#but guess what? I can at least defend myself against a women | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

caffeineandsociety · 2 years ago

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The thing is, right, violence against trans people is often dismissed in two very distinct ways based on gender.

Violence against trans women is dismissed by justifying it. In the mainstream, we all know what that looks like - they're pretty blatant about it. If someone assaults a trans woman, they immediately assume it was self-defense - she must have tried to sexually assault them, obviously. If she's denied medical care, it's probably because she got belligerent, not that she was trans, though really what's the difference, ALL trans women are secretly big bullies of men deep down, and she deserved it for being such a self-destructive freak anyway, what a waste of medical resources, right?

Violence against trans men is dismissed by minimizing it. In the mainstream, this looks like writing off corrective rape and other assaults with the same old victim-blaming excuses we've always heard, or talking about our difficulty accessing transition AND gynecological care as a frivolity - "ugh, quit your whining, some people have REAL problems" - or stalwartly refusing to count us even as a footnote in discussions about the latter. It's "noooo, we're not trying to HURT you by cutting off your access to transition care, we're trying to make sure you REALLY need it, because you're CLEARLY too trend-obsessed and incompetent to be SURE about what you want for your own body." At "most affirming", it's "okay, well, if the stupid little baby girl wants to play at being a real human man, we'll play along - this means we get to hit you now, right? Men can take a hit! If you're really a man, stop whining about it, it wasn't that bad!"

And the thing is...on an intracommunity basis, we often get the same treatment, just usually dressed up in a pretty rainbow tablecloth and shoved 5 inches to the left.

We don't immediately ASSUME that a trans woman reporting an assault deserved it in a queer space - we know transphobia exists! We know people just randomly assault trans people for no other reason than being trans! Or, at least, we do in theory - but of course that doesn't always stop people here from IMMEDIATELY accepting "oh, well, I guess she was an exception" if the assailant comes and says "nuh-uh, I was just defending myself, she sexually harassed me!" Never mind that we know damned well that many people's threshold for what they think constitutes "sexual harassment" coming from a trans woman is "she flirted with me in a space where flirting is socially expected" or "she made a joke about her dick in an adult space where we have no problem with cis people making dick jokes" or "she spoke to me twice in the NSFW channel in this Discord server" or "she posted lewd selfies on her own personal blog while we were mutuals" or "she talked to me about an anime with more fanservice than I'm comfortable with (and THAT means she's a PEDO on top of what she did to me!)" or even just "she existed near me while trans" - that doesn't come into play, because We Should Believe Victims, right? Also, geez, I know you're being medically abused, but calm down, no one WILL treat you if you keep bellowing about it like that! Yeah, it sucks that they misgendered you and called you slurs when they fought back, but you don't SOUND like you were the victim in this altercation the way you keep ranting and raving and throwing your weight around!

And with trans men, barely ANYTHING has to change. It takes a bit of a pop-feminist bent, with "but perfectly passing and gender-conforming trans men get paid more than cis women, so clearly you are The Privileged One in this conversation" being a running assumption throughout, but despite the slightly different justification, it's...almost if not exactly the same shit on the surface. Corrective rape? Well, was it REALLY? Or did you just have sex with this person and then find out they have a slightly different opinion on some petty intracommunity issue? Because that's all the likes of you theyfab blue-hair-and-pronouns types care about anyway, is stupid arguments over terminology and ship wars, obviously. Being denied transition care? Ugh, you're sitting here whining because you can't get taxpayer-funded plastic surgery, grow up, some of us have real problems, other queer people are getting murdered in the streets and you're crying about your appearance, how selfish can you be!? (Ignore that I just called transition care lifesaving three posts ago...) You're saying you don't have accurate violence statistics because when you DO get killed, you're usually misgendered in death? Well it's fair that they're reporting it as violence against a woman, because that was probably the motive anyway, suck it up and stop worrying about petty optics shit! Oh, and now you're whining about a GIRL hitting you? Well, you're a man, so she couldn't have hurt you THAT bad! No, no, I'm not talking about the physical injury (but that too, you're still ALIVE, after all), I'm talking about the PSYCHOLOGICAL impact, you're a MAN and she's a WOMAN, so you know that YOU have the POWER in this discussion, so brush it off! You got hit by a man? Yeah, well, welcome to BEING a man, learn to take a hit, get used to it, at least he wasn't hitting WOMEN, you're a man, you SHOULD be our shield, you CHOSE that responsibility when you CHOSE to become a man, if you don't like it, well, be grateful I'm telling you to just shut up instead of detransition like the REST of the world would!

But the real sneaky thing in the dismissal of trans men's issues is how often people - usually but not exclusively cis people - will use the violence against trans women to shut us down, presenting that as the "REAL problems" that we DEFINITELY don't experience anything even CLOSE to no siree and it's SO cruel and trivializing to compare such petty nonissues as the highest rate of corrective rape in the queer community and being barred from treatment for gynecological cancers to that! Of course, most of the people who make this claim are the same ones who take the previously mentioned approach toward trans women, but let's not worry about that, right? The point is you need to shut up so we can focus on REAL issues - like this non-passing she/her multigender woman ~*~*making us all look bad*~*~ by posting lewds while non-passing being a HORRIBLE SEX PEST.

And the thing I need more people to realize is: this is bioessentialist.

Look at what's happening here. The approach taken against trans women is exactly the same one taken against most marginalized men - being stereotyped as violent, sex-crazed, not innately weak enough to ever be a VICTIM, only a LOSER. The approach taken against trans men is all the same shit we constantly hear used against women - being stereotyped as infantile, incompetent, weak, frivolous, vain, hysterical.

I don't expect better of a garden-variety transphobe, but I demand better from our own fucking community. Watch yourself before you start parroting that shit.

#transphobia

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ladyof1000masks · 2 years ago

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So this is going to be a post to vent about my dumb bitch drug-addicted neighbor and her contemptible crotch goblin. Yes, I know what a terrible way to refer to a child, but this child is a little demon.

He gets away with his horrible behavior and you could say his parents encourage it. Sometimes he goes outside at the break of dawn and runs around the yard screaming at the top of his fucking lungs. He's cruel to his cat. I watched him attempt to run the cat over with his bike while she was sunbathing. He breaks the decorative trees around the complex and steals other kids' toys off their porches.

His parents let him "play" with their car in a full parking lot and by play I mean hand him the keys to the car and let him drive it. Before we got new parking lots and a driveway he used to pick up large chunks of the asphalt and throw it parked or passing vehicles. Last week he was "playing" with another neighbors' little girls by swinging large branches and plastic bats at them and hitting them. One of the little girl's pointed her bat at him and told him to stop picking on them.

Guess who got in trouble? The little girl. The brat's dad yelled at her and told her to stick to her side of the complex and scaring the other girls off. He then told his wife that the girls struck first which got them in trouble with their parents.

Today I was checking the mail and he was bullying the girls again. One of the girls told him "My mom says if you hit me first I can punch you to defend myself." He looked at her and said, "My mom said I could punch you if you punch me." YOU ran after her and hit her FIRST you little brat.

So his mom is teaching him from a very early age that it's okay to beat women. It's not okay to beat anyone, but at this point, she's perpetuating the cycle of violence against women in our state. Today she screamed at the little girls from the top of HER lungs "Don't fucking hit my kid." Not once, but twice. Bitch, your son is as wide as a refrigerator that little girl is fucking tiny. He outweighs her by at least twice and some of that isn't just fat. He's very large and strong for a six-year-old. When I moved in I thought he was like 12.

They keep guns inside their apartment, an evictable offense as firearms aren't allowed in any complex in our state. They're teaching him to shoot and doing so out back at night.

In several ways, I feel pity for him because his parents basically let him run free, don't make him mind, and don't seem to care. They need to teach him to behave appropriately, make him go to school, pay more hands-on attention to him, get him mental/emotional help, and really just be parents.

(No offense intended towards larger people at all. This is in no way intended to stereotype overweight or portly people because I've met my fair share of shitty people in every shape, size, and gender.)

