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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 2 years ago

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Helluva Boss Theory: Blitz Is Verosika, Fizz and Barbie’s Scapegoat...Part 1

[Note: Reading This Is Optional, also gonna put “not for kids” and “mature audience only” for this, just in case...]

because of how I’m feeling right now, I will be breaking this into parts, possibly just two parts...

it might be possible that Blitzo, isn’t fully to blame for his bad luck in relationships, he just ends up in toxic-relationships that end up breaking his heart.

and what ever went down with Verosika, Fizz and Barbie, it might not of been fully Blitz’s fault, and yet he is made the scapegoat and all the blame is placed on him...

we only know some of the story between him and Verosika, and we do know that Blitz and Fizzy use to be best friends until something caused them to fall apart.

we don’t know much about how Barbie and Blitzo were together during their childhood, but for all we know, Barbie’s poor relationship with her brother, could not be fully his fault and she doesn’t want to take some of the responsibility as to why it had become broken.

also I want to say, that I decided to check the AO3/Archive Of Our Own again, and it seems there is something different now. it says "We'll be back soon!" and even has some info that says it is currently offline due to a DDoS Attack.

and they are working on the mitigations and hope to return to service soon, and to stay tuned to the AO3 status on Twitter or on Tumblr for updates. well, guess things are looking up.

I am gonna make sure to keep a eye out and even if it might take time for AO3 to fully get better, I still hope it gets better soon, but how long it will be, well it might not be right away, but I’m gonna wish those who are working on the problems, some luck.

I hope no one was trying to update their story when that mess started, that would really suck....I know I brought this up before, when I posted that one post some hours ago, that talked about a bit about whats going on with AO3, and well at least we got a bit more info about it and hopefully it will be fixed soon.

anyway, back to the theory about Blitzo being made as Verosika, Fizzarolli and Barbie’s scapegoat, it is possible that there is more to the stories between Blitzo and those three, than just him being bad at relationships...

the problem with those three, is that they seem to want to pull that scapegoating, and make it seem that Blitz is to fully to blame for why their platonic and romantic relationships with Blitzo had broken and fell into pieces.

it is possible those three, had did some emotional damage to Blitz, which would explain how he acted at Bee’s Party, and once again it might be the Embodiment Queens that have more sense and possibly more empathy than the Embodiment Kings.

Bee might feed on the energy of some of the gluttony of others, but it might only be the positive side of it, and not the really bad negative side of it.

Bee could see that Blitzo was in emotional pain and know he was gluttonying in the wrong way and for the wrong reasons, and she wanted him to get some form of help and she possibly wanted him to feel better and could sense something deeply hurt him to the point of him drinking and kissing strangers for the wrong reasons.

(feel free to skip some of these parts and skip down to where it goes back to talking about the whole Blitzo being Verosika, Fizzarolli and Barbie’s scapegoat to their broken relationship with him. keep a eye out for the bold.)

I think the songs that would fit my feelings are "Monster" by KIRA, 2018 Song Called "Bulletproof" by Godsmack, "Bulletproof" by La Roux (yeah they both have the same name, but different lyrics.), "Break Me Shake Me" by Savage Garden, Undertale Parody Song Of "Stronger Than You" from Steven Universe....it would be the Chara Version of the Parody. and the song "F*** You" by Lily Allen.

I like those songs, and well I think I had just learned about the Bulletproof by Godsmack, it is pretty good.

hopefully things can become a bit more better, and one of the things I can hope for is that I'm NOT Jesus's Descendant, don't mind if we are distant cousins (because we are both descendants of King David, but my being a descendant of King Solomon & His Son Rehoboam, still ain't a curse....it's a blessing, because I don't have to take that throne...)

I'm pretty sure that being Jesus's Descendant & Cain's Descendant, would be not so great because of some info I had found before....

and yeah, just because my blood type is O RH D Negative doesn't mean it is proof that I'm Jesus's Descendant, plus that blood type might of been around way before Jesus was born into human form...

also if it were possible and if I was allowed to by both the Heavenly Father & Earthly Mother, I would punch Archangel Samael so freaking hard on his arm....

I think I should try to do some stuff to make me more happy and do some healing, cause I am so tired of Male-Angels crossing lines they shouldn't freaking cross.

and there is possibly only a few I can trust not to push me to the limit...I want to try to hope things can get better, but even if it does, it doesn't change anything.... I don't think my trust issues with some Male-Angels (not just the Fallen ones...) can just be "fixed", not after some damage has already been done...

oh yeah, another song that would fit would be "Apologize" by OneRepublic... and I want people to try to understand my feelings and not tell me "you should give your full trust to them." and "I'm sure they have their reasons."

yeah, like I said....even if I can trust some Male-Angels.....but my trust for all of them, is not likely gonna be for a very long time....not after the messed up stuff that has been going on.

maybe with any luck, there are some Male-Angels & Female-Angels that are trying to fix things, and try to get more trust back....cause this Earth Angel Enbirl, will need to see some form of improvements...

a weird thought pop into my head just now, and it has to do with the Goddess calling Lucifer "Morning Sunshine", like it is a cute nickname....like a Mom would give to one of her babies...not sure if she would really call him that or if that is Lucifer's nickname, another thing that pop into my head is the word "Little Morning Sunshine", and "Sparkle Star"....

ya know, even if he still shouldn't of done it, but Lucifer could of waited to do his little rebellion until AFTER the balance between the Masculine & Feminine energies were fixed....

if the Earthly Mother Goddess allowed me to, I would slap Lucifer over the head....it is possible because it wasn't fixed during those times, the Masculine energy has been all infected with toxic energy...

and yeah, some of the toxic energy is in the feminine energy now, but lucky for us, it isn't as high as the masculine one...

it is possible that the energies has been trying fix the damage done to it, after some idiot human ancestors back in the days of the Indo-Europeans, had foolishly dethroned the Goddess...

lucky there was still some humans keeping the faith of her alive and well, and can we NOT use the word "woke" the way some people have been doing so...

it's bad enough some humans misuse that word, so please don't say I'm being "woke".....also I know it is possible I have been a bit bittersweet at times lately, but with the bull slag that has been going on for me, and the other stuff that is going on, I can at least try to do stuff to make me happy to help with those bittersweet feelings.

I mean I had to put up with some bull slag stuff in 2015, and I ended up a mess and at some point I couldn't take it and ended up in a depression, and oh let's not forget that even after I got better from that, it was either in 2016 or 2017 that I ended up falling into another one, and this time it wasn't because of family stuff going on in real life.

and it took time for that second depression to fully heal, and it felt maybe a lot more worse than that first one, even if I still had stuff and people to make me feel a little happy, but that not so great feeling was still there.

and when watching Boss Baby, I had laughed in a way that was a sign I was getting better, it was possibly one of the good signs that I was healing.

my personal space wasn't being respected enough in 2015, I couldn't even write or draw in private without one of our house guests coming into that room and invading my personal space...

it got so bad, that when I ended up showing a type of look, my much older cousin got on to me for it, and I had to go to the bathroom and cry....I was living in a personal heck...

if I was giving a "dirty look" or whatever, it's because you all wont stop coming into that room and just leave me the frag alone, I need my personal space, and I don't like people looking over my shoulder when I'm trying to draw or write, and I'm the "bad guy" for wanting you to stop invading my personal space?!

everyone needs their own personal space when they need to be left alone, and I hardly got that when we had some people staying over and they wouldn't stop coming into the room I was in.

I can still talk to others when I'm able to, but that stuff that happen before, I just can't stand how it went....I just like to be alone at times, like family can still be in the house...

but I rather be in a different room, by myself when I really need it....and it can suck when you do get that full happy energy back, it is once again taken away from you, and you be lucky to just have some happy energy left.

it can also suck when you are talking to someone, but they give off the whole "they are just looking for attention.", talking about another person....

and you might feel you can't truly tell them some deep and troubling feelings you have at times, because the thoughts you might get is that "they might think I'm just looking for attention as well."

like even if I can talk about some feelings, but maybe there are some things that I shouldn't talk about.....and there is some stuff I do keep to myself.

anyone not just me, would need time to be alone, and it can be to heal.

anyway, we might get more of the story between Blitz and those three in the future, from what we seen in a flashback in one of the episodes, it did appear that Blitz and Fizz were really close like brothers, but something happen between those two that cause them to hate each other.

Blitz not hating Barbie, might of shown that he still held some form of hope to patch things up with her, but he might can do better than her...

he has a new family, even if it isn’t perfect, at least he found a kindred spirit with his daughter, Loona.

it might be possible that Blitzo, has emotional trauma, and one of them being his bad and toxic-relationships that involved Barbie, Fizz and Verosika.

the other emotional trauma, might have to do with his Mom, and we don’t know what happen to her or if she is still alive.

there could be other emotional traumas that Blitzo has been hiding from everyone around him, and not just about his Mom or his Sister, or even Verosika and Fizzarolli.

something must of happen in Blitzo’s past that had did some serious emotional harm, and we might find out more about it in the future, but it might be a while before we do so.

it might be possible that Blitzo, had romantic feelings for Fizzarolli, if that hallucination he had has anything to go by....

each of those who showed up in his hallucination, were these characters...

Striker, Fizzarolli, Verosika and Moxxie.....and lastly, Stolas.

those five were love interests, Blitzo possibly had formed feelings for Moxxie before Millie and Moxxie met each other, but Blitzo never really got to form a romantic relationship with Moxxie, but he still seems okay with Moxxie and Millie being together, and they might be viewed as his OTP.

Striker might of notice that Blitzo had formed a small crush on him, and used that to try to talk him into working together.

and it might be possible that Verosika was only with Blitzo, for just one thing...

which if her little solo song at Ozzie’s has anything to go by...

it is lucky Blitzo wasn’t a human, or else she would of sucked the life right out of him, even if it does turn out that Blitzo is a quarter succubus...

it is possible that the succubus, well the full succubus and not the hybrid ones, will be a bit more dangerous, if they take too much lustful energy and life force from humans, and if they take too much, it could cost the humans their life.

for demons, like hellborns and sinners, it only drains them enough to make them tired and make their stamina low.

also there might be a reason why Blitzo couldn’t please Verosika, and there might be a reason why he took off, and it wasn’t originally just to max her credit card on horse riding lessons, and it was originally to get away from Verosika and how she has been treating him.

and if it is because how Verosika had treated him, and he only left to get a break from her and how she had been treating him...

even if she might be upset with him, but she could at least try to see from his point of view and how he might of not been happy with how things went between them, like he could of really loved her, but she made their relationship all about the physical love, and even if Blitzo might view Stolas’s actions being like Verosika’s....

it could turn out that it not fully true, because unlike Versoika, Stolas does care about Blitzo, and knows to treat him like a person with feelings.

Stolas would be willing to just sit with Blitz and just talk and maybe even talk about their feelings, that is how much he loves Blitz.

Blitz might of got use to being treated a certain way by those he formed a romantic relationship with or one-sided feelings for...

while it might be possible that his feelings were one-sided for Striker and Moxxie....it might be unknown with Fizzarolli, if it was one-sided on Blitz’s side or if it use to be mutual or if it was just platonic on both sides.

the weirdest thought, would be if Barbie might of had a Brother Complex, but the chances of that are VERY small, so it might not be likely and there could be other reasons as to why their relationship might not be the best.

Barbie didn’t appear in that hallucination of Blitzo, and those who did, appeared to be those that Blitzo had formed romantic feelings for, but they had ended up in heart break....and since Fizzarolli was in there, then maybe it was at first platonic and in time, Blitzo had formed feelings for Fizzarolli but something happen, and he possibly never got the chance to tell Fizzy how he truly felt.

Blitzo’s feelings to Barbie, is the family type of love and he does seem to care about his sister, even if things aren’t really the best between them right now.

and this theory might be debunked and I don’t really mind if it does, but my theory is that Barbie had formed a brother complex, which would mean that she saw Blitzo as more than just a brother, and I don’t mean just a friend....it is possible that the rehab place she was send to, wasn’t just for those who get hooked on beezle-juice, it might also be a type of rehab that helps with other problems as well...like those who form complexes...

it could be possible that Barbie could have formed her brother complex sometime before Stolas went to the circus with his Dad-Butler and his Bio-Dad Paimon...(still gonna view that Imp Butler as Stola’s True Dad, even if he isn’t his biological dad.)

before rehab, the feelings could of been small, and Blitz’s Mom had been taking Barbie to some form of therapy, possibly in the Sloth Ring, to help her daughter get over her small yet unhealthy crush on her brother.

but as the years went by, it only got worse and they had no other choice but to send Barbie to rehab.

Barbie might of got over her Brother Complex, but she could still end up placing the full blame on Blitz, even when he rejected her feelings.

but it could be possible that Barbie doesn’t have a brother complex, but something else was the cause of her and Blitz’s family bond breaking.

fans could come up with different theories about Barbie and Blitz.

and well, with any luck, the brother complex wouldn’t be canon, but I would be surprised if it did turn out to be true.

Blitz does love Barbie, but only as family and not anything beyond that.

and that theory about Barbie, having a crush on Blitz, might be incorrect.

and the broken relationship between those two, could be in the platonic zone.

while the broken relationship with Fizzarolli and Verosika are in the romantic zone, and Blitz could of had romantic feelings for Fizzarolli, who was possibly his first love, at first his feelings were platonic love for Fizzy, but over time it had grew into romantic feelings, but something happen to cause Blitz to resent Fizzarolli, even his Robotic Fizzarolli Copies...

Blitzo might not want to form a romantic relationship, but at the same time he still wants to, but because of bad experience and fear, but that might be only some of the reasons, and we might find out more about it in the future besides what we have seen so far.

Blitz might not be fully to blame for his relationships with Verosika, Fizzarolli and Barbie had broke and fell apart.

and yeah, even if not everyone has to agree on this theory, I think it could still be possible that that those three have been scapegoating Blitzo, and not taking part of the blame on why their platonic and romantic relationship with him had fell apart, and even became a toxic-relationship.

anyway, I will talk more about this theory about Fizzarolli, Verosika and Barbie scapegoating in the Part 2 of this...

I’m going to check out a few more stuff on here, and then watch some show or movie...or both, like watching a show first and then a movie...

also if by chance some didn’t skip some of the off topic stuff...

I hope some can understand why I feel like punching Archangel Samael on the arm, and if if the Heavenly Father & Earthly Mother allowed me to do so...

I would gladly punch him in the arm, like REALLY hard....

also I hope friends and other people, understand and respect on my feelings, like how I at times need to be alone for some time to myself.

anyway I think I am a bit tired, maybe after checking out a few more stuff on here, I will go to sleep...and it might not be today, and maybe not tomorrow, but I will try to find time when I can to write the part 2 of this, that has to do with Verosika, Barbie and Fizzarolli’s scapegoating Blitzo.

not everyone has to agree on that theory, but I still think it is possible that Blitzo isn’t the only one at fault for the broken relationships that involve those three.

maybe I can try to do some form of meditation, which just has me closing my eyes and listening to music, and I think I will listen to the song “Release Me” by Agnes. and maybe after listening to that song, I can listen to “don’t go breaking my heart” by Agnes.

not all meditations have to be 100% the same, not even the music that is listen to during it....and yeah, it might be weird, but those songs are great to listen to for meditation, and if I want to close my eyes and do some form of meditation that has me listening to them, then I will. I can try that later...

and with how some toxic-humans have been triggering me in the wrong way, maybe it be good to do some meditation and listen to some music at the same time, it might help a lot and well that, and reading some of the books I have, as well as watching some episodes of some shows I like and even a movie...

but if it turns out I am not able to to find a movie to watch today, I can try for tomorrow....anyway, if I’m not able to make a part 2 of this theory about Blitzo being Barbie Wire, Verosika Mayday and Fizzarolli’s scapegoat this month.

I will try to make part 2 maybe next month instead...

#verosika mayday helluva boss #fizzarolli helluva boss #barbie wire helluva boss #helluva boss theory #blitzo helluva boss #scapegoat #scapegoating #emotional trauma #toxic relationship #mature audiences only #not for kids #july 2023 #Part 1

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forcemelt · 3 years ago

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PTS 7.1 annihilation / watchman

gonna go over some things I have personally noticed on the PTS for 7.1 for the annihilation marauder and watchman sentinel disciplines as there are some things that made me go 👀

I will try to make this coherent so that even people who don’t play anni get this as long as you sorta know how marauders tend to work like though I'll try to explain some stuff for context. i say this but it'll still make no sense lol

wrote this before the new iteration of the pts came out today, no idea if anything changed bc i don’t have the time to check.

anyway, posting it under the cut, it’s honestly way too long

hemorrhage / plasma blades tooltip

so shortly after 7.0 launched there’s already been some early datamined stuff for 7.1 - in particular i saw a spreadsheet that included some changes to certain abilities/utilities’ tooltips and from what I heard some of it actually went live since then even? not too sure now.

either way, to explain what the hemorrhage passive does, here’s its current tooltip description:

the important part to focus on is the last sentence; that’s some self healing! anyway;

this ^ is the tooltip for hemorrhage now on the pts (and this was also in the very early 7.1 datamined stuff I mentioned). what could this mean? are they removing anni heals?

after a quick test (really didn’t require any deep look on that one lol) I’m still most definitely doing basically the same amount of healing as on live.

need to point out that plasma blades, the watchman mirror for the passive still has the text about healing included on the pts. of course discrepancies between the supposedly mirror disciplines are not a new thing at all, anni and watchman literally have that on live right now with blood fury / burning zen for example.

either way i’m gonna lean towards the new hemorrhage tooltip being some kinda mistake or a leftover of the devs considering removing anni heals but dedicing to just get rid of aoe dr instead. or at least that’s my working theory but honestly who fucking knows lol, but like they would definitely include this in a dev post if they were to remove something like that anyway heh.. maybe in 7.2 🤯

blood fury / burning zen

ok, so this the one main thing I wanted to talk about, but i wanna explain some stuff first.

blood fury is one of the three utility choices you can make once you’re level 43. besides that, there’s also furious power (a rotational ability back in 6.X, now rendered useless as we don’t have the descent of the fearless set bonus) and then theres a choice called bleeding center, the latter of the two actually being the usually recommended choice for that level - what it does is that when one of your dots critically hit you build 2 fury, even during berserk - this is very very handy as annihilation currently wants to have berserk (an ability that becomes available once you get 30 stacks of fury which you build by using rage spending abilities) up for use before force rend (one of anni’s dots) come off cooldown, since now it will do 4x more damage on the initial hit if berserk is also active (it’s like a 40-50k hit - thats a lot of damage at once for a dot spec)

so if burning center tends to often be the recommended choice, why am I talking about blood fury?

simple as - it’s a dps increase. the reason people don’t always recommend it is because it makes the rotation harder to manage and its not viable on fights with a lot of target swapping for example, as you won’t be be able to build your fury stacks as fast and you might end up having force rend off cooldown before berserk becomes available, meaning you have to either delay it or use it without the buff, which is something you should avoid. but as an anni main that loves high parsing numbers this won’t stop me from taking it to a lot of fights (same for a whole lot of other anni maras out there ofc). plus i actually quite like the additional difficulty it introduces to anni, since with the dispatcher’s challenge legendary implant it no longer really has rage issues as much, so blood fury is like a bit of additional fun.

ok, so anyway, there are some interesting things to note about blood fury:

1) first off, “effect cannot occur more than once per second” my ass. happens on each hit with your weapons. you know how the ravage ability is like several hits on the target with both of your lightsabers in just one gcd? yeahh, you get a whole bunch of blood fury hits from it

of course, when people noticed this discrepancy, the question was; so what is the intended effect here? the way it works on anni or watchman? lot of people assumed that the way it is on watchman is the intended effect but it’s not like we couldn’t be sure...

