#but also everything i studied leads me to believe that people will Find A Way to take your data

[kaplooie]

You mean free VPN's sell your data

Paid for VPNs definitely have the capability to sell your data. Idk if they do or not, but if you decide to install a VPN, every action you make on the internet is now through the vpn company’s server, and that data is now all in one place in the company’s hands. Whether or not you decide to use a VPN should depend on whether you trust a VPN company with your data. It’s perfectly valid to trust a company with your data, especially because of how sued a VPN company would be if they got caught doing anything suspect.

VPN companies are still companies, which means they have to act within the law, which can have loose interpretations. NordVPN released a statement about this a while ago, where they said they could give someone’s activity in the event of a law enforcement request.

I personally don’t think I’ll use one unless I somehow build it myself but that’s just me. Also please know that I’m not an expert on this, i took one class in network security in undergrad and my professor said she wouldn’t trust a commercial VPN and after learning about how they work I agree with her.

Here’s a paper reviewing various VPNs from the google play store. There’s a section that separates free and premium VPNs and tries to find 3rd party trackers. while premium VPNs have fewer trackers on average, they can definitely still have trackers.

[samuelsdean]

Who Needs Time Management When I Have You?

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: one of the many perks of having a boyfriend with flawless memory is that you do not have to remember stuff—he remembers them for you.

genre: tooth-rotting domestic fluff

word count: 1.5k

author's notes: i wrote this because domestic!spencer reid is a guilty pleasure of mine. i can definitely picture him as an attentive boyfriend because aside from the fact that he has flawless memory, he's an overall caring guy. with that said, i hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing this!

ONE OF THE MANY PERKS OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND WITH FLAWLESS MEMORY IS THAT YOU DO NOT HAVE TO REMEMBER STUFF—HE REMEMBERS THEM FOR YOU. Do you have a dentist's appointment at 9? Covered. He will be waking you up at 7 with breakfast in bed. Your sister’s birthday is coming up. No worries! He has already ordered a bouquet ready to be sent on the day. It is amazing, and you thank your lucky stars for him every morning when you wake up and see him cozily sleeping beside you.

However, you were out of luck on the boyfriend angle today. You had your monthly—or if the BAU is free—girls' night scheduled tonight. As much as you enjoy having girls' nights with the BAU girls, Spencer also likes to spend some time out with the guys for a nightcap or something, whatever the men at the BAU enjoy when there is no case. And that means, your boyfriend is busy getting ready to go out as well. Although Spencer has never forgotten a thing in his life—even when he is on the brink of life and death—you do not want to stress him out even more by asking him what you think you have forgotten to prepare.

So, today when you were running around the house like a madman trying to collect the stuff you need to bring to Garcia’s for girls' night, you have no one else to blame but yourself. You have depended on your boyfriend to remember stuff for you that you always leave the preparation at the very last minute. At the moment, you believe you’ve never hated yourself as much as you did now, which is quite the feat considering that you’ve hated yourself a lot before for chickening out on confessing your feelings to boy wonder—your boyfriend, Spencer Reid—only to find out he shares the same feelings.

Scratch that, you hate your boyfriend right now more than you hate yourself.

Currently, that same boyfriend has been snickering nonstop at you dashing left and right and gathering the things you need to bring. Face masks? Check. Wine? Check. What else were you forgetting?

“You know, there’s this study that says only 82% of people have a time management system.” 

Your ever-loving boyfriend, Spencer, decided to share. You were about to chuck the throw pillow at him because you could hear the I told you so in his voice, but you knew his fact-sharing and nagging was his unique way of saying, “I love you, but you could’ve remedied this problem by preparing the stuff you’ll need the night before.”

“No, I don’t, Spence. But, do tell.” 

At this point, you’re pretty sure Spencer was sporting a shit-eating grin and was probably holding in a laugh at the strain in your voice from recalling whether you’ve got everything so you can head over to Garcia’s. You’re pretty sure Garcia is about to talk your ear off if you’re running late. You missed out on the last girls' night after you bailed on them, wanting to spend the night with Spencer, watching Star Wars, and eating takeout.

“There's a survey done recently which revealed that 90% of people say better time management can lead to increased productivity.” Spencer started explaining, hands waving around as if to demonstrate the numbers in front of him. “However, only 18% of people have a proper time management system.”

“And?” 

“Well, it just reminded me of you.” Spencer pursed his lips now, as he tried to explain his thoughts without annoying you. “If you just had a proper time management system like a to-do list or a planner. You could save at least..” He stared at his watch and did the math, “You could save at least one hour and forty-three minutes of your time instead of panicking over whether you got all the things you need for girls' night.”

“I don’t need that when I have you. Don’t you think so?”

This made your boyfriend blush, and you giggled, heading towards his direction, so you could wrap your hands around his waist and bury your face into his chest. You were the luckiest person alive for getting to date someone as wonderful as Spencer.

What you just said would not have made anyone flush and nervous, but Spencer was different. You knew he’s never been in a formal relationship with anyone before you. Thus, from time to time, he still gets embarrassed by your antics which you’ll always be endeared by. You live to see your boyfriend getting flustered because it gives you a reason to shower him with affection like now.

“I love you too, Spence.”

You looked up at your boyfriend, who looked like he was about to burst from your directness. You and he may deal with a lot of blood and gore during work, but he can be the most fainthearted person alive when it came to your affections.

“B-but I didn’t say I love you..” He trailed off, confused as to why you were suddenly proclaiming your love for him. You grinned even more as you pinched the tip of his nose.

“You didn’t have to, Spence. I know your nagging is one way of you saying you love me, and I love you for that.” 

Spencer scrunched his nose and rubbed the back of his neck out of shyness. If you could keep him in your pocket for safekeeping, you would. He’s just too precious for this world.

“But, as much as I love you, I know just as much that Penelope will have my ass kicked by Emily if I get to her house late,” you broke free from your boyfriend’s comfy arms, checking the bags you packed while doing so. “I have to go, baby. I think I got everything I need.”

Picking up your bag and care package, you ruffled your boyfriend’s brown locks, which made him frown a bit and sigh. You snickered at his reaction and proceeded to walk towards the front door. You were about to reach the staircase just outside your shared apartment when you realized something. 

You forgot your car keys.

Berating yourself in your head, you were certain once you entered that door, Spencer would be on your case like a mother duck. He can be too fretful when it comes to you. Oh well, that is one thing you love about him. Huffing, you slowly turned the doorknob and found Spencer leaning on the wall just inside the door with his arms crossed, looking at you smugly. You rolled your eyes.

One thing about Spencer Reid is he can be a cocky little shit when proven right. And that happens most—if not all—the time, with his IQ of 187 and eidetic memory. Unfortunately for him, he also happened to date a cocky little shit—you—who likes to fluster the living lights out of him. And right now, you just thought of the perfect way to get back at him.

But first, your car keys. Spencer next.

Once you have retrieved the pesky item—like it’s the car keys’ fault, you forgot to get them—you turned towards the door, not paying any attention to your boyfriend, who was already cracking up at you. Only when you’ve reached the door, your back towards Spencer, did you smirk. Oh, he’ll never know what’s coming to him. You did a U-turn and 

“Forgot something, sweetheart?”

“Why, yes I did, Dr. Reid,” you stated plainly, beelining towards him, making him take a few steps back until he ended up with his back against the wall. He's so easy to fluster. "I forgot to do this."

You slanted your head and pressed your lips against his. Your bodies were snug against each other as you kissed heatedly against the wall. You could feel the flutter of his long lashes against your cheeks as he parted his lips slightly to kiss you deeper. You could taste your shared breath, smell his faint perfume, and feel the slight scruff of a stubble about to show up. Warmth blossomed in your chest when you felt Spencer caress your face as if you were fine porcelain.

Kissing Spencer Reid never gets old in your books. Despite his lack of romantic experience and being the eager researcher that he was, Spencer was an eager lover—he would kiss you every chance he'd get to know how to please you, which paid off, by the way. This may be a biased opinion but you think the best kisses you have shared were with Spencer.

However, like all good things, kissing Spencer has to end, or Garcia will have you banned from her house for running late.

You pulled away from Spencer and grinned at him, to which he returned with a stunned smile. You chuckled when you noticed your lipstick smudged on the corner of his lips and brushed a finger to erase it. You wouldn't want your boyfriend to be the subject of Morgan's teasing once they're together after this. Noticing the daze your boyfriend is under is about to wear off, and he was about to say something, you beat him to it by pressing a smooch on his nose and pulling away completely. 

"I gotta go, Dr. Reid. Don't miss me too much!"

You scampered towards the door and shot a wink at your bewildered boyfriend—who was now sputtering in indignation for interrupting what he was about to say. He is so cute.

[akascow]

yet another JAYVIK post about the Butterfly Effect :3

also spoilers lol

So Hextech isn't invented in Ekko's alternate timeline, and I feel like since life seemed so much better without Hextech there can be a couple things to infer about alternate Jayce and, by association, our Jayce (and Viktor!) here:

this is a long one and my long posts never get notes but i promise its actually super interesting to think about so u should totally read through it 🧎🏻‍♀️‍➡️🔥

1. (and also my favorite one bc its Very JayVik lmao) alternate Jayce never pursued Hextech after the explosion: maybe too guilty over killing someone (because we see alternate Vi died from that explosion during the kids' robbery), he does what Heimerdinger advises him to: fully admitting his crimes and not mentioning the arcane. And we can assume the academy burned all his studies too becauseeeeee…

Viktor never endorsed it. Assuming the admission of guilt theory is correct- Viktor never would’ve even known about the arcane in the first place, because Jayce would never mention it in the council room trial. Viktor would never know that the arcane can be used to help cure people, which we see is what piques his interest in the first place. And like, obviously Viktor wants to cure his leg and illness lol

Which means Viktor never interrupted Jayce's suicide attempt after the trial and Jayce probably goes through with killing himself, Viktor never went to check on him. It seems the compelling force behind Viktor’s interrupting in season 1 was initially from Jayce’s journal, which he picks up while browsing all the Hextech equipment they were planning to destroy. Viktor only really looks at the notes because he was interested in the arcane in the first place, which again, can't happen if Jayce never mentions it in the council room. 

