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jingyismom · 3 years

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Happy birthday Lan Jingyi!

word + mood prompted minithreads part 1:

river + sleepy

The sun is high and insects buzz all around their boat. It's too hot to be anywhere right now, but Jingyi supposes the river isn't the worst place to be. He squints up at the disciple steering them.

"We're not gonna hit any rapids or anything right?"

She shakes her head with only a slightly pitying look. Jingyi ignores it. How is he supposed to know river topography? He's not a fish.

Mm. Fish.

"Sizhui, are you hungry?"

Sizhui does that thing where he is Not Rolling His Eyes. "No, Jingyi, I am not hungry half a shichen after eating."

Jingyi sighs. It's too hot is what it is. He yawns.

"Well if there's no excitement and no food, I'm taking a nap."

Nobody says anything. He takes this as enthusiastic support, and stretches out against the side of the boat.

"Wake me when something interesting happens."

"With Jingyi asleep, how could anything be interesting?" Sizhui deadpans.

Jingyi lets his fingers trail in the cool water, smiling. He reaches back to lazily flick droplets at his friend and listen to the quiet, indignant sound he can't keep from making.

"Such a good point," he says. "Wake me when you miss me."

There's a beat of silence.

"Then don't go to sleep."

Jingyi huffs into his sleeve to hide his embarrassed flush.

"Can't hear you. I'm asleep already."

"Apologies."

Jingyi can hear the grin in his voice. It's nice. He sleeps.

ramen + anxiety

The dorm is far too quiet, and it's driving Jingyi out of his mind, but he knows he can't put on music and do calculus at the same time. It just doesn't work. Not that his brain and calculus work all that great anyway, but the point is, he's trying. Really, he is.

His phone buzzes and he grabs it so fast he almost fumbles it across the room. It's a text from Sizhui.

"What are you eating?"

Jingyi lets his head drop to his desk. What time even is it? Like 6?

He checks. It's 9pm.

"Ramen," he types back, defeated. It's all he has.

Or at least, he thinks he has a packet left. He's not sure. He's been too busy to keep track. Between classes, and training, and service hours liberating old ladies' cats, he's hardly had time to breathe. And now he has a test, not a quiz, a TEST, and it's tomorrow MORNING, and he doesn't even know what he's doing with half the material.

And it's 9pm. And he /thinks/ he has ramen. He may just starve.

He stares at his textbook for another interminable period of time until his phone buzzes again. It's Jin Ling, this time.

"come downstairs. bring ur miserable ramen."

Jingyi shoots out of his seat and throws on a sweatshirt. He's not entirely certain he wants to deal with whatever Jin Ling has in mind but it's better than sitting here staring into space. He grabs the ramen and half runs downstairs.

The teeny tiny kitchen is full of people. Sizhui is chopping vegetables. Zizhen is boiling water and heating oil in a pan. Jin Ling is sitting at the table, arms crossed, bowls and utensils and more packets of ramen spread like tarot in front of them.

"...Hey," Jingyi says, a little overwhelmed.

"Hey!" Zizhen calls, jiggling the pan as Sizhui throws something green into it. "Heard we're having ramen?"

Jingyi sinks into the chair across from Jin Ling.

"Yeah,” he says, grateful beyond words. "It was all I had."

rabbits + longing

"You shouldn't slouch," says Sizhui, "you're supposed to be setting an example."

Jingyi motions vaguely at the little disciples filing off the practice field, then leans his head on his fist. "They're not even looking."

"Hm."

It's disapproving sound. Jingyi glances at him sidelong.

"What, no speech?"

Sizhui gives a little shake of his head.

"Am I too pathetic for dignity? Is that what you're saying?"

Sizui frowns hard. "No. Of course not."

"I am," Jingyi insists.

He sprawls on his back along the low wall on which they're sitting. "I'm pathetic. I can't think. I can't eat. I can't even teach basic sword forms. Sizhui, how am I supposed to be a person anymore."

"Jingyi," Sizhui pleads.

"No, I'm serious. All I can think about is-- is his hair. And his smile. And you know, you know how sometimes he just-- he smells like rain? How does he do that? I'll never even know because he hardly knows I exist. How am I supposed to exist?"

Sizhui sighs. Deeply.

"I don't know what to tell you. I wish I did."

"I just--" Jingyi breaks off, horrified by the crack in his voice. "Oh fuck, I just really...I want...I don't know."

Pressure builds in his chest, familiar over the last few weeks. He feels like he might burst. He presses his hands to his eyes, determined not to cry over this. Well, not again.

"You know, Hanguang-jun would say that the world itself is enough to live for, even when it's hurting you."

Jingyi peeks at him out of one eye. "Did he say that? When?"

"Last year," Sizhui says, looking at his hands.

He doesn't have to say more. Last year was especially hard for Sizhui. An extended family trip with his undead cousin helped, but really, how much can something like that improve things?

"Well, if Hanguang-jun said it..." he says, wry. It's a common refrain, but not entirely reassuring just now. "Still, I--"

"Hanguang-jun!" Sizhui says, standing.

Jingyi scrambles to follow, straightening his rumpled robes. "Hanguang-jun."

HGJ is striding toward them out of the trees. Jingyi hasn't seen him alone since Wei-qianbei came back. He hopes everything is still okay.

"Sit," he says when he reaches them. They sit. HGJ stares at them, then glances around the empty field. "Behind the wall, on the ground."

Jingyi exchanges a glance with Sizhui, but they both clamber over it to sit behind. HGJ walks around it, stately, and then goes to his knees in front of them.

Jingyi stares, breathless, absolutely certain they're about to receive some great cultivation secret, perhaps even the key to immortality. HGJ is so serious, and careful, and has never asked him to join him somewhere private before. This is it. It's happening. He doesn't know what it is but it's happening right now.

"Be careful," HGJ says. "Do not frighten them."

Jingyi nods. He'll be so careful. He doesn't know who not to frighten but he'll work on it-- he's generally not very intimidating anyway, it should be fine.

HGJ leans toward him. He extends his arms.

And deposits two small, round, perfectly white bunnies in Jingyi's lap.

"H-- Hanguang-jun?"

Jingyi stares at the creatures. They're warm, and look very soft. They seem sleepy.

"When you feel better," HGJ says, "Sizhui will show you where they live."

Jingyi looks up at him, at the serene expression on his face, and his earlier resolve crumbles.

"Th-thank you Hanguang-jun," he says, wiping tears and snot off his face.

"Mn."

HGJ stands and takes his leave. Sizhui pats his arm. The bunnies nuzzle his hands.

affection + congee

After one of the most miserable nights of Jingyi's life, the rising sun shines into his eyes. He rolls over and pulls the blanket over his head. Everything is awful. His head hurts. His face hurts. His throat hurts for some reason? He can barely breathe.

He feels like a boiled cabbage. He knows he should be getting up, Hanguang-jun will expect him to be at breakfast with everyone else, but he just can't. Not yet.

He pouts to himself, whimpering pathetically as he pictures Hanguang-jun’s disappointed face. He can't survive it.

He hears the door open, and forces himself upright, trying not to list to the side.

"Up, 'm up," he says, and tries to get out of bed.

He can't really see out of his watery eyes but he assumes it's Sizhui come to collect him.

"Aiyo, get back in bed you little nuisance, your thumping around will wake the whole inn," comes a different voice entirely. Brisk hands push him down and pull the covers over him. "That yao really did a number on you, huh? Who's ever heard of a sinus infection curse?? Bad luck."

"Not luck," Jingyi says, mulish. "Pushed Jin Ling out of the way."

"I know, I know," Wei-qianbei goes on, and Jingyi thinks he might be dreaming what he says next. "You were very brave, we all saw. Jin Ling is grateful."

Jingyi frowns. "That doesn't sound right."

Wei-qianbei chuckles. "Just take it. And this, here, it'll help you feel better."

A spoon appears in front of his face, full of something pale.

"Wei-qianbei," he says slowly, "is this...your congee?"

A snort. "No. Hanguang-jun made it, just for you."

Jingyi blinks up at him. "He did?"

"Mhmm," Wei-qianbei nods, his mouth pressed tightly closed.

Jingyi has a feeling he's being made fun of. He pouts, but takes the spoon and puts it in his mouth.

"Wow. Good."

"Of course it is, I made it."

Jingyi gapes. "You--"

Wei-qianbei ruffles his hair. "Someone had to take care of you and I drew the short straw. Eat up, and you /will/ feel better, alright?"

"...alright." Jingyi concedes. It seems to be helping already, somehow. "I will."

"That's a good little duckling."

Wei-qianbei laughs at his grimace and pats his shoulder.

