#but hey if anyone does statistics for fun

[alexaloraetheris]

My recent blunder has made me wonder (heh),

If it's nuance, click the closest match and elaborate in the tags.

[wordsarelife]

so my idea was that reader never had her first kiss and is very inexperienced. they‘re all making fun if her but in a loving way. but lockwood decides to rescue her and teach / practise with her.

—london boy

pairing: anthony lockwood x fem!reader

summary: lockwood and y/n finish a study about what defines the greatness of a kiss

warnings: kissing ig

note: this was so fun to write!! such a good idea, I hope I did it justice!!

"yeah" Lucy laughed "but that wasn't the weirdest thing, when he kissed me, he had so much spit in his mouth, I nearly had to throw up"

"ew" George exclaimed, the rest of the table irrupting into similar sounds at the story of Lucy's horrible date

"I hate it when people do that" Lockwood agreed and you grew quiet. you had never kissed anyone, so it wasn't like you would now what should and shouldn't be done while kissing.

you found it some what embarrassing, but at the same time you had only turned sixteen, you had all the time in the world to kiss dozen of people. you internal monologue, had totally occupied from listening to the conversation and now all eyes had turned to you

"what is it?" you raised your brows. you sensed the growing reservation from your friends

"nothing" exclaimed Lockwood quickly, but you didn't buy into it

"we just wondered if you had ever kissed someone before" George said. Lockwood threw an angry look in his direction and Lucy admonished him loudly

"what?" you asked, startled by the sudden question

"well" said George "we all had a fair share of relationships, but we never saw you with anybody.. that begs the question" George left the rest of sentence unfinished, due to the kick he received from Lockwood under the table.

"oh" you looked down in shame "well, in that case I guess you're right"

"its nothing to be ashamed of" muttered Lucy. you looked up and send her a grateful smile

"it's a bit funny. but in a good way" George send you a smile "hopefully you will never have to kiss such a douchebag like Lucy, with a mouth full spit, there are enough of them in this world"

you all broke into laughter, the tense atmosphere suddenly blown away by you guys falling into your usual comfort.

an hour later, you were cleaning up the kitchen, when there was a soft knock at the kitchen door. you turned around and were met with Lockwood

"hey" you smiled "you know you don't have to knock, right? this is still your house"

"I didn't want to startle you" he walked into the room and sat down at the table

"I just finished" you sat down beside him "its quite late, we should go to bed"

he had taken your hand and stopped you from standing up

"wait" he muttered and watched as you sank back in your seat again "what you said earlier, was that true?"

"what? that I've never been kissed? do you think I would lie, because I like to feel embarrassed all the time? it's bad enough already, I don't need you to make fun of me"

"I would never, and there's nothing to be embarrassed of, a few less douchebags you have kissed, what does it matter?"

you just shrugged

"not every kiss is awesome. some of them are bad. so bad even, that you later regret them" he smiled reassuringly "maybe you avoided a few of them"

"this might sound stupid" you breathed "but are there bad and good kisses or just bad and good kissers?"

"well, what's the difference?" Lockwood smiled

"I presume there's a big one" you said "the difference is noticeable wether you measure the quality of a kiss by the circumstances or more by the person giving them. statistically-" you were interrupted the moment Lockwood suddenly leaned forward and plastered a chaste kiss onto your lips

"wha-?" your eyes turned big

"that was a good kiss for example" he said lowly "and just for measurement purposes" he leant forward again and repeated his action, this time leaving his lips a few seconds longer

"yeah" you breathed confused "those were pretty good"

"I think I understand what you meant now" he said "is it the kiss or is it the person giving the kiss"

"yeah" you nodded, leaning forward and kissing him again "I think it's the person giving the kiss" Lockwood shrugged and you smiled

"well, maybe there's another possibility we haven't thought about yet"

"is there?"

"yeah, what if it's the length of a kiss?" you planted a short and chaste kiss onto his mouth

"yeah, what if the quality is defined by time rather than skill?" Lockwoods hand wandered to rest on your cheek. he pulled your face forward slowly, connecting your lips.

it was in that moment you realised that kissing was much more easier than you had initially thought. it was a lot like falling asleep. all the time it didn't happen, you would worry and think, but when it finally did, it just happened, you knew what you had to do suddenly

your hands went into his hair, his hand was still resting on your cheek, the other gliding down towards your waist and pulling you off your chair and into his lap. his lips were soft, not that you had anything to compare them too, but still. you opened your mouth slightly, his tongue slipping inside.

you slowly broke the kiss, leaning your forehead against his and smiling. you stayed like that for a few minutes.

"do you think those are enough kisses to determine a measurement?"

Lockwood shook his head. "we still have to find out if quantity stands above quality"

you stood up from his lap. "I think quality's more important" you giggled, watching his face fall dramatically

"well, only one way to find out" he laughed, chasing you up the stairs.

the next morning George and Lucy would complain about having heard you two giggle all night.

you would send a conspiratorial look in Lockwoods direction, having continued your study up in his room

you were no longer the only one in the house who had not been kissed. and you had Lockwood to thank for that. although he had gotten quiet angry when you had suggested to expand the study by testing out different kissing partners.

he was much more keen on him being the only one you were kissing. well, let's just say, it's not like you minded...

[beabnormal24]

My hand slipped, here's a Gax wip

I couldn't help myself so I posted the wip anyway, enjoyyy

(I don't know when I'll finish this fic, but I'm having a lot of fun writing it):

“Okay, so Max and George against me and Oscar. What do we say?” Lando pops his elbow on the net’s pole, chewing loudly on his gum as he bounces the racket on his knees. 

Oscar stands behind him with his arms crossed on his chest, a cap messily pulled over his hair, staring at Lando’s back like a good scholar waiting for instructions. 

George shares a quick glance with Max: the only answer he gets being a careless shrug. 

“I mean-“ he says, scratching the back of his head. “Wouldn’t it be a bit, I don’t know, unbalanced? No offence to any of you, of course.” He quickly adds, but not quick enough for Max to suppress his snort. 

George is not looking at him, but he doesn’t need to turn around to know he’s rolling his eyes. 

But maybe he’s smiling with the wrinkles next to them, in the way he does when he’s a bit endeared by him. Maybe, he can’t know. 

“Georgie, my dear. Let’s put it like this” Lando says, shaking his head. “Out of all of us, I’m the best.” 

Max coughs behind him. “Bullshit.” 

George has to press a fist against his mouth to cover his laugh. 

“You are all crap. Max and Oscar are real real crap, while you, George, are just slightly crap. Between Max and Oscar, Osc is the crappiest.” 

“Hey!” Oscar protests, glaring at the back of Lando’s head as he seems to finally wake up from his open-eyed slumber. There’s a frown between his eyebrows, George knows that he’s more than aware of how bad he is, but the competitive side of him just can’t let Lando expose him so bluntly. 

They’ve all been through that. 

Lando shushes him with a shake of his hand, blowing a raspberry with his mouth. “So, it’s all a matter of statistics-“ 

“That’s not what statistics is about, Lando.” 

“Which means that it’s me and Osc against you and Max, alright?” 

There’s nothing more to say that would change his mind, so George just shares an amused look with Max and wishes that for once his height might be of help. 

They lose, terribly, George must admit that his pride is mostly wounded by the fact that Lando actually is the best out of all of them, so much so that Oscar doesn’t even need to raise his racket that many times and still they get horribly plastered to the ground and miss almost every single hit. 

Max doesn’t seem as happy about the result either, if the way he’s gasping for air and grabbing at his bent knees is anything to go by. For a professional driver, he’s probably got the worst resistance out of all of then, given how he had already started to pant after half of the first set. 

George lets himself stare at his profile for a second, the sweat dripping from his hairline to the tip of his nose, red from exertion, freckles bright under the deep flush, the cap on his head sliding slightly up as he brings a bottle to his lips. 

He casts away his eyes just as Max turns around, feeling his own face heat up at the possibility of being caught, busying his own hands with one of the bottles scattered behind the white line. 

