#but being so fucking nonbinary

[feral-teeth]

Im just thinking about that American psycho musical and how much it affected me as a person and changed who i was

Also that face he makes in the movie - i always do it like the ‘ooh’ face (it also feels like a very Canadian Jim Carrey face to make too idk it might just be my connection to it)

[inkskinned]

she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.

my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.

my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.

my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.

at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.

my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.

i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.

two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.

it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.

[uncanny-tranny]

I recall saying this before, but it bears repeating:

There could be a billion trans people in the world and it still wouldn't be a bad thing because being trans is not a bad thing. Even if the rate of people discovering they are trans is "disproportionate" to trends from decades ago, that is not a bad thing. In fact, it's a natural consequence for there being more trans people being able to stay alive, and, overall, being able to live in a slightly more tolerant world. You'd only see that as a bad thing if you actively didn't want trans people to either live or live a life that facilitates wellness.

[lycandrophile]

i absolutely cannot believe people are trying to start discourse about whether nex benedict was actually nonbinary / whether it was okay for him to describe himself as nonbinary to some people if he didn’t actually identify that way as if he isn’t literally DEAD because he was KILLED. this is a MURDERED CHILD and these monsters are so busy getting mad at the possibility that he might have been a trans boy who described himself as nonbinary to his family because that was easier for them to take that they’re turning a CHILD who was MURDERED into fucking discourse. even when we die at the hands of cis people’s violence, our own community finds a way to make us the villains of the story.

and all of this bullshit on top of the ways that cis people are already trying to say our grief over his death is unjustified. all of this on top of people claiming he wasn’t murdered and speculating on other causes of death (i literally saw someone say he “clearly went home and took the coward’s way out” and i have never been more disgusted) or claiming that he started the fight as if any action on his part could’ve been enough to justify his death. i am haunted by the sound of his father screaming that his child was not filth because that is what people have been saying about this poor kid, that’s how cruelly his memory is being treated, and even the trans community can’t get it’s shit together enough to look past the stupid discourse and see the tragedy in front of us. did you all forget that it was supposed to be up to us to grieve him in the way he deserves when the rest of the world fails to care if people like him live or die? did you all forget that this child was our sibling, the future of our community, a life that we should have had the chance to know and treasure while he was still here but that we now have a responsibility to hold close to our hearts in his absence? nex’s life was precious and it was ended far too soon and if you truly believe that anything is more important than mourning his life and fighting for a world where no more trans people have to meet such an awful fate, you’re a traitor to this community and you do not deserve the place you occupy within it.

i’m so tired. i can’t even imagine how tired his family must be, to see the public treat the child they’re grieving so horribly, to see the world fail their baby again. leave him alone. he was already robbed of peace in life; the least you can do is let him finally have it in death.

[lgbtqtext]

[darknesspervades]

I LOVE BEING TRANS!!! I LOVE SEEING THE WORLD IN ITS SPECTRUM OF COLOUR AND BEING FREE TO EXPRESS MYSELF HOWEVER I WANT!!! I LOVE THAT I CAN EXPLORE MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY FREE OF RESTRICTIONS!!!!! I LOVE THAT I'M PART OF SUCH AN ACCEPTING COMMUNITY!!!! I LOVE BEING TRANSGENDER!!!!

[greghatecrimes]

alright i'm going to be a brave little toaster because this is my blog and i can write whatever i want forever! hilson, yes. toxic yaoi, yes. I get it! I do! It's great! but also... we as a fandom need to be way more insane about the women in this show. we need to step it up. 2025 should be the year of Being Crazyinsane About House MD Women. join me in the trenches, comrades. it's liberating

[ingydar-phan]

Sometimes i feel like some phannies have zero critical thinking. Shaking yall by the shoulders and saying. Dan is gay. Dan is gayyyy. Dan is GAY! Dan is a homosexual man!!!!!!!!!!

[justaz]

i wish i was a good artist. i would draw merlin so androgynous. in a dress. long hair. mmmmmm. kiss boys. arthur. kiss arthur. sigh

[ahalliance]

just finished Nimona… DAMN does it feel good to watch such an openly queer movie man

[inkskinned]

what is with men being mad any time a woman raises her voice where did that even come from. someone posted a video of a small electrical explosion, and the top comment was of course the woman screams. the second comment is women try not to scream challenge, level impossible. i had to go back and watch the video again. there is, somewhat fainty, a little gasp emitted off-camera, more of a yelp than a scream. it is mostly lost in the crack of the explosion. afterwards, you hear her voice, shaken, say, are you okay?

