging out the will-they-won't-they as long as it could possibly be milked.

And yet, as I got to re-watching this show in preparation for its shockingly announced third season (my excitement is through the goddamn room), dreading the moment I reached season 2 and would have to suffer through this bullshit again, something truly remarkable happened when I finally reached this point: I didn't hate it.

And then something even more remarkable happened: I started to like it.

And then something truly impossible happened: by the time it was over, I couldn't imagine this show without this arc anymore.

Readers, I have never turned around on a show like this. I've had shows I disliked but softened on as time went by, sure, shows I liked but came to love more and more as they lingered in my mind. But this is the first time I've returned to a story arc I actually hated only to end up loving it by the end. And that's the reason I'm returning to my old in-depth analysis blogging to talk about it. Because there's no way to discuss the 180 I've done on Kimi ni Todoke season 2 without breaking it down in as much detail as humanly possible. I don't just want to write a couple paragraphs and be done with it: I want to memorialize this moment. I want to really, truly express why I came around on this arc and why I think it's so meaningful now. Because there's a real conversation to be had here about the the power of storytelling in general and the power of this story in particular. And for a show that's meant so much to me for so long, I can't think of any other way to do it justice.

So let's dive in. Because good god there's a lot to talk about.

Right on Time

So the first question I want to ask right off the bat is: was I wrong to hate this arc the first time around?

Well, I'm not gonna tell you it's free of contrivance. Kazehaya and Sawako's building misunderstanding requires so many different people to misinterpret so many different things in so many carefully staged situations. Not just the lovebirds themselves, but Kent's ill-informed meddling, Kurumi's intentional sabotage, and especially Chizuru's completely oblivious worsening of Kazehaya's insecurities at a critical moment. And that dual-misinterpreted confession scene is still some buuuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. There's a reason this arc gets so much shit from me and others; you can practically taste the hand of the author as it shoves all the pieces around to keep this misunderstanding growing well past the point someone should have realized things were getting out of control and stepped in to clear the air. And when you're as anxious as me for these two dorks to just ask each other out already, it's hard to see this as anything but cheap, forced drama from an author desperately trying to stave off the inevitable.

But here's the thing: what if there's an actual point being made here?

See, this arc is such a frustrating experience your first time through that it kind of shuts down any attempts to analyze it on a deeper level. You're so pissed off at being denied the confession that's dangling right in front of your face that you write off the whole thing as nothing but empty delay tactics. And yet, Kazehaya and Sawako get together literally right after this. If this was just a case of dragging out the will-they-won't-they, this misunderstanding would have lasted much longer and done much more damage. But no! They confess properly, they clear everything up, and they're officially going out mere episodes after you're left fuming at their double misinterpretation of each other's "I like you." So while it feels like nothing more than cheap delay tactics in the moment, a full view of the story's trajectory rejects that theory pretty firmly.

And that's the big thing that changed in this re-watch: I already knew this wasn't going to last. This wasn't going to force them apart forever, it was going to get fixed, I didn't have to worry about this relationship I loved so much getting screwed over by coincidence. And without that worry of endless delays, I was able to do what I couldn't my first time through: actually think about what this arc was trying to say. What was the point being made by this part of the story? What was it trying to communicate about Sawako and Kazeyaha's relationship by putting them through the wringer? Was there, in fact, a reason things needed to play out this way?

And believe it or not, the answer turned out to be yes.

End of the Fairy Tale

Sawako and Kazehaya's relationship starts like something out of a fairy tale. Sawako, the lonely rejected girl who can't connect with people and scares off everyone she tries to get close to. Kazehaya, the ever-cheerful prince who sees her plight and reaches out a hand to pull her into the light. And with his endless support and supportive charm, she's able to find her place in the world with friends who love her and a handsome admirer who will always stand by her side. It's every lonely girl's romantic fantasy brought to life in dazzling colors, fully earned by how human the characters feel and how well-realized their growth is. Small wonder we all got so swept up in it we fully bought into the fantasy ourselves.

