#but I make a point to avoid telling people I’m frustrated or upset

[retrogradedreaming]

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but if I tell you I have to cancel plans because of my chronic illness, I do not want to hear that you’re frustrated or upset by it. I promise you that I am more frustrated and upset by having a body that won’t let me follow through with those plans.

You can BE frustrated and upset. Those are normal and valid feelings. But if someone says they can’t do something because of their illness and you center your own feelings by telling them how frustrated you are about it, you’re being insensitive and you need to grow some empathy.

[skipper1331]

Communication is key // Alexia Putellas

Without thinking, you called Alexia, feeling frustrated and disappointed about her behavior.

"Hello amor"

"Were you at the beach with the girls yesterday?"

Since weeks you had been asking if she wanted to hangout and go to be beach, just for some time away from football.

"Yes, why?" she replied, confused.

"I don’t want to fight, but I’m asking since 2 weeks if you want to go to the beach with me and you tell me you‘re busy each time and now you went out with the other girls? To the beach? Even though, you know I’ve been asking…You didn‘t ask if I wanted to join you guys" you said, upset about the fact that Alexia acted that way and that you got so carried away as to even bring it up.

"Eh- um…" the midfielder was silent for a moment, thinking about how to phrase it as kindly as possible "the problem is that Mapi has a problem with you and that’s why we decided as a group that you can‘t join. It wouldn’t end well"

"We‘re a friend group of 5 people…? If she has a problem she should talk to me privately."

The friends group consisted of Mapi, Ingrid, Frido, Ale and yourself.

"Yeah.."

"So, I’m no longer part of the group when Mapi is there? That‘s so nice, Alexia, thanks!" your voice was laced with sarcasm and anger.

Of all people, you at least thought Alexia would defend or support you - you were her girlfriend.

"What do you want to hear from me? The girls asked and I wanted to do something as a group so I went along. And if they exclude you, there's nothing I can do about it. Just chill out, we'll catch up on it at some point."

The betrayal and hurt you felt in that moment, was unreal - how could she say something like that? She was the person who had asked you out a dozens of times with puppy dog eyes. She was the one who begged for your kisses and love. And she was the one who wanted to spend every second of the day with you, no matter what plans either of you had.

Why was she acting so cold and rude now?

"You know what? If you want to hangout with me, then feel free to text me, but I won‘t be running after you, just to get rejected every time, even though you apparently have the time but just don't want to when it’s with me, your girlfriend! So, text me if you want to do something that isn’t having sex, otherwise we'll see each other in training."

With that you ended the call.

Did your friend group really decided that? It didn‘t seem to make any sense. And was even the problem with Mapi? The two of you were friends, never any problem between the two of you. But more importantly: what was the matter with Alexia? Why was she acting weird and distant? Have you done something wrong?

Normally, both of you were all over each other, holding hands, kissing in the storage room or even just an arm around your waist - spending almost 24/7 together. What was happening?

You declined every call that came in after, the caller id always the same.

reina 👑

amor, por favor.

call me back

lo siento

Caught up in your anger, you started to deep clean your apartment, not being bothered to call her back or even reply. The cleaning relaxed you but it also got you thinking. Was Alexia acting like this because she wanted to break up with you? Did she realize that you weren’t worth her time, attention and love? You always had a feeling that Alexia would break up with you at some point, many pretty girls in the world that would die to even just meet Alexia, let alone be loved by her.

That night you went to bed feeling very queasy and stressed - was she really about to break with you? She had texted you multiple times as she also had tried to call you but you didn’t answer.

The next day, you went to training acting as usually but with one exception - you avoided Ale and the rest of your friend group.

You did partner drills with Patri, talked in water breaks with Lucy and ate lunch with Aitana, Keira and Caro.

It was usual that you socialized with other people than your friend group but the unusual part was that Alexia didn‘t follow you around like a lost puppy. Instead she sent longing looks towards you, sad smiles displaying in her face when you dodged her glances as she tried to act tough and unbothered by your ignorance.

"What have you done?" a thick English accent asked the midfielder who was walking towards the changing room.

"Maybe I handled things a bit wrong" she explained, not wanting to reveal too much - a little bit scared of the Lucy Bronze as she had gotten the shovel talk from her when she started dating you.

'If you hurt her, I will haunt and hurt you' Lucy had told the Barcelona captain.

That day, Alexia promised Lucy and herself to never hurt you - not that she intended to anyways.

"You better make up with her otherwise I will have to hurt you" the defender smiled, entering the locker and walking to her cubby.

Alexia was quick to take a shower and get ready, waiting for you in front of the facility. She knew you hadn‘t left yet as you had entered the changing room when she came out of the shower.

She indeed wanted to make up with you, the whole situation a misunderstanding.

When you walked out of the facility, she called after you, "Amor, ¡esperar!" grabbing your hand, stopping you on your short journey to the car, "can we talk?" her voice was gentle and caring.

"Do you want to break up with me?" you asked straight forward, stepping back, trying to protect yourself with the distance yet you knew it wouldn’t help from a potential heart break.

"No no, amor, no. Let me pick you up at 7, okay? I‘ll explain everything"

You thought about it, unsure what to do.

"Okay"

It was Alexia after all, the person who was always honest. If she wanted to explain something, she would.

"Thank you, amor" she pressed a kiss to your cheek, walking you to your car, "be safe" she said as watched you, pull out of the parking lot, feeling so much better now that she had talked to you, even if it was just a few sentences - now that you had smiled at her.

-

5 minutes early, she rang your door bell, shuffling with her feet and fidgeting with her hands - she was nervous.

"Come in" you greeted her, "just need to put on my shoes then we can go"

The midfielder nodded, shyly entering your home as if she hadn‘t been here before.

"You look very beautiful, like always" she smiled, cheeks slowly turning red. Alexia felt like as if it was your first date all over again. She still remembered how shy and nervous she was, wanting to do everything perfect, so you‘d like her and she could ask you on another date. Also she had said the exact same thing when she picked you up for your first date.

"Reminds me of something" you chuckled, as well thinking back to the night where she had taken you out.

"Sí, you‘re getting prettier every day that hasn‘t changed"

Alexia thought you were the prettiest girl in the world, you took her breath away every time she saw you - you were absolutely stunning.

"charmer" you giggled, cheeks a dark shade of red. In that moment, everything felt like it used to be. She wasn‘t acting distant or weird, she was acting like the girl you fell in love with.

Everything is going to be okay.

"Amor, may I?" she asked politely, offering her arm as you had put on your shoes. Wordlessly, you linked your arms, walking towards her car. She opened the door for you, hurriedly rushing over to her side before she started the engine and rested her hand on your thigh. She was glad when you didn‘t push her off - you had missed her touch all day.

The two of you stayed in silence, your favourite songs playing as she drove to her destination. With every metre you got closer, she became more nervous and anxious. She knew she had some explaining to do but also was about to ask you an important question - which was the reason she even had to explain things. She wouldn‘t let a misunderstanding fuck things up with you. She wanted to marry you in the future - your relationship was very serious to her.

(Also she did not wanted to get haunted by a certain scary English defender.)

-

"Why are we at the beach?" you asked, the ocean right in front of you.

"Do you trust me?" the Barcelona player questioned, avoiding your question - she would explain in a moment, you just had to wait and trust her.

"I‘m not quite sure?" Ale raised an eyebrow, "fine, I trust you"

The girl smiled widely, stepping behind you and covering your eyes with her hands, "are you about to murder me?" you joked, knowing damn well that Alexia wouldn‘t dream of letting you fall or hurt yourself in any kind of way.

"Keep walking, amor"

-

After a short walk in the sand, the woman stopped, slowly revealing the sight in front of you.

There was a large picnic blanket, cushions and basket, wine and two glasses standing next to it - it looked romantic.

"Ale- what‘s all of this?" you asked confused, already emotionally touched by the gesture.

She sat down, making herself comfortable before she tapped between her legs, "come here"

Sitting in between her legs, staring towards the ocean and the beautiful sunset while she purred two glasses of wine.

"This is wow" you muttered, not yet leaning into her body as you were still moody at her but still admiring the work and view. It was indeed very romantic, rose petals and candles decorated everything around the two of you.

