#but also i feel like maybe it's parasocial
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no bc listening to troye sivan's album is actually hitting a soft spot...
#idek how to articulate what i'm feeling#like yaaaas sing ur fun dancy pop songs about queer love bc why tf wouldn't u#but also i feel like maybe it's parasocial#like i was theeeere in the youtube days#and i was processing/understanding/coming to terms with my queerness while also being scared shitless for my life#for no reason at all!#like mamaaaaaa (comma) depressed anxious very much with an eating disorder bc i just hated myself so much#and like i look at my life now and i am give myself no other choice but to be my authentic faggy self like yaaas virgovirgo slay!#okay i'm done yapping
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#talked about this leading up to it but they Did play like real people do#and i couldnt even see through my tears#hurts so bad on so many levels like i have never done All That. smthng so vital to My humanity#and then leaving the venue watching all the couples holding hands including the one that i came with.#pain just lots of pain my head hurts so bad i cried so hawrd#talkys#adn also he's literally so beautiful i hate my life#NOT in a parasocial way i jst do thingk he's handsome its the hair for sure#qlso remember how i wanted to make a piece about how like#i cant even look at old sculptures of humans bc it feels so. like. here i am looking at something resembling human-ness#and i cant touch it.#this felt like an extension in the way of the song being played ykwim#once again just spectating listening unable to do anything with my feelings#i crushed my best friends hand about it. while she leans over and kisses her boyfriend#it will always be something just maybe barely there in the distance. unattainable#i myself am an untouchable statue only human in resemblance etc
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i'm making this post mostly to vent, but also to reflect.
being in mdzs fandom was the first time being in fandom felt like... "content," to me. like i was a creator who WAS obliged to the masses, who was seen as holding some social power because i was interested in creating works for people to enjoy, rather than enjoying them myself. even though i am both: i am someone who likes to read as much as i like to write. i like enjoying as much as i like creating things for people to enjoy. i don't believe in this dichotomy, and i sure as hell didn't come into fandom for parasocial attention.
one of the problems definitely was that i was on twitter more than i was writing, and i was thinking of ways to game the algorithm so i stayed on people's feeds, because of the way twitter began to work, because of my own anxiety, and because subconsciously i understood the landscape. i didn't like it but i knew it. and too much was going on in my life that i couldn't take a step back and realize how much it was negatively affecting me.
still, it felt weird and strange and wrong to have followers with bios that said things like "don't perceive me i'm just here to read." strangers who would reply to my posts with over-familiarity and rudeness and said they were justified because i had over 1000 followers on twitter, because that is apparently a marker of how you are "allowed" to treat another stranger online. throwing around the terms "bnf" and "popular" as if they mean something beyond being similar to how american high schools work. i saw people group me and my friends who also had a lot of followers as this exclusive class of people in the fandom because we liked making things for other people to enjoy and we had a lot of followers, and therefore they could treat and generalize us all in weird dehumanizing ways because of it. i saw people complain that if any of us said anything "problematic" or "wrong" then it was a moral failing on the rest of us if we didn't publicly call it out.
and like. fandom is not a content creation space. at least, not to me. while i do like attention and making a big number even bigger—like i'm not gonna lie, it does give me dopamine!—i didn't come here to generate a parasocial audience. i came here to make cool stuff and also make friends. and now with people who follow me because they like the things i make and less so me, something i now struggle with that i didn't used to in fandom is: do i follow people back? do these people see me as someone they want to admire and have a parasocial relationship with, or do they want to be friends? this post is a little bit of a PSA as well, i suppose: while i don't believe that everyone in fandom/who now follows me has this content creation mindset, i know there are people who do, and i don't know how to interact with strangers anymore. if you don't want me to interact with you and just want to admire me from afar, i want to respect that boundary. at the same time, i do like making friends. and i want to make friends with people who are just purely curious about me, not because i'm put on this parasocial pedestal.
i also don't think this is a problem with mdzs fandom specifically, or even necessarily just for fandom itself. i think a lot of spaces online have turned into this: where not only your social power but also your personhood, your identity starts and ends with how big the number next to your name is, and is an indicator to a stranger how humanizing you can treat them. make your private assumptions or judgments about me; i have no control over them so i don't care. but i am still a human behind the screen as much as you. i struggle with my day to day stuff as much as anyone else. and i want to make friends over that. i want to commiserate and bond with people; and while i won't pretend that i don't think there is a little more "influence" if the number next to your name is a bit bigger, i don't think it should detract from the reality that if someone has 30 followers or 3000, they are still human.