"You look more like yourself already."

part 2 of these minithreads posted in a reblog later today <3

#lan jingyi #mdzsnet #untameddaily #my fic #the untamed fanfic #this is about half the prompts i got #i'll add the rest in a reblog later <3

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Ur take on a malec beauty and the beast au please

ugh you got me in a difficult position here because on the one hand, i do love the idea of a beauty and the beast malec au. i just think the idea of a socially isolated person who thinks themself/is perceived as monstruous and who has locked away their heart and doesn't believe they could ever be loved fits magnus like a glove. but on the other hand, i don't want to make magnus, a brown character, animalistic, for obvious reasons. and i can't really think of a way to make him monstruous that doesn't fall into animalization/beastification (both racist tropes) or ableist tropes

so i'm thinking... maybe the spell is just that people are repulsed by him/fear him automatically? like it just creates this horrible almost impossible to ignore repulsive/fear/"fight or flight activating" aura around him for absolutely no reason and makes ppl be repulsed and/or hate him. even if it doesn't change his appearance at all. it's not really a changing or shifting spell, more like a spell of hatred

which like.... i know doesn't sound like anything poc/queer people don't already go through but there is a main difference which is that it makes it impossible to find a community. like even other brown and queer people look at him and feel this... huge disgust and even fear and might even hide and so the isolation is absolutely total and it fucking hurts. and besides it is one thing (a very bad thing) to walk around and have to be on constant alert because you never know if someone is going to be violent, and have to deal with occasional comments and disgusted reactions... it's another to consistently have like, children screaming and people cowering 100% of the time without exception, you know? he's basically living the life ppl with social anxiety think they live and he has nowhere to turn to, no one who understands or who's more likely to actually want to talk to him because of his differences. there's no one to lean on. even the people who love him aren't immune to it, even if of course they are not turning their backs on him

so anyway here are my thoughts: this was totally done by camille lol beacuse the whole backstory about being mean to an elderly lady doesn't fit magnus anyway and also i just like sprinkling camille angst where i can. so after magnus finally got himself free of her and her stupid claws she hexxed him back into isolation. both as punishment (a kinda "if you don't want me, then you have no one" logic) and just to make him more vulnerable because again, abusers want you alone and isolated and away from a support network so you are more dependant on them and more likely to buy into their thwarped logic if they can immerse you in it. so she's just trying to manipulate him into getting back with her, because she wants him and most of all his power

and basically you know the drill, if he doesn't find anyone who will love him romantically until the rose withers yada yada he will die. and again she just wants to make the spell so it constantly drives home how alone he is and how he can't find anyone who will love him (except for her), and make it so he's more and more likely to come back to her as time goes by because then the spell will be broken

(sidenote: camille obviously doesn't actually love him, because anyone who does that to someone doesn't love them. but as the one who cast the spell, she can lift it whenever she wants. so all she has to do is kiss him and lift the spell and be like "see, magnus? who else would love you like this, but me? even after all these years?". and honestly if it had come to that magnus would know she was lying because there is no way this is love, none. but anyway it doesn't come to that, that's just what her plan is)

anyway it still doesn't work because magnus is done and he won't get back to her, and he particularly doesn't want to get back with her after, you know, all this trashfire. and he just sets his jaw and is like "fine" and accepts that he will live however long he still has with his friends and people he loves and away from her, basically

and like gosh sidenote but this would have been so painful for his friends. camille very deliberately made it romantic love because she knows magnus has so many fucking people who love him, but him and the immortal squad have found family dynamics, not romantic ones. so there is nothing they can do even though their love for magnus is just... so real and pure and they hate to see him like this, hate to know that right when he finally got rid of her she made sure he still couldn't go out in the world. especially since magnus has always been so damn sociable, loved to be surrounded by people and to meet them and care for them. but here he is, walking as hidden as he can and with his head down avoiding eye contact because he knows the horror is there and some children run away screaming when they see him

and i just picture this desperate little scene with raphael in particular where he's just like.... "i'll try to kiss you. we have to try" and magnus is all, "my boy, you don't even like kissing, and she was very adamant that it had to be romantic" and raphael is almost in tears like "but i do love you, goddamn it! i should be able to undo this spell" and it's so sweet that he's trying and willing to be in this really awkward position where he kisses (yikes) magnus (which is just weird especially since magnus is kind of a father figure to him) because he's just... so desperate to have him free of her, finally, once and for all, you know?

but obviously it doesn't work, not even with dot, who had a kinda fling with him in the past but doesn't really feel Romantic Love™ for him even though she does love him, it's just... not what the spell requires. and it's unfair as hell and there are lots of tears but just the fact that magnus falls asleep surrounded in a teary cuddle pile after some of the absolute worst kisses of his life because his friends/family love him enough to put themselves in such an uncomfortable position in the hopes of making him free, is enough to make him feel a little better. and the fact that they are still there for him and obviously still love him so fiercely even though looking at him now literally evokes fight or flight instincts in them is already more than anything camille could ever give him. if anything, she's proven how loved magnus is

and that helps him get through it that day and is something he tries to hold unto in the worst days, but still, it's hard and it just... sucks. it's tiring to go out in the street and always have people staring at you and to see the horror in their faces and be so isolated and never really know what might happen, if he will be attacked or harrassed or what exactly will happen. so he isolates himself more and more and soon the only people who ever see him or visit him are his friends. and fuck, do they hate seeing him like this

things settle in a weird kind of way. magnus is still living his life and working as a wizard and etc and in a way the spell even helps him have some more credibility because you know, isolated scary person is kinda what ppl expect from wizards. but he avoids having contact at all costs and mostly sends the potions they request and stuff their way, and the only ppl he sees are his friends unless he absolutely can't avoid going outside. and he's fucking miserable. and every once in a while camille will come back to be like "so, magnus, are you ready to stop with this little tantrum of yours and come back to me now? how is the rose doing, by the way?" because god forbid he catches a break

also it turns out that magnus' adoptive streak becomes even stronger because he is 1- extra lonely; and 2- empathizing more than ever with the outcasts. don't get me wrong, he always has, he's a fucking brown, bi trans man for fuck's sake. we all see ourselves in the stray dogs and lonely people one way or another. but now this is turned up to a thousand, so, you know

so he has one (1) extra kind of contact in his life which is basically with stray animals (particularly cats cuz u know, this is magnus) that he finds around in need of help. they can all leave if they want, but a lot of them stay, particularly the black cats, disabled animals, and others that have a particularly hostile environment outside. you know

(not me again with my very specific hcs about deaf pitbulls who fall in love with my faves but LOOK pitbulls are very sweet and caring animals who don't deserve the fame of monsters that they have and if the idea of one being best friend's with magnus and them having a loving and caring relationship doesn't appeal to you then idk what the fuck to tell you)

this of course doesn't help his image cuz this guy is just going there and collecting black cats and snakes and has a huge pitbull around with him at all times but it's not like it can get any worse so magnus doesn't care, and besides, he can't just leave them out to die in the cold and harrassment of middle ages white ppl who think black cats are the worst possible thing but rats carrying deadly diseases are fine (and look, i know rats are also animals that get a lot of shit and persecution, but like, seriously, clean the streets)

and every once in a while there will be a person in need too, like a homeless person in need of a place to stay or some sick person who has been abandoned or something of the sort, so magnus brings them in as well and cares for them as well as he can, but also tries to maintain minimal contact because he's been burned too many times, okay

so like, cue alec! i know in the original BATB belle ended up with the beast to save her father's life but fuck that. i lowkey consider making it "izzy ran away from home so alec comes after her and they both end up staying with magnus" but i think i like it better if it's just alec who decided to leave. like he's done with the abuse both towards him and his sister and he wants to be able to live his life even if he's gonna have to start over in some other village all alone. anywhere but here and all that

and of course alec used to be plenty rich and he has a lot of skills that help him pass by - he's a good archer and hunter, he's a good leader and organizer so he could do wonders for a failing business, he's smart and cunning - but he also has, like, 2 gold coins to his name. maybe some more from stuff he took from home and sold, but still

initially he is living at a tavern and i guess i'm making simon, raphael, and maia tavern owners again! i don't even care anymore, it suits them. rapha is the cook and the three of them run the business and simon also makes musical appearances during dinners every once in a while, and they are living the happy queer polyamorous life of their dreams. we have no choice but to stan

anyway alec is staying with them and he becomes friends with i think maia in particular since, you know, she is the one with the most contact with the customers since rapha is in the kitchen and simon is up the stage most of the time. plus they are both the same brand of bastard and they have an easy understanding between them that just works

and look! simon, raphael, and maia are 3 trans, non-christian/non-white (unnecessary addendum: the concept of whiteness didn't exist until around the 17th century, but whiteness as a concept came basically as a substitute for christianity [link to source], so i'm counting the fact that simon is jewish and raphael and maia are not culturally european as equivalent to non-whiteness in this context) people, so it's not like they would ever kick a gay man running from an abusive home out. but you know what they also are? magnus' friends. and after a while of talking to him maia thinks he is trustworthy enough for them to send magnus' way, because magnus needs as many friends as possible. plus, he wouldn't kick a person in need out, so unlike with them magnus can't really push this newcomer away so he'd have more company. plus, the possibility that he might fall in love with magnus and undo the stupid spell is there, i'm just saying! i'm not saying it WILL happen but why not give it a fucking shot?