2) and now the funny part - on live there’s currently a discrepancy between how blood fury works on annihilation marauder vs how it works on watchman sentinel (called burning zen there). so what exactly happens is; blood fury only occurs during berserk - when you use berserk, you get 6 charges of it - over the course of a few seconds those charges are consumed by your dots (aka “bleeds” on anni) that are on the target and berserk makes it so they are a crit hit. however - on annihilation, blood fury hits don’t consume berserk charges, but hits of burning zen DO eat berserks (called “zen” on watchman), which... isn’t really something you want. god forbid you pop zen one gcd early and place blade barrage in there, which is all nice and well on annihilation, but on watchman say bye bye to your buffed force melt because your zen charges will be eaten by barrage lmao.

anyway, great news! there’s a new addition to the blood fury / burning zen tooltip on the pts server:

turns out it is not supposed stacks of berserk! and after testing, it does work properly on both disciplines too this time.

but to my surprise, this wasn’t all! I decided to try some parsing on the pts despite my ping being less than ideal. and suddenly my crit is way higher? WELL - as it turns out, blood fury is now an autocrit too! and this actually makes sense - since it’s labeled as bleed damage it means it should technically also be a crit like the other dots are in the berserk window, and it actually does that right now on watchman on live too - I just never noticed since the fact that the charges get consumed so quickly renders it useless and mostly a dps loss despite the crit.

so yeah, it might do even more damage. I’ve only done a few parses on the pts, but I was able to get even 1k dps increase out of blood fury alone so far and was able to hit 31k dps on the dummy without too much trouble (still one of my luckier parses though, its not like every parse on live i do is 30k). i’m tempted to play around with it more but my ping on the pts really isnt the greatest. on parsely.io there’s someone who was able to do 31.8k even - unsure whether they weren’t able to farm some of the new gear tiers already though.

but either way - top parse on live right now is 31.1k, blood fury making up ~1k of that damage there. doesn’t seem unlikely that you could then parse 32k with annihilation if blood fury will amount for double the dps it does now, so I wonder what kinda implications could this have. would be hilarious if all the former anni players who switched to fury at the start of 7.0 would now switch back bc it can suddenly parse really high (though it depends on just how big the upcoming fury nerf affects its overall dps - and again, not every anni plays with blood fury)

anyway i talked too much so huge props who actually read this tehee

#can you tell i like this spec

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unlikelyempathpruneauthor · 4 years ago

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Always and forever

summary: Fans see you and Calum cuddled together in a video and they wonder who the mystery girl is.

a/n: the video they posted of all of them in their studio “announcing” the fifth album. Also I love how Michael announced they're making an album just like that haha. Also I'm writing this as if the pandemic wasn't even a thing because it's more fun that way haha, also reader is known by hanging out with Sierra and the guys. This is my first calum fic so feedback is always acceptable

You and the girls were all invited to come to the guy’s studio to check out and see them make the beginning of their new album, you were so excited for them and you and the girls would be standing behind them and supporting them on the new album.

You were getting ready while Cal waited for you downstairs, you didn't dress up that much, you only wore one of Cal's hoodies and a pair of jeans. You knew you were gonna be there for a while so you were gonna dress comfortably. You always liked seeing cal do his thing, you admired how passionate he was when it came to his work. As you walked down the stairs you noticed Cal was laying on the couch looking at his phone so you joined him as he took you in his arms.

“Are you ready to go?” he said as you looked up at him and nodded.

“Yeah I am, I'm excited for you guys.” you said with a smile as he pulled you in for a kiss.

“Thank that means a lot, I'm glad I have you here with me, I mean you are my inspiration after all.” he said you giggled and he pulled you in for a small cuddle.

“You know i'll always be here for you, always.” you said muffled as you two cuddled on the couch before leaving your place.

You were one of the many people Calum cared for, he always thought that he would never fall in love again, but with you it was different, he was able to be more than himself when you were with him. You allowed his mind to be open with you. To even add more to this story, you thought you wouldn't love again as well, you were heartbroken so many times as well, and well when you met cal, you two probably fell in love with one another the first time you two laid eyes on one another. You two met as if you were normal people, well you were introduced by Luke’s girlfriend, but nonetheless you met as normal people.

As you arrived you hung out with Sierra, while the boys were doing their warm up and a little while after KayKay and Crystal showed up and the gang was pretty much there.You and the girls were always here to support your guys, it was practically tradition, but this was a nice thing to do, since not everyday you see everyone. As much as you missed the boys you missed your girls.

The cameras then started to roll for a small announcement for the fans to see, it wasn't official yet, but the guys wanted to place a nice presence in the video for the fans to guess what they were up to. Which is why you chose the traditional hoodie and jeans because you knew fans would assume its you and you hoped this disguise worked since you and cal haven't gone official, or so you thought.

When the boys were kinda stuck they called a break the guys all went to their gals and cal walked over to your on the couch and cuddled you as you kissed him. “How's it going rockstar?” you asked as he looked over at you with a smile as he placed a kiss on your lips and he got comfortable with you.

“Pretty good, got some good lyrics in and a couple of new tunes.” he said as he moved to be the little spoon and he took his beanie off so you could play with his hair, this was one of the many things he likes when he needed inspiration or relax, mainly both but you were happy to do so. “Hey, that's good bubs, I'm happy it's going well, I'm proud of you.” you said he looked at you in awe and just couldn't believe how lucky he was.

For him he always found inspiration for lyrics in moments like these. No matter how small or big the moments were, there was always some sort of feeling he felt, it was more than love. He never felt this way ever in his life before, he knew he would follow you everywhere and you would do the same.

“Im making another song about you,” cal said as you looked down at him again, you loved that he made you songs, but you knew his fans would probably like to hear different songs. “Cal you don't have to, you should focus on what your fans like.” you said as he looked up at you with a pout, “babe, the fans would love you once they know, and besides its pretty official, the boys love it.” he said as you giggled, “Don't worry about that love, besides my fans probably like you more than me and they don't even know yet.” he said as you two laughed a little and your cuddle sesh continued before he had to go back in.

After a couple more hours of the boys working and you guys getting to listen to some of the music they had come up with, you were very excited to hear the final cut. You were proud of the progress they all made, you knew the final cut would turn out great.

You all said their goodbyes and hopped to see them again for another meet up session. You and Cal went home and did your normal night routine, you would watch another movie or a couple episodes of a show you were currently watching. Then you would eat some dinner, you either made something small or you ordered some food. After you eat you would head up to your shared room and do your skincare, you two always loved doing it together, especially sheet face masks, those were your favorite and he always had a couple pictures of you two, but mainly you.

This was pretty much “normal” about your lives, and he cherished them everyday, especially when he was away on tour, he would always look back at your silly pictures together and remember that you were always going to be there waiting for him. You missed him as well when he was away and you were grateful you had a part of him, which was duke, you would take him on walks and little small picnic dates which you later showed cal, which he loved how you would take care of him while he was away. He was practically your son, but you didn't know that was your title, it was a secret between cal and duke.

As the morning hit you woke up with cal’s arms around you as you looked over at him seeing his sleepy self. You knew that these sessions took up a lot of energy internally since he was creating music for everyone to hear. You enjoyed seeing him sleeping peacefully. You snuggled closer to him as you kissed his jaw and he started to wake up a little.

“Good morning love” he said with his morning voice as you two kissed one another, “Good morning, how'd you sleep bubs?” you said as duke had climbed in between you too as you kissed duke, “pretty good as usual i had you in my arms.” he said as you looked up to him with a smile.

The first night you two spent the night together, you both fell asleep instantly, the things that were planned for the rest of the night had been swiped away, but you two enjoyed being with one another even if you were just sleeping. You two helped one another sleep, you couldn't remember the last time you actually had a good night's sleep. When calum was away, he couldn't sleep and he would be so tired when he would come home, which he felt bad for because he wanted to spend the day with you, but you always insisted on him to rest and that you would be by his side when he woke up since you too were tired and needed him by your side.

As you were eating breakfast, the video their team worked on was posted, it was very simple, nothing too complex about it. Cal knew his team was amazing so he was gonna wait to see it once it was posted by one of the guys.

His phone then started to blow up, first it was twitter, then it was instagram. Your phone then too started to ring. You both looked at one another with a quite confused look, cal picked his phone up and then he saw the video that his team posted, it looked so good to him, but when he went to the comments, he saw people were tagging you as you were seeing that as well on your phone.

@5sosforever3CALM: OMG thats literally @y/n! OMG OMG

@5sosupdates: CAL HAS A GIRL, SIERRA PROBABLY GOT THEM TOGETHER

@lukemikeycalash: HOLD UP IS THAT @y/n????

@caldreams: YALL REALLY OUT HERE POSTING THIS WITH NO CONTEXT

He went back to the video and looked at it closely, and there was a clip of the two of you on the couch having your small moment. Your face wasn't clear to the camera, but how did they know? Your hair was showing and your nose, but how could they get that from one clip? He looked at his tagged photos and saw that they were comparing you side to side with your side profile.

“Oh no, our fans are literally FBI agents, how did they get that from one picture?” Cal said as you giggled, then saw Luke's contact appear and you answered it.

“Hey.” you said with a giggled, “hey, have you seen the comments?” he asked as cal answered, “yeah we saw, but how do they know it's her?” he said as those two kept going back and forth. “So should i ask out team to delete it?” he asked as you shook your head, “Luke it's fine, i'm not that bothered, doing nothing will just let them make up other theories.” you said as you were calm the outside, but you were freaking out on the inside.

“Are you sure?” cal asked as you nodded, “yeah i am, as long as you're okay with it.” you said as he nodded and you said goodbye to luke and you two continued your breakfast.

You sat on the couch after breakfast and did your normal thing, you knew Cal was freaking out because he was still on his phone trying to see if the fans were coming up with new theories, but no they were stuck on it. He was freaking out because he wanted you to feel comfortable, you both agreed on keeping your relationship private, but you knew once it was out of the bag people would find out.

“Cal, if you want we can announce it officially.” you said as he looked over at you with a smile. He had been wanting to go official years back, but he respected you and well he liked keeping your relationship private, since most things in his life were already out there. He wanted something serious with you and he wanted this to do it right.

“Really? Are you sure? I don't want you to feel pressured because the fans are figuring it out.” he said as you nodded, “yes cal, besides you looked stressed out, we've been together for 5 years and besides like you said hopefully they'll like me.” you said as he shook his head, “no they're going to love you as much as i love you.” he said as the both of you had pulled up pictures of the two of you and captioned it, “Alright done, ready?” he asked as you nodded,“3...2….1!” he said as you both posted the pictures and you had turned off your phones. You knew it would be blowing up in minutes, so today was going to be spent with one another.

The next morning you woke up by a duke who had climbed into the bed as you saw Cal was missing, he probably had gotten up to make breakfast,“Hey duke, where's your dad huh.” you said as you held him in your arms as you walked towards the kitchen where cal had been preparing the table for you guys to eat. “Hey rockstar, what's this for?” you asked as you placed duke down and cal placed his hands on your jaw and you moved in to a kiss, as you smiled through it.

“Just wanted to make my lady some breakfast.” he said as you saw him being all cheeky and you grinned at him, almost making him blush, “Well this is nice, does it have to do with what we did yesterday?” you said as he nodded with a slight grin,“Depends on what you’re talking about” he asked as he smirked at you slapped his arm playfully. You two had gotten in the mood and well it's probably best to keep it a secret.

“Cal! Not in front of duke.” you said as you two laughed and nodded, “well i liked what we did after the post, but yeah the fans reacted well.” he said as you smiled seeing him so happy, “I'm glad, wait what picture did you post?” you asked as you got your phone and clicked on instagram, “just a couple of us and one of duke,” he said as you nodded and looked through. The first one was of the two of you two on your first date, which was one of the many dates you had after going out, but this one was your first date as boyfriend and girlfriend. The second one was a picture of the two of you asleep on the tour bus, when you had tagged along with them since you had free time saved up and cal loved that you were there, he was able to see you everyday, even when he was preforming and you were in the crowd.

“Where did you get that one of us on the bus?” you asked in awe of that picture, “the guys took it after the show and they later sent it to me,” he said with a smile as you swiped to the next photo. This was a picture of you when Cal and the guys were nominated for an award and even won and he brought it home to you and took a silly picture with the award. the next one was the first night you spent together and you were doing sheet face masks, that's how it all got started. And the last one was a picture of you and duke when you first met, duke was all over you and was happy to finally meet you. You remembered all of these moments clearly, they were moments you cherished the most. You then looked at the caption and cal had seen your eyes trailing the text waiting to see you reaction.

@calumhood: i guess you guys figured it out, so here it is. This is my soulmate, my person and Duke's mom. I never thought i would love again, but the day i met her i was already falling for her and well she's the best thing that has ever happened to me and of course our pup Duke. The day she came into mine and duke’s life we were blessed. She inspires me to be a better person and artist everyday and is the inspiration to all of the music I write for the band, so you can thank her for our records. She is one of the many people I love in life and I hope you can love her the same way I do. Duke and I love you forever and always. @y/n <3

You looked up at him with small tears in your eyes and a smile. He looked over at you and saw you were crying as he was worried he didn't expect you to cry.

“Hey, you okay? What's wrong? Did someone say something?” he asked as you nodded, “yeah you did,” you said with a smile showing him the caption he wrote and he smiled and gave you a hug. You then cut your moment short and looked at Duke and back at him,“I'm Duke's mom?” you asked as he looked at you in awe and nodded, “yeah of course you are, you always were, probably since the first day you spent the night. He was pretty bummed out after you left.” he said as he remembered that day his pup was missing their favorite girl.

“Aw cal, all i wrote in the caption was a heart,” you said as he shook his head, “love, you show me everyday how much you love me, especially when we were away, this was my way to show you as well, but i'm not stopping there, i will show you everyday how much you mean to duke and i, but especially me. I meant what I said, forever and always.” he said as you kissed him and duke had wanted some in on this moment.

You two who never believed in soulmates or even love yet you both found it again. The love you two have was something you couldn't describe with words. It was out of this universe to be quite frank with you. You were soulmates lost, and once found, you were happy with one another, your love was strong, any other couple would have broken up when their significant other was away, but the both of you were different. Different but perfect for one another. Cal knew that once you were in his life he would do his very best to keep you in his life forever and always.

#calum hood imagine #calum hood #5sos calum #calum 5sauce #calum hood 5sos #calum fluff #calum hood fluff

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that-random-one · 4 years ago

Text

I'm Lost... Again

Todoroki Shouto x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Reader has a terrible sense of direction

Date Posted: 2/22/21

A/N: When I was writing this I didn't know where it was going with it. I meant for this to be angst or something because I was feeling angsty and then I ended up with this. I also meant for this to be shorter, but my fingers said no. I have no fucking idea how to write proposals either so that part ended up shitty and too cheesy for my taste, but my brain said no to different ideas so it's staying there.

It was your and Shouto's anniversary. It has been 4 years since you started dating and it's been a little over 5 years when the both of you met.

You met at the Hero Gala when your mentor, Hawks, introduced you to him. He was a sidekick of Endeavor's at the time. You were only 19 years old when you were introduced, roughly half a year out of Shiketsu High. Shouto, being a year older than you, was 20 when you met. You frequently saw him on the news and always thought that his quirk was cool.

After the Hero Gala, you ended up seeing more of him for some reason. Hawks and Endeavor worked together often, so you constantly saw him on missions. Sometimes your patrol routes would cross each other too. Occasionally, you trained together when either Hawks or Endeavor had to talk to each other for something and had to go to the other's agency. Somehow one of you was dragged along or willingly went. Either way, you ended up seeing each other and decided to train together to pass time.

About a year of this went on and you both grew undeniably closer to each other. Eventually, Shouto asked you out while you were training together. You were surprised and ended up getting frozen by Shouto's quirk. After he defrosted you, you said yes.

Throughout your 4 years together you told each other an unmeasurable amount of I love you's, moved in together, and have had plenty of interrupted dates because of the duties of being pro heroes.

You also can't forget the many fights you've had with each other. They reach from play fights about your terrible sense of direction or Shouto's terrible theories to small fights that could be easily fixed with an 'I'm sorry' and an 'I love you', or to that single big fight you've had where you almost left him. Shouto quickly chased after you when you slammed the front door closed with tears streaming down your face. That fight took a bit more to fix than an 'I'm sorry' and an 'I love you.

Throughout your entire relationship, Shouto never regretted chasing you when you left through that door. He has never regretted being with you. He never thought that it was possible to love someone this much. That's why he planned something special for your 4th anniversary.

Shouto asked Midoriya and Uraraka for help setting everything up. Uraraka was a big help with making sure everything looked perfect. She was also a good second opinion on confirming if you were to like something or not.

It's not that Shouto didn't know if you liked something or not, he just wanted everything to be perfect for you. Asking the female that just so happens to be your best friend seemed like a favorable person to ask for a second opinion.

With the help from the other two everything was ready before he knew it.

"Wow. It looks so beautiful." Uraraka took in the sight that they all put hard work into.

"It does. I bet Y/n is going to love it!" Midoriya enthusiastically said with a big smile on his face, clearly proud of what he helped do.

