#but also. idk if they'd think it's weird
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Again, not self ship related but I'm posting it here so the person I'm talking about won't see it. Anyway I am thinking about my crush so much right now GOD I remember now how painful it is to have a crush </3
#like they're so nice and understanding to me#they're genuinely interested in hearing what i have to say#and I like listening to them talk#I just. wish I wasn't so awkward so we could have longer conversations because like. I could listen to them talk all day <3#< part of me ebing so awkward is because I'm still recovering from A LOT of trauma stuff but they definitely inspire me to get better#but yeah sometimes I like I WANT TO TELL THEM HOW I FEEL SOO BAD#like right now I'm feeling that#but also. idk if they'd think it's weird#and idk if they feel as close to me as I feel to them#AND I care about them too much to risk ruining our friendship#curse my demiromantic ass for making me fall inlove with people I feel close to and puttung me through this again </3#okay goodnight I'm going to go listen to jenny by studio killers and cry like i used to in middle school lol
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super disorganized sketch page because i do what i want
#my art#not sure if i wanna tag these... hrm#i wonder if alt text shows up in search results.... shudders#well anyway. i wanna ramble about these!!#for willy mafton: i've been working on designing more of the human cast. mainly all the big name important ones#it's been a slow process + a little challenging but i like getting the chance to practice drawing faces! :]#in regards to His design specifically.. it's very much based off of his movie apperance#but with a reference to that Classic sprite thrown in#bc i thought making him a little cartoony and inhuman would fit him :] but idk im not an expert on his character or anything#about the rabbit lady: i forgot how i had that idea initially but it ended up looking so fucking cool tbh#im always a fan of making her design less of a feminine eye candy type of design and more of a Spooky Murderer type >:3c#it also gave me the idea to try making some similar designs for the glams...#but if i do that im not gonna be giving them that vintage rubber mask look... since they're meant to be super flashy and high tech looking#so i was thinking they could have faces with more of a silicone texture.. and that have a style based more off of their in game art work :]#so they'd be like giant dolls with weird moving faces rather than having a vintage animatronic look#also that van in the bottom middle is 100% a homage to a specific user i wont be mentioning but iykyk HFJZJFJF#ANYWAY the 🌞🌜 stuff: dont be weird about it please HFJZJG#im aware that these tags are very easy to ignore but like. genuinely pls dont be weird about them#dont romanticize it. its not meant to be ''y/ndere'' or anything like that#its actually a bit personal to me so like... interpret it as you like but be aware its not meant to be a happy or positive thing#anyway i think thats all i have to say... i've been trying to branch out a tiny bit regarding the things i draw#it's always nice to challenge yourself even if its tough... especially if its tough!!#i mainly draw just for my own sake but i hope ppl see something they like here#these tags got so fucking long oops... i'll stop now JFKZJFKSJGKSJG
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Slightly mini Callowmoore thing from 103 but I liked how Fearne used 'Professor Emperor' with Grog in reference to the shard and her previous attempt at passing as a professor - which Ashton backed her up for. And the instant Grog tries to move her Ashton steps in with 'we have an appointment', and further protests as she's pushed.