raphael in particular is of course super protective of magnus and he swears to god that if this guy gives him half a bad look raphael will end him, which earns him some pats on the shoulder for his troubles and "rapha, we don't want magnus to be hurt either"s. maia says that she's been assessing him for quite a while now and she's pretty positive that he won't be terrible to magnus, but if she's wrong, she'll kill him personally too. and rapha trusts maia. how could he not? she's maia

so, they send alec magnus' way. "i'm sorry alec, but we are struggling to make ends meet *hides gigantic gold stash* and the tavern is packed *raphael upstairs stomps at maximum speed to make it seem like their 13 empty rooms upstairs actually have people* and we really need your room to give to this customer *simon in a wig* BUT we have a friend who we're sure will give you shelter if you ask, it's not very far away, and once we have a free room we will let you know". and alec is just like, okay, because he's been staying there for free or considerably less than the usual fee/in exchange for some stuff he hunts for quite a while now, and they are nice, so it's not like he can complain

and they don't tell him about the spell exactly because it is not their story to tell but they do let him know what to expect re: magnus' vibes and say it's a spell. and alec's like ok i guess. alec's very practical, he doesn't really care, and it's not like it's the guy's fault anyway. which is exactly why maia is sending alec there

so they send magnus a heads up ("magnus this guy is HOMELESS and we are SOOOOO packed can you please give him shelter for a little while thx xoxo"). alec arrives there a while later carrying like 3 prime rabbits he has hunted as a thank you gift because he hates being dependant on people but it's not like jobs abound in the middle ages, and he is actually a little embarrassed to go in and ask this guy he doesn't know for shelter but he IS kinda desperate. for now

anyway he is standing there with his 3 rabbits debating whether or not to knock on the door and magnus just opens it magically like "i know you're there, dear, just come in" so alec does and awkwardly presents him the rabbits and shit and is all "thanks for letting me stay, uh. i can help you with food and taking care of the house and stuff" even though, you know, magnus has magic and doesn't need it

(and magnus appreciates it deeply, because it is tiring to do it all magically on his own but most non-magical people don't even consider that)

and like... it is very awkward at first because magnus does NOT trust at all and he mostly just wants to keep away from anyone who can... look at him. but they ARE living together (oh my god they were roommates!! just kidding they each have their own room but you get it) so it's inevitable. but like magnus' insecurity makes him keep to himself for long times and makes things awkward, kinda like how the initial days with the beast and belle the beast was rude and kinda shitty except magnus is not shitty, just... private

and maybe the subject even comes up like "thanks for the meal alec. i'll go eat it in my room" "i mean, you could eat here if you want" "and ruin your appetite? no thank you" and alec is just like "*shrug* it won't ruin my appetite. unless you are my parents, the concept of failure, or some girl wanting me to marry her, i don't think there's a lot the spell can do to make me scared. besides, you literally have a kitten on top of your head right now and you refuse to remove it and are using a spell to keep her from jostling when you move" "her name is Fluffy, and she is sleeping!" "right, my bad" "wait did you say the concept of failure?" "yea"

it's not that the spell doesn't work on alec; it does, just like it works on his friends. but he is willing to go beyond that initial repulsive reaction that he knows is illogical anyway (and alec is the kind of guy who is just like "if my feelings aren't logical, i don't listen to them" which in this case is useful lmao). and the thing is that once you get to know magnus there is nothing about him that is scary, and the feeling just becomes completely ignorable, because humans are nothing if not adaptable. but most people don't want to go through the trouble to try, and magnus himself doesn't want to let himself be vulnerable enough to give them a chance because there IS a great chance that he will be met with some level of aggression, even if it's an unintentional microaggression

and eventually they grow closer and build trust. i think this happens particularly when camille steps in for one of her regularly schedule shoving-it-in-magnus'-face visits and alec is just like. "hey why don't you just use magic to keep her away?" and magnus realizes that he never even THOUGHT of that and like, jesus, how much has he been unconsciously torturing himself? so he does it, and he ends up telling alec about the story of the spell, which might be the first time he's told someone that didn't know him before the spell was cast

(alec: "so she's basically just killing you slowly?" magnus: "don't be silly, alexander. torturing me first is the most important part". and he sounds self deprecating and almost resigned and god alec feels murderous)

ohh but wait bonus: magnus says that she will only undo the spell if he gets back with her, he doesn't mention that it technically can be undone by romantic love or whatever bullshit's going on because he doesn't believe it can happen anyway, so, who cares

anyway! time goes by. fun fact: alec and magnus get along really fucking well. magnus is so so smart and knowledgeable and he shows alec many of his inventions that never got to see the light of day or that were stolen by someone else who wasn't cursed and took all the credit. he also fascinates alec with his magic, but mostly with his personality. there's something just endlessly endearing about this guy who is so fucking proud of his puns and so so nice and gentle to every creature he encounters, be it a kitten or a pitbull, who's letting alec stay with him for no reason other than that alec needs it

and alec is so goddamn appreciative of it because like he IS and we stan! and he's always trying to give back to magnus which is kind of a rarity, but most of all he's also extremely funny beneath the whole no-bullshit attitude, he's caring and fierce and resourceful and strong (so's magnus) and they click so well. they can also talk about their similar experiences with like, abuse and trauma without making it super heavy and they're just,,, so supportive of each other. so like yeah surprise surprise they fall in love

but they don't really say anything because (on magnus' part) that's just fucking ridiculous, he's a monster; and (on alec's part) he will put magnus is a way too uncomfortable position if magnus doesn't like him that way and they will just... be living together. and magnus will feel like he has to compensate to alec somehow and alec doesn't want that. it's just complicated when one of them is dependant on the other, and besides, alec has had very little to offer magnus so far

(no, he has no idea how much his company means to magnus and has brighted his depressed ass life. he is stupid)

sometimes magnus' friends visit and they're always just so happy for him, to see how he's hanging out more and let someone into his life after so long. it earns him a lot of forehead kisses and "i'm so happy to see you like this". and over time he starts to invite them over more as well as just open up back to the people in his life :')

angsty but also kind of fluffy sidenote: i picture that every time they kiss his forehead or cheek or whatever they linger for a little while and then open their eyes slowly and sigh like "i had been hoping that it would work this time. magnus, you know i love you, right?" and magnus is all like "i know just from you saying that, darling. it's just not how the spell works" and aaa

and like to be extra clear im not saying that alec fixes him or romantic love heals him or whatever, just that having let someone in, someone who didn't know him before the spell, and have them completely accept him and realize how much he had been missing out re: touch and human contact helps him realize how much he misses his friends and how pushing them away is stupid when they've never been anything if not supportive of him. they don't care that he's cursed. and obviously magnus was already on the way to that if he even managed to let alec in anyway

anyway! dramatic healing scene. LOOK. usually i'd be all for "they don't change back actually because people don't have to look beautiful to be lovable". like the original BATB disappointed me sooo badly because i had just been hoping that he'd stay the same way and still be loved. but in this case it's not that magnus doesn't look beautiful! it's that the spell has made him be hated by people for no reason other than existing. and breaking the spell is not changing magnus himself, it's changing that hatred. so, yeah. i'm not saying it's a deep metaphor or anything, just, you know daudhasdja it's different from the usual monster thing

and i'm torn here because on the one hand i LOVE the drama of the original BATB where everyone decides to gather to kill the beast and belle saves him and shit, but idk if it fits with the vibe ive been building here. no actually @ me shut the fuck up. you know how i mentioned that they kick camille out with magic finally? i actually had no intentions of following through with this in any way but like of COURSE she would be absolutely pissed out of her mind and want to get back in some way, we already know she's vindictive. so i'm gonna use that. this is what neil gailman meant when he said that writing is just making a rough draft and then writing it again but like it's on purpose this time

anyway! so after they yeet her camille is obviously furious and fuming and it might have finally dawned on her that magnus will NOT fucking cave and she is losing power over him, not gaining it. so she decides to play a last card and get him to almost die so he kind of HAS to take her bid, you know? so she makes up some shit about how magnus has kidnapped the lightwood heir and she's only now hearing about it, and no one else is safe and yada yada. and she has "proof" because alec IS indeed there and again the spell just helps everyone easily agree with her that magnus is That Kind Of Guy or whatever, and middle ages ppl weren't exactly waiting for a good enough reason to grab their pitchforks. and they don't even KNOW about the spell, really. all they know is that he's very powerful, secluded, and they all fear and almost hate him just from one look

so camille makes up some bullshit story about how he made a deal with the devil to become extra powerful, and that the source of his powers is the rose, so they have to get rid of the rose to kill him. (sidenote: i never understood why the hell the rose was never used as a weakness against the beast. like was he keeping it super guarded and safe just for the fucking shits?) so they devise an attack so someone can sneak up and get the rose, and camille makes up some bullshit story about how they have to destroy the rose a specific way so it takes longer and she has time to manipulate magnus before he dies. man, it's easy to be a villain when your target is secluded

anyway! big attack at magnus' house. magnus' friends don't hear about it until it's too late because camille knows exactly who they are and warned them that they were on "the witch's" side. alec is maybe away hunting when it happens? camille obviously has magic in this AU so she can check for that information. maybe she even says that she will be the one responsible for finding the lightwood heir so there is minimal risk of him revealing that she lied lmao

oh no, violence! they battle and yada yada. catarina is probably the first one to realize what is happening because i figure she, madzie, and dot are the ones who live closest to magnus'. they send fire messages and get ragnor, simon, maia, raphael, and meliorn to help. oh yeah, and alec i genuinely forgot trust me to forget about romance in a romance-focused au. but alec is the only one of them without any magical resources and he's far away and on foot, so he's gonna be the last to get there, which camille had been counting on

