#but a quirky disorder with people in our head

[pine-tree-system]

Thinking about that last post I reblogged made me remember an older post that folks have forgotten about it. So rather than find it, I'm gonna rewrite it in my own words with my thoughts added to it.

(if anything, it'll be my interpretation of it and an encapsulation of how our system runs things. I wanna say the original post was made by @/system-of-a-feather but I could be wrong)

Littles won't always "act their age." Littles are not actual children. They are alters, a part of a whole identity that has been fractured off to cope with complex trauma via dissociation.

In our system, most of the littles embody parts of our childhood and that can include "pure, wholesome" parts. That can also include "unwholesome" parts, like sexual trauma or physical trauma. So you can expect their worldview to be a bit different from the average child. Hell, some littles will hold different perspectives of the SAME memory and will react accordingly.

We have littles who curse, watch Markiplier, read/watch things that are aimed at an older audience, make references to adult concepts, and some are even hypersexual. Yes, I know it's not pretty, especially when you picture an actual child. But guess what? They're not actual children. They're a reaction to trauma. So don't expect us to "react pretty."

For us, as an adult system, who is currently 24 years old, we cannot hide adult concepts from them. We can help them cope and stay safe, but all of them already know that the concepts exist. Especially when they're in the presence of our protectors and caretakers.

Now, while final fusion isn't our goal, some systems do have that goal. And to achieve that, you cannot hide these concepts from littles. I'm certain that if you do that, you'll only strengthen dissociative barriers, which is bad for recovery, final fusion or not. I mean think about it. How can you be fully fused while also sectioning off parts of your brain because you're treating those parts like actual children?

Littles are a case-by-case situation, just like all alters. They're people. They're not actual kids, but they're still people with a specific worldview. All we can do with ours is teach them that things are now safe and they don't have to be scared anymore. They can cope in ways that help them. They can be treated how they want to be treated. They're worthy of respect and love and deserve autonomy. They can grow up. (And if them growing up means not being a little anymore, then that's fine. But if they still wanna be a little who can act like a grownup when needed, that's also fine)

We do worry about them acting in ways that are immature and unhelpful but that is the same for many other alters in our system, little or not.

This also reminds me of age regression, which may not be the same for singlets, but for us, even during regression, we still understand adult concepts. We may interact with them or maybe we avoid them. It's situational! All that matters is making sure we're not fucking things up and that we're not doing things we'll regret. That includes making sure we are able to cope with triggers, should they happen, and avoid making decisions we KNOW we are not able to in the current state of mind.

All in all, do not expect littles to act like children and do not shame them for acting any differently than you expect them to. They are not physical kids, especially if the system they're a part of is not a child.

I would not expect a 40 year old alter in a physical body of an 18 year old to act their age. So I'm not gonna do the same for a little. It's case-by-case. It's up to the system, mainly the protectors and caretakers, to decide.

Our system goal is healthy multiplicity, lowering dissociative barriers, and communication through all parts. Sheltering our littles from adult concepts and treating them in ways they don't want to be treated will NOT help that. We're not going to force adult concepts on them, but we're not going to hide them from the littles either.

[skrunkle-collective]

I know that Boo does not want us to get involved in syscourse, but I will say this-

We did not get repeatedly traumatized as a child and teenager for people to go "omg being a system is having blorbos in your head! so silly! i will fake/ force myself to have this because its soooo quirky uwu"

Having a dissociative disorder is so so much more than having alters. It's not remembering days, months, or even years of your life. It's struggling with violent urges and horrible thoughts that aren't yours. For some of us, it's being created only to hold pain and fear and anger.

Even if endogenics, willogenics, tulpagenics, whatever you fuckers are calling yourselves are real, you will never belong in our part of the community. We are not the same.

Thank you for listening.

-Claude

[cherryaire]

at this point in life i wanna whack 95% of the people who say they have PTSD over something, just like I do when they say they're a "little bit" OCD or autistic. No, you're not 'schizo' because you've got a weird thinking process and people think you're strange. "I'm totally a little bipolar; i changed my outfit five times before leaving the house!"

No, you're not. You either are or you aren't. Now shut the fuck up and find a better word to describe it because treating actual mental illnesses and neurodevelopmental disorders like slang just ends with no one taking people who actually live with those things seriously. it's not funny. it's not quirky. live in one of our heads for two days and you'll find out real quick that it's not fucking funny.

also on that note, stop with the declaring that psychotic people are dangerous, violent murderers. Schizospec people are far more likely to be victims. Yes, there are violent schizospec people, but there are violent members of any group. They're not violent because they're schizospec. Having been psychotic, the only person I was a danger to was me.

[df-templates]

More so a vent post:

Something I ABSOLUTELY HATE when singlets come to us is when they mostly ask about "IS SYSTEM TRANSFER/HOPPING REAL?" I'm sorry but MF USE YOUR HEAD! I'm sorry if I'm being aggressive but THINK LONG AND HARD ABOUT THAT. mf do we look like computers? Do we look like plug n play virtual pets? MMMHMHMHMM no it's not that's absolute BULLSHIT. Ah yes Plug in that usb port into my brain and put it in the other systems brain yeah yeah yeah so real.