#vent post #awful neighbors #bad neighbours #bullying #child neglect

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odiabonecessario · 1 month ago

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Ngl, I forgot it was possible to tag someone even though I did the same with a content creator I like a long time ago so I just kept staring at my phone screen for a while before touching it—

I'm aware of it, in fact I really try to find the truth from both sides. It doesn't have anything exactly related but I always had some kind of faith that most people who we see as unredeemable can get their redemption. I don't know the name of the guy but I really like the example of that dude who entered in the damn KKK and converted a lot of them I wish I could say with certainty that it was 200 but I'm not sure. I'm not going to advocate for the guy who wrote that but I can't deny it also feels like some sort of persecution sometimes

For example, Simone de Beauvoir was defending to lower the age of consent and apparently has correlation with nazis I guess? I can't say for sure about the last one, honestly. The creator of the trans flag was a autogynephilic who felt pleasure from wearing underwears of his own mom and wrote a whole book that'd be considered as lolicon content. Wtf do these two have in common? You don't see any of these two guidelines being interrogated by the at very least questionable actions of their "creators" [emphasizing the quote marks because they're not exactly the creator of these groups but rather had a important impact]

One of the things I'm already complaining about is that I don't know how to do something at all about Men's Rights on a political aspect. I'm not even talking about becoming a politician, I'm just talking about at least helping in any way

I don't think I'll ever find a group like MRM but that doesn't mean I'm against women fighting for a more equal society. Heck, I don't expect anyone to agree with me nor anything at all of what I say. If I make a comparison with my posts from just one year ago I'm pretty sure even myself would look at misogynistic shit and say "whoa". I'm just trying to find a way to help people like everyone else and I'm open to change my views, in fact I agree with feminism more than it seems — it's just that I've been suffocated by only one side for so long and coming from my mom and ex-stepmom that I think I already said in the past everything I agreed so now that I'm free I can just talk about the ways I disagree with them, kinda like my experience with leftism

Even when I'm disagreeing with something, I kinda have to pull myself back and understand everyone's trying to figure things out

Some men expecting women/feminists to be the ones to advocate for "men's mental health" is so crazy to me because THEY'RE the reason mens' mental health is so awful😭 men are literally each others worst enemies yet for some reason we have to be the ones to advocate for them

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crvvys · 2 years ago

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I’ve been reading about black feminism and getting into some books bc I think it’s a bit of a blind spot for me and for the most part I actually do enjoy what I’ve been reading. how self-definition and self-determination are major components to bringing black feminist politics to life. and autonomy is another major thing pointed out. it’s immediately understood that black women several decades ago understood both racism and sexism while white women often did not (and really only one of these groups is defended and celebrated within a lot of American feminist circles)

but where I get stuck is this staunch belief they have in reforming men. I’m deeply confused there genuinely. and maybe I need to keep reading to see how that’s supposed to work bc I won’t agree but I at least want to better understand the logic there.

bc if I am to focus on defining myself, being self-determined, where does that fit with also reforming men who often are against both of those things? even from personal experience I have years of extreme lack of growth from wanting to help my friends to become autonomous and determined women. which was difficult bc they sought to reform the men in their lives which stunted their growth.

I guess my thinking is…looking at how black women already struggle with becoming themselves bc of patriarchal pressure from the community, where will the difference be seen between reforming men and just not growing as a person bc of your investment in bettering men who you can’t change? like how can you tell if you’re doing it on feminist principle and not a patriarchal one?

Kim from For Harriet praised the idea of reforming men and said this was the harder and loving choice but where does the investment in women come in if so much of that energy is used on men?

#I’m still gonna learn and read about black feminism bc I’m not put off and there are still things in there that I do agree with #that part just throws me even though I know where it stems from

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bluuxriising · 2 years ago

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“Here, let me show you how.”

Sophie offering her expertise? That was new.

Bluu was leaning against the doorframe, one ankle hooked over the other, her arms crossed; her eyes were lazy and hooded as she watched the brunette with an assessing look. Slowly, she lifted one slender shoulder in a negligent shrug. “I can defend myself, Soph.” Not to say that Sophie was inadequate, but Bluu was far from a damself in distress, and Sophie was better off training newbies.

And yet, it couldn't hurt to learn from the best. She's probably very good at fighting dirty, Bluu thought, her heart kicking into a slightly faster beat as an image of her wife, half-naked and sweaty, burned through her mind like a brand. Why on earth would she find that sexy? But, damn it, everything about Sophie was sexy, from the sleek, muscled power of her body to that unnerving confidence she was using to such good effect. It was like being watched by a jaguar; her bold offer only served to underline the sense of tension, as if she was preparing to pounce.

The mood between the two women that led up to this moment had been light, teasing, but now Bluu could feel that molten attraction throbbing between them. The air was thick and heavy as if a storm were building—not outside, but in here. Bluu wasn’t naive; she knew what kind of storm it was, and if she intended to indulge herself, she needed to make a move now. “Well,” she said briskly, walking towards her, “Kelly won’t be home for at least another twenty minutes. I guess that means no one will disturb our training.”

“Show me what you got, my love.”

@pantslessoptimism

#answered ask #bluu wouldn't mind being taught a thing or two by her lovely wife

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ragnarlothcat · 2 years ago

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Cat fact! According to ~science male cats are typically left paw dominant and female cats are right paw dominant. Why? Idk but you know cats; they like to keep their secrets.

Gay German/Greek facts! Heinrich Hössli (1784-1864) was a Swiss German who was famous for making women's hats AND who loved his gay son so much he wrote a book called 'Eros - The Greek Love of Men' (1836). Considered one of the first 19th century texts defending male same-sex love, the book was written after his son came out to him and was later charged with 'indecent acts'. Hössli looked to the Greeks (whose writings and culture were popular with the German intellectual elite) to defend homosexuality. He believed that the Greeks were the key to society understanding, accepting, and defending the rights of gay men. After all, if a society such as the Germans saw the ancient Greeks as the pinnacle of culture and society, this would also have to include their sexual practices which viewed the love between men as the ultimate expression of love. To do any less would be hypocritical and devalue what made Greek society what it was. Hössli also believed that homosexuality was not a choice but an immutable part of a person.

Hössli was also against any and all anti-semitism, was pro-women's rights, and all for the separation of church from government. What a king 👑

(Sadly, his son died in a shipwreck, but I hope he knew how much his dad loved him).

Yes time for some cat and gay history facts!!! (You should make an extremely niche podcast and I will immediately subscribe)

I knew the cat thing and I like to test it myself when observing cats and it does seem to be mostly true. I know one girl who is left pawed but she lives with her brother cat (did I need to specify? might her brother have been a tortoise?) and our theory is that she just wants to match him! But then, I have a brother and I've never once been tempted to mimic him in any way, so we'll wait to hear what the cat behaviourists have to say I guess 🤔

Hössli sounds incredible and I also hope his son knew he loved him. You have to think that a dad like him, who was writing books, would have made that clear? I don't know how demonstrative 19th century German parents were but I think you can always tell, at least a little. The shipwreck is sad (the untrustworthy ocean strikes again) but at least Hössli lived a long life of correct moral stances and hats and loving his son.

#renlyslittlerose #i am being educated!#cat/history hour

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mediumsizetex · 2 years ago

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(long image ID to follow)

[ID: A collage of eight photos with the top caption: “Look at all these Racist, Homophobic, Sexist, Nexkbearded, Redneck Nazis”. The 1st photo shows a Black man and White man posing together at a protest, both are wearing tactical gear and carrying AR-15s; the 2nd shows a Black man at a protest texting on a cell phone while carrying an AR-15, with several other visibly armed people in the background; the 3rd shows a Black man wearing a magnificent scarf and carrying a large stylish purse, standing next to a White woman in front of a sign advertising a gun giveaway; the 4th shows two Black women talking to each other at a protest, the one on the left is carrying an AR-15 and has a Glock pistol in a holster on her hip; the 5th shows a man of Asian descent at a protest in front of a government building, he is carrying an AR-15 and holding up a sign which reads “ARMED MINORITIES ARE HARDER TO OPPRESS”; the 6th shows several women holding up signs with images of pink pistols on them and captions which read “The 2nd Amendment” and “My Right To Not Be A Victim”, another woman standing behind them is holding a sign which reads “MY RIGHT TO PROTECT MYSELF SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED!”; the 7th shows three bearded men at a protest, the one on the left holding a sign which reads “GUN RIGHTS ARE CIVIL RIGHTS”, the one in the middle holding a sign which reads “GUN RIGHTS ARE TRANS RIGHTS” and carrying a flag which superimposes the Gadsden Flag’s coiled rattlesnake and “DON’T TREAD ON ME” caption over a 7 stripe Pride flag, and the one on the right holding a sign which reads “ANTI-RACIST, PRO-GUN”; the 8th shows a woman of small stature wearing a helmet and tactical gear and carrying an AR-15, standing in front of a crowd of similarly attired and armed people at a protest. End ID]

What you are railing against is not Gun Culture, it’s Insecure Conservative White Man Culture, and every time you falsely conflate the two you are repeating Republican propaganda which was part of a calculated long-term strategy beginning in the late 1970s to turn guns and reproductive rights into culture war issues, just as Nixon had so successfully done with the “war on drugs”-- which was conceived as and has always been prosecuted as a war on poor people and POC-- earlier in the decade. You are also helping Republicans get elected nationwide with this ignorant classist nonsense, so congratulations on that, I guess-- you help put nazis in office! One third of Americans own guns, and nearly half live in a household with at least one gun. One in five households bought a gun during the MAGAvirus pandemic, and ~70% of them were POC, because oppressed minorities could see the writing on the wall and it has a whole goddamn lot of swastikas in it. This capitalist hellhole of a country is running full steam ahead towards outright fascism, and here you are, trying to disarm the people who’ll be first to get loaded on the cattle cars.