#idk I thought it was sweet#Ashton happily lets Fearne do her thing but they'll be damned if the target tries to impose themselves upon her#not in a 'touch her you die' way but more a 'let's not escalate this into something we'll make you'll regret' way#I also believe that if they didn't already know that Grog was an ally who knows Keyleth they'd have been prepared to throw hands#though that very likely would've gone badly for them XD#Tal at least enjoyed the 'professor emperor' thing#Ashton needs another title to back it up with introducing themselves as empress#callowmoore#fearne calloway#ashton greymoore#ashley johnson#taliesin jaffe#rockwild#critical role#cr3 spoilers#c3e103#cr spoilers#grog strongjaw#I could use a big slice of shippy cake though it has been a long month and a bit#tag reader bonus: since it's part of the emperor's fire I think Little Mister can store themselves in Ashton's arm - it feels weird though
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being ace means i don't get giggly or horny about omegaverse aka abo but instead become painfully obsessed with details in anatomy and world building
#for one the whole abo dynamic thing in wolves is false#for another the animal kingdom is SO wild#like. female hyenas have pseudopenises and dominate males#seahorses and male birth#eating your children to avoid them being eaten by predators#males killing children to free females to mate#community child rearing!#females doing the hunting!#CLOWNFISH#omegaverse#abo#imagine if your secondary gender is determined by the social dynamics of where you grew into it#mostly female/child bearing? guess you get a penis now#do you think all alphas have piss kinks cuz of territory marking shit#anglerfish...octopodes that hand off their sperm sacks to females...#i know a strange amount of stuff about animal sexuality i just realized this#did you know some species dont have periods? they just reabsorb the uterine lining which is fucking amazing and im very mad humans dont#do that too#on the other hand. ive seen abo aus where male omegas give birth by LOSING ALL THEIR TEETH and VOMITING AN EGG#my main complaint is that abo doesnt get weird enough (plz not losing teeth and egg vomiting weird tho)#also can we PLEASE think a little more on the 'birthing from the ass' thing? please?#listen you have a right to mpreg (and trans men exist) but like. PLEASE. that baby should NOT be born thru the poop chute#ik some animals feed their babies poop (and human anatomy is like half an inch away from the birth canal being the poo canal) but COME ON#also why are all the scents like. very specific objects/concepts#flowers and idk blood?#frankly i think they would just be. animal smells but with enhanced human noses they'd be easily distinguishable#my headcanon is that they act like peacock tails do. meant to show off how cool you are#the biting thing happens in sharks (tho i think its cuz theyre kinda silly like that) but it just reminds me of people tattooing bite marks#and not cleaning the wound or yknow actually biting their partner in the tattoo parlor?#i get it. i'd love to be consumed by the void and a non recommendable amount of teeth. but can you be more sensible about it
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godheim clarence | because it's you
On a seemingly normal day, as he's braiding your hair in the morning, your husband asks you if he should cut his hair. You try to be brave about it.
1.6k, post-clarence epilogue, misunderstandings + fluff, reader is mc, series: none
"SHALL I CUT MY HAIR short too?"
You register your husband's words as a joke at first. Why would you not? It flows so seamlessly from your own, after all—about how he might actually thank you for freeing up his time in the mornings if you chop off your long hair.
You know full well Clarence will not.
It is not enough to prevent you from chasing after your favorite kind of high. The one where he huffs exasperatedly and tells you as much, as a lovely but faint scarlet hue spreads across his cheek. The one that leaves you with the singleminded desire to kiss him, which you waste no time in doing—because you can.
So, expecting to see a hint of mirth in his blue eyes, you roll your eyes and watch him through the vanity's mirror with an unfaltering grin.
There is none.
Instead, the mirror reflects only the almost clumsy seriousness you've come to expect in his endeavors to prove himself worthy of being your husband. It is both flattering and worrying.
And sometimes, it makes you wonder if you were too harsh on him in the early days of your time together in the void, when you demanded apology after apology from him. Then, you remember that he's the same man who catches fishes only to free them in the end—and that this is simply sort of endearing idiot he is.
It helps immensely.
"Would you like to?" you ask carefully, concealing your silent insults with a half-awkward smile.
You would not like him to.
But it is rare for Clarence to express an interest in his appearance outside of what you make of it. His most frequently worn coat is the one you once complimented him, under a brightly-lit street lamp as he wrapped his scarf around you instead. He always buys the same fragrance, and only when it runs out, with a polite explanation of My wife likes this one the most that drives most merchants mad.
The only response he's ever offered when shopping for clothes is: If you like it, I'm fine with wearing it.
Biting back a scowl, you add, "I think you'd look good with short hair."
Of course he would. Even putting aside his hairstyle when he was younger, your husband is handsome enough to pull anything off.
You are, of course, very biased—it's an accusation you've never tried to deny.
"I see." With a pleased hum, Clarence ties off your braid. "Then I'll pick out a date. Would you like to come along?"
He's careful to adjust the hair tie first, concealing any stubborn tufts hair poking through between the gaps before he reaches for your usual red ribbon. Then, with a practiced ease that comes only with years' worth of repetition, he loops it through the hair tie and twists into a proper bow.
Today, you cannot find it in yourself to admire his careful movements through the mirror.
"I'm never going to hear the end of it if I do that," you answer, shuddering a little at the thought. The people at this village are mostly kind, but a few of the louder ones tend to comment on Clarence's tendencies a bit too frequently for your liking. "You remember what happened last time, don't you?"
Your fingers traverse down the full length of your neatly-braided hair to pull it over your shoulder. Their grasp on the end of it lasts for only a second before your hand falls to the edge of your stool. Gulping, you swivel around and soon find yourself properly face to face with your husband.
