#but I need to get better at them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

captainjonnitkessler · 8 months

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You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden #and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine #i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't.#but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome #that will actually make things better for palestine?#because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them #i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run #you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine #but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse?#or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months?#us politics

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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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bixels · 5 months

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Scary Sunset.

I'm concepting things way outta order in this story, but I'm sure you can piece things together. Context is for a storybeat where, after defeating and capturing Adagio (thus having all three sirens in her possession), Sunset enacts her revenge plot to release the sirens on Canterlot as Thea discovers she's been manipulated. In a confrontation, the two scuffle and fight over the siren orbs while Sunset struggles with her conflicting wants and emotions.

#mlp #sunset shimmer #twilight sparkle #twiset #the orbs are the glass balls sunset carries on her back btw its in her cast line up art #deep down sunset hates thea. she was named “twilight” by celestia. the time of day succeeding sunset. she was always her replacement #but at this point in the story sunset's also fallen for thea. so it's also a conflict of wills in sunset. love or hatred.#hence the “don't make me do this” language. she's rationalizing her hatred and violence as thea forcing her hand and getting in her way #when in reality she doesn't need to do any of this. it's her last stand and outburst to cling to a life of revenge that she's grown too #fond of. because she knows thea has the power to change that and disrupt her identity as a pathetic victim who fell from glory #and that's scary. thea's a very scary thing to sunset because suddenly sunset wants something and to be someone new.#she suddenly wants to change. to be better for someone else. and she never thought or believed that could be an option for her #anyways toxic yuri yayyy #my art #the grand galloping 20s #character design #i hope i got across the pained conflicted emotions in sunset's face tho i belabored over them these past 3 days #i hope a look of anger and dissonance and guilt and “oh god i don't really wanna hurt you please just obey me” while trying to intimidate #is readable. if so it's all in the eyebrows babey

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hinamie · 3 months

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cursed kids v2 ⚠️👹

i've been a jjk first years stan since day one and have been wanting to redraw the first art i did featuring the three of them

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #itadori yuuji #fushiguro megumi #kugisaki nobara #yuuji #megumi #nobara #fanart #jjk fanart #im so tired help but theyre DONE im sososoosos pleased with them #even yuuji who dug his heels in to th very end :'>>>#wow 2020 rly was 4 years ago huh #to my credit i still think the designs i came up with in th og r honestly really good???#obv i didn't do a fullbody redraw (n thank god fr that) so i couldn't include All my details and there were some things that i edited #but overall they r solid !!!! i rly regret tht i couldn't include nobara's fishnets dgfhs #gave her her bat instead . equivalent exchange :)#she has one in the original but i specifically remember being bummed that the pose didnt let me show the nails that were in it #so took Full advantage of the new pose here !! she has killed before and will kill again #other changes....yuuji's omamori earring n sword details r New! as is the decision to include his canon scars :> fits the vibe #megumi changed the least?? changed the tassels n colour of his shoulder kanji to match yuuji and gave him a cigarette to fill empty space #other than that i think th majority of his changes r just me getting better at drawing megu #god the edited poses make these designs sing im so happy i did this #these r my kids !!!!! they have grown with me!!!!!#i am very proud and also sleep deprived and i need to not look at these anymore

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idolomantises · 9 months

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Oh god being sick for this long and not being able to draw is making me go insane. I need to draw Yuri. I need to draw boobs. Women kissing!! Sex!!!! I want to draw boobs and women kissing!!!!!!! LESBIANS!! I MISS DRAWING LESBIANS!!!! GRAHHHHH‼️‼️‼️

#txt #I FEEL LIKE IM GOING INSANE #THE LESBIANS #THE WOMEN #I NEED THEM #I NEED TO GET BETTER FASTER

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eeniiart · 19 days

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ravenpureforever · 2 months

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On one hand, Young Justice is kind of neglected by the actual superheroes that should be looking out for them in a lot of crucial ways and very much failed by the adults around them

But on the other hand Red Tornado straight up hosts a parent-teacher conference where their respective legal guardians all show up, barring Batman who’s in traffic so Nightwing fills in instead because Robin’s dad does not know he’s a vigilante which is objectively hilarious

#Superboy does not have a name and his ass is constantly getting groomed like Clark please take a more active role in his life #And all of these guys need a healthy interaction with their respective legacies that does not involve heroing #Take them out for lunch! Play a video game with them! Let them be a kid around you without getting criticized!#Red Tornado had barely reconnected with his own humanity and he’s taken a more active role in being like they are safe happy and learning #compared to the people who literally are the reason they exist in the first place #and is the only one who seems to recognize their potential and ability as a team! and he wants others to know that!#and it’s kind of heartbreaking because the JLA should be paying attention to them and noticing how they succeed and instead just show up #at the worst possible time and take things out of context and criticize them and bestie I bet you they are a lot better of a hero #than *you* were at 14-16 because they actually are going out and making a difference and saving people #but the ones who should support them the most are barely there for them at all #someone give these kids healthy and appropriate emotional support I am begging you #yj #young just us #young justice #yj98 #bart allen #tim drake #kon el #conner kent #superboy #robin #dc impulse #cassie sandsmark #wonder girl #cissie king jones #arrowette #greta hayes #slobo dc #empress #anita fite

