#but god this challenge sucks so much
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Felt like playing ahit again, I'm finally attempting to complete cruisin' for a bruisin' (like I said I would months ago) and 100% the death wish map.
But the stupid "complete 40 tasks without missing one" is such a colossal pain.
#trying to beat that one first to get it out of the way#getting 70 honestly sounds easier since you can at least skip tasks#i got close (35 or 36 iirc)#and I'm sure i'll get used to pathing eventually#but god this challenge sucks so much#i swear you need good rng with the task locations to have a chance#cause 25 tasks in you can barely even see where to go next cause the tasks start overlapping each other#and the balancing mechanic is so unbelievably aggravating#i'm preaching to the choir I know#but even by death wish standards this is just such an unfun level#ranting#rambling#a hat in time
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Xelqua’s eyes being purple when he’s throwing a tantrum, almost like he wants to intimidate Grian, but Grian’s eyes shine purple right back at him when he tells him "I said no."
#trying to discipline a god child here 😫#grians not rly phased by him tho. yeah whatever dead bird. Timeout.#xelqua knows he’s stronger. and yet ? he still sits in timeout. he does not rly challenge grian that much. bc that’s an Adult in his eyes#kid that could easily destroy the world but papa might be mad abt that :/#so funny to me#he will still pout and shout something like YOU SUCK !!!!!
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so there's a trans woman who goes to the centre and everyone calls her by her birthname which she is like... fine with but only because she has no choice but to be fine about it. anyways I've known her for a while through a trans group before the centre so I asked her today if she'd rather I call her by her birthname or her chosen name and she said she prefers her chosen name but I can call her by her birthname if I want and oh my god I was about to cry for her bc god I really feel that whole situation fjdkdl, I just told her "no I WANT to call you by the name you prefer, that's why I'm asking, I want to make sure it's safe for you if I call you [preferred name]" and she seemed so grateful and I'm just :') eeurrgghh i hate how we have to be grateful with crumbs !!!
its just absolutely wild to me that she's presenting femininely and wears skirts and dresses and everything and uses her preferred name when she writes her name down on stuff and yet everyone at the centre calls her by her birthname and he/him pronouns. like. how are people so fucking rude and oblivious ??? she's even worn a she/her pronoun pin to the centre like.... people are so fucking stupid about trans people I stg.
idk I'm just hoping to make her feel a bit more comfortable and maybe if I start calling her by the right name and pronouns then everyone else will too eventually because I know she doesnt feel safe correcting people. I'm not going to make a big thing of it obviously bc I don't want to put her in danger but I will be using the correct name and pronouns now that I've double-checked with her about it, and if I start feeling like it's making things worse for her then I'll check in with her again at that point. I've honestly been stumbling trying to use he/him for her when I mention her to other ppl because she is just... she/her in my brain. it's what I know she wants to use so it feel fucking awful to use anything else !!!
#and my counselor said smth abt her that rly didnt sit right with me#but i was too scared to challenge her on it and ask what she meant by what she'd said#it might just be that this woman talks too much and will talk my ear off if i let her fjfkdl#and then i wont make friends if i just sit with her every day like i was doing the first couple weeks#but smth abt the way she said smth more like... ''getting sucked into all the stuff [she] has going on''#but said in a more... eugh way#idk it set off transphobia alarm bells in my head. ''ooh man wearing a dress who thinks he's a woman how crazy and perverted'' sort of vibe#I'm just... worried. that my counselor is transphobic lmao. I haven't talked abt any of my gender stuff w her#she can she/her me all she wants lol I don't talk about gender w mental health professionals ever after that initial exp a few yrs ago#I DONT KNOW THOUGH THIS IS JUST RLY MESSING WITH ME#LIKE WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING SO WILLFULLY OBLIVIOUS ???#its really fucking upsetting and I've been trying to not let it get to me too much but jesus fucking christ c'mon people 😭😭😭#im hoping i can maybe help change things for the better bc I'll be someone on her side#since she doesnt seem to have that there. god I've cried abt this a few times bc its just awful#and it rly reminds me a bit of my own situation where i just. grin and bear the misgendering and wrong name#except im a coward compared to her fjdksl i never mention my name or pronouns#i will say though that she has consistently misgendered me no matter how often I've reminded her of my pronouns fjdksl#but like... they/them is difficult. i get that. I can't hold it against her esp bc she's in her like 50s or smth#head in my hands. i wish life were kinder to all of us. i hope one day things can be easier#pippen needs 2nd breakfast#transphobia#transmisogyny#<- for blacklists. i uhhh hope this doesnt turn up in searches but oh well !!!
