#but after all the times he’s said he wants tommy to be back on season 8 and to have a character with more emotional depth

[lemotmo]

I have never sent you one of these before so I hope I did it correctly. I found this very helpful because I also don't always understand the nuance or subtlety of a scene. Glad to know it's not just me.

Q. I'm not sure if you can even do this but I have autism and I struggle immensely with understanding subtext, framing, sarcasm and anything else really that I'm supposed to be able to pick up on in media. The direct dialogue or action in a scene tends to be what I take as fact. I understand that's not the case and things are always there that aren't being spoken or directly stated. Can you try to explain the Buddie stuff that points to them going canon? I want it but I don't know how to spot those clues. Does this even make sense? Please feel free to ignore this if it's not something that's explainable.

A. Hi, anon. Your question makes perfect sense and I am more than willing to try and see if I can explain or offer some context into some of the scenes. I have a friend who has Asperger's and he struggles with all these things as well so we try to explain things to him as often as he needs. For the sake of length, and not wanting to make this thread too long to keep up with, I will relegate my examples to a few things from seasons 7 and 8 only. Otherwise we would be here all day. I will start with episode 7x4 because that's the episode that is most widely misinterpreted.

As everyone now knows the episode ended with Tommy kissing Buck, keep in mind that we had spent the entirety of the episode up to that point watching Buck apparently being jealous because Eddie was spending time with another guy. The direct dialogue of the scene leading up to the kiss, when Buck tells Tommy that trying to get his attention had been exhausting, is the argument people use to show that the episode was really about Tommy. But Tommy himself doesn't believe that. The audience sees Tommy surprised by that statement, because he was also aware Buck was bothered by Eddie spending time with him, but he clearly thought Buck was bothered for the same reason the audience thought Buck was bothered, because he wasn't the one Eddie was spending time with. That's why Tommy responds with a confused/surprised "Me"? The episode played very much like Buck was jealous of Tommy NOT Eddie. The most obvious example of this was the scene in the firehouse when Eddie is on the phone in the locker room and Buck is trying to get his attention while working out. The show never tells us who Eddie is actually talking too. We don't know who's on the other end of the conversation, neither does Buck. The only thing Buck sees is Eddie laughing and having a good time while ignoring him. Tommy wasn't at the firehouse so he was never going to see Buck trying to show off around the weight room and Amazon priming a basketball to himself so he could pretend he was interested in something he knew Eddie was interested in. The other interesting thing about that episode was the way Eddie was framed, in other words shot and filmed, throughout. He was consistently lit in golden/sunlight, colors associated with warmth and happiness/joy. Tim made a point of telling everyone that the episode was from Buck's perspective which means that's how Buck sees Eddie. Buck associates Eddie with happiness and warmth and joy. The joy theme is important to remember because it comes back into play during season 8. I'm not in any way suggesting that once Buck became aware of his male attraction that he didn't find Tommy attractive, he clearly did in some capacity. But it is not out of character for Buck to over correct himself in the wrong direction. Both times he asked his partners to move in with him were direct results of his belief that he needed to make up for some wrong he had done to them. He asked Taylor to move in with him after he kissed Lucy and he asked Tommy to move in with him after his reaction to the Abby news, and Josh's speech about what they owed the older queer community. Josh said many things in that speech, a speech I did not love, but he said many things and it was telling that the only part of that speech that seemed to register with Buck where Tommy was concerned was the part about what they owed to the community that came before them. It was wrong to ask on both occasions. Taylor said yes. Tommy said no. We will get back to the Tommy one shortly but those are perfect examples of Buck over correcting himself in the wrong direction in order to avoid dealing with the actual issues.

When we arrive at season 8 we get the scene of Buck hearing all the different noise and static in his head when he's trying to calm himself down while Gerard is yelling. The only voice that is clear and audible for the audience is Eddie's voice. Eddie's voice is the one used to calm and recenter Buck. It was an intentional choice to make it Eddie's voice. not his boyfriends voice but Eddie's voice. Episode 8x6 was the biggie though. The episode is titled Confessions. It was the only episode of the season so far where Buck and Eddie didn't say a single word to one another, but I'll come back to that. Eddie was the focus of that episode, it is important to note that episodes 7x4 and 8x6 were directed by the same man. It was intentional on the show's part for these two episodes to sync in some capacity. They have kept the Buck storyline and the Eddie storyline linked since the beginning of season 7. Their storylines are connected. We see Eddie at the juice bar pick up a bottle of juice and hand it to the cashier. He changes his mind though and swaps it out for a bottle of water (a good note to have here is that in the first episode when the crew is running the stairs Buck is holding a bottle of juice, not water, once they make it to the roof). Father Brian watches this interaction and decides he wants to talk to Eddie. We then see Eddie sitting outside at a table, with plenty of empty tables around him, but Father Brian asked if he could join him anyway. Father Brian attempts small talk, and Eddie, unprompted, tells him, 'sorry, I'm straight'. This is not something television has straight characters do. It's not necessary to declare your heterosexuality. In fact it is far more common for television to use dialogue like that to foreshadow a sexuality realization for that character. It is a very common beginning to a sexuality arc. Father Brian then wants to know why Eddie swapped his juice for the water. Eddie tells him he felt like water instead and Father Brian then equates Eddie denying himself the juice as a way of denying himself joy. He tells Eddie that he's punishing himself. Then they talk about why Eddie has the mustache. Eddie tells him he wanted a full beard but the LAFD doesn't allow full beards. A very interesting conversation indeed for a character who has just explicitly stated that he's straight. We all know the term 'beard' and its history within the queer community. Father Brian then tells Eddie to do one thing that brings him joy. That entire scene was written like foreshadowing. I will skip ahead now to Buck and Tommy's break up. Tommy explains to Buck that at some point he is going to figure out what it is that he really wants and even though he won't mean to, he will hurt Tommy once he figures that out. Tommy has known since 7x4 that something is there for Buck where Eddie is concerned. But he also knows Buck is not ready for that realization yet. He makes a point of telling Buck that he's his first not his last. They also made a point of having Buck say sometimes those can be the same, meaning your first can be your last. Tommy says sometimes that can be true but not most of the time. Meaning there is an exception to that rule. The right person can be your first and your last. Tommy was not the right person. Fast forward to Eddie shaving off his mustache and doing his risky business dance.

Buck goes to Eddie following the breakup. Eddie answers the door in his underwear and he and Buck do not speak. Buck holds up a beer bottle and walks in. They don't talk. They sit on the couch in silence drinking their beers. That is the final shot of the episode. An episode entitled Confessions, and the only episode of the season where Buck and Eddie don't say a single word to one another. Again the framing of that scene is also important because of what surrounds them in the scene. Buck and Eddie are on the couch. It's right it's where they belong but the timing is not right. The blurry picture of Christopher between them on the table behind them is intentional. Christopher is missing from their little unit. Then there's the picture of Texas on the wall behind Eddie. Texas, and everything it represents for Eddie, looms over them. Those are the obstacles that have to be dealt with first. They existed in that shot because Buck, and especially Eddie, cannot escape them. They have to be dealt with and fixed first. They didn't talk because they have things they need to do first.

The last shot of the mid season finale being Buck sitting alone on the Diaz couch was also foreshadowing. Eddie is going to Texas. Yes, that scene also indicated that Buck is finally at a place where he won't be able to ignore or misinterpret his feelings for Eddie any longer. Eddie isn't there yet. Texas has to be dealt with first. Therefore Eddie couldn't be physically on the couch with him in that scene because Eddie has to leave first. Eddie has to be the one person who leaves Buck and chooses to come back to Buck.

I hope this made sense, anon. It was still longer than I anticipated. Please feel free to ask me anything at any time. I am more than happy to try and explain something as best as I can, if I can. I have no idea if this was helpful but I hope you were able to get something out of it. 🩷

Thank you Nonny! This is lovely!

Such a great breakdown of the overarching Buddie storyline for Buck and Eddie. Such a great resource for people who have trouble recognising subtext and nuance in a storyline.

I am going to add my own breakdown of the entire last Buddie scene of episode 8x08. Right after it aired someone with autism contacted me with the question if I could break that specific scene down for them.

You can find it here: breakdown of 8x08 final Buddie scene

If anyone ever needs more help in this department, feel free to send an ask. Just like Ali, I'd be happy to try and explain what the viewer is meant to take away from a scene.

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[louferrignojrofficial]

to think within the next month we’re gonna find out if lou and therefore tommy and bucktommy is staying in season 8…. if he doesn’t stay i’ll be sad and all but i’m not gonna stop watching the show or being a fan of lou obviously. but if he does….. oh just anticipating the levels of excitement and vindication has me hyped….

[feeder86]

Feeder 86: The Top Ten

Can you believe that the Feeder86 ‘Orginal Gainer Stories’ blog will soon be posting the two hundredth story? I thought of many ways to celebrate. But then I stopped and realised that I would probably be best using the time to address one of the questions I get asked about most frequently. Which of the stories do I personally like the most?

This was not an easy list to make as I very rarely go back to re-read my own work after I have finished editing and posting them. This is not because I do not like them, but because I always see bits that I want to change. Nevertheless, this project was the perfect opportunity to revisit a few oldies that I remember being very proud of at the time. 

Hopefully you will see this list for what it is: a glimpse into how I write, my motivations and drive; rather than just a self indulgent pat on the back for myself. Yuck!

So, with that being said, let us begin...

#10 The Feeders’ Formula: This tale certainly had to be placed into the list. After all, it is the one that kicked off ‘Original Gainer Stories’ all those years ago. There are many amazing examples of instant body weight transformation stories out there. I felt that I needed to write this one as my contribution to the genre. It went down well at the time. I swiftly wrote a Part Two, then followed it up with others (The Feeders’ Formation, The Feeders’ Formalities, The Feeders’ Foreclosure, The Feeders’ Forecast, The Feeders’ Former Years), becoming something of an ongoing saga in recent years; focusing on the different Feeders from that very first meeting. As a writer who sometimes struggles to find the ending, these are wonderful to write as they all have the same inevitable conclusion. There is also so much freedom to be had when you’re working with characters who are pretty much pure evil. I know so much more about the Feeders than I’ve ever written down, so it is great to tease out those little details with each new installment. The newest of these tales (The Feeders’ Foreplay) was the darkest yet, but seems to have provoked a very favourable reaction from many. Who knows what the Feeders may get up to next? I do! And you can find out too, once we start a whole new sweeps season of stories this April! Come with me into The Feeders' Fortress!

#9 Only One: Where do I start? Only One has my absolute favourite type of feeder. Ben is big, sexy and very in control. He’s one of those rare types of guys who always stays on top and is a step ahead of absoultely everyone he meets. Who wouldn’t fall for him? I certainly did! In fact, I loved him so much that I wrote an entire prequel for him (and none of you even noticed!) Check out Rewire if you want to see how Ben became the man we know and love.

#8 The Wright Boys: The idea of a weight gain that cannot be stopped or controlled is a tempting one for many. How much easier would it be if you didn’t have to second guess your choices or face the pressure to lose weight? This was the first tale of what I see as ‘The Curses’ saga that eventually bled into many other stories (including another one on this list!) and culminated in Wright vs Beckett. However, this story remains my personal favourite of these. If you’re a fan of looking for crossovers between my stories, these are some of the most explicitly linked. I followed it up with a spin-off tale (The Wright Boys: DNA), but continue to have ideas about how I could go back to these boys in the future. Watch this space.

#7 Making Monsters: The title of this story really does give away how I felt about it at the time. This is quite the saga, spread over into not just two, but three parts! It began as a story that was very similar to Blackmailed; a tale that I had written previously about a guy voyeristically enjoying seeing his friend fatten up her boyfriend. However, this story evolved even further for me, with Tommy’s love of eating and gaining weight being both his greatest love, and his biggest shame. His denial only heightened the tension for me, and, when he does eventually give in, the gains feel all the more satisfying as a result.

#6 The Pig Feed: It’s not easy to write a gainer story where there isn’t another character spurring the events along and encouraging things. In this tale however, that role is given to a very tasty and surprisingly addictive pig feed mixture that Steve gets himself hooked on. It’s a story that I really enjoyed writing and still feel very happy with. I have considered writing more stories around this interesting feed. However, I am yet to do so; deciding (for now at least) that things are perhaps best left as they are. But, feel free to let me know your thoughts on this.

#5 Farm Boy: Whether you grew up in a big city, or a small rural community, like Hayden in this story, we can all relate to having desires and attractions that those around us don’t understand. And, thanks to how well connected we are these days, we now know what it’s like to realise that you’re not actually alone, and the whirlwind of excited emotions that follow. I enjoyed writing this story because I, quite simply, fell completely in love with Hayden. As kinky as he was, he still retained that fresh faced innocence throughout. If any of my characters were destined to be together forever, I imagine that these two would be my top choice.

#4 Keeping a Crush: This is one of those stories that I wrote in a matter of hours, and I was so pleased with it when I was done. Getting the train to go to work is not necessarily something that many Americans have to do, and so the location had to be switched to the UK (quite refreshing, I thought!). For me, it’s one of those really rare instances where placing very solid restrictions on the structure of a story (In this case, having it all take place during the commute to and from work) and finding that it actually elevates the sexual tension and mood. All scenes take place in public settings. All conversations could, in theory, be overheard. These days, so many people meet online and flirt for weeks by messaging back and forth, before they even see each other for the first time. Nowadays, for better or for worse, the actual, real fantasy is finding a connection with someone you just see in the real world; perhaps with a person you literally just met on the way to work...

If you’ve not read this one, I really would highly recommend it.

#3 To the Max: Stories with a magical element to them are either loved or hated. However, I find that this tale walks that line very successfully. Ned gets his hands on a love potion and makes straight guy, Max, fall for him. I’m sure we’ve all been there with that fantasy! However, it is in the consequences of inviting someone into your life, someone that you actually know very little about, that the entire eroticism of this story is based. I won’t spoil it for those who have not read it, but believe me when I say that things soon start getting very interesting indeed…

#2 Tommy’s Two Hundred. Don’t recognise this one? Well, that's because none of you have read it yet. 

Now, I’m not just saying this because I want you all to come back for the two hundreth story, but this is genuinely one of my absolute favourites. For my big milestone stories in the past, I have written something specifically for that event (Wright vs Beckett, The Seven Feeders of Finn). However, this is just a tale that I adored writing and decided to hold back for you all, especially for this occasion. It’s a story of domination and submission within a fairly open, but very kinky, relationship. Strapping Hunter plays the part of a very controlling feeder, making me break many of my own rules and stretching my boundaries to the absolute limits. You’ll either love him, or you’ll hate him. That’s all I’m going to say…

Also, this story is going to be the first Feeder86 story that will be fully illustrated. It’s all thanks to the amazing talents of Spellwell9 who was given an advanced copy and asked to imagine the characters in four different scenes. I cannot wait for you to see this!

Put it in your diary. All will be revealed from Friday 5th April…

#1 F80 Control: This is perhaps a controvercial choice (especially as my #1). I have previously admitted that this story strays a little from its purpose of being a gainer story. In other words, I get very caught up in the background story that is being told. However, I feel that the science fiction genre is surprisingly underused in tales of weight gain. Yet, the combination of Aritificial Intelligence and submission seemed, to me, to be the perfect blend. It really is a beast of a story if you can follow it all the way through to its conclusion. 

With the advent of improved artificial intelligence software in recent years, I felt the time was right to develop the world further, with the addition of F80 Ctrl Alt Del; a spin-off tale set slightly before the main story. Then, unable to help myself, I followed this up again with another companion story, F80: Kidnap and Control. 

The reason I chose this universe as my favourite is because this is where I am happiest writing. With AI, I don’t need to consider the morality or motivations - I know exactly what their aims are and I can see multiple ways in which it will cause conflict with humanity (and their waistlines!) I would also love to write more for this world one day, and I even left a little unused subplot in the last story that I think would provide the perfect starting-off point for another chapter. Will I ever write it? Well, we’ll have to wait and see…

So, there you have it! The the complete list!

This was a much harder exercise than I expected when I first embarked upon it. Stories like: Jiggle the Jock, Meticulous, Rule Number One, Freaks, Leftovers I and II, Ethan: The Secret Feeder and, not fogetting The Consequences I, II and III all crept in and out of the list, unfortunatley missing out on the final cut. There are many, many others, of course. But this list cannot go on forever...

So, why not tell me which ones were your favourites? Feel free to write in the comments and post a link to any other stories that you have enjoyed from myself, or from other authors. Hopefully, if we all work together, this could become a great resource for people in the future, filled with signposts and reccommendations.  

