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mcybank · 2 years ago

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✶ ━━ THE 1 ; B.H

summary: two months after the breakup, billy finally had something to say to you.

pairing: billy hargrove x fem!reader

warnings: angst, angst, angst. literally angst galore. also billy acting very much like not-billy. he's kinda a complete simp

Two months had passed since you'd heard his voice. You wished you could say those sixty days flew by in the blink of an eye ━ and that you didn't a few minutes in each hour of the day thinking about what he was up to ━ but you'd be lying if you said that.

Although you knew ━ were warned, several times, in fact, ━ to never get in a position with Billy Hargrove which might lead you to have to move on from him, you did it anyway. It was easier telling your friends that a guy like Billy wasn't worth the effort and that he cared about nobody but himself until the said person made you believe he cared about you, too. Oh, and he did. He made you feel cared for and loved but quite like everything with Billy, it came at a cost.

Sure, he caressed your face with the gentleness that made you believe you were the most precious thing in his life. In fact, the few times he managed to say something remotely cheesy, it was along the lines of you being oh, so terribly precious to him.

And he didn't just fool you.

He fooled the entire school ━ he made them mull over how you got him to settle down, to stop giving it out to every girl who looked in his direction, and you didn't know how you did that either.

You spent the better part of the two months thinking why he pretended to care when he never truly cared. Now, you'd given up on deconstructing the words and actions of the complex Billy Hargrove. You were at peace with yourself and the breakup. Steve Harrington had asked why you were bawling your eyes out on the way to school when you were the one who'd broken up with him.

You didn't want to break up with him. But it seemed that during the last argument Billy pushed you into breaking up with him, almost as if he wanted it but was too coward to initiate it himself.

So, you did. What else could you do when he explicitly stated he couldn't meet your needs and that he wasn't going to try to, either. You knew better than to stay with somebody who didn't love you as much as you loved them merely because you loved them. And after two months, you didn't want to know about a mere fragment of his life.

Perhaps that was what lead you to leave the lunch table of cheerleaders, the ones you called your friends when they started talking about how Billy Hargrove hooked up with a girl in the band. It felt as if everybody forgot about your relationship with Billy, forgotten enough of your history to gossip about what he spent the night doing ━ or who he spent the night doing.

The slight breeze caught onto your hair, causing it to flow directly in front of your face. Or that breeze might've been the man who took his seat beside you on the grass ━ the man who didn't cause a breeze in your life, but the man who brought a turbulent storm at his tail behind him into your life.

You didn't have to crane your neck to see who was sitting beside you. The pungent scent of cigarettes and statement cologne drifted into your nostrils and you were reminded of him.

You didn't say anything, not even when you felt the electric blue eyes burning holes into the side of your face.

A minute passed, or maybe ten minutes had passed because it sure felt like it.

"Not gonna say anything, huh?" Your mind ran into a wall of emotions on its own accord as you took in his voice after two months. Yet you didn't speak. You didn't want to. So, he continued, "No? Fine ━ fuck, fine."

A rough sigh escaped his lips as you watched him tugging at the ends of his hair from your periphery. "You're not gonna talk?" he said tauntingly, but you could detect the layer of desperation underneath his words. "I'll talk, then. You're ━ You're a terrible person, you know that?"

Your nose scrunched up at his words and you couldn't help but feel offended. That almost willed you to reply, but you held onto your resolve firmly.

"You left. You left just like that." He punctuated his words by snapping his fingers, tongue diving to lick his lower lip. "You'd think I should get a warning, huh? I mean, in the five months we were together, not once did you insinuate breaking up and suddenly, that is what you wanted to do?"

You wanted to laugh at him, tell him he was talking irrationally, but before you could he continued his stupid-fucking-monologue.

"I know I wasn't great ━ hell, I might have been the worst kin'a guy you dated but we had something. I fuckin' know we did, alright?"

"Before ━"

"Shut up, I'm trying really god-damn hard to pretend you're not here so I can say this to you," he said, cutting you off.

Your lips smacked together as you realized what he was doing. He was giving you everything he felt, something you'd nearly begged him to do when you were in a relationship with him. And though you knew there was almost no chance of getting to that point with him again, you wanted to know how he felt for once. Completely uncovered and open.

"Where was I? Yeah, we had something. You can't tell me we didn't because, on my car, Y/N, you know you'd be lying. I know I fucked up, but was it that easy for you to kick me to the curb? Walk around the school not even looking at me? Like shit, it took you one night to completely forget about me? After you spent nearly every night for five months on your bed with me?

You know what, you said everything you had to say. Left without even letting me fight for us and, fuck, you know I would've."

You opened your mouth but no words came out.

He barked out an unamused laugh. "Yeah, that's what I fuckin' thought." He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "Alright then, I'm out."

And before you could take your next breath, he was standing up and walking away from you.

It was Friday, which meant Neil and Susan wouldn't be home.

When you knocked on Billy's door, you would either face Max or Billy on the other end of it. You weren't sure if Billy had gone to a party, and a part of you hoped he had because you were dreading what you were going to say.

If this went in the ideal direction, you and Billy would come out of it having the closure the two of you needed.

You didn't know Billy was holding that much in. Hell, you had to skip the rest of the school day after that just so you could wrap your mind around him. If you believed his words, that meant he truly cared. And you couldn't help but believe his words because they sounded more real than anything else he'd ever said.

"Oh, Y/N." Max's voice broke you away from your thoughts as she opened the front door. "I didn't know you were coming. Are you ━ um, are you here to see Billy?" Her eye twitched as she stared at your conflicted expression.

"Actually, I'm just going to ━" You cut yourself off, rolling your eyes at yourself and how you had become the coward you always claimed Billy was. "I am. Is he home?"

Max slowly nodded, opening the front door wider to let you in. You could hear the bass of his music from his room, and you patted Max's head instinctively before striding towards his door.

You knocked once. Then twice.

"Not now, Max." His voice came from the other end and you almost walked away. Again.

You knocked again.

"Shit, what could you even fucking want? Come in."

You opened the door, and Billy didn't even look up at the door when you walked in. He was looking through his music while sitting cross-legged on the floor, his back turned to you.

You walked as slowly as you could, peeking at the burning end of his cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth before sitting down behind him.

"You're wrong," you said. He instantly turned around, but before he could face you, you grabbed his cheeks and tilted his head away. "Don't look at me, I can't say this knowing you're here. And don't speak"

And that was why you and Billy were similar. He never wanted to show his emotions unless they were happy or angry. You wanted to, but you couldn't. You tried your best for him, though.

"You were wrong when you said it was easy for me. It was the hardest decision I ever made, Billy. But did you give me any other choice? You didn't show up for our date once again, then followed up by telling me you can't meet my needs."

You heard a sharp intake of breath as his fingers finally moved away from fingering through his cassettes and resting on the floor. He didn't speak, though.

"I know we had something, but I doubted that you knew that. It didn't feel like you thought that in the last few weeks of us being together. I'm not the kind of girl to stick around for a guy ━ no matter how much I love him ━ if I have to convince him to treat me like his girlfriend all the time instead of only when it's convenient for him." You were sure your voice would've cracked by now. It definitely did when you practiced this in the comfort of your room. And maybe a few tears fell, too.

"I might have made it seem like you were the only person who fucked up in our relationship, but that's not true. I fucked up so many times, too, but what the difference was ━" You coughed, not knowing whether or not to continue.

You didn't go there to tell Billy why he was a terrible boyfriend at times. You were done villainizing him after you broke up with him. Because yes, he wasn't perfect, but he wasn't the worst you'd had like he thought he was.

"The difference was?" he prompted, clearing his throat after realizing how scratchy his voice sounded just then. He didn't sound angry, just curious and perhaps a little intrigued. He didn't turn around, though, even though you could see he was itching to do so.

"I wanted to fix my mistakes instead of pushing them under the rug. And it was fine ━ you acting completely fine after doing something to make me upset ━ at first. But then you did it more and more until I was tired of it. And you told me you didn't want to stop, you told me that ━" Your sentence broke off into a hiccup as you felt the first few beads of tears roll down your eyes.

"I told you that you weren't worth me changing myself for," he said with remorse, completing your sentence. And that was when your defense crumpled and you let out a sob you felt all the way to your toes.

He cursed under his breath, his hand rubbing against his forehead. "I still can't turn around?" he asked, voice lower, in a way you'd never heard him speak to anybody before. He sounded concerned, way more concerned than he'd ever sounded. And oh, so regretful.

You didn't answer but you couldn't help but rest your head against his back, tears immediately falling to soak into his muscle tank. You noticed how his biceps flexed momentarily before he said, "You never let me fight for us. And you know I'm so good at that."

"Fighting?" you asked, words muffled by your cries. "Yeah, you are good at fighting."

"I'm sorry, Billy," you said instantly. "I ━ I don't know. I didn't think you needed closure."

"I couldn't show it when you seemed so . . . done with me," he said with a dry chuckle.

"I couldn't show you I wasn't because you seemed so done with me," you argued back, quieting down a bit.

"Let me fucking turn around, Y/N." You nodded your head against his back and he was quick to shift his stance.

Before you could take his face in, you were engulfed in his embrace. You felt a tear hitting your head, but that was it.

Billy rarely cried. And the burst of emotion today? It was unexpected and so very not-Billy-Hargrove.

"And I'm ... I'm sorry, too. I guess," he said, slightly shrugging his shoulders. "I wasn't great but I love ━ loved ━ you more than anybody else can. Trust me. I was scared, I'on know. Didn't wanna scare y'away."

And you didn't say anything to that. But you knew that you and Billy Hargrove had unfinished business. The random confrontation two months later following up hearing about him and the band-girl hooking up was exactly that ━ random. But you could only hope you would end up getting more than just closure with Billy.

#billy hargrove #billy x reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy #stranger things #stranger things imagines #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove oneshot #billy hargrove angst #stranger things angst #angst #stranger things season 4

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thelustybraavosimaid · 3 years ago

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What if George created Jonerys and Jonrya to be red herrings for Jonan?

Jon's "pre-canon crush" was for no one other than Old Nan, but this isn't explicitly stated in the text. But just because it isn't mentioned on page doesn't mean the evidence doesn't exist.

It's very clear to me that Jonan is kicking off first thing next book. When he finds out that there was a fake Arya in Winterfell, he's going to be hellbent on rescuing Old Nan and taking over the castle to be there for his future wife. Also consider these quotes:

Benjen Stark stood up. "More's the pity." He put a hand on Jon's shoulder. "Come back to me after you've fathered a few bastards of your own, and we'll see how you feel."

Jon trembled. "I will never father a bastard," he said carefully. "Never!" He spat it out like venom.

It was only once, and it had to be. Even my father stumbled once, when he forgot his marriage vows and sired a bastard. Jon vowed to himself that it would be the same with him. It will never happen again.

"You're bastard-born yourself. And if Ygritte does not want a child, she will go to some woods witch and drink a cup o' moon tea. You do not come into it, once the seed is planted."

"I will not father a bastard."

Tormund shook his shaggy head. "What fools you kneelers be. Why did you steal the girl if you don't want her?"

When the dreams took him, he found himself back home once more, splashing in the hot pools beneath a huge white weirwood that had his father's face. Ygritte was with him, laughing at him, shedding her skins till she was naked as her name day, trying to kiss him, but he couldn't, not with his father watching. He was the blood of Winterfell, a man of the Night's Watch. I will not father a bastard, he told her. I will not. I will not. "You know nothing, Jon Snow," she whispered, her skin dissolving in the hot water, the flesh beneath sloughing off her bones until only skull and skeleton remained, and the pool bubbled thick and red.

It is very clear to me that the last story Old Nan will gift Jon is a child - a bastard, but the very next Prince that was Promised.

#jon x old nan #jonan

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silverbastardgoldenfool · 4 years ago

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Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Quest

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Keep in mind I’m writing this months after finishing the book lol (it’s mental illness innit). I have LOTS of notes to go off but yeah, things aren’t as fresh in my mind overall. With that said the biggest difference I can think of between my first and second experience with AQ is my feelings towards Kettricken. I think the first time around reading you know that Fitz is an unreliable narrator but you are still limited by his viewpoint so you can get a bit trapped seeing things the way he does. For this reason, I think I pretty much just forgave Kettricken when he did on my first read, whereas on this read I was like……. Waiting for her to actually apologise and show some sympathy towards Fitz and it just…. Never happened.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I still love Kettricken as a character and I fully recognise that she has been traumatised. I don’t expect her to be nice or act rationally, and in the case of being willing to take Nettle for the crown… It’s cold but she’s doing what she feels she has to. My issue is - do what you have to, but don’t expect Fitz to understand or forgive you (same with Starling). But I think what bothered me the most was how Kettricken would constantly confide in Fitz and break down to him and he was always there to let her do so, yet she NEVER gives Fitz the chance to do the same. The one time he does “open up” in a sense is when she forces him to air out his traumas in front of everyone, and she didn’t show him any sympathy for what he’d been through then or later. She has been through hell, absolutely, but while her plight may not have been any better than Fitz’s it certainly wasn’t any worse. She pretty much had two modes in this book: completely cold or a crying wreck - but she was only ever crying for herself. She lets Fitz console her but she never consoles him. Again, this is a result of her own trauma and I don’t expect her to act any differently, but it just reaffirmed for me that while she and Fitz care for each other deeply it is not an equal relationship. Fitz feels an obligation to serve her and she - knowingly or not - takes advantage of that. Like, after realising that this is their dynamic it is so obvious that the same is true in Royal Assassin as well, and it will be interesting to see how it changes (or doesn’t) in Tawny Man as I don’t remember it well enough to say.

Must reiterate: Kettricken is still a great character and I still have a lot of respect for her, unfortunately she just falls into the overfull camp of people who love Fitz but have an unhealthy power dynamic with him.

The other big difference I noticed was that the Verity stuff just wasn’t as devastating this time. Not because it was any less sad but it just didn’t tear out my heart like it did the first time. That’s not a fault with the writing at all, I think it’s just the fact that, knowing what would happen to Verity and that we wouldn’t see the real Verity again, I kind of already let go of him at the end of Royal Assassin.

Something you can’t believe you forgot

I guess more of a misinterpretation/wishful thinking but like, realising that there is no passage explicitly stating that Fitz and the Fool were actually spooning in the mountains murdered me and spat on my corpse.

Oh also!!! Fitz yeeting himself out the window at Tradeford castle jskaskjf

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

I love Kettle in general and the way we’re introduced to her as a cranky old lady sets her up perfectly

Favourite character arcs

Man they’re all so fucking sad lol but I guess the Fool? He goes from thinking Fitz is dead and his purpose failed to reuniting with Fitz, their relationship growing into something really real for the first time, and actually completing his mission - at least for now lol. This book is really the first time you get to see the Fool be properly vulnerable. Even when he was getting beaten up by Regal’s guards he always had his veneer of snark and superiority to hide behind - and I doubt when he went through his sicknesses at Buckkeep he would have revealed his weakness to anyone in order to be helped. But in the mountains he lets so much of that facade of the King’s Fool fall away - at least when it’s just him and Fitz. When he and Fitz meet again he lets Fitz see his grief and pain and hopelessness and joy as the Fool looks after Fitz, and then later when it’s the Fool who needs looking after he lets Fitz look after him. When was the last time the Fool had anyone really care for him like that, ya know? Had someone protect him purely out of love? Ouch dude!!!!

Also he gets to kiss Fitz at the end so good for him!!!!!!!!!! Be gay ride dragons!!

Favourite quote/s

“I would kill Regal. It only seemed fair. He had killed me first.”

“I had looked into the heart of my enemy. I still could not comprehend him.”

“The more I drank, the less tolerable my situation seemed. And the more intolerable I became to my friends.”

“I had never thought to be disdained by a tree.”

“The Fool, the Fool, only the Fool. I sought for him. I almost found him. Oh, he was passing strange, and surpassing strange. He darted and eluded me, like a bright gold carp in a weedy pool, like the motes that dance before one’s eyes after being dazzled by the sun. As well to clutch at the moon’s reflection in a still midnight pond as to seek a grip on that bright mind. I knew his beauty and his power in the briefest flashes of insight. In a moment I understood and marvelled at all that he was, and in the next I had forgotten that understanding.”

