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#but every day i try to be the best version of myself
grocerystoreanxiety · 1 month
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updated my pinned post song link but that’s not enough, I need to inject it into my veins & plaster it everywhere so I’m also posting it
(been listening to the ’’strongroom mix”-version of this lots lately (bc variation from the official one), and tried to find like all the diff versions there is of it and now stumbled across this and it hits. So Good.)
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reading my drafts like damn this is so good i should really finish it and post it as i am actively closing the window
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gatun-gatunesco · 1 year
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#and so i came back here. because in here i can find joy and sorrow. laugh a little and cry a lot because someone made a post i resonate with#it makes me feels understood. a private and intimate place that is also shared at the same time. and strangely; like a home#but i came back without knowing who i am. I see someone else in the mirror. Is that a monster? a sinner? a human? a normal man?#after all that effort leaving depression and self hate from my adolescence behind. from being proud of myself for being different to all me#was all a lie? how could i do such awful and terrible thing to the person i swore to protect? the person i love the most#i said i would never do that kind of unforgivable act. And here i am. Alive after the event. I want to drop dead. To dissapear from here.#But at the same time i want to fix what i did. in order to do that i need to heal. to change. be happy. to live. and i hate it#how can i do all of that with the weight of guilt crushing me and telling me i killed myself that day? i am just a shell of who i was#how to change what i thought was the best version of me? i was supposed to be different no harmful and kind man!!!#i already asked for help. and they told me it was not all my fault. But i still think it is. There is no way it can be 50/50#physical actions are only responsibility of the ones who made it. circumstances are not a reason to diminish them guilt#a confused person is not deserving of any part of the guilt. they do not have control over themselves. but the other ones sure have it#yes. they might have started and added little physical actions. but i refused and it never came to completion. which is the opposite of min#physical trauma can spawn emotional and mental trauma as well. is way more bad and deep that the emotional one i might have#i want to kill that trash in front of the mirror. why are you still living bitch? just to be a parasite and hurt people on the go?#to make irreversible mistakes that affects every person around you? your decisions never end well. why do not you just give up already?#and yet here i am. trying to not isolate myself thanks to the safe place i found here. I can write what is on my mind. gives me some relief#because the only person i talked everyday is the same one i hurted as i never thought i would in my life#Hope i can found redemption one day. I hope they can heal and be happy soon and forever.#I am going to always be worry about them (i am sure of that) but i wish nothing but the best for them. I want nothing to hurt them again.#They never deserved the trauma and guilt. They suffered more than enough way before i step in and fucked up everything.#Life. if you can hear me. Please give them recovery. happyness. health and lots of love. They deserve it. Please#They did nothing wrong! Take them pain away and put it in me. I will stay alive just for that if is neccesary#I wanted to kill myself way long ago. but i still here. I might want to kill myself again. but i still will be here.#Just leave them be happy. That is what i really want
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heartofspells · 2 years
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i don’t know what happened to prompt your post about jealousy, but i was surprised to hear your earlier answers to those anonymous asks because i’ve enjoyed your writing for a while but your responses to readers’ concerns in the past have at times seemed dismissive of what they’re saying and defensive of your intentions rather than the impact your writing has had on others.
i appreciate knowing that you really do care about representing those subjects in an educated way because your previous responses on comments hadn’t always made that clear
I've let this rest here for a little while as I've thought about it. I won't lie and say that it didn't upset me for a long time, and not because of what you've said, but because anything I've said has come across as though I don't care about people's feelings or these particular subject matters. That's not true, and it was never my intention.
The rest of my rambles are going behind a cut because I'm not going to force anyone to read my half-formed thoughts unless they choose to do so.
The post your referencing about jealousy has since been deleted. The whole thing came through at a bad time for me personally when there was a lot happening around me, pulling me in different directions, and it's not that the thing itself hit the wrong way, but the timing of it seemed odd after some of the things I'd just attempted to talk about. It was in regards to one of my fics and a line within it that, depending on how you view things, could be problematic. It didn't cross my mind in that way when I wrote it because I don't have those views. I'm an accepting person of pretty much everyone, and I always have been. I don't care about who people are or choose to be, what they look like, where they're from, their religions, or their personal life choices. So long as they're not hurting anyone and they're happy, so am I. But I'll be the first to admit that seeing the world this way creates blindspots for me. It happens, and unfortunately, I can't seem to stop that because these things don't matter to me more than they have to in any sort of injustice type of way. But the matter itself has since been addressed and changed, because the person that approached me was right. What I had written, though nowhere near my intention at all wasn't painted in the best light for anyone who is sensitive to things like that.
All this leads pretty well into the next point. I'm not dismissive of how people feel, or I'm not trying to be. I might come across defensive at times over what I've written, but sometimes that's because of the approach taken when it's brought to my attention. Most times, though, it's because I know what I've put into that work. If I don't know enough about it personally, I research everything. I talk to people, either in real life or through the internet, because I want my takes on matters to be as accurate as they can be. I don't purposefully want to offend anyone. And no one is ever going to agree completely. You can give ten people a pink object and nine of them will agree it's pink, but there will be one that will call it fuchsia. It's just how things work, which is fine. No one has to agree on every single matter.
But it's not just the research that makes up a work with difficult subject matter. I'm writing characters dealing with those topics, sludging their way through the only way they know how. I distance myself as much as possible, but to make things emotional and really get that right feel, I can't completely pull back from it, otherwise it's going to feel flat, and the impact of it (talking about how it reaches the world, not shock value here because i hate shock value on things like this; it should never be part of it) won't come across the way I want it to. So I sink into those characters' heads. I pull out those heavy emotions and I have to soak myself in them a little. It's honestly wrecking, though sometimes are worse than others. And because of all that, I feel very strongly about what I've written.