but alec or no alec, they can keep the attackers at bay because they're all powerful and smart and shit and a lot of them have magic as opposed to the mundanes who don't, but of course that's mostly because they are holding off on attacking and the invasion is mostly a distraction because their PLAN is to use the rose. and camille tells them all to leave once the petal puckering starts so she can "protect them from any lashouts" (have her big villain speech). and it's not like any of magnus' friends is gonna leave to go after them when magnus is dying, bUT they also won't attack camille because she's his only hope. and they won't be able to get to stop the rose plucking in time because that's in another room and while she made it slower than something that the person can use to kill him in a second it's also not slow enough for them to get there on time (maybe there's a spell against magic use near where magnus keeps the rose? just for extra safety, so the ones with magic can't portal there or whatever)

anyway. big villain speech. magnus screams in pain every time a new petal is plucked. his friends are either running to the rose thing desperately or trying to get camille to stop this madness, she's going to kill him for fuck's sake. i don't know which chooses to do what so you can figure that out i guess. and for that extra drama, right when the last petal was going to be plucked, wee woo alec lightwood arrives! and he went straight for the rose because magnus had told him about it and he figured that there was a good chance the attackers might go for it. so he shoots the person's leg or something and gets them away from the rose and yay, day saved! mostly. because now there is only one petal left to fall before magnus dies, so at the very least, his lifespan has been shortened considerably. also, he is still in pain

i'm torn about what happens to camille then. on the one hand, i love killing camille! bonding activities for the whole family. on the other, she kinda is the only one who can save him now. they all know magnus won't want to get back with her, but hey, it's not like camille wants a relationship! she wants magnus to be her asset. a relationship was just the best way to get him to do that she had initially. but magnus doesn't want to cave and be dependant of her, so, you know. but maybe they can try to convince her to stop this fucking madness, god knows how

so okay yeah no camille-killing yet because they don't want to jeopardize magnus' safety, so she just leaves convinced that either way, she wins, and this might be the best possible scenario actually because magnus will have lots of times to think it over and be real desperate and come to her and strike a deal. so, yay her! she just needs to lie to the mundanes that the mission was successful or whatever, and it's not like that's gonna be hard because magnus won't want to be seen there again, so

we are all running to check up on magnus now. he's kinda like, on the ground coughing blood, but he'll live for as long as the last rose doesn't fall. still, they all settle on trying to help him, getting him in bed, tending to his wounds, etc. and thinking about what the fuck they are all going to do now. so you have raphael and maia making magnus soup, simon running his mouth as he throws around ideas on how they can fix this, ragnor, cat, dot, and madzie (who is here now that the danger is over ofc) checking and rechecking magnus' vitals for the billionth time and trying to figure out how much time they have, meliorn using their fae powers to stop his pain. and madzie is all snuggled in bed with magnus holding his hand and asking if he wants her to tell him a bedtime story, and magnus just... feels cared for and loved

alec meanwhile i think would tell what ACTUALLY happened to the person who was doing the rose thing - i actually have thought about it and think it might make sense for it to be luke. just because i love him and it kinda fits the whole "initially sided with shadowhunters, lately became a downworlder" thing. and like luke genuinely believed he was saving a person/people so alec brings him in too and magnus is all "catarina, dear, can you help heal his leg? i would, but i don't think i have enough magic right now" because he is the sweetest man immediately wanting to help the guy who almost killed him. and luke is in awe

(and alec brings him on purpose, too, because he knows that anyone who actually talks to magnus for a little while will see what an amazing person he is. and he hopes that luke, as a mundane, can tell the others that and turn them against camille)

and after that, of course, alec sits down by magnus' side and Does Not Leave. he's just there holding his hand and talking to him and magnus' friends, who are all also kind of. sitting there, trying to snuggle up in a gigantic pile of like 10 ppl to cuddle close to magnus and make sure he feels loved and cared for and that they know he is real. madzie gets special privileges in that sense because she's smaller and also a kid, so she gets to be kinda snuggled up with him. so alec has to be content with holding magnus' hand lmao (which he is, he's just happy that he's alive and okay. and he has a whole plan to get camille to undo the spell, mostly involving getting the mundanes against her and telling her that she is only safe for as long as magnus lives, because once he dies, she will have a bunch of ppl who will hunt her down to the faces of the earth to make her pay for what she did to him. the only reason they didn't do that yet is because she can still save magnus' live, so is she really going to let him die knowing that she will be next?)

so alec takes his hand and tells magnus that they will fix this, he promises, and give a little kiss on magnus' hand. just a little peck, no deep intentions, but magnus gasps a little because he feels something, and his eyes water a little bit because he's so touch starved and tired and hurt and alec kissed his hand and he can feel this kind of ache inside him, somehow a good ache, but he just can't explain it. and so alec notices his watery eyes and he very tenderly wipes his tears away and tells him that they're all on his side, will always be, and kisses him on the forehead. and this kiss? this kiss is full of adoration and love and purpose, and magnus gasps and the wounds that hadn't been healed suddenly mend together, and the petals that had fallen go back to the rose before it disappears in a beautiful flash of light, and suddenly magnus' magic is back full force and he just looks at himself for a second, and everyone erupts into joy because holy shit, the spell is broken

and alec is so confused because again! he didn't kNOW about the whole true love's kiss thing or he would have asked magnus to let him kiss him as soon as he learnt about his feelings, because even if magnus didn't feel the same way, alec could undo the spell. and he's like "why the hell didn't you tell me?? we could have fixed this months ago" and magnus is like "i didn't think it would make a difference. wait, you're in love with me? have been for months?" and alec is like "first of all, yes. second of all, i have nothing else to say, i just said 'first of all' because i was so indignant"

and magnus laughs and jumps on him and kisses him on the mouth this time and they are both smiling and laughing into it and so so happy. and raphael is kind of just peppering kisses on maia's face too, like, "you were right, he undid the spell, thank you" and maia was never sure that this would happen but she will take the credit actually please and thank you

and they all live happily ever after and kill camille together the end i guess. god this post was so long i'm so sorry

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hankwritten · 4 years

Text

TFComics Rewrite

I am currently plotting an outline for a TFComics, and I want to get my thoughts about fixes to canon and possibly get feedback. Since this is a rewrite there’s really no *spoilers* or anything, so I’m willing to answer all questions about what I plan to do. Also some characters I’m not so sure about how I want to retool them, so if your have ideas for your fav let me know!

Disclaimer:

This rewrite is intended to critique the content/choices made in the construction and telling of the Team Fortress 2 comic series. It is not a personal attack on the artists/writers/directors or any of the creatives that made contributions to this series, nor is it meant to substitute or replace the official release. This work is transformative in nature, and relies on an understanding of the source material to be understood. TF2 and its characters belong to Valve.

TFCR is working on the assumption that the audience has read the original comic, and as such will skip over scenes and plot points that are unchanged from the original. I don’t think it needs to be said, but this fanfiction will not make sense if you are not familiar with the source.

I also recognize that there are strengths within the comic’s writing and weaknesses within my own. Namely, that Valve writers are gods in the realm of comedy, and I’d rather not try to match them in the regard. As such, I will state up front that these will not be as funny as the TFComics. That is not to say there won’t be jokes (either ones transplanted from the source or some of my own) or that the tone of this will be terribly grimdark, only that my focus will be on improving story structure and character development as those are what appeal to me.

The Broad Strokes

The goal of TFCR is to give a more engaging story for all the mercenaries we know and love, as--let’s face it--the TF2 mercs are side characters in their own damn story. These are some of the planned improvements.

There will be reason for each of the mercs to actually be there. As it stands, the motivations for almost every character besides Pauling and Saxton Hale are vague and unsatisfying. We’d usually say something along the lines of “money” for hired killers, but clearly Scout doesn’t even know if they’re getting paid, and some of the other characters are even worse. The hunt for the Australium is, therefore, boring. MacGuffins usually are, but at the very least the characters should care about the item even if the audience doesn’t. This work aims to give each of the nine mercs a motive and a reason to be in the story instead of just replaceable joke dispensers.

Explain what “Team Fortress” means, and how it relates to RED and BLU. Long and short: the nine mercenaries we see on the team are not from either RED or BLU but rotate between the two, and were the individuals selected to fight the robots. That means all things do happen to all characters. As Valve pretty much goes with “whatever is funniest at the time”, it’s very hard to make a cohesive theory about “where the hell is BLU team?”, but I’ll do my damndest. We’ll also examine Team Fortress’s relationship with the other capital T Teams, and why they’re considered the “rejects” of the bunch.

Comics 1 & 2 will be removed from the timeline as they serve no purpose, only taking what needs to be known about the plot’s setup and jumping straight to A Cold Day in Hell.

We will introduce the Classic Mercs right away so they can generate threat and play against the TF mercs when they do actually meet head to head.

We will not be killing off Gray Mann. (Not preemptively anyway.) In fact, there will be more focus on him and Olivia as villains facing off against the Admin, providing her foil as the TF2 and TFC mercs provide foils for each other.

I considered waiting until the final comic was out to begin working on this, but that may never happen. Jay Pinkerton said he may reveal what plot they had in store eventually, but considering it took Half Life over a decade to get the “I was once a Valve writer but my NDA has expired and now I can go buck wild” treatment, I’m not holding my breath. The main reason I wanted to do this is that the Administrator’s motivations are not interestingly foreshadowed, to the point where there aren’t even any good fan theories out there. That said, WritingDispenser and Riddle of the Sphinx helped come up with a pretty fun one, which was actually the inspiration for me to get off my butt and start plotting this.

