#but even so i wanted to make a post because im trying my best to stay active
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Spoilers for chapter 4 so far!
okay ik everyone and their mother is probably talking about this but monomoko seems to be becoming more and more sympathetic for the students and it kinda scares me for her future, considering what just happened w dr kan (KYS!!!!!). im not particularly sure as to why this is happening, maybe the black spots have to do with the memories or the feelings from the deceased students??? i feel like that has to have some significance. also she went and talked to people that were pretty significant to people who died or got killed, like sasaki and okazaki, so i find that intriguing. im still so confused as to how any of monomokos abilities work but hey ojima got a glimpse of the sky! yeah open sky screamed death flags ojima pls stay true to your word. also the yanagi analysis by monomoko was wild lmfao but i did really like seeing that, it was good to get a better idea of who yanagi really wants to protect,,, hes grown on me so much god i love him
TAMBA MISSING KAMIMURA I AM IN TEARS F UGH KKJSJAJEJE sweetie you DO deserve to be alive but this dialogue is so real i can totally see why tamba is spiraling out. her survivors guilt is really getting to her n how she was so careless before n still survived while someone like kamimura who took a bunch of precautions was killed. obviously tamba deserves to live; the question of who deserves to live is as hayashi said, it’s not something anyone has to prove, you just make the most of it. i really love hayashi and tambas interactions ESP in this chapter.
watari adding patches for the people who died in gonna CRY. i wonder what she would’ve said if she had the time to respond to monomoko, that definitely put Okazaki onto the forefront of her mind.
now onto some actual analysis
I think the why do you mourn them question is answered well with tambas sentiments before; they were so young and just died because of the situation they were forced into. Danganronpa is so dangerous too when the people in the killing game are teenagers, who are still learning to make rational decisions, so putting them in a kind of environment that puts pressure on them to make this kind of sacrifice to get out alive and save themselves, a very human instinct.
i had something in my drafts that I was gonna post desperately but might as well talk about it here cause it fits! i think a lot of why the pink cast is in such mourning goes to the kind of lives they live normally. many of them are more isolated, like kamimura or wada, or surrounded by people but not truly by people they can be themselves around, like hiroaki, chiba, and harada. especially considering them being the best in their field, they have lives where it’s hard to make connections with their peers and it’s a genuine one. that’s why hasegawa n kamimura become attached at the hip so quickly; kamimura was able to actually have a friend. this applies to pretty much everyone, and i think that is what is at the heart of the quick connections. they have the ability to be with their peers and don’t have the outside worlds social pressures on them. it’s a horrendous situation ofc, but if it weren’t for the killing game, they wouldn’t have talked to each other even if they did live near each other because of various reasons. i think the original danganronpa was trying to get to this point and it did in some cases, but in others it didn’t and that lead to a lack of mourning from the cast towards the people they lost except maybe one or two people.
tetro casually making me lose my mind yay hope all that made sense
#the most screentime this week n it’s monomoko LMFAO#im not complaining this is awesome#tetro spoilers#tetro danganronpa#tetro danganronpa pink#tetro pink#i might be yapping on about nothing
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♱ i have the same s/o in every desired reality.
here's my experience and reasoning.
this post is also an excuse to
talk too much about my bf.
my significant other is Bill Kaulitz of Tokio Hotel. (2007 era primarily.) This is the era where he's 17-18 years old, and if you even dare to bring up how much of a disappointment he is in present day i MIGHT choke you out ;)
i scripted him into one of my first desired realities, my Tokio Hotel desired reality. I never really saw any purpose in a significant other, but I wanted to "fit in" with other people. it was a standard "this is my first dr i need it to be perfect" moment for me. however, i didn't really connect with him fully until the final moments before shifting for the first time.
when i first shifted, the first thing i saw was a text from him that he sent at 3:00AM (I was in Korea, he was in Germany.) and i remember exactly what it said.
"You're probably asleep right now, but I was out late. You're coming soon. I love you and miss you! See you soon :-)"
I think that was the moment where i began to fully digest that I'm there because I felt my heart jump and genuinely realized that this is a man that i'm dating. a man. that im dating. the random celebrity id keep looking at on my phone just sent me a text telling me that he loves me. and that was the best welcome to this "new" environment.