“When you can either laugh or cry, you might as well laugh.” - the Fool

Favourite relationships

Fitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolfitzandthefoolbahslbghabfhalgngjba

Also fitz and nighteyes (speaking of which, Nighteyes’ arc in this book is also fascinating and surprisingly complex) and Fitz/Nighteyes/Fool mwah magnifico chef’s kiss

Favourite setting

Kelsingra baybeyyy. I remember the first time reading this having no fucking clue what was happening in that chapter but I guess it was the gay agenda all along

Favourite chapter

It’s gotta be the chapter where Fitz and the Fool reunite, right? Catch me just gradually losing my grip on reality with every lingering stare

Most loved character

Foooooooooool

Most hated character

Ya know, for a minute I was actually wondering if I would like Starling this time round but yeah no lol. She was actually okay for a while but as soon as she sold Fitz/Nettle out she became The Worst, just as I remembered her. It’s not even because she betrays Fitz but because, like Kettricken, she expects Fitz to forgive her for it, to the point of running to tattle to the queen because Fitz isn’t giving her enough attention (I’m also not impressed with Kettricken for actually getting involved instead of just telling her to grow up). Not to mention her constantly misgendering/gendering (??) the Fool or just assuming the Fool’s gender and loudly fucking proclaiming it to everybody is just truly fucking disgusting. Like I cannot even explain how furious I was reading her incessantly using she/her pronouns for the Fool despite no confirmation that her theory is right or that the Fool is comfortable with this and despite EVERYONE ELSE using he/him pronouns. God I’m mad now lol. She just acts like a spoilt brat and it makes my blood boil. But that’s probably because I have known many people like this so… Good character writing lol congrats

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

The whole first chapter/s are just so heavy and carry on that gut wrenching feeling from the end of Royal Assassin. Fitz just has no real desire to live and watching him systematically severing the last few ties he has to his human life is just so sad.

Even though I wasn’t as attached to Verity this time, his goodbye to Fitz still made me cry

As did Fitz giving Kettle her skill back

Verity using Fitz’s body to have sex with Kettricken really got to me this time, mostly because I either didn’t notice the first time or had forgotten just how much it affects Fitz. It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to acknowledge Dutiful as his son when the event that brought that fact into being was so fucked up and traumatic. It’s really upsetting.

Burrich saying he almost took Fitz to Chivalry and he should have never let the Farseers take Fitz just …… breaks my heart. Just seeing Burrich so raw like that in general is so unusual it really takes you aback.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Strap in lads this part is lonnnngggggggg

Is it bad to immediately want to cry just from seeing “Sandsedge” on the map and thinking of Sandsedge brandy

I never really thought about how poor Hap didn’t get the real Fitz all those years and how their relationship could have been if Fitz hadn’t been partially forged

Pls I have no idea why but to picture someone as emotionally repressed as Fitz actually sitting down and writing about his life makes me want to fucking cryyyyeeeee

Fitz in the prologue talks about needing a purpose as something to distract himself from sinking [into his chronic pain, mental illness and addiction] and boy howdy if that ain’t relatable. As someone with mental illness and chronic pain Fitz is just painfully relatable way too often.

“I have never forgiven myself the triumph I ceded him when I took poison and died.” Fitz :(((( my guy :((((((( forgive yourself for surviving however you could baby!!!!!

This book mentions Bingtown providing slaves to Chalced

It’s so funny to me when people expect Fitz to have social skills as if he didn’t literally live as a fucking wolf for weeks at a time. It’s a miracle he bloody speaks

The state Fitz is in at the beginning of this book was literally Burrich’s greatest fear for him, yet Burrich doesn’t just say I told you so and leave. He stays, is patient and even optimistic.

“He (Burrich) is not bigger than I.” Why does this feel so wrong lol??? I just can’t picture Fitz as bigger than Burrich

“When you were younger and not supposed to go into taverns without me…” So it’s fine if the child goes into taverns and gets drunk as long as you’re also there. Got it, Burrich.

Fitz calling Chade “the grey one” wow get rekd old man river

Seeing Chade and Burrich interact is so bizarre

Fitz is still having seizures at the beginning of this book! I had forgotten that

God okay so idk if I can articulate this point super well but the whole thing of Fitz going through this extensive abuse and then essentially becoming an animal feels like a metaphor for the way your brain’s “higher” needs and functions just shut off sometimes under certain levels of stress. Like in order to cope with the trauma you don’t think about concepts, or long-term goals, or other people. You just take care of your basic needs - food, sleep, shelter, water - long enough that you start to feel safe and secure again, at which point your brain can open up a bit more and allow you to really think again; to want again, to plan again etc. Like obviously literally becoming an animal is a heightened version of reality, but the functionality of it is the same; our wounds and our fear stop us from fully embodying ourselves.

Burrich be like, Fitz was getting way too dependent on drugs before all this so let’s steer clear of those. :) LET’S GET HIM ABSOLUTELY SHITFACED INSTEAD

I love how Fitz has his own unique relationship with Lacey and she’s not just Patience’s servant in his mind

Fitz talking about how even his memories from before his time in the dungeons are soiled by his trauma :( baby boy

Dude it’s so rich Chade lecturing Fitz about not making a life for himself, having friends or just chilling out like???? WHO TRAINED HIM TO BE AN ASSASSIN CHADE?? Like I get your point but what the hell kind of life did you think he was gonna have? Who ever took the time to teach him the importance of making connections with people for their own sake, and when would he have ever had the time anyway? I think Chade himself doesn’t actually know what he expects from Fitz.

Fitz saying he’s bad at making decisions because he’s never actually been allowed to make any is literally a point I’ve made lol. This is what happens when you teach teenagers how to murder in lieu of any basic life skills.

Burrich + Chiv were luv at first sight. No I will not elaborate.

“We kept you a boy, looked after you too much.” Huh??????? Fitz was never fucking sheltered lol. He didn’t have autonomy. There’s a difference.

I’m so fucking glad Fitz hugged Burrich before he left and that they actually left off on okay-ish terms. I didn’t remember that and it vaguely dulls the blow of knowing we don’t see Burrich again til Fool’s Fate (and that he thinks Fitz is dead the entire time between now and then).

“If I shaved my hair back from my brow” bitch disgusting

“Honey was the older of the two women. Perhaps my age.” jskfjnajgbl my guy those aren’t women then those are children!!!!!! U freak

I was wondering for ages why Fitz doesn’t mention the Fool like literally at all bc that’s so unusual right? Even in Assassin’s Apprentice he thinks of him when he goes to Moonseye and just in general the Fool usually enters Fitz’s thoughts pretty frequently. So why now, when Fitz doesn’t even know if the Fool is okay, is he just not thinking about him? And then I realised that that is exactly why. Because the only two people from his old life he doesn’t think about are the two people whose fates he knows nothing of: Kettricken and the Fool. So he can let his mind wander to think what Patience and Lacey might be up to at Buckkeep, or who Molly is with or whatever, because he knows they are all safe. But in such a fragile state I don’t think he can bring himself to really wonder whether Kettricken and the Fool made it to their destination - he probably doesn’t really believe they could have, and that is far too painful a road to go down when you are trying not to think at all.

I know the first act of this book is slow and that bothers some people, but I think it is so necessary, not only for Fitz’s arc but also because it really demonstrates just how severe the situation has gotten with the red ships and forged ones AND it shows just how destructive a king Regal is. Without this perspective it would probably be much harder to buy that the extreme measures taken at the end of the book are really worth the sacrifice.

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit A: when Honey is coming onto him, all he can think about is Molly.

Fitz is so scared of the Forged ones :( his trauma affects everything. He has no faith in himself and less heart for the violence than ever.

Speaking of trauma metaphors: the way Fitz tends to drift off into the wit or Skill after a traumatic experience is… pretty much just dissociation but magique

I forgot that witted folk can apparently communicate with each other mentally, not just with animals

“Her head was the size of a bushel basket.” Ah, yes, a bushel basket, a thing whose size we are all intimately familiar with.

Fitz finally finds others like him and even then he is not fully accepted. Told he is doing the wit wrong. Othered by the Others. It’s the queer experience innit.

Also forgot that apparently the forged are attracted to the wit as well as the Skill?

“I wondered if I had as many wolf mannerisms as they had halk and bear.” Yeah no probably not you only bloody LIVED as a wolf, Fitz.

Okay I know it doesn’t need saying but Patience is just so fucking cool!!!!!

Jesus fucking christ, Fitz skilling out to Molly when he knows Will knows he’s alive and is looking for him is just… so dumb. So so dumb. I know he’s just fixating on her because he’s miserable and she’s like this unsullied thing he had before everything went wrong but holy moly is it frustrating

Not to mention he doesn’t connect the dots between the fact that Burrich went to “help a friend” and every time he reaches out for Molly he sees Burrich sajkdbshkhja dude

Nighteyes leaving just goes to show that Fitz cannot rely solely on Nighteyes for companionship. No matter how innately the same they are they are equally as innately different. Fitz needs Nighteyes but he shouldn’t have JUST Nighteyes (which is why he, Nighteyes and the Fool are the holy trinity). When Nighteyes leaves, Fitz is in way too fragile a state to be left alone, but Nighteyes cannot think of the future or what might happen. All he knows is he’ll be back at some point and that’s all that matters.

“My anger fed my competence” whatever you need to tell yourself sweetie

I think I had blocked out the fact the Regal was keeping animals trapped in filthy cages so they could ravage people in the king’s circle uggggghhhhhhhhh I hate him

Fitz is down on himself saying that without Shrewd’s largesse, Chade’s information and Verity’s protection his idea of himself has been stripped away and that he’s not actually competent etc. but like. This is an extreme situation!! You’re literally alone in the wilderness with nothing and no one!! Who would thrive in this situation? And nobody gets by without help anyway! The people in our lives do define us to an extent. You don’t have to be able to stand 100% on your own at all times with zero resources to be considered capable. It’s human to depend on others. Yes I am chiding myself as much as Fitz here :))))

Burrich’s earring is the repressed gay earring. No I will not elaborate.

Fitz refusing to sell Burrich’s earring is frustrating yet something I would 100% do lol

Direct from my notes: Celery hiding out in caves?? Bad bitch

“I felt I was within the flames looking deeply into the Fool’s eyes” um okay gay

It’s actually surprising that Fitz admits he would not have gone after Molly even if he had known she was pregnant when she left. On one hand so self aware yet this doesn’t stop him from completely idealising their relationship.

And then you have Molly who says he was supposed to come after her “so she could forgive him”, that he was supposed to be the one to light the candles for her childbirth etc. The fact that she in any way thought he was mature enough to be a father just shows how little they really knew each other.

Burrich treating Molly like a horse while delivering Nettle is way funnier than it has a right to be jskakjasd makes me think of Dwight treating Phyllis’ back injury in The Office lol

The first thing Burrich notices about Nettle is that she has Chivalry’s brow are you fucking kidding me. Gay!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit B: He had no interest in Tassin whatsoever until she literally started kissing him. At this point his body reacted, which is normal, but as soon as he got a second to actually think about it he stopped, because for him it would not be satisfying to sleep with someone he didn’t have feelings for.

“It seemed to take years for the dried beans and lentils to soften.” Okay mood

I love how Fitz just assumes Molly will take him back. “I have a woman and child awaiting me.” Says who bitch?

Small ferret? More like big legend

Ya know, we give Fitz so much shit but honestly with so much physical, mental and emotional stress on this journey how can we expect his mental faculties to be at 100%? I wouldn’t be making good decisions either, in fact I would be long dead.

Starling telling Nik that the earring once belonged to Chivalry is truly a smooth brain move

“Do not fear, little brother, I am here to take care of you again.” Words can’t explain how much I love Nighteyes and how often his dialogue makes me smile :’)

It’s so cute how Nighteyes is worried about Molly and Nettle until he knows that Burrich is taking care of them

It’s really interesting when Fitz claims “I’d rather be with Molly even if it meant rocking a crying baby in the middle of the night” because, well, he’s literally made other claims to the contrary, saying he wouldn’t have gone with her even if he’d known she was pregnant. Because at the end of the day as much as Fitz is compelled by others to do work for the greater good, I think deep down a lot of the time it is what he would do anyway. Like I really don’t think he could actually enjoy being with Molly knowing that the world is burning down around them. He would want to get out there and help somehow; not only to secure their own future but to reduce other people’s suffering as well. He’s an empathetic boy even though he’d like to be selfish.

Every time Fitz calls Molly his wife I lose ten years off my life

Again, I understand why he’s thinking like this, but Fitz’s ownership of Molly is just so uncomfortable. The fact that he can’t imagine her not having a place ready and waiting for him in her life when he returns just illustrates that she is not a fully realised person to him. She is just a comforting idea.

Oh yes, it was definitely Starling’s “pillowtalk” that got you captured and not the fact that you fit the exact description of the witted bastard right down to having Chivalry’s earring and a whole ass wolf

Somehow forgot that Jhaampe is basically a city of tents with only a few permanent buildings and people constantly coming and going

Fitz’s first words to the Fool are “I’ve come to you.” I’m gonna fucking die

Literally every single word from the moment Fitz realises it’s the Fool and starts describing him is a full body assault and personal attack I am seeking reparations

God the tenderness, the angst, the relief……… shall i pass away

“I doubted he was much taller, but his body was no longer a child’s.” My dude this is a gay awakening if I ever saw one

Fitz be like *spends 87 pages describing the Fool in painstaking detail* anyway I love being a heterosexual male

I’ve heard ppl cite Fitz’s descriptions of Kettricken as evidence of a crush (hard disagree) but literally nothingggggg even comes close to the way he describes the Fool. Not just this once but over and over again it’s insane.

“Talk fell off between us. The bottle of brandy was empty. We were reduced to silence, staring at one another drunkenly.” skjakfnajghajgnaLNGJ is it gay to silently gaze into thine homie’s eyes

The Fool protecting Fitz from everyone - especially Starling - in Jhaampe is often hilarious and always heartwarming

Realising Fitz was skinny enough for the Fool to lift on his own ahhh no wonder he said the famous “When I recall how beautiful you were” line, Fitz is a total wreck

I love that the Fool actually gives Chade shit for his plan to take Nettle. I love him.

“Too few folk cared for me. I could not hate a single one of them.” Oh, Fitz :(

I always wonder how the Fool really feels about Molly. Is he jealous? Does he compare himself to this woman Fitz idolises and he doesn’t know? Does he know that Fitz is barking up the wrong tree or is he stuck thinking Molly must really be Fitz’s soulmate since he won’t shut up about how much he loves her and can’t wait to get back to her? He just never really lets on how it makes him feel when Fitz has relationships with women. We know Fitz gets jealous of the Fool (for litch rally like no reason lol), so with the Fool being much more honest with himself/in general about his love for Fitz and having much more legitimate reason to be jealous, is he? Or is it just something he’s made his peace with, that these women give Fitz something that he cannot? Is he okay with that cos he has to be or does he have a different, less monogamous view of love and relationships (he does have three parents after all). I dunnoooo dude I just have so many questions. Like obviously - OBVIOUSLY - if Fitz and the Fool didn’t have romantic feelings for each other before, there is no doubting that romantic feelings appeared the moment Fitz appeared in the Fool’s hut. Fitz won’t admit that but mere chapters later the Fool is talking about how he loves Fitz in every way so like. He knows. So how does he feel when Fitz is calling out for Molly in his sleep, or openly speaking of seeking her out when all this is over, and lying to the Fool to protect Molly and his daughter. Really makes u think!!!!

Fitz reuniting with Sooty and going to see her every day in Jhaampe is so cuuuute and made me so happy. Sooty is a good girl :’)

Fitz be like *leans against the table where the Fool is carving and watches his fingers at work like a true repressed gay*

Verity is literally so strong???? He submerged himself in skill and was able to pull himself back from the stream can u imagine? Go off king!

Bro I literally can’t with the Fool mentioning Jofron so casually and Fitz immediately thinking wow oh my god they’re definitely fucking oh my god the Fool has a girlfriend - Fitz sweetie calm down

I love how Fitz and the Fool just naturally walk together :))) and Nighteyes babysitting Kettle is so cute

Molly never once says that she misses Fitz. She says she always expected him to do the right thing, to come after her and not leave her alone with a child. But she doesn’t look back on their time together fondly or have much positive to say about him as a person. And all that is fair, but it’s also just… Not really the behaviour of someone who’s been separated from their soulmate. It’s more just someone who’s been left in a shitty position by someone they cared about but hardly knew.

Fitz asking the Fool what is between him and Starling when they’re literally just being civil is sooooo fucking funny. Not everyone finds the Fool as irresistible as you do, Fitz.