"I‘m sorry for avoiding you" Alexia started, loosely wrapping her free arm around your midsection, "i didn‘t mean to act weird. I was here with the girls to practice this- they helped me to set everything up and encouraged me for what I’m about to do. Ingrid decorated, Frido made the snacks and well, Mapi carried everything while I was freaking out at home because I didn’t know what to wear. I‘m sorry for letting you think i want to break with you or for acting weird, i was just really nervous these past weeks" she put her wine glass down in the sand, making sure it wouldn‘t fall before she pulled something out of her pocket, "I’m always nervous when I’m around you but this time it was different. I was scared of getting rejected and in return, I rejected you without even realizing."

Hidden in her hand, she gave you her little 'present' - a key.

"I would like you to move in with me." she breathed out, her heart racing.

You turned in her hold, looking at her with wide eyes.

"You‘re sleeping at my apartment almost every day and i can barely sleep without you being in my arms, so i thought maybe you would like stay at my place every night from now on" she rambled, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt.

The widest grin broke out on your face and you kissed her - you had been wanting to bring up the topic since awhile now, yet always feeling too shy to do so as you knew Alexia loved her personal space and alone time. You didn’t want her to feel pressured or to feel like she had to agree.

But now you’re even happier that the idea and suggestion came from her - she wanted this too - she was ready for the next step.

"I’d love to" you answered, kissing her rapidly as she giggled while you did so.

"I‘m glad" she sighed in relief, puckering her lips once again.

More kisses, please

You happily accepted the key.

The key wasn’t just any key, it symbolized that it was the key to her heart and home, that communication was the key to happiness, and that her nervousness couldn't always open all doors - which she had realized now;

Spending the whole at training without you was horrible. She never wanted to experience that again.

-

As your little picnic date continued (both of you back at being sickeningly in love with each other) the sun almost down completely, a question popped up in your head, "Mapi doesn’t have a problem with me, does she?"

A loud hearty laugh escaped your girlfriend, "no, amor, you‘re perfect. When you called me the girls were with me and I panicked and Mapi was signing something, so that‘s what came to my mind with her wild gestures. I‘m sorry if it sounded rude. Everybody loves you and you are very much a part of the group, my favourite member in fact"

Weirdly, you could imagine Mapi way too well and Alexia never lied to you. Added to that she was a horrible liar, her brows slightly raising when she lied or was trying to.

You believed and trusted her. It all made sense now - you remember how nervous she was when she asked you out on a date, you remember how nervous she was when she actually took you out, also how nervous she was when she asked the girlfriend question and how nervous she was just today.

You could only imagine how nervous she would be if she ever decided to ask you to be her wife.

Which Alexia definitely would do.

She would always be nervous around you, it‘s you - you‘re way too perfect for this world, so Ale had every right to be nervous every day anew - you were the key to all her happiness.

[blaire-apricity]

Hi! Can I request Lads boys react Mc who's a big fan of k-pop boy band idols to the point their room is filled with their merchandise or if she have a chance she go to concert too? Her delulu and fantasy may or may not make the boys jealous because it make her oblivious to their court. (any of the idols choice is yours)

Thank you!

K-pop Idol Reaction

ʟᴀᴅs ʙᴏʏs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᯓ❅ ┆ 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴 ┆ : 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘈𝘋𝘚 𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘬-𝘱𝘰𝘱 𝘣𝘰𝘺 𝘣𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘢𝘯?

ᯓ❅ ┆ 𝘵𝘢𝘨𝘴 ┆ : 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘵, 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧 & 𝘴𝘰𝘧𝘵

─────────────── ˗ˏˋ ❅｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽ ˎˊ˗ ────────────────

𝐗𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐫

You accidentally left your door open when you grabbed the mail. Xavier, passing by, noticed the open door and his protective instincts kicked in seeing a figure. He entered your room, only to be greeted by a large poster of your favorite K-pop idol.

Hearing footsteps, you turned and panicked, “X-Xavier!” You tried to pull him away, but it was too late. His eyes roamed the room, taking in the walls plastered with posters and the pictures stuck to your floor-length mirror.

Unfamiliar with the K-pop craze, Xavier looked at a poster and asked, “Do you know these people?” He tilted his head slightly, inspecting it with curiosity.

You felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you. “Well…” It was a yes and no.

“I’ve been following them for a while now,” you admitted, scratching your cheek and avoiding his gaze.

Xavier misunderstood, thinking you meant they were relatives or significant acquaintances. “Do you want my photos?”

“… What?”

𝐙𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞

Zayne knocked on your door, inviting you to eat with him after cooking a meal. However, you couldn’t hear him over the latest album from the K-pop boy band you’ve followed since their debut.

When there was no response, Zayne entered the room. You jumped up, hastily removing your earphones and hiding your phone. The door opened widely, revealing Zayne’s curious gaze. He took in the numerous posters on your walls.

“This—” you stammered, searching for an excuse.

“I didn’t know you were such a fan,” he mused, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. You blushed lightly at his comment and gave him a wordless glare, questioning his sudden intrusion.

“Food’s cooked. Eat with me while it’s still fresh and hot,” he said, answering your silent question. He looked around again, assessing your dedication to the band. Knowing their concert was approaching, he added, “I’m free next month. We can book tickets and attend the concert together if you want.”

“Really?” Your eyes lit up with excitement. Zayne nodded.

“Make sure you get enough rest if you want it to happen, and eat your meal soon.” It was a compromise you were absolutely willing to take.

𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐥

You always made sure your door was closed to prevent Rafayel from seeing your room, which was entirely covered with photos and posters of your K-pop idols. But today, he forced his way inside, frustrated by your constant seclusion.

“What’s this?!” Rafayel exclaimed, pointing at a floor-length poster of an idol.

“Surely you’ve heard of them, right?” you replied, feeling like you had just been caught red-handed.

He seemed upset, and you thought it was because you were a fan of a K-pop boy band. But then he surprised you by saying, “Why aren’t my photos here?”

“Huh?”

“I’m quite famous too, y’know!” he argued, “Why aren’t my photos glued to your walls?”

"..." He was definitely jealous, just not in the way you thought.

𝐒𝐲𝐥𝐮𝐬

With Sylus and his Evol and Mephisto around, nothing escaped his notice. You didn’t bother hiding your love for the Korean band, openly humming their songs and buying merchandises even with Sylus by your side.

At first, he didn’t mind, even giving you his card to spend as you liked. But when you planned to attend a concert instead of accompanying him to a business meeting, it ticked him off.

“You’re telling me, you’re letting Luke and Kieran take your place at a business meeting with me because the date of this ‘concert’ aligns with the day?” he asked, arms crossed as he stared down at you.

“Yeah, why?” you replied without hesitation, not seeing the issue.

He sighed, pinching his temples in frustration. “Maybe I’ve been too lenient with you, sweetie.”

He then added, “I can just sing you a song instead,” he offered, either oblivious to or ignoring the fact that his singing was ‘out of this world’.

“… That’s not the same thing…” you sweat-dropped. “I’m sure Luke and Kieran will love that, though.”

·❆　　　❆　❅　　　　•　　　　.　　　　　❆❆• 　·　.　　　❅

𝐴𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟'𝑠 𝑁𝑜𝑡𝑒: 𝑌𝐸𝑆. 𝐷𝐸𝐿𝑈𝐿𝑈-𝑁𝐸𝑆𝑆. 𝐼 𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑙𝑜𝑡, 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡, 𝐴𝑛𝑜𝑛! 𝐿𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑓 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑~

[nanowrimo]

5 Tips to Avoid Burnout as a Neurodivergent Writer

When taking on a project as big as writing a novel, you may run into the risk of burnout. NaNo Participant Joana Hill gives some tips on avoiding burnout as a neurodivergent writer.

Burnout.  As writers, we all know it. For neurodivergent writers, burnout can be even more damaging than usual. We can be much more sensitive, both mentally and emotionally, than our neurotypical friends and family.

This means avoiding burnout, and taking care of it when it does happen, can be even more important for us.  I’m here today to provide some tips for my fellow neurodivergent writers to tackle just that.

1. Write What Interests You

Write what interests you rather than what you think you ‘should’ be writing.  Many of us get caught-up in pleasing others.  For neurodivergent people who’ve spent much of their life masking, or hiding their true personality and needs because of fear of rejection, it can be a hard habit to break.

If you want to write a 50k slow burn coffee shop AU of your favorite fandom, an epic space opera starring ants, or a main character with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or any other disorder or condition you have, go for it.