There will be no queerbaiting. This refers both to HeavyMedic (which has been simultaneously used as wink wink nudge nudge joke many times and as encouragement for fans to play their stupid hat game) as well as lesbian Pauling (since femme lesbians are the preferred method for front facing LGBT representation across almost all media, but video games especially). If you need to understand why lesbian Pauling is an issue, Sarah Z coined the term “queercatching” in order to describe word of god confirmations on characters sexualities that are not followed up on in the text. I recommend the full video on it.

Due to the importance of immortality in the theming of the comics, respawn will not be a thing. Deaths we think should have happened previously will be explained as close calls, or that Medic can heal a short time after death. Medic and Scout’s deaths will be cut in the story itself, as after Sniper died and came back, them doing the same thing kinda lost their punch.

Scout

There will be no ScoutPauling hints. It doesn’t make sense to give screentime to this relationship because Valve obviously doesn’t think it’s going to go anywhere so why make Scout turn down advances from other hot women? I mean I get Expiration Date was a Thing but it feels like Scout’s whole motivation shouldn’t be reduced down to chasing a girl who doesn’t like him back.

He’s here because he lost his life’s savings in bad investments and needs the money. That’s it. Which is still somehow more than his canon motive which is question mark question mark question mark

He, Soldier, Spy, Demo, and Pyro all start the adventure with Miss Pauling.

Engages with Heavy on a genuine level when they go to collect him, Heavy doesn’t blow him off when he tries to level about dead dads.

There will be no DadSpy reveal. The way Spy treats Scout has never been “deadbeat dad feels bad about abandoning his kid” but more “this is someone I would kill without a second thought if I felt like it” which makes his reveal in comic 5 feel very disingenuous. I don’t think Valve even had this plotline in mind until comic 3, as #2 still has Spy seeming only to care about Scout’s Ma and not Scout himself. It also makes “seduce me!” retroactively weird.

Uhhh hooks up with Zhanna. This one isn’t critical I just think it’s funny.

Soldier

Soldier is going to be the Ur example of the Admin not treating her people well, as we’re going to lean into the whole “Soldier was only mildly messed up until the whole lead poisoning” thing.

He’s here because he’s blindingly loyal to the cause. He’s actually going to very little from canon because of this actually.

Might be the reason Team Fortress has a reputation of being the lower tiers of the Teams, but that doesn’t mean he’s damn good at his job. Fatal flaw is that he’s unstable, and even though the courthouse plotline won’t be in this fic, it should be noted that he actually does cause problems for the other protagonists due to his short temper. He’s a risky asset, but still essential.

There will be a minor explanation for the WAR! Comic, but I think that’s better saved for Demo’s analysis.

Pyro

Pyro is the character you could cut entirely from the comics and have the least change. Now, they’re going to be Pauling’s right hand. Let me explain.

Engineer and Pyro are implied to live together, and Pyro doesn’t have anything better to do than go with Engie after Team Fortress is disbanded. Rather than having a reveal, we will see some of what is going on with the Admin and friends early on, and see what leads up to her sending Miss P the note that kicks off the whole plot. However, while Engie needs to stay and look after her, Pyro’s skills aren’t useful here, and they are sent as a direct messenger to help Pauling.

They’re loyal, and unlike Soldier rarely mess up orders. They’re also partially mute, making them ideal for handling sensitive info. Pauling trusts them to handle the burning of “Elizabeth’s” paper trail.

Will be using they/them in the narrative voice, but other characters will refer to them as he/him. I considered going with it/its because that’s bubbled up in popularity again, but ultimately I decided against it.

We’ll get glimpses to their train of thought, but like the comics they will remain virtually silent.

Demo

Demo’s role in the cast is going to be very similar to Spy’s. The events of WAR! involved him nearly dying and Soldier taking the win, and he’s very bitter that after all those events *apparently* mercs can just be switched around teams willy nilly and don’t have to kill each other anymore. (As the audience, we know this is because the Admin found out the “make them so angry they won’t ask questions” wasn’t a long-term viable solution, and instead brought TFI forward as a neutral third party that was pretending to mediate the gravel wars.) But Demo’s suspicious, and is only along because he really has been miserable since he lost his job.

This conflict will eventually come to a head, more on that in the Sniper section.

Is fairly forgiving with his teammates. Doesn’t like Sniper but I’m willing to drop a little angst during that submarine scene. Is glad to see Medic actually. Here to be some glue to hold this merry band together.

The Eyelander will not be forgotten after 2 comics because I love this character concept and I think it was underutilized.

Drunk jokes will be kept to a minimum. What I liked about WAR! and Bombinomicon was that it took Demo and showed that they knew how to make him funny without making him one note, which they sort of did in the early TFComics but stopped in the later ones in favor of him….being asleep for the whole plot. I promise 100% awake Demo in my rewrite.

Demo likes Pauling on a personal level, but has trouble reconciling her with his feelings on TFI.

Doesn’t get knocked out by moonshine because. Seriously? Poisoning the Demoman with alcohol? In what world does that work.

Heavy

Not too much to change. Scout doesn’t accompany him when he goes to look for the secret Australium cache, and he engages with Mags and Saxton (which will be when the audience finds out what they’ve been up to) and actually cares about what’s going on with them. He thinks Darling is up to something. Which he is, he’s attempting to unseat both Gray and Helen due to long family history.

Will at least mention Medic. Their reunion falls a little flat since it mostly relies on Meet the Medic for context, as they don’t really interact in the comic. There can be a bit of a flashback to what it was like as all these mercs broke up.

I know uhhh Valve seems to think found family is really dumb, and that these murderers could ever like each other is silly or something, but the mercs do? Like each other? For the most part anyways.

Bronislava and Yana come alone for adventures, not just Zhanna. Again, no real reason, but sometimes I get to have tacky fanfic stuff in my own fanfic because I Wanna.

Engineer

Engie ruminates on his family history of allowing all this bullshit to happen and just kind of shrugging. Basically Moss’s analysis of the Conagher themes.

Has put a lot of time, sweat, and tears into BLU and now TFI, isn’t willing to let it fall now, even if Admin is basically living on borrowed time. He’s doing this because of the ‘ole sunk cost fallacy.

Also we get to see more of Pauling and Admin’s relationship through his eyes.

Medic

Congrats on being the one merc with an actual arc, Medic! As a reward, you will not be changed much.

I’m actually going to use Medic’s section to say that the Classic mercs will be referred to by their first names in order to differentiate them, and we’ll get little previews of what they’re like from Medic’s perspective before we actually see them fight Team fortress. The battle at the submarine will be more of a fight in this sense, working it out so it seems like surrender is the only option after Sniper is killed.

Final fight with Cheavy will be...not blocked so awkwardly. I mean this is now a textual medium so my work is already halfway done, but still the pacing is so weird. Shudder.

Sniper

These are the big guns. Most changes, even more than Demo. He’s been actually hunting for New Zealand/the Australium cache on his own, and doesn’t want Pauling interfering, saying for a he knows she could have been the ones to kill his adoptive parents.

(She hasn’t, but the Admin did actually order them killed in an attempt to stop Sniper because she thought she could prevent the exact thing that is going on right now which is that Sniper is considering trying to get at it.)

Sniper doesn’t know this, but Pauling, Demo, and Spy eventually convince him to share his findings and help them get to New Zealand.

Spy

Similar to Demo but is less conflicted about it. He knows just because he likes someone doesn’t mean he won’t have to kill them later.

Spy knows about who killed Sniper’s parents, and tells Demo, sort of as a test to see where his loyalties lie. He also knows that Pyro is Pauling’s confidant for certain things.

Demo questions him about what he’s doing here, whose side he’s really on. But you know. Spy is Spy and he was never really on anyone’s side but his own. When it comes down to it, it might be exactly as Scout thinks: that he’s ditched them all and run off when he had the opportunity. But, big damn hero, comes back in the end.

He’s here mainly to “keep an eye on things.” Also maybe because his gf asked him to keep an eye on her son :)

#tf comics rewrite #tf2 meta

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i-am-loki-and-now-i-speak-up · 6 years

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About my Mother: Loki Friggason

At Asgard we say that from your father inherits courage, and from your mother the heart that contains it. I would also add the love that moves it, ... but then I would start wondering what I inherited from her, and awaken thoughts that I don’t like, and I’d like to avoid it. I know them well, those thoughts. They’re shapeless and dark creatures, the ghosts of an adopted and betrayed child who, broken by rage, has become a wary and shadowy man.

If I think back to my life I find nothing but violent emotions, highs and lows, jealousies, unspoken things that have devoured everyone's life ... but one thing that concerns me has always been the same. I am my mother's son.

No, you don’t have to laugh.

It's not one of my fucking jokes to break the tension. It is the truth. For once.

Perhaps the only, purest truth of my life.

Loki Friggason.

Of all the names with which they know me at Asgard and up and down the Sacred Tree, this is what I feel forever mine.

Strange, isn’t? I am what I have been: feared, offended, rejected, fought, humiliated, hated, mistreated. They lied to me lifelong with a smile on their lips, even expecting that I would accept it without batting an eyelid, perhaps even thanking. They belittled me and tried to stifle my voice.

