#but first! the book must be read
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Redoing the Scribus base for our HoR PDF files is giving us an unbelievable sense of peace right now. No more carryover weirdness! No more automatic page frame errors! I'm starting to feel like an actual professional about this.
Think we're going to revise the EPUBs as well.
#it just feels so nice and clean#you can really tell the difference between our initial work and what we're doing now#got kind of inspired because the book we're excited about came in the mail#and we think the story is going to be as good as we expect#but the typography and wraparound for the cover is like#“oh! darling a book this promising deserves a professional touch”#and while it is not feasible to redesign the interior of someone else's published book we do think we might try to make this paperback#into a hard cover#our only problem is that the cover ART is gorgeous and we want to preserve it somehow and so far we are not sure how#but first! the book must be read
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my boyfriend, who has never watched a tv show in his life (he likes to touch grass and "do productive things"), watched season 1 of the bear all by himself without knowing anything about it and the first thing he asked me after was when carmy and syd are gonna get together
#like#it is not even subtext#that man cannot read subtext#they have it spelled out so clearly that even he understood#the bear#sydcarmy#also i am so proud he finally did some media consumption#that was not a news article#or a book on statistics#this must be what the first missionaries have felt like
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canto 7 spoilers below.
YOU MUST ALWAYS STAY ON TRACK FOR YOUR DESTINY.
SANSON CARRASCO, THE DOCTOR, THE MAGICIAN WILL ALWAYS SALVAGE DON QUIXOTE FROM DELUSION.
THE FLOW CANNOT BE STOPPED IT CANNOT BE HELPED IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO END THIS WAY. JUST ACCEPT IT.
#limbus company#lcb#lcb don quixote#having very strong feelings about some of the motifs being set up.#i've only read the play by the way which is why i'm only referencing it. i know vaguely about what occurs in the book#but i feel pretty confident about this esp since I KNOW he does the same thing in the book.#i also must admit i have a several essays to do. i should be doing that instead.#oh also one last thing shoutout to lu-is-not-okay. these themes really got stuck in my head cause of him.#...also i updated this post a lot in like the first while of it being up sorry lol
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I finished reading 4 books from Earth's Children series. The last three were really hard to read. After finishing Plains of Passage, I have come to really appreciate Clan of the Cave Bear as a standalone. I miss all the Neanderthals and Ayla's character arc. Gotta do some fanart!
PS. I MISS IZA! Best character in the series.
#clan of the cave bear#earth's children#after the first book it just goes downhill#REALLY DOWNHILL#Ayla becomes the biggest mary sue EVER#in the first book it was believable because it's established in the story the Neanderthals have different skills that Ayla must adapt to#and she wasn't doing anything over the top#She was just adapting#but later she starts doing insane things#like wtf?? NO human ever figured out they could strike iron pyrite to get sparks?#NO ONE ever figured out they could make a needle?#She invented the arrow too (or whatever that thin short spear things they did? not the spear thrower#I will not be surprised if she ends up inventing the wheel in the next two books#also domesticating animals#also there were so many traumatizing scenes#three different rape scenes in book 4 !!???#I was going to throw up#It just.. got very uncomfortable to read#it changed me#so I now I'm thinking about the first book#yes it has all these same elements from the later books but they were sparse and were actually part of the plot#part of the character development. in other books they were just things that happened. Like. the characters are not impacted by it at all.#you could read the end of the book and nothing about the characters change after witnessing these traumatic experiences#they are the same from beginning to end#uh um sorry for the rant O_O#anyways I miss izaaaa#bye
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The Silmarillion
Was first published today (15 September) in 1977.
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I love trying to do historical research, you want an answer to a simple question like "could Jews serve in the British army in the 1880s" and you get back
Jews in the American Revolution
Jews in the American Civil War
Jews in World War I
Jews who fought for Nazi Germany
Thanks, that absolutely covers the time period and country I specifically asked for, couldn't have done it without you
#nobody wants to give me british military info for ANYTHING between the Crimea and WW I anyway#which is why I'm fucking stalled and can't plot this story any further bc my mc starts the story as a fucking soldier#and if he's still in the military later that will obviously hugely impact the story#but I can't make that decision because my time period is Screwed apparently#even when you specifcially search for FIRST boer war or use the more common 'transvaal rebellion' they STILL will only give info on the 2nd#and yes I've read 2 books about it which are the only sources of info on the war in the entire world and still need more info#but even just trying to figure out if one of the background characters could be jewish or not will never be figured out either#bc any info on the british military-- even its career structure-- is somehow nonexistent#I've even checked my college library#either people are purposely hiding this stuff#or there's some magical code word I have to apply to get even scholarly sources to reveal it to me#attempts to find people who know about it#or even contact a historical consultant have also not worked#historical consultants can only be reached by tv producers who must swear to then disregard anything a consultant might tell them
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fantasy smp Martyn!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d06192d78a86ff3bab4ebdddbbeaf1b1/8da50a158e463898-df/s540x810/6a39a22f63f710e7095bc7191285dcae6eef631f.jpg)
Haven't watched it yet, but I hope to! Doing dragon designs has always been fun, and I even did a dnd style of dragonborn Martyn for fun. Probably gonna make another post with it colored.
#fantasy smp#inthelittlewood#itlwart#mai posts#my art#Fun fact the book I read today kept reminding one of the characters that dragon wings are vulnerable#also how to train your dragon in the first movie touched on this#so it was pretty fun to make a flightless winged character who wasn't a bird for once#must have been traumatic for fantasy Martyn though#The dnd dragon is inspired by my friends character I suppose
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6a508f03c6af375b0c5c370d8af93ba1/bc2384bb6230782d-2a/s540x810/4def33f806307c8b68132f63fd25cab543f1769a.jpg)
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Based of the book “Indian Horse” by Richard Wagamese.