[ID: A photo of Malcolm X peering out between the blinds of a motel room while holding an M1 Carbine at the ready, with the bottom caption “’A man with a rifle or a club can only be stopped by a person who defends himself with a rifle or a club. That's equality. If the United States government doesn't want you and me to have rifles, then take the rifles away from those racists. If they don't want you and me to use clubs, take the clubs away from the racists. If they don't want you and me to get violent, then stop the racists from being violent. Don't teach us non-violence!!!’ -Malcolm X”. End ID]

The nazi pieces of shit with guns that you’re talking about? They are not going to give up their guns just because you get a law passed telling them to. (Fair warning, most of these links are to douchebag sites, because for some strange reason no centrist news organization wants to report on the issue.) California’s “assault weapon” ban has had a roughly 3% compliance rate. When Dipshitler tried to ban bumpfire stocks, fewer than 1000 were turned in, and it wouldn’t even have mattered if all half a million of them had magically vanished out of the timeline, because the only special equipment you need to bumpfire a semiauto is a finger and a belt loop. Compliance with state-level standard capacity magazine bans has been effectively zero in both Colorado and New Jersey. California has the strictest gun control laws in the nation, and yet, has rates of gun murder and violent crime in general roughly on par with Texas. And if you actually do manage to get any of these historically ineffective performative gun control laws passed, who exactly do you think is going to enforce them? Were y’all not paying attention at all to the massive wave of police violence against peaceful protestors after George Floyd was murdered, or the way cops always seem to pal around with the nazi counter-protestors?

[ID: Screencap of a tweet by William LeGate reading “This was the capitol’s security when there black protestors on the streets”, with a photo of dozens of people standing on the steps of the US Capitol facing outward and wearing full camouflaged body armor including helmets and facemasks; it is unclear whether they are police or soldiers. End ID]

There’s a reason that almost every single gun control law in the US includes a carve-out exempting law enforcement even though most chiefs of police are vocal supporters of gun control. Fuck The Police means fuck the goddamn police; they are not here to protect anything but capital or serve anyone but the wealthy, and your middle class White privilege will not save you once they decide you’re next on the big list of Then They Came For.

[ID: A black-background infographic styled image reading “DISARM WHITE SUPREMACISTS / DISARM POLICE / DISARM THE MILITARY” next to the broken silhouette of an AR-15, and “ARM THE POOR / THE HOMELESS / PEOPLE OF COLOR / INDIGENOUS PEOPLES / LGBT+ / AND ALL OPPRESSED PEOPLES” next to white-outlined silhouettes of people wearing red neckerchiefs and holding AK-type rifles, with the bottom caption “GROUCHY SOCIALISTS”. End ID]

If we don’t defend ourselves, nobody else is going to do it for us, and when the nazis get around to coming for whichever entry on the list includes you, they will most definitely still be heavily armed no matter how many gun control laws you passed to ask them politely not to. Everybody needs to start understanding, quickly, that the original Nazis didn’t come for the Jews and Roma first, they came for the queers. Guess who the new nazis are coming after right fucking now.

[ID: A photo of a Progress Pride flag which includes the silhouette of a tactical AR-15 and the legend “DEFEND EQUALITY”, hanging on a white brick wall. End ID]

Y’all forgot. It’s all happening all over again and in the exact same order because y’all forgot, and all the bipartisanship and decorum and hashtag resist bumper stickers in the world will not save you. Bullies will not go away because you are polite to them, they only back down if they think they’ll get hurt for stepping up to you.

Shoot first, claim fear when you're done.

Gun culture caters to cowards.

#politics #guns #gun control #no pony #All Cops Are Bastards #police violence #nazism #Pride #SFW

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spockandawe · 3 years ago

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This is an extremely half-formed thought, but today my mind has been circling the idea of shen jiu, redemption arcs, and why I don’t like thinking about his character in those terms.

Yesterday’s post was very much about the sympathetic and tragic parts of his character, because the mechanics of why people get invested in certain characters are always fascinating to me, and the mechanics of how people get invested in characters who have done morally abhorrent things? EXTRA interesting. I can (and will!!!) talk at great length about why I feel attached to any given character, but I’ve felt conflicted about redemption arcs as a metric for how lovable an antagonist gets to be. I love a good redemption arc, of course, it’s very satisfying, but for some characters it just doesn’t make sense to me.

That doesn’t apply to all characters, but I think it does apply to Shen Jiu. It’s very hard for me to see how he would arrive at that point, of deciding to quote-unquote better himself, without significant external force being applied, and subtle force being applied, because he’s not... a cooperative sort of person. I’m one hundred percent down to read those stories, uh, let’s just ignore what makes up most of my wip content, but in terms of the canon, things are very constricted, because we see him reaching the kind of realization he needs, right near the very end.

Yeah, I revisited the last few 79 extras and hurt myself in my own confusion. Again! I’ve posted before about how a tragic part of his story is that even in few times he attempts to act kindly or to practice healthy forms of self-care, it’s turned against him. Trying to defend Liu Qingge against an incoming attack, and then getting accused of attacking him. Sleeping in the brothel because he only feels safe around women, and it damaging his reputation. Shang Qinghua even pretty much says that in canon, Liu Qingge dies when Shen Qingqiu tries and fails to save him during his qi deviation, and he’s blamed for killing him later. I can think of at least three times he tried to act with kindness and was punished for it. Improving himself is not incentivized in any way.

I want to say something about pride, because he both is very proud and very deeply unhappy with himself, but I’m trying not to let this balloon. But he won’t own up to why he sleeps in the brothel because it’s “shameful,” and he’s convinced that he was born intrinsically flawed, because of his reaction to learning that Yue Qi didn’t come back for him. What I’m trying to get at is that he’s at a natural disadvantage when it comes to admitting that he’s done something wrong, even with Yue Qingyuan, who already makes every possible excuse for him whenever he has an opportunity.

But he does reach that tipping point! In the second-to-last 79 extra, This is something that I find fascinating, and is similar to what i find so interesting about Yan Wushi. Yue Qingyuan is trying to urge him to reflect a little in the water prison, and Shen Jiu very bitterly kicks back, because.... what good does it do now? What will repenting, now, fix about the past? He recognizes the ways that he’s responsible for what happened to him, but refuses to defend even the defensible points, like how Qiu Haitang’s accusations were unfair. It’s... on some axis, it’s the opposite of the kind of moral revelation that might kick off a big redemption arc (there are other kinds of redemption arcs, but shh, those are the kinds he has to be tricked/steered into following). He doesn’t rally himself and decide to become a better person, he buckles instead. It’s a despair point.

His reaction there isn’t unlike his revelation to learning that Yue Qi was alive. Even if he was jailbroken at the last minute, that doesn’t feel like a point from which he will start becoming better. Honestly, the best case scenario I can visualize is that he’s much more likely to withdraw, hard, from the world. It’s maybe an improvement in terms of harm done, but I wouldn’t want to call it redemption. I don’t want to say anything as assertive as ‘Shen Jiu doesn’t value himself enough to give himself a redemption arc,’ but honestly, that’s the vibe this whole business gives me. I don’t think he’s incapable of self-improvement, but I think it’s real, real hard unless he’s led down that path by someone else, who values and loves him, and by the time he’s willing to admit that there’s a problem, that is a list of one (1) person, and he’s already stopped trusting that person to love him. It makes me uncomfortable to think of Shen Jiu as a character who could have redeemed himself, but, welp, guess it was too little too late. I love him as a tragic character, and to me, an integral part of that tragedy is the way that it would have been almost impossible for this man, in these circumstances, to recognize that he needed to change or allow himself to be steered into making positive changes in his life.

#svsss #shen jiu #meta #do i use my meta tag consistently? absolutely not

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quietmyfearswith · 4 years ago

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when you’re insecure ; preferences

warnings — body/weight insecurities, swear words, mentions of death, bit of angst??? bit of fluff???

characters — andy barber, steve rogers, ransom drysdale, jake jensen, bucky barnes, lance tucker, carter baizen, syverson, will shaw, august walker

a/n — so i read @gotnofucks’ drabble about how certain characters would react when the reader calls herself ugly and was inspired to write something similar to that ❤️ dont forget that you guys are beautiful and worth it!

their love language | with their little

masterlist

The utensils hitting the dishes was the only sound heard as Y/N and Andy ate in silence. The latter stealing glances at the girl; for he felt that there was something wrong. “I’m done eating,” Y/N declared, as she placed her hands under her chin and looked at Andy. Midbite, the lawyer had to pause and worriedly looked at her, “What’s wrong, honey?” Even though Y/N had an idea of what he wanted to know, she shrugged as she convinced him, “Nothing’s wrong.” Swallowing down his food, he was able to talk to her , “Honey, I know you well enough to know that there’s something going on in that beautiful mind of yours and a reason as to why you ate quickly.”

Feeling his warm hand grab onto hers, it was his silent way of coaxing her into confiding in him; that he was more than willing to listen to what she had to say. Taking a deep breath, she unconsciously found her hand squeezing Andy’s — as if finding the courage to say what’s bothering her. “I just don’t feel good,” she admitted, and before Andy could further pry for information she continued, “Like I’m gaining weight and it’s making me look ugly?” Shoulders sagging, Y/N sound defeated as she dismissed her own revelation, “It’s stupid I know, but you didn’t need to hear that.” Disagreeing with what she said, Andy rapidly shook his head, “It’s not stupid if it’s disappointing you,” Y/N could only offer a small smile with what he said, “If you feel as if the changes happening to your body are making you ugly, then I’m not doing my job to make you feel confident and beautiful.” She wanted to protest and say that there was nothing Andy could do to remedy the situation; but she knew better than to interrupt him when he was using his “lawyer” voice and reasoning. Lifting her hand up, he planted a kiss on her knuckles as he comforted her, “You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I’ll do everything in my power to make you feel and see it. You may not like the changes you see, but I think it just makes you even more breathtaking.”