But people aren't princes and princesses. We're not perfect fairy tale archetypes. We're people; flawed, imperfect people who make mistakes and don't always see things clearly. And as impatient as I was for Kazehaya and Sawako to just get together already, what re-watching season 2 made me realize is that as of season 1, they were not yet in a place where getting together would be a good idea. Season 2 isn't delaying for the sake of delaying, it's holding up a spotlight to these lovebirds' biggest flaws and pointing out that if they don't find a way to overcome these weaknesses, any relationship they start is doomed to failure. It's pulling the curtain down on the fairy tale and forcing you to realize that this sparkly, shiny portrait of two young lovers actually has some deeply unhealthy undercurrents that would shatter their attempts at a happy life together if left untreated. And all the drama and misunderstandings that spring up as a result of those undercurrents are what force Kazehaya and Sawako to truly confront those issues head-on, move past them, and grow into stronger, more self-assured people who can actually be with each other without messing it all up.

Girl in the Gutter

To start with Sawako, because she's much simpler to understand, her problem is the same problem she's had from the start: a complete lack of confidence in herself. As much progress as she's made, she still sees herself as inferior to the people she loves, someone who has to earn their affection by proving she's worthy of it. A life lived isolated from her peers has left her incapable of seeing herself as part of them; they're all so much smarter and kinder and braver than her. How can she consider herself their equal when they're clearly not? And because of that inferiority complex, she's completely incapable of considering the fact that other people might care about her just as passionately as she cares about them. Not just Kazehaya, but Yano and Yoshida as well. She can't picture a world where the people she loves return that love with no caveats or expectations; how can she, when he doesn't consider herself on equal footing with them?

And in Yoshida's beautiful rant to Sawako in episode 6, we see just how painful it is to be on the opposite end of that self-loathing. Sawako isn't just hurting herself by putting herself down, she's hurting everyone who loves her by implying their love is, in some way, untrue. Imagine how it must feel to care so deeply for someone, to devote so much of yourself to them because they mean the world to you, only for them to assume you can't possibly care that much because they don't deserve it. It's legitimately gut-wrenching. And if Sawako had tried to start a relationship with Kazehaya still under that impression, it would've been a disaster. She would've spent the whole time thinking he was just doing her a favor, being nice and helpful like always, hating herself for forcing him to become someone he didn't want to be just for her sake. And Kazehaya would've spent the whole time hurt and frustrated that she would think so little of the feelings he's cultivated for so long. They would've lasted a couple months at most, and it's a genuine question whether they'd even be able to talk to each other anymore when it was over.

In short, Sawako could never be in a healthy relationship with Kazehaya, or anyone, really, until she finally got it through her thick skull that she is exactly as worthy of love as the people around her. Only after Yoshida's rant does she finally realize how much she's been putting everyone else on a pedestal, that the only one who considers her lesser is, well, herself. Kazehaya is no god, Yano and Yoshida are no angels; they're people exactly the same as her, flaws and fears and wants and all. And there is nothing Sawako can give them that she doesn't deserve back from them in return. Then, at last, she's able to truly accept that Kazehaya might love her just as she loves him- and more importantly, accept that it's okay for someone like her to be a part of his life. Because this glittering boy who seemed to stand so far above her was, in the end, just as normal as her. And if someone as wonderful as him was just an ordinary person like any other... than maybe she could be just as wonderful.

Boy on a Pedestal

And speaking of Kazehaya, something else this re-watch made clear was that I did not understand his character the first time around. I remember being so annoyed my first time through by how much he started waffling on his feelings in season 2 when he seemed to clear-eyed before. You're a sparkly shoujo pretty boy, what business do you have getting all angsty out of nowhere? But going through it again, no, Kazehaya was fully justified in his concerns. His seemingly effortless cheer is just as much a social mask as Kurumi's pretty popular girl shtick; he just does a much better job of turning it on naturally. But underneath that cheery exterior lies a boy who's riddled with sharp edges. He's impulsive, he's quick to anger, he gets jealous easily, and he's got a genuine possessive streak that flares up basically whenever he thinks there's even a chance Sawako might be in the sights of another guy. The boy is as sweet as they come, but there's a real darkness to him that I didn't really pick up on my first time through because that sweetness was so incredibly blinding.