This was all painted by me in acrylic paint, this was for an assignment. There was a bunch of things that I wanted to fix but I had a time limit.
The two characters in the middle are both Saul Indian Horse, the younger and older version.
I painted this all the way back in January.
#There’s a movie too but I suggest reading the book#although I must warn you that it tackles themes like Residental Schools#Indian Horse#richard wagamese#First Nations#Indigenous#indigenous art#First Nations art#artists on tumblr#indigenous artist#art#artwork#illustration#painting#acrylic#acrylic painting#my art
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sword of Kaigen
standalone fantasy set in a rural mountain village at the edge of an empire that still holds traditional values, with families of powerful water/ice magic warriors
follows a powerful young heir who begins to question his beliefs about the empire when a new boy comes to his village from the city
and his mother, a housewife who has tried to forget her youth as a warrior and vigilante in the city since she moved back home to a loveless marriage
when there’s a violent attack on their village that they’re unprepared for, everything changes, and she has to embrace her old skills to protect her family and people
#The Sword of Kaigen#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#I’ve been meaning to read this for years and I finally got around to it! a really unique fantasy novel#I had always assumed this was ur average pre-industrial high fantasy and then was immediately hit with video games/tv in the first chapter#lmao. But overall (aside from the broader worldbuilding/politics) it is closer to the average ‘historical’ fantasy narrative -#so I can see why I got that impression#Some really compelling characters and interesting narrative structure that went in some unexpected directions.#It really focuses in on one village and how devastating a single battle in a war can be to their people - and how much work the recovery is#I feel like most sff is more concerned with a single person and/or the whole war so this felt unique. did also mean that the pacing was odd#- it's a slow start; then there’s a battle that must be hundreds of pages. The last section of the book feels a little too drawn out#and brings up random hanging plot elements that don’t really go anywhere. But I think overall this works for the story.#also one thing I didn’t love - cool complex interesting female character MC sure but also there’s weird moments like:#the first scene we see her is all the housewives comparing their attractiveness; she keeps referring to herself as an old woman (when she’s#and oh so meek and useless etc. And some of this feels like it’s part of the broader portrayal of the misogynist society#but some of it felt clunky or unintentional?#And then especially the end - when she and her shitty husband finally confront each other as equals and he apologises#she basically immediately forgives him and is like oh I was equally at fault because I am a meek woman who didn’t try either#like him realising he was wrong (and her realising he had a reason for being the way he was) doesn’t negate the fact that he treated her li#she acts like it was her fault for not trying too - when we have numerous examples of him berating her if she spoke up about anything?#like im glad he’s learning. but also that doesn’t mean she needs to suddenly forgive and love him wtf#that's the only real thing that annoyed me though.#also btw that 5yo seems kinda fucked up. are you guys gonna do anything about that
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(╥﹏╥)
#We've had our yearly secret santa gifts exchange at my dorm and I've been gifted the first volume of Beast 😭😭😭😭😭#I'm crying forever. This december marks three years since I've watched the first b/sd episode#and yet this is the first time I actually own a b/sd manga volume. Like I own it and I can read it whenever I want!!! How cool is that!!!!!#Like there's so many Akutagawa images in it!!!! It's insane!!!!!!!! AND IT'S BEAST AT THAT#I'm deeply moved because I never spoke about it to virtually anyone here (at my dorm)?#Like I suppose a bunch of people vaguely know I like anime but only a couple of close friends know I like. Like-like reading manga lol.#And the person who gifted it DEFINITELY didn't know I like anime in general much less b/sd specifically much less Beast in particular!!!!!#I'm 100% sure (they just arrived this year and we hadn't even had that much occasions to talk to each other).#Which means they went through the trouble of gathering intel from my close friends about what I like and actually follow through‚#seek for the specific manga in a comic store etc... It's such a nice gesture I'm so heartwarmed.#And of course I'm glad for every gift I've received in the last years (genuinely)‚ but the fact that this was the most *specific* to what–#I like. It makes it so special! They were so kind.#There must be one (1) person in this whole 60 people dorm who knows I like Beast–#(that would be the girl who introduced b/sd to me in the first place) and the fact that they asked them for it...#I feel both very grateful and lucky lol#When I unwrapped it!!! Like I thought it was just a random book which would have been nice but like!!!!!#When I actually saw through the thin paper the cover!!!! The scream I screamed in my head#Anyways!!!! I own a b/sd manga now!!!!! I've only got time to go through the first chapter so far but it's suchhhh an experience.#It's like reading it for the first time again 😭😭😭 Half because the translation is so much different than the English one lol.#And I basically know the English version by heart. Half because I never saw this kind of high quality!!!!! It's!!!!! Insane!!!!! Like!!!!!!#I'm crying 😭😭😭 The drawings are so sharp and crisp (in the good way). The lines are so clean there's no disturbance at all#I literally never saw anything so good in my life I'm crying a little. I'm so so glad they blessed me with Beast specifically#The takebon edition is pretty cheap (it's just planet manga so there's no color illustrations or dust cover or anything unfortunatelly.#But to make up for it the volumes are significantly cheaper then let's say J-Pop)#There's also some unique typesetting choices? The text from the book-like boxes is in lowercase which is interesting!#Initially I thought I wouldn't have liked the translation (opening it randomly there was Akutagawa saying “crepa!” (“die!”) to Dazai in ch1#Which was kinda jarring since it's very low register and everyone knows Akutagawa has very complex speech patterns.)#But actually reading it I'm really enjoying the translation so far!!!!#There's so many choices that made me grasp details I actually missed all the times I've read the English translation.#That is to say! Very excited to read it!!!! Will probably make a review / translation commentary if I can find the time!!!!!
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I was wondering, do you think alfred and uhtred had feelings for each other in canon?
ALRIGHT SO. I'm so extremely sorry for taking so long to answer, life has been messy for a while now and I think it has been almost 3 months since you sent this. I have basically written this entire answer little by little every single day since I first received the ask and I have only just now finished reading it again.