unless they're a bot.
but i'm also mostly making this post because let's face it: most of the friends i've made in any fandom, historically, have been either because i was a fan of their work, or they were a fan of mine. and that's what fandom is all about—an exchange, a conversation. why are we reinventing rigid hierarchies based on follower count? why should someone who likes my fics or someone whose fics i like be treated any differently, because of the role we play in this exchange? (and why should whose fanfic you enjoy say something about you as a person... but that's a different conversation lol) there are actual content creators i like, content creators who profit monetarily based purely on that, and the monetary profit is their primary motivator in having that label, that career in the first place. but that is not fandom, to me. fandom is not a job and i am not here to profit (all of my works and thoughts are free!), and in no way has money ever played a role in my existence in fandom. it is what it's always been: to make cool things and to meet cool people. and if nothing else, it's a bit disappointing to realize that not everyone feels the same.
anyway! tl;dr if you're interested in talking to me and being friends feel free to always reach out. i also know that my own response times can be spotty (another flaw of mine, alas) but i'm mostly making this post to say that i am not someone who thinks of myself as separate from my audience, and that my numbers/output mean very little to how willing i am to engage. i can get overwhelmed as much as anyone else, but in my heart if you're interested in a dialogue with me, then i am too. because that's what being in fandom is all about.
#there's also something about having all my neuroses and flaws on display due to having large number which can make me feel a little anxious#but eh. you reap what you sow#can't do anything about it anymore so now i'm like#me with all my mistakes and flaws and humanity and all: heyyyyyy#I also wont lie that i was a little parasocial with my audience because i was being treated parasocially myself#but I think that's just a symptom of that dynamic#also i guess i want to add that i don't think any of this is new either I know people were doing similar shit on LJ too#but i think the platform made it harder for you to see it if you weren't looking for it#and now with Twitter and stuff people will just treat you like this to your face lol#I also don't think it's as easy as i write about it here too LOL in that like#sometimes you don't want to be friends with someone because you don't like their vibes. and i get that too#it's mostly just feeling the gap between creator and audience widen in a space where we all have the power in some way to be both#that's what this post really boils down to#I also know that i had a lot more ~problems in mdzs fandom that maybe have contributed to this LMAO#but ehhh at the end of the day this post is more often true than it's not
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Like I feel kinda shit for it but I truly do not have the energy to figure out based on fcking posts of someone's Instagram likes and like. The fucking actions of people they support to figure out whether it's "okay" to like them like I just can't
#sayingthing#And honestly objectively it's kinda silly because there's more important things to focus on ffs!#But still like there is guilt there because you CAN know more than I do nowadays#And you know I like the idea of the people (who's work) I'm a “fan” of to actually be people I'd “agree” with irl#But for most people irl I wouldn't know that shit either! And we just fcking live with that until we do learn I guess idfk#And mainly it's a product of parasocialism and weird online culture#And I just want to be having fun out here but It feels fucking silly to say when I could potentially figure out if they maybe actually#Have shitty opinions or a shitty worldview or take shitty actions#But I just do not have the energy for that#I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT “CELEBRITIES”#NEITHER do I want to have the kind of mental relationship with celebrities where that's relevant#But I post about shit online and then I can't help but go along with the online contextt even though it's not how I fucking want it to be#This is just all stupid but that's the point I guess???#Like why am I even posting about this why is this a thing that I'm giving more attention than actual world-relevant things#Like at some point I'll finally decide that if people are being vague as fuck about why someone is x type of shitty#And also not Very easy to find more info on? It's just not worth it to get into.#So.#LIKE THESE ARE NOT THE THINGS TO FOCUS ON IN LIFE
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as a media psychology researcher 85% of my job is figuring out the most horrifically academic way to say "you idiots wouldn't last a day on tumblr"
