#but his whole character development IS him trying to understand his past and facing it rather than running away

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

people who scream 'dan heng is NOT dan feng whatsoever' yet always tag any dan feng content as 'dan heng'

[stagefoureddiediaz]

We’ve been looking at this all wrong the entire time...

So my brain is a weird place that I don’t fully understand, but sometimes it connects dots and I figure something out that has been staring us in the face the entire time! Lets just say it explains so many things - right down to the very pointed use of tommy calling Buck Evan!

This all stemmed from me looking at colour theory and costuming for Buck and Eddie (and by extension Tommy) season 7 again, because I was going to try write the buddie costume metas for episodes 9 and 10 that I never managed to get done before we started season 8 I will hopefully get to those posts, but this post - while technically about Tommy and his costumes (yes me ant Tommy person writing a post on him I know!) it does also look at the costuming for Buck and to a lesser extent Eddie more widely across the season and what the colours used actually mean - getting some distance and some time on the season has been a blessing!

Im not going to go into it in detail, but, broadly speaking the show has given each character a signature colour - this doesn’t mean they wear it all of the time - but they do wear it a lot of the time and especially in key scenes - characters can have more than one key/ signature colour, and it can change and develop over time. We can ignore season 1 because it was a pilot season and very often shows won’t choose to establish a signature colour for a character (911 s1 is all over the place from a costuming perspective - because they had several designers working across the 10 episodes but since s2 we’ve had much more continuity with Alayna Bell-Price at the helm for most of it). So for example Athena’s signature colour is mostly black with white and khaki green also in the mix. She’s moved away from that subsequently - wearing less black and more white/creams but both colours are still staples of her wardrobe.

Eddie we all know mirrors Athena from a costuming perspective - his signature colours are also black and khaki green with some white/cream as well. The khaki green was much more dominant than the black to begin with - which played into his military past -  that had evened out on the black and khaki front whilst the cream had stayed fairly steady, but now we’re also starting to see a little bit more of it as well as some darker blues. this mirrors Athenas own journey t healing - the more she heals the less Khaki we see and the more white/cream - Eddie is starting to follow the same path from a costume perspective. 

Bucks signature colour has always been blue, but he also wears a fair amount of yellow and grey, so those are his three colours. He obviously wears a lot of other colours, especially white, but white has its own specific use in Bucks costumes that sits separately from his signature colours. 

We all know about yellow/ blue and green blue colour theory - I’ve gone on about it enough (especially yellow blue colour theory and its queer coding) and others such as @lover-of-mine have as well. Well both yellow/blue and green/blue continued to play out in season 7, I’m not going to go into them in too much detail - there are posts on my pinned post that cover that much better and I want to get to the good stuff (and I know you all do too!) 

We do need to remember that Buck and Eddie very very rarely wear blue and green in scenes together - if Eddie is in green Buck won’t be in blue, and vice versa - this is because of the ties to blue/green being Buck and Eddies break up colours - the colours they wear opposite their respective girlfriends when the relationships are ending. This is a little less set for Eddie - who actually wears white/cream much more when he’s ending relationships than blue or green - but the one time he has actively done the breaking up he was in green.

As I was starting to do a bit of work on the 7x9 and 7x10 metas, I ended up going back and looking over the Buck and Eddie costumes for the season as a whole, and how Tommy fit into all of that as well - as we’ve all been billing him as Eddie lite.

While I do still think there is an element of Tommy being Eddie lite, I don’t actually think that is what the show has been doing -that concept is a bit of a red herring. I’m sorry that this is likely to get a bit convoluted and wordy - but my brain is  still reeling and incoherent so bear with me - I hope it all makes sense.

Right this post is super long so the rest is going below the cut! I hope you enjoy!

Because I was looking for Eddie and Tommy parallels in the costuming for the season, I had been looking at the choice to put Eddie in red/black for his dinner date with Kim and Buck being in green for the scene at Bucks loft, and the fact that back in 7x04 Tommy had been dressed in the same colours - a red henley which was shot with black giving it a red/black colour way. I naturally started looking at the other Eddie - Tommy costume parallels - and there are plenty - lots of the khaki green we see Eddie in - playing into Tommys own military background.

These are Tommy’s scenes - where he wasn’t in uniform of some description (which is a good chunk of his scenes to be fair) 

7x04 

at the hangar - white tee, greenish stone coloured shirt and a tan jacket with stonewash jeans

at the court - light grey marl cut off hoodie and bright blue shorts

at Bucks loft - red/black short sleeve henley and stone wash jeans

7x05

at the restaurant -dark khaki green shirt (I would also like to point out the blue green colour theory here with the addition of tommy having a blue phone case - which is relevant later I promise!)

coffee meet up - light grey henley and navy blue hoodie with mid wash jeans

7x06

karaoke club - navy blue short sleeved henley

7x10

light grey marl tee and greenish denim shirt 

So what you can see from this is that besides the use of henley’s, the only time we get actually get direct reference to Eddies costuming is through the use of khaki green and his first outfit at the hangar. There is of course the direct parallel of the red/black colour way I spoke of before, but, beyond that if you look you’ll see that Tommys outfits actually parallel Bucks far far more. I would even argue the Henley’s are more similar to Buck than Eddie - because they are short sleeved and Eddies are invariably long sleeved.

Bucks colours are blue and grey - and so are Tommy’s - particularly in scenes that are 1-1 with Buck. What I’m trying to get at and will explain is that this has never ever been about Tommy being Eddie lite - this is all about Tommy being Buck - Buck’s subconscious if you will. (I know you all this I’m completely mad at this point - but stick with me!) I have a lot to say about all of this which will explain the why of it all and how we ended up here so we’re going to go through it Tommy costume by Tommy costume!

Lets start with the hangar scene - the most Eddie like Tommy looks throughout the entire season. this is very much intentional - this is about the red herring of it all, but it is also about Eddie (I’m not discrediting anything we’ve talked about regarding Tommy being Eddie lite etc - it is all relevant - but that’s what makes it such a good red herring!) and about Buck being an unreliable narrator. This is in part why we also still see Buck in his too short trousers and his white sneakers. This is his journey (the sneakers), but he’s still trapped in his old self at this moment in time - but aware that he doesn’t fit his skin anymore (as an aside I will be writing a post about Bucks trousers and their changing fit throughout the seasons at some point soon!)

Script wise the key lines are plentiful - the entire scene is full of double meaning. We get Buck stating that he is ‘happy where he’s at’ and Tommy’s response of ‘you’re thinking of changing things up’. viewed through the idea that Tommy is a version of Buck, this then plays out as an internal conflict - a battle about wanting what you already have - being happy with what you have, but also wanting to change things.

Eddie saying ‘you aren’t thinking of leaving us are you’ and Bucks response ‘I’m keeping my options fluid.’ Eddie needing reassurance that what they have isn’t going to change, while Bucks reply is about him not really being sure of himself - of who he is - keeping his options open because he’s figuring out if he wants to change - the line is said to and directed at Eddie so its about Buck keeping his options open about possibly changing their dynamic - becoming something more, even in the face of Eddie not wanting things to be different.  Tommy stating in this scene that Buck doesn’t need to leave the 118 to get certified to fly - that its something he could do for fun on his days off - becomes even more loaded through the internal monologue lens - Buck considering how he can stay at the 118 and have the joy, fun and benefits of ‘flying’ when he isn’t at work - that he could fly with Eddie (Eddie going flying with Tommy to do something fun and date like is a very literal visual metaphor for Bucks internal monologue - showing him what it could be like if he changed things up). There not being three tickets - only two is also important - its again a metaphor this time about how if Buck and Eddies relationship changes - it would only change for the two of them - it would become a relationship that doesn’t have room for another in it. When I say that’s about Chris not being involved it sounds really harsh, but the reality is Chris cannot be a a part of Buddie - he cannot be a part of something romantic. it isn’t saying Chris isn’t important or central to Buck and Eddie - simply that he cannot be a factor in a romantic relationship - that has to be just between Buck and Eddie alone - its kind of about Eddie (and also to a certain extent the same is true for Buck) not being able to hide behind Chris anymore when it comes to Buck.

Fundamentally its all tied back to his death in season 6 (we even get the being struck by lightening reference from Buck just to bring that aspect home) and subsequent resurrection and rebirth  (post linked on my pinned post if anyone wants to read it!). we have to keep at the front of our minds that Buck has died and that is still playing on his mind - its still influencing who he is and who he is becoming and it was all throughout season 7 - even if it wasn’t obvious or stated.

The basketball costume is actually the one that has always stood out for me - Its the most Buck outfit of all Tommys outfits. The bright blue shorts especially. 

So in that scene, which we know is supposed to read as being from Bucks view point, not only are we getting golden haloed super happy bouncy Eddie - Eddie the way Buck sees him -  but Buck is also projecting and seeing Tommy in the place he (Buck) has always existed in. It’s a visual representation of what Buck talked about with Maddie and Tommy replacing him in Eddies life.  Its unreliable narrator buck in visuals he’s seeing Eddie replacing him with Tommy - occupying the same places Buck has and more - from the calendar to the basketball court.

But that’s actually wonderful, because not only does it give us information on how Buck views himself (as expendable/replaceable) and how he thinks others view him - because if he thinks he’s similar to Tommy (which for a purely visual stand point he is - Lou looks more like Oliver than Ryan) but it also gives us information about the reality of how much Buck is actually intwined in Eddies (and Christophers) life - its telling us that Buck is in fact on Eddies calendar (and therefore fridge - fridge magnet theory for the win!) and how much space and conversation he occupies in the Diaz’s everyday life.

So he isn’t actually seeing Eddie in Tommy at all - he’s actually seeing the version of himself he doesn’t think he is but wants to be in Tommy. The version of himself that takes Eddie to vegas etc - that’s the Buck that Buck wants to be - the one openly flirting with Eddie and taking him on dates etc. That’s why the vegas fight is so seemingly ott (especially when you think about the fact Tommy and Eddie have known each other a week or so at most by this point) its the grand gesture Buck wishes he could be making.

All of this also makes Bucks ‘attack on Eddie’ more telling (it’s still the boy pulling the girl he likes pig tails in the playground concept) because Eddie is being receptive to all of these advances by Tommy - adding further weight to the Buck being jealous of and threatened by Tommy. 

Tommy is this version of Buck swooping in and doing all this stuff that Buck wants to be doing (subconsciously still at this point - willful ignorance be winning) but either didn’t know how to or didn’t know Eddie if would be receptive to. Remembering that this is all Bucks viewpoint of things its essentially Bucks brain showing him what dating Eddie would be like and Buck being Buck misunderstands what his brain is telling him (forever misunderstanding the assignment).

There is a second aspect to this and it ties into Tim’s comments about the hamster wheel Buck has a been stuck on and it being time he got off it - the hamster wheel is actually multifaceted and has more than one meaning. The most important is that the hamster wheel hasn’t ever been about his relationships or about the women he’s dating (or men now). The hamster wheel he’s stuck on is actually the fact that he’s built this strong relationship and family with Eddie and Chris - (you don’t find it son you make it) and its something safe and stable and predictable in his life. Getting off that hamster wheel is about being brave and moving that relationship - that family dynamic onto the next level - removing the platonic aspect of their family and making it a fully formed family for real - romantic love and all - so the ‘platonic’ family is the hamster wheel he actually needs to get off of. 

The other aspect of Tommy actually being Buck and the hamster wheel of it all is that hamster wheels are solitary pursuits - the implication is that Buck is the one standing in his own way - and coming back to the basketball game we see that played out in the moment where Buck tries to literally run through Tommy - only you can’t act out at yourself, and Tommy is a literal solid unmoving barrier and Buck won’t get past himself by just trying to bulldoze his way through.

