#but god am i ever so lonely... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fandomfloozy · 7 months ago

Text

living proof that you can be an amy your whole life and then suddenly you wake up one day and you're a jo (in a sad way)

#women are capable of so much more than to simply love and be loved #but god am i ever so lonely...#i like to think the march sisters are just different stages of your life yk #that sort of senseless inferiority you feel when youre young is when youre amy #that desperate way you cling to your childhood in your 20s wanting it all back while lamenting lost ambitions is jo #youre meg when you're settled into what your life is going to be like and youve learned who you are and youre learning contentment #and god if we can only hope to be half as good as beth when we're nearing our end #just *good* through and through and truly content with life and what it's allotted to us #im very jo right now...#but such is life when youre caught between.... everything #~°•*andy says things

3 notes · View notes

forestgreenlesbian · 2 months ago

Text

.

#my little brother is engaged :/#don’t know if any of you remember me posting about the whole situation like 8 months ago but i feel soo weird #and sad because i want to b happy for him but he’s six yrs older than her and she’s 19..#or i guess twenty now maybe whatever i feel so aggh. and he moved to a different country so i just feel like i’m never gonna see him again #like i knew this was coming they’re both super religious so i was like yeah they’re going to want to get married and have kids fast but.#it just feels crazy. i know that’s selfish but i have such a bad gut feeling about it that i can’t shake #but i can’t do anything about it so. idk. i just feel so lonely when things like this happen because i don't have anyone outside of the #family bubble to talk to about it. and obviously everyone else is like super happy for them. and it's not that i don't like her! i just #don't really? know her? at all which feels weird because we are a very close sibling group and i feel like i know & get on with my other #siblings' partners. i think it's partly like i just don't ever hang around people who are under twenty so she feels really young to me #which isn't her fault obviously but. do feel kind of scared for her getting married at twenty so she can start having babies.... idk idk #and obviously on top of that it's my younger brother so it does feel a little salt in the wound that he's moving on with his life and i am #counting it a win these days if i don't want to kms every three minutes #god it just sucks lol and i can't talk about it 2 anyone so i am venting here

28 notes · View notes

transmechanicus · 2 months ago

Text

I’m allowed one (1) vent of the colossal amounts of pressure my body and mind are under per month and i usually do my best to bury it in the early hours of the morning, so now that i’ve provided this valuable and important context:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#my stuff #i need to be beaten to death i need to be eaten alive i need to be slashed and stabbed and burned to ash #nothing i do will ever EVER be enough to make up for the existential guilt that gnaws at my soul #i’m hungry i’m tired i’m stressed about work and the safety and well-being of my family and friends #i miss my goddamn ex over a year after the end of a 6 month relationship like a pathetic wretch #i will never be pretty the way i wanted to be as a child and can only make myself enough of a freak that i don’t care #i want to be brutally harmed so the flesh of my body will show a fraction of the damage i feel inside #these wounds do not heal no matter how much i try to treat them with friendship and food and music and life #it is all insufficient. i was not supposed to live this long.#i try every day to be kind and to make the world a better place so that maybe just maybe i can say i earned the right to live that day #it never feels like enough. it probly never will #i’m so angry i’m so sad i feel incurable lonely no matter how much time i spend with friends #as soon as the call is over or i head home the darkness washes right back in and i feel like an abandoned cat on the roadside again #i want everything to be okay. It’s not right now #i want everyone i love to be warm to be safe to have enough to eat but I AM NOT GOD #i can’t fix everything no matter how much it makes me writhe inside #i’m a broke fucking grad student with a useless fucking project and they should bury me alive in the field research camp #perhaps a vegetable would cause less despair

13 notes · View notes

swaghaver69 · 8 days ago

Text

i feel a heavy pressure like someone is sitting on my chest making it so i can’t breathe whenever i think about how every single structure in society and social conditioning makes it so that women have no choice but to inevitably end up with a male and it is pushed so hard as the only possible viable option and it feels choking and inescapable (personal rambling vent in tags)