i am helping one of my friends train her voice pitch lower, because she wants to be taken seriously at work. she and i do each other's nails and talk about gender roles; and how - due to our appearance - neither of us have ever been able to be "hysterical" in public. we both appear young and sweet and feminine. she is cisgender, and cannot use her natural voice in her profession because people keep saying she appears to be "vapid". we both try to figure out if our purposeful voice lowering is technically sexist. is it promoting something when you are a victim to it?

a storm almost sends a pole through a car window. in the dashcam, you can hear the woman passenger say her partner's name twice, crying out in alarm. she sounds terrified. in the comments, she is lambasted for her lack of calm. how is that even fucking helping?

in high school, i taught myself to have a lower voice. i had been recorded when i was genuinely (and righteously) upset; and i hated how my voice sounded on the phone speakers when it was played back. i was defending my mom, and my voice cracked with emotion. it meant i was no longer winning the argument: i was just shrieking about it.

girls meet each other after a long summer and let out a little joyful scream. this usually stops around 12-14, because people will not tolerate this display of affection (as it has the effect of being passingly annoying). something about the fact that little girls can't ever even be annoying. we are trained to examine each part of our lives (even joy) for anything that could make us upsetting and disgusting. they act like teenage girls are breaking into houses and shrieking you awake at 3 in the morning. speaking as a public school educator: trust me, it's not that bad, you can just roll your eyes and move on. it does not compare to the ways boys end up being annoying: slurs in graffiti, purposefully mocking your body, following you after you said no. you know, just boy things.

there's another video of a man who is not allowed to yell in the house, so he snaps his fingers when he's excited about soccer. the comments are full of angry men, talking about how their brother is unfairly caged. let him express himself and this is terrible to do to someone. eventually the couple has to address it in a second video: they are married with a newborn baby. he was trying not to wake the infant up. there is no comment on the fact women are not allowed to yell indoors. or the fact that it could have been really alarming or triggering for his wife. sometimes i wonder if straight men even like women, if they even enjoy being in relationships with them.

for the longest time, i hated roller coasters because it always felt inappropriate and uncomfortable for me to scream. one of my friends called me on it, said it was unusual i'm so unwilling. i had to go to my therapist about it. i don't like to scream because i was not raised in a safe situation, and raising my voice would have brought unsafe attention towards me. even when i am supposed to scream, it feels shameful, guilty. i was not treated kindly, so i lack a basic form of self-protection. this is not a natural response. it is not good that in a situation of high adrenaline - i shut up about it.

something very bad is happening, i think. in between all the beauty standards and the stuff i've already discussed - this one feels new and cruel in a way i can't quite express. yes, it's scary and silencing. but there's something about how direct it is - that so many men agree with the sentiment that women should never yell, even in an emergency - it feels different.

is the word shriek gendered automatically? how about shrill or screech? in self defense class, one of the first things they tell you is to yell, as loud and as shrilly as you can. they say it will feel rude. most women will not do this. you need to practice overcoming the social pressure and just scream.

most women do not cry out, even when it's bad. we do not report it. we walk faster. we do not make a scene. what would be the point of doing anything else? no matter what we do, we don't get taken seriously. it is a joke to them. an instagram caption punchline. we have to present ourselves as silent, beautiful, captivating - "valuable."

a woman is outside watching her kids when someone throws a firecracker at them. she screams and runs towards her children. in the comments, grown men flock together in the thousands: god. women are so annoying.

[uncanny-tranny]

I've found the same people who claim a trans person is making being trans their "whole personality" are the same people who quite literally cannot see past a person's transness - in fact, that's the only thing they will see.

[chatonfils]

Because that one poll isn’t inclusive and OP was being bigoted in replies….

[mycological-mariner]

First day of Pride and I just want to shine a light on all the trans people who are unable to transition, especially those who aren’t fresh faced university grads. Those who don’t live in a supportive or even just accepting home or community. Those who aren’t well off, those who aren’t good at or popular enough to crowd fund. Those who can’t afford transitioning. Those who can’t even transition socially or need to stay in the closet for your safety. Those who rely on benefits or unforgiving jobs to just pay the bills. Having to hear day in and day out you’re just GNC, that your pre-transition body is “ugly” and the ways you can express your gender are “cringe.” Every trans person who’s been told they aren’t “trying hard enough��. Those trans people who won’t even get to imagine transitioning for years.

I see you. I love you. You’re so undervalued and under appreciated in a world where being a white, well off 20 year old on HRT and getting surgery is more common to see than people who work full time and just don’t have that privilege. It sucks, so much. But you are loved and you are seen.