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one of those days when shit just happens to you and you realize you probably will never get closure and will have to learn how to cope with it on your own. good god. where is the fucking rewind button!!
#toasty talks#rant incoming#I just want to turn my brain off#god.#I often forget how much people can suck when you exit your bubble#this morning has been awful. shoutout to church groups. I hope everyone there explodes#I don’t think I’ll be going again. we tried folks we tried but I am so emotionally drained and unwell after that.#sue me for assuming as a trans Christian my pov would be helpful in a class LITERALLY talking about gender identity#but instead the moment my experience challenges or doesn’t apply to them they get teary because oh WE’VE felt hurt in our lives too!!#how dare you assume we don’t understand!! (<- still cisgender!! so no!!! you don’t understand!!!!)#fuck them honestly they can figure it out by themselves#I am so tired of this#I would take a staunch conservative any day over these 30 something liberal terfdipshits who can’t stand a conversation not being about them#when the class is. again. LITERALLY about gender identity. christ.#my brother will be home next week and will probably go to the class so MAYBE. MAYBE I will go to that meeting but I really don’t know.#if it’s too much then I am not going back. fuck them fuck them fuck them
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sometimes when I’m starting a pretty long m/f or m/m and I get fed up by how much a character sucks or how boring it is I skip 30-50 in to see if anyone’s eating shit. paid off in this bl because the love interest is getting dumped lol into the crematorium with you. this doesn’t usually apply to f/f because we don’t really get the crematorium in f/f
#orlbs#misclb#I don’t know if I’d like a crematorium f/f actually#there’s a kind of satisfaction in shitty male characters having to crawl across broken glass#because they sucked so so much and now have to deal with the consequences#and it’s not necessarily as satisfying to have a woman subjected to that narrative punishment#because the crematorium ML is kind of a stand in for every shitty abusive love interest that never got challenged#and there’s no emotional equivalent to female charsxters#catharsis is rooted to the story rather than societal/genre gripss#the only vindication is locked into the story rather than out of tgr stiry#oh god i have to pass out#also f/f doesn’t get long enough for the crematorium
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Yknow life
#it's like I am so fucking stressed and sad due to my financial and living situation literally all the time#I hold it together fairly well but lately it's been getting to me and I hate that I know so much of it (all of it) is my own fault#but it sucks because I can either keep my life together or pursue my career and creative pursuits#because my brain finds it incredibly difficult to manage both so it's just. god#god it's also like I can take on the challenge of it but it's so much work and my life has already been so much work just emotionally 🩷🩷🩷🩷#*karinaposting
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i was genuinely planning to watch more of ratastrophe tonight but i started it, got to "[you whispered to unidingo: please don't die out there yet] I think their hunt is more successful if i'm not there" and my phone case literally fell apart in my hands. so.