Then they're like "OHHHHH.... I think I was lied to." No fucking shit you were you're speaking to an endo, it's physically impossible to do that, it doesn't make sense. It's not like your alters live in a multiverse. We are identities, fragments that split off or formed due to trauma. endos need to shut the fuck up an accept the fact that they're not SEVERELY traumatized, they're not a system, they're delusional or just a plain ass attention seeker, that this ISN'T FUN, who are HARMING people who actually HAVE this god awful disorder, and spreading false information such as piece of shit shows like Split. Stop saying "system hopping!!" Stop treating our disorder like we're a fucking virtual pet computer. DID/OSDD is a TRAUMA response a way of the brian to FUCKING SURVIVE! There is so so SO much into this disorder that makes you want to fucking off yourself. "Oh I dissociate so I must have it" THERE ARE SO MANY DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS. DID IS JUST ONE OF THEM AND TO THE EXTREME! DO YOUR RESEARCH, TALK TO ACTUAL SYSTEMS, DON'T FAKE A DISABILITY FOR ATTENTION, IF YOU BELIEVE YOU HAVE DID/OSDD GO. GET. PROFESSIONAL. HELP. GO GET HELP. GO GET DIAGNOSED, GO. JUST GO! This isn't fun, this isn't quirky, stop treating DID/OSDD as some grand thing because it's hell, it affects your everyday function in life. Stop spreading misinformation around. Endos are NOT real. Stop Saying bullshit that's not true, stop saying BULLSHIT THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE. System hopping, like fuck off. Honestly. And I fucking heard this shit too "you're not a system you don't have fictive you have only 2 alters" OH-OH. OKAY. MAYBE YOU'RE THE ENDO HERE. DID/OSDD IS HAVING 1 EXTRA OR MORE ALTERS AND THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE FICTIVE IF YOU ARE ADHD/AUTISTIC FICTIVES ARE MORE LIKELY TO SPLIT OFF DUE TO DEEP CONNECTION. If you believe that you have to have fictives and 50+ alters to be system you just gave yourself away that you're an endo. That system we know has 2 other alters that went DORMANT that were brain made not a fictive split. They are still a system. I'm- honestly, what the fuck is wrong with these people??? Honestly??? I honestly fucking can't. ~ ⚠︎

[antiendovents]

wanna things about osddid be normal again.

i mean, wanna being anti-endo be default option. wanna term system be for traumagenic systems only (as it was in the beginning, because it's a medical term for people with did/osdd). wanna most spaces be anti-endo. wanna spaces for systems be anti-endo by default. wanna other spaces be anti-endo by default. wanna don't have to prove everyone that system can't be endogenic. wanna don't be called "sysmed" or "traumascum" and compared with transmeds for stating actual facts.

wanna people be normal about osddid like they would be about other disorders. why icd n dsm suddenly stop working when it's about osddid? why everyone agrees that you can't get disorder by your will, but if it's osddid, "willowgenic systems" are completely fine?

wanna osddid be taken seriously. think endos are so popular because a lot of people don't understand what osddid is. don't understand that's actual disorders. underestimate. simplify. romanticize.

destigmatization doesn't mean "don't take this disorder seriously". but some (a lot of, actually) people get it like this. like osddid are some funny silly quirky things like "friends in your head".

(and it's not a blame of people with osddid who are trying to cope with their disorders by being silly about them. it's completely a blame of people who prefer trivialize, simplify n romanticize disorders instead of became normal about people with them).

sorry it became long n incoherent at some point.

yeah. it fucking sucks, theres a lot of double standards. anyone else using a medical term for something they dont have (e.g an allistic person saying they have special interests, or someone who doesn't have OCD claiming to have it because they organised one thing) is told off, but when it comes to DID/OSDD no one fucking cares. its as if they don't see it as an actual disorder (and half of the time they dont). we are tired of having to make sure our system friends and system spaces aren't pro-endo. we just want to exist without people trying to push into our community just because they think that being a system is all fun and games so they want to "try it out".

[marshmallow-biscuit-blog]

Disability Pride Month - Narcissism

(red sentences are my particular thoughts/reactions to situations and not verified studies. Yeah, I guess I'ma be frank and let you see I'ma little fucking bitch. Enough with my mask.) Reminder that narcissism isn't a personality trait and that it's a disorder. A true narcissist cannot help it. It doesn't make our behavior okay, but just like a schizophrenic person can't help their delusional behavior, a narcissist can't help that we have an elevated sense of self worth. It's incredibly rude and hurtful to use the word as a quirky personality trait. Use our term correctly. Narcissistic people often seem extremely confident, but in reality we're highly unsure of ourselves and have extremely low self worth and break at the smallest nitpicks. We have a tendency to cling to people in a show off way, but mainly because we like these people and we want to impress them. Because we're trying to be "better" but also because we're so desperate to be good enough for them, that it comes across as being better than thou type of situation. Someone can say something like "I had ___ experience" and we try to one up it. Not just because we want to be better, but because we don't want you to lose interest. It's a fear factor of losing someone we care about because "we're not good enough/interesting enough." because they had a slightly more interesting situation. That leads onto the fear of rejection. If someone dislikes us, unlike most people being able to "oh well, they weren't worth my time anyways" and shrug it off, it becomes an end of the world situation for a narcissistic individual. Why wasn't I good enough? What haven't I done? Why am I not good enough? Just because narcissists are full of themselves and have elevated self worth, that doesn't mean they don't have guilt and shame for things. In fact, for me, guilt and shame takes up a LOT of my mental space and makes me feel the need to be BETTER than others to compensate for it. I find myself going "shit why'd I brag about that in that moment?" And I over react, and the cycle continues. We have a really hard time being vulnerable. We don't like to share our little secrets. We don't want to seem weak or imperfect, and what other way to do that than to say "Oh yeah I was just crying the other day because blah blah blah" no why would we say we were crying? Can't let you know we're crying, that lets you know that we finally broke down over something, and that gives you a chance to break us down more. It's our job to make you feel like you can break down into our arms and why we're your "only safe space" because we're a greedy bastard and we'll be jealous and honestly really hurt for some reason if you have any others. One thing I feel I don't have space to talk about along side other narcissists is emotions since despite being diagnosed with narcissism, I'm highly empathetic towards others and will literally sob over things people tell me even if I don't know what to do, so I'll speak from an entirely research based response here. (Though, my psychologist does say that empathetic narcissists are a thing, and that's what he diagnosed me as, so lol) Anyways, many narcissists have a hard time keeping up relationships because they lack empathy. I'd say that's the only reason I HAVE any decent relationships with anybody, because really, I'm a fucking bitch. I mean, I'd defend you or something, but the first thought through my head would also be "what about me though" Sorry about the long rant, but yeah. Stop misusing the word narcissist/narcissism. We may not be right, but we can't help it either. Best we can do is go the therapy. (also, I'm sure there's plenty of typos, if so I apologize.)