These topics are important to me, and no one here needs to know why. We only share as much about our personal lives as we want, and that's not changing. I will likely never go into detail about the reasons behind what I choose to write and why other than the fact I'll always stick to about broadcasting them for the world to see and trying to change things the only way I know how through my own skills.
But none of this means that I'm purposefully trying to be dismissive about any of it. These are important things, and a person's true feelings and concerns should never be brushed under the rug. I'm not completely sure exactly what comments you're specifically referring to because I always try to approach serious comments with the same level of solemnity if at all possible. Most of the other comments I receive are typical things that I think everyone gets, people "crying" in a joking way, telling me they hate me (but they love me), asking the very dramatic questions about why I would do that (which are clearly jests and not serious), so I joke in return. I poke and tease. It's who I am and have always been. The only comment that I've lashed back against (though i still tried to keep as level of a head as possible) was an anonymous one that myself and a few others agreed was a direct trickle from something else that had been occurring that same day. I don't think it had any bearing on the story itself at all, and their comment mostly made that clear with the things they said. It wasn't an attack on the fic and what was in it, it was an attack on me for writing it at all even as they attempted to use my very words against me.
I've never specifically said it, mostly just hinting at it here and there, but there's a level of ADHD at play here constantly. This oftentimes makes forming responses to things like this and other, equally important things difficult. Thoughts slip away. I get focused on one part and forget others by the time I'm finished. There's often very little structure to it. I ramble, essentially. I can't help. It's how my brain works and I can't change that, though believe me, I wish I could. Fictional writing seems to form itself a little better, but editing also plays a huge part in keeping that cohesive. I edit what I write here and in comments, but I can't spend days raking over it like I do with fics. Things slip and don't come back for a long time, sometimes weeks, and that's terrible, because it inevitably gets turned against you in some way that was never your intention to begin with.
None of this goes as an excuse in any way. It's not an excuse, but it's a glimpse into how my head words and why things can sometimes maybe appear worse than I mean them? I don't know. The thoughts and ideas and all the things I want to say are there, but people aren't in my mind. None of you know me, and that's easily forgotten at times by myself. You can't see what's in my head or my intentions behind things, so not accurately addressing concerns is my fault, but I never do it intentionally.
I do care about people's concerns, and the best way to address them with me is to have an ongoing conversation, because that's how you're going to get the best results from me. It'll give me multiple takes from you and in return, you'll get that from me as well. Things become more tailored the longer I interact with them. It gives my brain space to stretch and also zero in on the problem itself.
And just as a sort of example, I've now spent more than two hours on this, trying to form a somewhat cohesive response that hopefully wouldn't just be inane babbling and would make sense to some degree. I still don't think I've done that, but this is the best it gets in one take, as sorry as I am to say that. I'm sure someone can comb through it and find something offensive or dismissive or whatever. They always do, but there's not much I can do in defense of that other than saying one more time that I care about concerns that are brought to my attention, and I will always approach them as diplomatically as I have the ability to do so.
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neil-gaiman · 4 months
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This isn’t a question, but I want to thank you for your books and how they’ve impacted my life.
Over thirteen years ago, I read Neverwhere for the first time and it changed what kind of writer I wanted to be. I went on to read more of your books—my other two favourites were The Graveyard Book and The Ocean at the End of the Lane.
About 11 or so years ago, I asked you on Twitter if I could read Stardust on a Twitch livestream, and you responded, “Fine by me”. It was one of my best streams, and while life got in the way of me doing more, I still remember it incredibly fondly.
Ten years ago I had a baby, and while he was an infant, I read him, Fortunately, the Milk, in an attempt to read him a book. He didn’t seem interested. I decided I’d try again some other time perhaps. But I did resolve to get him to read The Graveyard Book someday.
Nine years ago, when I was a mother of a one-year-old, I posted a status on Facebook simply saying, “We do not forget.”
Two years ago, I went on holiday, and I downloaded the audio book version of The Graveyard Book from our local library. My eight-year-old son listened to it as he fell asleep, though he ended up missing some parts, and we shelved it.
Last year, he read Coraline and didn’t like it. That isn’t your fault. He read Charlotte’s Web and didn’t like that either. He just didn’t quite have the understanding for them.
This year, he read Coraline and liked it. I told him it was from the same author as The Graveyard Book. He lamented that he never finished The Graveyard Book, and I said he could always download it from the library again.
Then about a month ago, he and I went through a tough time. I was really stressed about life, he wasn’t doing so well either, and our relationship got strained. I was angry with him all the time. I needed a break from him, or I thought I did. But one day when he was at his dad’s I realised that I wouldn’t get this time back. That I needed to fix it. So I asked him if he wanted me to read to him at bedtime. Just like when he was little. And we settled on The Graveyard Book.
On nights when he got to bed on time, I’d read a chapter. It often meant stretching past bedtime, but I could never stop halfway. It had been years since I’d read it too, and I found myself remembering things I’d forgotten. I’d watch his dark eyes widen whenever things got exciting, and I loved when he would interrupt me with an important revelation. “It’s Scarlett! His friend!” he’d say. “The dog! The grey dog!” “I know what Silas is!” He would tell me that I did the voices so well, that it seemed to match each character so perfectly.
We didn’t read every night, but it was a treat when we did. One night we had an argument and he told me he hated me. That he wished I was dead. And that he wanted to be with his dad. I told him to go take a shower, and that I’d ask his dad to come get him. His dad said no, but agreed to talk to him on the phone. After the shower, my son apologised for what he said. I said okay, and told him to call his dad to chat. After their call, he asked if we would still have story time. I asked if he preferred that or to have some space. He said he wanted both, but wanted story time more than space. So I read to him. It was the chapter when Bod and Silas argued, and then apologised to each other. Halfway through that chapter, my son asked for snuggles. I said, what happened to space? And he said, “I want snuggles more than space.”
