#but I still feel like maybe its just not something im very good at
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What if reader was Curlys teenage daughter and they're bathing together and he's taking his time washing her body and thinking about how much she's grown n stuff.. I think that'd be a neat fic if you have time🌚
okay after embarrassing myself majorly im just posting this. not a fic just a very long fucking drabble… sorry to disappoint anon LOL i have no idea what this is umm it sucks ass i can't lie i didn't even follow the ask LMFAO. cut it down a little bc i hated it so much . original version posted on my ao3… read cws as always!
content warning: 18+, dead dove do not eat, daddy-daughter incest, etc etc
“Wow…” dad grabs at your hips, fondling them while his eyes rake down your body, his expression looking more like awe than perversion. “It’s been a while, huh?”
“Can we just get this over with?”
“Alright, we can get it over with,” Curly lifts you up princess-style, carrying you in his arms like you’re his bride to the bathtub.
“Dad!”
You’re placed in the bubble bath, dad’s taken the time to pick out your favourite sickly sweet scent even if he’s been clear about how it gives him a migraine. He enters after you, maneuvering you to sit in his lap.
Dad leans back, makes these embarrassing sex-like noises that have your cheeks setting ablaze. The fact that you’re both butt fucking naked, stuck in a bathtub meant for one, doesn’t help the situation either.
“This is nice,” he breathes out, pornographic in sound in the way only dad manages to be, pets you on the head and pulls you closer to his chest, “you, me, just like the old times.”
“Yeah…” is all you can offer in reply, mainly because of the way his dick seems to be agreeing with his words—pressing uncomfortably against your hip in its heavy and floppy glory.
He’s mostly soft, which you suppose is a good thing.
Curly washes you like you’re still his baby, struggling to scrub your body squeaky, watery clean ‘cause of the bubbles stubbornly sticking to your skin.
Everything is fine so you let your guard down for approximately one minute and his hands have already wandered off to where they aren’t supposed to be.
“Look at these, baby,” he says like you haven’t been looking at them for years, cupping your breasts in his large palms and feeling up the tits he helped to make. “One day they might be as big as mine.”
Right. Because dad has tittage enough to make Anna Nicole Smith reek out of jealousy.
“Funny.” You click your tongue at him. Dad means well, you think. You just don’t have the heart to tell him that he’s being wildly inappropriate.
“Lighten up, baby.”
“I’m all grown up now, dad, it’s… kind of weird.” He’s like a puppy, if you get stern with him he’ll start pouting and near keeling.
“All grown up? Honey, you’re my little girl. Always.”
You’ll be my little girl even when you’re fourty, you’ll be my little girl even when I’ve kicked the bucket—
“Even if you walk around with these babies” dad squeezes your tits, chuckles like it’s the most normal thing in the world when you yelp, “nowadays.”
(You’ve had them for as long as you can remember. Maybe he’s just been too busy fucking around up in the galaxy to notice.)
“I’ve been walking around with these,” you pluck his hands off your chest and he wraps them back around your waist—and much to your surprise, dad takes it, stays like that.
“Whatever you say.”
It comes to a point where you’ve both been in the tub for so long that your fingers are starting to get pruny, wrinkling up like raisins.
Dad’s hands drift slowly, very indiscreetly, down your tummy until his fingertips brush against your mound. You’re almost praying it’s an accident, frozen like a stone statue in his lap.
“Are you…?” He trails off, seemingly a bit taken aback of his own question.
“…Am I what?”
Sick? Wet? Legal? A virgin?
“Nothing,” he says but starts feeling around like he’s searching for something. A nagging voice in the back of your head tells you that ‘something’ might be your hymen.
“I can—I can wash… down there myself, dad,” grabbing his hands to stop them from going any further, your heart’s beating so hard in your chest you can feel it in your throat. You swallow it.
“Right. Yeah.” Curly finally retreats, spurting out a half-assed excuse, “sorry, sweetheart.” It’s like he’s on another planet.
Yet your stomach flares up with a heat you definitely should not be feeling at your dad’s touch—or lack thereof.
It comes out before you can stop yourself, “why are you acting so weird?” Like you’re not the one with clenching thighs and a blanket of buzzing arousal over you as you speak.
“Weird? Honey, I’m not—“ dad cuts himself off, sighs and starts over. “I just… missed my girl. Feel bad for spending so much time away from you,” he admits quietly, saddened as he looks down and strokes your tummy under the water. “Didn’t get to see you grow up.”
“Oh,” that does not explain things. “It’s okay, dad.”
“No, I shouldn’t have touched you like that, baby.” He buries his face in the crook of your neck, and you wonder if he’ll start sobbing.
Maybe you’ll let him stay like this for just a little while longer.
“I can show you,” you take a moment before deciding to guide one of his hands back to your breast, the other to cup your mound. “How much I’ve grown up.”
A lone rubber duck floating amongst the bubbles judges you.
#♡. fraise's drabbles#cw incest#mouthwashing smut#mouthwashing curly#dead dove fic#dead dove do not eat#dddne#dark fic#curly mw#curly x reader#curly mouthwashing smut#curly mouthwashing#mw curly#curly#captain curly x reader#curly x you#curly mouthwashing x reader
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We’re going down, down the sea lads. Hold onto your sheep!