Which is SO important to the plot and me that everything happened the exact way that it did for everything to succeed (which is quite literally the butterfly effect btw lmao). Because it shows how extremely important Jayce and Viktor’s partnership was to not only their own lives, but the entire future of Piltover, good or bad ie no hextech=no shimmer and peace between the cities, hextech= tons of shimmer, the corruption of the arcane, and the destruction of piltover.

Jayce needed someone there to believe in him, and that was Viktor: After the council disagrees with him, and he’s kicked out of the academy and banned from studying the arcane, he tries to find comfort with his mother. She’s the one who was saved using the arcane in the first place after all, so surely she’ll understand. But she tells him to give up on this dream, a dream he’s had almost his entire life. His own mother doesn’t believe in him.

He then goes to the Kiramman’s because “I'll find someone to believe in me,”  most likely assuming if they sponsored his studies in the first place, they would still support him after the trial. But they kick him out from the Kiramman household too, as well as forbid his and Caitlyn’s friendship. And with no one left, the very next scene we see of him is as he’s deciding to jump. 

The only thing that stops him is Viktor showing up. With an interest in the Hextech theory after he reads Jayce’s notes, Viktor wants to help Jayce make the Hextech a reality. Viktor believes in him, and he supports him. That interaction is what leads to their partnership forming, them sneaking back into the lab, grabbing the Hextech equipment and showing Mel and Heimerdinger that it was possible to create magic, and Mel's influence leading to the council’s support and the okay on continuing to develop Hextech together, projecting Piltover into success (and of course accelerating it into ruin, seen in s2. but I won’t get into that snowballing effect here because we’ll be here for hours)

Also, Viktor would be against Hextech if his first and only introduction to seeing it was as a tool to invoke harm (on a Zaunite especially). Which is what would drive Viktor away from investigating it, and before their theory ever even has the chance to get off the ground or evolve, it's already dead in the water for good because:

Something both of them, but especially Viktor, have been extremely against during the entire show was that their plans for Hextech WILL NOT be used as weapons to kill or harm, only to make lives better (especially in the undercity). Think about it: Viktor only adamantly opposed using the Hexcore AFTER it killed Skye.

The guilty conscience of accidentally killing another person with his own technology would not have helped Jayce’s mental state either lol. Like, think about the DIRECT PARALLEL in our timeline: where Viktor almost jumps and kills himself, after Skye's death, as a result of his tampering with the Hexcore, before Jayce interrupts him (ohhh their mirroring, it hurts me)

2. If not from jumping, then alternate Jayce was arrested or exiled… I mean like, he inadvertently killed a young Zaunite girl. That's a lot more consequential to his conscience, reputation, house name AND criminal record than just the building blowing up in our timeline. It’s pretty vague if anyone died in our timeline from it, I think the most that’s mentioned is some people were injured (“Was anyone hurt?” “A building was blown to bits, what do you think?”) so it would weigh heavier on Jayce’s shoulders if someone actually died in this timeline.

Also remember: he felt so guilty about accidentally killing a child with his hammer in s1, that he gave up entirely on trying to wipe out the production of Shimmer. Once he sees how his Hextech can be used against someone, he drops all his plans because "thats not what we created Hextech for"

From that theory, I'm assuming more-so that he was exiled though? Because Heimerdinger said he was in the alternate timeline for like 3 years and couldn't find Jayce, so I don't know... plus I feel like he would have found Jayce in jail if he was there lol.

And beforeeeee anyone yaps, ik Heimerdinger actually said he thinks Jayce ended up somewhere else, and never specifically stated that he "couldn't find Jayce". BUT from the end, since we see two Ekko's before he goes back to the main timeline, we can assume that the original person's mind inhabits the other's body so that there aren't like paradoxical two people in one place at the same time. 

SO theoretically, Heimerdinger actually does go looking for Jayce, and if he found the alternate timeline's Jayce, he probably would've mentioned it to Ekko when asked if Jayce was there too… right? I’m assuming he was hanging around Ekko for most of the 3 years that he was there, waiting for our Ekko to be projected into the alternate Ekko, because it's not like Heimerdinger just happened to show up right when our Ekko gets there, he might’ve assumed it would happen eventually. And when the alternate Ekko starts freaking out about being in the wrong universe, it's pretty clear that this is his Ekko now lol

But then why stick around Ekko and not Jayce? I guess he was currently closer to Ekko, calling him his current pupil, and given that he was the one who showed him the Firelights community and gave him hope. Plus I mean, Jayce literally voted him off the council from a disagreement over the Hexcore so there's some salt in the wound there lmao. Or maybe because Ekko is a lot younger and would not react as calmly or rationally as Jayce would (I'm assuming... idrk HAHA). You could argue that Heimerdinger was just visiting both of them back and forth, but again if he couldn't find any Jayce, then I think it would explain why he doesn’t mention any Jayce at all, and that's where this make the most sense, at least to me.

3. alternate Jayce also died in the explosion with Vi- When we see it in our timeline, he and Vi were the closest to the blast. If it killed Vi, it would’ve presumably killed Jayce too. And if he did die, then obviously Hextech would never be invented, reasons being: everything I just mentioned in the previous theories.. but like, even more simplified bc he wasn't there to begin with lol

I only say it's a weaker theory because Heimerdinger definitely would've seen a memorial for him (or at the very least a gravestone), given Jayce was in the Talis house and under the study of the Kiramman family, it was a pretty high status name compared to the average Piltovian citizen, and probably wouldn’t be silenced or brushed away… 

Although to counter that, I guess since everything in the over city is super status-y, maybe the Kiramman’s wouldn't want their name being tied with the death of two people, which is a similar but obviously more significant reason to why they kicked him out of their house in our timeline after the trial, his “name is no good now.” Plus we hear in the council trial from Ximena that the Talis family is a lower house too, and their voice doesn’t hold as much weight, so maybe it wouldn’t actually have that much mention? He hasn’t become the “Man of Progress” yet either since he’d never get to finish his studies…hmmmmm idk

also edit but some ppl just pointed this out to me that viktor likely died from his sickness bc he didnt have the hexcore to heal him and that makes me SAD !!!!

anyway thats all i have. if you made it this far i greatly appreciate you :3 🫶🏻 i love analyzing this show because OUGH the jayvik butterfly effect goes CRAZY HARD bc its both figurative with the theory and literal with the butterflies being in SO MUCH of their imagery UGHHHHH what the FUCKKKK

also some shameless self promos symbolism of viktor’s humanity and jayce's hallucinations analysis posts if u liked this one :3c

[anundyingfidelity]

INTO THE NEW WORLD — Soldier Boy/Ben

Summary: Hidden from the public knowledge, you were in charge of Soldier Boy's sleep, taking care of him for more than a year, until Homelander finds out he is still alive.

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x female reader (one sided love, can also be read as gen reader)

Word count: 700ish.

Warnings: spoilers of S4 finale, mentions of experimenting being unconscious, mentions of non con touching, Homelander!, power imbalance, reader is obsessed with Soldier Boy in an unhealthy way (like all of us).

Note: I had to take this out of my head.

GEN MASTERLIST!

taglist is here!

“No, please, no!” you pleaded and cried out as two agents dragged you all over the underground aisles. Their grips on your arms tight as they took you, passing through endless ways of doors and labs.

You knew where this was heading. You knew he was there, that it was all part of his twisted and fucked up plan. And you were fucking scared. You were just a simple, plain and boring human being. A scientist, unlucky for you, assigned to watch over the strongest supe ever once they could take him in.

You finally made it to the room where Soldier Boy was being held, and the men tossed you to the ground. Barely, you could use your hands to support yourself, the concrete floor bruised your knees and your palms. Steps were heard and, still looking down to the ground in shame, those red familiar shoes appeared into your vision field. You shuddered instantly.

“Thank you, leave us alone,” he ordered and then the doors closed.

A pathetic sob choked down your throat, and you shut your eyes even though you were not seeing his face. You didn’t want to now, not ever.

Homelander let out an unamused, somber laugh that echoed the chamber.

“So, you were taking care of the old man,” he began.

You swallowed dryly. “Yes, sir.”

“C’mon, look at me,” Homelander ordered. Slowly, you lifted up your face, covered in dry tears as you obligued yourself to mantain your eyes open.

“I’m not gonna kill you,” he continued, but the sly smirk on his lips told you his threat was real.

There was a silence that fell upon you both, and you were waiting for Homelander to rip off your head right there.

The memories of Soldier Boy arriving to the lab and the first moment you were assigned to take the lead on mantain him on a sleep played in your head. As a teenager, you were once fond of superheroes, Soldier Boy and Payback to be more specific. You knew every detail, dirty or not, true or false about him, and believed blindly on his innocence, that he didn’t deserve to be tossed away like trash. He was much more than everything Vought made people believe he was.

You fantasized about him ever since he used to wake up for a few minutes when it was time to recharge the capsule. He had seen you countess of times through the glass, and all you could do was give him a reassuring but painful smile. You loved him. You loved the idea of him that you had created in your head, and the world deserved to know he was right. But it was either freeing him and losing your career or having him for yourself, studying his organism and experimenting with him while getting paid for it, sometimes even doing touching subtly parts of him you wouldn’t. Clearly, you had a choice to make.

“Can you wake him up?” Homelander’s question took you out of your trance.

“W-what?”

“Wake him the fuck up!”

He roared, you flinched and jumped slightly. Frozen in place, he fisted your hair, pulling you up on your feet, forcing you against the glass. You used your hands to steady yourself on the capsule, taking in the view of the pleasant features of Soldier Boy. You felt Homelander pressing against your back and you gasped.

“Free him! Now!”

“Okay, okay,” you sobbed, looking for the buttons on the side, pressing them quickly and the capsule slowly opened, letting out the gas in no more than a minute.

You watched in awe as Ben took a long, deep breath before his eyes opened slowly to get used to the light around. You only hoped the first thing he ever saw was you, but Homelander was there too.

Those deep green orbs shifted between you and that bastard of his son.

“Look, isn’t it better like this?” Homelander cooed, his hand now moving to your waist, gripping you a little too tight against him.

“It is, sir,” you mumbled, gaze still on Soldier Boy.

He slowly stirred and sat down on the coldness of the capsule, looking around, eyes mixed with confusion at your pretty, ruined face, and the anger of an unfinished battle with the man in front of him. Homelander greeted him with a wide grin.