We were sad when it ended. We finished it last weekend. I cried as I read it. But it was a beautiful sadness. We’ve talked about it a bit since then, to process it. He says he would like to read more about Silas and Bod’s adventures and asked if there was fan fiction about it. I told him to look, and to write some if there wasn’t. Perhaps I’ll write some too, just for him.
Last night he was at his dad’s and I was browsing Facebook and sent him a couple of his old pictures. Then I found an old post. From exactly nine years ago. And so I sent it to him.
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It brought tears to my eyes. I did not remember making that post, and I’ve forgotten a great deal over the years, but I hope I do not forget these little moments with my son. But even if I do, I have them written down here to remind me again.
And thank you. For the words you’ve written and the impact you’ve had on our lives and hearts. I hope that your life holds the same amount of joy and love that you’ve given to others with your words.
That made me so happy. Thank you. I hope you and your son keep growing together.
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theambitiouswoman · 1 year
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Questions To Ask Yourself If You Want To Become The Best Version of Yourself
What do I really care about? What things are really important to me?
What am I good at, and where do I need help? What am I strong in, and what could I get better at?
What do I want to achieve soon and later? What things do I want to do soon, and what are my bigger, long-term goals?
Am I trying new things and not just staying comfy? Am I doing things that might be a bit scary but good for me?
How do I deal with problems and when things go wrong? What do I do when stuff doesn't work out?
Am I nice to myself when things don't go well? Do I treat myself kindly, especially when things are tough?
How do I use my time, and what's most important? How do I plan my day, and what things matter the most?
Am I learning new stuff regularly? Do I keep finding out new things?
Do I have a good balance between work and fun? Do I make sure to have enough time for work and for things I enjoy?
Do I have good friendships and avoid bad ones? Am I friends with people who make me feel good?
Do I take care of my body? Am I eating well, exercising, and sleeping enough?
Do I think about my feelings and thoughts? Do I pay attention to how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking?
How do I deal with stress and make myself calm? What do I do when I'm stressed out?
Do I help others and make the world better? Do I do things to make people's lives nicer?
Do I have good habits and get rid of bad ones? Are there things I do every day that are good for me? Are there things I should stop doing?
Do I learn from what people say about me? When people give me advice, do I listen and try to get better?
Do I say no when I need to? Do I tell people when I need space or when something isn't okay for me?
What makes me really happy? What do I like to do that makes me feel great?
Do I use money wisely? Am I good at saving and spending money in smart ways?
Do I believe I can improve and get better? When things are tough, do I think I can get through them and learn something?Am I being kind to others and making them feel good? Do I treat people nicely and make them happy?
Do I learn from things I do wrong? When I make a mistake, do I figure out how to do better next time?
Do I try new things, even if they scare me a little? Do I give things a shot, even if they seem a bit scary?
Am I spending time with people who care about me? Do I hang out with folks who like me for who I am?
Do I eat healthy foods and move my body? Am I eating good stuff and getting some exercise?
Am I sharing and helping others when I can? Do I give stuff to others and lend a hand when I'm able to?
Am I paying attention when people talk to me? Do I really listen when others are speaking to me?
Do I take breaks and do things I enjoy? Do I give myself time to rest and do things I like?
Do I say sorry and make up if I hurt someone? When I make someone feel bad, do I apologize and try to make things better?
Do I imagine good things for myself in the future? Do I think about cool stuff I want to do?
Do I stop and relax when I'm feeling stressed? When I'm worried, do I take a moment to calm down?
Do I ask for help when I need it? Do I tell someone when I can't do something on my own?
Do I try my best, even when things are tricky? Even if it's hard, do I give it my all?
Do I pick up after myself and keep things tidy? Am I good at cleaning up and keeping things in order?
Do I use my time for things that matter most? Do I do important stuff before other things?
Do I think about good things that happened today? Do I remember all the nice things that occurred?
Am I okay with making mistakes and learning from them? Do I know it's okay to mess up sometimes and learn from it?
Do I show appreciation for the people around me? Do I let others know I'm thankful for them?
Do I take deep breaths and relax when I'm upset? When I'm mad, do I breathe and try to calm down?
Do I believe I can do better and keep growing? Do I think I can get better at things and keep getting smarter?
Am I happy with who I am right now? Do I like myself just as I am?
Do I feel okay when things don't go as planned? When stuff doesn't work out, do I stay calm?
Do I think about good things about myself? Do I focus on the nice parts of me?
Do I let go of things that make me sad? When something makes me upset, can I move on from it?
Do I notice when I'm feeling worried or scared? Am I aware of when I'm feeling nervous or frightened?
Do I believe I can do things even if they're tough? Can I do hard things if I try?
Do I try to make my mind peaceful? Do I relax my thoughts when they're racing?
Do I find things that make me feel relaxed? What can I do to feel calm and at ease?
Am I patient when things take time? Can I wait without getting upset?
Do I talk kindly to myself in my head? Do I say nice things to myself in my mind?
Am I curious about things and want to learn? Do I like to find out new stuff?
Do I think about good times and happy memories? Do I remember fun things that happened before?
Do I try to understand how others feel? Can I tell what others are feeling?
Do I imagine nice things happening in the future? Can I think about good stuff that might come?
Do I take time to rest and be by myself? Do I give myself breaks and quiet time?
Do I let go of things I can't change? Can I forget about things I can't do anything about?
Do I believe I can do things even if I don't know how yet? Do I think I can learn new things?
Do I tell myself I'm doing a good job? Do I give myself a pat on the back?
Do I stay calm even if things are really busy? Can I be relaxed even when things are crazy?
Do I know that I can make mistakes and it's okay? Do I understand that everyone messes up sometimes?
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dduane · 5 months
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Hi Diane!
I promise this will end in an ask, but I have a story to share first, if you have the time.