2. Get A Support Network

For neurodivergent people, we’ve often lived our lives with special interests no one wants to hear us talk about.  It often results in us not talking about them at all before someone can tell us they don’t want to hear about it.

Whether it’s offline with friends and family, or online here at NaNoWriMo or other sites, having people who are actively interested in listening to you and helping you plot and write can be a game-changer.

3. Celebrate As Many Victories As You Want

Many years, my personal goal is that I can get the new Pokemon game, which always comes out around the middle of November now, once I hit 50k.  But you don’t need just one grand goal.

Get a bag of your favorite candy and say you can have a piece every so many words.  Find something on Amazon you want (and can afford to get!) and say you’ll get it once you hit the halfway point.  Whatever motivates you to keep going, set it into motion.

4. Plan For Flexibility

That may sound like an oxymoron, but hear me out.  Neurodivergent people often love to have a plan.  I know I can get frustrated and upset when I’m expecting something to happen and something different does.  For a big goal like writing a novel in a month, a lot of things can end up going wrong.

Carry a notebook and pen or tablet with a keyboard case in case an errand takes longer than expected.  Back your writing up to several places in case your main writing device crashes.  Make sure at least one of those is a cloud service in case you end up writing on a device that isn’t yours.  The more contingency plans you have, the better prepared you are when life happens.

5. Be Kind To Yourself

Some days you may not get the minimum goal, or you might not write at all.  You may feel like you just can’t do it because you’re behind on your word count, or you decide you don’t like what you’ve written.

I get it.  But don’t beat yourself up about it.  Take a break.  Play your favorite game or read your favorite book.  Go for a walk.  And remember that you’re awesome.  No one can write this story like you can.

Joana Hill is a writer of young adult stories, as well as novellas inspired by Japanese light novels and anime. You can find her books, social media, and anything else you could imagine wanting to know about her on her LinkTree. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

Finally another talented writer in our growing fandom!!!

Plsplsplspls can I request leviathan with a reader who's not that much infatuated by him? Probably acting nonchalant even. I wonder how he'll react. Can sfw or nsfw! (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ

GHCHG It’s genuinely so sweet and cute how many people are excited about this with me and surprised me how many people like my writing!

Also THIS IS SUCH A AMAZING CONCEPT??? He’d be just so jealous and upset, he’s so confused, why aren’t you fawning over him? His ego is hurt realizing the only human in Hell, the ONLY person he wants to catch the attention off, isn’t interested in him.

Leviathan

Cw: unwanted advances, unhealthy relationships (attempted technically), pining, insecurities,

-

You knew you’d catch the attention of the kings after Satan, but you weren’t to interested in befriending them, you had 72 to go through before you could go home. So of course you want to be fast!

However, Leviathan didn’t allow you to slip by so easily, even dragging you to stay in Hades for a while, while Satan rested you were left with Leviathan. He eyed you constantly, keeping way to close to you in attempts to divert your attention to him, though he seemed to not even know what to do once he had your attention.

He was handsome, you did find him attractive, but you assumed he only wanted a fling, or someone he could dominate to boost his own ego, so once he started making advances, you didn’t outright say ‘no’ but avoided them.

When he reached to wrap an arm around you? You just so happened to walk to the side.

He tries to sneak a kiss? You notice a demon or object that has your attention and turn away from him.

Leviathan was beyond frustrated, and as fun as it was to leave him wallowing over a human avoiding his touch, he started hanging random devils for getting ‘too rowdy/handsy’ with you. He hung Barbatos for helping you up after you tripped!

You wanted to yell at him, but decided, it would feed into his attitude so you decided to upset him with someone he cant hurt. At least not as easily.

You had Satan come over to your ‘room’ (that Leviathan welcomed himself into.) and layed in bed next to you. You could feel Leviathan glaring you both down and as you chatted with Satan, at one point you two are shoved apart and Leviathan pushes himself between you. (Almost pushing Satan off the bed.)

“Watch it.” Satan growled, shoving Leviathan a bit. Leviathan growled back and you can see very quickly that Leviathan is ready to escalate things so you decide to step in.

You grab Leviathan by his horns and pull him back towards you, making him awkwardly flop on the bed. “Leviathan, don’t be a pain in the ass, would giving you be good if I give you…a half hour of undivided attention?”

His eyes lit up at that and you can see a grin spread across his face. “Oh? You’d like to be with me alone for that long? What do you have in mind?” You can see a light brush spread across his face.

You hear Satan laugh before he’s interrupting. “Leviathan you sound desperate!” Satan got up without you needing to tell him. “See you when you don’t have a needy demon wrapped around you.”

He waltzed away while you held Leviathan by the horn to prevent him from scrambling after Satan. “Don’t walk away!” Leviathan hissed out. “Let go, I’m going to kill him-“ You pinched his horn tip and he visibly jumped, whimpering at the overwhelming sensation.

Satan grinned but left, leaving the door unlocked likely in case you needed help. Or something. You watch Leviathan adjust beside you feeling his horns like you might have bent one.

You lift his chin to make him look at you. “You really want me, don’t you?” Leviathan locked eyes with you, scanning your face for sarcasm. He nodded. You palm him through his clothes, feeling his stiff member draw attention to itself by bobbing. “Is this for me?”

You mocked teasingly, only for a low moan to escape him. “…only if you can give me the best orgasm you’ve ever given.” He hissed out, rolling his hips. “You’ve been with all of my subordinates, my Fellow Kings…I envy to think how you made them feel. Make it up to me.”

You roughly yank his pants down along with his undergarments, exposing his dripping cock that you flick the base of. He bucks in response with his shaft shamelessly presenting itself for you.

You reach down and gently squeeze it, stroking it teasingly upon getting a positive reaction from. “Don’t you have an entire town of demons ready to die for you? Why do you need the approval of a human?”

He groans, avoiding your gaze and pretending he didn’t hear what you said. Though as soon as you slowed down he spoke up. “You…are very important to me. I…need you.” He grabbed you and forced your head down to give you a kiss, holding you there while he shoved his tongue in your mouth.

You respond by biting down. He doesn’t pull away instantly, instead testing how long till you used a worrisome amount of pressure. You bit hard enough to draw a small amount of blood. He quickly release you and recoils. “N-no one has done that before…” He seemed awestruck.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling my boyfriend babygirl

let me clarify upfront: my boyfriend has never expressed discomfort with this, and says he likes it, so it’s potentially a non-issue, but it’s still bugging me. this has been ongoing for a little over a month and i feel like i’m going nuts. forgive me if any of the language i use here isn’t correct, i don’t know how else to get the ideas across - feel free to correct me if i could be saying things more inclusively. sorry that this is rambly also. small nsfw warning (nothing too explicit)

i (22m) have been dating my boyfriend (19ftm) for a little over a year. i’m cis and he is trans. admittedly i’m not like… the most well versed in trans issues but i love him more than life itself so i really try to be respectful of him. he was bullied pretty severely in highschool, not just for being trans but his gender identity was no small part of it, and even though he’s not super dysphoric day to day he’s definitely got some boundaries about it. there are certain compliments he likes and some that upset him (he doesn’t enjoy being called pretty or cute, typically) and he’ll snap at people for referring to him with feminine names or titles like “sis” “girl” etc even if it’s done jokingly.

the thing is he’s rarely, if ever, done that with me? i call him pretty and cute all the time (because he is) and he’s always been fine with it. admittedly the first time i did it i didn’t know it was something that usually bugged him, but he’s never said anything to me about it. everytime i have he’s seemed happy. he’s very outspoken, i pretty firmly believe if it was a problem he’d say something about it - again, he has no issues being firm about this boundary with any of his other friends and family. i was doing this before we started dating, so after we started dating it sort of bled into pet names

again, it was never something i asked him about expressly, but at some point i started calling him, like… princess, babygirl, etc. i only ever do this in private, when its just us or when i’m pretty sure only he can hear me, for a few reasons. my boyfriend doesn’t really pass (entirely his choice. he doesn’t bind his chest and he doesn’t want any gender affirming surgeries or hrt - again, he’s not super dysphoric day to day, he only gets upset when it’s commented on and he can bounce back from it pretty quickly) and again, it seems like it’s always made him happy. at the risk of tmi, it especially seems to make him happy in the bedroom, which is another reason i avoid dropping these pet names in front of anyone else. it’s private and i don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.

