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mmikmmik2 · 3 years

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If you were to sort the Infinity Train cast(s) into the Major Arcana a la the Persona games, which Arcana would you give everyone?

anon I had SOOOOO much fun thinking about this, thank you so much for sending me this. I sorted all the major characters, plus a few other entries, based on a mix of Arcana symbolism, Persona series character archetypes, and general vibes. I came up with answers I feel pretty good about for all but four of the Arcana. (Was really tempted to say Strength is every human character who doesn't board the train because they can handle their problems on their own lol.) This is going to be a long-winded post, so I thought I’d post just the list as an image (which hopefully won’t be too blurry!) rather than wrestle with Tumblr formatting trying to make a short list, and put a big text wall under the readmore talking more about my picks.

If this list does end up illegible, the same info is under the readmore as text! Plus some characters for Magician, Strength, Justice, and Death that I didn’t want to add to the “official” list because they’re more based on headcanon. (Although my reasoning for some of the “official” picks is pretty weak lol.)

One-One as 0. The Fool

Oh my gosh, what am I?

IT is great at fleshing out character backstories and families, so One-One at the beginning of S1 is one of the few characters who really feels like a blank slate. He's got a lot of his baggage back by the end of the season, and I think One and One-One are more similar than they seem at first glance, but S1 does seem to have been very formative for One-One and how he thinks about what he's supposed to be doing and how he relates to other people. So it does kind of feel like his fool's journey.

Alrick Timmens as I. The Magician

The magician begins the journey... by beefing it on a dirt bike, dying, and sending his wife flying off the deep end. Rip.

Alrick was an engineer like Amelia, so I could see him suiting some of the themes of the Magician, like conscious thought and manifesting ideas. His apparent playfulness and insecurity are similar to the Magician characters in Persona.

Kez as II. The High Priestess

“We can’t make this decision for you, Kez.” “You know what to do.”

I thought really hard about making Kez the Magician because just like every Magician since Persona 3, she's dumb, horny, and insecure dlkjasfdkl

(and also her showing up at the start of the story arc and being helpful but also super needy is very Magician)

But the idea of "intuition" really does suit Kez. Sometimes her intuition is as bad as her conscious reasoning, but I think that's a lot because she's so confused about what happened with Jeremy, and Morgan making Kez feel like she did a bad thing by helping him.

Tuba as III. The Empress

She made me feel like I was warm all the time.

Tuba's a mom. Sorry, this one's not that deep, haha.

Simon Laurent as IV. The Emperor

Highest number! I'm the leader now.

Simon has a lot of issues, but the one that felt the most prominent to me was his unhealthy relationship with power, authority, dominance, and rules. Another quote I considered using here was what he said in Grace's memory of meeting Amelia: "I never thought I'd get to see the Conductor with my own eyes. He's perfect! Everything finally makes sense again." In his emotional crisis, he thought everything could be fixed just by the existence of a huge, scary, powerful, male authority figure, even if they weren't doing anything helpful or informative.

Atticus as V. The Hierophant

I like to think that our stones are sturdy and handsome, like the Corgis that crafted them.

Atticus is a figure of traditional authority who deeply loves the history, society, and culture of his people. He often provides spiritual wisdom and encourages Tulip to get out of her own head and engage with the world around her. Also in Persona, Hiero is the Dad Arcana so it's very funny to me (a) to make the little dog be Hiero and (b) that the little dog really does have the strongest Wholesome Dad Energy of the whole cast.

Jesse Cosay as VI. The Lovers

Don't tell me what to do. I'm not going to be a part of anything like this, on or off the train.

This was my first and easiest pick lol, Jesse is sooooo Lovers. Like, the focus on choice and personal values and relationships? Yep, that's Jesse. It works on an "actual meaning of the Arcana" level and a "vibes with the Persona characters" level lol... popular, upbeat, and having such an identity crisis.

Lake as VII. The Chariot

I'm my own person, who is getting off this train!

I don't know if Chariot captures all the ways Lake grew over the course of S2, but I feel like they had the most externally focused conflict of all the IT characters, which suits Chariot. They've been fighting to stake out their personhood from start to finish, and they took action and used their willpower to achieve that goal. Also they have at least a little jock energy which is a prereq for Chariot tbh.

Frank as VIII. Strength

I dunno, I kinda imagine him as a simple man and easily underestimated, but with a lot of heart. The Cat may say they're keeping things casual but I don't think she'd take him with her on her private vacation unless he had some kind of inner toughness that would let him stand toe-to-toe with her.

Morgan as IX. The Hermit

I need to be alone right now. Kez... maybe... we can talk later.

I like that Morgan embodies toxic self-isolation and stonewalling and rejection, but that she seems to be moving towards the positive aspects of Hermit and taking some time to calm down and process and think. I like it when characters can embody the best and worst of their Arcana.

Tulip Olsen as X. The Wheel of Fortune

We have to adapt to the changes in our lives. It's the only way things can get better.

Tulip has a lot of themes and conflicts, but this one is a clear standout as the most important. I also like it for Tulip because, while she has to handle a lot of difficult and even traumatic situations, some of the change that challenges her isn't as unambiguously bad as e.g. the death of a loved one. It really is just change itself she's struggling with, and that's Fortune babey. Also, from the perspective of the train itself and lots of other characters, by reversing Amelia and One-One's positions again and changing how One-One administrates the train, Tulip is the one giving the wheel a spin. That's fun.

Lucy as XI. Justice

One of my friends once described the Justice characters in Persona as "the ones the player character is ultimately accountable towards", and I like to think of Lucy as kind of being that for Grace (...since Hazel has excused herself). Lucy is the Apex kid we see Grace interact with the most, the first Apex kid Grace admitted to herself that she had harmed (see Grace very briefly showing distress and then regret when Jesse points the harpoons at his face and she stops him), and the first person to confront Grace when she came home in The New Apex.

Min-Gi Park as XII. The Hanged Man

I don't know if we'll sell a single album, but we'll figure that out as we go.

Min-Gi sacrifices his "realistic", "sensible" goals for a more personally (spiritually, even?) enriching life that's beyond his control and outside of the expected norm. Like the Hanged Man, who dangles foolishly upside-down, but as a deliberate choice and in a state of serenity and enlightenment. I also think this arcana suits a reading of Min-Gi's character development as starting off going slower as a way to stall and live in denial, but then going slower with deliberation. Compare his arrogant insistence on refusing to act in The Astro Queue Car to his patience and care in The Castle Car and The Train to Nowhere.

Jeremy as XIII. Death

This isn't about the death of his family - I'm thinking of his reluctance to admit his number was going down. He cared about Morgan and Kez, and it's possible both that he may have really wanted to stay with them despite his exit and that that might even have been a healthy choice - they're real ass people with feelings and everything, not holodeck characters. But I also think Jeremy was using his life with them to avoid moving on out of that fog (because it was hard and it hurt and he didn't want to think about what that would mean for him and Morgan) and Morgan was enabling him.

Ryan Akagi as XIV. Temperance

Maybe the experience is the point. I wasn't just rushing you. I was rushing myself.

I think this one speaks for itself. Also, the other quote I considered putting here, from The Art Gallery Car: "You told me I can't appreciate the song without taking in the rest of the album. I need the whole package."

The Cat as XV. The Devil

I always do the right thing.

Honestly, this is one I really wasn't sure about. The Cat isn't a great pick for a lot of the meanings of Devil. She is definitely consumed by material comforts, and the short-term rewards of ignoring her issues at a long-term cost, though. This is more of a "vibes with Persona characters with this arcana" pick... Devil characters tend to start off being somewhat exploitative or even antagonistic towards the player character, and gradually showing a more conflicted and genuine side.

Amelia Hughes as XVI. The Tower

There's a hole in the universe where Alrick used to be.

Amelia's life is defined by catastrophe and upheaval - both those she's suffered and those she's inflicted on others.

Hazel as XVII. The Star

I'm going to keep loving you like you're still here.

When I think of "The Star" as a small but inextinguishable light in the darkness, Hazel seems like the obvious choice. Although we left her deeply wounded, I think she still has a flicker of her hope, faith, and purpose.

Grace Monroe as XVIII. The Moon

But it's unfair for me to tell you how to understand yourself. I mean, I don't even fully understand me.

Grace is probably the most complex and dynamic character on the show and hence one of the most difficult to place. I considered Empress, Strength, Devil, and Judgement for her... I think ultimately, lies and illusions are the most unifying theme of her character arc. Also, from a Persona angle, her pursuit of status out of a lack of true self-worth reminds me of Ai and Mishima.

Alan Dracula as XIX. The Sun

Brought together by the majesty of a superpowered deer!

I'm sorry dkjasfklads this is largely because I thought it was funny to have this completely inexpressive dead-eyed deer as Sun akfk but also... like... it kind of works okay!!! Think about the genuine joy and comfort and positivity he brings to Lake and Jesse (and me)!

The New Apex as XX. Judgement

"Then what are we gonna be?" "Guess we'll have to figure it out?"

This is kind of a Persona mythology gag again because of Judgement being a group social link near the end of the narratives of P3 and P4, when the protagonists have pierced through the lies and actually figured out who the villain of their game is and are ready to really start making progress.

0 as XI. The World

Ah, train does it again!

It's an ending and the completion of a journey, but also the beginning of a new one. And the world is literally what the passengers receive at the end of their train journey. Welcome home.

#infinity train #infinity train spoilers #protagonists of IT #Anonymous

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malikmata · 3 years

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Notes from a Brown Boy - Kansas Diaries

*Author’s Note: Some people’s names have been changed to protect their identities

The rain was the first thing to greet me when I landed in Wichita. Overhead the gray clouds loomed, shadowing the farmland that yawned in the distance. Distance. At first glance, the city seemed like one long stretch of prairies and cracked parking lots, occasionally punctuated by billboards of grinning injury lawyers and lit up restaurant road signs.

If you spend enough time here amid the crumbling old buildings, watching the weeds sway in the vacant lots, you’ll feel the slow, inevitable creep of dread or something like it.

It’s easy to feel lonely here.

But, if you’re receptive enough, you’ll run into many friendly folks. Sometimes too friendly.

For example: During my first week, I went to Freddy’s, a local fast food chain, and ordered a crispy chicken sandwich with fries. The cashier, a young woman with glasses and short blonde hair, suddenly started confessing her fear that her 8-year old chihuahua wouldn’t live a long life.

“I still think of him as a teenager,” she said.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “He’s a chihuahua. They live long lives.”

Out here, in the most middle-of-the-road cities, you sometimes get a chance to show an act of passing kindness. While waiting in line at one of the hip, new cafes downtown, a place called Milkfloat, a tall elderly gentleman recommended which coffee and pastry to get.

“My wife says this place has the best cold brew in town.” Afterwards, grabbing his pastry and coffee, he wished me a good day. Most folks here always do and you better hope it comes true. Because here, like elsewhere, a day is filled with ordinary heartbreaks.

I will simply call her “Tita.” She works as a tailor at a department store, the only tailor working there, hemming and tapering racks full of suit pants under fluorescent lights. The nature of the job requires exact measurements and a keen eye for detail. She works hard, often skips lunch, and comes home dead tired. Her husband is recovering from 4 broken ribs after a car repair job went awry. Nothing can be done but wait until he gets better.

They live in a languid suburb on Wichita’s east side, a street with few sidewalks but plenty of lawn.

And noise. Plenty of noise. The neighborhood sits next to a car dealership. The skies overhead rumble continuously with airplanes and thunderstorms. Dogs bark at anyone who gets too close. A pickup truck blasts a corny country song as the cicadas and frogs belt out their lonely mating calls. Occasionally, a child’s laughter rises above it all.

Gossip is one of the great pastimes in towns like these. Even if you shut yourself up in your home, stories trickle in.

The neighbor across the street shot himself in the head.

The elderly couple that used to live next door got committed to a nursing home.

A fellow around the corner is on his third attempt to grow weed.

A college student starves himself morning to night so that he can save money for college.

Down the street, a kid lifts weights and punches the heavy bag hanging on his front porch.

Here, dumb luck seems, more so than in the big cities, the providence of God.

A man told me he got a job installing new carpets at a friend’s house. He was in desperate need of money, having sent most of it to his mother back home, who proceeded to gamble it away. When he ripped out the old carpet, he found a bundle of $10,000 dollars just lying there. His co-worker said, “We should split it.”

“No, no, we can’t take it.” the man said. He gave the money to his friend.

Sometime later, he went to the casino and couldn’t stop winning jackpot after jackpot. He brought home close to $16,000 in one night.

“So, if you do something good,” he told me, “God will remember that.”

Many people have come to live and die here, all of them wrapped up in the melancholic churning of faded ambitions and familial obligations.

Some people here have found something that returns them to the placidity they once felt in their youth. Sometimes that’s enough to keep them going.

For example:

I met Phil Uhlik, the namesake of the music store on E Douglas. He heard me playing an old Martin acoustic in one of the rooms. He shuffled in slightly hunched over, wearing a blue paisley shirt and brown shorts. He looked at the sunburst guitar in my hands and said, “It’s got a little beauty mark there.” He pointed to a small nick just above the sound hole. “All girls have beauty marks.” He pointed to his cheeks and smiled.

Uhlik started this music store 51 years ago and enjoys every moment of it.

“When you go to work for Boeing, that’s work,” he said. “But this, it doesn’t feel like work.” He motioned to the instruments all around him.

“How’d you get started?” I asked.

“I started off playing one of these,” he said, taking one of the accordions off a nearby shelf. As he strapped it on, all the years seemed to disappear. With a big crooked-teeth grin, he breathed life into the old accordion, his hands dancing up and down the keys. The smile never left his face as we bid farewell to each other.

I wish everyone in this world were as lucky as Phil.

I’m always seeking indie bookstores when I travel. Eighth Day Books provides much needed shelter from the summer heat. The shop was built 33 years ago and used to be located about half a mile east, in Clifton Square Village. About 17 years ago they moved to their current location, a 1920 Dutch-style colonial house on the corner of E Douglas and N Erie. Its blue trimmed windows peek through the foliage of neighboring trees.

When you walk in, you’ll see shelves of books on Christianity and Theological studies, most notably in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. I’ve never seen a bookshop with a section dedicated to Iconography.

Wichita, despite its size, feels like a small place. And with that cramped spaciousness, you’re likely to run into someone you may remember or who may remember you. Here I ran into my girlfriend’s 8th grade English teacher. A bald, bespectacled man with a gentle demeanor. After a bit of catching up, he said to us with a smile, “I hope all your dreams come true.”

The short story writer, Raymond Carver, once wrote: “Dreams… are what you wake up from.”

Wichita is a land that hypnotizes you; it makes you dream, dream of something beyond the miles of strip malls and airplane factories, beyond the shocks of wheat and windswept plains, beyond the doldrums and ennui. But it also shakes you awake, reminds you that you’re in it, that you better stop dreaming.

I’m not the religious sort anymore, having survived the regime laid down by my Catholic parents. But there is something enthralling, maybe even inspirational, when I look at the rows of beautifully painted portraits of saints and martyrs. Such solemn faces surrounded by golden halos. According to the Eastern Orthodox tradition, such paintings transcend art; they’re supposed to be windows through which you can glimpse the divine. They remind me of my grandparents with their judging eyes and moral seriousness.

My book haul for the day:

Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata

The Diary of Anne Frank

Earthly Signs: Moscow Diaries by Marina Tsvetaeva

Near to the Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector

In that last book, I found this lovely little passage:

…”in the Revolution, as always, the weight of everyday life falls on women: previously--in sheaves, now in sacks. Everyday life is a sack with holes. And you carry it anyway.”

From Earthly Signs, P. 40

According to the 2019 United States census bureau, 15.9% of Wichita's population lives below the poverty line. That’s higher than the state average, which hovers around 11.4%. That’s not the lowest nor is it the highest in the country. As befitting its location, Kansas is right in the middle.

The minimum wage in Kansas is still $7.25 despite efforts to increase it to $15. When Covid-19 hit, city and service workers bore the brunt of the impact. You can keep all your empty slogans like “We Love Our Frontline Workers.” Congratulate me all you want for my hard work but where’s my pay?

When you see that business here has returned to normal--people freely walking around without masks, no longer socially distancing--it still feels all too strange; we spent an entire year under lockdown. There’s still a pandemic by the way.

Loved ones fell ill, died alone, hooked up to ventilators in closed off hospital rooms. I believe every interaction now carries the weight of all those deaths. My family, like so many others, didn’t escape unscathed from the pandemic. My grandpa, Amang, caught Covid. Since he was an elderly citizen (and suffering from emphysema to boot), he was among those considered most at risk. We all feared the worst. Somehow he survived. The doctors called him a “trailblazer.”

Now, with businesses back to 100% capacity, I’m afraid that, just like the 1918 Flu epidemic, the past will fade like a nightmare upon waking. But it was so much more than that; it was an avoidable tragedy.

If you want to know what this pandemic has done to people and their livelihoods, is still doing to them, take a ride through downtown.

Things were already going bad before Covid hit. Back in 2004, the writer Thomas Frank wrote,

“There were so many closed shops in Wichita… that you could drive for blocks without ever leaving their empty parking lots, running parallel to the city streets past the shut-down sporting goods stores and toy stores and farm implement stores.”

What’s the Matter with Kansas: How Conservatives Won the Heart of America, P. 75

What led to all this blight? Frank attributes the decline to:

“the conservatives’ beloved free market capitalism, a system that, at its most unrestrained, has little use for smalltown merchants or the agricultural system that supported the small towns in the first place.”

-P. 79

The same story happens in a lot of places. A megacorporation keeps eating everything around it and leaves nothing else at the table.

The people are left hurting, a pit in their stomachs, and some asshole somewhere profits off of it.

While at the DMV, I overheard this:

“You have a good day now,” the security guard said.

“I’ll try my best,” a woman said.

My girlfriend heard them too and laughed.

“You really do have to try your best in order to have a good day here.”

At some point, we hit the town with a couple friends: Monica, and her boyfriend Will. Both are musicians trying to carve out their niche in a place that, on the surface, seems apathetic to creative pursuits.

It’s impossible to not be captured by their energy. As soon as we walk into their house, Monica, with her dark blonde hair draped over her shoulders, reached in for a hug. Will, a tall and bearded fellow with a bear-like presence, also went in for the hug.

“Ready to experience some Wichita nightlife?” Monica asked.

What is the nightlife here like? A group of high school punks wanted to fight us over a couple movie theater seats. Bored kids play rounds of “Chinese Fire Drill” at stop lights. I heard a nazi biker gang rolled into town at some point during my stay. Regular things like that.

At a low-key bar downtown called Luckys, I met a guy named Cory. He told me how he met a 15 year old kid loitering here, looking lost and forlorn.

“I don’t know what kind of advice I can give you but I’ll do the best I can,” Cory said.

This is the spirit I’ve often come across during my stay: A sort of slightly intrusive compassion. For a cynical Californian like me, the behavior seems a little strange, maybe even a little annoying. But I’ve come to appreciate the candor of it.

“Guaranteed we’ll know half the people here,” Will said.

Right away, he shook hands with the bartender—a high school friend of his—and asked him how his band was doing. Afterwards, we sat down and talked. Talking, after a year of pandemic lockdown, has become a lost art to me. But a little alcohol loosened the lips and suddenly I talked as though I’d known these people my whole life.

Will sipped his whisky on the rocks and told me:

“If everything in this world is meant to break down eventually, then any act of creation becomes an act of defiance.”

It may sound naive but to me, it’s true. I think about the words of the writer, John Berger:

Compassion defies the laws of necessity. To forget yourself and identify with a stranger has a power that defies the supposed natural order of things.