The Fool just casually finding a pretext to call Fitz the light of his life

Fitz telling Kettricken firmly that he will not travel if the Fool is ill is one of the only times he ever puts his foot down with her GEE I WONDER WHY

I’ve said it before I’ll say it again…… there really do be something about the way Fitz can’t meet the Fool’s eyes………. It’s not like they’re weird and colourless anymore like they used to be!!!

The Fool already talking about Clerres in this book!

Fitz and the Fool and Nighteyes playing in the stream is too fucking pure omg, it’s what they deserve

And then Starling has to bloody ruin it bc she’s homophobique

But seriously, Fitz actually lets go for the first time in ages and has a nice evening only for Starling to go tattling to Kettricken, and Kettricken having the gall to confront Fitz about it. And then Fitz solves the problem by saying he doesn’t disdain her when like!! He has every right to!!!! She sold him out, sold his daughter out. She never even apologised but instead has just been totally petty and self-righteous and stirring up trouble amongst the group. She hasn’t earned or even asked for his forgiveness. So fitting that she’s the one constantly judging Fitz for his relationship with Lord Golden in Tawny Man lol, she just cannot let Fitz and the Fool be the queer icons they are!!!

Verrrrrrrrrrry interesting that Fitz only “suddenly missed the human warmth and comfort” of Starling taking his arm or sleeping against him literally IMMEDIATELY after the plumbing and love confrontation with the Fool. I mean he has been doing all of those things with the Fool (sleeping together, walking arm in arm etc.) so it’s not about human touch at all, it’s about convincing himself that a WOMAN’S touch is somehow inherently different.

He does the same thing with Starling as with Kettricken. She technically apologises but it’s not sincere and that’s not why he forgives her. Same as Kettricken, she tells her sob story and he can’t hold onto his anger. It makes sense, but it’s just very toxic. It would be nice if at least one person would really recognise how much they’ve hurt Fitz and really, genuinely want to atone for it, or apologise without expecting forgiveness. The onus should not be on Fitz to forgive Starling but on Starling to grow up and not need Fitz to like her in order to remain civil and do what they have to. Also “I do not find your wit bond offensive” has the same energy as someone telling you out of nowhere like “It’s fine that you’re gay :)” like wow thank u?? lol

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit C: “I wanted her with a desperation that had nothing to do with love, and even, I believe, little to do with lust.”

“By his love he is betrayed, and his love betrayed also.” So fate agrees with me, Fitz and the Fool are in love? :)

Anytime the potential that Fitz might have to choose between Molly and Nighteyes I lose brain cells. That’s ur brother Fitz!!! It’s not even a choice!! How dare u

It’s just sooooo intentionally laid out for us in this book that Fitz’s relationship with Molly really wasn’t good or healthy and that his fixation on it is misguided, and I think that’s why I struggled sooooo hard with the ending of Fool’s Fate, because it kind of implied the exact opposite. I’m hoping on this reread I will pick up on it being laid out as a result of Fitz getting his memories/teen feelings back rather than it just feeling like a lowkey retcon, but I guess we’ll see lol

“I felt I was a bit in love with him, you know. That sort of lift to the heart.” the confirmation that the Fool KNOWS HOW IT FEELS TO BE IN LOVE sends me deep into the swamps goodbyeeeeeeeeeeee

“The one who loves him best will betray him most foully.” So fate agrees, the Fool loves Fitz best :)

“You do love me! … Before, it was words. I always feared it was born out of pity.” Godddddd Foooooooooool!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything about Fitz, the Fool and Nighteyes meeting in the skill for the first time is just truly perfect iconic unparalleled.

Fitz’s love for Verity hurts my heart so much. Just think of the relationship they could have had if they weren’t stupid royals.

Kettle’s whole speech about Fitz and Molly… Just yes to every word.

Look I’m just gonna say it… The way Burrich reacts to Molly’s advances … like I know it’s probably not intentional but it just reads as very much fitting in with my headcanon that he is gay. As soon as she makes it clear she wants to sleep with him he like leaps across the room lol. I do believe he cares for her and loves her in his way, but it does feel mostly like he’ll just do whatever he needs to to care for her and the baby. Sowwy

I wonder why the Fool wasn’t as affected by his giving up of memories to Girl-on-a-Dragon?? Or was he, and he just gets them back before we see him again in Tawny Man?

“Take my hurt that I never knew my father, take my hours of staring up at his portrait when the great hall was empty and I could do so alone.” um this is so fucking sad

It was the Fool who sent Starling to find Fitz after Verity uses his body and again I have to ask, wtf is going on in your mind, Fool!

Fitz is Demisexual, Exhibit D: Even once he actually sleeps with Starling he has no enthusiasm about it, he just kind of goes along with it, likely to prove to himself that he has really let go of his past/Molly.

I always wonder why the Fool leaves now. Is it because he thinks their work is done and doesn’t want to risk messing things up by hanging around his catalyst like at the end of Tawny Man? Does he intend to come back and find Fitz again but get sidetracked by a lead or a new dream? Like it’s just weird because at first he was like “Prophet and Catalyst stick together” and was gonna stay with Fitz - or was that just an excuse because he was obsessed with Girl-on-a-Dragon? Fool u spicy lil enigma

It’s blood and the wit that wakes the stone dragons so does that mean King Wisdom was witted? Or is that obvious lol

Fitz isn’t even bothered by the Fool’s kiss, just shocked. I am looking.

Patience shouting orders at Verity-as-Dragon is beautiful ksjjk

Of courrrrrssse Burrich names his first son Chivalry

In the epilogue, the Fool is the only one Fitz actually says he misses. Exquisite.

I know some people have an issue with Regal’s death but personally I find it delicious

Okay that’s all (I say as if this wasn’t 139841989 pages long). See y’all in 92 years when my sister finally starts reading Liveship!

#realm of the elderlings #realm of the quarantine #assassin's quest #long post #fitz and the fool #Fitzchivalry Farseer #rote #ehhh idk what else to tag lol #if u read all this congrats and i'm sorry

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mestrawl · 4 years ago

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[ADOPTABLES] - Payment via PayPal

Hello, it is Tumblr user Mestrawl! I still am in debt (with myself, nothing serious) and would like to make some money while improving my design skills.

I had revised an old adoptable that didn't sell and posted a repost, jaaaaaa. Still not too familiar with the adoptables community so please bear with me 🐟🙏

No.1: UNAVAILABLE (@/getmesomepillsimsosleepy)

I didn't even like the old design and stated it explicitly in the old post. I was a fool! I'm definitely more comfortable with this design being sold haha.

No.3: UNAVAILABLE (@/slimestack)

This was a girl based off penguins and an old OC I had. I could not draw girls, I am so sorry. I posted this before but took in down and forgot to repost. :)

#adoptables #adoptable #colored sketch #sketch #chibi #ibispaint x

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billyhardgrove · 5 years ago

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48 with Billy Hargrove? Thanks!!

48 - “I didn’t think you could get any less romantic…”

A/N: I’m sorry but the idea that kept coming to mind for this one was angsty and I gotta say I really enjoyed writing it xx

Warnings: Slight smut, Billy being a dick, swearing

Word Count: 2.1k (approx.)

You glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time, your frown getting deeper and deeper as the minute hand continued to move further and further past the time the pair of you had agreed.

“Where the hell are you, Billy?” You mumbled to yourself, the patience you had having long expired. It wasn’t really like him to be so late for a date, well at least you considered and hoped it was a date. When he had said to you in school that he’d be at your house at 6PM tonight so the two of you could go out together, you thought he was being all sweet and mysterious, not explicitly stating what he really had planned for your birthday. In fact, he hadn’t really mentioned anything about your special day, not even wishing you a happy birthday, but it was just to add to the element of surprise for tonight, you thought. Play the old ‘I forgot it was your birthday�� card just to find out he had something incredible planned for later that night.

Billy wasn’t particularly romantic; it just didn’t come naturally to him. He was more of a possessive jealous boyfriend that made sure to show to everyone just exactly who you belonged to and to not even think of going anywhere near you. Even when it was the two of you, he made sure to show you who’s girl you were, with the various love bites and thirsty pillow talk, you enjoyed it immensely, but you wouldn’t describe it as romantic. Yes, you sometimes fell into serious deep conversations, and on some occasions in the perfect setting there would be some cuddles and hand holding behind closed doors, but that was about the peak of it. No flowers, no candle lit dinners, no moonlit walks. That just wasn’t Billy, and you were ok with that… for the most part. Perhaps just sometimes you hoped he would do something a little sweeter to show how much he cared for you, and what perfect way to do that but for your birthday. So that’s the expectation you held in your mind.

Looking at yourself in the mirror, you smoothed out your skirt and fluffed your hair a bit more to give it extra volume. Since Billy hadn’t told you where the two of you were going that night, it made picking an appropriate outfit that little bit harder but you managed to find something that was both sexy and somewhat practical, suitable for whatever the two of you would be getting up to. But you knew by the end of the night it most likely wouldn’t matter since whatever you wore would end up on the floor.

Glancing back at the clock once more, you couldn’t believe it was now after 7PM. Out of the 6 months the pair of you had been dating, he had never been this late except once in which it turned out he had got into conflict with his dad.

God, you hoped he was alright, you hoped his dad hadn’t gone off on him. At the thought, your annoyance turned to worry.

As you bit your lip out of concern, your eyes fell on your mum’s car keys. Should you drive to Billy’s just in case? Just to make sure everything was ok? The idea stuck with you as you debated upon checking up on him. But no alternative reason for his lateness sprung to mind as the image of Billy covered in blood and bruises overrode your mind. And with that, your hands were subconsciously grabbing the keys as you rushed out to your mum’s car.

The journey to Billy’s felt longer than it was, but finally you found yourself turning onto his street and to no one’s surprise you spotted the blue Camaro parked outside his house right away. He was still at home.

At least he didn’t get into a car accident, you thought, for that was another possibility that had sprung to your mind on the drive over.

Putting your car in park, you got out and began making your way up his driveway. However, it was then you noticed that Billy’s Camaro was the only car parked outside the house.

‘So Neil and Susan were out?’ You wondered. Perhaps after the conflict, Neil had bolted, not wanting to even be in the same house as his son. Yes, that was probably what it was.

But then that meant what you assumed was true; Billy was most likely inside, covered black and blue.

Knocking on the front door, you waited for a moment but there didn’t appear to be much noise coming from inside.

You knocked again, this time calling softly. “Billy, are you in there? It’s me. You were late for our date and I was worried… Are you ok?”

Still, there was no answer, so you tried the door handle, pushing it and it opened easily. You knew Billy probably wouldn’t care that you entered the home without permission, so long as you were next to him; so long as you were there to comfort him and make everything was ok again.

“Billy?” You called out once more, but the hallway was dead. Where could he be? His car was outside, so he had to be in here somewhere, you thought.

Wandering into the kitchen, nothing. Walking into the living area, nothing. It was only when you went to try his bedroom that there was finally something. Relief settled over your chest at the thought that he was at least here reassured you, but little did you know that you would’ve hoped to have not heard the movement behind his bedroom door if you had known what it really was.

And soon that relief you felt was replaced with confusion the closer you stepped towards that closed door. It wasn’t until you were outside the door that you finally came to terms with what you were hearing.

“God, yes Billy, right there!” The moans filled your ears, trailing behind the colour red as it isolated your vision.

Pushing open the door, you saw what you feared the most; Billy was behind a girl that wasn’t you, his hips ramming against her ass roughly causing the bed to creak and the headboard to hit against the wall. Her face was pressed against the mattress as she moaned out in pleasure and it felt like poison.

Neither of the two noticed you until the door had hit the wall upon you opening it. It was then that Billy’s head snapped to the doorway, an expression of annoyance and anger, at first, to whoever was interrupting him until he realised who was interrupting him.

“Shit,” he cursed, instantly pulling out of the girl as she looked over in confusion before too noticing that you stood there, and hurriedly she pulled the bed covers up over her naked body.

“Y/N, baby, it’s not what it looks like-“ he began and you just laughed sadistically at him. Did he really think that you were that stupid? ‘It’s not what it looks like’ – he made you sick. You had caught him red handed and he had the audacity to make it out as though he wasn’t fucking some other girl right in front of you.

“You’re a fucking pig.” You spat, impressing yourself at how you weren’t crying. You were so overwhelmed with rage that upset and sadness were the last emotions you were feeling right now. How could he do this to you? How dare he do this to you!

Turning to walk out of the room, Billy managed to grab a hold of your forearm pulling you back. “Y/N, please. I’m sorry, baby. It doesn’t mean anything-“

“You know when you were over an hour late for our date, I thought your dad had laid in on you again!” You yanked your arm out of his grasp, your face going red in rage. “That’s why I came here, to make sure you were ok.” You watched as Billy’s face fell to one of guilt, his shoulders slumping in defeat at how you had turned up expecting the worst on his behalf when really you should have been expecting the worst on yours. “But instead what do I find, Billy?”

“It didn’t mean anything, though.” He tried again, his eyes pleading with you to understand. Understand what? That he was willing to ruin your relationship over a measly fuck that didn’t mean shit to him?

“Oh, well thank God for that!” You shouted, throwing your hands up in the air in faux relief. “Thank fucking God it didn’t mean anything, Billy! You know what? In that case, I forgive you! Because, you know, fucking some girl that doesn’t mean anything to you is so much better than fucking a girl that does. Thank God you ruined our relationship over someone that doesn’t matter!” You were hysterical at this point, in utter disbelief at how he was trying to justify it all. Part of you almost hoped that the girl did mean something to him and that way he hadn’t destroyed this relationship for nothing. You felt it was more disrespectful and humiliating for you that the girl was nobody than if she was in fact some other girl that Billy had fallen for. “You’ve just thrown our relationship away for what? Nothing.” You spat at him, and Billy was quiet, not knowing what to say that could make the situation better.

Taking a deep breath, you tried to calm yourself down; everything was so intense, and senses were high, you needed a moment to try and comprehend and come to terms with what exactly was happening. Billy still just stood there; his head hung low like a puppy that knew he was in trouble.

“You know, I really didn’t think you could get any less romantic than you already are.” You sighed, swallowing the bile forming in your throat. “But, God, for my birthday, finding you fucking someone else is exactly what I wanted. How did you know?” You sneered, sarcastically.

You just couldn’t believe what had happened, you were in shock and surprise and disbelief for coming over to Billy’s house tonight, this was the last thing you expected to walk in on. But then you beat yourself for feeling that way because this was Billy Hargrove you were talking about. Everyone knew he didn’t know commitment. It made you feel a fool.

How stupid could you be to think that he had prepared a romantic date tonight to spoil you on your birthday? Billy wasn’t capable of romance. It was so fucking clear now and you felt naïve to think otherwise.

“It’s your birthday?” Billy murmured in question, his eyebrows raising in surprise before his whole face fell to one of even more guilt. Now that he looked at you and took in your appearance, he saw how gorgeous you looked, your hair and makeup done as though ready to be spoilt throughout the night. And you should’ve been, but Billy made sure that didn’t happen.

“Wow,” you took a step back as though his words had shoved you, and you just stared at him, taking in his shock. You could feel the knife in your heart turn even more as you realised even more of just how stupid you had been today. He wasn’t pretending earlier today. Billy really had forgotten your birthday. And obviously he had absolutely nothing planned or prepared for your special day. God, you were such a fool, such a fucking fool.

Closing your eyes, you shook your head in utter disappointment, finally feeling your eyes begin to fill with tears as the adrenaline of the situation drained from you. There was no way you were going to let him see you cry. And that was what it took for you to finally pick up the little pride you had left before turning and racing out of his house, your eyes flooding as you could finally release a sob you had been trying to hide.

Billy stood at his doorway, staring at the place where you had been moments before, as the weight of what exactly he had done crushed upon his shoulders. He didn’t mean for it to happen, but he was Billy Hargrove; this is what he did. He couldn’t contain himself when he got attention from other girls, and he felt his throat tighten, disappointed that this time he had gotten caught and this time he had finally ruined everything.

He felt the other girl’s hand trail up along his back and over his shoulders, before he felt her tug him gently back towards the bed. And it was then that he finished what he had started, for what else did he have to lose now?