So when they move into their second year classes and Sawako starts forging new connections well outside her comfort zone? Kazehaya feels that darkness gnawing at him stronger than ever, and it scares him. It scares him to think he might lash out and hurt Sawako with the force of his feelings for her. More than that, though, he's scared of the thought that her lack of feelings for him (by his own thoughts) will only make that possibility an eventuality in time. She's making so many friends and finding so many connections beyond him, and as much as he wants to be proud of her, he also feels like he's losing something precious, something that used to be just between him and her. Something that Kent touches on early in the season is that Kazehaya can't leave people alone when he thinks they're in trouble; he swoops in and lends a helping hand because it's the right thing to do. But there's a world of difference between helping someone in trouble and building a life with them. And the more Sawako finds connections outside of him, the more jealous and uncomfortable he becomes... which only makes him all the more concerned that his gestures of kindness were little more than an attempt to bind her to him like a baby chick to its mother.

The fact of the matter is, Kazehaya and Sawako's relationship as of the start of season 2 is incredibly unbalanced. He's essentially been something like a teacher throughout her first awkward high school year as she began to develop her sense of self, and he's been a wonderful guiding light. But because of that, she puts incredible amounts of trust in him... trust that would be painfully easy for a less well-intentioned person to abuse. Sawako thinks so little of herself, and so highly of Kazehaya, that he could probably ask her to do anything and she would do it, no matter what it would mean for her. And because Kazehaya is so aware of his own demons, he's also aware of how easy it would be for his jealousy to spike out of control and hurt her. He's torn between wanting to hold her fast and never let go and wanting her to leave him behind. Wouldn't it be better for her to stop being so dependent on him, to find happiness in a broader community of people? Wouldn't she be happier- safer- if she could carry her happiness as far away from him as possible?

Golden Goose

Of course, the problem with Kazehaya's perspective is that he's making exactly the same false assumption as Sawako; thinking there's no way they'll be able to see eye to eye because he puts her on too high a pedestal. He's so consumed with thoughts of how much he could hurt her that he's incapable of seeing how much good he brings to her life. There's a great moment where Pin calls him out for this kind of selfish thinking; for all his claims of wanting to do the best for her, his own feelings are the only things he's really taking into account. He's so obsessed with his own way of seeing things that he never stopped to consider what Sawako thought of their relationship, never considered that someone as honest and straightforward as her might also have feelings she was too scared to talk about. So while Sawako needed to realize she was just as worthy of love as everyone else, Kazehaya needed to come to terms with the fact that everyone else is just as flawed as him in their own ways. Everyone else has doubts, hidden desires, questions on how to move forward with no easy answers. But just because you can't be sure of everything is no excuse not to try.

On that subject, something else I really came to appreciate on this re-watch is how Kent serves as a foil for Kazehaya. He's essentially the person Kazehaya is afraid of becoming: someone who does good deeds and helps people not out of a genuine love for the people he cares about, but as an ego-boost to fuel his sense of self-importance. Yes, maybe Kent has good intentions, and he certainly did some good for Sawako helping her settle into her new class, but when push came to shove, his sense of self-righteousness won out over his desire to do the right thing, and thanks to his own misinterpretation of Kazehaya's feelings, he meddled in ways that almost drove Sawako and Kazehaya apart for good. He was so convinced his perspective on what was happening was correct that he never stopped to wonder if he was doing more harm than good until he'd almost ruined everything forever. And Kazehaya is so terrified of becoming that kind of person- or the thought that maybe he already is- that he pulls farther and farther away from her rather than try and fix things upright. It's only when he finds the courage to be as honest and straightforward as Sawako, doubts be damned, that he's able to meet her on equal footing, see her clearly for the first time, and embrace the love he was so scared of losing with all his heart.

Hearts Wide Open

And it's that incredible catharsis that officially turned me around on season 2. Seeing that incredible confession scene and all the sugar-bomb adorableness afterwards not as an apology for a season wasted on delay tactics, but the culmination of a genuinely beautiful coming-of-age for both of them, made me realize just how damn important this arc I thought I hated was. Kimi ni Todoke needed to let its characters face their flaws like this. It needed to confront their worst aspects to they could grow beyond them. It's only now that they're truly self-assured people, confident in themselves and each other, that their relationship is able to be so unspeakably, unfathomably delightful. And while there's definitely more than a little narrative railroading to force them into that situation, the payoff is so spectacular than I genuinely don't mind anymore.