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 179

Making art has to be, in some way, a compassion act, because it involves letting the environment and the people you meet speak for themselves, allowing a collaboration.

“When a painting is lifeless it is the result of the painter not having the nerve to get close enough for a collaboration to start… Every authentic painting demonstrates a collaboration.”

--The Shape of a Pocket, P. 16

You need to open yourself up, feel what someone is saying behind their words, and hopefully, feel what they feel.

Art, like Compassion, is defiant.

Among the 4 or so Asian markets here, you can find all the ingredients you need to cook up something good. During my first week, I stopped at a place called Grace Market. Like a lot of small Asian markets, it’s family run. A father from Taiwan. A mother from Korea. The son usually helps out when he can. Today (June 23), On this warm Wednesday morning, the son is manning the cash register.

“You’re from California? I’m from there too,” he said.

“Where at?” I asked.

“Sacramento. How about you? So Cal?”

“Nah, Bay Area.”

“Funny. That’s where my parents met.”

“Small world.”

On a different day, we met the father, a jovial man who never fails to say hi when you walk in. He came here over a couple decades ago from California, doing work for the US Army in Garden City. Once his service was over, he decided to stay in Kansas.

“I think you know why,” he said.

More and more young folks these days are leaving California. The high cost of living is presumably what’s driving this exodus. I told him I was also thinking of leaving the Golden State, as much as I love the place.

“Well, a town like this has a lot of potential if you want to save money,” he said. “If I tried to start this business in California, I don’t think I could’ve done it.”

The summer heat can, with the suddenness of a lightning flash, give way to thunderous storms. Speaking as someone from California, whose home has gone through excruciating periods of drought and wildfire, these nightly downpours are a startling yet relaxing sight.

The distant boom of thunder in the distance reminds you of how much of our lives depend on the weather, how small we are in comparison, how we are never separate from the goings-on of nature. The rain doesn’t come down lightly here. At night, it smacks and drums against the window pane with all the force of an animal trying to get inside.

But I don’t find myself frightened by it so much as awed by the combined power of wind and rain colliding against our rickety old house.

Kansas lies in the Great Plains, where layers of cool and warm air often combine into a low-level jet stream. Unimpeded by any natural obstacles on the wide flat plains, the wind roars across the expanse. Thunder growls over the prairie. And lightning flashes on the horizon in a fearsome red tinge.

The storm rages throughout the night, the only source of light in an ocean-sized plain.

“In general, the gods of the Wichita are spoken of as "dreams," and they are divided into four groups: Dreams-that-are-Above (Itskasanakatadiwaha), or, as the Skidi would say, the heavenly gods; and (2) Dreams-down-Here (Howwitsnetskasade), which, according to the Skidi terminology, are the earthly gods. The latter "dreams" in turn are divided into two groups: Dreams-living-in-Water (Itska-sanidwaha), and the Dreams-closest-to-Man (Tedetskasade)”

From The Mythology of the Wichita, P. 33

If you go downtown, you’ll see a sculpture called “The Keeper of the Plains.”

It’s almost 9 o’ clock when I get there, so large crowds have gathered to watch the ring of fire lit around its perimeter.

The statue was designed by indigenous artist and craftsman, Blackbear Bosin. Born in Cyril, Oklahoma, but living much of his adult life in Wichita, Kansas, Bosin was of Comanche and Kiowa descent and almost entirely self-taught as an artist.

When you come upon the Keeper of the Plains, standing tall on the fork of the Arkansas and Little Arkansas Rivers, you can’t help but feel a mix of admiration and sadness. It’s a striking statue, especially when set against the beautiful orange and lavender hues of the setting sun. But monuments like these end up reminding you of the Wichita peoples who were killed, displaced, driven from their land, and left to die in reservations, forgotten. The tribes that once lived here along the southern plains still show traces of their culture but now, you’ll see it mostly as a memory in a museum or as art hanging on the walls of a library.

I learned from a video by the Wichita Eagle that the last speaker of the Wichita language, Doris Jean Lamar, died back in 2016. It must be indescribably lonely to be the last speaker of a language. There is no one to have a conversation with, no one to whom you can confess your hopes or your regrets. But in the video, Lamar, even knowing that she is the last speaker, expresses hope that future generations will know what the language sounded like.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ScPkN_xGRI

Is forgiveness even possible when injustices are still committed today against native peoples everywhere?

Not enough can be said about the skies here, which seem at times so brilliantly marbled with peach and lavender colors that you begin to walk with your head perpetually craned upwards.

It’s this aspect, the overwhelming sense of the sublime, that will probably stay with me long after I’ve left Kansas.

I think again about the nature of dreams. It isn’t such a sin to dream about things, about things that haven’t happened yet, and about things that have happened. To quit dreaming seems too cynical, like admitting from the outset that everything is screwed, that you should stop trying.

During my stay here, I’ve met many people who aren’t so irony poisoned yet, people who are achingly sincere and kind. They haven’t stopped trying. There isn’t much room for cynicism here. I appreciate that a lot.

Farewell to you, Kansas, you and your clumps of cumulus and vast fields of cows and grass. I’ll see you again.

Check out Will’s music! It’s gloomy, melancholy, and LOUD!: https://teamtremolo.bandcamp.com/album/intruder

#diary #photoblog #photo diary #midwest #kansas #travel diaries

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georgescatcafe · 4 years

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vermillion — 2

rating: t warning/s: period-typical homophobia pairing/s: georgenap genres/tags: cowboy x city boy au, rancher sapnap, rich george, coming of age, slow burn word count: 3,850 summary: When Sapnap gets sent into the city to get quick cash for his family’s struggling ranch, he’s not expecting much from the experience—lights aren’t very blinding when held up to the Sun, and he’s not exactly there to play around. But then he meets George, a boy built on money, who quickly sweeps in not just paying customers but also Sapnap, leading him into what any ruddy country boy would call the mouth of the Devil: high society. Cue a summer spent by each other’s side while feelings run unbidden, uncaring of deadlines and restraints.

It should be enough for the pair—and for awhile, it is, right up until it isn’t.

+ao3 +masterpost

;;

It’s as much an exercise for George as it is for Sapnap. George isn’t actually that good with people; his false bravado stemmed from seeing the lonely boy there with an apple, and some bright bit of light—God’s light, a sign, George would say if he were a romantic—slashed across the boy’s face when George’s eyes land on him, turning his skin golden and illuminating the stars in his midnight hair. The image was enough to put George into motion, sending him over to the boy in the Pappas Ranch booth. Of course, any and all sweetness George had that his mother and her friends cooed and awed about flew from his body the minute he opened his mouth, but now, he sits at that booth and is the one constant company to Sapnap Pappas.

“That can’t be your actual name,” George turns to him when there’s a lull in customers, “Sapnap. Sapnap Pappas?”

Sapnap places the blade of his butcher knife to a particularly thick bit of fat before slicing through. “It’s not,” he says.

“Thought so.” George readjusts, and again, Sapnap reaches out a hand to steady the unstable booth. “So, what’s your actual name?”

“Is Sapnap not good enough for you?” Sapnap sends him a quick glance from under dark brows before going back to his work. George shrugs.

“It’s dumb,” George says. “But I guess it’s fine. But I want to know. Amuse me.”

“That’s because I was named it by my friend,” Sapnap tells him, wrapping up the meat and putting it in a cooler, “when we were, like, five.”

“Friend?” George glances over his shoulder at the market. He’s pretty sure it’s nearing dinnertime. His stomach has started to give the occasional rumble. Sapnap hasn’t noticed, though. That’s fine. George took time away from him at lunch. He can wait a bit longer for dinner.

“Yeah,” Sapnap replies. “I had a pen pal.”

“Had?”

Sapnap nods, then finally meets George’s eyes. “Are you going to contribute anything useful or just keep repeating everything I say?”

“You’re telling me about your past,” George says. “You don’t want to hear about mine.”

At that, he gets a disbelieving look that he chooses to ignore.

“Maybe another time,” George suggests. “Or quid pro quo.”

Sapnap studies him for another second before nodding. “He suggested we switch to email. The Internet at my house is super spotty, so sometimes it’s back to letters, but it’s not terrible, and I’ve got an AOL account. Pa told me it’d be useful for work too, so. No biggie, I guess. So yeah, we email.”

George doesn’t have spotty Internet; he has an AOL account—his mum told him he’d need it. He doesn’t use it often. Most of his friends live nearby anyway. “Cool,” he says.

Sapnap nods then puts away his knives and leans forward, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. George looks back over his shoulder. “Quid pro quo, George,” when George finally turns to him again, he smiles, “so?”

So George tells him about his AOL account. How he doesn’t use it. Then he tells him about his friends. “But some are just connections,” George clarifies, “and some I think hate me. I don’t really care, but it is stressful. I’d rather not deal with them at all, knowing some of the shit they say.” Sapnap gives a sympathetic hum. “But I do it. If not for my future, then for my mum and dad. They’re good. And under stress. We’ve got noble blood, really, but that just puts a price on our heads, I think. So I just… do what makes them happy ‘cause they’ve got enough to think about, you know?”

Sapnap blinks. George takes that as a no. He continues:

“Guess you could consider yourself lucky. Is that what it’s like? Just being friends with people to be their friend?”

“Yeah,” Sapnap says. “Sometimes it’s because we grew up together, and I don’t like them much anymore, but they’re all I know, but… I still care about them. And it’s not… we don’t have prices on our heads. Sorry.”

George wants to laugh, but he bites it back, this time looking over at the woman in the next booth. She sends him a polite wave. George sends her one back. He feels Sapnap’s eyes on him the entire time. “’S fine,” George replies. He sits up, fingers drumming on wood. “So, your actual name, Sapnap Pappas?”

“Nick,” Sapnap says. “Nick Pappas.”

“A lot less stupid than Sapnap.”

“Maybe,” George wonders whether he should call the other his nickname (ha!) or his actual one, “but I don’t know. Going by Sapnap here is kind of fun. Like a secret identity. Or alter ego.”

“Don’t like being a country bumpkin, Mr. Pappas?” George shoots the other a teasing grin.

Sapnap (George has grown used to the name, and apparently, so has the other, no use calling him anything else now) grins back. “Proud of my roots,” he says. “Which isn’t bumpkin, thank you very much. But I do… I like the pretending. Just for a bit. Just for the summer. Takes some of the pressure off, I think.”

“Do you often fall victim to childhood nostalgia?” George raises his brows to show him he’s joking. Sapnap offers a smile.

“Is that what it is?”

“You tell me.” George glances out to the sky, where the Sun has started to set. “Let’s try to get a couple more buyers then head out for dinner.”

“Are you going to study business?” Sapnap asks, nodding when George motions to a father and son pair across the way. “In college?”

“Probably,” George replies, “amongst other things. Here. I’ll be right back.” And then he slips off the counter, leaving Sapnap alone, heading over to the father and his kid. He draws them in easy, a promise of a good bonding experience, grilling some juicy cuts of steak in their backyard, and Sapnap ends up just a little bit richer. After going through the process again, this time taking a goat off of Pappas Ranch’s hands, George watches Sapnap count the money before the other disappears fully behind the booth, locking the cash away in a safe. The emotion in him… George wouldn’t call it guilt, but it’s something that twists his stomach in all the wrong ways, makes him want to hop from foot to foot, not meet the other’s eyes. He could advertise to his parents. To his family. Hell, he could just give Sapnap the cash in his wallet. And it’d be fine. He wouldn’t even ask for anything. “Sell it to other people,” he’d say. “I don’t need it.”

Yet he hasn’t done any of that.

“What’re you thinking about?” George jumps when Sapnap finally walks out from behind the booth. “You look like you need to take a shit.”

“I don’t,” George replies, “I just….” He doesn’t know what to say. Even if he did, he doesn’t think he’d know how to say it. He gives a shrug. “Thinking about dinner, what to get, I guess. I’m hungry.”

“Honestly,” Sapnap says, “me too.” They start to leave, Sapnap continually throwing glances over his shoulder, before he finally continues: “Are you taking me to another French place?”

George shakes his head. “We can go somewhere else. Less fancy if you want.”

Sapnap thinks. George takes them towards the main road. He doesn’t really know all the city, just (he glances over to Sapnap before looking away, to the ground—it’s not guilt, it isn’t) the richer neighborhoods, but he can read a map, and honestly, he knows all the streets well enough, just not what’s down them all. “I just can’t really afford to spend money,” Sapnap eventually says. “And I’m not going to make you spend a bunch either,” he levels George with a look, “even if you can afford to.”

In a way, George can see that as fair. That doesn’t mean he has to accept it, though. “I can pay, and you won’t—if you think it’ll make you owe me or I’ll think you’re in debt to me or whatever, don’t. Just tell me what you want.”

“Where would you normally go for dinner?”

Home. George would be at home.

“I know a place,” he says instead. And when he goes, Sapnap follows.

;;

It’s a bit farther away than the French restaurant, closer to George’s house too, but Sapnap doesn’t seem to mind, and George tells him they’ll catch a cab back. “Walking could cause cramps,” George says. “It’s happened to me once or twice. Did you get it? I imagine working on a ranch is… non-stop.”

“It is,” Sapnap replies. “Ate when working sometimes, but Ma always had us eating together at dinner. But I’ve definitely had a sandwich or two on horseback.”

“Bite your tongue ever?” George glances over at him; Sapnap’s watching his feet on the pavement. Eventually, he turns to meet the other’s gaze.

“Once or twice.” They share a smile.

On the corner of Bell and Lamar sits a diner, the neon lights of its sign flickering on in the evening dark. BENNY it reads, letters vertical. Sapnap stares up at them; the magenta reflects in his eyes. “Come here often?” he asks.

“It’s cozier than,” George pulls a face, exaggerating his words, “Un petit creux.”

“I can believe that.” Sapnap pushes open the door. A bell overhead jingles. A sign reads to seat yourself, so they do, scooting into a booth that has a view of Bell Street, the seat cool through George’s pants. He watches Sapnap’s fingers as they drum against the countertop before disappearing below the table. “What do you usually get?” he finally asks.

George doesn’t come here often. “Chicken and waffles,” he replies.

There’re a couple menus slotted between the sugar and napkins, and Sapnap’s hands come back into view to grab one. His eyes roam over the laminated paper, glancing up at George, who sits there quietly, every few seconds.

“Are you going to look?” he asks, motioning to the remaining menu.

George shrugs. “I’m alright.”

Sapnap studies him for a second before his gaze finally drops. George takes this time to continue watching him. He’s got a bandana tied around his head, holding his hair back, but still some of his fringe falls over the fabric, forcing him to push it back every few seconds as he tries to read. George swallows before letting his eyes wander lower across his brow bone, the slope of his nose before the rest of his face disappears behind the menu. And Sapnap’s eyes are covered by long lashes. George looks away.

Across the room, he accidentally makes eye contact with a waitress, who offers him a polite smile and starts to walk over. “Hope you know what you want,” George warns Sapnap, who looks up, confused, right before the waitress reaches their table.

“What can I get you boys?” she asks, voice cheery, drawl strong.

George smiles. “Chicken and waffles please.”

“And a burger for me please,” Sapnap tells her, putting the menu back.

The waitress gives them a nod before pivoting, and then George goes, “Wait, uh, can I please get a chocolate shake too?” When the waitress writes it down, George wants to take it back.

He wants to take it back even more when Sapnap adds, “Me too please.”

George sneaks a peek at him from the corner of his eye. Sapnap’s just got an easy smile on his face, and when he turns to George, all he says is, “You didn’t get a treat earlier. But now I want one too.”

George completely forgot about their argument after lunch. He doesn’t tell Sapnap that, though. “I can pay,” is what he says instead, “since we’re getting the shakes.”

“I thought we agreed to go Dutch.” Sapnap says. “Don’t switch up on me now.”

“I’m not switching up on you,” George retorts. “I’m being polite.”

“You don’t need to be polite,” Sapnap replies. “We’re friends. Friends aren’t polite with each other.”

“Mine are.” George refrains from rolling his eyes. “And is that what we are? Friends?”

“Here, I’ll start the un-politeness,” Sapnap declares. “George, very not politely, what the fuck does that mean?”

“I just didn’t realize you thought we’re friends already,” George replies, fingers curling into the fabric of his pants.

“Do you think we’re not?”

George shakes his head. “We are. I mean, I think we are. Didn’t realize it’s reciprocated.”

“Yeah, well,” Sapnap’s cheeks puff up as he blows out air, “you know.”

He does.

The food is good, obviously, but when the waitress returns with two chocolate shakes, George has to repress a cringe. As he attempts to take a drink, he looks across the table at Sapnap, who’s already eaten his cherry and is, George assumes, trying to tie the stem into a knot with his tongue. George lifts from his straw. “You look stupid.” When Sapnap glares at him, George takes an innocent sip.

“And you can do it, hotshot?”

“No,” George replies honestly. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t look stupid.”

“Well,” Sapnap takes another second to roll the stem around before he opens his mouth, tongue lolling out, cherry stem falling onto the plate below—tied in a neat, little knot.

George looks away, heat spreading under his skin.

“People who can do that are good kissers, so I don’t care how stupid I look if it means I kiss well.”

The first emotion George feels is curiosity. The next is humiliation. “Why would I need to know that?” he asks, eyes resolutely on his shake. It’s melted some, and now he drinks it easily. When he pulls back to breathe, he adds: “Why would you tell me that?” His offense is too extreme, and when he looks up, finally meeting Sapnap’s eyes, he knows Sapnap knows it too. “I’m sorry,” he says. He takes another sip. Though he’s no longer looking at the other, he can feel Sapnap’s gaze on him, and he’s uncomfortable under the scrutiny. He can’t take back the words, though, so all he does is drink his shake and try to avoid any and all eye contact. And then something bumps into his foot under the table.

He freezes, hunched halfway over his straw. Another bump to his foot, a gentle nudge. He risks a glance up. Sapnap is staring at him, expression intense. George swallows.

“No,” he says.

“Why not?” Sapnap taps their shoes together again.

“No.” George leans forward, hoping to convey with that one word just how against this he is.

“Just give me one good reason as to why not, George,” Sapnap replies. “Then I’ll stop.”

There’s lots of reasons. “I’m not… into that.” A lack of attraction isn’t one of them.

Sapnap sighs. “Fine, me neither. I just wanted to see what you’d do. Not going to lie, you seemed like the type.”

George scoffs, genuine hurt rising in his chest. He plays it off as disgust. “You’re such an asshole.” Sapnap sends him a disinterested look, merely leaning forward to drink his shake. George frowns as he watches the other, until he mimics the pose, the cold chocolate an easy distraction and quick way to cool down from the heat that has yet to dissipate. God, seriously. What a dick.

;;

The rest of the night more or less ruined, George keeps his hands in his pockets as they make their way back to the market. Sapnap’s quiet beside him, and whenever George glances over, he’s always looking away or at his feet. George hates the guilt rising in him. It’s not his fault Sapnap chose to be weird. It’s not his fault for reading the signs as they were then having them thrown back in his face.

Sapnap wouldn’t have done any of that if he were actually…. George glances over again; Sapnap’s eyes are locked on the ground. No use thinking about it now.

“We did good today,” he says. “We make a good team.”

When he looks over again, Sapnap is finally looking at him too. And he’s smiling. George smiles back as Sapnap nods. “Yeah,” he says, “we do.”

"I’ll be back tomorrow,” George tells him. “If that’s okay.”

“More than okay,” Sapnap replies, smile still on his face. The market is in sight now. “I like spending time with you.”