#whisp whispers#i do have so many thoughts about that. the transition from 'i want you alive for the lilies' to 'don't die yet' is so. hm#i could disect the way fishie acts about her allies i think it's so.... this is the first time really she seems to accept they will die#kikis season one death was obviously devastating. space's should've been expected tbh but it also sucked. and then moch... i mean.#moch dies and fishie suddenly gains a very strong sense of her own mortality. it's not from being on red. she was on red and said it felt#better. and then moch died. and she ran.#i honestly don't remember much of fishie s2 because i watched it all in like a day maybe two and haven't rewatched any of it since. but#again she seems so. convinced she and dingo will live. she is so unbothered when dingo dies and is more shocked than anything by the tunes#and season three. look how well the lilies are doing. and then dingo dies. and then moch dies. and then moch dies again. and suddenly death#is real to her. it's an inevitable. it's not something they can ignore anymore death will happen to them and it hits fishie the hardest#please let me revive you. please. please. the words of someone who did not get to process death before it happened. and then it's 'yet'.#it's not 'don't die' it's 'don't die yet'. death is something that will happen now. and if fishie wins then. god. i think that would kill#her. if she's standing out there alone. death is a very real thing now isn't it.#im hoping for a fishie win it does seem like fishie won. but i still don't know actually#they should let oku win for funzies#these tags could be their own post but i'm not rewriting them so. meh#edit hi i totally forgot about the 'without me there' bit. beastlife fishie not blame herself for death challenge (impossible)#i think the way she blames herself actually ties directly back to the whole refusing to acknowledge mortality thing. she's so surprised when#people die as if she's not in the death games. should somebody tell her she's in death games
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Yet another beautiful day to have the Maxwel tag blocked (can't see half of the posts in the Wendy tags)
#rat rambles#starve posting#maxwell posters have lost any semblance of tolerance from me ages ago Ive yet to meet a maxwell fan who's just like a normal person#and to clarify I actually do like maxwel as I am the number one just some asshole whos in too deep enjoyer#but dear god are ppl just absolutely incapable of being normal abt this man and everyone around him#and even beyond that ppl just do not get this man like please he is indeed interesting but not because of some 'retconed redemption'#like pls we can live in a world where he is not an irridemable monster and is in fact just some guy while also still being a flawed person#like the fact that he is so deeply flawed in ways that he never actually properly adressed and challenged is the interesting thing to me#like look at me. he went through horrible shit he didnt deserve. that didnt inherently make him a better or worse person#it just made him a more miserable person#and he didnt escape because of some change of heart or character development#and afterwards he teamed up with wilson because of necessity#I do think on some level he genuinely cares abt the other survivors and he does have genuine regret for how things turned out#but again those things dont inherently mean he moved past the flaws that got him here it just means he has the ability to recognize that#shit sucks and that he wish none of it happened#its why encore is one of my favorite animations from a character perspective because it shows some juicy charlie and maxwell stuff#mainly it shows both that charlie has not forgiven his ass and is manipulating him and that maxwell is still susceptible to it#which isnt a sigh of them rolling back development it's just a sign that maxwell is easy to manipulate with the right cards#which adds up considering his past and his present very well in my opinion#this is a man whos historically always ran away from his problems and is always on the hunt for a sense of control#and charlie tapped into both that and his ever present guilt#its in fact very unsurprising and not out of place for him to fall for that sort of manipulation#and it also makes for a great set up for the inevitable betrayal from charlie as maxwell is hit by the harsh reality of his situation#and that whole situation would lead to some yummy tasty parallels when charlie inevitably gets betrayed herself (I hope)#the ways charlie and maxwel are so similar yet so different facinates me deeply I love how much charlie doesnt realize shes kinda fucked#I want her to be betrayed so hard and left in the dust with no ground to stand on I want the rug pulled out from under her feet#her composition comes from her confidence in the necessity of her actions and the moral superiority she feels over maxwell#so having her sense of superiority be revoked would make for a super fascinating dynamic as she tries to justify the situation in her head#I wanna see her siral and then maybe change her pronouns idk
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it's actually so wild when you think about how xie lian said "body in abyss, heart in paradise" and jun wu took it so seriously that he caused the downfall of the xie kingdom, made xie lian's life miserable, and then convince people to stab gege over and over even though Xie Lian Is A God and Cant Die.
like on top of that he was literally 17. how can u have so much beef with a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD 😭😭😭 what was he so pressed about.
