#but agh. assignment.
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oh how I despise sleep
#i had plans#i had plans to do assignment and work on other assignment but.sleep schedule is just. agh#i really hate sleep i hate dreaming#its a big waste of time when i could be doing stuff#and since my schedule is fucked im just gonna work through the night on this thing#this will further ruin my schedule#i Really hate this#i want to chill and have fun and do whatever i want#but agh. assignment.#i think i should give up now#im going to fail snyway#however i should atleast try on this assignment#my school laptop wont work so i'll just make all the stuff elsewhere#bluh.#i want to bite someone#i want to dissapear
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yearning so bad im google translating fics on pixiv
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#okay everypony my prof better allow me to beg for a 2.5->3.0 grade or else im gonna be stuck in enrollment hell once more#hsy lend me your bullshitting strength ….#agh i really hope the final grade’s gonna be subject to change#cant even see what i got for most of my assignments#hopefully thatll give me an opening to ask for a pulled grade#god i just need another 0.5 to get 12 units …….#kinda fucked up how a good 60% of my class got 0.0 tho#this is art appreciation….#solar-talks
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Appointment went fine. Got everything sorted out & got confirmation that I should be able to graduate in the spring.
I also officially applied to graduate.
Got so overwhelmed by this & my grief over the fact that my dad won't be there for it that I ended up crying in the bathroom over it. 👍 but it's a good thing overall. Just. You Know.
#speculation nation#i am Not someone prone to tears so this is very strange.#could count the number of times ive cried in public on my two hand (excluding when i was a kid or at like. funerals.)#can honestly say ive never cried like this in a public bathroom stall before. what a novel experience.#thank god no one's come in tho. which. im still there lol ive been here for like 25 minutes now#got the emotions out tho. and im gonna go eat smth. and then get back to work on my midterm assignment.#dont have very long so i need to do it when im on campus. bc i wont have the motivation at home.#but for now. need to get some food. decompress a bit. and then get to work.#genuinely kind of crazy. i applied to graduate. that feels so surreal.#it's been almost 10 years after all. but finally. Finally... im almost there.#doesnt feel real. still feel pretty overwhelmed. but my schoolwork wont wait for me.#i need to make sure that i do graduate. need to pass all my classes and pass them well.#and man someone just came in lol. almost half an hour after i got here. really is my cue to get going lol#agh. sometimes i hate having emotions.
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Gibeon reveal leak /j
#pokemon horizons#babbles#pokémon#pokemon: horizons#tfw you realize just what specific group of villains the Explorers remind you of#ok sound off here's my crossover assignments:#Amethio: Pride. Spinel: Greed/Lust. Coral: Wrath/Envy#not sure about the other two though. tempted to say Chalce Gluttony and Sidian Sloth but we haven't seen much of them#also Zirc and and Onia are Amethio's lackeys so they don't count. they're like Greed's chimeras#but yeag.#wait does this count as spoilers.#hz spoilers#just in case?? i mean I consider vibes spoilers at least because my brain is primed for connecting the dots#wait oh shit Hamber occupying the same place as Wrath did ogh. Actually hold on I'm onto something here#holy shit. holy shit this is Fullmetal Pokémon Trainer isn't it. AGH
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kind of immensely weird to me how strongly and widely the consensus opinion of what butchness (and/or masculinity in general) is appears to just be. being buff? like. agh.
#sometimes it does genuinely feel like people conflate the two words from what i can see. like. idk. agh#feels weird for me to be having strong feelings on this at all given. waves vaguely. but like. i see that sentiment often and like. its odd#like. what about this character is butch. or even masculine at all. she is literally just muscular.#a lot of the time it literally just seems to be. idk. people assigning masculinity (or lack thereof) by looking at the character's body typ#which. erm. hey. isn't this a pretty shit way to view gender presentation and identity. like. hello.#can probably make the issue Less Evident daily by ceasing to continue logging on to twt. but even then. we're also doing that arcane/utena-#thing here apparently. which. uggggggh. agh. i need to stop being allowed to perceive utena in polls like this or ill go crazy. but like. :#how did utena lose that. help. and people pulling that 'butchest girl twt can handle b4 getting scared' tweet on her. goddddd.#ughhhhhhhh. genuinely. what abt utena Isnt butch. not even comparatively but like. in what world is utena not butch. that is in fact.#a major aspect of her character. ughhhhh. whatever. whatever. i dont care.#but like. bringing the comparison back into the equation. like. how did a character whose masculinity is never even really acknowledged in-#the show win over. utena.#this post isnt even About that stupid fucking poll result. its abt something Else i saw on twt. but like. this is odd right.