George hopes he isn’t as red as he thinks he is. The Sun is setting—maybe he can blame any color he has on that. “I,” he laughs, nervous, “like spending time with you too.”

They fall into an unsteady silence; not uncomfortable, just… cautious. George does his best to keep looking ahead. When they reach the market, Sapnap is quick to check over his booth, making sure everything is still where they left it, and then he hefts the cooler up, the muscles in his left arm flexing as he adjusts it over his shoulder, his freehand digging into his pocket for his keys.

George watches before he finally asks, “Do you need me to carry anything?”

Sapnap, who had been inspecting his keys, looks up at him. “Nah, I’m good. You can head to my truck if you want.” There’s not many cars left in the small lot next to the market—when George looks over, a sleek black car pulls out, leaving only three SUVs and two trucks, one rusted and rough, the other white with mud all along the tires. George honestly isn’t sure which is Sapnap’s. “I can drive you home.” He tosses George the keys, and George’s heart spikes as he reaches out to catch them before they fall. “She’s pretty beat up, but she still works.”

So it’s the rusty one. George turns to look at it again, at the chipping sky blue paint, the rust that colors it brown and speckled—a robin’s egg, before turning back to Sapnap and nodding. Sapnap gives him a smile, and then George turns and goes, marching dutifully up to the truck, inspecting it closer, like there’s much to inspect, before he unlocks it and climbs carefully into the passenger seat. He sits there.

There’s not much inside the car.

Eventually, there comes a thud from behind, and when he turns to look over the back of his seat, he sees Sapnap loading his coolers into the bed of the truck, slamming the tailgate shut before taking his safe with him to the front of the truck. When he opens the door, he drops the safe down on the seat between them. George looks between it and Sapnap before he turns back to the truck bed. Inside, he sees the coolers, along with a pillow, blanket, and duffel bad. He readjusts, once again facing forward. Sapnap’s starts the truck.

“Where to?” he asks.

“I’ll give you the directions,” George replies.

;;

When they reach George’s house, George remains in his seat. Sapnap tells him he’ll see him tomorrow and that he’s actually a big help (and a big pain in the ass—he says it smiling, of course) and that he’s surprised George’s clothes aren’t dirty despite spending all day outside. George asks him if he sleeps in his truck.

“Uh.” Sapnap blinks, and George’s mouth snaps shut, eyes wide and cheeks heating with humiliation.

“I just—because the pillows and there was a blanket and,” he takes a breath, “I shouldn’t have assumed. You probably just don’t like hotel beds or something.”

Sapnap stares at him. George stares at his nose in return.

Finally, Sapnap releases a quiet breath. With the minimal distance between them, George feels it across his skin. Atop his thighs, his fingers curl into his palms. “Yeah,” Sapnap says. “I am. Can’t afford to waste any money.”

George swallows. “Oh.” Right. It’s always money. That twist in his stomach grows tighter. He looks to his house, the dark windows, curtained, blocking views of the inside. The topiaries that stand tall at the sides of the door. Inside, there’s more than one unused room. More than enough space for Sapnap, with his duffel bag and blanket. With his one pillow. And four brick walls, that’s always safer than a truck. George looks down to the safe that still sits between them. He can feel Sapnap’s gaze on him, heavy as always, and when he looks back up, he finds Sapnap has moved even closer. George presses himself to the window but tries his best not to make it obvious. He doesn’t have to. He could just get out of the truck, go to the front door, unlock it and shut it behind him, leave Sapnap to his own devices. Will Sapnap think he sees him as a charity case? He doesn’t. George glances back over at his house. There’s even a spare bedroom across from his own. It’s really not a problem. Sapnap wouldn’t think he sees him as a charity case—they argue too much for him to think that.

But is it really a good idea?

The crank for the window digs uncomfortably into George’s back.

But is Sapnap sleeping in his truck, inside it or in the bed, when he doesn’t have to better?

“Do you want to spend the night?” George asks.

It’s too much. Hell, George is even growing tired of the other’s presence, not necessarily Sapnap himself, but he just needs some time to think, yet here he is trying to get Sapnap to spend even more time with him. Sapnap probably feels the same way. But he has to at least offer. Has to at least try getting Sapnap into a proper bed—not a truck one.

“Like, at your house?” Sapnap looks past George to the imposing structure.

George nods.

“Don’t you think that’s a bit…,” Sapnap makes a face, searching for the word, “I don’t know, weird?”

“Weird?” George repeats.

“Well, like, we just kind of spent all day together, and, like, you’re rich or whatever and my truck looks like—you saw it, and I look like,” he motions to himself, his sweaty t-shirt, the leather belt and worn jeans he wears. On his feet, dirty boots, “y’know.”

He does know. Regardless, he shrugs. “My parents won’t mind.” They might. But George can fend them off… or something. “And it’s not charity,” he adds quickly, eyes widening.

Sapnap sends him a look. “I didn’t think it was, but thanks for the reassurance.”

“I just don’t think you should have to sleep in your truck when there’s plenty of room at my house.” George swallows when Sapnap studies him for another second. He smiles, awkward.

Eventually, Sapnap shrugs. “Fine,” he decides. “But I don’t believe that your parents won’t mind. You’re a terrible liar, George.”

George opens his door. “It doesn’t matter ‘cause I’m not lying.”

Sapnap laughs, turning off the truck and getting out. “Yeah, right.”

George grabs the duffel bag from out the back, and he tries not to squirm when he realizes Sapnap’s watching him. He tugs it onto his shoulder. “Yeah,” he says, “I'm actually right.”

;;

#snf vermillion #georgenap #sapnotfound #snf #fic #fanfiction

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #428

“there’s more money in tragedy, more net worth in self-pity / so you’re doubling down inside of your screen, hiding behind attention you seek”

Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Yeah. I've told friends that platonically, and I've said it to two people and romantically meant it. Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? No. Have you seen all The Lord of the Rings movies? I haven't even seen one. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had in 2014? I had one. Can you walk in heels? I mean I can, but I don't like to. What does your mom say about the pictures on your Myspace? First the '14 question, now this... I don't think Mom ever had a Myspace, but I can answer for Facebook. She's always the person to "heart" react them and say something about how "beautiful" I am or something. ;x; What was the last thing you and your parents argued about? Idr. Do you feel your life is at its best? Fuck no. There better be better times than this. What do you worry about the most? The most? That's hard to say... but probably my career future. Or really just the future in general. Have you ever let someone be your everything? "Everything" still feels like an understatement. He was my source of happiness, a massive part of my own identity, and my promise for a better future. It was so, so unhealthy. Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in their arms? Two times, I wanna say? What are some things you do when you’re mad? I get snappy and try to isolate myself to cry it out. How do you feel about your hair right now? I hate itttt. It's getting too long and just boring. I'm hoping I can get up with my hairdresser soon for a trim. What’s an interesting fact about you that not many people know? Uhhhh... I guess that I was a dancer for many years. I feel like I don't really fit the general "aesthetic" of dancers, so people have definitely been surprised to find out I was one. Do you do anything embarrassing when no one is home? No. Just because no one ELSE is there, I'd embarrass my damn self lol. If you had the chance to move to a completely different state/county, would you? Fuck yes I would. Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? It's funny, because that's what the traumatized, overly-attached part of me wants (at the bare minimum), but my common sense knows that's dumb as fuck. I could never healthily be friends with him. Are you scared of fireworks? No, but others are terrified by them, so keep that in mind. Does anyone know every little detail about you? No. You woke up one day and discovered that you were only able to see in black and white… as well as one other colour. What colour would that be and why? I guess red? It sounds morbid for it to be the first thing my mind goes to, but that way, I'd be able to see blood and therefore be able to detect a symptom of danger. What is your favourite soundtrack for a film/video game/television show? (Though feel free to name as many!) Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus have fucking LEGENDARY soundtracks. What is your favourite Pokémon? Ninetales! I also really love Espeon and Umbreon, too. And Charmander. And Pikachu. And Skitty. And... well, too many, ha ha. What is something your best friend of the opposite sex does that you can’t stand? He calls me "kid" a lot. Is the last book you read a really well-known book? It's not world-famous or anything, but it seems relatively known by teens/young adults. At least, I follow a lot of artists who make fanart for it. Do you have anything besides just songs downloaded on your iPod? No. When at the beach, do you spend more time on the beach or in the ocean? In the water. I hate the beach itself. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them? No. Have you ever babysat before? Did you enjoy this job? Yes, and no, not at all. Have you ever busted a window before? Why did you bust it? No. Do you still get scared watching old horror movies? You watch them alone? Horror movies pretty much never scare me, never mind old cheesy ones. I don't mind watching them alone. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies? I'm terrified of big knives, and it has nothing to do with movies. It's a fear that started after Mom stopped me from a suicide attempt where I was going to slit my throat with one. They just radiate danger for me. Have you ever tried to sing opera? Did it work out for you or no? No. What was the last piece of furniture you purchased? I've never bought any furniture, and I don't recall the last thing Mom bought. Have you ever broken up with someone for a reason other than lack of feelings (ex. moving away, etc.)? Yeah; we split because we were essentially two shaky towers leaning against one another. We have to learn to straighten ourselves up independently before that relationship even becomes a "maybe" again. Has anyone ever told you that you are too picky when it comes to the people you date? What about not picky enough? Neither. Was there anything unusual or unique about your birth? Nothing really, besides being born in an icestorm. My birth itself was totally normal, as far as I know. Mom considers it pretty extraordinary though because according to her, I took one look at her and smiled so big. Says a lot about our relationship now. What was the best conversation you’ve had recently? *shrug* What is the next book you are going to read? The book that comes next in the series I'm reading. Who was the last person to do something nice for you? My mom does nice things for me every day, like making dinner, letting me live under her roof... a lot of stuff. Is there any artwork in the room you’re in? Yeah, some of my stuff. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Someone asks you what you want; what do you say? Happiness. Direction. What was the last thing you complained about? Just being incredibly sore. The gym's kicking my ass, but it needs to, so I'm fine with it. How do you feel when you hear other people complaining? It depends on how frequently and about what. It can become overwhelming sometimes, especially if it's over something truly trivial. Has your name been in someone’s Facebook status lately? No. Do you own any Sims games? Which ones? I have the original animals one, as well as the African animals one (which I surprisingly like less). What was your first job? I was a sales associate at GameStop. Do people praise you for your looks? Yeah, definitely not. Do you like your eyes? No. I wish they were bluer and wider. Tell me what your back pack looks like: My last one was a galaxy texture. What celebrity do you think is hot? HMMMMMMMMMMMM I DON'T KNOW????????????? NEVER SEEN ONE IN MY LIFE O: O: O: Last movie you saw in theatre: The The Lion King remake. Has someone you were dating ever cheated on you? No. What’s the cutest thing someone’s ever done for you? I'd rather not dig through the memories to find what I'd consider the "cutest." What was the last thing you heated up in your microwave? A chicken pesto bowl for lunch. Did you ever watch Phil of the Future? Occasionally, but I was never big on it. Do you have an online game that you play often? I play World of Warcraft pretty much daily. Do you prefer regular or electric toothbrushes? Electric. What was the last thing to piss you off? Truly piss me off, I'm not sure. When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? Months ago in my room. I want to take a new one to update my Facebook profile pic, because I think I'm ready to return there. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment or praise? The first day at the gym, Mom told me she was extremely proud of me, and it meant a lot. I truly think I can stick to this, and it's a fucking phenomenal feeling. What’s one thought you have regarding the subject of love? It can be the most beautiful thing in the world, yet simultaneously has the capability to be one of the most painful. Do you think that it’s possible to fall in love at a young age like eleven or twelve? Who am I to say, honestly. I lean towards no because at the age of puberty, you're really all over the place with your hormones and emotions, and I just don't know if it's possible for two pre-teens to have the maturity level to grasp what it truly means to be in love with someone. But again, what do I really know? Everyone is different. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? Yeah sure, if it's something I'm in the mood to engage in and I'm in love with the person. What’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born? We're the home of Pepsi products. I know, of course I would share a fact about soda, ha ha. What’s one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? Where I am now as far as "adult development" goes. I don't drive. I don't have a job. I still live with my mother. I could go on and on... By this point, I definitely expected something much, much different when I was younger. What was the last event to cause you any sort of heartache? Hm. I don't know. What was the worst phase you’ve ever gone through? *shrug* What excuse did you use most often to skip school? There were times I'd pretend to have a really bad cough. I could fake a nasty cough, man. Are you shy about singing in front of people? Very. Honestly, do you put your elbows on the dinner table? Yes, because why the fuck would that matter. I don't get how something so simple and harmless is "bad manners." Have you ever taken a picture in a public bathroom? No. Yes or no: corsets? I. FUCKING. LOVE. CORSETS. UGH I wish I could pull one off, omfg. In your opinion, is money the root of all evil? All evil? No. There are some horrible crimes people can commit that have nothing to do with money. Do you own a pair of overalls? Ew, no. I hate overalls. What is the best game to play while in the car? Uh, idk. Has a movie ever made you jump in fear? I'm sure at some point. Jumpscares are hard to be unfazed by; it's just a natural reaction to something sudden. Yes or no: pickles? Bro I LOVE pickles. Yes or no: strawberry ice cream? Ugh, no. Do you know what your mom’s favorite movie is? No, actually. Are you a role model to anybody? No fucking way I am. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? Somewhere around six or seven pounds. Look outside the nearest window. What can you see? From where I'm at, I can just see the shed. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Cutesy, pastel stuff, probably. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. Are you considered a very sensitive person? Very. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes. What’s the weather like today? Is it nice enough to go outside? It's hot as fuck outside. You will NOT see me outside today. What does your last text message say and who is it from? It's just a thumbs up emoji from the woman who works at my psychiatrist's office. She schedules my phone appointments with him. Do you listen to any podcasts? How do you listen to them? No. Why did you leave your last job? It was WAY too fast-paced with lots of responsibilities that I just couldn't handle. Have you ever eaten at a restaurant and left without paying? No, that's awful. What’s your favorite scent of air freshener? Probably something floral and subtle. Are your hands and feet in good condition or could you do with a mani-pedi? Ugh. I pick my fingernails off badly, so they're a mess rn. I also DISDAIN my feet because they are horribly callused from when I used to walk like crazy. It's so weird how I can exfoliate the area and scrub (... and sometimes tear) them off, but they're pretty much immediately back. When was the last time you played a board game? What did you play? A couple years ago with Girt and Sara, I think. We played Scrabble. How old were you when you first became sexually active? Do you mean like, doing anything sexual? In which case that would be 16. I woulda been 16 or 17 when I actually lost my virginity, though. Do you know anyone who has been through a divorce? A load of people. Does anyone not know somebody? Have you ever done a juice cleanse? No. Do you have to pay for parking in most places in the town/city you live in? No. That's a foreign concept here. It's one of the very alien things I experienced in Chicago; I don't really think I knew it was a thing (save for massive attractions, like Disney Word and stuff) before then. Can you hear lots of traffic from your house? Does it bother you? No. We live in a cul-de-sac, and our road is further into it, away from the main road.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''thoughts & prayers" by motionless in white

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my-arlington-academia · 4 years

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Hi! I love the way you write! I was wondering if you could make a headcanons of the 10 Sweet Elite characters, on jealousy! But not towards a boy / girl but towards a tender kitten who is our great love, an affectionate cat and who will always find the way to receive all the attention, but not by making spite, but in a more subtle way, with purr, meows and ball eyes! Of course, only us and the others are not even considered XD A kiss!

Awww thank you so much!! 💘💘 It means a lot to me that people like what I write even though it's just silly stuff. Anyway... making the main 10 jealous of a cat? 😂 Alright! I guess I can do that much 👌 (Sorry if this isn't exactly what you had in mind but I made the cat a stray in the hcs.)

Alistair

- honestly he is a dog person but he's not the type to argue which are cuter: dogs or cats?

- but when you met that kitten in the street and your voice suddenly shifted to "baby talk" mode?

- at first he doesn't think much of it but later on, for some reason he starts feeling a bit irritated

- wants to show you his puppies from back home but he knows just how childish his reasoning is

- ends up not only feeling jealous but also pathetic

- starts talking to himself

- "Come on Alistair, why are you feeling jealous of a CAT of all things?? That's so stupid..."

- You notice him figeting on the side looking like a sad doggo

- out of pure impulse, you run your fingers through his hair

- he doesn't really get what's happening but he's happy that your attention shifted back to him

- if he really was a dog, his tail would be wagging right now

- "Y/N? W-what are you doing? Not that I don't like it! But uh..."

- "Sorry, you just looked really cute for a sec haha... Well, I mean you always do but um."

- the both of you get embarrassed and move on from this silly situation

Axel

- a dog person as well but he didn't expect to feel so frustrated over... a cat

- in a matter of seconds, he felt like he had disappeared and he didn't like that

- for once that the both of you were alone he didn't want anyone to get in their way

- feels like he's being an idiot

- you continue petting the cat and when you scratch him under its neck, the little kitten starts purring

- suddenly Axel bends over and points to the space under his chin

- "Scratch me here."

- you're so taken aback by what he said that you actually do it... and he starts purring too??

- it sounds pretty identical to how cats purr

- "See? I can do it just as well as this little guy over there..."

- Axel looks down in shame knowing just how ridiculous he must sound right now

- you kiss him on the cheek to cheer him up

- "Come on, you know that you're my favorite!... and honestly, that purring was surprisingly good."

- "Uh-huh, I should try voice acting for cats or something."

Claire

- starts off gushing over the kitten with you

- but quickly realizes that she became almost invisible to you

- all your affection is now aimed at the cute kitty which makes Claire feel a bit abandoned

- she feels horrible for being envious of a cat, especially since she's also the type of person who loses herself in front of cute animals

- "No sad thoughts allowed! Stop thinking about ridiculous things Claire..."

- tries to cheer herself up

- somehow gathers the courage to snuggle her head against your shoulder

- you ask her what she's doing

- "Oh uh! Y-you know... I'm just imitating the kitten! Isn't it just so adorable when they press their little heads against your legs when they pass by?! S-so cute, right? Haha..."

- has realized how stupid she was being and is sad all over again until you do the same thing as her

- her cheeks heat up and she's super embarrassed

- "I-it would be nice if we were allowed to have pets in the dorms, we could've taken the cat with us..."

- "Adopt it? So we can play parents? What should we name it..."

- "W-wait! We can't actually take it with us! Lady A will be so mad..."

Ellie

- is thrilled to find a cute cat in the street!... until you start playing with it that is

- becomes silent and watches how you're smiling like a dumb-dumb

- finds you cuter than the cat and is a bit sad that she has become a second thought to you

- in an attempt to catch your attention (or more precisely get it back) she bends over and tries to imitate the cat's meowing

- at the same time, she moves her arms as if she has paws instead of human hands

- you try to ask her what she's doing but she only answers in meows

- "Meow meow meow 😥😤 Meoowwww 😖"

- you give up and start talking in "cat language" as well

- "Uhhhh... Meow?"

- at the end of it all the both of you laugh about it and make a plan to somehow find a home for the kitty

Karolina

- tries really hard to act like she doesn't give a damn

- but she's extremely annoyed

- "Oh so a cat is more important than spending time with me, huh?"

- is petty af

- keeps on sighing loudly and has had her arms crossed for a solid minute now

- sees that you're not even noticing how annoyed she is

- starts walking away and makes sure to make each one of her steps really loud so you can hear her

- when you try to stop her she's all like "Oh no it's fine. You can go on ahead and have a cup of tea with this... cat, and while you're at it kiss it under the moonlight why don't you?"