This all then plays into the final Buck and Tommy scene of the episode - in bucks loft. I already spoke above about the red/black of it all, but now with the added concept of Tommy being A version of Buck things start to become more interesting. The red/black of it all is a warning (and the poker date red/black velvet suit and eddies red and black suit from s6 actually play into this as well!) - its dark romance - ‘forbidden’ dangerous romance or love. So for Eddie and his date with Kim that meaning is very self explanatory. The two season 6 suits are also fairly self explanatory - for Eddie again its the dangers of looking for romance that isn’t on your own terms and for Buck at the poker game its about the danger of falling in love with the person you are when you aren’t being truly yourself. Tommy being a version of Buck and this concept is a little more murky - essentially is about a similar thing to his poker suit - with a twist - its about the danger of seeing more value and loving a version of yourself that ‘used to exist’ as well as a version of yourself that you think will make you more attractive to others.

We do also need to Talk about Bucks costume here as well - the fact that it fits him almost perfectly - he’s in well fitted if slightly loose jeans and a navy shirt that isn’t tight with buttons not clinging on for dear life (to the same extent). The colouring is still on the dark side - so its not entirely positive - much in the same way that other scenes with buck in a dark navy shirt are moments where things go a bit askew for Buck (think the  taylor ‘I kinda love you for it’ scene from s5 as an example). The implication is that - before Tommy comes along Buck is at his most content with who he is - he’s fitting into his skin better than he has in a long while but it’s not perfect. This is key, firstly because of how the scene unfolds and secondly, because of how he is then costumed from here on out for the rest of the season.

I do also want to mention the yellow blue colour coding in this scene and that is mostly done through the lighting - Buck is in blue and the light behind him is always yellow - he is surrounded by yellow light. In contrast - Tommy is barely touched by the yellow light - not until Buck starts to figure things out - then we get him briefly touched by the yellow light - the rest of the time he is lit very cooly - which is in contrast to the warmth of the loft - and further plays into the idea of Tommy being a stand in for Evan - Evan who isn't loved and accepted in the same way Buck is - Evan who Buck needs to learn to love.

If we look at the script for this scene, it also fits in perfectly with the idea of Bucks internal monologue.  Tommy and Eddie being ‘buddie’s’ making perfect sense is a literal aside to the audience telling them that Buddie makes perfect sense - but it is more than that. This is where I have to bring up the ‘Evan’ of it all. I know a lot of us shudder with horror because of the fact Tommy only ever calls Buck ‘Evan’ and how both jarring and rude it is. How it shows how little Tommy knows Buck. We’ve always known it was being done intentionally. Well, if we view the use of Evan through the lens of Tommy being a version of Buck and things become clearer.  Because Tommy is basically the old version of Buck - the Buck who existed before he knew Eddie - before he joined the 118. And this is where the choice to bring back Tommy specifically for this role becomes a really smart one - because ‘Evan call me Buck Buckley’ was Tommys replacement at the 118. Tommy who has a problematic past that has never been dealt with on screen. This isn’t about the nature of the problematic past. This is the show playing on the idea of Buck’s software upgrades - before Buck 1.0 there was Evan, and using who Buck replaced at the 118 as a plot device to actually dig into Evan more so that Buck can deal with, accept and move on from Evan and become who Buck is meant to be.

Tommy saying he couldn’t replace Buck furthers this - because Buck cannot go back to being Evan - Evan can never replace Buck. invoking Christopher adds weight to this - because Chris never knew Evan - he’s only ever known Buck and Buck is ‘his Buck’ and irreplaceable. Tommy then stating his jealousy is about Evan feeling the lack of family that he grew up with - the recognition that as Buck he has made a family for himself - Bucks assertion that Tommy (Evan) was a part of it is valid - because without Evan Buck couldn’t build the family he has. The entirety of this conversation is about Buck choosing to ‘get to know’ his past (remember this is coming of the back of Buck crossing out the ‘LEY’ on his nameplate in s6 and his struggles with his parents acceptance in that season before the lightening strike), choosing to learn about Evan and embrace him as a part of Buck.  

Bucks assertion that he was ‘trying to get [Tommys] attention and it being exhausting’ is part of that as is the confusion Tommy expresses. The choice for Buck to use the word ‘exhausting’ - it’s Bucks subconscious trying to get his own attention - its his subconscious telling Buck that he’s exhausting himself by not listening to what his inner voice is saying. It’s of course a play on Buck being called exhausting by other people (and is perhaps why he doesn’t have the confidence to listen to that inner voice) and that also plays into the Evan of it all and how Buck views himself. Tommys confusion also plays into that - bucks own mind is confused - it was getting ready to ‘pursue’ Eddie but now we’re pivoting into what is essentially self love.

The continued bringing up of Eddie also makes sense with the contact of Tommy being alt Buck - because Eddie Eddie Eddie fills Bucks heart and mind - Both Evan and Buck recognise Eddies importance if not his full relevance in this moment. The resulting kiss then becomes less about Bucks bi awakening (I am not diminishing the importance of that in any way shape or form - its a vital aspect of Bucks journey) and more about Bucks decision to pursue loving himself - this ties into his statement ‘it wasn’t about me wanting to leave the 118 - it was about wanting to get to know you’ - its about Buck wanting to get to know himself - on the other side of his death and resurrection. It’s a continuation of his comments about Natalia ‘seeing him perhaps better than he sees himself’ - it’s about Buck starting to see himself better now he’s died and essentially been reborn and bout Buck now being in a place where he feels ready to confront that idea of being reborn and becoming someone new.

At the restaurant in 7x05 we have Tommy in an Eddie colour, but in a shirt that is much more Bucks style. There is also the green/blue colour play with Tommy stating Buck isn’t ready and Tommys ‘mismatched’ clothing bears that up - the play is on Bucks lingering confusion and uncertainty about what he wants - is it the Eddie side of things we’re pursuing the self love of Evan aspect we’re looking to explore? The entire scene is not just about Bucks first ‘date with a dude’ its also about Bucks fumbled attempts at self love - at not getting it right - its why Bucks outfit doesn’t fit him- why they’re now too big and baggy (I wrote about this in my costume meta for that episode - which like all the other costume posts can be found linked on my pinned post).  The innuendo about closets and Buck going into masculine bro mode is as much about his nervousness about being on a date with Tommy and being seen as it is about the fact that a man practicing self love is still taboo and so often met with derision - hiding that you are pursuing that is a kin to hiding queerness - at the start - until you get to a good place with it.

We side step into the Buck and Eddie loft scene briefly to look at Bucks confession to Eddie - I could write a whole thing on Eddies acceptance of Buck and its importance - but that is for a different post that isn’t already a million words long! what I want to mention in this scene is the why Buck can’t stop thinking about Tommy of it all - how it is essentially establishing the idea that Buck is starting to listen to himself.  He can’t stop thinking about Tommy because it isn’t Tommy he can’t stop thinking about it’s actually himself - Evan - in a learning to love himself and embrace who he is and was kind of way - all being done through a bi lens. it is essentially about Buck doing the thing he needs to do to be ready for a forever relationship with Eddie - which is love and accept himself - all of himself and acknowledging that to Eddie.

Buck switches back to better fitting clothes for the coffee date - and tommy is now dressed back in Buck colours and no trace of anything resembling Eddie in sight - making it clear that Buck has chosen to pursue himself. To get himself to the place he needs and wants to be first - the line about not knowing what it is he’s ready for but being ready for something is key - its a very self love line, but it also puts a very clear time frame on things - it makes it clear that Tommy is not endgame - because Bucks choosing self love and embracing and understanding ‘Evan’ isn’t his end game but a part of his bigger journey - a part of becoming who he needs to be to achieve what he actually wants - to get him to his endgame.

Then we have the Karaoke - brief scene(s). There isn’t really a huge amount in these scenes. But I do want to point out two things - the awkwardness of Buck and Tommys hug - and how that plays into the tentative nature of Bucks self love journey - and also Eddies behaviour towards Tommy - and the way it was very very clearly a lot cooler than we saw in 7x04.

We all jumped on the Petty Eddie train - and I agree there is an element of that. But - there is also the fact we are not seeing that scene through Bucks eyes - its through external eyes and we are therefore seeing the actual reality of Eddie and Tommys friendship - in that it isn’t this heightened date like - flirty new love type relationship - its simply two people who are loosely friends. Its remarkably normal and no threatening - only furthering the entire purpose of 7x04 being from Bucks viewpoint and Tommy being an alt Buck rather than an alt Eddie. It also therefore serves to further establish the Buddie of it all (but we all already knew that!). Tommy is still in Buck colours and the short sleeved henley is still something I would put more into the Buck costume camp than the Eddie one - especially in this season! 

The final Tommy scene and costume is the date at Bucks loft and the conversation about daddy kink. I still don’t like this scene (which has a lot more to do with execution and the script than the actual daddy kink of it all) but I am much more sanguine about it now that I understand what it is setting up.

Bear with me here I probably won’t make sense, but with the knowledge that Tommy is actually buck lite - a less good and developed version buck (Evan and in part the version of Buck that Buck himself thinks he is) the daddy kink scene actually becomes about setting up Buck addressing his past and his actual real daddy issues - because bucks past self sees his worth in those issues and without them it means both Evan and Buck have no worth. Buck confronting and dealing with them and choosing to forgive and move on means the end of Buck and Tommy because Tommy is no longer needed - he has served his purpose and Buck would be ready to start his future - Evan stays in the past and Buck completes his rebirth and closes his lightening strike arc.

Onto Bucks season 8 journey - Bringing Gerrard in to Bucks arc rather than the others who have far more connection to Gerrard now begins to make much more sense. Tommys past under Gerrard actually echoes Bucks past - in different ways and to vastly different degrees, but the parallel is there.  S1 Buck being a play boy and sleeping around and not treating women especially well (objectifying them etc) because of his own hang ups - is a pale echo of Tommy being closeted and racist sexist and homophobic under Gerrard. Like I said before - Buck is a pale imitation to Tommy here and that’s intentional (more in a sec) because once Tommy is under the wing of Bobby when he takes over the 118 we see him begin to grow and change. Buck follows the same pattern - Bobbys guidance pulls him away from his destructive behaviours and sets him onto the right path (Bobby is arguably the birther of Buck - Look I could write a whole thing off the back of my death and resurrection of Buck post about Bobbys role as God - the heavenly father - in Bucks life and how that is the overarching theme of Bobby and the show but I don’t have the time tbh!) to ‘redemption’.

Bucks behaviour is very intentionally not as bad as Tommys behaviour, because if Tommy is the plot device meant to essentially represent Bucks subconscious and how he views himself, then the reason we haven’t been shown Tommy atoning for any of his past sins and behaviours is because Buck hasn’t forgiven himself for his own. Buck is his own worst critic and will self flagellate to a ridiculous degree - and again with him being an unreliable narrator - he views his past indiscretions as being the equivalent of Tommys - therefore in his mind he hasn’t yet done enough to deserve absolution (Buck and Bobby being father and son in this as well!). 

