#but god am i trying

[labellefleur-sauvage]

DILF in Aisle 3

Summary: Yrene is most certainly not angry and jealous and annoyed that women keep flirting with her husband. When she discovers women are interested in her husband for more than just his good looks, she decides to remind Chaol exactly who he belongs to.

For Day 7 of @sjmromanceweek 2023! This has been such a fun week and I was inspired at the last minute to write a smutty one-shot continuation-ish fic from my Day 2 piece!

Rating: Explicit. Smut - see AO3 link for a full list of tags.

Word Count: 2.5K

Read on A03

Yrene was not jealous. 

She did not feel a sudden surge of annoyance at seeing the group of young, giggling women ogling her husband and daughter as he slipped different pairs of little shoes on her feet to distract her from her latest tantrum, nor did she feel anger rise in her like the sea during a storm at seeing one of those women come up to Chaol and coo at Josie, that little hussy laying a seemingly innocent hand on her husband’s arm. 

Yrene was well aware that Chaol was good looking. Actually, that was an understatement - her husband was ruggedly handsome, six feet of pure muscle with a face that made other men jealous that they weren’t him and would never be him. Perhaps she was a bit biased - what wife didn’t think their spouse was the best looking person they’d ever seen? But while other people had celebrity crushes or joked about having a “free pass,” Yrene never felt that. For her, it was Chaol and only Chaol.

And as she approached the laughing group of women openly flirting with her handsome but admittedly clueless husband, she decided they had had enough fun. 

“Hello dear,” Yrene chirped far too sweetly to Chaol, laying a hand on his lower back and staring daggers at the women around them. Their daughter squealed in delight at seeing her mom, practically throwing herself at Yrene from Chaol’s arms. The women froze.  

“Hey hun,” Chaol said, turning to Yrene with his big trademark smile on his face. “These ladies here were just admiring how well Josie was behaving.”

“You have a lovely daughter, ma’am,” one of the girls said meekly, trying - and failing - to do damage control. Ma’am? How old did Yrene look, for this girl who looked like she could be in college to call her ma’am? Yrene couldn’t help the death stare she sent the woman. Her friends seemed to have a bit more sense; they were slowly wandering away, leaving their cohort to suffer Yrene’s wrath alone.

“And an even lovelier husband,” Yrene snapped, pulling him even closer to him, “who loves his wife and daughter very much.” Finally Chaol sensed something was wrong - he looked between Yrene and the remaining woman with a frown. “Come on, dear,” Yrene said, giving the woman one last glare before placing their daughter in the shopping cart. “Let’s go check out.”

Yrene was silent as they went through the self checkout and out to their car, loading up their SUV while Chaol buckled Josie in her car seat. She giggled the entire time he was buckling her in, laughing in delight as he tickled her and kissed her cheeks and handed her favorite stuffed animal to her.  

Chaol was an excellent father to their daughter: he took nearly all late night feedings for her, changed just as many dirty diapers as Yrene did, and helped around the house without needing to be asked to do something. He had even experimented in making homemade baby puree, insisting that Josie only have the best and most nutritious food available.  

(Did Yrene still make sure to give her her favorite peach flavored rice cereal and fruit puree pouches? Of course - everyone needed their favorite foods, even babies.)

“Is everything OK?” Chaol asked as they buckled themselves into their seats. 

“Yes,” Yrene answered a bit too tersely. It wasn’t Chaol’s fault those women were shamelessly flirting with him but she couldn’t help feeling a little bit angry at him for not realizing they were blatantly coming onto him and stopping them. 

“Did I do something? Do you want me to drop you and Josie off at home or the coffee shop and I can finish the errands?”

And leave Chaol at the mercy of God knows how many untold women thirsting after him? “No, let's just go so we can get her home for her nap.”

“You sure? You still wanna go to Costco?” he asked slowly, clearly trying to determine how bad of a mood she was truly in. 

“Yeah, I wanna go to Costco,” she muttered, turning away to look out the window as Chaol took them out of the parking lot. She heard him give a little sigh of relief at her answer - he knew it wasn’t a complete meltdown if she still wanted to go to Costco.

