#but also cause no matter how many works i do it wont cover the whole show since my y/ns cant be everywhere at once | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

peachyproserpina · 3 years ago

Text

Silk Shorts

Blaise (Del Taco Guy) X Fem!Plus size! Reader

TW: oral m receiving, anxiety, crying, weight mention, self harm, crying, yelling, dry heaving, vomiting, self hate, insecurities, clothes shopping, daddy kink, body worship, angst with fluff

If I miss a tag please let me know!

Blaise is the beautiful brain child of @glassbxttless who is spoiling me and letting me write for her AU. This was only supposed to be a cute little blurb and now it's a 4000 word brain child. Please enjoy this, it was super cathartic to write.

He’s heard you sigh for what feels like the fith time today, and jesus, he fucking loves you but it’s starting to get on your nerves. It’s barely noon and you're all spread out on the carpet in his office floor. Wearin that cute pink nighty set he’s seen you in and out of a million times by now. He watches your shoulders tense up and he just knows you’re about to let out ANOTHER sigh and he snaps his laptop shut a little too loud making you jump. Looking over your shoulder at him behind his desk all guilty.

“Sorry Daddy.” It’s a half assed apology but he can see that you’re still holding that tension in your shoulders. Blaise raises an eyebrow at you as he lights up a cigarette and pats his lap, wanting you to cuddle up to him. You shake your head and go back to lookin at your phone. He doesn’t like being told no, even if it’s coming from you. Especially when he can feel you too much in your own head. You’ve been together for a year now and he knows you, the whole emotions and ‘i love you’ part is pretty new to you both but he knows when you’re worrying over something just as much as you know the moment he calls you without a text or steps in the door he's had a shit day. “Honey, you know better.”

He exhales and watches the way you twist to look over to him again, admiring the way the little lacy shorts get eaten up by your big thighs and the way that soft patch of stomach can be seen when you’re all relaxed like this. He feels his cock stir in his pants and he palms it. Willing it to wait until he knows what exactly is going on.

You’re caught, you knew you should have stayed out of his office, but he’s been on the other side of the country and the big apartment he got for you is well… Too big, without him there smoking and taking up all the room and fucking you full every half hour. You worry your lip between your teeth and you get yourself up, cringing when you feel the way your thighs jiggle and your tits move when you walk over to him. Now that he’s home you don't wanna be away from him but you’ve been trying to go clothes shopping and it’s never a pretty endeavor. With the way you’re built and the way you’re bigger than most it feels like a fruitless impossible task, nothing ever fits right, if they have your size it's only online, and you can’t even try it on to make sure it does fit right! Let alone if you want something cute you have to pay an arm and a leg for it. Not that you couldn’t just ask Blaise for some extra cash, but as silly as it is, you don’t wanna bother him for it. Because if you tell him what it’s for he’ll wanna come with and that's a whole other thing.

Blaise sees the way you’re stuck in your own head and you get comfortable between his outstretched legs, you squish a cheek against his thigh, you’re so fucking close to his cock he might lose his mind. He takes a good look at you and the app you have open on your phone and when he sees the flashing lights for an ad “20% off when you sign up!” and the rows and rows of dresses he cocks his head again. Stubbing out his cigarette he wraps one of those big warm palms around your jaw and gives you a little shake, causing you to look up at him all starry eyed.

“You need some new clothes baby?” He asks, hand still wrapped around your jaw, making you pout in the cutest way. He watches your eyes flick down before meeting his and you nod just a little bit. You’re anxious, he can feel it beat off you in waves and you are biting your cheek, he can feel the way you're going at it through your cheek. You’ve never been shy to ask him for money before, for anything, not that you asked him for all that much before anyway, just to help you cover tuition and ubers, the occasional nail appointment. Now that he’s thinking about it he doesn’t know if you’ve ever asked him for clothes money, and now that he’s thinking real hard about it he’s trying to remember the last time he’s seen you in something new. He was usually too preoccupied with taking your clothes off to really notice, but it’s been a year now and even when he takes you out it’s usually the same rotation of those cute lil club dresses with different shoes. He feels like an idiot for not picking up on this sooner, you’re his girl, you’ve been his baby since he laid eyes on you. But you’ve got him so drunk on your kitty and wrapped so tight around your finger he didn’t pick up on this.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He’s pulling you up closer to his crotch, and now he can see down your shirt and there’s not stopping his cock from getting hard now. You slip out of his grasp and lick your lips as you start to work his belt off, it’d be impossible to not notice how hard he was. You work his slacks down and press feather light kisses over his clothed cock before pushing your face down hard and starts working his briefs down as well. You wrap your lips around the head of his cock and he hisses while you give him those fucking puppy dog eyes that he knows is going to kill him one of these days. You work him deeper into your mouth and let out a noncommittal hum, Blaise drops his head back against his chair when you do that and groans. You’re nestled against the base of him now and he’s fucking panting, you’re sooo fucking tight for him, it doesn’t matter how many times he fucks your throat raw, you’re always sooo tight and- ”Fucking perfect sugar. Make me cum then we’ll get you dressed and hit the town.” He feels you freeze for a moment before you fondle his balls in that way only you do and he’s gone again.

You’re really nervous, you’re nervous when you get dressed, opting for something you can slip in and out of easily. You’re nervous when Blaises kisses you nice and deep, basically tonguing your tonsils while you both wait for his car. You’re especially nervous when you’re pulling up to the mall, you’ve never been to this mall before, knowing they probably don't carry your size in any of these stores. You’re trying to let on too much, Blaise actually looked excited for this, excited to go out with you, excited to ‘have such easy fuckin access to you Princess.’ But you can’t feel much beyond this dread you always get and how sweaty your palms are. Blaise helps you out of the car before you tuck your arm into his and follow into what might as well be your funeral.

The mall is, well a mall, no matter how many name brand and designer stores are crammed into it you’ll always be able to smell the pretzel place and there’s always some teens who should probably be in school around. You let Blaise lead the way, he can’t remember the last time he took someone shopping, must have been years ago, when he first started doing what he’s doin, when he finally got some money in his name and wanted to impress whoever was nearby. He’s chatting your ear off while he walks you into the first clothing store he sees. It’s chic, trendy, all neutral colors and boxy patterns. You walk around the store with Blaise at your side trying to fight off the rising panic in your gut, nothing is going to fit and Blaise is gonna finally realize you’re too fat for him and leave you. Even after he got that tattoo just for you, even after he’s whispered all those ‘I love you's' into your hair when he thinks you’re asleep.

You pick at some of the clothes, flipping over the tags and making faces. Blaise chalks it up to the fact nothing in this store looks like much your style and you’re thankful for when he kisses his spot on your neck and whisks you out of there and on a quest for something more your style. You’re in and out of what feels like 10 stores, with nothing more than some jewelry he caught you eyeing and asked him for. He tisked you but bought it for you, making you promise you’ll pick out some clothes once you find something you like. You’re on the other side of the mall by now and he feels you lag when you both pass by a lingerie store, nothing too gaudy or cheap in the windows. He knows expensive when he sees it and the lacework on the sets on display are just that. He’s watching your reaction, your eyes are darting over a lacy peachy set and he's imaging you in that set and he’s getting hard again. Leading you inside the store he feels you stiffen right before you both enter and he chalks it up to the wave of jasmine that wafts out when he opens the door for you.

Swallowing your nerves you enter the store you’ve been dreaming of going to for years, knowing damn well you wont fit into anything here, you’ve done the research, they don’t carry anything above a size 5 here and you’re trying not to cry as you walk in. You’re both greeted with a happy trill of a hello and she gives you the once over you’ve gotten your whole life, the once over that means ‘there's no way she can fit into anything in here’ you make your way into the belly of the beast.

Blaise is watching your intently, you can feel it and he knows you can, he knows you want something from this store and if he has to buy one of everything for you he is going to. All he wants to do is fucking spoil you like you deserve and he also maybe, might want to cum all over those pretty red shorts you’re feeling in between your finger tips. He steps up behind you and you jump a little when he nuzzles into your neck. His hands are trailing up your thighs, over your arms and feeling the silk between his fingers while letting out a little hum. You relax back into his chest, and press a kiss next to his Adam's apple. “I wanna see you in these baby, also wanna cover them in my cum after I tear through them to get to your juicy cunt.”

You gasp and turn around, your cheeks are heating up in embarrassment, not only for Blaise being so crass out in public, not that you expected anything less, but also because you know he’s never going to be able to see you in these. You press a hand to his chest and another to your cheek trying to stop and settle yourself.

“Daddy! You can’t say things like that in public.” You tap his chest for emphasis and roll your eyes when he gives you that look he always does before he eats you out for hours.

“Aw, you two are so cute! Shopping for your wife today sir?” The store attendant has managed to sneak up behind the both of you while Blaise was whispering filth in your ear. Blaise stiffens at the mention of a wife and shoots a glare at the attendant,

“Excuse me?” he turns fully to the attendant and she shrinks once he’s no longer crouching over you, you’re hiding behind him now, not wanting to deal with this just- wanting to go home. You know she’s about to say something stupid and you know you might have to pull Blaise out of here by the back of his suit jacket. She looks ashamed enough but she asks again-

“Are you two shopping for your wife today sir?” She gestures to you who is hanging onto Blaises arm, not only for your sake but also hers, Blaise runs a hand through his hair and you can see his shoulders tense.

“Do you see a ring on my finger? Do I look like im fucking married to you?” Blaise’s voice is starting to raise and the attendant takes a step back, raising her hands up in front of her, trying to diffuse the situation.

“No, sir I'm sorry- I just thought. You, she was your daughter you see.” Blaise goes stock still and you worry your lip between your teeth, you can feel the way he’s getting angry, you can see the way the red is creeping up over his turtle neck and into his face. He takes one big step forward and points at her.

“Now you listen here, she is not my daughter. Do I look old enough to have a daughter her age? You’ve got a fine fuckin establishment here and I don’t want to cause any fucking trouble so why don’t you get a fucking dressing room started for us and one of everything in her size.” He gestures to you during the last bit and you start to panic in full force. The attendant does that once over you’ve been getting at every store you’ve been into today and you know exactly what the next words out of her mouth are going to be.

“I- I can get that room started sir, but we don’t carry anything in her size.” She at least has the decency to look scared when she says it and Blaise blows up on her then.

“What the FUCK do you mean you don’t carry anything in her size? What like it’s fucking hard to do so?” He picks up those shorts you were eyeing and looks at the price. “You have the fucking nerve to charge four hundred and eighty fuckin’ dollars for a pair of shorts and you can’t carry them in my baby’s fucking size? What kind of bullshit is that?” He keeps going and you’re tugging on his sleeve, trying to get him out of the store, trying so fucking hard to not let these tears that have been building up all day finally spill over in public like this. Blaise is in full swing now, asking questions, and hounding this poor woman to death, digging his cell phone out of his pocket to start making calls, because he has a fucking number for every situation and apparently this is one of those.

“Can we just go?” You’re trying to get his attention, embarrassed and needing to go home before more of a scene can be made. The attendant has gone ghost white as he lays into her and this whole store and you just leave, you can feel the tears start to slip and you need to be out of this fucking awful jasmine induced nightmare so you can breathe. You make your way out of the store while you can feel the tears track down your face, knowing you look like a mess while leggy blondes and brunettes with arms full of bags point, whisper, giggle, behind their hands at you while you try to find the closest fucking place to cry. Closest fucking place to maybe drown yourself and never have to fucking go through this again, never have anyone ever have to deal with this again. You see a restroom and hurry to it, thanking whoever was listening that it was just a single room, no stalls, no way for anyone else to come in and hear you cry yourself sick yet again.

You shut the door behind you and lock it tight before you’re curling in on yourself, sobs tearing out of your chest while you try to hold it together. You didn’t want to do this, you knew it was going to be a fucking disaster. It always is, it’;s easier to stay home and order whatever online and hope it fits. You’re fucking fat and there’s no changing it, you pinch your thighs till you feel the sting of blood bubble to the surface, these fucking thighs that you hate, that make it impossible to fit into skirts, dresses, pants. You’re trying to muffle your cries as you drag your nails up up up over your stomach, round and big, and awful. You know you’re not worth his love of affection, worth anyone's love of affection with a body like this. You watch the red welts bloom from where you’ve dragged your nails angrily over your skin and you sob so hard you feel like you might throw up.

You’re so caught up in your self tirade of hate that you haven’t even noticed the banging on the bathroom door, haven’t heard the panicked yells of Blaise on the other side, he’s never heard you cry like this before and his blood is running cold thinking it’s his fault, thinking he’s made such a scene, embarrassed you so much he’s caused you to cry. He gives up on getting you to open the door before he’s trying to knock it down. It takes a good three times before he’s kicked the door in and he sees you and his heart breaks then and there. You’re dry heaving into the toilet, face puffy and eyes red from crying, he can see the little drops of blood running down your thighs and the way your top is rucked up with the welts peaking through.

“Princess. Comere.” He goes to pick you up and you hold your hand up, stopping him in his tracks, shaking your head back and forth as you try not to vomit in front of him. You look over at him start crying all fresh, you can see how fucking scared he looks, how concerned he is for you and it makes you sick to your stomach.

“Just, go home Blaise.” your voice is hoarse from all the crying and you're mumbling it more into the toilet then to him. His heart breaks at that, he won’t just leave you and he loves it when you say his name. But he never wanted to hear it like this, hear it between hiccups of sadness instead of pleasure like you usually say it.

“I’m not just going to leave you baby-” he takes a step closer and kneels down on the tile with you, you let out a huff and roll your eyes, mumbling a quiet ‘you should’. He hears it and places a hand on your back, you tense up and he almost takes it back before he thinks twice, knowing how much you love, need, want, beg him to always touch you. “I didn’t catch that honey.” You let out a sigh before you look over at him properly.

“Just, leave now Blaise. Leave me now and go get that tattoo covered up and find someone actually worth your time. Because I’m not.” You husked out, throat raw hoarse. How you manage to have fresh tears running down your face is beyond your comprehension, but they’re there and he’s wiping them away as fast as they come.

“Why would I do that bunny? I love you to death.” You stiffen at the admission and worry your lip between your teeth.

“I’m just not, I -” you struggle to find the words that have been in the back of your mind and the tip of your tongue since you started this arrangement. “I’m too fat for you Blaise, you need to be with some supermodel, teeny tiny Instagram influencer, someone who can fit into all the shit you wanna buy em. Not someone like me who ends up shopping at fucking second hand stores and Wal-Mart.” It feels good to get the thought out that you’ve been harboring this whole time, it’s like breaking a fever, ripping off a bandaid, it stings and hurts now but it’s better for everyone involved to know the truth.

This whole tirade Blaise has been listening, but he doesn’t know if he’s ever felt more lost in his life. He has no fucking clue what you’re going on about, he has never once thought about leaving you from the moment you wrapped your lips around his cock. He never once thought you were fat, he was always so caught up in the way you looked under and over him and how fucking hard you make him cum to think about anything other then how much he loves all of you. He pulls you in tight to his chest and presses kisses to the top of your head while you dig your fingers into him and cry anew. He sits and waits for you to finish, or the hiccups to stop, for your breathing to get heavy and slow, even. He pulls back cradling your face between his palms before pressing a tiny kiss to your lips. You close your eyes and enjoy his touch, committing it to memory, figuring it’s going to be the last.

“Your brain is too big for its own good, ya know that sweets?” Blaise breaks the silence in the bathroom with that and you feel like this afternoon hasn’t been real. You look up at him all puzzled, lost as to where he’s gotten that thought. You go to ask him about it before he shushes you with a tender kiss. “Baby, I- you’re not fat.” You roll your eyes and give him a look that almost makes him feel sheepish. He squishes your cheeks together making you pout before pressing kisses all over your face.

“Okay, yes you are fat. But that doesn’t change the fact I'm in love with you.” He laces his fingers together at the back of your neck and keeps eye contact with you. “I don’t give a fuck how much you weigh or what size you are. I love you, every single fucking part of you. I love the way you feel when you cuddle up with me. I adore the way you feel under my hands, I love the fact I can rest my head on you and feel comfortable. I-” he’s getting lost in the thought of the first time you trapped him between your pillowy thighs and he’s getting hard. You can feel him getting hard under you and you huff out a breath. You go to pull away and he’s pulled back to the present. He tightens his grip and focuses back on you.

“You’re not too fat for me. I don’t want anyone but you, I will never want anyone but you.” He says it with such conviction it makes you start to tear up again, finally, maybe, believing him a little. “Sorry for dragging you out here love, I should have picked up on the fact you didn’t want to come.” You shake your head and press a kiss to his palm.

“It’s okay. Can we just go home?” you plead, Blaise nods, helping you up and sending a text for his driver to be ready by the doors ASAP. Once your home Bliase sheds you out of your clothes before laying you down in the middle of his big bed and kissing what must be every fucking inch of your skin, paying close and tender attention to the spots where you dug your nails in deep enough to bleed. He’s never been this soft to you and before you both know it you’re out like a light, exhausted from all the emotions.

It’s not even a week later when someone rings the bell to your apartment, you buzz them in, figuring it’s one of your friends stopping by to say hi or needing help with homework. It’s not until there's a knock and you answer the door and what has got to be a small army of delivery people with so many packages you’re getting dizzy. You direct them to the living room, and they’re piling up and you’re starting to freak out a little. It isn’t until you see Blaise’s driver with a little envelope addressed to “Baby” in his chicken scratch. You thank him and sit on the counter opening the letter.

“Baby girl,

I know last week was rough on you. I went ahead and ordered you some stuff, well I sent my stylist out and ordered you some stuff to your measurements. I know that this doesn’t fix everything but I hope it’s a start and as soon as I’m home I will make sure you know just how much I love you and how perfect you are.”

#blaise x reader #peachy writes #blaise x plus size reader #plus size reader #tw daddy kink #tw crying #tw self half #tw selfhate #tw angst #angst and fluff #tw vomit #LOLOLOL THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A CUTE LITTLE THING

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years ago

Note

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

#lbaf

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c4-weeb · 4 years ago

Text

Obey me boy head cannons!

Skater!Mc x the demon boys + undateables!

Alright so background! Human mc had invited one of the boys to go to a skating rink with her in the human world, since she is one of the main racers and a very frequent attendee at the place since she was 10. She knows the regular skaters and owners pretty well. Shes held with high respect there and is pretty talented. She has skate races and a whole team of great skaters, so what happens when one day she invites one of the boys to go on a date/ support her during a competitive roller derby? Also please do keep in mind I'm taking inspiration off the monster high roller derby cause that race was pretty cool and difficult to do so make it more modernized and human. You know... no swinging axes or kraken's trying to grab you as you skate. Though in reality that sounds like something Diavolo would put together for devildom roller derby's...

Lucifer

When he heard you beg him to come support you for your first race back in the human world he was a little taken aback. A roller derby? Him? I mean he wasn't going to be the loudest but he did find the thought of watching them succeed and wanting his praise amusing nonetheless....

....in reality he missed the Mc dearly and would appreciate the time with them, but he'd never say so out loud.

When you looked up to him from the stands he smirked at you, the pressure was on... that smirk was the one of judgement and "let's see how you do" which wracked your nerves with enough anxiety that it helped fuel the fire to make sure you succeeded.

When the Mc took off, being shoved by people bigger than her on each side, he was surprised when you fell back and the two idiots collided and she hopped over with ease and sped towards the front with amazing speed.

When The Mc and their team won, she came speeding to him and hugged him from behind and thanked him.

Later he took you out to eat in congratulations, the smile on your face from getting praise and food? All the stress from the day was relieved by that small gesture.

"I dont know why I thought I had finally found out everything I could about you, yet you just keep surprising me...."

Mammon

When the you asked for his support during a casual race at your local skating rink, with just your team mates going against eachother in a regular speed skate with a few obstacles, he wasnt so interested, saying he wants money in return for his support, when in reality he would have went anyways. But when you told him that since it was a casual race, people could bet on the racers, he agreed so fast and even begged to be summoned right then and there.

Expect him to be screaming at the top of his lungs for you to win

Isnt against calling you baby this loud in public

May or may not have tried climbing the fence when you got pushed

Definitely bet on you, and a huge sum of money too. So much faith 😭❤

Once you've won expect him to come flying at you, poor baby forgot you where on skates tho so you'd end up falling backwards to your friends amusement of your cuddly demon.

Tried threatening the owners to do another race so he could get money and failed

Sulked till you dragged him by the hand to skate in the neon lights since most people left it was just you two

Later he would drag you to either go to bet on races with him to gain more money or go to shower you in gifts, really depended on how well you could convince him to not go gambling, which had a 50/50 success rate.

"If I'm not going to get more money I might as well shower you in what I have, make you the prettiest gem for the whole world to see!" "Mammon you only won 200 dollars not a mil-" "sh, sh, shhhhh, shhh, no arguing! The Great Mammon is going to treat his treasure right tonight, ya' hear!?"

Leviathan

Now getting this otaku outta his room was an absolute struggle. So like a cat trapping their preh, you had to summon him to your house and put a blindfold on him for a special surprise.

Dragged his unsocial ass to the car and road down to the skate rink and took off his blind fold once you both got inside.

It took a lot of coaxing, but you finally got him to calm down enough to get a pair of skates.

If your skater friends said hi to him he'd hide by your arm like a scared 5 year old

The jealousy he felt of everyone in the room was unbelievable, because the poor boy has no balance for skating. On wheels or ice, his body just refuses.

You offered to help him learn and the poor boys face was fuming red, thankfully the neon lights and darkness hid it well.

He held onto your hand for balance throughout the whole date, only stopping to eat some pizza and play some arcade games.

After a few hours you headed back to your house to binge some Starwars, wanting to watch something different with him.....which eventually led to the both of you getting bored and going back to the new ruri-chan movie you guys binged countless amount of times on the phone together.

"H-hey! Hold on you're going t-too fast! No now you're so close I-....um... ack everyone can see us...so many people... but its worth it to show that your mine!"