“It was absolutely crazy to see how Ilsa was more than willing to jump out of the chopper even though she knew her parachute was faulty,” August laughed out loudly upon recalling the events of the mission he’s just been to. They both were sitting on the couch, a glass of wine rested on Y/N’s hand while the other curled itself in August’s toned arm. Gulping down his beer, he shook his head as he once more at the recollection of what happened; upon seeing how the memory had such a positive impact on him, there were two thoughts lingering in her mind. The first one was that it was great to see August relaxed and happy. However, the envious part in her considered that perhaps she couldn’t always provide him with this joy — perhaps Ilsa could? “She really seems like a real package then huh?” Turning his head to her, August chuckled a bit even though the comment made him wonder with what she meant, “Yeah I guess you can say that.”

“Do you see you see yourself with someone like her?” If his confusion was just at the down low, August’s confusion could now be visibly translated through his furrowed eyebrows and shocked face, “What?” The simple question was just the surface of a web of follow-up questions he had, but he figured the time he spent with Y/N made her understand that he had a lot of questions that needed to be answered; and she did know what the simple question meant. “It’s just you seem so fascinated with Ilsa, so maybe she’s someone you want to settle down with. Someone who'll always make you feel excited and happy, I guess.” The beer bottle he was holding was placed down on the coffee table as he turned to her. “I don’t know how you came up with this analogy, but the only one I really see myself settling down with is you.” Y/N gasped out at his confession, her eyes were glossy as she felt overwhelmingly touched. “You think so, August?” Kissing her deeply, he spoke as his lips were against hers, “In this chaotic world I live in, you’re the only thing that keeps me sane and your love is something I surely do not deserve, but I’ll kill every bad guy if it meant I’d be worthy of it.”

“What’s this sticky thing?” Bucky groaned in disgust at the gooey and slimy thing he touched as he was stroking the stomach skin underneath Y/N’s shirt. They both were watching a show they got hooked on, and the super soldier just loved feeling her skin any chance he got. “It’s a new cream I got,” Y/N informed him as she giggled at his disgusted expression; he suddenly thought it was a good idea to smell the foreign substance and was disappointed to find out it wasn’t the most alluring fragrance. “Why did you put that disgusting cream in your body?” The question seemed to disappoint Y/N as she moved slightly away from him and fiddled with her fingers. “Just felt like I should put some cream on my stomach,” Her explanation had Bucky even more confused than he previously was.

“Can you explain more, doll?” Upon saying this Y/N felt uncomfortable to open up what has been bothering her; but when she looked at Bucky he had this worried and soft look that made her do so anyway. “I’m just insecure about the stretch marks that I have there — so I thought why not buy a cream that removes it.” Bucky’s initial instinct was to hold his girlfriend close as he whispered, “I understand why you felt the need to do so love, I mean that’s how I felt for a long time with my scars,” As he mentioned that, he could feel Y/N nodding as she recalled instances where she caught him staring in the mirror with disgust at his wounds, “But what’d you do? You kissed them and reassured me how they’re a part of me; and that I’m not really as ugly as I make myself out to be.” Kneeling on the floor, Bucky raised her shirt and wiped off the lotion she had rubbed on herself, and began placing kisses on it, “You’ve reassured me multiple times on my scars, now it’s my turn to do the same for you.”

“Damn Raiman is one badass chick,” Jensen whistled as he and Y/N were watching Black Mirror. As the said character was currently hellbent on getting the mission done, Y/N couldn’t feel uneasy with his comment. She knew about how initially her boyfriend had been attracted to Aisha; though she remains good friends with her, she still couldn’t help but compare herself with her boyfriend’s former crush. Turning her head to him, she could see how he was clearly enamored with the female soldier. But upon feeling her stare at him, Jensen looked at her and smiled, “What are you looking at huh?” Despite his teasing, Y/N couldn't find it in herself to reciprocate and continue the light-hearted banter. “You have a type, do you know that?”

The skin in Jensen;s forehead wrinkled in confusion, “A type?” Y/N nodded as she further explained, “You like women in the army, or at least those who aren’t afraid to go on dangerous missions.” Despite her explanation, it still did not satisfy the tech genius as he asked, “What?” She pointed to the screen where Raiman was currently shown on screen, “You like her and you were attracted to Aisha; so it really makes me think why you like me.” Finally putting the pieces together, Jensen could only chuckle at her analogy — not making Y/N feel better. After calming down, Jensen wrapped an arm around his girlfriend and kissed her forehead, “You have nothing to worry about, babe. I only liked Aisha because she was the first girl I talked to for a while; a shit excuse but yeah that’s really it. Raiman might be a badass but she sure lacks empathy. And I’m with you because you make me feel safe, loved, and appreciated. In fact you’re exactly my type.”

Y/N and Sy had just finished eating but they haven’t left the dinner table yet as they both were engrossed in conversation which was made even more delightful as they sipped on some wine. “So what, you’d be willing to lay down your life when you were in duty?” Y/N knew how dedicated her boyfriend was; the medals hanging on their wall were evidence of it. Nodding, he first took a gulp of his drink before justifying, “What better way to go than by defending your country, I guess.” Placing her chin on her hand she then pried more, “But wouldn’t you rather stay alive and continue fighting for your country?” The former soldier couldn't help but let out an amused chuckle; he didn’t know why his girlfriend had this sudden interest in his purpose or motivation when he was in the army. “Fair point, but I don’t know I just wanted to go all out.”

Though his justification was incomplete, it gave her all the confirmation she needed that he was this man of so much dedication and love for his country he was more than willing to give his all. “I feel like I don’t deserve you,” She found herself sighing to him adoringly, which caused him to look at her as if she had told him unbelievable news. “What?” Was the only thing he could mutter because he never thought of that way and he always thought that it was him who didn’t deserve her due to what he’s seen and done. “I don’t know I just feel like you’re this incredible person who’s selfless and passionate. Seeing what you achieved in the army makes me feel so small when I’m next to you,” Y/N didn’t expect that she was able to confess this to her boyfriend as she feared he might dismiss her. But Sy was awed with how highly she thinks of him considering he frequently doubts himself. “I don't know how you were able to come up with that idea, but I can tell you that you do deserve me. You loved a man who is scared and someone who’s seen unspeakable horrors, yet decided that I was worthy of your love and affection. And honestly? I think your existence served as my guardian angel during my time on active duty.”

“Angel, I’m home!” Lance announced as he shut and locked the door behind him, “Folding in the laundry!” Upon hearing where she was he then walked to where she was, seeing how she was folding clothes and pressed a kiss on his girlfriend’s forehead. “How was the training session?” Lance helped Y/N and grabbed folded clothes as they both made their way onto their bedroom. “It went great! Crystal did well in her flips and splits today,” As Lance went on about how their training session went well, Y/N could feel herself start to go down the spiral of insecurity. Unsure if she was able to mask it well, opted to nod along in silence. “Plus, her dance outfit came in today and it looks stunning! And it really looked good on her when she tried it on,” That remark of Lance’s was the final straw for Y/N as she walked out of their bedroom and moved to their ensuite bathroom.

Shocked by her sudden display of disinterest at their conversation, Lance followed her and waited after she was done splashing water on her face. “Are you alright, love? I’m sorry I got all excited about what happened today; what was your day like?” Instead of filling him in with what the day looked like for her, she dwelled on what he was rambling on, “Can’t blame you, sure seemed like you had the best day.” The gold medallist recognized that tone and choice of words and he called her out on it as he grabbed both her hands and turned her to face him, “Love, I know that what you said is sarcastic based on your tone and words; because if you haven’t noticed that’s how I converse with Hope,” Lance took it as a good sign that she chuckled which encouraged him to go on, “So I need you to tell me what’s bothering my beloved.” Her eyes looked at his, hoping that there was some other way she could tell it to him. But with his hands gently fondling hers, he somehow managed to coax her into speaking, “I just feel like it doesn’t matter what Crystal does but you’ll always be amazed with her. And it’s not just like today that you talk about her with so much admiration,” Despite feeling better since she voiced out her side, Y/N still felt silly about what she opened up about; Lance however found it helpful that she opened up about it. Pulling her into a tight hug, the gymnast rubbed her back comfortingly, “I’m so sorry for everything I did to make you feel that way. I promise to only speak highly of you and not any other girl out there.”