They fought through the crowds and gathered their usual groceries and stuff they didn’t need but got anyway. Yrene had just talked Chaol out of buying their daughter another Squishmallow - “It’s bigger than she is! And she already has two!” “Yeah, but think about how cute it would be in her nursery!” - when she heard a voice mutter, “Fuck, that guy with the baby is hot.”

Yrene snapped her head around. Two women were staring at Chaol across the aisle as he held a giant stuffed animal up to Josie for her inspection. 

“Look at him,” one of the women said, staring at Chaol with desire in her eyes. “Certified DILF.”

The other woman hummed in agreement. “Dad I’d like to fuck, indeed. Think he wants another kid?”

As the women drifted away, with more lewd comments - “Look at how big his muscles are, he could toss me around and I’d gladly fall on his dick,” “I’d let him absolutely destroy me, make a MILF out of me,” - Yrene stood rooted in place. She was furious that those women were so openly objectifying her husband, but also shocked with the realization that other women found Chaol attractive not only because of his good looks, but because of the fact that he had a child. What was worse, she realized with a small amount of embarrassment and excitement, was that they were completely right: her husband was a DILF, and she had never really thought of him like that. 

Possessiveness, sudden and fierce and unexpected, spread through her entire body. The group of women flirting with him earlier sprang to her mind as she realized they weren’t flirting with Chaol the handsome man, but Chaol, the handsome father. Chaol was hers; how dare anyone, especially another woman, flirt with or lust after her husband while he cared for their daughter? How dare someone openly say they want to fuck him?

Yrene suddenly felt hot and itchy, her mouth dry and her eyelids heavy as she gazed at her husband in an entirely new light. She already thought Chaol was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen, but looking at him holding their little girl, showing her all the brightly colored toys with blatant joy and love for her in his face, made Yrene appreciate her husband in an entirely new way.

Yes, she decided, perhaps it was as good a time as ever to re-stake her claim on her man and show him all the ways she truly valued him as a husband and father.

Yrene cleaned up dinner that night while Chaol gave Josie a bath and put her to sleep. She crept upstairs, peeking into their daughter’s nursery. Chaol was quietly reading Goodnight Moon to her, her little eyes heavy with sleep. Love and a familiar tingle spread through her lower stomach as she made her way to their bedroom to get ready. 

She had just finished her hair when she heard the floorboards outside their room shift as he approached. She threw herself on the bed just in time for Chaol to walk in and stop in his tracks as he took in his wife’s appearance. 

She hadn’t worn her nice lingerie since before she got pregnant and she regretted it, if only to see the wanton desire spread over her husband’s face. “Hello husband,” she said huskily, sauntering up to Chaol and grabbing the front of his shirt to bring his lips to hers. His lips were warm and soft and comforting and for a second she lost herself in the kiss, forgetting about her plan, before she tore herself away from him and pushed him on the bed.

“Hello wife,” he said, arousal and surprise coloring his voice as he helped Yrene tug his jeans off, lifting his hips off the bed so she could pull them down his thick thighs. He grinned. “You’re very eager tonight.”

She cocked an eyebrow. “Am I usually not throwing myself at you whenever we’re together?”

He chuckled before it faded into a groan as she drew his boxers down to reveal his half hard cock, wrapping her small hand around his length and pumping. “No, tonight seems… different. Not that I’m complaining but what’s up?”

“Well, you had an eventful day today,” she replied, squeezing the base of his cock and enjoying his resounding hiss. “You received a lot of attention.”

Chaol frowned, propping himself up on his elbows to look down at her between his legs. “What are you talking about?”

“Lots of women noticed you and how good you are with Josie. How hot you look caring for her.” Yrene licked a broad stripe up his cock from root to tip and Chaol dug his hands into the duvet cover.

“Is this,” he grunted out, “about what happened earlier at the store? I didn’t realize - “

“You didn’t realize those women were flirting with you because they saw a sexy man with his child and couldn’t help coming up to you and throwing themselves at you for a bit of attention? You didn’t even hear what some other women at Costco said later. Know what they called you?” She didn’t wait for him to answer, kissing the underside of his cock and swiping her tongue over the tip. “They called you a DILF. And they’re right. But you know what?”

Chaol didn’t answer; he only groaned and lifted his hips up, the tip of his cock bumping into Yrene’s plush lower lip.

“It’s because of me those women were crawling over you and I’m the only one who gets to fuck you,” she snarled as she took his cock in her mouth.