He smiles faintly. "In a sense, they weren't wrong."
To properly hold onto his face, you have to scoot closer to the edge. Clarence bends down slightly, further easing the burden on your arms. Your eyes narrow fondly at him before you ruin the moment by smushing his cheeks.
"They were insulting you," you correct him, indignation fueling your flat tone. "I'd say they were very wrong."
His expression grows helpless and fond. Wrapping his hands around your own, he settles down onto the hardwood floor. In doing so, he ignores your chiding entirely; instead, he looks at you with a hint of reverence in his gaze.
"Perhaps," Clarence agrees softly. "I've heard worse."
Inhaling sharply, you press your foreheads together. When you next speak up, your tone is softer. "Do you have a cut in mind?"
"The same as it was when I was younger, I suppose," he says, sounding a bit uncertain.
You do your best approximation of a nod. You're not entirely certain what brought this on, but that won't stop you from being the most supportive wife to ever be supportive. As you squeeze his hands gently, you hope he can sense your resolve.
"Alright," you say, a bit forcefully, as you press a kiss to his forehead. "—now get off the floor. It's my turn to do your hair."
IT'S WHEN YOU'RE CAREFULLY UNTANGLING your braid at night that you remember the conversation from that morning.
"Did you decide on a date?" you ask curiously.
Clarence hums. "I didn't get the chance to quite yet."
He's watching you from his side of the bed, both hands occupied by a book he stopped reading the moment you walked in after your nighttime routine. When you shake your hair back to normal and settle under the blankets, he wordlessly turns the lamps off, with only a flick of his hand.
Accepting his answer, you snuggle up against his chest, fully intent on going to sleep—
Except you can't.
Curiosity nags at you, offering you the same question over and over again in the hopes that you'll break. And break you do as you call out your husband's name.
You can't quite make out what his expression is, but you know he isn't asleep. It's only been a few years—just a little over a decade, to be precise—since they've reunited. Adjusting to a life within the bounds of time, you know, takes some time, especially for someone like Clarence who had seemingly outgrown the need to sleep even before he entered the nothingness.
"Clarence," you whisper, "what made you want to cut your hair?"
For a moment, he remains silent. You can hear his beating heart, and that is enough to let you know that he's flustered.
"Clarence?"
"You said I looked very handsome," he says finally. "The other day."
Upon hearing those words, your mind offers you nothing noteworthy. To you, calling your husband handsome is no different making sure your heart's intact. You think you might actually die if you don't tell him, but you haven't tested it before.
Your heart, however, is filled to the brim with affection for this man, the one you've searched nearly your entire life for.
Even if you do want to throttle him a little bit.
"You'll have to be more specific, dear," you tell him, gently touching his cheek. He's warm, you think. You're tempted to turn the lights back on. "I'm sure I say that every day. And why would that make you want to cut your hair?"
Clearing his throat, he adds, "To be more specific, you didn't say it to me necessarily. You were—" Clarence pauses, a hint of uncertainty to his next words. "—talking about my younger self."
Oh.
The gears in your head start to turn. Now, you can faintly recall the memory of you waxing poetically about the man whose image remains in use on one of the most popular and frequently sold-out stamps even now, centuries later. Mostly, you remember smiling through a comment about how carefully you must've chosen your husband—as if she hadn't pressured into picking a man other than your husband to gush about.
You would've chosen the Archmage who seemingly had no relation to your husband regardless, but it would've been nice to know ahead of time.
Because you do have eyes, Eliza. That's how you know there isn't a man alive that's more attractive than Clarence.
Still, there hadn't been any deeper meaning when you chose his younger self specifically. There'd been a stamp nearby and you'd used it as a reference, in the hopes that it would help the other ladies downplay your incredible knowledge of his features.
You're almost certain they think you're deranged.
"Clarence." You giggle, suddenly amused. "Clarence. You look very handsome today."
Clumsily, you press a loving kiss to his forehead. Then, to the mole under his eye, to the tip of his nose, to his other cheek, until finally, you kiss him on the lips. At some point, while you're busy being productive, he goes from laying on his side to laying on his back.
"What brought this on?"
He sounds bewildered. You think it's cute.
After taking a moment to compose yourself, you begin to explain. Throughout, he's mostly silent, save for the occasional acknowledgement. Still, you don't have to worry about whether he's listening or not.