Also, don’t forget the Feeder86 Contents page where you can find links and descriptions of all the 200 stories posted so far (as well as plot outlines for upcoming tales as well). Please continue to enjoy the vast catalogue of stories, and even have a go yourself! I love supporting the many new gainer fiction writers who contact me. So please do get in touch if you need advice, or to talk through your ideas. Let’s all encourage a whole new generation of people to get typing away! I’m sure you will cheer them on just as much as I will.

Thank you to everyone who supports the stories blog here on Tumblr. Keep checking in every Friday througout April for a whole new sweeps season to celebrate this milestone. Stories will include: Tommy's Two Hundred, Train for a Gain, The Feeders' Fortress and The 1% (a companion story to The 5%). For now, I thank you all for taking time out to sit and read the very bizarre tales that sprout from my mind. You are all wonderful.

Happy 200 stories!

Feeder86

[theallyandhisbeast]

About bucktommy and 911 in general

You know, in the end, this just feels extremely cheap and cruel.

Showing bucktommy be incandescently happy in all the episodes but 8.6? Even in this ep you can feel how much they care and genuinely love each other. Audience was largely optimistic and excited about them, in a way we have never seen for other buck's LI.

Only to what? Throw it all away because you can't be bothered to write a satisfactory arc for them? Because Buck is the epitome of the guy who dates a lot but always gets broken up with? That to be able to decide if you want to be in a committed relationship if you are bi you have to explore first or else your decision is null and void?

What a way to waste potential and your characters arc.

The special thing about Tommy was that he was beloved by not only bucktommy fans, but GA, and most importantly he was a sort of representation we don't see all that much in media. People loved him because they saw themselves in him, they could connect to his journey and they were genuinely rooting for him to find love and family with Buck. To waste it all away, and to do so by basically throw at us all that we loved about them is unnecessarily cruel.

What hurts the most is that even buck and tommy themselves didn't want to break up. but instead they "must" because bowing down to harmful stereotypes about bi people who are "confused and so they must experiment before settling" is more important than telling a compelling story.

Even without bt break up, I feel like this season took a sharp dive for the worst about well thought storylines in a way that baffles him. Gerrard was reduced to a joke, as was Ortiz, both pgs that could have been used to create compelling arcs that intertwined the 118 even more but instead we got this cheap throwaway joke of a Gerrard, Ortiz was basically throw out of office in a single ep. Hotshot sl could have been fun but instead it's just.... there. And coming back too just for funsies, cause apparently that sl was more important to develop instead of a interesting queer relationship.

Athena once again doing copaganda. Bobby coming back to the 118 without any particular struggle or even guilt about dropping the bag. Things said in interviews that we expect to happen and never even made it to the screen (Eddie's loneliness? Chim and Hen having conflict over Mara? Buck feeling guilty about injuring Gerrard?).

The way Maddie cannot have any sl that is not either tied to a man or about motherhood. Madney having another surprise baby instead of them choosing on purpose to expand their family. Hen & Karen gaining trauma after trauma about their children and not having any other sl that is not tied to that. Josh just existing in the periphery and only becoming important as the "insightful token gay" but not having any type of meaningful screen time since Carson.

The other side characters like Sue, Ravi, Linda, Carla completely disappearing without anyone mentioning them. Ravi has not been given any important sl ever since he talked about having cancer and ever since reduced as a comic relief without anything to add to his character but he's a "landlord".

Chris is out of the picture for who knows how long, and is basically kept around to be traumatized over and over again. Eddie hasn't gotten any character development until first s5 and seemingly now, but i'd argue that the whole thing just felt rushed because what do you mean it takes one chat with a priest for him to do a 180° while he still isn't talking to Chris? And Eddie was the one who got the best treatment of all of them this season.

It's the way this show is slowly chipping itself away. It's the way they start a queer story line promising it would be impactful and handled with care and then half-assing it a best. It's the way the other queer characters are never explored and able to breath and revel in their queerness in the first place. Because, really, when was the last time Hen and Karen kissed on screen? When was the last time they went on a date? When was the last time their arcs were not about children or getting hurt, but just about them as individuals? And on this thread what about Maddie? Or Josh? Or Chim? Or Eddie?

Everything feels reused again and again and again without no real development than then starting the circle all over in half a season.

What a waste.

[lover-of-mine]

I've been thinking while chilling in the they cast Ryan with a plan delusionland, but specifically what it would take to give Buck the most satisfying love story possible. Because Buck was written as the love interest. His purpose in season 1 is to give something to the main character. And ever since, he's been there to provide something to his love interests even though he's the main character now, he gave Ali a place to stay, he gave Taylor professional advancement (and this one is made worse by her book), he gave Natalia inside information on death, so he's constantly providing things without getting anything substantial in return, much like with Abby and the way that he was just a device to make her feel better about her life. And the main thing here is that Buck is being pursued in order to offer something. He's never the one to go after them, he's the one being chased in a sense, Abby calls him, Ali calls him, Taylor kisses him, Natalia asks him out, Tommy kisses him, so these people want something from him and they take it, most of the time without giving him something in return, Abby forces him to get closure by himself, Ali leaves him because she can't handle the job, where do I even begin with Taylor. So if you think about it, considering the initial way Buck was written, and the way they expanded this to the point that he was literally born to offer something to someone who provided him with nothing (in this case his parents), or the way Maddie shows up because she needs the safety he could provide (I'm not saying Maddie doesn't provide him with anything, I know she does so much for him, but she did show up because she needed a place to hide) his main love interest needs to be someone who's not asking him for stuff. And that's been Eddie since he was introduced. Under Pressure is about Buck choosing Eddie. Eddie tries, but when he realizes Buck is serious about not liking him, he validates Buck's feelings, granted in his sassy way of his, and backs off until he has a chance to give Buck the choice to let him in. You can have my back any day. The phrasing of this is great for the whole Eddie trusts Buck to take care of him, he's not saying he will take care of Buck, he's giving Buck the option of taking care of him. But the thing there is that he puts the choice in Buck's hands. Buck could've walked away. Even Buck's reactions to the way Eddie says it shows a moment where Buck is considering before offering the or you can have mine. The metaphor surrounding the rescue in this context is interesting because while Eddie is choosing Buck right there, he's not forcing Buck to step in. Much like the ambulance, Eddie is offering himself, but he's not forcing anyone to go into the ambulance and risk getting blown up with him. Buck needs to volunteer. And he does.

I know the fandom loves to say Eddie baby trapped Buck, but Buck was the one who took one look at Eddie and said I'm stepping in with you whether you like it or not. Eddie never demanded anything from Buck beyond for Buck to be himself. He never asked for help with Chris, Buck chose to talk to Bobby to clear him being at the station, Buck chose to trick Eddie to offer him help in the form of Carla. Sure, when it's convenient for the plot, Eddie will just decide on things, but like, even the lawsuit of it all, when Eddie is inserting himself into the conflict, Buck is ready to be forced to provide Eddie with something to be forgiven "so whatever it takes for you to forgive me" but Eddie is instantly "I forgive you" because he doesn't need for Buck to prove himself. Over and over again, the show puts Eddie in a position that shows that he just loves Buck. No matter what. He never asked Buck to provide him with something. I think even the will and the way Eddie hides it plays into this. He doesn't want to ask for Buck to do this. Eddie knows Buck will do it, he knows how much Buck loves Chris, but the will reveal is not really about Eddie asking Buck to do something for him, taking care of Chris if he can't because the episode already showed Buck doing that without knowing that was what Eddie wanted, but to give Buck that shock that he does have something to live for, that he matters, that someone loves him. Eddie exists as the person that allows Buck to make his own decisions. He does push back when he thinks Buck needs that push but he doesn't make the choice for him. Even if Buck ever decides to walk away from him, he'll let him if that's what Buck really wants, because ultimately it will be Buck's choice and he respects that. And ultimately, with the archetype they had in mind when they created Buck, that is what Buck needs for him to be in the most satisfying romantic relationship narratively. Buck needs someone who loved him before they were in love with him. And that is the work they have been putting towards buddie since Eddie was introduced. And that's also why Buck is the one who needs to start his endgame relationship. It's never gonna feel right until Buck chooses to do something about it because everything about him is about someone else making the choice.

[livelaughlou]

Post 8x5 fic because Lou said so. (Not really, but kind of.) This got a little hornier than I'm sure we would have gotten, but you know, when in Rome. Also, isn't it great how the season ended with this ep? What an awfully short season. Oh well.

"No."

Tommy can't see him from where he's navigating them back to Evan's place, but he just knows he's pouting. After nearly six months, his Evan senses are always tingling.

"Oh come on," Evan whines. "Just pull over into an overlook or something. Bet I can get you off in no time."

Tommy snorts a laugh. "I'm sorry, is that supposed to make me want to do it? I thought you had a better sense of my abilities than that, Boil Boy."

Evan considers this and Tommy can see his grin out of his peripheral vision. He should look ridiculous with those damn things on his face, but he looks like an adorable brat, which is as per usual these days.

"Okay, that didn't come out right."

"No one's coming any time soon," Tommy says, turning on his signal to change lanes.

Evan snickers. "Fine, fine. No public sex for us. I get it. Can I get you out of that suit and get your dick in my mouth when we get to my place?"

Tommy reaches over and pinches his thigh, gratified when Evan jumps a little.

"Hey! Rude."

"Why are you so horny all of a sudden?"

"All of a sudden? I thought you knew me by now, Tommy."

Tommy laughs again. "Okay, okay."

"Besides," Evan says, and if Tommy isn't mistaken, his voice sounds...hesitant? "I just want to thank you. You know, for driving three hours from home to go to a dead outlaw's funeral."

Tommy feels himself melt. "You don't have to thank me. I enjoyed it."

"You did?" Evan sounds surprised.

"Seeing you in your element all cute and earnest? Getting to spend time with you? I'll do it any time."

Evan runs a hand through the hair on the back of Tommy's head, affectionate and warm. He loves it when Evan does that.

"How can you possibly think I'm cute right now?" Evan wonders and this is not the first time he's asked.

"I always think you're cute. Even when you're gross."

Evan's laugh is infectious and Tommy laughs with him. He leans forward in his seat and smacks a kiss to Tommy's cheek. "I like you, Tommy Kinard."

"I like you too, Evan Buckley," Tommy says. "Chinese on the way home?"

"Sounds good," Evan confirms. "Wanna make out on the couch and watch a movie? Then I can get your dick in my mouth?"

Tommy grins because watching a movie always turns into something else. "You're on."

tag list:

@desert--moonchild @sazzynatural, @multishippinghussy, @mmso-notlikethat, @esendoran

@sunnywithachanceofbi, @sleepywinchesters, @buck-up-buckley, @manifestingchaoticvibes, @corvid-cryptidd

@lbltpsmspenguin, @theotherbuckley, @cliophilyra, @actuallyitsellie, @thecarrott

@talktonytome, @misstommykinard, @the-omniscient-narrator, @bobbinsnash, @a-mel0n

@hyperfocusthusly, @mayorjack, @marvelousbuckley, @swagmaster9k

@byunbuckjunmy, @rutathenurse, @sluttytommykinard, @bidisasterevankinard

[buckleybltch]

Why Tommy is Different to Buck’s Previous Love Interests

and Why it Doesn’t Make Sense.

This is going to be a long and (primarily) impartial post intended for all audiences, whether you like Tommy or not. However, this is not the blog to be airing grievances on. I’m not here for that. I am going to put some opinions of mine through here, but that’s all they are, and I’m going to try stick with facts with a side of interpretation. And Please, for the love of God, read till the end before commenting.

If you want to think I’m nitpicking then go ahead, but every scene of this show gets analysed to death and back for varying reasons. This will be no different.

The Hospital Scene

For the first time, we see one of Buck’s love interests sitting with the 118 at the hospital while they wait to make sure one of their own is okay. In regard to the group chat that appeared on that scene, form your own opinions. We don’t know if Karen or Maddie is in this group chat either. Opinion: I personally don’t think it’s that unusual to have a work group chat, and I also think Bobby showed Athena his phone. I don’t believe that was meant to reinforce the idea that Tommy is an ‘outsider’- if he was an outsider, he wouldn’t have been at the hospital altogether.

Never before has a LI shown up for the 118 at the hospital with Buck. Ali and Abby turned up at the hospital for Buck because it’s him who was hurt, and Taylor was at the hospital with her camera man for the story (s5 May Day). When Eddie got shot, Taylor showed up at the hospital because she thought it was Buck who got shot. Tommy showing up is a unique situation- they were sat in their civvies as a group in the waiting room, and Tommy is there with Buck for Denny. Tommy was part of the 118 waiting room crew; we’ve never seen this before; Buck’s partner showing up for his team(family) at the hospital.

The closest we’ve had before is Abby showing up to Chimney’s return to work party, but at this point they weren’t actually together, and obviously Chimney was okay by this point, it’s not a hospital scene.

The Firefighter Life

When Ali breaks up with Buck, she says it’s because she can’t handle the firefighter life, waiting for him to get hurt. She says it’s not what she wants. This issue isn’t present with Tommy because he is also a firefighter. He knows what he signed up for with Buck, he’s perfectly and intimately familiar with the risks they take everyday and the risk of getting hurt. While it’s a perfectly reasonable assumption that this might still be an issue to some degree, no one wants to see their boyfriend getting hurt after all, they both understand the life and what it means. Tommy solves the reason Ali broke up with him.

The Bobby Approval

This one is a key one. When the scene first aired, I strongly believed (and still do) that this line was also intended for the audience. We have Bobby’s explicit approval of Tommy as a person and for Buck. He’s good people, he’s good for you.

Bobby and Buck never spoke about Natalia or about Ali. I hold the belief, like many, that Bobby never particularly liked Taylor because of how she tried to exploit Bobby in season 2. However, Bobby did help Buck decide on a Christmas gift for Taylor and vice versa. Yet, he never said on screen that he thought they were good together. Hen and Chimney do also come to Taylor for help (s5) with Jonah, but even in that scene they’re shown to not trust her with what they’re telling her.

Abby is more complex as she was a main character in season 1 and her relationship with Buck was a full-season arc. Bobby helped Buck tie his tie and gave him genuinely good advice before their date. Bobby even talks to Buck about having a serious relationship and how to handle it, about how to treat her with respect. Other characters definitely aired their reservations about Abby in season 2 (Is it the age difference? More like the time difference). I believe Bobby gave his implicit, but not explicitly said, approval of Abby through the way he treated and spoke to Buck about their relationship. Despite this, I do think it’s poignant that for the seven years after Buck and Abby broke up, we never saw Bobby approve or like another one of his relationships until Tommy.

The Future Talk

In 8x06, Josh straight up asks Buck if he can see a future with Tommy. This of course follows up Josh already asking “do you care about him, do you think about him when’s not around”. The discussion between Josh and Buck is unique, because Buck has never spoken to a friend about this before. His relationships with Ali and Natalia weren’t developed or long enough to warrant the discussion, he never talked about the future with Abby, and he said “no” at the prospect of proposing to Taylor. For the first time, Buck is asked on-screen if he sees a future with his romantic partner, and Buck says yes. This is explicitly said for the first time. Yes, he made a confused face when Josh asked if he loved him, because clearly Buck hasn’t given it that much thought until he’s confronted with it. Either way, Buck, for the first time, says he wants a future with his romantic partner.

This further prompts Buck to ask Tommy to move in with him, which, different to his motivation for asking Taylor to move in with him, is fuelled by wanting a future. Buck even brings up marriage in his discussion with Tommy, which he’s also never discussed with a romantic partner on screen before. The content of both discussions is something we haven’t seen Buck talk about or admit before.

Eddie Friendship

All of Buck’s love interests, bar Abby, have screen time with Eddie. However, Ali and Natalia only share screen time with Eddie when they first meet because they meet on a call. As Buck’s girlfriends, they don’t share screen time with Eddie.

Taylor once has dinner with Buck, Eddie, and Christopher, and she compliments Eddie’s cooking. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe this is the only main time they’re seen together. It’s civil, it’s fine. However, they aren’t friends.

Tommy is a unique situation again; because he’s a guy, it might be easier for Eddie to form a friendship with him. They’re very fast friends, they do Muay Thai together, Tommy works on Eddie’s car, they play basketball together, Tommy went to Eddie’s house 3 times in two weeks and met Christopher. Christopher likes Tommy, he thinks he’s cool, and Eddie invited Tommy to Chris’ virtual birthday party. He’s the first love interest to not only get along with Eddie, but become friends with him outside of Buck (emphasised by 7x04 where Tommy tells Buck that his friendship with Eddie has nothing to do with Buck). The show makes their friendship very clear.