🀥 how we click
i'm a 5'11 Korean woman who wears pink and spends 3 hours on her makeup. Bill is a 6'4 German man who wears band t-shirts and blasts Green Day in his barely-working headphones.
why do i like him?
at first, i really liked him for hours appearance. i was interested in his style-- it was neat, which is why i was a bit drawn to him. however, seeing more media of him made me appreciate his authentic and bubbly personality. once i shifted, i really liked just how appreciative he was to his loved ones, while he also found the good in things even in the worst possible moments. Bill didn't have the easiest childhood. the appreciation and genuine love he radiates whenever he's with people who make him feel comfortable feels priceless to me. he knows he's not liked by everyone, but he finds reasons to like everyone. he smiles a lot, he's affectionate, and he's authentic to himself. he values connection, and it's really helpful. he's communicative. i never feel nervous to tell him whenever i feel upset or conflicted. he always helps me with those decisions. it's never felt like a chore or a difficulty to be around him. it felt more like basic routine, it even feels out of place to not be with him sometimes. i connect with people well, but i can never read someone's mind. however with bill, we know exactly what to say to eachother and when. it makes things so easy, knowing someone so well is so reassuring. i feel like there's no one else id rather be vulnerable with. in arguments he focuses more on ending the conflict rather than winning it. he's so expressive with his emotions that conflicts are almost always avoidable. he's not a pushover but he's not too insistent. he's ambitious but not annoying with it. maybe he's not everyone's cup of tea, but i can name so many things i love about myself that he taught me to love. he's the one who taught me im worth loving, and he showed me what loving should look like. i've never even been genuinely romantically attracted to anyone since. who needs to find love when i have love sitting right next to me?
i suppose what i'm trying to say is, i just feel like there isn't even a title for the fondness i have for him. so many people have told me that we somehow find each other in every reality, and it's true. even in desired realities where i don't script an s/o, or i don't script he likes me, we somehow always connect romantically. something just clicks and it makes me feel like a piece of my soul is back with me again. no desired reality is fully desired or real to me if i don't have that kind of company there for me. with one look, i can feel so much of my emotion settling down and finding its most comfortable state. he's not even my comfort person. he's the person that i can just think of in order to calm myself down. knowing that i've been blessed with that kind of company in ANY possible reality makes me happier than anyone can imagine. my connection with Bill goes beyond any kind of romance.
I don't engage with terms like "situationships" or anything of the sort. i've been shown what genuine love and communication looks like. if i ever feel unsure or panicked in a relationship, i know it's not the place i want to be. Bill didn't only raise my standards, but also changed my outlook on love entirely. i'm not saying ill never find love here, but I know what i want love to be like for me ever since i've been introduced to my own.
i think i found the person who helped me in endless ways.
anyways, thanks for listening :-)
love, zia.
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Seriously how can M*r*uders stans like random Slytherins (who tf are Evan Rosier, Pandora (is that Luna's mum and why tf is she Evan Rosier's twin in half of these), and I don't even want to discuss Regulus) and make them Actually Misunderstood Good People Who Were Forced Down That Path when at least one of them *coughreguluscough* was obsessed with Voldemort
And then turn around and make Snape an awful person?
#i saw a post with hcs about the marauders and the “slytherin skittles”#and i swear to god they gave everyone a lil nuance but snape was evil#just... how?????#im starting to wonder if they just can't accept that the marauders were actually horrible people as teens#and so in order to digest that they need to make snape awful to be like “Oh but he DESERVED it because he's So Awful”#it's just ridiculous#like i hate james but i can also acknowledge that he did ultimately love lily and harry and would have been a loving partner and dad#even if he was a fool#and i don't vibe well with sirius but i also acknowledge that he was fucking traumatised so yeah he wouldn't be the best person#why is it so hard for the marauders stans to understand that their faves tormenting a geniunely innocent child#because honestly? severus was innocent from the start#they're the ones who pushed him over the edge#I've said it once and I'll it again:#being into the Dark Arts doesn't automatically make someone evil#anyway i need to go sleep#or at least try. i got very pissed lmao#severus snape#pro snape#anti marauders fandom#(not even anti marauders as much its their fandom that pisses me off)#also#anti james potter#(just because i want to be petty UwU)#snape defense#also you know what#anti regulus black#<-whoever he was it wasnt what the fandom said#in my mind he was one of the worst out of the black cousins from an early age#(mostly as a mental Fuck You to the stans lmao)
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i haven’t mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojo’s moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and i’ve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didn’t want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ it’s going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and it’s rly similar to horikoshi’s concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what ���the greatest hero’ truly means#ok now i’m digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but it’s all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ‘loses’ in the end. and i’m thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#it’s so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then it’s going to happen at the#very last. and realistically it’s going to be too late. they’re going to be too far gone and it sucks but that’s how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but he’s still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which i’ve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuu’s reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.