Which brings me to s8 and the return of Gerrard and what Bucks arc is going to be (this is slightly incoherent and not fully formed - I’m still percolating!). Gerrard being central to Bucks arc - and Bucks push back is imo going to be about Buck taking a good look at himself and recognising/ facing up to and accepting his past. And that actually does come down to the daddy issues of it all. Because if Bobby is as good as Bucks dad - and allowed him (and his subconscious in the form of Tommy) to develop and grow - then Gerrard is Phillip Buckley (obviously a heightened more terrible version of reality in the same way Tommy is a much worse version of Buck) who parented Evan through apathy and taking the easy route - we saw Evan pushing back against Phillip in Buck Begins and being rewarded for it and thus establishing Bucks self destructive and self sacrificing pattern of behaviour. Acting out and getting hurt got him attention - so Buck acting out against Gerrard is this reduced and will ultimately have the same results just in an essentially more destructive way.  This is is a good thing - because this is about Buck recognising that he is worth and acting out etc is detrimental to him progressing as a person - its going to actively prevent his self love journey to flourish (and this is why in part I maintain my belief that Tommy is going to, if not encourage Bucks behaviour, then at least tell him to go along with Gerrard demands - for an easy life and also part of why I don’t think we’ll see a huge amount of Tommy - at least to begin with - until we get to a point where Buck is really motoring on the self love journey and getting to the point where he needs to do some pre break up face to face conversations that move him forward!).  It’s about forgiving and accepting his father for how Evan was raised - Bucks arc is going to be about forgiving himself and allowing himself to be happy, and he cannot do that if he doesn’t go through the Gerrard stuff - which is essentially a type of therapy. That’s also where I think the golf comes into it - it’s a metaphor for Buck building bridges, gaining understanding and accepting his past with his father - the metaphor of the driving range being the idea of standing side by side and performing the same thing, but landing in different places. There is also the concept of improving ones self and choosing to not repeat the mistakes of the past.

It also means the thing Tim said about Buck and Tommy becoming more comfortable with one another makes much more sense, and why he’d flip the question to talk about Eddie and about Eddie feeling a bit left out in the cold but not out in the cold! Buck is becoming more comfortable with himself and while he’s doing that and learning to be happy etc as I described above. Eddie is going to feel left out - because this is about Buck not Eddie - because it’s about Buck being ready for forever with Eddie - and Eddie ultimately cannot be a part of that journey - Buck has to do it for himself in the same way that Buck cannot help or be there while Eddie goes through his reckoning with the Catholic Church, and faiths place in his life and also dealing with the ghost of Shannon and his mother issues(because he has those and they are all set up to go in s8 - Chris being in Texas really sets that up nicely!

Bahaha Tim I’ve finally figured out your question answering methods and how they tell us all we need to know!! 

All this to say - Tommy is actually alt Buck - not Eddie lite (I mean he is still also that but it’s a bit of a red herring) he is a plot device for the biggest thing about Buck as a character and it all means Buddie here we come!

Thank you so so much if you have read this epic piece of waffle - I hope you enjoyed and I truly look forward to hearing all your thoughts on this and to you being as insane about it as I am!

Tagging some people who asked (and some who didn’t but might be interested anyway!)

@spotsandsocks @exhuastedpigeon @lover-of-mine @fruityfirehose @leothil

@bewitchedbewilderedbisexual @theladyyavilee @livingwherethesidewalkends @craigyxo

@izzysbeans @buddiediaz118 @inell @hotshotsxyz @winterskydragonx

[savethecolytecampaign]

Acolyte fandom, today we’re going to talk about Qimir!! What were your favorite moments? 😍😍😍

Qimir is fascinating. I love every scene with him. We first see him as a clumsy yet kind-hearted man, then as a strong, cold, and calculating one, and later as a vulnerable and charming lover. But what I want to see the most is his role as a mentor with Osha. He's an incredibly complex and multifaceted character!

The quotes he delivers, his personalities—everything about him is captivating. Qimir is a great character, very interesting. Leslye really did an incredible job assembling the entire cast of The Acolyte.

One of the things that impresses me the most about Manny is the chemistry he has with Amandla. Just watching the way Qimir interacts with Mae and Osha, you can immediately notice the difference. It's impressive! It's fantastic! Their performances are incredible, and it only highlights their dynamic even more.

As The Stranger, he's so intimidating, so strong, and always spitting out the truth. It was the first time I truly felt a strong connection with someone from the dark side. And that’s the point—because not everyone is evil for no reason, we’re all shades of gray. Giving that depth to both the Jedi and to him was really well done and exciting.

Manny trained for such a long time for his role as Qimir, and you can tell. His skill is amazing, and watching him do almost all his scenes, portraying this villain who, even though we knew it was him, the way they present him is really what matters. It was so impactful!

I especially love the dual choreography in his fight scenes, something that's rarely done well, especially when one fights against two at once. And the fight between Qimir and Master Sol in the last episode was incredible!! Manny’s performance was outstanding, as was the entire cast's. What an incredible job!

Something I want to emphasize is that, while this man is physically attractive, what really captivates women is how he understands Osha, how he listens to her and understands her. He’s a vulnerable man who talks to her, who’s kind, who gives her choices, and who considers her at all times. One of my favorite scenes is the entire episode 6 (because there are so many reasons I love this episode!). Every interaction between Qimir and Osha in that episode is amazing. He always gives her a choice. He makes her face herself, heals her wounds, sets her free, and sees her. He understands her because he has lost everything too. In contrast, to talk Sol and Mae, he has to knock them out and tie them up. Although I won’t deny it, that scene is chilling, especially when Sol tells him she won’t hurt him, but the first thing she does when she runs away is to chase her and try to take her down.

I love Qimir, and I want to see more of him in that role, but I also want to see more of his vulnerable side, to understand what led him to the dark side. I’m curious to know how he found Mae and how his training began. I want to see more of this magnificent duo. I also want to see more of the relationship between Osha and Qimir, both as master and pupil, and in their lovers’ role.

Qimir is a character full of nuances, and I love how Leslye did such a great job, a role only Manny could have played so perfectly. The whole cast did amazing work. What I love most is how Manny and Amandla would get excited every day to be on Star Wars. You can clearly see the passion and love they have for the saga!

It’s very important to mention that there is no Qimir without Osha or Mae, because his life is deeply connected to theirs since Qimir decided to train Mae. There is still a part of his story we don’t know, but once we learn about his past with Vernestra and Sol, we’ll truly see that his journey revolves around training Mae and then Osha. This relationship is crucial to the development of all their stories, and it's a key element we want to explore—the important bond between them.

[unvsannvs]

Okay, I was hit with a wave of realization on my rewatch of this whole scene.

Intense House MD finale analysis below the cut!

House is pissed at Wilson, but then looks at his Vicodin in his hand, giving the most hurt, distraught face I’ve ever seen as he remembers the torture that he and Wilson endured, recalling his trembling hand easing that same pain medication into Wilson’s mouth; House remembered the whole night, and most likely that particular scene, as Wilson begs for morphine, yet could only be supplied those shitty pills. Ultimately, this harsh reminder makes House decide to let Wilson do what he wants; out of guilt, out of understanding, so be it (I’ll explain what I believe it is in a minute.)

On top of this, it transitions from House looking up with that face, sighing shakily, to Wilson, alone in his dim and hollow kitchen, clearly thinking about House as well. It transitions to House again, playing the piano, and glancing up, immediately going back to Wilson, to demonstrate how they are both overthinking their entire lives with each other at the same time. As Wilson goes to grab a drink, this reveals he is thinking of House in a bad light: he’s still pissed at House and he’s looking to repress it through drinking, just as House was pissed at him before making his decision in that recent clip with the Vicodin. But, seeing the Oreos, and being hit with a wave of fondness (his weakness), Wilson then decides to let House have what he wants.

Essentially, their parallel scenes here demonstrate both House and Wilson making their switch in choice to value the other persons needs above all else, and worst of all, they both are persuaded by the one thing that has defined and attracted their characters to each other from the start: House’s misery and recollection of his worst past time with Wilson from seeing his Vicodin persuades him to change his mind for Wilson’s sake, while Wilson’s fondness and recollection of his best past times with House from seeing the Oreos causes him to sacrifice his last decision for House’s sake.

Yeah, that casually slapped me in my noggin. I think I have a scar. Now, you can assume from this new angle of information what you will, but House could have changed his mind for countless reasons.

One idea is that Wilson making this life and death decision for House instead of himself causes House too much grief (House spent a whole episode about furniture trying to get Wilson to do something for himself, and Amber did the same; ‘female house’ doing this as well was a way to emphasize House’s belief that Wilson needs to be more independent and value his own personal wants over others when decision-making, let alone the one that decides his fate).

Maybe, House realizes that he feels incredibly understanding of what pain he let Wilson endure on his sofa - emotionally and physically - and ergo, is scared for Wilson, and can’t stand the thought of him going through that pain again, but in the one place Wilson begged not to be. As House looks at the Vicodin, he envisions Wilson become depressed and constantly in pain like he’d been on that couch, in an awful reflection of House himself from the one person he cares for the most, and all for the sake of House alone, given that in Wilson’s view, he has nothing else to live for.

Another could be that this reminder pushed House to feel a spark of need/love for Wilson’s presence, but more for his fuller, happier and guilt-free self for five months than the pitiful, unwanted version of Wilson in a hospital bed for an extra year.

It could easily be all the above, and most of them blend together anyway. I feel House changed his mind on account of all of these and many more (please let me know what you think it is! I love angsty stuff), but to summarize, this clip leaks way too much about House’s character development, showing the emotions that drive him to make the decision of letting Wilson be, and enjoying what they have left together, against all firm opinions he has well established throughout the show, as well as it demonstrates the climax of Wilson’s sacrificial and selfless behaviour being rejected and put to rest, as they both decide what’s best for each other rather than whatever their characters were full-force dedicated to before (Wilson’s selflessness and House’s selfishness).

[bird-inacage]

Love Sea the Series: Trailer (Tongrak's Love Story with the Island and it's 'Ocean')

You know me, I'm back with another analysis. This time in response to the Love Sea trailer. As I was writing this, it led me to frame our two central characters' differing outlooks as follows. Let me explain.

Tongrak 'We're not a work of fiction, fairytales don't exist' Mahasamut 'We're not a work of fiction, life doesn't follow a script'

STRONGER THAN FICTION

"Didn't I tell you, I don't believe in love. I don't believe. It's not even real to me. Between us, there's nothing more than sex." What seems to fundamentally scare Tongrak is the very idea of love itself. A belief that prevents him from accepting that anyone could love him, or that he has the capacity to love anyone in return. Because love is a construct. A fantasy. A work of fiction. Love to Tongrak is just a fairytale, it's not rooted in reality. The passages of love in his novels could never truly imitate life.

So understandably he begins to feel shaken when his relationship with Mahasamut challenges everything he thought to be true. That what he's experiencing is in fact inspiring his writing. Because it surpasses fiction.

"Everything is up to you to decide. You can pay me as much as you want. But what you can't decide on paper, is that you can't make me stop loving you. You have no right to do that." Mut seems to insinuate that as an author, Tongrak is used to controlling the narrative. This is where he feels most safe, until Mut came along and threw that into jeopardy. Here, Mut seems to declare that he isn't just some character in Tongrak's story. Nor are his feelings. He has agency. Their feelings for one another aren't just lines on paper. Real life does not operate in this way, it veers off script. That's the beauty of living. Mut's life is one dictated by the elements. One that teaches you to be resilient, to take what life throws at you by embracing the curveballs. And love is no different.

A TRANSACTIONAL AGREEMENT

Tongrak offers to pay Mut initially as a means to get him off his back. "How much do I have to pay you, to stop you bugging me?" This is then used increasingly as 'a convenient excuse' that escalates as the plot ensues. I predict that Tongrak continues the guise of paying Mut as a pretence to spend time with him.

By doing so, Tongrak is creating a false of security that is twofold. One, that he's able to keep Mut by his side as long as he pays him. Two, convincing himself that Mut's motivations are driven by financial benefit. Framing this as a transactional relationship means Tongrak doesn't have to face what is developing beneath the surface. This also instils an illusion that he can procure the outcome he wants, which is to keep Mut by his side.