So I guess, if you, like me, found yourself groaning throughout Kimi ni Todoke season 2 the first time you watched it, rolling your eyes at the contrivances, yelling at the screen as they kept misunderstanding each other and hating the writers for putting you through such bullshit... give it another look. See it for what it is. I can't promise it'll win you over as fully as it did me, but with the benefit of hindsight, you may just find yourself a new light in what you thought was the darkest corner of the sun.

And with all that said, I'm bumping my season 2 score up from 6.5/10 to:

9/10

God, I'm so fucking happy I decided to rewatch this show. To my old fans, I hope you enjoyed this nostalgic return to form. To my new fans, I hope this was a fun change of pace! If you want to see more writing I've done like this, I've got an enormous backlog of shows I've analyzed like this, so feel free to check them out! And now, let's all wait with fingers crossed that season 3 is just as wonderful as what's come before...

[womanofwords]

The World's Worst Lunch

Villain was surprised when Hero rushed past them to get to the kitchen. "What the hell?!" they spluttered, as Hero began raiding the fridge.

"Sorry. I'm just so hungry," Hero babbled, as they started shoving plain bread into their mouth.

"I've seen how big your lunch is. How are you hungry?"

Hero looked embarrassed. "Superhero gets hungry too, and sometimes they . . . share my lunch," Hero explained. "But they never leave any for me, even though it's supposed to be mine."

"I see. Superhero's stepping over what should be very important boundaries for their own gain," Villain said.

"They said it was because I have good lunches," Hero said.

Villain thought about it. "I see," they mused. "Well, I think that Superhero has had it too easy for too long. Tomorrow, give them a bad lunch. The world's worst lunch."

"I can't do that!" Hero's eyes widened with horror. "I have to eat that lunch!"

Villain rolled their eyes. "Hero, Superhero eats so much of your lunch that you rush home hungry afterwards because they left you nothing. You won't be able to eat any of it."

Hero thought about it, before eventually giving in. "Fine. What does the world's worst lunch look like anyway?" Hero asked. Villain laughed.

"Allow me to show you," Villain said. "We start with the humble water bottle. How do you think I'll mess with this?"

"Um . . . salt water?" Hero asked.

"Good, but not cruel enough." Villain got themselves a bottle of white vinegar and poured it into the water bottle. "There you go."

"Oh, goodness." Hero covered their mouth in shock.

"And now for the rest of the lunch. You have a habit of only packing yourself three items: a drink, a sandwich and a sweet treat. Your favourite kind of sweet treat is a . . . brownie, correct?" Villain looked at Hero expectantly.

Yes," Hero affirmed.

Villain grinned. "Thank you. Now leave me be, darling. I need to get revenge for you in peace."

(PAUSE)

Superhero sauntered up to Hero and sat down. "God, I'm hungry," they said, almost comedic timing. "Hey, Hero, can I have a bite of your sandwich?" they asked. Before Hero had a chance to say yes or no, Superhero had already taken the sandwich and ripped a huge chunk out of it, chewing and eventually swallowing.

They vomited it back up mere seconds later.

"What the heck is that?!" Superhero spluttered, as other heroes shrieked with horror at the puddle of vomit on the floor.

"My partner wanted me to try something new," Hero said.

"Well, it was awful! I need water now. Gimme that!" Superhero swiped the water bottle off the table and chugged it.

They threw up again.

"You know what, how about you just take the brownie and call it quits?" Hero asked. Superhero took it and scampered off, while other people looked at them in disgust, both visceral and moral.

(PAUSE)

Superhero was mysteriously absent for the rest of the day, something that Hero wasn't too upset about. However, they did want to know what Villain did, other than the white vinegar in the water bottle.

"What did you do to Superhero?" Hero asked Villain, as they snuggled in bed together.

"I made the world's worst lunch for them," Villain said, kissing Hero's forehead. "Nobody makes my darling go hungry."