#so ive been in a bad mental state lately#because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own#which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them#and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too#i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful#and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing#and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas#and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom#so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset#and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything#AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds#i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again#i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best#im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it#but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard#so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk#btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am#and im full of manic energy#tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room
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it's always something. PLEASE can i just go One single day without there being Something
#vent post#cw injury mention#cw shooting mention#don't know why i keep getting involved in these political debates with an old ignorant drunkard. i'd be better off talking to a brick wall#i say 'talking' as if he ever lets me get a word in edgewise. he just wants a Nice Quiet Woman to complain to. not a real conversation.#can't believe i spent 2hrs last night trying to explain basic facts about the universe and evolution when he probably remembered none of it#not to quote Dr. Ratio in a vent post but. the most annoying thing about idiocy Truly is that you can't explain it to an idiot#'i am a STRAIGHT MAN ���😡😡 how do you expect me to give you a QUEER answer???' bro all i did was ask why u don't like gay ppl.. chill...#'well in BibLIcaL tiMeS-' man u just ranted abt how ur atheist & don't believe in the bible. u can't turn around and use it in an argument#so we somehow went from fictional stories to The Gays to religion to outer space to the birth of the universe to evolution to currency#and when he started in on China & covid i simply had to walk away. i can't listen to any more of his regurgitated propaganda conspiracies#oh and how can i forget the tangent he went off on about his beloved guns after the Antioch shooting yesterday! that took 30mins at least#i did read the kid's manifesto and lowkey wish i hadn't because Jesus Fucking Christ i'm so worried about the state of children online#i really do love the internet and the countless good things it has brought into the world and into my own life#but i didn't have access to it until i was.. 11 i think? and the internet was a Very different place in 2011 than it is in the 2020s#worst i did was watch clickbait YT videos about mermaids being real. now 9 year-olds are getting radicalized on Twitch???#idk i'm so 'old' and out of the loop now. i barely recognized like half of those words he used. but god i'm worried sick for the kids.#anyways. all last night's 'debate' accomplished was me getting told that my fiction writing doesn't do anything good for the world#and got reminded that being gay is a mental illness. :) and that he doesn't trust in science. or anything logical for that matter#he's just gonna keep saying the same bullshit he was raised to believe without a single critical thought as to whether it was correct#i'm done trying to find common ground with someone like that. waste of my precious time. i could be playing a video game lmao#anyways later that evening i accidentally sustained some burns to my left hand. and i am totally fine. but i was too tired to clean & wrap-#-it up before i fell asleep. so i woke up hours later panicked from a nightmare with my hand fucking throbbing and my mom standing over me#in her own little panic because she didn't check her fucking pants pockets and accidentally washed her flip phone and it was. well. soaked.#so i got to spend all morning taking it apart in hopes of salvaging it so i don't have to hassle with moving her number to a new one!!!#then poured hydrogen peroxide all over my burned hand Knowing it wasn't the best idea but i. did it anyways bc my hubris cannot be stopped#and holy shit that didn't feel good! had to keep reminding myself to breathe or i was gonna pass out lmao that shit made my joints hurt#how does a skin wound ache all the way down to the bone. anyways. it's wrapped now and i'm Alllll better :) no mental illness in This body#anyways thanks to that i got out of making dinner and doing the dishes! and i got a burger and fries and am dipping them in ice cream#the fries not the burger im not that unhinged. anyways now im gonna boot up Genshin and try to turn my tired little brain off for the night
