#but i Hate it bc this isnt real life | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bunnyboy-juice · 1 month ago

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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr #me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel #and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need #space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time #but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single #Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was #much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh #i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups #and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that #definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him #its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh #cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did #like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess #guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here #and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno #we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff #that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting #i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it #i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu #anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu #publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago #n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus #being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the #stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)

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thirdmagic · 11 months ago

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everytime i look at how people compare the way russian citizens are treated in light of the russian invasion of ukraine and the way israeli people and jews are treated after oct 7th and it just.... you know, as a person who belongs to all of these cultures, it always feels extremely disingenuous to me and very untruthful

#just bc slavic xenophobia isnt as extreme and doesnt exist on the scale that antisemitism exists in doesnt like... make it okay #or justified. or means you get to dismiss it.#or that you get to pretend it hasnt been extremely ugly and in fact has existed long before the war!!!!#especially wrt people forgetting that russia's evil government is running an actual country where real human beings live in and suffer #and yes. they do. life is russia for the average person is uh. not good and hasnt been good for decades.#and no i dont think most of these people are any more pro ukranian than the antisemitic leftists are Really pro palestinian #and i think again people like to prop up their egoes by making themselves feel progressive and good. that much is similair.#i think they have just found a new and justified way to hate what they always hated but coated in progressive language #yeah the reaction to the rus-ukr war wasnt nearly as vile as to oct 7th. mostly bc nothing is as vile as the reaction to oct 7th.#yeah its not remotely the same kind of conflict. but that doesnt make it right? or okay? doesnt mean it didnt happen?

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welcometoteyvat · 2 years ago

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jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship'#like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse #if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY #now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default #also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet #subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate #also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)???#at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him #too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed #listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci #jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person #plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing #also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍#JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving #the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female #mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3 #the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting #tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO #ramblings!#zhongxiao #if you want to filter it out ??

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ratmanstiles · 6 months ago

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If I see one more fucking system say endos are valid I think im gonna fucking eat someone

#do not.fucking.interact with me if youre an endo or support endos your entire existence disgusts me #no being.a system is NOT fun its NOT cool no iys NOT cosplay it is NOT having friends in your head its not fun #to have fictives bc “oh you get to talk to your fave character!!” fictives arent controllable anyway you very well could end up with a #fictive you fucking hate #you could have introjects of your abuser #having system members who sabotage or hurt you on purpose is not fun #being an endo isnt real you cannot have DID or OSDD without trauma #DID is complex trauma. thats what it is. its CPTSD with dissociation.#its nkt.funny haha character time #you cannot be a system without some form of dissociation or trauma.#and no you cannot “become” a system ehen youre older. ykure delusional.#i was severely abused and traumatized in my formative years and it led to dissociationy entire childhood and i have gaps of time miasing #from my mond #like yes i know i was abused i do remember some of the abuse i know i was beaten everyday and locked up in my room #and to see kids say theyre endos with 100+ alters with perfect communication makes me.SO ANGRY my disorder IS NKT YOUR PLAYTHING.#if you were an actual system you would fucking hate being a system iys not fun or quirky #yeah i LOVE not having my entire life in my mond #yeah i LOVE dissociating and forgetting days of my life #i love fhat i cant remember 8 months of my life because its just gone! goodbye! gone from my memory!#fucking endos #dont fucking interact if youre an endo i hate you

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nomairuins · 29 days ago

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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!

#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again #pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji #but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i #suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their #mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y #idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and #flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone #forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont #mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik #is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and #since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH #wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig #i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction #+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like #on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs #significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i #a restaurant or something #Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse #who is To be honest rather bare minimum #normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST #woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that

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calamitys-child · 1 year ago

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FUCK. I hate having to make adult financial decisions.

