#but god am i ever so lonely... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fandomfloozy · 5 months ago

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living proof that you can be an amy your whole life and then suddenly you wake up one day and you're a jo (in a sad way)

#women are capable of so much more than to simply love and be loved #but god am i ever so lonely...#i like to think the march sisters are just different stages of your life yk #that sort of senseless inferiority you feel when youre young is when youre amy #that desperate way you cling to your childhood in your 20s wanting it all back while lamenting lost ambitions is jo #youre meg when you're settled into what your life is going to be like and youve learned who you are and youre learning contentment #and god if we can only hope to be half as good as beth when we're nearing our end #just *good* through and through and truly content with life and what it's allotted to us #im very jo right now...#but such is life when youre caught between.... everything #~°•*andy says things

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forestgreenlesbian · 14 days ago

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#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird #and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again #like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake #but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the #family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just #don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other #siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me #which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk #and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am #counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes #god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here

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transmechanicus · 15 days ago

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I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#my stuff #i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash #nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul #i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends #i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch #i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care #i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside #these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life #it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day #it never feels like enough. it probly never will #i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends #as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again #i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now #i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD #i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside #i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp #perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair

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triglycercule · 3 months ago

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ok ok you dont need to threaten me here's some art ☹️☹️☹️

appreciate now while you have it because doodles are rare coming from me (only tri-yearly. i cannot doodle for the life of me its hard 🙁)

#say hi to mr. rainbow butterfly pen on the hito mania dust page. he's there to keep it flat. you get to see him as a treat #guys (in particular nobody) let me be fr. i completely came up with the jk!mtt's dynamic because i felt lonely. OK sue me #a person's allowed to project their friendship and socialization need onto their favs ok..... im lonly........#school starts soon time to die i say as i sleep peacefully in my comfy bed #I HAVEN'T DONE MY SUMMER HOMEWORK!!!! AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#dust is soooo sasuke haraguchi core. he's SOOOO hito mania medicine coded. need dust content i miss him #i was giggling at jk!horror's expression in the bottom one. she is absolutely furious. the rage hidden behind that smile is comedic #this notebook paper is SO FUCKING GOOD OH GOD ITS ALL OVER THE SCREEN 🤤🤤🤤#it's so smooth to draw on i absolutely love it. and it's just soooo delectable i could eat this notebook #this is the notebook i previously mentioned. 2019 me ate this notebook up and now i am too because GODDAMN 😭😭😭#guys im so sorry i had a 4koma for the jk mtt im progress but then i decided to log onto hi3 #and then i got distracted for a day. or two. or three. sowwy for not posting :3 #drawing the mtt makes me :3 so bad its unreal. i only feel :3 when i see them /srs. they make me :3 they make me prrrr mrrwwwww moewwwwwrrr #killer sans #dust sans #horror sans #murder time trio #bad sanses #bad sans gang #nightmare's gang #tricule art #jk fashion au #guys would someone understand if i said that mtt was ✌��🤘🤙 coded. does someone get it. someone else HAS to understand #mtt and their random ass emojis i associate with them ✌️🤘🤙💙💜❤️✧☆♡🐱🐰🐶 UHHHHHGGHHHHthey are in everything #i forgot jk!dust's hairclips someone shoot me RIGHT NOW!#MY HANDWRITING IS SO ASS WTF #i have to add alt text just because this shit is so ass wtf i need to write properly #why is everything on paper you may ask? well its because drawing on digital is the most draining uncomfortable thing i've ever done. paper #I LITERALLY CANNOT GET USED TO DIGITAL. i just can't. i like having an ipad but i will always be better & more comfy on paper with pencil 🙁

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castdowns · 7 months ago

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the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

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kingdomoftyto · 7 months ago

