#but goddamnit did I get proved so so so wrong

[djarinslover]

I better start seeing lower taxes, gas prices (which he doesn’t even control anyway dumbasses) and grocery prices since these fucking clowns prioritize that shit instead of, idk, HUMAN RIGHTS

[just-a-sewer-goblin]

Butcher!Simon x gn!reader Part 4 They finally have a conversation and oh no... is that Simon falling even harder? (I feel like this isn't as good as the other parts ut I hope you enjoy it)

< Part 3 | COD Masterlist | Part 5 >

One of the perks of taking over the shop is that Simon can play his own music how often and how loud he wants now. Sure, he’s not obnoxious about it but he cares less about customer experience than his boss did (he doesn’t need to work after all, none of them do after that last mission, this is more to help him stay sane).

The only customer whose experience he cares about is you. You deserve the best experience, you deserve all the good things. So he’s gotten into the habit of having a special playlist for the days when you come in. It’s not like he spend hours selecting the right songs for that one, hoping to pleasantly surprise you.

Today you’re earlier than usually and Simon is still setting up the music, connecting his phone and selecting the playlist. He catches sight of you and watches you out of the corner of his eye. My god, you look fantastic. Simon has half a mind to get on his knees and beg for permission to cup your face, cradle you like the precious gift you are so he might stare at you up close and – fuck he misclicked.

Instead of your playlist he tapped his own and now one of his favorite songs is blasting from the speakers and shit shit shit this can’t be happening. He can’t weird you out with his music taste, he can’t have you be even more scared of him. You’re not supposed to hear that.

Suddenly his palms are all sweaty and he scrambles to change the song, fumbling with his phone like it’s a slippery bar of soap. This is so stupid, it’s just music but he can’t help it, not when it’s you and it’s important and he can’t afford to fuck up even more and –

“You like this song too?!”, your voice meets his ears and his head snaps into your direction, meeting your eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. His hands abruptly stop uselessly fondling his phone.

Your eyes are sparkling and your voice, have mercy on his poor heart, sounds adorably excited while you beam at him. He almost snorts. No way. Aint no fucking way. Not a sweet little thing like you. Not a song like this.

Your grin is so wide he can’t help it when he starts smiling too, goddamnit he wants to see you this happy all the time.

“’s one of my favorites.”, he grumbles and he swears you nearly squeal. He never would have thought you could get cuter, yet here you were, proving him wrong once again.

“Mine too!”, you exclaim and giddily fidget on your spot. “I listen to this so much in fact… that…”, you continue and Simon can’t fathom what you’re about to tell him.

You turn to your ugly beast of a dog and start swaying on the spot to the music. Simon’s knuckles turn white with the effort of holding himself back from reaching for you to sway with you. What he’d give to place his hands on your hips and feel you move with him.

And then your dog starts swaying too and Simon nearly chokes on his spit. When you start head banging and really getting into it the ugly mutt joins right in. The music increases in tempo and intensity and so do your movements and your dogs.

It looks utterly silly and happy and free and Simon can feel his chest burst open, dropping his useless bleeding heart right at your feet, thumping pathetically for your attention. Suddenly he wishes he was a different man. Someone like Johnny, who’d step out from behind the counter, snatch you up in his arms, and dance ridiculously with you.

The dog starts howling along with the lead singer and Simon thinks it can’t get any more ridiculous until you start howling back at your dog. That’s the moment he knows he’s truly a goner. A deep amused chuckle bubbles up in his throat and he can’t remember the last time he was this happy.

He wishes he could take this scene and transport it into his living room, join you and the dog just to collapse onto the couch with you afterwards and hold you close. Make sure you’ll never leave him again. He feels like all the adoration he has for you will choke him up, fill his lungs until there is no more room for any oxygen. Simon is sure he could live without it, survive on your happiness alone.

The song comes to an end and you look at him, sparkling eyes and heaving chest and he chuckles again. He never thought he’d see meek and shy little you do something like that. Promptly you blush at his chuckle.

“Yeah… that… I listen to it so much that my boy here just automatically dances with me to it. He’s quite the talented singer as well.”, you chuckle yourself. He can tell that you’re embarrassed now, wringing your fingers together and he wants to gather you in his arms and press you against him until you fuse into one.

“Quite the talent he has. Learnt from the best.”, Simon responds and wow, did he just casually joke with you?!

You grin broadly at him (he did that! He made you smile) and he smiles back, softly, hoping you can tell from the slight creases around his eyes.

“Thank you, thank you.”, you respond with mock modesty and Simon knows, what had been some silly crush broke all sort of confinement today (who is he kidding, he never had it under control).

“I love that band. Wanted to go to their concert but none of my friends share my taste in music and… well…” You look at the floor and Simon’s fingers twitch with the need to tilt your head back up at him. “I’m scared of going alone.”, you admit quietly.

He swears his gums hurt with the way he wants to sink his teeth into your soft form and drag you home with him, keeping you locked up so you'll never have to be scared again (maybe he should talk with his therapist about that).

Johnny must have possessed him and Kyle just phantom kicked him in his butt, because he responds with: “I’m planning on going to that concert, wanna join me? I’ll make sure you’re safe, sweetheart”

[heyiwrotesomethings]

DEMON SLAYER CUZ YESSSSSSSS.

shinobu x female reader

I wanna kick uzuis ass again soooooooo

Uzui is being a dick to everyone because he is in a mood and make fun of shinobu (u find the reason nth comes to mind rn) and the reader having an awful day herself kicks his ass and brings him to his wives "next time that disgrace you call a husband insults my soon to be wife again I'm gonna cut his tongue of and shove it so far up his ass it will come out of his mouth again 🙃

have a good day ladies oh and do keep him a check or I will 🙂 byeeeee"

gl finishing all of those rqst

Bad Morning

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: I don’t know what’s up with me, but this threat was a bit too descriptive for me and since this is like, at least the third time we’re beating Uzui up, this one is kind of lackluster, apologies! Hopefully I still got the message across lol. Hope you still like it! Word Count: ~1,220

Uzui Tengen woke up on the wrong side of the bed earlier that morning. Which was to say Suma had accidentally pushed Makio out of bed, which in turn lead to Makio dragging her out of said bed by the ankles in retaliation. Tengen tried his best to ignore them and focus on Hinatsuru’s cute mumblings as she turned to lay on her other side, but Makio’s growls and Suma’s cries made it downright impossible.

“Could you two keep it down, goddamnit! Why does this have to happen every morning?!”

“Maybe we should invest in a bigger bed.” Hinatsuru murmured, pressing a pillow over her head.

“Or we just make Suma sleep on the floor. She kicked me last night too and I have the bruise to prove it!” Makio pulled up the hem of her sleepware to show the bruise her thigh was sporting and Suma wailed.

“I’m sorry! Let me kiss it better! Don’t make me sleep on the floor Makio, please!”

“Nobody is sleeping on the floor!” Tengen groaned. “I’ll get a bigger bed, okay? Can I just get one more hour of sleep—“

“Caw!” Nijimaru came in through the window with flapping wings and rattling beads. A damn fine, flamboyant bird if Tengen did say so himself, but he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather see less at the moment. “You’ll be late for the meeting if you stay in bed any longer, Uzui!”

“Damn it all, that’s today?” Tengen shot out of bed, jamming his toe against the bedside table. He cursed and limped his way to the bathroom, now even more pissed because he would have to skip his morning skin care routine if he was going to make it to Oyakata-sama’s mansion in time.

He barely had enough time to bathe and put on his makeup before heading out the door. No time to even eat breakfast. At least Suma ran him some toast at the door and jumped up to give him a quick peck on the cheek. It certainly made up for the rude awakening at least, sweet girl.

Still, all the toast and kisses in the world couldn’t make him shake off the sour mood he was in. His morning routine was sacred. When his routine was disturbed, it honestly felt like his whole day was ruined.

People have bad days. It’s normal to maybe ask for a little space, to tell people you aren’t really feeling yourself, but the moment you use your bad morning as an excuse to be shitty to other people, then expect your day to get much, much worse.

“Iguro, come on man. Can you get your scrawny ass outta my way? Shouldn’t you be sitting like a broody tree’d raccoon by now?”

“We’re talking, walk around. It’s a fucking garden.” Sanemi was quick to shoot back as Obanai glared.

“Nobody can make anything easy today, can they?” Tengen sighed loudly, bumping into Sanemi as he walked past the two fuming men.

He rested in his usual spot, hoping to maybe get a little bit more sleep in before the Master arrived. However, Mitsuri was talking up a storm with Shinobu and (Y/n) and the excitement in her voice as she spoke made it hard for Tengen to relax.

“She made me dango for helping me get her cat out of the tree! Isn’t that great? It was really good too! And then—!”

“Gods, Kanroji,” Tengen groaned, “would it kill you to take a page out of Tomioka’s book and be quite for once?”

“Hey! What the hell is your problem?” (Y/n) scowled.

“Just because you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, it doesn’t give you license to make everyone else around you feel miserable as well.” Shinobu chimed in, she put a reassuring hand on Mitsuri’s shoulder while she gave Tengen a disapproving look.

“I’m gonna kill that bastard.” Obanai growled, Kaburamaru hissed in agreement.

“Perhaps you should take a page out of Tomioka-san’s book and butt out of conversations that have nothing to do with you, hm? Contrary to what your ego may tell you, the world does not revolve around you.” Shinobu added for good measure.

“Big words for somebody so small. I could crush you like a grape between my fingers.”

“Uzui, my friend! You should stop talking before you say something you’ll really regret!” Rengoku advised.

“So disgruntled,” Shinobu tisked pityingly, “Given how out of sorts you are this morning, I doubt you could even brush me with those meaty, perpetually sweaty hands.

Tengen took a deep breath through clenched teeth, but (Y/n) spoke up before him, her voice low, warning,

“Uzui-san, I’d listen to Rengoku-san if I were you. Act like an adult and let it go. With any luck, the meeting will be over in an hour and you can sleep the rest of the day away.”

“Tch,“ Tengen sneered, “how about this, you tell your little, and I do mean shrimpy, puny, girlfriend to zip it, and then I will too.”

“I am not her keeper.” (Y/n) said through gritted teeth.

“Well if she can’t keep her mouth shut, why should I?!”

“Ah, my deepest apologies, Uzui-san,” Shinobu began, not looking very sorry at all, “(Y/n) and I had a rather late night in the lab ourselves. My mistake for trying to hold you to the same standards we hold ourselves to.”

Tengen was seeing red. He wanted to wipe that perfect little smile right off of Shinobu’s face and before he could think better of it, he had thought of something to say that would hit her where it would hurt.

“Wipe that fake-ass smile off your face, little Kanae wannabe. You want to imitate her so bad, start by acting like less of a bitch maybe.”

Well, that sure made the smile fall from Shinobu’s lips. Her expression became impassive, an eerie blankness, but no one took the time to really notice because (Y/n) was already leaping to her feet, kicking up pebbles that scattered over Tengen’s thighs as she got closer.

“The fuck did you just say?!” Sanemi growled, his head snapping towards Uzui.

“Uzui-san, I know you can be abrasive, but that kind of talk is unacceptable.” Gyomei spoke up for the first time that day and that was how Tengen knew he might have really fucked up.

“Okay, okay, you are a fucking dead man now! I don’t give a damn about you not getting your beauty sleep, you wanna play nasty, we’ll play nasty alright!”

(Y/n) knew Shinobu could take care of herself, but she also knew that Uzui had hit a nerve. Like Shinobu had said, they had a tough night, tougher than Uzui’s, she imagined. She had been helping Shinobu with her latest experiment on her journey to find a poison that could end an Upper Moon.

Despite all of the promising research, the experiment had fallen flat, or well, more accurately caused a small explosion that (Y/n) and Shinobu spent the next three hours cleaning up after. Thankfully they had been wearing the proper gear during the whole ordeal, but they still smelt overwhelmingly of wisteria.

(Y/n) got close enough to Uzui that he could smell it on her and the potency stung his nose. She grabbed him by the collar of his uniform and he engulfed her wrist with his hand—

“Oyakata-sama is coming!” Mitsuri squealed, noticing two of the Master’s children leading him around the building. It must have been one of his good days and he decided to take a stroll.

“I’m not done with you.” (Y/n) hissed, letting go of Uzui’s uniform with a shove before quickly dropping to the ground.

“You’re like a yappy little dog,” he sneered, “All I gotta say is, ‘boo!’ and you’ll be shaking in your sandals.”

“The first thing I’m gonna do is cut out your own tongue and feed it to you, asshole.”

Tengen grit his teeth together. The Master was much too close now to continue trading vulgarities.

Tengen started out the meeting boiling hot, but listening to the Master speak had its usual calming affects and before Tengen knew it, he was in a relaxed, meditative state. It was the closest thing to sleep one could have while awake. It was like magic. The Master bid them all farewell and Tengen inhaled deeply, then released a relaxed exhaled, tension leaving his shoulders. He felt so much better—

(Y/n)’s fist came sailing at him with all the force of a mantis shrimp and she decked him, making direct contact with his temple.

“Alright Uzui, how about you and me go for a little stroll?” (Y/n) grunted, heaving the hulking man to his feet was no simple task, especially now that he was having a hard time standing up himself after that vision spotting hit. She turned to look back at Shinobu with adoration and concern, “Would you like to come along, dear?”

“I suppose.” Shinobu shrugged before rising to her feet as well. Truthfully, she didn’t want to have to look at Uzui for another minute, but if (Y/n) accidentally killed him, that would be one less Hashira and they were already spread thin enough as it was.

The remaining Hashira, that cared enough to, watched on as (Y/n) pulled Tengen away from the mansion by his ear, very thankful they weren’t in his shoes at that moment.

Tengen shuffled down the path, bending with (Y/n)’s sharp pushes and pulls while the two women discussed what they should eat for lunch. Sadistic beings…

Though it was hard for his eyes to focus because of that sharp punch to his temple, he soon recognized the scenery and realized (Y/n) was taking him home, to what end, he was afraid to find out.