#like imagine being like#'my life sucks but there's always goodness in my heart!!!!'#and this random ass god takes so much offense to you saying life is still something pure despite any challenges#and he decides to make your life absolutely miserable#he causes disease and the downfall of your kingdom#and stalks you and makes u get repeatedly stabbed#and tries to make ur immortal life miserable#for no reason that's that serious#like jun wu did the most for a fucking shitty line some kid in an writing class would come up with#like be so fucking fr right now#anyways#xie lian#ur the best#jun wu you deserved to get stabbed instead#tgcf#tgcf xie lian#tgcf jun wu
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glowflies on high tide gone fission hydroplant aka absolute hell
#splatoon#glowflies feels wayy harder in splat3 idk why. it felt so easy in splat2#it was like yippee! free golden eggs! unless ur teammates sucked you’d probably make it but now#like it feels like theres more salmonid and they go wayy faster it’s scary#i like a challenge but my god they upped the difficulty Too much#🐇💬
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almost played through the entirety of the game in one day this is what a hyperfixation does to a mf
#/silly#tbh i probably would still be playing if my btother and cousin didnt wanna play minecraft#inquisitivewaltz.txt#absolutely adore the game so far btw its INCREDIBLE#its pretty different from dtp and some of the things i liked abt it but in a good way i think!#gives it its own identity . also it builds on gameplay mechanics in a way that plays to my tastes a lot which is awesome#theres no way in hell im 100% completing this though . the base game feels a lot less challenging than dtp#just in the sense that its a lot more generous with health and 1ups and i feel like it doesnt have as many bullshit moments like dtp had#with the enemy placement sometimes. but like oh my god the timing and precision you need for getting dream stones#and memory dolls or whatever theyre called is INSANE not to mention all the autorunner sections. i suck at autorunners#also i feel like the levels are way longer in this game?? thats not really a bad thing i think it#handles that length pretty well but its just . on a much bigger scale which just feels a lot more intimidating#then again ive been playing dtp for a little over a year now. i know thatgame like the back of my hand#so i guess i cant make too many comparisons right off the bat XD
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I forgot to post anything about this, but I did the scene where I had to read some of my writing to the dnd party (twice!) and they were SO nice about it. I couldn't stop smiling. (which was kind of a weird disconnect since the scenes were super dark, lmao.) But augh, I'm so glad they were nice to meeee. My poor boy Rook is Going Through It right now, and things are about to get worse.
Next session we also might get to do our first version of ship combat using the rules I made which is kind of wild. I'm very nervous, but I feel like after this last session and sharing stuff I wrote with them (out loud!!!) I can handle it. Probably.
#morrigan.text#I literally couldn't sleep saturday night because I was too nervous-cited for the session. But it actually went really well.#for everyone tbh. Not just me. Everyone knocked it out of the park with their obituaries for the dead PC and it was great.#we even made his player cry asdkjaskdjasd.#Rook's obituary was a train wreck but that's the whole point of it so like I accomplished my goal lmao.#everyone was SO mad at him it was kind of funny.#he stared down a FUMING ancient moon dragon and didn't get turned to ice so that's good.#my beloved idiot bastard man. he does NOT deserve the shit I'm putting him through right now.#mmm maybe I'll rewrite the scene where he stared down the moon dragon bc it was really intense and is much less monologue-y than the eulogy#which will make it easier to write. I suck at writing monologues into proper prose form.#anyways.#morrigan plays dnd#campaign: the vanguard#also... the fact that Rook literally JUST got done saying how no one needs him and then this fucking dragon (who is FURIOUS with him rn) is#like ''I'm not killing you because your friends need you and I need you''... god. My oblivious little baby boy. What the fuck Rook.#Accept that your friends love you goddammit.#and then the party bard who Rook has been beefing with for weeks was actually really nice to him??? and that fucked him up too.#but he still left the party (intending to only be gone a day) to think about shit and also grieve for his mentor who turned out to be evil.#since he knows no one in the party liked that guy anyways and they did violently murder him in front of Rook...#So next session Rook has ANOTHER funeral (kind of) and he also is gonna get kidnapped.#and Val gets to show up!!!! Val my beloved!!! I'm very excited to play them but I have no idea how the fuck to play them off.#they're the complete opposite from Rook in every way and Rook is easy for me to play. So Val will be... a challenge.#I'm not cut out to play characters who are genuinely good people lmao.