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...BIG FEELS AND BIG PLOT DEVELOPMENTS AT THE END OF THAT BOOK, HUH

#Tyto reads WoF #i know it's not the most pressing issue what with the vengeful ex-Queen and the murderous sister and all #but I still want to point out how alarming it is that the new crew are all going to be wearing seemingly radioactive rocks as jewelry now #Turtle please don't pick up strange rocks that give off their own heat for the love of all that's good #ANYWAY yeah what the actual frick is going on with Darkstalker huh. I genuinely do NOT know whether he's trustworthy or not #desperately lonely and unfairly demonized? absolutely. truly cares about Moon as a friend? I think so.#capable of integrating peacefully into modern dragon society without letting his own ego turn him into the monster he denies ever being?#....... 😬 remains to be seen #god and there's Scarlet's mysterious new accomplice(?) with the maddeningly vague physical description and also THE SCROLL(!!!!)#and i just realized we failed to get resolutions in this book for EITHER the vision of Turtle attacking Anemone OR #Flame's unique and frightening ability to sense and/or attack mindreaders????#where the HECK are we going with Flame I am going lowkey INSANE over him #ugh frick and Umber and Sora are both on the run too...!! this book is nearly as cliffhangery as Dark Secret #(though thankfully i prepared for this by checking the next book out ahead of time so i wouldn't have to wait LOL)#uhh buhh final thoughts before i force myself to go to sleep:#I love Moon and everything going on with her but I do feel like on some level it's even more of a slap in the face for poor Starflight #that the only tribe to get multiple POV characters in this first. like. extended arc(?) appears to be the NightWings #and Starflight himself doesn't get any of the tribe's unique defining features or abilities #i mean i guess the same is sort of true of Sunny and yes i know it was the POINT of book 4 that the tribe had no powers #but still idk it just feels like kicking the poor boy when he's already down. in addition to him literally getting beaten up again #(... now watch me be a total fool and the arc actually extends past book 8 or something making this point moot lol)#(I'm only assuming it ends at 8 bc that's where the previews in the back of the previous books have stopped)#EDIT: LOL yep turns out this arc does extend out to book 10 and the other POVs are Turtle and Qibli so I stand corrected.#that's what I get for nightblogging

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dockaspbrak · 4 months ago

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Jobs for someone not cut out for real life but who excels at mimicry

#idfk #im like good at saying the right thing but i feel like in my heart i know #im a failure #i am not good at anything really in any stunning way. im ugly im hard to talk to #im good at liking many niches of music. im good at roleplay. im good at having fun sometimes #idk. i was so chipper last week #i feel like a pagliacci stupid clown whose life is in crumbles around him #i cant keep talking to people and seeing the contempt in their eyes when i fumble my words #i have a stutter now like. howd that happen i didnt when i was a kid #but a couple years ago it started and its been. worse in the last few months #im so like. i feel like such a failure #likea fake person who had so many opportunities to make my life real #pinocchioesque maybe #ughhh #im just feeling sorry for myself sorry guys #im trying to draw here at 1 am bc. i kinda drew something kinda nice the other night but #every compliment ive ever gotten feels unearned and like. a social lie #like imposter syndrome but im an imbecile for real and also the lamest person ever #i cant make friends. i seem to be annoying in an unnameable way to everyone who has ever met me but no one will have the decency to tell me #why #i have been longing for the past a bit lately too. nothing in particular though? just like.... how i felt about the future when i was young #and full of hope #i had a horrible childhood. i didnt enjoy being there and my dad always seemed preoccupied with the fact i would grow up and not want to #be his friend anymore?#but in an adult now and he seems to never have time for me #and he didnt back then either idk #i guess im sensitive to that. and i struggle myself #if smthing is transitory its unreliable and therefore i should wait it out #haha learned behavior!!! autism!!!! but god i feel so lonely and stupid. im gonna #draw my teddy bear giving me a hug

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l0rd-0f-c0ws · 3 months ago

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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun

#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much #anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events #ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people #or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know #ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD #welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on #surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like #yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part #to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably #not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day #yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name #this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this #and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it #and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly #but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me #or shown me much physical affection #my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on #but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while #ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit #i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart #then getting some footing #then it falling apart again #okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD #hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good #damn i gotta use that more #welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol

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swagging-back-to · 11 months ago

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tmw you have to block radfems for being anti vegan and block vegans for being anti feminism.