"Yeah, I think they will." A small smile taking place on Shouto's face. His stomach filled with butterflies, anxious for your reaction even though he's sure you'll love it.

~~~~~~~

You were supposed to meet Shouto two hours ago for the night he had planned. You ended up getting lost though. You were currently driving on a road that you have no idea where it leads.

You have no idea how you got here. Shouto gave you the address that you were supposed to meet at. You put the address into the GPS, doubled no, tripled checked that it was correct, and began driving.

You ended up taking a left instead of a right, then a right instead of a left. You took a bunch of more wrong turns and the poor GPS couldn't keep up with your constant turning and froze.

You pulled over and put your head on the steering wheel for a while. When you had enough self-pity you sat up straight again and looked at the time. Shit. An hour and a half have passed. You were late. Very late.

"I swear I wasn't driving around that long. Shouto's gonna kill me." You muttered to yourself and put your head on the steering wheel again. "Okay. I'll just retrace my steps- turns? Whatever. I'll make my way back home then retry and not get lost again. Yeah, a great idea."

You looked to make sure no one was coming in either direction. When it was clear you made a U-turn.

"Ok, so I turned left to get on this street. That means I need to turn right. Wait, fuck which way is left and right." You quickly held up your fingers to make L's. "Nope, that's wrong. I need to turn left."

You kept on driving straight, looking for a road on the left. One problem, there were so many left turns and you didn't know which one you came out of.

"Shit. Going left brings me closer either way right?" You turned left on a road you randomly picked. "Ok, I went another left next, right? Fuck I can't remember. I should have stayed where I was."

You take another left hoping that you would see something familiar. Your hopes soon got crushed. You looked at the time. It's been another half hour.

"Fuck."

~~~Meanwhile~~~

Shouto was sitting at a nearby bench to where you were supposed to meet, his leg bouncing up and down at a concerning speed. He knew you had the day off. He knew you would finish everything you needed to do today hours before the arranged time. So where were you?

A lump caught in his throat as his mind wandered. Did you stand him up? Were you done with him? Did you not love him anymore?

He shook his head as if to rid himself from those thoughts. No, Y/n isn't like that. They wouldn't do that…, right? He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the ground. You idiot. This is Y/n we're talking about here.

Even though he kept trying to reassure himself, that you weren't standing him up, that you still loved him. He couldn't stop the burning he was feeling behind his eyes. All of his insecurities reaching the surface.

He looked back up, taking in the view in front of him. He was sitting on a cliff that overlooked the water, a beach to the right of it. All of the surrounding trees had fairy lights around them, multiple strings of lights connecting each tree.

The sun had long past set. A sunset you were supposed to watch together while you had dinner and talked of everything and nothing. Just enjoying each other's presence since your jobs have been more demanding than usual and you've barely had any time together lately. The moon was shining on the water, making it glitter. The only light around was coming from the fairy lights.

He stood up from his seat on the bench and lifted his arms above his head, stretching. He walked to the edge of the cliff and stood at the edge. He gazed at the sight and took in a deep breath, the wind ruffling his red and white hair. The air was much fresher here than in the city.

He then felt his phone buzz in his pocket, disrupting the peaceful silence. Someone was calling him, but he didn't feel like picking it up. He let the call go to voicemail.

It started to buzz again, signaling another call. He sighed out of annoyance, what the hell was so important that they couldn't leave a voicemail or text. It was his day off anyway, it's his time to relax. He fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at who was calling.

It was you. A picture he took of you laughing when the both of you went to a cafe for a date. When you saw it you scrunched your nose up in disgust, but let him keep it since he said it made him happy to see you laughing.

Before he could answer the phone and demand answers to where you are and what's so important that you stood him up, the call went to voicemail. He unlocked his phone and went to his contacts. He found your contact and just as he was about to hit the call button you called him first. He quickly picked up and instantly started talking, not allowing you to say anything.

"Where the hell are you? What's so important that you had to stand me up? Are you…" He paused, a lump in his throat but forced the words out. "Are you with someone?"

~~~7 minutes earlier~~~

"I have no idea where I am. I'm completely fucking lost. I am now hitting the 3-hour mark of being late." You laughed out. Half of you were surprised because you didn't expect to get this lost. The other half of you honestly expected this considering your terrible sense of direction that no GPS could help you with.

You give up, screw your pride. You need fucking help finding your way to where Shouto is, or your home at least. You pulled over and turned off the ignition.

You grabbed your phone out of your pocket and turned it on. You were immediately greeted with a picture of you and your friends. You smiled at the memory of going to the park and goofing off with all of them.

You unlocked your phone and saw the picture you took of Shouto when he was sleeping. He looked so peaceful and cute that you couldn't help it.

You went to your contacts and found Shouto's contact. You clicked the call button and held the phone up to your ear, waiting for him to pick it up. After what seemed like forever the call went to his voicemail. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

You called again only to end up with the same result. You decided that the third time's the charm and if he didn't pick up you would call someone else for help. You clicked the call button and held the phone up to your ear one more time.

Almost immediately Shouto picked up. You were about to greet him when you were attacked with questions. "Where are you? What's so important that you had to stand me up? Are you…" He paused, you could tell from his voice that he was upset. You waited for him to finish his last question. A sudden feeling of dread filled you. Nothing could prevent the shock you felt with his next question and how soft and hurt his voice sounded whispering it. "Are you with someone else?"

"What?" That is all you could manage out due to your shock.

"Are you with someone else?" His voice was louder but just as hurt.

"No! No, Shouto why would you ever think that?" You heard him let out a breath of air out of relief.

"I'm sorry. It's just that it's been 3 hours since you were supposed to be here. I assumed the worst and forgot it was you. You would never do that." You let out a small chuckle. "Um… where are you anyway?"

"Oh. Um…" You cleared your throat as you felt your cheeks heat up out of embarrassment. "I don't know."

This utterly confused Shouto. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I may be lost. Again."

Shouto laughed, feeling like an idiot about forgetting your awful sense of direction, and assumed everything but that. He started walking towards his car. "What street are you on? I'll come to find you."

"Uhh… I'm on Willow and 3rd." You took another look at the signs in front of you to make sure you read them correctly.

~~~~~~~

"Wow. It's beautiful." You took in the view in front of you. You walked to the edge of the cliff, taking in all of your surroundings.

"I had help from Midoriya and Uraraka." Shouto felt around in his pocket for the small black velvet box he had in it. When he found it he pulled it out and opened it, the piece of jewelry shining in the moonlight. He got down on one knee. His heart was beating so fast, it was like it was determined to burst right out of Shouto's chest.

"We'll have to thank them later. The air is so fresh here. It's nice." You turned around and your breath hitched in your throat.

"Y/n, I love you so much that the word can't come close to how I feel. I love you so much that it hurts." You felt tears well up in your eyes and your heart start to beat faster. " I want to have to find you whenever you get lost forever. I want to have our movie nights and cooking together forever. I want to fall asleep in each other's arms forever. I want to wake up to your beautiful face forever. I want memories of you, of us, forever. Y/n, I want you forever. Will you marry me?"

A few tears escaped your eyes. "You just need the unicorn and 6 years old me would be shrieking yes." That did not help Shouto's nerves. Was that a yes or a no? Shouto's expression must have shown his confusion because you were giggling. "It's a yes, Shouto."

Shouto took the ring out of the box and took your left hand. He slid it onto your ring finger, letting go of your hand as stood up. He then placed a hand on the back of your neck and gently slotted his lips against yours. You kissed him back until you both ran out of air.

"I love you."

"I want my unicorn before I tell you those words again." You teased him.

"Unicorns don't exist though." His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as to how he could get a unicorn.

You giggled, "I love you too, Todoroki Shouto."

#Lowkey I have terrible sense of direction too #thats why I only go to places I actually know #Ngl at first I did not understand why people loved this man😃#He slowly grew on me though😭#todoroki x reader #todoroki x y/n #todoroki x you #todoroki shouto x y/n #todoroki shouto x reader #todoroki shouto x you #bnha x y/n #bnha x you #bnha x reader #mha x you #mha x y/n #mha x reader #todoroki shouto #bnha #mha

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thepoodlepack · 4 years ago

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What's wrong with goldenpoodles? I'm genuinely curious because almost all of my dogs are mixed breeds and behave fine. So I'm curious if there's something else I'm missing

jeez this feels like bait but u kno what, you got me

alright, so it goes like this. the doodle really began with a guy in australia being like i need the temperament of a lab for a guide dog but these ppl are allergic to dogs, so i need a poodle bc they have hair, not fur. so he bred em together. years later he’s like damn that was a mistake.

now, why, exactly? alright so first of all he only needed that mix bc labs on average tend to adapt better to situations that are largely exclusive to service dog work than poodles do. i can go into what this means at a later date, but that’s basically how it is. but either way, people jumped on this creation and it kinda spiraled out of control. soon, poodles were being bred by everyone and every breed. suddenly, they were a marketing scam more then they were a dog breed.

oh theyre hypoallergenic! all of them, all the time cause zero allergies! look theyre so much better than poodles! theyre friendly and easy to train, not like poodles of course, just like labs! they’re better than labs bc none of them shed, ever! they’re super healthy bc breeding labs and poodles together wipes out all their health problems, of course!

lies, lies lies. the aussie guy, whose name i’m not going to look up bc i’m lazy but who you can find if you google creator of doodles, straight up says that even the first litter(s) of labradoodles he bred had puppies that the people he bred them for were allergic to. he very carefully tested the litter and the reaction the person had before placing a puppy that was not going to hurt them.

think of the punnet squares we all learned about in 5th grade science class. you draw the squares and one parent has two fur genes and the other parent has two hair genes and what do you get? well if you have four puppies, one might have hairhair and the next one might have hairfur and the next one might have furhair and the next one might have furfur. and so guess what? only hairhair pup is going to be the best choice for allergic people. additionally, you can see why the non-shedding thing can be bullshit, and that in particular is also a guessing game. you may be able to test allergy sufferers against the pups, but that does not necessarily mean they won’t shed. hairfur, for example, may be a good choice for some allergic people, but perhaps they’ve got just enough fur to shed anyway. also, lets look at salukis (and frankly, most long-haired sighthounds). salukis are still considered dogs with fur, not hair. they also still shed, even though it’s just a little. and yet they’re still considered good for allergy sufferers.

(ps poodles do actually shed. but they shed like humans shed. your hair comes out, doesn’t it? like, esp folks with long hair, aren’t people always complaining how you clog the shower drain? yeah, like that. ALSO obviously the situation is more complicated then super simple punnet squares and as an ex-groomer i have something to say about doodle coats but i’m going to save that for later, put a pin in it.)

oh and wait a hot minute there. i said best choice, didn’t i, not hypoallergenic. well, that’s because no dog is hypoallergenic. poodles, and a few other dog breeds, they have hair, like we do. but the thing is both humans and breeds with hair still produce the dander, though they’re different kinds. breeds with hair happen to produce the least amount possible that dogs can produce, which is why they’re a better choice for allergy sufferers, but that’s still not a guarantee. my roommate Dakota is allergic to dogs. if i don’t wash my dogs for an extended period of time (which has never happened, ever, in my life, idk what ur talking about), thus giving the chance for the dander my dogs still produce, he will have a very, very mild reaction when touching them. it can be countered by him washing his hands after touching them and also me just giving them a fucking bath, i need to stop forgetting, but still, there you go. ALSO people might not be allergic to dogs bc of their dander. they might be allergic to the saliva of dogs, which poodles or any other breed with hair still produces about the same as other dogs. so, yeah, not hypoallergenic, not at all.

the people who taut their hypoallergenic dogs for sale largely don’t do the testing required to check if they’re actually providing a dog to someone who won’t react to it. not acceptable at all.

so, labs are friendly and easy to train right? not at all like poodles, right? no. absolutely incorrect. some labs are friendly and easy to train. some labs, a lot of them when they’re puppies, are nightmare fuel. personally, i have a theory that everyone’s vision of labs in their heads are either a) service dogs or b) those old labs who are slightly pudgy (or morbidly obsess, which is a different topic) and who are graying in the face and just want to lounge around because they’re seniors now. alright, so here’s why thats bad. labs are a working breed. a retrieving breed. they’re supposed to be bulky and strong and driven. service dogs are highly trained, to a point that most pet dogs will never see, and if you see them with their actual disabled handler, they’ll probably be around 2.5 yrs of age and out of their most wild days. old labs are well. old. sleepy. maybe a bit achey. and well out of their most wild days. oh, and it’s the same type of thing with goldens by the way, the other most popular doodle type. poodles are also easy to train, especially if their parents have a decent temperament. they’re all about equal if you actually start training them when they’re puppies and just pay for some training classes, like everyone should. in the puppy classes i’m in right now, Euphoria is leaps and bounds ahead of doodles, goldens, and labs that are her age or older. I train her properly and she’s got amazing parents. that’s it, that’s the trick. not breed, not necessarily, and def not in this case.

I am once again going to say that labs and goldens are more often used as service dogs than poodles because of their adaptability, but it’s the ability to adapt to situations that most pet dogs will never have to worry about.

jeez this is a long post. i’ve still got more to cover too. alright, on to super healthy, or “hybrid vigor” as the nerds call it. uhh, it’s bullshit. thank u for ur time.

okay, but actually why on gods green earth would breeding two completely different breeds with little to no research make them super healthy? now i want to preface this with i’m (generally) pro-outcross projects. Euphoria’s dad is half mini poodle and half standard poodle, which isn’t technically an outcross bc all the variations are of the same breed, but if we’re going by genetic diversity alone minis and standards are different enough to actually be different breeds.

so, to be clear, outcrosses, given the proper thought and planning: good, results in healthier dogs (see: lua dals). randomly breeding two very different breeds together with no planning other than to sell the puppies to randos who won’t continue the outcross: bad. especially when you’re doing it to cash in and don’t health test at all, or don’t health test the major health problems with both breeds (if you’re doing an f2 breeding or anything like that). no the poodle’s health problems don’t get canceled out by the goldens or labs or whatever the other party’s health problems are, and vice versa. and yeah, i’ve looked at a lot of doodle breeder’s websites and yeah, most of them don’t health test at all, or at least don’t health test properly. do you know i own one doodle and currently live with another? yeah, i got them both from breeders and do you know how much health testing their parents got? if your answer is none, good job, you’ve been paying attention. in my defense, i was like 13, i didn’t know what i was doing.

alright, so those are the big points. this is kinda gonna be just... a mix of my other complaints. here we go, hope you’re ready for more. argument the first: i feel like it’s pretty disrespectful to reputable breeders. now, i actually have two reasons why that is. reason one: most reputable poodle breeders don’t want their breeding stock bred with other breeds, for various reasons. i’ve even met a few who used to be okay with it and then as the doodle scam got bigger and more out of control, they stopped being okay with it, even to the breeders who they had been fine with it in the past. that means a lot of doodle breeders out there have their breeding stock because they scammed poodle breeders into giving them pet quality, not breeding quality, dogs or because they’re getting their stock from non-reputable breeders. i also feel it’s disrespectful to breeders who are actually trying to create new breeds. quite frankly, a breed with the size, strength, and adaptability of a lab or golden that doesn’t shed and that has the train-ability of a poodle, lab, or golden sounds pretty interesting to me. did you know you can actually make that breed? and it wouldn’t be a cross with unpredictable... well, everything. it would actually be a true dog breed.

Look at Silken Windhounds and Biewer Terriers who began both development in the 1980s. Biewer Terriers were recognized by the AKC this year, and Silken Windhounds still haven’t been. And yeah, that’s the problem isn’t it? Making a real new breed takes a lot of time, planning, and care. People would rather just cash in. I think it’s sad and I think it’s disrespectful to the breeders who do work so hard to make actual new breeds.

and finally, unpin being an ex-groomer goddamnit. guess what? doodles are awful to groom! they’re terrible on the grooming tables because people want to have in both ways: they want a dog that doesnt shed at all and they want a dog who doesn’t need to be groomed. well guess what, that dog doesn’t exist and you can have it only one way. and also, bring back the goddamn punnet squares because a lot of doodles have awful coats. if you have hairfur and furhair over there, guess what, their coat fucking sucks bc it’s not meant to be like that. it wants to mat bc hair but also it wants the mats to slide out bc short-ish fur but its too thick for the mats to slide out bc thick hair. and yes its more complicated then this and that means its often more awful then this. its awful, it makes me want to cry. and maybe it’s slightly easier to get away with it with a shorthaired dog like a lab, or, you know what, even a golden, okay, even a slightly long haired dog like a golden but people are doodling akitas? border collies? bernese fucking mountain dogs? i am crying. i am crying right now as i type this.

lets do a sum up to this disaster of a post. look, i don’t go out there attacking or yelling at every doodle or every doodle owner i see, alright? or any of them really. i might engage in conversation to one that’s interested, but that’s it. i love my doodly Isis, okay? shes tiny and she’s adorable and I love her more than life and i will never, ever get another doodle. i don’t like the way they’ve gotten so prolific, i don’t like the reasons they’re now widespread, and i don’t like almost all of the people that create them, including the ones i’ve literally given my (parents) money to in the past. i wish they were better but i just cannot approve of them, especially not in the environment they exist in now. that said, i do support them in their original use case as assistance dogs, and i do not care about them if they’re shelter dogs.

#long post #anti doodle #text #my post #yes this took me like an hour #yes i do hate myself for it #Anonymous #oh anon im being grumpy mostly for comedy thats only funny to me #you're fine as long as you werent trying to bait me

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papabirdurskeks · 4 years ago

Note

I ask this both for Baron Dark, Ariandel and SkekSo !

Give me a character and I will answer: @ben-the-hyena

Oh boy a triple feature! :D Here we go, folks!

Under a read more cause its going to get long but each listed character will be split apart evenly!

First up is Baron Dark!

Why I like them: He is just bombastic in personality! He lives loud in his actions and words, participating in most of the action himself while also showing he is a threat and menacing altogether! I also like that he is one of the few villains that shows he cares for his crew as a “family” (at least for most part of the series before being overtaken with obsession to have power more on his own). Given the dynamic we are given from the show, its obvious he cares and treats them all on a level of respect as well, something so rare to see nowadays! And I also enjoyed that his reasons to take over and do the shit he did in the series, “Because I can!” is just as refreshing and fun to see in a villain too! And again, his design is a top tier design I love overall! Its menacing, powerful, and outright amazing! Definitely adds to the character and how well he works in effect to keeping my attention! Like just look at that design! And his VA did a wonderful job of adding to that charm that is just delightful to see in his personality! Overall, he is totally a villain I would love to see more of in the future!