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#the more i stay around people the more i want to become like them out of spite#because i was so surprised these people are at least 24-26 years age some even did a minor bachelor's before coming here#some have completed post grad and then joined#like aren't you all too fucking old to act that immature#i grew so resentful of everyone how they keep on doing the worst low man shit and then victimize themselves#hypocrites full of shit they don't want to hear the truth#i know no one has the audacity to take a fight with me on here because they know im the youngest here#not because im the youngest but because im better#the girls frown upon me because i don't hear their low mindset humorless jokes and pointo out where they fall short#oh [my irl name] youre so stiff hamesha kami kyun nikalti rahti ho hamesha baat kaatne ki aadat hai learn to take a joke#mazaak hi to kar rahe hain kya yaar#ive cried so many times because i feel suffocated here and out of hate i want to act immature selfish hypocrite too so i do#i become self centered and look into my needs#but everyday bcg shows me how one stays firm in mindset even amidst surrounding of shit people#he points out to me all the time when i start acting like them he says why aren't you trying to rise above#i say ham bhi karte hai na unn chutiyon jaisa behave kyunki unhe unhi ki language mei samajh aata hai#achha ban kar honest banne se kuch nahi milta yaha#but he knows his stuff#he never does these things#however much i let evil thoughts take upon i get astounded everyday how he's practicing his rightful his honesty even tho no one's looking#it makes me want to cry#i hope he gets so ahead in life i hope he stands at the podium one day on a stage and deliver speeches where people actually can see him#like he sees the orator that come to attend our unis gatherings and says everytime kuch to baat hoti hai inn logon mei#i hope he achieves whatever he wants i hope he gets ahead of everyone all this fucking corruption#its not that he's done anything that im applauding he tries his best#and maybe teachers see that too all in class they're only looking at him and teaching they know#do you know how fucking hard it is not get corrupted in this uni and become one of those assholes that have done things unimaginable#im inspired everyday ill try my best to be like him#i do not just want to praise him i want to become someone he doesn't have to say fir tum bhi vahi karogi to kya farq reh jaayega#kuch bada nahi hota logon ki roz roz ki choti choti aadaton se pata chal jaata hai vo kaise hain
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Y'know what honestly frustrates me about the JJK fandom?
When people make stuff that's like JJK 0 Gojo and Getou talking or whatever, and it's like Getou being totally deadpan about all the horrible things he's doing/going to do/believes in *insert various types of wholesale murder here* and Gojo just laughs along, treating it like it's a joke and Getou's so cute and funny.
Like, no.
Gojo did NOT indulge Getou's philosophy. That was The Whole Point.
What do you think the whole encounter on the street in front of a random KFC was about? That's why there was such a deep divide between them. That's why Gojo was furious and disbelieving. That's why they didn't see or talk to each other for TEN YEARS even thought they were best friends.
Because Getou killed people, chose to kill people, and chose to keep killing people. Because he dehumanized an entire, MASSIVE group of people who were good, bad, kind, cruel, and everything in between, men, women, children, everyone, simply because of something they couldn't help and didn't even know about. Because he took advantage of those that Gojo had decided and felt duty-bound- even though he didn't like it much- to protect.
(And all that came BEFORE Geotu ever stepped into the picture. Yeah, Gojo whines about having to protect the weak and admittedly thinks it's a drag, but he still does it. He was raised with the ideal that he should do it.
That wasn't a Getou thing. Getou believing in that as a teenager did change the way Gojo saw it, but it wasn't New. He already was raised that way, believed that way, and intended to live that way, or why go to Jujutsu High at all? Even if he found it annoying, he was still always going to become a sorcerer, not only because it was kind of his only option- which is it's own kind of horrible- but because he was a sorcerer, down to his bones.
He had that madness in him, and maybe it was nurtured, but that doesn't change the fact that it was there. He wanted to be a sorcerer, loved fighting and killing curses, whether it had anything to do with helping others or not.)
I know it's just fanart and fandom, and look, I myself really like art of Gojo and Getou in their good days. They were kids and they were happy. While I don't ship them, they were best friends, and their own kind of soulmates, I've never not believed that, it's too forking obvious. Gege practically shoves it down our throats and literally designed them to balance each other and be Messed Up Forever when they split. Every official art we see of the two of them practically has them as each other's reflections. I know, okay? I can't not know.