As Tongrak's feelings grow, this becomes an even flimsier front. "How much do I have to pay, if I want to take you to Bangkok with me?" You can hear how desperate he sounds. Whether it's a matter of pride or otherwise, Tongrak seems inclined to attach his request to an incentive. He may be too afraid to confront the possibility that Mut could willingly leave his life behind for him - because that would be out of love and not monetary gain. So Tongrak gives Mut a reason to do so. A reason he deems fit. One he can live with. I think Mut can see through this too, and plays into the whole charade, but ultimately all Tongrak would have to do is ask. "I'm willing to be your dog." (Just say the word).

"If someone who is not highly educated like me understands, between the two of us, there is nothing more than an agreement, right?" Even if Mut is very emotionally mature, and plays along to make things easier for Tongrak to swallow - Tongrak is still trying to deny feelings they share which have long gone past just an 'agreement'. (You do feel something for me though, right? This is just smoke and mirrors but you do care about me, right?)

THE FEAR OF DEPENDENCE

In the latter segments, Tongrak displays evident dependence on Mut. It's as if Mut's aid in his survival on the island has now imprinted on his life as a whole. Tongrak gradually embraces the guide that Mut is, to lead him on an adventure with no particular destination. There's every possibility that this is what Tongrak was afraid of. Of relinquishing control. Perhaps hesitant to do so in the hands of someone younger, more boisterous and seemingly carefree. Someone he wrote off as a "dumb kid" with little substance.

The diving scene could very well be a metaphor for this. Tongrak agrees to do something that requires trust in Mut's expertise, by putting his own safety in Mut's hands. And when he does run into trouble, Mut is there to literally bring him back to life. He begins to recognise that Mut is a man of responsibility, someone he can rely on.

There have been hints that Mahasamut is also going through his own battle with loneliness or isolation. Fort says "and now Tongrak is by your side, you are not alone." MAME also comments that "Mut is the guy who is as strong as a castle. The wind and waves can't hurt him. But Fort proved that a strong man can cry." I think that as Tongrak starts to realise how much comfort and reassurance Mut provides him, he'll want to return the favour. How can he be that same emotional support for Mut to lean on?

What we're about to see is not just Tongrak's love story with Mahasamut, or 'an island', but a whole other life he may have never lived, had they never met. Mut's interception into his life is rewriting the narrative he had consciously or unconsciously dictated for himself.

Note: As with any of my metas, I am basing my interpretations on what I have seen alone. I haven't heard any spoilers from the novel.

[mirai-e-jump]

TV Guide & TV Life, March 2024 Issues ft. Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger Main Cast Member Interviews (translations below)

TV Life 3/15 Issue, Publication: February 28, 2024

Iuchi: When you first heard the title, "Bakuage Sentai Boonboomger," were you surprised?

Suzuki: I said, "Huh?" in response. I also said "Is that true?" (laughs).

Hayama: For sure, I kept wondering what it meant (laughs).

Iuchi: Did it mean "to cheer up" or "the sound of a car's engine"? I wondered which one "Boonboom" was, but it ended up being a double meaning for both.

Hayama: It seems that "Explosive (Bakuage)" also incorporates the staff's desire to make Super Sentai even more "bakuage" than ever before.

Suzuki: It's upbeat and outlandish in a good way, and leaves an impact.

Saito: Other than the title, I was also surprised by the visual impact of Boonboomger.

Soma: They have tires on their faces.

Saito: These forms have a past, nostalgic feel to them. The more you look at them, the cooler they get.

Soma: When I see them fighting, I get alot more attached to them.

Saito: I think they'll be easier for children to draw pictures of.

Soma: I want them to draw alot.

Iuchi: Genba's hairstyle too. All you have to do is go around in circles a bunch.

Soma: No, no! My hair isn't yakisoba! (laughs).

Iuchi: When I was a kid, I liked miniature cars and played with them alot. However, I never really knew how cars were made. Taiya in particular is a master of development and modification, so I first made sure that I knew about cars, and then I'll try to make him look mature and calm as I play him.

Hayama: What I'm most conscious of, is being cool. I was told that "Red" and "Blue" have always appeared in every Super Sentai production. When I heard that, I felt more responsible. I want children to think that Boonboomger is cool even after they grow up. Especially since Ishiro is the coolest of cool, I try to be like that in the way he stands, and even in the way he speaks.

Suzuki: Mira is a bright, energetic, and innocent kid who enjoys everything. I try to be like Mira from the moment I enter the set. I also try to express myself clearly so that the viewers can understand what kind of emotions Mira is feeling when she speaks and moves.

Saito: Since Jou's a police officer, I started by researching the profession. I watched alot of footage and close up interviews at police academies and learned what it was like to be a police officer. While maintaining the seriousness of a police officer that I felt, at the same time, I want to show him as the cheerful and lively Jou that's eccentric when he needs to be.

Iuchi: Also, the angle of his salute.

Saito: Yeah. I'm careful about that too.

Iuchi: When I imitated it alittle, he said, "It's wrong!" (laughs).

Saito: There's a proper way of doing it. Such as it being with your right hand, not left.

Soma: Genba's rather mysterious and doesn't show his true feelings. He's a unique character that hasn't been seen before, so I try to play him freely without being restrained by anything. I try not to make it too elaborate. I think it'll make it feel more "Genba like."

Iuchi: All five of them are unique. Let's "bakuage" through the whole year so that as many people as possible can enjoy it! _

How would you describe yourself in terms of "Explosive(ly) XX"?

Iuchi Haruhi is: Explosively Stubborn It's fine to be particular, but I've been reminded to listen to the opinions of those around me. I think I've gotten alittle better at this compared to in the past. However, I'm still stubborn in some areas.

Hayama Yuki has: Explosively Long Legs All the small, medium and large sized pants at clothing stores are so long that they don't fit. I thought it was fine, since Ishiro often crosses his legs, which makes him stand out. I'm also prideful (laughs).

Suzuki Miu is: The Explosive Mother Everyone calls me "Mother" on set. This is because I'm the one who arranges everyone's shoes and puts away our lunch boxes. I'm Boonboomger's mama (laughs).

Saito Ryu is: Explosively Extreme I take what I like to do seriously, but I never do anything that I don't want to do. I'm either at 0 or 100. That's why I'm serious in some strange ways (laughs).

Soma Satoru is: Explosively Fun I love anything that's fun, and I like to enjoy everything, whether it's having fun at work or in my private life. I try to keep my spirits as high as possible.

TV Guide 3/8 Issue, Publication: February 28, 2024

Iuchi: When I heard that I was going to be apart of the Super Sentai series, my mind went completely blank. The first time I really felt it was at the introduction meeting. When I saw the documents on the desk, I thought, "Ah, so this isn't a joke" (laughs).

Hayama: Ever since I started acting, it's been my dream to be apart of the Super Sentai series, and this was the third time I auditioned for a role. I felt like I had taken the baton from the blue's of "Avataro Sentai Donbrothers" and "Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger", both of whom I know very well. If I was going to do it, I wanted to be blue, so when the decision was made, I immediately asked, "Which color?" and was very happy when they said blue.

Suzuki: I went to the audition thinking, "I'm definitely going to be picked," but when I was finally chosen, I felt a great sense of responsibility and pressure. I strongly felt that since my name would be etched into this historic series, I had to be prepared to take on the challenge.

Saito: I've admired heroes since I was a kid, and I entered the entertainment industry to be apart of the Super Sentai series, so I was very happy when I was chosen. When I put the suit on at costume fitting, I realized that I could finally become a real hero.

Suzuki: You say you entered the entertainment industry because of the Super Sentai series, but what will you do when this is over?

All: Are you going to disappear? (laughs)

Saito: No, the Super Sentai series was just my first goal.

Suzuki: It's a production you absolutely had to do. I'm glad (laughs).

Soma: I've had multiple auditions for the Super Sentai series, but this time I was chosen, so I was very happy. Just like Miu-chan said, I felt pressure behind this happiness. But, on the other hand, I hope to enjoy the pressure and do my best together with my wonderful friends.

Saito: Many of the recent Super Sentai's have a flashy look to them, but Boonboomger has an old fashioned coolness, it's as if, in a good way, we're back in the Showa era. It's very appealing.

Suzuki: Ryu-kun, you're always mentioning the names of various Super Sentai series.

Soma: He's the most knowledgeable out of all of us. He's the Sentai master! (laughs).

Saito: I'm from the "Engine Sentai Go-onger" generation, but thanks to the influence of my sister and mother, I've also seen some of the older ones.

Suzuki: When I heard the title, I thought it was an interesting one, but at the same time, I thought it would be an uplifting and upbeat work.

Iuchi: I'm very happy that I'll be involved in the memories of today's children through this production.

Soma: I think it's a production that focuses mainly on smaller children, so I hope alot of children will watch it.

Hayama: I didn't play with toy cars that much as a kid, but even I think it's cool to see singers turned actors appearing in dramas. Cars are a theme that's easily understood by smaller children, so I feel explosive (bakuage) every day when playing the role (laughs). _

Q: What's the moment when your mood explodes?

Iuchi: I like to write lyrics and compose music with my guitar as a hobby. When I think things like, "I've got the chorus" or, "I've finished a whole song," I feel an explosive sense of accomplishment. But, I haven't let people listen to it…(*The other members then say, "We want to listen to it!"), Well then, I'll play it for you sometime over the next year.

Hayama: I like to appreciate music as an art form, and I'll use music apps to play music randomly by genre depending on my mood. During that time, if I happen to land on a song that I like, at that moment, my mood rises dramatically.

Suzuki: I have the biggest blast when I eat ramen! I really like noodles, but I especially love ramen. Even when I'm exhausted after filming all day long, I've still got energy after eating some ramen. Truthfully, I post the ramen I eat on a secret account with zero followers that no one sees. I write my impressions of what I eat for my own record.

Saito: I like to do muscle training, and I get excited about it. I get more excited when I can actually see my muscles growing after my workout is over, rather than during it. I'll look in the mirror and be like, "Nice~ My muscles are growing~" (laughs).

Soma: I'm from Shizuoka, where I used to play soccer, so the moment I kick a ball is the best moment for me. When I'm playing soccer, I get the biggest rush out of it when I get to play the way I want to play and when punting the ball. It's a great feeling. I put all my stress into the ball…but, I don't have that much stress, so my plays are weak (laughs).

[lej222]

Hlw! Would love to see your analysis on if jisu likes miae romantically or not. Hope u'll do that sometimes😊don't feel pressured tho it’s just my wish❤️

Sorry for the late reply, but here is a long post about my thoughts about Jisu's character arc, including spoilers from episode 147 (these are just my ramblings, my word is not gospel :D)

Does Jisu like Miae romantically?

Now, this is a hard question to answer. And I will try my best to break down what we know about him so far.

We only have two fragments of the time when Jisu and Miae were classmates. The first one is when Miae called out Jisu's bullies and she asked him the same question Jisu repeated years later to her (important!) about scolding the bullies. The other memory was Jisu's transfer to another elementary school. He was forced to write a letter and mentions how he liked Miae the most and the whole class, including Miae, cry their heart out. Jisu remembers how hard Miae sobbed and Miae can also recall someone telling her they liked her, but doesn't remember the boy's face or name.