“Next time.” Max exhales, swiping his mouth with the back of his hand. A droplet falls on his upper lip, George forces himself to stare at Oscar slumping tiredly against one of the walls of the club. “Next time we’re going to call Fernando and beg him to come back playing with us. He’s a lot more fun than those two idiots, I swear if I hear Lando moan Oscar’s name like a whore one more time-“ 

George glares at him, hoping with all his might that anyone milling around them is distant enough not to hear him. “Yeah, sure, let’s call Fernando. And how exactly would you do that?” 

Max raises an inquisitive eyebrow, mouth twisting in that way he does when he thinks an interviewer is asking the dumbest question ever. 

Unfortunately, George has been on the receiving end of it enough times to recognise it immediately. 

“You’re still his dearest baby, aren’t you?” Max asks, cheekily winking at him, tipping the neck of his bottle towards him to point at his chest with a finger. “If there’s anyone who can bring that old bastard back, it’s you. And maybe Lance and Carlos, but mostly you.” 

“Shut up.” George grumbles, hoping that Lando is not eavesdropping on them, or else he would’ve to deal with all the teasing he had desperately hoped to leave behind once Fernando had finally decided that enough was enough. 

One single year of being teammates, one single year of having to deal with Fernando’s complete lack of a filter and notion of personal space, and he’ll have to bear the consequences for the rest of his life. 

He does miss the old man, though, but they’ll probably catch up at the New Years’ party and George will have to endure at least a two hour long pleasant monologue about how retired life hurts Fernando to the core. 

“Alright lads.” Lando shouts on the other side of the court, stretching his arms above his head just like the showoff that he is. Oscar, at least, has the decency to appear completely unfazed. “It’s dinner time, I choose the place and the pizza is on the losers.” 

“Wait a second, we never agreed on that!” Max says frowning. 

“Yeah, no, he’s always like this. Just makes things up, it’s his talent.” Oscar deadpans. “But I have to agree with Lando on this one, it’s a good idea.” 

“Ah, no I won’t accept this. You don’t count, you didn’t even lose.” Max protests, narrowing his eyes in his direction. Oscar just shrugs innocently. 

“See? It’s three against you, Max. Losers pay.” Lando concludes, twisting the damp towel around his neck just to smack it against Oscar’s shoulder. 

Oscar smacks his own against his head in return, leading to a quick banter that inevitably brings the eyes of other people at the court towards them, as if being a bunch of drivers in a public space wasn’t already enough. 

“But I never agreed to anything.” George mumbles. 

“Either way, it’s always your fault, Russell.” Max teases, squeezing his forearm for a second as he shoulders past him. 

George swats it away weakly, his skin almost feeling like burning where there’s still the faintest feeling of a pressure. When he looks down at it, he swears he can see something glowing under the fabric of his thermal T-shirt, like a flicker, or even a spark, as if his skin is trying to light up on fire all of a sudden. 

“George.” He snaps his head up at the sound of his name, heartbeat growing faster in his chest, pounding, pounding, pounding- “Did you hit your head? Come on let’s go before he gets even more strange ideas.” 

George has to admit that Lando knows his stuff when it comes to eating. Perhaps being as picky as he is helps in that matter, but George still appreciates the choice of a small spot, private, a bit more distant from the other tables. 

They are not worried about being stopped, anyway, there’s not many tourists wondering about in Monaco when so close to Christmas, and definitely not on a weekday. 

Oscar is a pretty good conversationalist, George already knew that, so he spends most of the dinner talking with him about his plans for the Holidays and his sister dealing with her first semester in Chemical Engineering while Lando and Max chat about a game or something Martin’s related, probably. 

But the strange feeling on his chest remains constant, like a gentle blow against his skin, right under the sweater he had brought as a change. 

From nothing more than a distant sensation, it starts to properly itch halfway through the meal, when Max moves his chair closer to the table and their knees knock against each other, and George almost jumps out of his skin at the sudden touch. 

Max looks at him weirdly, his raised eyebrows trying to ask questions that George does not have the answer to, so he just shots him his politest smile and goes back to his glass of water. 

Too often than he would like, the itch becomes so unbearable that he has to scratch it, shoving a hand under his sweater and rubbing his fingernails until he’s sure his skin must be all raw and red and pretends like it’s nothing. 

Oscar, at least, doesn’t seem to pay it any attention, or if he notices anything weird, he’s kind enough to not point it out. 

To avoid talking about racing it’s pretty easy, nobody wants to be reminded of their respective places in the Championship, with Max missing second place to Carlos for a bunch of points, George grazing the top three but not reaching it, and both Lando and Oscar still left behind. 

They had all hoped for something better, with all the new regulations, with all the new possibilities. At the very least, they’re all happy for the end to Charles’ long suffering. 

George does not pay at all, in the end, because as soon as he makes a gesture of taking his wallet out, Max is rolling his eyes and huffing and shoving his arm behind his back saying something about being the one who earns the most out of the four of them, anyway. 

At that point, George’s chest might as well have caught on fire with how much his skin starts to burn. 

He’ll blame it on stress, he thinks, because it has been a stressful bunch of months, from first to fourth in a span of a year does something to your head and George hasn’t exactly been in the best position to actually deal with whatever was going on inside of himself without people assuming that he was bending to the challenges of his new teammate. 

Lando and Oscar say goodbye with half hugs and promises of catching each other during the rest of the break that George knows are just a polite way of saying that if they happen to be in the same place at the same time, then they should try and meet up. 

But it will probably be impossible with Lando flying from one part of the world to another doing things that they are all pretty sure he shouldn’t be allowed to do at all. 

They leave together, arguing like kids about some stupid thing with knocking shoulders and twinning heads ducked down, hip to hip, arm to arm, always doing the same thing but not quite, and George has to properly spread a hand over his chest when he’s left alone with Max and his skin starts to feel like thousands of pins prickling at it, sharp and annoying and oh so unbearable. 

It’s just stress, it’s alright, he just needs to go back home and run himself a good bath with those salt things that Charles got him for Secret Santa last month, and then, tomorrow, he’ll just have to catch up with Aleix and find the number of his therapist and book an appointment or two. He’ll detox at his parents’ house and then at the New Years’ party and then he’ll be all focused for the next season. 

Just like every other time. 

“Russell.” 

A hand wraps around his bicep, small but strong. It feels heavy on him, perhaps he lost too much weight. His heart thumps uncontrollably against his ribcage, and George knows that if he were to take a look at his chest right now, he would probably catch another spark. 

But maybe it’s all in his imagination, he’s just stressed. 

Max looks at him from the tip of his big nose, his eyes smiling with the corners of his lips as he pats George’s shoulder, almost affectionately. And it looks good on him, George has just changed his mind, the third place almost makes him seem more human, more reachable, even if George had already reached him last year (but it never felt as right as it does now). 

He likes that. 

Max squeezes one last time, knocking their arms against each other. It’s not a hug like Lando, but it’s something close to it and it makes George feel acknowledged in that weird kind of way you that only Max’s things make him feel. 

“Just don’t be a stranger, yeah?” It doesn’t sound as empty as George would’ve expected. 

Max disappears in Monaco’s breeze with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket and his head turned to the side to look at the coast following him, or it’s him who follows the coast. It’s not that simple to guess when George feels the way he does about him. 

He stares at the broad expanse of his back until he’s nothing more than a distant figure just like any other person around and he can pretend that he’s no one in the middle of the world. 

The blessing of anonymity, he muses, gripping at the hems of his sleeves. 

All of a sudden, his chest feels quiet. 

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Wilbert's Worst

Right, so I really was open to having my mind changed on The Worst One but nobody’s argument has budged me.

I was going to write a complete, balanced essay on The Worst W. Awdry Book, but I’m a) mired in the research phase (hey if anyone knows someone with an encyclopedic knowledge of Tom and Jerry hit me up, for real) and b) right now I wanna talk about the characters and their Beloved Dynamics instead. 