[porcelaintoybox23]

I think Gaul and Coriolanus have mental/personality disorders

I couldn’t think of a better title.

*Here is my disclaimer: No, I am not justifying anything these two do. In fact, I’m actually flabbergasted that so many people are into Coryo. (He’s not even hot evil, he’s your whiny teenage boyfriend from freshman year who didn’t understand how to not be a selfish dick. He would listen to Andrew Tate. I am not a licensed psychologist. I am speculating.) Having a personality disorder doesn’t make someone a bad person. Neurodivergence isn’t always quirky.

Coryo:

The point of tbosas was to hammer home that Snow chose to be a horrible human being. His childhood was marred by war and I understand why he fears the districts and why he wants to avoid rocking the boat. In fact, I can’t fault him for being selfish. Most of his motivation is self-serving, but even in his most selfish moments he still wants to support his family. While I will not laud his actions, I can’t fault someone’s desperation to survive. His family comes first.

I found his selfishness refreshing. I can’t remember the last time I saw a YA teenager act like a teenager. He’s selfish, he’s self-centered, he’s arrogant, he wants a comfortable life. He gets mad when things don’t go his way. He’s 17. He gets jealous for stupid reasons. Despite this, and despite his denial to it, Coryo has empathy, he cares about other people.

The problem is, well one of many, is that he cares about himself most. He grew up in the Capitol with a grandmother that regularly filled his head with the glory of the Snow family, with the belief that he was destined for more, that he deserves more than anyone, that he’s inherently better by virtue of his birth. Toss in a traumatic childhood and Capitol propaganda and we get him.

Coryo is just kinda a shtty person. Some people just suck more than others. Lysistrata and Arachne lived similar lives but became different people. So that is our base, now let’s add one last thing.

I think Coryo has NPD or another personality disorder. Maybe not full blown but traits are present. This doesn’t make him a bad person, but I do think it compounds with his natural inclinations and environment to make him worse. He’s insecure and paranoid to the point of another diagnosis. He is way more paranoid than he has reason to be. One would think he was in the arena.

Narcissists have difficulty with selfishness and being unable to extend worry to others. They focus inward to the detriment of themselves. Anytime he feels bad for someone it is overshadowed with the pity he feels for himself. Yeah, Lucy was nearly killed but Coryo’s future is in jeopardy since he touched the gun. Yes, Sejanus’ plan is harebrained but what if this reflects poorly on Coryo?

Part of that is the guilt he feels, because he does feel guilty. It would be hard for anyone to rationalize the death of a friend, and he does cry for Sejanus, but also for himself. Would narcissism exacerbate that? Probably. He can’t be a bad person. He would never be a bad person, so it’s not his fault. Nothing is ever his fault or, if it is, he was forced into it.

We are working with a boy who was raised with illusions of grandeur reinforced every day of his life, the natural inclination to being self-centered that comes with being human and a teen, and a personality disorder.

I liked his relationship with Lucy. It just felt so high school. It felt like your first serious relationship that was always doomed to fail but you didn’t know because you were young. These two have fundamentally different worldviews. There is no situation where they would last. Coryo did care about Lucy. He was able to be considerate and empathetic, though those moments were always tainted by his own selfishness. Lucy was his, how she affected him was paramount. Everything circles back to him, even when he’s being genuinely kind.

Coryo needed an intervention and a good therapist, things he would never get. He got grandma’am and Dr. Gaul. Honestly, Highbottom could have stepped in instead of being a little hater. He and Tigris could've helped.

He has a filter that automatically focuses on himself. I don’t think Coryo was capable of removing this filter, not without help.

He’s still responsible for his own actions. Some of his choices were accidents, he wasn’t trying to kill Sejanus, but he made many knowing the repercussions would be bad. He was given multiple opportunities to choose the right thing or the good thing, but he chose what would benefit him most. He did deviate occasionally when he helped Lucy.

By the end, Coryo is no longer a child and he actively chooses to be evil, vindictive, and cruel. He lies to the Plinths to become their heir, he dismisses Lucy and his paranoia, he kills highbottom, (admittedly, the guy was a dick, I don’t feel that bad) and becomes the Snow we see in the original trilogy. He was no longer an ignorant boy. He saw the brutality of the capitol, he saw the humanity of the districts, he experienced love and friendship, and he chose to become a snake.

Volumina Gaul

I hate this b*tch. I hate people with terrible philosophies that make no sense. I’ve run the gamut of trying to decipher what type of person Gaul is so far. I went from apathetic nerd who likes research vis a vie entrapta to outright sadistic psychopath. Her theories are so stupid and contrived I’m embarrassed to give her any credit as a scientist. Edgy ideas that are easily dismissed with even a passing knowledge of any type of psychology. I think everyone calls her out on this in the book.