Satan

Now Satan isnt much of a skater, nor a loud supporter, but with enough coaxing you finally got him to at least try and relax with you, doing a nice small couple's night at the skate rink

Really wanted to try human customs with you so there was little resistance

He would hold their hand as you'd skate

Even think of skating away from him and he will chase after you

This man's rage in his bones makes him a natural speed skater

Will tickle you when he catches you, starts a very one sided tickle war tho

If you wanna sit down, it's going to be in his lap, no rejections.

Will find it adorable if your friends make fun of how blushy you're getting as you hide in his chest

"Come now kitten, dont run away or I'm going to tickle you so hard that your face will hurt too much to smile at anyone else but me"

Asmodeus

This sweet baby was already dragging you to your room to glamor you up before the race.

Honey no need to say anything, he will make you the most gorgeous skater just tell him the vibes you wanna give off and he will hit the nail straight on the head and match your aesthetic.

Best expect victory photos.

Will record your victory and show it off to the group chat with the brothers.

Absolutely head over heels for you, hanging off your body in a hug and then going for a really close skate together

Might try to convince you to have some celebratory seggs but will 100% be making it known how much you excited him.

"Sweetheart look at all the likes our photos are getting! Everyone's congratulating you! Awe look at how viral my baby is! That was a VERY thrilling experience watching you, and you do need to take care of that body....shall we take this home and undress you so I can congratulate you the right way~♡?"

Beezlebub

Immediately agreed when you brought it up that you wanted to bring him to the skate rink, someplace you enjoyed going.

He knew skating was like a work out but was worried about finding skates his size there so he brought his own customized skates.

You better have snacks cause baby is gonna be starving.

Thankfully since you also work there and know the owners, you where allowed to hop over and take his order, putting it on your tab. 4 pizzas 2 Turkey legs 7 hotdogs and a pint of water (remember to stay hydrated)

If you bumped into a few of your friends and he WILL get along with them. He wants to be apart of your life, all of it, so he'll make it a point to get along with everyone in it for your sake.

If you ever look like you're going to fall he will be so close behind you it would be like slipping and falling back onto a brick wall who grabs you before you hit the floor.

If you fall forward he will grab your shirt but try not to choke you in the process

(If you do choke poor baby with be hugging you apologizing profusely)

You two try racing eachother but no matter what you dont win cause hes just too fast

Finds you challenging him over and over endearing and adorable.

"You're so adorable when you're chasing after me trying to win, but I'm hungry now...can we go eat again?"

Belphegor

Will complain once you ask him to go skating for date night in the human world

Wont stop till he finds out it has a sunroof along with the neon lights so he can look at the stars while skating with you.

Will only skate for an hour or two then passes out on your lap

Will not help at all when you fall, just laughs cause he is probably the reason you fell in the first place.

When hes skating he will take your hand in his the whole time and sorta lean on your shoulder while skating from behind you.

You two will stop periodically to sit at the small felt covered benches in the rink to look up at the stars (may or may not fall asleep on your shoulder so you're stuck there with him sleeping for 20 minutes)

You will be the last ones out

Must grab some food for Beel cause belphie promised to bring him home food.

Skating (more like you dragging him by the hand while hes in skates)back to your place and looking at the stars together at like 3am

Wont go back till he can officially cuddle you till the morning and leaves at 11am

"Hey look...theres Ursa major...*yawn* come on let's sit down again, I'm tired..."

Luke (only as siblings you take him skating)

Doesnt know how to skate

You end up teaching him and hes the happiest little boy ever.

If you take him to a race he'll be all worried that you got a scratch and starts to get protective over you when the person who pushed you comes near

Definitely eating cotton candy

Playing claw machines and you win him a stuffed piggy and he holds it near and dear to his heart cause it's from you

"Mc! Mc! Look I'm doing it! I'm skating! Sir oinkers and me are skating together! Thank you so much haha!"

Simeon

Happily joins to cheer you on during your races everytime. Got a race? Simeon will be there.

If you dont win he will comfort you and make the best of the situation by taking you to the food bar till it turns to a free skate again.

If you're injured he will pamper you and be ready with his first aid. Little angel kisses on every scrap and bruise.

So many forehead kisses of encouragement and praise 🥺😭

Can speed skate, so if you want to practice he'll help but if you want to relax he'll do that too.

Inlines? Regular skates? No matter what hes great at them.

Somehow he has great luck and every stuffie you showed interest in or every candy or prize there was that you would even look at, he would win on the first try.

"Dont worry! I'll carry it all. You just relax alright? You got pretty bruised from that fall."

Barbatos

Getting this man to stop working and go on a date will need a ton of patience, even Lord Diavolo has to convince him the little d's will do their jobs right while hes away.

Will take care of every scrape and bruise you get.

Man has glowsticks prepared to cheer you on

When it turns back to a free skate he will try his best to impress you and teach you little tricks he's picked up in his many years.

You try to convince him to eat some of the food there and he will politely decline and proceed to take you out to a nice fancy, but quaint restaurant.

"You were really quick to dodge them back there, yet you still got a few bruises, truly amazing for humans to get to that speed and dodge so fast. You're really a fascinating one arent you?"

Lord Diavolo

This man.... he made SIGNS

WILL be hollering when you win

The loudest in the stands

Glowsticks, glowing necklaces, bracelets, man is even wearing a glowing necklace around his head for you, glowing head to toe

So happy and proud 🥺😭❤

Definitely brought barbatos to help hold up the glittery signs him and the little d's made

Barbatos will leave with the signs after congratulating you and leaving you two to your date.

He will be a little off balanced when first skating cause the man went straight for the inlines 😂

Will be smiling the whole time, nothing can or will ruin it.

Absolutely in love with the skate rink because of you and even wants to add a few to the devildom so they can hold tournaments like the one you where in

Can get sad if he cant get you a stuffed animal while you're in the bathroom so he summons Barbatos again to help him while you're away.

Sends Barbatos away so you wont know he helped him get the prizes

Ends up getting you 6 stuffies and a phone case that doesnt fit your phone but it's the thought that counts right?

You win him a medium sized dragon from the claw machine and he sleeps with it every night and loves it like it's your guy's kid.

If he meets your friends he will find out just how much you've missed him as you get embarrassed, makes a mental note to see you once a week after that encounter.

Will eat 2 Turkey legs as you eat a slice of pizza and share a pitcher of soda with him

(He makes a mess of his face so you clean it off for him)

Will not want to leave and go back to the devildom so he'll insist on staying the rest of the night and walks you home

Will. NOT. LEAVEEEE! Master of excuses for why he should stay.

"But I dont want to leave! Theres still so much to do!" "Can I at least see your house?" "I wont leave until I see you're safe at home!" "Please can I stay the night, I miss having you wake up in my arms." "I want to see the morning sun rise with you before I go back"

#obey me #shall we date #leviathan headcanons #lucifer #obey me mammon #satan avatar of wrath #asmo obey me #beelzeebub #belphie headcanons #headcannons #skater #shall we date simeon #luke obey me #lord diavolo #shall we date barbatos

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hesther-mcg · 4 years ago

Text

melodies to kiss to

request: @copperbitches: you and Bolin dance at a party and kiss or something cute like that..

pairing: bolin x reader

warnings: none, just some kissesssss

a/n: idk why it wont let me tag u that’s literally the acc u sent the ask from asnmxlkxkzmak anyways here it is!! after forever!! sorry abt that hehe. also added some brosami bc that’s the friendship we ALL DESERVED. i hope you like this, requests are currently closed but i have a TON of stuff on the way!! i did a WIP tag the other day if you’re interested in looking for it

also i have my first person on my tag list!! hehe yay!! love my wife sm

tag list: @noodlesfluffy

Laughs filtered through the air, along with the clinking of glasses and the chatter of companions. Everyone you knew to be apart of your crazy life after meeting Korra and getting swept up in Avatar Business™ was gathered, and then there were others you weren’t familiar with mixed in. However, this did nothing to hinder your mood, and you danced freely with Ikki on the dance floor regardless of who was around.

Bolin watched you from afar, a dreamy grin on his face. He stood with Mako and Wu, who had tagged along with his brother. The three were on the far side of the room, and Wu was going on about something or another, and Bolin couldn’t find it in himself to listen. Not when you were dressed so nicely, or when your eyes twinkled as you laughed loudly, or when you twirled around with the one person who seemed to match your energy perfectly, or when he kept thinking about you with and his daughter in another life.

He didn’t notice when Wu dragged Mako away, and he also didn’t notice the hostess of the party herself replace them. Not until she cleared her throat and he jerked his head to the side. “Oh, hey, Asami...” he grinned shyly, his cheeks warming at having been caught in the act.

“Hey, Bolin,” she grinned. “Whatcha doing?” She questioned knowingly.

“Ah,” he hesitated, voice rising in pitch. “Nothing, nothing. Just,” he shrugged his shoulders and extended his arms out. “Enjoying this party you threw! Congratulations by the way!”

Asami nodded her head with a grin, knowing there was more to it. “Thank you, Bolin, it really means a lot. We’ve been working really hard at Future Industries so I Korra and I thought it’d be a good idea to celebrate,” she smiled as her eyes scanned the crowd for the girl mentioned. Bolin did the same, and his heart melted when he spotted you.

You were dragging Korra onto the dance floor, Ikki at your side with the older girls other hand grasped tightly. When the pair of you managed to drag her out there, triumphant laughs and high fives and all, she picked you both up and spun you around. “You know, (y/n) is a really great person,” Asami chimed, and the earthbender dragged his eyes away from you. “I mean, we all love them, and they have so much potential,” he looked at Bolin and leaned in a bit closer. “And we know that you like them.”

He choked on air, and jerked away from the girl like she’d zapped him with her electric glove. “W-what?” He asked, drawing the word out. “No I don’t,” he laughed nervously. “Asami, don’t be silly.”

“Oh, come on, Bo,” she shook her head. “You’re not that slick.”

Bolin sighed, and his shoulders slumped. She was right, he wasn’t that slick. You probably already knew of his feelings and hadn’t spoke on them because you didn’t return them. “But,” Asami’s voice lifted his head, his curiosity peaking at her tone. “I happen to know that they actually feel the same about you, and I’m tired of watching the two of you lie to yourselves about the other. So I’m going to help you make a move at this party because I love you, and you deserve this.”

Warmth spread across his chest and he launched himself forward, wrapping his arms around Asami in a tight hug. She laughed and returned the gesture, laying her head on his. “Thanks, Sami,” he whispered.

“Of course, Bo,” she whispered back, and the moment was oh so sweet, and it reminded him why he had always liked having her around. She was good, and nice, and smart, and would always be there for you. After another moment they pulled away from one another, and Bolin stared at her excitedly as she watched you, Ikki, and Korra cause an absolute scene on the dance floor.

“Okay, so I really think you should ask them to dance. It’s way better than just standing around talking, it gives you something else to focus on so your nerves aren’t settled on just one thing,” she informed.

“You want me to dance with them?! What if I step on their feet, or-” he rambled, but Asami cut him off.

“Bolin, this song is about to end and you’re going to ask them to dance.” She stared him straight in the eyes and left no room for discussion, he had to do this now or he never would; and you would just keep telling yourselves that it’s just unrequited love.

It most certainly wasn’t just unrequited love.

And all too soon, before he could pull himself out of his thoughts, the music drifted off and people scattered from the dance floor, taking a break between songs, and his heart leapt up into his throat. “Oh look, here they come!” Asami whispered as she waved, and when he looked he spotted you and Korra heading right for them. The adrenaline began coursing through his veins as if he was about to face a mighty villain, and he could have shit himself then and there.

“Hey, guys,” Korra greeted, and wrapped her arm around Asami’s shoulders. She placed a kiss on the taller girl’s cheek, and she grinned brightly.

“Hello to you too,” Asami chuckled. “That was quite the show you guys put on, I’m impressed.”

“Thanks, it’s just one of my many talents,” you boasted jokingly, wiping your shoulder. “I break that shit down.”

Bolin laughed, despite the maelstrom of emotions he was experiencing. “You sure did,” he chimed in, only slightly awkwardly, and you smiled at him. That sent a slight boost of confidence through him, and he proceeded on. “I-I was actually wondering if we could, maybe, catch the next, uh, slow song?” He stuttered through his question, cheeks bright red.

“Sure!” You exclaimed excitedly, and your own cheeks heated up at your reaction. “I mean, yeah, of course, Bolin.” You smiled sweetly at him.

“Well, the music should be starting soon, and I have some conversing to do,” Asami cuts in, exchanging a glance with her girlfriend. “So I’ll see you guys later. You coming, Korra?”

“Sure thing,” she answered, allowing herself to be led away, throwing a wink at you over her shoulder. You didn’t get a chance to react, as a slow melody began filtering through the air, and you made eye contact with the boy in front of you.

“Uh, shall we?” He asked, and you both chuckled at how cheesy it sounded. You nodded and grabbed his hand, pulling him to the middle of the floor. His heart raced the whole way there, and didn’t slow down when you placed your arms gently around his neck.

“Is-is this okay?” He questioned as his hands barely touched the fabric covering your waist. Always the gentleman, that one.

“Yeah, yeah,” you replied softly, eyes scanning his face. “It’s kind of perfect, actually.”

He looked at you in surprise, and you just stared back, bodies swaying to the soft music. “It’s perfect?” He questioned just as softly.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “It is perfect. I was wondering if you would ask me to dance tonight,” you confessed, voice so light Bolin had to lean in to hear you. “I was leaning towards no, so I’m pretty satisfied with where we are.”

He grinned, mesmerized by you. His eyes never left your face, nothing else around you mattered. They flickered between your eyes, sparkling from the lights he and Mako had hung up over the dance floor when they had aided in the set up. Then they landed on your lips, and the words left his mouth before he could stop himself.

“Well, then can I also ask if I-” his eyes went back to yours, and he faltered for a moment, but the curious look you had told him he had to continue. “Can I also ask if I can kiss you?”

You nodded after a moment, his question having to register in your mind. He wanted to kiss you? And he answered you by leaning in closer and brushing his lips against your own, enough to heat your face up but not enough to satisfy you.

You placed your hand on the back of his neck and pulled him back in after he began pulling away, and he grinned against your lips. The melodies, the lights, the dance, and Bolin, it was all perfect.

#the witch: writes #this was so nice #sigh #comfort fic #bolin x reader #bolin #bolin fic #bolin imagine #legend of korra #lok #the legend of korra #atla #avatar #avatar: the last airbender #lok x reader #legend of korra x reader

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zirkkun · 4 years ago

Text

I can't sleep so I'm gonna ramble for a minute here about. uh. 2020 i guess lol everyone else is so might as well jump on the bandwagon.

Be aware this is really really fucking long so it's a commitment to read it lmao sorry i just cannot sleep and i guess i had more on my mind about this year than i thought. I also did not proofread this at all. I just started writing and didn't look back lol

This year was... Weird for me. It started out with me feeling my best in January, comfortable and positive as I did my nth playthrough of DBH with friends and finally having enough alts of my boy Alfonse in FEH to have a team of Just him to fight with. (Priorities, right?) February hit, and things were still going good. I met Ray Chase and had him sign a print I did of Roy and Alfonse in some casual outfits for a scrapped au I wrote years ago. (And I gave him one 😊). Hell, like, covid was just coming around when me and my friends went to the con that weekend and a breakout of it hit the city just south of where the con was like a week before, but I was genuinely so excited for it that like I was like "Yeah, if i die, i die. Whatever happens happens." God, at this point, the Alfonse gc I was in was still alive and I still didn't talk to anyone in the group outside of that gc. Lowkey miss it tbh. But oh well. Things move on.

But that con was like... Stressful. I usually have fair amounts of stress at cons, being around so many people, I fear theft, unwanted contact, y'know, the standard; but my friend group was so filled with tension that it was absolutely painful. We'd been split most of the weekend, and if the two groups came together, it was hell, because it just caused unwanted arguments. I felt really bad cause I didn't want them to be upset, yknow? But i also wanted to hang out with my friends all at once. So i swapped between the groups a bit over the weekend. And blew WAY more money than I should have and lowkey it kind of fucked me over for the rest of the year cause I haven't had a job all year outside of, like, a local church job that pays at a rare max of $100 a month ;w;

I'd been struggling in school the previous semester already, about halfway through having just stopped going to classes altogether, yet still somehow managed to pass everything with B's and A's. The next semester rolled around, and I thought at first the distraction and inability to do anything was because of the con, and as it persisted after, I thought it was just post-con depression. But, as it turned out, no, it's just been my biggest relapse of depression since the end of high school, and frankly, it's only gotten worse since. I can't sleep rn because I'm between not wanting to do anything because I have a lack of emotions and motivation and not feeling deserving of sleep lol. I checked out of school on February 28th, however, I was convinced I was merely demotivated by my surroundings -- at this point, I was studying Japanese, and one of my friends at the time was a (although probably unintentionally) complete braggart about how much he was studying and how he was improving... not to mention he was textbook example of "This is an Actual Weeaboo, don't Fucking Do this." (One of many reasons i said friend at the time lol) it was just... So draining being around him, and I had to see him in class every day of the week. I barely scraped together assignments last-minute and never studied under the idea of "What does it matter if I'm not putting in my 100%?" So I checked out, with plans of transferring for the following semester.

Well, then March hit. Y'all know how March went down lmao.

I pretty much locked myself in my room at all times during March, going between Animal Crossing and BOTW (which actually racked up like 200ish hours i think according to the nintendo year in review i had lmao). I started making a bit closer online friends at this point, notably @levitumbling who decided to take me in as his channel designer for YouTube and I've been ever since! But. Of course. My first task? A Sans meme. My payment? One Switch copy of Undertale because he considered it a disgrace that I'd never played the game before.

Now, let me tell you. I was fuckin scared to play this game. I held onto it for weeks between the fear of "My friend bought me this and i should play this" and "I told myself I'd never touch this game with a 20 mile pole because of how much it's been shoved down my throat over the years." So, one day, I don't remember when, early April, I said, fuck it, I'll play it for a little bit, just enough to say "hey i played it for a bit!" and then never go back.

The only thing that stopped me from beating the whole thing in one sitting was it was the crack of dawn when I passed out, extremely tired and extremely frustrated by the fact I couldn't beat Muffet. Yes, I got that far in one sitting I intended to play for 15 minutes tops.

Now. Let me fuckin tell you. About my first playthrough of Undertale. I haven't gone into a game knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it like... I think ever. Usually I know what style of game it is, the genre, the main plot premise. I knew nothing other than the existence of Sans (and, as it turned out, I'd heard some of the soundtrack pieces before, notably Bonetrousle I heard this cover of it in a radio livestream a while back and never really looked it up, but was always excited when the radio looped back around to it being on; and I'd heard Dating Start! because that's Alpharad's go-to sponsorship ost lmao.) But anyway. I was completely in the dark. Do yall mind if i just go through some highlights of my favorite memories? This is supposed to be a summary of the year but I mean, I think this made a big enough impact on me to really like. Discuss it a bit.

I watched the whole opening cutscene, started a new game under my old screenname, "Yoru," since in naming the "Fallen Child," I assumed they were dead. Well, I was a little surprised to just be that child, alive, two seconds later, but whatever, I rolled with it.

I genuinely trusted Flowey right away. Like no shit. He told me run into the "friendliness pellets" and I didn't even fucking question it. And when Toriel came in? And she said to follow her? I straight up was like "Why the hell should I trust you?? That guy just tried to kill me what says you wont?" I followed only because the game made me but i was Wary the whole time. It took me a LONG time to warm up to Toriel.

Now. Let me tell you how stupid I am as well. The game says over and over right, "Don't fight. Spare. Have Mercy when names are Yellow." Well, I took this literally. I didn't understand the Act mechanic most of the time, and when something didn't work I just said, fuck it, and fought them. If their name didn't turn yellow, I just fought them. "They don't want Mercy if their name isn't yellow, right?" After a while, I'd started getting bored of fighting and would just run away, but like, I came to a point where I was like "I have a really low level, I'm really going to regret this later on if I don't grind for a while."

I don't know when I stopped but. I think I was only one or two kills away from a genocide run accidentally my first playthrough, based on how I think I was LV 3 and looking at genocide playthroughs, you're LV 3 or 4 when you fight Toriel. Like. Holy fuck. I can't imagine what I would have thought of this game if that happened lmao.

Speaking of Toriel, still didn't trust her, at all. When we got to Home, and after I did Every Single different phrase she says when you go downstairs before you talk to her reading about snails; I did not Hesitate to ask "cool uh when the fuck can I leave?" When we got to the Ruins exit I was like, ah, here it is. The betrayal from her I was expecting, where she tries to kill me. Well, nothing on the Act menu worked, right? So... I fought and killed her. I didn't really care, actually. I just kept going.

Then meeting Sans and Papyrus happened. I lost my fucking shit at this part, mostly when they were talking, because every time Sans made a pun it would zoom in on him and do a rimshot. The puns were not funny and I was definitely on Pap's side of "oh my GOD shut up." But that fucking zoom in and rimshot was just so fourth wall breaking and unexpected. Fuck, it still gets me. Anyway. Game continues. I again lose my shit at (insane spinning in random directions) "OH MY GOD! IS THAT A HUMAN?" "uh, i think that's a rock." "OH. WAIT! WHAT'S THAT IN FRONT OF THE ROCK?? (IS IT A HUMAN??)" "(yes.)" "OH MY GOD!!!" and still think these two moments in the game are Peak comedy. Oh, and let me tell you, I did not like either of these two at this point. Sans I was like, okay, hes kind of a dumbass in a funny way, but Papyrus is a dumbass in a way that just annoys me. Genuinely the archetype that misses social cues and therefore has miscommunication usually just annoys me to no end. (Mostly for the miscommunication. It's my least favorite trope and makes me unreasonably angry.) But yeah. Wasn't really a fan. But out of everyone so far? Definitely found Sans to be the most tolerable. But that's about all I thought of him lmao.