“Good afternoon, ladies.” He heard (Y/n)’s muffled voice through the ringing in his ears.

“Oh gods, what did he do this time?” Makio groaned.

“(Y/n)-san, I don’t know what he did, but please, be a little more gentle with him.” Hinatsuru requested hesitantly.

She was hesitant because she knew her husband had a track record of saying or doing stupid things. Even Suma, the most sympathetic of the bunch, could agree that sometimes getting slapped around a little bit was warranted when it came to their husband’s unfiltered words and uncouth actions.

“Don’t worry, I caught him off guard with the first punch, so I didn’t go any further. I probably nearly fractured his skull since he didn’t think to defend himself at all, don’t you think so, Shinobu?”

“Oh yes, given how he’s been wobbling, and that he threw up in the bushes on the way here, it’s safe to say he would have been in real trouble if you had decided to keep going.”

Makio, Hina and Suma paled, quickly taking possession of their loopy husband when (Y/n) offered him to them. It was difficult to keep all that muscle up right, so they could only imagine just how furious (Y/n) was to have been able to basically drag him all the way home.

“The next time your disgraceful, woefully un-flamboyant husband says or does anything that hurts my fiancée, intentionally or not, he may not make it back to you in one piece. Understand?”

“Yes, we’ll talk to him. I’m sorry.” Hinatsuru hung her head low.

“You have nothing to apologize for, but when your husband snaps out of it, you might suggest he start looking for ways to atone because I’m not quite so sure I could hold myself back if I see him again too soon. That single punch was not satisfying at all.”

“We’ll work on it.” Makio swore.

“We promise! Please don’t kill him!” Suma sobbed.

“I won’t kill him, too much paperwork.” (Y/n) promised, then after a pause added, “Well, I wouldn’t kill him on purpose anyway.”

“Here,” Shinobu stepped up to the three horrified looking wives and handed Hinatsuru a small paper bag, “I suspect he has a concussion. I have provided all instructions and materials needed to give him proper treatment.”

“Thank you…” the three answered in unison.

Shinobu gave them a short nod of acknowledgment before linking back up with (Y/n). The two strolled off like nothing had happened, smiling and gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes as they disappeared over the hill.

“We need that new bed stat!” Suma said with an exhausted sigh as the trio dragged Tengen into the house.

“I think our dumbass husband needs a personality check more.” Makio grunted.

[rubywolf0201]

MORE ZZZ Incorrect Quotes Part 2

Belle: Bye Lycaon! Bye Rina! Bye Corin! Bye Lycaon! Bye Ellen!

Wise: Belle, you said bye to Lycaon twice.

Belle: I like Lycaon.

—————————————————————

Koleda: Can you back away from me? You’re making me claustrophobic.

Rina: What does claustrophobic mean?

Grace: It means she’s afraid of Santa Claus.

Koleda: NO it doesn’t!

Nekomata: Ho Ho Ho!

Grace: STOP IT NEKOMATA YOU’RE SCARING HER!!!

—————————————————————

Nicole: Billy is late.

Anby: I thought it was abnormally quiet.

Nicole: Anyone know where he is?

Anby: Maybe he quit?

Anby: Or got hit by a bus?!

Nekomata, grinning: Or caught a terminal disease!!!

—————————————————————

(Wise spits out his drink)

Wise: LYCAON!!!!!

Lycaon, rushes over: MASTER PROXY, WHAT IS IT!?!?

Wise: I never realized how delicious your hot cocoa is!

Lycaon, blushing: Why, thank you Master Proxy.

—————————————————————

Grace: Sweet Pea?

Koleda: [crying and sobbing uncontrollably]

Grace: Could you come back later? She's having a moment.

Anton: I just wanted-

Grace: I said she's having a moment! Now leave her alone!

—————————————————————

Qingyi: Don't worry, Seth. We'll get those criminals to come outside, and then they'll see there's nothing to be afraid of.

Seth: And that's when I punch them, right?

Qingyi and Zhu Yan: …

—————————————————————

Wise: Oh no! I lost my pen.

Lycaon: You can borrow mine.

Wise, smiling: Thanks—

Belle, from afar: JUST KISS ALREADY GODDAMNIT!

—————————————————————

Ben: There's nothing you can say that will stop me!

Anton: Oh, yeah? What if I said... 'BLARGEN FEDIBBLE NO-HIP!!

Ben: …

Ben: Well, I've got to admit, that did slow me down.

—————————————————————

Ellen: *panting* Why are there so many stairs!?

Corin: You've only gone up three steps.

Ellen: Well, it feels like four.

—————————————————————

Lucy: What if I break your trust someday?

Piper: Trusting you is my decision. Proving me wrong is your choice.

Caesar: Wow, Piper. That was really insightful of you.

Burnice: She got that from Spongebob.

Caesar: *facepalms* Nevermind.

—————————————————————

Belle: Wise, why is 18 in a cage?

Wise: He growled at me.

—————————————————————

Lycaon: So what am I supposed to do while you’re gone?

Belle: I don’t know, what do you normally do while I’m gone?

Lycaon: Wait for you to come back.

—————————————————————

Koleda: Win this one for Belobog!

Anton: FOR BELOBOG!

Miyabi: Win this one because I told you to!

Soukaku: BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO!

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

🎵 Whirling in Rags, 8 AM

3. "I'm just being up front with what I know."

TITUS HARDIE - "Right." Titus nods. "And that's mighty forthcoming of you, so let me extend you the same courtesy: she's connected. To you-know-what."

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - Organized crime -- down in Jamrock probably. He's not being *too* forthcoming -- this is not a surprise.

TITUS HARDIE - "So she *may* have access to semiautomatics. But that's a long fucking stretch of the imagination."

3. "There is a small -- 28% -- chance that shot came from *beyond* the roof."

TITUS HARDIE - "Yes, god damn it, I know what a 72% chance means. It means there's a 28% chance it *isn't* that." He thinks for a moment. "And 28% is no small chance either."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Just making sure we're on the same page." The lieutenant pretends to take a note. "It doesn't all fit. We're just sharing info -- candidly."

AUTHORITY [Medium: Sucess] - Titus doesn't reply -- probably a good sign.

4. (Show them the antique rifle.) "There are weapons like this just lying around in Martinaise."

TITUS HARDIE - "That looks antique -- a Belle-Magrave..." He takes the gun, inspects it and hands it back to you. "It's inoperable. Where'd you get it?"

"There's a cellar under the bookshop. It was hidden there -- with others just like it."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Twenty, maybe thirty rifles, Titus. Also broken -- but still, there were too many. And there must be other caches too."

EUGENE - "Goddamnit, we need to close that dump down for good."

+5 XP

TITUS HARDIE - He nods to it. "It's a god damn breechloader too -- find one that works and you got a military-grade weapon -- that shoots jacketed ammunition." He shakes his head.

LOGIC - He sees it -- this is coming together -- he *must*.

VISUAL CALCULUS [Easy: Success] - Time to really close the deal. Show them the bullet.

(Hold out the bullet) "This is the bullet that did it -- 4.46 mm. The Belle-Magrave uses the same calibre."

Let's not get dramatic.

GLEN - The blond man looks at the mushroomed deathbringer in the evidence bag and says:

"Yeah, the bitch is jacketed alright. 4 mm too..."

FAT ANGUS - "Whoaa...."

TITUS HARDIE - "Well, god damn..." His eyes follow the evidence bag back in your pocket. "It's not proof, but it's a possible murder weapon -- close to her. Too damn close."

+5 XP

He squints. "You *have* been thorough. I'll give you that."

5. "The local pawnshop sold my lost gun to a woman. Maybe it was her?" 6. "I didn't say I'd *prove* she had the murder weapon -- just that we need to find her." (Move on.)

Aside from... every other reason we have not to tell the Hardies we lost our gun, we didn't arrive here in Martinaise until after the murder was committed.

TITUS HARDIE - "All right." He nods. "Keep talking. I'm getting a bit *curious* about some things myself."

GLEN - "T, we're not seriously considering it, are we?!" He almost gets up from his seat. "Ruby wouldn't do this. Why would she do something like this?"

LOGIC - Phase III: Motive. The last component.

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - The big one. Get this and they'll give her to you. Remember, don't piss him off. That never works.

"It's not 'why did she kill him?' -- it's 'why did she organize the coverup?'."

"Klaasje told me some pretty *interesting* things about Ruby."

"Maybe it's all part of a leadership challenge? Against you, Titus."

"When Klaasje came downstairs -- Ruby appeared to *know* that something was wrong."

"Maybe she killed him because she thought it would curry favour with you?"

TITUS HARDIE - "And I suppose you have a theory on that?"

"She could have just been covering up for *herself*, Titus."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Think about it -- why go through all that effort? It was her idea, wasn't it? The hanging? You went along, but she suggested it."

SHANKY - The little man squints, eyes beady. "She had, like, a fully formed plan and shit. Right when she came back downstairs..."

EUGENE - "Really, Shanks? Klaasje wanted to talk to another girl, that's all. She was just the first one up there; *I* could've come up with that plan, if I'd been first."

LOGIC - Time for a logics demonstration.

"Eugene, let's assume you killed him…"

"Shanky, let's assume you killed him..."

"Titus, let's assume you killed him…"

EUGENE - He scoffs.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Think. You kill him. Get up there. Shoot him. Get down..."

"Would you prefer to go on trial with your friends -- as part of a lynch mob -- or alone, for committing murder?"

EUGENE - The man is silent.

SHANKY - "If she used us to cover her own shit up... well, that's a serious violation of the *Hardie code*, boss."

GLEN - "Which is why she didn't! She would never do that." The blond man waves his beer around. "Why aren't more of you defending her? This is fucking stupid, Titus."

TITUS HARDIE - "Glen." Titus looks grim. "I thought the same thing when she skipped town and left us in this shit."

LOGIC - Ooh! So he didn't rule her out completely? *And* she's skipped town. This is good.

2. "Klaasje told me some pretty *interesting* things about Ruby."

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah? Like what?"

"She is part of the *homo-sexual underground*."

"Apparently she had a *thing* for Klaasje."

"Sex. She wanted sex from her."

"Let's not get into it, it's needless sensationalism."

TITUS HARDIE - "The *what* now?"

RHETORIC [Medium: Success] - You're going to have to be way more blunt here.

"Apparently she had a *thing* for Klaasje."

TITUS HARDIE - "A thing? You mean..." He tilts his head to the side and falls silent.

FAT ANGUS - "Yeah but..." The fat man looks up from the table, oblivious. "They're both girls."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Girls like girls too, Angus," the lieutenant explains. "Sometimes. This is one of those times -- she liked Klaasje."

[agirlwithachakram]

"Am I gay?"

"Oh, sweetie, no, everyone likes prostate stimulation."

"Oh thank god I'm still straight. No, you ass, I mean not bisexual."

"Well, let's see. Spend all your time with a guy who has propositioned you at least once a week since we met, go through wives like you're trying to prove something, but you cheat on them because they're not enough, favorite hooker is taller than you, and your last girlfriend was bossy, which you liked because then you can just do what she says and it's easy to love her, and also she was basically me, who you're screwing now. You had a threesome and you complained about it. Yeah. You're gay."

"But I did love Amber."

"So you had an exception, everyone does."

"Fuck. You're right."

"You're just gonna take my word as law?"

"You make a compelling argument!"

"You need to think for yourself."

"Fine. I'm straight and I've been humoring you this whole time."

"That's so sweet of you."

"Don't people know when they're gay?"

"I know. I was inside you five minutes ago."

"Shouldn't it be about what you do like instead of what you don't? How did you know you were bi?"

"I saw a cute guy start a bar fight over Billy Joel and it gave me funny feelings in my pants, and my mommy said—"

"All right, all right. Wait, seriously?"

"Uh…yeah. Well, there was a guy in college, but we were pretty hammered. Most times."

"You've been following me around this whole time because you wanted to fuck me from the start?"

"More or less."

"But I wasn't even interested. Or, I was, but I didn't…"

"When you're in love, you do stupid stuff."

"I would've had other crushes, at least. Right?"

"You did."

"I did?"

"Yep. I can count like six dudes you got weird about."

"Like six?"

"Seven. You don't remember because you're incapable of centering your own desires."

"That's not…completely true."

"Remember when you had a mid-cancer crisis and bought a sports car you couldn't drive and ate a giant steak and all to see a woman you don't even care about? You reinvented yourself as a sitcom divorcee."

"I…like things on my own. I like theatre. That's not a guy thing."

"It is if you're gay."

"But I didn't know I was—"

"You subsume yourself and your own desires because you're still guilty about your brother to the point that you don't even know what you want. Amber told you to make your own choice and you went with her preference. I told you to pick out one thing you wanted and you got me a present. Most people know they're gay. You couldn't possibly."

"I hate when you monologue about me."

"Am I wrong?"

"No, that's what I hate about it. You're exhausting."

"You like it. We could have a guy threesome. Boys night."

"I don't even know why I care at this point, it's not like I have time to marry anyone else." Pause. "A what?"

"Dude threesome. Eiffel tower."

"No, no. They're too much work."

"Or, you think they are because you're not actually into chicks."

"I…don't know if that was why."

"I've had tons of threesomes, they're fun."

"With professionals."

"Yeah, you had one too."

"Oh goddamnit."

"Chase has good threesomes with civilians."

"I put off homosexuality for thirty years."

"Sounds like it."

"I wasted my entire sexual life."

"Not all of it."

"Fuck."

"Sure! You know I'd never deny you."

"You're ready to go again? I'm not. Hey, you said you liked it."

"Sex?"

"No, the organ, the—Don't say penis. You said you liked what it said about me."

"Uh, yeah, I liked the organ. That doesn't mean it's good for you, that means I like presents. And attention. And you."

"You're mean."

"You like mean."

"Well at least I like something."

"Where are you going? What's on the laptop?"