At best, the nature of humans, of all life sentient or not, is to survive. Even viruses reproduce despite not being classified as living. The hunger games are not natural. The games are not a natural occurrence. Prey animals tend to be docile. Predators eat what they need and stop. Humanity’s natural inclination is not violence. The violence of the games is manufactured. What is she on? It’s so stupid, my god. When left in a natural environment humans just live. Like anything else they’ll eat and sleep.

I’m not even postulating that cooperation is a natural state. At its core, collaboration helps with survival. When left to their own devices humans started to bake, to speak, to create. Nothing is inherently human. Ma’am, if you just want to kill people, violate the laws of nature, and mutate animals, just say so. I genuinely think she has aspd. I think she is a clinical psychopath. Plenty of people with aspd live regular lives and stable relationships. The disorder makes aspects of life difficult because it’s a disorder.

I thought of a video I watched about Ogata Hyakunosuke from Golden Kamuy. The essayist mentioned how he was incapable of seeing another worldview beyond his own nihilistic one. How he believed everyone thought the same as him and anyone saying otherwise was lying. He was literally incapable of doing the most clinical version of empathy of just seeing things from another perspective. I think Gaul is like this. She genuinely believes that everyone has her worldview and those that claim otherwise are in denial or lying. It’s not a lack of trying, she just can’t visualize something different.

Gaul would still be an evil person without having a disorder. Add aspd onto it and you have a maniac. I don’t think Snow truly believes in what Gaul says, but convinces himself enough to play the part. He has decided to survive.

[selfundiagnosed]

One time i saw a tiktok on instagram that was the life of someone with intrusive thoughts and she was like “i should dye my hair” or some other impulse and this guy stitched it and was like hmm weird mine are more like “i should put my hand in this blender” and im like weird! youre both just experiencing impulsive thoughts not instrusive thoughts the modern dilution of psychobabble is so surreal..!!😭 one of U just experiences violent impulsive thoughts and the other has quirky ones. Neither are indicative of intrusive thoughts.. Intrusive thoughts are like having an omnipotent entity giving you flashes of images in your head of horrible things happening to you/your loved ones.. thinking “I should ___” is not an intrusive thought SHRUG sorry if that offends you or invalidates your violent impulses. its more like a horrible scenerio in which you would be so out of control that the thing would occur on accident. or would happen TO you. Its not an active conscious (albeit random) choice to be thinking about something. I should bite this chunk of lava (i know it would kill me but it seems satisfying to chomp into). and youre disturbed by the implications of dying trying to eat lava… it just isnt the same as an intrusive thought which is placed in your head by what feels like a secret 3rd party… and i fear this is why so many people think people with niche ocd subtypes MAKES you that thing. Why people are disgusted when they find out about pedophilia ocd. Gender identity ocd. Morality ocd. Saying you have intrusive thoughts about an awful timeline in which youre a pedophile or abuser means to them youre fantasizing about it because to the general population intrusive thoughts have been watered down to mean silly or even maybe insane impulses you know you shouldnt do but omg wouldnt it be sooo cool if you could do it just once with no consequences? in reality its as if your mind has conjured up your worst nightmare timeline without your control. It makes you become whatever you think society hates the most and this will be based on each person’s individual experiences navigating the world. Some real social taboos like being a rapist or imaginary ones based off cultural beliefs like being gay/transgender. All in all the dilution of this type of psychobabble effectively alienates mentally ill people from their own niche communities leaving us with no space to seek solidarity for our specific issues caused by our disorders. Sorry you think she isnt suffering because she has hair dye impulses and you have real impulses like put hand in blender but at the end of the day you guys both experience impulses like everyone else does. And heres the thing is we all experience intrusive thoughts like even neurotypicals they just dont present like “i should do x y z” that would be an impulse. they present like vivid gifs in your head like thats so raven style or maybe some other specific way that doesnt imply a conscious choice in whether youre acting on the thought or not. But im not Gd or your boss or your father so dont listen to me!

[reimeichan]

Sometimes I think we're being extremely overt in our presentation, especially offline... but then I remember that people can't see the inside of my head and most people wouldn't detect the subtle changes in my voice and posture, and even if they did, "Dissociative Identity Disorder" is not likely to be the first thing they suspect. I've had to deal with DID as long as I can remember, and if even I couldn't tell I have other alters sharing this body and brain with me, I doubt outsiders would know what to look for. From talking to my friends and partners, it seems like most people just assumed I had "mood swings" and "quirky moments", helped by the fact that Purple really enjoyed playing up being the "weird kid" for much of our life. It's easier now to look back on the moments and say, yeah, that was likely an alter switch or something to that effect, but only because they're in the know now.

[philsmeatylegss]

Honestly I can’t keep quiet at this point. This generation and tiktok mostly made autism a fucking quirky trend and it makes me want to slam my head in a wall. I genuinely believe 70% of people online who claim to be autistic are not or either are confusing it with another disorder (on tiktok it’s 95% I’m not remotely exaggerating). iT’s A sPeCtRuM NO SHIT DUMBASS. I fucking grew up with an autistic sibling and I was constantly in other places with autistic kids who were higher and lower on the fucking spectrum. But none of them act remotely like the fuckers on #actuallyautistic on fucking TikTok. Controversial opinion I completely stand behind is that self diagnosis isn’t reliable expect for a few conditions. By that, I mean conditions that have clear cut symptoms. You’re always anxious about everything, you probably do have anxiety. But when it comes to Autism, that’s such a fucking complex disorder that even a lot of doctors don’t fully understand. 100% agree that many women, POC, and those who grew up poor couldn’t get a diagnosis and got it later in life. As I said, I was constantly around autistic kids and most were white men. It’s an absolute mockery and disgrace to those online and in real life who actually suffer with Autism. Including people on the high end of the spectrum! Most of these people say they’re autistic and then list the symptoms of anxiety. It’s not a fucking quirky trait or an excuse. It’s not fucking trendy.