I’m very new to Tumblr, in fact, I was moved to finally create an account to send you this message, but I’ve been casually poking around for a bit. A quick google last summer told me that Tumblr is the best place to get Good Omens news from Neil himself, but it didn’t do the courtesy of warning me just how magnetic this particular bastion of chaotic creative internet mayhem can be. This story is one example. Fun note, when I was composing this message my husband looked over my shoulder at the literal essay I’d typed out and suggested that I maybe, perhaps, might consider shortening it to the length of a conversation that could take place in an elevator. Or in line at the coffee shop. However, i’m not one sacrifice enormity for brevity.
Your post the other day regarding the cover for your novel, Stealing the Elf King’s Roses, got me thinking. First, that it was a very genuine thing to share, second, that I wasn’t entirely sure why I wasn’t immediately familiar with your work, and third, what a fun visual challenge. I was still thinking about it when I should have been sleeping, so I decided to dig in. I almost stopped reading your bio at the ��blah blah blah’ because I was feeling quite bad about my media literacy at that point, but then I saw that you’re well-known for the Young Wizard series.
The Young Wizard series.
I said I’d try to keep it brief and this is my best attempt. I read books 1-5 of that series during the hardest, strangest, most heartbreaking time in my childhood when I desperately needed a different reality than my own. What I found in your novels was so much better than that. Your stories, your characters, your vision, helped teach me to ground myself in my strengths, frame my reality with hope and purpose, and how to build the spaces I needed within myself to find the compassion, forgiveness, joy and peace I so desperately needed. One of the things I built within myself on my healing journey was a beautiful jeweled box. It resides in my mind just off of I-335 in Topeka, Kansas. I was driving through the flint hills on a road trip from Milwaukee to Wichita when I finally finished the long process of constructing it, so that is where it stays, shining in the sun and twinkling under the stars. This box contains everything I experienced that couldn’t come with me as I grew. Crafting it was a lengthy, emotional, wrenching process, and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done to allow me to become the person I am today. I used visit it every now and again, to make sure the jewels are still bright, but I’m very careful to not jostle the lid.
I’m recounting all of this to you because two nights ago I quite suddenly found myself standing beside my box for the first time in almost a decade. I could feel the gravel under my slipper socks as I gently opened the lid to see my copies of your books resting at the very top. I wasn’t immediately familiar with your work when I saw your name because it is so inextricable from the very fabric of how healed myself, that I accidentally let your words fall under the closed lid of the very box they helped enable me to make. Nothing else clamored to be released as I carefully pulled them out, and once more closed the lid.
So, the ask. I will be brief here - I’m an artist. Not currently working professionally as I’m exploring a different career path, but I’m usually working on a personal project or two. I needed a new one and was still intrigued by the post that started this all, so to help me process the emotions described above I made a version of a cover for STEKR and wanted to ask if I could share it with you. It looks like I can’t attach here, but I’d love to post it on my new, very empty page. It truly might not be your style, but I once again found solace in a space you opened the door to and this time I have the opportunity to share it!
Also, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
You're so very welcome! And I'm really glad the books were there for you when you needed them. (And plainly are there with you still.) 😊
And absolutely, post that cover! I'll be delighted to see it.
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phaedra777 · 2 years
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Me putting pants into my pants pile with a British accent: Enter Into The CoNtExT
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barcaatthemoon · 8 days
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too good to be true || barcelona x teen!reader ||
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you learn not to meet your hero the hard way.
all that you had ever wanted since you were old enough to have ambitions was to play for barcelona. every single day and night that you could spend on a field was spent there getting better. that hard work didn't go unnoticed by those around you, and your community rallied around you to get you to la maisa. and from there, you kept your head down and worked hard to make it to barcelona's senior team with your idol, alexia putellas.
the video package and media done when you were announced to the senior squad played heavily on the fact that you were playing with your idol. pictures of you dressed as alexia for halloween or hero days at school were all over barcelona's social media pages. the country seemed to fall in love with you, and they all rooted for the mentorship and possible friendship they hoped would blossom between you and alexia.
the bubble of happiness and excitement was quickly burst when you met alexia. the few interactions you had with before signing with the team were wildly different than the first time you met her as an official culer. the alexia from before had been warm and friendly, even if she was a bit awkward. this alexia was mean, and didn't try to hide the distaste she had for you one bit.
"hi pequena, what are you doing out here?" mapi asked you. the nickname had been bestowed upon you early on, despite you being one of the tallest members of the team. whenever you were little, your parents had teased you about having to buy a skyscraper if you continued to grow the way you had. you stopped around 13 or so, but by that time, you felt like a giant.
"practicing. they told me that i could start in the game against levante if i bring my conversion rate up a bit more at practice," you said proudly. mapi knew the way that you played well, so she knew who you'd be replacing in that game. alexia didn't want to sit games out for rest, not when she felt like she had finally come back from such a devastating injury. still, this was great news for you, so mapi would celebrate with you even if alexia would hate you for it.
"that's great, pequena. i'm so proud of you. i can't wait to see you walk out as a starter." mapi grabbed your head and pulled you down to press a kiss to your forehead. "don't hurt yourself. no pressure, but i'm counting on you."
"i've got this. i know i do. playing with alexia has made me the best version of myself that i can be."
"what is this bullshit! this is an easy win, why aren't you playing me?" alexia was on a rampage. several of the girls looked around the locker room until irene and marta stood up.
"alexia, you said it yourself, it's an easy win. you don't need to be out there for a game like this, so just take the rest day and relax. look, it's pequena's first game, let her have this," marta said. it was reasonable, and that only seemed to aggrevate alexia even more. she didn't want to be reasonable about this, she wanted to be angry. it was like she was being replaced by you, which she absolutely hated.
"of course it's about her! it's always about your precious pequena. she'll never amount to anything if you all continue to baby her," alexia huffed. you watched her storm off, unsure of what to do. alexia was your hero, and for her to speak or think so poorly of you was absolutely devastating.