#Billy Hargrove #billy hargrove writing #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove imagine #billy #hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things writing #dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery writing #dacre montgomery x reader #dacre montgomery smut #billy hargrove series

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divagonzo · 5 years ago

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Passing Grade

Ao3 // FF.net

A/N: In honor of Ron Weasley’s 40th Birthday (I hope Hermione has worn you out completely!) here’s a little something hashed out for his birthday. Rated 15/PG-13/T+ for plenty of innuendo and double entendres and citrus basket stuff that isn’t explicitly stated. Caveat Emptor for my lovely Aces who follow me. Circa 1 March 1999. (And I’ll eventually post on Ao3 and FF.net and relink them in.)

give me my demarcation line damn it

I’m gonna ask her,” Ron whispered from his side of the enormous tree root that he was hiding behind.

“Ron, not now,” Harry hissed.

“Why not now? Not like we’re going anywhere the next ten minutes I reckon.”

“You git, I mean not now as in we’re still in training and Hermione’s off at Hogwarts for another 2 terms. Besides, have you asked her about it?”

“We’ve talked,” Ron peeked over the edge of the tree stump and dropped back down, dodging a red spell that flew over his head. “And she knows I want to ask her.”

“And you’re still in training. We both are. Not like I don’t want to ask – “

“Yeah, I know who you want to ask and I don’t want to think about your pasty arse again after what I saw at Christmas,” Ron cheeked.

“Fair point,” Harry looked up over the edge of the stump and ducked back down, dodging a purple spell flying over his head. “These arseholes are annoying the fuck out of me,” He growled.

“You’re the one with the cloak. Why haven’t you used it yet to get closer?”

“And get blown to shreds? No thank you. Your sister would have my – “

“And Hermione’d have mine,” Ron sighed. “Not like they aren’t hers already.”

“You’re really arse over tits for her, aren’t you?”

“Course I am. I’ve been that way for yonks. You know that.”

“Yeah, I do. But we’re both still – “

“Only on a calendar, mate. Everything we’ve been through? My back says that I’m already 50 some mornings.”

“Well, the way you wear it out every morning I’m not surprised,” Harry muttered under his breath. “But neither of us is going to go anywhere if we’re still pinned down here while those bastards are blasting away at us.”

“I’m only here because you’ve not tossed your cloak over your head and taken a header at them. When you do, I’ll draw their fire and you can stun 'em.”

“No can do. Last time I told Hermione you got hurt on a mission she nearly took my head off. I don’t want a repeat of that happening ever again.”

“And you think it’s not as bad as telling my sister you got hurt again? I thought she was going to shove her wand up – “

“She told me,” Harry felt the chagrin rush over his face.

“And blast me to Warwickshire. I don’t think my ears will ever be the same.”

“I thought that was ‘cause of Hermione,” Harry smirked and Ron gave him a rude gesture in reply.

“It’s not like you hear anything now, not after we went over every single square inch of our room and put Auror grade spells on it. We could have the Weird Sisters performing in our room and no one would be the wiser for it.”

“Good thing too since that keeps the nightmares down,” Harry gave Ron a side-eye and saw his best mate giving him a rather shirty look. “Look, it’s not like you’re not shagging my sister either, ya git.”

“Well, I am, and we’re glad you’re so accepting,” Harry dodged the handful of leaves Ron threw at him.

“Prat,” Ron growled.

“Ponce,” Harry retorted. “On three, we’re going. I’m sick of freezing my bollocks off here in Lake Country in February.”

“You think I’m enjoying it?” Harry threw the cloak over his head and froze. “Better idea. You hide under it and I’ll draw your fire.”

“Rubbish. It’s too short for me. They’ll see me from my knees on down.”

“You’re a wizard. Get invisible.”

“And you?”

“Cloak and wand time,” Harry watched Ron do the incantation silently, hiding under a cloak of magic.

“On three,” Ron whispered.

“On Three. One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

The rolled out from their hiding place behind the old oaken stump and ran pell-mell towards the farmhouse. They passed six people, lying prone on the ground, immobile.

A gold spell circled the area, highlighting both of them racing towards the house.

Red spells erupted from six places, missing them as they dashed inside.

“Hold your wands,” Robards's voice boomed over the meadow and the cottage.

One by one Aurors were disillusioning themselves and standing up. One by one they went to a trainee who was frozen on the cottage grounds and revered the stunner spell. Groans and groggy heads prevailed, not seeing Harry and Ron standing inside the cottage looking confused.

“Training?” They looked at one another.

“Yes, training. You thought this was a real mission?” A voice they didn’t expect whispered behind them. Both turned to see the dark features of Senior Auror Hemera Jones standing right behind them. They hadn’t heard her move in their vicinity. She had to be part cat with how quiet she was when she was on duty.

“Where the bloody fuck were you hiding? We could have used your help,” Ron said.

“I was hiding right at the front door. My task was to pick off those who made too many mistakes. The two of you didn’t so you were allowed to pass so you get full marks for this mission. Those gits,” She motioned to that half dozen additional trainees sitting in a semi-circle getting berated by Gawain Robards. “Those gits are probably not going to pass and will go into MLS. Each of them made a fundamental mistake and got themselves taken out.”

“So what now?” Harry asked.

“Now you two get to return to London and debrief. I’ll be joining you shortly with the rest. Oh and since you ponces made full marks,” Ron’s eyes went wide, “you get a 72-hour furlough from training.”

“72 hours. Wow.”

“Use them wisely, gentlemen. Come Monday night at 8 pm I expect to see both of you ready to work.”

“Sorted,” they said in unison.

“Oh and try not to upset Professor McGonagall when the two of you go to Hogwarts.”

“How do – “

“I’m not a fool, Weasley. Everyone in the department knows what is up with you and Granger. Same for you, Potter.” She gave both of them a half-smile. “Go rent a room in Hogsmeade, both of you. Ask Professor McGonagall for them to have a weekend. But I better not hear of you having news in three months from it. Understood?”

“Sorted,” the said in unison before apparating away.

“Sodding gits,” she muttered before heading out to the rest of the apprentices who were about to fail to get into the Aurors.

“Hermione?”

She opened her eyes and saw Ron smiling down on her. “Were you watching me sleep?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t help it. You were snoring – “

“I don’t snore,” she said primly.

“Ok then breathing loudly while asleep. Anyway, you were breathing loudly,” she reached to pinch the closest nip and he ducked away, just out of her reach “and I kept thinking how incredibly lucky I am.”

“Oh, I dunno. I think I’m on the better end of this bargain.”

“Well, I am surprised you still have a voice after – “

“I do hope that no one heard us,” She interrupted.

“Nah, not here.” Ron glanced around at the one-room flat above the closed Zonko’s shop. Hermione found out from him earlier that George had purchased the building and would have it as a pop-up shop for the Hogsmeade weekends. “I made sure of it before you came around earlier.”

“Good,” She tucked her head up under his, relishing this contact that she’d desperately missed in the last few months. “I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you so much,” she whispered into his skin.

“And I bloody well missed you,” he lifted her chin to drop a languid kiss upon her lips. “And it’s just blind luck that we got this. I thought it was a real mission and instead it was training yet again.”

“And you seem to be doing quite well during it, the way you talk about it. I think you might have found your calling.”

“Nah, not really.”

“Well, I think so.”

“I don’t since I think my calling is loving you and the rest are just details.”

“I’m glad we got things sorted for good,” She said to herself. “I dunno what I’d have done not having you by my side now.”

Ron grinned. “Oh I dunno, probably leading a quiet life and still changing the world one moment at a time.”

“Nah. I’d have my head buried in a book somewhere, miserable, and waiting to find something to make me content.”

Ron reached under his pillow to pull a small box out. “Well since that it’s the case, and I already know,”

“Are you?”

“Consider it an ‘I’m going to ask you to marry me someday and it’s not today but it will happen’ ring.” He opened the box and showed the small sapphire ring inlaid on white gold. “I know it’s not much but – “

Hermione leaned in closer, brushing her nose against his. “It’s brilliant,” She looked at it closer, seeing that it was inscribed with runes on the inside. She grinned understanding what they said. “Who did the engraving?”

“I did, actually,” he turned bright red. “I made sure it was correct by asking Fleur and she told me. Once I had it written down I used magic to engrave it. Anyone can engrave in gold but if it’s silver I’d get in trouble with the goblins since that’s their domain.”

“I can feel the magic wrapped around it,” She leaned up further so Ron could put it on her right hand. “And it fits perfectly,” she said in awe.

“I nicked one of your other dainty ones you keep but don’t wear and had it sized to fit it.”

She lifted her hand and looked at it in the candlelight. “I love it.”

“You do? I didn’t pick a rubbish gift this time?”

“No, you picked a brilliant gift. You get an O for this gift.” He leaned in for a kiss and they forgot about everything else except the two of them celebrating a future growing older together.

#Dragon's Fic #hpfic #Romione #ron weasley #hermione granger #harry j potter #Auror!Ron #Auror!Harry #with special guests OC and Gawain Robards #my OC Hemera Jones #Rated 15 #Rated T+#Rated PG-13 #Rated M just to be safe #This means you HM #Queue Up for the Dragon

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xlady-saya · 5 years ago

Text

I want this touch to be familiar [Ch. 3]

Relationships: andrew/neil, side aaron/katelyn

Summary: Deep down, Andrew knew he would always reach this crossroads, a time where the thought became too strong to ignore.

Going all the way with Neil. It’s not something he can continue to avoid thinking about. When Andrew looks back to the days where he held Neil’s hands down, when he never got off with him in the same room, he’s forced to acknowledge how much he’s allowed.

Not allowed. Welcomed. Wanted.

But that’s not all there is to it, and the desire to make a decision finally makes itself known.

Tags: first time fic, p*rn with feelings, relationship study, fluff and communication, multichapter

Read on ao3!

They do in fact, kick Kevin out.

To say it's extremely satisfying is an understatement, and Andrew doesn't try to deny himself the feeling. In this case, it's deserved, and a long time coming.

Kevin's not happy about it, especially since they offer him no further explanation. They've never asked for privacy so explicitly; Andrew never realized it before, how they’re used to accommodating everyone else, used to waiting until Kevin and the Foxes aren’t around to have their time to themselves.

Rushed, heated, timed.

This had been different. This time Andrew let himself be greedy. Nicky at least reads the mood well enough to make himself scarce. Andrew doesn’t care about the teasing; he’s adamant about his reasons, the need to carve out time to navigate this new experience. Not only that...but something possessive and antsy fuels him in the moment. This is just for him and Neil.

He won't risk a walk in and a hasty cover up.

All Andrew has to do is drop Thea's name and threaten to do Neil in the locker room for Kevin to finally get the damn hint and fuck off.

Dealing with Kevin is familiar territory, even post their deal. It's nicer, letting him fend for himself while not cutting the relationship loose entirely, but Andrew's concept of friendship is one he's still exploring and definitely not something he needs to think about right now.

Right now...right now is not familiar territory.

He walks back to the bedroom as Kevin mutters about having to leave, out of Andrew's mind before he's even out of sight.

He's distracted, so focused, lost.

There are glimpses of the familiarity he craves though, remembered through his own fingertips and his memory. The promise of soft lips and scars that follow the curve of a runner's body, hips pressed down and warmth. Neil.

Neil, who is ready and fresh from an extra long shower.

As soon as he crosses into the bedroom, the presence is electric, Andrew almost thinks the static will shoot from his fingertips. He doesn't know how Neil ever survived on the run, how he ever blended in. His everything is loud. Before the slam of the front door even echoes through the dorm room, Andrew's eyes are on him. It would almost be amusing, seeing the little jump of Neil's shoulders at the intensity, if he wasn't so taken by the mere sight of him.

Of course he finds his gaze already returned by the striker, all fire and an almost beckoning quality.

Nicky would probably call the look 'fuck me eyes,' and for once Andrew is inclined to agree.

He intends to.

A shiver runs down his spine at the thought; he watches Neil bite his bottom lip, plush beneath his teeth, and Andrew licks his own from the muscle memory. He’s chased after those lips so many times…He wants to bite down, to claim them, as if he has to. Neil only ever looks at him, and the fantasy already begins to cloud Andrew's mind.

He’s it for Neil, Andrew’s brain tells him then, stroking the flame. His first. Andrew pushes that thought away, too optimistic, too ideal, and fiercely territorial. The thought he’ll have Neil forever…it’s too much to bring into the equation.

Especially when Neil won't stop rubbing his fucking thighs together.

The striker squirms in place on the bed, not subtle in the slightest as he checks Andrew out from head to toe. Neil lingers on the line of Andrew’s shoulders, swallowing a second after. Andrew revises; nothing about Neil is subtle these days, so he shouldn’t be this surprised. That smart, short-tempered mouth and looks which attract the whole crowd at Eden's.

And yet, Neil never gave a damn about anyone else.

Right then, the reminder cracks the walls around him.

Because they both think about this. They both want. Neil doesn't try to hide from him.

Nerves, excitement, and all the things Andrew cannot express are reflected back at him with how Neil leans back without thinking about it, stretching out.

When Andrew huffs the ghost of a laugh, his walls beginning to crumble, Neil's eyes brighten in interest.

This is ridiculous. It's so ridiculous, because Neil should be the farthest thing from sexy right then. He's in his armbands and one of Andrew's old ratty shirts, the one he's told Neil time and time again to throw away but to no avail. The loose threads and dulled color bring Andrew back to a time where Neil only wore old, thrifted clothes. Too big around the shoulders, neckline distorted, but Neil clings to it for comfort, not necessity. Not because he has nothing else or has to conserve his money.

'It's yours,' had been Neil's only explanation.

And can Andrew talk, with the chain around his neck?

Neil's wearing those heinous cargo shorts Matt bought him, with only one sock on his foot. The fool would dress like this everyday, with no sense of matching or cohesiveness, if Andrew didn't pick his damn outfits.

There's nothing like what's in the movies; nice suits, tailored clothes, lingerie...

It's the farthest thing from a fantasy. But this Neil, in all his mundanity, is nothing short of a wet dream to Andrew. The other end of a leash. The striker must notice the change, the darkening of Andrew's eyes, and the small whimper goes straight to Andrew's cock.

Oh yes, the only problem with Neil's clothes is the fact they're still on.

As he slams the door to the bedroom shut, it finally hits Andrew what they're about to try. Of course, they've talked about it, planned it, he's known for days. Regardless, the air around him feels like glass, making it hard to move but easy to break if he tries. This tension...it's terrible and exhilarating all at once.

Neil knows just how to push him to get him moving; he stops squirming long enough to spread his legs, leaving the perfect slot for Andrew to fit, and that's when the glass shatters.

There's a lot in his head as he stalks towards Neil, throwing off his jacket in the process. Roland's advice exchanged over texts, his own research, and countless conversations. And yet above it all is just Neil, Neil, Neil.

Andrew doesn't have time to linger on how he doesn't even hesitate to pull off his shirt, to be so exposed in front of someone without a second thought. His armbands stay; he’s not quite sure he can handle that along with what they’re about to do. Neil's sharp intake of breath at the sight of his abs, his biceps, is enough to override any of that.

Neil surges up to meet him.

Andrew's hands fly to Neil's shoulders as their lips meet, like a punch of desperation. Neil, as always pushes back against Andrew, as if to challenge him. Andrew is almost positive he does it on purpose, just so Andrew will show his strength. He pushes Neil back down onto the bed, and Neil’s excited gasp proves him right. The urge to corral all the limitless energy buzzing beneath Neil's skin is so strong Andrew doesn’t know what to do about it. He wants to expend it all, make Neil boneless and sated.

He growls and nips Neil's bottom lip, boxing him in without pressing down. Where to start? He wants to do it all.

'Don't rush into it,' Roland's voice says, and Andrew fights the urge to kick it to the curb, to force it away with such viciousness it astounds him. He doesn't want to think about anything else, just this, just Neil moaning yes for things Andrew hasn't asked yet. He just wants to have.

Neil's groan is way too filthy for just a kiss and is not helping to make his self-control any easier. Andrew coaxes Neil's tongue out slowly in response, bringing their pace down if only slightly. Slow, patient. He knows the bartender was right, he can't rush this. He needs Neil to be relaxed, feeling good...

Andrew’s brain starts to fill with all the reminders, the advice.

His brain unhelpfully states that he should be feeling that way too, should be turned on, but rigidness begins to creep into his veins anyways. No, no. He can’t fixate on that. He forces it to the back of his mind, but he knows his body language betrays him. He keeps Neil's hands pinned to the mattress with one of his own, unable to handle the touch, and he holds the strikers jaw with the other. He forgot how this feels, the need to keep Neil restrained. It's been so long...

He licks into Neil's mouth to distract him, teasingly, like he's mapping it out. He can't deny it feels so warm, burning, the whine he rips from Neil's throat for his actions. The sloppiest of kisses, just because he can, just because it makes Neil's hips twitch.