And I can’t say anything like this on platforms like tiktok or id be ripped to shreds. People who have little to no real life experiences or knowledge about Autism attacking someone who was always so close to autism that it fucked me up (I know it’s not my sibling’s fault before you yell at me). I’m fucking tired of it. I’m so fucking tired

Very recently the term “glass child” came out which describes siblings of a child with a physical and or mental disability and or a chronic/life threatening illness. The term comes from the fact that a constant feature of being a glass child is being seen through, forgotten, our voices ignored. And when we, people who have had close years of interactions with these disorders try to explain to you why you might be wrong and you just fucking shut them down, you’re just as bad as the people who ignored me when I was growing up.

It happens on here to. Definitely not as often and definitely not as obvious. But I fucking hate that it’s become a fucking trend on here. Yes, I know it’s a way for those with autism to cope, but a lot of people reblogging it are neurotypical. I’m glad it’s a way to cope, but autism isn’t a fucking funny punchline. It is half of the reason I’m fucked up (once again, I don’t blame my sibling).

Remember in 2020 on mostly tiktok and other face showing platforms being LGBTQ+ was a trend and now people say “I’m glad I’m over that phase?” The same fucking thing is happening now with autism. And what’s worse is that it undermines the credibility of those who are actually suffering with autism. I can promise you in the next few years, there will be tons of posts like “remember when I thought I was autistic? Lol worst period of my life, so cringe.” And then it’ll fall back into obscurity once it stops being a trend and when people forget about pretending to be autistic and no one will give a fuck. It happened with fangirl culture. With being LGBTQ+. Only this is more important and not a fucking trend

Idk if I’ll get hate for this or delete it, but I can’t handle it anymore. This really mostly applies to tiktok, but this happens on every single platform. And it genuinely upsets me and I can’t even point out this problem. For fucking once in my life, LISTEN TO ME. I’ve been there. I was there the whole fucking time. I spent my entire childhood dealing with autism and severe mental illness from my parents. I went to so many doctors with him. I couldn’t chose where I wanted my birthday or celebrations about me because it wouldn’t be good for my sibling. Pictures, lines, family trip were filled with screaming. Leaving events early because my sibling couldn’t handle it. Sitting and waiting for him to stop having a tantrum in my room and having fucking no one ask if I was okay. Having none of my emotional needs met do to Autism and other present mental illnesses from my parents. I KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS LIKE. I SPENT EVERY FUCKING DAY SINCE I WAS BORN TILL I WAS 18 RIGHT NEXT TO AUTISM. I DIDN’T GET A BREAK. I WON’T BE ABLE TO LAUGH IN A FEW YEARS BECAUSE I CLAIMED TO BE AUTISTIC. I’M NOT SURE MY BROTHER WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE ON HIS OWN AND HE’L HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE WITH ME. THAT’S THE FUCKING REALITY. THAT’S WHAT AUTISM IS. IT’S NOT BEING AWKWARD AND SOMETIMES OVERWHELMED BY OBJECTS OR SOUNDS. I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT BECAUSE I WAS THERE. I HAVE 18 FUCKING YEARS OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT AUTISM IS. I’VE BEEN AROUND MANY OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE WHEN MY BROTHER NEEDED SERVICES FROM AUTISTIC ONLY PLACES. I COULDN’T FUCKING YAWN FOR YEARS WITHOUT BEING SCREAMED AT. FUCKING YAWNING. AND THEN I WAS ASKED TO STOP YAWNING! THAT IS AUTISM.

My mom works with teens and young adults who are close to the bottom of the spectrum. These children will never be able to have a life. A lot of them don’t talk. Or they only scream or say random words. Some do repetitive actions, often ones that cause injuries. Bigger male student have to be restrained by two or three men because they will not stop hitting themself of breaking property and are unable to stop. That’s what it’s like. At most, Walmart has a program for special needs adults to be baggers. Once they graduate, they live with their parents and then their siblings. Or they go to care home that specializes in autism. We’re fortunate that if it were to come to that case, we would be able to afford a nice one. But most parents or siblings of autistic children don’t have the money to send them to caring facilities. That’s the reality. That’s what you’re claiming to have the same diagnosis as (I KNOW ITS A SPECTRUM). I pity the real autistic people and glass children on platforms on tiktok or really any platform that are having the severity of their illness become a fucking trend.

I’ll probably delete this. But I’m just so fucking upset about it and I’m not fucking allowed to point it out. I wasn’t listened to my entire childhood because of a condition you’re claiming to have. Just for fucking once listen to me

[lullabybug]

Big long rant lmao

So I watched a TikTok of a guy who recovered from bed and bulimia talk about how eating disorders are a choice and I just need to bitch about it for a second. So first off I’m always weary of people who say “I recovered from ed” and then says something that oversimplifies ed’s so badly it makes them seem like just some quirky weight loss method we do for fun instead of an enduring mental illness It’s not the behaviour that’s the disorder it’s the mental state that causes the behaviour that’s the issue. And I feel like these types of people don’t understand that. Or maybe they developed an Ed for a different reason and that’s why they experience it differently idk

Like I can’t speak for everyone but in most cases (and my own) eating disorders come up in the presence of trauma, in the aftermath of trauma or another because of a separate mental illness or physical illness that is so devastating to the sufferer the ed comes as a coping mechanism. Like ed’s don’t just randomly pop up into the heads of the disordered person and decide oh yes this looks fun no, they creep up slowly while you don’t really realize what happening until you realize you are in the depths of ed land and you can’t get out.