#even if we supposedly have more options now than ever before it still isn’t enough #it’s still a fight and a struggle to avoid #and i look around and almost every woman i know is shacked up with some dude in one form or another just to survive #even if she doesn’t like it or even actively hates it #like my mom #but she brainwashes herself to try to convince herself that she’s ok with it #it’s all so bleak #i know there is hope #and i’m currently biding my time until i can get out on my own and try to practice more female separatism type living styles etc #but it’s difficult and lonely especially when it feels like you’re the only woman you know trying to go for something like that #hell even my childhood best friend who i love dearly and she is very into women and does things with them regularly #even she is shacked up with some dude and it’s just like god that sucks but i don’t want to be a hater #and maybe i’m a hypocrite because i was with some guy for so long but i realized that it SUCKS and i didn’t have to be forced to stay there #and i left #but even that was tough! when it’s been drilled into my head my whole life that that is the only way i can be or do anything or exist!#i want to get out on my own do my own thing do this medical job get this degree go to med school do do my own thing #keep my name never give birth never get married unless it’s to a woman #i promised myself i would never get in a relationship with a man ever again and i am sticking to it 100% even if i have to fight these dudes #i work with to fuck off #it’s all just so tiring #but i’m getting there #i don’t care how nice or perfect supposedly some guy is because at the end of the day he’s still a guy #and i refuse to deal with that shit anymore or ever again #i should have never dealt with it in the first place but at least i know better now and i’ve learned and i know i’ll never go back #i want to read my books more often #and do more creative things #i’ve just felt very depressed and unmotivated because i feel like my life isn’t where it should be right now #but i went to the therapist today and she said i’m actually making a lot of progress and i shouldn’t compare myself to other people #which it’s very difficult not to but yeah #idk i’m still trying to get my shit together but so is everybody else

3 notes · View notes

castdowns · 9 months ago

Text

the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed

#castdowns.txt #i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them #i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay #like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad #like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired #i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever #and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong #its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time #yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me #everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want #it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter #it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again #and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone #i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something #*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely

10 notes · View notes

kingdomoftyto · 9 months ago

Text

...BIG FEELS AND BIG PLOT DEVELOPMENTS AT THE END OF THAT BOOK, HUH

#Tyto reads WoF #i know it's not the most pressing issue what with the vengeful ex-Queen and the murderous sister and all #but I still want to point out how alarming it is that the new crew are all going to be wearing seemingly radioactive rocks as jewelry now #Turtle please don't pick up strange rocks that give off their own heat for the love of all that's good #ANYWAY yeah what the actual frick is going on with Darkstalker huh. I genuinely do NOT know whether he's trustworthy or not #desperately lonely and unfairly demonized? absolutely. truly cares about Moon as a friend? I think so.#capable of integrating peacefully into modern dragon society without letting his own ego turn him into the monster he denies ever being?#....... 😬 remains to be seen #god and there's Scarlet's mysterious new accomplice(?) with the maddeningly vague physical description and also THE SCROLL(!!!!)#and i just realized we failed to get resolutions in this book for EITHER the vision of Turtle attacking Anemone OR #Flame's unique and frightening ability to sense and/or attack mindreaders????#where the HECK are we going with Flame I am going lowkey INSANE over him #ugh frick and Umber and Sora are both on the run too...!! this book is nearly as cliffhangery as Dark Secret #(though thankfully i prepared for this by checking the next book out ahead of time so i wouldn't have to wait LOL)#uhh buhh final thoughts before i force myself to go to sleep:#I love Moon and everything going on with her but I do feel like on some level it's even more of a slap in the face for poor Starflight #that the only tribe to get multiple POV characters in this first. like. extended arc(?) appears to be the NightWings #and Starflight himself doesn't get any of the tribe's unique defining features or abilities #i mean i guess the same is sort of true of Sunny and yes i know it was the POINT of book 4 that the tribe had no powers #but still idk it just feels like kicking the poor boy when he's already down. in addition to him literally getting beaten up again #(... now watch me be a total fool and the arc actually extends past book 8 or something making this point moot lol)#(I'm only assuming it ends at 8 bc that's where the previews in the back of the previous books have stopped)#EDIT: LOL yep turns out this arc does extend out to book 10 and the other POVs are Turtle and Qibli so I stand corrected.#that's what I get for nightblogging

6 notes · View notes

l0rd-0f-c0ws · 4 months ago

Text

I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun

#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much #anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events #ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people #or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know #ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD #welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on #surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like #yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part #to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably #not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day #yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name #this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this #and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it #and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly #but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me #or shown me much physical affection #my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on #but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while #ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit #i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart #then getting some footing #then it falling apart again #okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD #hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good #damn i gotta use that more #welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol

2 notes · View notes

swagging-back-to · 1 year ago

Text

tmw you have to block radfems for being anti vegan and block vegans for being anti feminism.