Yes, get worked up for me.

This is what needs to happen, but...

Next. Next, next--

The rustle of the condoms he laid out on the bed calls his attention, so does the new bottle next to them. Research...foreplay, slow, steady, now?

He gets lost in the kiss, but his actions lose their sense of purpose. Stalling. He pins Neil's tongue down, tries to draw out those delicious sounds so they drown out his erratic heartbeat, his thoughts.

"Andrew..."

The sound of Neil's voice is muffled, like it's underwater. Oh, this is definitely unfamiliar. Neil’s voice has never failed to be a lighthouse in the stormy bay.

He's not hard, he realizes. Andrew's not hard. Even with Neil nearly rutting against him, taken apart by just a kiss...he's...

The arousal surges only to be snuffed out by his own distraction each time, his own fixation on how he needs this to go down. Minimal damage.

But if it doesn't feel good...

It should, because it's Neil. With Neil, it's never supposed to be about a checklist.

It's just--

Andrew freezes when Neil's hands tremble beneath his, a weak, almost questioning attempt to pull free. He pulls back, staring down at Neil's eyes, already clouded and drowsy with how Andrew makes him feel.

Andrew pauses a moment, considering before he lets Neil free. Neil’s slow about it, sliding his hands out from under Andrew’s, feeling the calloused skin like it’s all he wants. Andrew lets him look his fill. The trust is no longer the issue.

And god, Neil is so damn nosy about everything. In how he tracks Andrew's face, searching again and finding...something. Neil turns his head into his shoulder, suppressing a grin.

Andrew nearly scowls. What are you smiling about?

If he's being honest, trying to get into Neil's head is one of the biggest challenges there is in his life, and it's self-created. He need only ask to receive, but Neil also doesn’t leave him waiting.

Neil's hands move purposefully, where Andrew can see and track them. They still just above Andrew's shoulders, and with a whispered ‘yes’ from Andrew’s lips, they slide down, rubbing tantalizing circles along his muscles.

He jolts from it, and Neil’s smile brightens.

Andrew’s one giant knot of tension; he hadn't even realized it, but then Neil starts undoing the chords. Andrew allows himself a slow exhale, and Neil swipes his tongue over the column of his throat. Andrew's cock twitches in interest for the first time, and Neil’s lips curve against his skin.

Someone with a penchant for starting fights should not have this calming effect.

One of Neil's hands comes to tangle in the silver chain around Andrew's neck, pulling him closer. Tease, a menace even.

Andrew is completely entranced.

Neil nips the underside of his chin before pulling back, not breaking eye contact as he hooks two fingers into his own waistband. Andrew's breathing stops, and Neil strips off his shorts and underwear in one alluring movement. Neil's not a master at seduction, he simply knows what gets under Andrew's skin.

Those damn legs.

“Hm?” Neil hums as his knee lightly brushes against Andrew's groin, pausing to apply pressure, and oh...Neil should not be so good at this.

It leaves Andrew feeling a little conflicted; where did Neil learn this?

Once, while wiping Andrew's cum from the corner of his lips, Neil had simply said 'My mind might not be the fastest learner, but the rest of me is.'

This whole thing applies. If Neil senses Andrew's nerves, he seldom comments on it, but he never hesitates to start trying to help.

'Help' even when it's him being a shit.

"Come here." Neil's words are not a soft encouragement, nor are they a command. It's like it's a fact, a prophecy, like there isn't another direction Andrew can possibly go. Andrew glares at him, thinks about defying him just because, but the rigidness from before is almost gone. There's a tightness in his abdomen, a heat. Arousal, not wariness.

Also, Neil is very naked from the waist down, and very willing.

So Andrew lets himself be led back up, standing at the side of the bed while Neil gets comfortable, situating his face right in front of Andrew's fly. He tries not to let his interest show too much, but he guesses he fails when Neil smirks up at him. With practiced movements, Neil makes sure Andrew gives him a ‘yes’ before hastily undoing his belt and pants, the hunger in his eyes nearly too much. He pulls Andrew's half-hard cock out, shoving his pants down enough to bite at the V of Andrew's hips.

Andrew grunts at the feeling of Neil's breath against him, the striker’s hand wrapping firmly around his cock and spitting on it to slick it up. Andrew's hand finds Neil's hair automatically, like he's used to doing when Neil goes to suck him off. Neil loves the encouragement, writhes from it.

When Neil hands him the bottle of lube, Andrew gets it.

The position, the request...

Andrew yanks at the underside of Neil's knee, spreading his legs and bringing him closer, the perfect angle for--

"Neil," Andrew warns as Neil starts to stroke him slow, paying way too close attention to how his cock begins to swell. Andrew's voice fills with the strain to keep down a groan.

Fast learner. Right.

With a hum, Neil guides Andrew's hand, the one holding the bottle, in between his thighs. The implication is clear, and Neil’s skin is still warm and flushed from when he probably cleaned himself.

Andrew digs his hand into Neil’s hair at the thought.

"We're sharing, remember?" Neil says, almost innocently, like he's not asking Andrew to finger him open for the first time while he drools all over his dick. Andrew won't mistake this for something else, he knows it's nothing short of consideration for him.

Andrew wants to snap that Neil doesn't need to do this, doesn't need to try and distract Andrew from the whirlwind in his head. He doesn't need help, to get him out of his weird fog so he can actually get it up--

Neil swipes his tongue over the head of Andrew's cock and his breathing stutters, cutting off all thought for a blissful second.

"I want to do this how we always do it," Neil says then, eyes dangerous as he watches precum bead on the tip, evidence of Andrew's desire. There’s a seriousness locked underneath his tone. "I want you to feel good."

How we always do it...

He isn’t wrong; there's an edge to Neil's statement, a reinforcement. This is still us. No expectations, no pressure, only...

Andrew sets the bottle down so he can squeeze the flesh of Neil's thigh, soaking in the gasp he gets for it. He tugs Neil's head up to kiss him, deep and promising, before letting him get back to what he's good at. Using his mouth.

Andrew swallows, forcing down the unnecessary noise. He rids himself of the unessentials, the countless hours of research and text conversations with Roland, clinging to what he needs and not what overwhelms. He brings himself back to the basics therapy taught him. Breathing, grounding himself.

That's all he can do. He of all people, should've known there's no exact formula for this.

It's still us.

Us.

And that...that is one of four truths. Another deep breath, and Andrew embraces their first attempt.

"Tell me if it hurts," Andrew says, demands as he massages Neil's knee, watching his cock leak all over the bed. His hand glides up, grazing Neil's balls and teasing the sensitive skin.

Neil nods, so needy, and flicks his tongue out again over Andrew's shaft. Neil always does this, and it's so annoying because Andrew can't help but be so smug about it. Neil will stroke Andrew's cock leisurely for a few seconds, watching it grow until it's heavy and thick in his hand.

Trembling, Andrew uncaps the bottle and smears some lube on his fingers, letting some drip onto Neil's inner thighs just because. "Junkie."

Neil doesn't apologize for making him wait. "I like watching," he says, almost hazy. "I like knowing I can get you this excited."

Andrew has Neil lift his leg, positioning him so he can rub his fingers over Neil's entrance. There's a moment where Neil tenses from the feeling, but then he's relaxed again, focused on Andrew.

He never stopped to think Neil attending to Andrew's needs would also help to relax him.

"I hate you," Andrew says, so resigned, and Neil's smile is smug as can be.

He gives a squeeze to the base of Andrew's cock, pressing the head to his cheek. "I think this means you like me."

Andrew burns the image into his head.

"There are better uses for your mouth," Andrew snaps, but Neil is already swallowing him whole, hollowing out his cheeks so his cock can sit heavy and warm in his mouth. Neil's eyes flutter shut, freezing in place for an agonizing second, and Andrew guesses he's not the only one who savors these things. He feels Neil swallow around him, and petulantly holds in his moan. Neil’s eyes flutter open to glare playfully before he’s moving, steady and easy, in retaliation. The feeling is enough to pull grunts out of Andrew, and he feels his stomach jump from the slide of Neil’s mouth, but not enough to make him come too fast.

Neil's hand rests against Andrew's stomach, feeling every twitch.

Andrew tugs Neil's shirt up as far as he can, the scars grounding him. He needs something else to focus on, not to get out of his own head this time, but just to stop himself from thrusting into Neil's mouth.

The idiot is already prone to making himself choke from his own enthusiasm, he doesn't need Andrew helping.

With that in mind, Andrew digs deep for the gentlest touch he can manage, and presses his finger into Neil. It's not something he's ever been good at, softness; he's a rock. Firm, rough, but something to keep Neil safe. His hands are deadly and harsh, but for this...

He tries.

His finger pushes inside slowly, thumb pressed against the underside of Neil's balls to give him some relief. He feels Neil jolt from the foreignness, but he doesn't push away. No grimace, no fear. Andrew wonders what it feels like...

A dark part of him whispers that he should know, but rationale sets in. No, he wouldn't. Not this, not something wanted and craved. Neil gasps with Andrew's cock still in his mouth, hand shaky where he strokes what his mouth can't reach. And Andrew...Andrew didn't think about this part.

Andrew isn't prepared, could've never been prepared for how warm Neil is. He sighs as he pushes in and out slowly, the slick sounds barely audible over the sounds from Neil's throat. Neil's messy when it comes to these things, and his fist is wet where it pumps Andrew. That, together with the loud swallows, is deafening.

And of course, Neil is so impatient. Andrew takes his sweet time for them both, since at this point he has to squeeze the base of his cock to keep from getting too close to the edge. The thought of his cock replacing his finger, squeezed so tight...

Neil's hips start to roll back, not familiar or sure of the touch, but more comfortable with it. And hellbent on provoking Andrew further, even if involuntarily.

He pushes Neil's damp bangs away from his hair, a silent warning to slow it down, and thankfully the striker does. He takes his mouth away, but keeps his hand stroking agonizingly slow. Andrew tears his gaze away from the line of spit connected to Neil’s mouth.

Can’t lose focus, but Neil’s always made that hard.

Andrew takes another deep breath before he pushes in another finger, and the pattern repeats. He waits for Neil's hips to start chasing the sensation, and then he stretches him, letting him feel the ghost of the real thing. He watches Neil's brow furrow, little whimpers starting to leave his mouth, unsure. They increase in volume as his hips thrust back a little more eagerly, legs trembling, choked gasps a little too close to Andrew’s name. The confusion in his eyes blends so brilliantly with the arousal.

For a moment, Andrew wonders if Neil is uncomfortable, but then the puzzle pieces line up. It doesn't take Andrew long to realize what it is. Neil feels good, likes this, and that it hasn't quite sunk in for him that he does.

Oh Neil, a fast learner huh?

Something primal stirs in Andrew's chest at knowing Neil loves being fingered open, legs spread and thighs sticky. This just means Andrew can take him apart this way now, can learn how to do it best so Neil’s eyes roll back. They won't always need to go all the way, he can do this simply because Neil will come completely undone from it. Fingering Neil against a wall, stretching him until he comes...

He maybe jumps ahead too fast. Andrew adds another digit quickly, roughly, and Neil yelps. The sound quickly dissolves into a whine and a shiver, and Andrew freezes.

As if he can't believe the feeling, Neil presses his hand against his own abdomen, feeling it jump.

"O-Oh," Neil hiccups, and Andrew refuses to move. He hates it, but despite his consideration for Neil, his mind is fogged because...

Shit, Neil feels so tight.

"Okay?" Andrew asks, and when did his voice get so low? It's throaty, drenched in barely held restraint, and Neil shivers from it.

"Y-yeah," Neil says with a nod and a ghost of a laugh. Stupid, so stupid-- "It's different but..."

Neil blinks, lost, staring at some faraway place Andrew can't reach.

Neil cannot leave him hanging like this right now. Not when Andrew is two seconds away from putting an end to it.

"Neil."

The harshness makes the striker groan, hiding his face in a rare show of embarrassment. "I'm okay. Just...your fingers...fuck Andrew, you're going to be inside me."

Andrew leans down and kisses him hard; he just needs it, needs to communicate some of the tumultuousness going on inside of him. It never gets easier, having his feelings mirrored so easily. How the hell does Neil know how he feels without realizing?

His fantasies, his desires…

Shared.

Neil, never knowing when he shut up, whispers into the kiss. "It feels so good..."

The excitement shows; Neil's legs try to lift where Andrew is keeping them apart. Briefly, he imagines smearing his come over Neil's thighs, since the striker tends to rub them together when he's excited, like he's trying to do now.

Andrew gives Neil something then, his noises, the groans he normally keeps back, if only to make Neil keen. He always did like making Andrew lose control.

"Feel good?" Andrew says, almost mocking, and decides to finally pull something else from the necessary information he kept at the front of his mind.

He hooks his fingers inside Neil, searching for the angle until--

"Holy fuck," Neil yells, with no regard for anyone who might be through the walls. That's alright; the mouthiness was never a turn off. Neil gives a full body spasm, shock and disbelief at war on his face. His jaw hangs open, and Neil brings his hand up to press the back of it to his mouth.

So reactive.

Andrew nearly smirks as he leans in; well, that wasn't so hard to find.

"Feel that?" He asks, watching Neil fist the sheets with his other hand.

The striker swallows, panting hard. "W-what--"

"Now, now," Andrew sighs, not covering up his amusement very well. "Pay attention this time."

He presses his fingers into the spot again, and Neil's back arches beautifully. Runners...Andrew guesses they're not so bad.

"Fuck--fuck yes," Neil cries out, chest heaving. It almost compels him to do it again, but with Neil so on edge, this will end before they can even try to go further. The desperation in Neil's eyes, the satisfaction, is enough to soothe some of the anxiety in the pit of Andrew's stomach.

"Do it again," Neil demands, nearly pleads, trying to roll his hips to do it himself.

It takes all of Andrew’s self-control to not obey, which is terrifying. No one tells Andrew what to do, he hates to give in, but with Neil like this it's like a siren song.

Yet, he manages. "No."

He squeezes the base of his cock again, still leaking from Neil's earlier attention.

If I watch you react like that I'll come.

As if realizing the same thing, Neil petulantly leans forward to tongue at Andrew's cock, and Andrew pulls him back by the hair.

Neil, the idiot, pushes against the hold teasingly, riling them both up.

“Antsy,” Andrew scoffs, as if part of him doesn’t burn because of it.

Andrew uses the distraction to scissor his fingers one last time inside Neil, careful to avoid his prostate. Neil winces at the stretch and Andrew waits, lets Neil adjust, and between the sounds of their heaving breaths he allows himself to give some more.

"So warm," he sighs, actually sighs, and Neil’s answering groan is too debauched, his cock twitching from the praise. Andrew files that away for later.

He’s been filing a lot of things away for later, good things.

"Yeah?" Neil challenges, because it's what he does. "Then c'mon."

And right now...a 'no' would be a lie. Andrew pulls his fingers out, and joins Neil on the bed with shaky limbs, grabbing Neil's hips to turn him over so his ass is in the air.

It's the first time Neil resists him. The striker fights the manhandling, keeping his eyes on Andrew's face. "Andrew, I want--"

"Neil--"

"But--"

"It'll hurt less this way," Andrew says, with hardly any room for argument. It would make it easier, that's what Roland said, and Andrew made sure not to lose that in the minefield of information he took in. "It'll be more comfortable for you."

Neil stares at him for a good long minute, as if that'll do anything. He's familiar enough with Andrew's tones to know there's not really room for argument here. Andrew's about to say they don't have to if Neil doesn't want to, but then Neil sighs.

"Okay," he says, nodding. "I want to see your face next time though."

The promise of next time is too much to think about right then, made worse by Neil's next request. "Kiss me?"

Like of all things, that's too much to ask. Like Andrew doesn't seal everything between them with a kiss and a firm touch. Andrew leans forward, surprisingly slow, and catches Neil's lips softly. Steadying, deep, while he grabs a handful of Neil’s ass.

Neil shivers when he pulls away, turning around and pressing his head into the mattress. He's a sight, one Andrew will never let anyone else see. Before he was comfortable enough to be this open with Neil, Andrew would never let himself admire, labeling the urge as a waste of time. Now, Andrew runs his hand over the slope of Neil's ass, thumbing the ghosts of scars and faded burns. All he sees is strong legs, and Neil's leaking cock hanging between them.

All for Andrew, only for Andrew.

With shaking fingertips Andrew coats himself in a little too much lube before lining himself up, pressing his forehead against Neil's spine.