Also for the most of us our ed’s came up when we were too young to know any better and then they fundamentally alter our brains because it started so young. For me my ed started when was 13 but my first disordered though came up when I was 11 and at that age you don’t know the long term consequences of starving or purging etc… so to oversimplify an ed saying it’s a choice is such a bad take especially when it’s said by someone who’s had an ed and knows how painful they are.

Also he didn’t take into consideration all the long term chronic ed sufferers who have tried and failed recovery MULTIPLE times like I don’t think there’s one person out there with an Ed who hasn’t tried recovery several times but couldn’t do it because this is an enduring mental illness. If you’re going to say that ed’s are a choice maybe re word it and say to a certain degree the behaviours are technically a choice but the mental anguish and the trauma that is the cause for the behaviours absolutely are not a choice.

[prideandpurrgil]

Generation Loss 1 Musings and Disordered Theories

Spoilers for all three episodes of Gen Loss 1 under the readmore. Just some thoughts about the Puzzler, theories about topics of a potential prequel, and also something about gl! Ranboo in future Generations I can't stop thinking about

Generation Zero/Rumored Prequel

I'm very very interested in the prospect of a prequel, and learning exactly why everything is happening the way it is. I think if we do get one, our Hero will be one of the characters that's been around longest (I can't shake the idea of gl!Jerma and gl!Slime being two of the oldest cast members, something about them being hosts for the shows makes me think they've been around much much longer than everyone else) I really wanna say Slime could potentially be our Hero, and maybe we'd get to see when Sneeg appeared in the cabin?

Or, potentially Hetch.

Seeing Hetch's origins would be incredibly fun, especially if we got to see him as the Hero, before getting asked by Showfall to run the shows himself. I do think he was potentially a Hero, just like Ranboo, and maybe was part of the cast for awhile before Showfall promoted him to gamemaster? Show director? Head scientist? Idk

Ranboo moving forward

I know Ranboo's said they'll take a step back from acting and focus more on writing, but I think we could potentially see him in later generations, atleast as a side character. I also wonder if the box will stay on? Follow me on this, but what if in later generations, Ranboo appears as a quirky side character, with some sort of old TV in place of a head? And maybe (like the Puzzler or the Slime Demon) everyone's going along with it because it's just their little character costume, haha!

But we would know.

I feel like Showfall would have a tough time keeping them alive AND removing the box, so leaving it on would be a simplier option. And they can just mind control everyone to see it as anything they want, right? Like the slime.

It wouldn't have to be a TV per say, especially because the Security ALSO has a TV head so idk if they could do it twice BUT wouldn't that be just horrifying?

The Puzzler

I know I'm reaching and grasping with this section. But hear me out. You know the end part of episode two where Ranboo listens to the recording and gets that key from the Puzzler, and he tells Ranboo about getting out and finding the truth, and that "the truth will set you free"? And then immediately afterwards Hetch appears and completely derails everything, and Ranboo forgets about the key?

I really did see that as the Puzzler breaking character and gl!Jerma trying to get Ranboo out. He said during his show that he'd been doing this for 30 years. Maybe that wasn't as crazy as an exaggeration as we all thought? And so many other people have pointed out: when the rats and the Puzzler were trying to join in on the fashion show, they were fully willing and ready to stop the death games, but it was the players who kept them going. And the Puzzler completely breaks character as well, and you can hear him plainly ask the players if they "really don't want to hang out with them". Once they press him to continue, Jerma resumes his Puzzler persona. I think Jerma is one of the oldest cast members, and I think he's been brainwashed and memory programmed and reprogrammed so many times that Showfall's methods are starting to not work on him. Another moment I thought was strange is when Sneeg is reprogrammed and brought back to the carousel, you can see the Puzzler completely frozen with a horrified expression on his face, but once he's unfrozen by Showfall he goes right back to whatever he was doing. I think Jerma knows, atleast on some level, that things are not as they seem, but he also realizes he's completely powerless in this situation. So he keeps playing his little gameshow persona, and tried to take advantage of the players derailing to stop the death games, and once there were no more options he tries to atleast leave some sort of escape plan for Ranboo, so maybe they can, just maybe, make it out of here. Only for Hetch to ruin it and drag Ranboo off on a series of red harrings.

I sincerly hope we get more of gl!Jerma and I would be estatic with more Puzzler. I just think there's more to his character than we're led to believe but maybe I'm just seeing things. Who knows. Definitely not me lmao

But yeah! I've only watched Gen Loss once so I might be off on these, and maybe on a rewatch I'll get more ideas or theories going.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read!