“Can I help you with anything, Steve?” Y/N wondered as she walked in on the Captain’s office area in their home. Peeking his head up from the computer and paperwork he had, “Not unless you can help me decipher these messages of HYDRA officials?” He groaned out in frustration which made Y/N chuckle and shake her head, “I’m sorry I don’t think I’m smart enough for those.” Just before she walked away to grab him another cup of coffee she heard him mumble out, “What’s new? No one really knows this shit.” As she was heating the beverage, she tried to convince her not to be so offended with what he said. That it was probably the result of stress and dissatisfaction from the lack of progress talking. But she knew that hit close to him since it was something that she had always been insecure about. Pouring the hot liquid on a mug, she then walked back to where Steve was and give it to him.

“Here you go,” She placed the mug on his desk and was about to walk away when she felt her hand be pulled back. “Why don’t you come here and stay with me for a while?” She didn’t even have time to answer as the super soldier already was maneuvering her so she could sit on his lap. “I don’t know, maybe it would be better if you go do that smart thing you were attending to,” Steve was able to pick up that there was something off about what she said. “Is there a reason you’re speaking to me that way, darling?” And as Y/N shrugged her shoulders, the Captain had all the confirmation he needed to come to the conclusion that there was a reason for why she was acting this way. “I just feel like, I’m not smart enough to be with you,” Upon meeting Steve’s bewildered look, she then took it upon herself to explain more, “I’ll never be able to help you out with these missions and reports; so why are you settling for me and not someone who’s real knowledgeable about all this,” She ended her explanation by pointing at the the different documents Steve had laid out in his desk. Kissing her temple, Steve hugged Y/N tightly as if he wanted her to know that he didn’t have those doubts. “I don’t think that you’re not smart; just because you don’t know a whole lot about these doesn’t erase the fact about how incredibly intelligent you are about your field of work. And so what if you’re not knowledgeable about HYDRA? It’s better because you’re not tainted by the malicious acts they did. Being with you is not me settling; in fact, it’s me finally finding something I searched for and needed.”

“Thank you so much, Melanie,” Y/N heard Will thank his assistant when she entered his office. As the aforementioned worker said it was no big deal as she exited the room to give the two privacy, Y/N announced, “I can come back later, bub, if you’re busy.” But her boyfriend shook his head as placed the files he was handed down on his desk, “Nonsense, come over here! I missed you.” And as they both shared a hug, they hugged tightly as if they were trying to explain how much they loathed having to spend time away from each other. “Brought you some lunch,” She placed the paper bag on his desk, careful not to stain any of his documents. “You shouldn’t have! I was just about to ask Melanie to grab some for us.”

Maybe it was the way her act of getting him food was easily dismissed; but the fact that he thought of relying more on his assistant ticked Y/N off. Standing up from the chair’s arm she was sitting on, her reply of, “Sounds like you don’t need me then,” had sass in it. The businessman however speculated that something was up. “You’re not leaving until you tell me what brought about this change of mood,” He pointed out her body as if the problem was something that could be seen. Y/N rolled her eyes to which her boyfriend tsked at; a way of telling her that there was no way they weren’t resolving it right now. “I just feel like you’re placing such a high regard or like you’d rather Melanie do things for you,” She sighed as she crossed her arms. Sighing as well, Will smacked himself internally for making his girl feel this way. Standing up from where he was seated, he pulled her in for a half hug which gave him the opportunity to look at her as he reassured her, “I don’t place Melanie in such a high pedestal, okay? It’s just I’m used to her assisting me for work and I’d rather put her through all the hassle instead of you. But you do me the greatest and biggest favor of all — you put up with my shit, look after me when you know I neglect myself, and love me unconditionally.”

When Carter told Y/N that they needed to go to this gala, he took it upon himself to take a day off to go shopping. The latter always claimed how the former went overboard when buying her an outfit and accessories. Less than a day prior to the gala, Y/N shocked Carter when she let it slip how she had no plans of attending the said event. “What? Why not?” The CEO panicked as he turned to face her. Wiggling in her seat, Y/N countered, “Well why do I need to go in the first place?” Sighing, Carter wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, prompting her to lay her head on his chest, “Because it’s a celebration of the company’s accomplishment and I would really love for my inspiration and the love of my life to be there to celebrate it with me.” With his explanation, Y/N couldn’t really find a rebuttal to it, and he could sense that she had no answer so he inquired, “Why do you not want to go, love?”

Tucking her head under his chin, Y/N then decided to unveil her reason, “I have nothing to wear.” Flabbergasted with that, Carter couldn’t help but ask, “What? Didn’t we go out shopping last week? Do you wanna go right now?” Y/N calmed Carter who was already making his way to stand up so he could get ready to go out. “It’s not that I don’t actually have clothes to wear; I do but,” She trailed off, not knowing how to properly say it. “But?” Carter wondered, and Y/n decided to just say it bluntly, “Nothing looks good on me.” Disbelief with just he heard, he looked at her as if he was expecting she would claim it was a joke; but upon seeing how she didn’t take back what she said, he then understood that she was indeed serious, “What do you mean nothing looks good on you?” Y/N then bit her lip nervously, Carter then pulled her lip and gently coaxed her to explain. “I was trying on the clothes we bought, and just nothing looked good on me. I mean, they’re pretty dresses so I figured maybe it was me who’s the problem. Like I can’t give justice to the dress.” Baffled with what she was saying, Carter put both his hands on her cheeks, making Y/N face his serious face, “Baby, that’s got to be the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard; and I went to a private highschool full of privileged fucks. I think what you really mean is that all the dresses we bought don’t compliment your assets properly,” Seeing her shrug nonchalantly signified how he was getting through her, “And honestly? You can come up to the gala in just your pajamas and still look drop dead gorgeous.”

“Is there any way I can not go on Sunday?” Y/N ‘s small voice was barely above a whisper, but it didn’t fly past Ransom’s keen ear. Looking up from his phone, he looked down from where she laid on his lap, her eyes looking hopeful. “Why don’t you want to go?” This wasn’t the first time he brought her over to Harlan’s home and dined with his family. Granted, she was risking going inside a lion’s den and being devoured by the predators. “Because your family’s gonna be there and we both know how disastrous these gatherings can be,” Though she made a point, both the trust fund son and his girlfriend knew that was a lame excuse to forfeit from the gathering. “Baby, you and I both know you handle these gatherings well; remember what happened when you told Walt off?”

Upon bringing up the instance where Walt had made an off-handed and misogynistic comment to which didn’t sit well with Y/N, resulting in her lecturing him about why his statement was problematic, the girl could only scrunch her face up. “It’s because of that I don’t want to go,” she mumbled quietly. But if there was one thing Ransom learned and developed after dating her for so long, it was to listen carefully to every sound she made for it all meant something. “I may not have heard what you said clearly, but I know that you said something. So better speak up, princess and tell me what it is about this Sunday’s dinner that makes you not want to go.” Y/N knew there was no way they could drop this subject since Ransom had set his phone down and looked at her seriously. She then covered her eyes with her hands as she confessed, “I just heard about Walt and Linda talk about how they never wanted someone like me for you.” With that revelation, Ransom round himself agitated and infuriated with how his family members had the balls to comment on his love life that made him very much happy. Letting the back of his knuckles caress her cheek he consoled her, “Just so you know, my family can eat shit for thinking that they can give nasty and irrelevant comments about what makes me happy. You make me happy and love me despite my spoiled ass. If anything it’s me who doesn’t deserve to be with someone as amazing as you are.”

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srivsblk · 4 years ago

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strange theories to keep the boys away | george weasley;

summary: after you created a “strange theory” to find a date for the Yule Ball and have fun, George Weasley, your best friend Ron’s brother, is sure that he’s the right guy;

warnings: —;

—

“What are you doing?” asked Ron Weasley sitting right in front of me.

The library had never been this noisy. All the students arrived with the intention of studying for those few subjects in which the professors continued to give homework and inevitably ended up talking about the Yule Ball.

“What do you mean what am I doing?” I asked looking at him confused. “Studying.”

“Well, everyone is talking about the Yule Ball,” Ron shrugged while Harry sat next to him. “You probably already have a date.”

I sighed and placed the quill on the table, paying my attention to Ron. “Actually, no,” I said observing Ron's expression, which went from calm to shock. “Oh, don’t look at me like that!”

“You- You don’t have a date!” Ron exclaimed wide-eyed pointing at me. “How?”

“High expectations regarding boys, I guess,” I shrugged looking around the room. “I mean, it's not like nobody asked me.”

“Did you know it?” I heard Ron asking Harry in a whisper receiving a simple ‘no’ as an answer.

“Have you seen Hermione, by any chance?” I asked frowning and still looking around. “I thought she was with you two.”

Harry shrugged. “Actually, we thought she was with you.”

I nodded with my brows furrowed and realized that Hermione was probably somewhere around the castle talking about her beloved S.P.E.W. Although Hermione remained my best friend and the only one I could talk to about women's issues, lately I found myself spending more time with Harry and Ron. And when I needed Hermione, I went to the library hoping to find her and sometimes failing. For this reason, I had now spent so much time in the library and alone that I had finished my homework and devoted myself to taking notes on future topics.

“How much time did you spend in the library?” asked Ron observing the open page of the Potions book in front of me. “I'm pretty sure Snape hasn't explained those things yet!”

“Well, long enough to be able to say I’m ahead of the schedule.”

“Ahead?” Ron said shocked. “Blimey, Y/N, either Hermione has infected you or you are terribly bored!”