I am a God, immortal, powerful, a Frost Giant, a robbed King, I have a thousand titles, I have been all and my powers are immense, ... yet this is what I really am, under my armor, and beyond the smile sarcastic.

My mother's son. Loki Friggason.

We can’t choose parents, they say, and nothing fits my story better. Because I am the chosen one.

From my father, out of interest and for revenge towards his enemy.

From my mother, for love.

Frigga, Queen of Asgard, Protectress of the Women, the Radiant, the Weaver of Clouds.

I don’t remember anything of that temple of black ice, in the depths of Jotunheim, of the frozen rock, of that newborn who was waiting to die, abandoned like a faulty animal. Nor do I remember my father taking me away from there, already imagining the scheme of his plan, while the tears on my face were still drying.

No, my first memory is a wonderfully sweet voice that sings to me to fall asleep, and which whispers my name. By the way, she chose my name. Loki. Or Loður, as I find it easier in my Norse language.

Spirit of Fire and Air. He always told me, like a kind of fairy tale before bed, when I was a child, ... a little monster who had just learned to speak.

And I still remember it perfectly.

"Loður, my little Loður ... this is what you are, what I see in your eyes, green as the leaves moved by the wind, you are the sun that makes them shine and that wind ... you are that wind, Lodur, untrustworthy like him, unpredictable, intelligent ... the breath of life of things, the elusiveness of thought, you are important, little Loður , never forget it. "

And instead I forgot it.

I have forgotten it many times, just as others have done.

Frigga instead was love.

She didn’t care that I was different, she didn’t care that I was not as loud as Thor, as popular as Thor ... it was enough for her to be me.

Loður was enough for her.

It was enough for her to love me. And his love made me forget many times my being adopted and kept there, in the shade and thirsty for attention.

My mother helplessly witnessed my descent into the abyss of despair and folly, to which that infamous revelation brought me. He saw his son (the gentle one, the silent one, the one who was always stepping back and never protesting) breaks, crumble under the weight of a pain that she, alone, couldn’t in any way alleviate.

Yet she tried. Because a mother never gives up, not even when she sees her son ("my little Lodur ...") deformed by pain, distorted by resentment. She tried to save me, to be near me. She tried to medicate invisible wounds that would never be healed, tried to put together the shreds of his miserable son who now hated everything and everyone.

She tried, knowing from the beginning that he would never succeed.

She cried for me when I let the emptiness over Bifrost swallow me, after the last, despicable refusal of my father tears me forever. She was always close to me anyway, for making me felt loved and included.

Here's what my mother always did: she included me. Surrounded with love. Kept me tight, made to feel important.

Even when she would have every reason to stop.

And even when she had to speak to me severely, she did it with a smile, a warm voice, a desperate look, ... and I, blinded by rage, after discovering the truth about me, refused it. I rejected her.

Without knowing it would be the last time I saw her face. Without knowing that the murderer bastard who took her away from me, would use my words to deceive me. It wasn’t her that I wanted him to find, ... it wasn’t she who had to fight, ... it wasn’t her, it wasn’t her,... oh, Norns, forgive me! Forgive me, Mother!! If only I knew how many times I invoked death for what I did ...

But maybe not even death would be enough for my deeds.

I pushed her away, that time in the transparent cell for the precious animal as I was, in which Odin had confined me for the long, infinite life of a God.

I told her horrible words, I spoke her harshly. But as they say, if you beat a dog once, it will wait for you to always beat him, and it will defend himself. I just wanted to defend myself.

I wanted my mother to feel my pain screaming, I wanted her to understand what it meant to feel rejected and humiliated.

I just wanted her to understand.

I wanted her to ignore my refusal and hug me.

I wanted her to come and get me back, to keep me tight until it was all over.

But she couldn’t, because in reality she wasn’t even there, ... it was just her made of air and magic.

Because my father had condemned me to die of hardship, thirsty and hungry for human contacts: he had forbidden everyone to have contact with me. With the monster. With the killer. With the traitor. With that adopted and unworthy son who had discredited his precious name.

So I lost her forever.

And my life went on more or less badly, with her memory inside me.

I remember her beautiful, blue eyes, blond hair, elegant hands. I remember her as she told me stories and legends of ancient peoples. While she explained to me spells and consoled my child tears with small, innocent spells for make me forgot anxieties and sadness. Or when she laughed amused, while Thor and I showed her childish drawings of monsters and giants.

Or she still embraced us both, already young men taller than she, and we pretended to be embarrassed for those attentions, while we couldn’t be more delighted.

Frigga was my mother, but also Thor’s, but she didn’t share her love in an unjust way like Odin did. She consoled both, embraced us, played, scolded us but without making distinctions.

Only her love for me was different, in a way. Sometimes when I think back, like now, it makes me say...more dense.

Like when to a sickly person we reserve the most substantial food for them to recover more carefully.

So, I was sickly in the soul and she knew it, and her mother's instinct led her to reserve one more caress. The one I often waited from my father. And that Thor received regularly, along with many other manifestations of pride and affection.

I learned to do without both very soon, but Frigga was always by my side to support me. Even in the darkest periods. When it was easy for everyone to turn their back to me, pointing finger and direct to me aawful words, full of hate and poison.

It is always easier to judge than to make an effort to understand, and if there’s anything my damned life can teach, it is just that.

But who has never heard his soul scream like an animal, who has never gone mad of pain, who has never stuck in the darkness of his soul torn to pieces, can never understand. And they will continue to call me "monster", "killer", "traitor".

While I am and I will always be Loki Friggason.

#loki laufeyson speaks #loki friggason

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awesomewhatsappstatus-blog · 6 years

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whatsapp status

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It’s So Lonely When You Don’t Even Know Yourself.

Good Friends Are Hard To Find, Difficult To Leave, Impossible To Forget.

A style is a way to say who u are without speaking.

Don’t Be Angry With People Who Don’t Have The Capacity To Change.

Anger Is My Power So Don’t Make Me Angry.

You’ve Got To Be Willing To Lose Everythings To Gain Yourself.

I Feel So Far Away From The One I Wish To Hold In My Arms.

A beautiful girl with gorgeous EYES, a hidden world of HURT & LIES.

Don’t Wish For It. Work For It. whatsapp status

There Is No Elevator To Success. You Have To Take Stairs.

Living Alone Makes It Harder To Find Someone To Blame.

Sometimes It’S Better To Be Alone. Nobody Can Hurt You In Life!

If I Delete Your Number, You’Re Basically Deleted For My Life.

It Takes Two Special People, To Make A Loving Pair. There’S A Joy Just Being Around You, A Feeling I Love To Share. whatsapp status

If You Feel Hollow, Let Me Be The One, Who Fills You Up With Love. Let Me Free The Butterflies Within. Just Open Your Heart, And Let Me In.

Pain Will Show Up. You Ca Either Run From It Or Grow From It.

Since You’ve Been Around I Smile A Lot More Than I Use To.

My Love Doesn’T Sleep, It Keeps On Looking For You With Its Eyes Open.

Anger Is Nothing Than An Outward Expression Of Hurt, Fear & Frustration.

Happiness Is Falling Asleep Next To You And Waking Up Thinking I’M Still In My Dreams.

If You Are Afraid Of Being Lonely. Don’t Try To Be Right.

A Friend Is Someone Who Can See The Truth And Pain In You Even When You Are Fooling Everyone Else

Hard Work Doesn’T Guarantee Success But Improves Its Chances.

All Angry Persons Are To Be Treated, By The Prudent, As Children.

Excellence Is Not Being Best: It Is Doing Your Best.

It’s So Lonely When You Don’t Even Know Yourself.

Tough Times Don’T Last: Tough People Do.

An Angry Man Opens His Mouth And Shuts His Eyes.

We Met For A Reason, Either You’Re A Blessing Or A Lesson.

Dreams Don’t Work Unless You Do. whatsapp status

People say I have a dirty mind, But I’m saying its just creative! !!

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Silence Is The Best Way To React While Angry.

Don’t Judge Someone Just Because They Sin Differently Than You.

Live Out Of Your Imagination, Not Your History.

Sometimes I Feel Like I Am Completely In The Dark.

When someone says: u are UGLY TELL them oh sorry I was trying to look like you!!

Sorry heart, but I am listening to my brain this time. I know better.

Falling Down Is How We Grow, Staying Down Is How We Die.

I Would Rather Walk With A Friend In The Dark, Than Alone In The Light.

When Everything Is Lonely I Can Be My Best Friend.

Everyone Says You Only Fall In Love Once, But That’S Not True. Every Time I Hear Your Voice I Fall In Love All Over Again.

Hating Me Won’T Make You Pretty. whatsapp status

Love Is Of All Passions The Strongest, For It Attacks Simultaneously The Head, The Heart, And The Senses.

Love Is Knowing That Someone Is Always Be There For You.

Best Friend Is Someone Who Loves You When You Forget To Love Yourself.

Sometimes I Look At You And Wonder How You Can Be So Cute All The Time.

To Be A Best Friend Doesn’T Take Much, A Shoulder, An Ear, Some Understanding, And Not Even Have To Say A Word To Make You Laugh Or Smile

I’m not changed it’s just I grew up and u should try too.