Why I don’t: I say my dislikes often fall on the usual tropes of a kid’s show of the 90s. He talks too much when he could be doing things himself and falls victim to the typical “I am too powerful” but doesn’t think of the obvious steps ahead that will be his downfall. But honestly, its so small I don’t find it jarring or that bad to be in the way! It was the 90s and aimed at kids at the time, so we can’t expect TOO much out of that xD

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Oh man, that’s a tough one cause every scene/episode Baron is in he totally slays it! Its either a tie from the first episode to the very last one cause the stakes of start and finish are so well done, I love it all!

Favorite season/movie: Obviously, the TV series is the best version of him! The comics sucked and turned him too OOC from what was initially given! Like how does one go from point A to be Z so freaking fast? xD

Favorite line: “Because I can.” Yeah, not gonna lie this was indeed my favorite line of his xD

Favorite outfit: Honestly, the outfit he gains near the end of the series is by far my favorite! Its like a mix of the Bejeweled Catacomb Saints and Mictlantechutli put in one and its befitting of the Baron given his gain in power!

OTP: Baron and Cyborn are my OTP and are married, fight me.

Brotp: Definitely Brotps with the rest of his henchmen though I see them more being like his adoptive children!

Head Canon: Baron is of indigenous background! I also like to headcanon that the white tuft/strands in his hair are truly his and have been there since birth! (I have so many more HCs for him but I will keep it short cause it can go all day x’) )

Unpopular opinion: Don’t think I have one, at the moment at least.

A wish: To have gotten more information/lore on him and the entire cast, honestly! I would have loved to see more of his character explored and what more he could have had to offer as a series main villain! Hell, the whole damn series had so much to offer! And just the relationships he has with the others and what more he could have done post season and before! So much potential there to be explored! I honestly would not be objecting to a reboot/revival or continuation of the series!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Though with that said, if a reboot does come around, don’t turn it into the mess of current cartoons we have. Not that they are all bad but most of them have been very disappointing in keeping my attention and liking. Keep the same type of messages it had before! It worked beautifully as it did then and still does work now! I’d love to see the same formulas used while also updating it to be more gritty and mature like they did for Castlevania! Just... Don’t turn it into a cringe worthy mess that will ruin Baron and all the characters in the series! Don’t do what the comics did!

5 words to best describe them: Charmingly evil, badass, fun, conniving bastard, and menacing.

My nickname for them: Mega dork (affectionately speaking)

Next is Ariandel!

Why I like them: Oh boy, there is a lot to say in terms of why I like him but I will try to keep it short and simple for time purposes! His design is top tier for me! Like a rotting skull like face? Check! A monstrous body much like a bird’s? Check! And to add he is a giant Corvian, which are one of my favorite enemies in Dark Souls III! His personality also differs from the usual loud, bombastic, and proud characters I tend to gravitate for. Instead, he’s withdrawn and rather sad to look at and hear. You know he’s going through a lot but don’t know exactly what it is. In game, one can sort of get hints as to what has gone on behind the scenes but at the same time, its still vague and hard to really pinpoint what really did happen. So he has that air of mystery to him that I honestly adore in many characters as it leaves room to explore deeper into their lore! But I also find his personality relatable as well as sympathetic. But that’s just me, I can gush about him all day but I will cut it short here x’)

Why I don’t: To be honest I don't have any reason not to like Ariandel other then the small fact that he followed Friede and let the Painted World rot in such a terrible state. But that is so minor of an issue to me to really make a difference, lol. I adore this giant bird man!

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I have to say the scene where he ultimately snaps and breaks out of binds after seeing Friede's lifeless body before him is my favorite scene of his. The amount of pain and anguish heard in his scream and the way he moves prior and after; I can very much relate to that feeling. Sometimes, actions truly convey the emotions better in the most powerful means necessary. And this scene alone truly nailed it.

Favorite season/movie: He's only ever seen in the Dark Souls III DLC, so obvious answer points to the DLC!

Favorite line: "When the Ashes are two, a flame alighteth. Thou'rt Ash, and fire befits thee, of course..."

Favorite outfit: Uhh, he doesn't really wear any clothes save for his cape? So I guess the cape does him well as he is, though I always draw him without it xD

OTP: To be honest, I don't ship him with any canon characters within Dark Souls. Friede does not deserve him..

Brotp: Ariandel being best friends with the Ashen One is my ultimate Brotp! Just think of how much of a valuable ally he could have been!

Head Canon: I know his origins are debatable, as either theory I have for him can be plausible but I often lean more towards the idea of him being half Giant and half Corvian! IDK why but I just like it a lot more x’)

Unpopular opinion: While Ariandel is partly responsible for what happened to the Painted World, I still feel he was manipulated overall and probably at one point did have a change of heart before being forced into complete isolation. He plays more the role of the willing/unwilling accomplice then the actual perpetrator of the crime.

A wish: He could have had a happier ending without having to die for Friede. I know, its Dark Souls. Such a thing is expected to happen in the Soulsborne series but its a wish, right?

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: That anything beyond the infatuation he had for Friede took place. Just.. No. He loved her but never could ever have her in that sense and never did. Just no, she is horrible to him.

5 words to best describe them: Sad, lonely, birdman, withdrawn, and tragic

My nickname for them: Papa bird

And lastly for skekSo!

Why I like them: I think its as obvious as the case for Baron Dark. I like evil, smug bastards that shine through their wickedness and don't usually hold back. In the case of skekSo, I actually didn't care for him at first but then after my second viewing of the show, I started to like him more and enjoy his villainy! He's selfish, arrogant, vain, and conniving and I love it! Added that his design is really appealing to the eye and how he carries himself out, I gotta say he's one of the few villain characters from a show that makes the turn around for me to like them instead of hate them more. Also, his voice. Can NOT go wrong with that voice cause DAMN, its good and shows just how powerful a villain can be with a voice like his. And those eyes. Oh man, those eyes!

Why I don’t: Despite his villainy being the main point that caught my attention, its also a part of his downfall too. His constant greed and arrogance pushed him too far into doing what he did and ultimately cost him everything in the end; including loyal allies that end up dying for him in the long run. I hate how easily and quickly he changes his mind when actual logic is put into perspective of his plans and how quick he is to dismiss someone else when they don't please him anymore or things don't go his way for the smallest things. And yes, that is part of his character, I know that. That is what makes him as scummy as he is and why I love how trashy he is. But I also can't ignore just how easily he pushed skekVar away and believed skekSil despite knowing just what a lying bastard he is. IDK, it just feels too obvious but at the same time, it is what it is and I am not upset about it in the least x)

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Honestly, I enjoyed all the scenes with him in the show but mostly in particular with his interactions with skekVar, especially towards the end of the series. It showed a peak part of his vulnerability in his character that honestly I doubt he ever shows to anyone else. He spends most of his time pushing others around and making them fear him but with skekVar there is a sort of mutual respect going that really speaks out in a different way. Maybe I am just reading too much into it, but I always did enjoy how they interacted with one another!

Favorite season/movie: Well, skekSo didn't get much screen time in the movie other then him dying and turning to dust so.... Definitely enjoyed him more in the show then the film xD

Favorite line: "NOOOOO!" (Yes, this scene is still very infamous to me for personal reasons but the way he carried out his "no's" cracked me up each time xD)

Favorite outfit: Honestly, the main outfit he wore throughout the show. It's just so regal and goth, I love it! And as a goth and fashion enthusiast myself, I am all up for the style he has! The battle armor he wore near the end made it a tad more laughable to be honest.

OTP: I started shipping him with skekVar but ended up with an OT3 of skekVar and skekZok. So now all three of them live in a happy relationship with each other in my noodle~

Brotp: I see him being on neutral terms with skekMal!

Head Canon: I feel that even in the show it wasn’t seen or given, but he did feel a lot of remorse and regret after the loss of skekVar. He seemed very close with him and spoke with skekVar with more trust then he did the others. Perhaps in secret he did mourn the General’s loss.

Unpopular opinion: Does this count as an unpopular opinion? I know most people see him with just a few strands of hair but I tend to see him with a head full of long flowing white locks he keeps hidden beneath his clothes. It adds to the extra layer of vanity for a proud Emperor such as he! He looses it over time the darkening consumes him and withers down his health.

A wish: To see what he was like as an urSkek prior to being split up into a Skeksis and urRu. Yeah, I know people don't care or like the urSkeks all that much but honestly, I would LOVE to see more urSkek lore and see what it was that made SoSu so special among his peers. It was said, after all, he had a voice that could move the stars but was conflicted and consumed with darkness. Honestly, I want to know why and who he was prior to all of this mess! SkekSo even says in the show he still has nightmares of the life before so I wonder, what they were and how it was! So much potential here, man!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I don’t think I have any of these to be honest? At least with skekSo. Not that I can think of on top of my head now.

5 words to best describe them: Proud, absolute piece of shit, pretty, conniving, and menacing.

My nickname for them: Stupid idiot

#Matla answers #non doodle reply #skekso #baron dark #father ariandel #headcanon territory

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passport-guardian-benrey · 4 years ago

Text

San meets Sci

Just a little something that happens a little bit before San and Ralz broke up

---------------------------------------------------

San is sitting at his sentry post, reading a comic book, mostly because nothing interesting is happening.

Suddenly a crackle fills the air and a portal materializes a few feet away, it just sits there whirling.

San looks up from his comic book and looks at the portal, "What the fuck?"

With another crackle and a woosh a jar of spiders on a string flew through the portal and slowly was dragged back through.

San is looking at the portal, he's trying to figure out what's happening.

A tentative skeletal hand peaked out of the portal before retracting back through. A couple seconds pass by and a skeleton in a lab coat and red rimmed glasses steps through. He looks around in excitement and spots San and jumps, startled.

"oh! um... hello?" The skeleton adjusts his glasses.

"Hey?" San is looking at him, slightly confused.

Sci smiles and takes a step forward holding out his hand in greeting. "pleased to meet you! the name's Sci... you are?"

"San" He didn't shake Sci' hand, feeling uncomfortable to do so.

Sci retracts his hand awkwardly after a moment.

"ah well... san you say? intresting... perhaps... hmm..." His eyelights brighten and looks San up and down and pulls out a notepad and begins jotting down his observations. "do you have any siblings?"

"Yes?" San is slightly weirded out, since his brother and his relationship with him is really well known in the Underground, because of Gal' status as the king.

Sci looks up from his notes at San's expression.

"oh sorry! i should explain, i am from another universe! i've been working for the past year to create a machine that can generate portals with the abilty to let you travel to other alternate universes, and i've finally succeeded!" Sci grins at San.

"Wait wait wait wait" San is looking at him, "Alternate universes?"

"yes!" Sci responds enthusiastically. "i've been studying quantum realities for quite some time and- oh my stars, i have so many theories that i'm gonna prove right with this!"

San slightly smiled and mumbled to himself "I knew I was right . . ."

Sci adjusted his glasses excitedly. "you were right?! have you also been...?"

"I'm not a scientist if you meant that, I've just been theorizing about this, mostly due to the shows I watch" San looks at the science-fiction comic book he was reading.

"ah!" Sci smiles "i also enjoy science fiction... even when they're mostly inaccurate." He chuckles "do you mind if i ask you some questions then?"

"I don't mind, it's been getting pretty boring here, so those questions could be entertaining"

"perfect!" Sci scribbles down some notes. "back to the siblings then, can you tell me about them?"

"Well his name is Gal, he has two boyfriends and he's the King of the Underground" San slightly smiled.

"gal??? king? your brother?" Sci's eyebrows raise and he does a nervous half bow. "my apologies your highness, i didn't relize you were royalty."

"No no, uh . . . we pick a king by this kinda election, so I'm not royalty, my brother was just lucky enough to win . . ." San looks nervous.

"an elected king, ok..." Sci looks at San curiously. "what about you?"

"I'm just a simple guard, nothing special about me, I have a boyfriend, Ralz, He's one of a kind really . . ." San slightly smiled at the mention of his boyfriend.

Sci gave San a warm smile "you have a boyfriend? tell me about him."

"Well he's half skeleton half human, he's nice, currently works at the Lab" San scratched himself near a scar on his jaw.

"h-half human half skeleton? what? how?!"

San shrugs, "His mom was a human"

"i didn't know that was possible." Sci scribbles in his notes furiously. "are there humans down here then? is the barrier broken? was there a barrier!?"

"No, no and yes" San is watching him "The last human here was Ralz' mother, but she's dead now . . . Someone murdered her"

Sci looked up in shock. "murdered?!"

"Yeah . . . Ralz was devastated"

"i'm so sorry." Sci says sympathetically.

San slightly shrugs, "It happened, you can't turn back time"

"well, maybe not exactly..."

"Hm?" San raised his eyebrow.

Sci waves a hand dismissively. "it's nothing, just a half baked theory."

"Okay . . . So maybe now you talk about yourself?"

"me?! oh! well of course, what would you like to know?"

"Hmm. . . Any interests besides science?" San rested his skull on his hand.

Sci looks thoughtful "i like comedy... heheh and i can play the trombone."

Sci adjusts his glasses "i also like astronomy but that's also science..." He mumbles the last line and holds his notes to his chest blushing lightly.

"Sounds nice" San slightly smiled at him.

Sci smiles "i like to think it is!"

"Do you have any siblings?"

"yeah! i have my baby bro papyrus." Sci grins. "he's the coolest little dude, just barely out of stripes."

"He does sound pretty cool" San looked at the time.

"somewhere you gotta be?" Sci asked, tilting his head to the side.

"Nah, just checking time for the end of the shift"

Sci nodded. "what are your plans for after work?"

"Just relax and wait for my boyfriend"

"you look like you really love that guy" Sci smiles at San.

"Yeah, He's great, the greatest guy I know, yeah sure he can be pretty lazy, but he Has many great qualities about himself" San is smiling as he talks about his boyfriend.

"aww how sweet! if i manage to open the portal here again you'll have to let me meet him."

"Yeah, Hope ya do, it's nice talking to ya"

"yeah it's nice talking to you too." Sci smiles looking off to the side. "well i'm gonna head out! see if i can't find more dimensions to explore and gather data... it was nice meeting ya!"

"Nice meeting ya too" San gave him a slight smile.

Sci gave San a little wave and backed out through the portal shooting finger guns. "heheh catch ya on the flip side."

A couple seconds after he disappeared the portal fizzled out with a pop.

"Huh . . . That was . . . Interesting . . ."

#san #san!sans #sci #sci!sans #science!sans #asks and requests are always appreciated and needed #undermine #undertale #undertale alternate universe #undertale ask blog #undertale au #ut #au #utau #utmv #skeleton ask blog #ask blog

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fandom-star · 3 years ago

Text

Writer’s Tag

@its-all-ineffable tagged me to do this, but it’s a long one so I’m doing it in a different post! Thank you very much! I love doing these so much!

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How many works do you have on AO3?

164 (possibly 165 by the weekend if I post the Witcher one I finished the other day)

What's your total AO3 word count?

181468

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

It’s Okay (Merlin: Merthur) - 569 Kudos Pulchra (Night At The Museum: Jedtavius) [NSFW] - 286 Kudos A Father’s Wisdom (Merlin: Merthur: Uther-centric) - 270 Kudos Crush (MCU Spider-Man: PeterNed) - 262 Kudos Comfort Blankets For Sleepy Gods (MCU Loki Series: Lokius) - 245

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Sometimes. I try to if I’m not in a non-social mood. Mostly, if I start off on my page before reading any fic and see that I have something in my inbox and it turns out to be a comment on my fic, then I’m more likely to reply to it. Idk why it works like that. Otherwise, it’s kinda touch and go whether or not I’ll reply to something, you’ve got a 50/50 chance, but I always read and appreciate every one that I get.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

*Looks at my abundance of angst fics* There’s... a surprising amount of angst without happy endings in my repertoire. Um. I’ll give you three that I vividly remember. (All of these are Star Trek and Spones) Written In The Stars - This is one of my really early works, and was gonna have a sequel that made it have a less angsty ending, but I could never get into the rhythm of writing it. I won’t spoil it, but this is probably the only fic I’ve written where Sarek is a straight-up dick. Battlefield - As the title suggests, there’s war with no real context. And major character death. It’s sad. I genuinely made people cry with this. I am both proud and apologetic of that. Unreal - This is probably one of my more complex concepts, and I’m really proud of it. Features ooc Spock with contextual reasons I won’t spoil, defensive/protective McCoy and major character death of a sort.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending

This is kind of difficult, bc while I have excessively written angsty endings (see: above answer) I do usually write happy endings, and I can’t remember all 160 fic endings left over, and even then it’s difficult to rank them by happiest. I like Nutcase {Murdoch Mysteries: Watts-centric) a lot, oh and also Blame It On Me (Star Trek Pricard: Hughnor) which is angst with a happy ending (and has amazing art accompanying it). There are many others with happy endings, but like I said I have no idea how to rank them by “happiest”.

Do you write crossovers? If so, What is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I don’t really, but I have written one as a request that I really really enjoyed. A Good Day is ThorBruce and is set in the DS9 era of Star Trek, in which Thor is a captain and Bruce is his chief science officer. It’s really adorable and features sleepy, over-worked Bruce and a very characteristically happy Thor.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don’t think so, unless you count unsolicited advice I felt I couldn’t turn down on ff.net when I was struggling to write Uhura. I’m kind of surprised I haven’t tbh (not that I’m complaining) since I do write for some very popular fandoms and ships (although, conversely, also some very niche fandoms and ships).