#my job really is turning band lore into observations that are abstract enough that we can do math about it#ADT my beloathed </3#time for me to rant now#you have no idea how frustrating it is for the general consensus in your field of research to be so completely off-base#sometimes the way I have to talk to get other researchers to listen to me makes me feel like I'm a traitor to my own beliefs#like yes. in a -very very basic- sense we do tend to like nice people who do good things and dislike mean people who do bad things#there are traceable social-evolutionary reasons for that#but its SOOOOOOOOOO reductive. especially when it comes to fiction (and it's not even limited to that!)#my entire dissertation is probably going to sum up like 'hey uhhh maybe sometimes people like characters because they're INTERESTING'#(cue 'what do you mean 'interesting'?')#and you'd think that's so fucking obvious (it is) but it will take me literal non-metaporical -years- of research to get that point across#when am I ever going to get further down my hit list. I also need to set aside time to destroy the concept of moral purity#and don't even get me STARTED on character identification. the measures for parasocial shit are so broken we might as well just start over#don't get me wrong I love my job. I get paid your hard earned tax dollars to do gay science#but sometimes I want to scream
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Kabu superfan, very normal and usual about him (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Kidding no they're not#Not an idea I can claim apart from the concept art aspect lol - once again inspired by Zarla ♪#I hear whispers about a potentially dark or scary or uncomfortable or sad and I'm like 👀 Promise?#Though that said with Pokemon it is also easy to imagine it silly and light and mostly harmless#Team Skull comes to mind - Team Rocket duo/trio comes to mind - heck even what I know of Team Yell they seem mostly silly#I Do think there's an interesting idea to investigate with fan culture though - Team Yell is willing to sabotage yes but what about the rest#Not just of making things harder for others - Kabu keeps his fanclub polite and respectful as much as he can hehe#But of devotion and interest and desire - parasocial affection and intrigue#Until a feeling of entitlement starts to creep in - look how much they do for him! How much they Feel and Want#It's interesting! Pair that with a stylistic layout and it makes for Quite a concept to rotate it one's mind haha#I had fun translating a Team Yell into a....Team...Fire? That's awfully basic hm#Kabu can be plenty loud too lol#Maah it's a work in progress it's fine - maybe they'd still consider themself a Team Yell! Just Ex-/Kabu Team Yell lol#The X becoming Kabu's Gym logo and adding the three white streaks in Kabu's hair are probably my favourites haha#The rest is basically Kabu's fit just - torn up#I had another couple doodles of Kabu's gloves cut into jagged fingerless gloves but hmmm#Bad Touch#And obviously only Kabu can rep those incredible thighs and calves#How would Larry feel about his fans thirsting over him hmm#Well he can relate so lol#Last one was trying out Kabu's towel as a silhouette-breaker around the neck rather than a collar#Would some of the aesthetics be harder to break than others! ''I feel naked without something around my neck'' or something haha#Fun to consider
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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Feeling very "fitz-core" right now (spiraling)
#i have to rethink my entire life#a mix of 'everything is going great u are overthinking it' and 'if you dont change everything about yourself right now you are going to die'#i need to get my shit together this week cuz i have a month to finish 4 group projects before classes start again#and i have to lock in with my susbtack#<- the source of all my joy and anxiety lately#if anyone is wondering someone i follow on susbtack made a post about how if you have two separate niches you have to focus on only one#or you are going to be a failure#and im sure its not About Me but like#i have interacted with this person and we have some intersecting topics#and i think its at least partially about me#which is like??? ok fuck off???#for added context this guy is doing like a big collab thing with other authors and i participated#so i know he knows who i am alright its not a weird parasocial thing#just saying. im probably at least one of the people hes talking about#and this is something that does worry me like i do want to make money off substack thats the goal#but i feel like its too late to be like. ok i wont do any more fantasy stuff cuz now my niche is anime#or viceversa#and id say my substack isnt even two separate niches (fantasy and anime) its like Everything Together#i should die#fitz save me. save me fitz!!!!#also i think im just doing Too Much like maybe i should post less on susbtack but then its like well i need to make it worth it to subscribe#idk man
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i feel like i’ve been WAITING for the other shoe to drop wrt people’s opinions about watcher for this very reason. not that i think the reaction is completely not understandable but the greater the parasocial relationship, the greater the fallout as soon as public opinion shifts. you don’t have a relationship with these people they’re just content creators, chill