- is red of both anger and embarrassement because she knows just how childish she sounds and she hates it

- like a kid throwing a tantrum

- in the end you convince her to pet the cat as well and she gets charmed quite quickly and forgives you

- even gives it a name and refuses to give the cat to anybody else

Neha

- stares at you with a neutral expression ...or so it seems

- that is the face of BETRAYAL

- she's thinking "Seriously? You're ditching me for a cat?"

- starts asking you questions to see if she can distract you

- "So... you like cats too? I had the impression that you were more of a dog person but I guess I was wrong..."

- tries really hard not to sound passive-agressive

- fails at it.

- "Neha um. Are you like... jealous? Haha! No way, right? Sorry it was a dumb ques-"

- when you see the blush on her face you immediately understand what's going on

- you let go of the kitten and hug her

- "Want me to scratch your head too? Haha..."

- "Oh shut up! Don't make me feel more ridiculous than I already am..."

Raquel

- is super thrilled at first

- "Let's adopt it! I'm sure we can hide it in your room since you don't have a roommate."

- quickly changes her mind on the way back when she sees all the attention you're giving to the kitten

- knows exactly why she feels that way so she tries her best to play it cool, knowing how idiotic it is to be envious of a cat

- "So uh. Y'know, I know I'm the one who said that we should take it with us but now thinking about it, it's honestly kinda dangerous, isn't? I mean I don't want you to get in trouble because of me and all..."

- is rambling and rambling, telling you all the reasons why maybe it is actually a bad idea to "adopt" the cat

- you take the hint pretty easily and agree with her

- but in the end you guys manage to shelter the kitty in your room during a week before finding someone in town who'll take care of it

Tadashi

- loves cats but plays dumb when you first find the kitten in the street

- "Cats? Uh. Yeah. They're cute I guess..."

- really wants to pet the cat after he sees you doing it

- you have to push him a little bit

- "All right! If you insist so much then I guess I'll pet it..."

- (side note: you didn't insist at all 😂)

- has a small smile on his face, he's trying to conceal his happiness even though he really doesn't have to

- after a while though, he starts feeling frustrated when he sees that you get along with the kitten better than he does

- but at first, he thinks that he's jealous of you, not the cat

- however it's the other way around

- he tries to catch the cat's attention to get it away from you

- He's shyly making cat sounds

- "N-nyaaa..."

- "What are you doing?"

- "Uh... that's the onomatopoeia for the sounds cats make in Japanese..."

- "Haha! So you're meowing in Japanese? 😂"

- "So what if I AM?!?"

Tegan

- likes animals but he often sees them through a screen rather than in real life

- he's honestly a little bit scared of getting scratched so he stays on the side at first

- but when he sees you having so much fun he gets envious and gets closer, trying to play with the cat

- he's not really successful...

- "Looks like it doesn't like me. I only get along with the villagers in Animal Blessing..."

- is so sad that not only have you been snatched away by the cute kitty, but also he can't join in on the fun

- you trick him into meowing for the cat because apparently "it will feel at ease if it hears you make the same sound as them"

- "Wait, really? You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"

- "Nope. Seriously, you can moogle it."

- "Whenever you bring up Moogle it means that you're lying because you don't have any solid proof..."

- does it anyway

- is super embarrassed when you start laughing because he got tricked so easily

- curses himself for being so gullible

Tyler

- loves animals, but mostly loves how funny they can be under the right circumstances

- pulls out his phone camera to film you playing with the cat

- "A really cute kitten and a really adorable human being side by side, this will definitely gather a lot of views on ViewTube!"

- he's being silly again while flirting with you, that's the part you like about him though

- he gives commentary on every single thing the cat does

- "Oh my GOD! Look at its paws!!! LOOK AT ITS PAWS!! WOOOOOW! That is spectacuLAR LaDiES AnD gEnTLeMeN!!"

- is talking with a nonexistent crowd

- but when he's done filming you keep on playing with it and Tyler feels a bit forgotten

- hugs you gently from behind then SQUEEZES you really hard

- "Tylerr... I can't breath... Hhhhhhhh."

- "Really? Good! You shouldn't ditch me for a cat Y/N! Howww daaare youuuu..."

- is joking about it but he's genuinely a bit jealous

#sweet elite #se #main 10 #requests #asks #headcanons #sorry it's taking me so damn long to write those 🙏#but I promise I'll do all of them!#and wow I'm breaking all laws of writing aren't I?#adding emojis in quotation marks and all 😂#could it be that I'm actually chaotic evil?

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instrawberrymoonlight · 4 years

Text

10 Things I Love About You

Every time I watch that scene where they call you a freak I get so angry. I know it’s cliché to say they hate what they don’t understand but I firmly believe it in this case; they only superficially put up with you because you show them a way “out” to all their problems and it’s completely despicable. Self preservation prevails, I guess, at least to them and it’s insufferable and deeply saddening.

Everything about you is brilliant and I’d never truly be able to describe the way I feel about you ever, because language is so restrictive, but at the very least I can mean the things I say. And, I do. In every sense of the word. So, just because I’m a lovesick puppy and I’ve never truly been able to convey a fraction of the feelings I have for you, I’m writing this: 10 Things I Love About You. (Yeah I know it’s a very creative list name, thank you).

One

Your smile, as silly and swoony as it sounds, captivates me. It’s contagious and lights up my world. You’re the star of the show in my universe and I could stare at your dimples and the way your eyes crease up when you smile – when you genuinely smile – forever. It’s a sight to behold and on the rare occasion it slips and I’ve been blessed with the chance of seeing it, it stays with me. It’s almost like my own precious little secret that I get to cherish and recall until the end of my days. (Also sometimes your nose scrunches when you smile and unfortunately I could only talk about 10 things so I couldn’t insert a whole paragraph on how amazing and cute your nose is so I’m putting a short except here – PLEASE LET ME KISS IT PLEASE PLEASE AAAAAAAAAA.

Two

Your eyes. There’s an intensity to them and while their darkness has struck fear in the hearts of many, it has only won mine. They’re a beautiful, unique shade – never to be replicated in another, and are distinctly you. They’re also incredibly emotive, I can always tell when you’re thinking hard about something and I can always tell, even if it’s for a split second, when something has bothered you. They’re just so diaphanous. And that’s not to say you’re easy to read but rather the insight into your soul is through your eyes; there’s also a warmth to them as well. A heat. While your touch can be cold, and I usually identify you by your chilling presence, your eyes capture the fire within; It embodies you. When the flame is fuelled by passion (gasoline for humans) it epitomises your unfettered wildness and your freedom. And when calm, it provides this sense of shelter to the people who love you and consider you family; your eyes reflect that blanket of warmth. That hidden side you only show to those close enough. Both are dazzling and I’m so glad to have met you – and to be able to interact with you.

Three

Your scars. As superficial as it sounds, I find them gorgeous. I want to kiss them softly and treat them so gently. To tell you the truth, and to let you in on a little secret, I get really defensive over them. I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m fetishising them in any way but I’d love to see you without your makeup more often. I don’t want this to come across as pushy or anything, I promise this is only if you’re comfortable I would never want to put you in an uncomfortable position. I just want you to know that what I feel for you isn’t shallow and it isn’t based on the symbol you’ve built yourself as. It isn’t because you wear make-up and you hide yourself; my love isn’t conditional. I’ve fallen in love with you, the man beneath the make-up, Alexander Harper, for nothing more than the reason that you’re amazing. Sorry, I’m kinda focusing on this point so much because I feel so strongly about them. I feel as though you’ve been wrongly told, for a good chunk of your life, that they’re horrific for whatever reason. I feel as though you’ve gotten weird looks because of them, or like I mentioned earlier, that you’ve been called a freak. The idea of any of these being the case completely riles me up, it’s so fucked up to think about anyone shaming you for them. Personally, I think they’re a bold portrayal of your personal strength (of which I’ll touch on later – spoilers), and a show of your resilience in an all too often fucked up world. They’re beautiful, and they will never not be. If you aren’t proud of them yet, or if there’s a part of you that’s still somewhat ashamed of them, I will personally tell you anytime I can that they’re beautiful to me and are a representation of hope until you take pride in them. Or at least start to believe it. Even then, I’ll never shut up about it. Battle scars, whether metaphorical or literal, are always valid and are a big fuck you to not only mental illness – mostly the voices that try to destroy you from within – but are also a big fuck you to our abusers. It’s saying in big bold writing “hey fuckers, I survived despite all the shit you’ve thrown my way,” and that’s something we victims don’t get to experience enough.

Four

Your ability to unapologetically be yourself. I think this one’s mostly self explanatory. You have this amazing capability to set aside the social dogma and the fear it instils regarding individuality. You know who you are and what you want and it's inspiring, especially since I personally struggle with identity and navigation. Your confidence in your belief system and in a lot of ways, yourself, is something I also look up to and I hope that one day I can reach a point like that too. You probably already know this and if it isn’t overt enough it’s sure as hell implicit – I look up to you so much. You’re one of my idols and maybe that’s daunting or a lot of pressure but as long as you keep being you I assure you there’s nothing you could ever do to deter me or make me feel differently. I’d also like to quickly touch on how accepting you are of mental illness and of your own! None of that matters to you and it creates such a safe space. You’re so incredibly patient with me. I can only hope I’ve been able to create the same feeling reversed! Lastly, I love all your little idiosyncrasies – the way you speak and move your hands, the way you flick your tongue against your scars (which weirdly enough never triggers my misophonia, you’re like the only exception) the way you pronounce things and draw out words, the way you interrupt yourself with hums and ahs and other butterfly inducing noises. It’s so perfectly you and it joys me to no end.

Five

Your strength. I don’t want to get too specific into trauma because this is meant to be uplifting and I just want to stray away from the prospect of triggering you as best as I can so I’ll try my best to keep it short; though, there are some things I want to say–

Holy fucking shit you are strong. You are so so strong. And that’s probably the most vaguest, cliche thing I’ve said yet but I fucking believe it with all my possum heart. Your childhood and the relentless degradation you endured by a parental figure who was meant to protect you, but instead disgustingly treated you like no child ever should be treated was horrific. What he did to you was unspeakable and the way you feel about my abuser hits the nail on the head regarding how I feel about your father. I’m sure you were the sweetest kid when you were younger and none of what happened was any fault of your own. You deserved to have your needs met and deserved to be treated with such love and compassion. You still do. There wasn’t something wrong with you, you didn’t cause your trauma. I know it’s really hard to believe that when you’ve experienced incredible distress and it can really fuck with your perceptions but I’m here to tell you that none of that is true. To put it in perspective, Arthur, Kali and I have experienced similar thought patterns. We’ve all doubted ourselves and believed at one point or another that we’re just awful and that we deserved it but it’s a lie abusers have ingrained in us. I’m not sure if anyone has told you this properly but I just want you to know this, please. I’m kind of going on a whole tangent here but this is so important. I just want the best for you and I want you to want that too. I want you to take care of yourself more, to be more patient with yourself – at the very least for me. You deserve to break out of this vicious cycle trauma imprints on us all.

Further, going to war is arguably one of the most harrowing things a person can experience. I’m really not going to get in on the details here because it’s pretty self-explanatory too. You’re my hero Alexander, you encompass courage and resilience more than anyone can. Despite everything you’ve been though, in the end you’re still fighting in what you believe is right and fighting against oppression. Your spirit cannot be crushed and it’s really touching. My big dumb borderline heart feels so much for it and for you. I love you so completely.

Six

Your humour. You seem to make the darkest situation into the brightest. You’re so quick witted and it never fails to make me laugh. Your secret love for puns, which I feel like you’ll deny because they’re cheesy but it slips a few times in the film, is the most adorable thing I’ve seen. It’s so so so endearing and I’m giggling to myself as I write this.

Seven

Your voice is angelic and it has the power to give me butterflies. Continuing this thought, I always found it funny that no one can replicate it, at least I personally think; people fall short when they try to mimic you and it’s interesting. There’s just something about you that makes you incredibly unique and even when people try, they can never truly be you. Maybe this sounds like a crazy love ramble but you’re special. It’s why you’ve captured the hearts of so many and it’s why I’ve given you mine in full. Speaking of hearts, this leads me to my next point.

Eight

Your heart – you say you don’t have one though your heart is especially brilliant. I’ve seen it, albeit hidden, it’s big and has sustained despite the things you’ve been through. Apart from Kali and Arthur I’ve never had someone care for me as much as you, I’ve never had anyone treat me so gently and I’ve never had anyone validate my experiences the way you have. Despite experiencing all the bullshit judgement people project onto you (evident within the first few minutes of the film) you remain one of the most understanding, non-judgemental and comforting people I know. I have a feeling like you’d disagree with me about all this or try and block out what I’m saying by replying with “im dangerous” but I’m telling you I’ve never felt safer around anyone more than you – particularly in your arms. As someone who has a serious problem with people touching them and getting close to them physically or relationship-wise, I’m telling you Alexander Harper, that I trust you with my life and I feel wholly protected by you. I know you’d never hurt me, you’re terrified of doing so. I’d let my guard down with you any day, and I don’t do that. I want you to know you’re precious to me, every single side of you; every single part of you. You don’t scare me. I know how hard it is to open up and I’m so so so happy you’ve chosen me and the family to trust in. Just know that you don’t have to hide anymore. You can be yourself. And maybe this is pushing it, maybe this is me overstepping, I hope it isn’t but it’s okay to be the young Alexander you never got to be. It’s okay to let go and enjoy things and to do the things you want to do. To open up, to show people you have these feelings. I just want this to come across as a friendly reminder, like a little caress on the cheek because I can understand it all: the hiding, trying to pretend that you have no emotions at all, trying to pretend that you’re okay, self sabotaging relationships and the personal relationship you have with yourself. You don’t have to do this anymore though my love, you don’t have to go through this alone. I want nothing more than to support you and be with you when you’re going through your worst. I love all parts of you, remember?

Nine

Your playful side and your passions (yes I’m sticking two points into one, it’s not cheating, deal with it raccoon boy). Even if it’s small things like crosswords or rubik's cubes, to sliding down money piles and scribbling on newspapers (or um,,,,, taunting police) you have this sweet proclivity for mischief. It’s so endearing and I swear I fall more in love with you as the seconds go by. I love it when you fixate on something and create elaborate plans, it's riveting to watch them unfold – kind of like finishing a puzzle and watching the pieces come together. It’s so satisfying, and knowing you’re the man behind the plan makes it all the more thrilling; but my favourite thing of all is that it’s an insight into your mind (which I’ll also touch on next). On the flip side, you have this staggering ability to think on the spot under pressure, you always know exactly what to do or what to say. It’s awe-inspiring. You’re perfect.

Ten

Your mind, I love the way it works and ticks. If I could spend hours asking you questions and asking your opinions on things I would. I don’t want this to come across like I want to psychoanalyse you and pick your brain in the worst way like some lab experiment. I’m just so interested in the way you view and perceive the world, even with the most mundane things. I just want to hear you talk. Like I said, I look up to you so much and I enjoy spending time with you. I guess you’re not the only one who likes reactions ha h. I’m hilarious.

And finally, in the memorable words of Frankie Valli—

I love you, baby.

(Yes I know that was cheesy, kill me).

#MMM YES #THIS ENOUGH SUGAR FOR YOU #HFDIUHFSDIUFHSUD #priestess to high priest

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battlestar-royco · 5 years

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Considering my place in the anti community

So, I know that might be an alarming title, but rest assured I don’t see myself deactivating or ceasing discussion of SJ/M’s books any time soon. But a lot of things have led me to the decision to explicitly veer my blog in another direction. I’ve said more than once before that I made this blog around May of 2018 as a joke between me, myself, and I, as a way to vent my disappointments with the T0G and AC0TAR series into this dumb blue void. I kid you not, I literally did not expect anyone to interact with me at all, and aside from mutuals on my main, I’d never been sent an ask in all the (then) six years I had a Tumblr. I didn’t expect to meet and befriend such a passionate, salty, visionary, thoughtful community. A little over a year later, I’m interacting with too many people to keep up with, I find myself being tagged and reblogged by reputable bloggers with way bigger followings from all over Tumblr’s diversity-forward fandom communities, and I even have run-ins with anon hate and stan ridiculousness every so often. The anti community as I know it has been a welcoming home that has taught me so much. That being said, there are a few reasons I want to slightly switch gears. So here goes. This is a long one, so thanks for sticking it out, if you make it to the end.

What will remain and what will change?

More will stay the same than will change. I will still absolutely be answering asks about YA books and SJ/M, and I will be posting about the issues within them and how I think they could have gone better. I will also still be tagging such things as anti. I really enjoy discussing the nitty gritty of characters, worldbuilding, and how all that coincides with the handling of diversity and feminism in the books. This type of discussion is, I think, how I gained most of my following, so I don’t want to turn my back on you. Also, in the near future, I mainly just want my blog to be a place where diverse representation across all identity vectors and forms of media, especially fantasy books, is a focus. I want people to feel they can talk earnestly about their issues with xyz representation and/or discuss diversity struggles they come across with their own writing.

I feel like the anti community stagnates periodically and we devolve into cold wars with stans, picking apart miniscule details of the books, scouring SJ/M’s social media, repeating ourselves, or other similar activities. Going forward I want to reduce the conversations that are founded in pettiness or insulting other Tumblr users or SJ/M for things that honestly have nothing to do with the books, the YA/publishing community, or problematic behavior. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things worth discussing re: problematic author/stan behavior, but it’s easy to lose sight of the reason for antis to exist in the first place. On to reasoning:

1. The connotation.

This is something many of you know about me as well, but it bears repeating: I never hated SJ/M’s books. My blog is a result of my passion and enjoyment of the earlier books twisted into disappointment. I wouldn’t have bothered making a blog about these books if I hated them from start to finish. I wouldn’t have made an “anti” account if I’d felt that my opinions would be accepted among stans. I felt there was a lack in both the anti and stan community for my experience, so I’m here to give voice to that. Although I started out talking about the negatives, I don’t think my blog has ever fit most people’s idea of “anti” on this site. There are a lot of truly toxic anti communities all over Tumblr who exist just to shit on creators and fans or to be negative out of spite, and I really have never identified with that desire, nor have I tried to exhibit that behavior. But thanks to worst of the worst on this site, anyone who calls themselves anti is automatically associated with that. I also think as a whole, every SJ/M anti is doing completely different stuff with their own blogs. We’ve got book cover criticism, opinions and advice about publishing, T0G rewrite projects, shitposts, etc. I myself started expanding months ago into providing writing advice on diversity and generally writing meta. It’s not a group of angry people yelling slurs at each other like I’ve seen other anti communities do, so I don’t think it’s the right label for me.

2. Stans.

This goes a bit with the connotation point. I feel like, especially because of how I’ve branded myself and because of antis who preceded the current batch, stans really have no idea what I’m about. I have always been clear that I do not wish to attack them or their enjoyment of/engagement with the books. And yet I’m constantly being vagued about, having my words twisted, or having my arguments and blogging style very purposely, transparently ignored/misinterpreted/ridiculed in said vague-blog posts. All this despite stans’ frequent claim that they ~never~ go into anti tags or check out our blogs, and despite their other frequent claim they don’t believe in the anti/stan divide and that we’re more alike than not. I agree that this divide is dumb, but it’s kind of hard to distance myself from it while constantly being thrown under the bus by SJ/M BNFs. I don’t mind anyone viewing or interacting with my posts, because transparency and all, but it’s tiresome to constantly defend myself because I’m being misrepresented by accounts that are 4, 5, 6 times bigger than mine who either don’t know how I run my blog or purposely mischaracterize me. I can’t control other people’s behavior and I don’t want to, but this is a change I’m making for my own mental health and to promote better behavior among both communities, and I hope others follow suit.