“Welcome back, father.”

Soldier Boy taglist:

@delaynew @k-slla @thesilmarillionblog @onlyangel-444 @mrsjenniferwinchester

@daisy-the-quake @jackles010378 @mostlymarvelgirl @deans-spinster-witch @drasticemotions

@stoneyggirl2 @sapnaploves @believeinthefireflies95 @weaponxgames @lyarr24

@skyesthebomb @thedazzlingburglar @slothbae99 @peachhiz @lorenaloveslewis

[girl4music]

Happy 29th anniversary to the pilot episode of XENA.

Original air date: September 4th, 1995.

Directed by Doug Lefler. Written by Robert Tapert.

Lead starring Lucy Lawless as Xena.

and Renee O’Connor as Gabrielle.

I will watch and write meta about other TV shows.

I will watch and write meta about other TV ships.

But nothing I watch or write meta about in this world will ever come close to matching my fan passion and loyalty to the TV show ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ and the TV ship Xena and Gabrielle. They are my one true love.

What ‘Sins Of The Past’ does once you’ve seen the whole TV show and watch the episode back over is it shows you how intertwined these soulmates already are as the event of them meeting saves their lives and once you are aware of the wheres and whys of this - the show itself completely changes into something more valuable than you initially saw and understood. I recommend people go back and watch it and only view it as a love story from the very beginning because the way it hits you when you do is just mind-blowing.

They set up a beautifully complex and layered WLW love story between Xena and Gabrielle without really realizing that that’s what they were doing because it’s such a very natural and authentic queer storytelling of two strangers that find home in the soul of each other.

"There’s not a word yet, for old friends who’ve just met” is a lyric in a song written by Paul Williams and Kenny Ascher from ‘The Muppets Movie’. Writer and co-executive producer, who wrote many of the most formative episodes of ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’, Steven L. Sears affectionately ascribes that lyric to Xena and Gabrielle because he believes it perfectly describes the incredible soulmate connection that the two main characters share right from the very beginning of the TV show. And I would have to say that I agree with him on that because no matter what alternative Universe, Uber timeline, reincarnated lifetime or afterlife it is, they meet each other and they develop an attraction to and affinity for each other that seemingly goes way beyond basic friendship and romance and they have a dynamic that is so strong, so substantial and so damn profound that the studio gave up on censoring them. It’s a dynamite chemistry that can be felt so viscerally that you can watch the episodes countless times over and still pick up on fresh new things about the way these two characters are with one another and how they balance and complement each other so perfectly that they’re basically the human representation of yin and yang. And you can read my Xena and Gabrielle: Character study thesis to learn what I mean by that.

Their relationship is incredibly well-written in that it’s so carefully and conscientiously slow-burned and evolved from friends into lovers that it will make it impossible not to ship them together. Believe me - even if you’ve seen Xena before, you haven’t seen it like this. You haven’t seen it as a WLW love story from the beginning to the end. But once you do, you will be attached to it in ways that will make you just like me.

That is… Lifelong dedicated to and enamoured with it.

This is a TV show that finished airing in the year 2001 but it’s been my everything since I first discovered it at 5 years old just flicking through the UK channels bored out of my mind or so my parents have told me.

I cannot even begin to imagine of who I’d be without this TV show and TV ship in my life and I know no other will ever come close to it or them for me for the rest of my life. So all day today I am spending my time celebrating not just the TV show’s anniversary of its pilot episode but also Xena and Gabrielle’s anniversary of meeting and becoming the greatest love story ever told in TV art/entertainment history. They’re iconic and legendary in the LGBTQ community for a reason. That reason is that they’re the first and, honestly, still the best WLW/queer representation that can ever be witnessed and engaged with on the TV screen. The factors as to why that’s true are many,… but mainly… it’s because they were allowed to exist and evolve together as the only lead main female characters in such a way that no other WLW ship on TV ever would or could do so again. They may have been severely censored as an explicit romantic and fully maintext confirmed and committed couple on screen but the creators never let that prevent them from providing a depiction of an all-encompassing love that was much like a romance and still went beyond a romance. Xena and Gabrielle’s love went way beyond the boundaries of romance. I’m not ever saying it’s not that. I’m just saying that it’s more than that and that’s exactly what makes it even more romantic than anything else ever created at least in the TV format and paradigm it was.

Since then, the landscape has changed so drastically that TV WLW/queer ships are never given what they got. Which was a 6 seasons, 22-24 episodes-long epic journey of them just being each other’s absolute EVERYTHING. You can see, hear and feel every single moment of that in who Xena and Gabrielle are as both individual main characters and as a main character dynamic because they do not ever neglect any real and raw aspect about them. The only thing you do not ever get to see between them - although it is heavily implied often - is sexual intimacy. That really is not a loss because everything else that should or needs to be there is there way more than it is with any other WLW/queer TV ships in any other TV shows because they’re lead main characters. In fact… they’re the only lead main characters that are credited throughout the entire run of ‘Xena: Warrior Princess’ and, honestly, sometimes I do wish TV ships in other TV shows would censor themselves every now and again so that they would be forced to dig deeper into the nuances and details as much as they did with Xena and Gabrielle.

I know many would disagree with me here but I’m adamant that the censorship helped them more than it hindered them because what you got instead with them was such a powerful representation of true love that didn’t have to rely on sex to represent it. I know that they couldn’t be shown to be sexually intimate because it wasn’t allowed to be sexual. Nowadays it can but I find that sex is used too much now when it shouldn’t be because a real life WLW/queer ship is more than sex and that’s why Xena and Gabrielle is still better representation even in this day and age.

It’s a combination of queer censorship, unbelievably strong chemistry between the leads and the creator/cast/crew’s sincere intention with queer storytelling that gave us the truly EPIC WLW love story that we got with XENA and I wouldn’t have it any other way because, for me, that is everything I could ever want.

So if you love this TV show and TV ship, please join me in celebrating the timelessly magical experience it is by writing meta about what these things mean to you.

XENA: “You know, I’m sending you home in the morning.”

GABRIELLE: “I won’t stay home. I don’t belong there, Xena. I’m not the little girl that my parents wanted me to be. You wouldn’t understand.”

XENA: “It’s not easy proving you’re a different person.

*Gabrielle eyes her curiously, Xena throws a bundle of blankets at her, gestures to the other side of the fire*

You can sleep over there.”

XENA: “You know, where I’m headed, they’ll be trouble.”

GABRIELLE: “I know.”

XENA: “Then why would you want to go into that with me?”

GABRIELLE: “That’s what friends do. They stand by each other when there’s trouble.”

XENA: “All right, friend.”

[thefallenangel2008]

I have come up with my Relativity!Falls AU!

Ok, so, I came up with this today at the last period at school so it might be a bit messy, but pls bear with me.

So let me tell ya!😈

Ok, so Mabel and Dipper's lives were fairly normal back in the 60's. Like, sure, their parents got a divorce when they were 13 and lived in a broken home but they still loved eachother and their love only grew stronger when their parents broke up, their will to stay together strengthening. Their parents still cared about them dearly despite the breakup, so everything was not as bad.

Dipper wanted to go to university to study science and Mabel wanted to go to a fashion school and be a fashion designer! People already loved her sweaters so it only seemed fitting.

Dipper got a scholarship after his project got approved by scientists. It was going to be the first time of the twins being apart, and although sad, they knew they could do it. A year later Mabel left home as well to go to her desired fashion school.

After university Dipper gained an interest in the supernatural and he decided to investigate, he even started recording himself searching and finding these paranormal creatures. He kept the videos in a cassette, hoping one day he could show the world and maybe, just maybe, he would get his own show. He started to keep a journal, the cover being blue/silver with a silver pine tree in the middle. After a while Dipper realized that the most sights of paranormal activities happened at a place he had never heard of before, a small town called Gravity Falls. He built a house there and a basement underneath to find more paranormal creatures.

There, he learned about this demon called Bill Cipher from a cave writing near the town, and said demon visited him in his dreams after saying the incantation written. He flattered him for his smarts and said that his unusual birthmark on his forehead made him look like a freak, but in a good way! And although Dipper felt flattered, he didn't trust him all that much, because why would a demon want to talk to him of all people??? Also , come on, that was a DEMON. He had seen enough movies to know whether to trust a demon or not. (Mister Anxiety and Overthinking everyone lol)

Bill kept pestering him about building a portal that leads to other dimensions, and after a LOT of thinking Dipper decided to build it, believing it would be a big step in the world of science.

He decided to ask for help from the richest woman in town whose family found it, a brilliant (and admittedly attractive) mechanic, Pacifica Northwest.

They spent a long while building the portal together, and once it was ready they decided to test it on a dummy, only Pacifica was accidentally pulled in with it. Dipper managed to get her out, but when he did, she seemed... Paranoid. She started screaming at him and demanding to dismantle the portal, only Dipper didn't listen to her, too stubborn to admit it wasn't a good idea now that he had done so much. Pacifica quit right after.

After that he didn't know what to do and as a last resort he sent a postcard to his sister, asking her to come over.

Now the twins had kept in contact, but Dipper tried not to mention the portal to Mabel, just saying he was working on a project that could possibly change the world.

When Mabel got the postcard (she was back at California) she decided, sure, why not? It would only take a couple of months, maybe at most a year, and then she would be back to her small business.

When she arrived at Gravity Falls Dipper explained to her about the portal and the otherworldly creatures. He told her that his last assistant quit, leaving out some very important details.

Mabel was ecstatic to be a part of dangerous scientific experiments, spending some time with her brother after 10 years of phonecalls and postcards, and possibly meeting a unicorn!

They started writing a journal together, that had a purple cover and a purple pine tree with a shooting star at the top (Dipper said it looked like a Christmas tree. Mabel just found it funny) and they wrote about every other creature they discovered and their progress on the portal.

But as time passed by, Mabel started to notice that... Maybe Dipper was hiding something. But no, he would never hide anything from her! They're siblings, they share everything! But she had a weird feeling that the portal might be for something more instead of just "scientific advancements" and he regularly seemed to meditate. Dipper??? Trying to clear his mind??? Yeah, right! She began writing her own journal (which was more like a scrapbook tbh) where she wrote down her thoughts, her suspicions about her brother, and also had a bunch of photos of the creatures they found, clothes she made and their time together. It was pink/gold with a dark pink shooting star on it (and thus the three journals were created).