I’ll fully admit that Eddie’s friendship with Tommy was needed for the plot in 7x04, but beyond that, why was it relevant? It already made Buck realise he wanted to be with Tommy. They might’ve needed it for a plot reason but they’re friends afterwards too. Maddie calls Tommy “Eddie’s friend” in 7x05 and they’re laughing together in the hospital and getting alone fine in 8x05. Why?

Fitting Into Buck’s Life

Of course, this all culminates by saying Tommy fits into Buck’s life extremely well.

Tommy doesn’t have to go through the awkward phase of meeting all of Buck’s friends, because the only one he hasn’t met is Eddie. Tommy was previously friends with Bobby, Hen, and Chimney, they already know him. He’s already met Athena. Sure, they might have some catching up to do, but they already have a good history. They’re familiar. Again, Tommy already gets along with Buck’s friends outside of Buck.

Why was Tommy at the hospital for Hen’s son if he wasn’t integrated? Why feel comfortable going to Maddie and Chimney’s wedding? Even Buck makes the point of saying that Tommy is already going to know everybody there; he’s not just his date, he already knows them.

Tommy is friends with Buck’s friends already, Tommy understands the demands of being a firefighter and what it entails with the risks and the commitment. Tommy understands Buck’s friendship with Eddie and Christopher, and his dynamic with Bobby.

Intention (Conclusion)

This is all to say- this is intentional. If the point of the relationship was always to breakup, why have Tommy included in these scenes? Tommy didn’t need to be there at the hospital for Denny, but they wrote it in for him to join the 118 waiting. Bobby didn’t need to give his approval of Tommy on screen. It didn’t further his relationship with Buck nor the plot. It was written this way for a reason, and I think anyone can admit the actual breakup in the scene was abrupt, and it’s all of the above context that makes it even more abrupt.

I know it makes his relationship with Buck more meaningful, sweeter, more heartbreaking for Buck, but we never saw these moments with his ex girlfriends, particularly Taylor, and their relationship was solid until it wasn’t. If this unique treatment of Tommy was meant to put Buck through heartbreak then I offer a second question: what is coming up for Buck that requires him to go through heartbreak?

Why go through the effort of writing Tommy to fit in so well with Buck’s life if he’s only there to further a plot? None of Buck’s other LIs were treated like that, and they achieved the plot they needed to. So why was this different? Buck’s relationship with Taylor was a lot longer, and they lived together, but we never saw these types of scenes with her. Why? Why was this different? What was the point of making the relationship meaningful and different?

Again, this post is not here for people to argue. It should be clear to everyone, regardless of why you think so, that Tommy was treated different by the show than Buck’s other love interests. There must have been a reason, even if that wasn’t clear. Is something big coming up for Buck that he needed to be heartbroken for? Is it poor writing? Is Tommy coming back? There must be some reason that Tommy was treated differently by the writers other than “just because”.

[mcdynamite]

When everything settles down after Vecnapocalypse, Steve gets a call from the athletic director at Hawkins High School, and a day later, he accepts a part-time position as the assistant coach of the Hawkins High varsity basketball team.

Lucas is obviously stoked, and the other kids concede (after a few minutes of bemoaning Steve's return to the Dark Side) that it's a perfect job for him. Robin screeches with delight, and Nancy tells him she's proud of him, and Jonathan thumps him on the back with a quiet, "Congrats, man," and Eddie?

Well, Eddie just rolls his eyes and makes a joke about the Return of the King that goes right over Steve's head (but has the kids and, wouldn't ya know it, Nancy, grinning) and doesn't say much else.

It's probably stupid, but Eddie has actually (horrifyingly) grown to like hanging out with Steve. Sure, he knows next to nothing about D&D or Lord of the Rings or metal music, but that doesn't seem to matter all that much. He still listens to Eddie rant about all of those aforementioned interests and does his best to understand, even if he doesn't particularly care about the content of Eddie's latest campaign. He lets Eddie play Dio and Metallica and Black Sabbath for him, and even though Eddie can tell he's not really into most of their music, at the end of his "Musication" he gives Eddie a list of the songs he actually liked, so they have some stuff to listen to when they hang out that won't make one of them want to puncture their own eardrums.

He even looks genuinely apologetic (and, dare Eddie say, disappointed?) when he tells Eddie that it's not that he doesn't want to read Lord of the Rings. It's just that he can't, because reading is really fucking hard when the letters won't stop jumping all over the damn place.

The point is: Eddie likes Steve. He likes Steve's sarcastic quips and his attentiveness, and his hilarious but well-meaning and frighteningly successful mothering of the teenagers they apparently co-parent. Eddie likes Steve, and he likes being his friend, and he's afraid that this stupid Assistant Coach job will end up dragging Steve headfirst back into his King Steve days, and Steve will forget all about being friends with Eddie "The Freak" Munson.

It's so, so stupid, because while Eddie likes Steve, he also knows Steve, and he knows that Steve isn't the guy who used to hang around the Tommy Hagans of the world anymore. But the fear is there, and it's still there by the time the school year starts and Steve starts getting busy "prepping" for his new job, which... what? The basketball season doesn't start until January, so what the hell kind of prep would Steve be starting in August?

Eddie wonders, but he doesn't ask. He just anxiously waits to see if Steve will eventually decide to ditch him, and he continues to be quietly delighted when Steve always, always makes time for the two of them to hang out.

The thought of Steve going back into jock-mode still makes him kinda sick, but he'll never tell Steve that. Steve is way too excited for the start of the basketball season, and Eddie is gonna support him the same way Steve supports Eddie at his Corroded Coffin concerts: with begrudging interest and genuine pride, so help him God.

It goes on like this until one day, Eddie's begrudging interest suddenly becomes a little more genuine, when he accidentally stumbles upon what Steve meant for the last three months whenever he said he was "prepping for the season." 

He's got plans to hang out with Steve that afternoon, pulling up in his van fifteen minutes late because time management has never been one of his strong suits. Only, when he gets to Casa Harrington, he notices something strange. The garage is open.

The thing is, Steve always parks the Beemer in the driveway. He never uses the garage. Actually, Eddie didn't even realize Steve had a garage at all, until now, but he hears some clanging coming from inside and goes to investigate. He walks past the Beemer (parked in the driveway where it always is) and peers inside, expecting to maybe find Steve... repairing something? Reorganizing? Honestly, he has no clue what he thinks he'll find in there.

What he definitely doesn't expect to find is Steve Harrington in the middle of what appears to be a pretty fucking intense workout – hair and tank top damp with sweat, wearing frankly indecently short shorts, and breathing steadily as he does fucking pull-ups on the bar in his garage, which has apparently been converted into a whole goddamn home gym.

Eddie stops in his tracks and stares, affording himself a moment or two to have a teeny, tiny (enormous) crisis over it.

Steve hasn't noticed him yet, and Eddie can't tear his stupid eyes away from the way Steve's arms tremble from the exertion as he pulls himself up, face pinched into a concentrated frown. Eddie can see him gritting his teeth, can see the muscles in his arms and shoulders straining a little bit. Even worse, every time Steve lowers himself down, his stupid tank top rides up just enough to expose the (not at all soft, apparently) plains of his stomach, glistening with sweat, and God, Eddie wants to lick Steve fucking Harrington's abs like a-

Oh, no.

Oh, fuck no.

Oh, Jesus H. Christ, fucking shit, NO.

Listen... It's not like Eddie hasn't already known for years that he's gay. He's been fully aware of that since middle school. It's the reason his dad kicked him out and sent him to live with Wayne, for fuck's sake. It's just that Eddie has put a lot of effort into pretending his thoughts about Steve Harrington were totally, completely, 100% platonic up until this point, and now he can feel all of that hard work going down the metaphorical drain.

He stands there, stock still with his jaw hinged open, and stares while his brain melts out of his ears and his thoughts begin to race. God, those fucking arms. Eddie's not weak, but he's definitely weaker than Steve, which means Steve could definitely pin Eddie down if he wanted to. In a bed. Against the wall. On the hood of a car. Fuck, on the goddamn floor – Eddie's not picky! All he knows is that he wants Steve to leave the workout for later so Eddie can lick the sweat off of him, which... gross. But also hot. But also-

"Eddie?"

Oh, fuck. How does one talk to the sun?

Steve has noticed him standing there, obviously, which sort of makes Eddie wonder how long he's been staring. Time stopped in Eddie's world the moment a sweaty Steve Harrington entered his field of vision, so he truly has no idea how bad his staring got.

Christ, this is going to be so bad.

So, so bad.

"Eds?" Steve says, his face pinching into a frown. "You okay?"

Oh my god, you moron, say something! Eddie's brain screams at him.

"What?" Smooth. "Uh, yeah! Totally fine. Just, y'know, like, lost in thought, or whatever. Plotting my next demonic attempt at world domination. The usual."

Steve looks at him like he's grown a second head, which... is fair. But Eddie's fumbling attempt at speech is at least embarrassing enough to take precedence over the cacophonous sound of whatever Ode to Abs his mind was attempting to compose, and Eddie feels like he can think a little more clearly.

"Ah, fuck," Eddie mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. He sighs and looks at Steve apologetically. "I'm sorry, dude. I swear I'm fine. It's just been a weird day."

Steve cocks his head to the side like a particularly inquisitive puppy, and oh God, it's adorable. Eddie loathes how adorable it is. "Good weird?" Steve asks. "Or bad weird?"

Eddie ponders his answer for a moment, then replies with, "Weird weird."

That's enough to startle a laugh out of Steve, who shakes his head and wraps a towel around his neck. "Fair enough, man. Sorry about all of this, by the way." He gestures vaguely towards the home gym in his garage and shrugs sheepishly. "I was gonna be done before you got here but I sorta... lost track of time, I guess." He's got an unreadable look on his stupidly beautiful face, and Eddie doesn't like that at all. He doesn't like that one bit.

But he decides not to overthink it and brushes Steve's apology off with a wave of his hand. "It's whatever, dude. Might wanna shower, though." The ‘otherwise I might take it upon my gay little self to lick you clean’ is left blessedly unsaid.

Steve laughs again, and just like that, things start to feel a bit less earth-shattering. They banter for a bit longer, then Steve really does go to take a quick shower, and they spend the rest of the night lying on the floor of Steve's living room, listening to the metal mix tape they made together and bitching about their brood of teenagers.

Weirdly, though, after that day, Steve seems to be working out a lot more frequently. As in almost every single time he and Eddie have plans. Day after day, Eddie is treated to the sight of Steve Harrington looking like a goddamn Greek god, and day after day, Steve catches his eye and smiles before abandoning his equipment and acting like Eddie's world hasn't been completely turned on its head.

It's starting to drive him kind of insane, honestly, and his pining has gotten so bad that even Gareth and Jeff know.

"He's just so pretty!" Eddie whines for what feels like the thousandth time.

His band mates simply exchange a long-suffering look and let him ramble.

It all comes to a head in November, just before Thanksgiving, when Eddie shows up and once again finds Steve finishing a workout. Just like always, Steve shoots him a good-natured grin and greets him before heading inside for a quick shower, and just like always, Eddie waits downstairs.

NOT like always, however, this time Steve comes jogging down the stairs with wet hair, wearing a pair of joggers and... absolutely nothing else.

It's been a long time since Eddie last saw Steve without a shirt on (since the day at Lover's Lake when they found watergate, to be precise), and suddenly Eddie is remembering why he'd immediately pulled out a cigarette to calm down that day. Only this time it's even worse, because Steve has really been putting effort into these workouts, and it shows.

His chest is toned and covered in coarse hair that Eddie kind of wants to tug on, just to see what sort of sounds Steve would make if he did. He's got the makings of an honest-to-God six pack just barely visible on his abdomen, partially obscured by scars Eddie recognizes from looking at his own in the mirror. Steve's are slightly smaller and not as deep, but they clearly came from the same sets of tiny jaws, and Eddie finds them weirdly comforting, these matching scars that they share. Steve's look pale in contrast against his skin, and God, Eddie just wants to kiss them. He wants to worship them and every other inch of the man who bears them.

The man who definitely just said something Eddie didn't hear because he was too busy trying not to pass out from mere proximity to something so beautiful.

"Sorry, what?" Eddie asks, shaking his head violently in an attempt to dispel his traitorous thoughts.

Steve smirks, but Eddie can see the soft fondness in his eyes when he cocks his head to the side and repeats the words Eddie missed the first time. "I asked if you see something you like, Munson," Steve teases, one hand carding wet hair out of his face, and Eddie just blinks at him.

Play it off, play it off, play it off, his brain supplies helpfully. He can totally play this off. Dudes stare at their friends’ chests all the time, right?

"What?" he practically squeaks. "I- well... no, wait, um... ah, fuck."

So much for plausible deniability.

He's just beginning to feel vaguely panicky when Steve seems to catch on, and he's right in front of Eddie in an instant, concerned, hazel eyes gazing down at Eddie's grimacing face.

"Hey," Steve says, reaching out like he wants to touch Eddie but thinks better of it. "It's okay, man. You're okay. I'm just messing with you."

The impact of his words is instant, and Eddie can feel his face heating up. Of course Steve was joking. God, Eddie is such an idiot.

"Right," Eddie says, voice strained. He rubs his face with both hands, shaking his head lightly. "Duh. Obviously you were teasing." His voice sounds strange even to his own ears, and he's got a weird feeling of anticipation in his stomach that tells him that he's already shown too many of his cards.

"I mean, yeah..." Steve says, seeming nervous for the first time since Eddie got here. His hands flit from the back of his neck to his hair to his waist, like he doesn't know what to do with them. "Teasing is, like, flirting 101, so..."

Eddie freezes.

"Oh my God, wait..." he says slowly, finally daring to meet Steve's confused eyes. "Flirting?"

Steve looks utterly perplexed now, and he does that thing where he cocks his head to the side in confusion. 

It's still adorable. Fuck, why is it so adorable? 

"Um... yes?" He studies Eddie, seems to register the shock on his face, and then matches it with shock of his own. "Wait, you didn't know? I thought you knew!"

"I most certainly did not!" Eddie counters, feeling a bit like he's having an out-of-body experience.

"Oh my God," Steve says. "Oh my God, Eddie, I've been flirting with you for, like, months!"

"Months?!" Eddie's voice has officially reached the stratosphere.

"Yes!" Steve yelps. He looks torn between laughing and crying, though Eddie thinks it'll be mildly hilarious no matter what choice he makes. "Jesus, dude, I winked at you while I was doing pull-ups last week! What did you think that was?"

"A hallucination!" Eddie says immediately. "You're straight, Harrington!"

At that, Steve snorts, then shakes his head.

Eddie's pretty sure his brain is melting by now.

"Yeah, um, no," Steve says firmly. "I'm definitely not straight."

"You... I... What? Since when?"

"Well..." Steve begins, briefly glancing away. "Since forever, technically. Probably. But officially, since that time I made out with Tommy H. after we got wasted at a party sophomore year. And if that wasn't enough proof, I think the amount of time I’ve spent staring at your ass lately definitely is."

Eddie stares at him. "Am I dead?" he asks dumbly. "Is this Heaven? Am I having a fucking stroke?"

Steve's laughter is bright when it rings through his living room, and Eddie is grateful when Steve carefully raises a hand to cup his cheek, because the soft touch is grounding in the best way. 

"Definitely not dead, Eds," Steve says. "And shit, I hope you're not having a stroke. How many fingers am I holding up?"

Eddie just blinks at him, because Steve has one hand on Eddie's cheek and the other on Eddie's arm, and he's definitely not holding up any fingers. "Zero, Harrington, what the fuck?" he says weakly.

Steve laughs – no, scratch that, he giggles. He fucking giggles. 

If Eddie isn't dead yet, he's about to be. 

"Good. See?" Steve says. "Not having a stroke."

"I don't think that's how strokes work, dude," Eddie says weakly.

"No?" Steve asks, though he's still smiling, and he looks wholly unbothered by Eddie's doubting of his medical prowess.

Eddie shakes his head, eyes wide as Steve huffs out a laugh and slips an arm around his waist to pull him closer. They're practically chest to chest now, and Eddie is suddenly reminded of how very shirtless Steve currently is. He's mildly horrified by the way his hands tremble slightly when he rests them flat against the center of Steve's chest, but it's not like anyone can blame him! He's only ever kissed a couple of people before, and now he's somehow found himself in the arms of a half naked Steve Harrington. So, yeah, he's feeling a little jittery. Sue him.