"I am getting us tickets to the nearest regional theater."

"Oh no."

"Looks like they're doing A Chorus Line. That's fun. I seem to remember you loving that show."

"Wilson. Plays are for making people have sex with you. Musicals are for when you're really desperate."

"And if you're desperate to have sex with me again, you know what to do."

"Fine. But you have to come cuddle now."

"I will. Once I order the tickets."

Snort.

"What?"

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaay."

(This is a complete fic but here’s the AO3 link)

[graces5169]

300 prompts, categories and character descriptions.

Leave however many prompts you want with the genre of writing and any necessary character descriptions and any extra detail needed. :) (make sure you also leave

character x reader so I know who I'm writing about)

¡Prompts! (From Pinterest)

1. Why did you leave me

2. Am I that useless to you

3. I hate you

4. I love you

5. Can you hug me

6. Do I mean anything to you

7. Please stop your hurting me

8. Don't look at me

9. You disappoint me

10. I am (so) proud of you

11. Can I sleep beside/with you tonight

12. I'm scared

13. Can I hug you

14. Please hold me

15. Your hands are shaking

16. Stay by my side it doesn't have to be forever

17. Promise you'll return alive

18. I've always hated you

19. I've always loved you

20. Your safe now I've got you

21. Your the only one I trust to do this

22. Your too good for me

23. You've got to be kidding me

24. Have you lost your damn mind

25. Please don't leave me

26. Why don't you come over here and make me

27. Are you jealous

28. I almost lost you

29. Wanna bet

30. Looks like we'll be trapped a while

31. Just once

32. Shut up

33. It's not what it looks like

34. Sometimes it's hard to keep pretending

35. And if I don't

36. I can't help but stare

37. Make me

38. Can't you pretend you love me just once

39. Is your ego really that big

40. Come dance with me

41. Just shut up for one minute

Original/ (not off Pinterest)

42. What are you afraid of

43. Just love me damnit

44. I'm broken and unfixable

45. She's mine

46. I suggest you back off

47. Fuck off mate

48. I'm not watching you mope around like a loser

49. I'm trying to break up with you

50. Did you ever care

51. I was a fucking game

52. Im not your toy

53. She's so annoying

54. Your nothing but a stupid mudblood

55. You tried to kill me

56. I could've killed her

57. Im a monster

58. I hate myself to

59. How'd you do that

60. She never smiles anymore

61. She only smiles when he's around

62. I'd rather date Sirius

63. This time your 'prank' went to far

64. Just my parents

65. You don't deserve this

66. They don't deserve you

67. You have a beautiful voice

68. She's stunning

69. I have to go I'm sorry

70. I can't do this

71. Are we just friends

72. You could never hurt me

73. Your a wolf

74. Are you serious

75. I'd never date you

76. I don't believe you darling

77. You're cheating on me

78. It's over

79. Im pretty sure I'm drunk but you're really hot

80. We can't do this

81. Im sorry

82. It's better this way

83. "Fuck you!" "When?"

84. Im going

85. Im stopping at nothing to get her back

86. Because I'm in love with you god damnit

87. It's too late for me

88. I fancy you

89. Would you fancy a date day at hogsmade this Saturday

(From Pinterest)

90. Im tired of being your secret

91. Who did this to you

92. You are not fine

93. I thought you hated me

94. Im not leaving you

95. I don't owe you an explanation

96. I thought pushing her away was for the better

97. Nobody wants me

98. I want an answer goddamnit

99. No one's ever done that to me before

100. This feels nice

101. I haven't been hugged in years

102. Im pathetic

103. Im not happy here

104. I want my best friend back

105. Go away

106. If he can't see how amazing you are that's his loss

107. What are you smiling about

108. What's in it for me

109. Do you ever stop talking

110. Isn't this what you wanted

111. She's better off

112. Can I hold your hand

113. You can't do that shit

114. You can borrow mine

115. I'll wait

116. He hit me

117. Your one of them

118. I like your scars

119. Don't fall asleep on me

120. Can I date your brother

121. Your a deatheater

122. Don't make me say something I'll regret

123. Can I braid your hair

124. Your really pretty

125. Let me help you

126. You stubborn arse

127. Your in love with her

128. Stay I need you more than you know

129. Your killing me here

130. Tell me I'm wrong

131. I'd be lying to you

132. Lie to me

133. Prove it

134. I'll never get another chance to say this

135. I never stood a chance did I

136. Tell me again

137. This is why we can't have nice things

138. Do you regret it

139. I'm not going anywhere

140. Another nightmare

141. You've thought about it haven't you

142. We need to talk about last night

143. We were drunk we can just put it behind us

144. You were my biggest mistake

145. Are you drunk

146. What happens if I do this

147. I can't have you

148. Just for tonight

149. Be mine for just one night

150. She was crying because of you

151. We're not just friends and you fucking know it

152. You could die and I couldn't care less

153. I never cared

154. Please don't cry I can't stand to see you cry

155. Walk out that door and were through

156. Yell, scream, shout, say something

157. I can't breathe

158. I hate how much I love you

159. Where do you think your going

160. I'm not letting you walk at night alone three miles back

161. I need time and space

162. Run away like you always do you fucking coward

163. You can keep pretending it didn't happen all you want but guess what it fucking did

164. Can't we just be friends again

165. Stop acting like your okay cause I know your not

166. Just talk to me

167. Bite me

168. If you insist

169. I think I'm in love with you and that scares the shit out of me

170. I think your just afraid to be happy

171. I'm afraid I'll hurt her

172. Why are you so nice to me

173. Choose me

174. Shut up and kiss me

175. Your blushing

176. Is that my shirt

177. This is awkward

178. Please come home I miss you

179. It won't happen again

180. I don't see a future with you

181. Why are you helping a monster

182. Stay the fuck back

183. Please pull the trigger

184. Leave! I don't fucking care

185. I can't save us

186. So save yourself

187. Why didn't you tell me how bad it got

188. I never said I wanted a relationship with you so why are you crying

189. I deserve more than this

190. I'm not anyones favorite person

191. I just want to be wanted I'm tired of being needed for everything

192. I know! But you didn't have to use her like that

193. We can start over, please I'll do anything

194. Everything can be perfect so please don't leave

195. I guess we just weren't meant to be

196. You're always leaving me

197. Stop lying

198. If you die I'll go out of my fucking head

199. Your cute when your mad

200. And Your adopted

201. You gave us quite a scare

202. We can work it out

203. You're overreacting

204. You're all I have left

205. I don't care what they think

206. It's me

207. You make me feel safe

208. You guys read my diary what are you five

209. I don't recognize you anymore

210. You make me sick

211. Sorry can't fix what you've done

212. Do you really have feelings for me

213. Don't look at me like that

214. Give me a break

215. It's not a party without alcohol

216. Truth or dare

217. It's six in the morning your not having anymore firewhiskey

218. Your drive me fucking crazy

219. I'm dangerous please stay back

220. Did you hit your head as a kid

221. She's not yours anymore

222. She's deaf dumbass

223. I'm sorry for my brother he's an asshole

224. Oi, fuck off please

225. "I could kiss you right now." "Do it then"

226. What are you doing to me

227. Just admit I'm right

228. He's hot

229. Your my brother I'll always care for you

230. I'm personally offended I didn't get picked to be your fake date

231. They don't love me they're not that stupid

232. We'll what can I say I'm badass

233. Do I get bonus points if I act like I care

234. Excuse me I have to go make a scene

235. I'm gonna need therapy after this

236. Do your parents realize they're living proof that two wrongs don't make a right

237. I'm going on a date

238. Will you be my girlfriend

239. Would you rather kiss me or Lilly

240. Your bloody obsessed

241. She looks so perfect

242. You look beautiful

243. I wanna become an animagus

244. Stop coming back

245. Do you love him

246. I can't love you

247. You made me better

248. You ate my leftovers

249. Just get it over with

250. Were best when we're together don't you think

251. Can I kiss you

252. If I kiss you It's gonna change everything

253. Fuck it

254. I'm pretty sure I just made a fool of myself

255. Can you stop ignoring me

256. I'm friends with a bunch of two year olds

257. Hug me

258. Oh deer

(Amortentia)

259. Chocolate, old books and rain

260. Cologne, wet dog and leather

261. Cologne, broom polish and fresh cut grass

(Pinterest)

262. Are you hitting on me

263. This was fun, we should do it again

264. You owe me

265. I swear I'm gonna slit his fucking throat

266. Did you just kiss me

267. Huh ironic isn't it I'm a lone wolf

268. You hooked up

269. You kissed her

270. Teach me

271. What are we

272. What if I do

273. I want you to be happy

274. I think your beautiful

275. Why do you have scars

276. Shut up before you wake them

277. This is why we don't listen to you

278. What do you mean maybe

279. Hey whose side are you on

280. It's okay you didn't know

281. At least my parents are still alive

282. That wasn't love it was a perfect illusion

283. She makes my heart beat at a million miles per second

284. I'm not in the mood to fight with you tonight

285. Come stay with me

286. Don't call me love

287. I always keep my promises

288. Revenge is my best work

289. Why are you up

290. He's amazing

291. She's not going with you

292. I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you

293. Why are you scared

294. Why aren't you scared of me

295. If your a monster for what you've done than I'm the fucking devil

296. You fucking traitor

297. I'll always love you

298. I will never leave you no matter what happens between us I'll always be there

299. Please stop

300. I fucking love you thats why

Genre/ type of story

Friends to lovers

Enemies to lovers

Fluff

Angst with a happy ending

Angst with a sad ending

Fluff to angst

Angst to fluff

+ more

No smut

Character x reader

Sirius black and reader

James potter and reader

Remus lupin and reader

Lilly Evans and reader

Regulus black and reader

Marlene McKinnon and reader

Characters house

Slytherin

Gryffindor

Ravenclaw

Hufflepuff

Any added features

Name?

Hair color

Eye color

Attitude/personality

Relationship status with parents and other characters

Any important details.

[crappymixtape]

❤ prompts list

CRAPPYMIXTAPE • PROMPTS LIST

to request a prompt from me please make sure you use the following format and submit here!

•  category ( angst, fluff, kissing ) • number from the list •  character(s) you want

PROMPT CREDITS: kissing prompts from @kashimalin-fanfiction and some others above from @writings-of-a-hufflepuff

🖤 ANGST

“Love is Overrated”

“I should have told you a long time ago”

“You’re in love with her”

“I thought you were dead”

“You’re never gonna let that go, are you”

“I can explain”

“Watch me”

“I don’t believe you”

“Please look at me”

“Is she/he really just a friend”

“I’m just disappointed”

“You know I’m not like that”

“Don’t give me space that’s the last thing I want with you

“I know you still love me”

“I can’t think straight with you”

“Why are you so stubborn”

“Don’t do this here”

“Trust me on this”

“You…. you never had a problem with it before”

“I knew I shouldn’t be here”

“What do you mean by that”

“You deserve more”

“Can you kiss me? Just one last time please. That’s all I ask”

“I’m scared”

“I swear I’ll do things different this time”

“She/he’s beautiful. I hope she/he makes you happy”

“I want to believe you. I do”

“I don’t owe you an explanation. I don’t owe you anything”

“Not everyone is going to hurt you”

I’m…. I’m trying. I really am”

“I can’t sleep”

“How long will this go on for”

“Do you ever mean the things you say”

“You won’t understand”

“Am I too late”

“I want an answer goddamnit!”

“This is why we can’t have nice things”

“I can’t keep kissing strangers pretending there you”

“You could have died”

“Prove it”

“I never stood a chance did I”

“Do you regret it”

“Lie to me then”

“I feel like I can’t breath”

“I still remember the way you taste”

“You make me want things I can’t have”

“Give me a chance”

“Not you again”

“Leave me alone”

“I don’t love you anymore”

“Why do you hate me”

“I lost the baby”

“I thought you loved me”

“I don’t need you anymore”

“Don’t die on me…. please”

“I never meant to hurt you”

“Thanks for nothing”

“You’ve ruined that song for me”

“I hate you. I can finally say with every bone and nerve in my body that I hate you and never want to see you again”

“It was all a lie. I never loved you. I’m sorry”

“She/he’s not yours”

“Please don’t say those three stupid words”

“Shut up”

“I can’t believe you’d do this to me after everything I’ve done for you”

“I can’t even look at you”

“Please just let me go”

“It wasn’t meant to go this far I swear”

“You were ready to leave me for her”

“There is not us there never was”

“I was doing fine. Really. But then you waltz back and break my heart again”

“My mom asked about again”

“Please don’t cry”

“I told you not to fall in love me”

“Just get home as soon as possible okay!?”

“Y/N open the door!”

“I can’t pretend any more”

“Get the hell out”

“That sounds a lot like a good bye”

“You broke my heart”

“This isn’t you”

“Why aren’t you with her”

“I’m sorry if i gave you the wrong impression”

“The baby it’s yours”

“Please wake up. Please!”

“Don’t you ever do that again”

“Do you even love me anymore”

“Don’t try to fix me I’m not broken”

“Go back to bed before you hurt your self”

“Excuse me for freaking, I thought you were dead”

“That came out wrong”

“Things don’t always turn out the way you want them too”

“What are you afraid of”

“I moved on”

“Call me that one more time see what happens”

“Just one last hug and I’ll leave”

“All right I’ll leave you alone”

“Do you think I just forgot”

“Eventually…. you just move on”

“Don’t you dare walk away”

“Forget I even asked you”

💫 FLUFF

“Have you ever kissed anyone before”

“Can I kiss you”

“You didn’t tell me your friend was cute”

“I feel sick…..so anxious and sick and like my heart is beating out of my chest,”

“You don’t know what you do to me do you?”

“I want to feel like this forever,”

“You give me reason to do better, to be better”

“God you’re so fucking cute,”

“I love you but I need you to go away because you’re distracting and I have to pass this test tomorrow,”

“Your hair is so soft

“It’s too cold. Come back!”