One day Mabel accidentally came across Dipper's journal and she had a look at it. That was when she found out the real reason why Pacifica left the project and she also found out about Bill Cipher.

She confronted Dipper about this and they had a huge fight over it. Mabel accidentally pushed Dipper and he burned the back of his shoulder with a symbol. Because of that the portal was accidentally opened and Mabel was sucked into it. Dipper tried multiple times to get it to work again and bring her back but it was severely damaged and nothing worked. After a while he gave up and he decided to dismantle it.

Bill was not happy about this and he kept hunting Dipper in his dream and also possessing his body and at some point he finally got a metal plate inserted into his mind so Bill wouldn't possess him anymore.

Oh also by the way Pacifica created the memory gun and kept erasing her own memory and created the Society of the Blind Eye and yeah, she lost her mind, yk.

Dipper kept trying to reach out to Pacifica but since she lost her mind nothing could happen so he would just visit her from time to time but she would always be in her own mind, being the crazy old hug of the town or "old hag Northwest", and also because she was crazy now the Northwests kicked her out of the Northwest Mansion and she's been living in the junkyard ever since.

Dipper is forced to fake Mabel's death to "excuse" her disappearance. A lot of people came to the funeral.

He hides the two journals (he doesn't know Mabel wrote one of her own) so that no one would find them and rebuild the portal again.

Anyway, Dipper turns his home into a museum for the supernatural to get money where he has fake miniatures of the creatures he found but of course always people would think they're fake but they mostly go there just for fun. It's called "The Home of Mysteries".

Many years pass by until he gets a call that hey, you're gonna babysit your twin nephews this summer! Yey...

Well, anyway, his nephews. Stanford (Ford) and Stanley (Stan) Pines.

On their first day the twins discover a pink scrapbook underneath a wooden floorboard. They see photos of their Grunkle Dipper but much younger, and a woman that looks almost just like him. Ford was quick to inform Dipper about this, but Stan stopped him and told him it would be a good way to learn more about their weird relative.

Well, that's what I have so far. I might draw something based on this, can't promise anything though. Oh well, I'll see! Sorry it's so big!

[keshetchai]

Greetings Friend,

I hope you can help me

How did you go about learning Hebrew? As in what resources, classes, books etc. did you use to get a handle on the language?

I really struggle with languages, so I was hoping you had some advice or tips.

As a bit of background, I am currently a conversion student, going on almost 2.5 years now. I have long since completed the formal learning requirement with my synagogue (conservative) and according to my rabbis, I am free to attend the Beit Din and Mikvah whenever I so choose.

I know my neshama is Jewish, I know this is who I am/supposed to be. I know because of some unusual childhood experiences, and then when I started converting most aspects of the learning and practices came so naturally (granted nowhere near an orthodox level of observance, which isn’t necessarily the goal at this time, but certainly not something I am opposed to perusing) except for the languages.

As previously stated my rabbis say it is okay but something is holding me back from taking that final plunge (lol), and I believe it’s the language.

I still bench in English, and find it really stressful to attend services because I can barely muddle my way around the liturgy, or songs during a Shabbat dinner.

Of course this is just a personal hang up, and absolutely no criticism or shame on anyone else who converted without knowing/knowing very little of the language. Just, for some reason it just doesn’t feel right. I cannot bring myself to say I am actually a member of this wonderful, beautiful tribe before I have overcome this hurdle.

So… any advice?

A few answers for you, the first is most important:

Very Early On in my studying, one of the two rabbis at my synagogue wasn't leading and so she sat in the back, and I decided to sit next to her because i was still finding my footing in the basic service.

And at one point, it may have been for mi hamocha, the cantor starts with a NEW tune I don't know, and I'm still relying on the transliteration entirely and was still trying to memorize the FIRST tune.

And my rabbi leans over and whispers to me: "I have never heard this tune before in my life either."

And the anxiety broke, then. I didn't know this version for the song already and I was lost. But the rabbi sitting next to me also didn't know this tune.

Being Jewish is about always learning something new, even if you are encountering the same thing you've seen or done before dozens or hundreds of times. THAT is being Jewish. Rereading the same book every year and the same passages over and over, but still being a little lost or even finding something you never knew before?

That is being a Jew.

Jews may open a siddur and know what they'll find there, but we do not open it and expect to know everything about how that material is used or applied. And we don't feel a guarantee that life will not teach us something new today, or that someone's minhag won't be totally different from ours. Jews may know the Torah, they may even choose to memorize the mitzvot by heart, but we don't expect this memorization will ensure we never have a halakhic question in life!

So you see, the big scary fact is this: you might become a fluent reader of prayer book Hebrew, you might someday daven entirely in Hebrew, or even graduate rabbinical school, but still sometimes be thrown into being a stranger to something, even something you thought you knew.

But when you identify this and then embrace it, it becomes less scary and part of your Jewish identity. Being perfectly settled, fixed in your knowledge or your thinking or your skills — it honestly doesn't feel terribly Jewish to me.

And for many people born as Jews this can manifest as a type of reflexive embarrassment or self-consciousness for failing at jewishness somehow or having less knowledge for one reason or another. It can make folks defensive or ashamed or feel frustrated for the disconnect. I'm here to tell you that as converts we get the chance to illustrate joyfully that no Jew knows everything Jewish, and that is the experience of being Jewish. The biggest thing holding any of us back from learning the things we don't know is

a) being afraid to seem not Jewish enough or

b) being afraid to not know something

I have excellent news for your (and my) anxiety:

A) almost all Jews worry about how Jewish they seem in some fashion or another so that's normal and,

B) since only hashem knows everything, our job is to not know everything, but to be willing to learn anything. Also we're better in numbers! Two heads are better than one and a minyan is better than that! Everyone doesn't know something, but none of us are alone as Jews. Which is why we become Jewish in community, and not alone. Because someone else might know what we don't!

Get it?

Step #1: you have to jump feet first into not already knowing something perfectly and start knowing less but learning more.

If you are reading the English words and English translations to daven, this means you need to stop. This was your training wheel. And you are not finding your own balance relying on it.

If your siddur has transliterations of the hebrew, bring a little index card next time and cover up the English as you daven for a start. I familiarized myself with the Hebrew because I was saying everything in Hebrew out loud every single time. Once you know the shema by heart more or less (for example), all you have to do is learn the alphabet to prompt your memory to progress further in your Hebrew learning.

That's how kids learn any language. We speak before reading as children. So speak and chant and sing in Hebrew. Whisper the Hebrew. As you get more comfortable, learning to read Hebrew will be an exercise you can even do during the middle of shabbat.

Because you know what the prayer says, and you just need to match the words you see to the sounds you know.

Step #2: know the aleph bet before you attempt reading comprehension of all words.

Things that I used to learn the aleph bet:

Hebrew scripts (the app by drops)

Write it! Hebrew app

Victoria Hanna's The Aleph Bet Song (Hosha'na) because uh she sings the aleph bet and pronounces it

Behrman House Books: Hineni: prayerbook Hebrew for adults; aleph isn't tough! For adults. The kids stuff is good too, I'm not ashamed to say I own "time to read Hebrew!" 1&2

(The Hebrew by inbal on Amazon looks new but good possibly?)

If you want a siddur set up specifically to practice matching transliteration and Hebrew aleph bet, I recommend Chayim Alevsky's My Siddur (choose the minhag variant you use! I bought the Sephardic/Israeli as I don't use ashkie pronunciations.

There will be slight differences of you're used to liberal inclusion of say, the matriarchs, but in general this is a solid practice book for anyone. Transliteration is given word by word, with full word blocks reading in the same direction as Hebrew. At the bottom of the page certain (possibly newer to the learner) words will be defined.

It also now has an app which looks like this:

So you see this is pairing the reading direction of Hebrew words with the sounds spelled out in English to strengthen your Hebrew. If you try to read the transliteration in the English direction word by word, you'll be reading it backwards and starting with v'kayahm, instead of "modeh" (or "modah" feminine). Further even if you're starting correctly with modeh, the English word is still left to right over the Hebrew right to left. so this forces you to be attentive to the Hebrew itself and slow down word by word!

The layout in the print versions means you can cover up the transliteration to test your learning of certain words, and only check if you forget.

I still am not perfect at everything and I truthfully attentively practice Chinese far more than Hebrew reading, but this is what helped me.

Good luck!

[spacerockfloater]

holy fuck this is crazy okay so i’ve been thinking about studying at national and kapodistrian university of athens and i’ve been searching around the internet seeing people’s opinions on the school and i saw a post you made about studying there which is such a coincidence because we are moots! anyways i just want to ask how do you like it there? is there anything i should know before applying?

OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH, OH MY GOSH!!! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!!

Okay SO, I have a bachelor’s in classical studies and linguistics, I think Americans call that a double major? That thing was EXCRUCIATING, it was 60 subjects in 4 years, plus an internship and a thesis. My master’s, which is in computational linguistics and data analytics, has been even harder. I have too much to say about this topic, so I’ll categorise all the shit I need to speak on and hopefully this will help you!

Academics: The education is top notch. There’s a reason it’s one of the top 100 universities in the world in many lists. There’s no department that has a bad reputation. You’ll have to do a lot of individual studying, though. We’ve got well equipped libraries. The professors are really good at what they do. I’m not sure whether you wish to pursue a bachelor’s or a master’s, so keep in mind that we have almost no Bscs where the lessons are delivered in the English language and only a few Master’s, which I believe are about Medicine, Law etc. Almost always, the lessons are conducted in Greek and you’ll need a Greek language certificate to get accepted to a greek university. UNLESS OF COURSE you’re only here for Erasmus or you’ve managed to find an english delivered programme, in which case you’ll be totally fine. Just make sure you check!

Finance: All bachelors’ are free. Almost all masters’ are 100% free and if they aren’t, they don’t cost more than 2k euros for the whole duration of your studies, and even then you can apply for an exemption. Now, since everything is free, there’s no such thing as financial aid or loans for students here, so you’ll have to find a way to cover your life expenses yourself. I’d say the average person needs about 800 euros - 1k per month in order to lead a somewhat decent life in Athens without a roommate. Your uni schedule will allow you to work (if your visa allows you to) since attendance is not mandatory here, except if you have any labs. Also, as a student you’ll have major discounts almost everywhere, so make sure you ask about it everywhere you are.