so. to put this mildly. we went to a house party together recently and i got super smashed. it was a pretty big party so we were sticking by each other, and when you’re drunk and your partner is there… well, yeah. i was admittedly being pretty handsy. he didn’t tell me to knock it off or anything, he was reciprocating. at some point he started talking to his best friend from highschool (19mtf, i’ll call her Z) so i reigned myself in but i was definitely still drunk and horny and being clingy. i don’t know Z all that well - she and my boyfriend are very close but she can be pretty harsh, and i appreciate all she does for him so i like her, but we never talk unless he’s there. i’ve had maybe one one-on-one conversation with this woman ever.

they’re talking. i’m also there. i’m not trying to rush him but i definitely want to get home. the conversation lulls and i take the chance to ask my boyfriend if he wants to leave soon, and because i am aforementionedly drunk and horny i drop one of those earlier pet names. before he can respond to me, Z snaps at me. she says not to call him that and that i was being a creep - this alarms me and was kind of frustrating since i wasn’t even talking to her, and i recognize i’m not in a headspace to argue? with her? so i just tell my boyfriend to come find me when he wants to leave and i wander outside. he finds me about 5-10 minutes later and we head home.

it doesn’t get brought up again that night but a day or so later i text Z to ask her what she meant by me being a creep, because it was bugging me. she says that it’s obvious i’m fetishizing my boyfriend’s gender identity, that the fact i call him those things brings up major red flags, etc. i tell her that my boyfriend doesn’t have an issue with it. she says it doesn’t matter and asks me why i want to call him those names in the first place, and posits that maybe i don’t actually want to be dating a boy - that i just like the idea of dating a boy and actually want to be with a woman. i’m gay, so this is VERY out of pocket to me. i tell her my boyfriend is not a woman and end the conversation there, but it DOES stick with me. so, very belatedly, i ask my boyfriend what he thinks of all this. i adore him so much and i hate hate hate the idea i could’ve been treating him like that, even unintentionally. he says the pet names never bothered him and he’s never felt like that, and that he’s fine with me specifically doing it because he trusts me and knows i don’t see him as a girl.

so, whatever. she has a problem but me and my boyfriend don’t. i try to move on, but the next time i see her she asks if i’ve apologized/reflected at all. i tell her no, because my boyfriend said i have nothing to apologize for and it seems like a non-issue. she is now avoiding me, refuses to be in the same room as me, and will declare to anyone who asks that she doesn’t want to be near someone who fetishizes trans people and she doesn’t feel safe around me. my boyfriend tries to talk to her but she insists i need to apologize at the bare minimum, but to who? even if i did apologize to my boyfriend i wouldn’t mean it and he wouldn’t want it. Z is his long-time best friend, i can’t exactly go the rest of our relationship just avoiding her. so i have no damn idea where to go from here.

on some level, i worry she’s right? i honestly don’t know why i started calling him those things. i think it started as a joke but i just kept doing it when i noticed he seemed to like it. in hindsight that was maybe shitty of me, but i trust him to tell me when something i do is making him uncomfortable. it’s not like i can do that over, but if he ever told me to stop i would. it’s definitely true that if you saw my boyfriend on the street you’d probably assume he’s a woman, but i’ve never been attracted to anyone who actually identifies as a woman before. i’ve only ever liked men, and no matter what he looks like he is a man. this whole situation did make me think about how i think about him, and i’ve realized that, like… i want to have kids with him one day, and ideally i’d like him to carry them. ideally, but id never make him. if he decided tomorrow that he wanted to medically transition and go the whole nine yards i’d support him. he’s my whole world, i just want him to be happy. but does the fact i want him to carry children prove her right?

i’m just. confused. i feel like i’m running myself in circles. Z knew him in highschool so she was there when bullying over his gender was at his worse, so i get why she’s protective. she’s also trans herself so she undoubtedly understands this stuff better than me. but i’ve heard it’s normal for trans people to have complicated relationships with gender, so it’s normal to be okay with gendered language from some people and not others (like only letting close friends use certain pronouns for you). i figure it’s like that, but it’s not my gender so… i don’t know. should i just stop calling him those pet names altogether, even though i know at this point he enjoys them, to be safe? am i an asshole for calling him those things in the first place / would i be an asshole if i kept doing it?

What are these acronyms?

[just-aake]

Boundless Devotion - Part XI

Pairing: princess!Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: MedievalAU. Natasha is the eldest princess of the Romanov Kingdom. As the time of her coronation approaches, she is suddenly forced to make a decision – either find herself a partner or her parents will choose one for her.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Warnings: light angst, light fluff, slight violence

Words: 4350

The distant rumble of thunder causes your horse to fidget nervously as the two of you press on along the trail from the manor.

Your gaze shifts from the darkening skies to the princess, riding slightly ahead of you. 

Since leaving, a heavy silence has hung between the two of you with the both of you choosing to focus on the path ahead or, in Natasha’s case, glaring into the distance.

You can easily read the tension in her body from her stiff back, letting you know her current feelings.

Unable to stand the quiet anymore, you decide to call out to her.

“I can tell that you’re still upset, you know.”

At the sound of your voice, Natasha relaxes her posture slightly, slowing her horse to ride alongside you.

With a tired sigh and a slight bow of her head, she grumbles under her breath.

“Not at you,” she clarifies before her hands clench the reins in anger, and she grits out. “Just this situation.”

You sigh sadly at her explanation, looking down at your hands in disappointment. This is precisely what you had hoped to avoid — adding more stress to her mind. 

Noticing your expression, Natasha's hand reaches out to rest on your shoulder, drawing your attention.

Her eyes soften when they meet yours with a knowing look.

“Hey, I’m serious. This is not on you,” she stresses before continuing with a pleading tone, “You’re my best friend, Y/n. I just want you to be safe.”

Her proposition from earlier reappears in your mind. The offer was kind and generous but accepting it would create too many complications, especially for Natasha. 

Breaking away from her intense gaze, you look down to focus on your horse instead, finding small comfort in stroking its mane gently before quietly telling her your answer with a resigned sigh. 

“I can’t stay at the castle, Natasha.”

“Why not?” she asks with a frustrated sigh.

Returning your gaze to hers, a sense of nostalgia washes over you as you look at her. 

Despite growing up together, you’re still amazed at how she still manages to maintain the same determination and compassion that you’ve always seen in her since you were young. 

Rather than responding directly to her, you ask a different question.

“Do you remember what you told me the first time we met?”

Natasha tilts her head in confusion, but still, she decides to go along with it anyway, curious about the point of your abrupt change in subject.

“I remember saying that you were the most stubborn person I’ve ever met," she recalls with a pointed look in her eyes.

Amused, you let out a small laugh and shake your head lightly. 

“Says the one who wouldn’t stay still after she fell out of a tree.”

Natasha rolls her eyes, but a tiny smile forms at the corner of her lips at the memory of her first official meeting with you outside of royal events. 

Your mind also drifts to the past, recalling the state of the kingdom at that time when you were still children.

Even after years had passed, people were still recovering from the effects and loss of the war. 

After a brief moment of contemplation, you continue.

“During that time, even with the peace treaty, there was still some resentment between our people and the Stark kingdom.”

“Yeah, I remember,” Natasha sighs solemnly in recollection before giving you a small teasing smile. “Even someone as kind as you didn’t like them back then.”

That was true.

At that time, the twins had recently entered your life after the devastating loss of their parents to some Stark stragglers in the kingdom. With that incident as well as Madam B’s constant comments throughout your childhood of how the Stark kingdom should’ve lost the war, it’s understandable why your sentiments towards the other kingdom weren't exactly favorable.

However, your perspective changed on that fateful day when you stumbled upon the injured princess at the base of the tree by the lake. 

Pulling yourself from the memory, you nod your head in acknowledgment of her words about you before commenting.

“You could say almost everyone in the kingdom had some animosity with the Stark kingdom.” 

Your eyes then drift to Natasha, looking at her with admiration.

“But not you,” you say softly.

When Natasha tilts her head curiously, still confused at your point, your hand reaches for hers, and she gives it to you without hesitation, intertwining your fingers. 

Despite the slight roughness on her skin, a result from years of training, you only feel the warmth of her palm spreading to you and the gentleness in her grasp. 

For a brief bittersweet moment, you can’t help but think about how her hand fits perfectly in yours. 