“No. I’m not letting you go it’s to early to get out of bed”

“C’mere, you can sit on my lap until I’m done”

“I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention”

“Shh, you’re safe. I won’t let you go”

“What. Does that feel good”

“Just pretend to be my date”

“He/she did it” “No he/she did it”

“I think I’m in love with and that terrifying”

“It’s not a double date we’re just third and fourth wheeling”

“No no— it’s alright come here”

“I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to suffer by your self again, I promise”

“I’m in love with you”

“It’s always been you”

“Shut up and kiss me”

“I’ve waited for this for so long”

“I can’t wait any longer”

“Can I kiss you”

“Can I touch you”

“I missed you so much”

“Stay with me forever”

“I thought you didn’t want me” “I want you and only you”

“The way I feel when I’m with you…”

“I’ll always love you”

“Marry me”

“Why haven’t you kissed me yet”

“Because I love you”

“You’re the most beautiful thing I ever met”

“I can’t stay away from you”

“I’m better when I’m with you”

“You make me so happy”

“You smell really nice”

“You’re comfy”

“You are very endearing when you’re half asleep”

“But I want to hear you sing”

“We can talk over dinner”

“Will you let me rub your back”

“Star gazing was such a good idea”

“I’ll always be here for you”

“It’s okay I couldn’t sleep anyway”

“Don’t be silly I wanna stay up with you”

“You’re adorable you know that”

“I don’t like lightning”

“How about a kiss”

“She/he’s not you”

“Is there a reason why your blushing like that”

“Oh your jealous”

“Can we stay like this for ever”

“They’re so cute when they sleep”

“I think you should know that I think you’re beautiful”

“Can’t believe we’re going to be parents”

“How can I think about that when I’m next to the most beautiful girl/boy ever”

“You’re my home”

“You came back to me”

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me”

“I’m so in love with you”

“Dance with me”

“Isn’t this amazing?”

“I wish we could stay like this forever”

“I’m pregnant”

“I need a hug”

“You’re special to me”

“I’m going to keep you safe”

“You’re cute when you’re angry”

“I’ve liked you for a while now”

“Let’s have a baby”

“We’d make such a cute couple”

“I wanna take care of you”

“Can we cuddle”

“It’s lonely here with out you”

“I can’t stand the thought of losing you”

“Are you flirting with me”

“Is that my shirt”

“How did we get here”

“You’ve been pouting ever since I went out on that what’s up?”

“Your lips are really close to mine”

“I dare you to kiss me”

“Is there a reason why you’re blushing like that”

“Are we on a date right now”

“I wish we could live together”

“I think you might be my soulmate”

“He’s so pretty I think I’m going to faint”

“Am supposed I to be scared of you”

💋 KISSING

Small kisses littered across the other’s face.

A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss.

A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.

One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.

Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.

A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company.

A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.

A kiss that tastes of the food/dessert they are eating.

Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.

Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear.

Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.

Staring at each other’s lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.

Weak, sweaty kisses because it’s unbearably hot.

Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.

A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.

An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.

Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.

An awkward kiss given after a first date.

Starting with eskimo kisses before moving on to soft kisses

Cleaning the other person’s lips with a lick and a kiss.

Whispering “I love you” before a chaste, delicate kiss.

Kissing tears from the other’s face.

A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.

Kisses shared under an umbrella.

Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.

A kiss pressed to the top of the head.

Tentative kisses given in the dark.

Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.

A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.

A kiss paired with a tight hug, knocking the breath out of the person being hugged.

One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.

Short and sweet kiss after meeting up for a date

A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck.

An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.

Throwing their arms around the other person’s neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.

Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.

French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.

Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand.

A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each other’s breaths.

A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.

Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.

Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.

Butterfly kisses against the other’s cheeks.

A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.

One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.

Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.

Teasing kisses where one person blows air into the other’s mouth and runs away.

[avastyetwats]

"Iron Chef. Wow." It's his turn to laugh now, completely amused by this. Not meant to insult Charles. Not at all. He just... was learning so much not just about him, but about werewolves in general and how some of them really just... lived normal lives. Or tried to, anyway. They wanted to. But some didn't exactly make it so easy for them, or at all possible. "Guess I just never really imagined werewolves watching television, let alone cooking shows. Or ordering take out." It just showed how little Flint knew about their world and how much of what he knew was wrong. Or assumed. "Ramen comes in handy when you're low on groceries or just don't feel like making much. Boil some water, throw the noodles in for a few minutes. Dinner is done." He laughs, clearly a professional when it came to making ramen. The bachelor comment, however, stuck with Flint and he found himself smiling a little. A reminder that he was single. Fuck. Not that he should really care about that. But goddamnit, he did. "You really love them, I can see that." He says with a smile, glancing over at him. "And I can see why. They're great. Even the oldest one, I suppose." Flint smirked, his comment about Charlotte meant to be playful and he hoped his tone and the smile on his face conveyed that. "Maybe this good will get me into her good graces." He chuckles, but he's serious, too. Hopeful, even.

The tone of Charles's own voice changed and he could see the smile fade from his face a little, making Flint's own smile disappear. "You were forced out of your home, Charles," he reminds him, not wanting Charles to think he lost some fight. It was an ambush. A mutiny. Unfair and traitorous. "You wanted to keep your kids safe and you have. You're a damn good father." And he meant that. "They'd just... need to be careful. The human world isn't very accepting, as you know," he sighs. "And I'd hate if anything happened to them." He'd only known them a few hours but fuck, he was attached already. The thought of them getting hurt - especially by humans - not only hurt Flint, but angered him. Their secret wouldn't be easy to keep, thus making it difficult to make a life in the human world, but... Flint would try to help, if he could. Or if he was still around because he didn't know what he'd do or where he'd go after they took care of Singleton. He couldn't exactly be a hunter anymore, could he? Unless he continued Thomas's work and did what he wanted to do before he...

Flint shakes his head, not wanting to think about that right now but then Charles asked about him being a hunter and how that came to be. But it was his comment about it being lonely that really gave Flint pause, his eyes looking sad now as he moved to pull out some extra plates. "It is, I guess. A little. But, uh, I guess I'm just used to being alone." Which was sad to say, but it was true. He never really had many friends, mostly because he grew up poor and with little education yet he was climbing ranks in the military. "I joined the military to give my life purpose and to help out my grandparents. During my time in there, I encountered something... inhuman. I witnessed it slaughter some of my own and somehow, I managed to escape. I was the only one. I was sure no one would believe me, but it turns out, someone did." He pauses as he starts setting up the table. "Found out there was a branch dedicated to hunting supernatural creatures. Known to no one outside of the military, of course. And barely to anyone inside of it." He grabs himself another beer, takes of the cap and takes a drink.

"I was invited to join and after what I witnessed, I couldn't say no. I couldn't let that happen to anyone else. But then sometime later I met Thomas and we grew... close. He trusted me to the point of revealing his uncertainties about what we did and how he was trying to prove that not all were violent murderous monsters. In fact, he wanted to protect them... the ones that simply wanted to live." He smiles to himself. "I was hesitant to believe him, thought him outlandish but he..." Flint shook his head. "Just had this way of making you believe in him." He sighs and turns to look at Charles, gesturing to him. "And turns out, he was right." His eyes look sad, apologetic even, and full of guilt as he gazes at Charles. "Now I can't help but... want to continue what he started."

Charles let out a laugh. “ I guess so. “ But the idea of him being more than just that was creeping into his mind. He’d shoo it away, and then it would just return again as soon as Flint looked at him. He found himself looking over his shoulder to see if he could even catch a sideways glance.

“ Something like that. I do like the cooking channel though. Iron Chef was my favorite. “ He was peeling the potatoes easily now. He’d done it a million times over and it was all second nature. “ I just liked good tasting food and I wanted it at home so I learned how. Plus, well.. you live as a bachelor now. Typically bachelor food is ramen, take out pizza and a few beers. “ He snickered. “ Nothing wrong with that, but I wanted more. And I knew it’s come in handy when I had kids one day. “ He absolutely beamed then with his smile, slicing up a potato. “ My kids give me a reason to wake up in the morning. They are my soul and I would do anything for them. “

Then came a sad smile. “ Even walk away from being an alpha, if it meant it was for their own protection. I want them to have the best of your human world and find their own place in it. I want them to get married, have babies of their own. I want to be a grandfather a dozen times over, because I know the kind of joy children can bring. “

“ But what about you? How do you know how and.. what got you into being a hunter, anyway? Dangerous job with the highest mortality rate out there. Not many humans would want that life. I always thought .. it must be lonely. “

[mypoisonedvine]

𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳 || dark!Niki Lauda x reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | you had something to prove, and that was where it all went wrong. (or, niki and the reader set to find out if women can drive as well as men.)

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 | 4.6k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | smut (dubcon, specifically coercion through a bet/deal), misogyny kink (please dni if this bothers you c:), slapping (both face and pussy), degradation, creampie, kinda overstimulation, multiple orgasms, a bit of housewife kink, rough sex, some exhibitionism/semi-public sex, anal mention, minimal plot, poorly written racing (sorry I know about 100% more about street racing than track racing ack), period-typical sexism (and then some)

The group of men and their hollers and chatter fell into silence as you passed by, a few of them looking you up and down silently while some of the others not-so-subtly mumbled or gestured to each other. You ignored it like always, even though some small part of you enjoyed the attention— not in the way they probably assumed you did, just in the sense that you found what joy you could in standing out in the boy’s club that was the racing world.

Niki Lauda was the last to look up, only paying you any attention when someone elbowed him in the ribs.

“Hey,” he called out to you.

“...hey?” you returned, having waited for a moment before speaking since you expected something with a bit more substance.

“What are you doing on the track? Are you a flag girl or something?” he pressed, his accent even more pronounced than how you remembered it from on TV.

“No, I’m a driver.”

A brief pause, and then Niki’s face cracked into a crooked grin. “A driver for what?” he chuckled.

“For F1!” you explained incredulously.

“Sweetheart, you’ll be a comedienne before you’re a racing driver,” he offered, reaching to grab your arm, but you grimaced and pushed his hand away.

“I happen to think that women are just as good of drivers as men,” you stated firmly, frowning and feeling your face burn hot with rage when he began to laugh.

“That’s preposterous! Women can hardly drive on the road, let alone the track,” he scoffed.

“Forget the road; I could drive circles around you in a dirt lot,” you sneered. “I’ve seen you race, you know; you’re good but you’re not great.”

“I’m the best in the world,” he reminded you, clearly angered by your comments yet outwardly calm.

“And to get as far as I have as a female driver, I have to drive better than the best,” you promised sternly.

“If you’re as good of a driver as I am, you should have no trouble racing me,” Niki shrugged.

“You’re on,” you sneered, and that seemed to surprise him— in fact, he didn’t move at all, like he didn’t believe you, until you tossed him his helmet.

“You’re not serious,” he rolled his eyes.

“I absolutely am! Suit up and meet me on the track,” you demanded, but you were stopped from walking away by his hand wrapping around your wrist and pulling you back.

“Wait,” he hissed. “If we’re going to do this, there needs to be something in it for me.”

“Proving yourself right isn’t enough?” you frowned.

“I’m already right, I need to win something.”

“Fine, we’ll race for a grand,” you decided, and when you turned he grabbed your arm. “Goddamnit, will you quit doing that?” you hissed, shoving his hand away again.

That seemed to give him an idea, and his eyebrow raised just before he began to smile. “I don’t need money, so we’ll need to race for something better than that. Thankfully, I think I have a solution: the winner of our little race today can make the other do whatever they want, just for the afternoon. What do you say?”

The way he was smiling at you put you slightly on edge; it looked like he was trying to look unsuspicious, which was highly suspicious. “What would you have me do?” you asked nervously.

“If you’re as good as you act like you are, you won’t need to find out,” he shrugged.

You couldn’t argue with that logic... and you smiled as you imagined what you would have him do; oh, it would be so fun to have him call an emergency press conference to announce that he was a sexist pig and would be taking the year off racing to contemplate his choices and atone for the stress he must be putting on his poor mother by being such a little cuntwaffle. Yeah, a chance to make that happen was worth the risk of having to scrub the floors of Niki’s garage for the rest of the day, or whatever dumb thing he’d put you through if you lost.

You extended your hand for a shake, and he seemed a bit offended by it at first; like he didn’t think he should shake a woman’s hand. But he finally did, and you both slipped on your balaclavas and your helmets as you walked to your cars.

One of the mechanics waited at the start as you two pulled up slowly to the line. You spared him a glance from behind the helmet’s clear shield; he didn’t look back at you.

The mechanic counted off with his fingers, dropping his hand quickly at the last second— and with the roar of engines that vibrated right down to your bones, you were off.

From the beginning, you were ahead. Presumably because you were so wired with anger at the awful things he’d said, you were driving it like you stole it. Reckless, brutal, sharp; you were pushing the car to its limits, and it almost made you feel guilty. You even mumbled an apology to the poor thing when you flooded the engine, but it was a necessary sacrifice to get the speed you needed to overtake a car like his.

You almost caught a moment of his shocked glance when you passed him, and it made you suppress a smirk under your helmet. You could hear him revving to try to gain some momentum, and it got him a lot closer, but you were a half-length ahead and in a straight line, nothing would change that.

But the track wasn’t a straight line.

You had him, you had him, you almost had him— but the hairpin turn was coming, and you both knew it was his chance to overtake you and win at the last second. You tried to block his path, but you didn’t hit the brakes hard enough and ended up spinning out: you crossed the finish line, after all, but backwards… and obviously, a couple seconds after him.

Tears already threatened to burn your eyes as your car came to a screeching halt. “Fuck!” you yelped, slamming your hands on the wheel as you saw him come to a stop and hop out of his car, all but floating and with a smile that was somehow visible through his helmet.

You took your helmet off and leaned back in the little driver’s pit of your car with an exhausted sigh. He appeared beside you with his helmet under one arm and the other extended to help you out of the seat. You scowled and got out yourself. “I won’t hold you to the bet,” he offered, “it was just a little fun.”