Until the very end, his hands—still wrapped around you—give him away.
"I like your long hair just as much, because—" You give him another peck on the lips. "—I love you. No matter what, you're always the best-looking man in the room."
Clarence wastes no time in answering you, though he very nearly chokes on his words. "And I...you."
"Good." Feeling satisfied, you rest your head against his chest. "Do you still want to cut your hair? ...Clarence?"
"I think," he says, clearing his throat. "It's fine the way it is."
You don't try to point out why.
#fics by aya#lovebrush chronicles#lovebrush chronicles x reader#for all time#for all time x reader#clarence clayden#clarence clayden x reader#lbc clarence#lbc clarence x reader#lovebrush clarence#lovebrush clarence x reader#rambles from here on ->#my time as a blue name was extremely productive i have *checks notes* at least clarence four WIPs#um but yeah this is just. super self-indulgent#it is a bit weird to write archmage as a normal husband because he's such an extreme. like he's very unique#because he's basically done saving the world. he's free to be with mc now and there's def this underlying guilt#that makes him a bit more softer than the other two because. the void.#this entire time i was like damn i hope i'm not accidentally writing alkaid#i didn't have that problem with modern clarence so idk. i think it might because i chose mc's pov#also writing this made me realize how awkward i love you too sounds in a more serious context#as for the actual fic...people thinking immortals are weird is 100/10#i just go feral for the thought that they have an agreed upon historical figure they'd leave each other for...#and it's THEMSELVES?? and some people think it's sweet particularly when they model themselves as childhood friends#when they don't people are like “hmm that doesn't sound right”. they feel bad for clarence because he's less likely to reveal his devotion
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i'm here to peddle my crystal and farrah agenda so that means it's everyone else's problem now too.
i'd personally like to revamp crystal's entire character. like instead of being the snow king's daughter (which is fucking stupid might i add) she's just the snow queen's daughter, and in this version, the snow queen is a very cold and neglectful mother who couldn't care less about her daughter.
i think it'd be cool to have it established that canon crystal's personality is basically what crystal acted like as a child when ashlynn and briar knew her; as a fun-loving, carefree child with far too much power, but ultimately someone with a good heart who just wants to have fun.
but then crystal grows up. she grows up in a cold, isolated palace, entirely alone save for her callous and uncaring mother and hordes of servants who fear and hate her because of her mother.
this crystal is one that grows up and turns into her mother. she grows up bitter and spiteful and powerful, and she grows up with zero checks on her behavior, because the servants are too scared to ever say no to her, while her mother doesn't really care about what she's doing.
i'd like her to grow into someone so confused and upset; someone who very, very badly suffers from a lack of love or a loving home or parent. someone whose only happy memories are of the friends she made so, so long ago. someone whose happy memories are pushed so far back in favor of all the terrible things that have happened since.
anyways then the entire epic winter plot plays out, those shards in her mother's eyes or whatever, and instead of just being neglectful and cold, her mother becomes downright tyrannical and EVIL, and crystal's forced to go down to ever after high to get help from the only people she has left, who are, of course, ashlynn and briar.
and then, instead of having a whiny fucking little bitch who can't tie her laces and complains at any given moment, we'd have a crystal who is numb and unfeeling (something which i want ashlynn and briar to visibly question and be concerned about; i want them to CONSTANTLY be asking themselves about what the fuck happened to their friend and how can they help), and someone who is very, very selfish and is used to taking care of herself and only herself.
but then throughout the special we see crystal grow, we see her mature and we see her learn to love others and realize that she has a lot of people who love her and care for her too; and then gradually, we see her soften and see how her relationships with the other characters deepen.
and here is where i would want to put farrah in, because the crystal x farrah agenda is getting to me i think it'd serve to highlight the contrast between the two of them.
because on the one hand, we have farrah goodfairy, who loves helping people, who always puts people above herself, who risked literally death in order to ensure that ashlynn had a happy ending with hunter. farrah is someone who is said to exist to make others happy, that is her "job" as a fairy godmother; her own happiness doesn't matter.
but then there's crystal winter. crystal winter, who has cared for only herself and has learnt about the cruelty and harshness of the world from a very young age. someone who was not awarded any warmth and love and has learned to turn acrid and bitter and turn away all and any love. crystal is someone selfish. someone who thinks that she's self-sufficient and would not care to help anyone other than herself.