3. Things I’ve handled poorly and how I want to do better.

Anyone with an ask blog for a minute inevitably acquires their share of public fuck-ups. I can think of a few instances in which I would have handled a situation differently. For example, a few months ago the community as a whole was asked to expand our conversation to more than just presenting SJ/M and Bardugo as foils, and I wish I’d been less defensive there. That day made me think a lot about the way I carry myself on this blog and how limited the conversation can sometimes be. I really do appreciate any and all criticism for the community, and looking back, I feel like my reaction to that didn’t go along with the way I usually try to handle criticism. I think it would be good to try and, like OP said, infuse more book promotion into my blog in general, to try to support and read more books by marginalized authors in the future so we can discuss them more thoroughly here.

In closing/TL;DR:

This isn’t inspired by any particular event or person, but rather a lot of things that have happened in the past several months on Tumblr, in the world and the media, and in my personal life. It’s not a change that was inspired out of negativity, but more out of trying to generate a more positive framework for my Tumblr activity and seeing how I can effect change through this blog. I’m still here for rants, masterposts calling out problematic books and characters, pretty much all the book talk I was doing before. This is just a really long-winded announcement that I want to expand my blog to a general spot for discussing diversity in media. Thank you so much for sticking it out if you made it all the way down here. Here’s to improving ourselves.

#anti sjm #polysorscha

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dominicvail · 5 years

Text

in another world, ncis:la feeds us with actual Au episodes every now and again, but our world is imperfect and we just have to imagine this stuff here, but like, if this did happen i would Require these au’s;

A Bowling Au. Everything is played with exactly the same tone as the actual show, so it’s usually laughable but Sometimes super dramatic except instead of like, a terrorist attack, a rival team bowled a strike. Sam used to be on a super militant and well respected team and hasn’t gotten over that half the time people don’t know the name of this new one. He believes bowling balls should be polished before repacking, Every time, that Deeks just shoves his in the same reusable plastic bag he’s had for 8 years Pains him. G’s back story is Identical to the show except this isn’t a spy genre anymore so ppl just think he’s like, the super above it all edge lord because of it all.

Teacher AU. Sam teaches all kinds of advanced math, G is a gym teacher who acts really stupid all the time to stop people giving him responsibilities he doesn’t want. Despite this, he is often dragged in to cover for language classes because somebody figured out he’s a language like, genius or something. He covered a drama class one time, too, and was scarily good at it. Deeks actually Is the drama teacher, the kids all Love him. Kensi teaches all kinds of physical design classes, like, anything to do with engines, she does woodwork, things like that, she’s not As liked among the student body (i mean, the boys and gays love her, but her jokes are Weird) but she isn’t classed as one of the asshole teachers. Eric teaches IT or whatever u call computing, he’s friendly, won’t put up with crap, but like, next to nobody understands him because he’s not good at dumbing things down. Nell doesn’t teach at first, was just an administrator dealing with all the complicated things, but sometimes substitutes, she’s tiny and Scary and is not a substitute u can walk all over, the ones who tried can’t figure out How she got them to behave??? but it happened. Mr Deeks and Ms Blye are the ‘will they or won’t they’ teacher couple of the school only for deeks to accidentally let slip that his wife is better at long distance running than he is and they all work it out that they’ve been married the whole time. Mr Beale and Miss Jones become the next will they won’t they couple except it embarrasses them so much all they do is blush at each other now. Hetty is the principal/head teacher. She is rarely seen, to be feared, but always watching.

Star Trek AU; Hetty is the captain of the ship they’re on, but the show is more about the main away team. Is the team’s reputation as bad as section 31 (the shady(tm) part of starfleet), No! Is their reputation necessarily good? No. In fact, they frequently butt heads with section 31 (we’re calling them the equivalent of the cia in the show, they can be friends but... yeah), however their results are rarely questionable and they save many, many lives. It is highly unlikely anyone will ever be promoted. Sam is a Vulcan, calm waters... except if you make him snap, Vulcans have deep running emotions. Deeks is just. The Most Obnoxious Human to him Ever. G is half betazed, it’s why he’s so good at reading people. Eric is a member of a species that is super social but have few social graces similar to humans so is always super awkward. Kensi has a tragic backstory where she thinks the borg got her dad when she was a kid but it was a Cover Up. I would make Nell non human also, but i will be honest, i am running out of trek aliens i can make her (klingon nell is a Hilarious concept tho). Hetty is Bajoran.

James Bond AU. Everything is the same except they all use bad english accents the whole way through the episode.

I am a massive fan of alternate takes on soulmate au’s, i don’t like romantic soulmate au’s, but unusual takes on them are my Jam. In this one, people have soul marks from people who will have the most profound effects on them in their lives on their bodies. This doesn’t necessarily mean the effects will be good, just profound and altering. The team realise they all have marks from each other on their bodies, and are elated to find out all those marks are Positive effects.

Though i will admit the ‘see in colour when you meet your soulmate’ one would be hilarious with legitimately Any of the partners on the show. Kensi: See’s deeks, learns what blue is. Kensi: spirals into deep denial and yells at him a lot.

Queer Eye AU where the Fab 5 are called in when Hetty nominates her team for a makeover! Bobby redecorates the boat shed, is asked by hetty to keep what is already bulletproof, bulletproof. And to keep the trap door. And not to worry about any bloodstains and how they got there. Tan’s discovers how hard it is to style around Sam’s muscles. Tries very hard to stop Nell from mixing prints. Experiences horror at Eric’s wardrobe, Nell is shown in BG laughing. Every single man exhibits true, actual horror at the idea of JVN changing their hair and pack into Sam’s car and run away to hide in the woods. Nell and Kensi enjoy the salon appointment in their absence. Karamo manages to negotiate getting paid literally twice his previous rate by just having to try to fix these idiots’ lives and deserves every penny. Antoni trying to teach them to make fun and not disgusting food doesn’t end well. Deeks can cook but likes to Experiment and 97% of his food is awful. Sam can cook, but it’s all bland muscle building/health food. The rest of them are incompetent, set the kitchen on fire, are caught ordering chinese on the sly, ruin 5 pots and pans with burn marks. They open the new boatshed design by interrogating a criminal they just picked up on a case, he points out how fabulous the decor is as he’s led to the interrogation room. Everybody cheers. The team provided snacks in said interrogation Could be considered a torture technique, tho.

The team go on jeopardy. I have never seen this game show and have no idea how it works, but i bet it would be funny so it is a bullet point.

Buffy the vampire slayer au, Kensi is a vampire slayer who Happens to just be an ncis agent. She does her normal job but also tries to keep the vampire world a secret from her team mates. Callen: uh, kensi... why do you spend so much of your free time hanging around cemeteries? Kensi: uh... Bat watching???

Superhero AU but they all have really dumb powers. Sam can raise the temperature of any body of water from a lake to a puddle by ten degrees in temperature whenever he wants. G can spontaneously grow and un-grow his hair, if he gets drunk and makes it super long he has ringlets. Deeks can hover exactly one foot in the air, no higher, is designated ‘grab that off the high shelf’ guy. Kensi can sense sugar. This helps in no ways but essentially makes her a human version of one of the medical alert dogs for diabetics. Eric can make anybody around him mildly sleepy if he wants to. He never wants this. It doesn’t even send them to sleep, they just yawn more often and that makes Him yawn more. Nell can speak to cows, since she lives in the middle of Los Angeles, this is not helpful. Plus, cows mostly just talk about grass and are really very boring. Granger could create rainbows out of thin air which was obviously in perfect sync with his personality. Hetty can detach her toes at will. This is only useful in the case of uncomfortable shoes, but can be awkward if somebody routinely searches your bag and finds them in there and arrests you for being a creepy toe cutting off serial killer.

i would watch it, s’all i’m saying.

#text #la team #la cast #this is the most epic feat of procrastination i've managed for a while ngl

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light-of-being · 5 years

Text

a very fkin long and incomplete exposition of my flaws as a human being

I've not really spoken about the probably most consequential event in my recent life (the ending of a long term relationship), and that's because I haven't really thought about it very much. At least, not in a clear-headed space not entirely filled with rage, fear, or initially, longing. So, I've mostly just been waiting for the intensity of those responses to wear out before I can go back and make sense of things in a sorta 'safe' way.

(These days it's mostly anger and/or hurt. Sometimes twinges of hatred, but those fizzle quickly. I know that attitude isn't 'true'. I tried to hate him, I really did. Things would be so much simpler that way — an obvious villain of pure evil, a mistake worthy of contempt. Put him behind me as someone I regret meeting and consider everything only as a flashing warning sign of what to avoid next time. But real life never is that easy, is it.)

Regardless, reading about miscellaneous psychological ~stuff, I realised that I know for sure now that there are sides of me that only come out in a close relationship, as they postulate. It's unfortunate that my exposure to this was only in such a toxic environment, and I'm not sure if or when closeness has any chance of happening again.

I suspect, based on what I have/haven't felt with him vs others, that I can (at least at this stage of my development) only really feel 'seen' by an antisocial/narcissist/schizoid (or something in that general direction), just hope to god it's a mature one next time. I might want to interrogate and possibly change that fact, I'm not sure it's at all a healthily arrived preference. But...

there is a degree of normalcy and social belonging in others that becomes a wall

I can relate superficially, cognitively and even 'deeply personally' (tho is all y'all's deeply personal shit necessarily relational?), have a good time and even feel 'connection' but there are parts that seem simply insurmountable.

The lack of relating to many things is the unifying factor between me and the specified groups: the shared experience of not having shared experiences

But yet, a more acute awareness of superficiality, and the drives and mechanics of human interactions, attitudes, identity and constructs, not taken for granted as default but built from the ground up (Most often out of either necessity or a desire to manipulate them, but still).

Actually, most straightforwardly, the shared experience of experiencing oneself as an outsider to society — whether people personally, accepted norms or expected attitudes towards self and other.*

Anyway, that was a whole semi-tangent I went off on (useful and relevant to the initial thought but not the point I was planning on).

Important point was...ah yes, insights!

...into how I behave under genuine relational circumstances. Due to aforementioned toxicity, I'm not sure how generalisable they are to relationships overall, but they should generalise to feeling-states.

(a) Fear. Defensiveness.

Switches off my brain. Obvious? No. I have been actively strategic while having a gun pointed at me. I thought I had that down. Turns out, I cannot dissociate myself out of an argument most of the time.

Turns out, just the fact or even prospect of arguing activates panic and brain goes out the window. Which is really fucking stupid as an occurrence because how many of these could be prevented with a bit of mindfulness and thoughtful responding. But getting emotions to chill out for long enough to do that is tough.

(b) I am a stubborn dumbass. Kid me argued until they were attacked so harshly that they absolutely could not continue. The alternative presented was to just keep silent, one I did not then and do not now accept. Discussion where both parties partake in good faith have generally been fruitful, only neither of these situations were that. Both involved one person trying to dominate at all costs. To which I suppose keeping silent for the moment and then running tf away is an appropriate response. Idk. I'm not sure if this is a 'normal situation' to which I respond unhealthily, or an 'abnormal situation' in which you just do your best to survive. Arguments are normal. Idk if other people have a less aggressive approach that is less outright terrifying, in which I can modulate, but it does seem like people want to prove you wrong and get angry, which I perceive as aggression.

Which brings me to boundaries. Can I shut things down when I'm overwhelmed. In the present case, the answer was no. They both didn't stop and the fact that I asked for this was interpreted as admission of defeat.Oftentimes, getting out of the situation was more of an ordeal than dealing with it. [We stayed at a hotel the one time and he did things that made me very uncomfortable (in like a “things that I shudder at thinking about even now” kind of way; not sexual btw which this has made it sound). I thought I was as clear as I could’ve been by saying, “I’m going to legit have a breakdown if you keep doing that” but apparently it came across as a joke (gotta improve on communication as well). He stopped and apologised when he realised I was crying, but later blamed me for not being more assertive and laughed at my ‘exaggerated’ response and “meltdown”. At this point I wanted to leave and go home, but he withheld [my copy of] the key. He insisted and manipulated and coerced for discussion, said I could have the key if I “really wanted it, but do I actually want that”, until it was just easier to give in. The helplessness and feeling trapped of that evening haunts me to this day, and I want to be very sure to never be in any situation where that is even a possibility again no matter what.]

I need to get better at knowing what is and isn't okay and being strong enough to enforce that.

(a) Attachment is a bitch. Utterly unfamiliar sensation, one I don't know my way around at all. The rarity of relation makes it seem so fucking precious, so fucking necessary to protect even to my detriment and his. Dare I tip the boat or will it sink. Should I be the dancing monkey to keep it from sinking. Should he.

(b) The feeling of giving a damn what someone thinks of me is also foreign and difficult. It also seems hella intensified by virtue of not existing elsewhere. Disapproval feels devastating. Criticism becomes attack. Everything feels like a continuous effort to establish worth. I'd imagined acceptance could be taken for granted, but I questioned it the whole way (obviously doesn't help when he demands changes).

(c) I have trouble distinguishing between personal issues and insecurities and legitimate reason to be upset. I think this is typical. But with trial and error, one can probably pick up on what you carry with you across differing people and circumstances. I don't have that data. I have nothing to compare against. I also suspect some parts of this is him treating legitimate reasons as being my distorted perceptions, which I'm pretty sure did happen for a few things that I believe are 'objectively' shitty.

I trust. Too. Fucking. Much. I take shit at face value. This is very often dumb and...bad in literally every sense, but I don’t yet know how to identify preemptively when that's the case. I also fail to be adequately 'suspicious' I guess to be alert to minor inconsistencies later on. Lies are especially devastating. I built my reality around you using that fundamental premise. Now you tell me it was false all along. Where does that leave me? I go back to substitute and nothing makes sense. I don't know if the initial statement was a lie or the claim that it's false was. I don't know if everything I remember is just distorted somehow. I don't know what to do. (aside: gaslighting? I’m inclined to say “effectively, yes”. The best explanation I have is that for many things he rewrote the narrative in his own mind and does not remember the things that blatantly contradict it. For other things, I cannot see that being possible and am forced to think it’s just pure lies). All of this could have been prevented if I accounted for people being dishonest.

(a) I lose sympathy. Genuinely did not ever expect this to happen. Enough hurt, enough deception and I stop trying to understand why. I assume malice. I expect malice in future interactions and misread situations as a result. In the beginning I made fucktons of effort to be understanding of things far from my typical range (hello, admissions of past violence and present homicidal ideation. Hello, talking someone out of real intention of ruining a person's life over a minor slight). Honestly, I think I overreached. Some of these things were not things I should have tolerated, accepted even. When I started walking on eggshells to not have him ruin my life, too, that was probably when I should've gotten out. He claimed that the people he cares about are exceptions. That's probably true, otherwise I would currently be in a ton of shit. But at some point I did stop believing it.

(b) I don't really think that most of the things that happened were malicious. Some, he admits, were. But mostly he wasn't out with the intention to hurt me, but he also didn't make the effort...not to. Even with me repeatedly complaining about things, he was defensive or dismissive, considering me talking about an issue to be me creating issues in his life. This is super shitty, his damage is caused by a stubborn ego fixation and sheer passivity, thoughtlessness (he has agreed to all of this in our final conversation), but it isn't exactly intentionally malicious. If he genuinely didn't believe there was a problem, that is an issue, and the fact that he utterly failed until the end to even consider the possibility of a valid complaint, is a very real flaw. He is bad insofar as "he is lazy and incompetent at being good". Which I can understand but nevertheless protect myself from. Ideally, sooner. At the point where I start feeling like someone is being shitty more often than not, something needs to happen. A discussion, a reconsideration, a run-as-fast-as-you-can... Something.

Idk. This isn't everything. But yeah.

* These 3 PDs are often used in illustrating the idea of pathologising difference: few of the criteria are about subjective distress and many about extrinsic value judgements of what a person should be like (lol, my clinical psych final had an essay question on this). I don't necessarily agree but it does speak to a shared thread of...something. That said, this characterisation is tbh still too broad for my liking. Importantly, it is definitively applicable to autistic people but I do not in general relate to that in the same way. Some specific manifestations of it, yes, but I have seen far too many excessively... 'human' autistic people to include the whole category. There are probably folks in the PD categories who are also like that but I think much less common.

#personal #emotions #reflections #relationships #personality disorder #possible tw abuse idk #if you're actually interested in reading probably best to do so tomorrow #not sure why I'm posting now in the first place #will reblog when I update #also needs links those are important

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chaos-of-the-abyss · 5 years

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After the misogynistic shitshow by Dumb&Dumber, do you have any recommendations (can be books/movies/shows/etc.) for series with women in power written well? Something that is, you know, beyond Dumb&Dumber's two brain cells to understand?

My apologies for how long it took me to answer this, anon.

I’ll be glad to point out to you some well-written stories of women in power. The issue is that I’m not certain what you mean by “women in power”. The most common interpretation that comes to my mind is a woman in political power, but there are several kinds, so I’ll give you a broader range of suggestions.

Now I have to say, I’m no expert in this topic, and I probably can’t give you as many recommendations as I’d like. Sorry about that. And also - all of these series I’m recommending have shortcomings, and none of them are perfect. I’ll make sure to list the (perceived, in my eyes at least) shortcomings of my suggestions. I do have to warn you first, though, that my descriptions contain minor spoilers.

*These are in no particular order

1. Tolkien

Whenever I’m asked a question about a series with well-written women, my first answer is always to read Tolkien’s books. The history of his legendarium spans thousands and thousands of years in earthly time, and even goes back to a time when time itself didn’t exist (a la the creation of the Ainur). There are many, many well-written female characters in the professor’s legendarium, and the best thing, to me, is that they’re varied. Tolkien doesn’t stick to one type of woman to serve as his female ‘icon’, so to speak, he writes women in many different kinds, and I can appreciate all of them.

Some examples: Galadriel is probably the most well-known, and I stan a wise, powerful, revered queen. Other examples include Varda Elentári (I literally worship her lol), Nienna Qalmë-Tári, Melian the Maia, Lúthien Tinúviel, Aredhel Ar-Feiniel, Morwen Eledhwen, and Idril Celebrindal.

Now for the shortcomings. I really only have one shortcoming when it comes to Tolkien, and that’s the fact that he never writes from the direct perspective of his characters, the way, say, GRRM does for ASOIAF. And while that style does have its great points which I enjoy to the fullest, such as leaving everything open for interpretation, it also prevents us from having a full look inside the characters’ heads and completely humanizing them. Although, actually, I tend to enjoy that aspect of Tolkien’s writing, as it allows me to explore and settle on my version of a character (which I usually do through writing fanfiction, lol). Still, this can be a drawback for some.

2. A Song of Ice and Fire

Assuming that ASOIAF’s ending won’t be like the ending for Game of Dumbasses, which I’m 99% certain it won’t be, GRRM generally does quite a good job when writing women in power in the midst of a world as misogynistic and shallow as ASOIAF’s world. He very realistically explores the rewards and consequences of their actions, personalities, and so forth. There is quite a large multitude of female characters in ASOIAF’s world, and they’re all quite varied as well.

Some examples: Daenerys Targaryen (my queen from this day until my last day), Arianne Martell (I love her I love her I love her), Asha Greyjoy, Sansa Stark (she’s become rather controversial as of late thanks to Game of Dumbasses, but I still like book!Sansa despite having my gripes about her), Arya Stark, Alysanne Targaryen, Rhaena Targaryen, and Margaery Tyrell. I might even tentatively name Cersei Lannister, who, while certainly not a good example or representation of a woman in power, is a very well-written example of the consequences that living in such a misogynistic, stiflingly patriarchal world such as ASOIAF’s.