Chaol moaned through gritted teeth as Yrene bobbed her head on his cock, gradually working down until she could fit all but the last inch into her mouth. He was cursing and praising her quietly, and she felt a rush of victory flow through her - none of those other women would ever get to see Chaol like this. Only her. 

She wrapped her hand around the bit of his cock she couldn’t reach and dragged her tongue over his length. His hand gripped the back of her head, gently guiding her head up and down his cock as she stared defiantly at him, triumph in her eyes. He scrunched his eyes and threw his head back and Yrene forced her mouth off him and scrambled on top of him. She took his hard, wet length in her hand and waited for him to meet her eyes.

“You’re mine,” she growled, slamming her hips down and taking him all in one go. His hands immediately moved to rest under her thighs, helping her bounce on his cock. She moaned low in her throat; fuck, he felt so good, so thick, stretching her and reaching so deep inside her. She dug her nails into his shoulders, needing to mark him in some feral way as hers.  

“Fuck, you feel good,” Chaol groaned, his hands digging so hard into her thighs moving over him that she supposed he also felt the need to leave a memento of this night on her. A wild thought entered her mind, of him leaving another, more permanent reminder of this coupling inside her, and she found herself getting even wetter at the idea, her lower stomach tightening in anticipation. He moaned as he felt her inner walls tighten around him. 

He was so beautiful in that moment, Yrene thought, slowing down as her legs tired out. He bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut and made the most delightful noises; Yrene felt a brief flash of pity for all the women who would never see Chaol as she got to see him.

“Only I get to see you like this,” she breathed, grinding her hips above him. “Only ever me.” He opened his eyes and grinned before he pulled her off him and flipped them so she was on her back and Chaol was above her. He gripped the back of her thighs and pushed them up so her thighs were touching her chest, her center dripping and open.

“And only I get to see you like this,” he growled, slamming into her. “All mine, so perfect.”

Yrene whined in her throat as his cock hit all new places inside her. Now it was her turn to lie back and let her husband have his say.

“Did seeing all those women flirt with me and want me make you jealous?” he asked, staring intently at her face. She didn’t answer right away, thinking it was obvious, when his thumb grazed her clit. “Well?”

“Yes,” she gasped, circling her hips to try to get him to keep touching her.

“Yes, what?” he asked, hauling one of her legs over his shoulder. The new angle had his cock hitting something sensitive inside her and stars erupted behind her eyelids. 

“Yes, I was jealous and angry and -"

“Needed to show me who I belonged to, hm?” He was still roughly thrusting inside her, sweat beading his temple. He grabbed her chin and forced him to look at him. “You have me. Always.”

Yrene felt tears spring to her eyes as his thumb rubbed her clit and his lips crashed against hers and she was coming, a spark igniting in her core and traveling through her body like the wick on a stick of dynamite before it detonated, leaving her shaking and gasping. 

“Only you,” he grunted, shuddering as his release hit. “Only ever you.”

He rolled over and brought her on top of him. They were both sweaty and sticky and tired but neither moved, too content to be near each other. 

“I’ll have to make sure to take Josie out more often, if it means I get this type of response from you,” Chaol joked, laughing even harder as Yrene smacked him with a pillow. 

“You wouldn’t!”

“If it means you’d fuck me like that, yeah, I most definitely would. What did you say some women at Costco called me? A DILF?”

“God, this is going to go right to your head,” she moaned, slapping a hand over her face.

“Too late,” he quipped. “But maybe we can think about you making me a dad again.” He nipped her bottom lip and rolled them over so he was on top of her. She gasped and couldn’t stop the blush staining her cheeks at his words. 

“Oh yeah,” he whispered, grinding his half hard cock against her thigh and seeing the dazed look in her eyes. “I think that’s something you’d be interested in, wouldn’t it?”

Yrene groaned. “Chaol Westfall, you’re insufferable.”

“Yeah, I am, and I’m all yours,” he said, looking at her so fondly and with so much pride she thought her heart might beat itself out of her chest, and she thought that maybe having a hot DILF for a husband wasn’t so bad after all. 