I just get really frustrated when Gojo's disregarded like that. He is his own person with his own beliefs who's made his own choices. They both are. And maybe it's dumb to get up in arms about a story that's not even real, but Gojo's a really imperfect person who struggles and suffers, and at the end of the day? He tries his best.
Even with all the power in the world, he's still only human. He can still only do so much. He's expected to be more than he is a lot of the time, and still he really tries. He wants to make the world better. He wants to make life better for the next generation. He has, in a way, given up on himself, but he's still going, because he knows his place in the world is still one that needs filling.
That's a narrative that means a lot to me. It's disheartening when it's misinterpreted because of the fun, silly, giggly side of his personality, or the reckless, careless, cocky side, both of which are wonderfully, excruciatingly human.
That's all.
#sorry for the rant#didnt mean to go up on my soapbox#i just saw an art and it really pushed the wrong button today#ive been very frustrated because a story im trying really hard to write because i really want to tell it is not going well at all#every word is like pulling teeth#so im sorry if this isnt a very encouraging post#i guess i just wanted to write one thing i knew i Could write#and like i said#that art really set me off#it was a lovely piece and im sure the creator worked very hard on it#im not trying to diss them#i just get frustrated because i think fandom as a whole kind of forgets a lot of what getou did and was planning to do and wanted to do#gojo cares so much about him so i think that makes the viewer also want to care about him and see the best in him#but gojo was also very well aware of getous flaws and sins#he let him go for ten years because he couldnt bear to chase him down himself#but when getou came he absolutely did not let him go after his students the people of tokyo and other sorcerers#we never see who or how many people did die during those ten years but we know his takeover of the star religious group was a hostile one#and we know his initial killings in the village#which included 112 people who didnt necessarily know about or approve of how nanako and himiko were being treated#'small town' this and 'everybody knows everything' that yes i know but do you know every little thing that goes on in your neighbors houses#no. and its safe to say there were most likely Other Children in that village#what made their lives worth less than nanako and himiko's?#how they were treated was Not Okay#but what getou did wasnt okay either#nor was what he continued to do okay#just. you know. the series literally talks about how getou had a choice. he could've come up with another way. a lot of other ways.#ways to improve and change jujutsu society. he was familiar with feeling marginalized and he saw what happened in that village so#why not search for unfound sorcerers who might be in similar situations even as teens or adults?#his cursed technique was perfect for it. curses that could do recon and find sorcerers and alert getou#so i just wish people would remember that sometimes. and not drag gojo into it. what do you think he was grieving for all that time?
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🫂
#i've had many people ask me in the DMs what could be done to help me out given the orange menace is coming back into power#the best things for me right now (I can't speak to others) is this: 1. Keep supporting my creative endeavors#no matter how little I might post or interact. Please hype me up. I need community. I need spirit to survive.#2. Help me find resources that will help myself and others. Food banks. Community meets. Passports. Finances. Mental health etc.#these are important and I don't want others feeling like sitting ducks. Even though I'm scared I want to be a solution to the problem.#I am going to be a helper in this mess cause that's who I am and I need ammo in this capacity#3. Donate so I can up my ration storage. I've been collecting food water and nonperishables and I'm trying to stock up on medication#and other basic necessities. I'm collecting as if I'm preparing to be homeless again and if I am over capacity I'm giving rations to others#I've had to make peace with the fact I can't run away. I can't move to another country as I'm broke and poor like the rest of my loved ones#4. If you have friends who are disabled or a minority or lgbtq etc. do what you can to protect them and show them that you love them#and build community#5. Share my work and that of others. Who knows if we're gonna have sites like AO3 in the future or even access to tumblr.#this is all I can think of at the moment and again I can't speak for others this is what comes to mind for myself#And I admit I'm coming from a place of the worst case scenarios#because in my mind if I imagine I'm dead or homeless etc. and work my way backward to the next worst thing before that it unravels my fear#and it gives me back my power in the situation by sitting with those fears and giving them time to speak#because in my mind if I'm already dead if I'm already homeless or at war etc. etc. then its already happened and what else is there to fear#if I've been through everything already in mind?#I'm hoping that the worst case scenarios don't transpire but I can't ignore the fact many of them could and probably will happen#in some capacity but I can control the actions I take through prep and facing these fears one by one#and most importantly sticking to routine by making sure im healthy to help people#anyway this is why ive been quiet for a while besides for spending time with friends and loved ones recently to get over what happened#im going to keep going to my classes keep helping people through my jobs try to be creative when I have spoons and little by little#make sure I have enough of what I need to get through the storm and outlive the bastards in power#I'm not sure what sort of pink variant to assign this to but its along the magenta spectrum#love you guys#we'll get through this
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I am sorry you've been harrassed by terfs, but the way you are currently trying to weed them out seems a bit misguided. As in, the vast majority of terfs are in fact ok with big hairy CIS men. The so-called men they are actively hating are trans women/transfem people. So by acting like you proclaiming your love to big hairy dudes is the best terf-repellant you seem to be missing the point at best.