The Lighthouse Commentary- (bc one of you lovelies suggested it :))
Sam’s face immediately starting strong because what XD
“... you cant close up a lighthouse.” Sam’s initial confusion. Oh brother this is gonna be fun…
Luke’s cackling off to the side as Tom grins
“I meant for me.” Quick save AJ, nicely done, very good
“Its quite late.” “it is really late!” Aj sounds ready to genuinely cry, i feel like this was performed at a really late time in real life and AJ wants to go to bed lol
“Maybe this job isn't for yoUUU!” idk but i like the way he said it- also still feel like they’re referencing the comedy show/real life and not the characters in the play- idk why i feel like this but something about their speaking patterns lmao
“This job is for me!” >:(
“Lighthouse-man.” “li-lighthouse-man?” “yeah. yeah.” Thats right Aj- stand your ground!
“Im doing this on internship-” “you're doing an internship-” glad you both got to say it boys, really solidified the internship bit, nice
“I've never seen a woman. I don't- what's that?” AJ making everything more drastic and chaotic, perfect, that's what i like to see XD
And breaking Sam along with it, beautiful
“The LIGHT!” reaches for it- ok aj, commit, nice :D
The eyes rolling allllll the way into the back of his head is totally not terrifying-
“The light is great. The light keeps sheeps- ships-sheets-” AJ breaking fully as he explodes a laugh but trying to maintain character at the same time is hilarious he looks like he's shitting XD
“There's nothing like the light of a woman's laughter.” damn sam. That's poetic. If my future partner don't say that i don't want ‘em
Tom’s little sheep mehhrrr is beautiful
“A rumspringa.” Sam purposefully using words he knows AJ doesn't know what they mean- asshole XD
“You know the amish.” “...yeees?” “.Go on.” Sam you menace XD
AJ throwing a glance at Tom for help
“Why are you telling ME to go on? You brought it up!” Fair point, very fair point, Sam’s just being mean lmaoo
Ok AJ does not, in fact, know who Amish are, but its fine, after a quick little giggle break Sam is incorporating a family called Amish into the story, so its fine XD
“Going down… down the sea.” I appreciate his commitment i gotta be honest
“Do- do you mean South?” They just cant let AJ have anything can they? Lol
“Do you know what happened?” Sam: “...i think i can guess” LMAOOO
“Through the smoke..” “the smoke?!?!?” Sam is genuinely concerned lol. “Through the smoke, cause there was fire on the ship.” “oh shit!” Sam did not see that coming XD
“Through the- it was really bad!” Now aj feels the need to explain his story, wonderful
Luke giving flashback noises, and AJ just repeating them??? Brilliant teamwork boys, 10/10 lol
Tom, of course, cant be excluded: keep going DOWN lads!!! Keep going DOWN the sea!!!
Luke and Tom have casually taken over the scene now XD
“By the way- by “down the sea” do you mean south???” They just really cant let Aj live!!!! Lmaooo
“My brother passed away.” oh my gods Aj what kind of lore are you giving yourself????
‘“MY SON! MY ONLY SON!” Luke, no no, Aj is still alive- “APART FROM MY OTHER SON!” There you go, now Aj keeps going- “WHO I DON'T RESPECT AT ALL!!!” now that just seems unnecessary - XD
“THE CONSTANT DISAPPOINTMENT!” Oh luke is still going, oka- “I BET HE’D RATHER BE ON FUCKING LAND!!” Luke!!! Let him finish his traumatic backstory about why he wants to be a lighthouse keeper!!!! Come on!!! XD
“So I don't care- bout how fucking great women are!” the smile as he says it because ohhh noo thats not how he meant that to come across at all lmaooo XD
“Im just saying… give it a go.” And that was too much for AJ and we get another quick laugh, beautiful
Sam casually stealing the chair luke was going to sit on to force him to grab another one lol
“Oh the sheep aren't shitting like they used to.” I love how unwilling they are to let a single mistake go, its absolutely fantastic lol! Also Sam’s sheep impression is spot on
“Daughter.” “oh!” Tom was not expecting that to be his role, but ok then :)
“Like someones- shutting the curtains randomly!” Side eyes AJ hard
[sheep panic]
[sheep straining] love how sams automatic reaction is to just do the opposite of what luke said lol
“The sheep are just too inbred.” Sam:... *wait a fucking minute*..? He took that personally lmaooo
“That ones got a mostly bald face.” Luke: *looks at Aj* Sam: *also looks around* Tom: no you you fucking idiots-
[sheep baas] fuck you -sam really did take it personally, but then again, Tom also made it personal XD
“The easen- eastern portion.” “the easen-eastern portion yeah.” Tom XD
“Look at this sheep holding another sheep!” Tom, i just don't think thats what his stagecraft is lol
Sam: *contemplating how to do this*... wasn't what i was going for, but…
Luke's explosion of laughter and the way Tom made direct eye contact with Sam when he said it lol
“Oh no my eyes betray me!” *waits expectantly for a clue as to wtf sam is holding*
“The quality of the wooool is poor.” He really needed to emphasize that word lol.