You figured he had more fun winning than you did losing. “Sure,” you agreed, “what’s a quick race between drivers anyways?”

He smiled slightly, in a way that was undeniably condescending. “Oh, sweetheart… only one of us is a driver.”

It was bait, you knew it, and if you were a better person you wouldn’t have fallen for it. But something about this man and the way he just made himself comfortable getting on your nerves… you couldn’t let it end like this. “If I had won, would you have tried to forget the bet?”

“No, not if you hadn’t wanted to. It’s just a courtesy,” he explained. But you knew the difference between courtesy and charity; you knew the difference between respect and pity.

“I’m a driver,” you assured him. “I’ll hold up my end of the deal. It’s what we do.”

He seemed less surprised than you had imagined. “Alright. Follow me, then.”

He led you back off the track and through the side entrance of the facility, passing his group of mechanics again who seemed noticeably more smug than the last time you saw them.

The winding tour through the building ended in a small office, mostly empty, with one chair and one modest desk— like someone had just moved out. He opened the door for you, some ironic charade of gentlemanliness, and you stepped inside. The hairs on the back of your neck were standing up from the moment he shut the door behind you (and himself). You knew you’d just made an awful mistake, one that would cost you a lot more than losing a race. But he simply sat down in the only chair and left you standing awkwardly across the desk from him.

“Strip,” he demanded, grinning smugly from his seat. Your whole body was hot, burning from the inside out, as your gut sank.

“Really? That’s how you’re going to use this?” you shuddered, trying to sound mildly irritated instead of letting your real terror show.

“Yes, I’m going to show you something women are much better at than driving,” he assured darkly. “I’m going to show you what you’re really good for.”

His heartless words made your stomach twist, and your hands were shaking slightly as you reached up for the zipper at your neck, moving it down over your chest and abdomen until your sports bra underneath was the only thing covering your upper body. Toeing off your boots and pushing the jumpsuit down to your ankles, you were left only in the bra and undershorts, feeling utterly exposed to his piercing gaze.

You reached up to cover your midsection with your arms, but he clicked his tongue and waved his finger. “None of that, you don’t need to hide anything from me.”

It wasn’t just being nearly naked in a drafty office that made you shiver; his gaze traced over you slowly, his chin resting in his hand like he was… appraising you, that was the word.

"It's a shame you dress in those drab crew jumpsuits, because you actually have a nice body,” he finally announced, “one that deserves to be shown off in pretty little skirts and dresses, like a proper lady wears."

You wanted to roll your eyes, but you were a little too afraid to.

“Go ahead and take the bra and panties off, and step over to the side here,” he instructed plainly, motioning to the other end of the desk where his view of your legs wouldn’t be obstructed, “I’d like see all of you.”

You choked on your own throat the first time you tried to speak. “Niki, this is too—”

“If you were a man, I would hold you to your word,” he interjected firmly. “Don’t you want to be treated equally?”

“If I was a man, you’d never ask me to do this,” you reminded him.

“Well, that’s true, but if you were a man, you might just have had a chance at beating me,” he winked, though he returned to his stoicism quickly. “Get naked, now; I won’t be asking again.”

Sighing shakily, took a few steps closer before you lifted the bra over your head and tossed it aside, hearing him hum quietly at the sight of your breasts before you pushed your panties down to the floor and shivered slightly.

“Why don’t you give me a little twirl?” he smirked, and you grimaced but eventually got over yourself enough to spin briefly.

He stood up and approached you slowly, lifting your chin with his fingers when you instinctively looked at the floor. “Are you done?” you whispered nervously.

“I think you must know that I’m not,” he answered coldly. “Bend over the table, little girl.”

Although it took a few tries to swallow the lump in your throat, you did as you were told, bending at the hips slightly to place your hands on the table; but as he circled you to stand behind you, ominously just out of view, he pushed down between your shoulder blades until you were only on your elbows— significantly less dignified.

After his hand left your skin, you heard him unzip his own jumpsuit and you whimpered. “Niki, I—”

“Shh,” he soothed, not that it was particularly soothing.

His foot kicked your legs apart, and you jumped when you felt the spongy head of his cock bumping up against your entrance.

“You’re wet,” he cooed mockingly.

“Just make it quick,” you breathed out sharply.

Solemnly, your head hung between your shoulders as he pushed inside you: this defeat felt so much more deep than the one on the track… literally.

He was thick, so much so that you bit your lip and fought not to squeal as he tore into you.

"Mm, you feel good, little girl— nice and tight around my cock."

The unexpected praise had an unexpected impact: you got even wetter, and your walls clenched quickly.

"Oh, do you feel that?" he grinned. "See, you like making me feel good. You like pleasuring me with your body, it's in your nature. It's what you really want, more than anything."

When he pressed his hips against yours hard, trying to get as deep as possible, you whined a little.

And then he pulled back and slammed forward, and you almost screamed.

His pace was brutal: not fast quite yet, but threatening to reach the end of you every time.

"Fuck, what a sweet little cunt— so much sweeter and kinder to me than you ever were," he grunted, grabbing your shoulders to keep his leverage against you. "We would've gotten along so much better if I'd known what a lovely pussy you were hiding from me."

Now that you believed; but you had no desire to get along with him at all, especially on these terms.

"I should've taken you like a real man the second I saw you— bent you over the car when you first talked back to me. Would've saved myself a lot of trouble."

“Was it really that much trouble?” you snarked breathlessly.

“No, you’re right— defeating you was no trouble at all. Trivial, really... but it would’ve saved me a bit of time, and I wouldn’t have had to humour your desire to prove yourself with a useless race. It’s a waste of fucking petrol is what it was.”

You couldn’t really blame him for that one, you’d led him right into it, but that only made you hate him more for it. And yet, the more you hated him, the wetter you seemed to get— and much to your chagrin, he clearly noticed.

“Look how needy your little pussy is already,” he smirked, “so wet for me— she likes me more than you do.”

That, unfortunately, you couldn’t deny; not that you were going to openly agree with it, either.

“Yeah, she fucking loves me, huh?” he added, rougher. “Mm, you’re fucking tight, I should’ve known… clearly nobody’s been fucking you right or you wouldn’t act like such a bitch.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but a moan came out instead.

“I’ll fix your attitude, sweetheart,” he promised as he began to speed up his thrusts. “That’s what you needed, isn’t it? To be put in your place…”

You just forced your eyes shut tight and tried to ignore him; but of course he wouldn’t allow that.

“Tell me you love it,” he demanded.

“I fucking hate you,” you sighed.

He chuckled against your neck before biting down on it until you yelped. “I’m sure you do. To be honest, I think it’s sort of sexy… you’re so adorable when you’re angry with me. But I can’t wait to see the way you look when you finally give in and admit you need me.”

In retrospect, talking back to him was a mistake. “I need you like I need a hole in the head,” you sneered.

“On second thought,” he decided suddenly, "I think you'll learn your place better if I fuck you on the floor."

Before you could protest to that, he picked you up and all but threw you down, forcing you onto your knees where he shoved your face down into the carpet and pulled your hips up to meet his own. This time when he slipped back inside, the angle pushed him even deeper into you and you sobbed instantly.

“Niki, please— s’too deep,” you slurred, your whole body shaking with each thrust, “slow down, I-I can’t take it…”

“But this is what you’re made for,” he grunted. “Don’t tell me you’re not good at this either. Can’t you do anything?”

“P-please, I just need a break…”

“No, I won’t stop until you’re full of my seed, little girl,” he promised between heavy breaths, “until it’s dripping out of you. You need to remember your purpose.”

You couldn’t even worry about the last part of that when you realised he was going to come inside you. Thank god for the pill, but he didn’t know you were on it— and he sure as hell didn’t care, that was obvious. What would he have even done if he knocked you up? You tried not to imagine that… partially because it terrified you, mainly because you didn’t like the way it made a sick, guilty arousal burn in your gut.

“You’re meant for so much more than driving, sweetheart, you’re meant to be mine,” he explained, “mine to fill and use however I like. And you like it, too, don’t pretend you don’t when I can feel how desperate you are for it.”

“Why do you— fuck— why do you even care?” you breathed. “What does it matter to you what I do?” Why didn’t you just leave me alone?

“Because I don’t want you to get hurt, little girl,” he cooed. "Racing is very dangerous, much too rough and dirty for a sweet and delicate thing like you."

Ironic of him to worry about what rough and dirty activities you might be exposed to when he was fucking you like this— so hard he had to hold you tight against his body to keep you from falling forward.

“Why do you even want to drive?” he wondered aloud.

“S’all I ever wanted to do,” you answered between panting breaths, “it’s what I was born to do. It’s my purpose… it’s my dream.”

He laughed at you again, squeezing your hips for a moment. “You know that’s not true, deep down. Doesn’t this feel so much more natural? Doesn’t pleasing and serving me sound like such a better use of your life?” He purred against your ear as he continued. "You'd make a pretty housewife, I think. Once you gave up on driving and stopped scowling all the time… fuck, keep gripping my dick like this and maybe I'll make you a housewife myself," he taunted.

Niki Lauda's housewife, what a pitiful existence that would be… yet you struggled not to moan as you pictured it.

"You can keep my bed warm, I'm always looking for ways to relieve my stress," he breathed.

Your eyes rolled back into your skull. You wanted it, fuck, you wanted to be his stress relief more than anything, and you hated yourself for it.

"But if you think you'll be one of those wives who spends all her husband's money just to make him sleep on the couch, think again, little girl. You'll be a good wife, one that always keeps her legs ready to spread whenever I ask. And you'll get on your knees too, so I can fill that mouth better than you do with your dumb words about how women can drive like men."

It wasn't in spite of the shame and hatred that your body shuddered with pleasure, no, it was because of it. You hated him so fucking much that it made your head spin, but he was fucking you so good that you found yourself desperate to submit to him regardless.

"And maybe if you were a really good wife, you'd let me use your ass, huh?"

Your teeth bit into your bottom lip when he said that, but it wasn't enough to hide your moan as you felt his thumb gently circling the hole in question.

"Oh, you really are just a filthy little whore," he laughed, "your cunt got tighter when I talked about fucking your ass. Is that what you want, then? Or maybe it's just that she got a little jealous? You'd miss my cock ruining your precious cunt, is that it?"

He reached down to rub your swollen clit for emphasis, and your whole body began to shake. "Niki, s-stop," you begged breathlessly, but not because you exactly wanted him to stop— you were going to come if he kept going, that was your problem.

"You really can't help yourself," he laughed mockingly as he realized that you were close. "How long has it been since you were properly fucked, hm? You were trying too hard to be equal to men, you never let yourself relax and enjoy it. See how good it can feel, to be inferior?"

You whimpered at his words, but properly whined when he gave your clit a slap. So he did it again, and again, not just to hear you scream but to feel your walls clutch at him with each impact. “Oh god,” you moaned, “f-fuck, Niki…”

His name just sort of… came out, you couldn’t seem to stop it; and you couldn’t stop your orgasm, either, feeling it bloom from your core to surround every part of you. Your back arched as everything else seemed to tighten up and relax all at once, your eyes felt watery and heavy, and you made a humiliating little squeal that echoed around the empty room.

"Oh, fuck, what a fucking whore you are," he sneered. "Filthy little bitch."

"Fuck!" you sobbed, his words hitting right in your gut and keeping you suspended in the deepest parts of your pleasure.

"You're coming so hard because you're learning your place," he explained darkly. "It feels good to be owned by a man, doesn't it? It feels right…”

“Niki,” you whimpered, a stammered plea for him to at least take mercy on your mind while he ravaged your body. Wasn’t ruining you physically enough? Why did he have to go after your morals and philosophy as well?

He was fucking you so hard now that you wondered how he wasn’t running out of stamina, but then again you’d heard he kept in excellent shape. You definitely believed that now, with him railing you senseless yet barely breaking a sweat. Even when you thought your body might give out, even when you wondered if his ever would, he just kept going; and so did your orgasm, until you were so sensitive that every movement made you want to scream. By this point, it had managed to bypass the part of your brain that understood how horrifically offensive this all was, and awakened something primal— something innate, and powerful, and filthy. Most of all, something that didn’t give a single fuck how wrong this was… it just wanted more of it.

He leaned forward and put more of his weight in the hand pinning your head down, tugging at your hair occasionally. When he did, addictively-pleasant shivers ran down your spine and straight to your core. You were sure you hadn’t been into this shit this morning, what had he done to you to make you respond to him this way?

Maybe he was a warlock or something. That would actually explain a lot.

Ripping you from that train of thought, he grabbed you by your hair and turned your head, pressing your other cheek into the floor. “Look at the crack in the door,” he demanded lowly, “you can see it can’t you?”

You blinked rapidly to get the tears out of your eyes, and gasped when you saw what he must have been referring to— in the hallway on the other side, you saw shadows and, when you squinted, soles of work boots.

“My crew is just outside, aren’t they?” he assumed. “Listening to you come for me.”

You bit your lip and shut your eyes, though that was quite brief since a slap to your cheek made you gasp and shoot your eyes open again.

“So say my name a little louder, darling, let them hear who you belong to.”

He hit you again, just for hesitating for a moment. “Niki,” you sighed, but it wasn’t anywhere loud enough.

“Speak up, whore,” he instructed as he hit you two more times.

“Niki,” you sobbed, definitely louder— he gave your face a break to spank your ass instead, so hard you stammered over his name when you spoke it again: “N-Niki, oh god… Niki, Niki—”

He wrapped his arm around your neck suddenly, pulling you back as his chest pressed into your back and his elbow held your chin up so he could bite your ear. Your channel pulsed again when he did it, and you felt him smile as you both realized he had you on the edge again already. He grunted from exertion as he fucked you faster, harder— chasing his own pleasure, using your body… just the thought of it made your head spin. "Admit you'll never drive as well as me," he demanded through his teeth. "I want to hear you say it when you come again."