So I'm just gonna get this out of the way so I can post the poll and move on to answering fun asks and watching Tom and Jerry in peace. Behold: a salty and unbalanced review.

Wilbert’s biggest failure of a children’s storybook? 

Henry the Green Engine 

Ohhh… because of the, uh, ra —?

Because of the racism, yes!

Oh. You do know that since 1972 they’ve republished it without the n-slur? 

Good for them. Two things: 

1. I know it used to be there, I’m never able to read it without knowing it was there in the first edition.

2. I consistently try, when ranking the books, to consider them in the context in which they came out. Because of this, I don’t like using “things that happened later” (like a new character never being properly used again or whatever) against the book. This helps me evaluate the author’s successes and failures against what they were trying to achieve when they wrote it vs what I would most want (blorbo content). It helps me not bring to bear the whole weight of fanon and fandom on a text that should be able to stand or fall on its own. Tl;dr I try to read the books like a guy who picked it up in 1951, or whatever. 

And yeah, if I’d bought this when it came out it would have had the slur. I’m going to judge it accordingly. 

Look, racism is bad, no argument, but does that mean the book as a whole must be condemned? 

Yeah, I think the slur and the “aaaand suddenly, blackface! heeheehee” bullshit fuck over the entire book, game over. Go directly to jail, do not collect $200. 

The Railway Series is not a work of high art or deep thorny complex literature. The books are meant for children — small children, at that. Children small enough to get bedtime stories read to them. The main goal of each book (especially this early on — you do have to manage secondary priorities like “pleasing the long-time fanbase” the longer you go, but right now we’re only 6 books into the series) is to create a happy imaginary world to enhance childhoods and family lives… to impart to other parents and kids a similar cosy happiness to that the author and his own kids enjoyed when he was workshopping/drafting the stories for them. When we say “children’s book” we really do mean little’uns — these average 1.25 full-color illustrations per page!

And these books sold in large numbers. This means it’s a certainty that somewhere in 1951 there was a Black family who owned the whole series, who went out to the shops, whose kid was like “ooh! Henry gets a book, neat…,” who like everyone else enjoyed the wild ride of Henry’s inspection and coal and wreck and rebuild… only to get verbally spat on one page from the end. 

Real mood-killer there. Epic fail, as the cool kids used to say in my youth. 

All right, fine, cool kids never said that. Anyway, statistically speaking there was certainly even more than one family that got that experience. Not to mention the non-Black families who even in 1951 were like “... wtf? i’d smack my kid if they ever said a word like that around me, geez. no.” Just a lot of people who had the light the book was kindling in them snuffed out all at once. 

You can actually be totally racist and your book not commit creative suicide on the penultimate page! Awdry flubbed his job of 'bestselling books-for-six-year-olds' here. Creative failure. Unforced error. Automatic zero. 

But times were different then, you have to consider it in the context of the time. 

1951 U.K. was not the nadir of multiracial equality or Black power, but jfc. I can assure you that over 99% of children’s books published that year in the Anglosphere managed to not use the n-slur. 

All right, all right. That was bad. But this feels off-topic. If you had never known about what used to be “Henry’s Sneeze,” would you still rank the entire book as dead last in the Wilbert Awdry corpus? 

Not dead last, but it is not a strong book. “Coal” and “The Flying Kipper” are super-interesting as material for Henry, but after that the book kind of falls off a cliff; the intrigue drops dramatically. The railway incidents chosen to make stories of are all solid choices, but it was not only “Sneeze” where Awdry’s handling of the material feels clumsy and weird. (And I’m not even talking here of the “heehee blackface — ain’t i a stinker?” gag in “Sneeze.”) 

But… “The Flying Kipper”? C’mon. It’s a superb story and no book that contains it can be the absolute worst in the series. 

“TFK” remains easily the best single TVS episode ever – but a lot of that is down to Britt and David’s artistry and judgment. 

Don’t get me wrong, a full-on railway wreck makes interesting material. But I don’t think the book does nearly as much with it as it could (and I’m trying sooooo hard here to forget about the amazing TVS adaptation, as I think it REALLY shows Awdry up. Even so, the storytelling here is surprisingly tepid and low-stakes). I get that Awdry probably wanted to lean into the comic angle and not make Henry’s condition afterwards seem too grave, in order to ensure the material wasn’t too dark for his young audience? (*mutters* again, a level of tender consideration for his readers’ youth that went right out the window when it came to small Black kids, evidently coz he couldn’t imagine that they read) Understandable, laudable — but if he outright refuses* to make the wreck too dramatic or scary then, well, then the wreck isn’t real scary or dramatic. And it can’t save the rest of the book from its flaws. 

*For all I know it could have been the publishers who insisted that the wreck be made preschooler-safe, that’s possible (although it’s also consistent with Awdry’s brand of humor and his overall low degree of emotionalism in his writing). Either way, though, the end result book is what it is and it will be judged accordingly. 

In addition to not being as exciting as many remember... @trainsupessandhuntresses asked me once if I thought some of Awdry's stories were "mean-spirited." I had to assent vigorously. And a surprisingly high proportion of those "mean" moments are in Henry the Green Engine? For some reason? It’s not just the racism. Awdry was not in the game to give Henry a deserved happy ending, he’d wanted to kill him off (the fuck?) and when his publishers prevented him (I don’t say this often, especially since I love how salty the Awdrys get about their publishers, but this in case good job, publishers!!) he wrote “TFK” with the primary motivation of giving Henry a new engine basis. Any soft or hearty emotions we get out of the deal are a side-effect — the only emotion that was fueling Awdry as he wrote this was spite, spite and a weird resentment towards his poor, long-suffering, invaluable illustrator. (I don’t blame Awdry for being frustrated that the engine illustrations were continually inaccurate or confusing, but I do think it’s weird to read all this great Henry material knowing that it was written with such poor grace.) 

So his ‘happy Henry’ stuff feels perfunctory; his Percy interlude is just brutal (why did you have to drag Percy into Henry’s book purely to give him a fuck-up, a scolding, and a messy dunce cap?); Gordon’s savaging of Henry for being too happy after recovering from a near-death experience is such an incredibly low point for Gordon that it’s hard for me to accept it as canon (there’s being proud, boastful, and self-absorbed, and then there’s being the straight-up raccoon dumpster fire Gordon is in that scene). Oh, and I think “call the police [local constabulary, doesn’t bear firearms]” woulda probably a less reckless way of dealing with the rock-throwing youths than the sneeze of hot locomotive ashes, which of course the Fat Controller doesn’t like, that shit coulda been real dangerous! Mind, there are small rays of kindness throughout that do get me (the interactions between Henry and his crew feeling to me the least perfunctory and most heartfelt), but this is overall such a mean-spirited book. God. It starts off with such a gentle story (almost a non-story, if you’re in it purely for the “railway incidents” game and not character drama), but in short order the vibes just sorta suck. At least in other RWS books, when the vibes are off, they’re usually off near the beginning and then improve by the end. This one gets worse as it goes on. Oof. Don’t like that. 

Also, the last page is sooooo lame. I suspect the publisher strong-armed Awdry into writing most of it so that at least the slur wasn’t on the last page of the book... and if Awdry had any idea of how much he’d just empowered Henry and all his fans in this book he shouldn’t have found it hard to find 50 extra words to sum things up. As it was, he’s just filling space and running out the clock, lol. Lame wrap-up. Boring. As usual when it comes to every little thing about this book, Britt and David closed this up better (mind, their closer – “He had taught Gordon and silly boys a lesson, with a whistle and a sneeze” – also sucked. But at least it was blessedly short.)

Didn’t you once list HtGE on a list of your favorite Wilbert Awdry books? 

I did list it as one of the books that “at one time or another” have been my favorite in the series. Unfortunately in the case of HtGE, that was back when I really couldn’t read a story that I knew from the TVS without mentally substituting the adaptation into my brain as I read… largely overriding the actual text. Plus, everything I knew from TVS as a kid kind of automatically got a halo effect. Plus, I was super into Henry’s arc. 