“Fuck you.” are those the only words this sheep can say???XD
“Going under? You mean its going- “down the sea”??” Tom really missed not being a part of the first scene i think…
“South you might say.” But only might! ;)
“Maybe we could send the sheep?” Tom sounds genuinely surprised that he himself suggested it
“I would be up for, sending the sheep *starts giggling* to be the main character!” *sam preparing himself, fastening up a tie and grabbing his briefcase* “of this story!” i love how both Tom and Sam are fashioning it in a way as though they are asking Luke for permission to do it XD
“Are you sure? Cause i was throwing it out there but..” of course now you backpedal Tom- make it his fault if the plot fails XD- smarttttt
“Why don't we go together?” “ahh fuck.” Sam really hates this storyline lmaooo
“You know i've never seen a man!” Sam’s absolutely done with all of them lmaoooooo
SAM! For legal reasons i will not be transcribing the action he did, but i shall give you the captions- [;)]
“They want one☝️thing!” “And whats that?” “se-ee-ex.” Luke’s disappointed turn around to look at Sam while he barely holds it together XD
“Well where are they gonna get that???” Tom, you beautiful beautiful child, his only purpose right now is to piss off the other three and i adore that for him
HES LITERALLY GIGGLING- this man is too cute omg-
Sam: *in sheep gesticulation* please just send me, i don't care that i have to play two characters in one scene, and that one of them is a sheep, tom is out of his fucking mind, please luke you know its smart-
Or at least thats what i got from it
Luke’s little giggle and pat of Sam’s arm when Aj cuts their scene 🤧 so cute-
“Whats it like up there?” “Sorry?” *gets terrifyingly close* “whats. It. like. Up. there.” Aj looks disgusted and mildly put off but not totally concerned and i love that for their friendship :)
“Its fucking dark though.” Luke is bamboozled. “Oh its fuck- you think its fucking dark up there??? With a great big fucking light?!?!” he slipped accents there for a sec and went into distraught Luke lol (i don't think aj knows how a lighthouse works, or what it even is, and if the boys knew that then they are evil and brilliant, and if they didn't then its still amusing as hell XD)
“Shining *starts laughing as AJ also breaks* in your eyes???” AJ is struggling to get the story right lol. “Do you have any idea what you do for a job???” I think Luke is genuinely curious lmaoo
Sam now having to step in because AJ has confused him too much so he has to clarify it too XD they're such idiots and i adore it
Tom joining the scene because he feels left out- classic
“Ill settle this honey-” oh sam 🫣
“NO IT WAS-” “AAAEEHHUUHUHAA!” Mocking each other like proper siblings XD this is the best thing ever
“I just wanted some fresh air :(“ leave him alone sam! “In the basement.” ofc the last jabbed parting words XD
AJ’s annoyed grin. “Alright- fucking- im outside now!” LMAOOOO
“Will you stop standing with your hooves on your hips?” Sam: *casually strikes a pose and baas annoyingly with a grin because he knows itll piss Tom off more* XD
Again, for legal reasons, not going to transcribe that 😑
“Excuse me-?” “oh!” Tom’s little gasp that makes Luke have to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop laughing. Gorgeous boys
“Its a man..” The quiet awe- tom you're brilliant omg never change
“What the fuck are you?” YESS!!!! Both sides XD this is the best thing in my life
“You're- you're a woman.” even tom cant stop his grin- they are such cuties omfg-
“Supposed to be a man are you?” Sam, never one to let an insult aimed at AJ go unnoticed: [baaa] nice ✋
“Thats right im a lighthouse keeper.” “[baa] what?” Sam cocking his head because wow Aj you just casually stole his job and lied to the first woman you've ever met. Tsk tsk
“Whats your name?” “poppy.” ok aj you're off the hook because now Sam is looking at Tom judgmentally lmaooo
“Oh its cause your sisters called poppy oh alright.” ….. Excuse me for one second. *leaves to go scream into the void* im back….. They just FUCKING- KNOW?>?????? THE NAME OF HIS SIST- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *im gonna go die of cuteness for one sec gimme a moment* idk why but the subtle reminders they are friends and actually know each other kill me. Anyway carry on-
Luke loosing it as Tom connects the dots and Tom motioning the “gears turning” to AJ to try and get him to get it too XD
(Atp they've just abandoned the “yes, and?” joke and started a “aj said one thing wrong once and now we’re gonna make this entire play all about it” and honestly, im here for it)
Also atp they're just competing to see who can make Sam stay in the scene and stand the longest and who can annoy the others the most and i am even more here for that lol
“My dad named me after the sheep.” the way Sam’s tongue is in his cheek as he watches Tom incorporate it into the story and his slow turn away
“Shes an old sheep now.” Sams eyebrows shoot into his hairline
“My names Clint.” “Clint?” Tom’s eyebrows are also in his hairline. “Are you sure?” (psst, Master Ybobb! Its bobby)
Tom treating Sam’s [baaing] as the translator game and just going off the rails lmaoo
“But the lights inside the curtain.” and thats too much for Sam- the way he leans against Tom for emotional support is so cute- 😭💗
Sam is soooo close to ripping his hair out, Tom is thoroughly enjoying whatever the hell i going on, and Luke is just laughing at them all
“Are all men this stupid?” Sam’s head bob as he points to Aj- help😭 hes trying his best guys! (seriously tho, what does Aj think a lighthouse is?)