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slavhew · 3 months

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two guys enter a closet

#homestuck #hom3stuck #home24uck #home2t4ck #john egbert #dave strider #johndave #davejohn #pepsicola #admin draws #fanart #somethign really fun about . john being the tune and dave being the beat. free melody plus rhythm. breath and time.#that was my thought behind the 1st one at least #this post? texan in oregon. next post? oregonian in texas.#sighs. ive been influenced. theyve been on my mind #see this is what happens when i listen to people who passionately argue a case for a ship i jump on board #its not like i wasnt a johndave girlie before but the emptiness of my tag prior to this phase of homestucking speaks volumes #now tho? theyre good. theyre real good. and my palate cleanser between fkn. alpha morons that shall not be named #i like them ogk. egbertcrockers with many moles and striders with pizza faces. is something i should draw more #i need to get better at drawing acne and acne scarring

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letsplaythermalnuclearwar · 17 days

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Homer!Odysseus and Epic!Odysseus would try to kill each other if they ever met

#Homer!Odysseus: you sacrificed your men to save yourself? Detestable coward! How I wish I was never born if it would ensure you had not the #Epic!Odysseus: you’d understand if you *loved your wife.* But I guess a guy who stayed with Circe for a year wouldn’t know that!#H!Odysseus: do not speak of things you know nothing about! I long for my return to sweet Penelope but I have a duty to my men #E!Odysseus: A YEAR. A WHOLE YEAR. I WOULD KILL ANYTHING AND ANYONE TO GET A HOME A YEAR FASTER #H!Odysseus: that was clear when you served Scylla six men like they were cattle!#E!Odysseus: it was them or me! And don’t keep talking about my friends like you did any better. you’ll go home alone too #H!Odysseus: they doomed themselves when they ate Hyperion’s golden cattle. I am not responsible for their suffering. But you could have ens #H!Odysseus: Now Eurylochus’s body lies at the bottom of the sea where there can be no burial and no honour #E!Odysseus: AND I’LL GO HOME TO MY WIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT LOVELY LOYAL WIFE WHO’S BEEN WAITING FOR ME FOR TWENTY YEARS.#E!Odysseus: and when I go home and she asks if I came back as fast as I could I’ll be able to answer honestly #H!Odysseus: WE HAD BEEN THROUGH MANY TRIALS. THE MEN NEEDED TO REST #E!Odysseus: FOR A YEAR???? DID THEY NEED TO REST FOR A YEAR??? AND DID THEY NEED THAT REST RIGHT AFTER A MONTH’S LONG REST WITH AEOLUS??? S #H!Odysseus: IF YOU WISHED FOR ITHACA SO DESPERATELY WHY DIDN’T YOU OBEY PALLAS ATHENA AND KILL THE CYCLOPS #E!Odysseus: *drawing sword* I WAS HAVING A ROUGH DAY #Epic the musical #Epic odysseus #The odyssey #odysseus #Homer #Greek mythology #Jorge rivera-herrans #nuclear war speaks

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ash-and-starlight · 11 months

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one day, in a thousand years

#I THINK I HAUVE COVID #oh to meet your love after a thousand years at a museum exhibit of your past lives #thinking about them makes me so sick so ILL DISEASED #I AM NOT IMMUNE #spc i’m cursing u forever for this wtf. WTF bro wtf #ouyang’s last thoughts were a desperate plea for esen to wait for him.#he has NEVER called him by first name he has NEVER asked him anything #and his last thought is asking him to wait #and esen does. bc he would have given ouyang anything he asked for #god i hope u get rawed so good it makes up for all the lost lifetimes u earned it #he who drowned the world #she who became the sun #the radiant emperor #general ouyang #esen-temur #(zhu also present in the golden imperial dragon and the golden light of gayness that brought them together again)#my art #not super proud of how it turned out tbh tbh it looks better in my head 😔😔#would’ve stayed in the drafts if not for my need to feed this 4 ppl fandom #and if not for robin motivation nfngdjfb ty kissa you forever #id in alt text

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crunchchute · 6 months

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My Sam & Max cosplay I debuted at a local con during the weekend!