"don't listen to her. you know what, don't even think of her. come on, let's talk strategy," pina said as she pulled you to sit down. you didn't want to talk strategy or do anything. all you wanted to do was run away and never come back. maybe your legendary barcelona run would have to wait until alexia had retired and wouldn't be there to bring you down on yourself.
"i feed you and caro the balls when i can, and if you're tied up and i have room, i run in myself. it's not rocket science, the same play we've been running all week," you said shortly. pina looked taken aback by your tone, but she didn't mention it. she understood what alexia meant to you, and a part of her felt guilty that alexia hadn't ever snapped at her like she had with you. you had done absolutely nothing to deserve alexia's wrath, and yet, the older midfielder seemed to absolutely despise you.
it was hard, but you didn't let alexia's feelings towards you completely ruin your excitement about the game. you could see your family in the stands, everybody cheering loudly for you when they called your name. the hugs from ingrid and pina definitely helped to lift your spirits, both women whispering how proud they were of you before you all took your positions.
you had the support of the majority of your team, but it was easy to get hung up on what you didn't have when it was constantly dangled right in front of your face. alexia was there for the other girls, but not you, never you. it always loomed over you, threatening to make you cry without a moment's notice. and yet, you still worked hard for her approval. extra training sessions, extra workouts, and more effort than you had thought possible all for nothing to show. you decided as you looked at alexia chatting happily with some of the younger subs that you'd give her a reason to hate you if she was so set on it.
"what a goal! i can't wait to see you in a spain jersey," cata said as she pulled you in for a hug. you blushed at the compliments that poured in from your teammates. despite the fact that you had just scored on cata during the scrimmage, she had come up to you to congratulate you.
"you might just have the best left foot in the game." you shrunk back as ona put her arm around you.
"careful, she might get cocky," frido teased. she knew better than anybody how unlikely that was. frido swore that she could give you a million compliments, but you never acted like you deserved any of them. you thought that you were just doing your job, even if your teammates thought it was amazing. you wanted a compliment from one person who was very unwilling to give it to you.
"can we get back to the game now? how do you expect to win a champions' league final if we're all just standing around talking all training?" alexia asked. her tone was harsher than normal. you immediately put your head down and started to walk away when cata spoke up.
"we'll win because we're the best. we have the best players in the world here, and despite what you think (y/n) is one of them. she's part of the squad, and you should act like it," cata said. mapi moved in between the two women as they shifted towards each other. it was very obvious that a fight was on the verge of breaking out, which you didn't want at all.
"it's fine. alexia is right, we should get back to practice," you mumbled.
"no, no it's not fine. pequena, how does the way that alexia treats you make you feel?" mapi asked as she shifted to hold alexia in front of her. she forced the midfielder to look at you as you answered her question.
"i don't understand it. she's nice and friendly with everyone else, but she's cordial at best with me. i try to work hard for an ounce of what she gives everyone else. i don't like it, and i don't think i want to play here with her," you admitted.
alexia looked incredibly guilty as mapi let go of her. still, she didn't even try to apologize. she just walked away with her head hung as mapi and a few of the others yelled at her. a part of you wanted to feel good about your teammates standing up for you, but instead you felt like you had caused a lot of useless tension in the team.
that guilty feeling followed you along for weeks. you let it absolutely exhaust you before you realized that it wasn't really your fault. most of your teammates loved and accepted you, and running from alexia wouldn't garner you anything close to respect. she had just walked away from you whenever the team brought up her behavior, and that seemed to be the last straw for you. it wouldn't be easy, but you had to make yourself stop caring about what alexia thought.
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universalitgirlsblog2 · 4 months
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💗🌺YOU DON'T LIKE YOURSELF? CREATE A NEW VERSION OF YOURSELF💗🌺
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💗INTRODUCTION
The world needs to accept as you are. no ! The world does not owe you anything. People do not owe you anything. We are changing everyday , we are always trying to improve ourselves. No person is the same person as he or she was from the day that they were born. Everything will be okay when you make it okay. Your life is in your hands. Nobody is coming to save you. Not your mom , your dad , your spouse , your children etc. You want your life to change? You have to change.
🌺CREATE ANOTHER VERSION OF YOURSELF ( ALTER EGO)
Beyonce says that whenever she goes on stage she is not Beyonce , she is Sasha Fierce. David Goggins grew up in poverty, gained alot of weight but then he lost weight and ran marathons. They all say to create a new version of yourself.
Liz said that she is lazy , doesn't like attention which comes from social media and stay her in bed all day but all this will get her nowhere so she created a new version. Somebody that is confident , uses her platform , goes after her goals , gets up and goes to gym and somebody with a very hard mindset and tough skin . You need to create a tough skin especially if you are an influencer or a celebrity.
If you start acting like your alter ego , you will become like her. Ask yourself . What does the higher version of yourself look like ? How does she / he look like ? What is she / he wearing ? Who do they date ? What is their career ? How do they spend their time ? What is their hairstyle ?
💗START TAKING SMALL STEPS TOWARDS GREATNESS
Before doing anything , ask yourself , will my highest version do this? If you are eating sugary food, ask yourself If your highest version would eat that dessert. If you don't feel like going to the gym , ask yourself If your highest version would skip gym or go to gym.
🌺WHAT'S YOUR PASSION/ BEST CAREER OPPORTUNITY?
Find your own passion . No one can tell you what your passion is , you need to find it .
God gives us passion because that's what we are supposed to do.
If you have no idea about your passion , what am I really good at ? Every single person is good at something . It might be as small as cooking, managing team or very much into social media.
💗GET HONEST WITH YOURSELF/ STOP SUGAR-COATING
You can't be always kind to yourself, sometimes you need a reality check . Also , ask yourself what your best version of yourself would do ? Go for walk. Listen to podcast.
🌺PRACTICE THE LAW OF ASSUMPTION AND TRUST GOD/THE UNIVERSE
Talk to God as if he is your best friend. Ask God and the universe for the things you want. Don't expect help if you don't ask for help. God puts people in our life to help us , to upgrade us.