Premises: Please bear in mind that the actual university buildings in Greece suck MAJOR ass. They’re old, they’re brutalist, they’re bare, they’ve got no heating or air conditioning and so on. They are horrible. Generally, the more prestigious a faculty is, the worse the condition of its establishment. Picture soviet union buildings. There are very few dorms available in Athens, so make sure to check if you meet the criteria for one or if you’ll need to arrange for accommodation yourself. Mind you, finding an apartment to rent in Athens is gonna be very challenging. The house market is so bad that it is unusual for Greeks to leave their parents’ house before getting married, usually in their 30s, so roommates ain’t really a thing here. The university does offer free breakfast, lunch and dinner every day though (there are certain financial conditions that dictate whether one is entitled to free food or not but they’re so lenient that almost everyone meets them, like your family’s annual income not being more than 100k or smth).

Administration: Now, when it comes to the administration of the university, it is quite decent. You’ll hear a lot of people complain about this, but honestly we Greeks do love to complain. The administration gets things done fast usually, as long as you make sure to have the right paperwork for your requests. We’ve also got a great career office, helped me land 2 different office jobs when I was younger.

Social life: Your peers are going to adore you. Young people here LOVE foreign students, everyone will want to be friends with you. We’ve got a bunch of different clubs you can join and nightlife in Athens is awesome. Winter kinda sucks ass, but spring and summer are totally amazing and you’ll be able to visit a shit ton of places. Greeks are generally insanely friendly and helpful. If you are a POC or obviously LGBT+ (meaning that people could clearly guess you belong in the community by glancing at you), I have to warn you that some old fucks or trashy people may glance strangely at you at the bus stop or the superkmarket, but the people you’ll actually have and want to socialise with here (fellow students, people your age etc.) will love you. The youth is very progressive here, and while old and middle aged folks can be a pain, they may scowl at you but nothing worse.

ALL IN ALL: EKPA or UOA is a great university, meaning that it is a very good place to acquire knowledge. Our facilities are kinda shit, though. You can only accept it for its inner beauty, lol. Our libraries and lessons are filled with material in the Greek language mostly. Education here is free. The university has a lot to offer and our teachers are extremely experienced and knowledgeable. You’ll almost never have homework, your grade in a lesson will usually depend 100% on your finals. You’ll have to study a lot. Athens and Greece in general are very beautiful. The people here are very loving and understanding and you’ll have an amazing time here. HOWEVER, if you’re looking for an aesthetically pleasing college life, I recommend you skip it. It’s nearly impossible to romanticise EKPA. Will you have a good and fun experience here and will you come out a very educated person? Yup. Will you have a DREAMY college life and reality you’ll long for in the years to come? Fuck no!

Please feel free to ask ANY questions, I’m more than happy to answer. And if you do decide to come here, ΚΑΛΗ ΑΡΧΗ! ❤️

[annabtg]

Maybe my standard for bullying is high because I’ve been bullied to a point where my bones were broken had to eat lunch in the restroom to avoid it being thrown out or spit on. I don’t find Snape a victim I think him and his friends got as good as they gave. We didn’t see any of the marauders pov about what happened with Snape, what we did see is Sirius and Remus regret what they did, but Snape never regretted any of it which has tricked people into believing he was a victim and not the perpetrator. What Snape could have done is become a good person and help others who were being bullied, but instead he chose to bully children and make them loath going to his class. If there’s anyone who grew up and learned from their mistakes it was the marauders minus Peter. As a victim of bullying I put everything into studying and I’m way more successful in my career compared to my bullies, and I volunteer to help kids who are going through similar situations. A couple of years ago one of the kids who I was helping turned out to be one of my bullies child, and I didn’t say anything or throw it in their face because I could see the regret in their eyes when they looked at their child. Snape could have done better, but he chose not to because he was a entitled narcissist who needed to grow the fuck up.

(I tried to reply to this last night but was too sleepy.)

Anon!! First of all, I'm so sorry about your experience with bullying 😔 this sounds extremely serious and I hate that you had to go through it!!

I don't disagree with you at all re: Snape. People like to say that "the Marauders started it", but the way I read their first meeting, I think Snape is the one who first starts to escalate. You see how James starts out with the Slytherin comments, and Sirius pipes up, but without taking it personally - they have a good-natured back and forth. It's Snape whose comment carries true malice when Gryffindor is mentioned - "if you'd rather be brawny than brainy". James is an entitled little shit who uses jeering and teasing as conversation starters, but unlike Sirius, who is comfortable with this being a - legit? Definitely common - communication style between boys, Snape is used to the slightest provocation leading to malicious responses and violence, because that's what he's seen in his home. The difference is that James and Sirius are not going to take that lying down.

I think Snape would have become a power-hungry, violent-prone Death Eater regardless of the Marauders' presence or behaviour towards him. His character had developed like that from early on, as we see from his behaviour towards Petunia. If James and Sirius had not engaged him, nothing would have changed in his story - he was aware of his classmates' behaviour towards people like Mary and thought it was "just a laugh". And we know that he didn't use the other Slytherins as his defence against the Marauders, because it's never shown or mentioned by anyone - so he wasn't being a Peter and trying to cater to them. He was his own person and chose to align with them.

Snape lived in domestic abuse and picked up the ways of the abuser, and while he regretted his role in Lily's death, he never learned anything about his behaviour apart from don't be a Death Eater. Which is why his mean and violent behaviour carries over to his teaching - except, of course, he's in a position of power over his students, unlike with the Marauders who were his equals and gave him ground to escalate.

If we view it through a more "modern" lens, Snape needed therapy. But he wasn't going to get it in Wizarding Britain, so he had to make do with what he had, and he didn't have the mental faculties to get over himself. It's "not his fault", but it's also not the Marauders' fault.

Slight tangent but as I was writing this, it came to me that Harry's reaction towards Snape's book parallels Lily's towards Snape. At first - such a smart and talented boy, I like him! Then - he's a little mischievous, but it's all in good fun. And eventually - actually he's mean and has a really dark streak and I want nothing to do with that.

[loveandmurders]

Hi! I'm recently new to your blog and in love with sister! sinclair!! (But for your not writing list “slashers killing on purpose reader” confused me) but I wanted to put in a request myself and I don't mean to be bland and not give much detail but

What if Sinclair sister!reader is also a killer but the brothers don't know: and they somehow find out by visiting her and hearing victims screams maybe? If you don't feel comfortable you can ignore this!

Hello there, thank you for your request <3

I'm sorry if I wasn't clear, I'm French so I'm doing my best with English! What I meant is that I don't write for slashers who kill reader just because they want to hurt them. Hope it's better that way!

But I love to write for dangerous!reader so I hope you'll enjoy this <3

I KILL FOR MY OWN ENJOYMENT

Warnings: no proof reading, killer!reader, abusive and insane parents, mention of lack of empathy from reader and the brothers, mentions of murders, violence, pain and blood, mention of dismenbering, mentions of sexual activites/impulses (but nothing explicit).

Your father was a mad scientist who had the reputation to do experiments on his patients. Rumours also said that some of his patients disappeared forever after they entered his office or his home. Your mother was an insane artist, who was using people to make wax statues out of them. She also believed that her business was more important than anything or anyone else.

At the same time, they both tried very hard to love their children in their own twisted way. However their love was toxic and ill; it was turning everything to blood and dust. Especially you, their children, who only knew this kind of "affection". 

The twins were the first ones to understand that it wasn’t what love was supposed to be. And despite everything that happened to you all, they manage to feel real tenderness for Lester and adoration for you. It was hard for them to like anyone else other than their family. In a way, your childhood prevented you from developing empathy toward anyone who wasn’t your siblings. And because of the family business, you could only trust your people, and because you were children who needed love and affection, you started to love and be soft to each other.

You didn’t feel anything when your mother died. The twins were wrecked and Lester was heartbroken when he realised he would never have her attention. You felt satisfaction when your father died and you so calmly helped Bo hiding the body and finding a good lie to tell the police. Bo felt better, Vincent too. Lester hoped things would go back to normal now.

But normal had never been something you knew. 

Any of you. 

The twins needed to get back to the family business, because it was all they ever knew. Vincent needed to be the new artist of Ambrose, he needed to continue his mother’s masterpiece, and more than anything, he needed to get revenge on the world for his face. He needed to kill. Bo would have never left Vincent on his own, and he wanted his Mama to be proud of him, wherever she was now. Lester was lost without his siblings, so he followed the lead, even if he wasn’t too happy with it. The twins never asked him to kill, but to guide the tourists to their traps. It was easy now that Ambrose was empty. They all felt like they were the kings of their own world in this strange and desertic town.

You didn’t care about your parents, so you didn’t care about the legacy. You only cared about your siblings. Nevertheless, you believed you also had to care about yourself, so you left to study. It saddened your brothers a lot because they wanted you close by, but they never stopped you. They simply reminded you everyday that they wished you would be home with them. When you finally graduated, they failed to convince you to come back home. You loved them, but you hated Ambrose. They were worried it was because you were scared of them, but you would never be scared of them. You loved them and you knew they did love you too in return, more than anything. They would have even let go of the family business if you had wanted. But you didn’t want that because you were aware it would break them even more.

You wanted your independence and you were fighting against your own demons. And you hated to admit it but the only way you found to feel better, when you were getting self destructive and unhappy, was to kill people.

You never talked about it to your brothers, because it started when you were at the university, far away from them. You had killed a guy, who had better grades than you, to be at the top of the class. You didn’t even really remember how all of this happened. But after this, you had never been able to stop. You were smart and the police never found you, even though the county was aware of the presence of a serial killer. Your brothers were sometimes talking about it, wondering who it could be and asking you to be extra careful at night, even if they knew you could take care of yourself. They just knew that people could be insane and dangerous sometimes. Your answer was always a soft smile and a “Yes, of course I’m careful”. You never told them it was you because it was your little secret. You shared everything with your brothers but this.