This is it, now, next, this moment--

The dark cloud, the one which sits in the back of his head, kept mostly at bay this whole time, creeps forward...

Andrew doesn't sense it, can't think. His mind is a vault locked beneath an ocean, and he never knows how far the tide will come up to trap him further.

"I'm going to push in," he breathes into Neil's skin, as if Neil can't feel the head of his cock rubbing against his entrance, promising. Then, in a moment of remarkable rawness, Andrew doesn’t hold back what he’s thinking. "I'm going to feel all of you."

It should feel like a release, cathartic. Andrew should’ve known to pause right then, because it doesn’t. It sounds an awful lot like he's trying to convince one of them. Neil moans, doesn’t sense it, and spreads his legs further.

Andrew can't see his face but--

His vision sways, and he realizes he didn't get a verbal yes, nevermind that he doesn't always need them anymore.

He leans back, he can see the body in front of him, the headboard. He pushes the tip of his cock inside, and the heat is overwhelming, squeezing him so hard he winces.

So tight, it can't possibly feel good for Neil, it's like he's forcing his way inside and--

He sees hands fly up to scrape at the headboard, and imagines they're held there, unable to move, unable to break away, to get free.

He can't hear Neil's voice, can't see his face, can't tell.

Andrew's entire body goes rigid, and the choked noise which escapes him disgusts him beyond all belief. He moves away like he's been struck, violent and cornered on the other side of the bed.

No. No, no, no.

Neil moves into action surprisingly fast, but doesn't try to follow Andrew. He knows better. As soon as Andrew sees the ring of blue, he feels slightly better, but still far too exposed. Neil yanks the nearest blanket over Andrew, covering him before pulling down his shirt and wrapping the sheet around his waist.

Andrew wonders if that's a good thing for his mind right then. He needs to see. He searches Neil for injuries, bores his gaze into him until he finds evidence of pain or distrust. He needs to look closer, to make sure, but if he touches Neil he'll make it worse.

He’ll make all this worse.

Yet, there’s nothing on Neil but the marks of the past, not all of them bad. Andrew eyes where the faded hickies meet crisscrossing scars. He keeps staring, navigating from afar, and finds nothing of what he's expecting. There's only concern in Neil's gaze, and an adamance which keeps Andrew focused on the present.

Neil’s feet dig into the bed, keeping himself in check even though Andrew knows he’d rather be looking Andrew over too.

"Andrew," Neil says, a little loud, because he knows if Andrew is somewhere other than the present he often needs to be jolted back to reality. "Andrew it's me."

But well, Neil would be wrong.

That's the problem. It's you.

It was Neil, underneath him, it was Neil who filled the role of someone so vulnerable.

Andrew takes a slow gulp of air, and he doesn't try to soften his words. There's no way to, right then.

"I know," Andrew says, unbelievably loud in the space. Cold. And oh, he does not like this at all. The slow realization, the understanding of what happened.

Neil's chest is still heaving, and Andrew's mind begins to clear. Neil looks the farthest from scared, he was feeling good, the haze in his eyes very much there. Craving, waiting for Andrew to give him something he ultimately could not.

And isn't that rich?

Andrew, despite knowing there would most likely be setbacks, who should've seen this coming, doesn't know what to do with this. Disappointment is an old emotion he has not felt in so long, ugly and worse than any good or anxious feeling he's begun to experience more.

It's full body, and makes him want to rip his hair out. They’d been so close.

He's aware he has nothing to feel guilty for, or upset by. Calling this a mess-up is not accurate, and it would be idiotic to do so. And yet, he...

Neil’s breathing stutters when Andrew looks away from him, like he misses it already.

Andrew does too, and he’s got no fight in him left to pick that apart. He just gives in and slides his gaze back to his boyfriend, the word coming easy to him for once.

Neil opens his mouth then closes it, thinking better of it. The coldness in Andrew's eyes is directed inward, wholly at himself. But Neil sees it all, the anger and frustration, and knows it's not time for this discussion. Even when it's clear he's in the dark, doesn't know what caused it, can't get past the wall blocking Andrew's mind, he knows when a boundary needs to be enforced.

They'll talk, soon, but Andrew can't now.

He hates that he can't, that's it's not his fault he can't.

Robbed of control, always.

He fists his hands in the blankets, stretching the fabric, as if he can mimic the feeling anyways. Neil's back hits the headboard softly, letting the quiet settle between them and makes no move to break it. Those bright blue eyes drift between Andrew and the bathroom door, as if debating on leaving, giving Andrew space. There’s not an ounce of disappointment on Neil’s face.

And shit, the itch to leave is rampant. He knows Neil wouldn't mind, but Andrew does. He doesn't want to leave Neil like this, not after something so intense for them both, so new, but he needs to be alone in his own head. That's out of his control too.

But some things have changed, some things he still has the strength to challenge.

He turns towards the wall, where he can focus on the cracks and faded wallpaper instead of Neil's warm body and concern, and lies down rigidly. This isn't tension Neil will be able to rid him of, but it's okay. Andrew doesn't expect him to.

Instead, he puts his back to Neil, a small acquiescence, a show of trust. Andrew never sleeps with his face to the wall.

Andrew hopes Neil takes the gesture as 'stay, be here.'

Andrew will only be able to do this if Neil brackets him off, closed to the world.

There's a long pause of debate while Neil tenses, and Andrew closes his eyes. He’s exhausted suddenly. He wouldn't be offended if Neil left, he tells himself, but his pulse spikes in relief when he feels the mattress shift with Neil's weight as he lies down, leaving space between them.

Traitorous heart.

And through all the slog in his head, Andrew can't help but think the gaze on the back of his neck is the closest thing to comfort.

Later that night, Andrew breathes in smoke on the rooftop. He comes here more for tradition now than anything; the fear of falling is still there, but he doesn't need it to jumpstart his emotions like he used to.

There are easier ways to do it now, and he hears a foolproof method open the door behind him. Andrew doesn't flinch when Neil walks up, his head mostly cleared of its earlier fog, leaving behind annoyance and frustration.

He didn't give permission for those to remain either, but here they are. He knows it's mostly resolved, if he can call it that, because the sight of Neil makes his chest feel warm instead of worried.

It’s also unsettling, but not something he's actively trying to be rid of. Warmth, comfort. He’s too tired to lash out. Andrew quirks a brow as Neil stands there, messing with the edge of his sleeves.

Andrew's jacket.

It's then Andrew realizes the one he's wearing must be Neil's, grabbed without a second thought after it was his turn to shower. Routine; Andrew can’t remember the last time he wore his own jacket, except for when Neil asked him to.

So it would smell like him again.

With a sigh, Andrew flicks his cigarette off the side of the building, not watching it fall to its demise. Neil is much more interesting.

The striker takes a hesitant step forward, a silent question, and Andrew can’t stand him.

"Come here," Andrew mimics, a callback to earlier, and the relief on Neil's face is almost annoying. The grin which breaks out on his face is a wave, threatening to drown Andrew as Neil plops down at his side. He leaves a bit of distance, just in case, but Andrew closes it until Neil is flush against him.

It has an instantaneous result; the rest of the tension in both their bodies floods out, and Andrew thinks with some bemusement if Neil were a cat, he'd be purring.

This is familiar, but Andrew has no place for regret in regards to the new things that happened earlier. He thinks it through slowly again, for the tenth time that day, carving around the ugliness. He'd felt good, before it happened. Exhilarating, on fire. Neil, coming apart beneath him. Those are not things he'd ever take back. Neil bites his lip, and Andrew really wishes he'd stop, since it's starting to trigger a Pavlovian response. "We...don't have to talk about it," Neil says, unsure of himself.

Again, he's mistaken.

"Yes we do," Andrew mutters, because it's not what he'd like to do per say, but...

They're sharing, he figures this is kind of part of it. Talking about these things is a little easier, if not akin to pulling teeth. It was like that before too...but now, it's like he's finally being allowed anesthesia.

Neil sighs, like he knew it all along, and nods with a sheepish smile. He keeps shifting too much, torn between wanting to soak up all of Andrew's warmth and see his face at the same time.

"What happened?" Neil asks, never one to beat around the bush once the direction is clear.

Andrew's finger drums on his knee, wishing he hadn't thrown out his cigarette. How to say it...he doesn't have the patience or care to tailor it. "Seeing you like that, for a moment I thought I was hurting you."

That's the basics of it, he thinks. The memories had blurred together, conjuring up the past instead of forcing Andrew back into it. Neil in his place, hands on a headboard, trying to get away...

Neil hums beside him, considering it. Andrew notes how he doesn't refute the reason, doesn't try to remind Andrew that he specifically told the blond to not worry about hurting him. Things are seldom so simple, and the war torn canvas of Andrew's mind can't always be wiped clean with a single statement.

"Because of the position?" Neil asks a beat later, tilting his head, and Andrew suppresses his anger. So much for that position being best, of course it would come back to bite him.

"I couldn't see your face, couldn't tell," Andrew agrees without actually doing so. "I just saw your hands scrape the bed frame."

It had been enough. Nothing more to it.

Neil nods, breathing deep. Like he’s soaking up Andrew’s presence. Once, Andrew snapped at him to stop, like if he did it too much Andrew would wither into nothing. Now, it just offers infuriating stability.

"I would've told you as soon as something was off," Neil states, and it's reassurance, not exasperation or something condescending. In fact, Neil almost looks guilty. "I should've kn--"

Andrew's head whips to face him, tone harsh, so Neil doesn't finish the thought. "No, you couldn't have known. I didn't even know. Stop it."

It's not your fault.

Trial and error, they know the position doesn't work now, at least not at the moment. That's all there is to it, no point in lingering.

Andrew feels it so strongly it threatens to break him in two. If Neil doesn't get that idea out of his head, Andrew might just kill him for real.

Neil's protests die, which is a feat only Andrew has mastered. Making Neil shut up is not straightforward. The striker kicks his legs out in front of him, tapping the edges of his shoes together.

It's not cute.

"Mm," Neil hums, nodding. "We'll just have to try again then, if you want to..."

The smile fades for a moment, and Neil's shoulders tense, fearing he's jumped the gun too soon. Neil has such an idiotic way of putting things, blunt and now without the lies, it makes relief battle with frustration inside Andrew. Of course Neil would worry about this, that Andrew wouldn't want him.

After all that, as if it's even possible for Andrew to not want Neil.

"Don't ask stupid questions," he grits out predictably, overcome with the gravity of this, of how talking to Neil can feel like a warm mug of hot chocolate on a bad night.

Neil's smirk is small, not as powerful as usual, but still there enough to set Andrew on edge. "You want me then?"

Andrew can't do this. If he had the energy to roll his eyes, he would.

He leans back, staring up at the starless sky, a black void. He imagines the lights of Eden's flashing while the heavy bass bounces off the walls. "Every inch of you."

In a random act of therapy application, he brings the past up on purpose, if only to see the way Neil's eyes widen.

There, maybe that'll shut you up.

It's wishful thinking.

"Andrew..." Neil whispers, following him to the dusty floor. Neil's eyes are brighter in the dark, Andrew thinks; it's like they glow.

It pulls the last of his thoughts out of him.

"I don't know how many times I'll get it wrong," Andrew says, surprising even himself. Already, the words feel like vomit, leaving a bad aftertaste. It was a bad way to phrase it, even he knows, but he has to make Neil aware.

This could happen again.

He remembers Neil's excitement, the yearning, the abrupt cutoff of all of it.

Neil is entirely unfazed by the gloom, swatting away the veil over Andrew's mind.

Literally. Neil brings his hand up in front of Andrew’s face, waving.

Andrew really can’t do this.

"And?" Neil asks, blinking stupidly. He looks almost...amused. "Andrew there's no three strikes policy, we can try as many times as we need to."

Do not use sports references when it comes to our sex life.

Andrew shoves him, and the tightness in his chest fades away with the normalcy of it all. Neil doesn't mind, doesn't care. Andrew should've seen that coming too. "Was that a vague baseball reference? From you?"

Neil grimaces, offended. The scars under his eyes scrunch up, and Andrew digs his thumb into one.

"Shut up," Neil grumbles, burying his forehead in Andrew's shoulder.

"I'll tell Kevin you betrayed him."

Neil snorts. "I don't think he'll appreciate the context."

No, he most certainly would not. Like Andrew cares.

He scoffs, but soaks in the feeling of their usual banter, of the weight of the day bleeding out from them both.

And then Neil, in all his devastation, has to hit Andrew one more time.

"There's no getting it wrong," the striker says a moment later, head popping back up so his chin is resting on Andrew. His hair is a goddamn mess. "It always feels good, when we lose control."

Andrew doesn't refute the always for that statement.

His breathing catches, his fingers tangling in the mess of Neil's hair, and kisses him.

He lets his mind flood with the better images, of fingering Neil open, Neil's mouth on him, the moans, the touch...

"Next time," he breathes against Neil's cheek, letting his lips feel the roughness of his scars.

Neil nods, chasing Andrew's lips like he's insatiable. He is. Andrew slows him with a hand to the chest, licking into Neil's mouth teasingly. "Did it feel good?"

He wants to hear it again, he needs to know, to reinforce it.

Neil laughs into the kiss. "It felt incredible, fuck...your hands Andrew," he breathes, letting his own be guided up to Andrew's hair. With the permission clear, he tugs on the loose hairs of Andrew's nape, massaging.

And there's no rush in this, they won't be taking it any further, but they don't need to.

Yes, yes, it all must be one big dream, this life he lives with Neil. But instead of pushing it away before it can end, Andrew has decided to indulge as long as he can.

"Tell me," he says into the skin of Neil's neck, doing what he didn't have the time to before. Marking, savoring.

Neil laughs breathily, and has the audacity to point at the next spot on his neck, tapping it in a silent request for Andrew to plant one on him.

Fine then.

"It's like you're so confident," Neil rambles, unashamed as always. Andrew rolls them over so he's on top of Neil, not for the security, but just because he knows Neil likes to feel cocooned, safe. He gets to work on the spot, swirling his tongue against it. "Like taking me apart is your only goal. I was thinking if that felt so good...how would your cock feel--"

Andrew bites down hard, and Neil yelps.

Well, someone walking by definitely heard that.

Neil is right though; it is Andrew's only goal, ripping sounds out of Neil's throat and bringing him to his knees. He likes when Neil thrashes, wants more, pleads without words.

"I'd slide right in," Andrew states, like one of his facts, a promise. It makes his own head spin. He knows he would, when he can, it'll be..."When I do fuck you, I'm going to make sure it's all you can think about."

That way, they'll be in the same boat.

The smile Neil gives him is mischievous and way too proud. "Already there," he gloats, rubbing at the sore spot on his neck. He looks far too pleased about the growing bruise. "What about you?"

Andrew's about to go for the other side of Neil's neck when the question halts him. He lifts his head back up, gaze questioning.

Neil's eyes get impossibly brighter. "What felt good Andrew?"

And in an instant, Andrew understands. Neil's eyes are lidded, staring up at him expectantly. There can be no dwelling on what went wrong, only what went right.

Neil invites him to write over the past.

Andrew leans down, closes his eyes, and his forehead meets Neil's. He hopes no one ever sees them like this, it's all Andrew's, all of it.

"You took me so easy," Andrew says, and Neil tenses on instinct, as if remembering it too. Oh yes, Andrew intends to explore that, thoroughly. "You were so damn loud."

Neil doesn't point out how he's usually loud, and therefore Andrew is confessing to having a thing for his voice. They can both infer enough to see through it.

So instead, Neil leans up to slot their lips together firmly, the promise of 'next time' searing the deal into place. "Bet you I can be louder."

And Neil, with all his infuriating seduction, is a challenge Andrew can never back down from.

#andreil #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard #neil josten

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incorrectsmashbrosquotes · 5 years ago

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Corrupted Memories Pt.3

Joker listening to the Persona OST: Sooo...How long should it take to get to Popstar anyway Dedede?

King Dedede: Well let's see with Meta Knight behind the wheel it should take around 3-4 hours.

Ryuji: FOR REAL!? 3-4 HOURS!!!

King Dedede: Oops my bad. Heheheheh! I meant 5-6 hours.

Ryuji: THAT'S WORSE!!!

Makoto: Well at least the journey will be safe. Right?

King Dedede: Right...Safe...

Makoto: ...You. Don't sound to sure.

King Dedede: Well firstly sweetheart your in space space isn't very safe second... ...Well...We're in space! There's literally nothing else!