[antiendovents]

its unfair how when people are like

"you can be a system without trauma UwU"

"i can pretend to have a serious disorder that affects life 24/7 cause I'm so quirky UwU friends in my head OwO"

but when you do the same for other trauma disorders everyone riots. I'm tired. I don't recognize myself in the mirror and I barely know who I am- nothing ever feels real either, and more. and these people think it's fun to cosplay as a system, steal our terms, steal RAMCOA survivors' terms, culturally appropriate, and harm REAL systems WITH TRAUMA?

im exhausted. I'm tired of it. and I hate endos so fucking much it's unreal. If someone irl told me they were an endo, I might punch them in the face.

for the people in the back, YOU. CANT. HAVE. OSDD. OR. DID. WITHOUT. CHILDHOOD. TRAUMA. BEFORE. AROUND. 9. YEARS. OLD!

jasper, he/neos

yeah. endos practically ignore the science of the disorder so they have an excuse to roleplay in non-roleplay areas and have an excuse to invade system spaces. its not only stupid but down right harmful. and the hypocrisy of people claiming to not support trans-ID but also being pro-endo is killing me. like at this point just say you don't believe being a system is a serious thing. you literally support people who practically mock our disorder, yet when it happens to other disorders you hate that? its disgusting.

[as8bakwthesage]

I feel like if I ever get popular on Youtube or something, people are gonna talk shit about me like I’m [insert Youtuber here who I don’t like] or something

So just to get it out of the way - all the “controversial” opinions I’ve ever had:

I am anti-q slur (with the exception that you can call yourself that)

Endogenic “systems” aren’t real/the only way to have DID/OSDD is through serious trauma

“believe all victims” is not the end all and be all and I prefer to wait before calling someone a piece of shit (look at what happened to Kwite)

age gap relationships are not problematic (though minor/adult shit is a big NO)

pansexuality as an identity is redundant since bisexuality already exists and pansexuality has a transphobic history

neogenders (stargender/catgender/etc) are uncomfortable because they undermine actual trans and non-binary people’s identities

neopronouns are valid because the english language is fluent and in old english there used to be even more pronouns than we have today so why not have more variety

teenagers on tiktok who claim to have x/y/z disorders need to get a life

underage drinking/smoking is fine just to try it (I mean if you’re a teenager over the age of 14/15 and you wanna try alcohol or smoking with parental supervision that’s totally fine)

drug addicts are people too, stop using the word just to describe someone liking something

excuses of “we shouldn’t have children because of the way the world is headed :(” is eugenics

autism isn’t a quirky cutesy disorder because having ASD is a disorder, it’s not fun and games - overstimulation, sensory issues, executive dysfunction, lack of social awareness are all serious struggles that even high functioning autistic people struggle with

free palestine (zionists suck)

landback is good and it needs to happen on a larger scale

native americans have every right to kick out anyone who isn’t native off of our land

there is a lot of disgusting anti-blackness in leftist spaces

people who claim to deradicalise people don’t actually deradicalise people

communism as a concept sounds cool and could be implemented well but (much like capitalism) it’s existence was brought upon by genocide, mass amount of needless human suffering, and exploitation of workers

mary-sue is not a criticism

christianity (which does mean catholicism, orthodox, protestantism, and all the other sects under those groups) should not exist in it’s current form

christians need to get tougher skins

religion and cult are the same things, it’s just a matter of who is in power to determine what is a religion and what is a cult even though they are literally one in the same

And I think that’s it :)

[sian4chatsworth]

Size

Paloma Elsesser

Model Paloma Elsesser joins Precious Lee and Jill Kortleve on the cover of the April issue of British Vogue, under the tagline the "new supers". The trio are a powerful force within the industry, who all share a vision for purposeful fashion and imagery and ask for a more thoughtful and inclusive approach. Paloma is one of the most influential models on the circuit, and was named Model of the Year by Models.com in 2020. In the April issue, she describes confronting an industry that is largely white and thin-centric, and getting to a place where she feels supported "alongside my sisters and the game".

The Brilliant Women Who Brought London Fashion Week To Life

The mood was high on female empowerment at London Fashion Week, as designers cast women of all ages, ethnicities and sizes to model their condensed collections, born during the reflective period instigated by the global pandemic.

Devyn Garcia

Devyn Garcia is very much of and defining the moment, inspired by and moving into the space opened up by models and fellow i-D cover stars like Precious Lee and Paloma Elsesser.

They’re a generation of models broadening what we see in fashion, and Devyn has found herself emerging into the spotlight, effortlessly encapsulating the new mood of freedom in fashion.

Paloma: I wonder also whether the fact that you’re dealing with social media as you start out, has that affected you at all? How do you see yourself? How do you see your body? Your identity?

Devyn: I personally don’t like social media. I find myself comparing myself to other girls - whether it’s the work we’re doing or how we look. We all have our days where we feel super confident. In general, I love the way I look, I love this little mark on my body. And then some days I want to crawl into a hole and just lay there. So I do still find myself comparing myself to other girls where it’s like, oh, why isn’t my stomach as flat as hers? There’s another side of it too - that a picture never captures how you look in real life at all; whether it’s a picture from a professional photographer, or just something taken on an iPhone. Sometimes you look smaller. Sometimes you look bigger. You don’t look like that.

Zoe Elyse

Signed with Wilhelmina Models, Zoe Elyse's career as a petite model has garnered her a following of over 75k followers on Instagram. Known for her quirky style and edgy personality, Zoe interlaces her work with her personal life in an act of transparency.

The petite model explained in an interview with Dazey Lady that becoming a model at her height was a difficult road to head down. "It doesn't happen overnight and the let downs I've experienced only push me forward and help me grow." Zoe's passion for the industry and support from her family kept her eyes on the prize.

Now, Zoe posed for a Teen Vogue campaign and has modelled for Refinery29 to Dolls Kill. She continues to push onwards and truly believes modelling should be based on skill, not body requirements.

"Have fun and don't take yourself too seriously."