If Steve notices the jitters, though, he doesn't mention it. Instead, he gives Eddie a soft, disarming smile that makes Eddie feel pathetically weak at the knees. "So..." Steve says, cheeks turning a pretty pink color. "Hi."

A slightly manic bark of laughter bursts from Eddie's lungs, but it only seems to make Steve smile wider. "Yeah, hi, Stevie," Eddie breathes. 

And then he nearly stops breathing completely when Steve's thumb drags gently across his cheek. It's such a sweet gesture that Eddie thinks he might melt right into the floorboards.

"So..." Steve murmurs again, gaze not leaving Eddie's. "It has recently been brought to my attention that you didn't realize I was flirting with you this whole time."

Eddie doesn't need a mirror to know that his face flushes bright red at Steve's words.

"But I have been," Steve continues. He bites his lip, almost like he's nervous, which is ridiculous because what the fuck is there about Eddie that could be making Steve Harrington nervous right now? "Like, I've been doing it constantly, because you're funny, and sweet, and sort of adorable, but also kinda hot? Y'know, because you have the tattoos and stuff, and you're all dramatic all the time, and it's hot, but then sometimes you do that thing where you hide your face behind your hair, and it's so fucking cute, Eddie, I mean..."

Steve trails off, cheeks growing even pinker after seemingly realizing that he's been rambling, and Eddie feels like he's going insane.

"Anyway," Steve says, clearing his throat. "I like you, Eddie. Like, a lot. And I've sort of been dying to kiss you for, like, months, so-"

Eddie never lets Steve finish his sentence, because the moment the word kiss leaves his mouth, Eddie is leaning forward and pressing their lips together in a soft, fleeting kiss that's over far too fast.

So fast, in fact, that it takes a moment for reality to catch up to Eddie afterwards. He's already pulling away by the time it hits him: he just kissed Steve Harrington.

He, Eddie fucking Munson, just kissed Steve fucking Harrington.

"Holy shit," Eddie mutters, gaze flitting back and forth between Steve's wide eyes. "Holy shit."

There's a brief pause, and then Steve starts to laugh.

It starts as a soft chuckle and slowly transforms into bright, elated laughter that echoes off the walls and bathes the whole room in sunlight, never mind the rainy day outside. It's light and happy and beautiful, and Eddie unfreezes after a moment to add his own laughter to the mix. He drops his head onto Steve's shoulder, a shiver running down his spine when Steve's arms come around him automatically, like they were made to fit together like this.

Eddie wonders if maybe they were.

When their laughter finally dies down, Steve carefully pulls back just enough to meet Eddie's eyes again, and Eddie smiles shyly up at him.

"Sorry," Eddie says without a hint of guilt in his voice. "You said the word kiss and I panicked."

Steve just shakes his head and grins. "See? Like I said - adorable." One of his hands raises to cradle Eddie's cheek again, and Eddie doesn't hesitate before leaning into the touch. "But if it's okay with you," Steve says softly, “I'd really like to give you a proper kiss, now."

And yep, it's official. Steve Harrington is going to be the death of him.

Eddie can't fucking wait.

He nods and lets his gaze flit down to Steve's lips for a fraction of a second before Steve is closing the distance between them, and oh... this is so much better than the quick, vaguely frantic press of lips they exchanged only a few moments ago. Eddie takes back every judgemental comment he's ever made about the girls who were obsessed with Steve Harrington in high school, because he gets it now.

Oh, God, he gets it.

Because Steve kisses him, soft and sure, like Eddie is the only thing that matters in all the world. It's gentle and sweet and perfect – not an ounce of hesitation in the way Steve slots their lips together. And then Steve just... stays there, like he's giving Eddie a moment to catch up, to process what's happening.

He's so goddamn patient – so fucking kind – and Christ, Eddie adores him for it.

Steve pulls back just enough to break the kiss, and Eddie doesn't whine. He doesn't. But it's okay, because Steve doesn't leave him hanging for long, threading his fingers through Eddie's curls and using them as leverage to tug him even closer into a kiss that turns Eddie's legs to jelly. Steve's tongue slides against Eddie's so beautifully, and his hands are so strong, and he smells like lemony soap and minty toothpaste (did Steve brush his teeth after showering? God, he's ridiculous. He’s perfect.) and Eddie can feel the muscles in Steve's chest shift whenever they move, and, and, and...

And yeah, this time when Steve pulls away, breath coming quicker and eyes shining with happiness, Eddie does whine. Or maybe it's a whimper. Maybe it's both. Christ, Eddie doesn't care. He'll keep making that noise forever if Steve keeps looking at him like this.

"Fuck," Eddie breathes. He knows he probably looks embarrassingly awestruck, but he can't find it in himself to care. "How are you so fucking hot, Steve? What the fuck?" His face is on fire, but Steve just laughs – nope, there's that giggle again – and kisses Eddie's forehead.

Eddie's pretty sure he's melting, but honestly? Worth it.

"I don't know if you've noticed," Steve teases, "but I've actually been working out a lot lately..."

Not even Eddie's lovesickness could protect Steve from the playful smack he gets for that.

"Did I notice?" Eddie huffs. "You're the worst, Harrington."

Steve just smiles and kisses him again.

[spxdyr]

im going to try to be nice because bucktommy's are going to inevitably see this and im not trying to start shit.

i'm seeing a lot of confused bucktommy's about the breakup. claiming it was a last minute decision, it was because lou didn't want to keep dealing with it (wtv that means), that it makes no since because of 8x05, and a lot of other spiraling bs.

i even saw someone say that buddie is never going to happen because oliver said eddie is straight...

i'm going to break this down as clearly as i can, because i've historically had issues with bt's and comprehension skills.

1. the bucktommy breakup was inevitable from the moment they got together. if for no other reason than tommy himself. from the beginning of their relationship, tommy has decided if buck was ready. not buck. tommy left buck standing on the side of the road aftet their first date because tommy decided he wasn't ready. because buck was nervous to come out to his best friend in public. tommy decided that buck would break his heart and that he wouldn't be buck's last. tommy came into that relationship assuming it would end. not buck, and not the audience. we were just picking up on what tommy was telling us. especially, given the fact that buck was fully ready and able to move past the abby clark of it all. tommy was a bad partner to buck, that's why they broke up.

2. i said this after 8x05, it wouldn't have made since to give us an on screen breakup if the only thing we saw of tommy was the thirty second birthday scene in 8x01. 9-1-1 loves a three ep arc and buck's side of whatever realization he might have started on 8x05. we needed to see more of tommy so it made sense when he broke up with buck. throughout all of 8x05, we saw the seeds of doubt being sowed in tommy. from the hospital scene after denny, to the closing one, tommy realized he didn't fit or at least wouldn't for long. because he never got that built-in family. he doesn't trust/believe that anyone would have his back like that. and he made that choice all on his own.

3. lfj is fine. he's a mulit-million dollar nepo baby. one whose been callled out for negative past behaviors and some people consider that bullying. lfj knew how long he was going to be on the show when he signed the contract to come back. the networks choice not to renew that contract had nothing to do with buddie stans. his storyline was over.

4. i can't even be confident that he's gone. there was a lot of stuff left unsaid or moved past too quickly. now 9-1-1 has a history of bad writing in that regard but they also have a habit of dropping things to only come back to them episodes or even seasons later. if he's really gone well thank god, but if he's not im not totally shocked.

5. i don't know how many times i have to say this. if eddie is gay or bi or demi or wtv, the cast wouldn't be able to say so because it would be a MAJOR spoiler. does no one remember andrew garfield and tom holland lying their asses off about spiderman ffh??? actors are liars, its like the whole bit. buck was straight until he wasn't. let's stop being dense and accept that maybe they aren't telling us everything because that would the defeat the purpose of the show.

look at this point im not just in this for buddie. im in this for an eddie that gets to be unapologetically himself. and im going to emphasize one more time how dangerous and disrespectful it is to force eddie back into the proverbial closet because it doesn't fit your ship.

[ladykailitha]

Sir Steve, Knight Protectorate

Welcome to the little story I was working on during my move! Just a fun little thing to keep my writing streak going without have to dive into my heavy hitters.

The original idea is here.

I originally planned to go farther than the original idea like season 2-4 but as I was just needing something lighthearted it became a short little story three chapters long that might get turned into a series of What if's.

Summary: After the events surrounding Will Byers and his return to life, Steve has decided he can't control anything in his life but school, so he seeks to put a stop to the bullying. Cue Eddie getting heart-eyes over popular King Steve protecting his little sheepies. So he decides Steve needs a knew title. Sir Steve, Knight Protectorate will work just fine.

~

Steve was still reeling from actual fucking monsters and shit. And he actually had to go to school the following Monday like none of it had happened.

Fuck, they didn’t even offer therapy, just NDAs and money to keep their mouths shut. He had no doubt that the Byers family and Nancy had the worst of it, so he wasn’t even mad that she broke up with him.

He got it more than most people that she needed to time to grieve the lost of her best friend, be with family and hold them close for awhile.

It sucked.

Steve wasn’t going to pretend that it didn’t, because it absolutely did. But he understood. He told Nancy that if she ever needed a friend to give him a call.

His temper was short and his capacity for bullshit was low, that was the only reason he could come up with what happened that Monday morning.

He walked into the hall that held his locker to his books for the day when he saw Tommy H. having a go at some freshman. Like this kid still looked like he was in elementary, he looked that little.

“Knock it off, Hagan,” Steve huffed. “There is no reason to be harassing this kid.”

Tommy turned around and got in his face. “What’s it to you, Harrington? I can do whatever the fuck I want.”

“Dude,” Steve said, stepping forward instead of back like Tommy thought he would, “why are you so angry all the time? Chill out.”

Tommy’s head reared back as though he’d been struck in the face. He pushed Steve away. “Again, what’s it to you? You want to be friends again now that Miss Priss is finished with your scaly ass? Because where was my loyalty? We’ve been friends for years and you threw it all away for some piece of ass!”

Steve didn’t even stumble, he just crossed his arms in front of his chest. “You know what you did was over the line and you did it anyway. Because that’s the problem, Hagan, isn’t it? You don’t know where the fucking line is, do you?”

Tommy frowned and tried to push him again, but Steve just let his body slide with the motion and it didn’t even hurt. Tommy stared at him for a moment before stalking off down the hallway to his own locker. Steve just shook his head and went over to the kid who Tommy had been bullying.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked gently, helping him pick up his books. “If he does that again, you come running for me. I’m Steve, Steve Harrington, just ask around, someone will know how to find me, yeah?”

The kid nodded and took the books back from Steve before he took off in a tear. Steve sighed and he put his hands on his hips like a disappointed mom.

He looked around the hall to see everyone staring at him in shock. And that was when he realized what he had done.

Last week, he might have called Tommy off, but not really done anything about it. But he had not only called Tommy off, he put him in his place, and then helped the kid.

Yeah that was quite the turn around. So he just did like he would have done at basketball game.

He clapped his hands together once, nice and loud to make sure everyone was paying attention to him even more now.

“Right,” he said loudly. “Nothing more to see here. Move along now.”

They stared at him in even further shock now.

“Come on,” Steve said impatiently. “Move along. Shoo!” He waved his hands in front of him, trying to get them leave, but it was like herding cats.

Someone slammed their locker and that broke them out of their trance allowing them to move about their day like that didn’t just happen.

Steve looked around and saw Eddie Munson leaning against his locker, with his arms crossed. A locker, Steve was pretty sure was open when he walked in that morning.

Huh.

That was certainly interesting.

~

Eddie had been having a rough morning. He spilled milk on his only clean pair of jeans. He was going to do laundry after school. He was! He just didn’t do it over the weekend because he had gotten a new book. A book that was currently being painstakingly dried out by Uncle Wayne with an old hair dryer, because Eddie dropped it in the sink. Then he almost forgot his homework and had to run back for it. He had managed to get to school on time, but Tommy H. had decided to chose violence that morning against a nerdy little freshman literally next to his locker.

He promised Uncle Wayne that if Tommy started something that he wouldn’t fucking finish it. He needed to graduate from high school and as it much as it sucked ass, he had to look the other way.

So imagine his surprise when Steve got in Tommy’s face and almost threw hands with the guy, telling him to back off. What was even more surprising was how quickly Tommy stood down.

But that wasn’t the last of Steve Harrington’s surprises, oh no...

He helped the kid gather up his stuff and offered himself as a white knight if Tommy did it again. But by then Harrington had drawn quite the crowd, but instead of soaking the attention like the full tilt diva the asshole jock most certainly was, he had tried to disperse the crowd. Like the attention had made him uncomfortable.

So he thought he’d throw the king a bone and slammed his locker shut. The loud noise startled the populous out of their stupor and sent them packing. He was more than a little shocked to see that maybe Steve had figured out who had rescued him.

And wasn’t that a kick in the head.

By the time he got to lunch news had spread that that morning’s incident was only the start of the king’s campaign to clean up the hallowed halls of Hawkins High. According to ye ole rumor mill, Steve had broken up a fight, called out two accounts of bullying, and stopped a class from rioting when the teacher had a medical emergency.

What was even more surp– he needed to find another word. Shocking. Astounding. Astonishing. Mind-boggling.

Anyway Steve sat down next to Carol and Tommy. Like even the great ex Nancy Wheeler dropped her fork, flabbergasted.

Tommy and Carol exchanged a glance.

“What are you doing here, Harrington?” Tommy growled. “Why don’t you sit next to your girlfriend? Oh that’s right she dumped your ass.”

Steve cocked his head to the side. “You made a valid point, we have been friends for years and I’ve decided I’m tired of running away from my problems.”

“And what,” Carol sneered, “we’re one of your problems now? Fuck off, Steve.”

Steve threaded his fingers together and rested his chin on his knuckles. “You didn’t use to be this way, you know. You used to be the sweetest girl and I’m trying to figure out if it was Tommy that made you this way or if you turning into a bitch is what made Tommy become such an ass?”

Tommy and Carol’s heads rocked back in unison. Tommy moved to stand up to hit him, but Carol pulled him back down.

“If we bother you so much why don’t you leave and stay gone?” she asked, low and menacingly. “We don’t need you, you need us. We made you king.”

Steve threw his head back and laughed. “No, you really didn’t. You need someone to keep you from your worst selves. And that’s what I’m going to do. You could be good.” He slid a piece of paper over to Tommy. “This is Miss Chen, the school counselor’s office hours. You will make an appointment with her by the end of the day.”

Tommy threw it on the table. “Fuck off, Harrington. You can’t make me.”

Steve leaned forward on his elbows. “Actually you’ll find that I can. After all they’re still trying to find the culprit who put the smoke bomb in the garbage in the principal’s office last year.” He slapped the table for emphasis. “It would be a real shame if they learned it was you.”

Tommy blanched and gulped heavily. “You wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Steve confirmed. “I know too much about you to have you go against me.”

Carol folded her arms and huffed. “Like we don’t have information on you, too.”

“Do you though?” he asked, sitting back in the chair and lazily stuff his hands in pockets. “I was never directly involved in any of it. Including the buying of weed for all those parties.”

This time Carol’s color drained. “Shit.”

“So this how it’s going to go,” Steve murmured. “You two have become my pet projects. I’m going to see if you can be reformed. Become better people. And to do that, we’re going to have to be friends again.”

Carol frowned as she twirled her hair around a finger. “Why are you doing this, Steve? I mean really. When you think people aren’t watching you, you get this haunted expression. It’s a little freaky, honestly.”

Steve sighed. “I have learned the hard way that running every time things get tough will only lead to worse consequences and I hate to see you come to harm because you realized the same thing too late.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I do care about you guys, of course I do. But this behavior is frightening. What if you hurt someone so bad that they took their life or they died because of your direct actions? Do you really think you could live with yourselves?”

“Tha–that can’t really happen, can it?” Carol asked, holding up her hand to stall Tommy from scoffing.

Steve shrugged nonchalantly. “That something you really want to test?” He leaned forward again on his elbows. “Having someone’s blood on your hands?”

They were both thinking it but Tommy beat Carol to it. “Is this what this about? Barb Holland? You know that wasn’t your fault, right?”

Steve turned his head away.

Carol slapped her hands on the table on either side of her tray. “If that’s what Miss Priss said, blackmail be damned, Steve, I’m going throw hands, do you understand me?”

Steve’s head snapped her direction. “What?”

“Look,” Tommy said, “what happened to her was a shame, but you did everything you could to make sure she was okay before we went in to dry off.”

“Like, she wasn’t even supposed to be there that night,” Carol said, nodding. “That’s all on Nancy. Don’t carry her shit too, just because you loved her. You tried to include Barb and she was rude.”