Now for the shortcomings. As much as I love ASOIAF, there are some rather sexist and racist themes in it, and also, the fact that there’s such detail about nudity, especially in Dany’s early chapters, when she’s a freaking thirteen-year-old, make me very uncomfortable.

3. Empress Ki

Unlike the others on this list, Empress Ki is not a book series (if it was, though - God, I would buy the books so fast). It’s a Korean drama set in Ancient China during the reign of the Yuan Dynasty established by the Mongol Kublai Khan following the life of a real-life historical figure, Empress Qi. Qi began as the daughter of a lower-ranking noble in Koryo (the name for Korea at the time), a vassal state of China. She was sold as a concubine for the emperor, Toghon Temür. Despite having an empress at the time, Toghon Temür fell in love with Qi and favored her. Eventually, Qi did become empress of the Yuan Dynasty.

Empress Ki, the k-drama, follows this history loosely, but it’s by no means historically accurate. Nevertheless, it paints a dramatized version of Empress Ki’s journey. What I like about the drama is that Empress Ki’s ambition is never framed as evil. She becomes very politically astute and manipulative, even vengeful, but maintains her heroism nevertheless. There was never even any hint of “Oh no, her ambition is making her evil™”. I liked that very much, and it was such a breath of fresh air after the vomit-inducing misogyny that D&D didn’t even try to hide in their writing.

Now for the shortcomings. Unfortunately, since this is set in the royal court of imperial China, where empresses and concubines all lived and all grasped for the emperor’s favor, there is a fair bit of cat-fighting going on between the women, a tired and overused trope. While it’s understandable because of the circumstances the women are in, it still tired me to watch. Empress Ki herself was also subject to being forced to behave, at least publicly, in a very narrow and stereotypical line of behavior for a concubine of the emperor, since she needed support. Imperial China was pretty misogynistic as well, and the k-drama is true to that kind of setting, though unfortunately never addressing or framing it as a particularly bad thing. But as I said, Empress Ki follows real history, and I understand why the writers couldn’t throw in something such as women receiving equal rights to being heirs or something to that effect.

4. The Nevernight Chronicle Series

The Nevernight Chronicles is set in a fantasy world with three suns, in which night only arrives once every few years. The main character is Mia Corvere, who is the daughter of an executed traitor in the Itreyan Republic. The story follows Mia as she goes on a journey for revenge against the people who killed her father, and her aim is to become an assassin of a cult, as she believes this would help her achieve her goals. Sounds cliche, right?

Despite this kind-of-overused trope (kid loses parent, becomes an assassin to avenge them), Nevernight caught my attention because Mia, our protagonist, isn’t exactly human. She’s a darkin, and has the power to bend shadows to her will. This power, though, comes with drawbacks. I can’t say too much more, as this isn’t a very well-known series and much more would be spoilers.

Admittedly, I’ve only read the first book and am still trying to get my hands on the second one. In any case, I’m recommending this because I very much enjoyed the way Mia, as an assassin, was written. There’s a very fine balance between her ruthlessness in trying to become a hired killer and the remnants of her morality. I also liked the writing style, although I suppose it’s not for some. The author uses footnotes to help with his worldbuilding, which I found kind of tedious at times unless the information in them was interesting.

Now for the drawbacks (besides the thing about the writing style, lol). I must warn you: although Mia is sixteen at the start of the series, this series is not classified as YA, but rather as adult fiction. And there’s good reason for that. It has some rather explicit descriptions of extreme violence, blood, and gore, and also, characters are put in mature sexual situations despite being only in their teens. Said scenes were pretty well-written in my opinion, but it still made me uncomfortable. There is also some underlying racism.

5. Game of Queens

Game of Queens . . . had its good points and its not-so-good points. The reason I’m putting it on this list is because it follows the story of the two Biblical queens, Vashti and Esther. As you may know, Vashti was ordered by her husband, the king of Persia Ahasuerus, to appear before him and his men in the men’s banquet hall, which was considered extremely scandalous and something no decent woman should ever do. Vashti refused, and because of her refusal, she was either deposed, exiled, or executed. The Bible doesn’t mention her again.

Ahasuerus’ second queen, Esther, was a Jew but had to hide it (I believe the Persian Empire disliked Jews or something to that effect, but frankly I can’t remember exactly why). However, Ahasuerus, influenced by his villainous counselor, almost ordered war on the Jews. To save her people, Esther revealed her identity as a Jew, putting herself at risk, and pleaded with Ahasuerus to call off the war, which he did.

Anyway, I very much liked Vashti and Esther’s characterization in the books, for different reasons. Vashti I liked because she began as a pawn: naive, carefree, wanting for nothing, and then she began to realize that she was being used. Her story in Game of Queens is about moving past and growing from the manipulated, unthinking child she was into a competent and intelligent manipulator herself. What I find noteworthy, though, is that despite her increasing cunning, she retains her gentle nature, and her kind personality never really changes. Too often have I seen stories where women lose innocence and become cold and hard as they learn to play the political game. And while I enjoy stories like that too, I admit it was very refreshing to see something different.

I liked Esther because she defied the norm of a woman during that era. Esther was a skilled horse rider, and strong and fit physically, not at all delicate. A moment I really, really liked in her story was when her aunt commented that she must be tired after a long journey, and Esther, raised more as her father’s son than her father’s daughter, replied that no, she wasn’t, and that she was very used to traveling much further distances.

Lastly, Vashti and Esther also became friends in Game of Queens, and I very much enjoyed reading the moments of their friendship. There’s no jealousy between them, no pettiness, no catfighting. Just two young women working together and becoming close.

As for the shortcomings, I disliked two things in particular: Amestris, Ahasuerus’ mother, is the classic power-hungry seductress who attempts to manipulate everything from behind the scenes. It’s not that I disliked her in and of herself - she was a very competent, very intelligent woman, but her character is such a stereotype that I felt it detracted from the story. She’s given no real backstory, no real motivation. The other thing I disliked is that Esther fell in love with Ahasuerus at first sight, based only on his handsome looks. For someone as witty, determined, and tough as Esther’s portrayal in Game of Queens, I was disappointed that her falling in love with Ahasuerus was such a swift process with no logical or emotional backdrop.

My dear friend @martaaa1506 also told me that the Wheel of Time series and the Witcher series are very good. I’d actually advise you to check her out for more recommendations, lol.

#tolkien #asoiaf #empress ki #the nevernight chronicle #game of queens #book recs #book recommendations #recommendation #anti got #anti d&d

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thatonecomicgirl · 6 years

Text

In Which Jeff Tries to Forcibly Adopt Spider-Man

The Results Will Probably Not Surprise You

concept based off of a few fics where Jeff takes one look at new Spidey and goes That Is A Child What The Hell

Jeff didn’t know it was happening at first. And, to be fair, neither did the other officers. Spider-man was always awkward around the precinct or at crime scenes, quick to disappear at first and oddly familiar and distant at intervals.

“I love you, officer, look behind you,” became a running gag whenever someone said goodbye to him. Miles thought it was hilarious.

But Spider-man, he was a kid. Jeff caught on to that fairly quickly. That both made things a lot better and a lot worse.

A lot of his misgivings about how Spider-man worked, well, that was mostly Parker’s flippancy he didn’t care for. The new one, the tiny one - he tried very hard not to inconvenience officers. And Jeff, begrudgingly, realized over time that the kid was very helpful with cases and dangerous situations that they just couldn’t handle alone.

The kid makes a twitter. He makes it a point to thank emergency personnel and to warn people off staying near a fight. He checks in with victims. He has little, quirky conversations with tentative fans and doesn’t respond to hateful trolls after the first one.

Spider-Man Official @ doeswhateveraspidercan

Hey @ PDNY there’s, like, at least three muggers tied up on the roof of a particular undisclosed building.

That was code he’d worked out with the officers - “particular undisclosed building” meant the roof of the fire department building closest to the Brooklyn precinct. It was a good system, but finally, it became evident that they needed a private contact with Spider-man.

Everyone voted for him. One hug was all it took, apparently.

Police Department of New York @ PDNY

@ doeswhateveraspidercan We’d like to set up private communication with you via one of our officers. Stop by a particular undisclosed building when you get the chance.

Spider-man’s lenses went wide when he spotted Jeff.

“Uh, hello, Officer.”

“Spider-man,” he nodded. “How are you, kid?” Ah, wrong thing to say. The hero bristled.

“I’m not a kid,” he argued in that fake deep voice.

“Yeah, no, even Parker would have been ‘kid’ to me if I’d known him, so yeah, you’re definitely a kid. I’ve been asked to give you my personal number so the world doesn’t have to know every detail of the cooperation between PDNY and you. Would you prefer a different officer?” He knew sometimes he could be intimidating to troublemakers or victims, so they usually sent out a younger female recruit. It sucked that it had to be the case, but he’d rather have people be comfortable than not when dealing with officers.

“No, sir,” Spider-man said.

“Right. Well, do you have a phone on you, or can you give me your number?”

“Uh, I’ll memorize it, sir, and I’ll add it to my contacts as soon as I get home. That sound all right?”

Jeff just nodded - the kid was careful about his secret identity. That was fair.

“You going on patrol tonight?” he asked the kid.

“Already did my rounds.”

“Well, be safe going home, and make sure you get your homework done before you go to bed. Don’t count on your alarm in the morning.” The kid spluttered.

“I - uh -” Jeffe laughed.

“I’ve got a kid that I think is about your age. You just be careful, all right?” Spider-man nodded vigorously.

“G’night officer. Love you.” And he disappeared. Apparently that was one of many new things this Spider-Man could do.

New Number: Uh hi this is Spidey

Me: Good to hear from you, Spider-Man. Are you all right?

Save Contact As: Spider-man

Spider-man: yeah just wanted to check that this would work. Got my friend from another school to hack into my phone and give me a separate number, kind of like another profile, to text you from so I won’t have to buy another phone for this and get reverse-searched.

Me: I couldn’t do that, son, let alone would.

Spider-man: I know, but your phone could get stolen if it gets out that you’re the contact. Plus my friend also hid this conversation so it’s password protected so even if someone stole my phone and got in, they’d have to want to look at a dumb fake game and unlock my profile there.

Me: Your friend know who you are?

Spider-man: Do you really want to go digging, officer?

Me: No. I’m just worried you don’t have anyone that’s got your back.

Spider-man: ...

Spider-man: You do. That’s pretty great, all things considered. TTYL

Me: Talk you you later, Spider-man.

From then on, it was mostly business - getting him a police scanner built into his suit, contacting May Parker for other resources. It was slow-going, but it was enough to be friendly with the neighborhood Spider-man.

The jokes didn’t stop at work, and Jeff was starting to wonder. Spidey was a kid, and he likely hadn’t told many, if anyone, who he was under the mask. May probably knew, but he did confess to Jeff that his parents didn’t.

Jeff added more than just mission talk to their texts, then - how are yous and such, followed by longer conversations in person, followed by an actual phone call where he pulled Rio into the room to explain to the hero how to make a splint. (God, but they were teaching a child how to make a splint for a finger he’d broken while punching a supervillain. How messed up - )

“Dios,” grumbled Spidey. “Those . . . armored suits aren’t a bad idea, huh. I could use one of those.”

“You could use an actual doctor’s visit,” Jeff chided.

“You and I both know I can’t do that, officer.”

“Do your parents notice that you’re hurt at all?” Spider-Man snorted.

“They do, but I’m pretty good at excuses. Plus, I heal quickly, so it’s not like they notice them all -”

“You ever need a place to crash, you can stay at ours,” said Rio firmly. “If you need to sleep off a long patrol, or you need to heal but can’t go home right away, you come here, understand? Jeff will give you our address.” Now this made the hero splutter.

“M-Ma’am, I, I can’t ask that of you - “

“I’m offering.”

Everyone at work just gives him looks. Staying over to recover had turned into visiting for meals after school. It had turned into Spider-Man visiting an awful lot. Enough that Jeff was starting to doubt his parents knew he was missing. Even Geoff, who was a hardass on his best days, had helped find and arrange adoption papers with Spider-man logos all over them. It was funny right there and then, but . . .

“I’m going to talk to Miles about it, but - I think Spider-man ought to live with us,” Jeff sighed. “Am I crazy, Rio?”

“No,” she shook her head. “The boy is never home. He’s at a school like Miles’, he said last night, where he’s there during the week, but he’s still here so much. I think Miles might like the idea of living with Spider-man.” Jeff laughed.

“You’re right.”

But Miles looked horrified as soon as Jeff suggested it.

“You can’t - you can’t adopt Spider-man. You don’t even know who he is!”

“He’s a kid your age, Miles,” Jeff said gently, “And he’s not home often. I’m not getting the adoption papers out; God knows his parents might not mind, if he’s spending so much time here. But he needs people at his side, Miles. We don’t want to replace his family; we want to expand it.” He wasn’t sure what was going on with his son’s expressions before he sighed.

“This has gone too far. I-I’m sorry. I.” He bit his lip before shifting his sleeves at his wrists and -

Thwip!

His son was crouched upside down on the ceiling. Rio was gaping and Jeff had dropped his fork and knife with a loud clatter.

“You are grounded,” Jeff declared, “Until college.”

He disappeared. Not out the window, not in a puff of smoke, just - vanished.

“Come here where we can see you. Get down from the ceiling, mijo,” Rio said, “And we’ll talk.” His son reappeared, sheepish as any of the times he’d been caught drawing on his walls with crayons when he was little.

“So,” he started. “There were multiple dimensions, and I met another Peter Parker, and - well. Let me start from the beginning. Just once.”

#spider-man #spiderman #spider-man: into the spider-verse #into the spiderverse #miles morales #jefferson davis #rio morales #pdny #fanfic #my fanfic #but like #i wish i could expand this #if anyone has continuations or extras to add #have at it

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dukeofriven · 5 years

Text

Let Boys Love Girl Things

For a deeply depressed, angry, and vitriolic bisexual 20-something who stumbled out of a toxic 2-year intensive college program confused as fuck about his gender and hurting everyone around him, it is with no exaggeration that I say My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’s low-key stakes, warmth, humour, kindness, and utter lack of cynical irony was my first step on the road not only to recovery but coming even sort of close to having an accord with my identity. So I quite frankly I am exhausted that I have spent nine years being judged on the behaviour of a fandom group from 4chan. Nine years ago there was a gross perpetuation of toxic masculinity where men were ridiculed en-masse for liking a “girl’s show,” a campaign of derision that only intensified as the worst elements of 4chan gave everyone the evidence they seemed to want to justify their snap-judgement that boys liking girls shows was fundamentally weird, gross, and worthy of censure. We like to clap ourselves on the back for how woke we are now. There’s no discourse that says it is “skeevy” that men enjoy She-Ra, and petulant MRAs on Reddit getting upset about the show’s new ‘feminist’ agenda is considered to be representative of nothing other than petulant MRAs on Reddit, not the She-Ra fandom as a whole. Steven Universe is triumphed everywhere as a victory for better masculinity - without anyone ever noting that Steven would love every single moment of My Little Pony: FiM. He’d cry at the wedding, and he’d weep at the destruction of the library, and he’d think the Storm King was an effective villain while Connie rolled her eyes and tried and failed to point-out the weak characterization. Steven would cheer and cry every time a villain was redeemed through the power of love and friendship. Because he’s Steven, and he loves schmaltz, and it’s okay for a boy to like schmaltz. If we truly believe that, as we say we do, it’s time let the habit of shaming boys who liked a cartoon show go. It’s been a decade. Yes: MLP: FiM had a disgusting contingent of its fandom. You know what other franchise has that problem? A little film series you might have heard of called Star Wars. A contingent of Star Wars fandom was so racist it drove actors of colour off of twitter because it piled hate upon them. It was so misogynistic that somebody out there recut the entirety of The Last Jedi so that men save the day and all the women get reduced to bit parts. And yet if I see a Star Wars avatar my first assumption generally isn’t “oh you like Star Wars, so you must therefore be a misogynistic racist.” Because statistically speaking, you aren’t - just like, statistically speaking, the men who liked My Little Pony weren’t 4chan users. Not that most people bothered to find that out, because - shockingly - the worst elements had loud voices and got all the press, and the standard we applied to them was so entrenched in patriarchy that none of us wanted to accept that men could like the girls show without it being some gross violation of the proper order. I’m tired of that. The show’s been on nine years - long enough that kids who grew up watching it are old enough to start entering “The Discourse Space,” and what kind of example do we want to set for them that a show that might have meant so much to them growing up is given a defacto label of deviancy? ”Adult males like this show about the little kiddie ponies - that’s so creepy.” There’s a point I want to make here that I think really needs to be said so I am going to make it large

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a show for children; it is not a show about children.

What do I mean by this? Adventure Time is the story of Finn, a 12-year-old. Steven Universe is a show about Steven Universe, a 12-year-old. Ok K.O. is a show about K.O. a 6-11 year-old. Avatar: The Last Airbender is about a group of kids aged 11-14. She-Ra is a show about Adora who is… 16-ish? 17? And so on.

MLP:FiM is a show about 20-somethings. It’s a show about a grad student, a small business owner, a baker, a farmer, an environmental technician, a… trust fund baby?*... and, later, a former dictator. Yes, there are some kid characters, but the primary cast are all young adults who’ve reached adulthood and found themselves having to learn over and over again all sorts of shit they really ought to have known by now but don’t. It is, in short, a story about Millennials: an entire generation who reached adulthood not knowing what that meant or how to cope. Every time you laugh at the characters and go “how do they not know this [obvious thing that is obvious to adults]” you do so while watching a children’s cartoon rather than paying your taxes because you’re still not sure how to do that properly and are just low-key freaking out about it and hoping the problem goes away on its own. I speak from experience. The list in endless: we might ridicule the ponies ignorance at social graces, but i’ve been on this hellsite long enough that I’m pretty sure most of you are social-anxious neurotics who cock-up just as often and just as spectacularly as any pony on the show.

I’ve grown up in-sync with these characters. I’ve seen them go from floundering at 20 to sorta getting their act together and coming to grips with adult life as they reach 30. I’ve seen them become successful, get new jobs, start new careers. There have been episodes about how to deal with parents who embarrass you, how to get your parents to understand that you’re an adult now and want to be treated that way. There str stories about how to handle deadbeat older brothers who won’t stop mooching off your emotional labour, and how to mourn parents who’ve died. There are also stories about the byzantine nature of school regulation. (If next season is all about Twilight Sparkle reforming the Equestrian tax code it will be entirely in keeping with the adult-life-trend the show has been on for a while.)

My point with all this is that the “liking the kid’s show” narrative is disingenuous in the way it frames fans as creepy. To get tu quoque about it all I could raise my hand and point at all you adults gushing about all these kid protagonists in your favourite cartoon shows and go “Isn’t that CREEPY and GROSS you DEVIANTS” and on and on and on.

But I won’t.

Because it was never really about that, was it? It’s never been about that.