Makoto: Hehe...That's not concerning at all... ...

Joker: It'll be ok. If it makes you feel better I'll hold your hand.

Makoto, blushes: ... ...I don't deserve you

Bonny Janet: Well et be'er be a safe trip. Overwase aym gonna. Giv' yer a taste of me knuckles!

King Dedede: Oooh! Look at me! I'm a little Scottish prick who insults people to seem tough!

Bonny Janet: Yer bes' giv me one good reason fer why aye shouldn't hit ya!

King Dedede: Because Kirby told be to have a nice day & you punching me would ruin my day!

Bonny Janet: ... ... ...(Sits down) Yer get ta live today Dedede.

Bandana Dee: Sir we've taken off now you should be seated.

King Dedede: Right... ...No. This is a ship that ignores zero gravity so me and you we are completely weighted!

Bandana Dee: Oooh!

Captain Falcon: Space is so cool! I've missed it out here! So awesome and fresh! Full of nothingness but yet so much adventure...Right sis!?

Chara: ... ... ...WHY AM I HERE!?

Captain Falcon: Because Dad explicitly stated that (Does a good impression of Ganon) "I am leaving Chara in your hands I would like to give her a break from villainy, our following mission may also get her killed." Whatever he's doing sounds dangerous. I guess they just thought you'd get in the way. Haha!

Chara: DOG SHIT!!!

Captain Falcon: Watch your profanities...

Chara, drawing her knife: You best shut up!

Captain Falcon, cracks his knuckles: What you think I won't throw hands with a child?

Bayonetta, hits them both across the head: That's enough you two. Behave.

Chara & Falcon: Yes Mother.

Bayonetta: Thank you. Both you two should aspire to be like Ren look at him minding his buisness, with his girlfriend. Speaking of where's Rosalina, Falcon?

Captain Falcon: Somewhere trying to do "important stuff." Which reminds me Chara has no one to love hehehe.

Chara: I never told you about my life.

Captain Falcon: ...Heh...Feel sorry for whoever you like... ...Oh there's Rosa! (Sits next to her) What's up Rosa!? What's with all these photos and papers?

Rosalina: Douglas, shut up! I'm busy trying to find out how I can help Dedede.

Captain Falcon: This again? Rosa just let it go. Start over.

Rosalina: Yeah yeah whatever. Based on the allignment of the stars this should be where a meteorite made it's way to Popstar in less than 10 minutes. That fast huh? Lucky for us Dedede hit it far away seconds before impact. Let's test this out then. DEDEDE!?

King Dedede: Yes? Woah! This place...Looks familiar?

Rosalina: It does!? Really!?

King Dedede: Yeah! This is where Kirby saved Ripple Star from Dark Matter!

Rosalina: Yes!... ...Wait...What...

King Dedede: Yeah it was one heck of an adventure! Too bad Meta Knight missed out on it. He can tell you how proud he was in person.

Rosalina, suddenly thinks of something: ... ...Liiiight bulb...

-At the helm of the Halberd-

Lucas: Do you like anyone?

Meta Knight: My friends yes.

Lucas: What's your favourite colour?

Meta Knight: Blue.

Lucas: Are you and Kirby the only ones of your kind?

Meta Knight: Well there's me, him 3 other Kirby's in different colours, a mirror me, a mirror Kirby, a being that looks like both me and him but from another dimension & a butterfly.

Lucas: Why do you have arms but Kirby doesn't?

Meta Knight: ... ... ...I actually don't know. Huh. That's a change.

Rosalina, kicks down the door: META KNIGHT HOLY FUCK!

Meta Knight: ...Do not say "Fuck" infront of the child!

Rosalina: Well you just said "Fuck" to.

Meta Knight: I was demonstrating!

Rosalina: Anyway I have a question Meta.

Meta Knight: Is it a valid one?

Rosalina: Do you remember me?

Meta Knight, puts ship on autopilot: ... ...If by remember "Me" you mean. The little child from the stars then. Yes.

Rosalina: Then why doesn't Dedede!?

Meta Knight: Ah. I see you've finally realised.

Rosalina: I've known for 5 years.

Meta Knight: 5!? Why didn't you say!?

Rosalina: I was scared you forgot me to.

Meta Knight: Oh ay caramba.

Rosalina: Meta listen. Ever since I left and Kirby arrived the memory of the best friend he ever had, me by the way, has suddenly faded.

Meta Knight: I know. It was the mask.

Rosalina: The mask?

Meta Knight: Surely you remember his sudden change in behaviour upon retrieval of the mask? He bacame angrier and angrier by the day. That was of course until he decided to steal all the food in Dreamland. Which was the day Kirby came. And him being the hungry hero he was and still is faced him...After knocking off the mask Dedede forgot all about who we were he had no memory of his friends anymore not even his subjects. We had to start all our friendships all over again. Though I suppose you refuse to do that. I can understand that...Out of all his more well known friends you despite only knowing him for 1 day became his most spoken of person.

Rosalina: ... ...We're gonna help him.

Meta Knight: ...Wait what?

Rosalina: When we get to Popstar we'll find a way to get him to remember us as he did before.

Meta Knight: *Blinks a few times* ... ...Hmm. Fine--

Rosalina: META HOW COULD YO--... ... ...Wait what?

Meta Knight: I said I'll help you...Just as long as we get to enjoy our break at least.

Rosalina, hugs him off the ground: YES YES YES!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

Meta Knight: Hey put me down respect your elders!

___________

Ridley: Boss could you please remind me why we've stowed away on the Halberd instead of hijacking it ourselves?

Ganondorf: If you wish to take it from it and fail in doing so. Go ahead. Get killed by Meta Knight for all I care. This way fool we have the advantage as not a single one of them has a clue we're here.

Sephiroth: Excellent plan Ganon. They'll never see it coming.

-On the other side of the wall-

Joker, still listening to the Persona OST: Huh?... "Never see it coming?" ... ...I'm not listening to "Last Surprise" right now... ...Whatever probably just my immagination.

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thekaijudude · 5 years ago

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Bandai 2020 Catalog List LEAKED

So a few of my sources are saying that this is the Bandai 2020 list of merch, mostly just reissues of old items but I bordered a few items that I would like everyone to pay close attention to

And note that there's some MAJOR info drop here

From the top:

1. DX New Generation Eye & (Untranslated)

So ignoring the second item first cause it's not translated but likely related to the first item

Judging that the item is an 'Eye', I wouldn't necessarily say that it's Zero's henshin item cause Zero technically already has Zero Beyond accessed using the New Generation Capsules

So it's safe to say that it's likely Taiga's new henshin item

Which means that going back to one of my earliest predictions, it's very possible that Taiga will use some form of Ultra Overlapping to fuse with all the New Gen members

Which also means that the second untranslated item is likely gonna be the weapon for the new fusion

2. Ultraman Reiga

Welp, I think everyone forgot about this trademark cause it seemed fake

Maybe this whole list could also be fake but let's just examine this abit further

If we all remember what Taiga said at his first series conference that he explicitly stated that 'The New Generation is in good hands'

So it'll sort of make sense if Reiga isn't actually a Trinity fusion (cause TS kind of already is anyways) but actually a fusion of all the New Gen members

And it's probably a pure fusion considering that the Ultra has a totally new name here which is gonna be OP as hell to see

And tbh if like Zero which gained SCZ and LMZ from being Saga, I won't be surprised if Taiga gets like 10 new individual forms each based on a New Gen Ultra after the movie

(And tbh I won't be surprised if Zero's also included in the fusion)

3. Grimmudo

So y'all can remember this trademark which was released alongside the Shin Ultraman trademark which everyone thought he was gonna be the villain for the Shin Ultraman movie

Tho as stated in said post that it seems REALLY weird that Gimmudo will be the villain for a reboot cause of his relatively outlandish title of 'Jashin Majuu' (Evil God Demon Beast)

And itll definitely make more sense if it's the villain for the Taiga movie

HOWEVER

This also means that Toregia will not be the villain for the Taiga movie, that also means that we could probably see Unsealed Toregia at the end of the Taiga movie cause as seen with Imitation Belial and Ura (that clusterfuck kaiju), the Q2 scans have fooled us all

But it's likely that Toregia would still be pulling off another fake death once again if only the Tri Squad and Zero are present. And more likely than not, it still be likely that Toregia will 'die' against the Quattro Squad Blaster

BUT HELL, considering that this dude is possibly going against a 12 Ultra Fusion, sounds too unbelievable even to me at this point

This means that despite the lack of Taiga movie catalog leaks, it seems that it's still more likely that the Taiga movie will still be a thing

And I suspect that TsuPro didn't drop them in the usual time cause they don't want to take attention away from the November scans bombshell that was Imitation Belial and Ura so likely we'll see them in early November

Or perhaps the Taiga Movie will not be released in March as usual but later which could also explain the delay

Or heck, it might not even be a movie but a spin-off

BUT ANYWAYS, everything seems really exciting from all this new information but once again, take this as a grain of salt until at least early November where I hope the Taiga Movie scans will drop

#ultraman #ultraman taiga #shin ultraman

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acosmiccomedian · 5 years ago

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OK long ass Hollowknight post because I've been thinking about this for actual days now

So this is gonna be a long ass splurge and all but bare with me here, I'm writing this up as a timeline from hallownests sort of beginning up to where the Pale king would show up based on all the lore my nerd ass consumed from obsessive playthroughs

So, in the beginning hallownest was split into 7 sort of kingdoms, but only 5 "Higher beings" existed, and we will start with them

The first is Unn, the Verdant god of leaf and vine, taking up her place within green path and what would become the queens gardens as her territory, her mosskin held to a sort of traditional kingdom structure, with knights and priests and other such stations

The second is what would become the Radiance, her peaceful tribe of moths taking their residence within and on the crystal peak and what would later become the resting grounds, her subjects linked via their dreams in a sort of communal intelligence

The third is the White lady, and while there's nothing that explicitly would say so, I personally believe she originated in the cavern that would become the city of tears, the pale god of root thriving in the endless downpour.

The fourth is likely the King of Deepnest, who may have been known as the Blackwyrm but that's speculation as well, either way the king and queen of Deepnest held strong in their own section of the world, their kin described as among the most intelligent of bugs on their own.

The fifth and final "higher being" was Vespa, queen of the Hive, her subjects unified in a hive mind with her at its head, creating a great civilization in their own right.

While not lead by higher beings, 2 other civilizations came to be during this era of hallownest,

The shrumal, a fungal kingdom of a truly communal intelligence. Larger shrumal having larger portions of this communal mind, with smaller ones having less, but all were truly connected and communicated via the prevalent spores throughout the wastes and what would become the waterways, feasting on the runoff and waste of the other civilizations above them.

Then was the final and most obscure kingdom I only really refer to as "the ancient caste" or "Void kingdom" who did not devote to any higher being or communal sense but instead worshipped the very darkness within the bowels of the world, the Void. This kingdom likely originated in the ancient basin or potentially within the abyss although that seems unlikely.

(Its sorta worth mentioning that kingdoms edge may have been ruled by the lord fool even at this time but there's nothing saying he didn't come later either or that he was a higher being or anything)

For some time at least, these 7 disparate civilizations remained in a stable lock-step. All keeping to their own spheres of power.

The Ancient caste, likely as a result of the all-consuming nature of the very force of nature they worshipped, one day shattered this stasis by seeking to expand their dominion across the whole of hallownest, their knowledge of the Void and Soul giving them an edge against the bugs they would face, but they faced 2 major obstacles right away: Deepnest and the Hive.

I base this on the prevalence of soul-totems, which we know through lemm are the work of this kingdom, throughout hallownest, of which few to none existed within these locations. However they were able to push up through the Shrumal kingdom, the shrumal not being as fierce or strong in any was as the beasts of Deepnest or the Hive.

Once through there, it's likely the White lady wouldnt have put up much resistance to their expansion, potentially even letting them through without resistance as she is a fairly passive entity and many of the totems can be found within this cavern even when it becomes the city of tears.

Circumventing the hive the ancient caste sought to go under it, reaching as far out as the caverns beneath where the nailmaster would eventually take up residence.

However their progress upwards continued strong, pushing into the leafy groves of Unn, but her kin resisted with much more force than could be said of the moth tribesmen.

The pacifistic moths would likely have been as lambs to the slaughter before this all-consuming army, eventually forced to beg the Radiance herself to save them. (Keep in mind this is heavily speculative, but I base this on the Radiance recognizing the Knight, a being of void, as an "Ancient enemy", and the word ancient is used most often in reference to this kingdom).

The radiance would have brought victory, blazing a path through hallownest and shattering the Ancient caste's civilization, driving them to obscurity into the abyss.

The Raduance herself however was greatly affected by this, I believe she was so injured from the fighting that her physical form was "killed" forcing her to retreat into the Dream-realm, giving her followers the final command "Remember Light". The moths would build the statue at hallownests crown and seek to further unlock the secrets of the dream realm as a result of this, eventually crafting the dream nail. This is also likely when the first moths began to take up arms, although still few would do so.

So at this point hallownest was in a sorry state, the Radiance was more or less dead, Unn would have been severely weakened from the fight and retreated to her lake to recover, and the White lady was further isolated within her forest of root (probably), the Shrumal had lost a great deal of Biomass. Both Deepnest and the Hive however were in fairly good shape and could have even expanded, but for the wisdom of Vespa and the King of beasts to not expand beyond what they could reasonably control.

It was during this time period then that the Pale King would arrive. Whether he knew the weakened state of the kingdom or not, there was no other power that could or would resist his sudden arrival and rapid expansion of the lesser insects that lived within Hallownest, those that may have been overlooked by the other higher beings and their tribes suddenly had minds with which to think, and all were drawn to his immense power and pale light.

The White lady, also a Pale being, would be taken for his Queen and the cavern she inhabited would become the City of Tears, and She would be gifted the Queens garden area as a personal retreat, further Weakening Unn and assuring her Gradual fade from power.

The moths, Seeing this new, more bright light forgot the radiance, Sealing her away and devoting themselves to the Pale king (if you want to blame anyone for the infection, its them).

The subjects of Unn, weakened and no longer in contact with their god, yielded to the king, but maintained their devotion to her.

The shrumal also yielded to him, believing his Prescience able to shield them from yet another catastrophic war in which so much of them would die.

Deepnest and the Hive utterly rejected the new King, Deepnest going so far as to go to War with the king when he attempted to expand into the territory, while the Hive merely cut themselves off entirely.

The Mantis tribes also resisted, but struck a deal with the King to guard against invasion from deepnest in exchange for their Independence.

The Pale king built his palace away from the city, in the Ancient basin, likely to keep an eye on the Abyss and to grant himself the privacy to devote to his own projects.

And thus came the Era of the kingdome of Hallownest, the Pale King controlling and Leading the vast majority of the region into a sort of Golden age, which would last until an experimental mining operation in search of a possible new energy source would infect the mind of one miner with the Image of the Radiance, her light distorted and Angry after being forgotten, sprung forth as the plague and brought the Kingdom to ruin.

#hollowknight #timeline #pale king #the radiance #Unn #White Lady #herrah the beast #monomon #greenpath #city of tears #moth #mossbag #speculation

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marshmallowgoop · 6 years ago

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(Part 1 of 2) Controversial? Oh, no. I forgot tone is hard to discern on the Internet. I wasn't angry, just puzzled. I think I thought this way because my admiration of Satsuki's character (after the reveal of her noble motives) made me gloss over the finer details of her cruel, villainous behavior. Furthermore, her smile here seems related to how she seemed happy to have tea with him later in the episode, a reversal of how cold and distant she was earlier.

(Part 2 of 2) As for “pain”, who knows if the process was super painful? Iori could have used anesthesia. Still, it’s very disturbing for just how extreme it was. You relating it to your fanfic moment was a good choice to illustrate this point.

Anonymous asks: Honestly, the Uzu thing seems to be a deeply polarizing thing! I’ve never read it as Satsuki forcing Uzu to blind himself implicitly or explicitly through her influence. From him meeting her, her lunge with the teacup handle, she was assessing him and his response disappointed her given that she didn’t come to watch. And he understood what she had seen in him that night and his overreliance on his uniform’s abilities led him to blind himself for the sake of the plan. I argue for his agency in this instance and for Satsuki’s reaction to be a complex one that included a pleased sort of surprise at the forthrightness, ingenuity, resolve in his rededication to the cause he displayed. Even when I believed she was a villain this is how I read it, especially considering that this is one of our first glimpses into the incomprehensibility of the cast but also that her quiet affection for those closest to her. Her reaction isn’t perfect yes but arguably she’s emotionally fucked up as well.