The first time I read HtGE after calming down and actually reading all the books as books... massive disappointment. There is such a gap there between what I'd thought the book said (all our incredible fanon work overanalyzing and headcanoning Henry and building this beautiful fantasy arc about disability!) vs. what it actually said (limp and careless writing, mean vibes, airbrushed n-slur, bad aftertaste). 

I do think there is some stuff about the development of Awdry’s storytelling technique here that is interesting (again, Tom and Jerry superfans reading this, please shoot me a message!) but it doesn’t counteract everything else. 

At least we’re over the racism stuff? 

Nah, I’m not over it, actually. 

[flamemons]

How do you think Digimon Frontier might have gone if the Spirits of Steel, Wood, and Earth had been bequeathed to Ophanimon, the Spirits of Darkness and Water had been bequeathed to Seraphimon, the Spirits of Flame, Light, Ice, Wind, and Thunder had been bequeathed to Cherubimon, and the protagonists had been Katsuharu, Teppei, Chiaki, Teruo, and Koichi (with Kouji joining later)?

im just gonna ramble whatever comes to mind lmao. i drew some stuff too!

uuh while i find it hard to care too much about those other kids because well, I don't know much about them, it is really fun thinking about how kouichi would act if he was there from the start. I think he'd be serious, in a similar way to Kouji, bc he's there on a mission, y'know! All he remembers is following his brother around until Kouji gets some weird text message (wait,,, does kouichi have a phone? probably not, huh. poor people gang ftw...) and now hes in this fuckin place! (hes a dead soul in this au too.) I'd imagine he'd be just as driven as Kouji was, if not more so, bc he KNOWS koujis gotta be here somewhere....but instead of initially trying to avoid the other kids (koujis strategy), he'd probably stick around as soon as he realizes that theyre gonna get themselves killed if they keep acting stupid. So, instead of trying to ditch the kids or act distant, he'd nag them and rush them to stay on track, and come off as kind of a bossy stick-in-the-mud at first

Side note, its easy to think of kouji as being a lot more serious and mature compared to the rest of the frontier kids, but honestly, I have to wonder if he wouldve acted differently if ophanimon wasnt calling him all the damn time telling him that he has to find answers! hes gotta get stronger! theres something he Has To Know!!! like damn if ophanimon was that specific with the other kids they'd also probably be just as sullen. anyway, kouichi would be feeling the same kind of pressure.

in an attempt to make it more interesting for me, chiaki and teruo are now siblings. or close cousins. or something. (what if they were fraternal twins?? that would be so funny actually. there is a statistically improbable amount of twins here!) AND bc i like chiaki the most i think she'd make a cool leader of sorts! like, the lancer to kouichi. kouichi ends up accidentally being the leader bc hes so driven, and chiakis like, a genuinely nice person who really wants to help the digital world as soon as she steps off the first trailmon onto the flame terminal. she also doesnt take shit from anyone. maybe she was a quiet wallflower-type kid at school, but, if its for another's sake, then she'll always speak up! so now, in the digital world, she cant stay quiet!

ah i love just making shit up. this is fun

so together, they make the most chillest leader/lancer duo ever. (hey, if they WERE to be the two Main Ones, wouldnt it be cool if their Susanoomon-type evolution was deep-sea themed? mix darkness and water together, and you get The Fucking Abyss. it could be bioluminescent! a cool way to turn "light into darkness!")

btw, im not drawing any spirit forms here bc I think these kids would have alternative spirit forms as opposed to the evil ones in the show. like, heroic looking ones (basically, no child deserves to have to spirit evolve into grottomon) BUT im no good at character design and that sounds like a lotta work. also, the other spirits (fairymon, chakkmon, agnimon, etc,) would need evil forms too then, right?? that sounds like a REALLY hard thing to try drawing, so nah. just imagine these kids spirit evolving and fighting offscreen. speaking of the other spirits though,

i want chakkmon/tomoki to try pummeling the shit out of katsuharu and teppei!! karmas a bitch!! tomoki didnt get to have his character development in this AU, bc he (probably) fell off the trailmon train tracks and got Got by cherubimon!

i like the main frontier kids too much to not include them in everything i draw Ever, so imagine that maybe they all came to the digital world alone, and wandered around until they found their respective spirits (in similar circumstances to the show) but since those spirits belongto cherubimon, theyre possessed/convinced to fight on cherubimons side!! like "oh shit i have no friends and i hate my life, yea this big evil bunny has a point lets go fuck shit up". maybe some of them are fully in control of their actions, maybe some arent. maybe some of them remember that theyre human, but maybe some of them dont....?

lastly, i have to apologize bc i got completely sidetracked bc i thought "oh takuya and kouji would be very funny as team rocket-esque villains" so heres flamon and strabimon but Evil™

i like to imagine that theyre the Most Incompetent of cherubimons Evil Guys but theyre the only two (that cherubimon knows of) that can form susanoomon so THATS why hes trying to collect all the spirits. bc of that, they DEFINITELY dont remember that theyre human. (bc of that, they also kind of dont have anything to care about, so theyre just trying to have fun)

it would be fun if they were initially kind of lame but although they may be idiots, theyre not Dumb, so they slowly become competent at the same rate as the Heroes do, and instead of a sephirothmon arc theres like.......a beowolfmon and aldamon arc??? im not a writer i dont know. watch these five kids (and counting!) get slowly hunted by two fucking Beasts in the darkest forest ever.

or maybe they do Actually manage to collect all the spirits but it goes so horribly wrong and now theres like ten goddamn kids and ten spirits mashed up in the psyche of a very unstable susanoomon and its just some fucked up Twisted psychological nightmare. digimon evangelion.

basically in this AU, there is even MORE wild tone shifts and the plot goes Absolutely Fucking Bonkers. and takuya's cosplaying Jotaro Kujo for some fucking unknown reason.

thank you for asking! this was....probably not what you were going for, but c'est la vie

[majoringinsarcasm]

Trans infighting is wild. I’ve thought this before but I am very glad that I am Black because I cannot imagine seeing the world as One Way and then getting angry when other people are like “hey we get hurt to”. Like.

Do not play the “intersectionality” game about Who Gets Hurt Worse. It’s not helpful. It doesn’t GIVE ANYONE more community or social support. Telling another person to shut up about their issues and only listen to one group is just. Hurtful. “We matter more than you so support us but never talk about your issues because they are lesser”

Not kind. Solved no problems. You are angry at a person saying they’ve been hurt because why? You are demanding they listen to you but they aren’t allowed to talk about their own experiences. We can give each other support. We can take care of each other. I feel like people forget that outside of these blogs or accounts we each live individual lives that might not match a statistic or “social norm” or anything. And it’s upsetting to see the same patterns that I did as a newly queer teenager still prevalent and now worse today.

Someone talking about their own issues or pain is not Ignoring Someone Else. If I said I broke my leg today that doesn’t mean I’m ignoring the other blogger who had a spinal injury. One does not cancel out the other. They exist at the same time.

And yes it IS infighting because you’re fighting other queer people about topics they cannot change socially. They are not the source of the Social and Government harassment or violence. Their existence does not make yours worse just because they are alive. And your pain does not mean this stranger is having a super fun and happy life.

Telling someone to help you and support you and stand up for you but not even being willing to let them Talk about their own experiences sucks fucking ass and I will never not believe that.

[stainedglassthreads]

Terfs, Puritan-types and aphobes types always chant 'ooooh, you wanna be oppressed so bad, you wanna be oppressed so bad' whenever they encounter asexuals or aromantics but...I feel like they're kind of projecting. Like the times I end up seeing them, it feels like that post where they just...make up a guy and then get mad, often using statistic that are either grossly over-exaggerated or just made up.