It was, at first, about what it was and wasn’t okay for boys - for men - to like. As a kid who’d been mercilessly bullied for being even the tiniest bit effeminate, openly embracing the fact that I liked this show about the colourful cartoon ponies felt like painting a target on my back. As for the boys younger than me - the boys still in high school in 2010 and 2011 who openly embraced this show? Braver than any US marine. When this all started it was about policing what was ‘appropriate’ for boys - nobody gave the adult Transformers fandom the same kind of shit, I assure you. It was about patriarchy - and how unwilling we all were to let go of it, no matter how progressive we told ourselves we were. Just like any moral panic, it developed a far more disturbing tone of disapprobation because if a handful of fans on 4chan were creepy than surely all the fandom was creepy. I’ve had plenty of fun mail in my inbox as people with cartoon avatars told me my opinion was invalid because I had an avatar from a different cartoon show. If I had an MP avatar that made me a “brony,” which made me a creepy MRA edgelord. Never mind that I don’t even use the term, and haven’t since… well, since the grossest elements of 4chan got it tattooed on their phalluses and trumpeted it to the heavens as the calling card of their misogyny.

There was a moment, I think, back in the halcyon days of 2010 and 2011 where we could have taken this another way. Where, socially, the rise of boys watching ‘the girl’s show’ was treated as a breakthrough, as a paradigm shift, as something to be celebrated and nurtured instead of something to revile like an anti-homosexual PSA from the 1950s. “Can’t let the adult men near that children’s show, who knows what might happen. They might repeat the trends that all fandoms have done for decades upon decades - the horror!”

We could have been better - but we weren’t. We mocked, and clutched our pearls, and looked appalled, and in doing so we fed the trolls all the ammunition they’d ever need to turn themselves into The Poor Oppressed Babies who just wanted to be left alone to watch their ponies and belittle women in peace. So the gender-questioning bi boy trying to feel good about himself got rounded-up with the usual 4chan suspects because we both enjoyed the same television program.

Patriarchy is not an external force with its boot upon our necks: it is a collaborative social effort, reinforced both consciously and sub-consciously every day. The internet of the early 2010s was a very different place, and the decisions we made then still live with us today. If we want to stop the perpetuation of toxic masculinity, we have to ourselves cease to perpetuate it. There’s an entire generation of queer boys and non-binary boys and non-bro cis-boys - the kind who cry and care and give a shit about kindness - who have grown up on Steven Universe and Adventure Time and yes, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. These are boys who deserve to have a better place prepared for them than I had, one that isn’t still littered by the baggage of all the dumb stupid crap from 2010 and 2011.

It’s time to let the ghost of Toxic 4chan Fandoms Past go already, and let this show about cartoon ponies be free to entertain and delight without incurring a moral inquisition. Life is so bad right now, the news is so dire. Curl up with My Little pony: Friendship is Magic and let all its goodness, and kindness, and laughter, and caring carry you away and remind you that we can still tell stories about worlds in which those virtues are treasured. Let the show stand on its actual merits, and not the cultural lodestones of long-gone reprobates. And stop granting the phantoms of 4chan the power to say anything meaningful in 2019.

_________________ *Serious question: what does Fluttershy do for a living? Like, as her job? For most of the series? She’s the only one who doesn’t have a meaningful career, and after meeting her enabling parents you just know she’s been living off pre-existing savings for years (she’s thrifty like that).

[Note: this post was originally posted in this thread. It has since been re-edited and slightly modified.]

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sanoiro · 6 years

Text

There is something about Trixie Season Three

I always knew I would be back for this third instalment I just never realised what would have happened between 3x23 and finally reaching a deal with Netflix for Season 4. I literally lost over a month from my life and before you say anything, yes it was worth it.

There is something about Trixie Season 1

There is something about Trixie Season 2

3x01 - They're Back, Aren't They?

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x02 - The One with the Baby Carrot

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x03 - Mr. & Mrs. Mazikeen Smith

The first time we see Trixie in Season 3 is ironically in an episode that was shot in Season Two and is part of the four standalones that irked the fans for not moving the storyline.

Trixie shows some great initiative by trying to smuggle herself to Canada and despite being overly worried for Maze, Miss Alien did manage to cross the boards and take part in the episode’s adventure... What also we need to remember is that Trixie was extremely happy that Miss alien was delivered back smeared with blood...

3x04 - What Would Lucifer Do?

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x05 - Welcome Back, Charlotte Richards

In episode 3x05 we do realise that S3 will not be just about identity but also about accountability. In this episode, we also have the first real Season Three appearance of Trixie and apparently, the child’s proximity with Maze has brought some issues that are dealt with a Swear Jar...

In this episode, we cannot say we see anything out of the ordinary although the word Mother-flunker will always stay with us but we do realise that like Trixie, Lucifer has to learn that words to hurt people... pity he wasn’t there for that pep talk otherwise it might have saved us a whole season.

Now let’s move to the last scene with Trixie in the episode which holds some merit.

Chloe: Monkey, I want to talk to you about what happened today at school. Did you tell Miss Morgan to "go to shell"?

Trixie: I didn't technically break any rules.

Chloe: You know what? Lucifer was right. The swear jar, it's it's a dumb idea. Mommy gave you a bunch of rules without explaining things. The real reason that we shouldn't swear is that bad words make people feel bad. And I know you don't want to make people feel bad, right? 'Cause the truth is if you go looking for loopholes, you'll always find them. And I can't force you to do the right thing. You'll just have to learn that on your own. So no more swear jar. Does the above sound familiar to you?

Call me an overthinker as I know I am but take this as if spoken from Dad aka God. Lucifer was set to have certain rules but broke them and when they were reinforced he always sought for loopholes lie he did when he made a deal with Dad in 1x13 and Chloe was spared.

God couldn’t make him learn, good from wrong as Lucifer always found loopholes but instead He also took away the Swear Jar or in Lucifer’s case, Hell. God never got down to Earth to drag His son back to Hell but he enforced a plan that made Lucifer on some degree learn on his own but without God being an active participant to that. Lucifer has the choice on what to learn, accept and eventually act.

3x06 - Vegas with Some Radish

Trixie is not mentioned.

Many have noted where Trixie was in this episode and the truth is that Trixie could have returned to babysit or Chloe could have called a babysitter when she decided to stay with Linda at the penthouse. Contrary to popular belief parents sometimes do need a break from their children.

3x07 - Off the Record

Here we have the HILARIOUS: ‘Child in danger?’

Then down the storyline, Daughter in Danger and Stolen From School...

3x08 - Chloe Does Lucifer

That episode always cracks me up especially Trixie’s actions. Painting a unicorn on Lucifer’s cheek and of course being the adult in how Chloe should open a conversation of flirting with a man. For some reason, her maturity here is a bit too much but at the same time endearing. What she also realises is that the show at the end of the episode is missing.

The thimble as I mentioned earlier was a direct metaphor to Peter Pan’s thimble. The boy who refused to grow until he was forced to do just that. In 3x08 we do realise that although Lucifer refuses to grow up once again he knows that even by getting a Monopoly piece certain things will never be different because people might not change but heck they can pretend they have pretty well. Enter Trixie. In a way we see Lucifer and Trixie growing up and getting hurt together almost by the same people in Season Three. Namely Maze...

3x09 - The Sinnerman

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x10 - The Sin Bin

Many can say Lucifer is a proud Step-Satan but in this episode, more things come to play. Trixie not only meets Charlotte but she also sets a date between her and her Daddy aka Dan.

She is a perceptive child and for some reason a bit like Ella, although in a different way, she is attracted to the unusual and in her case to whatever has ascent from Hell...

Now like in 3x08 she offers sound advice on how adults should act but she is also offering a very good line to Charlotte: You’re the Mum, you make the rules!

Following 3x05, rules are made by the parents they cannot always be explained but that does not mean it’s out of spite. Sometimes it’s out of desperation or love so that concept alone wants me to keep a closer eye on our dear Beatrice...

3x11 - City of Angels?

Trixie is mentioned 1 time.

3x12 - All About Her

In this episode, we get to see that not only Trixie is obsessed with Miss Alien but also that she makes some good money from her art which reminds us that what she had drawn in Season 2. Uriel, the Devil and the Blade. In Season 3 in 3x12 we can see the first hint of that Amenadiel will get his wings back.

For some reason, Trixie seems to know what is going to happen. Of course, we may say it’s but an easter egg from the production but speculating over a Miracle’s child is more fun don’t you think?

3x13 - Til Death Do Us Part

Trixie is mentioned two times.

3x14 - My Brother's Keeper

In this episode, we see how close Trixie and Maze have become to the point that Maze words in 3x18 cause a lot of damage. What interests me most though is not how close they are but what Trixie has been taught from Maze.

That kid now knows the basics of how to survive and of course battle tactics. Sometimes I do wonder if whatever passed down to Trixie from Lucifer and Maze will come to play in any f the future seasons.

3x15 - High School Poppycock

In 3x15 Trixie was used as a humorous addition to the story where Chloe stays up all night but we also witness the maturity of the child as well. She dresses herself and she got up and ready without waiting for her mother to do anything for her.

You may say that for her age that’s a given but like in 2x15 we see that Trixie has a very adult-like logic and in most cases, reaction to a lot of things. Unfortunately, like her mother, she also bottles up a lot of her feelings and refuses to let anyone realise how certain circumstances affect her until it’s too late. Do keep that in mind for both Trixie and Chloe in Season 4.

3x16 - Infernal Guinea Pig

Trixie is mentioned 1 time.

3x17 - Let Pinhead Sing!

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x18 - The Last Heartbreak

In 3x18 the episode does affect Trixie but the most notable thing we see is how a little human girl can affect a Demon. Maze was always unyielding to emotion until Trixie came to her life. Like Chloe and Lucifer’s insistence to not be a shoe the same happened with Maze and Trixie.

Ten episodes later since 3x08 the same story plays again but this time in the subplot of the series. A character rejects its true nature for what they believe they are. Lucifer uses sex and enforces himself to act indifferent to Chloe and any remaining feelis from 3x06 while in 3x18 we see Maze trying to do the same. She acts out and her lashing out to Dan eventually reaches Trixie but more directly than Lucifer’s actions do reach Chloe.

3x19 - Orange Is the New Maze

Trixie is mentioned 3 times.

3x20 - The Angel of San Bernardino

In 3x20, we see Trixie has mostly recovered from Maze’s harsh words and house abandonment. And yet in the following gif we do see that the child understand more than she is willing to admit which makes things a bit weird for my liking.

Trixie appears to have known to a degree that Lucifer and her mother were close after her parents were separated and yet by the end of the episode she does not appear to hold any grudge against our Devil.

And here is the thing Trixie is open to both her parents dating and being happy with other people and no matter what happens she always seems extremely loyal to Lucifer. Even in 3x08 she could see that Chloe and Lucifer were good for each other and yet the fact hat she was there to care for her mother in that state troubled me, like a lot.

3x21 - Anything Pierce Can Do I Can Do Better

Moving on to 3x21... Bottling up your feelings never ends well but in Trixie’s case, she just refuses to deal with the issue something that Chloe says it will take time. That alone gives us an opening on what might happen with the two characters in S4 but also poses a question that has not been explained so far. Why while Trixie was still mad with Maze, she accepted Marcus so easily after 3x20?

3x22 - All Hands on Decker

When 3x22 was aired and that scene came into play I was convinced that Trixie had been taken from the sleepover and had not willingly left. That might be true if we consider that A) There was a deleted scene where Marcus and Maze had a fight in LUX’s bathroom and that Marcus knew he would need a shield afterwards. Do not forget that Marcus had a silver tongue and could persuade people quite easily in order to get what he wanted. So I do believe that Trixie was forced to return home in 3x22.

3x22 was also the last time we saw the child as the last two episodes were too packed as season and midseason finale’s often are.

3x23 - Quintessential Deckerstar

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x24 - A Devil of My Word

Trixie is not mentioned.

3x25 - Boo Normal

Trixie is mentioned 1 time.

3x26 - Once Upon a Time

Trixie is not mentioned (aside from the lack of family in Dan’ s life) and does not exist.

Finally, I would like to add a thought concerning Trixie’s absence in 3x26 - Once Upon a Time.

Chloe was born as a miracle but God’s decision to make her cross paths with Lucifer was made when John Decker was murdered when she was 18 years old.

That means that Chloe’s Miracle status is not de facto the reason why Lucifer and Chloe were met.

Following that logic, Chloe’s future and Trixie’s existence is part of God’s plan which we can speculate that is based on Chloe meeting Lucifer. That means in an extent that Trixie has a role in Lucifer’s involvement with Chloe which we should witness at some point in the next season/s.

Why is that?

Because Trixie’s existence didn’t fit the original plan that had Chloe never meeting Lucifer meaning where God had no involvement, therefore, we can assume that Trixie is a product of God’s grand plan for Lucifer and Chloe on some degree.

If all the above is true then why did God blessed Penny and John?

Well, there are many different scenarios but I like to think that Penny’s infertility or difficulty to conceive had to do with a certain kind of ancestry* that made John and Penny incompatible and thus they needed a stronger angel, the Firstborn, to bless them. That’s, of course, a non-spoiler based speculation. We shall see I guess...

*That does not make Lucifer and Chloe related in any way. Lucifer in 3x01 has revealed that there are other celestial beings as well as supernatural beings that roam the Earth/Universe.

This is the end of There is something about Trixie Season Three.

#There is something about Trixie #Lucifer season 3 #Lucifer meta #lucifer speculation #not edited #lucifer spoilers

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solis3clipse · 6 years

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Gendrya and its chances of becoming canon - part 1

this post contains spoilers from most of the seasons of Game Of Thrones

Gendrya, also known as the shipname of Arya stark and Gendry Baratheon, has become a quite popular pair in our fandom. In this masterpost i will try my best to list and discuss most of the reasons why it has a huge potential of becoming canon.

DISCLAIMER:

in no way shape or form am i going to force someone into believing that they're going to be a romantic pair in the following season. There's obviously a possibility of their relationship staying exactly the same; this is purely based on theories and real facts from the show.

The masterpost will provide you with information from the show, not the books. In all honesty, George Martin treated the ship more fairly than the show and respectfully gave them way more scenes, so to avoid messing up the whole post, i'm going to be speaking about the show!gendrya.

i'm going to be using some very interesting information from the blog of my good pal @jj-justwriteit. They make some very thoughtful points so definitely check out their blog if you're up for some great Gendrya discussions. Please keep in mind that there are some things you might have already heard of; and definitely correct me if i get something wrong.

Before meeting each other.

I think it is best to start from the very beginning, and by that i mean even before Arya and Gendry first met.

A very interesting theory i've been thinking about is Robert Baratheon who is obviously the father of Gendry, telling Ned that they would join their houses with marrying their children.

''I have a son, you have a daughter, we'll join our houses''

. The first thing you probably think of when reading this is Sansa and Joffrey who were supposed to marry each other and as Robert hoped, join the houses to bring peace. Though we all know how that ended,-Joffrey (who wasn't even Robert's son in the first place) ended up dying and Sansa's future took a whole different path to the point where you'd think her desire for marriage had completely disappeared. This might be them foreshadowing the potential future of Arya and Gendry. I'm not saying they'll get married, but i am saying that this could simply represent the development of their relationship in a romantic way. It would be sort of ironic to see them getting married since Arya had been strongly against it since the very beginning of the show. that leads us to the noticeable twists game of thrones has,- Ned died in the first season when no one expected him to, Robb didn't even get the chance to rule Winterfell when half of the fandom was convinced he was going to be the next king, Jon fell in love with daenerys which was not only never mentioned in the books, but was also rushed and happened very quickly (unlike Gendrya who had plenty of time to develop feelings for each other, they practically closed an important chapter of their lives while they were together); that being said, you can never really predict where Arya's path takes us next. The show always hits us with changes and whether they're good or bad, they're often very unexpected. If you ask me, Arya's story is one of those that has not yet ended and there is exactly that one twist missing that is going to wrap it all up. I believe that ''twist'' has something to do with Gendry. All the other questions in her storyline are answered,- she chose to remain her identity and not become no one, she got back to her family and proved she would never betray any of them, she chose to follow her childhood dream and became her own hero. The last part is love, i believe. And Arya will need to figure it out and battle with making important decisions one more time. Their ''slow burn'' romance as i like to call it has been leading up to that all this time and i'm hoping they will be able to fit it in and drop the bomb in the last season.

Bringing the attention to Gendry, his purpose and identity is really interesting if you think about it. Let's go way back and start from the main point of his role in the show. Gendry Waters is the Bastard son of Robert Baratheon, right? That's very clear when you observe how he acts, how he looks and even talks,-if he had been around earlier the king would instantly recognize him as his bastard kid because Gendry is a perfect definition of the name Baratheon. His appearance - dark, rough looking hair and beautiful blue eyes flawlessly portrays the house. Anyone from Cersei's children could not even compare to how much Gendry looked like his father. There are countless similarities which you can read more about on @jj-justwriteit 's blogif you're interested, but i'm going to swiftly turn back to out main topic to avoid confusion. If you take a minute to observe the plot, the show could've been perfectly fine without him. That came out harsh but don't get me wrong, - i love him to death and he's one of my favorites, he has in fact done very heroic, important stuff but realistically speaking since he isn't technically one of the protagonists, Gendry could've been easily replaced with any random character be it male or female, with someone like Podrick, without messing up the whole story. Instead the author strictly made him to be a bastard son of king Robert who would later meet the princess of Winterfell. See? the puzzle instantly fits. Not to mention that there were quite a few characters similar to Gendry in the show who died or were very close to dying while despite disappearing for a entire season, the boy still remained alive and received a big development from just a bastard boy who wasn't even aware of his identity and spent his life serving others, to Gendry, the son of King Robert Baratheon who befriended Arya's brother a.k.a our future king and placed a huge role in helping the queen make progress in the battle. There are characters that you'd never expect to lose, there are characters that you know will die. but there are also a few people in GOT that have big chances of making it till the end for various different reasons, i think Gendry is one of them. May i mention how they brought him back in the last season and made him play a huge role? The writers would not make Gendry stand out if he didn't have a future in game of thrones, period. He is important and his story isn't over so killing him would be BLOODY DUMB. You started his journey and made it more significant than it could've been, now it's your job to respect your own decisions and not act like Gendry was nothing to the show. Like mentioned above, he could've been replaced with literally anyone who would be less relevant but noo. It’s Gendry Baratheon. As you keep watching the show and analyse his role in Arya's life, there are so many things about his persona that just make sense. His name makes is easier for me to connect the dots and get to the point which just screams gendrya. and That's one of the things that convinces me that Gendry is going to pull through this and stay in the show till the end.

A very significant scene to me is also his first meeting with Jon. Many people were upset because he didn't mention Arya and i'm not gonna lie at first that left me feeling kind of bitter as well, but after investing into it more i managed to find possible explanations. I like to look at it from the bright side considering that the scene is so much more than just some boys interacting. Gendry's meeting with Jon was done in a way that strangely seemed too much like Ned and Robert's and i can bet my whole life that it was done this way on purpose. It didn't feel too ''formal'', serious or tense, which is what you would normally expect since Jon is literally the legal king of the seven kingdoms. remember Ned and Robert meeting in the very first season? It went exactly like Jon and Gendry’s; They started off with a slightly tense atmosphere until shortly after it transformed into them laughing and hugging. the chemistry between the characters was undoubtedly there,- they jokingly made fun of each other and instantly got along which speaks a lot about his future relationship with the Starks; name any other character Jon talked to in such a friendly, ''domestic'' way as if they had known each other since forever. If Gendry left such a great first impression on Jon, that means there's a clear possibility of him being in contact with not only him but the others as well. and by others yes, i mainly mean Arya. Why would he want to become good pals with Jon? Because he's Arya's brother. He wants to make up for the fact that he was part of the reason they got separated in the first place and get as close to her as possible. As for him mentioning the girl, none of us know what was going on in Gendry's head and that's why there are so many thoughts and theories about this. Probably an opinion closest to reality is that as the fandom agrees,- Gendry might've thought Arya was dead. Obviously after being seperated for quite a long time plus Arya completely disappearing from Gendry's life, he would think she wasn't alive anymore. It seems logical. Even if you don't agree with that particular version, Gendry never really got a chance to ask about her either. Once he joined the others to help out on their mission, clearly all they were focused on was the duty, therefore i hightly doubt D&D would give us the fanservise and focus on anything else than the white walkers. If you think about it, all they discuss throughout the seventh season is the plan and how to accomplish it. Rescued from serving people he didn't want to serve at all, Gendry gave it his all to concentrate on correcting his mistakes, which is the best excuse for this situation. He put off any of his personal issues and wishes to devote himself to saving the world legitimately, meaning he never let himself catch a break and did whatever he could to stay right beside Jon. The boy prevented himself from expressing his emotions which is comprehensible,- even if he didn't think Arya was dead, i reckon Gendry wouldn't dare to ask about her when it was his first proper interaction with Jon, she was said to be his sister after all and the last thing he would want is to make things uncomfortable and awkward between them. Both reasons are quite coherent, believe whichever you want. His commitment towards Snow perfectly showed how much he cares. Not only about the people, Jon or the world. But how much he cares about helping out someone whose sister meant so much to him.