Steve let out a shuddering breath and nodded, choking down tears. “Thanks, guys.”

“I suppose,” Tommy said with a put on sigh, “we could be nicer. I guess.”

Steve threw back his head and laughed as Carol shook her head. He stuck out his hand. “Friends?”

Tommy shook it first and then Carol.

“Friends,” they agreed.

~

Eddie wasn’t able to hear what Steve and Tommy and Carol were talking about, but whatever it was it had ripples that quivered through the halls of the school.

Word had it that Tommy was seeing the school counselor and Carol had stopped making snide comments in passing.

Like, you could tell Carol was fighting back every nasty word that came to her head, as Steve would nudge her side and she would whisper to him what she was thinking instead. You could tell she was still being nasty but at least it wasn’t aimed at the target anymore.

But there were starting to be other changes too.

The basketball team was the worst of the jocks when it came to harassing the masses, but when Steve caught one of the members bullying someone, the next day, the guy was too tired to start shit.

So Eddie decided it was time for a little research and that meant actually going to PE. Fuck, he hated high school.

He dragged his ass to PE and the coach merely raised an eyebrow, but wisely said nothing. He knew why Eddie was there. Same reason as all the other kids that never came started showing up.

Steve Harrington.

The coach blew his whistle to call a foul and the kid who had been fouled immediately got up and in the other guy’s face.

Faster than lightning, Steve was between before the coach could even take a step toward the mounting trouble.

“Come on, Kenny,” Steve was saying soothingly. “It was fair play, you were just in the right place at the wrong time. Walk it off, then take your shot. You’ve got this.”

Kenny glared at the other player, but did as Steve suggested. Steve turned to the other player and patted him on the chest, murmuring something Eddie couldn’t hear, but the other guy just nodded and took his place on the line.

Eddie laughed out loud when Kenny biffed both shots and the other team got the ball. He didn’t know enough about basketball, but he could still appreciate a good strategy when he saw it.

As the game wore on, Eddie was starting to see the pattern emerge. If it was malicious, Steve would be up in the guy’s face telling him to knock it off and to play clean. If it was a good play and the fouled player was pissed, Steve would calm him down and praise the other team.

It was almost freaky how well Steve seemed to know the difference. And Eddie loved freaky.

~

Part 2 Part 3

Tag List: CLOSED

1-@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

[peakyswritings]

Heart, Body and Soul || Tommy Shelby x OC

CHAPTER 13

Summary: Now that their secret’s out, Nina and Tommy have to face the consequences of their own actions. And the wrath of her family.

Warnings: time-typical misogyny, talks of arranged marriage, talks of forced marriage, mentions of killing, threats, violence, mention of beatings, angst, small age-gap (Tommy’s 30, Nina is in her early 20s). This is set between season 1 and 2. English is not my first language.

A/N: after a major writer’s block, I finally managed to get this done. Sorry for the wait🤍 Last chapter before the epilogue of part 1.

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The ticking of the pendulum clock was the only sound of that could be heard in the dark office, the air becoming heavier with each second that passed. Tommy’s heart hammered in his chest, his fear taking the shape of violent shivers running down his spine. But he didn’t let any of it show. He separated himself from the primal instincts that urged him to fight, to find an escape, and forced himself to stand firm, unfaltering. He couldn’t let panic numb his mind.

It wasn’t his life he was scared for. Death was something Tommy had learned to accept - to welcome - a long time ago. For him, it was the merciful hand that would relieve him from weight of the world and give him peace, at last.

No, he wasn’t afraid of dying. What scared him was what would be of his family, in the events of his death. What would be of Nina. And for the first time in his life, he felt like he had no way out. Everything had happened too quickly. One moment he was in Nina’s arms, and the next he was standing in front of her father, with her brothers dying to put a bullet between his eyes.

Vincenzo Ferrante sat behind his desk with his hands folded in front of him, his expression unreadable as he took in the news. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking, what he was planning to do. It would’ve been easier if he had screamed, or pointed a gun at him, or had some sort of reaction. That apparent calm was unnerving. But would be better to wait for the Italian to speak first. An attempt at justification would only enrage him more, and Tommy was pretty sure there was nothing he could say that wouldn’t make it even worse for him. The best thing to do was stay silent and gauge Ferrante’s reaction. Then he’d figure out what to do next.

Interminably long minutes passed before Ferrante raised his piercing gaze on Tommy, nailing him with a cold stare. He nodded to himself, as if giving himself an answer to a question that had nagged at his brain the whole time.

“You disappoint me, Mr Shelby,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “I accepted your terms for peace when I could’ve easily killed you and your whole family. I welcomed you into my house, let you eat at my table. And this,” he pointed at him. “This is how you repay me.”

The neutrality of his tone was unsettling. Tommy took in a sharp breath, his mind turning over to find something to say that would somehow fix it all. He could tell him what he had been planning to tell him had Nina said yes to him. That he wanted to marry his daughter, that he wasn’t playing with her, that the affection he felt for her left him no choice but to change his mind.

But Nina had never said yes to him. And he couldn’t make that choice for her.

“If I could talk to your daughter…”

Don Vincenzo slammed his hand on the desk, eyes glaring with a sudden rage as he leant forward. “You’re not going anywhere near my daughter ever again.”

A tense silence fell into the room. Pietro and Salvatore stayed close to Tommy, ready to intervene at their father’s command. All of Tommy’s senses were alert. He was aware that small outburst was nothing compared to what the head of the family was capable of behind his courtesy and good manners.

Taking a deep breath, Ferrante regained his composure. He straightened his back and when he spoke, his voice was calm.

“You will be…removed,” he stressed, “from our property until I speak to my brother, and we decide what it is that we must do with you.”

Fuck.

“Wait,” Tommy stretched his hand forward. “Just one word with Nina is all I ask.”

An indecipherable look crossed the Italian’s face. The corner of his mouth twitched. “So she’s Nina to you, mhm?” he scoffed, a bitter smile growing on his lips.

A feeling of helplessness took over Tommy as he realised he wouldn’t be able to get through to him. He had hit him where it hurt, he had touched the most precious thing he had. His daughter. There was no going back from that.

Ferrante sent a knowing look to his sons, jerking his head towards the door, and the two brothers grabbed him on both sides. There was no point in fighting, he was outnumbered and unarmed. And probably dead already.

He could only hope Nina would dig a way out for him.

Puttana.

The harshness of Agnese’s tone still pierced Nina’s ears, the word hanging between them like the smoke of a gun.

“How long has this been going on?”

Nina gulped, lowering her gaze to the grass under her feet. “I…”

Her mouth went dry. How could she even begin to explain what had happened over the last month? How could she look her in the eyes and tell her that she had been lying to her for weeks, pretending to be happy for her, hiding the true nature of her feelings?

Agnese shook her head, a cycle of emotions playing out in her eyes - confusion, hurt, betrayal. Disgust. That look was something Nina was sure she would never forget. “I can’t believe it.”

Nina exhaled a shaky breath, fidgeting with her own fingers. It wasn’t supposed to happen, not like that. She needed more time, just a bit more time to find a way to fix that mess. But maybe she didn’t deserve more time. She’d already had a hundred chances to put an end to what was going on between her and Tommy, and she had failed miserably every time she had tried.

“Please let me explain,” she attempted, but the humourless chuckle escaping her cousin’s lips cut her short.

“I’m so stupid,” Agnese murmured. “So blind. I’ve always been blind.” She crossed her arms over her chest, sneering. “They’re all right about you. You’re a disgrace for all of us. And you’re bad.”

Those words felt like an arrow to Nina’s chest. She nibbled on her bottom lip, feeling the sting of tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“You ruined my chance at getting married,” Agnese pointed a finger at her, raising her voice. “You brought shame on the whole family. You’re ruining all of us. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

A lump grew in Nina’s throat. “Agnese, please,” she kept her voice low, trying to get her cousin to calm down.

But it was useless. Agnese didn’t even seem to hear her, too wrapped up in the vortex of her feelings. She took a few steps in Nina’s direction, squinting her eyes. “Nobody in this family likes you, not even your mother,” she spat out. “I’m the only one who treated you with some decency, who listened when you went on with your nonsense. And what do you do for me in return?”

As though a switch had been hit, a hot flash of anger seared through Nina, relentless, overwhelming. The kind of rage she had never been able to contain.

Too much. That was too much.

“Fuck you,” she gritted her teeth.

Agnese blinked, her mouth falling open. “What?”

“I said fuck you.”

This time it was Nina who took a step closer. “You like it, don’t you? Being the good one, the perfect one. The damned paragon of virtue,” she said, unable to help the sarcasm in her tone. “Treat me with some decency, you say? Odds are you didn’t do it for me. You only liked the way it made you feel about yourself.”

For a few moments neither of them spoke. They just looked at each other, the weight of all the things that had been said hanging heavily upon them. Too much had been left unsaid for too long, too many hidden feelings had been standing between them like an invisible wall. They both knew it was just a matter of time before they crawled out of the grave they had been buried in.

Agnese pursed her lips. “You’re unbelievable,” she said, and with one last disappointed look, she stormed away.

Nina took a deep breath, bringing her hand to rub her face. Guilt was already making its sneaky way inside of her. She had no right to snap. She deserved all the words that had left her cousin’s mouth. She had jeopardised Agnese’s future, along with her own. She wasn’t just ruining herself, she was ruining her whole family in more ways than one. She had put Tommy’s life at risk.

The mess that would come was all her fault. Maybe her family had always been right, maybe they had seen in advance all the damage that she was capable of causing, and treated her accordingly. Maybe she was bad, after all.

“Dad wants to see you.” Pietro’s voice came to her ears, pulling her away from her thoughts.

“Where’s Tommy?”

Her question was left unanswered. Without saying another word, Pietro turned to leave. Feeling her agitation rise again, Nina approached him with quick steps. She grabbed his arm, only for him to snatch it away with a sharp movement. He shot her a warning look, then he left.

It took all of Nina’s strength to find the courage to walk into her father’s office. He was standing near the window at the side of his desk, looking somewhere into the distance. He didn’t talk. He didn’t even look at her. He left her there, waiting. So much time seemed to pass that Nina couldn’t tell which of them was waiting for what, at that point. That silence weighed like a boulder. She could feel it on her shoulders, pressing her down, forcing her to cave.

Eventually, he took his time to walk around the desk, heavy step after heavy step, his hands behind his back, his gaze low, until he stopped in front of her.

She felt the sting before she could see him move. He delivered a harsh slap across her face, the impact sending her ear ringing. Her eyes squeezed shut, both in pain and in shock, and it took her a moment to register what had actually happened. Never had her father ever laid a hand on her before. She bit her tongue, slowly raising her eyes on him. There was no hint of regret in his eyes. Only a deep, painful scorn.

“I gave you too much freedom,” he murmured, shaking his head.

Nina raised a hand to her burning cheek, thousands of words coiling and knotting together inside her mind. But no sentence came out of that tangle. She wasn’t even sure what it was that she felt in that moment. Anger? Sadness? Shame? All of that, perhaps. And more.

“I thought I was raising you the right way. But I’ve been too soft. Too patient. And this is the result.” An expression of intense suffering flashed across his face. “Do you realise what you’ve done?”

She gulped hard, letting her gaze fall on the carpet under her feet. She couldn’t even bring herself to hold his gaze. “Papà, I…”

“You have pained me, Nina. You have pained me deeply. Letting that rugnusu, figghiu ri buttana use you like a-” he cut himself short, grimacing.

Nina backed away, feeling her eyes welling up again with angry tears. God, she hated herself. She wanted to keep a tough façade, to hide how much the words she had been receiving over the last hour hurt her, but it was getting harder and harder. She knew she had screwed up, she knew she deserved all that anger, but it was just so much to handle. And that was only the start.

“You’re wrong,” she sniffled.

“Am I?”

She glanced up at him through her lashes. “He cares about me.”

For a split second, a glimpse of bitter irony flashed across her father’s features. He nodded, taking a step back. “And yet,” he tilted his head, “he would’ve married your cousin.”

Nina crossed her arms over her chest, averting her gaze again. “It’s more complicated than that,” she muttered defensively. Although she had taken the hit, she refused to even consider the possibility that those implications might have any truth to them. She couldn’t believe Tommy would ever do something like that to her. Not him.

“It’s not,” he shook his head, taking on a condescending tone. “It’s simple. He played you, and you fell for it.”

“You don’t understand, he cares,” she insisted, hot tears finally spilling onto her cheeks. “He cares, he told me.”

Her shoulders shook as she stifled a sob, covering her mouth with her hand. Not him. Not Tommy. Not after the way she had let him in. Not after the trust she had given him. He would never.

Would he?

Her father cursed under his breath, reaching out to her, and she almost flinched when he raised his hands. But this time, he gently cradled her face, wiping her tears away with his rough thumbs. “You don’t know men, Nina. Sunnu minzugnari. They lie.”

“He’s not like that.”

He clicked his tongue, letting his hand fall as a disappointed smile twisted his features. “I thought you were smarter than this.”

He turned his back to her to approach his desk, his head hanging low. “But it’s not all your fault, is it?” he sighed, grabbing the cigar resting in the ashtray. “Tu si picciridda, teni u cori tènniru. Ti facisti ‘mbrugghiari.” (You’re young, you have a tender heart. You let yourself be fooled.)

He smoked for a while, seemingly calm, but his mind was lost in thought, as if he was fighting a battle inside his own head. He tapped his fingers on the wooden surface, and from the way he was standing, Nina couldn’t see his face. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, nervously waiting for him to speak. But there was still that question nagging at the back of her mind. She wasn’t afraid to ask it. It was the answer she was scared of.

She pulled herself together, gathering her courage. “Where… where is he?” she asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

“That’s no concern of yours,” he said sternly.

“It is my concern.”

Her father exhaled a cloud of smoke, pondering his words. “He will be kept under custody until I’ve consulted your uncle.”

Nina gulped, fidgeting with the sleeve of her shirt. A part of her, a stupid, foolish part of her had hoped what happened would stay a secret. But of course it wouldn’t. Agnese would talk. Maybe she had talked already.

“You’re marrying Stefano Spinietta.”

A chill descended into the room at that sudden statement. Nina’s head shot up, and she tried to get a glimpse of her father’s face, praying it was just her mind playing tricks on her. But he wasn’t looking at her. “What?”

“I’ll talk to his father tomorrow.”

She widened her eyes as the realisation crushed down on her.

No, that couldn’t be. She could not allow it. She would not allow it.

Blood rushed to her ears, its thumping sound covering her own voice when she spoke. “No.”

“No?” he turned around, raising his eyebrows. “You’re in no position to protest.”

A violent wave of anger ran through her, wiping away any residue of sadness, or guilt, or whatever it was that she had been feeling up until that moment. “I’m not marrying him, you can’t force me,” she raised her voice, walking over to where her father was standing.

A thick vein throbbed on the side of his neck, his face reddening as the fury he had been holding back finally got the best of him. “I will not allow you to be ruined,” he shouted, slamming his hand on the desk.

“Better ruined than that bastard’s wife.”

A tense silence fell between them. Nina didn’t allow herself to falter, she held her father’s gaze with the same defiance and determination she armed herself with every time the bite of invisible chains dug into her skin.

In a visible effort to regain his composure, her father inhaled deeply, straightening his back. “It’s decided,” he declared with a tone that brooked no argument.

“It’s not.”

“You already ruined our peace with the Shelbys, along with the possibility of having them as allies against Sabini. You won’t ruin our family’s honour as well. The Ferrante name will not be tarnished.”

She inhaled a sharp breath, her mind going back to what Tommy had said to her before all hell broke loose. I’d start a thousand wars if it meant that I got to keep you by my side.

He wanted her, and he was ready to risk it all. It was time to push past her fears, to stop letting herself being held back by the poisonous thoughts that told her no one would ever feel that way about her. To fight for him the way he would fight for her.

“What if I marry Mr Shelby?”

She couldn’t believe her own words as she pronounced them. They felt foreign, distant. Then fearfully real all at once. There was no going back from something like that. She couldn’t unsay what she had just said. What up until then had been nothing but a faint thought was now something visible, tangible.

She watched as her father’s face went pale, and for once, he seemed to be the one at a loss for words. His eyes searched her face, trying to measure the seriousness of her proposal. The stubbornness in her gaze must’ve told him everything he needed to know, cause his shoulders slumped as if under the weight of an unbearable realisation.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s not an option,” he said, shaking his head. “If your uncle decides to forgive him, Mr Shelby’s marriage with Agnese will stand. But if he doesn’t forgive him there’s no way he will accept him into the family, under any circumstance. And I won’t go against him.”