Shaking away the thought, your thumb instinctively caresses the back of her hand as you explain to her.

“You have a kind heart, Natasha, always wanting to protect and care for everyone.”

Pausing your movement, you remember her words from years ago.

“Back then, you told me that when you became the queen, you’re going to heal the pain that the war had caused. For everyone. For both kingdoms.”

A small smile plays on your lips as you reminisce about the memory. 

“That was the moment I knew you would become a great ruler.” 

Looking up into her eyes, you tell her earnestly, “I still do, which is why I decided that day to do everything I can to help you accomplish that future you envisioned.”

Giving her a small smile, you end with a soft tone, “Because I believe in you, Natasha.”

Natasha’s eyes widen, and her mouth opens in surprise, stunned speechless at your words.

After a moment, your smile fades as you glance back down at her hand in yours before releasing it with a resigned sigh.

“But that means you can’t keep trying to protect me from every bad thing. Not when you need to focus on the entire kingdom soon.”

“I can do both,” Natasha asserts with a frown. 

Determined, you shake your head in refusal.

“No, you need more allies among the other nobles than just me. When you become queen, you’ll be working with the heads of the houses, not their daughters or sons who are already charmed by you.”

Natasha huffs in annoyance at the mention of the older nobles, recalling their greed for power and favor. 

You shoot her a knowing look as you point out.

“You know that bringing me into the castle will show favoritism.”

Natasha huffs in disbelief before arguing, “First of all, you are my favorite, and second, everyone already thinks we’re together.”

“But we’re not going to be for much longer,” you remind her, repeating her words from this morning. “After your coronation, you and I don’t need to be in a fake relationship anymore.”

“I didn’t—that was before—,” Natasha groans, rubbing her forehead in frustration. 

You are right concerning the situation with other nobles. Navigating and balancing the political scene has always been a challenging task, even for her parents. 

Once she takes the throne, all of those nobles’ scrutinizing eyes will turn to her, and they will ruthlessly pick apart every action she takes.

Bringing you in will just put you in the forefront of their attention. 

Natasha drags her hand down her face tiredly, giving you a conflicted look.

“That still doesn’t make what your father is doing right,” she says.

“No, but it is my problem to worry about, not yours,” you assert firmly.

Natasha starts to argue, but you interrupt, emphasizing your point. 

“As queen, you will have to choose your battles, Natasha,” you stress, giving her a serious look. “Even if it means you don’t choose me.”

Her expression twists in displeasure at your last words, a sentiment she finds difficult to accept.

However, confronted by your unrelenting and expectant gaze, Natasha sighs in frustration, shaking her head in disbelief.

"You know, I feel like you got those words from one of my mother’s lectures," she says, slightly exasperated.

Her tone eases the tension in the air a little. 

“Maybe,” you reply with a small laugh.

Natasha watches you with a resigned expression.

While she doesn't entirely agree with your point, she’s not going to force you into something you don’t want. 

“I still don’t like the idea of you going back to him,” Natasha remarks.

You sigh, admitting, “Well, as long as I follow his orders, he usually just leaves me alone.” 

Her expression twists unhappily at that information, prompting you to place a reassuring hand on her arm before continuing. 

“I do have a plan so that I can leave eventually, Natasha. Until then, I can take care of myself.” You give her a reassuring smile. “And I’m not alone. I have the twins.”

“You also have me,” Natasha says earnestly, covering your hand with hers and squeezing it gently.

“Whatever you need, the castle is always open to you.”

“I know,” you say appreciatively. “Thank you, Natasha.”

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

After reluctantly accepting your decision, Natasha and you continue until the two of you reach a fork in the path.

Natasha slows her horse to a stop, looking to you for direction as she realizes that she doesn’t know your intended destination. In the back of her mind, she recalls Pietro mentioning something about you finding answers.

“So, where are we going?”

“The prison,” you respond to her casually, already urging your horse in its direction. 

Natasha raises a brow, an unsettling feeling creeping in as she remembers Clint’s message to her on the day of the festival about the stalled interrogation of the man from the cemetery attack.

“Who are you going to see?” she asks hesitantly, catching up beside you.

“Captain James Barnes,” you reveal.

Natasha lets out a small breath of relief at your answer, her body relaxing momentarily before tensing up again as she recognizes the name. 

“As in Stark’s old captain?” she questions.

At your nod, she asks in surprise, “What is he doing there?”

You pause for a moment before answering, humming a little in thought.

“My father assumes it was an assassination attempt, but when I met him, he suddenly tried to take me away,” you explain nonchalantly before noticing Natasha’s shocked expression and quickly continuing to reassure her.

“Pietro stopped him, though, and he was captured before he could do anything else.”

Natasha raises her hand in a stopping gesture as she tries to process the new information, pinching between her eyes in exasperation at you before taking a deep breath.

“So you’re telling me…you were almost kidnapped by this known criminal, and now we’re on our way to the prison to talk with him?”

You nod, confirming her words. 

Natasha stares at you in disbelief for a moment in silence before quickly turning her horse around and grabbing your reins.

“That’s it, we’re going back to the castle,” she declares firmly.

“Natasha, we just talked about this,” you say, pulling your reins back from her grip.

“No, this involves a war criminal. I think I have some power over the decisions in this case,” Natasha says with a pointed look.

Despite her serious expression, you return her stare with an all-too-familiar pleading look, causing Natasha to quickly turn away, refusing to maintain eye contact with you. 

It was already difficult to refuse any request from you when you look at her with that expression, but with the recent realization of her feelings, she knows she stands no chance right now.

“Natasha, please.”

She groans internally at the sound of your voice, taking a deep breath before giving you a tiny glare, which you return with a slight tilt of your head and a small pout. 

Immediately, Natasha’s head falls to her chest in defeat. She can already hear Yelena’s mocking voice in her mind about how easily she gives in to you.

In a final attempt to see if you may change your mind, Natasha gives you another hard look before ultimately relenting with a sigh.

“Okay, fine, but I’m staying beside you the entire time, and you can’t get too close to him.”

When your face brightens with a satisfied smile in victory, Natasha huffs and shakes her head in disbelief.

Despite her reaction, though, a warm feeling spreads in her chest at your happy expression, reminding her of the original reason she had come to see you.

As the two of you ride side by side on the path, Natasha decides to take this opportunity to continue the conversation that was previously interrupted.

However, before delving back into that discussion, there was another topic concerning something from earlier that she wanted to ask you about first. 

“Y/n, back at the manor, when I was climbing to your window…,” Natasha starts, causing you to look at her curiously.

“I overheard some parts of your conversation with the twins,” she admits.

With a desire to confirm her suspicion based on the fragments she heard, Natasha presses on with her question when she notices your surprised expression.

"When you told me that you liked someone…you didn’t mean Carol, did you?"

Natasha observes as your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise before you quickly shake your head to get out of your shocked state.

“Oh, that’s—uh, I mean, Carol’s…great. Anybody would like—um…” you wince slightly at your loss of words.

With a raised brow, Natasha waits as you stumble over your words before you finally confess under your breath with a sigh.

“...no, I wasn’t talking about her.”

A sense of relief washes over Natasha at your words before she questions you with an amused smile.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” 

You respond with a disbelieving huff. 

“Well, why did you assume it was her?” you counter. 

“The two of you seemed so close during the festival, and at the bonfire, you were blushing a lot with her,” Natasha points out accusingly.

“That’s because she was teasing me about y—” you shut your mouth, stopping yourself before you finish.

In the heat of defending yourself, you nearly revealed that all of your flustered reactions at that time were about Natasha.

Glancing over at her to see if she noticed your slip-up, you groan internally when you recognize her pleased expression.

Natasha is grinning widely at the revelation, her eyes lighting up happily as if she's finally solved a mystery. 

When your hand covers your face in embarrassment, she knows you also figured out that she has already guessed what you meant to say. 

At your slight blush, she can’t help but want to tease you a little bit more, tilting her head to try and catch your attention.

“You know, I think I heard you mention my name too. What were you about to say about me before I appeared?”

You purposely avoid meeting her eyes, wishing the ground would just swallow you up already.

Having Natasha suspect that your feelings for someone were actually for her was not something that you had expected to happen, especially considering how your previous discussion this morning ended.

Choosing to ignore her question, you point to the distance ahead and try to divert the conversation.