“Thanks, Ron, coming from you it's a real compliment!” I said sarcastically. “And how's the date you don't have because you're too chicken to ask someone to come to the Yule Ball with you?”

Ron, visibly offended in his pride, was about to argue but was suddenly cut off.

“Yes, Ron! How's your date?”

Turning slightly I noticed that Fred and George Weasley were behind me and had probably overheard the last part of the conversation. Being one of Ron's best friends and having spent a lot of time at his home, seeing Fred and George was nothing new. In fact, in the last year I was sometimes surprised not to see them more often, but Ron kept repeating that they had become suspicious since we arrived at Hogwarts. As Fred sat on my left and George on my right, Ron rolled his eyes and sighed.

“I thought you two were busy.” Ron muttered looking between the twins.

“Exactly,” Fred said smirking. “We were.”

“But a little break doesn't kill anyone,” continued George who was mirroring his brother’s expression. Meanwhile, Harry had a smirk on his face and was exchanging amused glances with me.

“Oh, me and my date are perfectly fine,” Ron said with a forced smile, “but let’s talk about Y/N who still doesn't have a date!”

I looked at him tilting my head confused. “I think you didn't listen to me, Ronald,” I sighed. “It was a choice!”

“I can’t believe you,” Ron said shaking his head. “Nobody goes alone to the Yule Ball by choice!”

“What do you mean?” asked Fred curious.

I sighed and turned to Fred explaining myself. “Someone has already asked me to go to the Yule Ball with them and I refused saying I already had a date.” I calmly said before glancing at Ron who was shaking his head. “However, it's a good choice I've made this past week and I have no second thoughts.”

“I still don't understand it!” groaned Ron frustrated. “From what other guys say you are one of the prettiest girls at Hogwarts and even Malfoy would not care about your house and social status to go to the Yule Ball with you. You're wasting your luck, Y/N!”

“What is your choice based on?” asked Harry over Ron’s muttered words.

I looked at him and noticed that he was genuinely curious and so I started telling him what I kept telling myself every day. “The guys who asked me to go to the Yule Ball with them were from Durmstrang. I have nothing against them but... I mean, I didn't know them enough! You know how sad it is to go to the Yule Ball with one of them and spend a boring evening or discover that maybe they are like Karkaroff! I have decided that I will go with a person with whom I know I can have a pleasant evening. Besides, I'm not afraid to go alone.”

I caught my breath after my words and took the time to observe the reactions of the other boys. Harry struggled to understand my reasoning, but Ron had given up as soon as he heard the news and was waiting with his arms folded for a reaction as exaggerated as his. Fred, however, looked at me confused and George, who had listened carefully to my words, was thinking hard about something.

After twenty seconds of pure silence, Ron decided to interrupt the confusion. “Blimey, Y/N, there is no need to make up strange theories to keep the boys away.”

Ron's words sparked a deep rage that caused my body temperature to rise dramatically. My cheeks were probably tinged red with anger because I noticed Harry looking at me worriedly as if I was going to explode. Ron, however, did not notice the effect of his words. He had behaved like this with Harry before the first task, with Hermione more than once and now with me too. I had enough. With all the anger still inside, I got up from my chair causing a noise that attracted the attention of some people in the room and quickly collected my books. I took the bag and looking at Ron with narrowed eyes and pursed lips, I left. At that moment even Hagrid could have mistaken me for an angry dragon. Keep the boys away. How dare he? He knew me well and I would have accepted such words coming from Pansy Parkinson or Draco Malfoy, but not from Ronald Weasley. Was he jealous? Well, it wasn't my fault that he hadn't found the courage to ask Hermione to be his date! Yet it was not a plausible enough excuse to blame me for not accepting two proposals!

“Y/N!” I heard a voice calling me, which made me turn around and stop.

George Weasley had probably run from the library to follow me and was slightly out of breath. His hair slightly longer than last year was disheveled due to running. His bag was about to fall off his shoulder and there was a slight flush on his cheeks. After waiting for him to say something, I looked at him confused.

“What is it, George?” I asked in a kinder tone, regretting the brusque behavior of before. “Listen, if it’s about Ron-”

“Ron?” he asked frowning. “No, nothing about Ron, love! I just had to ask you something.”

I shrugged. “Go on, then.”

He looked around and was struggling to find the right words, but nonetheless he took a deep breath and became serious. “You and I. The Yule Ball. Together.”

George tried not to show his insecurity and was waiting for an answer from me, but he probably noticed my confusion because soon after he started to move his mouth looking for the right words, perhaps afraid of having said something wrong.

“Are you asking me to be your date, George?” I asked slowly understanding.

“Only if you want to!” he said hopeful adjusting the bag on his shoulder. “And don't think it's pity or something. I want to take you to the Yule Ball.”

I watched George closely and noticed small details that I had always overlooked in recent years. George had become a handsome boy and his fame as a prankster had made him known throughout the school. But I only knew him as Ron's brother who had always been nice to me, even defending me from some bad Slytherin pranks. “Yes,” I said satisfied of my choice. “I'll go to the Yule Ball with you!”

The expression on George's face went from nervous to relieved and enthusiastic in less than a second. He kissed me on the cheek and ran away screaming through the halls as if he had won an important Quidditch match. The place where George left the kiss on my cheek was warm and when I touched it I suddenly smiled. Then I turned and continued walking - this time more slowly and cheerfully - towards the common room.

What happened in the following days was a succession of events and voices that created a sort of pause between the moment when George had asked me to go to the Yule Ball and the evening that everyone was waiting for.

Although Hermione was shocked when I told her that same evening that I had accepted George's proposal, she told me that she should actually have foreseen it. However, she told me that I hadn't chosen badly since at least with George I was sure I could have fun. As for her date, Hermione had finally told me that she had agreed to go with Victor Krum and that he wasn't as bad as everyone thought. George, on the other hand, kept an impassive attitude when he met me with Harry and Ron. He had only told Fred and Lee Jordan that I was his date, as only Ginny and Hermione had heard from me. Harry and Ron had not suspected anything, although they had known that I had finally found a date. Apparently, neither Ron nor I wanted to resume that discussion because he was merely commenting on the Yule Ball matters with Harry. Just a few days before the event, I discovered that my two best friends were planning to bring the Patil twins to the Yule Ball. I thought it was a choice to save themselves from the inevitable loneliness, but I never told them. Hermione still didn't talk about her date in front of Ron and she preferred to avoid any conversation about the Ball.

“Who is he?” asked Ron two days before the Yule Ball while playing chess with Harry.

I sighed closing the book I was reading and looked at him. “No need to keep asking, Ron! You'll see him in two days.”

However, even though I kept refusing, Ron was so curious about my date's name that he repeated the names of all male Hogwarts students from our year and up. Still, it was interesting how he skipped his twin brothers, probably sure that neither George nor Fred saw me as a real girl.

On Christmas day, just after waking up and opening the presents, Hermione and I met Harry and Ron and went to breakfast together. Although the general excitement for the Yule Ball, we decided to spend the morning in the Gryffindor tower, where everyone enjoyed their presents, then returned to the Great Hall for a magnificent lunch. The afternoon passed quickly between walks on the grounds of Hogwarts and snow fights. Hermione and I watched Harry and the other Weasleys having snow fights, while Hermione occasionally sneaked a glance at the smiles George and I exchanged. Around five, Hermione checked the time and took my arm as she rose from the ground. Apparently it was already late and we had to get ready for the evening.

“What, you need three hours?” said Ron, looking at Hermione incredulously, and being hit by George with a snowball. “Who’re you two going with?” he yelled after me and Hermione, but she just waved while I smiled at George and shook my head. Then we disappeared up the stone steps into the castle.

It had taken three hours to prepare both me and Hermione. She had been having some problems with her bushy hair as I kept pacing the room, trying not to panic. Hermione, as soon as she noticed my nervousness, tried to calm me down ("Oh, George is a great guy, Y/N! You'll definitely have fun.") and she helped me put on my dress. Looking in the mirror I had never felt this way. Suddenly, Christmas at Hogwarts took on another meaning. I looked at Hermione smiling and we finally headed for the Great Hall.

Arriving at the Great Hall Hermione left me with a hug and walked over to Krum. I peered around looking for George or at least Harry and Ron so as not to feel completely alone. Finally, after a few moments, I found George talking animatedly with Fred, who had a splendid Angelina beside him. As I walked towards them, Angelina said something to George making him turn in my direction and he finally noticed me. My smile widened further and I saw it was the same for George. He walked away from Fred and Angelina and arrived in front of me.

“You’re-” George couldn’t find the words while looking at me. “Merlin, Y/N, you’re wonderful!”

“You're not bad too, George!” I smiled taking his arm. “I've spent the last three hours preparing myself and I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous.”

“Well, no need to be nervous, love,” said George smirking. “It will be an unforgettable evening, trust me!”

“Oh, I trust you,” I said looking around. “Why are they all looking in our direction?”

George shrugged smirking. “Actually, they’re looking at me. They always do like this when they see me, don't worry!”

I laughed and held his arm tighter. “For a moment I had forgotten that you are the funny one.”