Maybe they would be scared of you. You were killing for the sake of it, for the thrill, for the adrenaline, for the view of the blood, for the almost sexual impulse. You loved to be in control, you loved to have the power to kill someone because you wanted it. You were like a divinity.

You thought you were good at hiding this from your brothers. Until one day.

You had brought someone to your flat last night. You had sex with them and you were planning on killing them for no other reason than because you wanted to. You had tied them up and as they were begging you. You were about to start the real fun, when you heard your doorbell ring. You groaned and shove a sock into the person’s mouth before putting tape over their lips.

“Don’t move, sweetie, I’ll be back” you winked at them before closing your bedroom door behind yourself.

The doorbell rang again. “Comin’” you cried out as you were quickly washing your bloody hands. You had beat your prisoner up and your knuckles were raw. You finally ran to the door, looked through the spyhole and opened when you realised it was your brother Lester.

“Hello, sis” he greeted you before hugging you. You hugged him back, a little bit surprised to see him there.

“What’s up?” you asked as you let him get inside your flat.

“Bo told me he’d fix my washin’ machine at my place if I convince ya to come over Ambrose for the weekend” Lester sheepishly smiled at you and you rolled your eyes at him. You were about to answer when a loud noise came from your bedroom. Your prisoner fell on the ground, hoping the newcomer would hear it and check it out. “Ya ain’t alone maybe?” Lester asked with a raise eyebrow

“No, it’s nothin’” you tried to shrug but another loud noise happened as they hit the wall with their tied feet.

“Ya sure?” Lester asked. He could tell you were hiding something, which was strange and worried him a little. At the same time, he didn’t want to make you feel uneasy. You simply nodded.

“Anyways, ya were talkin’ about bringin’ me to Ambrose?” you hummed, for Lester’s attention to be back on his first goal. Lester smiled again.

“Well, yeah. Everyone'd be happy to have ya around. We’re missin’ ya quite a bit, ya know. And I can do my best for no tourist to arrive in Ambrose if you prefer things to be quiet. The twins just want ya home” Lester told you

“I’ve been busy but alright, I’ll come home tonight” you offered, so Lester could leave and allow you to finish your work.

“Why tonight? I can bring ya home now?” Lester asked “Or maybe ya’re in the middle of somethin’ already?” he hummed as loud bangs coming from your bedroom interrupted you again. Gosh, you were so going to give them a painful death.

“Can ya forget about this, please?” you pleaded. “Just go now and… I’ll explain to ya tonight?” you gave him your best puppy eyes and Lester looked away. He couldn't resist you anyways.

“Bo won’t be happy. He’d think ya won’t come.” Lester argued

“I’ve one word, ya know that!” you exclaimed but more blows were heard against the wall

“What’s goin’ on, Y/N?” Lester asked, plunging his eyes into yours.

He also noticed your knuckles and gently took your hands in his, concerned. You sighed. It was really ruining your plans. Even if you killed the person now, you were usually waiting for the night to get rid of the body, but Bo would never be that patient and he was able to come over when you would be in the middle of the dismembering. You couldn't let the person on their own or they might find a way out or a way to ask for help. And you couldn’t leave the body here over the whole weekend because of the smell and everything.

“Ok. This’ really not ideal. Where’s your truck parked? Far away from the buildin’ entrance?” you asked and Lester sent you a very confused look

“What?”

“Just answer”

“Yeah, a little bit away, why?”

“Alright, ya gonna go back to the truck and bring it here just at the entrance. Ya gonna make some room on the back of the truck for a normal sized person who will be layin’ on the floor. I wanted to kill them now, but ya’ve all decided to fuck up with my plans, so I guess I can only kill them at Ambrose. Vince’ll be happy to have a new body for his project” you explained as Lester watched you without understanding. His sweet and cute baby sister was killing people? “Go now, Lester!” you ordered and he left, still in complete bewilderment. He couldn’t believe what just happened.

You got lucky enough for the street to be desertic. So you forced the person to walk inside the truck with a knife pressed against their side and hidden under your clothes. You threw them on the truck floor and closed the door. They quickly tried to scream and escape but you very coldly threatened them and they finally stayed still. You put the radio very loud so you were certain no one could hear them if they decided to be stupid again.

“Did they try to hurt ya?” Lester asked you because it was the only explanation he had found and you send him a little smile

“Vince isn’t the one who likes to kill. I just don’t need a pretext to do so” you shrugged. Lester thought it was all a dream. You had never killed anyone in Ambrose before. 

Bo was waiting for the two of you. He was fixing a car outside of his garage because he was lacking space inside: two groups of tourists came by the past three days, which meant he had plenty of vehicles to deal with. He quickly stopped when he saw Lester's truck parking next to his shop. He opened your passenger door to hug you but he got startled when he heard someone whimpering and begging for help behind a gag. You gently shoved Bo to the side.

“Help me get them out of the truck. I’ll help Vince with the wax for this one.” you informed him. 

Bo sent a confused glance at Lester who shrugged at him, as lost as he was. Bo obeyed though and he pulled the person to the house basement. He tried to question you but you weren’t in the mood to answer so he finally let the subject go. Lester and Bo were discovering a new part of your personality they had never seen before. A very dark, cold and quiet side of you. You were looking like a goddess of chaos, full of wrath and calm violence. Bo was angry and teasing when he was killing. Vincent was quiet, but he was very excited and thrilled. You were icy playful.

You asked Vincent to show you how to use the machine and you both recovered the person in burning wax after Vincent paralysed them and fixed them on the chair. He watched you taunting the person. The statue you made out of them was in a very unnatural position that would quickly become pure suffering for your victim. Even Vincent was a little bit uncomfortable in front of the twisted and broken sculpture you made. He knew he would hide it somewhere to scare the tourists, maybe somewhere in the woods close by Ambrose. 

You asked Vincent how long it would take for them to die and the answer pleased you and you laughed such a terrifying laugher that a tear dropped down the waxed face. 

Vincent finished everything off while you climbed upstairs to take a shower. When you went into the kitchen to get some fresh lemonade, your three brothers were sitting at the table. Lester told the twins what happened and Vincent explained to them what he saw. They all stopped talking when they noticed you. You sighed. You took your glass of lemonade before sitting at the table too.

“Well yeah I’m killin’ people too. And I enjoy it, but ya do too” you were a little bit defensive.

“Since when?” Bo asked

“University. I know what I’m doin’ so no need to be worried” you quickly replied, because you wanted your brothers to leave you alone

“Why ya never told us about it?” Bo continued, he didn't like the idea his baby sister was hiding anything from him

“Don’t know. Wanted it to be my little secret enjoyment. I don’t do it for the family business but because it makes me feel better.” you said

“Could be both though. I’d be happy to do more wax sculptures with you as well” Vincent signed. He knew he would enjoy killing with you.

“I’m not an artist” you shook your head

“You are. I’m now realising I’m way too consensual. You could really bring something to it. You’re impressive”

“I’ll think about it” you softly smiled, a little bit flattered your big brother was thinking that of you.

“Ya’re always impressive” Bo nodded and you relaxed even more.

“Ya the serial killer of the county then?” Lester asked

“Yep” you shrugged, but deep down you were proud of yourself

“It's safer for ya to play in Ambrose, ya know.” Bo added, thinking he could find a way to convince you to come back home that way

“I know. I’ll think ‘bout it” you promised and both the twins smiled at you.

[astrojulia]

PAC: Your witchy side

~Your natural magical skills

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DISCLAIMER. These general free readings are made in good faith for entertainment purpose. This pick a pile is very specific and direct, even certain people came into my mind when doing it... so I already say that it doesn't seem to be for everyone.

How to pick a pile

When you have different cards to choose from in pile 1,2,3… look at each of those cards. Wait until someone reminds you of a memory. Perhaps a character’s outfit resembles one of your own. It is this pile that has its message. What if they all remind me of something? Go for the one with the strongest memory, one might look like her earring but another might be the favorite candy you got from your grandma when you vacationed at her house. But what if none reminds me of something? Take a deep breath and wait a little longer, without charging yourself or creating worries. Relax, some will awaken some memory in you, I promise!

Pile 1 - My Melody

(Justice - Queen of Pentacles - Ten of Wands - Two of Pentacles - Four of Swords - Eight of Wands)

You are most likely an air witch with a focus on magic involving people, technical knowledge, and extensive research. Therefore, you must enjoy practicing astrology and manipulation magic. Apart from that, as a witch, you believe that you must first give in order to receive, and that everything you receive has the same weight as what you gave. You believe in equivalent exchange, alchemy, and the idea that the effort you put in will determine what you receive.

Your primary area of study is the physical realm, specifically prosperity, abundance, and fortune. You concentrate on the material aspects of your magical practices, performing magic that involves your body and personal belongings. You have a precise way of speaking, addressing your spirituality with respect but also with authority, as if you were the head of a different organization. You admire your guides, respecting and listening to them, but you don't feel inferior to them.

You manage to produce excellent results with your magic, bringing abundance to your home, but it sometimes becomes overwhelming for you. This could be due to your guides having dense energy. As a young witch, you may find it challenging to handle the amount of energy they transmit, leading to instances like an overflowing potion. In other words, even if you try to control the outcome, what you receive is often more than you can handle, whether it's positive or negative.

That's why you should practice more restrained magic. You need to choose between focusing on one aspect or another. Either you ask for love or you ask for prosperity; you can't pursue both with this type of magic. Start by engaging in more basic activities and communicating with "smaller spirits" such as children or fairies—whatever you prefer.

As for magical objects, you can have a diverse range, including daggers and swords, as well as white clothes and furry animals like rabbits, foxes, and dogs with long hair (preferably white animals). Additionally, you feel a certain connection with the cycle of life, understanding that things die and are reborn.

Your shadow side, your greatest temptation, is the desire to curse others. Many times, you want to see those who have wronged you suffer and contemplate whether you should act on it. You genuinely wish to return the harm that was once inflicted upon you.

On the other hand, your light side reveals that your primary focus is yourself. This self-focus is both your greatest strength and power. You have the ability to learn and study quickly, initiate new cycles promptly, and bounce back when things go wrong without being harmed in the process.