Years later after moving around, Jisu ends up in the same school with her again in the spring semester in 1998. He is surprised, even more so when they become classmates in the following year, but doesn't care enough to interact with Miae. Coincidences keep happening - her pencil landing at his chair, they get sent out to the corridor, they become folk dance partners, he finds her name tag and uses it to avoid punishment, they get detention the same time. And Jisu still doesn't care about the whole situation, not until their actual detention week starts when he initiates conversation for the first time. This is when Jisu concludes their random encounters are fun and Miae is an interesting person. (Edit:: I'm rereading the story, and actually the turning point of their relationship is when Miae tries to save him from the teacher when they ruined the plant. It's possible Jisu doesn't let anyone close to himself and was intentionally petty towards Miae in the beginning until she decided to help him. We see that Jisu is greatly speechless in that scene and decides to flip over the plant. My best guess is that he might have realized Miae is still the same person as she was back then and she's still brave so Jisu becomes active for the first time for her and takes the blame. It is probably also the moment he concludes being around Miae is fun)

Based on these alone, I'm inclined to believe that even if Jisu loves her romantically at this point of the story, he's not aware of it. For him, being around Miae is exciting because she is fun. She doesn't remember him at all, but she's still the same person as she was years ago in elementary school so Jisu feels comfortable around her which didn't go unnoticed by their homeroom teacher or Jisu's mother. Miae probably doesn't understand why people keep emphasizing his unique personality and connect the dots, but we readers can easily assume Jisu was bullied because of his difference. And it is something he shares with Miae so he might feel like she understands him, or rather, she doesn't treat him differently because of it. It's a situation that can easily bloom into love with time, even if he's not there yet.

But why is Jisu is important in this story?

One thing I always see people complaining about is Jisu's plot relevance. However, it is a much more complex narrative choice than just a simple love triangle.

I have said this before, but memories and fate are intertwined in this story. There are just too many clues that support this. Miae doesn't remember Cheol at the beginning of the story, she even has trouble recalling his name. As the plot progresses and we see more of her memories, fate keeps throwing them together and they develop a friendship that turns into romantic love. In fact, it's a recurring point in the story that Miae keeps forgetting important things. Her dreams, things she must do, Jisu's entire presence in the past.

Which takes me to my next point, the unidentified higher power in the story. It's been always present, at first only giving small signs of its existence in the form of phone calls or changing the weather. Let's remember that lots of times Miae and Cheol had a moment it started raining (Miae's dream about Cheol, when he helped changing the light bulb, when they wanted to take a photo together). However, the unknown presence's voice gets more and more active as thes tory goes on. Not only it starts interacting with Miae in her dreams, she can also hear it in certain situations and wonders where it came from. In fact, when she is talking to Cheol's shoe in one of the very first chapters, she has a weird feeling for a second and we get a close up on the shoe. This supernatural (?) power has always been involved with Miae, but it starts to be more aggressive.

Not only it tells Miae that she's too late and it tried to warn her, in the newest chapter it floods every scene with car ads that are about changing one's car. So the mysterious entity clearly tries to intervene, giving chance encounters to Miae and Jisu while preventing Miae and Cheol's relationship (like how they cannot have a photo together).

Okay, so what does it mean?

It is something I obviously cannot answer as I'm not the writer.

BUT let's not forget that someone like Jisu in this story, who was shown to have exceptional cognitive skills (like knowing every person's name whom he's ever met, being first in the school and likely is on the spectrum), also has excellent memory. And what did I say about memories and fate? That they are seemingly intertwined! Jisu is writing his own fate, he appeared later in the story because he chose to not get involved until that point! He is the character who is aware of everything in the past and present. While Miae has trouble with her memories, and what do we see? Fate aggressively trying to steer her.

At the end of the day, we have two routes that are possible:

Miae is fated to be with Jisu, fate/the stone deity/the universe knows it and tries to warn Miae her time with Cheol is short so she shouldn't have any regrets. In this case, the story is about how Cheol and Miae helped each other in a certain period of their lives, but had different fates set in stone.

Miae was fated to be with Jisu, and the higher power knows it, but Miae will change her own fate to be with Cheol instead. In this case, in the remaining chapters we will see her fighting against her own destiny and win in the end.

At this point, I feel like I have to mention I've studied philosophy for quite a few years, and I highly doubt we can get a satisfactory explanation of any of these possibilities. But rather, it will be a simple:

even though we were not fated together, I cherished our time together

or love overcomes destiny itself

Other interesting idea

This is just for fun, but the comic Miae reads is a clear symbol of her relationship with Cheol. They have almost every cliche in the book (with sometimes a little twist) like troubled boy meeting childhood friend, becoming neighbours with their windows facing each other, accidentally seeing the other's body, falling on each other first kiss, etc. This is your typical 90s shoujo manga which makes sense because the story takes place in the 90s.

On the other hand, we have the chaotic meetings of Jisu and Miae who bond over trash, don't get the accidental kiss trope, etc. And whether it's meant to illustrate that they will only remain friends or it's meant to be a contrast to Miae and Cheol's comic book romance, I don't know. Depends on the ending the author wants to convey. I would be fine with either possibilities as long as Jisu won't be used as a plot device.

Plus, Miae&Jisu and Cheol&Miae parallel each other a lot. Just coming from the latest chapters, Miae has interacted with Jisu's mom, but not really Cheol's parents. Cheol has interacted with Miae's parents. Miae is bothered by Jisu. Cheol was bothered by her. Cheol saying the same thing Miae said to Jisu. These are all definitely intentional.

As usual, please don't take my words seriously, this is just all for fun.

Edit: there's one other interesting thing to consider:

Jisu is aware of the coincidences and thinks they are fun. He's been saying this for a while. Which means if there's indeed a higher power in the story, Jisu is accepting of fate.

Miae, on the other hand, willfully rejects her own fate. Let's say Miae and Cheol's meeting was bound to happen - it was also their destiny. She acknowledged those coincidences and even wondered how strange they were. So the higher power was content. But what if, according to their fate, their time together is indeed short? Because Miae rejects her coincidental meetings with Jisu, saying how she hopes she won't meet him again, only for the higher power to be more aggressive and take on an active voice. In the last chapter, she even kicked the flyer away about changing one's car, only for her to end up with a bubble gum in her hair so she was forced to get a haircut from Jisu's mother. Jisu's question last chapter is more than just him asking to play together - it's a chance for Miae to go into the direction the higher power wants her to be.

The real questions:

Is fate something one can overcome? Are certain things bound to happen and we can only decide how to deal with them emotionally? Is the narrator/higher power omnipotent and omniscient? Because if it is, can Miae still decide what's the best for her? These are the truly complicated questions that we cannot answer because there are no answers. So I'm excited to see what Soonkki will come up as the resolution.

[captainuranium543]

Hi! I just wanted to know your thoughts on this post here: https://www.tumblr.com/yamishika/761491771751596032/something-that-has-been-bothering-me-regarding-the

Do you agree with this? Disagree with this? Was this just a light comedic moment? It def feels out of character for Jellal to a large degree. You have such great takes on Erza in general, that I wanted to check about this. I tried looking at your posts (now that I have better cell service) and didnt see this on your posts list. Apologies if you’ve covered it already. Thanks in advance!

the post in question^

thanks so much for this ask actually cuz I have been resisting the urge to yap about this forever and now I have an excuse ahaha.

honestly I completely agree, I've been saying it forever but as fairy tail has gone on Mashima has kind of stopped putting as much thought into it has he did early on. Early on the characters where the center of the narrative and honestly I think that's when ft is at its best because that has always been the best part if ft as a whole. The tower of heaven and the trauma Erza and Jellal faced along with countless others had so much impact on the story as late as season 6 because of just how massive a tragedy it was.

starting with Erza and Kiria, it feels especially disgusting for this to happen to specifically Erza because she has spent so much of her life being treated as less then human already. In the tower her purpose was literally to work herself to death, they needed sacrifices and lots of them. As soon as she wasn't useful to them anymore she would killed without a second thought and her life would only be another number added to the massive death toll of the r system project. she wasn't a person in there, she was a tool. Even after the tower she was still under someone else's control (on a leash you might say) with Jellal holding the lives of her friends over her head to keep her quiet, constantly taunting his power over her by spying on her with seigrain in the magic counsel. this is exactly what happens with Kiria and it feels genuinely horrifying to see it happen again but still its just played for fanservice and I find that incredibly irritating.

as for the Erza vs Jellal fight in the Aldoron arc, here we have a scene that is objectively horrifying to both of them. Erza and Jellal share INTENSE trauma associated with mind control and the loss of free will, and yet the scene is played for laughs and fanservice.

I do understand why Hiro did this, if they took the scene seriously it would probably set Jellal right back into his old ways again of avoiding Erza like the plague which he doesn't want because he's trying to push them closer together. I get that but its still feels like such a missed opportunity to give them some kind of emotional development which neither has had in so long. I'm gonna get into my own idea for the fight here so bear with me.

The fight begins and they intercut it with flash backs to the tower of heaven arc, or even further back to their actual childhood, showing how genuinely afraid of him Erza is right now while also trying to control herself and keep her "fight" instinct at bay because she doesn't want to hurt him. the fight from her perspective should be chaotic, rapidly throwing her between past and present while she desperately tries to hold onto a sense of reality and remind herself its not him.

now imagine this, at some point she loses control and really starts to spiral and he gets the upper hand. she's totally beaten and exhausted after trying to fight him and her demons at once and while she's on the ground he approaches her, lifts her up, and we get a call back to this scene.

throughout this fight we never really see Jellal's face, its mostly been from Erza's perspective and when we do see his face its a flashback to a different time while he was mind controlled. Now in the present jellal says something, idk what he would say exactly, but its something similar to the "it was the color of your hair" moment where it reminds Erza of something he said to her while he was himself. Erza finally snaps back to reality, she looks down at him and we finally get a clear view of his face in the present, and we see that he's crying.

that is enough to fully snap Erza back and finally give the fight her all, because its not just for her sake its for both of them. he would never forgive himself if he hurt her so she's going to have to be the one to do it even if it hurts because its the only way she's going to save him. and more than anything she wants to save him. (Again, call back to the tower of heaven, she was to late to save him then and it weighs on her to this day, she wont be to late this time.) anyway fight ends shortly after that she knocks him out and she's crying because obviously she never wanted to hurt him either she's just taking one for the team (like always but that's another rant). Just before Jellal passes out he looks at her and he thanks her for saving him (ONCE AGAIN CALL BACK TP THE TOWER OF HEAVEN but this time its not manipulation he's being fr showing us that its really him now). he passes out, erza gets up, looks back at him maybe one last time, says shes sorry, then goes off to go keep fighting. fight over

case and point I think this could have been sick as hell and i'm sad it didn't happen. its not that I have a problem with fanservice I just think it should be tasteful at least a little.

[thecollectivefixation]

Deadpool and Wolverine thoughts

OH MY GOD.

This movie was so good that it brought me back from the dead. HELLO?

As always this post will contain spoilers.

plot - themes of purpose and belonging and finding their place in the universe

Let's start with how Ryan Reynolds and Shawn Levy tackled the whole phase 3 multiverse MCU and adding Deadpool into it. They did it so well omg. In Loki and current Marvel there's a focus on "the scared timeline" (also known as Earth-616) and how important it is. However, Deadpool is no longer in Earth-616 he's in Earth-10005. And when Deadpool is faced with his whole reality dying because the anchor (Earth-10005 Logan) has died he fights for his timeline to live. I really like this idea because it brings light towards the these timelines are just as important as the scared timeline even if their importance (the anchor) dies off. So he grabs a Wolverine who is hated by his own timeline and is assumed to not be his reality's anchor because he wasn't the hero he was meant to be. (I'm also assuming that each reality has a different anchor such as Iron Man being Earth 616's anchor because since he's died everything has gone to shit). And since it was stated by Paradox that bringing a another Wolverine won't replace the anchor i believe that Earth 10005's new anchor is the friendship and bond between Deadpool and Wolverine. How their character's developed and learned, together they are now intertwined.

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In his universe he failed his team. He convinced everyone that he was meant to be alone, that he didn't want to apart of a team. He closed himself off from friendships and trust in a team and that caused the death of the X-men team, he couldn't save them. Then he want on a killing spree thus sullying the X-man and Wolverine name. He questioned his self-worth and struggled with survivor's guilt.