Happy Pride Month to trans people who aren’t where they want to be. The world is better with you in it. We all need each other.

[tititilani]

Isabela: You know, Taash isn't the first non-binary member of the Lords of Fortune we've had

Taash, apparently concussed from countless fights against dragons: Really?

Rook, nonbinary, a Lord of Fortune, and also sitting right next to them:

[eff-plays]

Long Taash storyline rant by an enby 2, electric boogaloo

I think I finally figured out what to say about Taash's storyline so walk with me here.

It smacks a little bit of white lib homonationalism. If you don't know what homonationalism is, it's when Western countries see themselves as enlightened for being "more" accepting of queer folks compared to other cultures, and when this is used to justify racist (particularly anti-immigrant) politics. Usually you'll have far-right wackos claiming to be so so so pro-gay rights that they simply MUST keep the immigrants away in order to protect those sweet fragile white gays, who will surely be totally fine under a fashy regime.

Now, I'm not a sociologist and I might be talking out of my ass by making this connection. But as a nonbinary, non-white first generation immigrant, who was raised by a single mother who wanted to be free of the politics of her home country and thus moved in order to create a better future for me, when I played the Taash storyline, I got the distinct feeling that the writer of it either had a blissfully conflict-free coming out, or that they have no idea how complex the interplay of identity and culture can be. Or that they're a white lib who thinks getting somebody's pronouns right is more important than being an open-minded and fundamentally compassionate human being at heart.

Thing is, I understand what they were going for, kind of. In isolation. It was supposed to be a tragic death where Shathann finally revealed that she accepted her child as they were, right before dying, and it left Taash feeling like they were cut off from her when things were finally looking like they could be fixed. At least they know their mother loved and accepted them at the end, which makes it bittersweet, right?

But that's kind of what pisses me off about this, y'see. Because in practice, Shathann died for the sin of unknowingly misgendering her child, and for attempting to call them trans instead of nonbinary specifically. And she died because it was the easy way out for the writer -- kill the complex mother who comes from a culture deemed problematic in order to avoid dealing with how they'd move forward together, and how their cultural upbringings would clash with yet be mitigated by their familial love for each other. Help Taash choose between Rivaini or Qunari now that their mother's influence and opinions are gone and they don't have to wrestle with her culture anymore, just what they themselves think of it.

I don't think Taash's mother has any actual right to decide which culture Taash belongs to, that is Taash's decision, but the writers know that her influence would still make things more complicated for Taash. And we can't have that, right? Taash has to decide for themselves, as is their right, their right as a queer person to make decisions independent of and not affected by their mother's backwards culture. Their queerness takes priority, nay, dictates how they relate to their nationality/cultural belonging. Anything that might infringe upon that holy self-realization must be removed.

Y'see where I'm going with this? Y'see why it makes me a little uncomfy?

Now for the part where I put my on stink on it. My mom does not get my being nonbinary. She asked me a bunch of really ignorant and gross things when I came out in her attempt to understand it, or rather, refute it. The whole discussion lasted for about 2 panic-filled hours, and I don't think I changed her mind on anything. She still makes uncomfy comments about trans people. She still misgenders me, though this is partly due to our mother tongue not having any gender-neutral pronouns.

And yeah, all of this hurts, no doubt about it. But the thing is? My mom still loves me. She shows it with nearly everything she does outside of this enby stuff, but even with this stuff, she never pushes me to be more feminine. She said she'd switch to my new name if I ever decide to change it. She once apologized for putting "female" for me on a form she had to fill out because there were no nonbinary options. She bought me a perfume for men just because I idly remarked it smelled nice.

And I know what you're thinking, and yes this is a difficult situation to be put in. It's hard, but it happens every day, in families like mine. When your parent was raised to believe one thing, and have for decades, and they're confronted with something new, the switch won't be instant, or happen at all. And I knew that before coming out to her.

I was Taash's age when I came out to my mom, so Taash would've known that, too. And what's even more frustrating, is that Shathann doesn't even resist the revalation, like my mom did. She tries to apply a concept she is more familiar with in order to understand Taash, but since that concept isn't 100% exactly what Taash identifies with, she's in the wrong, immediately. Taash blows up at her for not instantly getting the name and concept of a completely new term dropped onto her head. And all we can do is console Taash on how poorly it went, but whose fault is that? Shathann removes herself from the situation when she notices Taash is about to blow a gasket, because what's the point in discussing anything with somebody who's already rejected your attempts at understanding them, while demanding you understand them?