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I write it but have only ever posted it thee, four times if you count the exploratory one I posted under a pseudonym that wasn’t really that smutty. I’m hoping to get the confidence up to post some of what I’ve written tho, bc I do really like hat I’ve managed to do with some of it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I’m aware.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I have! A lovely person found my fic 1967, which is probably one of my favourite Spones fics I’ve written, based around the UK’s decriminalisation (well, partial) of homosexuality, and traslated it into Hungarian here. I’ve not been able to check it out, due to not knowing a thing in the language (tho I could probably ask my friend to) but the translator seemed really lovely, so I trust them to have done a good job.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not something I posted, but before I even started posting fanfic, me and my best friend really randomly started writing a Star Trek TNG x Star Wars crossover whenever they were at my house. We gave up on it after about a year and never wrote much for it, but it was... it was something.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This changes all the time with my hyperfixations! One that will always be in my heart is obviously Spones, my og ship and within my special interest. Currently I’m obsessed with The Witcher so I’ve got Geraskier on the mind but who knows when that might change!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

In terms of fanfic I don’t really have any that I don’t think I’ll ever finish. I have an original script that I started writing months ago but only got about three scenes into and haven’t touched since bc I don’t actually have a plot for it.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue; Is situations one? That sounds like a good and fancy way of saying AUs; Finding synonyms should be one, that’s like half my search history

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description; Despite my talent of finding synonyms I feel like I do repeat words a lot; Planning and outlining, I just don’t do it - it works for me tho.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m pretty sure the only times I’ve really done it is for Jedtavius (having Oct speak in Latin occasionally) and I might have done it once or twice with Spock speaking Vulcan, both times it’s mostly terms of endearment or Oct wanting to be romantic. Idk, I don’t really care about reading dialogue in other languages as long as there’s a translation somewhere in the work or I can easily pick it up or search it. Just do whatever, it’s your writing. As long as you do it well and it makes contextual sense, I don’t really care.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Unposted: Star Trek: The Next Gen Posted: Sherlock (I actually recently reread my first ever posted fic, it’s a long haul (just over 45k), but if anyone ever wants to see a work where my writing visibly improves lemme know and I’ll email the pdf to you)

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Why would you do this to me??? I love most of my fics!!! I’m just gonna link a few here cause I’ve been doing this for an hour now and it would definitely take me an hour to choose just one! The Relationship Series - modern AU, autistic Spock (written by a self-projecting autistic writer), there’s angst spattered about but is especially prominent in part 6, I just really love this series Promises You Can’t Keep - Loki spoilers, I love this bc it’s based on “what if my finale theory was right instead of being debunked three minutes into the episode”, definitely angst with a hopeful ending I love all of my Charite At War fics, but I’m gonna link my 20 years post-canon fic Grow Old With Me and my modern AU You Give Me Your Light - both have some heavy topics (post-canon is set in 1960s East Germany, modern AU topics are tagged) but I adore both with my entire heart You’ll Never Burn - Merlin/Merthur, again kinda heavy (not as heavy as the Charite ones in my opinion) but short and everything is tagged I love all of my Babylon 5 fics but Secret Rendezvous will always have a special place in my heart. It’s very sweet and essentially follows Vir and Lennier trying to navigate coming out about their relationship to their ambassadors I also recommend all the of the fics I’ve already linked in the post ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now for the hard part - tagging!

@esperata @tallysgreatestfan @iwritesometimes @marlinspirkhall and any other writer mutuals I’ve likely forgotten but I’ve already spent WAY too long writing this post asfdhdskjdgha So I apologise, but if you wanna do it, absolutely go for it, this was so much fun and really made me realise how much I’ve achieved in 4.5 years.

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imakeficrequestsandthendisappear · 4 years ago

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The post where I try to fix Klaus’ arc in TUA season 2

(((I guess I just am an umbrella academy blogger now)))

OKAY, so we all can agree that Klaus’s arc in season 2 (mostly with dave) was....not great. the intentions i think were good, but misguided. It started pretty good, the acting was great, but it didn’t have the lasting power. Here’s 10 things the writers should have done differently, or should do in the future (as told by me, a nobody). Yes most of this is a long Klaus x Dave shitpost

1. Learn Basic Math: Idk why this is so hard to fucking grasp, but Dave’s baby-faced teenager age doesn’t make any fucking sense. according to the wiki, he was born in 1939, so in 1963 he is 24 years old. the actor who played young Dave is currently 20, so was probably 19 when they filmed.

Why? why. *instert why vine*

like yeah he’s younger, but he doesn’t need to look like a infant. The baby-est gay that ever did baby gay. it puts a weird dynamic into the whole season with Klaus. and it’s not like there isn’t someone else who can play dave....

2. Hire Cody Ray Thompson again: ....like, I’m baffled. they’ve baffled me. This guy had one(1) job, fall in love with Klaus, and he did it with so much charm and chemistry that the whole fanbase is still quaking. he had like 2 lines. like less 3 total minutes of screen time. And we all fell in love with him cause he did so good. ((he’s also a klave stan check out his twitter))

Whyyyy couldn’t they just get him in for season? “hE’d LoOk ToO OlD” well the other kid looked too damn young. do his hair different, have him lose some bulk in the arms and shoulders, get him a k-pop skin care routine, I don’t care.

Imagine if he got to have multiple scenes with Robert Sheehan, when they had so much chemistry in just a short montage in season 1.

3. Knock it off with the homophobia: i’m not gonna talk about when Dave punches klaus it’s literally the worst part of the season. it’s not what i came here for. I want a refund. (see point 7 for notes)

4. Actually make the cult a useful part of the season: like we have hundreds of adoring klaus fans ready to do anything he tells them… could that have served a plot purpose at any point? Could that have been useful in a conflict, or some character development? No?

5. Establish the Ben possessions much earlier: probably one of the most interesting plot points from season 2 is that ben had more agency. And then 5 minutes later he didn’t. I know we have 7 main characters but did we need this many scenes with the Handler while Ben got diddly fuck until the last 2 episodes?

6: Why Doesn’t Klaus see ghosts anymore?: like, he sees Ben. but, what about all the other ones? He got sober, does he just ignore them now? ((guys what if he conjured the spirit of JFK))

7: (this one’s long) Make Klaus’s arc about internal conflict, not an external conflict between him and Dave:

Klaus is established in season 1 to be selfish, but in like a fun way. he thinks of self satisfaction before literally anything else. this comes to a head when he comes back from Vietnam and says “He was the only person I’ve ever loved more than myself”

After this Klaus’ growth is kind of put on the back-burner for the apocalypse stuff. We never really get to see him put someone else first after that. Even when he gets sober to see Dave, it’s to fulfill his own desires.

By season 2 his world view has shifted, he gets sober, but we need more actions toward change. he gets bored of the cult and ditches them, and he barely does anything for Ben.

(selfish but lovable)

Enter tall hunky texas boy Dave, (((who is an adult man))) who is in the closet from his homophobic family, but it’s not spelled out for us. It could be as subtle as a look, or saying a coded phrase. The audience isn’t interested in the macro-drama of 1960’s homophobia, we are interested in the micro-drama between these two characters.

Anyway, Klaus is excited to see Dave, and they like meet and have a normal conversation, where it is eventually revealed that Dave is already planning on joining the marines soon. Klaus wants to stop him but then he realizes (or Ben tells him) that if Klaus says the wrong thing (like telling Dave not to go to war) it would change the timeline and they would never meet in 1968. And for the next couple EPISODES i want Klaus to have to think about this, like it’s an actual hard decision to make. He’s a creature of habit, his instincts are selfish because he’s always been selfish, but he loves this guy so much.

Maybe he tries bargaining, like maybe he can subtly tell Dave just enough to keep him alive, but not stop him from going to Vietnam. And Dave is rightfully confused that this person knows a lot about him, but also like… he’s kinda cute. I want weird coffee shop dates and long walks through the texas fields in the setting sun.

But right at the deadline of “we gotta stop the apocalypse again” Klaus realizes that he can’t let Dave go to Vietnam, even if it means they never meet. Cause he loves dave like way too much to even risk it, even if it means putting his own happiness second. It’s the first truly selfless act of love Klaus does for someone. So he tells him everything, but it sounds fucking bat-shit insane and Klaus has to leave right then and there. Leaving Dave standing there like “Wtf”

Later on after the Kennedy assassination, klaus and all the hargreeves’ are named as suspects, so Dave wonders if he’s just been duped by a cult leader this whole time (but also is kinda sad about it). He enlists in the marines anyway, and this is where we stay on the season one timeline.

But speaking of time-lines…….

8. Use season 3 to retcon timeline issues: like obviously they are going to fuck around with the timeline, because of the fucking bird school and emo ben. So take this opportunity, dear writers, to figure out how Klaus’s (and everyone else’s) lives make any sense, and cut some stuff from the season 1 and season 2 timelines. (and no, Klaus and Dave never falling in love in Vietnam is not a valid choice. It’s a garbage way to make me cry.)

9: Set a whole (or most of an) episode in 1968 Vietnam: maybe this is when they are trying to fix the timeline. Idk it’s just for fanservice. They have a whole 10 episodes and they can’t give just one to klaus? bullshit.

10. (Fan Theory) Reveal that Dave was killed by the commission: the true tragedy of this romance is that if Dave lived Klaus probably wouldn’t have gone back to 2019. They might have actually lived a happy life together. But the timeline needs Klaus in 2019, to be part of and die in the apocalypse, so the commission sends someone (.....maybe not Five) out to kill his boyfriend.

Anyway it took me so many braincells to write this post and i do not accept criticism for free, so dm for my paypal if you want to tell me this was stupid.

#the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #klaus x dave #klave #tua season three #tua season 2 #dave katz #fix-it #fan theory #ben hargreeves #robert sheehan #cody ray thompson

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arofili · 4 years ago

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how’d u get into writing? like, writing fic and being part of the silm community, being Known, that stuff? i’m really new to being a silm cc and i’d love to know ur advice! also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs? bc i have a Lot of hcs and meta ideas but also i’m really anxious abt posting them bc yknow anxiety is like that

these are some great questions, anon! I’m gonna go through them one by one :)

how’d u get into writing?

not to be like, super cliche, but I’ve...kind of always been a writer? as long as I can remember I’ve been telling stories, and when I was too young to read or write I would dictate them to my mom, who would type them up for me and help me choose clipart illustrations to accompany them. when I got old enough I would always be writing; I attempted my first novel at age 9, and while that never really went anywhere I did finish the darn thing and it had some pretty sophisticated plot twists for a 9-year-old!

like, writing fic

around the same time I got into fandom! I was deep into Warrior cats (like. really deep) and I believe I started writing my first fics when I was like? 10 or 11? my memory is kind of fuzzy on the order of things, but I know I got an account on the Warriors forums when I was 9, and that I was already posting my fic there when I made my FFN account. I believe I was 12 when that happened, but who knows. I haven’t the faintest idea of what happened with those forums, but uhhh pretty much all of my Warriors fic is still up on FFN lmao. you could probably find that if you want to but um...maybe don’t?

my first Big Fic was a self-insert of...my entire 5th/6th grade class into the then-current timeline of the Warriors books...well. I honestly think that might still be my most popular fic of all time l m a o though I try not to think about it because Hashtag Cringe. though as much as I look back on that time with a “yikes,” I am very grateful for the Warriors fandom in a way? that place was so accepting and encouraging of OCs, of AUs, of completely disregarding canon, of worldbuilding that is completely alien from canon - it was a fantastic sandbox to begin with, there were so many ways to write stories and practically all of them were accepted and had fellow fans invested in them!

and being part of the silm community,

soooo I wrote Warriors fic until my freshman year of high school (wow sdjfhkdsjfh), which was when BOTFA came out, and I was absolutely wrecked by the ending and immediately started writing my own fixit fic. I was also super hooked on Kiliel! so that was my intro to the Tolkien fandom; and simultaneously, I joined tumblr, and, well, the rest is history tbh.

I honestly do not remember when I first read the Silm, but I kind of got into the more obscure parts of the Tolkien fandom through fandom osmosis, and I do have a vague memory of doodling the Finwean family tree in geometry class so it might have been later on in freshman year? that was also the same time I was having my Queer Awakening, and Russingon definitely contributed to me unlearning my internalized queerphobia, so probably around then.

anyway - queer awakening, tumblr, Tolkien, transitioning from FFN to AO3 - all of that was happening around the same time. I know I dipped my toes in the Silm fandom then, but I was still primarily a Hobbit fic writer focusing on Kiliel. toward the end of high school I kind of shifted to LOTR and (qp) Gigolas...but somehow the Silm fandom is the most active of the Big Three within the Tolkien fandom, and I was getting dragged further and further in.

it wasn’t until @backtomiddleearthmonth 2019, my freshman year of college, that I really dove into writing Silm fic! I picked some Silm-specific bingo cards and never looked back :D that was really not all that long ago but I am obsessed in a way I don’t really remember being even with TH/LOTR, I obviously cannot see the future but I anticipate hanging out here for a long time. the Silm fandom is great overall and there’s just so much material to work with!! <3

being Known, that stuff?

so I don’t really have a whole lot of context on how “well known” I am in the fandom?? definitely within the past year and a half or so I’ve noticed that I like, get asks like this, and get a significant amount of notes on my posts, and I’ve made a lot of fandom friends especially since I joined some Silm servers on Discord (hmu if you want invites; I’m on the SWG server and 2 general Silm servers and the Russingon server) this past year. and I have 3,000 followers as of this month - and while ever since I hit 1k I don’t particularly pay attention to my follower count I can definitely say that I have more engagement now than I used to! but it took me a long time to build this “audience,” I suppose; I’ve been around the Tolkien fandom since late 2014, so nearly 6 years of this, lol.

really the best way to build a following, in my experience, is to just post a lot of stuff. when I started making edits I got a lot more engagement, because for a long time I would post one every day! (I made them in batches and queued them; I didn’t actually make one every day lol...and now I��m too busy to do that, so I just make edits for events and whenever I feel like it) And I have [checks ao3] 145 works in the Silm fandom as of today - I’m fairly prolific! I’ve come to generally expect 3-10 comments on most of my oneshots, which is a lot more than I used to have back in the day. consistency and quantity are more likely to attract people to your work - and quality, of course.

also: how’d u build up the confidence to start posting meta/hcs?

I’ve been writing since I was very young, and I’ve been writing fic for like...11 years? I think? in that time I’ve produced a lot of garbage, but imo most of that was in my Warrior cats phase, so I came into the Tolkien fandom with confidence in myself and my writing. I’m also working on original fiction on the side (I hope to eventually become a published fantasy author, but right now school takes up most of my time that I don’t devote to fandom, which gives me more immediate gratification and also is just Very Fun) and I know I’m a good writer.

basically, I’ve been doing this for like...half my life, and I’m still fairly young, so I’ve had time to build up my skill and confidence and I know I’m only going to get better with time. you will get better with practice. like I said, I’ve written a lot of terrible stuff, and it’s only through sucking for a long time that I’ve gotten to the point I am now. and I am far from perfect; I know I still have lots of room to grow!

for meta and headcanons specifically, I started with writing fic, and then when I didn’t think I could stretch something into an entire fic I would just make a hc post. I have a vivid memory of writing my first meta in a notebook during driver’s ed because it was so goddamn boring and I had Thoughts about Tauriel and Thranduil!

in my experience, meta comes from having Opinions and wanting to share them and most importantly to back them up - you need to have sources! you need to have reasons! you need to have justification! otherwise it’s not meta, it’s a headcanon or an AU. which is fine!! I love hc/AU!!! but they are not the same as meta, and I’m a stickler for being accurate when it comes to meta. if you have sources and shit to back you up, that will help you build the confidence to share your meta.

sharing disinformation and passing it off as meta instead of just coming out and saying this is a headcanon/baseless theory/AU or whatever is such a fandom pet peeve of mine; it’s not bad for something to not be Accurate! you just have to have that disclaimer - and even when you’re writing meta, you’re offering an interpretation of the text, and you need to acknowledge that other interpretations also exist and are valid.

um. I hope this answers your questions? and sorry for basically word-vomiting my entire life story, lol. this post got long; the main reason I’ve written so much fic is because I really just cannot shut up for the life of me. sooo if you can tear of that filter of being shy and just. say shit. you can go so far~!

OH and one more thing - I can’t believe I almost forgot this - but part of being a writer is participating in the community. this is code for LEAVE A DAMN COMMENT IF YOU LIKE A FIC. that’s how I made most of my fandom friends before Discord! I follow @ao3feed-silmarillion and stalk that blog for new Silm fics; I read the ones that interest me and comment on them.

I know this is not really the most common way for folks to find fic but it’s so rewarding to interact with new fic, new writers, new commentors, new stories - you can find gems that don’t rise to the top of the kudos/bookmark lists; you become friends with your fellow writers; you can watch people grow and change; you support smaller content creators. yeah, you might not be getting Just The Best Stuff, but it’s so so so worth it!!

and if you make friends in the comment section of other people’s fic - I guarantee you some of them will go to your AO3 profile and check out your fic, too! and they’ll leave comments! this is a fic community, and that’s what I cherish about fandom most of all, tbh.

anyway - again - sorry for rambling so much, but I hoped this helped! feel free to send in another ask, or to come talk to me off anon if you’d like! and definitely send me your stuff if/when you decide to share it; I would love to support you!!! <3

#silm #silm fandom #silmarillion #fan culture #tmi anna #(for real this time sjdfhdkfh)#tefain nin #long post #anon #answers

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mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune · 3 years ago

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OH MY GOSH CHARLIE’S NEW DESIGN IS BEAUTIFUL! (And Some Other Stuff To Talk About)

don’t get me wrong, I still love the Pilot design of Charlie.

but this new design of her, that is the current version, is just I couldn’t help but fall in love, platonically I mean, you know like when I fell in love with Steven Universe (and Steven Universe Future), Undertale, Deltarune, Yandere Simulator, Helluva Boss and some other shows and video games.

plus when I just found out about the new design, I was watching stuff on youtube on my Xbox One, and I was getting ready to watch Ah My Goddess when I saw the new look, and I watched the video and I decide to check the bio on the Hazbin Hotel Wikia, and I’m happy to find out it is real.

although I have notice that the name Charlotte is no longer given as her True Name, and it’s just Charlie.

I mean maybe Charlotte could be her Deadname...?

and if her surname is going to be Morningstar, I guess that’s okay,

for some reason after finding that out, I couldn’t help but think of Magne being Lilith’s Maiden name, like she could be Lilith Magne-Morningstar.

there is some stuff like the whole theory about the Transformers/Cybertronian

and also that whole thing about a Catholic Priest who died for 48 minutes and met God....I want to try to talk about how he isn’t 100% right BUT not 100% wrong....but I’m gonna wait until later to post some thoughts regarding it.

and before some of you call out blasphemy to me, like calling me one (though some of you wouldn’t do that, but I’m speaking to the ones who would end up doing so.)

the Catholic Priest who met God, describe HER as a woman...

also I found out what I am is a Polytheism or would it be Polytheist....?

plus even if my pendulum gave me a Yes before about being “Pagan”

I still rather go by Neo-Spiritual, and I guess Ma-Acolyte as well, which once again stands for Mother Of All Angel Acolyte.

my pendulum sometimes gives half-truths or like pranks me, when it’s not giving a 100% truthful answer.