“Are all women like you?” AJ had to come up with something didn't he lol
“Im just trying to be a good lighthouse keeper and im new at it!” poor baby. “Well you're clearly not.” ooooooohhhhhh. Damn tom. Ruthless
“My sheep will deal with you.” Smart Tom, very smart
AJ just casually stemming his hand against Sam’s forehead XD
“One.. two… three.” Sam, baby i just don't think hes gonna pick up on that 😭
“Im not sure whats happening.” yeah…
“Oh please know what this is.” Sam sounds genuinely distressed, poor guy😭😂
More cocaine, poor sam
Sam and Tom are done with him 😭
“I've just got this bitch here-” AJ thoroughly enjoyed caling Tom that lol XD
“You cheeky fuck.” Aj though he could sit down lol
“Its nice to have a female presence in the lighthouse.” “thank you.” Turns judgmentally to Aj
“Your intern? Your INTERN, is it?” wow Tom, not holding back at all, very nice XD
[one more!] audience member i love you- especially because its funny but also because it made luke laugh lol
“Someones right on the rule of three :D” *seems genuinely overjoyed at this fact* “don't give it to em” “I wont!” oh come on guys!! “Make them wait for it!” thank you sam “Ill make them wait- THE INTERN!” diva turn and he gave us what we wanted, perfection
Ajs grin when it happens too, Sam might be suffering, but the other three are thoroughly enjoying this lol
“By the way whats his name?” “clint.” oh no sam not you too!
“Clint.” Tom sounds so judgy 😭
Sam: they say his father was a sea-men Tom: *eyebrows shoot up, then back down* thats how all little boys are made, aye
TOM!!! XD
“Sorry who- who offered you any part of it? I DIDN'T OFFER YOU ANY PART OF IT!” gorgeous work tom, flawless
“But he never talks about his mum.” guys, its almost the end of the play, why are we adding more plot???
“It seems like you want to give me some sort of backstory.” some people might call this meta, but if i were having a convo with a dude and they said this line, i would also think they want to give me backstory lol
“The light!” “the curtains!” at least they picked up on both stagecrafts. “Why would that make any difference?” “why both-?” “why both?” “why not just one of those things- *starts laughing*” they really cant let aj rest at all can they?? Lol
“Now the light isn't getting in from the outside!” Tom’s spin, now hes starting to get a little done with AJ just like Sam lol! “Oh! If only the curtains were open, this lightbulb would be giving light!” poor AJ 😭😂
“-head like a fucking egg-” fully breaks character and shatters the fourth wall XD
“Hey you! You bald fucker!” Sam: *gasps as though he hasn't just said the literal exact thing only slightly less bluntly* :0
“Yes? Can i help you?” Luke annoyed now too, glorious XD
“Grant i don't need you, fuck off grant.” “i feel like we've bullied him a lot today.” you don't say XD Lukes helpless shrug. “I know but hes pissed me off!” I love the way Aj just stays out of frame lol- hes not getting involved until he has to
“You called me a bald fucker.” AJ’s strut onto the stage is iconic “i've got a whole head of hair in this scene you little twat.” Luke and Aj both laughing at each other- cuties.
“Hey!” now Tom joins, because the scene wasn't chaotic enough. “What are you calling this 6’5 muscular powerhouse a little twat for?!?!” XD i cant anymore-
“Im gonna leave again!” you do that King
[sheep running off a cliff]
[sheep landing SPECTACULARLY]
“The one who gets made fun of. *brilliant mocking of Sam follows, beautiful*” theyre such siblings your honor its wonderful
“Stupid egg!” Sam’s cackle off stage is amazing
“What do you mean they make fun of you?” AJ’s grin as he circles luke- luke you literally started the scene with “you bald fucker!” like come on, XD
“James, the lighthouse keeper. And this new *starts laughing* bitch woman that i just met!”
“I hope you're not talking about my daughter!?!?” “Was she tall?” “Aye.” “like freakishly tall-” trying desperately to level the playing field XD help aj-
“Aye, like me! 6’5!” Luke really enjoyed Tom’s addition didn't he lol
“Weirdly tall.” “yeah yeah yeah, weirdly tall yeah. HUGE adams apple.” oh so now theyre teaming up on tom, i see, i see- theyre such fucking siblings dude XD
*laughing at their skilled insults together*
“My mother was wonderful.” “...okay.” yeah Luke, just smile and nod, good plan, who knows what to answer to that in these situations because i sure don't
“It seems like you wanna give us some sort of backstory…” sneaky sam, sneaky sneaky…
*exits while baaaing* AJ: *no no, we cant let this go* no you come here *the finger flick he does- help* Luke: *because he is a gremlin agent of chaos* no no you come here,
Poor sam doesn't get a break from a single scene 😭 thats what he gets for trying to be a cheeky sneaky little shit tho lmaooo
“She said “go.” *makes direct eye contact* “go down the sea.” yes AJ!!! SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!!!