“I think we’re nearing the prison. We should probably concentrate and focus our attention on what we’ll do when we get there.”

Natasha's grin widen at your flustering and poor attempt to change the subject. 

As you prepare to urge your horse forward, her hand reaches over to hold your reins again, stopping you.

Done with all the teasing, Natasha decides to reciprocate some vulnerability, understanding that you might be feeling exposed at the moment.

She nudges your arm gently to get your attention.

Once your eyes reluctantly meet hers, Natasha begins softly.

“Remember how I said I realized something? Turns out I'm facing a similar problem to what you had this morning.”

Confused, you furrow your brows, prompting Natasha to smile fondly at you. She takes a deep breath before admitting with a happy sigh.

“Apparently, there is someone I like, but I don’t know how they feel about me,” Natasha echoes your words from this morning before tilting her head meaningfully, adding, "She’s one of my closest friends too."

Your eyes widen in surprise and uncertainty as you try to come up with a response.

That warm feeling returns to your chest, but you try not to let that hope grow too fast.

At your silence, Natasha presses on, asking, "What should I do?"

Clearing your throat nervously, you finally find your voice as you repeat the response she had given you.

“Well, you said you would’ve just asked them directly about how they felt about you.”

“I did, didn't I?” Natasha says in contemplation. She pauses for a second before a small smirk forms on her face, and she focuses her intense gaze on you.

“So, Y/n, how do you feel about me?”

Your eyes search hers in disbelief at the implication of her question towards you. You try to spot any signs of her usual teasing, but there is only genuine anticipation and hope in her expression.

Caught off guard by the sudden realization, you stammer, “I—um…” 

As Natasha waits for your response, the sound of rustling and footsteps from the shadows of the trees catches her attention, setting her instincts on edge.

Her body instantly straightens in alertness as she observes the surroundings. 

At the faint sound of a mechanism engaging and then a quiet click, Natasha quickly grabs you, pulling you off your horse and onto the ground just as a heavy net shoots out from the trees.

Your horses whine in panic as the net soars past them, where it would have caught you and Natasha if the two of you hadn’t moved.

Instead, the complex mesh of thick ropes and weighted edges lands with a resounding thud on the ground, ensnaring nothing but air.

Natasha and you landed in a tangled heap, her hands instinctively shielding your head and body as the both of you roll to a stop.

The surrounding area seems to hold its breath for a second before the sound of hurried footsteps causes the two of you to rise quickly to your feet.

Three menacing men emerge from the trees, each brandishing a weapon as they advance toward you and Natasha, undeterred by the failure of their initial trap.

Natasha pulls her sword from its sheath and hands it to you with a smirk.

“It’s a good thing we practiced this morning, huh?” she teases lightly. 

You roll your eyes exasperatedly as you take the sword.

Natasha is more than capable of taking on these ruffians, but knowing that you are not defenseless will probably help her concentrate more on them than having to also worry about you. 

The attackers quickly rush at the two of you, and Natasha immediately engages in combat with two of them simultaneously while the third one dodges her attacks and goes for you.

You raise the sword in defense as it clashes against his before the two of you engage in a fight.

He was bigger than you, but luckily, that just means that you are faster than his movements.

You find yourself dodging and parrying his swings, but his experience with a sword allows him to defend from most of your attacks easily.   

Seeing no way to break through his defense, you spot a large tree nearby and come up with an idea.

While dodging his attacks, you discreetly move toward its direction, leading him closer. 

Right as your back hits the trunk of the tree, a particularly powerful swing knocks the sword out of your hand.

The attacker grins victoriously, thinking you are cornered, and lunges forward with a powerful thrust.

Swiftly ducking out of the way, you cause his sword to impale deep into the tree instead.

With him stunned at his stuck weapon, you knock his arm away from the sword and then swiftly hook your leg around the back of his knee, sweeping it out from under him.

Before he can recover, you quickly pick up your fallen sword and slam its hilt against the back of his head.

Catching your breath, you let out a breath of relief when you see that he is unconscious.

Next thing you know, your body is pulled away from the man, and Natasha’s hands are moving gently across your face as she examines you.

Seeing that you are okay, she glances at the man on the ground before giving you an excited smile in realization.

“You were watching me that day,” Natasha points out happily.

That last action that you just performed was almost exactly the same as her finishing move during her spar with Steve. 

Based on your evasive behavior toward her at that time, Natasha had thought that you were avoiding her to the point where you didn’t even want to watch her train anymore.

You offer her sword back to her with a small roll of your eyes.

Behind her, you see the other two attackers already on the ground, subdued.

“You already know that I’ve always liked watching you train," you remind her. 

Instead of taking the sword, Natasha wraps her hand around yours and pulls you a step closer to her, bringing your body and face near hers.

She playfully tilts her head at you with a teasing glint in her eyes.

“Weren't you just about to tell me about something else that you like before we were interrupted?” Natasha challenges. 

You huff and shake your head in disbelief, realizing her intention.

Refusing to be the first to give in, especially with her confident and charming smirk in place, you decide to lean in even closer instead, bringing your face just a breath away from hers.

“I don’t know, Natasha, is there something you want to tell me?” you whisper challengingly, lowering your tone.

Natasha’s smirk widens in amusement as she maintains her position, seemingly unaffected, but looking closer, you notice a slight change in her eyes as they darken and briefly dart down to your lips.

Understanding dawns on you as you recall all the times you’ve seen that look on her before.

A charged tension fills the air as both of you stubbornly await the other to give in.

After a moment, Natasha finally releases a shaky breath and leans her head against yours, unable to resist anymore with you so close to her.

However, before any word can escape her parted lips, the tranquility is shattered by the sound of an arrow being released and a grunt emanating from the trees.

Turning in unison, you and Natasha witness the hidden attacker tumbling from the tree to the ground.

Your gaze then shifts to the source of the arrow, revealing a familiar figure behind the bow.

“Clint,” Natasha greets before complimenting, "Nice shot."

He puts away his bow and approaches both of you with a raised brow.

“You two are adorable, but next time, please check your surroundings again before running into each other’s arms,” he advises.

Feeling a bit embarrassed, you clear your throat awkwardly and take a step back from Natasha.

However, her hand catches your side, keeping you close.

“Where are the two of you going? And without an escort, at that,” he ask, with the last part directed pointedly in reprimand at Natasha, who responds with a slight roll of her eyes.

"To the prison," you answer him.

"What about you? What are you doing running around with your bow again?" Natasha asks curiously.

Clint gestures to the attackers, unconscious on the ground.

“These men are from the Hydra's den, which happened to be suspiciously deserted when I passed by this morning,” he reveals with a serious tone.

Natasha frowns upon hearing the information.

The central area where mercenaries usually occupy being suddenly empty is never a good sign.

“Rumlow?” Natasha asks in suspicion.

This behavior is too unusual for the noble known for his affiliations with such groups to deny any knowledge of what is happening.

Clint shrugs unsurely, grimacing, “He’s not at his manor. My informant didn’t arrive at the usual meeting time either, so I came to investigate.”

He gestures towards you and Natasha.

“If you two are also heading to the prison, then it's better if I stay with you, especially after this ambush. I’m assuming you're taking Lady Y/n to see…,” Clint trails off when he sees Natasha discreetly shaking her head, signaling him to stop talking, but it is too late. 

At his words, you quickly turn to Natasha with suspicion, raising your brow.

There’s no way Clint would know about Barnes so soon, so he must be referring to someone else at the prison, and judging by Natasha’s reaction, she knows exactly who he meant.

Natasha shoots a glare at Clint, who has suddenly taken an interest in looking up at the skies. She winces slightly when she glances back at you and sees your accusatory stare.

With a resigned sigh, she reveals, “There may have been a request…by that attacker from the cemetery to speak with you before he would answer any of our questions.”

“Natasha!” you exclaim in reprimand for keeping such information concerning you a secret.

She raises her hands in defense, arguing, “He’s a threat against the kingdom, which means I can make decisions concerning him about you.”

“You can't use that excuse every time,” you tell her, poking her in the shoulder pointedly at her attempt of creating a loophole to indirectly protect you. 

Natasha responds with an amused smile, catching your hands and interlocking them together. She raises her brows and remarks teasingly.

"Yes, I can. I'm still your princess, remember?"

Rolling your eyes at her usual teasing reminder, you shove her lightly in response with your clasped hands, which elicits a chuckle from her.