And before somebody says that I don't "get" what Taash is going through, start reading the post from the beginning but really read it this time. For those who might say that Taash is justified in expecting the worst on account of how Shathann has been raising them up until now, then I raise you this: If Taash knew their mother wouldn't initially get it, why did they blow up when she immediately tried to get it? If they expected her to reject them, why are they still mad when she doesn't? Did they expect her to attempt to use a cultural concept she's familiar with in order to understand their identity, but didn't have an explanation ready to also frame it in a way that'd be familiar to her?

Instead, the order of events is essentially this: Shathann raises Taash in an overbearing way and places high expectations of femininity on them > her and Taash clash over this frequently > Taash, knowing how their mother is but feeling the need to come out to her anyway, says they're nonbinary > Shathann is confused yet calm, asks if they're trans > Taash gets instantly upset > Shathann, still confused, leaves the situation > Rook comforts Taash on how bad that went and says their mother will surely come around > Shathann, off-screen, figures out what nonbinary is, dies using the correct pronouns and confirming that she does love them for who they are > Taash is sad their mom dies but hey, at least they know she loved them at the end.

Shathann being a somewhat traditional Qunari, her expecting femininity, are all initially framed as obstacles for Taash to overcome. The overbearing, traditionalist parent must be confronted with the truth and realize their idea of their child is wrong. But before things can get too complicated, too bitter, and Taash has to actually confront this "obstacle", Shathann is instead removed from the equation entirely and killed in order for Taash to have their identity confirmed.

Except in that coming out scene, Shathann's characterization takes a strange, seemingly unintentional turn, and rather than reject her child's identity as the plot structure demands, she tries to understand it through her own limited framework. What's telling is that the narrative frames this as equivalent, that not immediately grasping a new concept and term is the exact same as outright rejecting it. It's framed as it being just another instance of her rejecting Taash's personhood and being dogmatic in her beliefs, but that only works if you're in that white lib mindset of "if you don't immediately understand my specific view of things and use the exact correct words that you might not be familiar with, you're a close-minded asshole and a bigot". If you're like me, whose genuinely very loving mother doesn't grasp the concept of being nonbinary, or if you just have a sliver of basic reading comprehension, you'll realize that Shathann is literally, in that scene, TRYING. But because she doesn't immediately get it right, it's deemed as insufficient, we're made to comfort Taash over their mother's grave insult, and Shathann is then killed for drama, but not before confirming that omg, she got it!! She got the fucking words right, and that means she finally loves them for who they are, which she apparently didn't do before!! All is well!!

Nevermind that Shathann is fine with Taash having female lovers, nevermind that, in Qunari culture, Taash being a dragon-hunting warrior would've effectively made them trans already and Shathann seemingly had no issues with that? (This is probably just a plot hole lbr.) Nevermind that she uprooted her whole life in order to provide a better life for her child, and nevermind the part where she admits she's done a poor job as a mother yet still clearly loves her kid. She didn't immediately get the new words and concepts right!! So she has to use the right words before she dies, in order for Taash to finally know that their mother loves them properly.

It's. Kinda gross. You know? It feels like Shathann, rather than being her own person, is essentially a prop to confirm Taash's identity, while hers is shifted around as the plot needs it. The plot both wants her to be an obstacle for Taash to overcome in affirming their identity, but also for her to affirm said identity. It conflates Shathann not immediately understanding and asking questions as her not accepting her kid, as her not loving her kid. And to fix that idea in Taash's mind, she has to die for them while also using the correct pronouns. That's an insane fucking thing to write.

If Shathann was instantly accepting, then that's boring and low-stakes. We can't have a parent who instantly accepts their kid, we want that family drama and painful coming-out story. Taash needs somebody to assert their identity over. BUT we don't want to deal with a parent not accepting their kid at all, that's just a bummer. So Shathann has to be unaccepting enough for Taash to have a conflict, but accepting enough that Taash doesn't have to assert themselves or fight too hard to be understood and accepted. Because that's just a bummer. And might signal that being nonbinary isn't valid and a-ok and totally cool and epic and awesomesauce and take my upvote and leave my good sir.

What's frustrating is that it could have worked. Have Shathann be like "Well you're a warrior, I thought you were aqun-athlok but didn't want to bring it up" and have Taash be like "No it's different, not like that" and Shathann be like "Ok then explain it to me." And maybe don't have Shathann get it fully at the end, but have her try. Have Taash come back from an off-screen conversation with Shathann and say that "We're good. She doesn't quite get it yet, but I think we'll be ok."

But instead, Shathann gets it!! Woo!! But then dies so. Don't even worry about it. At least Taash's enby-ness is validated with Shathann's dying breath. Because that's what really mattered in the end. Taash being so so so so so valid.