#ready to see all the people coming out of the woodwork to say how they’ve never liked watcher/unsolved/etc#and act like it’s ‘cringe’ now that their fanbase feels ‘betrayed’#it’s great to have a fanbase but parasocial relationships will bite you in the ass every single time#it’s interesting too though because i’ve seen watcher have a LOT of support as they’ve tried to build something separate from buzzfeed#so this is the first time they’re getting real pushback about a decision they’ve made wrt shifting their platform/expanding their brand#so ig we’ll have to see how they react moving forward#but it’s soooo interesting to see how enthusiastically people dump on buzzfeed#AND how many people dump on youtube and how over the years so much of its functionality has been stripped away#how many ads you have to sit through. how much sponsored content there is now. etc#but when they try to do the same thing with youtube that they did with buzzfeed it’s like how dare you not lick their boots#because if you lick their boots and we lick their boots we can watch stuff for free#anyway.#even if you don’t any to say it’s a bad business decision. it’s not like there’s not precedent for it#1) the move away from buzzfeed was successful and 2) what about the dnd shows or whatever#don’t you guys watch those dnd shows that are ‘behind a paywall’#don’t you guys have netflix hulu disney hbo amazon etc ad nauseum that are actually owned by billion dollar corporations#don’t you guys get on your high horses about supporting independent artists all the time#it’s interesting that people will profess to be such big fans!!! and feel like they’re friends!!!!#but how dare they think their work might be worth paying for#idk. idk. it’s entitlement though#sorry for the rant i’m ALSO not trying to blindly defend a bunch of people i don’t know#but you guys are being soooo fucking annoying about it lol#anyway i’m still waiting to see what their response is going to be from here before jumping to conclusions#also to be fair i am biased to be lenient about decisions made by independent filmmakers vs big studios etc#like everybody freaking out about the ai art used in late night with the devil. who cares honestly#‘they should’ve paid a real artist!!’ idk maybe their budget didn’t cover that#i don’t want it to become the industry norm but at the end of the day i would rather see indie shit getting made then only seeing#the big studios (who don’t have equitable practices anyway!!) making shit#but that’s another conversation. just to be transparent about my viewpoint on this kind of thing#maybe controversial but also can’t we have nuance. for once.
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Now that it's been a while since the song has been out, can I complain about the meaning of the song "Better off Worse" without people suggesting that I'm like, "defending people who cling onto bad feelings and dark songs without wanting to move on/letting the creator move on" or whatever?
#The song is unfortunately a bop#The meaning? Very parasocial on the ''Content creator's'' part.#Maybe I'll explain it better in a reblog but: The song's portraying a content creator who keeps hurting themselves for their audience#And using personal experiences in their medium without realizing that. Yeah you're using your experiences as CONTENT. People are gonna be--#--drawn to that kind of content and want more without realizing that they are in fact. Vent pieces.#And ofc the audience is at fault because the singer/song writer thinks that they can't just move on to different songs#Or even just writing about darker themes without having to put yourself in that mindset like you can write horror without having experience#This is very much reads to me as an inexperienced content creator being resentful at their audience for something that is very much in the-#--control of the creator. You can stop creating vent pieces. It's okay if you change your genre. You will find a new audience.#This is literally how it works#An audience is not your friend they do not know you or your woes#They simply like your content#and there is something to be said about content consumption culture but#the song called “The Real Disappearance of Hatsune Miku” explains that better than I ever could#But that's not the point.#The point is that this song is SO parasocial on the behalf of the creator wanting like#their audience to be their friend and care about their feelings on more than a superficial level#Anyway Everyone please learnt hat content creators are not your friends#and CCs learn that your audience are also not your friends
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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I don’t know, me personally, I just think two adults playing pretend & pretending being gross together with full open communication & consent between them is harmless, but maybe that’s just me.