and then throughout epic winter we see them interact and we see them grow through their relationship with each other. farrah is baffled as to how anyone can be so selfish and self-centered and crystal can't believe anyone as optimistic and naive as farrah exists.
soon they get to know each other however, and crystal learns about farrah and her struggles with realizing her own happiness and farrah learns about crystal's lonely upbringing, and we see how crystal learns to be less selfish and care more about others while farrah learns to finally put herself first and prioritize her own needs sometimes.
and then they kiss in the magical epic winter fever dream because i said so and because all of my favorite ships had cute moments in the dream. i'm not really sure about the end, honestly, i'd just like to change crystal's character.
anyways sorry for this horrible ramble, i just have really strong thoughts on crystal and her ruined potential and epic winter, and i couldn't resist mapping something out.
#ever after high#eah#epic winter#eah epic winter#ever after high epic winter#long post#long ramble#shit post#sort of i mean#sorry about this#it's far far too long#got kind of out of hand#crystal winter#farrah goodfairy#ashlynn ella#briar beauy#the snow queen#let crystal winter be somewhat villan coded PLEASE#and then she has her character change and all whatever#but PLEASE i need to see her be petty and selfish but not in that weird whiny complainey way she was in the special#let crystal winter have a good character 2024#also lie#im genuinely not sure where the crystal x farrah brainrot came from???#it just spawned???#anyways i think they'd be cool together#crystal x farrah#crystal winter x farrah goodfairy#idk if they have a shipname#im too lazy to check
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my cancelled-able trait from the queer community would be that i really apparently love messy endings. i love u happy endings and i also love u such sad, messy, ambiguous endings . . . i love u endings where u have this weird pit in the bottom of your stomach because you know that there's love here but u have no idea what to do with it and u just have to deal with the fact that someone is profoundly affecting your life and you're not gonna get closure from it anytime soon . . . i love u queer love stories where it's really just "u don't always get to see the sunshine and rainbows at the end of it . . . sometimes all that's left is just one big question mark and the quiet hope that they get their shit together" . . .
#caroline talks#don't get me wrong. i love u happy endings. esp when it comes to queer love stories#but i also just. love endings where it's just like. well. u DON'T know for certain whether the characters#are truly going to ride off into the sunset together.#the only thing u know for certain is that they love each other and that they're going to have to grapple with that forever.#maybe it's also just bc like. idk. i took too many film classes and so my head's forever stuck#on this one essay about how some really happy endings feel lifeless.#like how in some ending shots. the characters look like they've had their happy ending. but there's also some weird unease and confusion#and it's like. well yeah. because for every happy moment u get in life. u are still already thinking 'well what's next. what now.'#which is fascinating to me. but also me @ me: god maybe u can just be happy and it's not that deep.#but also. i do love the wonderful ambiguity of just. 'there is so much more to live. so much more to do.'#and i guess it's not just for queer love stories. i think a lot about the ending of my mister.#with lee ji an and park dong hoon walking away from each other but they're happy. u have no idea how their relationship will pan out but u#do know that they love each other.#or like. columbus. with jin and casey. they hug each other and thank each other for being in the other's lives.#and jin says goodbye to casey and casey says goodbye to jin and u have no idea if they'll see each other again. but u know they love each#other so very much. even if they'd only known each other for a second.#or like. beginners. anna and oliver love each other so much and u get this sense that. they're still a little bit uneasy/nervous about how#the rest of their lives are going to go. but they'll try.#or. god. the swearing jar.#the last shot. i think about it a lot.#there is love!!! but u don't always know how the rest of it is going to pan out!!! u just know that it'll pan out somehow!