I said this many times before, but I don’t think it will stop giving a clockwise fast for Yes, when I ask if the Aliens from Mass Effect being Real In Real Life.

if it gives a “No” it will go circle slow.

and yeah I wish I had figured out much earlier when the freaky stuff happen,

when something I held started to move like my pendulum....

like I was holding a teddy bear I had since I was REALLY little,

and for some reason it started to move like my pendulum when I held it by, I think it was by it’s arm or leg....?

this happen before I decided to use my bracelets as sealing charms and limiters, I think it works better to hold both the bracelets and the salt together to pray for the bracelets to act as sealing charms and limiters.

it also means that those who wrote about that info about RH Negatives, were true....well we can’t agree that all of some info is true....

but still once I take that home blood test again and if it comes out O RH D Negative for a third time, I will fully accept it.

I still want to see the D part standing for Determination.

you know like from Undertale.

also I can’t tell my family that I had willingly converted into well what I am now, I can still believe in some of the stuff in like the Christianity, but like I said before...

my eyes were open by the books I have, and like one of the lyrics of Dark Horse, “there’s no going back.”

plus there is a possibility I am Enbian, when asking my pendulum about it, I did get a “Yes” and I know I am still Aceflux and I know that most of my life, I think other people around me, like family and others that live in the same place as me, I think their energies might of been bad for me, well maybe not all of the energies....but I know now that half of my seizures weren’t the type that needed medicine.....well that is what I believe...

some seizures will need medicine, but I think all I needed was perhaps to move to the town I am at now, where there is less dangerous energies, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still pick up on them without knowing...

I think it is possible that there can be different types who can be more aware that what they are feeling, aren’t 100% their own....

the reason why I decided to get a bracelet to wear to bed (and I think I did started out with one at first.) was because something scared me awake,

and well I did get some of those angel figurines to have under my pillow.

not everyone has to believe that kind of stuff, but there is a possibility it could of been a Incubus....I don’t think I have to worry about that anymore, but even if the touch was for a split second or minute, it was enough to scare me awake.

also I’m having the mature tag on this just to be safe.

anyway another thing I had to worry about was the close-call dream walking thing.

you know how you become self aware in a dream, and you all of a sudden knew what the dream would end up if you didn’t become self aware.

so I’m glad I did become self aware and I was back in my dream space, cause the dream did change and take me somewhere else away from there.

but because of what happen, I ended up asking my pendulum about it and even not feeling safe to go to sleep while the one I dream-walked into the dream of, was sleeping.

I believe it was my bracelets that saved me and made me self-aware.

plus some time after that happen, like somewhere around this present (cause I think the incident happen last year....)

I was right about some stuff about them, and it wasn’t me that found the items in question by another family member...

basically is was a box of Naughty Items, like either books or dvds...?

I mean I know that Panty and Stocking has some mature stuff in it,

and even Rosario+Vampire....but this might be WAY different.

plus it might be possible that “pheromone” energy coming from that room and ending up causing me to go into a dream-walk, well I am just glad that my bracelets made me self-aware and all I saw was the inside of the bedroom in the dream, which seem a little different from the original one.

but the color of the dream was like a gray color.

I’m still glad that the dream started to change and I was back in my own dream-space.

I know that not everyone will believe me about it, and I wont force ya to.

just don’t say I’m lying, because I believe that was real.

I got a bigger dream-catcher to help protect me from outside energies, like the pheromone energies, as well as to keep me within my own dream-space and stop me from dream-walking.

I seriously did NOT want to go to sleep at the same time they were sleeping.

not after that dream-walking incident, cause I was concerned that if I did, there is a chance that it could happen again.

I don’t think I was aware that I was absorbing THAT kind of energy....

I think the energies that most of my family and even other people, gave off when I was really little, and even when I was a baby.

was dangerous, but so long as I don’t have to go back to the places where it all started, I guess I will be okay.

I don’t want to risk it, if I had to go visit, I might need like a butt load of gems to protect me from all that bad energy.

like half of the places in the town are safe, and never caused the seizures, while the other places have.

and I’m pretty sure if your just a little kid in a cafeteria and there is like a lot of people giving off too many energies, it could end up being a energy overload and cause you to have a seizure, I think that might explain a lot.

I guess if there isn’t too many people in a cafeteria, there wont be a energy overload that can end up causing a seizure.

plus I suspect that one of my older cousins (who was watching me when I was really little) might of been the cause of a seizure.

and I was eating some food at the time, and well they did have to help me get the food out of my mouth because it would of been, Bad....I only remember very little of it.

but I think it is possible the energy they were giving off, could of triggered it.

and not just them, I think some of my family but maybe not all of them...

I think the energy they gave off was the cause of my seizures half the time.

call me paranoid and it’s okay that I’m the only one who believes this.

anyway back to the whole Charlie’s design.

I really love how they redesigned her and I do think she looks very beautiful,

and I couldn’t help but view it as “Goddess Level” but wouldn’t that be over flattering...?

I am still curious about the whole Charlotte name no longer being there as her True name.

I don’t know if my theories I have now are correct or not,

that her gender identity is Nonbinary or if, this might be a VERY unlikely,

but what if it could mean that Charlie is a Transwoman...?

please don’t misinterpret that, I mean some theories don’t have to be correct and it’s okay that my two theories don’t have to be.

but it be interesting if one of them were true.

also a person who is Nonbinary can go by both She/Her and They/Them.

like some can be Feminine Aligned and others Masculine Aligned.

Charlie’s design looks so AWESOME, and it might be weird but I couldn’t help but have the thought of wanting to ship her with Blitz after seeing the new design.

yeah the ship would be non-canon and will just be fanon only, but I will try to draw that ship idea later.

picture a music video of Stolas x Blitz x Charlie,

with the song “Treat You Better” by Shawn Mendes.

I can’t wait to see the episodes of Hazbin Hotel, I have sen the Pilot and I loved that too.

I do believe that Charlie can redeem some of the sinners, meaning I believe that we will see a episode where a sinner demon will be redeemed and let into Heaven and become a Angel.

but I believe that not all of the sinners demons who had done some pretty messed up stuff in their mortal lives on Earth....can be redeemed.

like actions that my Older Cousin who is behind bars did,

or the whole past life family using me as part of a ritual, and then being given a “Yes” that they were my past life self’s family....

if somehow some of them are alive, I’m sorry but I really hope they fall face first in some mud....but like on a yard.

at least not all Satanist would do that, and well there are some other religions that did that kind of stuff, I think back many decades and centuries ago.

and I know after what happen a few years ago with that Toxic-Religious misusing that whole “may god have mercy on you” at me...

(there is still a possibility they were Evangelical but that doesn’t mean that all Evangelicals act that way.....at least I hope not.)

I don’t do well with Toxic-Religious people, and Toxic-Satanist are on that list.

even if it’s good to only remember bits and pieces of past lives,

it should be considered VERY lucky not to remember it fully.

but half of the memories wont be yours, just copies of memories that belong to your Soul-Parent, yeah I had talked about fragmenting before.

anyway, I do believe that Charlie’s Hotel will be successful and will be able to redeem some of the sinners.

but I also believe that there will be some that can’t be saved....

and I’m sorry to admit, might deserve to have those Exterminators come after them.

even some prisoners have some standers and actually have hearts to never cross a line...

I love Hazbin Hotel, and I love how Charlie sees the good in everything and everyone.

but she might see that not everyone she is trying to help, deserves it.

I guess it is possible she might learn this in a future episode, it might not be Episode 1 but in theory it could end up being one of the future episodes.

and if I could, I would go Alessa Gillespie on my Ex-Satanist Family from one of my past lives.....they should be glad I don’t remember much of it, and only know there was a attic and some robes...

speaking of Alessa Gillespie, I really hope they do make a future third movie of Silent Hill, I like the two movies, and well the Silent Hill game I have now, I haven’t beat it yet, maybe I can just watch the walkthroughs for now.

for some reason the name “George” pop into my head, I decided to use my pendulum to ask if one of my Ex-Family from my past life, was named George and if he was in the attic. I got a “Yes” that there was a George, and another “Yes” that he was my Dad.....well technically my past life’s dad.

I got a “No” that he isn’t alive, and a “Yes” when I asked if he is in “H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks.”

maybe I can try to ask about the surname name later.

it’s too bad I can’t flip my so called “Ex-Daddy” off.

well him and the rest of the Ex-Family that was involved.

right now I’m listening to F*** You song by Lily Allen, after I do that and after I post this, I will go back to watching Ah My Goddess, then after that I am going to watch Equestria Girls Movies.

anyway, if the characters in Hazbin Hotel will go through slight changes or full changes, I am sure they will be just as amazing as Charlie looks.

it be nice if my pendulum giving me a “Yes” about being a deus ex machina,

just one of it’s pranks.

but after asking about it again (after first asking about it a few hours ago.)

I got a “Yes” once again....

well I guess there can be a lot of deus ex machinas, so it might not just be me.

anyway I think I will talk more about Charlie another time, even thought I did end up talking about other stuff too, and I still want to talk about the theory I have about the transformers as well as talk about a Steven Universe Theory.

but that will have to wait, I have Ah My Goddess on pause and I don’t want to keep it on pause for too long.

so see ya later and stay safe everyone, I will sign back in later.

#hazbin hotel #love it #awesome #redesign #charlie magne hazbin hotel #mature warning #dream walking #Incubus #talking about feelings

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tippingovertheedge · 3 years ago

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sigh ok after a week where i fell off the wagon three out of seven days, i took a long hard look at myself in the mirror (metaphorically) and told myself to be realistic and get a grip. my birthday is inching closer and closer and my goal isn’t looking possible. i mean in theory i could starve myself for these fifty days and theoretically lose all that weight but i know me by now and i know that trying to do that is likely going to result in lots of slipping off the wagon and the self-berating and self-hatred that follows then. and all that will happen and i still won’t reach my goal. and i really don’t want that for myself! i’m an adult! i should act like it!

i think what’s triggered these unhealthy patterns over the last month (and it really was the last month - october was absolutely just Diet Month) was the pressure of trying to reach my gw by the week before my birthday all so i could do that little triumphant instagram post about losing all this weight and choosing health for myself as a birthday gift.

but it’s ok that i can’t. growing up and maturing is realising things don’t work out the way you planned. it doesn’t mean you can’t decide things - you can! and you can take steps to achieve your goals, but it also means you’re not the only decider of things in life and that’s ok.

for now it’s my ugw i have in my sights. i want to hit that by march, which is when i might be heading on my first vacation since panini times. i know i know. it’s just another goal weight and another goal date and who’s to say the same won’t happen? i can’t say. but to reach that goal in four months allows me to leave a fairly generous/doable deficit. so here’s the plan:

current weight: 62.3kg, though i had mcdonald’s late last night. these days i weigh in more at a ~60kg

goal weight: 45kg

15kg to lose over 4 months -> 3.75kg a month

goal weight loss rate: 4.5kg a month, which is a daily 1100 calorie deficit

here i’m thinking ‘aim high’. even if i fall short (and i likely will! once more i’ve been doing this for a year and i know myself by now) it should still put me close to 3.75kg/month and i'll still be at 45 in march

and here’s what i’m going to remind myself so i can be kinder to myself:

bad days will happen

period cravings and work stress will lead to days where you just want to eat a lot of oily food. there’s always a next day and we try again then!

it’s fine to let go a little bit on special occasions

i’m still going to do the big birthday feast i planned of cake and blonde biscuits and a stuffed crust pizza because all things considered i HAVE worked really hard to get where i am! and u only turn 28 once :)

more importantly i’m booking myself a full body check-up in december and i hope the doctor gives me a clean bill of health

you didn’t lose all this weight in a day. you’re not going to gain it all back in a day

all in all i think i’m in a good place to keep this up for the rest of my life. my weight loss has been gradual - 20kg in a year - and in the process my lifestyle has changed. yeah i still really enjoy fast food but i can cook for myself using whole ingredients! i genuinely really like cauliflower rice and salads and i love love love running as far as my little legs will take me.

running has been so important for me in staying mentally healthy too (specifically not veering too far into ed territory i THINK lol). i think part of why thinspo images don’t really work on me is that i don’t especially want to look super thin. i love running so when i look at my legs and they’re thick i know that’s the muscle i’ve built up from training and big legs are strong legs and they’re gonna keep me running.

truly it’s just my flabby arms i HATE and my desire to be underweight is because i’m absolutely certain my arms are my last fat defences. my fat is distributed such that when i lose weight, the arm fat will be the last to go. so i have to lose ALL of it before my arms look thin.

ok ok. i have a day to get to. today will be a good day! i’m going to prep my salad ingredients for the week, do a bit of work, and if the weather holds up, i’ll go to a cafe for a cupcake and a coffee and then take a long walk home. life’s good i’m good lots to live for ❤️

#blog

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foxtophat · 3 years ago

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hello hello hello

i got thrown off my groove for a month there doing irl shit but i finally sat down and posted this piece of mercy fic that i’ve been sitting on for like a month. it’s all about john and kim hanging out and bonding so that’s fun!!!

i have a couple of ideas for stories but i’m not QUITE SURE how many of them are going to actually get posted. i might do like a yearly synopsis and put it in the series, writing out what happens between stories and stuff so when i reference shit it isn’t out of the blue, BUT ALSO i am lazy and it’s a miracle mercyverse has gotten this much from me, so lets not try to rock the boat huh???

anyway this is a story about john and kim falling into a cave. it’s like a bottle episode except the bottle is like a large intestine. i hope you like it!!! if you do, consider reblogging this post, or sharing the link, or kudosing or commenting or liking or subscribing or SMASHING THAT BELL

as usual, the story is under the cut for those of you who want to stay on tumblr for some godforsaken reason

Kim had thought that she was doing Nick and John a favor when she first offered to go cache-hunting with them. After all, Grace and Carmina had their hands full working on the yard's shooting range, and there hadn't been anything better to do than dig a couple of holes out in the woods. She'd figured, why not? An extra set of hands could speed things up, and she could keep them focused on digging instead of bickering.

Of course, now that she's out here with them, she regrets ever having offered. As it turns out, their method of cache-hunting involves incessantly goading one another into a fight, trading places between aggressive pessimism and irritatingly fake optimism whenever it might serve to piss the other off more. She's given up on trying to stop it; after all, it's not too much worse than what they say while mending fences and hauling scrap. It's just that the distance between them means that they're arguing at a headache-inducing level.

At the very least, Kim had hoped for some kind of method they could fall back on, but at three hours in, they've all but given up. She supposes the first two caches had been pretty easy to find, being in areas where the terrain hasn't changed much — but this neck of the woods has definitely seen some shifting. Between the rock slides and massive knots of collapsed trees, the steep hillside looks more like a beaver dam than the picturesque hiking trail it probably used to be.

"I'm starting to think that Jacob was full of shit," Nick says, as if he hasn't been reiterating the sentiment for the last thirty minutes. "There's no way we're gonna find anything out here."

Nick might be right, but Kim isn't about to gang up on John right now. She's been mostly staying out of it as the two of them argue about Jacob's map coordinates; why get involved now?

She ignores them and instead picks her way up the hillside towards one of the many uprooted trees nearby. Just like the last dozen trees she's checked, this one doesn't hold a barrel in its roots, nor do any of them have any damn sign indicating where they should be looking. Whatever marker Jacob might've left, paranoid bastard that he was, it's definitely been destroyed by the apocalypse.

"I told you that this wasn't going to be easy," John says. "There's half a mile of trail to search, and there's only three of us. This isn't some pasture outside town —"

"When I asked you if we should bring Grace and Carmina along, you said they would just get in the way! Now here you are, telling me we need more people!"

"If they were here, who do you think Grace would blame if Carmina got a goddamn splinter or scraped her knee? How do you still not get that she is actively looking for a reason to shoot me?"

"At this point, I'm looking for a reason, so I don't know what you're expecting!"

Kim has to admit, they're both making pretty good points. She just wishes they wouldn't make it sound like the start of a fistfight.

John's sigh is especially theatrical, and Kim hears the leaves crunch underfoot as he begins to stalk up the hill after her. He's probably going to try passing her, just to get space from Nick, but he really shouldn't bother. They should at least stop for something to eat and some water, and then they can figure out whether or not expanding the search zone is a good idea. They should probably reconsider their current "poke around and hope" method, too.

Setting her sights on a stout, dead tree with its roots partially torn up, Kim decides to make that the last straw. If she's got any luck at all, the cache will be tangled up in the tree's roots, and she'll be able to gloat about finding it for the rest of forever.

"Don't get too excited," John says, catching up to her as he runs away from Nick.

"Too late for that," Kim teases. "My hopes are at an all-time high. I'm about to be crushed by the disappointment."

"Fantastic," John grunts, rolling his eyes.

He lets her take the first approach on the tree, which juts awkwardly out of the ground at an acute angle. Its scraggly branches are covered in dry needles, and the partially exposed root system seems to have rotted from rain. There are no other trees for a good couple of yards in any direction, so this tree must've gotten the brunt of the worst nuclear weather.

"We should take a break," Nick shouts from halfway down the hill. "I need a goddamn drink!"

"I told him this would be a waste of time," John grumbles. "We could have taken any other location, even the one at the goddamn compound, and had better luck than out here."

"Well, we're here now," Kim replies. "Come on, maybe the cache is tangled up in the roots or something."

John reluctantly follows Kim as she tests the spongier, damp soil around the rotting tree's base. It's clear he's already given up, but that only makes Kim more determined to find something worth the trip out here — at the very least, so that she can rub it in John's pessimistic face. He can't be a sour bastard forever.

No barrel in the root system, of course. All Kim finds is molding wood and the flash of exposed rock. It's just muddy enough that Kim's going to have to scrub her boots when they get back. From here, she can see the slope of the hillside, and the trees that slump with their tops pointed in her direction. It's like they're telling her, go back!

"Please talk Nick into giving this up," John insists, lingering right behind her and scowling at the roots that have betrayed both of them.

"I mean, we've only been out here for two hours. There's plenty of time to find something." Kim crouches down to check the rocky substrate for anything interesting. "Look on the bright side, at least we don't have to dig."

"I think you two are blinded by that bright side of yours." John sighs, leaning against the tree and glaring down in Nick's direction. "You know that the interstate is only a half-day hike from here, right? This is the exact sort of place Jacob would've stashed passports, money — bug-out kits to abandon the county, that kind of thing. It's not like he buried more coffee and rice out here."

"So is that your new theory? Jacob was planning escape routes for you guys?"

John frowns. "It's one of them."

Kim stands and comes around to join him by the trunk. She debates on invoking Jacob's memory any more than she already has; he seems to have a habit of upsetting John even from the grave. She gives the tree trunk a little kick as she considers pressing him, knocking some mud from her boot tread.

Her curiosity takes a backseat as the world lurches uncomfortably beneath them. She catches herself against the trunk and looks towards Nick, who's picking his way up towards them. Only now does she notice that the trees in this direction also lean inwards, towards the lone tree they're currently beside.