They build up a worldview in their minds where the people with power and privilege are always oppressors, and oppressors are always evil, and where people lacking power and privilege are always oppressed victims, and victims are always good. And they're so certain that they're good people, so they must be the victims. Never mind if they're white or able-bodied and those are forms of privilege, and that women of color or disabled women tend to be the ones hurt most by cruel systems, the only things that mattered are that they're women so they're victims and thus good. But it can't just be that the system hurts them, everyone who isn't a woman, or isn't a woman in the right way, must be benefiting from the system in some way, must be AWARE that they benefit, and must be working to keep the system working.

So whoever they think is out to get them must exist and must be out to get them, or else their whole worldview comes apart. So anyone who challenges those incredibly strict worldviews (trans people, bisexuals, gender-nonconforming individuals) endangers that worldview and must just be The Enemy trying to trick them, and anyone who seems like they're making fun of them (asexual and aromantics who ask why systems like amatonormativity have to exist at all) seem like they're mocking them, or making fun of the 'very real' problems, so they're just 'making up reasons to be oppressed' and 'stealing resources'.

The sad thing is. They should be on our side. They should be on the same side as aspecs. When they go 'ooooh, you say this like any allo would be glad to end up in this situation' or 'ooooh, you say this like bad marriages don't exist', we're not actually! We're not saying this is somehow uniquely horrifying to aromantics and everyone else would be delighted. We're pointing out the fucked up aspects of amatonormativity and how romance is perceived and treated, and exaggerating it. Which is what horror as a genre does. The movie Nope is not saying that aliens are here and going to eat us all, it's making a statement about the dangerous ways people treat wild animals, especially in the entertainment industry.

When we say that 'this situation is fucked up', we say it's fucked up that divorce is scandalized and someone is always assumed to be the 'bad guy' in a failed relationship. (Yes there are toxic and abusive relationships but sometimes you just fall out of love, or find more important things than romance, or you were young and impulsive.) That your spouse is expected to be the single most important person in your life. That your friends and family are expected to focus on THEIR spouses and leave friendships to fester, or at least be less important. That in nearly every story, a happy ending is almost synonymous with a marriage. That dying alone is shameful and depressing and undesirable. That the only reason you could possibly reject a potential romantic partner is that there's something wrong with them, or that you like a different gender(liking no gender, or just not being in a good place, isn't an option.) That every time in a movie or a story a woman is introduced as career-driven and independent and happy, she's not actually happy because she needs a relationship to be happy. That so many romcoms play a situation that people would find horrifying completely, 100% straight and treat it as cute and funny and a happy ending.

We were never saying that this situation would be uniquely horrifying for JUST aromantic people. But as aros, we tend to be the first and loudest when saying 'hey this is horror actually'. You should be agreeing with us that a romance-obsessed society is horrifying, not saying we need to 'touch grass'. You ARE agreeing with us, but they're so fixated on being The Victim and The Good Ones, that they can't accept we should be on the same side without letting go of the security blanket that is their worldview. And that's pretty sad.

[threebooksoneplot]

Three Books One Plot and ✨You✨

Now that our first season has drawn to a close we wanted to share some fun stats with you guys! This is information that was actually cut from our finale for time but, since we're so excited about it, we still wanted to share it with you all. It's been a hell of a year and, like we mentioned in our finale, we never expected for anyone besides us and a small group of friends/acquaintances to care so much about this silly project. But a lot of you cared. More than we thought would.

In fact, we had listeners from 50 countries over the course of the past year. This is what our top ten looks like, at a glance:

Shout out to anyone listening from any of these countries, and extra shout out to anyone listening from any other place in the world, too. (All 40 other countries.) As far as the US goes we weren't too shocked by our top five (California, New York, Pennsylvania, Florida, and Texas are also the top five most populated states) but we were excited to see listeners in forty-five states plus DC. So, to our friends in Alabama, Alaska, North Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming... we'll get you guys next season. 😉

(more information and fun statistics under the cut!)

What was doubly shocking to us was the idea that not only would we have such a broad reach but that we would chart anywhere. Over the last year we have charted on the book charts of eleven different countries, including the United States. Which is fucking bonkers.

Beyond that, we had some more funky statistics we wanted to share! We truly did give you non-Spotify listeners the short end of the stick sometimes but hey, don't blame us. Blame the apps you listen to and like, maybe bully them on Twitter into providing polls and questions like Spotify does. If that doesn't work, you can always join in on our polls here on Tumblr during the interim between episodes. Next season we'll also be encouraging you guys to answer our episode questions in our ask box here, too. Anything to get more hilarious gems from you since you guys are like, really fucking funny.

But as far as platforms go, here's our breakdown:

If you listen on a different app like Pocket Casts or any other podcast platform, please let us know! We'd love to know how you guys are tuning in.

Not to direct our full attention back toward Spotify for a moment (like we love to do) but here were some fun Spotify-centric stats that are worth mentioning. Mainly because the age statistics make us laugh.

Shoutout to any young-young Gen X-ers that listen and aren't in the 45-59 age range. You guys are the true champions and we adore the fact that your peers just do not fuck with us. Also, in the unlikely chance that any of the less than one percent of Boomers (affectionate) that listen to us also happen to follow us on here, please message us so we can give you the key to a city or something. Because we love you. Sorry that supercentenarian Edward kept being weird and rude about your generation. He sucks for that.

To conclude this fun and informative little wrap-up post I wanted to give the biggest, loudest, and most inappropriate shout out to all our sexy listeners who gave Three Books One Plot a rating or a review!

On Apple Podcasts, we received 8 reviews and 17 ratings, giving us an average of 4.6 stars!

On Spotify, we received 63 ratings, giving us a 4.9 star average!

This fall will bring a new season with a new book, new characters, and new guests. But don't worry, there'll be just as many jokes, bits, ill-advised drinking game rules, and sex tape titles that make G rejoice and Shannon sigh in half-reluctant compliance as before.

We wanted to give a super-special thanks to all of you who have tuned in, and we're so excited to see you guys again for Season Two in September!

[tobiasdrake]

Ahh, salvation in the shape of an anime I want to watch voluntarily. Episode 16: Endless Eight, Part 5. We are halfway through this arc.

I know I said Yuki's throwing the cicada hunt on purpose because Haruhi having fun is more important than winning at competition. And I stand by that. But I also think she's making her own fun each loop via a self-imposed challenge to find the rarest insect she can possibly locate every time the cicada hunt comes around.

Anyone who's played the same game 15,000 times would inevitably start looking for ways to spice it up.

Hey. Uh. Yuki? Here's another statistic for you to check. How many loops feature Kyon being kicked in the butt by a random passing child?

Hey. Hey, Yuki.

I know I've been asking how many loops there have been in which Mikuru discovers the missing future. But I also want to know: How many loops have there been in which Mikuru discovers the missing future but Kyon refuses to answer a dead-of-night call and just lets it ring until she goes away?

How many loops in which Mikuru and Itsuki find out but Kyon does not?

Who are these random boys chatting up Mikuru and Yuki? What the hell kind of conversation could they possibly be having? Mikuru is bawling her eyes out because the future was deleted while Yuki is Yuki-ing nearby, and these guys are... here. Chatting with them. And then they just leave. Like. Oh yeah, cool, have a good night, ladies.

I am way more interested in seeing whatever the hell just happened over there than in a fourth round of the expositional infodump.

7 more offscreen loops since last episodes.

This. This is the statistic I am monitoring most closely. I keep waiting with dread to see if it's going to go up.

Because. No. How dare. How dare we take a trip to the Bon Festival and not go goldfish scooping. I will murder everyone here. Except Mikuru, of course.

I sure hope the unfinished business that leaves Haruhi so dissatisfied isn't that she never got to spot a Martian because if it is, we are fuuuuuuuuuuucked.

It still kills me how aggressively disinterested Kyon is in Haruhi. Like. He is clearly the designated Shallow Love Interest for the show; The world-cramping event laid that out in no uncertain terms. But even 2/3 of the way through it, he just. Does. Not. Want.

Itsuki tries to bait Kyon into a jealous outburst. He's like, "Oh nooooo, what if I tried to seduce Haruhi instead, hmmm~?"