When we meet him he was at his lowest low. Deadpool teams up with him and you could see the flabbagasted look on that man's face when he gets told that Deadpool's Logan is the most important being of his reality. He teams up with Deadpool on the "educated wish" of him being able to get sent back in time before his reality's events because its clear he struggled with a lot of guilt and regret and he is not proud of who he is. He ran away and his decision to run away haunts him.

Throughout the movie you can see him grow and start trusting Deadpool. Another turning point was when the outcast group and Deadpool plans to take down cassanova and get her to send them home. He think they are stupid for going onto that mission because they are going to get themselves killed. However, after a talk with X-23 he realised that in each reality Wolverine has impacted people and people put their faith in him. He realises that he has a second chance of helping and saving the people who trust him and wants to team up with him. He's determined to help Deadpool save his 9 most important people of his life.

At the end when Deadpool locks in out and Deadpool plans on scarificng himself, he doesn't run. He doesn't run because he wants to make this right. He won't waste this second chance and if he's going down he's going down trying to save Deadpool's whole world (nine people) because he trusts Wade and he couldn't save his whole world (the x-men). He actively puts all his strength into breaking down that door. After when the TVA says that they won't send him back into his past to fix his mistakes he understands that without those experiences he wouldn't have done what he did. He's proud of who he's growing to be.

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Now before this movie I never was a big fan of the fantastic four or the X-men. In fact this movie has caused me to start watching the X-men movies and ofc I' loving it. So watching the movie I was a bit confused about who all these characters are and started to research after watching the movie. It's really great how Ryan and Shawn brought these characters back that have either been forgotten or recasted. Chris Evan says that he loved playing Johnny Storm again. Bringing Gambit into the movie when his character originally got cancelled was also amazing. Because in the MCU theres this big focus on the main characters that we don't see a lot of the hidden heros of the MCU. Even references towards characters like Moon Knight with the Cup Cake truck made me very happy because I love Moon Knight.

Anyway overall I loved this movie and have many more thoughts on it.

I'll make a post talking about Deadpool character arc if you want lol

(also if i got anything wrong because I'm very new to the X-men universe and haven't really edited this post well. Please comment lol. And please also comment your thoughts because I want to know.)

-Bookworm

[asarigg]

Character Design: Part 8

SWORD

Let’s talk about his sword now. I have mixed feelings about this, being honest, first of all I find it funny that they put the sword on his back instead of his waist. They were sketching it on his waist too during the development and even him carrying two swords. Design wise they’re both cool but just imagining him trying to withdraw his sword from his back is so funny because it’s so impractical. Regardless of what’s more practical or cooler, it’s easier to show you what he’s carrying if they put it on his back since the sprites are most of the time cut off at the waist.

The biggest problem I have with his sword though is that I don’t really understand why he carries a sword everywhere at all.

The thing is when the game starts (we don't know yet but) Koujaku is at an uncertain point in his life when he doesn’t really have any plans for the future, and when he told himself that he would forget about his revenge and try to live in peace on Midorijima. It’s like he can’t hold on to the past or a possible future, although we already know that the past comes back. He wanted to live, but he wanted to die, staying in some kind of limbo.

He wanted to try to recover on the island, to make the nightmares lessen, so why is he carrying a sword he doesn’t want to use? It’s a huge sword made to kill, it’s not like he needs it to fight, he knows how to do it with his fists, he was trained and does it frequently, and it’s usually just a bunch of idiots anyway. There’s no point in carrying a weapon that only reminds him of what he was forced to do and the hatred and resentment he holds inside.

I think if he didn’t have the sword it would add a lot to his character. They make him carry it because of the design, because it looks good, because it has to do with him and all that. But not carrying it makes more sense with the kind of person he wants to be on the island, it would add to the mystery they build around him, just like the sprites have him showing his tits and you can take a peek at the tattoo. Look, I’m the first in line waiting to suck his man tits, but it’s a textbook thirst-trap and it doesn’t make sense for him to leave his kimono this open because at the slightest movement the tattoo he wants to hide would be visible (imagine if it was always hidden, in a moment of carelessness Aoba thinks he sees something. Koujaku freaks out and is quick to cover it up, so Aoba thinks he was just imagining things). I’ve thought that if he wants to carry a similar weapon he could always carry a wooden sword or something like that, “harmless”, and to be honest it would be even more humiliating if they start laughing at him for carrying a training sword and five minutes later they’re face down on the ground.

When things start to get dangerous, he suddenly shows up with a real sword. Since when does he have it? How does he know how to use it? When and where did he learn? You know what I mean. The whole conflict between him and Aoba is that Aoba starts discovering a bunch of things about Koujaku that relate him to the yakuza, you know, dangerous people, something completely opposite of what he thought about him. Not only that but knowing that Koujaku doesn’t trust him to tell him what’s going on and that he’s distancing and pushing him away, making him unable to trust him back and hurting his feelings.

The tattoos linking him to the yakuza are kind of funny because not only they don’t look like the traditional thing you’d expect, but also because Virus and Trip are there but, oh well. Might still make sense that Aoba befriends them and starts to doubt Koujaku because those two say it out loud and they met him before supposedly joining, they reduce a lot the dangerous perception people might have of them by just saying they do the boring stuff. It doesn’t matter that they are lying, all they have to do is sound convincing.

But Koujaku who always avoids everything that can be said about his past, his tattoos, his scars, then starts to act strange, etc. Suddenly showing up with a sword he knows how to use perfectly and having that tenacious and murderous aura around him would make Aoba’s doubt become more intense for both him and the reader. Maybe he had his sword hidden in his house when he gave up on his revenge and he grabs it when they plan to go to PJ, maybe he’d grab one from a fight or something, anything that isn’t right from the beginning.

When one of his fans asks him out during tamaokuri in the Drama CD and he uses a serious lower tone to tell her to stop being annoying and disrespectful she gets scared. He didn’t even show any anger at her and felt bad and guilty about it so I find it hard to believe that he thinks carrying that huge sword around is a good idea. Even if others don’t see it that way it doesn’t matter, it’s his own perception that matters.

But he does carry it. So the most plausible explanation is that, first of all, he didn't get rid of his sword even if he wanted to forget about his vengeance because maybe deep inside he still wanted it. Deep inside, just like his tattoo, his hatred could never be forgotten. He knew Ryuuhou was still alive somewhere, so he couldn't put closure to his pain as much as he wanted to.

Him keeping the sword around would serve as a reminder of the reasons why he's there, to not lose his focus and to remind him that he has to control himself. He can't let the container crack, he knows what could happen if it does, so he reminds himself of that fateful night. It's there not as a threat to other people, but as a threat to Koujaku, it's a blade that should only be withdrawn for his own death, if ever needed.

BETWEEN THE MASCULINE AND THE FEMENINE

Taking a general look at his design, again the most characteristic thing is his kimono, but we also see the scars, the sword, the jeans…

His character exudes masculinity and femininity in equal parts. He does things that are traditionally associated with women or the feminine: his long hair, so well cared for that it even surprises Aoba when he touches it, his job as a hairdresser, his hobbies related to fashion and design, his own clothes, the red so associated with love and romance, passion and emotion, the daring feminine woman. Hell he probably has a full skin care routine.

On the other hand you have him fighting, with a gang, smoking and flirting with women, everything a manly man should dream of I guess. His beautiful kimono looks disheveled, contrary to what would traditionally be considered well-worn, the jeans that are a rather modern element. It’s like a “vulgar” way of wearing this feminine clothing.

For those of you who haven’t seen previous sketches, they were considering putting earrings on him.

Aoba and Koujaku talk about his hairpin in the Drama CD, with Aoba mentioning that he looks pretty with it. When Koujaku mentions that he should try one, Aoba’s the one that strongly rejects the idea because men don’t look good with it, but hey, Koujaku does. Aoba just say you think he’s handsome no matter what he wears. This guy is always complimenting him one way or another without directly saying it, he’s doomed.

Anyway, seeing this duality has always made me wonder if he perhaps would have been a more queer kid than we think or what we are presented with. This is pretty much a headcanon, because we are not given any clues about it when he talks about his childhood.

Do you think if male Koujaku crosses his legs female Koujaku would manspread?

[project-sekai-facts]

yo, do ya have any favourite lyrics and/or line distributions? akito getting multiple lines about dogs is neato

Hoshizora no Melody has my favorite lyrics in the game it's not even a tough choice. I love how well every character's arc is conveyed through only a few lines it's so good. Emu could never and would never leave PXL (her grandad) behind, and WxS was able to finally change things for her and help her protect it. Rui was outcast his whole life and he came to accept it as something that would never change - it wasn't until WxS (Tsukasa) reached out to him and let him be passionate about his dreams without judging him that he was finally able to turn things around. Tsukasa throws his all into theatre (making people happy) and it's something that is so deeply ingrained as a part of himself, but WxS let him actually pave the way to make his dream a reality. Nene was too shy to face anyone and couldn't get over the things in her way (her past failures), but she was able to rediscover her passion for singing and is able to sing for everyone once again.

The prechorus parts too, Emu and Tsukasa sing the part about realising that the world can make people smile because both of their dreams are to make people smile. Emu and Rui singing about the world giving life back to things they'd given up because Rui gave up on the thought of belonging and Emu was going to have to give up the Wonder Stage. Rui getting the part about celebrating the colors of the world because his dream is to create shows that anyone can enjoy regardless of identity.

As you said I think Akito getting lines about dogs is a nice little bit of recurring irony. I particularly like this example from Gekokujo that conveys his unwavering determination and drive even when he's faced with forces pushing against him really nicely. Also just Gekokujo's lyrics as a whole I think reflect the event so well.

N25 probably has the best lyric game like there's so many good examples from their songs. Particular favorites would have to be Engeki for summarising basically Mafuyu's entire life in such a gut-punching way, and Tricologe for a similar reason for Hoshizora in that it just does such a good job of representing every character.

IDSMILE/lower parallels my beloved <3

Gunjou Sanka is another favorite of mine. If you couldn't tell by now I love stuff that either tells a story or describes a character. Or both. All of Gunjou Sanka is so good and really packs a punch with the emotions but I really like the first verse and prechorus here where it describes the basics of each main story in just one or two lines each. I especially love the Leo/need segment about being able to believe in wanting to stay together since they've moved on from their pasts and are reuinted now.

And how could I forget Mr. Showtime. This one has such clever lyrics and I love the use of parentheses to add secondary meanings to certain parts. The whole song is perfection but I'm particularly fond of this section here, specifically the last line because it understands Tsukasa so much better than like half the fandom does. Theatre is something that Tsukasa genuinely dedicates everything to, in some ways (every way) it is his life. Phoenix is a great example to demonstrate that because it highlights just how much it means to him and how he's willing to put it above everything else, including his own wellbeing, to try and overcome the obstacles he faces. At the end of the day though, even if it's tough and can feel like it's taking too long or isn't worth it, the roadblocks he doesn't anticipate are the ones that help him improve most and get closer to his dream than anything else.

also just this one lyric from Showtime Ruler I love character development. Karasuyasabou actually says that's his favorite in the song, and he talked quite a lot about the lyrics for the rest of the song in his corocoro interview. I'd suggest giving it a read because it's pretty interesting what he says about how he wrote it.

this is getting a bit long so i'll stop here haha

[imfromthemiddlekingdom]

Felony saying that everyone in the universe can access the force if they tried hard enough makes me want to deck him in his fugly face

He’s ruining all established canon in real time. Speed running the absolute destruction of continuity of the SW universe and people are still rooting for him and his blorbo self inserts like there’s no tomorrow. Literally the whole reason I no longer engage in Ashoka content is because he massacred my girl and made her so one dimensional that my Mary Sue self insert fanfics OCs I wrote when I was 14 looks well developed compared to the absolute bland “girlboss kick ass take names” personality Ashoka has right now.

