#but as ive gone on existing
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
The universe is within you, but it is not a part of you
#i have a serious issue of over romanticizing anything and everything#and when reality hits#ive only made myself angry for nothing#i expect people to be more and be better#but i never remember they are only human and they have free will#and like always#they freely disappoint and i am left unsatisfied with things#at one point i acknowledgrd that i wanted things in a bit of an unrealistic manner#but as ive gone on existing#i realize what i want isnt unrealistic#its just unrealistic for me#because only the beautiful and extravagant and extraordinary and luxurious and interesting people get to have such a reality#people like me#we have to take what we are given#and that is very little#i want people who wont disappoint me#but that is too much to ask for#for how can i ask someone to stand being loyal to a fiendish disgusting Unkempt creature#how dare i ask for what i KNOW would make me happy#idk im tired#probably more than ive ever been#and the bed is much father than the floor#i guess i still am an animal then#bleh#ramblings
0 notes
Text
david tennant with south london's greatest dirtbag boyband @bearsintreesofficial??? sounds like a place he should be
(also listen to their new song 'hot chocolate' when it comes out on Thursday :])
#ive been gone for so long im so sorry#i keep forgetting to put tiny dt in the coat i usually wear#but yk at least i remembered this blog exists#alec hardy#broadchurch#campbell bain#crowley#david tennant#david tennant in places he shouldn't be#doctor who#good omens#takin' over the asylum#tenth doctor#bears in trees#maybe i should ask my friends to help mod this blog idk
326 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do you guys ever think about Rana? How she was only in Minecraft for about a month, and still to this day is remembered fondly in the hearts of many. How one of the very first documented fanarts for the game featured her and (Indev) Steve together. How she is such an integral part of the history of the game, and yet is still seldomly known. How she's been so wiped away by official sources, the only way we still remember her existence is through internet archival and word of mouth. How she was the frog mob in Minecraft many, many years before frogs were truly implemented. That she carried apples and roses with her, back when roses sprouted one by one out of the ground. That you would have to slay her to even know such a thing. There was once a brief point in time where we could play with her character model. She did not move the way she was supposed to, as her animations never properly displayed, but she moved anyway. She had maxed out stats that meant nothing and could not properly equip anything, but that was okay. We loved her anyway. Do you think if Steve could talk, he would tell us about his first friend in green? Of the very short lived adventures they had together in a newly forming world? Do you think he would even remember after all this time, the same way many of us don't? Do you think she remembers the short time we could play together? Do you think she remembers us too?
#minecraft#mineblr#minecraft rana#rana#minecraft indev#i have a lot of thoughts abt Rana and her existence#an abandoned character in an abandoned version#no longer even touched by the person who made her to begin with#a character we once breathed life into gone in an instant#most likely never to be seen again officially#but still to love and be loved in and outside of the game#ive been told tumblr used to go like. crazy for her back in 2018 or so#and i missed that era by a while to say the least#but i'll still continue to love her just as much
413 notes
·
View notes
Text
blood inheritance
#sayo yasuda#yasuda sayo#ushiromiya kinzo#kinzo ushiromiya#umineko spoilers#umineko#umineko no naku koro ni#when they cry#wtc#jichanart#the second one cause ive been thinking about yasu's toe scar and what it represents#how her body's been forcibly altered. how the truth of her identity was purposefully hidden from her.#and how it's undeniable evidence of her relation to kinzo#so it's really loaded imagery. unfortunately as an artist it means that i have to draw feet. lol#anyway. having lots of thoughts about them.#fucked up that kinzo got to die basically at peace and in exchange yasu has to live with the worst knowledge of her life#she and the other beatrices really only existed for kinzo's satisfaction huh.#and genji and kumasawa let it happen. really spectacular work here everyone#even when he's dead and gone kinzo still holds power over everyone
79 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about kingmaker and my beloved sycamore again 😔
#kingmaker shenanigans#my art#my ocs#described in alt text#not to repeat myself again but: *guttural screech of love*#he's one of my favorite character ever and he exist only in my head and computer. i have to manifest him whenever i can.#i want to design his post game outfit once the mourning is done. i think he'll start wearing some blue. everyone's wondering what's gone#wrong with him all of a sudden. probably. ive been wanting to draw some of this for ages lol. his fighting is so vivid in my head i want to#animate it as if its not WAYYY over my current skills but hey yknow
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
sskk Yuri on Ice AU ⛸️ !!