Whatever part of your brain felt shame and wanted to preserve your dignity was gone, replaced by the growing portion of your brain that could only think of him and his cock fucking into you. "I'll never drive like you, Niki, nobody drives like you…"

"Because…?"

"Because you're a man," you whimpered, "but not just that— b-because you're the best, Niki… you're the best driver in the world."

He groaned and fucked you faster, rougher. "Say it again."

"You're the best in the world!"

“Fuck, I’ll come. You want it, don’t you?” he taunted between heavy breaths. “You want me to come inside you?”

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak so you only nodded a little, moaning louder when he grabbed your hair and tugged it hard, forcing your back to arch.

“Then beg me,” he demanded. Before you could even refuse, he explained why you had no choice. “I won’t stop until you beg me to come.”

“Come, Niki, please come,” you panted; it was easier if you closed your eyes, like you could drift off in your mind and not really think about what you were saying or who you were saying it to. “Come inside me, I’m yours, fuck, I’m yours!”

For maybe the first time ever, he did what you’d asked him to; with a groan, he slammed his hips into yours one more time and painted the deepest parts of you. You could just barely sense the heat of it, beginning to feel fuller than ever as he stayed inside and gave you everything— which ended up being more than both of you expected.

He sighed and pulled out slowly, and you winced at how sore you already were, along with the feeling of his warm come starting to leak out of you already.

As soon as he let go of you, you fell forward limply. What else could you do? You felt wobbly and weak all over, completely spent; your ears rang and your skin tingled with burgeoning numbness. And so you laid there, crumpled on the floor, as he caught his breath; you glanced over at him briefly, watching his chest rise and fall, scattered with errant blonde-ish hairs and glistening from a thin layer of sweat.

He looked back at you, and for the first time he gave you a smile that was almost genuine— not that it wasn’t condescending, it had to be given the context, but it was much kinder than before. “Remind me of your name?” he requested hoarsely.

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

I'm not calling it "toxic masculinity" anymore. I'm calling it "fragile masculinity".

Look. I have a lot of trauma, experienced a lot of abuse, surrounding men telling me I'm not good enough and I'll never make anything of myself.

And any time I start to get over that and make something of myself, cis men get mad at me for it. Like "how dare you succeed". In college it was any time I passed a test. My friend would ask how I did, and I'd tell them "Oh, I only made an 88, which is aggravating because I made such a stupid mistake right here." And a man would blow up at me for "bragging" or "rubbing it in".

And now I got an amazing job opportunity, and the first thing I'm told it "don't tell [insert male friends here] how much you make, or they'll feel bad because they don't make as much"

Goddamnit. This is HUGE for me. Why shouldn't I be proud of myself? Why can't I gasp in disbelief? My entire existence growing up was being told I'm not good enough and I'd never amount to anything. Why can't I have a little fucking pride in that I proved them wrong?

The only time men are goddamn happy with me is when my disability or mental health issues stunts my progress. It's not my goddamn fault you got no drive.

Yall need to stop being so goddamn whiny every fucking time an AFAB does better than you and use that energy to better your fucking self. Don't come bitching to me when you're not getting far when you're putting in literally zero effort to find a better job or get a raise.

The worst part is these are men I used to idolize because I thought they were so fucking smart. Imagine my disappointment when I learn their growth is stunted by their own lack of drive.

Your masculinity isn't "toxic". It's fragile. The moment someone you perceive as a woman or feminine does better than you, you turn into such a goddamn baby. Whining and moaning about how you can't be where I'm at when you're not even putting in a quarter of the effort.

-fae

[bugflies00]

okay genuinely i have so many thoughts about this stream and idk if i have time to post them all but they are so overwhelmingly positive. 

like i dont know how to phrase the fact that this is the most dream smp a stream has felt in months. dyou know what i mean?? like this genuinely felt like what the server is, what it used to be before everyone distanced themselves for a bit. it was the perfect balance of humour and stupid bits with raw emotions, it was ccrimeboys being goofy and protective and caring and dumb and sad and it was utterly perfect. like it’s them. it’s genuinely them im so fucking happy. 

and the exile discussion like we have genuinely been waiting for that shit since 2020 its a year and a half and they did that fucking discussion and they blew it out of the park (i am Genuinely never recovering from tommy saying that sentence. saying, out loud, “this is where i went to kill myself.”) and cwilbur got metaphorically punched in the gut with the realisation that his idol did that to his brother, and of course he immediately turned around and dreamed of violence on dream because how could you possibly envision a world where wilbur does not care, first and foremost and above all else, about tommy? how can you?

and finally we’re getting the culmination of the suicidal ideation we’ve seen build up in cwilbur for months now, his self loathing and how it only increased when he saw what a man he used to revere did to his brother and how his first thought was to put himself on the line

and the parallels. oh my god the parallels im frothing at the mouth there were SO MANYYY. of course c!crime and their disastrous habit to threaten suicide to get cdream to do what they want (im clawing at the walls of my cage for that one), but also the beach party scene. the BEACH PARTY SCENE i am sobbing i am on the floor. last time tommy tried to hold a party he was still under cdream’s full control and no one showed up but dream and he was alone and depressed and suicidal and he thought no one loved him anymore. and now you have tommy, dancing and laughing with wilbur on that same fucking beach, joking that he’s holding that party again. like a second chance. like healing, almost. not really, because there’s still that plan of wilbur’s looming in the horizon, but a better shot at healing than he’s ever had in the past because he’s on that same fucking beach but wilbur is here.

and the DISCS FIASCO. c!crime and trust i would write an essay if i were a better analyst like genuinely . but TOMMY’S ACTING IM BLOWN AWAY EVERY TIME they are so incredible like ctommy was so close to tears there and i genuinely melted like this guy is just. holy fucking shit that was one of tommy’s best acting moment in my opinion. and DREAMMM fucking evil bitch as usual with his cheery voice talking about the prison lobby being his living room while ctommy’s a hair away from a full blown panic attack. Genuinely delightful. AND OBVIOUSLY WILBUR’S ACTING but i feel like this goes without saying

and the whole thing with the book. wilbur, proving over and over again how much of a fucking lie “i never cared about l’manberg” was. how much he loved that country. and once again proving all the lmanberg antis wrong Lmao get fucked losers it was always good at its core because it was the most tight knit community on that entire server. and c!crimeboys have always known that because they’re the ones who made it that way, that’s why they keep coming back to it. “independence or death” because they may have moved on from the country but they’re still the same people battling the same fucking prick in power, they’re still wilbur and tommy with nothing but an iron chestplate, a couple sticks and very little self preservation against the manipulative bastard that is dream with his power plays and mind games. that’s what it comes back to, at the end. and i fucking love that

this is perhaps my favourite lore stream since at least disc finale if not 2020. and goddamnit they did us right because of course they did it’s crimeboys and i always had faith in them

[gumnut-logic]

G Protocol

I have finally written another Protocol :D I wanted this to be for Thunderfam, but I’m not sure it lives up to that. There may be a tissue warning, but there may also be a laugh or two. Sorry, my brain stopped working an hour ago.

Many thanks to @janetm74​ and @tsarinatorment​ for their amazing support over the last few hours.

I was determined to finish this and it is now past 3am. Excuse me while I fall on my face.

I hope you enjoy my zombie writing and all hail the caffeine in frozen Coke :D

-o-o-o-

Gordon glared at his oldest brother. “That’s not fair!”

Scott stared back, surprised.

Irrationally, it made Gordon even angrier. “It’s not fair, Scott, and you know it.”

“Life isn’t fair, Gordon. I know you know that.” It was said calmly and with finality. To top it off, his eldest brother turned his back on him and went back to doing important stuff at their father’s desk.

“You know what? Screw you!”

That at least got a frown out of his brother.

But little more.

With a hiss, Gordon spun on his one good foot and as furiously as he could manage, crutched his way over to the stairs and began hopping down them.

“Gordon, what the hell?! Take the elevator!”

“I don’t care!” It was childish and stupid and he really should apologise, but it was a last straw thing. He had had it. He wanted out, off these crutches, into the pool, away from here!

He almost made it worse by stumbling halfway down the stairs. His brother’s freaked out yell did nothing other than make him feel guilty. But he rescued himself and stormed through the kitchen past a wide-eyed Alan and out onto the pool deck.

Only to be faced by the fact he couldn’t go in the pool which was half the problem in itself.

Well, he could, but he couldn’t swim at any stress relief level.

One stupid broken ankle and everything had gone to shit. He had been stuck here for weeks and there were weeks to go and it reminded him of other weeks of his life that were too many and he was just over it.

The breath he drew in was shaky and had far too much emotion in it for comfort.

He hobbled further out onto the decking. All he wanted was out. But all the paths leading away were gravel and not very crutch friendly.

Screw it. That would be his new maxim. To hell with everything. And he took the first steps along the path towards the nearest beach.

It wasn’t easy going at all. The crutches seemed determined to slip on unstable rock. He nearly faceplanted at least twice within the first dozen metres, but Gordon was a Tracy as much as any of his brothers and pissed off enough to spout determination in a fountain of idiocy.

Idiocy which proved itself not two minutes later when one crutch slipped and he couldn’t recover. One moment his driving force was anger, the next it was fear as his brain flash-calculated the damage that was going to result from falling down the steep incline at his feet.

But there was the equally fast realisation that there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it.

And he fell.

But he didn’t hit the jagged rock or even fall very far. Instead, strong arms grabbed him and scooped him up with a grunt. A familiar grunt and the scent of aftershave and engine grease.

Virgil.

Gravel, along with his crutches, clattered down the path in echo of where Gordon would have ended up if it wasn’t for his big brother - who had obviously followed him down.

“Uh, thanks, Virg.”

“Uh-huh.”

Gordon stared up at his brother who now had him clutched to his chest as if Gordon was his blushing bride...or something.

“You can put me down now.”

“Uh-uh.”

“What?”

And Virgil began carefully walking down the path towards the beach.

“Virgil, put me down.”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“G Protocol has been engaged.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Because you have reached your limit.”

“Virgil, I’m fine.”

“You told Scott to get screwed.”

“He wasn’t being fair! Alan got the last of the ice cream last time. It was my turn!”

“Exactly.” Virgil stopped at the edge of a small cliff just before the beach proper. Behind them a set of rockets fired and Gordon looked up to see the space elevator disappear into the mountain. “Aw, hell, you called down John?!”

“G Protocol, Gords. You know the deal.”

Gordon sighed. Did he ever. “Go ahead. Put me out of my misery.”

Virgil smiled at him. “That’s the aim.” And chucked him off the cliff.

For Gordon, flipping into diving form was instinctual and while the cliff was a small one, they had jumped off it enough in fun for him to know exactly how much time it took to hit the water.

And water it was.

It took away the sounds of the world in a rush of bubbles.

He didn’t try to surface immediately. He let his momentum carry him deeper, his arms taking the load of the work since one foot wasn’t functioning. Blue enveloped everything and lifted his heart by its mere presence.

Why hadn’t he come here earlier?

He wasn’t surprised when there was a nearby splash and Virgil, stripped down to a t-shirt and his green swim shorts appeared next to him in a less coordinated and much bigger splash, his frown a glaring one letting Gordon know he had hung underwater too long for his brother’s comfort.

Exhaling, Gordon pushed for the surface just as another body hit the water. A body that belonged to his eldest brother.

Scott threw a flotation ring at Gordon. “Use it.” The tone brooked no argument.

Gordon screwed up his face. He hadn’t used one of these stupid things since…the hydrofoil.

He swore under his breath, but shoved it over his head and under his arms like some stupid little kid who couldn’t swim. Admittedly, it took the strain off his arms and legs, but the pink donut for all its novelty brought back more memories of struggle than he really wanted to face right now.

Maybe Virg was right. Maybe he was at his limit.

He swore again, this time enough to earn himself an arched eyebrow from Virgil treading water quite healthily beside him.

Irrational anger at something as simple as that proved beyond doubt that Gordon had blown himself a gasket.

Virgil must have sensed something on that medic radar of his because he reached out and pulled Gordon closer. “Hey, take a deep breath.”

The wet hair in his brother’s eyes and the seawater on his eyelashes only emphasized his kindness.

Damnit.

Gordon wanted to be angry. He wanted to yell at the sky, scream at the injustice of a simple broken ankle.

It wasn’t fair!

Virgil’s hand caught the back of Gordon’s neck, possibly the closest he could get to a hug with the flotation ring in the way. “It wasn’t your fault. Sometimes things…just happen.”

Acute wingman senses. Damn them. Screw everything.

“I’m fine!” He kicked himself away with one pathetic leg.

And got nowhere.

Virgil had let go of his neck, but had a firm hand on the ring. “Virgil, let me go.”

“No.”

“Virgil, I’m warning you.”

“About what?”

“Goddamnit, let go!”

“No.”

He gave his brother’s arm a shove and might as well have tried to move the Island.

So Gordon did what he needed to do and let himself slip below the surface, out of the ring, and away from Virgil.

He didn’t get very far.

He had more than one brother, and while Virgil tended to be a little on the slow side underwater, their eldest brother was fast no matter the medium.

Scott swooped in before Gordon could gain any momentum and caught him around the waist.

But Gordon was a fish and Scott only a bird. Long honed reflexes had his big brother blowing bubbles and Gordon wriggling out of his grip.

Only to have Virgil clamp down on his wrist and yank him back to the surface.

Whereas Gordon had no problem with thumping Scott – they shared military training and a sparring mat on many an occasion – there was something ultimately wrong about raising a fist to Virgil. Almost as bad as doing similar to Allie. He just couldn’t, no matter how pissed.

But he could shove and scream and yell and curse and get grabbed again by Scott and pushed back under the water. With Scott he was free to fight and fight he did. But all Scott did was defend himself, and Gordon was reduced to flailing with more emotion than sense, honestly not wanting to hurt his brother, but just needing to fight against the unfairness.