Pile 2 - Kuromi

(Judgment - Page of Wands - The Fool - The Devil - Page of Cups - The Emperor - Ten of Pentacles)

You're probably a generational witch or, at the very least, a member of a cult or coven. In other words, you're not a solitary practitioner and have been on this path for a while. You're deeply interested in matters related to the soul, rebirth, and karma.

Your studies now encompass new areas that you've never explored before, such as herbology and astrology. There's something you have little knowledge of but find highly intriguing.

Your greatest skill lies in the freedom to pursue whatever you set your mind to. Your magic knows no bounds, and you have the ability to accomplish anything you desire. It appears that your specialty lies in magic involving glamour, love, and relationships. You excel at making people like you or even fall in love with you. This can be through a well-chosen word that wins them over or by adding a special touch to food.

An area you should focus on studying is shadow work. Personally, I find this topic too personal to discuss, but it is what the cards reveal. It suggests that you should address unresolved issues from your past. You have traumas and situations that are currently influencing you in negative ways, fostering destructive desires. This cannot continue as it is. You need to learn to free yourself from these chains and rid yourself of greater dangers.

A magical object you can keep with you is a goblet of water, but it can also include fish figurines or an aquarium. Additionally, letters you wrote or received in the past, childhood items like dolls and stuffed animals, can provide you with strength.

As I mentioned before, your darkest side is the desire to destroy everything and start over again, hoping for a "better" outcome. You believe that if you have the power, everything will improve, free from problems and pain. You possess an explosive and uncontrollable urge that can bring harm to others and yourself.

On the flip side, your light side emerges through your involvement in a group. You have people who love you, and you reciprocate that love. You strive to do your best for them, presenting your finest version. You protect and support them, fulfilling their needs. You rarely find yourself alone, and the strength of the group becomes your own.

Pile 3 - Cinnamoroll

(Four of Pentacles - The Hermit - Seven of Cups - Three of Pentacles - Strenght - Ace of Pentacles - Wheel of Fortune)

You are most likely an earth witch who focuses on material well-being. You are a zealous and capricious person. You take pride in your appearance, especially when it comes to your hair and jewelry. You are the type of witch who enjoys casting spells using your hair, colors, and accessories. You don't conform to societal norms, but you respect traditions. If necessary, you are willing to engage in mischief as a response to being hurt by others.

Your current path is a solitary one. You are discovering things that only you can comprehend, unable to share them with others who wouldn't understand. It feels as if you are keeping a significant secret and are on a journey to uncover its meaning. You are also pursuing a dream, striving to make it a reality.

You enjoy working with potions and food, crafting spells from scratch using your own ingredients. You are the type of person who can serve others their own poison without hesitation. You possess a repertoire of tricks up your sleeve, knowing the right ingredient for a recipe or the appropriate spell for any situation that arises.

It's time for you to focus on forging new paths for yourself, working with a small group to create something greater for everyone. Additionally, you can start studying flowers and aquatic herbs.

A magical object you can keep with you is images of large animals such as lions, whales, or camels—strong animals that command presence and whose names are generally recognized. Nets can also be beneficial to you, as something you can use to capture things, similar to a Dreamcatcher (although you're aware it's primarily decorative) or, if you prefer, pictures of spiders.

Your shadow side is your ambition—an insatiable desire to possess everything while doing little to attain it. It's as if you planted flowers but never watered them, allowing them to wither on their own. You desire more, craving abundance, but it's unlikely that you'll attain everything you want, which may lead to disappointment.

Your light side is your profound faith and belief in your spirituality. You likely have a daily routine that involves prayer or engaging in magical practices, making you naturally powerful. By allowing your guides to direct you when you're uncertain, you are able to navigate your path.

(CC) AstroJulia Some Rights Reserved

[divine-crows]

Grimoire/Bos Prompts or Research Topics for the Witch that Doesn’t Know What To Do Next

(Pt. 1/ ?) 

Okay so, I've been working on gathering information for a couple of years now. (On and off for 4 years probably a little less because I procrastinate), and just now I've gotten an official book to put all of my information in since prior to that I just had loose leafs of paper that I'd stash away at random, and google docs filled with information (which I recommend. It helped me let go of the stress of messing up and helps when you need to edit and add information. I still use my doc as a way to add stuff and as an on-the-go grimoire).

I've practically stuffed this grimoire with everything I've gathered and refined, and this has lead me to reach an impasse where I don't quite know what to do next. Not a lot of BoS or Grimoire prompts are geared towards people that have the basics written down, but don’t know what to do next, so I'll make a short list of stuff I've brainstormed.

Note: These prompts aren't all going to be specific things to do research on, a lot of it is inspired by Molly Roberts on YouTube because I love prompts and ideas that may not be necessarily witchy, but can be when in the context of where it is. These prompts and research topics also are not mine by any means and I’ll reiterate it often because I want people to make these ideas their own. 

- What being a witch means to you. This can include why you decided to use witch as a label for yourself, your specific practice, why you got into it, how it affects your life and it's importance, etc.

- how your religion (or if non-religious, any of your beliefs or theories you support) works alongside your craft. Do you feel a need to separate the two? Do you treat them like they're always together? Are there any specific scenarios where you use the two hand-in-hand? Talk about it.

- Entity and/or spirit Guide! Make a section dedicated to entities and spirits in your area, how you (or others) found them, if you think you know what/who they are, or if you aren't sure what it could be. This can open up great opportunities for you to study new things. I myself have been planning on doing it since my town has a lot of ghosts, and I've had plenty of interactions with entities that I don't know of (ex. some seem like the fair folk, but due to the origins of people that lived in my town it's unlikely, or they have one trait that reminds me of an entity I know of but the rest of their traits are nothing like it).

- energy/magic map. This can be used in multiple ways! Map out the energy and vibes you feel when you're in other places, or map out the energy you felt during a spell/ritual, or maybe even there's a song that just speaks to you and you want to show the flow of energy the song makes you feel. How you show this flow is up to you and your experience! Maybe you have synesthesia and you want to explore how that mixes with your experience with the flow of energy in music ( or just in general) go for it!

- any personal ideas or concepts. This might be candle etiquette, or maybe you personally don't say the name of certain entities or deities for specific reasons. Maybe there's something you do that you don't see a lot of people mention in media. Write it down! You never know when you'll come across something and go "...wait a minute" and then you can flip through your Grimoire/BoS and go "oh! Right, that's just a personal belief/uncommon concept so that might be why it isn't in here." Now. This does not mean stealing from other cultures and claiming you believed in it all along. And it doesn't mean disrespecting any basic rules of etiquette.

- if there's items you see and you have an inexplicable pull to, document it! Talk about the energies they had. What they were and looked like. If you bought it or not. This can help you in the future when it comes to incorporating items. Sometimes I find out that an item I bought because its "vibes were interesting" can actually be repurposed and I always feel proud afterwards because my intuition knew all along.

- do certain places or situations make you feel a little bit more magical than you usually do? Make a list of those places (and if you want to add a description of them!) Sometimes when I'm not feeling 100% with my craft just visiting those places makes me feel better.

- Information about where you’re from or where you currently live, and how this place applies to your practice. I’ve seen at least one or two people do this with their grimoire’s and it’s a great idea. It doesn’t have to be an extensive history either, for me, I just focused on the state I live in and I added basic information that I felt belonged there. I also included some common folklore of the area.  

- - - 

I'll add on more as I brainstorm them. These ideas and concepts are not mine and a lot have probably been done already. Have fun with them! Reblog with more ideas (I'll definitely reblog ones with ideas I like)

[nica-my-beloved]

Alright! So I'm done with Xeno and I'm surprised. It's a good route but there are some issues.

👇👇👇Spoilers 👇👇👇

Xeno's route isn't too complicated as say, Gilbert's route. The story is good enough to make me wanna keep reading it. I like that from the very start, we get a clear idea of Xeno's personality. A perfectionist.

Xeno is the center of exeCreed and probably also the lead vocalist. Although he's not the actual leader of the group, the members mostly follow him. Xeno is pretty hardworking and I mean VERY HARDWORKING. He always has a plan on how the members perform their stage shows, he's always the one directing everything and everyone listens to him because his ideas and strategies are very good. In short all the members really respect him. But the problem is, if something goes not according to the plan, Xeno will start throwing tantrums. He would scold his members for not going according to the plan. For example, during one of their stage performance, Finn did a dance routine in front of the crowd which was not according to the group's plan. This led to Xeno and the members fighting. Xeno doesn't like it when something, even if its the smallest thing, doesn't go according to the pre-determined plan. Although the other members are frustrated, they still respect Xeno because he's very talented and hardworking. They do raise their voices but in the end, they would just move on like always.

Xeno's personality is greatly influenced by his past and his current mission in life. The reason why Xeno is such a perfectionist and why he's so cold to others? is what we learn from his story.

Xeno or should I say Rio Seika (his real name), his main goal is to find out about his parents' death and take revenge on their killer. Believe it or not, Xeno comes from a very well-off family. His father was the former president of a very big media company. While he was in New York (for his studies, I assume) he received the news that his parents died in a car accident. Xeno was then adopted by his uncle but his uncle didn't treat him well. Xeno also felt very fishy about the way his parents died. This is where Xeno's story arc starts. He decides to run away from his uncle and started living on his own. He decided to be singer and dancer and polish his skills as each day went by. He wasn't a prodigy or anything. Nor did he had dreams of becoming one. He polished his singing and dancing skills everyday so that one day he could become very popular and powerful singer who could then challenge the current president of his father's media company, his uncle. Who is also the killer of his parents.

Xeno's real reason for being an idol is just so because he can be powerful enough to bring down his uncle. But even so, in a way he did end up liking it because when he sings, he still puts whatever emotions he feel into his singing. It's not half-baked. People still feel mesmerised listening to his voice. Even his members.

Xeno simply only sees his members as just co-workers and not as friends at first. In the story, he suffers an injury in the leg which led to his dancing being awkward. Yet he never revealed the injury to his members because of his pride and wanting to be a perfectionist in every way. But the members were smart enough to notice his injury because they have spend together quite some time to know each other very well. This leads to the members forming a bond of understanding each other, and the ice walls around Xeno also starts to slowly melt. We can see Xeno thanking his members and trying to get closer to him. It's really sweet scene.