#:')#i am so lonely #i have like 3 vegan radfem moots #which is more than i have ever had in my life #i love you girlies so so much really #but god #it is so disheartening to have to block big bloggers in an already niche community #it is sooooo severely isolating #imo you really cant be radfem if youre still supporting animal agriculture #cows and hens.#but just the act of raising an entire living being just to murder them as a toddler. not even reaching adulthood.#i can kinda get why all vegans wouldnt be radfem but like. idk.#like vegans fretting over making sure they have vegan makeup. and their 100+ step skincare routine is all cruelty free #why would you be worried about it when you could just not wear it at all.

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ichigosoju · 6 months ago

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💭💗

#i feel so bored talking to everyone else who isnt him #(and i mostly mean guys... bc they're the only ones who talk to me lol 💀)#but also i wiiiish i could find a bf... (i'd want a gf too but sadly most women arent sapphic at all 🥲)#so yeah .. i feel so empty talking to others #i dont feel 'connected' to most ppl the way i felt connected to him #idk i feel like they dont listen to what i say or talk WITH me #they're just talking TO and AT me without even reading what i say #like this guy just asked me how im doing today #and i said bad bc of my period!!!!#and he was like awww cute #???? did u hear what i said tho....#idk i just feel like alone when i talk to ppl bc no one hears me it feels like #i just miss him sm #but he isnt messaging....#and since he just reads but dont interact w my messages now i only feel stupid #so i cant even message him even if i want to #god i hate this so much #i wanna diieeeee #losing his attention has made me feel more lonely than i've ever been before i cant take this #it also hurts bc he's talking to others #and he wants that #he wants to make more friends and talk to more ppl 🙃#god i feel almost a panic attack coming on just thinking abt that #here i am losing my mind he's not messaging me and he's out there giving his attention to others

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dandyshucks · 3 months ago

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my brother got turned down by a girl he ... has been referring to as his gf the past two weeks (? idk what went on there lol) and after my brother left the house my mum was kind of chatting w me about how hard it must be for young ppl these days to meet ppl and find ppl to date, and I was just kind of sitting there idly nodding along and wondering if she's ever thought about the fact that I've never been in a relationship before but all my siblings have 😭😭 two of them are in relationships rn and have been for over a year, and then this other sibling got dumped(?), and I'm over here like... 🧍 happily holding hands with fictional character....

#okay but i have technically been in a couple relationships but one lasted a week and the other lasted just under a month #and both were incredibly unhealthy and Very Bad for me so um. i havent been exactly eager to get into anything else fjdkdl #nobody in my family knew abt either one though djdkdl and thank god for that tbh #ANYWAYYY. i just wonder what my parents and siblings think abt it like. do they ever think abt it djdkdl #ngl ever since i started letting myself indulge in s.elfship stuff more I haven't been feeling terribly lonely so...#i think im good LOL #I'd Love to have smth irl but... i dont even have friends irl rn so DBDJDKL not gonna happen any time soon 😭#im honestly pretty content rn though shdkdl and i think w my abuse situation i wouldnt be able to have a Real relationship™#so Guz is good for me for now :] i am happy w what I've got djdkdl #yall if this doesnt make sense its bc i genuinely cannot focus rn fndksl I've zoned out like ten times typing this post LMAO #dandy.cmd

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jabeur · 6 months ago

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idk i keep feeling like i'll never be happy i'll just always feel this endless loneliness ans wrongness inside of me like i'm not meant for this world

#i wish at the end of a tiring day where i got things done at least i'd feel like i did good #and like things can be okay #and like i am not just a giant failure #but i'm here crying in bed while i just wish it was time to sleep already so i could not think and not feel #god. i feel pathetic. i feel lonely. i feel so sad. i feel like i'm just going to be miserable forever #and i know it can't be easy to get better but i wish so bad that i could just skip all this pain and sadness and shit #and get to when i'll be happy to be alive. if that day ever comes

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cetoddle · 5 months ago

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i’m so tired of daydreaming when can something good finally actually happen to me

#everyone always tells you to keep going and work towards the future you want #but i am trying and i’ve been trying so so hard for so god damn long #and nothings ever working out #and i don’t understand why #like the universe can’t even give me a little victory. everything i want never works out #everything i dream about is completely unobtainable for me #i don’t know what i did to deserve a life like this #im tired and im lonely and im sick of fighting every single day just for nothing #snow.txt

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c-nan · 2 months ago

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one second i’m okay then the next i’m like, wow i’m really fucking lonely and it’s all my fault