#the problem is. TECHNICALLY I've been saving to move out #but until my monthly pay is 1. stable and 2. a lil better that is simply not a sustainable achievable goal #and now . i have enough money to actually afford lasik.#which i want very badly bc i hate wearing glasses cause it inhibits me doing activities i love and enjoy #but equally i fucking HATE spending money like i cant comprehend things being more than like. £100 #and this would be a 4 figure sum of money #thats. too many figures. and i feel like i shouldnt ever use it for something that isnt life threatening #but also it Would enable me to like... go to gigs. perform. work out. manage my migraines.#i just cant bring myself to spend money on a large scale. i remember not too long ago when i had less than £60 to my name in the world #having the ability to spend money on something just For Me thats more substantial than. say. a £30 gig ticket #is absolutely foreign to me #and it makes me sick with fear that if i ever spend it ill be two months from risking homelessness again even though #logically i know im in a stable home right now #anyway!!! poverty is traumatic as fuck and if jobs paid a real living wage for a weeks work maybe i would be able to be normal about this!!!

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volcanogoblin · 2 months ago

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:')

#what do you do when you feel like everyone else in your friend group cant see or recognize how annoying a person is #sjshsksbsksnsksjs i cant stand her i get so annoyed when i see her or hear about her that ive just had to leave #and tbh my mental has been a lot better since......#idk its gotten to the point where i struggle ignoring her or being cordial because im just like “OH MY GOD get over yourself”#yeah were all sad it doesnt make you special and you arent the most sad either #people who make how depressed they are part of their personality / their only personality trait are my biggest pet peeve #and i think a big reason for that is i used to do that so i understand but like that will only make you continue to feel worse because #youre like always acknowledging the sad and youre building your life and personality around how sad you are to the point where you CANT get #better because sadness is part of who you are and it feels like losing that sadness is losing the only part of yourself you know and #understand #but no!!!!!#thats just how you stay sad!!!!#some people think if you arent sad forever then your depression isnt as real as other peoples and i think she is that way #which is another reason i cannot stand her bc she thinks im not depressed too just because i dont talk about it #bitch!!!!! ive tried to kill myself!!!! i have self harm scars that will never heal from 10 years ago!!!!!#but i dont make it part of my personality!!!!! why would i!!!!#ugh im so annoyed that i feel like i have to prove myself #and its like if im not depressed all the time then i never was depressed #when bitch i was put in a psych ward!!!!!#i hate her #tbh #im starting to think i cant go back #i miss a lot of people but bc of her i just hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #vgobvent

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konshokoentaiko · 4 months ago

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i always thought i was a very typical enemies to lovers girlie but i think i just realized my actual taste in ships is the dynamic where the two are supposedly equal rivals/enemies who represent diametrically opposed themes (for the Aesthetic), but in actuality it’s just one of them yanking the other around on a chain while the other whines and rages and protests and ultimately makes an absolute spectacle of themselves

so uhhh. how did THAT happen and when and why

#L and light fit this dynamic bc my mental model of their conversations is like this #L shoots light a question mostly meant to fuck with him and it works bc light instantly starts running in around in circles in his brain #he’s like a circus performer juggling ten rings on a tightrope. obsessively constructing his answer based on what he imagines he looks like #in L's eyes. he's like... a peacock strutting around with his feathers out or some shit. so easily provoked. he's doing this to himself!!!#this is not even mentioning that L had light on a literal leash (that's what im calling the chain.) but anyways #i started shipping them in yotsuba arc and it was the moment where light did a thing in hunting down yotsuba and L was like hmm. good boy.#(me: having visions of light's brain shorting out in this moment (bc the praise kink shit is so real and personal to me))#but then he turns it into another test: you're so good you could replace me actually. and then light just calls him on it in front of the #whole task force with this big dramatic speech like he'd reached into L's brain and pulled the thoughts directly from his head #light is constantly performing at L's whims and he hates it ofc. he's under investigation; why wouldn't he? but secretly he's having the #time of his life bc he's a bit deranged and he likes showing off!!! to L!!!#out of all versions of light i think yotsuba!light felt most strongly about having Something To Prove. to everyone and to L specifically #at this point after the fake-memory kira shenanigans he's def not a normal strait-laced boy even if he's pretending very hard to be one #theres so much u can do w that dynamic imo. like it isnt just neutered kira vs L it's got its own flavor that can only exist at that time #especially if u also assume L realizes light has lost his memories and is kinda trying to manipulate him about it #anyways back to my original point. i can't believe it took an anthropomorphic tv man hitting the base versions of my tastes with deadly #precision for me to even realize what they were. im going insane about this. thank you anthropomorphic tv man. i guess #this is also why alastor + lucifer isn’t doing it for me i think. hating each other over power levels? or over charlie? boringgg #it’s gotta be more personal than that. they’re more evenly matched in how they feel about each other but it feels soulless #i need that raw gut churning angst lmaooo #this is also partly why i can’t get into angel + husk and im MAD about it. i think they’re the kind of ship i might’ve liked back when i #was 12 and losing it over sns (naruto) for the first time. but now i’m a diff type of person apparently