EVEN MORE APOLOGIES BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE EXTREMELY LONG, I'll keep it under the cut!!
Please bear in mind that there are spoilers for the entire show and film and please forgive any possible typo.
OFF WE GO NOW!!
In general I think it is important to note that the last kingdom is a show FULL of queer characters (and I will die on that hill), mostly because there's just so much subtext in the whole show, and Alfred is 100% queercoded.
There are so many aspects of his character that just betray his queerness and the first thing that does that is literally the thing so many blame him for: the way he treats Uhtred.
NOW.
Let's look at Alfred's first scene ever. Alfred appears in 1x02 and he's introduced as someone who considers himself a sinner because of his inability to control his lust. When Beocca speaks to him about the girl he’s currently feeling guilty about, Alfred's immediate first reaction is to banish her, but instead he's presented with the option of bringing her into his service. Now the reason why it is proposed by Beocca is to keep her close to show God that he's able to resist temptation and, when he does resist, to thank this higher being he so desperately believes in. This is something that comes again in 1x03 when Beocca tells him to pray for strenght the moment he almost fails again.
In brief we know that there are two moments when Alfred has to pray: when he resists temptation and when he's tempted.
After he becomes king he reserves a very particular treatment for this girl who tempted him. In 1×04 we can see, for example, that soon after washing his hands, he basically throws a towel at her without a single glance. The treatment he gives her is a cold and distant one and that's the exact same way he treats Uhtred.
Indeed, as he did when he accepted Beocca's suggestion about the servant girl, I actually believe that proving God that he could resist temptation is one of the two reasons why Alfred has brought Uhtred into his service in the first place. The only other important use he had was his knowledge of the Danes, because, at least at this point of the story, the reason of him being such a fantastic sword genuinely does not stand.
In S1 it is very obvious that Uhtred isn't that much of a great warrior, and that makes sense because he's still very young, and at the end of the day he only first made his reputation when he killed Ubba, which, by Uhtred's own admission in the books, was entirely by luck, since he was actually the one who was about to get killed. Of course it is absolutely clear why he would have never admitted such thing, he needed that reputation and that was the first significant chance he got, but the thing is that he had been in Alfred's service for a few years already when that happened.
Alfred gave lands and a title of ealdorman to someone who was a 18 years old who came from Northumbria, a some guy who had absolutely nothing and no reputation whatsover, and that he himself barely knew, even worse a man who looked like a dane and that was a pagan. If you ignore Uhtred's point of view, that's absolutely insane of someone who just became a king who didn't even have that much support from his nobles yet.
It was serving Alfred that granted Uhtred to become an actual warrior with reputation, before that he wasn't one, as Uhtred himself told Alfred in 1×02.
As I said, the only good reason for Alfred to take such a man into his service was to have danish knowledge in court, but even that could have been something quick, you know, learning the basics and then just keeping contact with him as a spy, exactly as he did with Haesten at the end of S2 and at the beginning of S3, but no. Alfred tried his very best to tie him down to Wessex and make sure that he would remain. Why is that? It is to prove that he was able to resist temptation and being in control of his own body.
Alfred was an extremely pious man as many say throughout the whole show and even in the film. He needed to prove himself to God so that he would have had favour from his part and back then there was also the whole concept of "a king who's not able to control his body is not able to control his kingdom". Resisting temptation with a man would have proven it even more than resisting temptation with a woman, especially because, compared to the other servants, Alfred genuinely arrives to a point where he's actually and sort of obviously in love with Uhtred, so it isn't any longer just a body thing but a mind/heart thing, so even worse because that would cause his judgement to be clouded, Alfred himself admits this in 2x06, where he also says that Uhtred is a temptation to him.
The word temptation is an interesting one because Alfred always uses it with a sexual connotation, we saw that in s1 especially, but I want to talk about the episode I just mentioned. Here Alfred talks about Uhtred to Aelswith and he says:
What if all this time, it has been the work of the Devil tempting me? Offering me this warrior, this seemingly loyal and brave man, who piece by small piece, is eating at my soul and clouding what I believe to be right and wrong.
Alfred here, as I said already, explicitly says that he considers Uhtred a temptation sent by the devil, which, with the knowledge of his specific use of that word, can only mean one thing. The fact itself that Aelswith then replies that "this is what the devil would do" is noteworthy because that is a topic once called to attention by Asser in 1x06 when talking about Iseult he tells Uhtred "I know the devil exists, hiding within beauty is a trick he will use often, I'm sure". Aelswith gives Alfred a solution to the problem by telling him to get rid of him, and that's what does, he banishes Uhtred. Alfred talked of Uhtred as a temptation and then he chose to banish him for a while, does it by any chance remind you of something? His first instict in 1x02 about the servant.
Another thing that is very important to point out is that, as I said before, Alfred is considered a pious christian, so we know that Alfred prays daily and a lot, he even uses prayers to establish a political connection most of the times, but that can't prove his piety because many did too. The only times Alfred proves his piety are those when he prays alone and that happens 3 times in 3 seasons, which is funny since we could have expected way more for his reputation, but since it happens so little there has to be a meaning. As we said, we know that Alfred has to pray in two specific moments: when he has to thank God for resisting temptation and when he's tempted.
So very casually the times where he prays alone are always connected to Uhtred.