Sam singing quietly in the background, not sure what hes singing but its great, adds ambiance
“Anyway what’d you want?” *forgets what scene hes in* “Im having a stroke over here.” luke please help him out XD
“It was my wife.” *dramatic gasp* Sam: *obliterates the fourth wall as a sheep* what a twist
“Good thing he didn't fuck your daughter.” Sam go back to being a sheep and baaing please-
AJ’s small smile as he appreciates Sam’s joke
“I wish this sheep would run off a fucking cliff.” getting his anger out for all the jokes XD
LUke laughing- with the tongue in his cheek- ahh hes so cute
Sam just flipping Aj off and making him laugh before finally getting to leave a scene XD
“Mario come back!” Tom having drag Sam from the chair because fucks sake he just got to sit down- but nope! Hes gotta be in every scene lmaoooo
“You're gonna be here til the bitter end.” Sam’s head hang of sadness as Tom breaks the fourth wall lol
“Father, have i missed some plot details?” I fear you might've poppy. Also sam rubbing his nose as an aside to pretend seeking cocaine again, brilliant
“I saw you die that day.” “no- no” “no-” “oh gods.” they're all so disappointed its wonderful XD
“Ill use all my human bits okay?” So the inbred joke did grant some uses didn't it Sam?
“Whats wrong with your sheep?” AJ taking joy in pointing out their mistakes now lol
“We gotta finish this show in five minutes-” Sam is done lmaoooo
“Im getting madness from the lighthouse-” The way sam pauses his struggle to actually laugh at that and grabs AJ’s waist, idk why i guess he just needed to hold onto someone to keep from falling apart at the seams-
“I am a sheep. *deep inhale* I’m gonna do some cocaine.” i think that was just sam and not sheep sam… XD
Sam: *finally gets to sit down* “You are my half son-” Sam: *fuck* no- no- no -NO
“You- nothing- NOTHING!” real sam coming out again… lmaooo
“So you, you're my cousin!” Tom fully understood what was happening, he was the only one who remembered bobby’s name- he was just being a litte shit and i fully believe that- AJ’s grin reveals he knows it too- fuckng hell- and Luke’s little jump as he screams “NO!” is adorable
AJ and Tom grinning at each other like dorks while Sam loses it and Luke tries to separate them
“WILL YOU-” AJ and Tom making eye contact and nodding, because hell yeah this bit’ll get ‘em goooood “MARRY ME?!?!”
Sam explodes, Luke finally decides to end the chaos, and Tom and AJ are thoroughly enjoying themselves
Tom’s little backrub for Sam at the end… awwww
And luke’s consoling pat as AJ just grins and Sam tries not to murder them all XD
@flamingbluepanda @snek-of-eden @dawn-speckled
Sooooo an alternate title for the video could just be “Four Best Friends Competing to Piss Each Other Off The Most” but, y'know, i like The Lighthouse too.
Anyway this was one of the most chaotic, belly aching, cheeks hurting play of theirs i have seen up to date and i loved every minute of it. AJ was just adding more plot and plotholes, Tom’s only goal was to antagonize everyone who stepped into his line of vision, (specifically Sam), Luke was somewhat trying to follow the plot but mainly just going for insults and gremlin activities, and Sam was losing his mind. :) beautiful. 10/10.
(also, the way that this is one of the only plays where they forget to say “and hopefully an end” is kinda ironic lmaoo)
anyway hope you enjoyed it as much as i did :)
#sfth#shoot from the hip#the lighthouse#sam russell#tom mayo#luke manning#alexander jeremy#it was beautiful#i cant breathe#screaming#anywho#platonic soulmates#i think they all owe sam a drink#or some actual cocaine#besties#Youtube
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i thought itd be fun to document my reactions to the prologue on notes so this is just a copypaste of that. dont expect anything detailed at all mostly just 'ooh this character is cute' and. itll be that for all of them cause i dont dislike any characters at all:
[Student X]
airi feels extremely traumatised already
god bless student 4 is so real
ah shit student 6 intro is so cool with the student 1 connections
student 9 has good vibes i like em
STUDENT 11 <3 [manami]
i feel like student 12 is the type of character to have an *interesting* fanbase /neu
TAMBA THATS THE ONE I LIKED shes sweet omg
[Interviews]
isono is so cute i love the butterfly vibes. also i like the more mysterious vibe change near the end, its intruiging! i see her as the type to put on a strong/overly positive façade but i guess thats a pretty surface level observation
uh oh i think im just gonna call all these characters cute. harada is very cute. i love animal likers. not much more to say
(sidenote, it kinda sucks being willingly spoiled on a media youre not into. and then you decide to get into it, and you recognise these things you know play a part in the story. totally my fault lol)
chiba has the biggest 'probably have gone through the Horrors' energy to me just cause like. child star. she really intrigues me personality wise though. (oh maybe she is 17 ?? theres a lot of mystery here already which i like - she has a doctor too) fun!
ooh i was looking at designs and i liked kamimura too a lot. (side note is the interviewer straight up The Mastermind that would be neat i think) I like his voice a lot btw!! i like the energy
hayashi is so cool omg thats it . genuinely its nice to someone actually this defiant like Yeah fuck em up
oh wada is the guy whos i guess a fan of isono! probably too much of a fan! wonder about their interactions for sure... hes actually really cute. also this interviews getting deep.
sasaki is so cutr omg my type is glasses. the studious archetype is really cool and... dies early a lot of the time?? so uh good luck !!
aww childrens book illustrator <3 i really like ojima he seems nice!!