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waywardsalt · 11 months ago

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Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?

Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff

mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all

linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e

there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...

he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?

i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs

i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph

relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about

like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand

tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene

i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something

#asks #musicncomics #like im gonna be real jolene is a character i do everything i can to avoid half of the time #im not too sure what your thoughts on this are but i can tell you like jolene leagues more than i do so like. idk #idk i have a hard time talking abt jolene bc i Do Not like her so im not really sure beyond this stuff its just. idk #bellum also isnt a literal squid like looking at actual squids the most comparisons are surface level and dont work too deeply #he kinda just looks like one at first glance but 1) doesnt line up well enough and 2) we dont have enough info on him anyways #hes more a reference to a squid than an actual squid bc there is the reference to sperm whales and giant squids fucking hating each other #but while oshus is literal whale bellum is like. some thing in the shape of a squid #im not sure what parallels oyu can draw between the jolene thing and bellum thing. if anything theyre opposites?#w/ jolene its like things got so bad (or w/e) that he just robbed her n fucked off and she decided that was enough to warrant murder #while with bellum things get so good (w/ link and co) that he risks his life for em and is turned against them for it?#tbh this kinda comes down to me having a pretty negative bias against jolene and. that ship. so yeah sorry #im not gonna give this any main tags or anything this is way too far off the beaten path and kinda negative #idk i hc linebeck as gay and a lot of other linebeck hcs just kinda. suggest that he kinda had a really shit time w/ jolene #i dont like her im trying to figure that shit out so i can be like. fair at least in how i write her but i dont like her #salty talks #sorry that i keep tearing away from the rabid squid thing but its like a minefield when i try to talk abt anything w/ jolene #theres not a ton of parallels or like shared themes or w/e and its just too dissimilar in little ways that its just. a thing #ill add this in a few hours later idk if youll see jt but like. i can go in depth and discuss stuff #in dms like im fine with that its just weird in posts bc like tagging and my thoughts are a mess #like if you wanna elaborate on your thoughts thats fine

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toytulini · 9 months ago

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dont get mad at me this is a subjective opinion but like. like i enjoy stardew a lot and this is by no means a criticism, more of like. just a Wish.

I want a game very similar to stardew valley in terms of play and "difficulty" but animated/artstyle like, botw.

#toy txt post #if anyone gets on my ass about this i will turn reblogs off so fast im just wishing and this isnt even hating on the artstyle of stardew #more. wishing i could further customize the house and grow crops in botw or totk #you can do more house customization in totk but its still not enough also my house in totk is like. maxmimum number of buildings #which i cant remember? but its that many of just fish ponds stacked on top of each other in a spiral and then every blood moon i get that #many free easy sanke carp #anyway the point is i really loke both games and i dont hate the artstyle of stardew. but its not like my favorite?#also sorry for making this post more disclaimers than opinion at this point i just really want to get it across that i Like Stardew Valley #and i likw the artstyle and this is not like a call to action on the dev or a demand or anything it is me daydreaming about a game that #doesnt exist. also if i had the controls i have in botw maybe i wouldnt be getting mugged in the mines so much #also im a fake gamer so i dont know all the right terms but i know there are like Other Games that have like the exploration vibe and #probably the ability to customize a house and give gifts to ppl and shit however all the ones im thinking of.........#to be clear here when i say art like botw i dont just mean like oh expensive 3d rendering and all that shit. like a little but like #CRUCIALLY. NOT AIMING FOR REALISM. it (DAYDREAM GAME MADE UP) needs to be stylized bc #listen i was being nice w the sv i dont hate the stardew valley style. im not going to be nice here: i fucking despise games trying to look #like real life and real life ppl every single one ive ever seen is uncanny valley to me EVEN DESPITE the many advancements they have made.#i recognize theyve made a lot of advancements. and i recognize this is also a subjective opinion i hold. but i just think all the ones ive #ever seen are so fucking ugly stop trying to capture the realism just lean into some stylization please im begging youuu #the worst part is there are games whos premise i would probably find interesting? but theyre so fucking ugly im not spending over $40 on #that shit ESPECIALLY if it has the audacity to be first person pov #i can maybe be tricked into it in this regard if its heavily ocean centric. i can be bribed with ocean