Getting to Snowdin, with the Papyrus battle, remember how I said I didn't like Papyrus? And yes, this was something I genuinely thought at one point, I genuinely hated Papyrus, imagine that. What a wild world that is. But anyway. You know how his Act menu has the "Flirt" option? I, for no reason, gunned it for the Flirt option, even though I did not want to. Then when he was like "WE'LL GO ON A DATE! LATER!!" i was like yea sure okay lmao. Again, couldn't figure out the Act menu to turn his name yellow, so I fought him, and he was one or two attacks from dying (miraculously) when he ended the battle. I spared him here cause, well, he spared me, it was only fair. Then this guy again is like "ILL BE AT MY HOUSE WHEN YOU WANT TO GO ON THAT DATE!" and i was like haha funny but still turned around to go on the date. Like why? I have no idea. I think I was more like "haha hes probably not gonna be there and its just cause i picked that option and lo and behold there was an actual fucking date. Oh my god. I have never in my life been on a video game date where one party was convinced I was infatuated with them and im here on the other side of the screen like "oh my god make this end i can't stand being around you.???" But still. The date was. Really fucking funny. I wish I could experience it for the first time again like holy shit. There are few playthroughs I did after this where I didn't go on the Pap date, even if I just spedrun through it.

So then you get to Waterfall and Sans is there like "hey wanna go to grillbys" and i was like sure why not so we go there and my choices were fries & ketchup (so i did not get the legendary scene where he chugged a bottle of ketchup, but i sure did my second playthrough, and let me tell you, i was disgusted). But like. This whole experience at grillby's like, the whoopee cushion, him using a comb on his bald ass skull, him just fuckin unapologetically scratching his ass for no reason?? Bro i was like "why the fuck is this guy part of the Tumblr Sexymen™ group ??? He's so ????? Gross???????" and like i still have this question tbh lmao. But like. Okay so he asks you "what do you think of my bro?" And my genuine answer was "uncool" and he was like "hey man sarcasm isnt funny" and can i just mention how like inheritly manipulative sans actually is like fuck he does things like this where he throws your answer the other way a few times and Every time it actually swayed me the other way. Because right here I went. "Oh. Maybe Papyrus is better than I thought." Like holy fuck maybe i should be more aware if something like that can sway my opinion so easily LMAO.

Anyway waterfall i genuinely was very bored of the whole time. I spent like a genuine 20 minutes figuring out the puzzle where you have to talk to a wall and I actually didn't realize you could move the telescope around. What helped me solve it is my friend's advice before I played it. "Inspect everything. Even talk to walls. Trust me." And literally thats how I solved it. But pretty much everything in Waterfall otherwise bored me. I did think it was pretty though, and did enjoy reading the lore, but when it started talking about monster biology my one fear had been realized: oh god, oh fuck. My original species for my own series also has physical Souls and die by turning to dust because they're made entirely of magic. God fuck. My luck, it has to be something popular, so now everyone's gonna think I'm a ripoff. But, at the same time, I do think it helped me understand monster biology (and it helped me come up with the ULR biology) better, because I've put in a lot of thought to existence of a species that exists only by magic and a Soul (which, mine only actually have half a Soul, as a full Soul makes a being immortal, which was also similar to the boss monsters in a way). It definitely made a lot more sense for like, the skeletons n stuff for me, because like my characters are wholly shapeshifters but usually take human form, and while they have "organs" in the places humans would have them, they don't operate. They're just placeholders, because they just live with their Soul. So I've always thought the same with UT monsters, since the skelebros can live without organs, that means so do the rest of the monsters, even if they have animal-like appearances.

Off topic lmao. Back to UT. So, the Undyne fight was kind of the turning point for me. She was pissing me off so much during this whole game and like I was like "if theres another fucking part where I have to run away from her im going to scream." Well, once again, her name wasn't yellow, so I wasn't going to spare her... and, actively, I made the decision to kill her, because I didn't want to deal with her still chasing me later on in the game. It took me a long time to beat her, and when I did, I texted my friend (@cheshiregrinnbuttoneyes ) in excitment like "YES I FINALLY KILLED UNDYNE" and she texted back like "YOU DID WHAT?????" and i was like "i.... Killed Undyne????" she replies, "YOU DONT HAVE TO OMFG WHY" and im like "I DIDN'T HAVE TO?? THERE'S OTHER OPTIONS?????" and shes like "YES OMFG THAT'S LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE GAME" and im "WHAT."

So then. I get that call from Papyrus like. "HEY! YOU ME AND UNDYNE SHOULD HANG OUT SOMETIME!"

oh my god the guilt i felt.

alphys on undernet being like "omfg i forgot to watch undyne fight the human. ah ill ask her about it later she never loses <3"

bro. i nearly fuckin cried. i was like. Not to mention I'd gotten the crush question right for Mettaton's quiz in answering Undyne (bc i was like "plz be gay plz be gay") so it fucking cut like a knife what I'd done.

I don't remember when I let myself get passed it. But I do know that the whole story arc between Alphys and Mettaton went way over my head. Like, i know im probs the minority on this, but I adore Alphys, I have since I first met her in game, and like, when Mettaton was like "ALPHYS HAS BEEN LYING TO YOU!" i just went "...nah."

Also, I didnt like mettaton at this point, cause I thought he was being really obnoxious, and then the turn around to betray Alphys really kinda pissed me off.

But like.

Oh my god.

Remember how I said I swapped my opinion on Pap earlier bc of Sans's comment? Yeah that was a pretty fast turnaround, but it still took me a few times.

But the second i saw mettaton ex

I was like

"HIM. HE. HE'S THE ONE I LOVE."

Like, full turnaround from Undyne, I actively refused to kill him. All times I thought he was an asshole? Forgotten. Me thinking he's a selfish prick? Gone. Nada. Nothing. Pure adoration. Suddenly every flaw he had was pushed aside purely from how hot I thought he was. Also, fuckin, im really glad i played this when no one in my house was awake, because I still didn't understand the Act mechanic here, and every time you attack mettaton he has this like moan he does and im like oh my god. stop. omfg.

At the end, too, when there was the calls and everything, when he had his big turnaround, I was just so happy for him I genuinely cried. Also, I had to do his battle probably the most out of everyone's in the game (not including genocide), so when it came around to his battle during the (glitchless) speedruns i did, i was more invested in how fast I could rack up points, cause you need 10k rating points to pass, and I actually did get that before he lost his legs, but apparently he needed to lose those too before you passed lol. Unfortunate.

Anyway after Alphys talked to you and everything, i genuinely went to see if Mettaton was still there, but he wasn't :( so i just went to New Home. I was very ill prepared for the fight against Asgore and the only reason I struggled with it so much was because my only healing items were like. Something that healed like 10 or 12 hp and the snowman piece. I was LV 9 when i finished the game, so like, my HP was pretty high, but i didnt have the G to buy items, so i was pretty much fucked. Yes. I had to eat the snowman to win.

Oh speaking of terrifying shit though. Photoshop flowey? My god. I haven't been afraid of a video game boss so much since I was a little kid. It was like 3 am and i was not prepared for him to just delete my save file and then kill me on repeat, glitching and breaking everything as he pleased. Bruh i was genuinely scared. Like, not even just, "oh yikes :(" or something. Like, crying scared. Lmao im an emotional bitch by nature.

I of course had to restart from the beginning again to get the True Pacifist ending. I was very careful to never touch the Fight button literally ever. And, it actually took me a while to reset, because I hate erasing my original save files, yknow? But, well, as it turned out? While technically New Game+ by naming, resetting doesn't erase everything you did. It wasn't a new file. I was a little confused at first to be honest. Toriel saying things were familiar, remembering things I said, Papyrus and Undyne both recognizing me, like. It was unnerving.

When I got to the end, i had to look up how to get Alphys's date (since my friend told me the way to unlock TP was to go on all the dates, but Alphys's was definitely designed in mind of you turning around from New Home and going back to talk to people rather than a new reset. So after unlocking it, getting through Alphys's date (i still remember being like, verbally, "omg alphys you look so nice??" When she came out with the dress on and then had a thought to myself like... since when do i care about what people look like? since when do i compliment people? At that point, while I didn't consider myself to be a rude person, I definitely wasn't exactly all that concerned about others for anything. Sure, I cared about others' lives, but I tended to be a bit more judgemental internally, and just. Didn't really give a fuck about what people did in the most negative sense possible, unless it involved me. Yet, it rolled off my tongue like it was something id say normally to anyone. I really wonder if this is the true turning point for me this year.)

Getting to the end, with everyone cheering me on. Hoo boy. This was the start of many tears to come. Papyrus's "DO WHAT I WOULD DO! BELIEVE IN YOU!!" sticks with me the most. I wasn't surprised by Flowey's actions, but what fucking threw me for a loop was like. When Flowey was revealed as Asriel, I was genuinely jaw-drop shocked. I was like. Holy fuck. I thought he was dead. What the hell. To this day, though, i still think Hopes and Dreams hits me the hardest out of all the boss battle themes. It doesn't super bother me, bc like, difference in opinion is whatever, but like. Whenever I see Megalovania at the top of someone's ost list for Undertale I'm just... Why? Maybe it's because I'd overheard it meme'd to much before I played the game, but like, i dunno, it's not a bad song, but it's not the most emotional provoking piece for me, so it's pretty far down my list. Hopes and Dreams will still remain my #1.

I really did feel determined during this battle. I really felt a lot of emotion. I felt excited. I felt frightened. I felt ambitious. Asriel's battle is probably still the hardest for me, and yes, I'm counting genocide this time. I can't grasp his magic patterns at all, and I more so played it as a "okay, how much damage can i take? Whats his next move?" As i healed every other turn. It took me a very long time to beat him (though no 11 hours like Sans, this was more like, 2 or 3 max) and when I got to the part with the Lost Souls, most of the characters just said their "we hate you" piece and i was like "nope you're controlled" right.

But then there's Sans's "just give up. i did."

I genuinely had to stop. I set down my controller and just sat for a minute. I'd mentioned before how much I've been struggling with depression for years now, and it's at the worst it's been since high school. Maybe you'd think when I saw that, I was like "sure, maybe I should give up." But... It's really the "i did." that hit me like a rock to the stomach. While I do know a couple other people with depression, the most discussion we have with it is "haha i wanna die" kinda jokes yknow? Nothing really serious. And, well, I've always been the type to lean to fictional characters for support more than real people, since I've just been so disconnected from a lot of friends growing up and was too scared to talk about anything with my family.

So seeing someone else say "just give up. i did." hit me so fucking hard that I just started crying. I had already been in a real sappy mood cause the whole scene was so emotional as it was, even if merely the cliche of friendship will save all, y'know what? Its a good ass fuckin trope and makes me emotional lmao.

So, naturally, I was more hyperaware of Sans's implied depression from here onward. The conversations with everyone post-battle left me crying. God, so did the hug with Asriel. I was just fucking bawling.

Oh god. I didn't even mention. "Despite everything, it's still you." Another line that just hit me and I had to pause.

So admist my crying mess, I was telling my friend I'd beat Undertale again. He asks me "so... you gonna play the genocide route?" And I already had from the beginning. I always want to play every available route in a game. I see no point in paying for something and then not playing it all. I'd consider myself a completionist who doesn't ever actually finish anything lmao.

I definitely put my emotions aside for genocide. The absolute hardest kill for me was Papyrus, though. And i was absolutely fucking heartbroken when he said he still believed me as his last words. But I forced it aside. I didn't want to reset. I wanted to beat it to have it under my belt that I had. I was pretty sure the Sans battle would be here, since I hadn't heard Megalovania in the game yet, and I was aware of how hard the battle was, despite never seeing it.

Undyne's battle I'm more emotional about in retrospect than I was at the time. At the time, I didn't care, didn't like the theme much, and the dings gave me a headache. Undyne isn't exactly my favorite character (though definitely not my least favorite, that role is given to Frisk with Toriel not close behind ahdhsb im sorry), so I really wasn't concerned about it. Not to mention, I don't know why, but all of the battles I struggled with EXCEPT Undyne's I ended up liking the character more as a result. Maybe it was the dinging lmao.

Bro you shoulda seen how prepared I was for Mettaton NEO's battle to be hard as fuck. I was like sitting upright, took deep breaths before hitting fight, then when he died in one shot i just kind of "wh...what." Still very disappointed lol but I guess that's kind of the point of the genocide route.

Then came the Sans fight. As I said, I spent 11 hours on this. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what he said after a while, but I do remember the first time I read it, I was fucking terrified. Usually, sarcasm, hatred, and sass is very hard to convey through pure text, especially when it's said in the same tone as his usual talking. But the absolute harshness, the coldness, and the lack of any fucks given Sans had at that point was so plainly transparent through everything he said that it fucking scared me. Toby Fox's writing here was fantastic. I can only dream of being able to write like that. Frankly, I love his writing in general. Actually, fuck it, I love all of the artistic takes of this game. This is gonna sound weird but... The "childishness" of it just is so good. Like, there's no rules. Every socially accepted rule of art, writing, character design, speech patterns, and even basic grammar are thrown aside. He didn't just think outside of the box, there literally was no box. I call it childish only because like, children also create with no rules. They have no rules to restrict their creativity. And seeing that embraced in Undertale in every form possible just blows me away.

Anyway. The battle. It. Was hard. Thats a given. I spent about two weeks playing it on and off, and it's probably the most healthily I've treated myself in recent memory, because when it became too much for me to handle, I set it down and took a break. I would retain what I memorized and use it for the next time I picked it up. Frankly, it came to a point where every time I opened up Undertale to play, it was more just cause I wanted to see him lmao. The guy hated my existence at this point and it's not like i disacknowledged that. But it just felt like every time i opened the game... Idk. I don't know what I felt. I can tell you for sure this isn't the time when Sans started slipping into my favorite character spot over Mettaton, that didn't come until the development of Act to Flirt's first demo, which was a month or so later lmao.

I was very excited when I beat Sans.

But then, after it was over, I felt very empty.

I didn't feel good about beating genocide. I still don't. I want to play the boss battles again, cause they were really fun, despite how hard they were, but I can't bring myself to.

When I got to Chara, and everything went to black, I just wiped my save and started fresh. I think this was the first time I used the name "Willo" for anything. I just picked a random name to use, and Willo was the first thing that came to mind.

I beat neutral again many times, trying to unlock as many secrets as I could. I accidentally spent like, way too long trying to get Sans's room, because I couldn't figure out how to do it... which is when I started speedrunning the game, because I was just so used to going through it all. I timed myself once, and I got somewhere around 1:20:00 ish, which puts me at the very bottom of the NG+ Glitchless runs by like 30 minutes, but hey, it's still not too bad all things considered.

I'd started working on Act to Flirt sometime in between the speedruns. I was playing Papyrus's date again, and I had this thought of. What if Undertale... but all boss fights are instead like Papyrus's date?? I pitched the idea to my friend who was like "thats definitely been done before lol" and immediately I almost shut down the idea. But then I still had that glimmer of hope that, maybe, since I haven't made it yet, people would like my game because it was by me. Besides, quarantine was getting to me. I needed some way to spend my time. So on May 6th to May 7th, I spent the whole 24 hour period making the first proof of concept for the game, which was UI setup and Flowey's tutorial date. I hadn't made any of the art yet, so it was a black background with Flowey's undertale sprite. I originally was going to make everything more visual novel like in the sense that, so like on Papyrus's date, you could make choices like "unwrap the present" "dont unwrap the present" or "you look great" "you look terrible" and getting the ending would involve pretty much just saying the right things at the right times. But this alone was... Yknow, already done before, and part of what makes Undertale so great is that it's, despite its many outside influences, very unique in its gameplay. So I decided to make the dates more like puzzle-solving RPG's, and frankly, since doing that, I dont know if I want to go back to making other visual novels lmao.

After making the first demo and releasing it, I hit a creative funk. I wanted to make the next demo right away, but I forced myself to stop (since i was working 16+ hour days to finish it in exactly a week. I didn't eat much and i slept very little during this time too. Dont do this lmao). I didn't know if the game would be received, and frankly, I'd had many failed projects in the past due to lack of support. I lost a lot of support in the past due to the dropped projects I kept starting and quitting because I had such a small audience, and that made me lose a lot of interest and motivation to work on them. So I posted the first demo and waited. I was very shocked to have a YouTuber with over a million subs play it that weekend. Dantekris I think was her channel name. She speaks Russian, and I never understood a word she said, but I've still watched her let's plays because I enjoy seeing her reactions. I hate that YouTube keeps deleting my responses on her videos, probably because they're long and in English so it's marked as spam on a comments section full of purely Russian comments yknow. But it makes me feel like such an ass ;w;

Mairusu is the next large YouTuber who played it and my god I love seeing when he uploads a new update for my game because I genuinely have no idea what to expect from him. I don't know what it is but he's just so absolutely funny to me. He also seems to be the most common breaker of my game though. Stop making your own bugs!! I try to testplay to find the bugs he gets and it's like.... what did you do.... how did you skip that whole date im so confused thats not supposed to happen..... He accidentally skipped all of Muffet's date because of this too and hers is supposed to be the hardest in the game right now so I'm very upset by it;; i dont know how it happened, it never happens for me.

But like. I was definitely struggling a bit with the direction I wanted to take AtF. I wanted there to be a core message, like with Undertale and many other of my favorite things. When there's a core theme to write about, it makes things a lot easier to compose than if you have a plot with no meaning to it. It ties it all together for a common purpose. But, as I started diving more into the fandom around this time, finding not only it being still alive but still enormous and filled with passion.

Passion. Hm. That's familiar. That's the trait I gave the player character, rather than determination. While it was intended for giggles "haha dating game u have passion wink wonk," it started becoming more than that. It started becoming a manifestation of what I really felt upon finally soaking myself into the deep end of this pool I'd once been too afraid to step into. Passion. Everyone here is so driven by their passion for this game, the characters, its story. Everyone is so inspired and creative. That's it. That's what I wanted Act to Flirt to be.

A game made for those who have already dived deep into Undertale. A game made for those who have the same level if passion I've wittnessed. A game that someone might stumble upon, merely wanting any Undertale content they can find, and a dating sim leaves them grasping at straws, only to find it's a game instead deeply rooted in how much they care about this world and its people. You have a Soul of Passion, because your passion for Undertale brought you to this game. That's what the core message is. Every ending is supposed to depict different kinds of empathy, and True Passion shows you truly cared the most you could for all of these characters. Sans is so blocked from it because, well, how can he really believe it? "if we're really friends, you won't come back," right? But here you are. Again and again.

And Heartbreak. Whose heart is really the one breaking here? Taking the Hopes and Dreams of every single character you've grown to care for and crushing it beneath your feet... who is the one suffering in the end?

I just... I'm very excited. I've written that game with the player as the main character. Not Willo. Not Frisk. Not anybody else. You, the player, are the main character. I've honestly done a lot of looking around in the DDLC code to make this game as 4th wall breaking as I can (without like. Disrupting it as a game experience like ddlc is, with monika deleting things and stuff). Just enough to leave the player unsettled and confused. Like. "Me? Are you talking to me?" Yes. You. Directly to you.

I started sketching out designs and ideas for ULR around July. I genuinely loved Underlust after finding out about it, even though it was posed to me as an insult about the contents of Act to Flirt. I was both like "uh... Act to Flirt is nothing like this. Maybe in reversed roles at best but..." and also "okay but this? This shit is good. Thank you." But finding out it was discontinued and wanting more, well, that's when I decided to make ULR. I presented the idea to my friends, who were like "please stop making aus," and then continued onward. I told myself I wasn't going to work on it though until after I finished Act to Flirt... Then after the next demo came out... Then it turned out I was working on it too much and it resulted in me rushing my release of the 3rd demo of AtF because I'd been so distracted I was going to miss my release deadline of the end of August, before school. I... Still kinda regret that a lot. It's still very buggy. Though I hope I got them all for the next demo...

But speaking of school .... ha... Remember when i said i was going to transfer to another school? Well, I did, and for the first few weeks it was fine! Then I started skipping assignments I didn't want to do. Then I started panicking about my low grades. Then I started getting behind on assignments. Then I stopped going to classes. Then I lost all motivation to work on anything at all. I just locked myself in my room and did next to nothing with the occasional drawing here and there, for weeks. It came to the point where I was like "I just have to get through this semester, then I'll drop out." But if I ever wanted to go back to school, having all F's on my last report card would not bode well for my acceptance. Which lead to more stress. I didn't want to fail, but I also didn't have any motivation to work. I would do one assignment here or there, feel good about myself, then realize I was still months behind on work and suddenly oh god oh fuck finals are next week. And my solution? I just. Fuckin dropped out. Oh my god. It was such a relief to just get that weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying for months on end, preventing me to do anything I wanted to work on.

Well. Then my car tires died. So that's a thing. But good news! Between commissions and gifts, I have enough money to get them replaced! I don't think I've ever like... Been so excited about that before.

And, well. Now I'm here, pretty much. God, I just went through my entire year summary, and it feels like it was both forever long but also not long at all. I don't get it. 2021 still feels like a far off future, despite the fact I'm now 5 hours into it. Yes, I spent 4 hours writing this. Whoops. Oh well. I couldn't sleep anyway, so it's not that big of a deal.

All in all though... Despite being locked inside, away from my friends, unable to talk to anyone about the things i was enjoying, and living in fear of getting sick at all ever with anything, 2020 definitely fuckin changed me for the better. It was a hellhole of a year and I'd never do it again or wish it upon my worst enemy, but I came out a better person... I think. I hope.

It seems cliche to bring back but fuck it. Undertale? My friend insists its core message was that anyone can be a good person if they just try, which I mean, it definitely probably was intended that way. But that never was the message I felt while playing it.

What lesson I took from it was "things aren't always as they seem."

Flowey betrays you immediately, but then you find out he's just the remnants of a boy who died years ago and is still grieving over the loss of his best friend, whomst, despite how much he cares for them, recognizes they weren't good to him and he'd been manipulated and used by them.

Toriel is a kind and caring woman, a still grieving mother over the loss of her children, who seems to have kindness to no end, but is actually filled with such hatred and depression that she regularly gets drunk, swears, and still, without resilience, hates her ex husband.

Sans is a playful character who is full of puns, a gross atmosphere, and decided to break physics just because he can. He's the embodiment of a comic relief character. But at the same time, he's suffering, struggling, in constant pain and worry. He's lazy, but quick on his feet. He's harmless but will kill without hesitation if need be. He's both caring and the least caring of them all.

Papyrus is like... a self-centered asshole in a way, when you first meet him. He prides himself and everything he does. Yet still, he's actually quite open and accepting and loves everyone. He loves talking with and being with other people, even if maybe sometimes he has a different interpretation of social interaction from the "norm."