There were so many opportunities for him to explore the absolute potential of angst and conflict within Ashoka in this new series, to give her character a believable story of grief loss and growth yet he threw it all away because he wanted his OC to be the specialist girl that ever lived. This series could’ve been used to explore Ashokas conflicting feelings regarding the Anakin that taught her and was a mentor to her whilst trying to connect it to the monster that killed her family and hunted her culture into almost extinction and tried to kill her, a person he confessed to love as a sister, on Malachor. It could’ve been a good send off to a great character, to have her face that the Skyguy she put on a pedestal in her mind was in actuality the worst sort of scum and have her try to come to terms that just because she can forgive him for being the genocidal maniac he was and still hold love in her heart for who he used to be and also understand why the Jedi, her family, wasn’t the reason for their own downfall.

But alas. We got another series of “the Jedi caused their own downfall!!! Anakin did nothing wrong ever and him killing all my family and everyone I’ve ever known is so not his fault!!! It’s definitely the fault of the unbending stuck in the past council!!!”. Instead of a series that could’ve made Ashoka’s “departure” (literally never going to happen with felony at the helm, he’s going to find a way to make her immortal and then show up 200 years in the future to be the protagonist of another light v dark fight since she’s his special SI) from the series tie in nicely thematically and canonically with every other Star Wars media we have, he decided that the best way to have this series go down is 1) everyone is force sensitive if they tried hard enough ig and 2) the Jedi were bad!!! Their protocols don’t work! They were mean to my little meow meow Anakin Skywalker the greatest Jedi of all times™️ therefore he got to kill them all!!!!

Got a bit off topic but I’m still so mad that he had this chance to make Ashoka truly experience growth like the first 5 seasons of TCW yet he decided maintaining the badass rebel without a cause aesthetics for her was more important then good story telling.

Honestly though, my main problem with this series is that he decided that apparently everyone in the universe can be force sensitive if they “just tried hard enough”. Like your Midichlorian Count no longer matters since even if you were Force-Null you can still be special!!!!

This takes away any and all urgency in the Jedi Fallen Order games. It makes Cals journey absolutely redundant. It throws away all the tragedy contained in having inquisitors being force sensitive kids kidnapped from their parents and tortured till they give into the dark side. If all beings are able to use the force in his universe then there are no consequences to the inquisitors not finding the Holocron that holds the names to all force sensitive children in the universe. There would be no need to them to chase Cal and the Mantis Crew throughout the universe to obtain what they have. They could’ve just went down to any random level in Coruscant and take homeless Force-Null kids and train them.

Even better! It makes the entirety of the KOTOR games redundant!!!! Oh and I guess the hidden path is also redundant since everyone can be force sensitive and no one truly needs more saving from the empire over others :/ totally not like these kids that were saved by the path would’ve been taken and tortured into inquisitors, definitely not since EVERYONE is force sensitive nowadays or is it just the ones Ashoka trains herself because she’s the “living embodiment of the daughter uwu she’s so special and unique look how well she can train a non force sensitive to be force sensitive!!!”

Everyone in the Star Wars universe has Midichlorian’s in their blood. That is a fact. It is also an established fact that the amount each person has is different and is not determined nor dependent on lineage. Force-Nulls typically range in the 1000-3000 count and you need 7000 to be force sensitive and higher to be accepted into the order. (The order isn’t the end all be all of force cultures, Rouge One shows that Jedha’s force culture isn’t restricted to only force sensitives as the Guardian’s were never specified to be only a religious order of force sensitives. And high canon doesn’t depict many other force cultures but we know that there are many force cultures in the universe that co-exist with the Jedi with which the Jedi weren’t in opposition towards; literally not even the witches of Dathomir were oppositions anywhere outside of the battle fields.) You don’t need to be force sensitive to be part of a force culture (Jedha literally has pilgrims who come far and wide to make a pilgrimage to the holy site and not all of them were force sensitive), Sabine could’ve very easily been taught the tenets of the Jedi without retconning her to be force sensitive or making everyone in the universe force sensitive.

No where in either the EU or High Canon did anyone ever say that you have to be force sensitive to be a badass or to make a difference. Hera did not hold the title of the best pilot in the universe just for some rat of a man to come and say that Anakin was the best because *muh force sensitivity!!!!* Some of the most heroic and most influential (good or bad) people in the franchise are Force-Null! And that’s great! It means that the force doesn’t make anyone better than anyone else! It’s a quirk of the universe! To retcon that everyone can and is force sensitive if they tried hard enough is literally cheapening everything the franchise stands for. Andor did not literally give us an entire story about how Force-Nulls in the Galaxy makes just as much of a difference as force sensitives for felony to come out and say that “you know what??? Midichlorian’s are a scam! You get a force sensitivity! You get a force sensitivity! Everyone gets a force sensitivity!!!!”

Sabine was great as she was in rebels, why cheapen it with “oh she’s actually force sensitive all this time!!!” When we could’ve stuck with badass Force-Null Mandalorian can kick your ass five ways to Sunday with her paint bombs and blasters you force wielding asshole!!! Like why even do that felony. Do you want people to hate her??? Nvm ofc you do, you need Ashoka to be the best in every way possible even if it means ruining every other beloved character in this franchise👍

[rougevingirl]

bobal (9) - jenna ortega please? ❤️‍🩹

❝Unfinished Paths❞

Character: Tara Carpenter

Words: 1117

Warnings: none

Wine: Bobal

Number: 9

Prompt: exes to lovers - both ending up in the same small town 8 years later…what could possibly happen?

❝prompts with wine❞

I really tried to write for Jenna, but as the text developed I realized that it was better for Tara, nothing makes much sense, but I hope you like it. There's no happy ending here, just anguish.

"It's so strange that we've ended up here together after all these years, but you still don't want to talk to me. You're just going to spend the whole evening drinking wine and eating takeaway, aren't you?" she asked. You had no idea why you always had to talk about these things now, always at the wrong time. Why couldn't you just get on with it as an adult? 

"Are you sure you don't want to get drunk one last time before you leave for New York? We haven't done that since we graduated from high school." - It was true; you hadn't even realized it until now. Should you have known that your only friend and girlfriend, ex now, would be living in New York City after she finally graduated, after all the turbulent events how could she go on in Woodboro? You should have known that one day that relationship would end and leave a gaping wound in your chest, even after years it still hurt so much... And yet, he didn't seem to care. Could it be that she was so used to it? So used to it that she no longer missed him?  Miss the relationship they had?

No, it wasn't that at all. No. There was something else bothering her. The point was that there was nothing wrong with her. She had always been kind to you, and still was. She was kind and helpful and very pretty. But it was more than that. The way she said things made them seem a little different from what they really were. Not in a bad way, of course, because how would she know what she wanted if her life revolved around the past, around what other people wanted? She probably wouldn't understand that at all, she wouldn't understand herself. It was just that she seemed to expect you to respond in the same way that everyone else did. And that... wasn't right at all.

There was something else wrong with her, you realized now, something beyond all the troubled events of the last few years. The reason you never wanted to think about her again was because you knew exactly what it was. Because you remembered. You had been best friends before graduation. Girlfriends. And then she'd gone to New York City and you'd broken up and then barely talked for months. Now, suddenly, you were back in the same city? What had happened between then and now? Why did you feel so lonely? What was she hiding? What had changed? Why was everything so much easier before than now? Everything was still "the same", but it felt like things had changed so much. Why couldn't you understand? Why couldn't you see the signs? Why couldn't she? Was there a part of her that wasn't even there anymore? Something inside her was gone. You knew that. He had seen it happen many times before. But when? When? Where? Had it been before or after graduation? Had you even had a normal conversation? Or were you the only one who had noticed? It was so strange; you wished you could just ask her the questions you were thinking, but you didn't think she would answer them anyway. And you really didn't want to know.

"I'm sorry to keep bringing it up," she continued. "But it seems that every time I try to mention it, you run away like the plague. Remember our first date? Remember how uncomfortable we were at first? Remember how nervous and awkward we were when we tried to kiss? Can't we just start again?"

Yes. Yes, they could. You remembered. You also remembered that it had been amazing and wonderful, everything that should happen with a first kiss. So why did you feel so miserable now? You looked down at the table, remembering those days. Your eyes fixed on his face before you slowly shook your head in denial. "That's not it at all. We went on lots of dates and kissed several times. Don't get me wrong. I love kissing you. More than anything. And I can promise you that I would never push you away to avoid kissing you." It may have sounded silly, but honestly, you meant every word you were saying. You loved kissing her. It had been the only time you had really felt happy, fulfilled and alive. It had been perfect. And maybe you needed to go out with her to forget about it for a while and create new memories with someone else. Someone other than her. And Tara, someone who wasn't you. "But I can't. I really like you. But I can't..."

She frowned in confusion, also looking perplexed. "Why? If that's really the case, then why are you so determined not to see me, not to be with me?"

Because you couldn't do that. "Because I want to. Very much. I want to see you all the time. But I can't. Because my life is here in Woodsboro. This is my home. And I don't belong anywhere else. I mean, it may sound silly, but I love this town. It's where I belong. My family is here. And my work is here. And my friends are here, and my girlfriend is here..." You stopped when she opened her mouth to speak again. That was very difficult to explain. You had to find some kind of excuse. "And I've decided to stay here, I know everything that's happened has been terrible, but I'm just leaving here to pursue my life in Boston, where my girlfriend's family lives. And maybe I'll go on like this forever. Maybe it's selfish, but I'm not going to let anything else ruin my perfect life here in Woodsboro or Boston maybe..."

She stared at you, clearly not liking the answer that came out of your mouth. Her lips formed an "o", obviously not expecting it. "I see," she finally replied. She stood up abruptly and turned to leave the restaurant. "Well then, I guess we should move on. Goodbye, Y/n. Have a good night."

You said nothing. Simply watched her walk away. You hated yourself so much. You were a coward. It was just that you were afraid. Afraid to accept what had happened before your graduation. Afraid to accept what was happening now. Afraid that maybe it was a big mistake, a sign, something that would change everything. And, above all, afraid that you were falling in love with someone who wouldn't fall in love with who you were now. That was your biggest fear. That you would become just another person she would fall in love with, but who would never be good enough.

© rougevingirl - scream and horror writer

[thelreads]

I've been taking notes on the spypocalypse so I can keep my thoughts in order and actually I ended up noticing something:

First, a lot of other slice of life sitcoms don't have character development because they need to keep the characters the same for the format. But as a result the characters can end up feeling stale because they don't develop and thus the creators fall back constantly on the same jokes. But what I like about spy x family is that the characters are slowly growing, even if that means sacrificing the jokes. Like, Endo is letting Anya slowly get better at studying and Yor slowly get better at cooking, so even though we still have jokes about how Anya is not the best at school or that Loid is a better cook than Yor, we also get to move past it so the jokes don't become old.

Second, in other manga that have serious and funny moments, I find that there isn't often a lot of crossover, character-development wise. Like, in SxF, Fiona running off to the mountains to train in tennis is a gag... And then it saves her life during the mole arc. Likewise, there's gags about Yuri being indestructible because of Yor, and then during the Yuri v. Twilight showdown he is actually really able to keep getting up.

So that probably means that the next time Twilight and Yuri go up against each other, we'll see a return of Yor-fu.

And last thing: even though there haven't been a lot of chapters that let us see it, I think Yor is definitely getting a lot more feelings for Loid. When she first moved in, Yor didn't even know if she and Loid would be sleeping in the same room. She was a bit bashful around him, but it was really only when she was super drunk that she went tomato-face mode (when Yuri told her to kiss Loid, when Loid tried to honey trap her, and then later the welcome home kiss). However, when they went to the murder ski lodge, even though she was completely sober and Anya and Bond were *right there*, she went super blushing flustered mode at the idea of sleeping in the same room as Loid. Ah, yeah, it's all coming together.