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bicon-crange · 1 year ago

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this sucks so much ass i should be able to sue and i fucking mean that

#LIKE WE ARE GOING ON WEEK THREE OF THIS TORMENT AND I HAVENT GOTTEN ANY LESS SANE #IM SERIOUS WHEN DOES THIS SHIT GO AWAY #im fucking. im erratic!!! im lightheaded my CHEST HURTS i cant BREATHE im borderline getting vertigo here this SHOULD COUNT AS A SICKNESS I #SHOULD BE ABLE TO CALL IN SICK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE OF THIS MASSIVE BULLSHIT #SORRY? ANY LESS SANE I MEANT ANY MORE SANE FFS #i talked to someone in my real actual life about this today and they were like yeah it sounds like ur going insane lol. THANKS I KNWOW #THIS IS SO CRAZY EMBARRASSING!! HEY!!! THIS IS SO CRAZY EMBARRASSING and on top of that theres no WAY this is going to work #like lets get worst case scenario here folks lets say i do talk to them and theyre like woah! hey! i like you too! :]#theres no way im not fucking stupid and dont immidiately shoot myself in the foot with it theres no FUCKING way #ugh i already know myself. i KNOW ill be like well thats a bad idea actually!!!! bc youre great and fucking. brilliant and personable and #totally gorgeous and EVERYONE likes you and theres no way in hell my dumb ass isnt just going to drag you down!!!!#theres no WAY you dont deserve better than this!! theres no POSSIBLE world where you don't have better options!!!#ugh doesnt THAT just reek of insecurity or just being a lil shyyy but i MEAN IT. I TOTALLY MEAN IT. ugh. i hate it here i hate it here i ha

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daeluin · 1 year ago

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you understand everything about me when you learn my first "celebrity crush" was mike shinoda

#like if u think i have it bad for pete wentz u don't wanna meet twelve yo me who though mike shinoda was the *dreamiest*#everything always goes back to linkin park. even fob 😔#and then they dropped an album so bad it made me hate them forever #and mike shinoda wouldn't keep his mouth shut and taught me the important lesson that some people are first and foremost gringos #and don't deserve my undying respect and support #and that's why today i can confidently call pete a poser and a loser who's trying to sell me bullshit #and on the same breath tell him how his silly nepo band shaped my life and how i would bend him over and hold him down while we cry #bc male celebrities are fake and meaningless and you don't owe them shit and they will disappoint you bc they suck ❤️#but that doesnt mean ur feelings and what you live through bc of their art isnt real and it does have meaning to you and thats what matters #just remember they're just dudes that happened to make noises that resonate with you #and that linkin park only has two good albums ❤️

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yuridovewing · 1 year ago

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I should make a list of wc super editions that i straight up don’t consider canon. like “no this did not happen to those characters growing up, stop lying”. Mostly Yellowfang’s Secret. Everything about Yellowfang’s Secret. I think we should all collectively look at Yellowfang’s Secret and go “None of that happened, not the family tree stuff, none of it.” and walk away