The first moment it happens is in 2x06, before the scene when Alfred admits that Uhtred tempts him and after the scene when Alfred screams at Uhtred "I do not know you and I could never know you", which is totally "know" as the biblical meaning of the word, if we consider everything that I have said before. The two other times are in s3, when Alfred's love for Uhtred is way more obvious and rather in a more romantic way than just attraction. The first time in that season is in 3x03 when he's there praying, with tears in his eyes, a few weeks (perhaps even a month) after Uhtred has betrayed him, and there he speaks of him and we see that he's hurt and wants to hurt Uhtred in return, so there's an element of heartbreak. The second time is in 3x06, after he has seen Uhtred again for the first time since his betrayal, and there we can find something close to worry for Uhtred's condition as a pagan, because he says that "He is a man in great need of the guidance of God". In 3x08 there's also an interesting hint about his prayers when Beocca hypothyses that Alfred prays for Uhtred's return and the truth behind it is written plainly on Alfred's face. His prayers shifted from a physical attraction type of temptation to something that could very clearly be recognised as love.
S3 is THE proof that Alfred was in love with Uhtred and, while you can already see it in the first episode of it when he watched Uhtred ride away from the city (which he also did in 1×02), that love becomes more obvious immediately after Uhtred betrays him in 3x02, YES THAT SCENE WHEN HE’S CRYING ALONE IN THE ROOM. While I do realise that it could be interpred as crying because his dream of an england was in danger, STILL you know that it is not just that, that man was heartbroken and the worst thing about it is that Alfred totally knew that he had no one to blame but himself, because Alfred is always perfectly aware of the way he treats Uhtred, think about the “I do not, I cannot” in 2x06 when Aelswith asks him if he trusts him, Alfred cannot trust Uhtred because if he did then he would totally fall into temptation, I MEAN LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO AETHELSTAN WITH INGILMUNDR.
From that episode onward Alfred is on another level of misery, and that’s truly an achievement considering how miserable that man always is. First of all he’s angrier than ever and that anger reaches levels of revenge, confirmed by Alfred himself in 3×09 when he says this:
It was done to damn you. To inflict pain, possibly. I try to make decisions rationally. However, taking your children was not a rational decision. It was thoughtless. It was selfish.
Here Alfred admits that he wanted to hurt Uhtred and why did he do that? Because he wasn’t thinking rationally, and why wasn’t he thinking rationally? Because it concerned Uhtred. This literally always goes back to 2x06, because Alfred did say there that Uhtred clouded his judgment and that is the proof. When it comes to Uhtred, when Uhtred is around, he just can’t think rationally. That’s literally some romantic shit there.
I made the example of Aethelstan and Ingilmundr earlier and that truly fits this whole part really well, because in the film Aethelstan is portrayed as someone who’s blind and acting in a completely irrational way because he’s in love with Ingilmundr, his oathman. I would also love to point out how Aethelstan is portrayed as a pious christian king who prays and acts only for his own salvation, since he considers himself a sinner for his queerness. There’s so much guilt in that boy and, especially, more than once he’s compared to Alfred: first by Ingilmundr who tells him that he has to be pious so that men would speak of him as they spoke of his grandfather, and second when Aethelstan talks to Uhtred and indirectly compares his sins as worse than the ones of Alfred, so the connection between them is not only about piety, but also sins. Then, no less important, I think it is quiet obvious who Ingilmundr reminds of considering how he was “born a dane but raised saxon”. The parallels are right there and have never been louder.
Another parallel that I want to point out is the connotation between homosexuality and England, that’s particularly connected to the film because in SKMD Aethelstan wants to unite it simply to redeem himself for having a male lover:
Ingilmundr: Perhaps return to your grandfather’s vision for England. Perhaps now there is an urgency to bring the pagans to light.
Aethelstan: Will that cleanse me? Us?
Ingilmundr: Well, surely the greater the lands, the greater the faith. Go beyond what Alfred dreamed of. Look to the islands God made, not the countries ordained by men, and bring all to Christianity. So when you are judged, you will be found in balance. And thus may accept both the sin… and the conquest against it.
Notice how even in this whole thing Alfred sort of remains the greatest sinner of them all, because Ingilmundr here says to bring to christianity the lands that God created and not the ones that men, Alfred, wanted to make, it almost feels as if he’s saying that his sin would only be accepted if he does what God offers him in lands and therefore if he doesn’t put himself above God by being the one who decides which parts to unite and which not. Here Alfred is truly portrayed as someone who has put himself above God in his decisions and thus England would have never cleansed him for his sins, because he was directly sinning while planning it and actually, always back in 2x06, Alfred too considered himself a sinner for the way he was laying the fundations of the country, but not in the way Ingilimundr meant but because “I am reaching out for an England, all in the name of God, yet I am relying upon the strength of a heathen”, so what made him a sinner was his connection to Uhtred.
The thing is that as a consequence in the film England is connected to carnal sins and, indeed, as you have probably realised already when you watched the show, that country has ALWAYS been put in some sexual way, you may call it Alfred’s fav kink. That seriously begins in 1x03 when Alfred is making out with that servant (the same one we have talked about before) and he literally goes like “I will defend you with my life, you stand as everything that is precious, you are Wessex, England, always to be cherished, never to be violated, only to be loved, vigorously”, therefore Alfred arrived to the point of seeing someone as a personification of England and that happens only another time in the show and that is in 2x03 when he says to Uhtred “You are a Saxon who is also a Dane, The very embodiment of the England that must emerge”.
THE VERY EMBODIMENT.
To him Uhtred was the personification of England and now this might be a bittttt too much from me, but even in 3x09 when Alfred is dying his last conversation is about Uhtred and the role he will have in the formation of England, and there Aelswith is trying to make Alfred see that it is wrong because being guided (SO RELYING) by a pagan means straying from God’s rightenous path, but what does Alfred do? He literally defends Uhtred and those are his last few breaths, what has Alfred said to that servant? “I will defend you with my life, […] you are […] England”, and look at Alfred’s final words:
Aelswith: Why are the Danes forever at our door? Because we are being punished, Lord, for the presence of this heathen.
Alfred: He is for England.
Aelswith: He is an outlaw.
Alfred: My England... my love.