Eventually, Scott grabbed a wrist, much like Virgil did earlier and dragged him back up for much needed oxygen.

By then there was more saltwater than just seawater on Gordon’s face. Less fight and more need than anything else.

And, of course, Virgil was there.

Again he was grabbed by strong arms, but this time he had no energy to resist. If anything, he welcomed them. Perhaps they could take the weight and the guilt.

If he was sobbing on his brother’s shoulder, he wasn’t going to admit it.

Fingers stroked through wet hair and Virgil repeated over and over again that it hadn’t been his fault. That he had done everything he could. That sometimes shit just happened and this time, unfortunately, it happened to that little girl.

The mention of the one he couldn’t save no matter what he did only had him sobbing harder

She had been so young.

He had tried so hard. Made the sacrifices. Fought for her life.

And lost.

It wasn’t fair.

The sea had claimed her anyway.

Part of him was horrified at his own weakness. Horrified he needed an old protocol that proved he was off his head. Horrified he was crying in his brother’s arms. Horrified that all his military training hadn’t given him enough spine to shake this off by himself.

“It isn’t fair.”

“I know.” Virgil’s voice was ever so soft in his ear.

Gordon swallowed and gathered himself together, trying to align what he felt with what was logical and sensible.

It was like trying to scale a crumbling mountain. It was hard and exhausting and it hurt.

What was meant to be was meant to be. He had to believe that. It was the only way.

Despite the need to wail against the injustice.

Virgil still had his fingers in Gordon’s hair.

He pulled away gently from his brother, looking up into those worried dark eyes. Virgil was hanging onto the flotation ring with one arm. It was the only thing keeping both of them afloat.

Gordon wiped his face with one wet hand and let out a breath.

Off to his left, a slightly bruised cheekbone supported equally worried blue eyes as Scott trod water like he was hovering.

Which he was.

Gordon squeezed Virgil’s arm gently before slipping out of his grip and paddling over to Scott.

A wordless moment and then he was hugging his biggest brother with everything he had.

Scott hugged back even tighter.

Gordon squeezed his eyes shut and clung.

“Hey, Gordo! Johnny’s got something for ya!” Alan’s voice echoed across the caldera like a warning siren.

Gordon let go of Scott and backed off. A glance at both of his brothers before he dove under the water.

He swam down deep into the basin of the caldera, skipping just over the coral edifices. A moment to settle his mind and rebuild himself.

The silence of the deep and the familiarity of his home were a balm.

He knew his time was limited by the worry warts on the surface, so he didn’t dawdle, but he did take the time he needed.

Ocean washed away all the signs of his emotional turmoil.

By the time he resurfaced, whatever was left had been shoved back into its box.

And just as well, because Alan and John stood at the top of the cliff with their arms full of pool toys. A giant pink flamingo, a huge duck, a red rocket ship – where the hell had they bought that from? A green turtle and a pile of pool noodles.

A blink and all the flotation devices were in the water, followed by a bomb by the name of Alan.

Seawater rained over all of them.

The flamingo was washed over towards Gordon and whacked him on the head.

John, dressed in a full body wetsuit providing his necessary gravity support, followed Alan in, but with much more elegance. John was almost as much fish as Gordon, after all.

Gordon grabbed onto the flamingo to save himself the energy of trying the keep afloat. He was suddenly very, very tired.

Alan, being the ball of teen-energy he was, flapped his way over and gave Gordon a hug. “Feeling better now you are in the water?” Innocent blue eyes that truly were far from innocent anymore stared up at him in hope.

“You still stole my ice cream.”

“I’ll buy you some more.”

Gordon narrowed his eyes a little. “Promise.”

“Tracy’s honour. Next time we’re in Aotearoa.”

“How about tomorrow? You and me, Auckland CBD. I’ll even take the hoverchair.”

“Really?”

“If you buy me ice cream.”

“Cool. Can we visit the game arcade?”

“I’ll consider it.” Wouldn’t want to make it too easy for his little brother.

“Mind if I join you?”

Gordon blinked as John appeared beside them.

“You want to spend time with the two of us?” Gordon may have pointed at himself and Alan with a lot of disbelief.

John wasn’t fazed at all. “Sure. Haven’t had a go an arcade for a while. Need to keep my reflexes strong.”

Alan frowned. “You’ll get us kicked out again. There is such a thing as being too good at a thing. Or something.”

Yay for Alan and English. “What he said. But you are welcome. If I can have the flamingo.”

John’s lips curled up at the edges. “It’s yours.”

“And I get the rocket!”

John snorted. “No, that’s Scott’s. You get the pool noodles.”

“What?! Why?!”

“Because you stole Gordon’s ice cream.” With that John turned and dove, disappearing long enough for Gordon to lose his location.

“Hey! That’s not fair.”

Gordon grimaced as he glanced at Scott and Virgil. “Life isn’t fair, Allie.”

“Not fair at all.”

-o-o-o-

FIN.

[hanniebvnnie]

all i need—

written by: 🥺

genre: fluff, angst

pairing: jungkook x female!reader

warnings: mentions of anxiety, crying (does that count??)

summary: sometimes, when the world becomes too much, all jungkook needs is you.

thanks to @alle-rtse for requesting this!!

you're used to jungkook coming home late from work. he's always been one to push himself far too hard, to practice the same dance over and over again until he can barely move. he's nothing short of a perfectionist, always dissatisfied, always convinced that he has to work harder—to just get that timing dead on, or that one note perfect.

he never does. nothing is ever good enough for him. it's always one more hour, one more practice, one more missed meal. which is why you're used to your boyfriend working into the early hours of the morning, coming home and sleeping for a few hours before repeating the same routine once more.

what you're not used to, however, is him seemingly forgetting about you entirely. he always makes a point to reply to your texts and wake you up just to kiss you goodnight, but that doesn't happen this time.

all of your messages are left unread, your calls unanswered. you eventually give up, moving into the bedroom and tucking yourself into bed, trying to ignore the tears forming in your eyes and the painful swelling in your chest. did you do something wrong? is he mad at you?

is he coming home at all tonight?

the sick feeling in your stomach persists until you fall asleep. but even as you stir awake at the sound of shuffling, it's still there.

"jungkook?" you whisper. you catch a glimpse of the digital alarm clock on your bedside table. it reads 3:18 AM.

in the quiet you discern the sound of sniffling, but he doesn't speak. you sit up against the pillow, watching as he pulls a spare t-shirt on with his back facing you.

"why are you home so late?"

he shrugs this time, proving that he's heard you. the anxiety ripples at this—he's definitely mad.

and then he turns around, head bowed so that his brown locks obsure his face. he climbs into bed and lays on his side, facing away from you.

you could go to sleep and leave it to the morning. you're tired, goddamnit, and if he's not going to talk to you, there's no point in trying. two years of dating him has taught you that if he doesn't want to talk about whatever's running through his head, he just won't.

but the feeling is still there, and you think that maybe it's not such a bad thing anymore, as it urges you to reach a gentle hand out and touch his shoulder.

he doesn't jerk away like you feared he would. instead, he exhales shakily.

"look at me, baby," you whisper.

he hesitates, then slowly flips onto his other side. even in the dim moonlight that pokes through the gaps in the blinds, you can recognise his swollen face and glistening eyes.

"oh, baby." you slide down next to him and run your fingers through his hair, the way that makes him shudder and melt at the same time. "talk to me. what's wrong?"

he shakes his head. briefly, you wonder if he's going to refuse, but then he says, "everything."

there's an unmistakable hitch in his voice. that one word seems to strike a nerve within him; his face scrunches up and more tears slip out of his eyes.

"everything's wrong?"

he nods and a muffled sob leaves his mouth. you pull him closer, hand moving to his nape and gently massaging the skin. shaky hands grip your waist, as if he's afraid that you might slip through his fingers if he were to loosen his hold.

"i just want to rest," he says, voice barely audible, "but i can't. i won't let myself. i just... i'm so exhausted, y/n."

something about his words makes the tears from earlier spill over. you take a deep breath, willing them away, and hold him with tender strength, now sharing the same worry that he might disappear the second you let go.

"i know, baby. i know. i'm here for you, alright?"

he only cries harder. you take his face in your hands; flushed cheeks, bloodshot eyes, damp skin. a pearly tear escapes from his eye and rolls down his cheek. you lean forward and capture it with your lips before it can reach the pillow.

jungkook giggles a little at this, the sound sweeter than any melody he could ever sing. you repeat the action, watching his eyelids flutter shut and long, dark lashes brush against his cheekbones as you kiss there, collecting the tears on your lips.

when you pull away, he's smiling. just a little, but it's a start. with a new sense of determination, you press pecks over every part of his face, then finish with a swift kiss to his lips.

"my lips are all wet now," you complain with mock annoyance.

jungkook giggles again. his eyes begin to slowly close, the smile still playing on his moist lips. "i'm sorry if i worried you. i thought i could do this by myself but i can't. i thought all i needed was me but... but all i need is you."

"that's so cheesy."

he pouts, but his sad expression quickly morphs into one of amusement. "you're so cheesy."

"i'm always here if you need me. you know that, right?"

he nods, eyes still shut. "i know."

sleep takes jungkook in a matter of seconds. you stay awake, listening to his steady breaths until you're assured that he's okay. everything he said echoes in your mind, but you try to push the worries out. words and concerns and tears can wait for later, all he needs now is you by his side.

and all you need is him.

[dxmmymxmmywrites]

What You Do to Me

Kakashi Hatake x F!reader Smut

Warnings: oral sex, suggestive themes, lots of swearing, mention of violence/death

Cheers to the first story for the horny blog. Let’s see how this goes. Plot here follows an ANBU reader that is returning home. They are referenced as female, but could be any gender in a dress. Hope you enjoy 🖤

————————————

The leadership position was an honor— one you had fought tooth and nail for, even. You stood apart in how willing you were to climb to the top, to become the best of the best. However, it had its downsides.

You struggled making genuine friendships. You could be polite, sure, but so many people didn’t seem worth the effort anymore. It was easier to catapult all of your efforts into your training and work life.

It did make the good friends you had all the more special to you, though. You loved them dearly, and time and time again they proved their loyalty to you. Thankfully it didn’t waver whenever you were away for extended timeframes.

You had been sent away for an assassination. Somewhere nearly across the map, in a remote scavenger village where trouble had been brewing for the Hidden Leaf Village politically. It had done a number on you. You could recall the screams of the warlord’s wife when she found him in his bed with his throat cut.

As you settled into the routine of being home again, you found solace in Kurenai Yuhi. She was the friend that had been with you the longest, since the academy. You witnessed each other’s growth throughout your short lives and had been there to celebrate with and uplift the other whenever needed. That being said, she had also been quick to notice the subsequent depression that fell over you after your latest mission.

“When was the last time you went out?” She asked you flippantly.

You had come over to her home for tea the moment you had turned in the paperwork to the Hokage’s office. You shook your head.

“I’m here now, aren’t I?”

She flicked your shoulder. “That’s not what I meant. Honestly! For fun. Something that doesn’t keep you holed up in your apartment. You know, with people.”

You gave half a laugh. “You’re scheming.”

“And if I am?”

You sighed. “You’ll rope me into it somehow. Just nothing too wild, please.”

She says it’s for your own good, and she’s probably right. Kurenai arranges dinner at a local bar with your peers, and the other jonin accept their invitations quickly.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. These are people you really loved and appreciated. It would be good to let loose for a bit. And then Kurenai comes to your door to get ready with you as promised, and she throws black fabric in your face immediately.

“WHAt the fuck—?” Scrambling, you take it off your head and your eyes bulge.

It’s a beautiful black dress. Nothing outrageously fancy, but simple and refined without looking like you were trying too hard. You snorted, and Kurenai called out to you from the bathroom.

“Kakashi’s coming, too!”

“Goddamnit... Kuri—“

“Just try it on! I promise it’s not itchy. And you look good in black.”

And as it turns out, you did. The dress hugged you in all the right places without suffocating you, and fell loosely just above your knees.

You and Kurenai looked at your body in the mirror almost surprised.

“Okay, I really like it a lot.” You admitted with a small smile, and she gave a playful smack to your ass.

“I told you!”

...

Everything falls into place accordingly, and as you both approach the bar, you can feel a familiar fire burning in your chest.

You were happy to have time with your friends, but you were itching to see one in particular. You hadn’t seen Kakashi since weeks before you left to execute the assassination.

God, how to describe how you felt for this man and where to begin? He was within your circle of true companions, many of whom you’d known since childhood. But Kakashi— he was different.

You’d admired him from afar as children, intrigued by his protege-level talent, until you had been roped into Gai’s shenanigans along the way. In truth, you think you shocked him by not being so intimidated by his prowess.

Ultimately, you could see he was lonely. You’d had your own losses yourself, but it was hard to imagine everything he had endured. You gained an honest respect for him, and you’d protected him beyond your time together in ANBU. But nothing could deny the pull you felt to him, or how much you wanted to be the person to put a smile on his face.

...Even if you couldn’t see it.

As you wait with your posse, your eyes find him first when he is (of course) the last to show up. You can’t help but observe him greedily when no one else notices, and you can’t help but stand a little taller when you notice his brows rise when he takes in your dress.

And from there, the night is history. You all pile into a cramped booth and order several rounds of drinks and food to last the night. Everyone has something to contribute, laughing, teasing, and bickering the night away. It warms your heart; finally,

you feel like you’re back home.

Your mentality becomes stronger too as you feel the warmth from the sake hit you. With precise aim you manage to toss a piece of sushi into Gai’s mouth from across the table and your audience applauds.

Yet despite your sport, you can’t ignore the looks Kakashi has been giving you even before you laughed in triumph. He’s been particularly quiet for some time, but you can’t tell if it’s the booze or the atmosphere getting to him.

When the waitress comes to gather your third round of empty drinks you can feel your mood shift. She’s a lovely girl,

thin and with pretty doe eyes. You can’t pick it up through the noise, but she makes a comment to Kakashi and you can make out a smug smile through his mask. He holds out cash between two pointed fingers to her, and she happily takes it and bats her eyelashes at him.