And then the moment just. Hangs there. Kyon legitimately does not give a shit. Itsuki has to backpedal himself because Kyon doesn't care.

It's such a wild contrast to how a lot of other animes will handle their central Fiery Tsundere/Boring MC romances. Like, it's super common for the designated romance partners to be like "Fuck you I don't want to be here" but then they're secretly harboring all these feelings and get violently protective of each other and shit.

And that's exactly what Itsuki thinks he can provoke here.

But. No. Kyon really, truly does not want to be here. He has absolutely no qualms with the idea that someone else might sweep Haruhi off her feet and then she'll leave him the fuck alone forever.

[ltleflrt]

✨ let's play 10 Qs for GK! 🎆

1- fave character besides harvey/twoface? 2- fave harvey/twoface scene? 3- fave dynamic between 2 characters? 4- best character development? 5- most memorable line? 6- fave plot twist? 7- what did you think of twoface? 8- something you loved about the creation/design? 9- anything you would change about the season 1 plot or characters? 10- what did you think of the season 2 setup?

💌 thanks for sharing the love! #GothamKnights 🦇💋

oooh this looks fun, thanks for asking!

1- fave character besides harvey/twoface? - Stephanie. She's so sweet, so cute, so competent. She appears to have her shit together, and she kinda does, but she's dealing with so much at home. I love her interactions with every other character. Heck, I ship her with all the other batkids, because she has such great chemistry with everyone.

2- fave harvey/twoface scene? Definitely when Harvey checks the camcorder and Fugue!Harvey says hello to him. I squealed! Such a fun scene!

3- fave dynamic between 2 characters? Stephanie with ANYONE. But Harvey and Duela in the finale really attacked my daddy issues, and I was INTO IT. Both versions of Harvey. I wish we could have seen more of them together.

4- best character development? I'm torn between Duela and Brody. I mean, Duela goes from fuck everyone as long as I got mine to I'M GOING TO SAVE MY FRIENDS. What? Gurl. And Brody was such a rich jerk stereotype that I actually suspected he was probably a minor villain. The fact that his parents were both villains, and he said nah thanks I'm hanging with the heroes just made me want to hug him and squish his cheeks.

5- most memorable line? Well my favorite is when Harvey's responding to the Mayor about statistics, and he asks Harvey what the most important number is and Harvey responds "34, your approval rating?" SIR. Your sass!

6- fave plot twist? Rebecca. I did NOT see that coming. I was too focused on her husband lol

7- what did you think of twoface? MY BELOVED. Tho I think over time I'd be bugged by how well he pronounces Bs and Ms with his lips separated by the scarring…he was definitely dubbed, and I could tell lol

8- something you loved about the creation/design? The atmosphere was totally Gotham, even during the day. But the Belfry was probably my favorite set.

9- anything you would change about the season 1 plot or characters? I would have liked to see just one stray adult in the precinct being like "hey shouldn't these kids have lawyers?" Even if the cop in charge is like "no, we wanna get what we can out of them first."

10- what did you think of the season 2 setup? I was yelling about it, AH MAN THEY'RE GONNA THINK HE'S DEAD AND THAT'S ALL WE'RE GETTING??? It was actually really well done, although having less than a minute left to get out of the building made me hardcore roll my eyes. Fictional countdowns are never realistic lol

[siennaspeaks]

Ending up?

0

What is “ending up with someone”?

Here’s a question I hadn’t asked myself before replying to and asking many questions that included the term.

1

I will end up with a nice guy

I want to end up with a nice guy

I want to end up with this guy

I no longer want to end up with this guy

Will I ever end up with a nice guy?

2

Maybe I want to end up with this girl

Maybe I want to end up with this woman

I want to end up with this woman

Will I ever end up with this woman?

3

I want to end up with someone

I will never end up with someone

I want to end up with someone who loves me

Will I ever end up with someone who loves me?

4

I want to end up with someone who respects  and loves me

And someone who understands me

Will I ever end up with such a person?

Does such a person exist?

5

I don’t even want to think about ending up with someone, I just wanna have fun.

6

This man wants to end up with me

I want to end up with this man

We will end up together

I never want to end up with him

7

It was way too fast to talk, to even think about ending up with him.

I don’t even want to think about ending up with someone, I just wanna have respectful fun.

6.2

One day, I might end up with someone special.

Will she and I end up together one day?

Maybe, some day.

Right now it doesn’t matter.

5.2

I don’t even want to think about ending up with someone, I just wanna have fun.

Statistically, I’ll come across someone of the sort anyways

And I’ll know when I do, because it will be special

Because I know when it’s special

8

I want to end up with someone special.

I definitely don’t want to end up with this person, and neither do they with me.

This person is special, although we don’t want to end up together.

I’m glad I had respectful fun with this person, and learned that it can lead to friendship

9

Hey, friendship and respectful fun go together well

And I’m sure I’ll never end up with them

Wait I think I fell in love

Wait, I think we fell in love

Wait, I’m enjoying this!?!

Oh, and maybe someday we might even end up together

But it’s too early anyway

I really am enjoying this!

Wait, I don’t enjoy most things now

Wait, what’s going on?

Wait, I feel like I’m about to do wrong things

Let’s talk, talking should help.

Can talking make things worse?

Oops, now everyone thinks I’ve gone coocoo

Have I gone coocoo?

I think I might have gone a little more coocoo than usual

Aand now we’re broken up.

00

I feel like I don’t want to end up with anyone

I feel like I feel that way because we broke up

But wait.

What even is ending up?

[wahbegan]

Idk i feel like there’s this image a lot of liberal feminists have of free-spirited sexually uninhibited women who just like to fuck that much being paid to have normal sex with lonely, terrified dudes who can’t get it anywhere else when the reality is y’know it’s mostly women in poverty hooking to keep a roof over their head and score a fix and they hate their job and their clients are dudes who can fuck any time they want, but they know hey...i can do ANYTHING to a hooker. 

You get it? These aren’t 30-year-old respectful virgins stuttering the whole time who are afraid of being seen naked, disabled men who are considered unfuckable, that kind of shit. These are like gangbangers who want to rough up a woman and married men who want to pretend they’re fucking their daughters. And the ones who are lonely and can’t get laid with anyone else? It doesn’t make them nervous little lambs, it makes them angry and neurotic. And the girl has to take it, cause she’s got mouths to feed and she’s gonna start getting the shakes if she doesn’t cook up soon. That’s the face of prostitution

And pimps and traffickers-who wouldn’t exist, by the way, if this was a fun job that women liked to do-LOVE it when you push this happy hooker narrative. It makes their lives so easy. So yes, please, by all means, fight for legalization. We can already see in countries where it is legal, it won’t change anything. It won’t help poor and sick women. It won’t stop men from hurting them. It statistically does not reduce trafficking. But hey, if it helps you sleep at night

[chase-the-music]

Hello darling, sorry if this is a bit late, but for the NSFW asks, I was wondering if you could answer 8, 9, and 26?

- B. Armani 🥀

Oh, anything for you love. Do you want me to answer myself though? I wasn't sure if that was the implication or not but I've tied up my writer so that they don't get a say in it. We just have to hope they like that as much as I do. 🤔

NSFW OC asks

8. Have they had sex in a public place? Are we including backstage at several Rituals, hmm? 😉 It really depends how public, because I'd rather not be bloody arrested, but ultimately as long as it's secluded enough that it's unlikely anyone will find us OR public as fuck but no-one can tell what's going on, I'm all over it. Outside is one of my favourite places to have sex anyway, I don't get as hot and it's just fun sometimes. I much prefer the gardens at the Ministry to round the back of a London council estate but hey, everyone has a past.

9. Have they ever been caught masturbating? I think it's reasonable to say, just statistically, that I was going to end up getting caught wanking at some point. A few friends walked in on me at uni because we tended not to lock our doors. My parents never caught me as such but my mum did once call into my open door that dinner was ready. That was a close one.