I hate to say this, but the story does have some cringy dialogues similar to Ikemen Prince. Here, it's like "Thank you for melting the ice in my heart and turning me into a human." There are lot dialogues like that and I'm sure this isn't how people actually talk. If you talk like that, I suggest you get therapy. I'm being serious.

Another thing I'd like to shed some light on is, how Xeno and Rina (MC) relationship develops. It moves very slowly but we can actually see their relationship improving from the way how Xeno addresses her. Xeno at the start of the story calls her by her company name - 'Aegis'. Later when they get a little bit closer, he calls her by her last name - 'Kawanaga'. Soon, the tone in which he calls her starts to sound more caring and we see him approaching her first rather than other way around. In addition, helping her with her commercial planning and stuff. But the part where I think looked awkward is when Rina out of no where confessed her love for Xeno in Chapter 20. I was surprised seeing the sudden confession out of blue because I felt it was a little too rushed. I can see these two moving closer and having a nice friendship. But for them to fall in love, I would say maybe give them 3 or more chapters and some nice sexual tension scenes to make it seem like there is something romantically going on between them.

But that doesn't matter because the very next chapter Xeno accepts her heart and kisses her. Also he calls her by her first name from then on. I actually loved it when he called her by her first name, Rina.

Honestly though, I like Xeno AFTER he fell in love with Rina, because before he was very strict and unapproachable also a little bit annoying. But after he fell in love, he becomes the most passionate lover I've ever seen. He went from being:

Xeno: "Aegis! You better do your work properly or I'll kick you out immediately!!"

To:

Xeno: "Rina....I love you so much *kiss kiss kiss* I wanna melt you with my warmth....do you also want too?"

The route is fairly good for a first play but I have a feeling I'm gonna end up liking Jace's route more because his personality is winning my heart (also he has long hair which he ties up). I'd give Xeno's route a 7/10.

[poly-mc]

Lore dump

CW: Blurred line between IC and OOC under the cut; trauma

My OC, Poly MC, is basically just me. I came up with that, after figuring out that I have feelings for all the brothers in the game Obey Me. This lead me to believe that I'm ambiamorous🦋

For more info on me, you can see my intro🪷

Full name: Fairwish Chanzé Breytenbach

Birthday: 25 February 2002

Age: 22

Gender: A fairy sitting on a leaf, looking over a beach and the ocean, under a starlit nightsky. I am that fairy🧚🏽✨️

My own flavour of non-binary 💛🤍💜🖤

Pronouns: Sea/star

*Please see my intro for a more in-depth explanation on that

How to use: Sea is cooking for starself. Basically, you replace "she" with "sea" and "her" with "star"

Sexuality: Pansexual

Nationality: South African

Race: Mixed (50% Black, 50% White)

Culture: Afrikaans and Zulu

Height: 5'1 (157cm)

Things I like doing: Colouring🧑🏽‍🎨, painting 🎨 video games 🎮(I played A LOT of Nintendo 3Ds as a kid, but now I mostly play Genshin and Sky)🎮, mobile games; 420 (eating and smoking)🍃, jigsaw puzzles🧩, cooking 🧑🏽‍🍳(my parents never tought me how to cook, so now I'm experimenting and teaching myself)🍲, singing🎤 (I guess I'm okay🤷🏽), dancing🕺🏽 (at least I have fun😂), writing poetry✒️

Likes: My boys❤️, my rp kids💖, my Bubba🐱❤️my bio mom🫂❤️, food, music, anime, animals, making people happy, rain, the ocean

Dislikes: My adoptive mom (she's narcissistic), hurting people, pedophiles, bigots, Trump

What I look like/Selfie dump:

I don't take a lot of pictures of myself, because I don't really like the way that I look most of the time😅 Recently, that's been getting a lot better though, since I got top surgery, started showering regularly again and taking better care of my hair. This allowed me to find a look that I really like on myself🤩 These are the only pictures of me that I feel comfortable posting right now, though ☺️😅

I'm an AuDHD-er (autism is self-diagnosed) and am currently recovering from what I suspect is burnout. I'm pretty sure I burnt out during high school. When I was in school, I always had to work harder than everyone else in class, on account of being the slowest. I write slower, make more mistakes and sometimes it takes me longer to process information. A lot of times, this caused me to hold everyonein class back with lessons and made me feel very ashamed. Every year, with a new class, I knew that I was the slowest out of everyone there. I also have a really hard time studying, without writing everything down or highlighting everything.

Everything started going downhill in 10th grade (16 yrs). It was really scary, having to watch as my grades/marks went down more and more with every passing term. Mostly in Science and Maths and sometimes EGD (Engineering Graphics and Design). No matter how much or how hard or how smart I worked, they just kept going down. If they weren't going down, they were stagnant. And I was the nerd. I was constantly spending my time with my nose in a book, or doing some type of homework or studying. Every afternoon, immediately after school (and all evening), even during breaktime/lunch - I would sit and do homework. I never went out with friends, went to parties or sleepovers (in high school. I did have and go to sleepoves in primary school, though. Those were fun). My whole life revolved around school. In high school, I didn't really have close friends. You know when you're friends with someone, but you only ever see them in school? It was like that. Those were the only friends I had in high school. So, essentially, I didn't really feel like I belonged anywhere.

Electrical Technology was fun, though🙃 I was the only "girl" in class, so being the top student and getting better grades than the boys that bullied me, felt that much better 😆😂

Having my final year in 2020, really did it for me. 2019 is the last time I remember everything being "normal". I still have a semblance of regret for not being able to have that high school anime (love) story that everyone talks about. *Sigh🌸* It was also really tough, knowing that that was our year of lasts and we didn't get to do all the things that students usually do in that year. I still remember the feeling of not being able to hug my teachers or my friends, how empty, quiet and orderly the hallways felt. Lifeless...It was horrible.

I could go on, but I think I'm going to end it here🌿 I feel that's enough trauma for today😂 Remember, if you have any questions my asks are always open🌼 I'm pretty much an open book with people I feel safe around and I feel really safe and loved in this community🫶🏽 So, I don't really mind talking about my trauma and past experiences with you guys 🤷🏽 Don't expect that from other people, though 🙅🏽 They might not be as comfortable about it. Just because I am, doesn't mean that they will be too.

Okay, bye🌻

[ackercoded]

soooo when u get a weirdo in your inbox do u guys respond to them or pretend they dont exist. i feel like both responding and not responding is literally gonna lead towards the same outcome. i dont wanna respond bc why tf would i but also i want to because it involves someone??. people in this platform are pissing me the fuck off i just wanna read and write shit related to levi bro even twitter isnt this controversial?? are yall okay is everything good at home???

i dont wanna turn the anonymous messages option off i feel like thats just not cool i respect people who read my stuff too much but also like idk

dont hop on my dick (again x2) but im just gonna go back to pretending no one is real everyone is just a username on my screen, at least that way i wont feel miserable coming on this app. i dont get on here a lot in general and im not invested like that too, i have a life. its why i struggle with uploading or editing my drafts so much too im not lazy i was joking lmfao i really do have shit to do irl believe it or not. work and studies keep handing my ass back to me and some of yall invent drama on here to stay high on. pathetic.

if youre reading this anon, which i lowkey feel like is the same one as before who tried stirring the pot, find a hobby. theres so many to choose from. im gonna start blocking everyone yall try to pit me against for my sake and theirs. i dont have to exist to nobody except for the people who just come on here to read fics like me.

peace.

[jess-the-vampire]

What will happen in your au version of for the future

there's some stuff i'm gonna touch on in comics in more detail but the rundown is after making it back, eda is gonna separate from the group with darius and eber to get king

she doesn't know how long she might be back in her normal form before the beast takes over and she refuses to let her son be in harm's way and never see him again.

Caleb wants to talk to her about the hunter and luz thing in more detail but she's not ready yet, so she leaves and tells him to keep an eye on the kids and find a safe place to protect them.

This includes luz, despite their reunion, she wants luz safe and away from collector.

A part of eda also wants to confront lilith too.

so the caleb gang do eventually get to hexside via survivors, and kikimora, instead of what happens in canon, is actually in charge of the group in a more honest way.

In fact she's trying to figure out a plan to stop collector and free philip.

She actually thought caleb and hunter might of also been captured by collector too, so she was trying to free her family and in the meantime she and steve have been helping survivors.

Basically she finally got the power position she wanted, but it's for good reasons.

so family reunion with her.

They're planning to stay and take shelter like eda asked but luz refuses for them to hide like this, she's tired of being underestimated by eda and thinks they should all go after the collector with kiki's plans.

She is worried sick eda won't make it.

Willow is feeling the pressure of her parents being captured and hunter is doing his best to reassure her and so is gus, who is talking to hunter about knowing his and luz's secret.

Amity however, finds out odalia is working with collector via intel from kiki and kiki's own inventions, collector who captured her dad and has left her siblings in the state they are and she is PISSED.

Both her and luz want to go up there and confront the people they believe to have hurt their family and they confront how they are both being projected onto and that to succeed they need to be their honest selves.

Which is perfect for them and their own confession.

but things are starting to shake up as whatever titan trappers are left get word of them arriving and start to break in to capture them. Leading to a very different fight in the detention pit.

Hunter does get his memory of EAE removed, deciding to do the plan and get into the head.

Hunter's palisman comes to life when he confronts caleb about how he wants nothing more then to stay in the demon realm, to study magic, make palisman, and live his best life there.

Caleb spent awhile considering if leaving earth was the worst mistake he ever made and it made hunter wonder the same, if nothing ever would of gotten so bad if he stayed like he was supposed to.

and this is a moment of caleb being honest and saying "No, you being here is everything to me, i got to live my best life here and so should you. You should get to be anything you want to be, and live as fully as you want. I may of made mistakes, but coming here was not one of them, and neither was having you as my kid".

Fully forgiving himself for the mistakes he made.

they get into the titan head after the fact.

As far as collector goes, Lilith and king have been conspiring against him, but neither want to hurt him. They want philip to join but he just.....sits there, depressed. They have bonded over the months but he refuses to do anything but let himself suffer.

The titan trappers let collector know the gang arrived, and that eda is coming for king and they're planning to end him. He doesn't assume king or lilith would agree to this, but then sees them reuinite with eda and that they are up for stopping him and assumes the worst of the situation.

i can get into more detail later

but that's a good summary of events till then