Alfred basically dies defending Uhtred and while “My England” could be interpreted as him thinking about the actual country, the whole conversation and the whole parallels both between 1x03 and 2x03, so with the knowledge that to him Uhtred is England, I DON’T KNOW I JUST CAN’T HELP BUT THINK “HMM YOU KNOW WHAT, PERHAPS HE WASN'T TALKING ABOUT ENGLAND ENGLAND”
As you have probably understood, I believe that the moment when Alfred confessed his feelings for Uhtred was in 2x06 and he literally confessed them to Aelswith, so at beginning of S3 she has been knowing it for years.
Now let’s see all of S3 from Aelswith’s point of view. In this season her beloved husband is dying and she's painfully aware he is, even more after Alfred confirms it in 3x02. She knows it will happen, thus she tries to stay at his side as much as possible because Aelswith loved Alfred so much and despite everything (cough cough despite his cheating cough cough), then at some point she witnesses her husband's life be put in danger when he is taken as a hostage by the same man she knows he has feelings for. That man escapes and her husband is abandoned by him and, instead of seeing the anger he's showing to everyone, she sees how broken he is because of that, because she knows that Uhtred did not only break his oath but wholeheartedly broke Alfred’s heart. She has to witness not only her husband’s suffering because of his illness, but also the pain he feels because that man he loves has left him. The nearer her husband gets to his death, the nearer she notices the way he wants to forgive that same man who has made him suffer for years now (s3 starts in 891/892 and Alfred’s death happens in 899), then right before her husband’s passing she finds them together in his study, completely alone. She tries to make her husband reason (indirectly even trying to remind him of how much pain he went through because of him) but instead her husband orders her to leave, she probably hasn’t even seen Uhtred return from the room until late in the evening. Her husband dies not long after and she’s hurt because she has lost the man she's stood by and loved for most of her life, but in all of this… Who’s the one who left her husband? Who’s the one who broke his heart? Who’s the one who in a way could have worsed his condition because of the mental pain he had to go through because of him? Uhtred. So she imprisons Uhtred, threatens to kill him, but then accepts to just exile him, but then, in front of the whole of Winchester, Uhtred gives an entire speech about his relationship with her husband arriving to a point in which he even says that he loved Alfred. This is worsened by the fact that, in her last conversation with him, Alfred was going against her just to defend him.
Aelswith’s anger towards Uhtred is the most understandable reaction ever.
A very interesting scene to me, with the knowledge that Aelswith has this insight of Alfred’s feelings for Uhtred, is the scene where she prays in 3x08, because... THE THINGS SHE SAYS!!
Lord God, give me strength and guidance to do your work. If it is right and proper to rely upon a heathen, albeit for violence, then I beg you... show me a sign. Help me. I want my son to remain untarnished by heathen ways. I wish him to be God's king. Pure.
Here she’s praying for Edward in the prospect of a possible connection to Uhtred in case the latter becomes his oathman once he’s king, but it is the last part of the whole prayer that is fascinating, because in this moment she says what a king is if he’s connected to him and, therefore, the reference to Alfred is undeniable: the king had to be “untarnished by heathen ways” so that he could be “God’s king” and “pure”.
Alfred was connected to Uhtred so he was tarnished by heathen ways, he was not God’s king and he was not pure, all because of it.
Alfred eveasdropped this whole thing and when Aelswith noticed him, they both understood exactly what she was truly talking about and the expression on Alfred’s face was one of someone who actually believed those things about himself as well, and indeed you see that a lot in S3 when he shows more than once that he’s scared that he won’t end up in heaven. In 2x06 there's also another hint at that when he says “I am reaching out for an England, all in the name of God, yet I am relying upon the strength of a heathen, the iron of a pagan”, and when Aelswith tells him “You are God's king, lord" his answer is "Yet at my right hand is a pagan”.
Alfred has always been terrified at the possibility of not ending up in heaven because of what he had with Uhtred, but despite all of that he's always defended him and saved his life multiple times, just as Uhtred did with him.
Since Uhtred arrived in Wessex he has risked death more than once in every season, and Alfred has always tried to find a way to save his life:
1x03, Ubba offered Alfred a peace for silver and Uhtred’s head, Alfred refused and told him that he would have returned to the sword if he didn’t accept only to be paid.
1x05, Uhtred unleashed a sword in front of Alfred during prayers, while screaming at him in front of many people of Winchester. That’s a crime that is supposed to be punished with death, Alfred made him crawl instead.
1x06/1x07, Uhtred, claiming to do Alfred’s business, plundered Cornwall and sided with a Dane against a christian king, Alfred was supposed to kill him immediately, even more when Uhtred, supposed to beg for forgiveness, decided to scream in his face that he would never kneel neither to him nor to his God, but instead Alfred accepted Leofric’s proposal of a fight to the death so that “God would decide”, that means he left the possibility of Uhtred’s survival, even more because he chose the exact day for that fight to happen, which, casually, was on the day of a saint he liked a lot, and indeed the day after he called Uhtred and told him that he didn't like the thought of someone dying on that day. He tried to save him by offering him the option of giving everything back and resuming the debt (since it was with the plunder that he paid it), but Uhtred didn’t want to leave Iseult, so he refused.
2x03, he sent Ragnar to rescue Uhtred from slavery.
3x02, first, he was most likely going to forgive Uhtred for desecrating the cemetery; second, he should have senteced Uhtred to death for killing a monk in front of the whole witan and then escaping (thus worsening his actions), but instead he asked for an oath and spared his life; third, after he threatened his life Alfred did order for him to be killed, but as soon as he escaped he simply banished him from Wessex, he could have made someone follow him, but he didn’t.
3x05, Uhtred was an outlaw, while he was in Mercia Alfred could have still had him killed, since at the end of the day he was one of his enemies, but instead he used the excuse of him having Aethelflaed’s protection. Alfred could have killed him and no one would have said anything about it, but he did not.