#wasnt wearing leg padding in these so sorry sams a bit skinny #sam and max #cosplay #crunchchute art #my art #i could remake the pants and jacket entirely but that would be quite hard actually. i suck at making jackets especially #so those are just thrifted and edited #lots of color differences that bug me but. oh well #pants and jacket arent that different but its noticeable in these pics #as well as maxs hands and feet. theyre slightly lighter as the fabric i used is better quality #but i ran out of the stuff i used on his body etc and i couldnt buy more from that store as they took their sweet time shipping the stuff #oh well. didnt make them for a competition so its okay #im my own biggest hater and my own biggest critic #at the end of the day i made a handful of people really happy and thats all that matters to me #gotta share them every chance i get as i usually just make a cos #wear it to the con and then put it on the shelf #but im too happy with these to just hide them away after #they need a good scrub and after that id like to bring them to another con. next main goal is viecc but thats just a maybe right now

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egophiliac · 5 months

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Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !

Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)

I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!

someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)

uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 4 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 4 spoilers #mel is so cute but mal fits with the rest of the draconias better #eng version no you were supposed to save me not make things MORE confusing #anyway raverne huh #that uh. that sure feels like it's supposed to evoke raven doesn't it.#what does it mean WHAT DOES IT MEAN #hold on i'm going to flail around embarrassingly about anime character theories now #(okay first a disclaimer: i do think we need to sit down as a fandom at some point)#(and have a discussion about exactly what is actual canon versus meta speculation versus jokes)#(because i think there has been. some confusion. over that re:crowley and raverne specifically)#(but i do feel justified in being like THEY ARE PROBABLY CONNECTED SOMEHOW RIGHT?! right now)#like i really don't think it's as simple as crowley being raverne but with memory loss or something #(and if they pull that on us i'm going to need an EXTREMELY good explanation to go with it to justify that)#they've gone out of their way several times now to make a point about them acting and sounding different and it feels very intentional to m #(and once again: i super 100% absolutely do not believe that lilia wouldn't recognize him with the top half of his face covered)#i just think the contradictions are a lot stronger than the connections right now but there ARE some connections and i'm 👀ing at them #to be fair the connections are mostly meta like crowley being diablo/raverne being evocative of raven #also the general 'raverne mysteriously disappeared and apparently had distinctive eyes' thing #versus 'crowley's past is unknown and he never shows his eyes'#(i will argue that crowley DOES seem to have some kind of canon connection to briar valley)#(since he is clearly some sort of fae and the masks are a briar valley thing)#and that is kinda it right now isn't it #okay hold on i had to delete some tags because i used too many (thanks tumblr for letting me know and not just vanishing them OH WAIT)#so tl;dr: i'm in the 'crowley is connected to raverne somehow but it's more complicated than just him being in disguise' camp personally #but that will probably change as we get more info and also don't take this as an anti-speculation thing because i love theories HOORAY

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the-woman-upstairs · 5 months

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Really fucked up that, when they’re young, Patrick and Art are SO tactile with each other, so comfortable sharing the same space. Art lets Patrick touch him and move him and physically overwhelm him and easily acquiesces to it, if not outright enjoys it.

Then in the present, they’ve been so far out of each other’s orbit for so long, held such animosity that when they have their moment alone in the sauna, Art physically recoils from Patrick’s close proximity! It’s so painful to watch because even as Patrick’s goading him, it’s so obvious he wants to be able to get back into Art’s space. But Art has erected all these walls around himself, he refuses to give Patrick an inch or even admit to missing how close they used to be!

AND THEN we see Art and Tashi later and he wants her to hold him, to be gentle with him, and just TOUCH him. Like, he does miss that kind of close physical contact! He either doesn’t know how to ask for it or is uncomfortable being that openly vulnerable. Worth noting that he pretty much always defers to Tashi in regard to initiating physical intimacy (with their first kiss, though he does state his desire, SHE has to be the one to make the first move). And it seems pretty obvious that Tashi herself isn’t comfortable providing that intimacy, whereas Patrick actively seeks to provide it (the hug/forehead kiss after their win together in the early years, dragging the stool closer to him).

Art has tried very hard to act like he doesn’t need physical affection and even though his discipline and devotion to Tashi has made him a stronger tennis player, it’s made him a hollow person, which, in turn, has kept him from becoming a GREAT tennis player.

All of this, of course, is why the ending hits so damn hard.

#challengers #challengers spoilers #art donaldson #unfortunately i have once again zeroed in on the most repressed character and made them my favorite #lol @ all the people saying he’s a manipulative snake: that’s part of what makes him great!#i think a fair amount of that manipulation or attempts at it come from a fear of loss and being alone #if he has to lose one to keep the other he’ll do it because it’s better than being left behind #hoo boy yet another character trait my fucked up faves have in common 😬#let’s not even get into how tashi AND patrick are trying to do right by him #tashi by making it so he can retire with a career to be proud of #patrick (who was pissed on art’s behalf wrt throwing the match) by laying all his cards on the table (court)#and giving art what he needed to play a great fucking game #there’s a whole other post to be written about how tashi and patrick handle art in similar ways #specifically that he submits to them so easily they take charge of him manipulate him the ways they want #good lord i need to see this movie again #or not might not be conducive to keeping my brain from melting out my ears lol

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aldoodles · 24 days

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