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dont get me wrong the wellbutrins working but also i cannot escape my thoughts of just being a fundamentally broken person
#i just idk realize i think i was someone destined be alone like i just have always struggled with making friends#and like romantic relationships? impossible challenge for me#and i know these things are not the end of the world but like it still sucks#its like I want connection but i just cannot open up to others and i do not know how to overcome it#its just like people instantly lock onto my neurodivergency and like its just this instant change in interactions#and honestly my current jobsite that bullies people does not help like ive heard and seen them say so much shit about my quirks#and im just like god i hate being like this like its just this uncontrollable thing that i have to stim and shit in public#like im not rude about it and i try to keep it contained but its like people are such assholes#and it really just sucks that like my family still denies it like bro the paperwork says pdd nos that literally is autism now
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day TWO of attempting to go to bed and a Sudden Debilitating Pain keeping me awake
#this time in my lower right-side back#i think my hips might just be fucked up#i was repeatedly getting a pain similar to this in my lower LEFT back but it seemed more muscular...??#this pain is SHARP and constant and stabbing it sucks so much ass#i took a hot shower and i'm waiting for my painkillers to kick in but god this sucks i am running very low on meds that i don't#have a way of getting more of right now >:(((((((((#god give me a BREAK challenge: impossible#prof.pdf#negative
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I like pale ships the best, my mains and sides are either all taken in that quad or they’re Ullane, who is a great big Don’t Bother. Though I have something funny planned for her in the distant future and she’ll eventually be open for ships again.
Characters who would be objectively funny to pair in pale include Ria, Srevni, Priori, Rivali, Hazard, Epsilo, and Chiloa.
#funny for varying reasons too.#srevni would be a good moirail but they just aren’t at all looking.#hazard could use one badly but he’s a grouch and would be difficult#Ria and Priori are both unhinged in different ways.#Rivali and Epsilo are both fairly stable as people but each have their own Issues and Challenges#Chiloa is hilarious because he’s stable but god he sucks so much lmao
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my consciousness tells me i should apologize towards that person i got pissy at due to dungeon meshi shipping stuff.
#no i haven’t seen the anime yet i’ve just gotten older wiser and no longer feel a disgusting dreadful lump in my gut about people implying#laios and marcille are cute together lmfao#they’ve got a ton of great bits in all honesty. plus the advantage of actually interacting a lot#the point stands re: sillyboy pushing the boundaries of Uptight Girl being a dogshit trope but it also stands as i was aware then that#that dynamic nigh-on completely stops being a thing and in all honesty does not inform the characters that much#(those last two tags being things i’ve Always felt. no new arguments made there no fresh revelations etc)#i’m literally so much like jesus now#ANYWAYS SHES THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE AND frankly deserves better than marcille wink wonk BUT I WISH FALIN HAD MORE WRITING GOING INTO HERRRRRRR#AAAAAAAAAAA#FALIN BE MORE THAT BETTER LAIOS AND A PLOT DEVICE SLASH OBJECT OF MOTIVATION CHALLENGE AAAAA#also for the record shipping both la/cille and fa/cille at the same time or like. in same continuity sucks ass#like the second kind -the nonpolycular and usually ‘one dies’ kind is INTERESTING from a narrative perspective but fuckin hell i’m not sure#if i’m wierd for reacting to it so bad or if its just genuinely that fucking wierd as a form of like#inlawcest? oh my god i hate that word kill it die bad bad#don’t be coinin’ wierd niche forms of overcomplicated transgressions near me myself!!!!
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