#this is very much a vague post if there ever was one & I’m absolutely vagueing#again; pay attention to the wording & reread if you need to#I think adults playing pretend on its own is harmless as long as everyone involved consents to it#idk how much more simply I can put this tbh but had to unfollow someone over saying certain kinks are harmful#like wow okay if they knew my other blog they’d be saying I’m an absolute freak probably tbh#always seems to be younger folks who have the unhealthy takes about kink but in this case i cant say nothing yknow?#idk this person & they're going through some stuff so i can't really say anything without it sounding tone policing plus parasocial#but just because bad people like a kink doesn't make a kink bad; trauma too doesn't make a kink bad; uncomfortable maybe but not harmful#just like in general yknow? its only as harmful as you make it between yourself & others. Everyone has to communicate or the whole thing#will fall apart. In this case there was absolutely some communication issues which lead to trauma but also just seeing someone agree that#a kink I like is harmful is like idk made me super uncomfortable even if the person is traumatized & going through it still just yeesh#idk seeing someone you follow for a while be like 'yeah this kink you like is bad' when by itself its actually harmless just leaves a#bad taste in your mouth if that makes sense. it just really rubbed me the wrong way so mmm 😕#I hope that person gets all the help & support they need; I'm just uncomfy with the rhetoric of 'certain kink bad' when its just like not#you're traumatized actually is what's going on & that person who hurt you was into said kinks so now in your brain those r bad#absolutely fair way to feel; but adults playing pretend with these specific ones is absolutely not inherently harmful#& pushing that kind of mindset is also coincidentally something right wingers especially want right now & commonly so yeah no#I just bleh it makes me feel gross when other people say stuff akin to that like oh that's like SWERF rhetoric even if unintentional jeez 😓#mine#op
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I failed puffmonth sorgy 😔
#its a mix of both procrastination and laack of inspiration#to be fair to myself its been a bit of a road bump when im not sure if the stuff i draw would be something puffy herself would like#I've long since been v disconnected w her streams#and I've only recently started watching her again#but shes busy! and she streams midnight to early morning my time#things have been tough for her so i wanted to draw stuff that shed smile at. and w all the stuff about leaving the past behind i kinda got#worried id just be bringing back bad memories at some point :(#i still like her lil sheepie character and im sure she still holds some fondness for her too#but its prolly the best if i just draw her in my own time and also actually only watch puffy the streamer in my own time too#maybe monthly puffy drawings? maybe ....#thank you to whoever stuck around#i hope ur giving the capn some love too! i think shes been haaving a tough week. so im. sending my parasocial love brain waves to make her#feel better#join me#woooooo~~~~~~~~
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I will stumble around the wider interwebs to copy a quote from a mash episode rather than go the extra step and skim through the episode in question and type it out, only to find myself wandered into horrifying strange lands where commenters will freely say that sometimes you hear the bullet is only so-so and that all the hawkeye episodes are the worst ones, about a series in which the only character to appear in every episode... is hawkeye
#mash#hawkeye pierce#sometimes i see people complain about alan alda online in ways that are truly baffling#definitely no projection going on about the idea that they feel personally offended that someone might be... an alright person?#ive seen of course the *vanity project* description of the episode hawkeye#ive seen that he's the worst actor of the show#I've seen *I always got a bad vibe from him and then he didn't donate money to a school his daughter worked at which confirmed it*#ive seen suspicions about being too nice#of course ive seen the accusations of communism#im sure ive not even seen half of it because i dont tend to venture out that far#sometimes parasocial relationships appear in the form of making assumptions about the ways someone you dont know is Secretly Bad Actually#why don't you listen to some clear + vivid and maybe you'll calm down#also yes i know that hawkeye isn't featured in every episode but like my guys#can you imagine watching 11 seasons of a show and gritting your teeth every time you see the guy who's in every episode#alan alda
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new jjk chapter is… uh…
#tired sigh#also called it#also what the fuck is your damage sukuna. please leave#boo you’re getting in the way of my romcom#jjk spoilers#jjk meta#feels like obligatory shounen conflict escalation like. this doesn’t mean shit to me.#maybe this would feel more resonant if we’d gotten more yuuji and megumi bro time. please. give them bro time.#‘his spirit would break’ SHOW US THAT SHIT#we got some insight into Megumi’s love for his sister a ways back in the manga but we barely even got to actually meet her??#idk I just think it needs more consistent throughlines. there’s So Much All The Time going on rn#the constant high stakes are just. so boring. I want to spend time on casual/non-fighting intros and interactions.#I still love hana’s outfit#also she’d better not be killed off because she seems like a character that could be really interesting and emotionally resonant!#I feel her idealized/parasocial relationship with a guy who did a rly meaningful thing for her when they were kids#but also. bestie. there’s No Way Megumi would ever stand like that frjgdkf#sukuna’s got that ‘let’s take ibuprofen together’ theater major type of posture#fucking loser#jjk makes me feel hopeless about the writing and lost potential#what’s on the page is in theory exciting. but reading it is just. disappointing.#reading csm and jjk are kind of opposite experiences for me lmao#my thoughts#meposting
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“traveling united fans were supporting amorim” yeah and they’re the same people regularly chanting for rapists and abusers in our ranks and thinking a guy who wants to fuck off to chelsea should be on a pedestal bc he has a ronaldo tattoo. i’m not sure they’re exactly a great litmus test on what’s worth backing
#tp#not that i’m not backing amorim. i think he’ll be a good manager#i just also think he’s vile and i truly do dislike him now for all this#if it works out long term ill maintain he’s a good manager but he will never win me over after this#it feels so personal and maybe i’m parasocial but i feel like something about this makes it feek#like there’s no place anymore at united for someone like me
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