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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while i'm thinking about it i also have to say that while i appreciate the idea of chris being a father figure to assistant noah i feel in my heart that whatever they'd have going on would be way weirder and far more dysfunctional than that
#although i am saying this as someone who sees chris mclean as my beautiful princess with disorders. so#but like idk i think they'd grow on each other but they'd also be so guarded and weird about it y'know. maybe i'll expand on this thought#in a later post#total drama#assistant noah#marshy speaks
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people on twitter be normal about acht's gender (impossible)
#first i saw someone saying ''its possible its a she/they situation judging from appearance'' which. jesus fucking christ#and now i saw someone saying they felt that them wearing a dress was. out of character??????#which. is insane to me. you are aware that we barely knew anything about them as a person until now right#what the fuck are you talking about. how can them wearing a dress be out of character WE DIDNT KNOW THEIR CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!#you can feel like they'd look better in pants but saying that a dress is out of character for someone we know nothing about ???#kind of just feels like. you think nonbinary people can't wear dresses#also personality does not equal gender presentation???? no one's personality dictates whether or not they would wear a dress#unless part of their personality is ''i hate dresses and would never wear one'' or that they always dress more neutrally/masculine#which. neither of those is true for acht. as far as we know. we have seen them a total of one time (album cover) where you can only#see up from the waist. and again WE BARELY KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AS A PERSON BEFORE SIDE ORDER#idk it doesnt really matter its just bizarre to me. them wearing a dress isnt ooc you either just dont think nb people can wear dresses#or you have a made-up fanon version of acht in your head that is now going against what they've been revealed to be like in canon#i dont know. its just weird. they're just vibing man#serena.txt#splatoon
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You DONT go to an Elfilis pfp account and misgender Elfilis 😭
#to be fair I don't think the guy knew Kirby that much#but also they were saying “Elfilis would not do that” so I suppose they'd know Elfilis to a certain level?#idk man twitter is weird#i regret joining twitter dot com#but I have very dear friends on it#😔#temporary talking tag
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kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)
#guys i have worth??? im actually a human being deserving of basic respect and SHOULD be apologised to if i am not given that??? holy shit#ok but like i actually was pretty mad and i just wasn't going to talk to them when the weekend ended but to think they'd actually apologise#guys i am a friend worth apologising to omg this is so nice#(<- was fuming over how i was a “friend” not even worthy of her basic decency and respect an hour ago)#LIKE IM STILL MAD#okay i actually cant vaguepost to save my life but basically this girl whos a friend i recently got close to and formed a friendgroup with#shes really fucking whiny and ive been tolerating it for so long but on friday she was extremely whiny and rude whenever i just asked a#simple question#and it's really draining and humiliating to be spoken to like poop on the sidewalk in front of other people#but anyway other than that i was really upset because during pe i wanted to show her my hip injury cuz i thought it was funny#(it wasn't diagnosed yet i just felt my joints moving weirdly)#and like that involves her putting her hand on my hip#so i asked her to do that then she started whining about how she doesn't want to touch me and that i'm weird for asking ppl to touch me#then she started telling like the 3 other ppl around us i was weird and wanted ppl to touch me#then this other cool girl overheard and looked at us funny i guess cuz then the friend said 'haha now [cool girls name] is also laughing'#i was so fucking embarrassed and humiliated i still want to tear up thinking about it#like are you actually my friend wtf i don't even need enemies w a friend like you#i wanted to cry so bad then#ugh i hate it#like you couldve just said no thanks bro what is ur problem#this just made me realise how much i hate how she talks to me sometimes#and i know i need to stop surrounding myself with negative vibes in order to feel happy#but its still so frustrating#we were doing so well the other day and google meeting everyday#then this happened and then she got mad and started ignoring me on the way home#bro idk i hate ts i should just stop making friends#rant
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guys i havent written since may (for killer's birthday) but stupid silly swapinverse has been on my mind for a little bit and i threw together this silly (he has a panic attack and throws up) little short draft 4 swapinverse horror!!
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“hah… ah… oh god… no, no, nonono…”
he ran. sprinted through the forest like a frightened deer, his demeanor that of prey, although his previous actions aligned more of a predator. panting and shaking, his mind cycled through countless variations of how to react to what just happened, what he just did.
how should he react? how could he react? it was impossible to tell for him in the panicked state. and as the trees in snowdin slowly began to surround him (but weren't they always doing that?), paranoia couldn't run anymore. he was surrounded, he was blocked off, he couldn't escape. not from horrortale, not from snowdin, not from the dusty graveyard he had just left it, and not from the blood smeared across his mouth.
“no, i- what did, what did i do? paps, snowdin, even-undick, no, it-”
paranoia’s incoherent rambles brought his hands to wander across his face, tugging at the massive hole in his skull spanning majority of the left side of his head. picking at the chipped bone didn't help, it never did, but a nervous habit was unbreakable, and he was more than nervous in this moment. in fact, quite terrified. everything was terrifying. he was terrifying. and as the slightest hint of red blood touched his sleeve, the once red, now magenta eye quickly locked onto it, and he couldn't hold it back anymore.