oh yeah okazaki had a cool asf design. ive. heard like One spoilery comment about her but its okay no i didnt. i really likw the intonation of 'im an open book'. (also i like how most of this cast have "no phobias" which i guess could be true?? but yeah no im not spilling that either) i like her vibes a lot rn though :D
demonologist?????? okay dude. this guy is interesting! /pos
oh oh im gonna like tsuno a Lot. and could i assume a lot more than other people? just based off how energetic she is. she has a lil fang :D hope shes not dead
i really like the vocal perforamance in hiroakis one btw. oh wait dude people ship hirojima. thats The ship in this fandom right. i love his energy btw. he dgaf (until the character development hits) also i assume youre not meant to see that little strip of glasses shading as eyes but i totally do and it makes him 100x goofier i love it
Tamba is the character I put as my favourite pre-reaction so i remember her [Student X]. loving the contrast of attitudes between them(understandably) and i do actually like her a lot here!!!! tamba nation!!!!
theres a few shyboys in this cast and i think at least one of them has to be evil or generally has a personality change or something. right? But right now theyre all cuties <3 including hasagawa
firedancer is a cool talent. lotta cool talents in this one actually. she also has fangs yippee!! watari having an unconventional talent seems to be bringing her a lot of stress though, makes sense. love the vibes
fancy boy. i thought he and tamba could be related or something at first bc. omg light blonde hair!!!! if a character mentions another cjaracter in this ill assume theyre a ship. uhhhh sasanagi
okay so right now im a big Tsuno enjoyer shes a real cutie. still liking tamba a lot!! okazaki is my favourite design. as for the boys i like harada and hiroaki for totally different reasons. and i think i want to learn the most about chiba right now :D
the voice acting in this is great btw and im really looking forward to the rest!!
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so, i actually got curious, because i'm approaching this from a legal perspective, and im consuming the audiobook, i got a pdf and went to look at it
the tithe itself is described to be income based, and where they are spending the money is very clearly laid out. he spent fifty years without charging it + he gave them an extra month at this point to give them time to prepare, which does seem fair.
what is not fair, is the fact that he can hunt them down if they don't pay... which i did get the impression tamlin did not plan to do it, but hey, its tamlin, he is always a double agent, maybe he was going to hunt them down.
they can pay however they want. and we only get one person who cannot pay for it, which is the water wraith, which canonically consumes everything in front of them, which makes it impossible for them to actually have something left over to pay the tithe.
a city that doesn’t force its citizens to give up their possessions even when they’re suffering to someone who doesn’t need it and still benefiting from protection and prosperity.
while velaris is generally prosperous. we do learn in frost and starlight (which is where i'm at right now) that there are slums. nesta is living in one. it does mean that whoever else is living there, is paying the same taxes as the inner court and the rest of the rich people in the city.
i think the problem with the tithe is that it was a show of power. in the throne room, people having to bow to their high lord. which i agree is really weird (though equivalent to what happened in historical times, and the spring court does seem to be more medieval coded than the night court).
i do feel that feyre's illiteracy in tax matters does play a role here. because she is reacting emotionally to what happened (which she has a right to! she is not in a good place and seeing a place where people dont have to bow down, OR ARE HUNTED DOWN BY THEIR HIGH LORD IF THEY CANT PAY) it probably feels great.
however. there is never any pushback. amren presents it as a good thing, as superior, they are being unreliable narrators of their own system, and i find that interesting!
i prefer to read this as unreliable narrators and illiteracy, than a SJM mistake (which... possibly could have been).
like, im just being an annoying pedantic lawyer and got really excited to talk about tax systems.
i know it is not the point, but i cannot stop thinking about the tax system in acotar
in the spring court, which is an agrarian land, which does not appear to have large cities, they have a tithe. which is usually a certain percentage of your income + it was used in older times as an opportunity for people to come before their ruler and ask for what they needed. [i will not get into tamlin's actions surrounding this cause... really, i just want to talk about taxes].
in a court of mist and fury, amren says that people in velaris have to pay a sales tax (what illyrians and the court of nightmares pay is not clear).
and feyre sees this as a good thing, taxes vs tithe, but i'd actually argue, that the system tamlin had, is usually regarded in modern times to be more progressive, as it effects those with greater means the heaviest.
a sales tax means that both rhys (who is rolling in money) and the poorest velaris resident, is paying the same tax, which is making goods and services more expensive. therefore, the same good is a lot more expensive (to the overall budget) to someone who is poorer, while for rhys, it is a bargain! think about it: he is not paying income tax on his enormous wealth!
like, i know feyre did not know how to read. but... she had to hunt. she had to haggle in the market. were there no taxes on the human land?? considering she was poor, wouldn't she understand that a tax on bread harms families a lot more??
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#my ex with who I broke up with two years ago bc she wants to have kids and i dont told me that she’s pregnant today!!#and im super happy for her and also very happy we broke up#bc my dreams of family are mostly stuff like being able to share a house/neighborhood with my closest friends and grow old together#sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever feel like dating again might feel like a good idea#but I still feel like maybe its just not something im very good at#or something that is for me#when I always end up losing too much of myself#anyways happy holidays or whatever#brought to you by lying awake at 2am thinking abt my life and choices
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made the mistake of reading through the political discussions on my big family groupchat that I usually keep muted. you must never do such a thing.