Good Friends Will Share The Umbrella. Best Friends Will Steal It And Yell: Run Loser Run!

Enjoy These Moments Now, Because They Don’t Last Forever.

Your Voice For Me Is Better Than All My Favorite Songs.

You Do Most Adorable Things Without Realizing.

Nobody Makes You Angry. You Decide To Use Anger As A Response.

Never Let The Things You Want Make You Forget The Things You Have.

A Woman With A Voice Is By Definition, A Strong Woman.

I Have No Special Talents. I Am Only Passionately Curious.

When You Feel Like Quitting Think About Why You Started.

I love to cry in the rain because that’s the only time no one can hear the pain.

Every Accomplishment Starts With The Decision To Try.

I Like To Be Alone. But I Would Rather Be Alone With You.

I’M The Person Everyone Replaces After A While.

A Hundred Hearts Would Be Too Few To Carry All My Love For You.

Sometimes I Get To The Point Of Frustration, That I Just Become Silent.

Sometimes It’S Ok To Be Selfish.

You’re The Best Thing I Never Knew Needed.

Life Is Change. Growth Is Optional. Choose Wisely.

Leave Our Boundaries Alone. Let Us Solve Our Own Problems.

U Can’t Switch Off Ur Feelings Just Because Other Person Did

And Then I Think That May Be I Was Designed To Be Alone.

The Soul That Sees Beauty May Sometimes Walk Alone.

Don’t Walk Behind Me; I May Not Lead. Don’t Walk In Front Of Me; I May Not Follow. Just Walk Beside Me And Be My Friend.

If You’Re Your Authentic Self, You Have No No Competition.

It’s Better To Be Unhappy Alone Than Unhappy With Someone.

If You Wake Me Up & I Don’T Get Angry, You Must Be Pretty Special.

Only A True Best Friend Can Protect You From Your Immortal Enemies.

If Someone Is Angry With You And You Laugh At Them, You Win.

Control Your ” Anger “. It Is Just One Letter Away From “D” Anger.

Chemistry Is You Touching My Mind And It Setting My Body On Fire.

The Quite You Become, The More You Can Hear.

I Love Listening To Lies When I Know The Truth.

Falling In Love With You Is The Second Best Thing In The World. Finding You Is The First.

It isn’t the bad memories that make you sad, but the best ones that you can’t bring it back.

Life Could Be Wonderful If People Would Leave You Alone.

The Way To Love Anything Is To Realize That It May Be Lost.

It Costs $0.00 To Be Decent Human Being.

Anger Is Never Without A Reason, Butt Seldom With A Good One.

For Every Minute You Are Angry You Lose Sixty Seconds Of Happiness.

Love Is When You Look Into Someone’s Eye And See Everything You Ever Need.

I’M That Fool Who Lied To Me That You’ll Never Leave Me.

It’s Easier To Say You’re Mad Than To Admit You’Re Hurt.

The greatest pain that comes from love is loving someone you can never have.

I’d Rather Be Happy And Alone Than With You And Miserable.

I don’t regret my past. I just regret the time I have wasted with the wrong people.

Don’t Compare Your Beginning To Someone Else’S Middle.

I Forgive But Don’t Forget, Because I Never Want To Be Hurt The Same Way Twice.

Falling In Love Is Only Half Of I Want, Staying In Love With You For Till Forever Is The Other.

I Am If I Changed, But You Changed Too.

I Am Like Being Single. I’M Always There When I Need Me.

When You Feel Like You’re Fighting Alone In Life That’S When You Should Be Fighting The Hardest!

It Is Better To Have Loved And Lost Than Never To Have Loved At All.

Tell Me & I Forget, Teach Me & May Remember. Involve Me & U Learn.

Fall In Love With The Process And The Results Will Come.

Be Happy. Be Bright. Be Happy.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. !!

Everyone Says U Fall In Love Only Ones, But I Fall Daily With The Same Person.

Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, Love Never Crossed My Mind Until The Day I Met You.

Anger Is A Condition In Which The Tongue Works Faster Than The Mind.

I Wanna Be The One Your “Ex” Will Hate, Your Mom Dad Will Love, And The One You’Ll Never Forget.

Don’T Afraid Of Being Outnumbered. Eagles Fly Alone. Pigeons Flock Together.

I don’t understand why life keeps trying to teach me lessons I don’t want to learn.

Always Stand For What Is Right, Even If You Are Standing Alone.

Stop Trying To Fit In, When You Were Born To Stand Out.

It’s Far Better To Be Alone Than To Be In Bad Company.

The Harder You Work, The Luckier You Get.

Friendship Doubles Your Joy And Divides Your Sorrow.

They Judge Me Before That Even Know Me. That’S Why I’M Better Off Alone.

Losers Quit When They Fail. Winners Fail Until They Succeed.

What Is A Best Friend? A Single Soul In Two Bodies.

I Am Trying To Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely.

A Lie is a Lie, no matter how big or how small.

Focus! Otherwise, You Will Find Life Becomes A Blue.

Hurt Me With Truth But Please Never Comfort With Lies.

If You Speak Alone All The Times You Will Always Be Right.

I’M In My Bed, You’Re In Your Bed. One Of Us Is In The Wrong Place.

A Good Friend Is Hard To Find, Hard To Lose, And Impossible To Forget

You Blocked Me On Facebook & Noe You’Re Going To Die.

When I’M Shouting, Your Fine. It’S When I Go Silent You Need To Worried.

Best Friends Are There For You Even If You Refuse To Talk To Them. Because They Know, Deep Down, The Silence Is Killing You.

I Promise To Never Let You Feel Alone In This World.

It’s Better To Be Alone Than To Be In Bad Company.

Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fears.

Love Is Like A Rubber Band Held At Both Ends By Two People When One Leaves It Hurts The Other.

Anger Is One Letter Short Of Danger.

When It Rains Look For Rainbows. When It’S Dark Look For Stars.

When U Are Angry, Ur-Text Speed Increases By A Ridiculous Amount.

The Best Way To Get A Woman’S Heart Is To Give Her Yours.

I Never Feel Alone Because Loneliness Is Always With Me.

Before you judge me make sure that you’re perfect.. ??

Sell The Problems You Solve, Not The Product.

If The Plan Doesn’T Work, Change The Plan But Never The Goal.

Let Me Love You If Not For The Rest Of Your Life Then For The Rest Of Mine.

Wanna Hug Yuh Soo Tight…That Even Air Couldn’T Fill The Space Between Us.

People Won’T Have Time For You If You Are Always Angry Or Complaining.

Nice Friendship Is Like The Breathing Air, You Will Never See It But You Will Always Feel Its Presence.

Losers Quite When They’Re Tired. Winners Quit When They’Ve Won.

Friends Are Like Stars, They Come And Go, But The Ones That Stay Are The Ones That Glow

You’re better off being alone than being with someone who makes you feel like you’re alone.

Virginity is not dignity, It is just lack of opportunity.

I don’t have an attitude!! I have a personality U can’t handle!!!

It Takes A Lot Of Guts, Doesn’T Let People Get To You. Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else. !!

I Never Dreamed About Success. I Work For It.

I’M So Lonely That I Don’t Want To Be With Myself Anymore.

Just Because You’Re Angry, Doesn’T Mean You Have The Right To Be Cruel.

My Attitude Will Always Be Based On How You Treat Me.

It Takes Millions of People To Make The World, But Mine Is Completed With 1 And Its You.

Motivational Is What Gets You Started. Habit Is What Keeps You Going.

When I See You, I Just Smile & Say ” My Day Is Perfect “.

God Gives His Hardest Battles To His Toughest Soldiers.

Some people R just so FAKE that if u look properly at the back of their neck, you’ll find a tag saying “MADE IN CHINA”

Making Mistakes Is Better Than Faking Perfections.

All Relationships Have One Law. Never Make The One You love Feel Alone, Especially When You’re There.

Anger Tears Me Up Inside…My Own…Or Anyone Else’S.

The Best Mirror Is An Old Friend.

I’M Honestly Probably Going To Be Alone For The Rest Of My Life.

It’s Just A Chapter In Your Life, Turn The Page And Move On.

Sometimes I’M Not Angry. I’M Hurt And There’S A Big Diff.

Love is when you look into someone’s eyes and see everything you ever need.

Don’t Be Scared To Walk Alone. Don’t Be Scared To Like It.

You Can Push Them Away, But People Who Really Love You Will Always Choose To Stay.

Sometimes, you have to smile to hide your fears and laugh to hide your tears.

A Quick Temper Will Make A Fool Of You Soon Enough.

A True Friend Is That One Which Takes Your Hand But Touches Your Heart.

Sometimes The Biggest Smile Contains The Most Pain.

You Didn’T Come This Far To Only Come This Far.

Push Yourself, Because No One Else Is Going To Do It For You.

Yes I Am Smiling But You Are Not The Reason Anymore.

Pretending to be happy when you’re in pain is just an example of how strong you are as a person.

Life Goes On: Who Can Not Be On Time – Remains Alone.

Even The Nicest People Have Their Limits.

Some People Need To Open Their Small Minds Instead Of Their Big Mouths.

Don’T Ruin A Good Today By Thinking About A Bad Yester. Let It Go.

You Call It Being Alone. I Call It Enjoying My Own Company.