“fuck- oh god, no, aliza-!”
falling to his knees, a disgustingly gorey mess of red, pink, and black spilled from his mouth. sounds of retching and hurling were all that filled the empty forest, and paranoia couldn't bear to look down and see the mess he’d made. the mess he’s caused. wasted food, he would've said. but that statement normally only applied to others. he never imagined using it on himself. choking on his spit and certainly not his blood, tears fell from his eye, joining the vomit and blood seeping into the snow. strange. paranoia didn't think he had enough magic to even shed tears anymore. just for the bare necessities. he managed to surprise even himself, after all this time.
but could it be could be considered surprise, or rather terror? he fit up to his name, certainly horrified at his own actions. forcing out as much of the grossness he could that he’d just consumed, paranoia couldn't help but look down at what he’d done.
red. a lot of red. too much red. he’d never been queasy before, never. he had to adapt to it, being the one to hunt down humans that ran or sneak up on those when times got desperate. there was no time or need to be queasy at what he even considered his job before. a duty he had to do.
but now, there was too much red. far too much red. and he didn't know why, although he totally knew, but paranoia couldn't stomach it. he just threw his guts out (shouldn't they be aliza’s guts, or no?), and here he was, wanting to throw up until his SOUL shattered. his SOUL cycled through those strange 4 shapes, unsure of which to settle on. he couldn't blame it. paranoia himself was unsure of what was even going on anymore. he wanted to run, but was frozen. he wanted to scream, but didn't know who at.
everything was contradicting. everything was going on, and not enough was given for paranoia to understand how to deal with it. and with a muttered curse, he flopped on his side onto the somehow dry snow, losing consciousness in the haze of fear now intermingled with his SOUL.
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ik theres probably grammar mistakes i wrote this on my phone,,,, but like idk. had idea for a little moment in paranoia's lore and i sure as hell didn't wanna draw it so i wrote it as an easier media! god this is so much easier compared to drawing idk why i dont do this more often (because youre lazy silly!) anyways swapinverse silly i love swapinverse. i've only thrown up like never so i dont know if this works. also never had a panic attack (i think) and AGAIN i dont know if this is accurate but whatever i dont write to be good i write for expressing my ideas. like everything i do
#i might do another 4 savior and mania??? who knows#i feel like i cannot talk about the others in swapinverse unless i fully finish viceser and crash#and also thalia and melpomene are just too intertwined with multiverse lore that if#i make stuff about them it must be after i finish the swapinverse multiverse and lore and stuff#but mst are kinda seperated from that thing. none of the murder swap trio have anything to do with multiverse#so i can write about them just in their sole universes ans itll be ok#since ive already finished everything about them and their aus#aside from figuring out how theyll join the mv wifh the rest of the swapinverse fellas#i only had swapinverse on mind because i wanted to draw mst poly#i think thats the first time i've ever uttered that phrase. mstpoly. murder swap trio poly#damn...... i really should work on swapinverse more#this is ngl sooo not so ugh i feel like idk. could be cooler could be better#just that it feels kinda like word vomit. not really anything of substance#but ngl thats kinda just how i write sooo idk what i expected#i just get myself into the mindset and mind and write everything i think#my shitty form of method acting! 😇😇😇#guys i made a new friend are you proud of me. it wasn't in school tjo#it was in my art class. i feel like they dont use she/her but idk anything else so ill just stick to they from now#object show fan. also phighting whatever the fuck that is. like an alternate universe version of me#i really shouldnt say that when we've only been friends ish for 2 days. but like theyre kinda similar to me#i think? i dont know. ngl i havent even asked their name yet in case they have another they'd prefer#or pronouns or anything like that i just havent gotten a chance to do so#for some reason we talk like we've been friends for years which is really weird to me. is it just a them thing?#bc ive never spoken to someone like that so openly before its kinda weird ngl. i actually got to speak about my utmv interest which was coo#i think. idk they dont seem that interested which fair. but i sent a paragraph about the mtt and they said tldr and it made me feel ngl sad#because like.... idk..... i tried watching some of the object shows they recommended and they seemed to enjoy that#but then when i recommend underverse or talk about mtt they don't really match my enthusiasm.... which ok thats fair i dont mind that#but it does make me sad. whatever..... whatever ill deal with it. maybe ill keep watching some of these shows they recommended#so i can have something of interest that they like that i can bring up incase they get bored or me or something#tricule write