#like i knew that a lot of them are conservatives or republicans or whatever but man. even the ones who lean left are still well. mormon.#ive been really back and forth on whether or not i should come out to them but tbh. i have started to lean more toward Not.#when i came out as a nonbinary lesbian they all collectively smiled and nodded and then swept it under the rug never to be seen again#and i let them do it bc i was too afraid to try and stand up for myself. and i was conditioned not to also.#but me being trans is a lot harder to ignore. both bc im fucking tired of being treated like a rug and bc i hope to get a legal name change#and surgery and all that good shit.#but i really dont know how to go about doing all that without having to come out Somehow.#i guess i could always just. cut contact or something. but idk im reluctant to do that bc i still rely on my dad for money/insurance/etc#i dunno.#i wouldnt want to cut off my siblings but i dont know if i want to come out to them either.#idk.#im just fucking scared man. like i knew that for the most part my familys politics suck donkey nuts#but it was just really insane reading thru the chat bc even the ones who i had always thought were Safer are. well. not.#theres only 2 people in my family i fully trust and would actually love to come out to and one of them is my gay uncle (<3)#and the other is my aunt who is the ONLY. other person in my ENTIRE extended family. who has left the church.#i barely see her too bc for obvious reasons she dont hang around much. lmao#but idk. im rambling and melancholic its 1130 pm#my problem here is that there are members of my family i do want to come out to#but thatll very quickly lead to Everyone knowing. and i know im not ready for that.#hrhrggh.#maybe ill come out to my brother next time we talk. as a sort of test run.#im already a lot braver than i used to be and hopefully maybe someday ill be brave enough to come out#and then immediately fuck off into the sunset with my friends <3#sigh.#if im still wanting to come out to my brother by tomorrow when im of sound mind then i think i will.#we'll see how i feel after i sleep. lmao.#winter speaks#personal#we're entering Introspective Hours here at scattered winter dot com
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Every appearance of the red-haired menace that is early Laurence forces me to sit here and stew upon how I will fix his introduction in the rewrite. As a coping mechanism. Unfortunately since I can't remember the parts where his character isn't just harassment so I can't cook with the themes the way I'd like to. Like the way he calls Aph "my love" after she very explicitly in the text of the game tells him not to do that... bad vibes. I think I could rock with his character if he'd done the same sort of approach in hitting on Aphmau as heavily, but the moment she lays down an actual boundary, he backs way the hell off. I could even fuck with her trying to be subtle about the boundary and him not getting it and continuing to make her uncomfortable before she snaps at him and he apologizes, saying that he truly didn't mean anything by it, and he respects the boundary she lays like his life depends on it from then on out. It would create some immediate complexity in his need for explicit communication, and backs up the sort of deeper character hinting they seem to try to do when he's talking about Castor and Cadenza, this idea that he deeply cares, if being a bit pushy on accident. It would also make a good detail fueling the conflicts later on with the love triangle that can sort of prevent Laurence from looking like TOO much of a dickhead (him being unaware or misinterpreting situations, and the delicate nature of it making him uncomfortable asking questions, is a compelling reason to see somebody hurting his friends' feelings, and makes him significantly more sympathetic, opening him up for feelings of remorse and guilt).
#mcd#minecraft diaries#jeremiahs mcd notes#laurence mcd#i want autisic/adhd king laurence and im not even remotely joking#i think it would add a lot to his character to give him those struggles#if i'm recalling his character right anyways#i am still very early in the series#But i do recall vaguely there being conflicts where I was absolutely not on his side#and i had a very strong sense of justice as a kid so i imagine that i'm not making that up#but also its been 8 years so who knows#but i think he can still very much get off on the wrong foot with aph and it can still be good#i think honestly having him get off on the wrong foot and then work to make it up to her would be good as hell#bc it's a situation in which she sees him be willing to work on himself without much prompting#(aka as soon as he's told there's an issue he starts to work on it and she doesn't have to ask)#and she goes oh actually. you know what. maybe hes not a dick.#and she starts to be more comfortable around him over time#It might create this dynamic where it feels like he's always trying to catch up to her level#Always apologizing always being the wrong one#and then eventually when she does something that he can't just smile and bear#(as all friends hurt each other on accident one time or another#it is unavoidable we are but human and i believe Laurence would let a lot of things slide bc he knows how much she's had to forgive him for#And I can see as well it not going over well bc aphmau is not used to the idea of being the wrong one#and she had a reason for what she did and she gets defensive#Causing an uncomfortable moment of tension#I also think that there could be a good spot where Garroth is being more controlling as to try to protect aph and she is bothered by it#feeling in that moment very robbed of control and like he's not listening to her#and then here's laurence#who is willing to build himself anew brick by brick with her input#Like this is how I would overthink it if I wanted a true love triangle conflict introduced to the plot here
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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.