💗LET GO OF TRYING TO CONTROL AND START TRUSTING THAT IT WILL HAPPEN.
Ask once , be specific and practice gratitude before asking. Start assuming like the world is designed for you to succeed .
🌺GET INTO THE MINDSET OF : WHAT WOULD THE HIGHEST VERSION OF MYSELF DO ?
You walk into a room , you have a meeting or a presentation. You feel nervous. Ask yourself : what would the highest version of myself do ? Shoulders back , walk into the room and start talking. Wherever you go , think that everyone is in love with you , it will make you confident.
You have to tell yourself affirmations . Look into the mirror and say " I am powerful . I am amazing. I am going to kill this day ." Ask God to help you and stand by me .
💗ACCEPT THAT RECOVERY IS NOT LINEAR AND BE GRATEFUL FOR THE BAD DAYS.
It takes accountability. Going through the progress of looking at yourself differently.
🌺FALL IN LOVE WITH THE PROGRESS , NOT THE GOAL.
Know that the bad day is a blessing. How will we appreciate good days if we have no bad days ?
If you want an expensive watch , the watch itself doesn't fulfill you , it's the process towards the watch & the anticipation. If you want to lose weight , going to gym regularly and seeing the scale going down, Feeling healthier and better. That is the process. That is happiness.
💗STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AND START ACTUALLY DOING IT
Do not tell anyone about your ambitions .Show them what you are doing .
If you tell big dreams to small minded people , they will never support you because they do not understand. They have not done it themselves
🌺DON'T TALK ABOUT IT UNTIL IT IS DONE.
The big issue with people is that they want to talk before it happened. Why are you putting evil eye on yourself?
" What people don't know they can't ruin "
Be private. You never know who is praying for your downfall.
Don't talk about things you want to accomplish before you accomplished them.
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ghostlyferrettarot · 3 months
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♥︎PAC: 💐✒️Channeled Letter from your Soulmate✒️💐
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•Pile 1 •Pile 2 •Pile 3
❗️This is a collective reading, take what resonates and leave the rest❗️
✨️Paid Services ✨️ (Natal charts and tarot readings) Open!
🩵If you like my work you can support me through Ko-fi. Thank you!🩵
💐Masterlist💐
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🧡Pile 1:
"You're in my thoughts, and I want you to know that I'm here for you. Life may have its ups and downs, but remember that you have the strength to overcome any challenges that come your way. Keep pushing forward, and don't let anything dim your spirit. Your light is truly inspiring to me, and I believe in you, I'm cheering you on every step of the way.
So please, take some time to appreciate how far you've come and the progress you've made. You've worked hard, and you deserve to celebrate your accomplishments. Embrace this moment of joy and let it grow with your motivation for the future.
Remember, I'm always waiting to meet you and share my happiness. Keep shining, my dear, because you are loved and cherished.
With love, your soulmate"
•Your person has such a sweet energy Pile 1! They are your #1 fan. A truly loving and healthy person.
🧡Song:
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🩷Pile 2:
"Hey beautiful! Every day I see you becoming even more gorgeous, and people deserve to see you and your talent. You are absolutely stunning! Lucky me, am i right? ;)
Although I am currently occupied, I want you to know that you are always on my mind. It feels like you are already here with me most of the times!
I eagerly await the day when we can be together because with every passing day, I become more infatuated with thoughts of you. I want you to understand that I am trying each day to become the best version of myself for you. I only want to offer you the very best. While others may not understand our connection, it is our understanding that truly matters. I love you and continue to rock at life!
Yours Truly ;)"
•Your person has such a fun and sassy energy pile 2! Lucky you. This person has eyes for you and cant wait to share moments together. This person is truly the life of the party.
🩷Song:
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🩵Pile 3:
"Hello my love, I'm thrilled to be with you. You may not believe it, but I'm always looking out for you and making sure everything is set for us to meet. It's crazy, isn't it? How i am always around, in some moments i know you can feel it.
Thank you for being my rock, even if you don't realize it yet. I'm your biggest fan and you are my greatest source of joy. Never let anyone steal your happiness and your light; and if they try to, they'll have to deal with me! Just kidding, but im always ready to defend you!
I know you're waiting for me and I'm on my way to you, we're almost there; just hold a little longer.
Take good care of yourself, I love you like crazy.
Your Favorite Person"
•I feel like your person is so unique pile 3, a truly beautiful soul. They love you a lot and i think you are gonna meet them soon than what you expect.
🩵Song:
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💐Thanks for reading and tell me if it resonated 💐
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neuroticboyfriend · 7 months
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After seeing this Mental Health Pain Scale a while ago, I realized that it doesn't really work well for people whose mental wellness changes frequently (ex: people with BPD or C-PTSD, addicts), and very extremely. So, I made some tweaks for myself, and hopefully it can help others:
Here's a version with a table :) Emotional Distress Scale
0 - I feel great! This is the best I’ve felt in a long time!
1 - I’m feeling really good! There’s no distress to address.
2 - I’m feeling good. If I start feeling bothered, I can be easily distracted or cheered up.
3 - I’m okay, but there are some things bothering me. I can easily cope with them, though.
4  - I could be better. There are a few things distressing me right now. It’s not exactly easy to deal with, but I still have the skills to get through it.
5 - I’m not okay. It’s getting harder to do the things I want to do, but I can do them. My coping skills aren’t working as well anymore, but enough of them work to get me through the day. I need some support.
6 - I’m feeling bad, and it’s very hard to do the things I need or want to do. Most of my coping skills aren’t effective right now, and it’s taking a lot of energy to stay stable. I need help.
7 - I’m feeling awful. It’s hard to focus on anything but my emotions, and/or I’m avoiding things that distress me. I can’t do much but try to take care of myself, which is already hard in itself. I’m running low on, or have run out of, effective coping skills. I need a lot of help right now.