I’m enjoying this discussion by the way. I hope it comes across that I’m not looking for an argument!

I should note that I didn’t mean “controversial” in a bad way!

I was just surprised, is all. My first post discussing the Uzu incident is probably one of my more popular essays, and I hadn’t received any disagreement for my argument before. So, to see multiple comments understanding the scene differently now was just not something I was expecting.

I mean, I have plenty of Kill la Kill opinions that I know are controversial, and I’ve even noted in the past that I could respond to most anything said about the series with an image that reads, “I’ve written—or can link to—lengthy rebuttals” because I recognize that a lot of my thoughts on the show really aren’t widely held. I just didn’t realize that my Uzu statement was one of those thoughts!

But I don’t at all mind disagreement! In fact, I’m often kinda sad that I don’t see folks disagreeing with me much. I enjoy listening to what others have to say about things I like.

I do apologize if I came off as snappy in my response, though. It doesn’t excuse coming off as angry if I did, but it really wasn’t my intention to sound mad; I’m just very passionate ^^; I’ll work to be better on that front.

Now, I do have a few more things to add here, and warning, it’ll get pretty personal. But, basically, I think the whole situation is a lot more complicated than I’ve probably expressed in my short posts.

So. I kind of relate to Uzu, in a way. Yeah, I’m not at all a delinquent like he is, but I totally get feeling like you’re not good enough for your family and are kind of a disgrace to them. While my family might not have a konnyaku shop for me to shame, they do have a history (on both sides!) of smart, educated people that I can dishonor by not being particularly intelligent—and I’ve felt over and over that I’ve done just that. Sure, I got a college degree, but that’s really expected here; after all, my grandfather earned a Master’s (and considering he was a black man doing so in my country decades and decades ago, I can only imagine how difficult that was), and my parents both graduated with degrees in engineering.

Growing up, I felt constantly pressured to be smart, and much like Uzu, I felt constantly compared to an older sibling. My mother even stated explicitly at a parent-teacher conference, right in front of me, that she thought I wasn’t as smart as my older sister. So, I put it upon myself to be smart. I took all these difficult honors classes in high school to look smart.

But at the end of the day? Those classes were too much for me. I was a miserable wreck. I really hurt myself.

Just like Uzu did.

So, here’s the point of this overly long anecdote. Satsuki and the other Elites, as well as Shiro, are another family for Uzu. And like many families, such as Uzu’s very own blood family, there’s pressure placed upon its members. I don’t deny that Uzu definitely made a choice to sew his eyes shut because he absolutely did, just as I definitely made a choice to sign up for classes that would be the cause of horrible emotional suffering in high school. Satsuki didn’t beat Uzu over the head to go and do something that drastic to get stronger, just as my parents didn’t force me to register for the hardest classes possible. We’re all responsible for our own actions, as Ryuko would say, and I dislike putting blame solely on someone else for decisions we made of our own free will.

Plus, there are a lot more factors at play, too. There are so many more reasons that Uzu would want to be strong than to please Satsuki and the others, just as there was a lot more influencing my desire to be smart than my family.

But I think it’s undeniable that family is extremely significant. Would Uzu have been so driven to do what he did, had he not been following a leader who absolutely does not tolerate failure? Who calls him “pathetic” and insults him even when Soroi is the only one watching—and even when his self-confidence has already been bruised and his image marred?

Satsuki: I’ve no time for losers, Sanageyama.

Satsuki: Pathetic.

In another situation, Ira nearly killed himself when he lost to Ryuko and Senketsu in episode 9. That’s partly just how Gama is, but Satsuki’s leadership is most certainly encouraging that sort of behavior. Just look at how awful the scene I posted above is! If losing brings you that, I mean….

In any case, I argued in my other posts that Satsuki drove Uzu to sew his eyes shut, and that’s exactly what I’m getting at here. No, Satsuki didn’t make Uzu do anything, but just like how my childhood environment of a mother who frequently reminded me of how similar I was to a sister of hers who didn’t have the family smarts (and whom she considered to be about as intelligent as a bag of bricks) drove me to overly challenge myself in high school, Satsuki’s regime undoubtedly drove Uzu to be as strong as he possibly could be—no matter the costs.

But unlike my situation, I feel that Uzu’s was manipulative. My parents didn’t just say nothing as I threw myself into something I couldn’t handle. They actively told me not to take those difficult classes. But Satsuki? She knew Uzu was 100% going to lose, and she lets him go make a total fool of himself anyway. Compare this to Ryuko and Senketsu in episode 3, where Senketsu is still a pretty robotic, unemotional baby, but he still tells Ryuko straight out, “Hey, we’re probably not gonna win this thing.” He lets her know exactly what she’s getting into.

Senketsu: Ryuko, I feel I should warn you. Your opponent is more powerful than you are.

Satsuki doesn’t let Uzu know exactly what he’s getting into, though. And that’s because she doesn’t really want to. When Uzu loses, she’s well aware that he’ll do whatever he can to to be worthy of fighting in her war again. And that’s exactly what Satsuki wants: good, useful tools for her battle.

Now, of course, Uzu, like Ryuko in episode 3 and like myself, probably would have just done whatever he wanted no matter what anyone else had to say about it. I bet he totally would have challenged Ryuko to a duel without Satsuki’s blessing. But I think there’s definitely a level of manipulation here that’s not present in Ryuko’s situation or mine, and Satsuki even admits to using such tactics later. She purposely led Ryuko to believe that she killed Ryuko’s father in order to push Ryuko to be stronger, and, in the same way, she purposely allows Uzu to fight a doomed fight to push him to be stronger. It’s… kind of cold.

And while I’m here with the Ryuko and Senketsu comparisons, there’s actually something quite interesting about the placement of the Satsuki-sees-that-Uzu-sewed-his-eyes-shut scene. As it turns out, the moment plays directly after Ryuko irons Senketsu in an interaction so sweet that this adorable music box variation of “Before my body is dry” serves as the background music (starting at around 1:08 here).

And… the two scenes are actually kind of similar?

In both cases, a character had inflicted pain on themselves to be stronger. Senketsu let himself be torn up so that he and Ryuko could win against Uzu, and Uzu sewed his eyes shut so that he wouldn’t be overreliant on his sight in battle.

But Ryuko and Satsuki have wildly different reactions to their friends getting hurt. Just compare Ryuko’s troubled expression and “sorry about that” to Satsuki’s smile:

When Ryuko realizes that her method was a painful experience for Senketsu, she’s hurt and regretful, and she later apologizes to Senketsu before attempting the tactic again.

Ryuko: Sorry about this, Senketsu.

In contrast, when Satsuki realizes the drastic decision Uzu made to be stronger, she’s impressed and pleased and doesn’t seem at all concerned with how painful—both physically and emotionally!—the procedure had to be for him.

The fact that these two similar scenes are presented one after another only serves to highlight the coldness and cruelty of Satsuki’s rule. She’s not at all behaving as a friend would with Uzu, as Ryuko does with Senketsu. And while the pain both boys endured was arguably very much worth it—after all, Senketsu even states directly that he wouldn’t have been able to enjoy that moment with Ryuko if he didn’t get hurt, and Uzu becomes leagues more powerful and learns an important lesson in humility for his actions—Ryuko is notably affected by the costs of their good outcome in a way that Satsuki really, really isn’t with Uzu.

So. This all got super out of hand for what I was (seriously!) intending to be a short response, but the gist is that, personally, I find Satsuki’s actions in the episode to be… not the nicest. I’m not saying that her reaction is outlandish given her situation—it’s really, really not—and I’m not even saying that Satsuki doesn’t care about Uzu. She does! Heck, Uzu himself seems to recognize as much in the episode when he points out that Satsuki had to be holding back when she attacked him (which implies that she doesn’t truly want to hurt him).

Uzu: I assume you were holding back.

I am making some assumptions in my analysis; I do believe that the sewing had to be physically painful, and I also feel it’s emotionally painful in that Uzu is literally blinding himself and making it impossible for him to enjoy things he used to (such as drinking tea, which becomes too much for him after the procedure). But no matter how painful Uzu’s situation, it definitely is drastic and extreme, and Satsuki’s reaction to it comes off as unfitting from a friend.

Which I think is sad! Satsuki values and loves Uzu. She doesn’t want harm to come his way. And yet, she drove him—at least on some level—to sew his eyes shut.

And all she can do is smile.

#argentdandelion #kill la kill #satsuki kiryuin #uzu sanageyama #Anonymous #replies #ramblings #spoilers #klk spoilers #injury mention #whoops this got to be a bit much huh ^^;

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shannaraisles · 6 years ago

Text

From Tonight

A Ko-fic for the adorable @queen-among-writers, featuring her OC Kassandra Trevelyan.

Not every decision made at the Winter Palace shook the world. Some of it made the world a happier place.

From Tonight

"Oh, commander, you simply must try this Nevarran liqueur - it is exquisite! Much like your good self ..."

Fighting down the urge to grimace, Cullen forced himself to smile graciously as he removed yet another lady's hand from his arm, careful not to give her even the slightest hint of interest whatsoever.

"Thank you, madam, but I am not drinking this evening," he excused himself politely.

"Another evening, perhaps?" the marquise declared, her obvious attempt to be both coy and flirtatious threatening to activate his fight or flight instinct.

But Josephine had been very clear on the rules of engagement for this evening, even going so far as to explicitly state that Cullen was not allowed to be silent, rude, or short-tempered; that he did, in fact, have to play the Grand Game to the best of his ability, no matter what was said or done around him. They may only have come here to uncover an assassin, but their ambassador refused to give up an opportunity to network and raise the reputation of the Inquisition among the Orlesian nobility. Cullen could quite happily have lived without the good graces and influence of Orlais altogether, but Corypheus had to be stopped. That meant hours of unwelcome courtiers crowded too close for comfort amid their horrendous attempts to seduce him while Kassandra dealt with the actual problem. Even now, with everything finished with, they had to remain, due to the need to calm the chevaliers blockading the gates. Cullen just wanted to leave or, failing that, be allowed to mingle with the Inquisitor herself.

Having seen the choice of gown in advance, it was probably just as well that he had to remain where he had positioned himself in the main ballroom. Kassandra Trevelyan had determined to shock the Orlesian nobility, and sweet Maker, she had certainly achieved that. He caught sight of her mounting the steps up from the main dance-floor, transfixed all over again by the bare expanse of her toned back. His fingers itched to touch, to claim, to make it perfectly clear to all those who dared to try and steal her attention with their own unwelcome touches that Kassandra Trevelyan was his; that he was hers; that nothing any of these primped, puffing strangers did or said could change that fact. Yet the truth was that he couldn't do that, no matter how much he wished to. Though he and Kassandra had been slowly developing their relationship, it was in absolute privacy and secret. No one was to know that the Inquisitor was sharing her bed with the Commander of her forces.

Oh, the news that someone was sharing Kassandra's bed had certainly leaked out, whipping the Orlesian nobility into a frenzy of gossip and snide desire. Cullen had already had to field several unsubtle attempts to finagle the identity of the Inquisitor's lover from him; he was certain they were doing the same to her. In fact, knowing the Orlesian penchant for scandal, he would not be surprised to discover that some of them were attempting to supplant him. He had to hide a smile behind his glove at that thought. It was entirely too entertaining to note that a goodly number of those who had propositioned him this evening were also attempting to take his place in Kassandra's heart. A part of him wanted to announce their attachment, to have the right to tell these groping hands and suggestive smiles that his heart was taken and so was hers ... but another part of him was enjoying watching them make positive fools of themselves in their search for another great story to tell among their friends and enemies. He knew Kassandra would not give them the time of day if she did not have to.

A hand on his arm drew him out of his thoughts, his head turning to find a baron clutching at his sleeve.

"Yes, sir?" Cullen asked, politely but firmly removing the hand from his forearm.

"Will you not partake of the fresher air on the balcony with me, commander?" the man pressed, his breathless voice more irritating than seductive. "It is so very stuffy in here, do you not think?"

"I am quite comfortable, thank you," was Cullen's verbal response, while in the confines of his own mind he was scolding Josephine for ever convincing him to wear this ridiculous uniform. He was sure none of these painted popinjays would give him a second glance if he were in his armor.

"You do not look comfortable, commander," another voice interjected - a woman, he thought, though he couldn't be sure. The masks were beginning to get to him. "I am sure there is some way we could help you to ... relax ..."

He felt the suggestion of movement behind him and swiftly stepped forward, avoiding the intrusive touch with a frown. This was growing deeply uncomfortable; they were treating him like prey, and Maker help him, he felt hunted. It was not a feeling he treasured.

"Madam, kindly do not do such things," he began, interrupted by a most welcome voice.

"Commander, could I speak with you for a moment?" Kassandra smiled warmly to the gaggle of nobles trying to monopolize his time, her Orlesian perfect as she spoke. "Do excuse us."

Relieved, Cullen followed her into the shadow of a window, his teeth audibly grinding.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, reassured when she shook her head.

"You seemed in need of rescue," Kassandra told him, her eyes sparkling for a moment. "It will not be long now - they almost have control of the crowd outside."

That was good news. He would much rather have left the moment the threat had been dealt with, but between Josephine's urging to take advantage of their new position as the saviors of Orlais, and the violence erupting outside, that decision had been taken out of his hands.

"You seem tired," he murmured to her, aware of eyes on them and hating it. He wanted to take her into his arms, soothe her until she could rest, but not under so many eyes. He did not dare.

Kassandra offered him a weary smile. "It has been a long night," she agreed. "But it will soon be over. Leliana is seeing to the carriages right now."

"The sooner we are gone from here, the better it will be," Cullen told her, his expression aflame with tender concern. "I have been worried for you this evening."

"I can take care of myself," she began, but he shook his head, concern fading to a smile for her benefit.

"Not in your battles," he assured her. "I know you are more than capable. The nobility here have no concept of personal space or respectful distance. How can you stand so much touching?"

She glanced away briefly, her eyes scanning the ballroom before she met his gaze.

"Knowing that you will wipe all memory of those touches from my mind and body before we sleep is all the shield I need," she whispered to him. Her eyes lit up with a familiar smile as he felt the heat rush to his cheeks. "I'm so tired of pretending, Cullen. I would much rather have you at my side than be forced to watch you defending yourself from so many grasping hands."

"As would I," he murmured back, forcing himself not to reach out and touch. To casual eyes, they were Inquisitor and Commander sharing quiet words in private; if he forgot himself and touched her, the secret would be out. "Josephine might never forgive us if we forget ourselves tonight, however."

Kassandra laughed at that, shaking her head in acknowledgment of the situation.

"We can't possibly allow our ambassador to scold us in the middle of the Winter Palace," she agreed in amusement. Her eyes promised a far warmer conversation when they were free. "Do you suppose your rampant admirers have lost some of their fervor by now?"

Cullen glanced toward the small gaggle, seeing their ardor definitely cooled by his absence.

"It would appear so," he mused. "Much more of this, and I shall definitely cause an incident."

"Don't forget to invite me to join in," was her playful response as she stepped away, returning to her duty in mingling with the various aristocrats all around them.

He watched as she walked away, marveling all over again at the ease with which she inserted herself into Orlesian society. She was nobility herself, yet it never seemed that way until he saw her with her peers. And where that thought might once have hurt his heart and dampened his spirits, now it merely raised his confidence. She was a lady, the daughter of a Bann, and she had chosen to be with him. More than that, she was tired of pretending that their relationship was purely professional.

What a glorious moment that would be, the day his claim on her heart was known by the world. On that day, he would be able to lay claim to her publicly, intercept those hands that reached for her now, prevent those unwelcome touches from ever reaching her skin. Just seeing those strangers' hands on her naked back now was enough to draw his jaw tight, his fists closed. How dare they touch her without her express permission? She was so much more than they could possibly know, a warmer presence than they deserved to be aware of.

Before he knew it, he was moving, abandoning his crowd of hangers-on to bow before the woman he loved and offer her his hand.

"Inquisitor, might I have this dance?"

And in that moment, in her smile, all was finally well. No more tension, no more danger. Just his Kassandra, smiling, as she twirled into his arms. Let the gossips speculate.

From tonight, no one would touch her but him.

#queen-among-writers #ko-fic #dragon age fanfiction #cullen rutherford #kassandra trevelyan #not my oc #cullen x kassandra #winter palace #halamshiral #fluff #love

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