i'd love to actually respond to your concerns or whatever the hell it was that you were trying to convey with this ask, but it has almost no basis in reality so i literally cant.
thats the one statement on how effective i think the banners are that has left my queue so far. which is: i hope it works but also have literally 2 other backup plans already in case it does not. i dont know why youre calling that "acting like [me] proclaiming [my] love to big hairy dudes is the best terf-repellant", because thats wildly off target from what i have actually said at any point. everything else youve said is also pretty much either dead wrong or ignorant, so im getting the feeling that you not reading has been a problem for a while.
(ive also not mentioned terfs this entire time--ive been talking about radfems and using the word radfems. they're not the same thing although there's large overlap. so like. thats strike two for zero reading comprehension, buddy. cause you are literally not talking about the group im talking about and youre also inventing whole new sentences that i didnt say.)
#obviously reading ability does not equal intelligence. more about the wild overconfidence of someone who didnt bother to check if they#even read a statement correctly#i misread things all the time which is why i also dont barge into strangers inboxes to insult THEIR intelligence#because i know theres always a chance im completely wrong and i dont want to be an asshole#anon you could give that a try#like what am i even supposed to say to this ? i dont think its the best terf repellant and have never said that ?#but if you know so much about them go ahead and tell us your suggestions for how to get rid of them#im skeptical that they will make any sense at all but im always open to new ideas#(feels nice to be condescended to doesnt it ? i assume thats why you were condescending to me so im returning the favor <3)#anyway other than this fool thank you all for the supportive asks im glad youre enjoying the banners ! so am i :D#way too soon to tell if theyre working (no radfems yet but i usually get a wave of them every couple months so i wont jump to conclusions)#but just as blog decor theyre already great#there are many many asks though and i dont enjoy when this blog is less fiber craft than other stuff#so im reading each one and appreciating them but please dont be upset that im not responding to them or posting them#i have the first 2 i got in my queue and then i got like 20 more so
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I made a boo oc!! I'll make more drawings to use them for when I start making "serious" YouTube videos :3
#mayodraws#dont really know what else to tag so#TIME FOR RAMBLING WOOHOO#im thinking of just getting rid of the name Mayo tbh#ive grown sick of it#honestly might just stick to my real name for everything atp#i use it for the entirety of discord now so 💀#i just feel like its not me if its not my actual name#its like its a separate identity of myself even if im the same person you know?#i like feeling that i am me even through a screen i am still me and not some offbrand representation of myself#so hey everyone my name is Hailey :3 feel free to call me that#soon enough ill change all my socials or the ones I actually use to be some form of 'Hailstorm' because it sounds cool imo#and its a nickname my sister gave me so it also means something special to me <3#should I have made a separate post for this? yes#is it too late? also yes#since im in a ramble session i may as well say more on my mind#im in a server for discord and i so badly have been trying to become friends with people there but holy shit even after like 2 months#i still cant gather courage to speak most of the time#hopefully ill open up more soon but man i need to just not be so shy 😭#are you having fun reading through the tags 💀💀#i would be surprised of anyone actually read all if them#if you did i hope you have a wonderful day 👍👍#also Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its Christmas totally#back onto the youtuve thing most of my videos are just shit like “toad screaming” or editing zelda cutscenes but at some point i want to#make scripted videos for nintendo related stuff#i already finished a script for ttyd and i know its not the best script but for being my first its good enough and ill learn along the way#okay im done yapping Happy St Patrick's Day
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Still thinking about the interaction I had over the weekend (where there was genuine right wing unrest in my city waheyy) where I popped a message onto my colleagues-but-we're-friends-we-go-for-drinks-and-dinner-sonetimes chat to make sure ppl were staying safe (many of us are of various minority groups) and I get a bit salty about how the police were mostly being shit and harassing the counter-protestors and one person pipes up with 'I don't subscribe to the acab thing sorry 😂' after talking about how many police were injured in other unrest and like.