Undyne comes off as cruel and deadly, such even being emphasized in many points. But, deep down, she's extremely caring for those who are close to her, and her only cruelty is dealt to those who have wronged her in some way.

Alphys is a sweet and nervous wreck who comes off as helpful and lacking a filter due to her tendency to ramble. She seems to be merely anxious due to likely social anxiety... But you eventually find out that she's a liar who merely wants to create a world to be a better place, and by doing so, she pretends all the bads do not exist.

Mettaton comes off as an absolute self-centered asshole. Like. There's no way around that. He seemingly has no regard for other people with only full intentions of helping himself. But, deep down, he actually cares a lot for other people, especially his family and friends, and just tends to get caught up in things while he's in the moment.

Muffet seems to be greedy with how much money she begs people to give her for the spiders, but, as it turns out, she's flat broke and drops no G when you beat or kill her. She merely needs the money to help the spiders.

Asgore, too, is built up to be this ruthless killer throughout the whole game, and when you finally meet him, he's an incredibly sweet guy who's only filled with regret, and because of his past decisions, has decided to put aside his hopes for the sake of his people.

I...

Didn't see any of these characters for who they really were right away. Why would I? Few of these archetypes are explored much in a lot of fiction lately, or at least what I've been consuming; and is more focused around how someone can change their flaws into something positive... Not how to accept someone for who they are, despite the wrongs they may have committed or the lives they lead. Everyone's different. Everyone's grown up differently. Everyone has a reason for what they do.

And it took me playing this game to realize such a simple concept that I probably should have learned years ago.

That's why I really think 2020 changed me for the better. I made a realization that I should have had many years ago, and it's made me a lot more confident in expressing myself, accepting people for what they do, and seeing the brighter side to everything. I say that, sitting here filled with nothing and void of all emotion whatsoever... But it's a conscious thought i have. My emotions are so weird... They're either on full blast or I feel nothing at all. But yet I have... Thoughts of what i should feel? It's weird. Idk. This is why I'm getting therapy LMAO

But yea. 2020? Fuck you. But also thank you. But mostly fuck you and good riddance lmao

#zircon rambles #a lot #lol #its very long im sorry #i spent way too long writing this too #also please don't reblog this

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that-good-trash · 4 years ago

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I’m Not Okay- Chapter 5. The final chapter Midoriya x reader/ Bakugou x reader

Izuku Midoriya x reader/ Katsuki Bakugou x reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: You have struggled with mental health your whole life so why can’t you seem to get it under control. Will you be able to keep the same mask even though two of your classmates have seen under it?

Warnings: Depression, Mentions of suicide/ Attempt at suicide, Self-harm, Angst, Anxiety,

Word count: 8,582

Comment: Omg this is finally the end! I’m so sad, its bittersweet:’( . I’m sorry that its so long I decided to add both boys endings in the same chapter, I also apologize for any grammar mistakes and if any of it seems rushed. Thank all of you for reading this series and I hope to start another one soon. [I am working on the second part too my Dabi fic]. Thank everyone who has been here from the beginning and any new readers. You all make this fun and enjoyable.

you matter and any issues you have are valid!

After you were taken to the hospital everyone wanted to hear what would happen to you. Classmates surrounded and bombarded Bakugou and Midoriya as they were escorted back into the dorm building. Mr. Aizawa couldn’t stay to watch the students since he had to go deal with the aftermath of your attempt. There were legal and security issues with how easy it was for you to have jumped off the school building. The students were supposed to be in bed but how could they go to bed when you were laying in a hospital bed alone after feeling so desperate for a way out that you jumped off a building. They had many questions, concerns, and comments about how they didn’t know this had been happening with you.

Midoriya rubbed the back of his neck, exhaustion evident in his eyes. Bakugou growled and shoved passed the ‘annoying extras’, trying to get to the elevator. He wasn’t blaming any of them and yet when he looked at them, he couldn’t help but think they should have tried harder. Had you heard his thoughts you would have slapped him across the back of his head. Midoriya smiled sadly at his friends while following after Bakugou to the elevator. “Sorry guys, it’s late and I’m tired.”

He wished he had all the answers to give but he didn’t. You weren’t necessarily talkative about your issues so he really didn’t know much of what was going on with you. He just knew he wanted to be there for you. Even before this he had always watched you with gleaming eyes, you were a beacon of strength and hope to him. Bakugou would never admit to sharing things in common with his childhood friend but he did. He also would find himself watching you, how hard you pushed yourself. He would watch you train later than everyone else, your clothing covered in sweat and legs throbbing. He had caught that broken look in your eyes a few times wondering where it could be coming from. You would always roll your eye at his asshole comments and demands. You weren’t afraid to stand up to him, you’d even beat him once during a sparring match. You were strong to him and he couldn’t help but wonder how someone so strong crumbles so fast. He wasn’t a stranger to anxiety and guilt, just like Midoriya wasn’t a stranger to regret and depression. They both had some kind of idea, a sliver, of what pain you might be going through. Truly it was tragic to know that you had been dealing with this longer than it seemed to outwardly manifest itself to them. Battling bad guys was one thing, fighting internal demons was worse because you couldn’t ask for help or call for back up. It was you against the girl in the mirror, against the whispers in your ears.

“Is she gonna be okay?” Uraraka was the one who spoke, having made her way to the front of the crowd. Midoriya couldn’t help looking at her with slight disappointment. He didn’t blame her but he did feel like she was in the wrong for what she had done. Bakugou on the other hand didn’t find Uraraka innocent. He hadn’t been able to confront her due to having to find and help you. Bakugou let the elevator open his fist clenching at his sides. Midoriya walked into the elevator turning toward Bakugou with a raised brow. He was confused before his eyes widened in realization. He rushed forward as Bakugou’s hand ignited. He turned and thrust his open palm directly at the gravity girl. “KACCHAN DON’T!”

Everyone who wasn’t frozen from shock rushed to try and stop the attack. Uraraka closed her eyes and waited for the hit. It never happened. No one had to stop him because he stopped himself. He scoffed looking at her with distain as he shoved his hands into his dirty tattered pockets.

“You aren’t even worth it.” Bakugou walked into the still open elevator door his shoulder brushing a confused but relieved Midoriya. He stepped back into the elevator looking at Bakugou who was burning holes into the ground. He looked up as the door started closing. “I blame you, she doesn’t.”

Simple words with such strength and meaning behind them. They were meant to replace his fist, to leave her having to suffer internally like you had been doing for most of your life.

The chatter commenced once again between the classmates; two different hands squeezed Uraraka’s shoulder. She didn’t think she deserved comfort right now and a few different people would agree with her. Though she knew that Bakugou was right. No matter who looked at her like she was a villain, you’d forgive her. You’d never blame her, just smile and say it was your own fault. The truth was honestly more heartbreaking and Uraraka wished she hadn’t said or did what she had. While she stood in regretful silence, your two saviors were standing in the elevator. It was quiet, other than the dull hum it gave. Midoriya walked out when it stopped at his floor.

“Night Kacchan.” He had spoken so lightly that Bakugou almost didn’t catch it. Midoriya didn’t look back or wait for a reply, he just walked away. Bakugou grabbed the door forcing it to reopen. “HEY, nerd.”

Midoriya slowly turned back toward Bakugou, both their eyes were bloodshot and held weariness. He expected to be told off since that’s how these things usually go.

“We saved her. We’re fucking heroes, right? So why does it feel like we didn’t do shit. Why does it feel like she’s still on that roof? I’m so fucking tired and yet I don’t want to sleep because she is laying is some fucking hospital unconscious because she jumped off a building. Why, why couldn’t she just reply on us.” Midoriya recognized the breaking in Bakugou’s voice. Except this time, he felt something similar. He too felt like you weren’t safe, like you’d just do it again when you found out that you hadn’t succeeded. He closed his eyes wondering what you felt alone on that rooftop. Had you waited for someone to save you? He had been in a similar situation back in middle school. He could hear everyone’s discouraging words, and Bakugou’s ‘suggestion’ play in his head. He could feel the cold breeze that he felt like he was back to the day he stood on a rooftop wondering if he could be a hero in his next life. He didn’t do it for so many reasons, the main one being his will to live. He wanted to live, he had some much yearning to show the world that he could do it, he could be a hero. He had something that you lacked. Midoriya opened his eyes and looked directly into the crimson orbs across the hallway. “We didn’t save her, we caught her. She probably didn’t want to inconvenience us. She thinks she’s the problem so of course she didn’t want to burden us. We wont ever know how she feels, all we can do is hope she still wants us involved in her life. We can only hope she wants to try living it again.”

Bakugou stared at Midoriya, really stared. He knew exactly what the boy had been thinking about when his eyes were closed. Bakugou had thought briefly about it as well. He thought Midoriya was thinking about when he had told the green haired boy to basically kill himself. He had no clue about the attempt. He felt a pang of regret again, as he grew, he thought a lot about how shitty he had been in the past. Hell, he couldn’t completely hate Uraraka because he had been in her situation to an extent. Bakugou couldn’t imagine how his life would have gone had Midoriya had jumped. Now he had to face the past along with the present to try and make a plan for the future, your future.

“I’m gonna protect her.” Bakugou’s declaration caused Midoriya to smile. He nodded his head lifting up his fist with determination in his own eyes. “That makes two of us.”

Bakugou would have usually snapped at the forest haired boy from copying him but he didn’t. Instead he returned Midoriya’s smile with a smirk. He let the door close heading up to his own room. Midoriya walked into his dark dorm room. He sighed against the door before sliding down it letting everything hit him. Tears rushed down his cheeks, this hurt more than any broken bone. He couldn’t get the image of you hurdling toward the ground out of his head. He covered his face with his arms before burying it into his pulled-up knees. His sobs were silent, and he suffered the way he imagined you had. He tried to picture the happy you. The one with fire in her eyes, the one that always got back up no matter what knocked her down. He wanted your eyes to be red from laughing yourself to tears, he wanted you to be tired from training and not from thinking your existence was exhausting. He wanted to tell you that he loved you and that he’d be there through this, but he can’t tell you that now. You needed to rest and so did he, if only his mind would let him.

Elsewhere, Bakugou was experiencing his own breakdown. He slammed his fist into the dorm door not caring if he breaks it. His knuckles bleed from the abuse. He doesn’t care, instead he punches it again and again until blood flows rapidly, down his hand and onto the floor. “Fuck.” Bakugou grabs a towel and throws it on top the blood staining the carpet. He stomps on it before giving up and laying on his bed. He sees the blood on his knuckles and thinks back to the dry blood on your arm from cutting into before fleeing the building. He hadn’t seen your self-mutilation himself but thinking about it made him sick. He sat up dry heaving into his trash can. How could he have been so stupid? Why the hell hadn’t he invited you that night to play video games? He knew exactly why, because he had seen how excited you had been all day. He was hoping this was what you needed to finally break your isolation. He was rooting for you and in doing so fucked up. He blamed himself for not making you hang out with him instead, which sounded selfish in a way but he meant well. Bakugou wipes the saliva from his lip before looking at his phone. He unlocks it and stares at the picture he has as his background. It has Kaminari and Sero laughing in the background with Mina poking Kirishima’s cheek. The main focus of the photo is you hugging him while he looks pissed as hell. The photo was taken by Momo who he had to ‘threaten’ to delete it, only after sending him a copy. He would never admit it out loud but he loved you. He loved the way you fought back against bullies, how you snapped back when he was an asshole. He enjoyed the far off look you’d get during class, the way you looked out the window with the slightest smile. He could listen to your laugh for hours. He was so fucked. How could he be thinking about loving you when you hated yourself. He just wished you could be happy, could understand how much you mattered not just to him. Bakugou drops his phone onto his side table before falling backward. His head crashes onto his pillows. You were alone right now, or maybe you weren’t. Hopefully your parents were with you, or maybe Mr. Aizawa went to make sure you would be okay. He wished he could have gone with you, that he could comfort you when you wake up. He wanted nothing more than to destroy all your problems and give you some of his strength while you tried to regain your own. Except he knew you were strong; it took strength to jump off a building.

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The loveliest dream played behind closed eye lids. You were completely unaware of what was going on outside of your brain’s illusions. Unfortunately for you all dreams come to an end and you have to face reality. You were delirious when your dreams melted away and bright light filled your vision. Beeping invaded your ear drums. It smelled like sterilizer. You rubbed your eyes trying to fix your vision. When things were no longer blurry you found yourself looking around a hospital room. Your clothing was folded neatly on a chair along with a few bags and a blanket. Someone had been siting in the chair. There was a chart on the door which was closed. The window was dark and the light that was on only lit up parts of the room. You took in your surroundings feeling your heart race and chest cave in as your lungs failed you. The room was closing in on you as you curling in on yourself. You tugged the heart rate monitor when you wrapped your arms around your knees. Sobs came out with uneven breathes. You were having a panic attack. The door opened and a nurse peaked inside, your monitor was loudly beeping informing medical staff your heart rate spiked. The nurse walked over to the bed worry across her face as she gently put a hand on your shoulder.

“Honey are you okay? Are you in pain? Let me call the doctor.” Before she could leave your side, you spoke through broken hiccups.

“I failed.” The words were tragic really. The nurse knew why you had been there and hearing your words made her realize why you were crying. Regret, but not because you had done it, because you had failed at dying. The nurse covered her mouth as her own tears start falling down. You looked up at her with confusion. Why was she crying. You tried to steady your breathing, before moving your hand over her own. She looked up and saw the concern and care in your eyes. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying? Did I upset you.”

She stared at you like you had grown another head; how could you push away your own suffering to make sure she was okay. A slight laugh escaped her as she gently moved some stray hair away from your eyes.

“You really do have the heart of a hero.” She rubbed your shoulder watching you bite your bottom lip to try and prevent more crying. It didn’t work, you collapsed in a fit of sobs again. You wrapped your arms around your middle begging for this to not be real. Maybe this was your own personal hell. You weren’t a hero; this lady was delusional. She needed to get away from you before you ruined her life as well. You didn’t pay any attention to her getting up. She left the room cautiously. You looked around trying to find anything that could ground you. The only thing you keep thinking about is dying and how it was impossible that you hadn’t. What does this mean? What do you do now? How could you have fucked up this bad? You activate your quirk in the hopes to hurt yourself, one last attempt before the restraint jacket and padded room. Your fingers go to push into your wrist but there is no sting or pain, no blades just skin. You quickly look up knowing exactly what happened, Mr. Aizawa. You felt exposed, like you were nude or had all your dirty laundry in full view. Here was someone you respected, looked up to, having to use his quirk against you. You were like a villain. You couldn’t decipher his look do to his dry eyes. You dug your weaponless fingers into your sides curling into yourself again while crying. Warm rushes of tears crashed down your cheeks and onto the hospital gown. You didn’t care that he was watching you, at this point you were nothing but a bother to him. He didn’t think that, he would never think that about any of his students. Mr. Aizawa blinked stopping his quirk. His hair returned to its place against his scarf around his shoulders. He looked tired but not as tired as you. He would never wish that kind of exhaustion and mental trauma on anyone, especially not a child, which you were. He approached with caution, not like you were a savage animal, more like you were a scared injured one. He slowly squatted down next to your bed looking at the dark circles around your eyes and red across your nose and cheeks. He went to catch a tear but stopped with wide eyes when he heard you mumble. “I’m sorry sir, I caused you trouble.”

The apology was already pushing it, you had nothing to apologize for but the trouble part got him. Had he been so hard on you that you’d think he cared more about the trouble than your health? That hurt him, just like Bakugou and Midoriya. He sighed and shook his head finally allowing himself to catch the tear.

“You are no trouble. I’m here because I want you to get better.” Maybe his words could be taken different in your sensitive state of mind but regardless he meant well. The door opens interrupting your sobs and his attempt at comforting you. The doctor walked in followed by the nurse who cried for you. Her eyes were still red and lightly puffy. She smiled softly at you making your chest hurt. You didn’t deserve her tears or their kindness. The doctor stood in front of your bed waiting for you to look at him. You dared a glance up afraid that he would be disappointed but he was smiling like the nurse.

“Ms. L/n, I’m glad to see you awake. You gave us quite a scare. Would you like to talk about it?” Quite a scare? Really. You weren’t trying to scare anyone; you were trying to disappear from existence. You had scared yourself with an unsuccessful attempt. Now they knew. You wanted to talk but couldn’t get your mouth to open. You sunk your teeth into your lip until it bled. “It’s okay, you don’t have to talk right now. As you can assume you will be here for a while. Your parents are outside the room. I will send them after I have a talk with them about your recovery.”

He left the room and you wanted to run over and push one of the heavy machines in front of it. You couldn’t face them. You couldn’t look into their irritated and disgusted eyes. What if they don’t want you as their daughter anymore. A hand places itself gently on your shoulder before the bed dips from weight being added to it. The nice nurse is sitting next to you. “Don’t worry, they were so distraught when they heard the news. They haven’t left your side till an hour ago. They haven’t stopped crying and begging for you to be okay. Your parent’s love you and I think they aren’t the only ones.”

She smiles at Mr. Aizawa, who rolls his eyes. He knows the nurse is referencing the eighty different calls he’s had to take from crying and concerned students and faculty members. You look between the two adults before overhearing the conversation outside the room. Your parents are arguing something and you here a number and something about keeping you till your better. You knew that he was telling them you were being locked away. You could imagine the white walls with no windows. The cushion floors and pills that would melt your brain. You hadn’t realized you had started hyperventilating again. Mr. Aizawa rubs your back hushing you in a gentle way. The nurse gives you water and as you take it you see it, folded neatly on the chair with your camisole and sweats, Midoriya’s all might hoodie. You sit up, startling the two adults, before reaching out and grabbing the garment. The fabric is worn from plenty of use. It feels cold from sitting under the hospital air conditioner. You hug it to your chest deeply inhaling the pine smell. It was soothing and familiar. You noticed there were a few holes in it and wondered how they got there. You smelled it again curiously after noticing a different scent, a sweeter scent, like caramel like Bakugou. Why did it smell like him? You started feel cold, like you were back on top the roof. You close your eyes feeling your body fall over the edge. You grip the fabric tighter as you try to remember what happened before you fainted. You could hear a voice in your inner conscience. It sounded like Bakugou, he called you an idiot but he was crying. You couldn’t remember but he said it when he caught you, when he held you while plummeting to the ground. You were afraid to know what happened, but you needed to know.

“Mr. Aizawa, what happened. How am I alive?” It was painful to hear you say that. No one should ever have to ask that under these circumstances. He sighed rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“I can’t say exactly what happened because we showed up late. I got a call from Iida, he sounded panicked and I could hear the frantic yelling and crying in the background. He told me that you had hurt yourself after a confrontation with Uraraka and fled the building with bad intentions. I called All Might and the police. Other members of the staff were also informed afterward. I left to find you and found the class waiting for the police. They told me that Bakugou and Midoriya had run off to find you, to stop you.” He stops for a second because recounting the event brought back the sick drop in his stomach and the painful apprehension. You look at your hands that were perfectly still. You were afraid of the truth because you knew you had run off; you did feel guilty for upsetting people and causing such a ruckus. Had you just run off late into the night with no confrontation than things would have worked out, right? That’s when the last sentence finally clicks. You thrust your head up, your eyes staring into the side of your teachers face with curiosity and confusion. “Bakugou and Midoriya? They went after me.”

“They went after you and not only that. They um, they, they saved you. I didn’t see it since I was escorting the emergency vehicles to across the campus. All Might was outside the building. He told me in the darkness you saw fire and green sparks fly out the windows. The colors swirled chasing the same thing, you. Bakugou caught you and from what I was told Midoriya caught the two of you and used his quirk to get you back into the building three floors before the ground. The two boys emerged from the building, Bakugou holding you tightly against his body while Midoriya’s hoodie laid over your unconscious form. They both had a protective air to them, like guard dogs. Bakugou wouldn’t even hand you over to the medical workers and Midoriya, who is usually the understanding one, was defending his classmate’s behavior. They had caught you, they saved you and yet as I looked at them, they looked scared, defeated. They didn’t think they saved you and I guess in a way they are right. Regardless of that though, they tried to stay with you but they weren’t allowed to come with. They are probably still waiting to hear if your okay.” He got up and apologized but he had to take a call. You watched him walk out and you could slightly hear your parent’s voices down the hall. They were drowned out by the machinery beeping behind you. You were left with partial pieces of what had happened after you jumped.

You couldn’t lie to yourself and say that you didn’t believe they cared. You knew they did, you had experienced first hand their kindness and care this last week. Bakugou wasn’t nice to anyone and yet he had a soft spot for you. You were usually oblivious but you saw how he treated you. He made you food, he brought you water, he trained with you, and when you were sad, he let you be sad. He validated you and all your emotions no matter how dumb or fucked up they got. You got to sit on his bed with him during game night while all the boys whined that they never got special treatment. He cussed them out but you had just smiled. When you were around Bakugou no one messed with you and you received no jealous stares or judgement. Midoriya showered you in attention and kindness in his Midoriya way. His shy smiles and flushed cheeks as he’s talk with you about your aspirations and likes. He held onto everything you said and would give you a gift in relation to it. You liked a certain artist and he gave you a cd. You liked a certain animal and you ended up with a plush to cuddle with on your bed, not that you cuddled it or anything. You never had to eat lunch with others staring and whispering about you. The lounge was yours even when he wasn’t there. He always had a wrapped lunch and drink sitting on the table with an origami crane. You kept all of the ones you’d been given and they hung from string above your desk. If you had waited then you could have had a thousand cranes and just wished your depression away. You didn’t really believe that but everyone is allowed their childish dreams. Midoriya walked you to class when Bakugou didn’t. It felt like prison escorts at first but then it felt like friendship. Something you looked forward too. Midoriya gave you an All Might pen he had gotten in an exclusive set. It matched his and you couldn’t give the gift back because he argued against it. The pen was something you used every day leading to your breakdown. More important than physical objects were his quiet understanding and patience toward you. No matter how mad or depressed you got he always smiled, and never left your side. He always told you that you mattered and were amazing. You just wished you could believe the words because he spoke them with such sincerity.