[woofleskun]

I hit that mom age where DNI’s have words that I’m completely lost with, so I’m googling furiously to see what each means

[maiumeni]

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[theoldkyokodied]

Really quick doodles of a few scenes from the stream yesterday. Including combat flirting taunting, gale’s magnificently distracting shoes and.. whatever you wanna call gale agreeing to give 15 gold to astarion 😐😑😐😑😐 (that’s me blinking)

[trickstersaint]

i want to introduce you all to a project that is very close to my heart... or lack of one. anyway. for anyone who has ever wanted to play a poem. i'd like you to meet aromanticism

(link opens itch.io - she'll run on html in your browser! please be nice to her!)

[elminster-big-naturals]

when its 4am and the whole squad is zooted out their gourds trying to read the overhead menu in mcdonalds

[avituses]

We are two sides of the same coin

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[salemlunaa]

ᥫ᭡just sit back and relaxᥫ᭡

let’s talk about pure consciousness // “I AM” state

So i realised i can’t just leave you guys hanging. i can’t just post about how you need to do shit yourselves and dip again. Even tho you guys have all you need on this app i will just be reiterating certain things.

all that’s needed is to relax

everything you do is correct, you can scratch that itch, you can lay any how, sit, even stand, when you set that intention, everything you do is correct, because when you are in that “I AM” state of mind, you are a god.

you don’t need anyone’s help, not any person who has a success story under their belt or any bloggers, including me. you don’t need anyone or anything because you are “I AM”

All that’s need is to relax, deep breathing, but don’t try to hard, this is first nature to you. A lot of you hear that you MUST relax so you force it. Don’t do that. When you hear these success stories it’s like they were so zoned out they didn’t realise they induced for a second. So let those thoughts pass through, accept them, even thoughts about what you ate today.

You CAN focus on the back of your eyelids but don’t force it.

A lot of you can’t and won’t admit that you still feel desperate for the void, you try and act like you don’t care but you do, it’s like that meme: “pretending you don’t care so your screen will load faster”. You still think that it’s your only way out and while trying to act all effortless, you’re begging for it to work on the inside. After acting relaxed you sit up confused as to why it “didn’t work”

you force the relaxation (which means you aren’t actually relaxing) because you still think you need the “I AM” state,

you can’t try to be effortless

you can’t try to zone out

just let it happen

and as for problems, they don’t exist, because the 3D doesn’t exist. The outerman may have woken up in unfavourable circumstances, the innerman has what it wants, what even are circumstances? The outerman keeps falling asleep, the innerman is a void master who gets whatever they want when they want.

The innerman is your true self. You have everything you could ever want, just relax and align.

remember:

deep breathing

relaxation {don’t force relaxation, it’s not going to help anything go “faster”, and that isn’t even needed because time isn’t real, you’re okay, you’re not running out of time no matter what circumstances show you}

affirm “I AM”/ let thoughts pass you by/ sing in your head/count/ replay scenarios whatever

don’t focus on how much time has passed because it doesn’t matter it isn’t real. don’t focus on “if it’s working yet” it has worked, {your innerman experiences your intentions as soon as you make them, you have an intention induce the void state, your innerman is already there, creation of events are already finished, it’s already happened}

immerse yourself in your thoughts and you’ll induce before you know it.

there’s no such thing as you tried and it didn’t work. trial and error does not exist for your innerman the REAL you. you’re not gaslighting yourself or being “delusional” it’s real. It’s done

pure consciousness is as easy as breathing, isn’t it wonderful?

[quixoticprince]

When your medic leaves to go pocket another man or something

[egophiliac]

IT WAS ERIC AFTER ALL!!!! I'm so glad we got to meet him (before Vil snaps him away with those Infinity Gauntlets) (can't wait to see what happens when we get the matching Infinity Tiara to go with them, there will be no survivors)

(sorry to be so slow/rough lately, just got a lot of stuff on the ol' brain at the moment! alas, if only I could spend all my time drawing incredibly stupid characters I mean I do but)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)

[o3o-lapd-o3o]

people be wondering why there's no appearance from hades in any of the sagas, especially the underworld saga (even if he wasn't in the odyssey itself) i have a theory!

spoilers for vengeance saga and future ithaca saga!

do you not understand how busy that poor guy/god is during odysseus' terrible, horrible, no good, bad journey home™

first he has 7 freshly made pancakes men (14 if you count the club smash noises in survive, but we'll go with 7 for this) sent by chef polyphemus, appearing one after the other.