#:')#i am so lonely #i have like 3 vegan radfem moots #which is more than i have ever had in my life #i love you girlies so so much really #but god #it is so disheartening to have to block big bloggers in an already niche community #it is sooooo severely isolating #imo you really cant be radfem if youre still supporting animal agriculture #cows and hens.#but just the act of raising an entire living being just to murder them as a toddler. not even reaching adulthood.#i can kinda get why all vegans wouldnt be radfem but like. idk.#like vegans fretting over making sure they have vegan makeup. and their 100+ step skincare routine is all cruelty free #why would you be worried about it when you could just not wear it at all.

7 notes · View notes

ichigosoju · 7 months ago

Text

💭💗

#i feel so bored talking to everyone else who isnt him #(and i mostly mean guys... bc they're the only ones who talk to me lol 💀)#but also i wiiiish i could find a bf... (i'd want a gf too but sadly most women arent sapphic at all 🥲)#so yeah .. i feel so empty talking to others #i dont feel 'connected' to most ppl the way i felt connected to him #idk i feel like they dont listen to what i say or talk WITH me #they're just talking TO and AT me without even reading what i say #like this guy just asked me how im doing today #and i said bad bc of my period!!!!#and he was like awww cute #???? did u hear what i said tho....#idk i just feel like alone when i talk to ppl bc no one hears me it feels like #i just miss him sm #but he isnt messaging....#and since he just reads but dont interact w my messages now i only feel stupid #so i cant even message him even if i want to #god i hate this so much #i wanna diieeeee #losing his attention has made me feel more lonely than i've ever been before i cant take this #it also hurts bc he's talking to others #and he wants that #he wants to make more friends and talk to more ppl 🙃#god i feel almost a panic attack coming on just thinking abt that #here i am losing my mind he's not messaging me and he's out there giving his attention to others

4 notes · View notes

dandyshucks · 5 months ago

Text

my brother got turned down by a girl he ... has been referring to as his gf the past two weeks (? idk what went on there lol) and after my brother left the house my mum was kind of chatting w me about how hard it must be for young ppl these days to meet ppl and find ppl to date, and I was just kind of sitting there idly nodding along and wondering if she's ever thought about the fact that I've never been in a relationship before but all my siblings have 😭😭 two of them are in relationships rn and have been for over a year, and then this other sibling got dumped(?), and I'm over here like... 🧍 happily holding hands with fictional character....

#okay but i have technically been in a couple relationships but one lasted a week and the other lasted just under a month #and both were incredibly unhealthy and Very Bad for me so um. i havent been exactly eager to get into anything else fjdkdl #nobody in my family knew abt either one though djdkdl and thank god for that tbh #ANYWAYYY. i just wonder what my parents and siblings think abt it like. do they ever think abt it djdkdl #ngl ever since i started letting myself indulge in s.elfship stuff more I haven't been feeling terribly lonely so...#i think im good LOL #I'd Love to have smth irl but... i dont even have friends irl rn so DBDJDKL not gonna happen any time soon 😭#im honestly pretty content rn though shdkdl and i think w my abuse situation i wouldnt be able to have a Real relationship™#so Guz is good for me for now :] i am happy w what I've got djdkdl #yall if this doesnt make sense its bc i genuinely cannot focus rn fndksl I've zoned out like ten times typing this post LMAO #dandy.cmd

3 notes · View notes

c-nan · 3 months ago

Text

one second i’m okay then the next i’m like, wow i’m really fucking lonely and it’s all my fault

#and it’s not like i’m not surrounded by ppl who love me it’s just #i miss friends. i miss hanging out. i miss feeling like ppl other than my mom want me there #idk. idk.#hanging out with friends next weekend hopefully it will be what i need #have to also make an effort to exist and be human and talk and put myself out there #but god i haven’t done it in so long idek how. idek if i ever knew how #high school was so much easier. i had my beloved friends and i felt like i belonged and they loved me and i loved them #and i still do #i wish we talked more. i wish we hung out more. i miss them so much #i miss feeling wanted. valued.#idk #why is being an adult so hard and lonely #why do i keep holding myself back #why am i wasting my life #what do i do to change #i want to change so bad #pls let me be someone else

1 note · View note

chonnyjashh · 1 year ago

Text

Okay but I really do need attention right now where the fuck did everyone go?