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i like how her face turned out weee
#it's supposed to be sheena ringo. doing something for an assignment#im speeding through it so idk if she looks like herself all the well. but this is the best i've ever captured someone"#'s likeness i think#quacks#agh posts wont turn unrebloggable on android
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not me just realizing i can put stickers on my sketchbook cover and then immediately using up almost all of the rest of my stickers lmao
#no real point in saving them or anything i dont have anywhere else to put them rn lmao#but part of me was like let's think about this and then the bigger part of me was like alllll the stickers on rn#the front cover sticker placement is so bad LMAO so it's kinda ugly but it's fine#also i just got an email from an internship i applied to like over a month ago and theres an assignment to complete as part of the applicat#and like idk how to do this shit at all lmfao TT rip#hhhhh ig might as well see what i can do but#oh well i mean i rly didnt try that hard on the first part of the application either lmfao TT#anyway i need some more smaller stickers now to fill in the spaces on my sketchbook front/back covers noww XD#jeanne u do not need more stickers LOL#jeanne talks#wait i just skimmed it but now i just saw the email said we're impressed w ur qualifications lmfao#idk how true it is but#'we invite u to the next stage of our selection process the technical round' cool goodbye i guess lmao#i also just skimmed the instructions but :c iiiiidk if i can do it agh idk i should try tho#idk i have a good habit of first of all not even trying to find applications or anything that much LMAO#and also just kinda having them open like on the to do list sorta and then just#letting the deadline pass :) recently did that w another one that needed a cover letter#that i just wouldn't write ig lmfao#:D
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I guess I can do my paper and PowerPoint until the surprise songs tonight
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yeah ok the dreamstuck brainrot is definitely back full swing. i just spent like 45 minutes assigning everyone a denizen
#dreamstuck#i was going to give tommy hepheastus bc yk time player but i thought maybe naming his denizen hestia would fit him better#i just feel like. hestia as a goddess is so ctommy. yk.#frantically researching gods and goddesses so i can properly assign cool gods to all these characters even though we won't even see the#denizens of like half of them anyway#tubbo's is named loki and ponk's is themis and jack gets yaldaboath and wilbur gets abraxas and phil and foolish have asclepius#kristin has osiris and hannah's is ceres and kahrrl's is phoebus#bad??? he gets set/suetekh :3 the guy who killed his brother. yeah#nikkie's is named alecto and techno gets kronos and puffy's is elpis AGH IM SORRY I COULD TALK ABT THIS FOR HOURS
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[ image description: a screenshot of a tweet by Sam Dylan Finch (twitter @ samdylanfinch) that reads:
ADHD involves so many micromoments of shame. Stepping over the pile of laundry. Re-remembering the bill you still haven't paid. The sink full of dishes and the fridge leftovers lurking in the back. The small but recurring "I should have" is cumulative and it's painful.
/ end ID ]
ADHD
#it feels so small in the scheme of things but i rlly hate how i struggled so hard to get thru and comprehend and absorb info#from my english/lit classes... i enjoy literary analysis and reading and writing but i struggle to comprehensively ehh word things out#i found hmwrk from 5 years ago and just think abiut the regrets of this one essay assignment i had that i was really excited about but#completely whiffed it. absolutely didnt write it. despite having so much thinking in my brain!! and enthusiasm!! but agh#i wish the things i enjoy and find great meaning in werent such a struggle to engage with#i think i literally retook my english college course like 2 or even 3 times eithout ever passing...... it hurts genuinely!!!#my id#also ik i couldve looke for another description but id already written so many tags xP and i hope ym format doesnt suck!