“Never forget that, love,” said George closer to my ear as we entered the Great Hall.

I noticed that Harry was nervous next to one of the Patil twins and Hermione was talking to Krum smiling. Many people needed more than a glance to recognize Hermione Granger, but I smiled at her as she did the same when she noticed me not far from her.

The first part of the evening passed quickly between laughter and an exquisite dinner. Fred kept throwing jokes at Angelina who pretended to be angry for a while and then laughed with the others. George and I had relaxed so much that being this close after a while felt more natural. He kept one arm on my chair and I squeezed his hand when he complimented me. When dinner was over and the Champions started dancing with their dates, George kept holding my hand before smiling at me and taking me to the dance floor. We may not have been the best dancers, but dancing with George just made me happy. After more dances together, George and I walked off the dance floor laughing and, noticing Harry and Ron near a table, we walked over to them.

“Why aren’t you two dancing?” I asked frowning and still holding George’s hand.

“We’re bored.” Ron muttered looking between me and George and trying to change the topic. “So you two-”

“What?” I asked curious.

“Nothing,” shrugged Ron sighing. “I didn't know you had a crush on George. That’s all.”

“I-” I tried to find the right words but felt my cheeks flush. “What are you talking about?”

“And you, George,” Ron said narrowing his eyes at George. “I didn't know you were interested in my best friend! Because that's what Y/N is, a sort of sister.”

As my cheeks became more and more red, I felt George boil in anger beside me at Ron's tone. “Well, Ron, maybe she is your sister, but not mine.”

“Whatever,” mumbled Ron sulky. “However, you remain two traitors. You haven't even told me anything about it.”

Harry stood next to Ron watching the scene. He was too smart to criticize us and agree with Ron, but he was too afraid of losing his best friend again to go against him. So I realized that Ron's only intention was to ruin the evening for all his best friends just because he didn't get what he wanted so much.

“You know, I had enough, Ron,” I said firmly looking at him. “Just because you can't have the best night of your life because of your bad mood doesn't mean you have to ruin my night too! For once I'm having fun and you ruin everything. I can’t accept it, I'm sorry.”

I walked away from my two friends and George with my heart pounding with anger. I didn't want to ruin anyone's evening, so my goal was to go outside and get some air and then find George and continue the wonderful evening. I noticed that the air outside was too cold for how I was dressed, so I sat on a sheltered bench observing the people around me. I recognized a fifth year girl walking with a boy from Durmstrang, and a seventh year couple sitting on a bench not far from me.

“Excuse me, is this seat occupied?” asked someone and turning around I found George smirking. As soon as I shook my head, George sat down beside me.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled feeling guilty. “I had a wonderful evening with you and I feel I ruined it by talking to Ron.”

George slightly smiled and took my hand in his. “If anything you made this evening better by silencing Ron in less than two minutes!”

I laughed and looked at him. “Still, I’m sorry.”

“Well, no,” said George frowning. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”

“For what?”

“You deserve someone like Diggory or Krum, and instead you end up with George Weasley, the prankster,” George shrugged looking down.

“I like George Weasley,” I smiled holding his hand. “I don't think I would have had more fun with Diggory or Krum tonight. Or any other night.”

George looked at me smirking. “So did you have fun?”

I laughed nodding. The couple of seventh year students looked at us for a second before turning around. “I had a wonderful evening and you, George,” I pointed a finger towards him. “you were wonderful.”

George stared at me without saying anything for a few seconds. He had a satisfied smile on his face and his eyes were moving from my eyes to my lips. Suddenly he brought his face close to mine and kissed me. It was a small kiss and it didn't last long. But it had stayed on my lips like a tattoo on someone's skin. A golden but small tattoo. I noticed that George's cheeks had turned red to his ears covered in long hair and he seemed eager to have a reaction from me. But all I did was get closer and kiss him more deeply than before. It didn't matter if it was cold and winter or if anyone could see George and Y/N kissing in the courtyard. It was something I wanted to do instinctively when I never did anything instinctively. After years of rational choices, kissing George Weasley was instinctive.

“Do you want to go back to the Great Hall?” George asked after the kiss. “Let's dance a little more and then I'll take you back to the common room.”

I nodded standing up still holding his hand. “What a night,” I said smiling and shaking my head.

“And you haven't seen anything yet, love,” said George walking and hugging me. “George Weasley can do better! Ask me for the moon and I'll bring you the entire galaxy. We still have time, after all!”

And that was true. We still had time. We were young and free and at the start of something which we would later call love. But in that moment it was still too soon. Two young students not knowing what is that feeling when you hang from the lips of the person you like and wait for their proposal or opinion, when you think that no sad moment can ever get over this happy moment. Because that person is your happy moment. And George Weasley became all of my moments.

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firelord-frowny · 3 years ago

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omg so like. several years ago, in uhhh 2012 i think, my bestestfrand was a student at bowie state university, and she called me one night all freaked out bc there had been a fuckinnnn deadly stabbing on her dorm floor??????????? one girl had stabbed another in the neck, who then bled to death in the hallway, and I remember hearing on the news that the altercation was ultimately about a disagreement over music that was being played on an ipod. basically one girl wanted the music on, and the other wanted it off, and a Fight ensued.

And I never remember hearing about what ultimately became of that case, so I googled it, and WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW

the girl who did the stabbing was found not guilty!

Basically, if I understood correctly, the two girls were room mates, and they hadn't been getting along and had already had a few altercations. Girl A (the stabber) claimed that during the argument, Girl B (the stabbee*) had a few friends who then began to gang up on her, causing her to ~feel threatened.~ And beacuse she felt threatened, she went into her bedroom to get her knife??? Just In Case??? Which I meeeeaaan.... if she was able to walk away to go get a knife, seeeems like she could have ALSO just, ya know, walked out of the dorm entirely and perhaps walked to the campus police department to report that she felt she was in danger?? but whatever i guess!

anyway, girl A gets her knife, and Girl B along with her friends, began to jump her, unaware that Girl A had gotten a knife. According to Girl A, Girl B and at least one other girl grabbed her by the hair and started hitting her, and Girl A started just swinging her knife around, not intending to kill anyone, but intending to get them to leave her alone, and in this process, she sliced Girl B in the neck, and Girl B starts bleeding out, stumbles out of the room, collapses, and dies.

And like, frankly, I do buy the story that Girl B probably ~started it.~ Apparently Girl A's lawyer stated that Girl A had reported a hostile environment to dorm management, told them that Girl B had been threatening her, and asked to be able to change rooms, but that dorm management denied the request (I can't find anything that suggests the school ever denied that claim, so i'm accepting it as true).

And I also believe that Girl A did genuinely fear that she would be seriously hurt in the fight if it didn't stop.

But I DOOOOOOOOOOON'T BELIEVE that "grab my knife so i can stab/intimidate them when they start hitting me again" was even REMOTELY the acceptable thing to do omfg! Just from the info that's available online (which I know can never give the Full Story), there didn't seem to be any reason to believe that Girl A was trapped in the dorm room, or that anyone was going to try to prevent her from leaving. And like, the stabbing apparently happened after a lull in a previous physical fight, so like, Girl B swings on Girl A, they break contact for a while, and it's during this time that Girl A goes and gets her knife, and when she comes back out of her room, a second fight ensues, and Girl A uses the knife to defend herself with deadly consequences. In my mind, I can't make myself see the wisdom behind using that lull to GET A KNIFE instead of using it to LEAVE THE ROOM. Like, you've already been attacked. A crime has already been committed against you, which means you have justification for immediately calling 911 or campus police. You don't need to wait to be attacked again. You don't need to stick around in hopes that maybe you WON'T be attacked again. The smart thing to do after someone has been violent with you isn't to engage them further - it's to get away to someplace safe!

So like, this whole story just makes me think about how fucking sad it is that a dumb argument over music caused a bunch of young women to engage in some HELLA unwise choices that resulted in one person dying, one person having to live with the guilt of having taken another person's life, several other people being traumatized from having witnessed it and/or participated in the events leading up to it, and family and friends of Girl B having to grieve the sudden and tragic death of their loved one.

Too many people think that a willingness to fight, or a willingness to refuse to ~back down~ from a fight, is a virtue. Too many people think it's incumbent upon them to Let A Bitch Know That I Am Not The One every time somebody catches an attitude with them. Too many people's egos are wrapped up in a fear of being perceived as "weak" if they walk away from a fight instead of engaging in it.

Girl B did not need to start a physical altercation. That was so fucking stupid of her. Girl A did not need to remain in the room after the initial fight ended. That was ALSO so fucking stupid of her.

It's just??? So fucking sad all around.

I'm not sure that I accept that the stabbing was a genuine instance of self defense. I mean, I definitely don't think anyone ever meant for anyone to die, and I don't think of Girl A as being guilty of murder, but I think she's HELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA guilty of being irresponsible and negligent. To her credit, she did try to take steps to get herself out of a hostile living situation by bringing the issues to the school's attention and requesting a room change, but just because they denied it doesn't mean she shouldn't have still taken measures to get herself out of there. Stay in a friend's dorm! If you live close enough to the school, consider commuting from home! If that's not a viable option, go sit your ass down at the campus police station and tell them you're not leaving until someone does SOMETHING to allow you to have no contact with this room mate. Tell your parents. Tell your teachers. Reach out to other branches of student life department. Just don't return to a situation where you KNOW you fear you might have to use deadly force to protect yourself. Drop out of school if you fuckin have to! Live at a shelter if you have to!