4 notes · View notes

widevibratobitch · 11 months ago

Text

aaaaaaand it's starting. mom's bestie just texted me asking to come over this weekend cause it's Bad and it's probably the last chance to talk and maybe say goodbye to my mom's husband and i need to take care of her. god. i wont get through this weekend unless im high or drunk istg.

#time to slightly overdose my depression meds again ig lol #anyway. it is a little better with me these last two weeks. turns out the meds do work when you actually take em regularly #but first my best friend's break up that she's blowing up to unimaginable size #acting as if she just got divorced with the love of her life after 20 years #and not ended a few months long relationship with a guy who's been the source of most of her troubles since the moment they started dating #(ofc she's valid and id never tell her that because like. i get it. some people feel stuff more deeply. but its hard to be supportive #when you genuinely feel like this is the best possible outcome for her and that the relationship was only dragging her down all this time)#and now this. and this is gonna be infinitely worse. and then it's gonna get a million times worse when he actually does die.#and i feel like the worst most selfish person ever which like. probably am. but i did tell my cousin who actually knows my mom really well #and she said she understands and that my fears ARE valid because SHE'S terrified of how she's gonna handle my mom #and she wouldn't wanna be me in that situation cause it's gonna be so much worse for me lmao #like i feel like people who know my mother casually really dont understand just how unhinged emotionally she is #anyway. i feel so overwhelmed. i cant handle this jesus.#but im also emotionally unavailable and refuse to actually confide in another person because i dont want to be a bother <3333 #god i love tumblr. i can literally type anything in those tags lol it's the perfect form of venting since you can just scroll by #but i will still have let it out of myself anyway uwu i literally dont need that therapy fr #anyway. i feel so unbelievably fucking lonely and on one hand it's my own fault for withdrawing and refusing to ask for help.#but on the other hand. i AM alone. like there's no one who can help me in this particular situation.#i have no siblings. obviously my dad isnt gonna help. it all falls down to me. good god. i wanna throw up.

3 notes · View notes

maybemoonbeams · 2 years ago

Text

anyone wanna reblog this and tell me in the tags what your current hyperfixation(s) is\are becuase i

#am having a category 7 autism moment over pipe organs #i do not remember the last time i opened up the wikipedia page for something to read recreationally #i initially sought out the list of the biggest ones (because large)and had to step down to the main page first because theres all this ling #and i wanna know what everything does #the music itself has to be a pretty specific vibe for me to like it bc if theyre not played a certain way it gets really cacophonous for me #but the instruments themselves are fucking monsters and playing them seems less like performing on a instrument #and more like harmonizing with a great beast #you start it with a key??#it takes all of your limbs and the thing is constantly breathing #the sound will continue for as long as you hold the note it will not dissipate???#you can record things and play them back it will even remember stop settings it has memory??#stops control how the pipes sound if youve ever heard of pulling out all the stops this is that #theyre like orchestras able to be played by a single person some of them even have voice sounds #the people who play these things are also their own type of beast #pipe organists are wild because god there's just so much #it scratches my loner badass complex so acutely #a lonely person shouldering an entire symphony contrasting against scores of people playing a single piece together as one #you could write an anime about this #did everyone else just already understand about these things or #blake.txt #good tags

12 notes · View notes

dynjay · 2 years ago

Text

I AM MOVING IN 2 WEEKS AND GETTING MY OWN PLACE ALL TO MYSELF HOOYEAH!!!!!!

#dyntalks #holy SHIT you guys #you guys have no idea how STOKED I am #GOD #IT'LL BE MY SPACE #MINE!!!#HAHAHAHA #and I won't be alone either I'll literally have at least 2 people close to me in very near proximity if I ever get lonely :DD #I am SO excited for this you guys aaaaaAAAAA #words cannot describe how happy I am that this is even an option sobs #I never made nearly enough to be able to support this kind of lifestyle without getting horrendously stressed about finances #I mean I'm still a little bc furnishing a home can get p expensive #but it doesn't have to be you know?

12 notes · View notes

not-rome · 1 year ago

Text

i'm a simple man aka this moment made me cry

#remus talks #i cried over this because god i want this #please i am so lonely #it's been over a year since i read this and i still think about it #just think about this boy you love so desperately asking you for all your birthdays and he'll give you his #i would give him literally anything he ever wants #it's just the love and tenderness #the way he reaches out so sasaki looks at him and listens #(even though sasaki always listens to him because he loves him)#i should finish the anime but i am so attached to the manga it's hard

3 notes · View notes