“Y/n.” You had just been thinking about the boys and hearing someone call your name made your heart skip a beat as you looked up with excitement and yearning. You wouldn’t say you were disappointed but a slight bit of you wanted them to be standing in the doorway instead of the doctor.

“May your parents come in?” You held your breath and almost denied the request but you couldn’t run away again. This was the moment you needed to tell them how tired you were, how you didn’t want to try anymore. You nod and the doctor opens the door wider revealing your parents. You expected stern harsh eyes but instead met gazes with grief stricken weary ones. Oh god had you been wrong about them. They rushed to your side sobbing words of regret and apologies. You couldn’t speak as your throat tightened and tears blurred your vision again. You were starting to replace Midoriya as the class cry baby. You sobbed out apologies of your own but not for attempting to kill yourself. No apologies for being a failure and ruining their lives. They were astonished, how could you think such horrible things about yourself. Had they not loved you enough? Had they not supported you. What did they do wrong? These were selfish questions and they realized watching you crumble into the thin hospital sheet, that this wasn’t about them, it was about you. How could they support you until you loved and supported yourself? That was the better question. You felt arms wrap around you enveloping you into a sandwiched embrace. You felt like a child again for a moment causing your crying to escalate into hysterical sobbing and gurgled words that couldn’t be understood. As they held you crying their own tears they spoke.

“We love you Y/n. We have always loved you and always will. We are sorry if we contributed to this. Please don’t ever hurt yourself. Please don’t leave us.” You couldn’t promise anything right now so instead you basked in the love and warmth they gave you. This was apart of healing, ripping off a bandage. This was a wound that had rotted, grew infected and needed to be reopened if it wanted a chance to try to heal again. You had your parent’s and they were disappointed, they never once insulted or belittled you. They just had love for you. You wished you could tell them that you felt better but you didn’t. When you closed your swollen eyes, you could still feel the cold breeze and see the twinkling stars as you plummeted off the roof. You couldn’t heal until you wanted too. It would be a process but you were willing to wait.

------------------------------------------

You slept for a whole day after the visit from your parents. They stayed but left to attend other business knowing you’d be safe in the hospital. Mr. Aizawa watched you for awhile to make sure you didn’t wake up and try to use your quirk again. When you finally woke up the world felt heavy, like you had been laying in drying cement. You reached out for your water and pressed the button to call a nurse. A different nurse came in and you felt intimidated by the unfamiliar person. You played with the sleeves of Midoriya’s hoodie, which you had put on before falling asleep, before asking for some headache medication and the ability to take a shower. The nurse let you know that he had to ask a doctor what you weren’t allowed to do or take. It was a twenty-minute wait but you didn’t mind, it wasn’t like you were going anywhere anytime soon.

“Here is some food and medication. Someone will come in after you eat to get you situated to shower.” The man was gentle and slightly awkward which made you giggle. You thanked him for his help before staring at the gourmet meal. It was cold soba, a side of warm white rice and a bowl of sliced kiwis and mangos. You wanted to shower and that meant eating something. Hell, this meal was better than Midoriya’s cooking so it wasn’t like you couldn’t stomach it. You just didn’t know if you were ready to eat. You were afraid of regretting it, or getting nervous and throwing up. You needed to eat something. A piece of mango slipped into your mouth. You followed it up with a few bites of rice and half the cold soba. It was delicious and the meds really helped after you took them. The attendant that came in to take the tray seemed happy to see most of the food gone. If you were being graded on eating than you were sure you just got a high B which was better than some of your school grades. The best feeling in the world came from feeling hot water against your bare skin. You had to have the nurse in the room with you, you had realized that you were going to be monitored closely seeing as people were anticipating another suicidal breakdown. You didn’t mind the attention, just felt bad for taking staff away from other patients. The nurse had slipped you a floral scented shampoo which excited you. You wanted to smell like anything other than sweat, hospital, and dirt. Once you dried off you slipped the hoodie back over your head. You had your bra taken away incase you tried to hurt yourself with it. The wiring could be removed and used as a blade or you could hang yourself. You didn’t mind as long as you were allowed to have the hoodie. A new pair of undies and sweatpants completed the look. Your parents were going to drop off some clothes later. The doctor mentioned something about transferring you to a different part of the hospital, a recovery center that you’d live at until they figured out a plan for your mental health. You didn’t want to stay but knew if you left, you’d be on the roof again. Better safe then dead.

“You look comfy.” You jump and turn when you hear the familiar voice. Your eyes meet with a pair of green ones.

“MIDORIYA!” You are already rushing off the bed pulling the heart monitor off your finger as you tackle the boy. His arms had already been open waiting for you like they always were. He holds you trying not to think to much about the fact that your wearing his hoodie. You nuzzle your face against his chest sniffing him. He smelt like the real him, he felt like the real him and yet you felt that if you let him go, he’d disappear. You didn’t let go till he pulled away. “I thought I told you to call me Izuku.”

You were excited just a moment ago but when he mentioned his first name you thought about Uraraka. You could see her, an apparition watching with distain. You were afraid to hurt people and that included her. Midoriya noticed the way you changed. He moved forward but was thrusted backward causing him to stumble and almost fall. “Move nerd, your upsetting her.”

Your heart beats wildly as Bakugou walked toward you. You can smell his body wash, and his natural sweet smell. He knew you were upset before he had even entered the room. He knew why you were upset; Mina had explained everything that Uraraka did and said. He knew that’s who you were thinking about. His hand lifted up and you closed your eyes expecting a flick to your forehead but instead a gentle pat. You open your eyes and stare into his crimson ones.

“Forget about her Y/n. She fucking sucks. You don’t have to beat yourself up over someone like her. You are amazing and can do whatever you want, even if that thing is calling this nerd by his first name.” His words were snarling or growled like usual. Instead they were delivered like a pep talk. He wanted you to let go of Uraraka’s words. You bit your lip wanting to listen but found it hard. He notices your hesitation this time smiling, you almost yelp at how gorgeous he looks. “You don’t have to do what people say. You matter and so do your choices.”

Midoriya nods beside Bakugou which causes the angry blonde to hit him. He snaps about finding his own thing to say and not just agreeing with him. You watch the two childhood friends and start laughing. Your laugher brings their attention back to you. You were genuinely laughing and they both smile basking in it. “You guys are such children, stop being mean Katsuki. Izuku means well.”

You are still laughing with your eyes squinted closed while they blush at the casual way you say their names. You look up when the door opens and a nurse is pointing to your finger. Shyly you return to bed clipping the monitor. The boys come closer. Midoriya taking the chair and Bakugou remains standing. There is a dead silence between the three of you. You rub your arm not really knowing what to say. You don’t have to speak since they both speak up, Midoriya first followed by Bakugou.

“Are you mad at us?” Midoriya looks sorrowful at you, like a puppy that didn’t know what it got hit for. You didn’t get a chance to ask why.

“He’s asking if your pissed that we saved you.” Bakugou looks away from you and Midoriya looks down. You finally look at them. Not smell or feel them, no, look at them. Bakugou had sunken in eyes, the dark rings turning into black holes around his eye lids. The white of his eyes match Midoriya’s, red and irritated. He had been crying, they both had. Bakugou’s knuckles had obvious signs of quirk overuse and scratches from hitting something rough. Midoriya’s cheeks seemed hollow, like he hadn’t eaten or hydrated. His hair was messier and not in a casual way, in a neglectful way. They both exhibit pain, trauma, remorse. How could you have done this? How could you prevent it from happening again?

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me, I’m not okay. ” The words slipped out and you didn’t feel bad for saying them. You weren’t okay and they needed to know this wasn’t a fairy tale. They both raised a brow like you had stated an obvious fake. The both responded at the same time.

“No shit.” Bakugou. “And that’s okay.” Midoriya.

Both boys knew you were broken and they thought that was fine. How foreign of a concept to you.

“You guys are okay with this? With me?”

“Are you stupid? No this isn’t okay.” Bakugou’s words were growled. “Kacchan.”

“Shut up, it isn’t okay that you feel like way. You need to get help and that’s what your going to do in this fucking hospital. We are going to be here with you. It okay to be sad and hate yourself but it’s not okay to live that way. You are going to get better. I fucking swear my future as a hero on it.” Bakugou’s words quaked with passion. You started crying and felt Midoriya rub soothing circles on the top of your hand with his thumb. You nodded along with Bakugou and Midoriya followed him up. “You can take all the time that you need, we will be here every step of the way. Even during the bad times and the breakdowns. We will never judge you.”

Sobbing was all you could do while comforting you was what they could do. They promised and they were going to keep their word.

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A month, that was the time frame the hospital gave you. You chose to stay and get help and what made it easier was having Bakugou and Midoriya support you. The month had gone by in strange intervals. You had bad days were you tried to hurt yourself and found sanctuary in the arms of Mr. Aizawa who had to stop you. He was patient and nurturing as well. The first week had more downs then ups. The second week Bakugou made you where his hoodie claiming you were becoming a nerd with Midoriya’s on. The second week also ended with gifts and flowers covering your recovery room. Notes from everyone talking about how much they missed you and tell you what was happening while you were gone. The third week brought you friends. Everyone visited on different days and in different groups. Iida had apologized for his lack of leadership and not helping you. You dismissed his words and gave him a smile and hug. Momo cried and apologized and that seemed to be the cycle. Jirou didn’t cry but she was melancholy. The girls and boys that came and went made you feel so many emotions and so many hugs and tears were given. Kaminari had snot dripping out of his nose as he hugged you. The moment Mina laid her eyes on you the world stopped. You screamed her name and she screamed yours. Kirishima literally had to remove her to leave which upset her. She told you she loved you and to never try to kill yourself again. A smile was given but no promise. Not till you could tell yourself it and believe it. The last person who came was Uraraka. She was almost not allowed in by blonde guard dog but you told him she could. You both sat in silence before she cried. She cried and you did exactly what Bakugou said you would. You forgave her and blamed yourself. She argued but couldn’t win. The gentle honest smile on your face hurt but she returned the smile.

“Let’s start over.” You hugged her goodbye and cried in Bakugou’s arms because the words still lingered and hurt.

The fourth and finally week had you shaking with nervousness. You were going home to your friends, your family. You were free and maybe not cured but you felt good. You could say you were okay and mean it. The pain was there but it was a phantom pain. You had a plan and knew that even if you had episodes and breakdowns that was okay and people were there to help you if you just let them. As you packed your bags and left with Mr. Aizawa you felt nervous and happy. He smiled as you said goodbye to the staff who waved with smiles and tears in their eyes. You had life in yours and that was much more than you had a month ago. The car ride was quiet and as you opened a bag you noticed something sticking out. It was a letter, actually there were two of them. Midoriya’s hand writing on one, Bakugou’s on the other. You were afraid to open them but did it anyway. Midoriya’s said.

[I have something I need to tell you, please meet me in the teacher’s lounge.]

Bakugou’s was similar in context but simply said.

[In front of the main campus building]

You had an idea of what this might lead to and this conflicted you because you loved both of them, however one of them had been there for you like no other. You had loved them even before this. You knew where you needed to go.

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-MIDORIYA’S ENDING -

You had placed your bags back into your room and left for the exit before anyone could take your time. You almost collided with someone outside as your rushed out. The person gasped and you apologized reaching for the letter that slipped from your hands. The person picked it up first and read it. You felt true fear overtake you as you stared at Uraraka. She read the note and you wanted to cry and run but instead you gently held your hand out for it. She did something you hadn’t expected, she smiled. Her eyes held no jealousy or ill-intent.

“Uraraka, I”

“Don’t keep him waiting.” You both made eye contact and you had to rub your eyes to keep from crying. You both changed for the better and this proved she tried and not running away or giving up proved you were trying too. You left her in the doorway rushing off to find him. You saw Bakugou near the building he told you to meet him and you waved. He waved back realizing you were running past. He sighed before sadly smirking. “I’ll always be here for you even though you chose him.”

You couldn’t hear the words but you knew they were true. He wouldn’t hold this against you because this was what made you happy. This was something you wanted and chased after. The door to the lounge got closer and closer until you were breathing heavily outside of it. Your legs were wobbly and you felt light headed. You gripped the knob tight and opened the door. Midoriya was sitting in his usual spot. You both made eye contact and his cheeks, which were already red, grew deeper. You tried to steady your breathing and calm your chest but failed. You sat down across from him and felt for a second like you were back to the second time you had run. Well no more running. You put the letter on the table. He was quiet and for a second you thought maybe you were wrong. That’s when he stiffly stood up and bent forward in a bow.

“Y/n! I have been watching you since we starting attending UA together. I have always found you fascinating and strong. I always thought nothing could bring you down but I was wrong. You were much stronger than any hero I have researched. You fought, protected, trained, learned, and so much more all while hurting and fighting yourself. I think you are the bravest most amazing person ever and I don’t ever want to lose you or let go of you.” There was so much to unpack and he was talking so fast with no muttering. You were blushing and trying to think of an argument about being strong but knew it would be pointless. Midoriya was building up to saying the words and you didn’t know if your heart could handle running here and a confession.

“Y/n L/n, I love you and I understand if you can’t love me right now but.” You had called his name a few times as tears filled your eyes. He wasn’t listening so you moved across the table, lifted his head and kissed him. He was shocked but relieved. His arms moved around your middle pulling you closer which caused you to fall completely over the coffee table and into his arms. You both laughed before you pushed you face into his chest holding onto him tightly.

“I love you too Izuku Midoriya. I might mess up but please bear with me.”

This wasn’t a fairy tale ending, it was life. You had gotten the boy but you were still struggling. There was no miracle cure, no prince charming’s kiss to make the pain go away. Just two guys trying to help you help yourself. For this exact moment you were okay and that was okay.

--------------------------------------------------------

-BAKUGOU’S ENDING-

The moment your bags hit the floor of your room you ran to the elevator. You were nervous but thrilled. You wanted to over think but stopped yourself. You hushed the bad words with confident ones. The elevator ding freed you and your legs moved forward right into Mina who was going to go see you. The two of you hugged and she spun you around. The letter slipped from your grasp and you quickly reached for it but she was faster. You watched her read the simple location and waited for the mocking or teasing. Instead she placed the paper back in your hand and winked. “You don’t wanna keep him waiting do you.”

You could have cried at her support but didn’t have time. How long had he been waiting? Was he still there? Worrying was pointless because as you ran path lit up by the evening sky you saw him. He was leaning against the building looking up. You slowed your pace and followed his gaze. There was nothing there but as your approached, still watching the sky, you realized this was the same building you jumped from. One hell of a spot to meet. You felt fear build up but stop when Bakugou spoke.

“When I caught you in my arms, I couldn’t use my quirk to get us back into the building. My first thought hadn’t been to call out to Deku but to protect you. I held you close and braced for impact. In that moment I wasn’t a hero. I was me and you were the most important person in my life and I needed you to live. I needed to see your stupid smile and hear your laugh. I wanted you to call out my name from across the school yard while all these stupid fucking extras stared confused because they don’t understand us. I couldn’t lose you, and I can’t lose you.” His attention had been up but was now focused only on you. Your heart stopped beating, or maybe it was beating too fast. Right now, you couldn’t tell. You could tell that you were crying. That he was crying. He aggressively wiped the tears away. “God, I don’t think you understand how I feel about you. I’ve been in love with you the moment I watched you suck at throwing that ball our first day. I had been so angry and couldn’t understand why you laughed and smiled even though you ‘lost’. I understood later when you told the shitty girls that throwing that ball meant you were one step closer to being a hero, to saving lives. You were, are what heroes should be, should thrive to be. You want to save people even when your suffering. You’d die for anyone even someone who hurts you. It’s stupid and reckless and it you. You are my hero more than I am yours. You never hurt anyone while you hurt. You never blamed others. I did all of those things and take out my regret on people. I want to be a little more like you but I also want to help you see that you can love yourself. I know it isn’t easy and hell it might take years but I’ll be here for every one of them.”

Bakugou was a mean, aggressive, and narcissistic person, at least that’s what people sold him as. You never bought it because you knew what profiling people did. You knew what life was like in that box and you didn’t want either of you in it. You hadn’t realized he loved you all that time and yet you could say he was dumb because it took your crumbling mental state for him to realize you might like him back. You looked at him and moved forward till your arms were around him. That sweet caramel smell filled your nostrils and he felt like home. A million thoughts moved around in your head but you pushed them down. The bad thoughts were still there but you didn’t have to deal with them alone, and now you understood that.

“I love you Bakugou, I have loved you for so long and I never could say it but now. Now I don’t have to be afraid because when I’m sad you are there.” Bakugou laughed and held you closer. His lips pecked yours once then again and again until you whined and he gave you a real kiss. His lips were hot and soft against your cooler healing ones.

“You can be sad when I’m not around. You don’t have to be okay. Not right now, in time.”

“Bakugou, why did you pick this spot to confess.” Bakugou let you go and pointed upward. You followed his gaze and heard his words.

“Because one day I’m going to bring you back here and you are going to stand on the roof and scream from the top of your lungs that you did it, that you are okay.”

He caught you before you could collapse as sobs escaped. He showered you in kisses because he knew you needed to feel this way to get better. He would hold you while you cried because this was just a stop on the way to that future, he wanted for you. He wasn’t here to save you. You could do that yourself. He was here because he loved you.

#bnha #bnha x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha midoriya #midorya x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #mha #mha x reader #mha imagines #izuku x reader

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soulwillower · 4 years ago

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sketches • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x reader)

requested: Hello! Can I request just some teen!Bill x reader fluff? Maybe where the reader finds sketches of her from Bill’s sketchbook/pad and then she falls in love with Bill, then Richie accidentally said something about Bill having a crush on her cause the trashmouth thought she already knew then after the reader found out, they talk and the reader confesses as well and it’s all fluffy and cute? I don’t know! I hope you get the idea though (ᵔᴥᵔ)

warning: swearing, fluff, unedited :)

[losers + reader are 16+ in this.]

1.7k words

♡

"can we shut some windows? it's getting cold." you ask your friends, rubbing your arms as goosebumps appear. mumbles of protest echo through the room and you scowl as their eyes all stay glued to the tv where eddie and ben battle out on smash bros.

"fine. can i borrow a sweater then, bill?" you ask, standing up. bill nods, his eyes flickering to you to smile briefly.

you smile back at him before getting up, making your way towards bill's room.

once you're inside, you flip on his lamp and snort. his room has always made you laugh - it's slightly messy, in a way that he's not ashamed of, and there's posters, pictures and a baseball bat in the corner.

his sheets are strewn about, half of it on his bed and half covering an upturned skateboard on the ground. you roll your eyes, chuckling. bill's a fucking mess.

your eyes land on an open sketchbook on his desk, pencils, pens, and paintbrushes covering it.

curiously, you walk over to look at it. you smile gently at the sketch of georgie holding up a dandelion, and you start to skim the pages. there's bev and mike on one page, richie and you on the next - that one makes you blush. the next page has eddie and richie smiling at each other. it makes you happy.

then your heart stops as you look at the page next to it. you stare at yourself, drawn and shaded with layers of charcoal. it looks exactly like you.

your heart does somersaults as your eyes trace the page and you flip the next few pages gently. bill drew you... so many times. they were meticulous, careful, and beautiful, like he'd spent hours pouring in as much dedication as he could.

your own eyes stare back at you from the pages and for the first time in a really long time you felt seen in a way you never knew you needed. realization hits you hard and your heart thumps, a smile growing on your face.

you love bill.

you love him - the boy with the auburn hair, the green eyes, the boyish grin, the bubbling laughter, the beat up vans, the flannels and crewneck sweaters. the boy who spends hours making sure you and your friends were okay, who stutters through every joke and also every inspirational speech, the boy who failed geometry because he kept ditching to go bird watch with stan or help mike with his chores on the farm. the boy who makes everybody he meets feel loved, feel important and feel needed. the boy who draws all of his friends with so much skill and passion. you can't help but bite your lip happily as you think about him.

of course you all held bill on a glimmering pedestal - it was completely dignified. because bill is so incredible, so perfectly flawed and so real that it was almost impossible not to fall in love with him.

everybody falls in love with bill denbrough.

"-that doesn't look like a sweatshirt." a voice comes from the doorway and you turn to look at richie, giving him a sheepish grin. your heart is still racing as you realize that you're in love with bill ... and that you have been for so long.

does he know?

"um, have you- er, have you ever seen this? he draws us." you say, gesturing to his notebook. richie nods his head, walking closer to the notebook casually. his eyes land on the open sketchbook and he smiles gently as he skims over the pages. there's eddie and richie on the left, laughing. it makes your heart swell. and on the right is the sketch of you, much more in detail.

"of course i have, y/n/n. he's been doing this for years, you know." he states simply, walking to the closet and pulling off a sweater, tossing it to you with a pointed look.

you're still pretty dumbfounded as your eyes flit to the sketchbook. you smile, shaking your head as butterflies burst. "oh, well he never showed me. he's... he's done a lot of them." you say, flipping through the pages.

"um, yeah, duh. he has the hots for you, of course he draws you all the time." richie says casually, fingers skimming the light drawing of eddie's smiling face.

your eyebrows furrow and you look up at him. some sort of heat pools in your stomach at his words, and you blink owlishly. you clear your throat and follow richie out of the room, face bright red as you walk down the stairs together.

"what took you two so long?" stan asks as you walk back in. you smile to your shoes as you pull on the sweater. richie flops onto the couch and mutters, "little miss snoop found big billy's sketchbook."

"y-you did?" bill asks, looking into your eyes. you can't help the blush that creeps onto your face as his eyes catch yours. he doesn't look phased that you saw his work except that his cheeks are dusted pink.

"they're beautiful, bill." you say shyly. he shrugs. "it's e-easy when you have b-beautiful subjects." he mutters.

it's so casual, the way he says it, and yet your whole body melts. you're so in love. everyone shares a look and you feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach.

richie grins, "very smooth denbrough. we get it, you're in love." he says. at those words, it goes silent and everyone turns to stare at richie.

your eyes widen and everyone else stares at him, mouths agape.

he blinks, "oh, did- c'mon, don't act like we don't all know. right, guys?" he says in defense, gesturing to eddie and ben for help. they don't say anything, and bill chuckles awkwardly at the silence.

it's quiet as bill mutters, "b-beep beep, trashmouth." he's shooting daggers at the boy. despite the tense situation, you smile to the ground - did bill really like you? him?