Bc ya know what??? "self defense" isn't just the action of using force to ward off an attacker. It's ALSO the act of taking any necessary actions to avoid contact with an attacker in the first place.

It's not just your physical body that you need to protect.

You also need to protect your future. You need to protect your goals. You need to protect your conscience. You need to protect your freedom.

Yeah, Girl A was ultimately found ~not guilty~, but that trial could have EASILY gone the other way, and all she likely would have needed to do to avoid that possibility entirely was to just get away from that girl by any means necessary. It's THAT serious. Your choices are

1. Stay in a hostile situation and run the risk of being seriously hurt or killed

2. Stay in a hostile situation and run the risk of ruining your own life by seriously hurting or killing someone ELSE

or,

3. doing EVERYTHING POSSIBLE to avoid the hostile situation in the first place

choice 3 is almost completely and objectively the Best Choice!

idk, i'm just! Sad for everyone involved. :(

#*OMFG lmao get it??? girl B is the stabBEE #i didn't do that on purpose #ba dum tss #im going to hell byeee

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alwaysahiccupandastrid · 3 years ago

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This Sarah Everard case is so terrifying for women. But not only am I terrified - I am furious.

⚠️ tw for mentions of r*pe, sexual assault, violence against women, murder etc. ⚠️

She was just walking, including walking by busy roads and not dark alleyways. She was dressed in winter clothes. Even if she HAD walked down a dark alleyway or been wearing something short or “revealing”, she still wasn’t doing anything wrong - she was just walking somewhere.

Her murderer - a police officer named Wayne Couzens - plotted to murder a woman to live out his perverse fantasy. He didn’t plot to kill a specific woman - he knew he would murder a woman, any woman he thought he could abduct, any woman who would be out at night on her own. Sarah was just there.

Not only did he drive miles and hours to kill a woman, not only was he a police officer… he used his badge, police belt, handcuffs and credentials to fake arrest her to get her into his car. If a police officer tells you to go with them, we’re told to not resist, to be obedient or we will be in even more trouble. Even if she HAD done what the MET have just said women should do - “question non uniformed officers!” - it wouldn’t have helped her because he was a police officer. He had the credentials. Why would she run away and resist a police officer? And if women do resist, the police commit violence against them (like at the Clapham Common vigil for Sarah).

He handcuffed her, drove her for hours, then raped and murdered her. This fucking monster strangled her with his fucking police belt. He burnt her body and disposed of her in a pond.

A police officer did this - a fucking police officer, a MET officer, the MET we’re supposed to trust. And you want women to trust them?!!

And I don’t want to hear that “don’t judge the whole profession based on one bad apple”, because guess what? This is not the first time a police officer has harmed a woman. There is misogyny rooted deep in the MET that needs to be addressed. Wayne Couzens was literally nicknamed “The Rapist” by other police officers and had offended in the past by flashing people, and that’s just what we know of - and yet not a single person did anything. The police joked about it. Several officers gave character references supportive of Couzens during the hearings for his sentencing, and female officers told the press that they did not feel as if they could report concerning behaviour by male colleagues.

It’s thought that at LEAST 15 serving or former police officers have killed women in UK since 2009, and HUNDREDS of UK police officers have convictions for crimes, including assault. There are many cases that do not go reported, and so it’s likely the numbers on both counts are actually higher. Why are they still allowed to serve? Why is our government giving them more power and freedom to arrest whoever they please? “It’s not that many” - IT SHOULD NOT BE ANY.

If you can’t see why there’s a huge problem with our police force and why we say “fuck the police”, you’re part of the problem.

And the fear and anger we feel isn’t new - this has been a problem for literally all of our lives.

At 11, I learnt to come home before dark, and if it was dark in the winter on my way home (meaning: every night in winter), I was taught to not go down any dark lanes, and if I was walking the dark lane I had to go down if I got the bus home, I was to walk as fast as I could and to not have earphones in because i wouldn’t hear attackers. Every day from September 2009 to July 2014, coming home from secondary school, I was told to either wait for my dad or grandad to pick me up or to walk down the busiest road that ran near my house and had constant cars on it. I couldn’t take the shortcut down the public footpath on my way home from sixth form college because it was too dark and isolated - I had to go around it and through the village instead, which took more time but was vaguely safer. Since university, I’ve made a point of waiting for the hourly bus that stops just round the corner from my home and on the busiest road, even though I have to wait up to an hour for it usually, because getting the bus that comes every 15 minutes means walking up the dark quiet lane.

At age 13, I learnt not to talk to even very friendly men, even not in broad daylight, even with a female friend, when some old man approached us and started complimenting us, telling us we had “nice smiles” and “I can hook you up with someone who can help you get into acting” and “here’s £10, you go down to the garage down the road and get whatever you girls want”.

At 14, I learnt not to sit in trees in the park by the gate, not even during the day when it’s sunny, when an old man entered the park, took one look at me, and said “you’ve got a nice arse”. I couldn’t prove he had said anything, and I would see him on my way to school sometimes and panic.

At 19, I learnt that I could not trust friendly men online. Apologies to any decent men I have spoken to online - there’s a few who are nice and not weird, I’m not talking about them. I learnt this when a guy I was speaking to on my old blog - who had for weeks just been generally nice and checking in on me - started to send intimate and sexual messages that started with “*hugs you*” and became “*spanks your ass*”, “takes your clothes off”, “f*cks you hard”, just to name a few (and these were the milder ones). When I asked his age, he merely said “older” than me - “more than twice as old as you”, actually. I learnt to not talk to men online, and if I did then I had to set very clear boundaries in a way that wasn’t too obvious - not say it outright but make it clear I am “unavailable”.

I have to carry a rape alarm on my keys, just in case. I could go out to bars if I wanted to, I could have at university when all my peers were - but doing it meant risking the chance of being harmed while intoxicated or on my way home. I have to send my location to my mother if I get any Ubers, if I go out to theatres or cinemas in the evening I have to text my mum to say I’ve arrived safe. I only feel safe out at night if I’m with a man that I trust like my dad or grandad - I got very lucky at Uni because not only did one girl make sure I got home safely at 1 in the morning by calling me a cab, but one boy even stayed with me on another night until my dad arrived to pick me up, because he knew leaving me intoxicated at 2:30 in the morning was dangerous. I have even phoned my grandmother while walking home in the dark because being on the phone to someone means you’re less of a target to an attacker.

Men do not have this experience - or, if they do, it’s nowhere near the fear and worry women feel every day. Women can’t even walk somewhere without being worried of being attacked - we cannot go anywhere without asking ourselves “am I safe?”. Are we wearing the “correct” clothing, so as to not give off the wrong idea? Are we walking down the well lit roads where it’s busy? Are we aware of our surroundings, of every single person nearby? Do I have my keys in my hand, ready to defend myself if I’m attacked? Women are blamed if we are attacked - not men, but women. “She was dressed slutty” “she was passed out drunk” “she was walking down a dark lane” “she was out late”.

When doing safe guarding training at my current TA job, I came across this phrase: “always think it can and will happen”. Just as a teacher or TA should not think “none of my students will be victims of abuse”, women should not for one second believe that they are safe and “it will never happen to me” - every day we have to think of how to prevent our own assault or murder, just in case.

Every time I’m walking home in the dark, I have the fleeting wonder of “what picture(s) of me will they use if I’m attacked or go missing?”. I was not really surprised when I saw that other women said the same thing. Women wonder it so often it’s almost a joke, an absent minded thought. But it’s not a joke - it’s real life for us, every single day.

Sarah Everard is not a one off case. Sabina Nessa, a 28 year old primary school teacher, was murdered on 18th September this year, her body discovered the next day by a dog walker. So far in 2021, 110 women have been murdered in the UK by men (or men are the prime suspects). Only a handful get national attention because at this point, violence and murder against women have become normalised in this country.

I am not only heartbroken for all of these women and their families - I am scared for my own safety; I am scared for the safety of my mother, my grandmother, my aunts. I am scared for the safety of my 20 year old sister, the safety of my 17 and 14 year old cousins, for the safety of my older male cousin’s two daughters who are only 4 and 1. I am scared for the safety of every single girl and woman I have worked with, the safety of every woman I have ever spoken to.

But I am also furious and filled with rage. Women should not be scared to go out or have fun, we should not have to take such precautions or measures that still won��t completely prevent our assaults or murders. I am sick and tired of the victim blaming when a woman is murdered, of the indifference of “oh another woman”, of this being how women are expected to live their lives.

I’m tired of this problem being ignored by our government, tired of no one giving a shit about us or our safety.

#sarah everard #wayne couzens #tw violence against women #tw rape discussion #tw crime #tw murder #tw assault #tw rape #tw police murder #tw police brutality

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