3x08/3x09 Uhtred was still an outlaw here and Alfred claimed before that he would have killed him if stepped foot into Wessex, but he did not, instead he even assured his protection for when he knew he wouldn’t have been alive anymore to protect him.
Now, I feel like Alfred has a sort of codependency when it comes to Uhtred. That man constantly wants him next to him and he almost needs him to be there, the fact itself that in 2x05 Odda mentions that Alfred always says the same thing about Uhtred’s hall in Coccham “every time we visit”, hints at them being there quite ofter and there was only a 3 years time jump between the first and second half of S2, so Uhtred has had those lands for 3 years, probably even less, so… Exactly how many times have you visited this man in 3 years, Alfred? But, whether there's actually an element of codependency or not, there's certainly something that pulls them together, and indeed it is explicitly said that Uhtred and Alfred are “bonded" and that for that fact alone they can't kill each other even when they should.
In 3×09 Alfred points a sword to Uhtred's throat and asks him if he believes he could kill him, and to that Uhtred answers “we are bonded, you cannot kill me just as I cannot kill you”, and it’s really fascinating because there's a parallel between that scene and the scene in 5x07 when Uhtred and Brida are fighting and, when she tells him to kill her, he screams at her that they “are bound as one, killing you would be like killing a part of myself”, and Brida and Uhtred were romantically involved.
My point is that it is for this exact reason that Alfred was never able to look at Uhtred and excute him as he was supposed to do so many times, even the only time it very nearly happened (1x07) he left before he could see it, and whenever Uhtred was hit by Leofric during the fight, if you look specifically at Alfred, it almost seems as if he couldn't breathe, so you know there’s a kind of “without you I would be lost and I wouldn’t be myself anymore” for the both of them, and you can see that especially in the one who had to live further when the other actually died: Uhtred.
Uhtred very much always clings onto a few things and people, but the more he loses those he cares for the most, the more he loses himself. S3 is truly the start of Uhtred’s sort of radical change, indeed the man in SKMD is almost nothing like the man in S1, and what made it possible was that season.
In S3 Uhtred faces many losses: first he loses Gisela, so literally the love of his life (she was and I will die on that hill), second his brother Ragnar, then he loses Alfred, and not even a few days after his sister Thyra dies.
Gisela’s death has started Uhtred’s fall, and since he got cursed and was, very understandbly, in so much pain, everything escalated very quickly.
He killed Godwin to defend Gisela’s honour and he was obviously hurt by what he perceived as Alfred’s disinterest in defending Gisela, as he himself in 3x04 complains about in a very hurt way that Alfred “allowed her to be called a whore” (even though Alfred did try to make Godwin stop, but Uhtred simply couldn’t hear it because he was too enraged), therefore he betrays him and then subsequentially feels absolutely so guilty about it that he arrives to the point where Leofric, as the personification of his conscience, lets us know that he believed he deserved to died because of what he did to Alfred. As soon as the first occasion arises (Aethelflaed is in danger) he immediately leaves, which you can see was already on his mind as soon as Brida suggested him destroying Alfred, thus he abandons his brother. He then finds out that Ragnar died and he thinks it’s his fault because he left him (though there could have probably been little he could have done to prevent it even if he stayed there), then he suddenly meets Alfred again and he sees how much he's hated by him, or so Uhtred believes, so he falls in an even worse emotional state than before. After some time, Beocca asks him to meet Alfred and Uhtred himself wonders “what makes you think he would speak with me?”, which just shows how much he truly thought that Alfred despised him, but he goes to meet him anyway and he speaks to him. For the first time since they have met they are honest to each other and Alfred shows him actual trust and even love in a way, but then Alfred dies not even a week after (probably the day after they talked actually), so even if they were finally at peace with each other, Alfred still died and they had no way to enjoy that tranquility.
Now all of this took a very obvious emotional toll on Uhtred and I believe that Alfred is one of the biggest because he knew that he going to die, and yet, because of Skade's curse as Uhtred believed it to be, he wasted those final years they could have had together. That man meant a lot to Uhtred and in the books there's this quote that always gets me:
I stood beside Alfred’s coffin and thought how life slipped by, and how, for nearly all my life, Alfred had been there like a great landmark.
And that’s so terribly true because, compared to all the deaths before, it is important to notice that Alfred was the one who was there the most, more than Gisela and even more than Ragnar himself, since the latter left for Ireland right before Uhtred became Earl Ragnar’s son. Indeed when Alfred dies you can immediately see a change in demanor in Uhtred, which is striking because compared to many other deaths he went through, Uhtred remains silent in face of many things, for example during Alfred’s funeral he's imprisoned but doesn’t say a word, the only time he utters something is to tell Finan to do nothing. S1 Uhtred would have never reacted in such a way.
Still in prison, you can see that he goes near a very dangerous edge when he finds out that Thyra died, and that edge is finally overstepped in 4x03 with Beocca’s death, and it is from this death onwards that Uhtred is a completely different person. The process started with Gisela's death, culminated with Alfred’s and exploded with Beocca’s.
As I said Uhtred always clings to people and Uhtred has always been sort of in denial for Alfred’s death. He always dismissed the actual possibility of him dying, even when he himself noticed the signs, even when Alfred himself told him that he was about to and yet that man was still there like “Skade preys on men's fears, Lord”, says the man who at that time believed every single word she said. The thing is that I believe Uhtred remained in denial even after Alfred died, because yes he was with his God, but there was a part of Alfred that still lived: his dream.
From Alfred's death onwards, Uhtred works both directly and indirectly for the dream of an England, indeed he actually proves his loyalty to that man more after he died than when he was alive, and that has a lot to do with the fact that it was the last connection he had with him, as in a way it was also for Aelswith if you think about it, but also there was the aspect that, before dying, Alfred entrusted it in his hands and, since Uhtred spent the whole of S3 considering himself a traitor and blaming himself for it, if that man shows you one last trust, a trust you have yearned for your whole life, even more with the thing you know is most precious to him, what do you do? You are willing to do anything you can to make sure that that dream happens, to make sure that you can prove your loyalty, to show that you can keep one last oath to him and make it up for the one you broke.