"lay off him, richie. i saw the way you were looking at that drawing of eddie." you say, lifting a brow. richie scowls, face turning red. eddie's face does the same, and bill shoots you a thankful glance. you smile back, heart beating quickly. you turn, muttering about going to get a drink.

you walk into the kitchen and you're not surprised when you hear that someone followed you. there's only one person who you really hope to talk to right now - and you're relieved as you turn around to find him watching you.

you smile gently at him as he rubs his neck sheepishly, walking closer to you. "i h-hope the drawings didn't f-freak you out." he says with a small grin. you smile, shaking your head as you lean on the counter and look up at him.

"bill, c'mon. you're so talented. those were incredible...i'm flattered." you say, cheeks heating up. he smiles bashfully and shrugs.

"s-sorry about r-richie." he says after a moment. you laugh lightly, trying to calm your own heart from bursting from your chest. "he doesn't know what he's saying." you mutter shyly, shrugging. bill laughs lightly though, making you look at him curiously.

he’s shaking his head, "no, h-he's p-pretty accurate." he says, a smile on his face. you watch him closely, "i... i'm in l-love with you." bill ads.

you gape at him, heart swelling but unable to move. he watches you, green eyes flickering between yours, trying desperately to read you. he's patient, though, and doesn't try to take it back. because it's bill.

no matter what, he's said what he means and he wont take it back, even if you don't feel the same way. because he just wants you to know you're loved.

holy shit, you're so in love with him.

"wh- are you really?" you ask dumbly. you can't feel your fingers or toes. he nods, a soft smile on his face as he chuckles, "y-yeah. really."

you nod, a smile of your own eclipsing your face. you feel like it might split your face in half.

he shrugs at you with a smile. "i-i mean, i n-never came out and s-said it, so i guess that's m-my fault." he grins, "b-but its not l-like i had to. it's v-very obvious that i l-love you, y/n. you're j-just blind." he teases. you scrunch your nose at him although his words give you butterflies.

"oh shut up, bill." you say with a laugh, punching his shoulder. he laughs at your reaction, steadying himself by grabbing your waist lightly. he smiles down at you lovingly, sighing.

"bill..." you say softly, grinning at him. his cheeks are pink as he waits for you to say those words.

you laugh a little, smiling so widely. "i love you too." you say.

"i kn-know. you're pretty o-obvious too, y/n." bill says with a smirk. you roll your eyes as you place a hand on his shoulder, the two of you leaning on the counter. you pinch him, "then why didn't you say anything!?" you hiss, heart swelling.

"i j-just didn't know h-how!" he defends. you shake your head, scoffing. "whatever, denbrough. i can't believe you." you mutter. his fingers gently reach to clutch your chin, tilting it up to him.

he looks into your eyes and your heart melts, eyes flickering to his pink ones. he's smirking gently. "in m-my defense, you didn't say a-anything, either."

he leans closer and your breath hitches while you wait for him to move.

and then, you smile impatiently as you close the gap. his lips press against yours and your heart feels full as his body forms against you. he's soft, gentle, and passionate as he pulls you closer, tongue lightly grazing your bottom lip. it's quiet as the two of you kiss, the only sounds being your soft breathing and the sound of your lips moving together.

you pull away though as you realize... it's too quiet.

he looks at you in question and you peek over his shoulder, groaning lightly as you meet six pairs of eyes in the doorway. "guys!" you hiss in embarrassment. bill turns to look at the others, a confident grin on his face. they all start squealing and yelling in excitement.

"sh-she's in love with me, g-guys!" bill calls, pointing to you in his arms. you shove him with a laugh as the others cheer. he laughs and shrugs at you.

"you're unbelievable, you know." you mumble, nudging his arm. he chuckles lightly, wrapping his arms around you and placing his chin on the crown of your head. you sigh as you inhale his scent, smiling into the fabric of his sweatshirt.

#bill denbrough x reader #losers x reader #losers club x reader

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smalltragedy · 3 years ago

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* justice smith, demi man + he/they | you know gabriel de leon, right? they’re twenty three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, six years? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 1984 (infinite jest) by the used like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole waking up in a body as heavy as the dead, emotions always on the verge of spilling over - you laugh before the punch lands, the belief that every encounter you have will be the last thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 31st, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( james, 21, est, they/them )

hi im just reposting gabe’s intro bc its been a very long time n im starting a little fresh hehe. yes i do regret the text color bt im not going back.

VIOLENCE TW

mini playlist.

ghosting ;; mother mother / roam the room ;; citizen / art of doubt ;; metric / thnks fr th mmrs ;; fall out boy / heart in a cage ;; the strokes / where is my mind? ;; the pixies / flowers grow out of my grave ;; dead man’s bones / 1984 (infinite jest) ;; the used / blister in the sun ;; the violent femmes.

statistics.

full name: gabriel de leon.

nickname(s): gabe.

birthday: october 31st, 1997.

zodiac: scorpio sun, scorpio moon, gemini ascending.

label: the icarian.

hometown: belleville, new jersey.

sexuality: bisexual (masc-leaning).

pinterest.

biography.

it’s only rly ever been gabe n his mom n the little new jersey suburbs that r always the same no matter where they go. they dn’t speak abt fathers or brothers or spain or anywhere other than the now, and how its constantly changing bt oddly the same.

his mom’s name is sonia n we love her. she worked a lot as a single mom n p much hs done everything on her own ever since leaving spain.

they dn’t talk abt spain bt we cn talk abt spain n hw sonia hd grown up partially there n partially in the states n hw she’d originally planned to live there forever bt the man she’d fallen in love with ws involved in some. high class dangerous shit n it ws safer fr them to part even if tht involved leaving everything she knew n loved <3

bt its like. ok. bc she hd gabe <3 n they dnt talk abt it so it practically nvr happened. n she tries her best as a mom n usually tht is enough.

they moved around a lot just bc sonia is a very. flighty person. anxious bt nvr seems tht way is just always. tense. gabe didnt think she ws capable of relaxing fr. a rly long time.

she wld commute 2 nyc every morning n after school gabe wld climb onto the train n by the time he got 2 her place of work she’d be just getting off n they’d get a slice of pizza n sometimes they’d go somewhere like central park or coney island (just fr the novelty) bt most of the time they just got back on the train home w/ gabe either doing homework or napping on her shoulder.

when gabe got a little older he’d sometimes skip school n take the train after sonia had already gone so he cld spend the day in nyc. he liked learning bt didnt rly like school. he nvr properly fit in bc of the amt of times they’d move so it felt like nowhere ws. right fr him.

got rly involved in. the punk scene as a young unsupervised teenager n tht led 2 a lot of like. shitty stick n pokes bt also a love of. very loud angry music n a sense of justice tht he held tightly in his fists. got mouthy towards bullies whether at school or in the scenes he involved himself in n started getting into a lot of fights bc of it.

during this, sonia ended up dating n marrying gabe’s stepdad who he calls craig sometimes bt i dnt think thats his name i wont lie to u guys. its partially a joke n partially purposeful disrespect bc gabriel does not trust a single man bt like. man. ‘craig’ is just an accountant. he’s fine he’s a good dude. they once bonded over like. the mets.

violence tw // anyways. when gabriel ws 16 he got into a super super bad fight tht ended rly. terribly n like listen. nobody died bt it ws just. it got blown up very out of proportion n gabe might’ve gotten expelled even tho he wsnt even the one who started it bt thts okay. ‘craig’, or paul, suggested tht maybe. a change of scenery wld b good fr gabe n b4 they knew it they were. moving to paul-robert’s hometown of irving, north carolina. violence end of tw //

he wld’ve complained more bt. fr sonia’s sake gabe kept it 2 himself. it made her happy 2 see them all get along anyways n like. idk he cld put forth tht little effort <3

bt honestly like. he didnt rly get into too many fights once they moved down here n even tho sometimes he ws like. ommgg. i hate this town .. its so washed up .. he still made friends n like. the only thing tht changed ws tht it ws a lil harder fr him 2 acquire illegal substances.

anyways. currently he hs a tattoo apprenticeship n is a professional piercer n like. he plays guitar n writes songs bt thts more of a hobby rn than anything else. mostly focused on paying his rent at port apartments bc as much as he. loves his mom he does not want 2 live with her forever <3 n thts okay!

personality & facts.

overall xtremely passionate person like god. feels emotions so intensely. every time he opens his mouth n talks abt an interest of theirs its just very like. u listen n ur like oh. gained 2 inspiration. thanks.

clings onto his friends p tightly bc he like. nvr rly stayed in one place fr super super long in new jersey so he nvr made very long term friends n now hes like. very clingy HLKDSHLKFSHLKDG also hates to b alone. subtle desperation behind interactions with ppl he rly wld like to be friends with.

like dnt get me wrong hes gotten into. sm fights bt thts mostly bc he cannot keep his mouth shut n he also cnt stand douchebags he like. always wants to tear them down prob bc he ws a victim of bullying. n u know what. we support him. otherwise he loves ppl bt esp if they hv similar interests 2 him.

like golden retriever who bites kind of. intensely loyal but at the same time is very skeptical. things tht good things do not last very long even though they’ve been doing already fr the last few years.

also bit of a nerd. they were nvr rly a big fan of school bt theres smth abt a good superhero comic tht draws their attention more than like. any english class evr. bt seven soldiers of victory? classic. big dc fan.

uh. very into like. hardcore music. hardcore rock. punk. if its loud n angry they r into it like so so much. hs sm tattoos is like. super covered in them its partially bc they work at a tattoo shop n partially bc they do not know hw to manage their money well.

ooohh u know what theyre. kinda moody i wont lie to u. very defensive like they dnt evr wna talk abt their past. has experienced Things n they do not wish to discuss them. will usually like. deflect frm conversations he doesnt wna hv.

in tune with nature. loves fkn taking walks. hangs out in the woods by abernathy creek n lilac ridge bc nobody rly goes there n its just. nice

tries not 2 take anything super seriously 2 the point where when he does take smth seriously its a little scary bc theyre super intense abt it. forcibly optimistic even tho on the inside he feels like a total pessimist. lots of. deep down insecurities tht he projects by attaching himself p firmly onto others. >.>

so so so energetic. can never stay still. always hs to be moving around. restless like tht. probably got it frm his mom. overly protective over the ppl he loves. probably got it frm his mom as well.

goes onto Tangents bt also divert frm those tangents n is generally all over the place.

always cold n always looks tired n like he hsnt slept in a thousand years n u know what. sometimes he just does not sleep.

oooohh theyre a vegan. totally into animal rights. devious little demi man beyond that .. loves horror n the paranormal n believes in like. every cryptic. will debate u on it.

erm not. the kindest 2 themself theyre a bit self destructive. impulsive. drives very fast n parties super hard. said i will hv my effy stonem moment. u dont hv to gabe.

bt ya! luvs oranges n reds n is maybe a short king. hs an eyebrow piercing n like. a lip ring i wont fk around here he IS living his best emo life in 2021. a little outdated on the trends bt thats okay. probably will tell u hes frm new jersey. its a personality trait. smokes the shittiest cigarettes ever.

wanted plots.

just ghosting along ,, dnt even exist 2 me ,, ;; god. firstly just the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs like. spoken to romantically n then dropped suddenly. n then maybe like. one tht actually Hurt bt they cnt avoid each other bt theyre actively pretending each other doesnt exist n its. hurtful bc it ws like. actually smth nice bt <3 ykno FKLFSDHG

hey hey heyy c’maahn i’m just a little guy ;; n this is the vast amt of ppl tht gabe hs probably. pissed off n hs either fought or been on the verge of fighting just. unable 2 resist a good bicker-turned-duel.

just blistering in the sun ;; they cld b close friends bt also they cld also not b bt just ppl who. indulge in bad impulsive decisions with gabe. general bad influences on each other’s health n just. no good! party hard bt at what cost.

n also ;; like ... rly solid good friendships ... flings n maybe an exe or two tht either ended on good terms or just. horrendous, ppl they’ve distanced frm, ppl also frm up north, piercing customers, bt not tattoo customers bc im p sure they’d get fired if they were just tattoo’ing ppl willy nilly, etc.

#irvingintro #violence tw #(more of a brief mention)#bt still #jst reposting bc its been so long JFGDHFDSGSLFKG

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degeneratekitten · 4 years ago

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To Love and Cherish as Long as I Live.

!!!WARNING!!! This is a very very very sad story. If you have EVER lost a child and it would upset you to read about something similar DO NOT READ THIS FIC! Also make sure to read the tag and if anything there upsets you you probably wont like it when it happens in the story.

The owner in this story is a random woman, not the ranch owner.

This story was inspired by @bitesized-degeneracy comic of the blueberry having its baby sold.

“Mommy was so excited to hear I was pregnant, but why was she acting so weird after learning who its dad was?”

Mommy's face when I told her had been the second best thing in the world. The first was obviously, the tiny blue heart in my tummy. I grinned up at her and put my hands on my cheeks and danced around a little, I was so happy!

“It’ll be so awesome mommy! I, the Magnificent Dooby, will be the bestest mother in the world!” Mommy chuckled at your statement and suddenly a thought occurred to me.

“After you of course mama!” I added, and ran over to hug mommy’s big hand that was sitting on the table.

“This is great news!.” Mommy said, picking me up and snuggling me against her cheek. “I’m sure Aunty Sarah will be thrilled!” She exclaimed, looking at me with stars in her eyes. The day couldn't get any better, I couldn't wait to tell Stretch too!

---

I knew I wasn't supposed to sneak out, but mommy was so strict about that rule, and I still had friends outside from before mommy took me. Stretch was one of them, he made me feel good during what mommy called my heats, and I loved him most beside mommy.

Bounding to the little cardboard box I once called home I shouted for the bestest friend in the world.

“Stretch! Stretch!” I shouted, and burst into the box with glee. One thing I didn't miss about the box was the smell, Stretch didn't have a toilet and I remember pooping and peeing in the corner before mommy gave me a toilet! Mommy is just the best.

Stretch was lying on the old rag we used to share, he was still dirty but that was ok cause I’d sneak him in the house to have a bath with mommy soon. She was sure to love him! I loved him so of course she would too!

“Blue? Whats it? Aren’t you supposed to be with your mom?” Stretch asked, as I sat on top of him.

“Yeah, but I have news!” I shouted, earning a groan from the mean edgy who was in the tin can next to the box. What a poopyhead!

“Oh?” Stretch asked, putting one of his hands on my hips and tickling, I giggled and pushed his hands away.

“Yeah! Look!” I exclaimed, and unzipped the nice taco pajama’s mommy got me so I could show Stretch the good news. I watched his face light up at seeing the blue heart there, then he started crying! Oh no!

“Stretch!? Stretch?! I’m so sorry! I thought you’d be happy!” I felt heartbroken, Stretch was supposed to be happy at this news. I felt tears in my eyes! Stupid Stretch!

“Blue no! I’m happy! I don’t know why I just felt like crying! But it’s like… A happy cry!” He explained, and I guess it made sense. I let him wipe away my tears, while I wiped away his, and he put his forehead to mine so I could look in his eyelights.

“I’m gonna be a dad!” He laughed happily, staring at the blue heart in my tummy.

“You’ll be the bestest dad ever!” I added.

---

Mommy wasn't happy when I came home that night. I couldn't get my pajamas on after Stretch started snuggling me in the way he does in my heats. Mommy looked mad at seeing I had left them behind.

“Where are your pajamas! I told you to stop sneaking out!?!” She yelled, and I felt embarrassed.

“I had to tell Stretch though!” I said, looking down at the floor, I felt more tears again.

“Stretch? Wait, I thought you were seeing Aunty Sarah’s little Sansy next door?” Mommy said, and she almost seemed like she was going to fall over when I talked about Stretch as if I was doing something really bad by not being with Aunty Sarah’s Sansy.

I thought about the Sansy next door and pulled a face, sticking out my tongue at the thought. “No way!” I replied, and cradled my naked tummy. “Stretch told me to stay away from Sansy! Sansy always judges me cause I lived outside!” I added as I thought about the stuck up Sansy from next door. He always made stupid jokes, Stretch could do the same jokes but better!

Mommy looked a little pale at the thought of my friend Stretch for some reason though, and scooped me up and yelled in my face. I covered my ears because it was loud.

“I thought I told you that you need to be nice to Sansy! He’s my best friends bitty and I wont have you being a brat about him! He’s sweet and funny and probably too good for a tramp like you!” I looked at mommy’s face as it turned red. What did she mean tramp? I only loved Stretch!

I felt so many tears coming at that, and I wanted to get away from mommy but she held me tightly. “No! I only need Stretch! He’s the daddy and we’ll be a family!” Why couldn't mommy understand that? Stretch was the daddy and Aunty Sarah’s stupid Sansy was a big ol poopyhead!

Mommy only got madder at that, and I found myself suddenly locked in my cage, with mommy looking at me with her purple face.

“You will stay in there until you give birth! I will not have you seeing this “Stretch” again!” Then mommy left me alone as I cried into my hands.

---

“Mommy please! I promise I won’t sneak out again.” Mommy hadn’t let me out, just like she said she wouldn't, and it was getting so boring in the cage. I couldn't even let Stretch in anymore, so he had taken to staring at me from the window. Mommy never noticed, cause as soon as she’d enter the room, he’d run away. She gave me things to do, but it just wasn’t the same as playing with Stretch.

I held a picture in my hand, and offered it to mommy, it was my best one, and I wanted her to see it so she knew how I felt. It was of Stretch, me and the baby in the house, with mommy smiling as she hugged all of us.We were a family in the picture. Like we should be.

Mommy looked at me strangely, I didn't understand some of the looks she had, human fleshy faces were so weird. She took the picture from me, but didn’t let me out. I struggled a little to get to my feet, my belly was so big now. Mommy kept commenting on how I was getting so big and would “pop” soon. She had weird words, so I ignored it.

“What’s this?” She asked as she stared at the picture, I was worried maybe she couldn't see it since it was so small so I explained.

“Its us! Mommy, Stretch, baby, and me! We’re a family!” I explained. I was so proud of that picture, surely mommy would understand what I wanted. “Stretch is baby’s dad so he should live with us!” I added, really it only made sense, we’d raise the baby together! We’d all color together, go out on trips together, get into tickle fights with mommy, we’d eat together, bathe together, and at the end of the night after all the fun we’d sleep in the same bed! It was perfect! Mommy would love Stretch as soon as she met him, just like I did.

Mommy looked at the paper, before turning away from me. She loved it! I could tell by how much she was shaking! She was so happy she was shaking!

“I knew you’d love it mommy! I’ll even go get him if you let me out of the cage! He’s been living in a box! The same box I did before!” I almost fell over, but caught myself, then held up my arms to be picked up, we had so much work to do for the baby! We had to get Stretch, then we could get new toys and everything!

Mommy stopped shaking for a moment, but still didn't turn back towards me. Only after I waited for a long time did she turn back with a weird looking smile. It was actually a little scary.

“Alright.” She said, and I was the happiest bitty in the world.

---

I couldn't walk as far anymore, so I had mommy carry me to where Stretch was. She looked really interested in everything around. So much so that she was on the phone the whole time telling someone about where we lived, they seemed really interested in us too as they kept asking how many bitties were living with us, and the conditions. I didn't know who this “humane society” was so I ignored it and kept introducing mommy to all my old neighbors.

Eventually we got to the box where Stretch and I used to live, and I asked to be put down so I could find him.

“Stretch! Stretch! Come look! Mommy came to get you!” I shouted, as mommy set me down. I felt so bloated and I couldn't run anymore, but I went inside slowly. Once inside, Stretch looked incredibly startled at the fact I was there, and ran to hug me.

“You brought your mommy?” He ended up asking, with that voice he got when he was being a silly worrywart.

“Yeah! She’s here to take us home!” I told him, it was such good news, but he didn't look happy.

“She said she’s take me in?” He questioned, and you giggled.

“Of course she did! She loves me and I love you! So of course she’d let you live with us.”

Stretch didn’t look convinced, and I was too happy that I didn't hear whatever mommy said to the “humane society” person. Stretch tensed up though at whatever was said, and I was worried.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Lets leave.” He started to pull me away, but I dug my heels into the floor.

“Why? Mommy’s gonna take us home!” Why was stretch acting so weird?

“Blue, we gotta go! Your mommy wasn't serious, she’s not takin me home.” I was confused at this, there was no way mommy would lie to me like that. She was MOMMY, everything she did she did with love.

“Of course she is.” I giggled at how silly Stretch was, then added the thing that EVERY bitty wanted to hear.

“She’s gonna be your mommy too!” I added, and Stretch seemed to completely change at this.

I don’t know the exact reason, but I was worried about Mommy too before, but as soon as I heard the words “She’s gonna be your mommy” it was like nothing else mattered. That sentence made the world so much brighter and lovely and I would do ANYTHING to keep make it last forever. Nothing else mattered.

I could see the heart lights suddenly appear in Stretch’s eyes at my words and I knew he felt the same now too.

I led him outside, where we held hands and looked up at mommy, she stared at Stretch for a long time before smiling.

“Hi there. Do you want to come home with us?” She asked, and with her smile Stretch became timid, and shy. It was funny cause that’s what he used to be like with me before he said he loved me. I knew he was hooked.

“Hi… Uh… Do you mind if I say goodbye to some people first?” Stretch asked, and although the heart lights were still there, he looked sad as he looked around the neighborhood.

“Yeah! Lets do it together!” I shouted, what a great idea, and pulled at Stretch’s hand again. Mommy chuckled though and picked me up.

“No, let’s give Stretch some privacy, I’m sure he needs time to think.”

Stretch looked at the ground, shyly looking up at mommy every once in a while then quickly looking back onto the ground. I was sure he would come with mommy, but I also guess he wanted to stay for a little bit longer as well.

“Ok! I’ll wait with mommy while you say goodbye Stretch!” I relaxed into mommy’s hands looking down at my bestest friend. He would come back, he just needed time.