Gendry (still) is in the process of realizing that hey, he could be suitable for his highborn lady after all and if they get the confirmation from Jon(or Daenerys) who will probably become the king, there's no problem in them being together. It's apparent that Daenerys strongly dislikes Robert, but she was the one trying to prove that the child should not be punished for their parents' mistakes, which speaks a lot about how she might've reacted. By now it's obvious that she isn't cruel nor is she stupid. If Gendry and Arya did get together, i personally see no possibilities of Daenerys denying their relationship. Even if by some chance she did, Jon would proceed to convince her to make it happen because he would be perfectly aware of the fact that it could make Arya happy. Besides may i bring this back,- Gendry left a very good impression on him which assures Jon that his sister would not be in any sorts of danger. I firmly believe he trusts him by now. What i'm trying to get across is that in my opinion this just proves that Gendry shares his part of the story with Arya, that's why they are destinied to end up together. it just makes sense.

Lets move on to Arya before and after meeting Gendry. Unlike the boy, Arya did get screentime before meeting him since she's one of the main characters so it's easier to discuss what changes i spotted in her persona. In the first season, up to until the third one we see a tough little girl dreaming about becoming a warrior and being just like her father. It's obvious that she did not even want to imagine her and marriage and continouesly denied the idea, even making fun of Sansa for liking Joffrey. I think that's quite normal and does not mean that she is incapable of falling in love with someone. Arya was very young in the first season, still practically a tiny child so i think it's not surprising that she thought marriage was stupid. In no way am i saying that she suddenly changed her point of view when she grew up, but Arya had a very strict opinion about even considering liking someone romantically let alone spending her entire life with them and that's usually how most children think. Arya, around like 11 years old, would never admit anything like that. That's why i'm now emphasizing on the fact that her behavior and actions drastically changed later on, a very good example is her checking out Gendry's naked torso in the third season which i'm going to discuss more later. This sums up her growth quite well, she went from the kid who was convinced she was never going to dedicate any time to love, to a girl with her first crush. As i mentioned above, her and Sansa could be on the path of switching their roles. Sansa is either going to lose interest in getting married or finally find a good partner for her(which i doubt will happen to be completely honest) and Arya falls in love with Gendry despite starting off with different expectations.

during the time period when her and Gendry got separated, there isn't many scenes with Arya mentioning him either. Believe me i was hoping for gendrya the whole time as well but just like with his situation, i was able to quickly understand the case. Arya's storyline throughout season 6 was very important for her to get where she is now. I believe it was essential to make her go through all that stuff to prove a point: It was not for Arya. Besides the way i personally see it is that In the gap between their reunion, there really was no time for them to be mourning over each other's loss. Arya tried to become someone else and forget everything from her past. It didn't work out. She failed to become no one for a reason, she decided to keep calling herself Arya Stark for a reason. If her story contained no love,- be it platonic or romantic whatsoever, i don't think she'd bother to give up so easily OR come back to Winterfell. This may seem like a reach to some people, but for me it makes complete sense,- Arya came back because Joaquin's path didn't cross hers. The life she thought was perfect for her didn't turn out to be suitable at all and i'm glad she was able to realize that early enough. No matter how much she changed, she belonged (still does) to Winterfell from the very beginning, there were certain people in her life that she could not let go. The writers made her change her mind and come back because there was so much more waiting for her there, because that leads us to what comes next.

other ships

some people seem to ship Gendry and Arya with other characters and I'm certainly not here to fight them because of that, but for my fellow gendrya stans, i'm going to try and explain why there's no chances of either of them ending up with someone else. I guess what you could call ''the most popular ships besides gendrya'' are sansa and Gendry and Arya and Joaquin. Let's start with strongly denying the first one.

I don't know where to even begin because i find it challenging to comprehend what gave people reasons to ship Sansa with Gendry. On a very simple note,-they haven't even met. They have NOT interacted while Gendrya has had a major build up since the third season. When it is seemingly clear that both of them started gradually developing feelings for each other, i can't imagine Sansa proceeding to literally betray her sister and try to steal her man, lol. She grew up, became more mature and as i mentioned earlier, probably lost a big part of her interest in romance. I personally can only imagine Sansa hyping up their relationship and teasing Arya about how in love she is. Hear me out,- the writers have made tons of questionable decisions throughout the years of shooting the series, but i believe this is where they cross the border. They are perfectly aware of the fact that making Sansa and Gendry canon would stir up drama, not only because people ship gendrya, but also because it does not make sense. It would be wrong, rushed and very, very weird turn. Gendry has never expressed any interest in Sansa nor has he even metioned her.

As for Joaquin and Arya, i think i am able to get why people like the pair, though in no way do i encourage anyone to do so because it will never happen, obviously. Do i believe that Arya loved Joaquin? No. I personally see them as two individuals who had a very weird friendship connecting them. Arya never really had friends and Joaquin was one of the first people she dared to refer to as such, so of course she would be shown expressing some type of platonic feelings towards him, for instance her choosing him as her teacher or that one time she genuinely got scared, thinking he had died. Joaquin and Arya's friendship was one big rollercoaster which i'm struggling to fully figure out to this day. Probably the only aspect i'm completely sure about is that they weren't in love. Both of them knew they had found someone with similar goals and personality so obviously they were left on good terms and managed to even work together for some time. Joaquin taught Arya stuff that gave her a different view on certain stuff and more experience which came out quite useful in the following episodes. The two of them were never destined to be together and Joaquin's death was one of the things that proved that. Almost every pair in Game of thrones has a mutual connection, great chemistry and are visibly suitable for each other, however Arya and Joaquin never had that. There was not a bit romance in their scenes and they had no development in that terms whatsoever.

We already know Gendry has eyes on Arya and only.

That being said, anyone can ship what they want, but once again,-this is for gendrya shippers who think that either of the ships mentioned above have any potential of becoming canon. No they don't. I'm pretty positive that the author and the creators of the show would never do that to us.

Their scenes

As mentioned in the top of this post, George Martin spoiled us and included quite a few moments of Gendrya in the books. If you've read the series there's NO way you didn't interpret their relationship as a romantic one just because it's clearly coded that way. Like i promised i'm not going to be going in details about why George is amazing, but it will surely take more effort to analyse the moments from the show untill i manage to get every detail of like the three scenes we got written down and examined.

Starting from the very first scene we saw them together in. I have so many thoughts about it. We all know Arya and Gendry are incredibly badass together or separated and that scene was a very good example of how well they work together. The bull and the wolf,-they're a perfect team and it seems as if the writers wanted to get that across immediately once they had met.

I adore the first scene. Arya gains the courage to stand up for herself despite two strangers probably scaring the shit out of her trapped at a place she knows nothing about. As she finds the energy within herself to stand up and point Needle towards hotpie's chin, forcing him to steadily step back, Gendry joins from behind and threatens the boy to leave Arya alone. What i love the most about the scene is Gendry's bitter words mixed with humor (*insert his sentence here*) and the way he defended the innocent kid. It already gives you a general idea of how lovely and courageous his personality is, leaving the best first impression for a character if you ask me. The scene is done so well in the show, he doesn't even think twice before scolding hotpie and shrugging it off shortly, treating Arya quite decently. As if he already knew he was dealing with a princess.

look at them.

Now this is a tricky thing to discuss, though one of my personal headcannons that can potentially be very true, is that show!Gendry knew Arya was a girl from that exact scene. What i mean is that he didn't even need to try and figure it out since he knew in the first place, while others were confused even after finding out she wasn't a boy. ''do you think i'm as stupid as the rest of them?'' he says once he sees her surprised face after admitting that Arya had done a poor job lying to him; and it's true, he isn't. Gendry is incredibly smart despite not being perfect at reading and writing which by the way, was not his fault at all. Every scene with Gendry in it in the show truly does make him seem more intelligent and clever than the people he mentioned. It speaks a lot about his difference from the other boys and really makes him stand out; also adds another reason to the list of why they'd be a perfect pair. Despite being raised as a bastard and having to go through so much rough stuff at such a young age, Gendry inherited some of the best traits of a Baratheon and grew up to be a bright man. He is quite strong and fit physically, but he is also competent and wise which if you ask me, makes him perfect for Arya. It's her. There's no way she would fall in love with someone less cool than her, so i think it's safe to say that Gendry is the only one right for her.

Moving onto the scene where he finds out about Arya's true identity, that one is definitely one of my favorites. There's so much that needs to be said about it because it describes so many parts of their relationship. It's a good portrayal of their bond, trust, chemistry.

I love how Arya didn't expect him to find out about her at all and tried her best to hide her shocked reaction the first time he confronted her about it. Gendry was very casual and subtle about it, just sliding the topic into their small banter as if it hadn't even been a huge deal and i find that endearing in a way. It expresses how mature he was at the age of 15, any other boy would most likely freak out and act as if they'd seen a miracle.

Arya could've easily rejected him and found more ways to lie in order to convince him otherwise, yet not only did she come clean, but also trusted him enough to admit who she really was. That was an another clear sign of ''they met and instantly found the courage within themselves to trust each other even with their deepest secrets''. Of course the boy was very honest with her as well; Tell me Gendry apologizing for peeing in front of her and claiming he should've been calling her ''M'lady'' wasn't the cutest thing you saw throughout that season. What left me thinking is how he believed her immediately. Sure, Arya's explanation seemed pretty legit, but i doubt anyone else would let themselves to trust her that easily. He gained much more respect for Arya after finding out that the person he had been talking to wasn't just any other girl but the highorn lady of Winterfell. I love how Arya is already comfortable with playfully punching the guy because he had called her a lady; and the dialogue in that scene is hilarious and well done. They're already acting like best friends despite not even knowing each other that much and the apparent flirty tension often gets mixed within their conversations which i find very lovely. It's so sweet how the angry bean Arya makes Gendry full on giggle and look up at her with the most ''in love'' look in his eyes. That right there, is good acting.

I bet Gendry had a hard time hiding his shock when finding out that the highborn lady of Winterfell was that badass and fearless instead of a bit more girly and petite as he would've expected. And i'm strongly convinced that was the thing about Arya catching his attention and making him realize how different, stronger and better she was than any of the women he had met before.

One of my absolute favorite scenes is Arya sneakily checking out her man. The scene is so incredibly iconic and remarkable that it most likely popped up in your head instantly. That's when any viewer immediately realizes that the writers' intention was to show Arya's developing first crush.

As Gendry trains, fully focused on his weapon, Arya literally glances up and down his body with that hungry ass look in her eyes. sorry. had to be said. It's the truth.

We had definitely never seen the girl impressed on that level by a man in any previous (or following) seasons. Arya was just a tiny girl and as she grew up she started feeling different emotions, therefore i think it's quite obvious that we got to experience that with her in the said scene. Maisie's acting was so damn good. She managed to portray the exact same feelings Arya had perfectly which just added more reasons for people to ship the pair.

The most important scene in my opinion is of course, ''i can be your family''. I'm going to begin with firmly emphasizing on Maisie's comment about the scene.

Rolling stone: she obiously has family on her mind in this episode. But when she tells Gendry ''i can be your family'', it sounds like she might mean something very different - even if she herself barely realizes it yet.

I really love the way this was put because they tried to avoid any major spoilers, but gave us higher chances of finding out more about how Arya feels towards Gendry. Bless them for bringing this up. It's clear that everyone, be it people from the fandom or outside interprets their relatioship as a romantic one.

Here's what Maisie answers:

''At first i read it as ''You can come to winterfell, i'll show you how everything goes, and you can come and sit at the table with us'', i thought it would be a bit like Theon. But when i was doing the scene, director Alex Graves said ''when you say that last line, 'i can be your family', say it like 'i love you'''. And that's the take that they used.

To this day i'm still struggling to believe that's real, but it is. Maisie practically said that Arya never saw Gendry as a brother (like Theon) but as something else. Something more. With that exact words she realized she had certain feelings towards Gendry that made it so difficult to let him go and leave. I can't help but mention their acting one more time because it was absolutely phenomenal. Game Of Thrones has something for every type of viewers, Fantasy, adventure and romance,-that's one of the reasons it's so popular. That being said, we've had tons of different pairs with their love stories; The ones who ended up dead, the ones who survived. One aspect connecting all of them is the story of how they met and fell in love. Now this is a very bold thing to say so not many people might agree with me, but i personally think that Gendrya, the ship that hasn't even become canon yet, is the most romantic and epic yet, it leaves us with so much feels and want. I never felt so much love and passion towards any other ship from the show and it's very apparent to me why. I don't remember any couple from GOT that had such a slow burn, amorous and well developed plot. Gendrya does. They have so much potential. Both Maisie and Joe understand that and they give it their all to make Gendrya so obvious. In the said scene, Gendry looks like he is legitimately holding back tears as he rejects Arya's offer and decides to stay. He seems like as if he's having second thoughts and doubting his choices, there's so much pain depicted on his face and yet he doesn't have enough time to reconsider. Maisie does say the last like just like ''i love you''. There's indeed much more said than just ''come to Winterfell and stay with us'', it's her trying to express unconditional love and fondness. Arya is aware of her feelings towards Gendry and by the time she fully realized that, she had to leave. Just like Gendry, Arya looks just as upset and hurt. Looks like in that moment, it took all her willpower to turn around and go.

A classic Gendrya moment is her being immensely worried when the red woman took Gendry, disappearing without any explanations. I can't get over how mad she got and never stopped worrying about him. ''I don't talk to traitors'' CAN YOU BELIEVE HER. Arya was beyond aggrieved to the point where she even refused to talk. Her expression when Gendry gave in and they basically tied him up so he wouldn't be able to escape was priceless. I've seen the scene about a hundred times and it gets me every. damn. time. A simple question could sum up how much she cares for him,-have you ever seen Arya so worried and hurt about something (besides Ned's death because DUH) throughout the season? no. She learned how to control her emotions and literally never show them, but the agony was so visible on her face in that moment. That's not surprising since her friend got taken away to a place she knew nothing about, but again, i've never seen Arya so furious. She was worried sick and probably was ready to do anything to bring him back.

Gendry's Jealousy

Hoo boy. Don’t even get me started. It’s a popular headcanon in the fandom that Gendry is a jealous man when it comes to Arya, but i’d say we could freely call it canon since it’s painfully obvious that he’d kill any other man if he saw them kissing his girl. lol Emphasizing on the scene where Arya was talking about Joaquin; Gendry, visibly startled, literally asks: ‘you need him?’

Now obviously he didn’t know why Arya might’ve needed the stranger and that’s one of the reasons he got so uncomfortably surprised. The way Joe acts out the scene, it does seem like Gendry looks very uneasy and actually kind of pissed? rewatch the scene and tell me i’m wrong. Even before getting together the boy wants to make sure he has no competitors and that’s purely because he loves her so much. He would obviously never be controlling around Arya, but he would make sure to subtly but not really remind everyone that she was very much taken. It’s just how he is. I imagine Arya finding his behavior very cute and just laughing about it every time she’d notice him getting mad because of something so irrelevant. You know Gendry doesn’t actually have any reasons to be jealous, right?

I don’t know if we get more scenes of Gendry being jealous, but there sure are slight chances of that happening since he’s most likely going to reunite Arya and have tons of screentime with her. At this point i’ve stumbled across more than approximately 5 posts of people mentioning how Maisie and Joe were spotted filming together so i’m pretty sure we’re getting something. There are lots of expectations but who knows what might happen?

forgesex2019.

there has been a theory going around about Gendry and Arya's reunion which i personally really like. It's what they deserve and it's what we've been craving ever since we got to know them. I think it's a very logical explanation of the end for their relationship. @jj-justwriteit is literally the best at discussing how it could go so it would be great if you'd read here headcanons, but i'll talk about it here as well. Lots of other pairs got their moments. They even managed to fit Jonerys and their sex scenes in the last scene, so i have high hopes for this. As my friend exclaimed in one of her posts, forgesex is most likely going to happen which i believe on a high level. So far it's a headcanon, but it will hopefully become canon in the final season. If anyone is still worried about the age difference (which is literally just five years), both of them are grown up, nearly adults. There's literally nothing to worry or argue about since Gendrya isn't the only pair with age difference. Drogo and Daenerys? She was about 14 years old when she lost her virginity but people shipped her with Khal regardless. Gendrya is just pure and completely normal, non toxic. They're very allowed to do whatever they want without it seeming weird. period. Arya isn't a child anymore.The way i personally imagine forgesex is WILD. I mean imagine a Baratheon and a Stark in love, who by the way, haven't seen each other for ages so the passion, love, want all of that building up in them is going to burst into flames and boom. Clothes literally ripped, on the floor, hands on each other and kisses everywhere. It would be the most epic scene any other pair has had. I imagine their reunion would be calm and just full of love at first. It's a clichee thing to describe but Gendry would see her first and softly mutter her name, thought loudly enough for her to hear, Arya would flinch at the familiar voice and swiftly turn around, seeing him. I already know Maisie is going to kill this. She has been great at characterizing Arya's intentions and actions, so when they reunite, it's going to be good. No matter what, it's going to be outstanding. I feel it.I can't WAIT to see Arya, Sansa and Jon meeting Gendry altogether. Imagine the flustered girl trying to hide her blush while Jon, confused attempts to find out how her sister knows Gendry. Sansa would know instantly and jokingly tease Arya later.Back to forgesex, can you imagine them getting some time fo themselves and just going at it. It would be a one big sloppy mess but at the same time for them it'd be very special and beautiful. By now Gendry already knows that he's a Baratheon so he allows himself to not hold back, which will be the result of him pining her against a wall and. well, you know the rest. One thing i'm absolutely sure about is that Arya would still have to initiate the process and strike first. Gendry notices that yes, she is in fact sure about this and wants the exact same thing, so he would start playing along. Gendry knows he has a gorgeous body, okay. Besides Joe dempsie hasn't been working out for NOTHING. We will get more naked Gendry and it will be for Forgesex.

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i probably missed a lot of details and forgot stuff, so if anyone reads any of this at all, a part two will be added to the whole masterpost! this was just a very quick recap slash analyzing the ship so if anyone wants me to get even more in depth and write all my feelings and predictions, simply let me know.

a huge thank you to @jj-justwriteit ! you inspired me to even start this masterpost. I could never discuss this stuff as well as you do, please check them out and send love and gendrya in the ask box <3

#gendrya #arya stark #gendry baratheon #game of thrones

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