That is painfully obvious in the film.
In the film Uhtred has made Northumbria an unified place, and it is actually the first time the whole of it is under one single king (even if Uhtred doesn’t call himself that), which was what Alfred has wanted all along, because he knew that the main problem would have been that particular kingdom, so with this action Uhtred has paved the way for the upcoming unification of England.
In 3x09 Alfred told him that his last act as king was to make sure that good men held power and that's one of the main things Uhtred was doing. Uhtred has known Alfred for 28 years of his life, he spent countless times with him, so he knew what Alfred would have wanted and every single decision he took in the film was so obviously made with the thought in mind of Alfred's wishes, and indeed Uhtred held the reins until he knew there was someone fitting to rule, a good man, just as his king would have wanted.
One of the most beautiful things to me is that Uhtred was lord of Bebbanburg at the time, so lord of the fortress he has waited his whole life to get back to, and yet he was mostly and more concerned about Alfred’s dream dying rather than the survival of that. Uhtred was also in a situation where he didn’t want to fight anymore, he didn’t even particularly believed he was still a warrior, and yet as soon as that dream was threatened, he didn’t hesitate once. That man was even forbidden to take part of the battle, since it would have been too dangerous for him, but he didn’t trust anyone else to protect Alfred’s dream and thus Uhtred went and died for it.
That man would have never died if he listened to Aethelstan's commands, but he defied them to not betray the little trust Alfred put in him right before he passed.
When he went back to Bebbanburg he didn’t even allow himself to die until he knew that there was an England out there and that Alfred’s lineage was on the throne of it, and during that scene he says that all he wanted was to be honoured in valhalla for “standing by an oath”, which yes can be interpreted as the oath of protecting Aethelstan, but remember that in S3, in Uhtred's mind, he did the most terrible thing of them all by breaking his oath to Alfred. Making England happen was the only way he could have forgiven himself for it, absolutely striking is the moment when the dream is fulfilled and you can how Uhtred is on the verge of tears and I think that has to do with two main reasons: first, he knew that with that Alfred would have finally known and understood how he could have never have betrayed him, and second, Alfred’s work was finished and there was nothing that kept him alive in his mind anymore.
Uhtred died soon after that so, in my mind, he totally met Alfred again at some point. In the show, for Thyra who was in a situation where she still believed in valhalla but was actually a christian, it was accepted the view of being in both places, therefore it is most likely the same for Uhtred, you know, a whole concept of peace rather than an actual place.
Dying for England is the most obvious declaration of love from Uhtred’s part, but if we want to point out actual words, Uhtred in 3x10 says that Alfred was “a man I loved and despised”, and he even calls him “my king”, which is something Uhtred will never do again for anyone. For the other kings he always just refers to them as “our”, therefore he speaks for his people and not for himself, but for Alfred? Oh, that’s a “my”.
For Alfred the thing was different because the man was a christian with so much guilt inside, it would have been way more difficult for him to say out loud that he loved Uhtred.
I do believe though that he did say it in subtext when he told him that “I should have closed my eyes and rattled at Heaven’s gate some time ago, it was the hope of this meeting that has kept me alive”, which is a lot, considering that the man was suffering like hell because of his illness, and yet he held onto life just for the purpose of seeing Uhtred one last time. It is also very interesting that on his deathbed he asked Uhtred “are you here or is it my sickness?”, because it hints at the possibility of Alfred having hallucinatione of Uhtred in the past when he was ill and WHY WOULD YOU EVER SEE SOME MAN WHEN YOU FEEL UNWELL? AND ESPECIALLY WHY ARE YOU NOT EVEN SURPRISED THAT YOUR MIND COULD HAVE CONJURED UHTRED COMING TO YOUR CHAMBERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? There’s only one answer to that:
You are gay for that man and you are in love with him.
They both were.
So anon, the answer to your question is: Yes, I do believe that they had feelings for each other.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk!
#if anyone seriously read all of this know that you have my most devoted love#i first focused on alfred and then on uhtred#there's a double space when i switch to uhtred's part#so many other things would be interesting to point honestly#like for example the way from the books you know that uhtred doesn't want to be called king because of alfred#but it was too long already#hopefully some of this makes sense#thank you for asking and sorry once again for taking such a long time!!#the last kingdom#alfred x uhtred#tlk alfred#uhtred#seven kings must die#god even in the tags i have made a typo#forgot to add 'out' to point so it is supposed to be 'point out'#it's 2am okay#asks
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[ID adapted from alt: Two panels (the first is on the left) from the Natsume's Book of Friends manga in which Natori uses the phrase "clowder of cats". The first is from chapter 101 and he's saying to Matoba, Natsume, and Nyanko-sensei, "So Ban is aware of the clowder of cats that Natsume saw." The second is from chapter 102 and he, Natsume, and sensei are looking at a dozen or so ceramic lucky cats surrounding a man passed out on the floor. Natori says, "Wow, this is a real 'clowder' of cats..." /end ID]
ugh gretchen stop trying to make clowder happen, it's not going to happen 🙄
#i had to look this up. i've been reading english for three decades and i s2g i never saw this word before#apparently it's a collective noun for a group of cats. like a pride of lions‚ a murder of crows‚ a clowder of cats#if you say so gretchen...#i love that he says it like a normal word the first time but he must have gotten some weird looks because he's quote unquoting it#the second time#wow this is a real [pause] CLOWDER of cats...#<-said no one ever you big weirdo#i have to wonder though if this is just a totally normal word in japanese and it's an artefact of translation#because we don't really have a collective noun for cats in wide use in english...#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#kittehs#fun with words#my posts#natori shuuichi#homura cats arc
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I actually have a very specific headcanon for how Will Solace ended up at CHB that I don’t really talk about much in-depth (besides some little inklings of it on Deadangelos here and there) because of how he’s only introduced in TLO, so I figured i’d get into it.