I had to fully disengage myself because I work with and am friendly with these folks but sometimes you get smacked in the head with an opinion and suddenly lose the trust and respect you'd been building for someone over the last year huh
#im a big believer in not entrenching yourself in an echochamber and understanding things especially irl from a wide variety of backgrounds#and perspectives and being able to form your own opinion and convey that to others even when you disagree#but as a 27 year old trying their best to make new adult friendships and work being the best place to do that its. difficult.#lick the boot all you like I'll still be your colleague and work friend but fundamentally we Seriously disagree here#go on publicly mock me for having my dead rats in my freezer because its expensive to get them cremated and i want to wait until i buy#a house to bury them because thats BANTER but in 2024 do you really think our police is fit for purpose and doesnt unfairly treat minorities#because your family member was a cop? so its fine that the police let the EDL run rampant whilst only kettling the counter protestors bc#theyre chicken shit and can get away with it because the lefties wont fight back#lets all laugh at the racists getting bricked in the nuts together whilst IGNORING the part the police play in this situation#with several gays queers and muslims in the same group chat yh#no racism or islamophobia or homophobia or transphobia in the police no siree#ANYWAY my other work friend who was in another city at the time with worse right wing rioting replied to my 'you safe?' msg like acab?acab👍#rant posting over sorry guys i had another banana milkshake to calm down
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people claim to understand that progress isn't linear and recovery can take a long time until it becomes personally inconvenient to them and then you're just a stupid lazy bastard to them no matter how you behaved before you became outwardly sick or how hard you've been trying to get better. and i will be mad about that forever
#text post#vent#venting#vent post#chronic illness#mental illness#progress is not linear#recovery takes time#ive only been diagnosed and trying treatments for my autoimmune disease for 1yr#ive been sick for closer to 5#i just got covid for the second time in january and its fucked up all the progress#that i was making#and now rather than try to support me through a major setback#everyone is acting like i just dont have my shut together and im not trying#meanwhile i am doing my best to keep up when walking a single flight of stairs is still hard for me#and there are very few people who meaningfully recognize how hard this is for me#i used to work three jobs while going to school full time seeing my family frequently#AND having a social life and maintaining my ltr#now im married yeah but i only do one wfm full time job barely engage with my hobbies#see my family and friends infrequently and tbh barely leave my house#and its not for any lack of wanting to#its because i CANT#and even fewer people are making am efforts to accommodate me#so i force myself to occasionally go out and see people#and then need to recover for two weeks#and they dont even appreciate how HARD it is#so much of the effort disabled put into their interactions with abled or just differently#disabled loved ones goes completely unnoticed because its expected as the bare minimum another can do#but rhe bare minimum to them is the absolute best you yourself can give#and nobody cares
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i get dangerously close to posting super ugly close up photos of my face sometimes. its a normal joke in my friends group chats and stuff so i literally see nothing wrong with it until i remember i have more than like 15 followers and none of them know what i look like
#labyposting#or who i am actually#like i “know” some of you guys and i consider you friends for sure#but i literally have no idea who you are#which sucks because i want to#i love learning more about all of my mutuals. i love talking to you guys and i love looking at your art and i love when we play together an#and make jokes or laugh at something together or make something together or make something for eachother#its all really awesome. im high sorry guys tearing up a little#all of my mutuals and followers and following and everyone ive chatted with in passing before on here through this fandom#you are all so great to me. its really incredible to get the chance to interact!#i have to find the point im trying ot make before i start crying for real#even if i dont know you. i love you. i think is what im trying to say#even if i can't get the chance to really know who you are like a best friend would#im sappy and gross this is cringe#post cancelled go suck cocks or something idk
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