[ver w/o words/etc under the cut]
#pretend this is all my own little world where irl rules and regulations dont exist#i dont know anything about actual skating#also the ADA type costume is killing me like it just doesnt look RIGHT and ive gone through SO MANY OPTIONS#bsd#bungou stray dogs#sskk#shin soukoku#yuri on ice#atsushi nakajima#akutagawa ryuunosuke#implied bsd spoilers#bsd spoilers#bc of the Ak costume yk just in case#bsd fanart#sskk fanart#shin soukoku fanart#my art#fanart#digital art
175 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
raven came back and i just absolutely sobbed cause ITS ALL BACK TO THE START BUT HAS CHANGED SO MUCH GAHHH
#Hilda#hilda the series#hilda netflix#hilda season 3#hilda spoilers#hilda s3#hilda season 3 spoilers#just how fast the night changes#…#:’)#this show is my childhood put into a show and has existed for all the years that ive been grappling with saying goodbye to that so now that#it’s gone…
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
only reason to use twitter anymore is to check in on whatever bullshit the woman from liturgy is saying now. my nepo baby train wreck adversary.
#ever since a bunch of idiots who dont know anything about black metal started saying she was 'subverting the genre'#ive hated the music#shes also the heiress to the fortune of a oil baron + has gone full handmaiden of the lord tradcath. give it a year b4 shes spewing the same#virulent racism everyone platformed her for supposedly combating with her mere existence#anyway shes also hilariously chronically online and constantly huffing her own farts lmao#my posts
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Turning this corner & winning against the depresh again 💅
#anhedonia: gone#will to live: exists!#may or may not be related to the really good sandwich i had on friday that ive been thinking of every day since
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
Phenix is just endlessly nutting while set on the homescreen
His situation sounds like a curse to me, but he seems to be enjoying himself! But can u imagine living like that....endlessly feeling that much ecstasy nonstop
Does he get the urge to eat (FOOD)? I mean he has to. Hes burning up so much energy
Is sleeping hard for him? Thats the perfect time for ur mind to wander so i feel like hed struggle with quieting his imagination
hed probably have to listen to podcasts to fall asleep or maybe he just nuts so much that eventually he passes the hell out
#night time ritual is him just going to town with various toys until hes out like light#ive gone from scared to curious with this character#i have so many questions about how he exists from day to day#and idk if theyll be answered since hes an A rank#whb phenix#whb#what in hell is bad
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
untitled fic
rattmann pov. set in my au in which he goes into cryosleep after p1 and is woken up by glados post-p2
(539 words)
After what must have been several days of constant, laborious testing, it ends. Upon completing the last chamber the doors open to reveal a hallway, instead of the usual elevator. I heft the portal gun in my sore arms and step into the hall. I don’t contemplate whether this is a good choice. She would not leave room for choice. I jump at the sound of a wall sealing off the entrance behind me. The hallway is short and closed on both ends, like a shipping container. And like a shipping container, I feel it rise and spin in transit. I brace myself against the wall. Then it stops. One end of the container-hallway swings inward to reveal a room. I stumble blindly towards it. A slight misalignment in the floor between the hall and the room causes me to trip and fall. The portal gun clatters on polished linoleum. “Don’t drop that. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device is difficult and expensive to repair. And we’ve been running short on technicians.” Of course. Her. I look up to see two glowing yellow eyes searing into mine. She is standing next to Chell, who is also staring at me, but with a much softer gaze. I scramble back onto my feet and assess my surroundings. The room appears to be an office turned into a makeshift dining room, with a cluster of pushed-together desks surrounded by chairs. And then it’s my turn to stare. Because on the table, there is a cake. My first thought is that it is poisoned. That idea is promptly rejected, seeing Chell has already helped herself to a slice, frosting smeared across her lip. It is a priority of Hers to keep Chell alive and well.(Was that not my priority, too?) “This cake wasn’t supposed to be for you; it was her idea to bring you here. So go on, steal the fruits of my labor. Which you don’t deserve.” Chell glances at me apologetically and motions to a chair. I place the portal gun on the table and all-but collapse in my seat. With the adrenal vapors wearing off, I can feel my appetite returning. I’m so, so hungry. Chell tentatively hands me a slice on a paper plate. I cannot resist. Using my grimy hands, I scarf down the cake without a word. Perhaps it is just my extreme hunger, but the cake tastes heavenly. The layers are soft and spongy, the frosting not too sweet, and the cherry filling can only be described as perfect. My eyes well up with tears. I hastily blink them away, but a few manage to escape down my cheeks. I expect Her to throw some rude remark at me, but She just continues to watch in silence. My animalistic hunger is momentarily mollified enough for my thoughts to return to Her. It is a ridiculous idea that She would have any interest in a human activity such as baking (especially without the ability to eat). We programmed the Intelligence Core to recite a cake recipe for this reason. It was useless information to Her. Yet here I am, gorging myself on a real cake that (supposedly) She Herself made. For Chell. Just for Chell.