Nina felt her heart sink. When she spoke, she couldn’t help the crack in her voice. “But you would go against me.”

“He’s my brother.”

“I’m your daughter.”

Her father’s eyebrows twitched, but that slight show of emotion was quick to fade into a hardened expression. “These are the consequences of your own actions, Nina,” he said coldly. “Now leave. Nun ti pozzu mancu taliari.” (I can’t even look at you.)

Nina paced in her room, where she had been confined by her raging mother as soon as she had left her father’s office. Her reaction wasn’t any different than she expected: furious, violent like only her outbursts could be when she got free of her meek demeanour. She was pretty sure the whole village had heard the string of curses and insults that had left that woman’s mouth as she hit her.

Nina was only now realising all that had happened that day. She had been accused, yelled at, beaten, called all sort of things. All because of her feelings.

But her family’s consideration of her was not her primary concern, at that moment. A family meeting was being held in her father’s office, a meeting that would likely decide hers and Tommy’s fate. And she wasn’t allowed to be there. Because she didn’t have a say in her own life, it didn’t belong to her. It never did.

The wait was killing her.

Her brothers’ heavy steps resounded in the hallway, causing her head to snap toward the closed door. With her heart racing, she rushed out of her room, but they pretended not to even see her as they headed towards their rooms, jaws clenched, fists tight.

“What did they say?” she asked them, forcing them to acknowledge her presence.

Salvatore pursed his lips, coming to a stop next to her. He leaned closer, looking her up and down with a grimace of contempt on his scarred face. “Svergognata,” he growled, before retiring to his room, slamming the door behind him. (Hussy.)

Pietro was just about to do the same, when her tired voice reached his ears.

“Pietro, please,” she whispered.

He stalled, probably considering whether to leave her in the dark or take pity on her and at least grant her the poor consolation of knowing something. He exhaled heavily, eyes darting around the hallway, then turned to look at her. “Uncle Mario feels humiliated,” he said lowly, walking closer to her until they were standing face to face. “He’s angry.”

“Speak clearly.”

“He wants to kill him.”

Nina’s stomach dropped at his words. No. No, no, no. She shuddered, anxiety growing in her chest. “No…”

“He says the terms for peace can’t stand now. Agnese won’t marry him, and sure as hell they don’t want to mix up with the Shelby family anymore.”

“I need to speak to dad,” she said frantically, eyes wide, moving to walk past him, but he stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

“Not now.”

“I have to.”

“Not now, Nina,” he said firmly, pressing his hands on her shoulders. “He can’t even bear to look at you right now. Whatever you say to him will only make it worse. Let him cool down first.”

“There’s no time.”

They would kill him. They would kill him and it was all her fault.

Pietro hesitated for a moment. “I managed to buy him some time already,” he revealed, dropping his hands by his sides and taking a couple of steps back. “I told dad we can’t make a move without consulting uncle Antonio first. We sent him a telegram, but it’ll take a while for it to reach England.”

Nina blinked, letting his words sink in. Her eyebrows bent in a frown, confusion and a faint relief swirling within her. “Why?”

“Certainly not out the kindness of my heart. U avirrìa accisu cu li manu mia,” he said through gritted teeth. (I would’ve killed him with my own hands.) “But we need to be careful with what we do.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath. Tommy was safe, at least for now. But she was running on borrowed time, and she needed to find a solution fast. Yet, a flicker of hope had ignited in all that darkness. Because for some reason, despite the repulsion, and the disappointment, and the anger, Pietro was still on her side. He was still her ally, like he had always been. He was still someone she could trust.

“Please don’t let them hurt him,” she begged him, and had she circumstances been different, she would’ve despised how desperate she sounded.

“I’ll do what I can.”

“No, you have to promise me,” she reached out to grab his arm. “Tell dad I’ll do whatever he wants. I’ll marry Spinietta, to ensure that a war will never happen between us, and I won’t complain. But let Tommy live.”

Something switched in her brother’s cold eyes. It was subtle, and it went away as soon as it came. Hadn’t she known him all her life she wouldn’t have even noticed. “I promised to you you wouldn’t have to marry Spinietta unless you wanted it, and I intend to keep that promise.”

“Things are different now,” she murmured, a sense of hopelessness falling down on her as she spoke. “If that’s the only way to save him, then it’s what I want.”

“We’ll find another way.”

“How?”

He fixed his gaze straight ahead, pondering his next words. “I have an idea.”

A heavy silence descended upon them, one full of doubts, and concern, and unspoken fears. Whatever Pietro’s plan was, he wouldn’t tell her, not now. When he made to leave, Nina was hit by the urge to say something. Anything. She wanted him to know that she hadn’t been moved by selfishness, that she hadn’t planned for things to turn out the way they did. That she had fought against herself, against her feelings, until she just couldn’t anymore.

“Pietro,” she stopped him. “I never meant to ruin us all. I swear. I…” she sighed, looking for a way to put into words what she hadn’t even admitted to herself yet. “Whatever I did, I did it out of…” she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence.

Pietro rested his eyes on her, his features softening almost imperceptibly. “I know.”

NEXT CHAPTER

Heart, Body and Sould tag list

@zablife @queenofshinigamis @raincoffeeandfandoms / @justrainandcoffee @call-sign-shark

@kmc1989 @babayaga67 @kmhappybunny240 @diorrfairy @mariaelizabeth21-blog1

@gaslysainz @brummiereader @loverhymeswith @fairypitou @prettywhenicry4

@mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @woofgocows @girlwith-thepearlearring @goblinjnr @outlanderuniverse

@citylights31 @neonpurplestars89-blog @outlanderuniverse @red-riding-wood @evita-shelby

@look-at-the-soul @gathania93 @wonderlanddreamer @thelastemzy @meadows5

@mischievouslittlecreature @seedlings-stuff @misslittlegetou

General tag list:

@iamngoclinh08 @lilywinchesterlove @fandom-puff @capitanostella @caelys

@lucillethings @peakyxtommy @queenofkings1212 @lyarr24 @kmc1989

@call-sign-shark @jomarch-wannabe @ce1iat @areyenotfondofmelobster @red-riding-wood

@optimisticsandwichgladiator @lunarubra

Tommy Shelby tag list:

@50svibes @bellabarnes1378 @jbrownta

[runnning-outof-time]

Congratulations, I adore your story!!

Could you please do 23 with angst and then fluff? Thank you so much I appreciate it!💕

Thanks so much for sending this in, anon! I’m so happy you like my stories! I decided to go with Tommy for the character and chose “I don’t want to go.” for the prompt because it was the 5 word #23. I hope you don’t mind that. Enjoy! :)

I’D LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! - YOUR COMMENTS & REBLOGS HELP ME WRITE!

Part of my 3.5k Celebration — find more stories here!

To Keep You Safe

Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: season 4 spoilers (like right from the jump), language

Word Count: 1042

Summary: (Y/N) and Tommy discuss the decision to have her go into hiding while the war with the Changrettas rages on.

Things were heating up in the vendetta between the Shelbys and the Changrettas. What both sides thought would be a quick battle had now turned into a full-on war. And after Luca managed to get to Michael in his hospital bed and try to get him to switch sides, Tommy was convinced that no one was safe.

He called a family meeting. He arranged it in the morning and it was set for that evening. The air in the room was so thick with tension that you could practically cut it with a knife. (Y/N) noted that they were currently in the midst of a thunderstorm, which she had a feeling was foreshadowing for what was to be talked about.

And oh boy was she right. Things were quiet between her and Tommy that night. Neither of the two spoke a word to the other before they both went to sleep.

(Y/N) didn’t really sleep much though. No matter how many times she wished it wouldn’t, tomorrow still came.

Soon enough, there was a man in a car sitting outside their Watery Lane home.

“I don’t want to go,” (Y/N) huffed as she crossed her arms. She was aware of how much she sounded like their three year old daughter, but she quite frankly didn’t care.

“You have to, love,” Tommy insisted, not wanting this to turn into something bigger than it had to be.

“Why?” she asked, her one eyebrow quirking upward.

“Don’t fucking start…” he trailed off with a sigh.

“You owe me a reason, Thomas. I’m not just going to be shipped off into the fucking wilderness for no fucking reason,” she harped on, sharing her feelings about the decision that had been made — essentially without her consent — the night prior.

“You know why,” he told her, insisting it was common sense.

“Enlighten me anyway,” she shrugged.

“(Y/N).”

“Tommy.”

“It’s to keep you safe!” he finally came out with it, his voice raising as his eyes went wide, showing the frustration and stress he was currently under. “It’s to keep you fucking safe.”

(Y/N) was taken back by his outburst, but she really should have expected it. She was poking a bear; a powder keg that was bound to explode sooner or later. “You’re keeping me safe here, though. And besides, it was agreed between the both of you: no civilians. No women or children,” she pointed out in a softer voice, recalling the rules of the vendetta that he’d told her a few weeks prior.

“Yeah, I know that was agreed upon,” Tommy started, nodding as a sigh escaped his lips, “but with how things are going…we need to expect everything. And I can’t have you get taken by him or his men as a way to get me. So I need you to go. Just for a little while.”

Silence fell between them as she took a minute to think things over. The last thing she wanted to do was leave Tommy’s side while all of this was going on.

“I don’t want to leave you, Tommy,” was the next thing she said. She couldn’t get through the sentence without choking up, tears brimming up in her eyelids.

Tommy exhaled a breath before he closed the short distance between them, taking her into his arms just as her body began to shake from her sobs. “It’ll just be a little while, love,” he spoke in a soft voice, his chin rested on the top of her head as he rubbed her back in a comforting manner.

They stood like that for a few minutes. (Y/N) had no shame in crying into her husband’s suit coat. She didn’t want to let him go and leave because she was afraid that this would be the last time she’d see him.

“Hey, the car’s waiting outside,” Tommy was the one to speak first. He loosened his hold on her as he did, moving his hands to her shoulders so that he could bring her out at arms length.

“I know,” (Y/N) nodded, sniffling as she wiped her tears away. “I’ll miss you, Tommy,” she added then, looking at him with watery eyes.

“I’ll miss you too, love,” he responded without a second thought, raising one hand to run it down her cheek.

“Make sure you go visit the kids for me…or at least send Pol or someone if you think it’s too risky,” she added, thinking of her children who were currently residing at her parents’ home.

“I will,” he assured her with a nod.

(Y/N) took a moment to look at her husband then, making sure she could commit every part of him to memory. She didn’t know when she’d see him next. Her bottom lip began to quiver as that thought stuck in her mind.

“It’s just a little while,” Tommy repeated what he’d said to her before.

“I know,” she nodded, holding back the tears. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he repeated the phrase, leaning in and pressing his lips to hers. (Y/N) held him there, making their embrace as long as it could possibly be. But eventually she had to pull away, and as she did, she finally decided it was time. “I should go.”

“I’ll come get you when this is finished,” he promised her, their eyes locked as he spoke.

“Just stay alive,” she said to him, sending one last smile her way before they finally broke their embrace so that she could grab her things.

Tommy ushered her outside and made sure she got into the vehicle. He then gave the driver and his accomplice strict instructions on what to do. After sending one last smile to (Y/N), he let them go and headed back inside.

He took two steps away from the door and placed his hands onto the side table sitting there so that he could brace himself as he leaned back against it. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes for a moment, his family flashing in his mind. Then he released the breath he’d been holding and stared straight ahead. This vendetta would be finished soon, and he’d make damn sure of it.

**tags are in a reblog, so that hopefully the notification gets sent

MASTERLIST

[ilovetoxicfictionalmen]

ME AND THE DEVIL

Pairing.| Tommy Shelby x fem!reader

Summary.| Years ago, you sold your soul to the Peaky Blinder Devil. However, your loyalties never truly lied with Thomas Shelby. Though, the Devil had his ears in every wall, and seemed he had to readdress your contract.

Warnings.| Dubcon, fighting, dark themes, manipulation, attempted murder.

Word count.| 2.3k

Notes.| A small series I’ve been wanting to write for Tommy. But idk how I feel about it so I'll only continue it if people (you) want it. Between season 2 and 3 Tommy. Also inspired by the song clearly.

The Devil had been haunting you, his claws were buried into your back. His presence had been bedeviling you for years by this point. But he was crawling on his vicious paws in your direction now, he was ready to bring you home. You knew he was inevitable, for he always got what he wanted and there was nothing that he craved more than you. He demanded your soul to return to his depths of Hell which was known as the dirt streets of Small Heath. 

It had been months since you had escaped him. No matter how badly you wanted to sail away, disappear into the mountains of America, he had all ports guarded with his men in peaked caps. It was only a matter of time until he found you again, there was no corner of this world that he wouldn’t walk for you. 

Firstly, he appeared in your dreams, or as you deemed as nightmares. The first time he stood still in the distance, half hidden behind a tree as he watched you as if you were meat on a golden platter. The next, he was striding towards you, you were running as quickly as you could but he was somehow catching up on you faster than humanly possible. His figure enlarged every step he took, you were screaming, crying for help but all bystanders had their backs turned towards you. 

In what would be considered the night terrors of his tormenting dreams, he was dragging you back across the gravel floor, his nails dug into the cold shivering skin of your calves. There was nothing for you to grip onto, everytime you looked back, his glowing blue eyes burnt into your soul. The nightmares would always end with you disappearing into the dark depths of a frightening forest. 

The next sign that he so graciously sent your way was a blank letter, with only his initials signed on the thin paper. You threw it into the fire pit immediately, out of sight, out of mind. As if you had enough ignorance for that. But another letter came the next day, then the day after, and again. After a week of taunting, the letter had a message for you. 

You can run, but you can’t hide.

Be ready for my arrival my love, 

I wish to bring you home. 

T.S.

You’d heavily considered running again, but you knew he would be on your tail. It was clear that you only got as far as you did because he allowed it. He was your shadow, he’d be able to move you like a puppet on strings if he really desired it. Logically, you should be grateful for the freedom he had gracefully given you. But then you remember everything he’d done to you, the suffering you’d gone through because of him, what you’ve lost from his obsession over you. You’d never be free as long as he still breathed. 

Your only slim chance of relief was to kill him. Like you’d make it far after that anyways, his demons would come charging after you. But you’d still be free, at least in this life no matter how short it would be. There was no escaping your doom, it’d end in tragedy one way or another. But the idea of watching the life drain from his hypnotic blue eyes made you smile. 

The next day, you saw him in the town, his eyes unviewable by the way his cap was positioned. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, no more is needed to be said. 

He followed you throughout the day, to torment you. Sometimes he was only a few steps behind you, teasing you on whether or not he’d take you in front of innocent bystanders. You wondered if people would intervene, or if they knew the Peaky Devil was unstoppable. 

That night, you’d awoken at 3am, there was a slow, heavy knock on your door. Time slowed down, you felt your heartbeat pound in your chest, ears turned thick and mind went dizzy. Momentarily, you laid silently in the darkness, then the knock vibrated on the wood again. Courageously, you got out of bed and stepped towards the door, not forgetting to grab the pistol on the way out. 

His presence was loud, you could feel his aura linger in through the cracks. You bent your arm back behind your back, the heavy metal pressed against the thin fabric of your dress. The light flicked on as the door creaked open, you swiftly leant against the frame to hide your weapon.  

There he stood, in all of his glory. Yet again, his eyes shadowed over from his peaked cap, a cigarette in between his lips as he stood perfectly still. His hands clasped behind his back underneath his leather gloves, the gentle rain seemed to pick up, small gusts of wind traveled into your cottage. 

“Hello Thomas” you greeted, voice completely monotone.

You avoided eye contact, he always seemed to know what was on your mind if you allowed him to look you in the eye. He looked down upon your appearance, you’d managed to have lost a fair bit of weight in these couple of months apart. With a heavy huff, Tommy pushed his sleeve up enough to show his watch, he read the time.  

“My love, I believe it’s time to go” his cold, dark voice rasped out. 

When he looked back up to you, his eyes finally came into clear sight. Oh, how they could still do wonders on you, it was the softest part of him. He would always be disgustingly beautiful, it’d give you butterflies in your stomach, put your beliefs into a thunderstorm. You blinked hard and snorted at his demand.

“I’m not going anywhere” you stubbornly shot back. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. But Tommy expected nothing less than that. His stern expression finally cracked, Tommy’s lips curled into a wicked grin as he brought his hands to his front, his fingers folded over one another precisely. 

“Is that so darling?” Tommy challenged as he took a step closer to you, his head tilted forward. 