At the Ministry I've mostly avoided it, if I ever don't want to leave my office I tend to lock the door. I've been semi-caught in the garden but managed to play it off as nothing. There was a time, Dante, when I was in that pining stage for you back in early 2018, where I sat in a quiet spot of the garden and imagined you giving me strict instructions for how to get myself off. Then I spotted you approaching and managed to play it off as nothing but if you recall me blushing the whole time while you were trying to talk to me about Copia's first Ritual, that was why.

I've been sorely tempted to accidentally-on-purpose get caught before, though.

26. What is something that will never fail to get them horny? Oh, I can think of someone who never fails to... 😘

It really is all about the right person for me though. When I'm really longing for someone, practically any contact can get me going. I have a big weakness for hands around my waist or inner thighs though as well as whispering in my ear, doubly so if it's filthy. Anything to do with my neck as well; kissing, biting, licking, sucking pulling on any choker/collar I'm wearing. Kissing in general to be honest, I can't really make out for too long without getting horny even if it's not been that long since the last session. I'm not going to lie, it's not difficult to turn me on, it often just happens at random anyway.

That's when you'll catch me giving you that little lip-biting, doe-eyed look and saying something so audacious you can't help but want to ruin me until I can't speak.

Which reminds me, Bishop... meet me in my office at 5pm. I think I might finally be ready to get "caught", love~

- Cadence xxxxx

(@ask-the-advocatus)

[p0rkyy]

hey Tumblr does anyone know if there's a statistic out there on how much prescription bottles contribute to plastic waste. Istg in all my time living that has been my biggest personal waste source. giving me a good 30 pills in these massive gargantuan hulking plastic bottles and then i get it AGAIN in 30 days, for three different medications??? And three medications ISN'T EVEN THAT MUCH compared to people i know. so i just gotta know. and if any of you creative sillies out there have fun cute pill bottle diy, please share, cause I've got an entire medicine cabinet full of empty bottles from the past four years.

[persnickety-peahen]

i saw a post talking about how wild the human brain is, and in the comments, someone mentioned aphantasia, which made me feel things and i just have to talk about it so here ya go all seven of my followers and people interested in whatever tags i end up using:

if you don't know what aphantasia is, no shame at all. although it's becoming more widely known and researched, it's still a fairly obscure neurological condition. heck, i only know about it because i read an article on it once about six years ago and realized, hey, i have that!

essentially, aphantasia is the lack of a mind's eye, an inability to voluntarily produce mental images. sometimes it's acquired after a brain injury, but it's predominantly just something folks are born with. estimates about the number of people it affects vary pretty significantly—i've seen everything from 1% or less to as much as 5% of the global population! that's wild! statistically, that means you might probably know someone with aphantasia . . . or maybe you have it yourself but, like me, didn't even know it was a thing until someone told you it was and now you've got a little mini existential crisis on your hands where you realize that the brains of at least 95% of the people you know work in a fundamentally different way from your brain and you're missing out on an experience they all have in common and aaaaah

i don't know anyone else irl who has aphantasia, so when i find someone online who does it's like that moment when a dog sees another dog and recognizes that they're a dog and just goes absolutely crazy. i am consumed by the desire to overshare infodump about all the ways aphantasia has affected my life and then compare notes like, do you also have such a bad autobiographical memory that more than half of your childhood memories are actually reconstructions based on stories other people have told you about your own life? do you also sometimes get unreasonably anxious about being a victim of a crime someday and getting a good look at the perpetrator but not being able to describe them to police later because you can't picture what they look like and even a sketch artist wouldn't help and would probably only make things worse as whatever they draw would slowly replace what little memory you do have? are you one of those aphantasiacs who never got into reading because you couldn't picture things? or are you like me and loved reading anyway, but a) got really bored and pulled out of it when authors spent time describing what something or someone looked like because it didn't do anything for you and b) got really confused when your friends would talk about how they didn't like the movie adaptation of something because it "wasn't how they pictured it when reading" and you didn't know what the hell they meant by that? and then you went on to become a creative writer obsessively concerned with imagery and if you have enough of it to satisfy those people who actually like when things are visually described? do you want to get into drawing but give up in frustration every time you try because of the lack of direction you experience from not having an image in your mind's eye to that you're trying to draw in the first place? do you need visual aids to really understand certain scientific and mathematical concepts? were you frustratingly bad at making and interpreting graphs for school projects and presentations? and now you hope you picked a career path where you won't ever have to do that ever again?

are you also terrible at estimating distance and length and height because words like "foot" or "meter" mean nothing to you, much less bigger measurements like miles and kilometers? do you also need google maps to get anywhere despite living in the same city your whole life because lacking a mind's eye also means you lack the ability to make mental maps? were your inability to navigate and difficulty with measurements something people made fun of you for the same way they made fun of me for it? and now that you know you have aphantasia you can snap back at them and be all, actually the reason i can't navigate or understand measurements is because of a neurological condition so you're basically making fun of me for being disabled, how about that? do you also sometimes get sad and think about how you don't really remember anymore what your loved ones who've passed away look like? or even what your loved ones who aren't currently in the same room as you look like? how you rarely notice if someone got a haircut or new piercing or tattoo or otherwise changed their appearance because you can't visually compare it to how they looked the last time you saw them?

when you try to picture a loved one's face, what happens? me, i run through a list of traits in my head, oftentimes more focused on personal attributes than physical ones because that's what i'm actually capable of remembering consistently. i don't just know what someone's hair or eye color is—i have to memorize it, like a fact for school. mom and dad have blue eyes. my husband has hazel-ish green eyes. my best friend is blonde, but her hair is darker now than it was when we were kids, and she got glasses while we were going to college in different cities, i should know that by now and stop being surprised when i see her wearing glasses. her mom, my second mother, has straight brown hair and a long face, but i can't remember what color her eyes are even though i've known her for twenty years. i think they're blue, but i can't picture it. i don't know for sure, and if i think about it too long it kills me. when i have kids, will i remember their eye colors? or will i have to ask my husband if he knows?

i take a lot of pictures. all the time, of everything—of people, of scenery, of my food, or myself, of pets and cools animals i see strolling around the city. boomers criticize me for not living in the moment, and it makes me feel awful, like i have to choose between experiencing something and remembering it. cause yeah, without the pictures, i would forget. i keep movie stubs and playbills and fair tickets and museum handouts and even fucking hospital bracelets, and i cherish them the same way other people cherish religious items.

it's lonely sometimes, having aphantasia.

the people close to me know about it, so they know how to accommodate me in relation to it, and they're supportive and interested in learning more. but they don't live with it themselves, so even though they know what it is, they don't know what it is, ya know? their knowledge is all second hand. as wonderful as my people are, when i'm really feeling my aphantasia and getting into those sad thought spirals, talking with them about it just isn't the same as it would be to talk with someone else who has aphantasia and has dealt with the same issues and feelings about it

i guess in the end i just want what we all do: community. when i find someone else with aphantasia, i don't wanna be like a dog seeing another dog because i'm so starved for contact with other folks like me; i wanna be like someone recognizing another member of a long distance club i regularly participate in, like hey! same hat! and then go about the rest of my day because i'm satisfied with the community i have. ya know?

anyways yes this is a free invite to message me if you have aphantasia or think you might have it and you wanna compare notes and chat about shared experiences, or alternately if you know someone who has aphantasia or are just curious about it and want to learn more about it :D

[setaripendragon]

More fun stuff in the tags!

#daemons#hdm#his dark materials#would there be aquatic witches?#because I remember witches had bird daemons and they didn't have to be as close to them as regular people#so you could have witches with daemons like squid and octopi and dolphins and sharks#who could go ashore as easily as anyone else via @westbrookwestbooks

Headcanon accepted!!!