Clint lets out a smile as he observes the close interaction between you and Natasha, commenting with an assuring nod, “Yeah, you two really are adorable together.”

~~~~~~~ ⧗ ~~~~~~~

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Series Masterlist : Boundless Devotion

a/n: Thank you for reading! I may have been delusional saying that there would two/three more parts left of this series two parts ago, but it should be around two parts left after this one (i think).

Taglist: @lightwhoranoutoflight, @taliiiaasteria, @romanoffprentiss, @canvascoloredin,  @silentwolfsstuff, @blacklightsposts, @arcturusseer, @presser24, @dvrkhcld, @jujuu23, @screechcat, @vivs46, @cd-4848, @youneversawmehereooooooo, @pancakefan7529, @confusedspaceotter, @natbelovasblog, @izzy-b09, @iamheartless, @mrsrushman, @fxckmiup, @natty-taffy, @2silverchain, @traveler-at-heart, @autorasexy, @natsxwife, @mviswidow, @slut4johansson 

[sopiao]

hello :3 i absolutely love all of your ghost works !! hopefully studies are getting better for you pooks.

i can’t stop thinking about taking Ghost out but he’s ran out of masks and all of his cloth ones are in the wash so he’s forced to go out in a stupid silly one in public to get what he needs X3.

manifesting everything gets better pookie ;3 -🍅

MWEHEBHSEBHSE YES.

oml ty ty 😭 what i’m majoring in is just totally swamping me TmT.

ur so sweet ilysm :,,)

BUT YES, Ghost leaving with you in a silly mask

“Shit” Simon speeds through you, exciting the garage and looking through the junk drawer. You lower your cup and turn to him, dropping your book, leaning to the side of your chair to see what he’s looking for.

“What’s up?” You ask, wondering if you could help, he seemed to be in a rush. He just shook his head and muttered something too low to understand. Shrugging as you continued to your book. If he didn’t want help, he didn’t want help, it’ll be worse if you push it.

Simon rushes past you again into the closet, rummaging around, from what you could hear. Eyes focusing on the ink on paper you can hear him growl in frustration.

His hurried and annoyed stomps echo through the house as he walks into the bedroom, then the laundry room. At this point you aren’t even paying attention to your book. Walking back in front of you. Your eyes trail up to meet him, placing your cup down from your lips.

“What?” You tilt your head. Simon’s avoiding your gaze, rubbing the back of his head. You could tell he’s been working on his motorcycle, even without all of the loud noises coming from the garage, the tips of his fingers coated in a light layer of oil.

“Could you.. uhh.. Get me something?” He asks bashfully and hushed, as if he knows that you’ll say no but tries it anyway. You actually did say no whenever he asked this, multiple times. Every time he did you always got the wrong thing.

“No”

“What? Why?” He already knows why.

“You know. Every time I go, I get the wrong thing, then you get mad, then we go back. It’s stupid” He stares at you then looks away defeated, slumping his shoulder as he sighs, in a childish attempt to guilt you.

“Just come with me” You asked, already knowing that he’ll refuse.

“I have no masks” He grunts. You stand up and walk into the bedroom, he follows closely, hoping that there wasn’t one so he wouldn’t have to go out to that shop.

If it weren’t for those people he would have no problem going by himself. Whenever he goes, no matter the time or day, there’s always these loud obnoxious group of men that always over-explain and point out the obvious, even when they’re wrong they’ll just make a joke and pin it on you. Makes everyone uncomfortable and annoyed. Flexing money they don’t have, people they don’t know, etc.

You rummaged deep in a drawer and pulled out a white piece of cloth. No way would Simon wear this but he had no choice. It was a crocheted white balaclava that had sewn bunny ears on the top, it was actually very well crafted, it was from your niece that made it for him for Christmas since he always wore masks.

“No.”

“Yes”

“No.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to wait till tomorrow to get your part. Shop closes in an hour and the wash is finished in 2” You negotiated, not really if it was his only choice. He contemplated between his motorcycle or his dignity would he like to save. Ah shit. He loved that bike more than his dignity. He grumbled annoyed and snatched it from your hand, already making his way to the front.

You chuckled and slipped on your shoes, grabbing the car keys from the counter before following him to the car. He already had on the mask and was in the passenger seat, arms crossed and facing the window away from you.

Entering the car, and making sure he had his seatbelt on, you drove away towards the designated shop with your grumpy passenger princess. No way in hell your gonna let him drive.

“Hurry. I don’t wanna be out here any longer” He grumbled, even when he was upset in an adorable fashion, he still held his hand out for yours, waiting for you to take his hand.

“Lead the way, cotton tail” You tease, walking in together, he beelines towards the nuts and bolts, just wanting to get what he needs and get out of there, no chitchat or pleasantries. Simon rolls his eyes and walks in front of you, immediately looking through the little bins of nuts and bolts. You stand next to him, eyes wandering around the store as your boyfriend collects what he needs.

“Ok. Done. Let’s go” Simon speaks up behind you not even a minute later, obviously hasty to get home and out of this ridiculous(ly cute) mask. It makes you laugh how hasty he is to leave. Usually he would take an extra 20 minutes walking around and looking for things he’ll need for future planned projects.

“Wait. Let’s get paint for the bathroom” You insist, already making your way towards the colorful paint isle, he grumbled, subtly rolls his eyes and follow you before you get lost. For a month, the bathroom’s been torn apart for repairs and renovations, but paint hasn’t been decided yet.

The entire time you looked at the paint cards Simon was fidgeting with his hands, cracking his knuckles and picking at his skin, looking at anyone who looked at him for more than a second. Until, a little boy walked by with his dad, couldn’t be any older than 3. Simon’s height, physique, and overall look is very intimidating. But when that little boy saw him in the bunny mask, he smiled and waved, making Simon’s heart melt.

That was the first time a little kid wasn’t scared of him. That moment gave him instant baby fever, hesitantly waving back at the little boy as he laughed and walked with his father. After that he would wear the bunny balaclava from time to time.

[idontplaytrack]

Can you do more Regina x Janis + younger sister reader please? No specific prompt or anything, I just like how you write it :)

Those tiny bubbles

Janis ‘Imi’ike x Regina George(+ ‘Imi’ike little sister)

Warnings: tiny bit of coarse language, some quarrelling

Big sister Janis steps in, letting reader know she deserves better friends.

“y/n, will you just talk to me for god’s sake!” Regina couldn’t take it and snapped. You flinched.

Answering her in a similar manner, “Why are you yelling at me? What did I even do to you?”

“I’m…frustrated okay? All I’ve been trying to do for the past week is to try and get you to talk to me so I can help you.”

“Help with what?!” You huffed, “There’s nothing you can do!”

“And why are you so sure, y/n?”

“Hey!” Janis walked into the house after parking the car properly, “Stop— stop yelling, G. That’s not gonna help.”

Regina froze, you backed up, eventually sitting down on the couch. There was a glint of sadness and regret in her eyes as she watched you, defeated, clearly upset about something. She just wanted to help. They both did. Janis’ backpack lands on the floor with a thud as she sat down in front of you on the carpet. “y/n, you know that you can tell me anything, honey. Please? Tell me what’s been going on and we’ll help you get through it. Don’t keep it to yourself, y/n.”

She rests her hands on your knees as she tilted her head to meet your eyes. Your lips were pursed together while you desperately tried to blink the tears away.

“Did someone say shit about you? Because I’ll kill them.” Regina says. Janis glares at her.

“I don’t have friends anymore.”

“What? Baby, of course you do.”

“We’ve been back in school after summer break for almost two weeks and I’ve just constantly been excluded from whatever they’re doing— lunch, getting into groups of three for class projects, assignments, I see the two of them with someone else, passing notes. Side-eyeing me. I didn’t — I don’t what the hell is it that I said or did but they’re just treating me like I don’t exist anymore.”

“I have a solution for you.” Janis says, “You…forget about them no matter how hard it is. We will help you through this. Some friends will come, and go. Others will stick around for a long time. You have me, you have Regina, Cady, Gretchen, Karen and Damian.”

“And Aaron.”

“Right!” Janis laughs, “My point is, if they don’t cherish you, let them go. You don’t need them. Who you need are people who care about you, who love you, who…tells you when you’ve made a mistake instead of running away and avoiding it so you can learn, and grow.”

“I should’ve known when we landed in Hawai’i and the only texts I’ve gotten were from Cady and Karen, ‘Have a great trip and safe flight!’” You laughed humourlessly, “You know what Ellie and Maura did? They texted our first night shocked that I didn’t tell them anything— but I did. I told them we won’t be in Chicago for two weeks because we’d be going home and they weren’t listening because they were too busy talking about their own trip to Disney World.”