I Smile Like An Idiot When I’M Talking To You. Doesn’t Matter If It’S A Person Or Through Text Or Anything Else. I Just Smile Because It’S You.

Never Go To Bed Angry, Stay Awake And Plot Your Revenge.

When People Get Angry With Him, I Remind Them That He’S Kid.

A Fresh Start Requites Nothing But A Spirit To Fight From Failures.

The Greatest Pain That Comes From Love, Is Loving Someone Who Is Not Here.

If You Want To Be Strong Learn How To Fight Alone.

Self-Care Is Not Selfish. You Cannot Server From An Entry Vessel.

Whatever Is Begun In Anger Ends In Shame.

Don’t Make So Many Promises When You Can’t Even Keep One.

I Hate The Moments When Suddenly My Anger Turns Into Tears.

Sometimes It’s Better To Be Alone, Nobody Can Hurt You.

Sometimes, I Think Too Much And Then Make Myself Sad.

The Best Way To Stay Close To Someone Is By Being Just Friend. Nothing More And Nothing Less.

I’m not a virgin, my life fucks me every day.

A Single Rose Can Be My Garden… A Single Friend, My World.

I Wish I Could Ignore You, The Way You Ignore Me.

Wake Up With Determination. Go To Bed With Satisfaction.

Never Depends On Others Too Much Because Someday You Will Have To Walk Alone.

Don’t Make Me Angry And Change Your Status.

I Hope Karma Slaps You In The Face Before I Do.

Hello Darkness! My Old Friend. I Have To Talk With You Again.

You Should Make A Woman Angry If You Wish Her To Love.

Sometimes, The Biggest Smile Contains The Most Pain.

A Friend Is Someone Who Knows All About You And Still Loves You.

Don’t Let Me Go Because of I’M Tired Of Feeling Alone.

Success Is The Sum Of Small Efforts, Repeated Day In & Day Out.

If You Want To Be Strong Learn How To Fight Alone.

Good People Bring Out The Good In Other People.

I Am Not In A Bad Mood, Everyone Is Just Annoying.

Tell The Truth, Or Eventually, Someone Will Tell It For You.

People Change. Things Go Wrong. Shit Happens. But Life Goes On.

Always Do Small Things With Great Love.

Save water drink beer.

Always Believe That Somethings Wonderful Is About To Happen.

If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun.!!!

I Don’t Want To Lose This Feeling. If I Could Choose A Place To Die, It Would Be In Your Arms.

Meeting You Was Fate, Becoming Your Friend Was A Choice, But Falling In Love With You Was Beyond My Control.

Friendship… Is Not Something You Learn In School. But If You Haven’T Learned The Meaning Of Friendship, You Really Haven’T Learned Anything.

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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I see so many people saying that lydia was/is a qUeEn and a hEro for being okay when alec kissed magnus at 'their wedding' but like...She knew that alec had feeling for magnus before the wedding and still was going to go ahead and marry him which meant that alec well them both would've been unhappy🤷🏽‍♀

I just don't like lydia tbf, she kinda rubbed me the wrong way but that might be just me😕

diaiduahs ok so i debated with myself whether or not to answer this question for like 0.3 seconds before i realized that wait a minute, i have never shut the fuck up about what i think ever in my life. who am i kidding. but anyway fair warning that my opinion on lydia is pretty unpopular among "both sides" of that debate (i don't think there are ever just two sides to any issue but anyway)

also warning that i'm not dissing you or your ask in particular, just giving my opinion based on what i've seen and heard on this debate in the fandom

here's the thing. i don't think she did wrong by accepting alec's marriage proposal. i wouldn't say she did right either, in my opinion her choice was pretty morally neutral

because it would have been different if alec had no choice on the matter and she chose it knowing it would make him miserable. but that's not what happened at all

alec did have a choice. in fact, the fact that he proposed to lydia was something that made his parents (who are the main responsibles for his closeting) fucking pissed. he wasn't doing it to please them; he was doing it as part of his own plan

and again, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that this wasn't extremely traumatic and awful to him. he wouldn't have even considered it if it weren't for the awful conditions of his closeting and abuse, and he would have been miserable for the rest of his life. but alec had agency. he wasn't helpless. he was making a decision based on the shit conditions that he was in, trying to ensure his own safety and success. the conditions were horrible, but every decision we make is based on the environment we are in. and acting as if lydia was somehow forcing him into this marriage is acting as if alec didn't have autonomy to make his own choices, which i think is pretty unfair to him

one more time! i'm not saying it isn't fucked up that he had to make that decision. i know that ppl a lot of times say "lol it was their choice" regarding ppl staying in the closet to wave off the trauma of closeting and debates about queerphobia in general. the closet wouldn't even be a choice that's presented if queerphobia didn't exist. no one's choises exist in a vacuum, we are all dealing with the material conditions of our lives, and queerphobia is a huge part of that; one that makes the best choices for us impossible. so like, no, he wasn't BY ANY MEANS 100% free to choose what he wanted. but he DID have agency in his decision to propose to her

besides, what was she supposed to say? "no ur gay lol"? it's not like outing him would have been an amazing move. and of course she could have said no and not said that it's because alec is gay and would never be happy with a woman, but honestly, what the fuck kind of right does she have to make that choice for him? she doesn't even know him. she has no right to tell him what he should do with the plate of shit that homophobia and abuse has handed to him, especially when he obviously is trying to keep his agency and have control over his situation and choosing to marry lydia was a part of that. again, maryse was pissed. when alec chose to marry lydia, he was doing it for himself

what would have happened if she had said no? he would have ended up marrying another girl. and probably one that his parents picked, not him. like, let's please give alec credit here. he chose to stay in the closet, but he was fighting being just a pawn in his parents' game from the start. and it's not like either of them had any illusions about what this marriage was; it was a business arrangement at best. alec called it a partnership. they both just wanted to use that situation to their favor. and in shadowhunter culture, that's normal (i'm not saying that's a good thing, just that it's a fact that influences her decision to say yes as well). like, do you think maryse and robert loved each other? we haven't really seen any other shadowhunter marriages so i can't say for others, but it sounds to me like marriages of convenience were pretty standard. if i were alec, id probably be relieved that she had said yes, because then they'd both be in a situation where they knew exactly what they were getting into and he didn't want to pretend

and don't get me wrong, i'm not saying she did alec a favor or some shit. i'm just saying i can't really see how she is doing him harm in that situation, and that i think this take is taking away a lot of alec's agency and if i were him i'd be pretty pissed about that lol

but tHEN we have the Lydia Stans who ALSO take his agency just as much with this absolute nonsense take that she was a "hero" because she "let" him call off the marriage. excuse me lol? he wasn't hers for her to "let" him do anything. what could she even DO to "not let" him kiss magnus? at best, she could have thrown a tantrum. which would have been pretty ugly, but like. pointless. she can't make him stay and if she had tried to this would make her a fucking asshole and a villain. but the fact that she wasn't a villain doesn't make her a hero lmao

she did the bare minimum! sure, she was gracious about it, it was nice that she said that he deserved to be happy, but still the bare minimum. it was alec's choice, not hers. she doesn't have any right to force him into this marriage, and she didn't have the means to, either, which is part of why i think her choice to accept his proposal was morally neutral

and god it's annoying as hell that ppl act as if she was doing some kind of favor by not being incredibly violent and homophobic and trying to force him into a marriage with her lol? like not being homophobic should be the least we expect. and again, alec can make his own choices. he didn't need her permission to do jack shit

so when it comes to the whole alec situation, i'm pretty neutral towards lydia. it's whatever. she was barely there for that plotline anyway. when it comes to the doyalist perspective of it all, i am pissed as hell that she seems to be so popular within the fandom as if she did something incredible or whatever, but my feelings towards her as a person/character would have been pretty neutral

but tHEN we have the fact that "both sides" of this debate openly and completely ignore all the other fucked up shit she did, like trying to arrest izzy for saving a downworlder's life (idc if she changed her mind, it was still gross) or her openly racist comments. her comment about raj should "cut back on the smartass after being manhandled by a warlock" was one of the racist comments that stuck with me the most in tHE WHOLE ENTIRE SHOW, because like. what??? warlocks are literally immortal powerful beings with access to magic shadowhunters can't DREAM of. and the "warlock" she's talking about is MAGNUS BANE, not only one of the most powerful of them, but someone that she supposedly admires??? like, my god, she was all but fangirling about him coming to the institute and then it's like. wow raj how could you lose to someone so inferior

like are you kidding me???? tell me how this comment makes ANY sense whatsoever unless you are the most shadowhunter supremacist person to have ever lived. there is no reason at all to presume that losing to a warlock is humiliating (especially considering how them powerful they are) unless you believe that shadowhunters should be inherently better than them at everything

but we never talk about that, now do we

so...... the super lydia-positive corner of the fandom annoys me to no end but overall this whole discussion just tires me from "both sides". i don't like her, and i hate that she is so loved when the shit she did is ignored and most of the stanning comes from a pretty belittling vision of alec anyway, but i also think the anti-lydia side focuses entirely on the wrong issues regarding her character

#this isnt me dissing you anon im just giving my opinion on the subject #salt #anti lydia branwell #anti sh fandom #ask #anonymous #q #anti lydia stans

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