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just realized i spent hours researching an assignment for class that's only worth 1% of my grade
#limon talks#it's important to learn what balls you can afford to drop#wish i realized it wasn't that important so i could have spent more time focusing on the more pressing assignments AGH#yayyy tunnel vision <3
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In theory I'm staying up tonight to get caught up on my mountain of coursework but ya boy is tired and. I am feeling less motivated by the second. Also how is it already 1 AM
#still have no school tag#i have no small filler assignments this semester. They're all major#and not things i can just snap and finish in a few minutes so the completion brain reward holds off for like multiple hours at a time#n i don't wanna continue#BUT I GOTTA#AGH#RISE. RIIIIIISE#IT'S FINE IT'S FINE THIS IS FINE. IF I MAKE MY MUSIC LOUDER I CAN DO IT
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im trying to make a diagram of my fav omori ship (its a real wacky polycule) but.. but oogh.. not my strong suit
Ough yea, every type of diagram is a different kind of hell
If you mean venn diagram I ... would explode if I were you
#asks#I hate school I hate school I hate school I hate school I hate-#<- literally cried every time I had to make a venn diagram of smth for a school assignment WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT SO OFTEN#lol sorry I have a visceral hate for venn diagrams specifically I hate them so so much agh#sends me into “angry dog” mode every time I think ab them#starfilled.txt
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as someone with insomnia whose brain runs a mile a minute at all hours of the day every day always it's often hard for me to remember that i need sleep like everyone else does. like i see mentions of people sleeping and im like "lol couldnt be me" then i remember that i too must go unconscious every night, ideally for at least 8 hours a night, every single day, ad infinitum,
literally what is the point. i'd rather use my time for other things thanks
#speculation nation#and so i do. not that my body is very happy about this fact lol#well u shouldve thought about that BEFORE u made me a light as hell sleeper & made it impossible to fall asleep#would i LIKE to get more than 6 hours of sleep a night? sure! will that happen while ur like this? Probably Not!#and also the extreme hyperfixating. the all encompassing focus that makes all other things irrelevant#that's an autism thing probably. and as glorious as it feels it is frankly not very conducive to a good living situation#it'd be less bad if i didnt live alone and someone could strongarm me into doing my assignments and the dishes etc etc#or going to bed at a reasonable time. god i dont know how to do that right lmfao#agh fuck it's bedtime right Now for waking up for work. let alone if i still wanted to try going to class#that aint happening. im not gonna doom myself to like 4 hours of sleep. rip#fuck dude ive been working too much too. i probably worked over 30 hours last week. i dont even fuckign know anymore#i just wake up go to work go home repeat. my days off are filled with bad choices and too little self care#im dreading doing the dishes. it's been too long. ugh.
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Guess who spent 17 hours doing an assignment they didn't think would take more than 5 max
#started working at about 6:30 pm on friday#kept working practically non stop with minimal distraction until 4 am#went to sleep#got back to work at 4 pm on saturday#finished at 12:30#genuinely a new low point for me#last time i wasted a whole day like this was last semester with cs#but at least then i would pace around my room and then went up to work on the roof for a couple hours#because my roommate asked if she could have someone over and i wasn't ready for social interaction#and on the roof i met some cool upperclassman who played the guitar and we had a nice chat as i tried to figure out the bugs in my code#today i literally didn't speak to a single person or step foot outside my room even once#i spent 5 hours not getting up from my chair or picking up my phone#hyperfocus goes crazy i guess#anyways i still have 2 missing assignments that i can't do because the class doesn't accept late work#and also because i think i would explode if i had to do multi right now#the smartest guy i know in the class was only able to do half of that homework#🔭.txt#this was genuinely such a horrible day#i'm so tired#what's worse is that it doesn't even feel like it's been that long#it felt like it flew by in an instant#agh#milliliters of peaceful sleep
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