John catches on at the same time, hissing under his breath before hollering a warning. "It's a goddamn sinkhole, Nick, watch out!"

The inconvenience turns into real fear as Kim considers the terrain. With all the caves littering the mountains around here, there's no telling how deep the void beneath their feet might be — five feet, twenty? Or, God help them, more?

Kim struggles not to panic as Nick makes no effort to hide his own. "Come on, you guys," Nick calls from between two jutting evergreens, "Just cut across before the whole damn thing gives out!"

There's not a second to spare, but even as Kim starts to move she knows it's too late. She gets one last look at Nick's horrified expression before she, John, and the dead tree crash down into the empty space below.

Kim lands hard on her side, her arm taking the brunt of the blow and blossoming in radiant, white-hot pain. The world around her, suddenly dark and unfamiliar, tunnels alarmingly out of her vision, her blood rushing into her ears until she can only vaguely hear her own pained crying. Trying to move only causes daggers of pain to shoot right up her arm and into her brain, but she only finds that out as she rolls off of her definitely broken arm. At least, Kim's pretty sure it's broken. She's terrified of looking over and seeing her bone poking out, or something even worse — she knows that she won't be able to stand it, that she'll pass out, and she can't do that down here in this goddamn cavern!

Vague, warped voices vibrate through her as John appears abruptly by her side. The left side of his face is covered in a smear of blood from a deep wound scored over his brow. His mouth moves like he's trying to speak to her. God, her fucking arm!

"Take a deep breath," John commands once again, and this time Kim hears him and abides. The pain doesn't subside, but at least the panic that comes with it is softened as she struggles to calm down. As she does, the background noises begin to come into focus; the crumbling rubble settling, the sharp, birdless silence of the air, and most importantly, Nick hysterically shouting her name from above.

John puts a hand on the shoulder not currently delivering mountains of pain. "Another one," he says, and Kim obeys. It's while she's trying to catch her breath that John steps away, cupping his hands to his mouth and shouting up, "Kim's broken her arm!"

"God damn it, what happened — never mind, just —! Stay put! I'll go get help!" Nick's voice cracks as he realizes aloud, "Shit, there's nobody to get help from!"

Kim sucks in a deep breath. There's no way that John is going to be able to handle Nick's mounting panic by himself, and so she steels herself and tries to steady her voice. "It's gonna be okay!" she shouts. "I'm fine!"

"Bullshit you're fine, that looks like a two-story drop from here!"

John swears under his breath. "I don't have time for this."

"He's going to try and jump down if we don't talk him out of it," Kim hisses, closing her eyes as a wave of painful pins and needles washes up her arm. She keeps accidentally moving it, and the feeling of the bone scraping is enough to make her want to vomit.

John clearly decides she's right, changing tactics as Kim desperately tries not to start sobbing again. "It isn't bad, Nick!" he shouts, "But I need rope if I'm going to splint it! Get the cord from the glove box!"

Nick is quiet for a moment. "Y-Yeah," he calls down shakily, "I... I guess you got plenty to work with — hold on!"

Kim lets out a breath she hadn't meant to hold, then bites back the scream that threatens to rip from her throat. "Please tell me you can do this," she moans as John crouches down beside her broken arm. "I can't look — is there bone?"

"There's no bone," John replies. His voice is tight and unhappy, but at least he isn't lacking in confidence when he tells her, "I know what I'm doing. Try to stay conscious, and don't move. The last thing I need is to be stuck alone with Nick."

"Excuse him for worrying," she groans, staring up at the sky through the fifteen-foot-wide hole above her. She counts down the seconds until Nick gets back, if only to focus on something other than the pain.

John leaves her to it, making his way over to the tree that's joined them here in the cavern. There isn't much else down here besides them and the vegetation that came down with them; the sinkhole must have joined with a cavern somewhere along the way. The rock here probably hasn't seen daylight before — when she glances around, she spots a dark crack in the wall that implies there might be more, unlit caves to explore beyond.

Boy, she really does not want to go into that creepy tunnel, and she especially doesn't want to do it with a broken arm. Thankfully, Nick returns before that worry turns to panic.

"Everything okay? Actually, never mind — look, I got the rope, and the first-aid kit!"

Anything Nick decides to throw down is going to stay down here, and so Kim quickly stops him. "You keep that, Nick! If you get hurt up there, you'll need it!"

"We need it more," John points out, returning to her with a few branches that he clearly intends to use as a splint. He's not wrong about the medkit; the cut over his eye is a nasty one, and Kim could use all of those expired painkillers about now. Not to mention, there might be more injuries they've missed.

Still. "I'm not leaving Nick without supplies," she says.

John doesn't reply, but his scowl speaks volumes.

After a minute or so, Nick is ready to throw the cord down. They coordinate the hand-off just fine without her, which is great, because Kim needs to reserve all of her strength for what's to come.

Nick's bundled a few of the medical supplies into his worn-out flannel, along with the crank flashlight and one of the ultra-dry military rations, all tied off with the paracord. Kim is both touched at the thought and horrified at the idea that they might be here long enough to get hungry.

"This is good, Nick," John calls. "We're in a cave — there's got to be another way out nearby!"

"I'll go look for a way in!"

"No," Kim shouts, her voice cracking, "You might get hurt, Nick!"

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to do, Kim! I'm not gonna leave you down there!"

Kim has never in her life imagined that she would say her next words, but that doesn't mean she doesn't mean it. "I'm going to be okay! John's down here with me, I'll be fine!"

John doesn't seem to have expected her to say that, either, boggling at her with open confusion. But... well, come on! If John can trust her enough to gun down Peggies trying to kidnap him, then she can at least trust him to help her limp out of one of Hope County's many caves. Sure, it's not an ideal situation by any means, but Kim's just happy not to be stuck looking for a way out by herself.

"Are you sure you can even walk?" Nick calls uneasily.

"I can handle it, Nick," John replies for her. "We'll look for a way out — if we don't find anything in an hour, we'll come back here and try something else!"

"What the hell do you want me to do!"

John pauses long enough to look at Kim, but since he seems to have more ideas than she does, she defers to his judgment. "Circle west around the hill and look for any entrances to call from! There's going to be a cave opening somewhere nearby!"

"I don't like any of this, Kim!"

John pinches the bridge of his nose, leaving Kim to answer, "It's the only plan we've got!"

The silence from above stretches out. "We don't have time for this," John mutters, abandoning his attempts to reassure Nick. "There's no telling where a way out might be, and I'm not wasting more time because Nick can't trust me."

"It's not about trust," Kim snipes in return. "He's trying not to panic."

John only grunts in return, settling on his knees next to her as he prepares to do the hard part for her. That leaves it up to Kim to encourage Nick to get a move on; she really doesn't want him sticking around for the painful part. "Nick, be careful, I don't want you to fall in another sinkhole! We'll be okay!"

Nick is frustratingly silent for another moment, but eventually, he relents. "Okay, fine! Remember to mark your path! And don't trust any ropes or ladders you see! And stay outta any water you find, you don't know how deep it is!"

"Jesus Christ," John mutters.

"Oh, shut up," Kim tells him, lifting her strained voice to call back. "Alright, Nick! We'll be careful! We'll see you soon!"

Kim makes John wait another minute after Nick leaves before she lets him at her arm. Despite his sour expression, John manages to be nothing more than stern, and surprisingly gentle. "Careful," he tells her, as if she needs a warning as he adjusts her broken arm. She's unable to decide if the burning sensation or the stabbing sensation is worse, but they're both vying for the spot as John examines the fracture. God, she hopes he knows what he's doing. She hopes it heals clean. She doesn't know what she'll do if she loses the thing.

John jostles her a little too abruptly, and a gasp of pain tears her from her downward spiral of worst possible outcomes. If John notices, he doesn't comment.

"It's not so bad," he says, although Kim's still not sure if she trusts his judgment on the matter. "It seems like a single fracture. I'll splint it, and... Well, there's somebody in town with medical experience, isn't there?"

"I don't know," Kim gasps, head reeling, "Maybe?"

John sighs. "Well, at least you'll survive."

"You better hope so," Kim jokes, or tries to anyway.

John rolls his eyes, but thankfully he's not in a vindictive mood as he prepares to set her arm. "You'll want to scream," he tells her. "Try breathing through your nose instead."

He sure isn't wrong. Kim can't think straight for a minute after he's finished, her face wet as the pain forces her to tears, but John is utterly detached and methodical as he binds her arm to one of the branches. It's reassuring at first, but Kim can't help but wonder just how many people suffered broken bones and serious trauma at his hands, only to see the same dispassionate bedside manner afterward? God, assuming they even survived what he put them through.

"Catch your breath," John tells her once he's done, standing and turning back to further investigate the tree. "The cave systems go on for miles down here, but there are dozens of openings in the hills. As long as we stick to the larger tunnels, we should be able to find one of them."

Kim watches him pick through the tree, sizing out larger branches and dismissing them one by one.

"I'm surprised you're not more freaked out," she says as he picks out a four-foot branch. "You know, being underground and everything."

John furiously breaks the branch from the trunk, then roughly cleans it of dead sprigs and foliage. "Thank you for reminding me."

"Sorry, I just meant —"

"I know what you meant," he says. "It's fine. I'm not... Like I said, these tunnels are hardly inescapable." He strikes the branch against the ground and seems satisfied by the sound. "I spent a lot of time studying the cave systems out here. We considered using them for passage between the gates, but that plan never went anywhere. It left me with enough useless knowledge that I'm not prone to panic down here."

"Useless until now," Kim points out. "Now help me up and let's get the hell out of here."

John helps her to her feet with her good arm, careful not to jostle the splint as she tests her balance. The world heaves for an uncomfortable second or two before righting itself, although it's mostly shock and adrenaline keeping her moving. She's not sure how long that's going to last, but she sure hopes it's long enough to reunite with Nick.

"I should probably lead," John says, looking unhappy about her tentatively upright position.

"Yeah, I don't think I'm in the position to trail-blaze."

"You're barely in the position to walk," he replies. Casting one last look around the sunlit cavern, John turns towards the dark crack in the wall that leads further into the system. "Try not to pass out."

"No promises," she says, staggering her way to their only exit.

She can feel the cool, musty air from here, oddly relieving against her sweaty face. She wishes she hadn't watched The Descent so many times before the apocalypse, because that is really coloring her perception of this situation. Of course, they're more likely to run into a wolverine or bear den than they are to be hunted by a pack of cave-dwelling mutants, but that doesn't stop her from considering it.

John starts forward. Kim, anxious and trembling in pain, tries to joke. "Just avoid stepping on any weird symbols carved into the ground, okay?"

"Christ," John groans, the same way he does every time somebody tries to rope him in with a pop-culture reference. He winds the flashlight up and the beam of light cuts a sharp swath across the dark tunnel "Will you two please let that Hollywood bullshit die already?"

"Oh, relax," she replies. "Tropes are older than L.A. and you know it. They aren't going to disappear just because civilization got nuked."

"One can dream," John snipes dryly in return.

Of course, even with the attitude, John keeps close to Kim, sticking to her uninjured side. Kim imagines her slow pace must be irritating the crap out of him, but he impressively manages not to sigh or stomp like a passive-aggressive toddler. He's been getting a lot better about letting his exasperation get to him, although she bets it's got a lot to do with exhaustion and survival instinct right now.

The silence stretches for a time between them. Kim imagines John is lost in his thoughts, but she's been hyper-aware of every distant sound of rubble shifting or oddly-shaped rock formations that are easy to mistake for humanoid shapes in the dark. The tunnel is only about eight feet across and somewhat taller than that, but that's plenty of room for Kim's imagination to play tricks on her.

"I always thought your anti-Hollywood thing was some kind of shtick," she admits. "Maybe you got scorned on a screenplay or something, I dunno. But you really believe that all of the entertainment industry deserved to get firebombed out of existence?"

"It deserved a reckoning," John replies.

"You mean something like nuclear annihilation?"

John's frown deepens. "Maybe," he says stiffly.

Normally, Kim would try to dig into that more, but she's not in a position to make much sense of it right now. Honestly, the conversation is irrelevant — she just needs something to keep her from fantasizing about monsters in the dark. Or, you know, passing out. Whichever would be worse.

"So I guess you don't have a desert island five, then."

John huffs loudly at that. "I wouldn't be able to remember it."

That just tells Kim that he does have one. She bets American Psycho or Fight Club was on it. Maybe Fear and Loathing?

"Okay, well... say you had to pick a movie to watch as soon as we got home. What would it be?"

Even without looking, Kim knows he's rolling his eyes. "Seriously? Is this really the time?"

"Humor me."

He groans in annoyance, but Kim doesn't miss the short stretch of silence that follows as he thinks it over.

"I don't know," he finally grumbles.

"Come on, you've got to have something."

"I only ever saw a handful of movies growing up, and I lost interest in the medium in college."

"God, you must have been a pretentious bastard."

Despite himself, John chuckles at the jab. "Oh, you have no idea," he replies.

The conversation dies, just like John had probably hoped it would. Kim tries to find something else to distract her, but there's really not much to look at. They've only found one offshoot that John had been able to fit in, but it had ended only a few yards in. They've been exploring for maybe fifteen minutes, though; there's still time for a miracle. Until then, she's got moss to look at, and the distant trickle of water from somewhere far away. With the way the land's shifted, there may be a new river forming somewhere up on the surface. In a few decades, it could swallow these caverns entirely.

"How does your arm feel?" John asks, his voice bouncing off the walls and breaking the silence.

"Not... great," she admits, still trying not to focus on the numb agony of her arm. "I wouldn't mind lying down and sleeping for a few weeks right about now, but I think I can keep it together until we find a way out."

She hopes, anyway.

"Good." John takes a moment to crank the flashlight before it can go out, then picks up the conversation as though Kim weren't even there. "There's nobody in town that I know of that has serious medical experience. With the gates destroyed, there's no telling where the experts we'd vetted for the Project wound up. Dead, probably. Or worse, still involved with Joseph. Hell, even a vet would be better than nothing."

He's definitely more anxious than he wants to let on. Kim doesn't believe for a second that being in this endless, dark tunnel is any better than being trapped in a bunker, save for maybe the space. At least in a bunker, you know which way is out, and you know what's going to kill you.

Now Kim is the one who starts to ramble. "I mean, there's got to be an eagle scout out there somewhere. And there were a couple of doctors still working when I had Carmina — one of them might've survived, right? Somebody out there will know enough to check your handiwork. For the record, though, I think you did a pretty good job for a guy stuck in a pit."

John shakes his head. "I've set plenty of broken limbs." There's a weird sort of challenge in his voice as he says, "Of course, I was the one who broke most of them."

"And I think you feel pretty shitty about it, so I don't know why you sound so smug."

"I'm just reminding you of who you're trying to compliment."

Kim rolls her eyes, her exasperation carrying over in her voice. "I know exactly who you are, John. Quit trying to rile me up like you do with Nick, it isn't going to work."

He huffs. "Sure," he says, then promptly shuts up. Of course he does. No wonder he only ever wants to talk to Nick — it's like he doesn't know how to hold a conversation without trying to start a fight.

Well, Kim needs something to distract her, so she'll carry on with it herself. "I've sprained my ankle a couple of times, but the only time I've ever broken a bone was in soccer camp when I was... thirteen, I think? It was my big toe, and the humiliation was way worse than the pain."

"I can't imagine," John drawls, distinctly unenthusiastic.

Kim opens her mouth to ask the obvious question, then catches herself. Asking about John's past is essentially opening Pandora's box; every time Kim has gone digging, she comes away with something new she wishes she could forget about. The breadcrumbs of information he's given her over the past year or so have honestly kept her up some nights. She probably doesn't want to know anything about the number of broken bones John's had. She definitely doesn't want to know how.

John looks over at her, daring her to ask. It's only when Kim manages to contain her curiosity that he parts with a few terse details. "The first time was when I was eleven. It was a powerful learning experience. One I... try not to revisit."

"Sure," she says. It sounds reasonable enough, anyway.

The flashlight's beam cuts across the wall further ahead, revealing the first major fork that they've come across. They're forced to take an impromptu break as John tries to determine their best way forward. John scowls at the darkness in either direction, but it doesn't seem to help make a decision. Meanwhile, Kim takes the opportunity to rest against the cold stone, swallowing down the nausea that's starting to build. It's a miracle that she's made it this far without fainting, but she doesn't think John's in the mood to hear that.

Frowning, John turns the flashlight back the way they came, sweeping the light down the forking path. "Strange," he mutters.

"What?"

"It's nothing," he says, sweeping the light down the way they came. "Except... see this?"

He steps closer to highlight a uniformly rectangular notch in the wall, just about hip-level. Moving the light reveals more, equally spaced notches, continuing along the wall of the newest fork in their road.

"There were guide ropes installed at one point or another. It doesn't seem to be an active mine, though — it must've been for dumb tourists, just in case of lawsuits."

"I hate to tell you, John, but right now, we're the dumb tourists."

"Unfortunately so. I guess that means we should take the left."

It's smaller, and it looks just as untouched as the rest of the cave has so far, but John's made a compelling point about the seemingly man-made notches.

"You're the expert," Kim says, "I'll take your word for it."

"Alright," he says, not as enthusiastic as Kim would have hoped for. He eyes her somewhat critically, then asks, "How are you doing?"

It's probably the pain making her delirious, but she's surprised at John's concern for her wellbeing. She really shouldn't be. Of course he cares; even if he weren't actively trying to be less awful, he's too smart to leave Kim down here and risk Nick finding out. But still. She's pain-addled enough to be touched by the sentiment.

That doesn't mean she's in the mood to sugarcoat the truth. "I'm surprised I'm still standing," she says. "Let's just hope we find Nick before I pass out."

"I'm sure he'd enjoy seeing me carrying your limp body out of the abandoned mine."

Kim laughs, regretting it as it sends an ache jolting through her body. "Oh, I bet. Just don't be surprised if I tap out at some point."

"You're stronger than that," John remarks. "Follow me."

Now, following John Seed through a dark cave tunnel with a broken arm seems like it would be a bad time. If this were ten, eleven years ago, Kim's sure she would be hunting for a weapon or looking for her own escape route. That is, of course, assuming he hadn't left her to die down here. No doubt that her survival would've banked on how much he would have needed her.

She's glad that's not the case now. John is a reliable navigator, slow-going and cautious as he leads the way, testing suspect rock formations and ducking into narrow crags that don't go anywhere. Honestly, he's probably being more cautious than they need to be. It's already been a half-hour or so, and they're going to need to turn back before much longer.