Crystal Renn

Having overcome her eating disorder, Renn is now on a mission to foster self-esteem in young women of all sizes.

A lot of people know about your before and after modelling careers, what do you like about modelling at your current size?

“I don’t have to worry about my weight. I’m not someone who says everyone should be plus or everyone should be thin. I fluctuate. I am what I am. And I don’t think I should gain weight for people. I would never take back my experiences because I learned that at a very young age and that’s helped me in all areas of my life. I think this job has the potential to change young girls and to make them into well-rounded human beings if it’s done right.”

What do you see for yourself in the next 10 years?

“Many, many things! I’d really like to design a line for fuller figured women. I think it would be extremely positive for them because I probably have a different taste in clothes than most of the plus-sized clothes that have been put out there and I’d like to offer that to them in some way.

Harvard Referencing:

Fig 1. MONDADORI PORTFOLIO/GETTY IMAGES. (2022) Paloma Elsesser walking in the Andreadamo spring/summer 2023 show. [Photograph] Available from: https://www.vogue.co.uk/news/article/paloma-elsesser-facts [Accessed: 6th September 2023]

Fig 2. ELIZA SYS. (N/A) "It's The Perfect White Tee" [Online] Available from: https://issuemagazine.com/zoe-elyse/#/ [Accessed: 25th September 2023]

Fig 3. LE SEGRETAIN/GETTY IMAGES. (2010) SAINT TROPEZ, FRANCE - MAY 11: A model walks the runway during the Chanel Cruise Collection Presentation on May 11, 2010 in Saint-Tropez, France. [Photograph] Available from: https://www.glamour.com/story/crystal-renn-hits-the-runway-f [Accessed: 26th September 2023]

SPEDDING, E. (2023) 5 Things You Didn't Know About Paloma Elsesser. [Online] Available from: https://www.vogue.co.uk/news/article/paloma-elsesser-facts [Accessed: 6th September 2023].

NEWBOLD, A. (2020) Meet The Brilliant Women Who Brought London Fashion Week To Life. [Online] Available from: https://www.vogue.co.uk/fashion/article/real-women-london-fashion-week-casting [Accessed: 6th September 2023].

www.youtube.com. (n.d.). Fashion Model Devyn Garcia Discusses Body Inclusivity And Beauty Standards. [online] Available at: https://youtu.be/crFrs297Piw?si=BysJHh12dILOGsEq [Accessed 22 Sep. 2023].

ELSESSER, P. (2021) Devyn Garcia: “I didn’t want to be a typical curvy girl selling a T-shirt.” [Online] Available from: https://i-d.vice.com/en/article/qjbbww/devyn-garcia-interview [Accessed: 22nd September 2023]

DAWSON, N. (N/A) Top 10 Petite Models Changing The Game. [Online] Available from: https://thephotostudio.com.au/all/inspiration/10-petite-models-changing-the-game/ [Accessed: 25th September 2023]

HUFFPOST. (2010) Crystal Renn is Big on Beauty and Brains: Why This Positive Plus-Size Model is Poised to Change Fashion. [Online] Available from: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/crystal-renn-is-big-on-be_b_527831/amp [Accessed: 26th September 2023]

[insertsyscoursehere]

Gonna add more thoughts, sorry if it’s long.

I really do agree on your take with sociological studies being better suited to endogenics. My academic history is with religious studies, which is a really weird sort of mix of literary analysis, human geography, and sociology, so sociological lenses absolutely make more sense.

And yeah that’s the other thing with fakeclaiming—they don’t care and intellectual honesty. Fakeclaimers only desire to silence as many systems as they can because anything outside their rigid worldview is too scary. The truth that’s they either don’t understand or refuse to embrace is that being proven wrong is a wonderful thing. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow and appreciate diversity.

The fakeclaiming really only works when we conflate diagnosis with a final judgement of mental state, when in reality the psychiatry field doesn’t focus on just a single diagnosis, but rather how it manifests.

As a result of newer research, we’re understanding that the brain doesn’t work in binaries generally. We’ve already started motions towards declassifying schizophrenia as a single diagnosis and recontextualizing it into a broader “psychosis spectrum”, which also includes things like psychotic depression.

Dissociative disorders should be headed in a similar direction— dissociative symptoms can be found in several non-CDD disorders, including bipolar depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. But I also think that looking through the differences in symptoms is vital— there’s a difference between dissociation that does and doesn’t result in identity disturbance.

I’ve been fakeclaimed by a psych minor. Granted, his classes were in child and developmental psychology and not AbPsych but it still was awful. Funniest thing? I never claimed to have DID/OSDD. I claimed systemhood because of other disorders that have similar features. And yet it didn’t matter, because why would it?

To the outsider who doesn’t understand, people think we (systems like us) claim systemhood to be quirky or special when there’s nothing special about how our minds adapt to handle turbulence. Our system personally wears it as a badge of honor— we resurfaced as a collective after being forced into dormancy by the same fakeclaimer, who we had FP’ed. So we owe it to ourselves to be honest after trying to be what we aren’t for the comfort of others.

Sorry, back on track.

The fakeclaimers who use 80s papers to justify their asshole behavior are acting the same way that anti-vaxxers act when they bring up that single debunked paper from the 90s— scientific illiteracy is rampant, especially in America. But when we use faulty knowledge to hurt others, it only adds to a stigma that systems— and neurodivergent folks in general— are constantly trying to overcome.

I hope you have a nice day. My weeks been good so far and I wanna send my energy to you now. Cheers!!

—Leveret

i'm starting to think that some of you guys either just don't read medical literature, or don't know how, and just say that you do.