8 - I’m feeling awful, and I can’t escape it anymore. How I feel is affecting every part of my day, and I’m reaching the point where I can’t function. It’s hard to sleep, eat, socialize, etc. I need help before I can’t handle anything.
9 - This is approaching the worst I could feel. I can’t function anymore. My emotions have totally consumed me. I may be a danger to myself or others, or I may be neglecting myself. I need urgent help.
10 - This is the worst I’ve felt ever/since [last time]. I can’t care for myself at all. My emotions are so intense, I’m at imminent risk of dangerously acting on them. I need crisis support immediately.
11 - I have acted on my emotions and hurt myself or someone else. Everything else in my life is impossible to comprehend. I need medical care and/or crisis support immediately.
Note that this doesn't really work well if your positive states end up being unhealthy (ex: mania, idealization, etc.), so it's geared towards negative emotions. This is also meant to be about how you feel NOW. The other scale works best for viewing your overall state.
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scarletwinterxx · 2 months
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have I told you lately, i'm grateful you're mine - jeon wonwoo imagine
helloo, first of all happiest birthday to his sunshine🥺 of course I just had to do a scenario for him. Jeon Wonwoo, you deserve all the happiness in this world🤍
for my other svt fics, check them here
if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛
All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.
(pics not mine, credits to rightful owner)
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"That's all you want for your birthday?"
"Yep, unless you want to do something else. I'm down"
"It's your birthday, you pick what we do" you smile at him, letting the birthday boy plan the rest of the day. You did ask him before today if he wanted anything and all he said was he wanted the day. At first you were confused then he asked you to clear your schedule for that day.
It's not like you were going anywhere on his special day. It's your favorite person's day. There's nowhere else you'd rather be today of all days.
Wonwoo arrived to your place early today to have breakfast with you, right now you're on your way to a film/photography studio. The only detail he mentioned was there was something he wanted to show you.
When you arrived there, he greeted the worker at the front. Knowing your boyfriend's love for photography he probably already knows the people who work here. He has his camera bag slung on his shoulder while his other hand holds you, guiding you around the store until you enter a very dark room.
"Is this a dark room?"
"Yea, you know?" he looks at you, a small smile on his face
"Looked it up when you mentioned it before, so this is where you spend your time when you can't answer your phone" you tease him, referring to all the times he missed your texts or call but you don't hold that against him.
It might be a small detail but that deepens his adoration for you. It means a lot to him that you're trying to learn his hobby, in a way you're already part of it.
You are his favorite subject after all.
And that's the reason why he wanted to take you here today. .It's more of a surprise for you than it is for him. There's something he's been wanting to tell you but he just can't find the right time to say it. Every time, he ends up overthinking it and chickening out so he looked for a way to say it.
A way he knew best.
At first he tells you all the tools he use, explain the process while you eagerly listen to every word. It's endearing to watch him talk about something he loves so much.
"So you took all of these?" you point at the pictures hanging, waiting for them to finish developing
"Mhm"
"What's your favorite thing to take pictures of?" you asked, Wonwoo looked up at you for a moment before looking down at the table. A smile on his lips as he thinks of his answer,
"Anything really, I like taking my camera wherever I go and just capture that moment. When I look back, I get this lingering feeling of that exact moment. I used to take pictures of roads a lot, must have been my subconscious telling me I felt a little lost" he chuckles
"All these roads and places, I've walked some of those streets my whole life. Different seasons, different versions of myself. I've grown up, aged through the years but the photos I've taken stays frozen at that moment" he explains as he finish developing another photo. After he hangs it up, he looks over the other side of the table where you were.
"Now this is all I find myself capturing" he nods his head over the side making you look over. There hangs a row, maybe a few rows of your pictures alone. From different dates, different times, different places. Some you're looking straight at the camera, some capturing your candid smile.
"That's all me" you mumble
Wonwoo looks at the photos of you, each and every one of them capturing his favorite moments with you.
"Guess I finally found my way home" he says, this time looking straight at you. Watching your reaction as you take it all in.
"I look at those and remember the way you smiled at me, how I feel like my heart's about to hammer out of my chest every time. I know I struggle with saying my feelings using words but I hope this way you get what I'm trying to say"
"No one ever saw me like this"
"I do, I see you. I want you to see you the way I do. I want you to know how I feel whenever you smile at me like that, how you look at me" he walks over to you, holding both of your hands in his.
"Just like this" he whispers
"I look at you like what?" you chuckle, smiling at your boyfriend like you were watching him hung the stars in the sky for you. You can't help the few tears from falling, quickly Wonwoo wipes them away
"Like you love me" his voice barely a whisper, eyes looking straight at you like he's capturing this moment committing every detail to his memory.
You don't say anything, instead you pull him down to meet his lips with yours. He reacts instantly, kissing you back with the same intensity. How he wishes he can capture this moment right now, pause time and stay right here.
Just like that he gets lost, but this time he gets lost in you. And he don't mind it one bit.
He pulls you closer, arms circling your waist. He kisses you until the two of you are out of breath.
When you break apart, he smiling so big at you and all you can think is there's nothing you won't do for this guy. If he asks you to runaway with him, you would.
"I love you, too" you tell him, standing on your tiptoe to give him another peck on the lips making the birthday boy grin even bigger.
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beegalactica · 8 months
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How to set S.M.A.R.T goals
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Well, January's almost over... Have you abandoned your New Year's resolutions yet? Did you give up trying to work out for an hour every day yet? It's never too late to start fresh and a new hour, day, week, or month could be the chance to hit that restart you need.
It's great to be ambitious, but a hint of realism can make our goals more achievable.
S - Specific
What exactly do you want to accomplish? Why do you want to accomplish this? Get into the smallest details about what it is you actually want. Don't just say you want to 'glow up', what does this actually mean for you?