John has other concerns to bother him, though. "I wonder what happened to the anchors," he says at one point. "You'd think we would have found one by now."

"Maybe they took the rope down before the Collapse," Kim points out. "Lots of tourist traps weren't exactly up to code. Earl probably got here way before we did, back when he was trying to crack down on these kinds of things."

John frowns thoughtfully. "Maybe."

"It's not like people are down here renovating for the next season."

"We don't know that," he points out grimly. "Survivors might've hidden from the radiation down here. Or maybe some angels got lost after Faith was killed."

"Come on, John," she groans.

"Nick's always wondering where the mutants are. Maybe we'll be the ones to find them."

Kim side-eyes John just in time to catch the remnants of a smirk on his face, and she can't help but elbow him with her good arm. She tries to admonish him, telling him, "Knock it off," but she can't help laughing as she does.

"You're probably right about the code violations," John chuckles at last, lifting the light to check the ceiling ahead as it dips low enough for them to need to duck. "Not a lot of these cave systems were what I'd call safe. It's one of the reasons we decided against using them as tunnels. The work involved was too expensive, and the chance of cave-ins was too high. And, as we've found out, they weren't guaranteed to stay underground."

"So, what was going to happen instead? Were you guys going to rely on radios, or what?"

"It doesn't matter what we decided," John points out, more weary of the conversation than irritated. "The gates were barely finished before the Deputy destroyed them, and we never got to find out what might've happened."

They follow the notches through two more forks, and Kim starts to worry that they're only going deeper into the old attraction. Well, at least they're taking the easy way. With a smooth floor and a ceiling that rarely drops lower than eight feet, Kim gets the impression that they're in a manufactured mine, and not an organic one. For all they know, some crazy prepper dug this tunnel out to make a quick buck for his bunker-building hobby. Of course, if that's the case, it's a miracle that nothing's caved in yet.

They pass underneath a lower segment of the ceiling, and the tunnel abruptly opens up into a massive cavern. Defunct light rigs are scattered amongst the stalagmites, with several hanging stalactites covered in chipped fluorescent paint. The rest of the rock outcroppings are covered in lichen, which disappointingly fails to glow in the dark. As John sweeps the flashlight across the large, empty space, Kim gets a good idea of the cheap edu-tainment that was offered on short hikes through the mines. Somewhere in here, there's probably a storage closet full of Halloween decor waiting to liven up the otherwise boring cavern.

"Well, this wasn't worth the twenty dollars it cost to get in," John grouses.

"Don't forget the thirty-dollar iron-on tee-shirts they print off at home," Kim reminds him with a laugh. It's enough to make her lightheaded, and she doesn't quite regain her balance, even after she braces herself against the wall.

"We can only rest a minute," he warns her, sweeping the light in the direction they need to go. Any more huffing and puffing on his part is diminished as the light glints off the rounded edge of something metallic. When John refocuses the light on the object, neither of them really know what to say.

Lying amongst the rocks, battered and dirty, is one of the dark green bliss containers they've been looking for. Kim looks up, but the ceiling is rooted in darkness, and she can't see any sign of another cave-in or sinkhole. The idea that Jacob might've come this far himself crosses her mind, but if that were the case, why is it sitting out in the open like that?

"John, wait," Kim calls as John steps off the path. Suddenly, all her jokes about booby traps seem tasteless, especially with John charging into the unknown like he is.

Of course, this isn't Indiana Jones, and there's no pit of spikes or tripwire to trigger. John doesn't wind up with a face-full of poison darts as he picks up the dented canister; the only thing he's forced to sacrifice is a good grip on the flashlight, which shines at an awkward angle and only illuminates a useless part of the floor. His slow pace and the bad lighting leave Kim to imagine what he's found inside — remnants of supplies, or a dead animal? Indications that something chewed through the rubber sealant, maybe?

John drops the barrel between them, the clanging metal causing Kim to jump. John doesn't notice as he reorients the light, leaning over to illuminate the barrel's contents. The interior is flaked with rust, and whatever sealant had been used is all but completely worn away. The only thing left inside is an empty, smashed bottle of liquor and a few wrapped, moldy packages of cigarettes.

"I don't know if I'm disappointed or not," Kim says.

"I know I am," John replies, grimly reaching into the empty barrel to check for a false bottom. The screech of metal rises up into the cavern, bouncing off the far ceiling and turning into an ugly birdsong. Kim leans back against the wall; if she keeps looking down, she's going to end up toppling over like a broken Weeble-Wobble. John glances her way after a moment, before lifting a clump of wet paper out from the depths of the barrel.

"Of course he buried documents here," John mutters. Kim can't quite pin down whether he's upset or resigned to the bad luck at this point.

"Anything salvageable?" she asks.

"Doubtful. I'll... bring these along, I guess." He checks again, digging out what he can. Other than the loose papers, there's a water-logged manila envelope and an equally soaked box of ammunition. John tucks the box away in his front pocket, holding the papers uncomfortably in his hand. "We'll worry about what these are once we're out of here."

Despite the pain in her arm giving her full-body tremors and John's dismal mood, Kim is nearly upbeat as they exit the cavern. They're still in civilization, after all, even if it's a defunct tourist trap, and the knowledge that they're clearly on their way out is the main thing keeping her moving. If they're lucky, they aren't too far from the truck — if they're really lucky, Nick will have found the entrance before them.

They eventually find a few anchors that are still moored to the walls, a knotted bit of rope still attached, and Kim breathes a sigh of relief. The sigh quickly turns to a groan of pain as she rattles her arm, but at least it isn't enough to knock her off her feet.

John hesitates in front of her, slowing just enough so that he can offer his arm to her. "We can't stop now," he tells her.

"I know," she pants, wiping sweat from her forehead that she hadn't realized was gathering. "Okay. We're nearly there."

She gives up on pretending entirely, leaning heavily against John as they continue forward. Lying down and resting for, oh, a hundred years or so sounds great right now, but first, she needs to make sure Nick hasn't had a heart attack waiting for them. He's probably convinced himself that they've gotten killed somehow, and John isn't going to be able to talk him down on his own.

They approach what will hopefully be the last fork in the tunnel, only to find that both directions have anchors. The newest offshoot seems to curve pretty severely downwards, though; it's clear even as they stop that they should stick to the path they've been on.

"I don't like this," John says, looking first behind them and then ahead, down the new path.

"Fine," Kim groans, "You can choose the next tourist trap we get stuck in."

"I'm serious, Kim." John turns the flashlight down the new path. The air coming from that direction is thick and stagnate — Kim's imagination unhelpfully supplies a few images of killer clowns and deformed mutants to lurk down in the dark that way. God, why did she have to like horror movies so much? Why couldn't she have enjoyed normal, safe entertainment that wouldn't have filled her imagination with monsters and a deep-rooted fear of the unexplored dark?

It certainly doesn't help as John says, "I keep getting the feeling that we're being watched."

"Okay, that's it," Kim snaps, desperately trying to bury the surge of fear the suggestion fills her with. "I'm done being creeped out."

"I'm not trying to scare you —"

"Well, you're naturally gifted, okay? Look, let's just — we know that's the way out," she says, nodding towards the safer route. "Let's just go that way. The sooner we get out of here, the better."

"Agreed," John grunts.

John adopts a brisk walk that Kim has some trouble keeping up with, but she's not interested in slowing down for anything. She feels vindicated by their choice of exit as they pass a faded safety sign lying on the ground, as well as the decidedly fresher air coming in from what Kim expects to be the exit. There are a few moments where John has to resist breaking out into a jog; Kim can't exactly blame him, but his jitters are amping up her own anxiety, and now she's trying desperately to listen for chasing footsteps behind them. It's hard to hear much of anything over the blood pounding in her ears.

It's a massive relief when John finally slows down. "It must have been an animal," he says at last, casting one last look behind them. "God, I fucking hate being underground."

"Well, let's hope we aren't leading the mutants to the surface world," Kim jokes. It probably would land better if she didn't sound completely wiped.

John frowns at her, but the dark makes it hard to pin down his expression. "We're almost there," he says, which sounds alarming like a reassurance.

Her spirits lift as they pass an overturned rail barricade, but the wind is immediately taken out of her sails as they find the path blocked by a chained and padlocked gate. The thick gauge chain-link fence has been welded to brackets on the wall; the bottom has been bent outwards, likely from some angry animal forcing its way through. Unfortunately, it's too small for either of them to get through.

"For fuck's sake," John hisses between gritted teeth.

They're not going anywhere, and Kim's nausea forces her to find something more solid than John for support. She manages to stagger to the nearest wall before falling against it, but it's enough to make her regret moving at all.

At least she manages a weak thumbs up when John anxiously asks, "Are you alright?"

"Just — giving you room to work," she gurgles, staggering a few feet back down the path before throwing up.

John swears under his breath as Kim tries to coax her headache back to something more manageable. She can hear him tearing at the gate behind her; if she weren't feeling so miserable, she'd probably be flipping out on it, too. As it is, she takes her sweet time to turn around and start back for the fence, watching as John tries to widen the gap left behind by some tenacious wolverine. It's going to wreck her arm to try and weasel through the hole, but Kim is willing to try anything at this point.

"How far are we from the truck?" Kim rasps. "Maybe Nick can hear us?"

"How the hell am I supposed to know?" John snaps, well past the end of his rope. Kim has to admit, she's surprised he made it this far. "God damn it, I don't know where we are any better than you!"

"Okay, point taken," Kim says — after all, she's in no position to argue with him. As it is, it's taking most of her focus to keep from sinking to the ground. As soon as she's sitting, she's going to pass out, and she's not in any position to be doing that yet.

Thankfully, Nick's voice reaches them before she can give up. A tidal wave of relief floods Kim at the sound of him calling her name; she staggers forward, gripping the chain-link with her good arm.

"Nick!" she shouts. The sound of her own voice bouncing off the walls only amplifies her pounding headache, but it doesn't stop her from shouting his name a few more times in desperation.

John grabs her good shoulder. "Careful," he says, "Take it easy."

"You take it easy," Kim snaps as Nick's voice bounces off the far-away cave entrance. Trying to glare at John is a mistake, as vertigo nearly sends her to the floor. The only thing that keeps her upright is John's grip on her arm, easing her back until she finds the wall for support.

"Let me handle it," he says.

Kim has no choice but to follow his orders, reeling against the wall as he picks up the impromptu game of Marco Polo. She's not sure how much time passes between her slow, long blinks, but all that matters is the moment that she sees Nick appear with the lantern held high. It's enough to bring her to tears — well, that and the dizzying pain — and from Nick's tearful shout, it's having the same effect on him.

"Oh, thank Christ," he gasps as he reaches the gate, rattling it with his free hand as if he could just pry it back. "Kim, you're alive! Are you okay?" He turns the full force of his relief on John, concern furrowing his brow. "Jesus, John, are you okay? We needa get that cut looked at."

"It's fine," John says. "You didn't see any keys anywhere, did you?"

"Let me go check the ticket booth," Nick replies. "Don't worry, you guys — I'm not about to let a goddamn padlock stop me."

Nick jogs back down the tunnel and Kim finally sags, sliding to the ground with a tired groan.

"Okay, John," she sighs, "Mission accomplished. Wake me up when we get home."

"Kim, hold on," John replies, but frankly there's no stopping her now. This was as far as she'd hoped to get on her own two feet, and honestly, she's surprised that she made it that far.

She does rouse briefly as Nick begins wailing on the padlock with a steel pipe, but that's something the boys can handle without her. Here and there, she registers hands on her, and dappled light flashes over her face as they finally escape the caves. The fresh air brings her back long enough to help Nick get her settled in the truck, but she's already dozing off by the time John and Nick start arguing again. The rest of the trip, for better or worse, is completely lost on her.

————

When Kim finally comes to, she's immediately met by the familiar sight of her room at home. She can't tell what time it is, only that it's late enough for the lamp to be lit. Judging by the voices downstairs, everyone is still awake — and going by the sling and bandages, they've had some company since she was last conscious. She allows herself to imagine the whole thing was all a horrible nightmare, just for a second, but the throbbing in her arm is already reminding her of the unfortunate truth. At least she can check "escape mutants in a tunnel" off of her bucket list.

She doesn't have long to focus on the slowly returning pain; it's not even a minute later that she hears boots on the stairs, and Nick pokes his head in not long after.

"Hey," is about all she can muster up before she has to clear her throat, but it's enough.

"Christ, Kim!" he exclaims, throwing open the door as he rushes to her side. The worry breaks on his face as he crouches beside her, careful not to jostle her broken arm. "Are you okay? How do you feel?"

"Uh... not awesome," she admits, shifting in an attempt to sit up. Nick hurries to help her, and she can't help but smile at him as he piles the pillows behind her. "Better now, though."

"That's what I'm here for," Nick laughs, "That and making everybody else uncomfortable. They kept tellin' me not to worry, but you know how hard that is."

"They?"

"Well, John mostly, until Jerome and Grace showed up. Then I had to keep it together for Carmina, so that helped. Uh. How much do you remember about gettin' back here?"

"Not much," Kim says. Now that she's more conscious, she's able to discern the late evening light for what it is; it's been hours since she was last aware of where she was. "I... remember getting into the truck, I think? And then... Nothing. Why? What did I miss?"

Nick shakes his head, smiling fondly at her. "Nothing much, honest. Most of the ride back was me and John arguing about what to do. He radioed Jerome for help while I got you up here and settled in, then I called up Grace so she could keep Carmina busy until Jerome showed up with some help. I guess Winona, y'know, down at the Eagle? She was getting her nursing degree, or license, or whatever, so Jerome brought her over here to help out. She said it looked like a clean enough break, and John did a good job setting it, so we just had to make sure you wouldn't be accidentally moving in your sleep." He chuckles. "You know, real exciting stuff."

"Oh, boy," Kim groans, "I bet I scared the crap out of Carmina. Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Worried about you, obviously, but Grace gave her a pep talk and we kept her busy downstairs. Figured you oughta be awake before she came to see you."

"Good call." Kim briefly debates whether or not getting out of bed is worth it, but she quickly decides against it. Even if she weren't wiped out, Nick looks like he'd fall apart with worry if she tried to exert herself. "You might have to go get her, because I don't think I could move if I wanted to."

"Don't even think about it," Nick says, pointing at her as he gets back to his feet. "You're on bed rest until tomorrow at least. I'll be right back."

Kim dozes for the few minutes that stretch between Nick leaving and Carmina coming up the stairs. It's impossible to fall back asleep, but the rest is good enough on its own. She makes sure to perk up when she hears Carmina coming up the stairs, smiling wide as her daughter enters the doorway.

"Hey, honey," she says, her voice rougher than she'd expected it to be.

"Mom!" Carmina exclaims, careful to avoid jostling Kim as she climbs into the bed on her good side. "I was so worried!"

Kim folds her arm around Carmina's shoulders and gives her a squeeze. "I know, sweetheart. I didn't mean to spook you."

"What happened? Dad said you and John fell into a cave!"

"That's pretty much it," Kim laughs. "We fell through a sinkhole into an old cave system. It used to be a place people could visit, though, so it wasn't hard to find our way out."

Carmina frowns, picking at a loose thread in the comforter. "But it was probably really dark. And your arm was broken, and John busted his head open, and..."

"First of all, his head wasn't busted open," Kim says, reaching up to ruffle Carmina's hair. "He probably needed a few stitches, sure, but he knew what he was doing, and we both made it out okay. And your dad got the flashlight to us, so we had plenty of light to see by."

Obviously, Kim never wants to go back to that awful place, but she needs her daughter to learn not to panic now, in case she ever has to go into those tunnels herself. There's no summer camp to enroll her in that will teach her how to be mindful of caves, so Kim's going to have to do it herself... She just wishes she'd gotten to it before she'd had her own scary experience.

Carmina huffs, frowning briefly at the door. "You were lucky John was there," she says.

Kim bites back on her knee-jerk reaction to scoff at the idea. "You're right," she admits, a little more reluctant to do so than she really should be.

"Nobody else thinks so," Carmina grumbles. "Grace got mad dad left you two down there and then Jerome got mad at John for getting you hurt and Winona was really mad that she had to give John stitches. I wanted to say something but dad wouldn't let me."

"That's because they have good reasons not to trust him," Kim points out, although that excuse is starting to wear a little thin, even with her. "They just need time."

Carmina groans. "I guess. I'm... just really glad you're okay."

Kim squeezes Carmina's shoulder. "Me too."

Carmina sighs. "So... what was it like?" she asks, unable to resist her curiosity any longer.

That's okay by Kim — she could use the distraction. "Well... it was dark, and chilly. It was really quiet — the only thing we could hear was water dripping on the walls and our footsteps. The tunnel wasn't very interesting... but there was a big cavern in the middle where we found the cache, covered in stalactites and stalagmites. You could see where they used to have lights rigged up, and they'd painted some of the rocks to glow in the dark."

"You didn't see any animals?" Carmina frowns. "I always thought animals would hide in the caves."

Kim absolutely will not be telling her daughter about John's creepy sense of danger, thanks. "You know, we didn't. There isn't a lot of food for rabbits or cougars in there, though. I think they usually prefer little caves, not big ones."

There are plenty more questions for Carmina to ask that Kim only barely knows the answers to. Thankfully, geography and natural history are easy to teach hands-on; while she's not about to go back to the cave they just escaped, there are a couple of old attractions she remembers visiting that might do the trick. Places with good gift shops and little museums and educational plaques everywhere to help Kim explain how basic geology works.

"If you want, we can do some cave exploring of our own one day," Kim offers. "I'll need some time to get better, first. And I'll have to find the right place. But when we have some free time..."

"That sounds fun," Carmina says. "Just don't fall into another one first?"

"I'll do my best. We'll, uh, teach you what to look for so you don't make the same mistake."

They talk for a little while longer about the cave systems that litter Hope County, but it's not exactly Kim's favorite topic right now. It's a relief when Carmina declares that she needs water; even more so when she offers to bring some up to Kim. She considers asking Carmina to relay her thanks to John, but it can honestly wait until morning. Hopefully by then, she'll have adjusted to the makeshift cast, although she suspects she'll have plenty of time to get used to it. How long does it take a broken bone to heal, she wonders? Probably a few months, at least. She's really going to have to take it easy, and hope that nothing catastrophic happens while she's down one working arm.

#far cry 5 #fc5 #fcnd #new dawn #john seed #nick rye #kim rye #far cry fanfic #my fic #mercyverse

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