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concept art for my AU where the church lets House Gautier hold on to the dragon sign in case they didn't have a kid with a Crest and so Miklan doesn't get kicked out and he loves his little brother and everything is Fine Actually
#fire emblem#fire emblem three houses#fire emblem 3 houses#fe3h#miklan anschutz gautier#miklan#miklan gautier#my art#pencil sketch#he doesn't use the dragon sign usually because it gives him headaches and nightmares#(nabatean stuff is Weird and not really compatible with humans!!)#but if he needs to pick it up for like a border skirmish/invasion or a formal event where they want to show off‚ it's safe for him to use#when sylvain is home miklan hands the lance off to him asap bc it's less weird if you have the actual crest rather than just the dragon sign#he prefers to use an axe (i'm thinking fortress knight for his class given that he has pretty heavy armor in game + bulky physique)#also he doesn't have the scar here bc i figured that happened either when he got kicked out or in a bad fight while he was a bandit#though i might put it back and say he got it while defending the border#not sure yet. the au is still in the early stages of development lol#anyway he and sylvain are SIGNIFICANTLY less fucked up and traumatized here bc their parents didn't treat miklan like trash#so he had no reason to get jealous of sylvain so he didn't abuse him and try to kill him multiple times when they were kids 😅#sylvain still has some crest baby issues but not nearly as much bc less crest-related trauma + emotional support from miklan#their parents still suck ass but having an older sibling who's on your side is way different from one who abuses you and then disappears#i also think miklan and glenn were friends in this au#... i wonder if ingrid's parents would have betrothed her to miklan instead after glenn died#haha ingrid. you are engaged to my brother#though idk if they would want to introduce a different crest to the family given that the lance is specifically for the crest of gautier#maybe they'd figure that having one parent with crest blood increases the chance of a different crest kid#because we know crests can skip generations so maybe miklan has latent crest blood that could manifest in his children#that would be an au to think about... if miklan found a wife and had a kid b4 conand tower and the baby had the crest of gautier?#and he came back like FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE ME BITCHES UR GRANDSON HAS A FUCKING CREST!!#beep
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thinking about how one of byan's nicknames was originally supposed to be yanyan, hence the url byanyan, but it never caught on/stuck bc it was supposed to be specific to only certain people... so it just hasn't been a thing for three whole years but i haven't had the energy to come up with a new url
#tbh I think they'd still love having it as a nickname bc it's very cutesy but again. only from certain people#they used to be like. a little more 'kawaii' focused than they are now#like they still ARE but they've leaned more punky than I originally intended#so now they're punk kawaii egirl where they used to be strictly kawaii#idk maybe I'll implement it into their history like I did the strictly cute all girly fashion#maybe between the ages of like 13-15ish they tried to make yanyan work while they were dressing entirely femme#but they didn't really have any friends - or at least none that lasted - so it just didn't last like they wanted 🤔#idk I'm in a weird place tonight so I'm thinking about oddly specific things lmao#honestly I think part of why the nickname didn't catch was bc I had a HELL of a time getting new mutuals that first year/year and a half#so there wasn't a whole lot of variety in people I was interacting with/muses byan was becoming friendly with?#they def haven't had enough friends who are as into cute things as they are 😔#but also byan is in itself a nickname so a nickname FROM a nickname is sorta weird too ig??#ahdgksg ignore me ignore me I'm a little unsober so I'm just rambling lmf#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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oh my god the artist who i shared an art piece with on their stream yesterday is talking about s.elfshipping today on stream and how cool and epic it is and how they used to do that as a teen before they met their bf and I'm like EPIC WIN DAY TWO !!!!
#also i am having a small spiral still bc i found their personal account completely accidentally yesterday ?#they replied to a post i was looking at and i was like ''damn this person is so smart and correct''#and i clicked on their blog to check them out and . damn. thats them!#but i feel like it'd be weird for me to follow their semi-secret personal blog 😭 so I'm just 🧍#but i like their blog bc the bit i scrolled thru out of curiosity i am seeing it rbs good aesthetic imgs and art#so now idk what to do LMAO i dont want it to look like i stalked them or something 🧍😭#this is probably a weird thing to worry about but i just... dont want to be weird or encroach on boundaries or smth#like they'd just block me ig if they didnt want me following but fhdkdl then i worry they'll remember my username and see me in stream chat#...... I think I need to fix my medication 🧍 this is not normal brain behaviour i think LMAO#BUT ANYWAYS. its always fun to hear ppl say good things about sel.fs.hipping fjdkdl#dandy.cmd
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