M - Measurable
How are you going to accomplish it? Break this big goal into little steps. If you want to 'get clear skin', how will you do this? Will you make sure you drink your water every day? Will you develop a skincare routine that you stick to?
A - Achievable
Is this something you can actually get done? Is this something possible for you? There is no limit in life, but if you make a goal that you don't believe you can actually achieve, you're setting yourself up to fail because your own belief is not there. Pick a goal and commit to it. Commit to the idea of yourself being able to succeed in whatever it is.
R - Relevant
Is this goal in line with your greater ambitions? Is this something that will help you become the best version of yourself? How will achieving this thing benefit you? Do you believe it is the best thing for you? If so, why?
T - Timely
How long do you think this will take you? How long do you want this to take you? Do you have the time to dedicate to accomplishing this goal? If not, are you prepared to make time to spend working towards your goal?
How I set S.M.A.R.T goals
Let's use the example of my Tumblr. At the start of the year, I decided that I wanted to start a blog. I didn't just write 'start a Tumblr blog' in my 2024 planner and leave it there, I wanted to 'start a Tumblr blog AND grow it consistently', but even this wasn't all. I didn't set a goal to reach x number of followers by the end of the year, but my main goal was to post consistently every week. I set myself the goal of posting at least once a week, instead of trying to post 5x a week because realistically, I know how busy things can get. I knew that starting this blog would help me improve my own discipline, and also allow me to help others, thus making me a better, more committed person. I was prepared to dedicate an hour of my time every week to sit down and just write. I've done this so far in January and hope to continue this for the rest of the year.
Instead of just setting goals in your head, try to put exactly what you want to accomplish into words somewhere for you to look back for motivation, but also to have as a plan of action to get it done.
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hildatheprincess · 2 months
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recovering from an ed is such a odd but meaningful experience.
every time I catch myself thinking about the calories or missing the old me, i’m reminded that not once have one of my friends said they only like me for how little i eat, but they were over joyed when i started going out for dinner and getting a sweet treat on our thrifting runs. Feeling the air against my skin reminding me that I don’t need to be the smallest version of myself, i love being able to run, dance, doing awful cartwheels with my friends in the park, going to the corn maze, reading books, colouring, being excited to make a new recipe with my boyfriend, showing off that my dress has pockets, or having a day out just to try a new pastry place with my best friends; i finally have the energy and mental strength to do these things, when i feel a relapse around the corner i remind myself, even on bad body image days i am happy otherwise. my body isn’t who i am, but simply the vessel i get to dress up, put silly dresses on, paint my nails bright colours, get dirt and cuts on my knees after attempting something stupid with my friends, coming in with red cheeks and chugging water while waiting for my hot chocolate on the stove. life is good, trust the process, it gets better, keep fighting, keeping recovering. please.
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hermajestyimher · 2 years
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This Is How We Will Own 2023:
We're less than a month away from the New Year, and as such, it is important that we begin to set the foundations and plans we have to not only succeed, but make 2023 a memorable year.
Regardless of how 2022 went for you, regardless of how many goals you were able to achieve, a new year marks a new beginning. Do not beat yourself over how things went, focus on how you can improve them moving forward.
In 2023 we're:
Spending less time being passive scrollers online. The pandemic is over, the world is back in action and so must we. It's time to stop letting our minds be consumed by the opinions of thousands of people on the internet. More often than not, the things we read online come from the psyche of mentally unwell individuals, and given social media's tendency to prompt out the voices of the most unhinged, it gives people that shouldn't have a platform a false sense of authority. In 2023 we're getting off the grid as much as we can and reconnecting with the real world. We will not allow this online façade to swallow us into its void any longer.
Spending more time learning and engaging in high-end activities and hobbies that can elevate our social circle and our taste. Things like polo matches, pilates, ballet, opera, piano classes, poetry, political forums, martial arts, and high-intensity sports, among other things. It is crucial to cultivate a persona that engages in a variety of fulfilling activities that can bring us joy but also help us grow as individuals.
Prioritizing our health and fitness. No more excuses, it's time to cut down on added sugar and refined carbs, time to eat more nutrient-dense whole foods, drink plenty of water daily, invest in vitamin injections every other month, take supplements to improve our body's collagen production, and overcome feelings of laziness by pushing ourselves through fitness goals. 2023 we will make of the gym our sanctuary.
Living below our budget and investing as much as we can. If you haven't already, get a financial advisor, develop long and short-term financial goals and get organized with your income. It doesn't matter if in the past you've felt like your financial habits have not been the most adequate, it's never too late to take control of them and be responsible. We owe to ourselves to spend wisely to have the peace of mind financial security brings. Never go broke trying to impress others.
We're no longer entertaining inadequate men. I must admit I'm guilty of this myself. After years of not dating, getting back into the dating scene has felt extremely disappointing and tiring. Most prospects are simply not up to par with the standards I have and what I want out of my life partner. Sometimes we allow ourselves to become desperate to build these types of romantic relationships that we begin to overlook the things that we really want deep down. In 2023, we're refocusing our attention on living our best lives and being as active as possible in real-life events as touched upon previously, and trust that the right dating prospects will present themselves when we least expect. We attract, we don't chase.
Finally, we're overcoming negative self-talk patterns that hinder our growth. We're investing in therapy, we're unlearning the limiting beliefs that keep us in bondage to people, routines, and views of the world that are not good for us. We have to put an end to the insidious lie of the scarcity mindset, overcome past traumas, and look forward to the good things that are yet to come.
There are many more things I could add to this list, but for now, these are the things I and I know many of you will find helpful on improving on for the year to come. These lists can come out as intimidating to some people, but we have to remember that we are not expected to become the ideal version of ourselves overnight. Growth is a marathon, not a sprint, and it requires consistency. Each day that you wake up and choose to do one or two things differently you're making stride towards that better you. No improvement is ever too little.
Let's make 2023 a memorable year, and every year afterwards.
Daphne.
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