Something begins to boil in your blood. It wasn’t like you to get jealous— that couldn’t be it. But you swear you see his eyes dart to follow her hips as she leaves. And it irritates the living shit out of you.

You’d yearned after this man for what? Your entire adult life? How dare he. Disregard the fact you had never had the guts to confess to him.

Fuck him. Fuck him and his pretty eyes, and his stupid soft hair, and his feathery laugh—

God, you were in so deep. Your seething turns into pouting in your head. Sitting on the sidelines sucked.

And even still... something in your resolve is building. It could be impatience, or the fear you were nowhere near drunk enough to pull this off and forget about it if it went sour. But as the waitress eyes him from the bar, you excuse yourself to the restroom while the attention is on Asuma at the other side of the table.

With Kakashi on the outer seat, it’s easy to carefully but firmly hoist his vest into your hand so you can easily whisper in his ear.

“Outside in five, Hatake.”

...

He could easily find you when he got outside to see you weren’t directly by the entrance. You had snuck into the side alley to patiently wait, like a cat waiting for a mouse to show itself from the underbrush.

Your nerves are broiling over while you idle, and the heat in your gut is burning you alive. But just as you’re ready to talk yourself out of it, he sneaks around the corner.

“This is some rendezvous, don’t you—“

He can’t even finish before you’ve swiftly backed him against the wall. You hold his wrists firmly in place by his shoulders, though you’re aware he could quickly break your hold if he tried.

“What the hell’s wrong with you Kakashi?” You pitifully laugh. “Do you think I’m not paying attention to you?”

Your words are more vicious than the defeated sound of your voice.

He playfully arches an eyebrow. “So, you have been watching me?”

“Of course I’ve been watching you, jackass! How could you even— but I know we’re not— but still—!”

Your resolve is quickly dissipating while his expression becomes more amused. Damn him.

“I think that was a confession if I’ve ever heard one,” he calmly adds. You glare at him.

He thinks he’s won, and gets ready to leave, but you press your knee between his legs. He can’t move, and there’s not enough pressure beneath his crotch to hurt, but he then has your attention.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me, Hatake?” You dangerously whisper to him.

Now, you see him sweat. His eyes look away, and that won’t do. Not anymore.

“Every night I was away, all I could think about was you.” You breathe into his collarbone, kissing over his clothed neck until you reach his flushed ear.

“Y/N—“

“I’m tired of playing games. You know how much I want you. Only you.” You suck on the lobe of his ear and grin when you feel him inhale sharply.

Your hands fall down to his hips and grip them harshly to ground yourself. With closed eyes, you have to steady your breathing to calm yourself. “If you don’t want this, tell me. You don’t have to.”

He’s ripped out of his haze by the sincerity of your tone. In the dim light, you can see him pull his mask down with a finger to take you in fully. His smile is so breathtakingly, beautifully raw.

“I do want you, and all of this. Now kiss me already.“

And like that, your heads are tilted and your lips are locked. The fire in your belly explodes to the rest of your body and you feel it amplified every time you touch him.

He moans deeply when you begin to push against him, reveling in how this wasn’t a dream. One of his hands cradles the back of your head through your hair, and you grin when the other trails down to grope your ass.

You gently rub your knee into his crotch, and he keens while you run your hands up his toned stomach and over his tight chest. When you’re to his face, you lower your knee to push your hips together and pull his hair as you slip your tongue into his mouth.

He submits to you willingly, openly, and freely. And it drives you wild.

Your kisses become more desperate as your tongues interlock, and he feels up from your thigh to your ass when you wrap a leg around him for balance.

His grip tightens around the back of your legs. “Jump,” he says, breathlessly.

You smile. “No.”

The wild look in your eyes sends a shiver down his spine.

He goes to ask you why, but then you’re on your knees in front of him and he swears he double-takes. You pause when your hand is at his zipper and he swears he’ll scream.

“You can stop me at anytime.”

“I don’t want to! Please,” he rasps, fingers trying to find purchase at the top of your head.

His begging sends the heat within you straight to your core. So you indulge, and pull down his pants and underwear enough to let his cock bob out into the night air.

He hisses at the cold initially, but almost chokes when he feels the flat of your tongue press against his cockhead. Your eyes are dark with a sinister lust when you stare up at him, and it takes his breath away.

“Fuck, Y/N, please,” he whines, his voice catching.

You flick your pointer finger up and trail it from between his balls up his entire length, not removing it from his now fully erect shaft.

“Please what? Use your words baby.”

He bucks his hips forward trying to get close to your mouth again.

“Please Y/N, blow me,” he pants. “Fuck me with that pretty mouth of yours.”

Did you wickedly grin once more? Probably. But you close your eyes and take his entire cock down your throat at once and he nearly seizes.

You start at an agonizing pace, making him wanton and needy for you. But just as he’s tiring, you speedily lick your tongue around his shaft and deeply suck him, making him yelp in the process.

“AH!— Holy shit!” He gasps and tightens his grip on your hair.

You hum around his cock, happy with his response, and he gives you a low, drawn out groan to follow. It’s enough to distract him while your hands hook around the back of his thighs to hold him in place.

You run your nails down his thighs just as you begin to swirl your tongue over his sensitive head, and then you take him as far back into your throat as you can once more.

Kakashi’s eyes are rolling into the back of his head, completely at your mercy and enjoying every minute of it. His silver hair frames his pearlescent skin so well in the darkness, which must contrast well with the weeping cock in your mouth.

You come up for air, and give him fast, sticky pumps as you look up at him cheekily.

“How are you feeling handsome?”

“S-So good, holy fuck.” He tries to catch his air as well, but he shakes his head. “Please, let me fuck your mouth. You feel so fucking good, please let me.”

Who were you to refuse?

[oswinsdolma]

Proving all the Knights of the Round Table have magic part 3: Elyan

I've seen quite a few people headcanon Elyan with magic before, and it's definitely one of the more popular magic!knights hcs, so I apologise if I accidentally hijack anyone else's points xx

The most obvious indicator of this is the fact that Elyan leaves Camelot a year before Merlin arrives. This is about the same age Morgana's magic shows itself, so it would be natural to assume he left because he began showing signs of being a warlock, Camelot's laws being what they are.

It is also implied that Elyan left fairly abruptly, with Gwen having no idea where he went. He may have left in a hurry because somebody might have noticed him, and not told Gwen or Tom for fear of putting them in danger.

Perhaps in a darker note, he didn't say where he was going because he was ashamed of his magic and didn't think his family would accept him.

Gwen says that "[Elyan] always seems to be in the wrong place at the wrong time". Maybe accidents happen around him because he had trouble controlling his magic and found it increasingly difficult to cover for. This could be another indicator as to why he left.

Elyan didn't return to Camelot even for his father's funeral, and while he expresses his guilt, he doesn't give sufficient reason why: the reason? He may not be able to tell Gwen because he was still scared to return with magic.

When Gwen reveals her relationship with Arthur, Elyan is skeptical, and maybe even a little panicked. After all, would your sister falling in love with someone with the power to set you ablaze not be a terrifying concept to anyone with magic? But when Arthur comes to rescue them and proves himself to be slightly less of a prat than he may think, he tentatively agrees to return home, though I suspect this is mainly for Gwen's sake.

When the immortal army invades Camelot, Elyan manages to stay hidden and fight off some soldiers. Note that he is the only one of the group within Camelot with no Knights' training, which begs the question: how did he manage to escape? The answer could very well lie with magic.

Again, in The Darkest Hour, he is one of two knights that survived the meeting with Morgana. He is one of the more inexperienced knights as well, which suggests that he may have aided himself magically in the fight.

When faced with a seemingly unbeatable threat, Elyan says to Arthur: "tomorrow, we fight in your name, sure. For freedom and justice in this land." Now there is a lot to unpack here, but if we break it down, firstly there is the fact that Elyan places is emphasis on "your" when addressing Arthur. He has previously made a statement about the Pendragon crest, but in this moment, it seems that he cares more about Arthur than this. This is clearly indicative of the fierce bond between Arthur and the core knights, but it could be more than that: the emphasis of "your" is specific to Arthur, but perhaps more importantly, it is an exclusion of Uther. In his time, Arthur has made mistakes, but he has generally been more sympathetic towards magic than his father, and this may be Elyan's subtle way of acknowledging that.

In addition, the words: "for freedom and justice in this land" could just be in reference for Arthur's abilities as king, but this is a deep speech and one would assume it has a deeper meaning. Freedom and justice are two things that have not been afforded to those with magic for a long time. Uther's twisted "justice" involved executing anyone who disagreed with him and anyone who could be vaguely affiliated with sorcery. As for freedom, Arthur has created a fairer kingdom than his father, but magic users still live in fear. Combined with the earlier stress of "your", this is indicative that Elyan too believes that Arthur may one day come to bring peace to anyone who is born with magic.

This last point also has the implications that Elyan knows of the Once and Future King and surrounding prophecies. Though he is described as a troublemaker by Gwen before he comes to Camelot, he keeps his head relatively low upon arrival. Perhaps in the time he spent travelling, he sought help from magical communities, e.g. the druids, who helped him control his powers. This would also explain his vagueness about his whereabouts and lack of contact during the years he was missing.

I could go on about this quote but we'll leave it there for now.

Before he is overtaken by the power of the Lamia, Elyan is vocal in standing up for Merlin. This could be because he knows what it is like to be shunned by society. Magic could be a reason for that. (Also I fully believe that the only reason the Lamia didn't try and take over Merlin was because she was scared of the extent of his magic, not just because he had magic.)(and the merthur reasons when I'm in the mood)

Then Elyan falls sick, before the others begin to show symptoms. Maybe the Lamia sensed some magic and decided he was more trouble than he was worth.

Elyan was not raised by druids, and does not have the same powers as Merlin so wouldn't have sensed the power of the shrine, at least not too strongly. When he first sees the spirit though, he is genuinely sympathetic, even before the murderous intent takes hold.

In the Dark Tower, Elyan is consumed by his need to find Gwen, convinced that he is to blame for her capture. This could be survivor's guilt (and to an extent, probably is), but it is equally probable that Elyan believes that he should have used his magic to protect her.

Going off on a slight tangent here, the theme of "I have magic so it must have a purpose" within warlocks/sorcerers in the show is a) not a healthy mindset and b) uncomfortably common. Elyan may have latched onto the idea that he must use his magic to protect Gwen to convince himself to stay in Camelot, and with that conprmino, he began to fall apart. His behaviour is almost identical to Merlin's fervour regarding Arthur at this point, and it's fairly disturbing that these characters adopt this mindset that is Not Good For Their Mental Heath, Please Get Some Therapy.

Elyan dies. It's heartbreaking, and he does so trying to save his sister. But what is interesting is his funeral. When most main characters die, they are given a funeral in Camelot, e.g. Uther, Lancelot (the first time). But then Freya and Shade!Lanceot (and later Arthur) are set to rest in the Lake of Avalon. The difference between the two is that the lake funerals were arranged by Merlin, and those laid to rest there can somehow be affiliated with magic.

Now I'm not saying that Merlin knew about Elyan's magic, because sometimes he can be really not very perceptive about that (though it's always fun when fics cheerily toss that out the window because it's fun goddamnit-), but I don't believe he was entirely oblivious. Think about it: there are two of Arthur's closest friends canonically hiding magic from him and it's fairly probable that they'll pick up on Elyan's magic at some point. Even if it's just little things like his sympathies with magic or gentle arguments about the way mages are treated. There are so many avenues to explore with this it's overwhelming-

I also think Elyan may have picked up on Merlin's magic later in the series: the point of realisation was probably when Merlin rescued him during his time being possessed by the drowned druid boy, upon which he says: "you know, Merlin, you're much braver than you look." This is the first time Merlin has revealed his more BAMF side to Elyan, and in this moment, something unspoken passes between them. If not mutual understanding, it is at least Elyan realising what Merlin does beneath his carefree exterior, and despite the possession, I think he acquires a lot of new respect for his friend.

(also are we going to ignore that the lake funeral implies that it was arranged by Merlin. How close were they and what stuff did we miss out on behind the scenes for him to be trusted with this?? I need to know)

Elyan and Mordred have a friendship in series 5. If the earlier headcanon about Elyan learning to control his magic with druids is true, perhaps he may have recognised Mordred from his time there. They probably didn't acknowledge it much, but it created a bond between them.

And now for the mythological context!!

Of all the Knights of the Round Table, Elyan's backstory is perhaps the most estranged from the original legend (of course all of them are fairly disconnected *flashbacks to pope-gwaine* but Elyan's is w a c k y)

As a consequence, there is little to draw on for behind-the-scenes evidence of magic.

Elyan, or Helayn, was another Knight whose origins stem from France (the Vulgate Cycle, I think, though he could have surfaced earlier). He is said to have joined Lancelot in exile after his affair of 'courtly love' with Guinevere (go and look up this concept- it gets convoluted in the myths but is really interesting in terms of both origin and content). Anyway, his exile here could represent the time he spent out of Camelot before his appearance in s3, and relates to hiding from harsh laws, particularly if we regard Lancelot and Guinevere's relationship in the same way as we do in the Vulgate Cycle (basically keep the context with the appropriate work and it sort of makes sense)

I appreciate this seems a little like grasping at straws but that's literature I suppose ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In the legends, Elyan is nephew to another of Arthur's knights, Sir Sagramore. This knight is less famous than some, but at one point, he embarks on a quest to find the fay. The fay are closely linked with the she, and perhaps also live on Avalon, somewhere mortals are only supposed to see moments before death. Perhaps Elyan can be associated with this magic?

In reality, there is little written of Elyan and no prose or poetry dedicated to him so it's quite hard to find stuff about him.

Also legend!Elyan is heir to the throne of Constantinople, which just goes to prove how widespread and deeply convoluted the mythos is.