#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean#so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him#a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww#i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now#but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting#so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3#and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that#so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it#anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of#doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes#all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups#(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really#tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze#i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time#but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it#will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy#would be. and i cant do that for him#again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go#'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad#ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not#because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience#to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever#because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it#^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows#idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster#about it and i want it so bad
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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there are times when you write something and it's not your best , but somewhere out there whether you know it or not you just made someone really happy. so it's worth it i think
#ryan's screaming#just thinking#ive had writing that i consider not very noteworthy get really touching comments and it just. well#no art no matter how little is without impact#because even if all it did was make someone grin thats still huge. you know?#even if its a snippet . if it made someone laugh or made someone emotional then you did Something#i guess ive just been wondering about my place in this community a little#and sometimes i feel like maybe my work doesnt have a profound impact or whatever. but what does that even Mean#ive had someone say my writing made them feel more comfortable with themself. just bc my writing doesnt get thousands upon thousands of hits#-doesnt mean that that doesnt mean anything . of course it means something#i dont think art has to be good or perfect or popular to be worth something#it just has to be there#(<<if none of this is coherent im so sorryNDJDJD)
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Recent-ish life pictures and etc.
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. bright very poofy cloud sky#2. saw these weird bugs on a sidewalk that were clustered in a pile and some of them were sitting butt to butt or something.. I wonder if#that's how they mate?? or maybe just some sortof strange bug fight or something.. interesting little creature party happening#out on the pavement on that day#3. Its kind of hard to see but on the inside of this watermelon there is a slightly lighter formation that sort of looks like a heart shape#4. special breakfast of scrambled eggs. soy sausages. and jarred artichoke heart. with some black coffee and whipped cream + a strawberry#5. ARBY.. fish ...traditional summer treat available only until like september maybe for like a month. but I love them because theyre cheap#lol.. the next closest/cheapest fried fish sort of option that is easily acessible to me is a more upscale fast food place where you can ge#three tiny little chunks of fish maybe the palm of your hand sized for about $17 lol... so 4 arby fried fish chunks for like $5 is good#6. & 7 - very cool sunset colored sort of pink/yellow/orange flower I found growing wild in someone's yard#8. got as a gift from someone who got it for christmas but didn't really want it and asked if I did since everyone knows Im like The Person#Who's Obsessed With Cats out of any group of people.. but I still havent done it lol.. it just sits there gathering dust until I have#the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat)#9. Noodle (the aforementioned gray cat) with fancy lighting behind him#photo diary
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i would really appreciate it if i didn't have a brain that thought torturing me was a helpful response to being scared of us. im your copilot stop fucking tazing me you dick
#good fucking god. im going to crawl out of bed now that was all so pointless#what they never tell you about mental illness is what a massive waste of your time it is. jfc you stupid asshole#i hate you intrusive thoughts i hate you i hate you i hate you. die.#all the rest of it too tbh but those in particular. haunted by the knowledge that i will never be able to fight my limbic system or whateve#like brass knuckle fucking bike chain with the lock on bat with nails in it etc. absolutely sick of that guy idc how sympathetic he is#that motherfucker needs to pay for what he's done to me and im not joking even a little bit#ugh im going to go distract myself with something stupid now. whatever#edit im adding in some of the good things that happened today bc it was actually good and i feel better now :v#we got our first proper snow of the season so i got to go walk around in that. twas beautiful and my dogs were very cute#the last couple of times it snowed here i was too depressed/burnt out/whatever to like. go have fun in it#and it's our first snow w hoagie obviously (and maybe his first snow bc he's like. 1 y/o)#im still on break and ive been vaguely if not very un-vaguely tormented by the prospect of registering for classes#even though i think they start in like. 2 days.#combined w the need to do like. a comedically large amount of dishes. like nothing to eat on for days bc of my ass amounts#am i registered for classes? no. but im working on the unforseen obstacle in question and i feel better bc of that#waiting on an email feels a lot comfier than sitting on smth very urgent without knowing its exact deadline (<- too scared to look) unable#to bring yourself to do it yknow? and the dishes got done. small miracles#like today was good my brain just ambushed me again
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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#not feeling so great as of lately#i thought it was just that i was thinking about stuff at a too late of a time yesterday but now its morning and i still feel bad#sure i slept very badly so maybe its still that but idk it still doesnt feel great no matter what the reason is#i feel like. so annoying lately#and like yea maybe i am and it shouldnt matter yk like all that ur allowed to be annoying and just be urself and whatever#but it just of takes a lot out of u when u t talk about ur interests or ur day or smth ands like everyone just brushes it off or ignores u#and obviously im probably being dramatic like this is a busy time of the year!#and its not always about me and like other ppl have their reasons to do what they do u know#but it still feels bad :'))#also this isnt about like anyone specific its like a combination of little things that FEELS bad to ME not a thing someone else does#like i know ppl dont have to care about stuff yk i like that i KNOW they dont care about so like what do i expect#and i dont ever know what to say to stuff idk anything about either so its very understandable#but its took me years to like. talk about things i like without prompting so it feels like a big hit when i dont get any reaction back fsgsh#and thats not trying to blame anyone else either its not anybody elses fault im not good at something#i think my kind of insecurity is showing one of my friends had to reassure me that yes they do want to hear how im doing fsgsh#but im thankful for that it feels good to hear when ur feeling kind of unstable with ur relationships fshsh#also since i am feeling like. unstable on EVERY relationship i suspect its just seasonal depression or stress or something#still wont stop the brain from like trying to blame itself lmao#this is kind of stupid idk what im trying to even say here#my post#vent#maybe ill delete it later?? this feels stupid
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