Ok for real last thing: also I think the reason why Sigmund's tutoring worked better than Yuri or Loid's is because those two focus on one thing and get through it. They're both determinators who have no problem with snapping into focus on one thing at a time. Meanwhile Anya's mind has a tendency to wander. However, look at how Sigmund deals with it: when Anya turns Yuri's "whole enchilada" into the "swole Chihuahua", Yuri tells her to forget it and go back to focusing on the grammar. But when Anya takes Sigmund's "eureka" and turns it into "eucalyptus", Sigmund encourages her ("oh, you know so much about koalas! You'll ace your biology test!" And she may not have gotten a Stella star for it, but given that her only bolt was from math, she at least passed her bio quiz). Sigmund works with her wandering train of thought while gently pushing her back to the task at hand. Anya is a force of nature who conquers all in her way; Twilight and Yuri don't stand a chance trying to fight against her head on, but Grandpa Siggy knows how to work with the Lord of Storms.

Grandpa's are great, I'm gonna be so sad when it turns out Sigmund is a founding member of the Apple Project.

Oh, I like that slow development. It's so subtle and gradual you don't really notice it until something major happens and it all clicks together.

Yor is definitely getting more feelings. Yeah, she was not as embarrassed at first because she didn't really liked Twilight the way she does now. He was a handsome man and she was bashful, but now that she does like him like that, now that she's getting aware of her own feelings, oh now the fun begins...

And Sigmund there was definitely the right choice to teach Anya, and he does manage to get in her head because he has a lot of experience on the subject, he was a teacher for years, he understands the human brain because of his work as a researcher. Also because he knows how to handle test subjects from project apple after all.

[whateverisbeautiful]

Hello, I love your "Ranking Richonne" series and all your writings on your blog. I thoroughly enjoy everything!

Since you write that the sparks where there between Rick and Michonne from the very beginning and the development of their relationship (which you've brilliantly explained) slowly healed their, for lack of a better term, "demons", I would like your take on that "Jessie thing". Richonne seemed like a family and then..BAM!.. Here's Jessie!

I've read PTSD and all that. I get it, but it's still bothers me! There is a good explanation for that I suppose, but the show never really approached it. I read a few fanfics that delved into it which gave me maybe 80% satisfaction.

I'm curious on how you feel about it and what you believe happened to Rick and what got him to that crazy mode. THank you.

Thanks so much 💖 And thank you for this question! You know my extra self had to elaborate on this one. (also I loved reading “here’s jessie!” like “here’s johnny!” 😋)

For me, I’ve always viewed the Jessie situation solely as a device to push Rick to finally confront his past and the lack of closure with Lori.

Everything in Season 5 leading up to tf’s arrival at Alexandria showed that Rick and Michonne were slowly but surely growing more aware that they’d fallen for each other. But then they get to Alexandria and it’s this jarringly ‘normal’ environment and a reminder of the world before - which forces all the characters to need a moment to individually wrestle between who they are now and who they were before. 

And the Rick from before was a man in a marriage that was not the healthiest and who felt guilt that he wasn’t able to be there for Lori like he feels he should have. Like when Rick tells Daryl how Lori always wanted to live in a community like ASZ - so much about Alexandria is a trigger for Rick to finally face the very sore Lori wound of his past and finally “make it right” although not in the best ways since he’s not in the best headspace. Where before he could bury the Lori-pain a bit, ASZ and the similarities between Lori and this woman, Jessie, who needs saving from a toxic marriage of her own, won’t let him run from those ‘demons’ anymore.

As Rick wrestles with who he is now and who he was before, I think part of what sent him into crazy mode is becoming an unhealthy hybrid of both. He’s the man of his past trying to protect a woman to make up for feeling like he couldn’t protect Lori, but he’s also the man he is now who is still in that "terminus train car" mindset and can be real feral if it means protecting people.

(Plus, I think the show wanted to explore a scenario where Rick has the potential to be the “Shane” in the situation by intervening in a marriage and wrestling with if there are parts of Shane he should adopt, only for Rick to ultimately realize he should return to himself.)

Basically, while overall PTSD absolutely plays a huge part in why Rick behaved the way he did during that arc, I think an added and important layer to why that Jessie situation went the way it did is because Rick was triggered by how much ASZ and Jessie reminded him of Lori and the collapse of his past marriage. I notice that in almost every Jessie-related scene, Lori is in some way alluded to, whether it be a shot focusing on Rick’s wedding ring or Lori being brought up directly, etc, just to further make Jessie's purpose in the show clear.

The way I see it, Rick was never actually pursuing Jessie - he was pursuing closure. And as much as I don't like Jessie, no one deserves to just be a surface-level stand-in which is what she was. So that whole dynamic would have just been bad for everyone involved. Also imo the Jessie arc continuing in 6A was where it got more forced because after Richonne’s season 5 arc, it was more than clear that Rick’s heart belonged to Michonne.

Even as he was understandably losing it in 5B and on edge in 6A, anytime Rick was with Michonne and not hiding things from her it was like he was experiencing clarity and one of the few times he could think straight because she’s always been able to center him. And once Rick regained clarity and found a more healthy balance of who he was and who he is, he was fully ready to be with Michonne, the one his heart was always leading him to. 🙌🏽

[highfantasy-soul]

Things I LOVED from NATLA Episode 5 - Spirited Away

Katara creating a water version of the earth disks!

Small moment, but Sokka and Aang don't jump until Katara is there and grabs their hands to lead them off in the jump onto Appa

Love that Momo's the one who picks up the acorn to give to Katara - he's so cute!

Katara calling on Gran Gran's teachings <3

"Seeds for the future, not past mistakes" - bringing back up the themes around needing to let go of past guilt so you can step into the future

Big brother Sokka 😭😭😭😭

Pipenpadalopsikopolis!!!

Zuko is such a sassy dick to Lt. Jee XD but like, kinda deserved atm as a girl with ice is kinda, really, something that should raise some flags.

But damn, Jee's face - it makes the next episode all the more satisfying

"Water the most promising seed" ooooohhhhh

"Not self-serving flattery and coy whipers" oooohhh BBUUUURRRNNNNNN

Though it burns all the more as we know that children want the approval of their mentors/parents and it's unlikely Azula has ever gotten that organically, so she feels the need to prompt it.

tHiN pLaCeS????? Sorry, Bruce from Dungeons of Drakkenheim has just primed me to fear that phrase and what it will bring.

Jumpscare where I really thought Sokka had just been yoinked into the Spirit World by that tree branch XD

Aang and Sokka bickering because Sokka can't stop talking and Aang is trying to concentrate - love the group dynamic here

Sokka's little "sshhhhhhh" in the back

Katara practicing her forms!!!

Blue Aang!!

Sokka being absolutely not here for a Spirit World journey and Katara quickly accepting it and just enjoying the ride

"When have I ever caused trouble?" 🙄 "When indeed." 😐

The most AWKWARD and NOT SLICK questioning by Zuko 😩 failing to smoothly slide the money pouch over the counter, just…he's SOOO BAD at being 'nonchalant'! He wants to just scream at you and demand you obey his orders, damn it!!!

Just Dallas' whole performance here - so fucking funny

Pirate mention! Canyon guide!! Stopped the volcano from erupting!!!

All those side quests get nice little mentions <3

Iroh's little run as he chases after Zuko throwing his tantrum 😭

JUUUUUUNNNNEEEEEEE!!!!! NYYYYYLLAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Omg perfect. So perfect. Perfection. Gorgeously perfect. Did I mention perfect?

Zuko and Iroh's little slap fight XD

June noticing Iroh is cute 🙌

And Zuko's disgust at that 😂

Love Aang always mentioning Gyatzo and all he taught Aang - and Katara really wanting to soak in the knowledge

I like that they brought the entire Gaang into the spirit world here so we could have a natural in-road to deep character work

WON SHI TOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGG!!!

Nice birdie!!!!

Also great touch with only Aang being able to understand him here, humans just can't

Pretty eye shot!!

Azula's blue fire!!!!!

Really like the choice to let us see her progression to the blue flame - more character development is always a good thing in my book

"Everyone knows you're perfect" "That's not good enough" - smash cut to Zuko

SOOOOO GOOOODDD - seeding her fear that if she doesn't prove herself adequately, her father will treat her like he did Zuko

Showing not telling, people! This is what that means!!!

Zuzu!! Being disgusted - love it

Love Iroh trying to seed his lessons in with pai sho anecdotes

I'm sorry, this scene is hilarious and I cannot unsee it being Iroh trying to prep Zuko for the news that he and June are a thing XD "I know it's unexpected, and she's much younger, but open up your mind to new ideas! There's much you (I) can learn from a dommy mommy."

Again, reinforcing that Zuko has a strong sense of right and wrong - right now, that's leading him down the path of following the Fire Nation's rules, but that very same integrity will be what makes him change sides

Ugh, Iroh's lessons wrapped in pai sho terminology are soooo gooooddd

Creeeeeepy spirit world!!

HEEEIIIII BBAAAIIIII!!!

Who's a cutie patootie panda bear?? YOU ARE!!!!

Oh no, Sokka!!! He went flying.

Suspicious 3-tailed fox!

Her talk about pain right here is so poignant not only for this storyline, but the future one with the ocean spirit

"Do you always make jokes when you don't want to talk about something?" - cutting right to the heart of a lot of Sokka's humor as a coping mechanism

Just… everything with Katara's spirit vision

Her getting to see her mom again and hug her, the women joking around about braiding and Kya encouraging Katara with her waterbending

The absolute gut-wrenching horror as Katara knows what's about to happen, the viewer knows what's about to happen, but the helplessness you feel as you have to watch it play out

Katara trying to save her mom but not being strong enough - it's so well done and we see why the trauma is so very deep when it comes to her and waterbending

Omg Koh's introduction was sooooo terrifying

The sounds, the way he senses despair - it's everything I love about the spirit world

Hakoda!!! DX

Bato!!!!!

I like how we're getting to see that Sokka's feelings of inadequacy as a leader and warrior aren't unfounded - he DID struggle, it didn’t come naturally

I don't blame Hakoda in this moment - he knows the war is coming and he's going to have to leave Sokka in charge - he knows it's not fair - he knows it's an impossible situation, and he's desperately trying to exert some control over the uncontrollable

It makes sense that he'd want Sokka to be magically perfect, that way he could feel marginally better about abandoning him and the village - it's not like he has a choice to stay, everyone is in impossible situations and wishing your kid could be the perfect leader when you know it's going to be forced on them anyways is totally rational

Love that Aang immediately clocks the vision as not real

Despite wanting nothing more than to go see his home and people again, he's a master of the spiritual side of his nature - he knows how to rein it in.

It hurts all the more when we get to Gyatzo and there's the initial distrust - completely founded

Koh's lair!!!

Creepy centipede boiii

Love their chat and I like to think that Aang's past lives subtly let him know not to show emotions with Koh

The whole situation around Koh's face that opens and closes - thanks, I hate it.

It's well done. And I hate it. Please get it away from me. I do not like. Please, kill it with fire. Thank you.

But Gyatzo!!! He waited for Aang for 100 years!!!!!!!!!

I'm gonna say it again - everything with Gyatzo is pure gold. I'm so glad they expanded more with him being Aang's first mentor, even after his death

Gyatzo trying to relieve Aang of his guilt over not being there for the fire nation attack ): It's something Aang really needed to hear and I'm glad it was someone who was present who told him that, not someone just trying to make him not feel as sad.

Aang leaving Appa and Momo in charge of watching over Katara and Sokka!!! So sweet

Gyatzo's monologue is great - how sometimes it feels like we'll always be alone, the only thing keeping you company is your own pain

It ties into every single character of the series and it's such a great through line - they're all suffering in different ways. They NEED people (even Azula) 

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]