Because we know Will isn’t a camper in BoTL but is in TLO (and was made counselor because he literally only had two siblings left), I headcanon that he joined camp in the off-season the winter after BoTL.
Basically, I figure Will got into a fight with some bullies at school, not necessarily because they were bullying him (because people tend to just kind of generally like him) but because he’s the kind of person who calls people out on their BS, and he got so mad that he accidentally caused some kind of minor plague. Either a plague of rats or locusts or just plain old weird case of like The Black Death. Whatever happened, obviously nobody assumed it was him because that seems physically impossible, but his school ends up closed down for a bit so Will has to find a new school. And cause he’s twelve and his powers are starting to ramp up more and he has to find a new school anyways (and maybe Naomi is about to go on tour and isn’t able to help Will find a new school at that moment) they decide it’s time for him to go to CHB and that he’ll be a year-round camper unless he gets sick of it and really wants to come home in the off-season. So Will goes to CHB in the middle of winter and immediately it sucks. It’s that kind of sleet weather where all the snow is grey and wet and keeps freezing and unfreezing. It’s annoyingly cold but not really cold enough for a heavy jacket and it’s cloudy and dark and the sun sets by like 4. And Will’s from Texas and an Apollo kid (never seen snow before and solar-powered) so he’s immediately miserable and Argus has to basically drag him from the airport to camp.
And then when he actually gets to camp it turns out he’s the only Apollo kid there. Because year-round Apollo kids are basically unheard of (given their powers are generally mellow enough that they’re fine going home for the off-season and Apollo kids are notorious snowbirds anyways) (and canonically there were no year-round Apollo kids pre-TLO). And it’s the dead of winter between BoTL and TLO so camp is particularly empty with like probably a dozen or so campers total. So Will is stuck in an empty cabin feeling miserable and there’s barely any other campers to make friends with (and even fewer his own age, since he’s at that point one of if not the youngest kid in camp). He tries to make friends regardless and Drew immediately adopts him as her best friend (and he doesn’t really get a choice in the matter) and Chiron ends up taking Will under his wing as a medic apprentice, which Will enjoys and it helps brighten his spirits a bit, which makes everyone else in camp feel a little bit better in turn because seeing a little happy sunny twelve year old Apollo kid running around healing people really helps takes their minds off their impending doom, especially while camp is the most barren it’s been in decades.
Then the other Apollo kids start trickling back when the weather turns and it’s a little awkward because Will has to get used to having siblings and not being in an empty cabin and the other Apollo kids have to get used to having a new sibling right after they all just lost Lee Fletcher (which Will is very mortified to learn about). And it’s even more awkward because they’re not used to siblings arriving to CHB while nobody’s there, so Will’s already used to camp and knows everybody except the summer-only kids so they don’t have to show him the ropes or anything, but also Will’s been doing everything by himself so it’s odd for him to adjust to having to listen to his older siblings. Weird feelings all around. (And extra bonus points if we’re also going with the headcanon that plague children of Apollo are considered bad luck, so Will feels extra bad about showing up right after the old cabin counselor died and right before the major battle of the war, and so refuses to tell anyone about his plague powers.)
It gets better for a bit when Kayla and Austin join camp a little before the Battle For Manhattan, cause Will isn’t the youngest in the cabin anymore and they’re both also year-rounders, but then it immediately turns sour when after the war suddenly those three are the only ones in the cabin. So now Will is traumatized and has to be in charge of his also traumatized barely-younger-than-him siblings, and he’s in an (almost) empty cabin again, and he’s only been at camp for less than a year and is still one of the youngest kids at camp. And he still doesn’t like winters in New York and he misses his mom.
Things turn up for him a bit after the war when there's the sudden huge influx of new campers, so he’s not the youngest anymore and he has something to busy himself with and camp is bustling even in the off-season. But for that first year Will just has an absolutely cruddy time, because man it must have sucked to be a campers joining in the middle of the Titan War.
#pjo#riordanverse#will solace#headcanon#headcanons#long post#long post //#might edit to be under a read-more later who knows#this is one of my weird posts that's long enough to warrant the long post tag#but not really long enought to warrant a read-more? liminal post length#anyways i think a lot about titan war era chb and how empty it was#especially in the winters#and how we KNOW that Will cant have joined earlier than BoTL so he has to have joined at like. the worst time possible#and we know from TTC that there were no year-round cabin 7 kids#so Will joining between books being one of the youngest kids and alone in his cabin in an empty camp must have SUCKED#and then on top of it all. he's also from texas and stuck in his first NY winter
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alucard emery deserves the fucking world and this parallel made me cry like a fucking baby
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#regularly scheduled alucard emery appreciation post because i adore him#justice for anisa#also lila and ren are precious#v must put some kind of drug in these books bc i had NEVER cried at a book or film before#and then when i first read AGOS smth broke in me#a friend told me to keep a tally of how many times threads made me cry on first read#i can safely say that tally will never be seeing the light of day#there was genuinely a section of the book where i cried so much i coughed up blood LMAO#anyways#adsom#a darker shade of magic#shades of magic#the fragile threads of power#threads of power#alucard emery#lila bard
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#first meeting of the astral espress book club#or so march says#also white haired mentor archetype…must read ero novels#honkai star rail#azuredraws#dan heng#jing yuan#hengjing#jingheng
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oh to be miss agatha christie.
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#𐙚 𖥔 ˖ fedya must be fancied .ᐟ#i had beef w/ her when i first saw this#she’s litt posing by him ?? she’s standing beside him ??#& he doesn’t look the slightest displeased ?? >:(#but then i realized she’s soo bad too lol !!#+ i love the author i need to read another one of her books soon <3
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