The grin on your lips was far too cocky as you pointed the pistol at him. Tommy felt a fire of excitement pump through his blood as you closed the distance and roughly pressed the cold barrel to his forehead. 

“You’ll leave me alone Tommy” you stated sternly. 

“You do not make the rules” Tommy smirked at your claim. 

“I’ll fucking kill you before you take me back there” you threatened, no, promised. 

“Do it then my love, free me of your torment” Tommy begged sarcastically, his tone dripping of mock. He held the barrel to his skull as he closed his eyes. You shuddered, fear washed over your skin as you seemed to second guess your actions. “Do it!” he roared, his command forced you to pull the trigger. 

Click. 

You blinked, your mind froze with your body as Tommy continued standing upright. He smirked sinisterly at you as he ripped the pistol from your weak hold and slammed it to the floor. You stumbled back, Tommy was quickly to stride after you as you fumbled into the kitchen.

“You were never one to fire a gun” Tommy snarled as he chased after you in the darkness, the moonlight wasn’t enough for you to swiftly move.

You panted out as he pounced at you, his arms wrapped around your waist, you thrashed around back he was quick to bend your arms behind your back. 

“Fuck you Tommy!” you barked. 

“Did you think I hadn’t paid your humble cottage a visit?” Tommy pouted to you as he pushed your front over the bench.

You gasped out as his crotch molded itself into your rear. He tutted at you as your body stilled, subconsciously your body demanded to create no friction against him, but physically your thighs squeezed together as Tommy kept your hips connected. Gradually, his erection grew against you as you both breathed heavily, Tommy rubbed the sides of your faces together as he looked out the window. 

“I missed you, my love” he whispered, his nose nuzzled against you like a cat. 

There was no response from you, you bit down your anger as you stared out, trying to shift your mind to another other thought. His arm snaked over your collarbones to pull your body up straight, you hissed in pain and struggled a little against him. 

“You’ll beg me for forgiveness” Tommy demanded, his tone awfully cool considering his conflicting emotions for you. 

“You’ll have to kill me before that” you snarled, latching onto every last drop of your dignity. Tommy gripped onto your jaw and forced you to snap your neck back to him.

“Do not be stubborn, my love. You betrayed me, you hurt me” Tommy spoke softly, a hint of despair in his tone. 

“Hurt you?” you scoffed as you shoved his hold off of you. “You broke me!” you screamed as you jabbed your fingers against his chest. 

Tommy’s demeanor was frustratingly calm. He sighed at you as if you were a child having a tantrum. It only fueled your anger, you tried to shove him again but he caught onto your wrists. 

“I’ve only ever done anything for your best intentions” he assured quietly. 

That was the last straw. Your wrist slipped out of his softening hold as your arm swung in a swift movement. Right when you should have landed onto him, he caught your fist and pushed you lower back into the counter, you grunted at the contact as his hand bent your wrist back. 

“Say that to Fraser!” you spat on his lower lip. 

Tommy’s hand slipped to your throat. The airway closed off to your lungs as his hold tightened, you wheezed out, legs dangled as his strength lifted you up against the counter. 

“Bring up that traitor's name again and see what happens!” Tommy threatened, his anger unleashed, blue eyes beamed straight through your body.

Your nails clawed at his hand, but Tommy seemed to be unphased by the pain. When your hands fell back to your sides, blood drained from your face, Tommy abruptly let go of your throat. You fell straight to your knees, landing harshly onto your kneecaps. With your head pressed against his thigh from support, Tommy sighed. 

“Now… Beg me for forgiveness” Tommy ordered as he tilted your head up to look for him. 

“I’d rather die” you panted, as you still struggled to catch your breath. 

Tommy chuckled at your determination. His cold hands slipped into your hair as he pulled your face an inch away from his throbbing crotch. 

“Beg me for it, unless you want to beg me for something else” he implied, a wicked grin on his lips. Your eyes darted at his bulge. 

“Don’t” you warned through heavy breaths. 

“Maybe I’ll just fill you with my child now… So I’ll never have to worry about you being able to run from me again, would be awfully hard with a massive belly, eh?” Tommy taunted as he pulled your face onto his hard on.

You squirmed against him, palms pressed against his thighs. Tommy breathed out in relief as he rocked his hips against you. With a quick pull, he forcefully craned your neck back and forced you to look up at him. A rough cry flew into the air as he tugged harshly at your roots. 

“Beg me, my love” he whispered kindly. 

You blinked away the pools of tears in your eyes. As your jaw wobbled, you forced yourself to let go of your dignity. For you knew his methods of torture wouldn’t be worth your ego at the end of the day. Because he’d never set you free. Tommy smiled down to you, mocking your pride in its surrender. 

“I’m sorry Tommy” you whimpered. Tommy hummed back with a nod, gesturing for you to go on. “Please forgive me, I never meant for any of this to happen” you pleaded, your voice trembling. 

It was true, it was never your plan for anyone to get hurt, some worse than others. But the forced apology tasted like tar on your tongue. Tommy’s dark eyes were wide as he slowly blinked to you, his toothy grin stayed as he rolled his thumb over your lower lip. 

It was always in moments like these that you felt lost without him. A throbbing idea that you really need to owe your life to him, he saved you after all. In the situations where it mattered most, your body betrayed you. Subconsciously you’d submit to him, and you hated him for it. 

His thumb slipped into your mouth, your tongue suckled his digit like a piece of candy. Then, his thumb rolled over your plump lips. It was clear that you needed icing on this cake to end this humiliating agony. For he was toying with you like you were a dirty whore. 

“I’ll never betray you again” you assured, sobbing as your cheeks turned beet red. 

“You'll listen to me from now on, eh?” Tommy teased as he patted your cheek. 

“Mhm” you hummed, frantically nodding your head. 

Tommy pulled you up to your feet, his hand held your jaw as he brushed his lips over yours. They only grazed over each other as his free hand dug into his pocket. He forced your left hand up, you winced as he roughly pushed the cold metal down your wedding finger. 

You impulsively turned your figure away from him as you tried to look at the ring in the moonlight. When Tommy flicked on the light, he stalked over to you. A massive white diamond was embedded on a silver band. Tommy’s arms snaked around your back, over your waist as he rested her head in the crook of your neck. Even though you really shouldn’t be, you stood completely shocked. A wife to be. 

“Let’s go home” he whispered as he guided you to the door. 

Even though he always told you that you were his, you finally realized that you were now.

[lenaboskow]

i'm bored at work so here's an updated list of everything tommy kinard has ever said or done that makes him a bad person who hasn't changed/learned from his mistakes (even if he's not being inherently/explicitly racist anymore) (before you come at me for saying people can change, here's my previous pinned post from 7x05 that explains how he hasn't. i go into it more here about the back half of the season, but all of these points still stand)

season two

chimney begins

the first thing tommy says to/about chimney is "did you forget to tip the delivery driver?". if it wasn't for the fact that they had asian food delivered and chimney is asian, this could've been passed off, but instead they chose to have the first act of racism/general harassment be done by tommy, not the racist captain.

then when they return from a call and see chimney dutifully cleaning, tommy says to chimney: "you're still here?". not inherently racist, but still rude

we get some montages of chimney being left out/harrasef, and tommy is always at the forefront. it culminates in the locker room scene where tommy says "i don't think about you enough to hate you", which again isn't inherently racist but it is rude.

at the end, the only way chimney manages to earn a semblance of respect from tommy is by saving his life, which is fucked up. you shouldn't have to save someone's life to he treated with dignity. but fine, maybe tommy learned his lesson, right?

wrong

hen begins

at the beginning, tommy, chimney, gerrard, and a few others are standing up in the loft while hen walks in. gerrard says a few racist/sexist words, and chim stands up for her. tommy just stands there, not even looking like he might want to say something. not saying something when it happens is almost as bad as doing, and obviously chimney, who'd been there a shorter time, was brave enough to stand up for her.

then tommy, during a meal, tommy says about hen: "new york bitchiness is a compliment?". there's no non sexist explanation for this comment

actually that entire meal, he ignores chimney's attempts move the conversation away, which says a lot

again, general enabling of the racism and sexism

during hen's "see me" speech, tommy looks pissed off to be there, and then proceeds to look annoyed when he apologizes to her at the end of the episode (if you can even call it that)

post begins episodes

now, we don't know a whole lot about how hen and chimney interacted with tommy after the events of their begins episodes, but we do know they weren't close enough to keep in touch after. chimney loses touch for two years immediately after he leaves, and by season seven hen forgot that tommy worked at harbor. i don't know about you, but that doesn't seem like behavior for people who worked closely for ten years.

season seven

7x04

this episode was from buck's pov, so it's actually the time where tommy is the most tolerable. that doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments, though:

calling buck "kid" and "evan" is a weird way to introduce a love interest. tommy calling him "kid" shows that tommy is aware of the age difference, which as i explain here is at least the same as buck and abby's (and here why that screenshot of tim saying he's 40 is irrelevant). also, tommy calls buck "evan" with no on screen explanation, and we know that lou was explicitly told tommy isn't "allowed" to call him buck. you know the only other characters who aren't allowed to call him buck? his parents. that's all I'll say.

we don't really see much of tommy again until the basketball scene, and then it's focused on buck and eddie anyways, so the next time we see him and buck really interact is the loft scene (which is telling about who buck was trying to get the attention of, but that's a different conversation). in this scene, tommy makes a condescending remark about how "we weren't trying to make you feel left out" and "eddie can have more than one friend", which... again, brings us back to the age difference because it sounds like (in context) that tommy is reprimanding a child. having them kiss right after that was definitely an interesting choice (in terms of their relationship)

7x05

oh the date. i have so many feelings about this. we know that tommy knows buck isn't out, because buck told maddie they purposely picked an out of the way spot, and despite the face tommy made at the comment, he didn't seem surprised when buck told him it was his "first date with a dude" (it seemed more like a "i already know this, you don't have to repeat it" face). because of this, the way tommy acted when eddie showed up and freaked buck out has no excuse. the closet comment? even if tommy didn't know buck wasn't out and decided he didn't want to date someone who wasn't out, he shouldn't have made that comment knowing it could out buck to his best friend, who he clearly wasn't ready to tell. lucky for buck, eddie's an idiot (affectionate) with a one track mind (buck) and didn't register the comment.

then we have tommy leaving buck at the curb. leaving the date isn't the problem, it's the fact that he didn't tell buck until he got in the uber, which obviously upset buck (though he was admittedly more upset over lying to eddie). the rest of the episode is spent on buck coming out to eddie, and we don't see tommy again until buck is apologizing for the date, which... why should buck have to apologize for not being ready to come out? buck did nothing wrong on the date. if you just figured out you were queer and hadn't had the chance to tell your best friend before they accidentally crashed your date, you'd react the same way, don't try to tell me otherwise. it was tommy who should've apologized, plain and simple.

7x06

the bachelor party. tommy's excuse for not dressing up made no sense to me... he was obviously going to have to change anyways, so why not put in a little effort for your date? i see people saying that only eddie put effort in, but henren was dressed too, just more subtly. tommy chose not to dress up, and made a half hearted excuse of "they had henleys in the 80s" (which you would know, wouldn't you, 70s baby?)

then we have tommy leaving, which fair he's on call, and we don't see him again until the hospital kiss. this is the only time we see tommy look remotely interested in buck the entire episode (every other time he has an rbf face, even when they're hugging).

7x09

we only see tommy during the medal ceremony, and he still manages to say something to piss me off. "enjoy it while it lasts" because he can't indulge his boyfriend for two seconds. it's becoming a pattern, i'm afraid

7x10

the date scene was a weird way to end their s7 relationship. buck was opening up about his trauma, tried to find middle ground by saying "so we both have daddy issues" (nothing in the context made it seem sexual, in fact i didn't realize until tommy made the joke, so it's possible buck didn't either) and then tommy says "i don't" despite admitting that he did only a few seconds before. buck says with a slightly resigned (barely there, but still there) tone, "but you think i do" and tommy responds with "god i hope so". any other context and it would've been fine, but buck had just been talking ahout how his father figure literally died and came back to life. there's a post somewhere (pretty sure it was an ask someone sent me actually, if i can find it i'll link)that talks about how buck has a habit of going along with his love interests to avoid causing waves, and how that's exactly what buck was doing in 7x10, and it makes perfect sense. if buck had a problem with it, he wouldn't immediately say. he'd sit on it for weeks before even considering bringing it up (like natalia and death, and how he avoided taylor in s5). even if he wasn't uncomfortable, it doesn't take away from the fact that the timing was weird and buck wasn't in a good headspace to respond properly.

in conclusion

tommy is repeatedly a bad person. just because he hasn't said anything racist or sexist since season two, it doesn't negate this. you'll notice that almost all of his scenes are here, if not all. the writers have chosen to have him repeatedly look bad and like someone who only cares about himself (with the way he constantly tries to defend his actions by blaming gerrard, and how he only cares about his feelings about being out), but the bt stans are too excited at the prospect of two white men kissing (or just two men and they don't care who, thus dumping eddie, it depends on the bt) that they choose to look past it and hate on ryan/eddie instead.

these last three months in the fandom have felt so different compared to the rest. the fandom i knew pre s7 would never act this way. is it because lou is a nepo baby? i know it's not because of his looks. but either way, i'm disappointed, and hope s8 treats us (fans who actually care about the characters and don't actively want less for them) better

(if i missed anything, let me know and i'll edit the post to add it)

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

I Can't Say Part 3 (Finale)

Summary: Everyone is waiting for Reader to wake up after surgery. Eddie finds out what has been causing her behavior and as soon as she wakes up he apologizes for doubting her. She knows she'll never lose him again after what he does next.

TW/CW: Eddie Diaz x Reader, Make Up, Injured Reader, Hospital Setting

Requested?: No   

Word Count: 3,194

A/N: Our grand total of words for this trilogy is 11,325… I’m ngl was kinda stuck on how I’d get from break up to make up but then I was rewatching season 2 the other night and well… Earthquake it is. Anyways, hope you enjoy the read! Love to all! Requests are Open!

Part 1

Part 2

--- Third Person POV --- 

Hours later, the team has been given the go ahead to go home but every one of them is heading to the hospital in hopes of seeing (Y/N). Hen cleared it with Bobby first but decided it was best if she stayed with Eddie who has been pacing the waiting room the entire time since they sent (Y/N) back. She had sent messages to everyone she could think of, letting them know which hospital they’re at and keeping them updated. Unfortunately, the phones have only just now been able to start working again. Her phone begins exploding with notifications. Carla is bringing Chris as well as a change of clothes for Eddie. Athena says she and the kids are on the way but stopping for coffee and snacks. Karen confirms she’s getting Denny and Mara in the car now with a change of clothes for Hen. Maddie and Jee are on their way too. Every single person that Hen texted, responds except for the 118 members, Talia, and Tommy who all changed out of their gear as soon as they got to the station and piled into Bobby’s truck and Buck’s Jeep. 

Those who responded all trickle in with Athena, May, and Harry bringing up the rear as they drop several bags of snacks and a couple gallons of cold brew on the coffee table that everyone has gathered around. Carla and Chris have convinced Eddie, who is now nursing a cup of cold brew, to sit down and are posted on either side of him, Carla rubbing his back and Chris holding his hand tightly. Karen and Hen are playing patty cake with Jee while Maddie begs the nursing staff for an update. Harry, Denny, and Mara are quietly discussing some video game while they snack. Athena and May share a look before they make their way over to Maddie and gently tug her back to the group. It seems everyone lets out a breath they had been holding when the group of firefighters step through the glass doors. The waiting room is brought to life as everyone greets each other. Eddie on the other hand is rooted to his seat and staring at the floor. 

Just as Bobby is about to place his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, the doctor enters the waiting room. Everyone waits with bated breath as he approaches them, Talia and Eddie both rushing to meet him. He looks around at the rather large group before chuckling, “You’re all here for (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” Several in the group nod so he continues, “Good. She’s out of surgery. It was a little touch and go but she’s stable. The anesthesia will wear off soon but, due to the amount of blood she lost, it may take her some time to wake up. Once we get her settled into a room, I’ll let you all know.” Everyone nods in understanding and releases the breath they were holding. A few of them thank the doctor as he walks away. Eddie drops back into a chair, laying his head back against the wall, and grabs hold of Christopher’s hand again. Talia is pulls Tommy away from the group to ask him what’s going on between (Y/N) and Eddie, soon finding herself in tears upon hearing the news. Tommy pulls her into a tight hug, hating that he had to break it to her. The others strike up conversations to pass the time. 