not long after that, you have 550 very soaked (drowned) men pop through in the blink of an eye, no thanks to his younger brother, mr ruthlessness himself, poseidon.

then while he's still counting/organising the paperwork for them, a young man appears, who happens to be very drunk (talking about pig men?)

not long after that, somehow a warship filled with mortal men breaks into the underworld, ALL ALIVE, and the (king? leader? captain? he's not too sure at this point) starts singing outside his front door about becoming a monster????? but before he can sic cerberus on them, they leave on their own

finally he thinks he has a break when 6 men holding torches (are some missing limbs?!?) have now joined the party down under (granted they're all in no mood to party, they weren't expecting to become snacks for a sea monster)

and just as quick as they'd arrived, in a flash (just like the snap of lightning that took them out) 36 crispy/fried men (gods damn it zeus) appear, weapons drawn like they were about to attack someone (how does that one guy at the front swing such a big sword?)

at this point hades is wondering what the fuck is happening upstairs, because ain't no way these 600 men are all from the same fleet/island under one guy's command (turns out the captain's name is odysseus)

he thinks his prayers are answered because he has had peace for 7 years, just the normal flow of souls into the underworld- (wait whats that chanting)

suddenly those previous 600 souls are flying their way outta the underworld (he didn't know they could do that) while singing "six hundred men! (six hundred)" on repeat

they return though (thank the gods, he didn't need to go soul hunting) and once again he thinks everything will be calm

(he also found out from zeus, that their brother got his godly-ass handed to him by that MORTAL odysseus! WHO USED HIS OWN WEAPON AGAINST HIM (something to help make him laugh over spring & summer and while he waits for his beautiful persephone to return home))

he finally thinks his time with odysseus and the souls that come from him/being around him is over. when in minutes of each other, the souls of 108 men appear, all killed in gruesome ways. then they tell him that they were killed by beggar who then revealed himself as king odysseus, from trying to marry his wife and take over his kingdom (ok very understandable murder then)

at this point hades doesn't know whether he's excited for, or dreading the day he actually meets odysseus in the distant future (yes distant, i don't care about/ don't accept the telegony. let the poor man enjoy the rest of his life with his son and wife!!!)

but yeah, understandable why you don't hear from him throughout the sagas

[hinamie]

spiraling

[kizzer55555]

The Vampire Aesthetic

Ok so Danny knows two billionaires personally and they really couldn’t be more different. Yet they had one thing in common. A vampire aesthetic. Sam is fully into goth. Spiderwebs, bats, the color black. She enjoys fangs and fake blood and the darkness of her soul. Meanwhile, Vlad is Vlad. If his name wasn’t enough, the dark clothing, pale skin, and flying around with a cape and fangs with coffins in his mansion really sells it.

Danny doesn’t know many rich people so he thinks this might be some kind of trend. (If Paulina is rich, her family likes the chupacabra) So he just thinks that all rich people have some kind of vampire thing going on.

Cue Danny somehow ending in the Wayne household. Maybe he was brought over as a friend of one of the bats, maybe rescued from a field trip/vacation gone wrong, maybe some other situation. But he is there in civilian form with civilian Waynes and Danny just takes a good long look around the inside of the mansion.

“So where’s the vampire aesthetic?

Everyone freezes.

Danny just starts looking around, checking behind paintings and feeling the walls for secret levers. Used to secret passages with Vlad and possibly Sam. The Fentons definitely had them when they were temporarily rich.

“Come on, I know you guys are hiding it.”

Cue the entire batfamily thinking that this is another Tim and that he is fully aware that these people are the batfamily. Danny hangs around the mansion more and the bats just start dropping their disguises and not even bothering to hide stuff around Danny because they assume he already knows. (Possibly even trying to recruit him to be a new bat) Meanwhile, Danny, who does not know these people are batman and his birds, just does not pick up on any of it.

He grew up in a health violation with a giant ballon observatory lab above his head and a portal to the afterlife in his basement. He is a half dead teenager who has tea with the god of time and his godfather is the other parent to his clone child. He’s used to death lazers being scattered across his home and mysterious stains on clothing.

People are weird! He doesn’t judge!