Mommy let out a sigh at this, and nodded! She was so understanding. “Don’t take too long.” She added, giving Stretch a really scary smile. You don’t make friends like that mommy! Stretch looked smitten with Mommy, but he ended up disappearing into the grass, no doubt to see Tori. I giggled, and watched as a big truck with a bunch of men pulled up nearby.

----

I waited for a long time, and I could feel the tears coming on as it started to get dark. My old neighborhood had gotten quiet. Mommy took me away for a little bit to get food as soon as the men with the truck pulled up. We came back afterwards, and I saved Stretch a bunch of french fries as a congratulations on getting a new mommy. But, when we got back EVERYONE was gone, the edgy next door, Toriel down the lane, Papyrus up in the tree, but most of all Stretch wasn't there either. It was so wrong, he had been so smitten with mommy, but now he wasn't there!

“T-t-t-t-t *hic*hey left *hic* without telling me *hic*” I sobbed into mommy’s neck, Stretch hadn’t come back, we’d gone to get lunch and they all disappeared. Mommy rubbed my back comforting me.

“I knew this would happen.” She said, as she rubbed my skull the way I liked. “Stretch was so mean. He must have hated you so much to leave you like this.” Mommy said, and my eyes widened at that.

“NO! Stretch loved me! We were gonna be a family! Take baths together, play together, eat together, and at the end of the day mommy would tuck us all in. Baby me and Stretch!” This wasn't right! Stretch wouldn't have done this, he was so happy to be adopted, he was just shy.

“NO!” Mommy shouted, and I flinched. “Stretch was a no good bum who left the mother of his child all alone! You need to accept that!” Mommy stared at me with a very intense look in her eyes, and hugged me close to her neck, where I could feel her words shake me.

“I told you he would do this.” She added, and suddenly everything made sense. Mommy was always right, and while it hurt, mommy would never lie to me. Sniffling into her neck I wailed, sad that Stretch wasn't coming, but knowing that just me and mommy would be all the family baby needed.

----

Things went back to normal after that, I scribbled out stupid stinky Stretch’s face from the pictures I drew, and started cuddling with mommy more. She started to sing to me, and I didn't try and sneak out once. Stretch was gone like a poopyhead and I only needed mommy and baby.

Then it happened, I felt the baby coming. Mommy was at work, but I knew what to do, so I moved to the towel she told me to use when I felt the baby coming and squatted. It hurt so much and I wished mommy was there.

“MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMYYYY!” Maybe if I shouted loud enough she’d hear me, I wanted to go to the phone, but it was up where I couldn't get it anymore. So instead I just shouted for her.

‘MOOOO-------AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I stopped shouting, as the pain was just too much, I felt tears coming from my eyes as something so big pushed itself on my special place.

“MOOOOOMMMY!” I cried, as I squatted on the towel, it hurt so bad and I wanted her back rubs.

I kept pushing though, and eventually I heard the most magical sound in the world. Looking down I saw the face of my little blue baby. I cried more, holding him close. The world was complete, I didn't need Stretch, baby was enough. We’d play, laugh, and love, with mommy forever and ever. I’d love and cherish him as long as I lived. I fell asleep with him in my arms, smiling and dreaming of everything we would do together.

---

When I woke up mommy was home, she was humming a song and counting a stack of green papers she called money. I was eager to show her the baby, but when I felt for him he was gone.

I shot up, my special place still hurt and it was sticky on the blanket, but that wasn't important. Where was my baby!

“BABY?!” I cried, catching mommy’s attention, and she looked at me funny. “BABY!?” I shouted again, looking under the towel this time to see if he was there. I felt my world falling apart as I searched for him. I couldn't lose him too! What if Stretch came back for me? What would he say if baby wasnt there? Wait, what if he DID come back and just took baby? What if the baby was dead? What if he was hurt and I had been asleep and he...

I wailed as loudly as I could, and slumped down.

“BAAAAAABY!” I cried, as I hopped off the bed and ran around the house looking for him. I ran for so long that my legs gave out. Baby was nowhere to be found. He was gone.

“He’s gone forever...” I heard mommy say, and I couldn't hear anything after that. Someone was screaming... Oh, it was me.

I couldn't hear what mommy was saying to me, she looked happy for something, how could she be happy, baby was gone! She said forever! Mommy never lies but that couldn't be true!

What about our future? What about the meals? What about the baths? What about getting tucked in by mommy? Why did this have to happen?

Big fat tears rolled down my face, and everything was just WRONG, why wasn't mommy hugging me? Why did Stretch leave? Where was my baby? Why was mommy smiling?

Mommy just stared at me, but even she didn't matter anymore. My baby was GONE, I’d never see him grow up, I’d never take a bath with him. I’d never have a meal with him. I’d never give him hugs or kisses. I’d never get to be tucked in with him by mommy! All I had left of Stretch before he ABANDONED me had been in my tummy! My idea of a happy family shattered and my world fell apart as all the things I would never get to do with my baby raced through my mind.

#implied abduction #implied sex #implied sale of bitty #everything is implied #the owner is definitely behind all the bad stuff #sad sad story #based off comic by bitesized-degeneracy #first person pov

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terminally-karkalicious · 3 years ago

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allow me to rant about the only thing that has been in my brain for the past two months and that is doll customizing babeyyyyy

i know there’s a 90% chance that you wont give a Shit about any of this but here we go anyways

SO first you gotta choose a doll. preferably one with a high range of motion to avoid creating new joints or having annoying limitations like not having elbow joints for some fucking reason. what the fuck mattel. give monster high dolls back their ball jointed shoulders and elbow joints. smh

the most common dolls ive seen used as bases are monster high and ever after high. most customs ive seen are highly stylized so the stylized face molds work well for those types of dolls but dolls like barbies are good for when you want a more realistic face-ups.

once you’ve got your base picked out you gotta wipe that bitch’s face off with like. acetone or nail polish remover or something strong like that. you can also use acetone to shrink doll heads which is cool as hell imo. n e way once the face is wiped you gotta chop off the hair and remove the hair plugs from the inside. ive seen this done several ways but the easiest and most common way ive seen is to dunk the head into boiling water for ~30 seconds until it gets squishy and malleable. once you’ve got the head back, you can use pliers (i think tweezers would work in a pinch) to pull out the hair plugs which are kinda icky because theyre covered in glue and other gross shit. ew

now you must decapitate the doll. dunk em back in the boiling water to soften them back up then just tug the head off. the neck pegs look funky and are usually a different color than the body so thats cool ig

once the head’s off, you can start the face-up which is basically just giving the doll a new face using stuff like watercolor pencils, acrylic paint, gouache, and a whole lot of other stuff. hell ive seen people use person makeup on these dolls.

next,,,,, hair. there’s about twenty million ways to do hair from gluing yarn wefts to sewing to rerooting with purchased nylon doll hair or yarn wefts but i’m gonna talk about the most common one ive seen which is rerooting and gluing.

before you can reroot, you need doll hair. which, as i mentioned, can be bought at stores like the doll planet or made at home with yarn in literally any color. have fun with it! make rainbow hair or something idk

to make homemade wefts, you take some acrylic yarn, cut it twice as long as you want the hair to be (keep in mind you can cut and style the hair once it’s been rerooted), fold them in half, and tie it to something sturdy like a wire coat hanger for the next step.

once you’ve got your yarn tied to your hanger, use a pet brush and brush the yarn until it’s wispy and looks like hair. then take a straightening iron and iron the weft flat. then remove from the hanger and boom. hair wefts. ta-da

to reroot the wefts onto the head, use a rerooting tool (which can be as simple as a needle with the eye cut at angle) (just google it please i’m shit at descriptions)) to poke small sections of the hair into the head. you can use the pre-existing rooting holes for your own reroot as they’re usually pretty reliable. to reroot, take a small length of you doll hair (about 10-15 strands), loop it in half, and put the middle of the loop into the reroot tool. poke the end of the tool with the hair on it into the pre-existing hole and remove the tool. the hair *should* stay in and fill up that plug!! also remember to plug thickly at the hairline and part of the hair where it's most noticeable. it doesnt matter as much in the center of the head as that’s not usually visible on the doll. once you’ve rerooted, squeeze in strong glue through the neck hole and squish around the head to make sure it covers all the plugs and secures them in place. then pour hot water onto the head to make the hair lay flat for styling later.

also, you can reroot yarn directly into the head to make thicker, more textured hairstyles. and since the yarn is thicker, you dont need to glue the inside of the head for the hair to stay in place!!

if youre not doing body modifications (which are also cool as hell) then it’s time for clothes but clothes are boring and i like body mods more so i’m gonna rant about them instead

the material ive seen most doll artists use is apoxie sculpt, which is like play doh on steroids. it comes in two parts which you gotta mix together for some reason. why dont they sell it pre-mixed. what was the reason. also once it’s dry it’s super super strong and you can sand it, drill into it, paint it, and all kinds of stuff. very nice and i want some for myself.

you can use hand saws and drills and shit to whack off doll limbs to make stuff like digitigrade legs or new joints. also dont be afraid to use other mismatching doll parts when customizing like heads and bodies and forearms and hands and shit. it literally does not matter if youre gonna recolor the doll anyways so have fun with it. make frankenstein’s doll if youre feeling spicy

accessories my beloved. stuff like tiny beads and clay baubles and shit will literally transform the entire doll plus they’re adorable and multi-purpose

i suppose i must talk about clothes now. ah well. you can find great clothing patterns if youre new to customizing on other customizer’s etsy shops and probably google although those will probably be lower quality than paid pattern pieces. and keep in mind that if it exists as clothing irl, you can likely make it doll-sized. there are literally no limits to your clothing options as long as you can execute your idea.

the once all your components have been made, you can assemble the doll again!! and finally see what all the parts look like together!! very cool 10/10 stars.

ight that wraps up my doll rant. i could really go into more detail on certain parts but thats a whole other rant for a whole other day smh. sorry for fucking flooding your inbox ender ahaha……………. you asked for this

little did you know that dolls have been one of my favorite things since like ever. if i can read a 25 chapter long fanfic i can read this B)

mattel definitely fucked up by completely ruining MH doll designs and just stopping EAH, alot of their profits most likely came from people who collect and customize dolls and by changing MH doll designs/Stopping EAH dolls they 1. most likely lost a small (or big if we're not jus talking people who customize dolls) part of their profit and 2. made it harder for doll customizers to make dolls/get commissions out rather quickly because they probably have to waste more time making joints or learning how to make joints.

EAH/MH dolls (specifically MH dolls) had AMAZING MODELS because there was so much variety with height, face shapes, etc (my favorite molds had to be the short/tall dolls and the cat molds because of the tails) and doll customizers really went all out with enhancing a molds unique features. The only "downside" abt MH dolls is that they (or atleast most)(from what i remember)) had slimmer faces but wider eyes while EAH dolls have wider faces with slimmer smaller which left a canvas for the face and not the eyes (and vice versa for MH dolls)

I've never seen any videos where a barbie is customized (maybe because i absolutely despised barbies at the time) so I'll definitely have to check those out but they seem to be good for realistic makeovers. I've seen like like semi realistic makeovers for EAH/MH dolls that were pretty good too tho (pretty sure mostly EAH dolls since yk MH dolls were used for creature makeovers while most EAH dolls weren't)

yeah i was always amazed by the head shrinking with acetone. honestly i still am?? idunno i have no idea how that chemical bullshit works. Ive seen a few of uh makeovers that just pain over the face (in multiple layers ofcourse) but that's usually when they're painting the entire body a different colour (again usually when they're turning a doll into a funky little baby man). I've also seen a few that just chop the hair off and take out the hair plugs yk without uuh like softening the head or just go straight for the hair plugs after taking off the head (i used to do that it was funny to me??). i always really liked when they used watercolour pencils or just colour pencils in general to draw/sketch on the face cause like wow ur drawing on ur doll without ruining it?? kinda epic maybe even poggers and pogchamp?? oh god my brain is failing wjshsmsj.

Watching them putting the hair back on the doll was, other than the face stuff, was the BEST part for me. Favorite type of hair was iuuuuuh was either thick yarn or brushed out yarn. Literally worship the people that would reroot the hair, theyre the most patience people on this earth!! it's literally insane but i guess that's what happens when you've been doing that for years? you guess kinda get used to it. when they put glue into the head does it just become stiff?? like it's just a clump of dried glue or does it like..hollow out again??

dude you literally cannot convince me most of the supplies used for doll makeovers. APOXIE CLAY LOOKS SO FECKING GOOD. its edible and i will die on that hill. The body mods are literally so amazing!!!!! it's so impressive how theyre able to imagine certain features THEN LIKE ACTUALLY MAKE IT LOOK ACCURATE TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AFTER LIKE ON TRY (or many yk trial and error is very necessary for..everything). Absolutely loved when doll customizers would saw off a dolls legs and use different ones or just completely get rid of the torso to use a different one. it's like uuh that one big guy that's mismatched and sewn together. very cool. The accessories are so fun!! just small little details you seen really need but can add because it's your feckin doll!! I used to be absolutely obsessed over the doll clothes i would find on etsy, so much so that i started sewing shitty shirts and dresses for my uh "customized" dolls (they were absolute HORRORS idk WHY my mom let me feck up my dolls like that).

Thank you for this!! i haven't been able to talk about any of my interests for a while and this just really made me happy!!

Question fer u my fellow MH/EAH enthusiast: what was your favorite MH/EAH movie/episode and doll series. Mine was The fusion dolls (MH obvi) and that MH movie "Haunted" cause we got to know more about Spectra :D

#YOOOO LONG POST?!#long post #:) hehehe #this was very fun to read cant wait for ur next fanfic length ask #asks :D #theoreticallyjasper

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iyliss · 4 years ago

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What does ‘destiny’ means for Saiou and Edo.

Honestly, trying to explain precisely and without missings what « destiny » means in season 2 is rather impossible. I will probably forget things, or maybe aspects will contradict themselves somedays but I don’t really care. There’s too much to tell, and right now I will try to focus on exactly one aspect. What do Saiou and Edo means when they talk about destiny. (Also I will use more or less precise quotes and rephrasing, but I can give the specific lines and episodes. I just don’t like how pictures looks on posts like this, and Im really writing this for myself before anyone else). So. What do I mean by all that. The concept of destiny is often used by both Edo and Saiou but it appears that they don’t really put the same exact meaning behind it. Though when they talk to each other they mostly use it in similar way, some other iterations don’t exactly match. For exemple, Edo initially can’t believe Saiou’s predictions may change or turn out wrong, while Saiou treats it rather calmly. Edo also many times iterates that destiny is an immovable object, that humans can’t pretend alter, while Saiou talks a lot about changing it. So. What does it mean for the both of them and why does it hold different meaning ? And please do know that that is just a massive piece text.

First, let’s consider Edo’s meaning. As said, Edo begin by sincerely thinking that destiny is absolutely impossible to change. It’s something that dictate people’s life, but that they can’t escape nor control beyond having some knowledge of it. In his first duel against Judai, he specify that it is something determined at birth, and already is written as such. In a way, it’s a rather god-like concept : all powerful and beyond humans’ reach. I think this all ties in Edo’s inner desire of some kind of absolute justice. In the earliest episodes, Edo sincerely think there’s a difference between exceptionnal people, who were given abilities and an incredible fate to accomplish, and everyone else who can’t ever reach the firsts’ level. It’s a justice in the sense that everyone will receive in measure of their greatness eventually, which is only given and not chosen. It’s also a justice in the sense of good and evil. Edo clearly doesnt believe in any justice system, chasing criminals himself. As such, destiny is the consequences of being an inherently bad person, that any good person (that Edo surely take himself for) has the right to punish. This divine justice destiny influence as such most of Edo’s early personnality. The way he disrespects others, and the way he grows to view Saiou. One of the thing that made him unable to notice the quite morally wrong things Saiou was doing, is because he still believes that there’s a strict limit between good, innocent people, and those who commits crimes. And Saiou can’t possibly be on the second case. It is further strenghtend by the absoluteness of his concept of destiny, potentially projecting that, destiny being always right, Saiou who incarnates it for him must be as well.

As such, Edo’s challenge against destiny was majorly based on accepting that it does not exist, first by breaking the order it had built. It went by having to face that Saiou may not always be right, but also that he may not be as special as he thought. And that’s the part where Judai is possibly able to save Saiou. If it’s Judai, instead of him, then it means for Edo that he is not really exceptional. It means destiny is wrong, and it means rebuilding the fundation of his ego. That’s why Edo stops talking about destiny rather brutally. The moment the rules break, he can’t do much but let go of them. That’s why, when the Light and Saiou still tells him about destiny, he just ignores it. Between the moment he realized his destiny had lost meaning and then, he ended up viewing himself and Saiou as much more whole and human (and also realized believing in destiny hadn’t help him as much as Saiou in himself had).

As for Saiou’s destiny The way he talks about it make it seem a lot less rigid. At the end his goal is to change it, by meeting Edo, then by observing Judai. He accepts the changes he sees and, as seen in his duel against Manjoume, choice is allowed. His is closer to the uncontrollable consequences of things. It’s kind of the meaning of that duel. Around the end, Saiou asks Manjoume to shuffle his deck before he draws the card on top, which will mean Manjoume either win or lose. Right there, Manjoume both has and has no choice. He can choose when to stop the shuffling but, in the end, not knowing what card is on top, he doesnt really control anything. Choice matters (it is what decides what card will be on top), but having the right card is not really under control. In all that, Saiou is in a position of knowing what card will be drawn, but not how. He knows the outcome, but not the execution. And this situation of knowing the outcome but having little control over the process is how he uses destiny. That’s his « destiny of destruction » : he knows that he will eventually go through this but is rather powerless when it comes to preventing it. Edo is going to save him ? Sure but he doesnt know why or how, the best he can do is make sure he’s in his life. And so on. The predictions can be wrong, the result can change, but there’s always this aspect of not having control on whats to come. It is close to determinism.

When Saiou challenges his own destiny, it’s by managing to not care about it. The main issue that can arise from a certain kind of determism is the thought that people are actually powerless, and everything is just consequences of causes that can’t be control. The only way to get back control , in Saiou’s situation, is by knowing the causes. That’s pretty much what he does when he tries to find out who will save him, and just about everytime he reads the future. He’s trying to find the causes of the consequences he already knows. That leads him to never really take actions. That’s one of the meaning behind his saying that he is imprisonned by destiny. Knowing it makes it impossible for him to actually think he’s changing anything. This is one main difference between Edo and Saiou’s concept of destiny. An opposition rather meaningful in season 2, between believing and knowing. Edo believed that some people were inherently better than others. It wasnt really based on any truth, and his path was to let go of that belief. Saiou knows the outcoms, it’s not something that can be undone, causality is based on logic and, at the end, it’s pretty much impossible to stop knowing that causes and consequences are a thing. His development is about not caring about it, or not focusing on it. The last thing Edo says about destiny is that he doesnt believe in it. The last thing Saiou has related to that is refusing to listen to the Light talking about serving destiny. So, no longer focusing on what’s to come, including no longer being able to tell the future.

And if you’re wondering, the meaning Saiou gives to destiny in season 4 is a bit different so… I wont really cover it here.

But, there’s something those two meanings have in common. They are the concentration of what both of them used as children to deal with their situation, and importantly filling the absence of adults in their life, and that they projected on a singular concept.

Edo was found lost and alone after his father’s death. He coped mostly by projecting the guidance he lacked onto his cards (leading to being so protective of them), and the idea of destiny brought by Saiou. I’m comparing the two because, while the D Heroes are quite obviously a reminder of his father, his « destiny » can be too as it is heavily based on heroic narratives. At the end of the day, all his talk about people’s fate being written in advance, the difference between the exceptionnal people, the unimportant one, and the evil ones, it’s like a story. Behind all this, there’s still a little boy dealing with loss by projecting himself into a story (inspired by the heroes from his father), where the hero is brave and strong and better than anyone else despise his tragic past, where there are unimportant npcs here to show how great the hero is, and a Big Bad to save someone he loves from. Thinking everything is written makes sense since it’s how stories always goes. At the beginning, Edo is very passionate about destiny, but also about heroes and how those cards are for him alone. His development goes by both accepting that Judai may save Saiou, that he isnt as important as he believed he was, and that heroes can be just fun as well. And it all comes from what he needed as a child : reassurance, justice (that adults couldn’t provide by not finding his father’s murderer), and promise that he had a future and a happy ending. Destiny was a continuation of his father’s legacy, and a way for him to keep building himself despite the lack of adults in his life.

As for Saiou, he pretty much says he used destiny as a survival tool when he was a kid. Especially to stay sane. The first effect destiny had on him was to keep some kind of rationality. The way he uses his power, and talks about destiny, is quite distant. Being able to understand both what was going on for him, and what would happen (his own prediction) has hardly controllable causalities, allowed him to make sense of it. On one side, as someone with more information, distancing himself surely was one of his own coping mechanism. On the other, thinking that there are so many factors leading to something can reduce guilt, especially when it comes to his « destiny of destruction ». Following destiny meant he wasnt in total control, so it wasnt completely his fault. Even if the whole guilt reducing part may not have worked, it did made him strongly feel like he had no real control on his life. That’s how destiny played for him the role an adult would have. Taking responsibility for his life, his action, and organise it. Saiou talks so often about being guided by destiny, as a way to separate himself from decision and actions he shouldn’t have had to take as a child. Interestingly, Saiou is conscious of using destiny like that since he is a child. When he refers to when he met Edo, he does think of it as his own intention, but view them as wrong. Unlike Edo, who’s transition out of destiny was rather brutal, Saiou don’t have a moment of realization. He may have known for a long time that, even if destiny like that isn’t so good to focus on, he won’t really stop. Escaping destiny in a way is not so much about changing what is to come, but letting go of the concept itself.

So I think Im running out of things to say if I want to keep it focus. I hope it makes some sense and interest, it’s hard constantly reminding myself of how the characters are and what they say so I can put down something coherent. I am pretty sure I won’t agree with some stuff in a bunch of week but I don’t really care, at least now some more thoughts are out in the wild.

#saiou takuma #edo phoenix #yugioh gx #does anyone want 2000 words of me rambling about either obvious or stretched out things? no #but that won't stop me #LisTalksAboutYugioh

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after-l1fe · 4 years ago

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Mayhaps could I ask mori nsfw alphabet? Please?