#tbh everyone being cruel to bluestar in her se while unpleasant to read about. it at least serves as a good explanation #for her behavior in the second half of tpb #i mean its not really Needed all things considered and youre not meant to read it as everyone failing her #but rather ‘’bluestar needs to get a grip and learn that work comes before your mental health’’#but yknow i can at least get it yknow?#but yellowfang? everything about her se makes me feel bad for no reason. everyone is shitty to her from day 1 and they end it being shitty #and we have no real reason to believe her life sucked before the brokenstar stuff #we didnt need raggedstar to bully yellowfang from birth and then coerce her into a relationship #we didnt need a pointless power where she can feel everyones pain and its never acknowledged again #and only serves as a way for sagewhisker to bully yellowfang into the position #we didnt need yellowfangs own family to turn on her #i cant remember if this was said in tpb also but we didnt need to watch her daughters die at birth #we didnt need to retcon her actually having friends in shadowclan so that actually dawncloud and the others never liked her #its SUCH a miserable read and on top of that it only offers shitty retcons that actually make tpb worse #like the power thing again but also yellowfang not being an old lady. why isnt she an old lady wtf. why do you hate old people #oh raggedstar was actually abusive to yellowfang? oh all the moments we worship him in tpb sure are great and hold up well!#yellowfang was forced to be a medic wowww so groundbreaking this doesnt cheapen her wanting to be tc’s medic #actually the elders were not old they were super young and stuff for some reason bc old people cant be important to saving a clan ig #and like yeah its not out of the realm of possibility but brightflower being yellowfangs mom is just a bizarre choice to me #idk man yellowfangs secret is an extra level of miserable to me and i think we should all agree its not actually canon #its a cynical and miserable book made to slap a fan favorite character on the cover and vaguely gesture to it with ‘’you like that one.’’

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verdantmeadows · 2 years ago

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Whenever I see a mutual post dislike or hate for a kin of mine/a relationship (ship) between my kin and my kin's partner I have to try so hard to stay normal like I don't think people always know how serious otherkin is like that's me you're insulting that's my relationship you're insulting

#book of kells #alterhuman tag #i am genuinely dizzy #sometimes i do block people over this but i try not to #especially if theyre also mutuals with my partner #this isnt about any close friends or people i regularly talk with for anyone worried abt that #it's also tough bc i come across hate for one of my biggest kintypes a lot #and it's. hard. like im a better person than i was in canon.#thats not the real me. thats a misrepresentation.#and my partners in that life loved me very much #we get along and we're best friends and they would never hate me #(positive affirmations)

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gmos · 1 year ago

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pros of job: nepotism hire so i basically got it already, in my field of expertise, 3 days a week at full time pay rate

cons of job: working with my mom, i dont know what fucking name to use

#cro zone #my mom knows me as a name that isnt my birth name but is a deadname. bc im special #and she hates my full real name. but she also hates my deadname. so like. um.#but all my alternate names are 'girl names' which will baffle my mother who still doesnt grasp nonbinary #and i cant apply using my noun names either bc she thinks those are ridiculous #man i spent two years not having to live my life to please her and now i have to go back to it. killing meself

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foxcassius · 1 year ago

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jiwon is so nice.

#I WANT TO CALL SOMEONE ON THE PHONE AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. WHO IS READY FOR THIS.#first of all. 2 days ago we were in the car talking about moving to america (common conversation topic in this house)#and he was talking about how he imagined life would be there vs korea and his image of it is very nonspecific #he just said 'more time to enjoy life with you and our baby'#our baby. who doesnt exist yet. who isnt a thing yet. that he is still thinking about so much and feels so attached to that he has begun #commonly referring to it as a real thing. our baby.#ALSO today i was like having a slight crisis bc i started just absently talking about hagwon stuff and started to get upset thinking about #potentially having to do hagwon work for another year or even three more years and also going into a spiral because ive hated every job #i've ever had and he was like 'okay. 1) once we move to america you dont need to have a job once we have our baby for 6 years minimum.'#'2) if you hate hagwon work we simply WILL find some way for you to do SOMETHING else for the next 3 years once you get on the f #visa. dont worry about it.'#and i was like but i feel bad if i dont work and he was like 'well dont 🤨 idc if u work once we get established in america'#'u can if u want otherwise who cares' hes such a nice guy. wah. scream.#t

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