#the concept of ‘chelldos but rattmann also exists’ is so funny to me#bro witnessed chell successfully kill glados#and then comes back to see that they have gone through an entire enemies-to-lovers arc#i usually dont consider my writing to be very good but after submitting a billion college essays i think ive at least gotten better#portal#chell#glados#doug rattmann#chelldos#text#recsci au
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
^_^
#i cant fucking wait to get this over with for good#it kills me to have to look in the mirror and see someone else and know ill never see myself because i cant be myself alone.#i hate that i have to scream and write stupid silly shit to get even a modicum of attention and have even that just be a like on a screen.#im not me anymore ive devolved into nothing and i have no one to help me become real again. sorry i csnt do it alone bc isolation isnt-#-conducive to healing esp for this long#no one will care but thats fine. ive known this for a while#i just want to get it over with and never feel this bullshit again. at least ill feel like me for a second before i die. its whatever.#i can try to play pretend until it comes but it wont work. bc its all pretend#god i cant fucking take another day of this detached horror of existence#i fucking *despise* having my only reactions in a whilebe some hug emoji by a stranger on a serious post. im fucking pathetic. that's why i#gone#gone gone gone. gone.#and i still have to wait for release to be mine. idk how long i can.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
i can be so normal and then i remember that even dna frays and even mountains become valleys and even black holes and suns shrink at a certain point and even oceans close
#NOT said in a sad way by the way dont turn this into doomerism#just like. it's hard to explain my feelings on it#infinity doesnt exist probably which is crazy to me cause ive seen so much striving for it but it's like#it's okay if it isn't forever. it not being a universal constant doesn't mean that it was pointless or inferior. it jsut means it was there#and you got it. you're both gone now. it went with you. isn't that lovely in its own way#girl i cant word this right. whatever#cass cries
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
—𝔩𝔞 𝔱𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔩𝔦𝔢. 𝔟𝔞𝔩𝔡𝔲𝔯'𝔰 𝔤𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔦𝔦𝔦.
𝑷𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑼𝑫𝑬, 𝟏𝟒𝟖𝟐. ❦ 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳 𝑩𝑬𝑪𝑶𝑴𝑬 𝑶𝑭 𝑼𝑺? 𝐢 𝐚𝐦 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞.
#oc: sile cosantoir#oc: nessa rugadh#oc: amara of vallaki#oc: kieran ferdinand goddard cadwell iv#oc: aodhan cosantoir#oc: malo rugadh#sorry to these fridged men.#bg3edit#ocedit#mine: gifs#bg3#v: la tour abolie#doomed brat pack of the sword coast let's go#kieran & amara are also on a different plane of existence by 1492 so amara's still Gone to this realm despite her undeath. & kieran. well.#okay. let's see.#siblings are sile & aodhan / nessa & malo#sile & aodhan are Not Twins but are less than a year apart/were usually taken for them#nessa & malo are a century apart but he wasn't one of the avowed yet so he showed up sometimes.#kieran is sile & aodhan's second cousin BUT despite their fathers being cousins they always called his father uncle so he's just Cousin#sile was amara's patron (she was also one of sile's spies and her sometimes lover)#former established couples are nessa & aodhan / kieran & amara#that's enough you get the pooint#forgot to schedule this WHOOPS have it in the morning
37 notes
·
View notes