Mori x GN!MC Nsfw alphabet

Soo idk much about Mori but I tried doing some research about him in hopes to better understand him. The whole point of his character is to be mysterious and damn did it work well XD. I wanna say idk his past story and in one part I talk about his eyes, I hope that doesnt break cannon too much or at all.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He is normally very tired after sex but he will attend all your needs, do you want a bath and clean sheets? you’re getting that, sometimes it seems like he already knows what you want even before telling him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He loves your thighs, he loves to hold them when he is between your legs and to leave them full of marks.

From his body he prefers his eyes, even if he has them closed most of the time and doesn’t show them off that much he loves them, and he showing you his eyes when the two of you are alone is something he considers very intimate.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His cum is thick and sticky and he loves covering you with it its his way of being a little possessive, his favorite place to do so is your chest.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He has only jacked off once and that was after you wore particularly exposing clothes to a party and drank a little bit too much and began getting touchy with him.

He couldn’t help but go to the bathroom to ‘ease some tension’, you two were already in a relationship but the idea of doing love to you while drunk didn’t feel well to him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

This isn’t something he’s proud of and no one knows about it but he has no experience at all yet he definitely did his best to please you that first time you two did it, only to find out he wasn’t that good at it, cue A LOT of research and the discovery of several kinks he didn’t even knew existed.

That second time was the best one you ever had, only for him to surpass his limits every time afterward.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He has done lots of positions but his favorite ones are the ones where you are tied up, if he had to choose one though it would be the leapfrog position with you hands tied up, he loves how vulnerable you look and how you seem so helpless (of course all with your consent, he would hate to harm you or do something you don’t like).

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

0 goofiness, he doesn’t feel like sex is the right time to make some jokes and he’s very serious about it, also why would he joke when instead he can say dirty things that make you squirm.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

The carpet does match the drapes although they are a little bit darker in color.

He trims the hair every now and then and makes sure that it looks well, he just doesn’t like shaving he feels its too much of a hassle.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He struggles a bit with telling you how he feels so he prefers to just kiss you all over and sometimes after he’s more in the mood drop an ‘I love you’ but otherwise he wont seem very romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t do it. He has better stuff to do, like deals and negotiations, and if he really needs to have some fun he will just come to you and have fun with you 😉.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He’s a voyeur as he’s not afraid of doing stuff in public yet he would hate the idea of you two getting discovered by anyone that’s why he’s planned every little detail, but you obviously don’t know that which makes him enjoy himself even more by seeing how you get a little shy by the idea of getting found.

He’s also a rigger, he loves seeing you tied up in beautiful ways and then he loves to add a little fun by placing some toys in you and watching you beg for him as he just watches your needy state.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He isn’t afraid of doing stuff in public and he is quite proud about having done it in certain places, some of those being the roof of the school, the auditorium and one time he was under your desk as you spoke to someone letting his tongue and hands wander your private parts.

Yet sometimes he just wants to have a sweeter session with you which will take place in your or his room. (Sometimes it doesn’t have to be in the bed tho, he likes the shower as much as the bed)

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He loves to fantasize about the stuff he could do about you, and sometimes he cant help but let his mind wander a bit too much and he NEEDS to try this new idea/fantasy he’s planned in his head.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Harm you, he may like tying you up in ropes and put you in cuffs but he always makes sure they’re smooth/soft and won’t cause you harm, you mean the world to him and he wouldn’t want to do anything that harms you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He prefers receiving, he can just lay back and see as you do all the work and try to get him to cum although, if you do a really good job of pleasing him we will be sure of returning the favor twice as good as you did.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

For quickies he prefers fast and rough, to get you both to orgasm rapidly but, if its just a normal session he prefers taking more time and go slowly and tell you how much he loves you while leaving a little kiss on your lips.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He loves them. Its fast, not too energy wasting and you both get a lot of pleasure!!

The school closets are one of his favorite places to do them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He loves taking risk and experimenting new stuff.

He wouldn’t be against the idea of having some fun in an unused classroom or the storage.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Not that much stamina so he prefers to just give it his all in one long round and then just kissing, cuddling and showing how much he loves you.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

LOTS of toys, he thinks they make things spicier and he isn’t wrong about that, specially as he knows how to use them even in ways you hadn’t imagined.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

SUPER unfair, he won’t stop whispering dirty things into your ear and sometimes it won’t even be in private.

He once was walking by your side and just whispered pure filth into your ear to afterwards just leave and leave you there feeling horny. You can’t get a break with this guy.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He doesn’t make a sound no matter what he’s doing with you (aside from his dirty talk) BUT, if you whisper his name right into his ear you’ll hear him grunt and hell start moving rougher and faster. If confronted about it he will say he didn’t even hear you say anything.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

As he has said before he never breaks a deal, and that also applies to his love for you, he would never even think about cheating on you, and he will always try his best to make you happy, after all he made a deal with you, a deal to never leave you alone and be there for you no matter what.

After sex he will ask you more than once if you are fine, sometimes he thinks he has gone a little too far with stuff (even if you two just had normal sex) he loves you a lot and wants no harm to come to you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s average in length but where he excels at is in thickness, this is something he loves, he loves the feel of how you stretch for him and cry out in pleasure.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Not that high yearning, or at least that’s what he says/shows, he might not look like it but sometimes when he looks like he’s scheming something it may not be some dirty plan or at least not the dirty plan he does to get some deals with people. 😉

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t like wasting too much energy and he IS quite tired afterwards but, he will wait until all your needs have been attended to and you are feeling comfortable, if you’re not comfortable no matter how tired he is he wont be able to sleep.

Thanks for my first request 😊💕literally number one anon

#after l!fe #after l!fe the sacred kaleidoscope #gn!reader #request #after l!fe Mori

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heavenlymisa · 4 years ago

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Hello! I hope you are well and taking care of yourself. I would like to ask for headcanons with Shoto, Bakugou and Kirishima (separately) with a short girlfriend (158cm) curly hair, thick thighs and wears glasses. Thanks and I Love your work! ♥️♥️♥️♥️ Hugs from Brazil

AN: heyy!! thank you for your request!! i am taking care of myself, i just stepped away from doing tumblr for a while because i didnt feel my best and didnt want it to rub off of my fanfiction! but now im back and better than everr and planning an smau 😎 so enjoyy!! and sorry if its too short 😔

todoroki, bakugou, and kirishima with a short, thicc, curly-headed, glasses wearin’ girlfriend ❤️

𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙞 𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙩𝙤

* being completely honest, he doesnt care about what you look like. i think sho sho is all for a girlfriend thats kind and loving 🙈 no matter how she looks/shaped

* but it is a bonus with thick thighs

* mans is probably obsessed with them (being completely honest)

* man, does todoroki love your hair and glasses.

* he thinks you look sooo cute with your glasses like [ shoto: 💍👈🏻 hand in marriage plz ma’am]

* and if youre insecure of your glasses, mans will make SURE you know how beautiful you are 😤😤

* he WILL buy a pair of glasses just like yours so you two can match. i dont make the rules, sorry ❤️

* he just wants you to see the same girl he sees, thats all 🙈

* sho sho LOVES your hair-

* he will buy you a lifetime supply of eco gel, cantu, and more curly headed needs with his father’s credit card <3

* because he LOVE YOUUUU

* “ todo, im running out of cantu...”

* “ its okay, love. just take my dad’s credit card.” 🙂

* okay, you cannot tell me that sho will not look up how to do hairstyles for your type of hair.

* and when he askes you if he can style your hair, you let him, and it looks good???

* new hairstylist??? yup yup.

* omgg your shortness just adds onto the cuteness!!

* wearing one of his hoodies? its a dress!

* wear one of his shirts?? its also a dress!!

* wear one of his sweatpants?? tighten the strings around your waist, and roll up the pants sleeves and you’ll be good to go!

* babie will never make fun of your size because he doesnt like to get made fun of.

* #goldenrule ❤️😝

* but he does think youre super cute because of your tininess 🙈

* omg omg a scenario just came into my head:

* shoto bursts into your dorm looking like he just came from hell. well, technically he did because he came back from his intense training he did with Mr. Aizawa.

* You sit straight up in your bed to be met with eyes tiredly staring back at you. you took your covers off half of your body, inviting shoto to lay down.

* todoroki wastes no time to lay his head down on your thighs and wrap his arms around your waist.

* knowing todoroki doesnt want to talk, you start combing your hands through his hair.

* todoroki on the other hand, was so grateful for you. you were his comfort place. his home. and he was never gonna give you up any time soon.

* so he needed to figure out when to give you the promise ring he’s stashed in his pocket a week ago...

𝙗𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙜𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞

* not gonna lie, he didnt see you as an extra when he first saw you. you were different. and he LOVES different.

* of course, he doesnt date based off of looks, but personality and power.

* but, who’s a man to resist a thicc girl? 🥴

* he definitely cusses anyone out who looks at your ass. i dont make the rules 🙈

* your ass is for him and him ONLY to admire. no extra will stare at the HOLY GRAIL 😫😫😫

* dont get this man started on your hair- this hoe will buy lifetime amounts of hair products with his own money.

* you need a bottle of conditioner? bitch stfu and take 10.

* you need cantu? he will buy you a ridiculously big ass container of cantu.

* need gel? girl just take one of the many big containers of it suki got for you.

* just like sho sho, he WILL watch videos on how to do it and practice with your hair.

* your arms tired when you do your hair?? dont worry! katsuki is otw 🥳

* “work out your arms more, dumbass. then your arms wont get tired and i wont have to do your shitty hair.”

* the hoe doesnt mean it.

* he loves playing with your curly hair.

* your height?? he makes fun of it.

* he uses your head as a arm rest when he’s standing beside you

* but NO ONE ELSE can make fun of you but him

* some extra says something about your height?? they gotta deal with the gremlin.

* “y/n-chan is sooo small!! she’s the size of my pinkey-“ BOW BITCH 👊🏽💥

* now adding the glasses with your shortness?? gawd i pray for you...

* he will call you simon

* he wont even call you JEANETTE 🙄

* you regret introducing him to alvin and the chipmunks.

* everytime you walk into his dorm, the alvin and the chipmunks version of Funkytown starts to play while he busts out laughing.

* god FORBID you wear blue. the hoe WILL tell you to do some calculations.

* “hey, simon, you mind telling me approximately how far the gamma gym is from here?? my feet are getting sore.”

* “simon!! can you do this math equation for me??”

* WAIT IM GETTING OFF TOPIC OMG-

* regardless, suki loves you so much i cannot FATHOM.

* regardless of how much he clowns you, you’re his baby ❤️

𝙠𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙢𝙖 𝙚𝙞𝙟𝙞𝙧𝙤

* girl, babey noticed you on the first day of school, cause you stood out like a sore thumb. of course not in a bad way! he saw you as 𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦 🙈

* he ALWAYS loved your hair. he just wants to run his hands through your hair because of how CURLY it is.

* and when he touches you hair, with consent 🙈❤️, he is ADDICTED

* kiri wants to do your hair every single day-

* “babe, can i do you hair??”

* “eiji this is the third time to asked today- nO-“

* please let him do your hair 😔

* it just looks so fluffy and cute on you

* but add being thick and short to your hair-

* 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

* babe is in HEAVEN

* he is earth and you are the glorious SUN ☀️ (props to anyone who knows who thats from)

* youre a whole GODDESS OMG

* AND WITH GLASSES?!??

* you just got even cuter 😫😫

* kirishima adores your glasses.

* and if youre insecure about all of those things-

* you better believe kirishima WILL make you see the girl he sees.

* he will steal your glasses and put them on him and call them “gorgeous glasses”

* “babe!! are the gorgeous glasses working for me like they do for you?!?”

* “kirishIMA-“

* if he catches someone looking at your ass, he WILL creep behind them and scare them.

* i can just imagine it

* you reaching up in a grocery store and some guy walks by and stares a little too hard at you ass and doesnt move for a couple of seconds.

* no kirishima just came back from the isle over and saw the whole thing take place.

* what does he do?

* he quietly makes his way over to the guy and whispers in his ear:

* “its not manly to stare at a girls butt for that long. especially when she already has a significant other.”

* the guy has a hard attack.

* but still

* bitch youre his baby!!! his fuckin cinnamon apple!! 😡😡😡

* and he loves you for youuuu!!! 🤪

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bepoets · 4 years ago

Text

Review for Trish’s Dream Fic

Trish ( @couragedontdesertme ) said she’d write an epilogue of the elsarik dream Fic if I made a Formal Review of the elsarik dream fic. So here we are.

Please note review should be taken VERY LIGHTLY this is more or less me re-reading the Fic and loudly yelling about things with too many exclamation points. Enjoy Trish.

Ch1

First of all imagine my fucking surprise I didn’t even know you had gotten work done on the dream fic???? Here I was thinking the link you sent me was the next chapter of city of ice and then I click on it and it saYS DREAM FIC???? E X C U S E M E oh my goodness

The first section is just so entirely domestic and beautiful and you can tell how lived in and content they are in their life as roommates. ALARIK (listen my phone autocorrects ALARIK to be in all caps and I’m too lazy to fix it so y’all are gonna have to deal with reading ALARIK’s name as if I’m yelling it every time I type it) anyway ALARIK just bringing her the chocolate croissants she loves so dearly and Elsa curling up with a book and him fretting and worrying over her being there alone all day and later... it’s just SO DOMESTIC. it’s such a small short moment but it’s so domestic and a perfect opposite of the PAIN THAT HAPPENS AFTER!!! And we al know I LOVE READING PAIN

The fact that ALARIK was only home late because he was doing tutoring to earn more money to by Elsa A PRESENT????? Shut up no one speak to me that’s true love but also PAINFUL the guilt he must feel oh my god

Elsa...stops struggling... because she doesn’t want ,,,, ALARIK ,,,, to get hurt. Because she cares for his safety more than her own because he has protected her and he is her friend and she loves him I am going to SCREAM

The fact that you use the phrase ~marching her out of the warmth of the room~ when she just used her magic to like cover the walls in frost makes my Heart burst cause idk if it was intentional or not but I just love the thought that this room has become Home to her it’s become safe and beautiful and lovely and WARM because it is full of love and friendship and companionship rather than the cold loneliness of say her ice palace of her locked room as a child. I like to think Elsa could have covered the room entirely in ice and snow and frost and it would still feel warm to her because of the love that’s developed there thank you for coming to my tedtalk

Ugh fuck hans

I have literally no words other than fuck hans for any section with hans in it I DONT even want to RECOGNIZE THAT HE EXISTS !!! Making Elsa feel like she’s nothing I am going to punch him in the eye

~ALARIK weeps over smushed chocolate croissant. End scene~

I know that it’s such a heartbreaking sad ending for that first chapter but also I really can’t stop laughing about him crying over a stepped on croissant since I know that your like planning note for that last scene was literally just some variant of ALARIK cried over a smushed croissant and that’s just such a funny IMAGE TO ME EVEN THOUGH ITS SAD

I just like to imagine ALARIK cradling the chocolate croissant in his arms like a bébé as he sobs

Ch2

I’m fucking S A D

ALARIK having like NO MONEY and just thinking about that the money he has was going to go to a gift for Elsa and the guard LAUGHING AT HIM LIKE THATS IT THATS ALL YOU HAVE?? Like shut UP HES TRYING TO SAVE HIS BELOVED

P e t t y c h a n g e HE IS TRYING MR GUARD I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW HE WORKED EXTRA TO GET THAT MONEY

ALARIK is so fucking DEVOTED I’m going to run through a goddamn wall I cannot cope. Willing to sell the clothes off his back have you ever seen an idiot more iN LOVE

ALARIK just going willingly cause he has no fight left in him and he just wants to see Elsa even if it means he gets imprisoned too oh my GOD

THE SCENE ITS THE SCENE!!!!!!!!!

STRAIGHT FROM TRISH’S SUBCONSCIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT STARTED IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

ALARIK wanting to hold her hands when her hands are what are chained up and seen as dangerous and what ~make her a witch~ the absolute love and power that holds.

LET ALARIK AND ELSA HOLD HANDS

“I promised to keep you safe” the pain I feel oh mY GOD

“They’ll KILL you” they’re really out here trying to protect each other at all costs oh my god nothing matters more to the other than keeping the other safe and for that I want to cry and love them and also I want to ram their heads into the wall because wHY WONT THEY JUST PROTECT ESCH OTHER TOGETHER

The PARALLEL OH MY FUCKING GOD

the P A R A L L E L of ALARIK stilling and no longer struggling when the guards threaten Elsa’s death in the same way that Elsa stilled and stopped struggling when they threatened ALARIK’s death oh my god that broke me right there

U g h hans fuck that guy

A N N A !!!!!!!!

When I first read this,,, I DONT know why??? But for some reason??? I didn’t think Anna would be in it???? Which like thinking back on that it makes no sense of COURSE Anna would be in the FIC why would I ever think otherwise. But anyway I was so surprised when she showed up I literally gasped and went ANNA??? Out loud because I was so shocked

ALFAFA GERANIUM

ALARIK really is just so bad under pressure who thought this was a good idea

AG FOR SHORT wink wink nudge nudge cough cough

I’ll be thinking about ALARIK shouting alfafa geranium on my death bed let us never forget

“No harm, no foul” is literally the most fucking Anna line I’ve ever heard. She absolutely would say that to someone who was being question for a crime she’d be like “it’s not biggy”

Why is it that when hans says “BUT ANNA!!!” I hear it like he’s wining like a petulant child I read it like “bUT annNNAAAAA” ugh I hate him

“Don’t scream” *ALARIK’s inner monologue* “this ,, is the story of how I died”

ILL HELP YOU HELP HER ESCAPE!!!!! HELL YEA YOU WILL ANNA HELL YEA YOU WILL

Ch3

My dumbass really went “why are none of the children named neta” before remembering that is the child of Anna and Kristoff and these...are the children of Anna ,,, and .... ugh please don’t make me say his name

I would die for these kids though I love them and I want to protect them at all costs

Johannes at 5 (and a half!!!!) being a fine soldier GOOD FOR HIM

Isak owns my entire heart from the moment he started fake crying for his mother what a star performer a true Actor he’s too good

Arendellian Royal Guards, are they guards? Or are they simply baby sitters? The world may never know

JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the babies being named JOAN!!! Hang in there Joan!!!!!!!!! That made me cry oh my god J O A N

Bébé Isak lookout supreme with his big eyeballs and smile and goofy lil salute I love him

The fact that Elsa says she felt stupid for being lured into a false sense of security means she felt secure and safe for literally the first time since she was a child when she was with ALARIK and I cannot properly articulate how much that made me cry I love that so much that has to mean sO MUCH TO HER oh my god

“You have to get out!! Do the magic!!” NO ONE SPEAK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT THIS LINE FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS I LITERALLY WEPT

the use of DO THE MAGIC oh my god AND ELSAS HEART LIKE BREAKING BECAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CANT

DO ! THE ! MAGIC !

Brave little boy with his mother’s determination saying “be brave. That’s what mama said to tell you” oh my GOD THESE CHILDREN HAVE MY WHOLE HEART OH MY GOD

A rooster crow for the signal COUKD they be more obvious I love these kids they’re ridiculous they are truly the children of Anna

Elsa!!! Chose!! To be!!! Brave!!!

IF SHE TRIED TO SAY GOODBYE TO ELSA!!! SHE MAY NEVER LET GO!!!

SHE HAD NO WHERE TO GO!!! BUT SHE DOES BEVAUSE THERES ALARIK WAITING FOR HER BECAUSE GUESS WHAT

ALARIK IS HER HOME !!!!! HE IS HER HOME !!!! SHE CAN GO TO HIM!!!!

Queue another one of my shocked and delightfully surprised screams as I shouted KRISTOFF????? Because blonde dude driving a reindeer cart

Let’s get you somewhere safe I’m going to cry THEYRE finally together again and they can keep each other safe together as. They. Should.

They are cuddling and my heart is exploding oh my god ALARIK seems so surprised like you big dumb idiot you’re both in love with each other it’s a mutual thing get with the program

SLEEP ELSA! ITS GOING TO BE OKAY! AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PROBABLY FOREVER! IT WILL BE!

Ch4

*queue another gasp* there’s only one bed?????

Yea I saw it coming yea I was just as shocked even so yea I got very excited about it wHAT DID YOU EXPECT

They’re cUDDLING and he went to move away and she DOESNT WANT HIM TO they could’ve been sharing a bed THIS WHOLE TIME AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY

ALARIK laying all the credit on kristoff and the kids when he’s kind of the one that steamrolled the whole plan into happening because he’s the one who showed up ALARIK please give yourself more credit

“You came back” “of course I came back... I couldnt ...” “why?” And then ALARIK refusing to meet her eyes has me absolutely weeping this is the kind of shit I THRIVE ON this is truly a gift to us all everyone say thank you Trish for these three bits of dialogue I will be thinking about them for all my days

ELSA KISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I do lose my shit anytime Elsa is the one to make the first move you go girl you go

THE SPICE VENDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bringing in all my favorites I am going to cry thank you Trish I love Darius

I SUPPOSE YOU TWO HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN MARRIED

listen I SCREAMED WHEN HE SAID THAT I SQUAWKED!!!! MARRIED!!!!!!

I had been observing you two and just assumed!!!!! You would assume right mr spice vendor sir if they WERENT so stupid for so long it’s okay we understand

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ??? And Elsa says MARRY US? And ALARIK is going to PASS THE FUCK OUT

He literally got to finally kiss the woman he’s in love with for the first time last night and now they’re getting married poor boy is going to get WHIPLASH from how fast things are progressing but it’s okay im sure he is happy

Elsa’s little vows of just needing each other and keeping each other safe and keeping company and not needing gold or silver ugh TRUE LOVE

And ALARIK hopelessly devoted to her being like I PROMISE

“just you being there no matter what is enough” peak romance true love the devotion the dedication I’m a wreck

LE SMOOCH! LE MARRIAGE! INCREDIBLE I LOVE THEM

~end review~

Okay where is my epilogue please and thank you

#shards of shards #couragedontdesertme #Trish’s fics #shards #shardsverse #elsarik

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