A short while later, the doctor returns to the group, “She’s in a room. Anesthesia should be worn off but as I explained earlier, she’s not awake yet. That being said, you can see her now but you’ll have to take turns. I don’t want more than two or three in there at a time. You can find her in room A204.” As he departs, Eddie kisses the top of Christopher’s head and heads to her room.  

Everyone else has their eyes on Talia who hasn’t moved a muscle. Tommy places his hand on her shoulder, “Go.” She looks up at him and around the group with uncertainty but with a nod from Bobby she’s off toward the room as well. 

When Talia enters the room, Eddie is sitting in a chair on the opposite side of the bed from the door. He is holding (Y/N)’s hand tightly, tears streaming down his face, and mumbling under his breath, “(Y/N) please, you gotta wake up for me.” She takes a seat on the other side of the bed and the room falls silent aside from the steady beep of the heart monitor. 

A few moments pass before he clears his throat, “If it weren’t for you, she- she wouldn’t be alive right now.” 

Fresh tears paint her cheeks as she looks down at her lap, “If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.” 

He looks at her, head titled, “What do you mean?” 

“If it weren’t for me, the love of her life wouldn’t have broken up with her, she wouldn’t have been in that therapy office, and she wouldn’t have been run through with rebar,” she admits, struggling to get the words out through her tears. He is immensely confused at first but she clarifies before he can ask, “A few weeks ago I called her because I needed someone to keep me from hurting myself. She came no questions asked. She’s been stopping by to check on me a lot. She always answers the phone when I need her. Selfishly, I made her promise not to tell anyone because I didn’t want my team finding out.” Eddie’s heart breaks as he realizes but she continues, “If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t be in this mess.” 

He reaches his hand across the bed for Talia’s who hesitantly takes it. He looks her dead in the eyes, “You cannot blame yourself for any of this. You did the best thing you could which was ask for help when you needed it. You don’t know where she would’ve been if not in that office with you. It could- it could’ve been much worse.” He pauses for a moment, looking back at (Y/N), “I wish I would’ve just believed and trusted her when she said she had a good reason.” 

Talia wipes her tears away; she still feels terrible about everything but knows (Y/N) would’ve told her the same exact thing that Eddie did. She squeezes his hand gently, “I know I’m not around you and the rest of her new family that much but I’ve heard a lot about everyone.” He looks up at her and she continues, “I’ve heard more about you and Chris than anyone else. She always has a blindingly bright smile on her face when she tells me about you two and I know without a shadow of a doubt that she loves you more than life itself.” Eddie nods as Talia squeezes his hand once more before dropping it and standing up to leave. Before she opens the door, she stops and looks back at him, “She still does. She wouldn’t hesitate for a second to take you back. Hell, I don’t even think she even let you go.”  

Eddie kisses (Y/N) knuckles as Talia leaves, “I don’t deserve it but I hope to god you can forgive me for being so stupid...” 

It’s not long before the door opens again, this time by Buck and Tommy. Eddie does his best to slap on a smile when he sees Chris right behind them. He watches his son take the seat Talia had been in previously and grab hold of (Y/N)’s hand, “Is she gonna be okay?” he asks hopefully looking up at his father.  

Eddie nods reassuringly, “Yeah, she’s just sleeping so her body can recover.” 

Chris nods and looks down at where his hand meets hers, “Where’s her bracelet?” 

“They had to take it off so it wouldn’t get messed up during the surgery and recovery,” Eddie responds. In his peripheral, he sees Buck and Tommy patiently waiting their turn. 

Chris seems deep in thought for a few seconds before stating, “She’s gonna kick their asses when she finds out. I gotta fix it.” With this, he gets up and exits the room on a mission. Buck goes after him, motioning for Eddie to stay put. 

It’s quiet again as Eddie and Tommy listen to the steady beep of her heart. Finally, Tommy takes a seat. Eddie makes eye contact with him, “I’m sorry. Talia told me everything. I know I fucked up and I know she means the world to you.” 

Tommy looks over at (Y/N) face and reaches up to brush her hair out of her eyes as he thinks. Taking a deep breath, he responds, “Just promise me that the next time you think about doing something stupid, we hit the mat first so I can knock some sense into you.” 

Eddie chuckles, nodding, “I will.” It’s quiet again while Eddie debates with himself before finally pulling something out of his pocket and handing it to Tommy, “Does this count as something stupid?” 

Tommy looks down at the ring box in his hand as his smile grows. After opening it, he answers, “Never in a million years.” He closes the box and hands it back to Eddie, “But you should know that Buck was looking forward to helping you pick it out. He’s gonna be heart broken.” 

Eddie puts the box back in his pocket, “Technically, he did help me pick it out. Whether he remembers that or not is a different story.” 

Tommy knits his brows together in confusion, “What?” 

Eddie smiles, “I went with him when he bought you that bracelet a while back. He was looking through the cases while we waited on them to bag it up. I was zoned out thinking about (Y/N) when he slapped me on the shoulder and very excitedly pointed at a specific ring saying, ‘(Y/N) would love this one!’” 

Tommy shakes his head chuckling, “So, you bought it?” 

Eddie shrugs, “Not right then but after a few days of constantly thinking about it, I had to.” Tommy laughs but Eddie’s face drops. At the tilt of Tommy’s head, Eddie adds, “I held onto it, trying to find the right time to ask her but then she started acting weird and...” 

Tommy sighs, “You still have it though. You didn’t let her go.” 

Eddie shakes his head, “I couldn’t. I broke up with her because I was scared of getting hurt but it hurt so much more to do so. I thought maybe if I just distanced myself from her for a while that it would stop but if anything, it got worse.” He takes a deep breath, “I just hope she’ll forgive me because I don’t know how much longer I can take this ring burning a hole in my pocket.” 

Tommy nods, “She will. She’ll do it in a heartbeat but then you gotta nut up and give her that ring.” 

Eddie smiles, “Would it be too much to ask her to forgive me and marry me in the same conversation?” 

Tommy shakes his head violently, “Absolutely not.” 

Eddie laughs, “Good.” 

Over the next few hours, people come and go. Everyone gets their own turn of checking on her and reassuring Eddie that she’ll be okay. Finally, with only Eddie in the room, she stirs. She squints up at the ceiling as she tries to process where she is. The sound of her moving her head to look around alerts Eddie who jerks up from where he lays on her arm, “Hey, you’re okay. You’re in the hospital.” 

She nods, trying to speak but her mouth is dry. Eddie hands her the bottle of water, Carla had brought him earlier, from the side table that and helps her take a few sips. When she pulls away, he sets the bottle back down on the table and brushes her hair from her face, “How are you feeling?” 

She stares at him for a few seconds before whispering, “I’m just glad you’re here.” 

He kisses her knuckles, “Of course I am, baby. I love you so much and I’m so sorry I doubted you.” The confusion on her face prompts him to add, “Talia told me what happened. I can’t believe I ever thought you’d do something like that. I should’ve known you had a good reason.” She smiles softly but he still feels the need to ask, “Will you forgive me?”  

She nods immediately, “Of course.” Out of habit she reaches to fidget with her bracelet but finds it missing, “I’m gonna kick someone’s ass.” 

Eddie laughs heartily, “Chris said you would.”  

She reaches up to cup his cheek, “I love you.” 

He leans into her touch, “I love you too.” 

The moment is interrupted when the door opens again but both are immediately delighted to see Carla opening the door for Chris who is overjoyed to see (Y/N) awake. He takes a seat as Carla waves with a smile before closing the door to give the small family a moment. With one hand, Chris reaches over and takes (Y/N)’s left wrist and wraps her bracelet back where it belongs with the other. She smiles brightly but Eddie is suspicious, “Chris, did you pester the nursing staff for that.” 

He grins proudly, “Yup, I told them my step mom would kick their butts if they didn’t give it to me.” 

Eddie and (Y/N) share an amused look before she ruffles Christopher’s hair, “Thanks, buddy.” He grins and reaches up to take her hand in his. 

Eddie’s eyes flick between the two before he stands and joins Chris on the other side of the bed.  (Y/N) is slightly confused when he places his hands on Christopher’s shoulder and whispers something in his ear. Chris listens intently before nodding incessantly, “Yes! Do it. Do it now.” 

Eddie grins and ruffles his son’s hair, “Alright, alright calm down. I will.” He places himself between Chris and (Y/N). She is utterly bumfuzzled but Chris is dancing in his seat excitedly. Eddie removes something from his pocket and drops to one knee causing her to slap her hand over her mouth. The man smiles up at her, “I know this isn’t at all the ideal time or place to ask you this but,” he looks around the room and then back at her, “I was very recently reminded that we aren’t promised tomorrow, especially in our line of work.” He opens the ring box and holds it up to her, “(Y/N), will you marry me?” 

Chris cheers happily upon hearing her answer, “Yes!” Tears of joy fill both Eddie and (Y/N)’s eyes as he slips the ring on her finger, stands, and kisses her with every ounce of love that he can. 

The couple parts when the door opens again as Buck and Tommy poke their heads in. Tommy grins, immediately noticing the ring on her finger. Slightly confused having missed the small but important detail, Buck stutters, “Sorry, Carla told us she’s awake. Are-are we interrupting something? We can come back later.” 

Tommy pushes past his boyfriend and makes his way to (Y/N)’s right side, making eye contact with Eddie, “I told you she would. Does your leg feel better without that hole burning in your pocket?” 

Eddie nods, laughing as identical looks of confusion settle on (Y/N) and Buck’s faces as Buck paces over to Tommy’s side. Eddie looks down at her, “I showed it to him earlier.”  

Understanding replaces her confusion but Buck is still lost, “What hole? Showed who what? I’m so confused.” (Y/N) holds her hand up to Buck showing off her ring. He gasps for words as excitement floods his entire body and he takes her hand in his to inspect it. None of them notice as the doctor stops in the open doorway, observes what is happening, and then immediately makes his way to the waiting room. After a minute or so, Buck’s face drops to disappointment as he looks up at Eddie and Tommy, letting go of her hand, “I kinda wanted to help pick it out...” Tommy pats his head before wrapping his arm around his waist.  

Eddie shakes his head chuckling, “Do you not recognize it? You were so damn sure she’d like it that you bruised my arm to get my attention.”  

It takes a few seconds but realization finally smacks across his face as he gasps, “This is that ring?”  

Eddie nods as (Y/N) who is admiring the ring confirms, “He wasn’t wrong. I love it.” Everyone smiles as Eddie kisses the top of her head. Before anyone can say anything else, the door opens and their friends and family flood in. Everyone gushes over the ring, offers the couple their congratulations, and states how glad they are that (Y/N) is okay.

Talia takes a seat on the edge of the bed to (Y/N)’s right, “The doctor had to step out of the way of the stampede after he told us you had a ring on that you weren’t admitted with.” (Y/N) laughs, barely able to spot the doctor in the doorway through the crowd of friends and family. She gives him a thumbs up and he nods with a smile as he returns to his rounds.  

She looks to Talia and takes her hand in her own but before she can say it, Talia assures, “I know what you’re gonna say. Eddie already did.” (Y/N) looks to Eddie who is locked in a tight hug from Bobby with a smile on his face that is bigger than she’s ever seen. Talia leans over to whisper in her ear, “You weren’t kidding when you said Tommy is wrapped around Buck’s finger.” As (Y/N) turns back to look at Talia, she spots Tommy who is wrapped around Buck from behind. Both are smiling brightly as Buck and Maddie are already discussing bachelor party plans.  

“They’re next, I’m calling it now,” (Y/N) tells Talia who laughs loudly. Their hands stay locked together as (Y/N) looks back to Eddie who now has an arm around Christopher’s shoulders as they chat excitedly with Carla. Carla notices her looking and nods in her direction as she shoves the two toward her. Eddie takes the hand she offers him and Chris climbs up to sit beside her. An hour or so passes before a nurse squeezes through the crowded hospital room. She smiles at (Y/N) before proceeding to check her vitals and give her fresh bandages. Only when (Y/N) is nodding off and very obviously struggling to stay awake does everyone wish her well, promise they’ll visit again later, and head home. Soon, the only ones left are her boys. She kisses the top of Christopher’s head as she notices he has fallen asleep carefully tucked into her side. She pats the right side of the bed for Eddie to join her. The three of them have to scoot in real close to fit on the hospital bed but after the week she’s had, she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

More 911

Main Masterlist

[saras-almanac]

So I’ve been sitting on my feelings about the BuckTommy breakup and handling of it for a while, trying to get my thoughts in order. And after a while of thinking on it—and the recent Lou interview dropping making me feel like my feelings are valid—kind of made me want to just blurt them all out and hope for the best. So this is that.

Ultimately the entire handling of the BuckTommy breakup feels cruel. And not just cruel in an intentional way, but cruel in a casually, not even given any thought cruelty, which is worse sometimes. And to be honest, I think that’s part of why I’ve been struggling with it so much. (That and the echoes of Magicians season 4, which if you know you know).

What I mean by cruelty is just the lack of any real effort or care put into this storyline, one that they had previously been handled with so much care and concern and were praised (rightly so) for at the time. It’s the way they introduce this Tommy as Abby’s ex thing, which makes hardly any sense at all, but also feels cruel in the intention of laughing at the invisible string of fate theory between them. It’s they way that they’re 6 months anniversary and not only have they not talked about this, but Buck (Evan Buckley) didn’t get him a gift that feels cruel because that feels so wildly out of character for him. It’s the way they had the break up play into some bisexual stereotypes at best and inherently biphobic at worst by having Maddie suggest Abby turned him gay or that Buck needs to “explore” things to figure out what he wants or that Buck “Doesn’t know what pond to jump back into” of it all. (Not to mention the comments from OS about wanting Buck to fuck—which I’m not getting into because I didn’t read it and as a bisexual woman, don’t feel the need to go and try to find something that might upset me more.)

All those reasons are why the breakup itself is cruel to the characters, but it’s also cruel to those of us watching, and especially to anyone and everyone who loved and/or related to the character of Tommy, who we see walk away much much worse off than when we found him. It’s the way the story (intentionally or not) is framing it like a romcom break up – make up – pining storyline which they apparently are not doing according to interviews. It’s the way they didn’t give any sort of closure to Tommy for the character or for the audience.

There’s a reason that people lose themselves in stories—it’s because they follow certain rules and contracts. It’s expected that stories do not match up to real life because while things don’t have bigger meanings in life or they don’t work out according to plan, in stories, everything happens for a reason. Because that’s the whole point of what you’re consuming. And along with that, emotional moments are meant to feel cathartic in a way, at least eventually, because you were able to see the bigger picture, to feel the finality to things, and to really understand what’s being said and what’s happening. This breakup does none of that and actually seems to have been included and rushed for shock value and that to me, is just shitty, lazy writing.

If you were going to break them up and have no desire for any sort of reunion or closure, why not make it intentional? Tommy could be the one who wants marriage and kids and settling down and Buck internally freaks out because theoretically he wants that but maybe it’s too soon and as much as Tommy loves Buck, he’s not going to wait around and hope that Buck feels the same for him because he’s been hurt too many times like that. Or Tommy could be leaving for another state because he’s no longer going to be a firefighter or needs to go for family reasons or gets a job at a different station that he applied for ages ago and he has everything all set up and isn’t going to ask Buck to leave his entire life for Tommy, so they decide to breakup even if it hurts both of them. In either of those cases, it’s sad and devastating, but at least there would be some closure to it and understanding of it for both the characters and the audience and some peace knowing that at least these two are going to be moving toward happiness in whatever way that means for them.

Instead, what we have, is a hail-mary last-second breakup that comes out of nowhere and feels abrupt and crappy in the way we leave Tommy specifically because we might never see him again. And that is the crux of the issue. Because the way this was written, the understanding is that they are going to get back together or reunion or at least have that final closure conversation—because that’s what happens in stories. We see this type of surprise breakups, breakups where they issue is they love each other too much and are afraid to go further (Athena/Bobby and Maddie/Chimney to name two examples we saw in universe) only to eventually fight to be together and realize that if they don’t take a chance they might never know how amazing it is. So the fact that it’s set up to follow this same path while nearly every interview is telling the opposite, again demonstrates that casual cruelty as well as an inherent failure on the writing. If you have to go in interview and explain what it is you wrote or are telling, then you have failed as a writer. It’s really as simple as that.

This breakup doesn’t feel set up or foreshadowed, it just feels like they added it on because they didn’t want to do anything more with it? And that feels incredibly crappy as a decision to so many people who related to Buck and Tommy and them coming out later in life and all those other things. I’m rambling and on my phone and feeling a lot of things that I can’t fully express right now, but the long and short of it: If this was always intended to be the final time we see Tommy, this breakup is even crueler than intended.