#me literally screaming bc I’ve been wrestling with a star wars daemon au like OH GOD DONT MAKE ME LEARN GEORGE LUCAS’ STUPID ANIMALS#but also yeah I was thinking about restricting it to certain species#like a characteristic limited to bipeds - wookies and Mandalorians are both commonly believed to have no force sensitives despite I think#there being canonical statistical outliers#alternately there are other species/classes who aren’t just force null but force RESISTANT so I think it would be totally normal for some#species - even ones from the same planet or system - that don’t have them when others do#similarly elodieunderglass is doing the lords work and writing a dungeon meshi daemon au that brings up the specific question of perception#between daemon and non daemon having races - the races classified as ‘human’ (elves dwarves gnomes tall men and halffoot) have them#but the ones labeled ‘demi-human’ in canon (orcs goblins (and kobolds iirc)) do not#but it’s observed in the fic that it’s not that that the demi humans don’t HAVE souls or daemons they’re just internal#daemons#daemon au#Anyway. the concept and culture of daemons spirals the FUCK out of control the second you poke at it lightly or expand it past the microcosm#of lyra’s world#and I love that for it#HEY BACK TO THE STAR WARS QUESTION WHAT DOES THE JEDI CODE SAY ABT DAEMONS#I’d say they’re pretty fucking attached but given that you’re born with one and die when it’s killed I think it would be more like#a biological function#on the other hand. you have the witches in HDM. do jedi with daemons undergo that trial of separation witches do??? how far is far.#could a jedi leave their daemon on one planet and leave for another?#<insane questions probably asked during the old republic era via @hound-of-heaven

Ohh! This is very juicy. Do you mind if I weigh in?

Because while I definitely agree with you that Jedi would likely view daemons as less of a separate entity and therefore subject to the rules about attachment and more as an extension-of-self. But, then, the Jedi do have a very esoteric view of 'self', and their entire relationship with the Force does rather ring of an attempt to distance themselves from the self in order to achieve an enlightened collective, and therefore, a trial of separation would fit.

If Lyra can go to the land of the dead and leave her separated daemon in an entirely different dimension/plane of existence, I'd say that a Jedi with a separated daemon could absolutely leave them on one planet and go hang out on another.

And oh, I am having some thoughts about Mandalorians, because... it's near-as-damnit canon (afaik) that a mandalorian's armour is at least culturally considered to be their soul, which would be a beautiful match-up with the Armoured Bears of HDM!canon, except...

Mandalorian is a culture, not a species. So, what if you have a daemon-having species that wants to be mandalorian? Do they forge themselves a second soul? Do they forge their daemon into their soul? Is beskar actually made of or infused with Dust? Did the original species forge Armour-Souls, but as the culture expanded, did the the-armour-is-my-soul thing become more philosophical than literal? If armour is melted down for the next generation, does that become a literal sort of reincarnation or does it fit more along the lines of... inheriting parts of the people you came from (like a strong nose or a bad temper)?

(Speaking of, how're you handing the Dust/Force mash-up? Are they the same thing from different perspectives? Does the Force create Dust? Is the Force just the static charge of a universe's worth of Dust all rubbing up against the other particles?)

Honestly, the idea of actually coming up with a daemon AU for Star Wars, as in... picking specific daemons for people, is... I take my hat off to you, because while you absolutely could have an earth-standard-human-has-earth-standard-animal-as-a-daemon rule, the sheer... open-ended creative void you're stepping into is... yeah. You don't need to learn the weird animals, they're making up new weird animals every time you blink! There are countless inhabited planets all with their own ecosystems that, honestly, aren't very well fleshed out, so you can just go absolutely hogwild with this. Just the thought of it makes me feel dizzy XD

So I'm still on this daemon AU kick, and I can't stop thinking.

What are the limits?

It's generally accepted that a daemon is an animal representation of the soul, right? So, you know, we've got birds and mammals and reptiles and insects.

But what about fish?

Obviously there's an issue here of, you know, environment, and if your soul literally can't survive in the air while you literally can't survive in the water, there's a problem.

But, hey, if it's small enough, you could have a little fishbowl for your daemon to live in. Hamster ball, but filled with water, rolling along at your heels. Fishtank on wheels that get tricked out like dudebros soup up their car. And maybe, if you're from a particularly sea-faring culture/lifestyle a water-bound mammal like a dolphin or an orca could make sense. And then there's things like sharks, which have so much symbolism attached to them that it seems a real shame to have to rule them out. (Someone who's particularly driven or ambitious having a daemon that would literally die if it stopped moving is a bit of symbolism I'm going a bit feral for, tbh.)

I think we have to rule out the deep sea creatures, unfortunately. Fishbowls and/or living on a boat wouldn't really solve the problem of pressure, and someone with a blobfish daemon would, uh... be in trouble.

And if we're talking about things that can't survive in the same atmosphere as humans, what about internal parasites? Like flatworms. I think it's safe to say that having your daemon parasitizing your intestine kind of defeats the purpose of having an external manifestation of your soul, but... There are species of flatworm that aren't parasites, so... do we just rule out all flatworms, or are the non-parasitic ones okay?

And speaking of flatworms, what about size? I've read some fun stories that deal with the issues that might come from having, say, an elephant daemon. It's not quite as dramatic as the issues of having an aquatic daemon, but actually, similar adjustments would have to be made to your living situation to cope. But, of course, it could be done and I don't think anyone's trying to rule out animals on account of how big they are, but I think it's safe to say that microscopic daemons are out for the same reason that internal parasites have to be.

There's a nice solid rule I can settle on; a daemon has to be a visible animal.

And, in point of fact, I think it's safe to say it has to be an animal. We can rule out trees and plants and even fungi.

So what about coral?

It's an animal, and if we are allowing for some aquatic daemons, then should coral be an option? Or are its vibes too plant-like to qualify? Do we rule out sessile animals like we ruled out microscopic ones? As much as I find the idea of a coral daemon absolutely hilarious, I am going to come down on the side of animals that are too much like plants are a no.

So a daemon has to be a visible, mobile animal.

But what about the ones that only move very slowly? I don't think we're ruling out sloths, but in the continuing vein of torturing myself considering various aquatic daemons, there's starfish and sea urchins and hell, even most bivalves can move at least a little, right? (Correct me if I'm wrong, I haven't done that research yet.) And there's a lot of fun symbolsim to be had, there, I think.

And what about extinct creatures?

I think it's safe to say that mythical creatures are a no-go, unless this is a 'verse where those animals are real, (oh, boy wouldn't that confuse people in a world like HP where most people think dragons and unicorns aren't real, but people still wander around with dragon and unicorn daemons) so we can ammend our rule to visible, mobile, real animals, but could we go so far as extant?

If yes, that would have interesting world-building implications. Where's the cut-off point? Can we rule out dinosaurs because we don't/didn't have enough information for a daemon to settle into a form that wouldn't be technically mythical? But then, what about animals that go extinct within human history? What about all the people who had mammoth daemons or dodo daemons as those animals were dying out.

Would conservationists study daemon statistics to see if an animal has really gone extinct? Would an animal's extinct status get over-turned when a kid's daemon settled into that form? Honestly, I like this enough that I've convinced myself that, at least barring some very unique circumstances, extinct animals are not allowed.

So, it has to be a visible, mobile, extant animal. That can exist in proximity to humans.

Oh, and should probably add; visible, mobile, extant, and non-sapient.

You can't have a human daemon, or an elf or a dwarf or a fairy daemon even if they exist in that world, and if this is a 'verse with dragons who're more than just exotic magical animals, you can't have a dragon daemon. (Obviously, if your fairies are more like magical bugs than tiny people, then fairies would be a valid daemon.)

...I'm still on the fence about whether a daemon should have to be air-breathing or not. That kind of rule would still leave marine mammals available for the fun world-building of how people adapt to that kind of handicap. (...Do you think people with aquatic daemons would be considered disabled? Oooh, what about people with really big daemons? I mean, presuming such a thing is comparatively rare, people probably wouldn't be building schools with a mind to allowing elephants or giraffes to wander the corridors.)

Disclaimer! This is for my own creative process, and not intended to limit anyone else's creative flair. And, honestly, I'd love to hear other people's takes on what does and doesn't qualify for a daemon.