“Those bitches.” Regina scoffs, “Screw them, you don’t need them. Okay? Focus on yourself, living your best life. That’s the best revenge.”

“All that waiting for those three tiny bubbles to disappear and all I get is, ‘Oh! Really? Oops. Guess we didn’t hear ya.’”

“Okay! Enough of that shit that’ll only make us angrier. How about we…go to the mall and you get to buy whatever you want?”

“Are you crazy?” You looked up at the tall blonde.

“Your sister thinks I am but she loves me.” Regina snorted, “But seriously, my treat.”

“We should totally go, get your mind off things.” Janis nods, “Do I get that treat too, G?”

“I’m shocked you even have to ask me that, Janis.” Regina chuckles, “Okay, come on, let’s go.”

You extended your hand for Janis to grab onto while she got up from the floor. Then she did the same and pulled you up off the couch. “We’re gonna go get changed then we’ll be right out.”

“Okay.” Regina shrugs.

“Thanks…for cheering me up.” You told them before going up to your room.

“Just happy to help, y/n. Always gonna be here for you. That’s what sisters are for, hm?”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartnstuffs @pda128

[cemeteryry]

just saw that you want a request of Miguel X male reader, where reader also a spider man and accidentally get hurt while on a mission. Miguel saw this and get mad at reader because he's worried then things get heat up and Miguel take reader to somewhere private where no one else is and fuck him. oh- and maybe top Miguel X Bottom male reader<3

don't want you getting hurt [miguel o'hara x male reader] (nsfw)

note: i proofread this very quickly so i may edit later on as needed. also, i'm still fairly new to fic-writing so i apologize if anything doesn't sound the best ;(

another note: i had originally (accidentally) turned this into a (2.1k words so far) hurt/comfort fic ... if anyone's interested in seeing that, lmk and i'll finish it!

cw/includes: vague mention of reader getting hurt, biting, unprotected sex (pls be safe irl), anal sex, rough sex, slight exhibitionism (he wants you to be as loud as possible so people around know how well he's pleasing you) praise, brief spanish use (i tried my best to use the right terms/words), cumming inside, amab terms

★

crash

you heard someone yell your name as you were thrown into a pile of fallen rubble. you groaned from the dull pain in your leg but swiftly got up and rejoined the fight. shaking yourself off, you swung yourself up to help miguel and jess.

this was nothing compared to some of your other injuries, they were expected in this line of work. it didn’t bother you, it was worth it if it meant saving even one person.

unknown to you, though, it did bother someone. as you rejoined the fight at hand, you noticed miguel staring at you. he was probably just frustrated with you for letting your guard down enough for someone to send you flying. you broke the eye contact and landed a punch to the villain the three of you were up against. it took some effort but eventually, you guys managed to trap him in a cocoon of webbing and brought him back to headquarters.

you were about to head back to your personal quarters when you heard a voice calling your name, “i would like to speak with you.”

you raised an eyebrow, “what about?”

“just follow me,” miguel instructed.

you sighed, you just wanted to head back to your room and unwind. well, at least you got to spend some more time around the guy you had a tiny thing for. okay, well, maybe it wasn’t so tiny. you found him insanely attractive and fantasized about him more often than you’d like to admit, but that wasn’t the point. right now the issue is he’s taking you somewhere and you have no idea where or why.

he led you into his office and leaned against a table. you leaned across a table across from him and tried asking why he wanted to speak to you again.

he sighed and then began, “you need to be more careful.”

you blinked a few times. there was no way he brought you here because he was upset that you took a hit, that happened to everyone all the time. confused, you looked at him, “you brought me here… to tell me that?”

he looked to the side, avoiding eye contact. looking up, he closed his eyes, then spoke, “i don’t like seeing you get hurt.”

you were so tired that all you wanted to do was just collapse onto your bed. starting to get irritated from the exhaustion, you responded, “we get hurt all the time,” you were starting to get upset, “if that’s all please just tell me so i can go rest and take care of myse-”

he cut you off, “you’re not understanding, i don't like seeing you get hurt,” bringing his eyes down to meet yours, his tone beginning to sound irritated as well, “you just don’t seem to care if you get injured, i need you to take better care of yourse-”

this time, you cut him off, “excuse me? i’m doing just fine taking care of myself, i’m not understanding why you’re acting like you care so much about my well-being,” things were starting to get heated, you were irritated with him for making you come here for this incredibly weird talk and he was upset because… well, you weren’t sure why he was irritated. he must just be bothered that you’re being reckless because that may cause him to lose another spider-person, you, to an injury.

miguel’s gaze intensified and that had you worried you had pissed him off. he took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself but you decided to speak before he did, “if you’re done pretending that you actually care about me as a person then i’d say we’re done he-”

“we are not done here,” he growled, he was angry now. “do you ever use your head and think that maybe i’m not just acting or pretending? that maybe i just really do care about you? did that ever occur to you?”

you were speechless, what the hell were you even supposed to say to that? you sat there in silence for a minute, then finally spoke up. matching his volume, you began, “then why didn’t you ever tell me? why did you just leave me here to think i was alone in all of th-”

“because i was afraid!” miguel yelled, “i was afraid you’d think badly of me, that you would hate me and leave!”

“well i don’t and i’m right here!” you yelled back, “i’m right here and i’m not leaving!”

he stopped and looked down, this stunning him. after a few seconds, he looked back up and met your eyes, “damn right you’re not.”

confused, you tilted your head, “what is that supposed to me-”

you were cut off by him closing the distance between you two and pushing you against the table you were leaning against. he growled in your ear, “you’re not going anywhere, eres mio,” as he began tracing his fangs along your neck. you couldn’t help but moan at the sensation, throwing your head back to give him more room to bite and suck.

“that’s it, mi amor, i want to hear you. be loud for me, yeah?” he licked at your neck, “let everyone know how good i’m making you feel.”

you moaned again, a tent beginning to form in your suit. you noticed his hard-on as well and groaned.

he began pulling down your suit, exposing your chest. he brought his mouth to one of your nipples and sucked on it, then gave it a light bite that made you whimper from the slight pain.

after nipping at your chest, he made quick work of removing the rest of your suit. soon enough, you were left standing there naked. he took in the sight of you, appreciating every single angle and curve of your body. his eyes hovered lower down, though, and you couldn’t help but smile.

miguel then began removing his own suit, standing exposed in front of you in less than a minute. your eyes trailed down and… whoa, he was huge. you had no idea how you were supposed to take him. he must’ve noticed your worry because he looked back up at you, smirking, “i’ll be gentle with you.”

he lifted you up onto the table and this sent a rush throughout your body. sliding his hands under your legs, he lifted your lower body up slightly. it was just enough that he could easily slide into you when ready. his dick was pressed against you and you shivered at the feeling, trying to move closer to him to feel more of him against you. 

“impatient, are we?” he teased. he then removed one of his hands from under your leg and pressed a finger against your hole, “need to prepare you, don’t want you getting hurt,” he smiled.

miguel slowly inserted the finger and you let out a pornographic moan at the sensation. he slowly thrust it in and out of you a few times before adding a second, and then a third. at three you had your head thrown back, now far too preoccupied to care about the noises escaping from your mouth. he increased his pace and tears threatened to fall from your eyes, the pleasure and pain already feeling overwhelming.

to your disappointment, he removed his fingers and you whined at the empty feeling. miguel didn’t give you a chance to complain before smirking and lining himself up with you and then pushing inside. you groaned and tears fell from your eyes at the mixed feeling of pleasure and pain from the stretch. it felt both heavenly and like he was splitting you in half because of his size. it only took a few thrusts before you were forgetting about the pain, and only focused on how amazing he felt inside of you.

“there you go… that’s it, cariño,” miguel whispered, “ taking my dick so well…”

you couldn’t control the sounds you were making, the feeling was overwhelming and incredible.

it wasn’t long before he began giving in to his desire and started thrusting harder and harder into you, “you don’t have any idea… how long i’ve been thinking about- about doing this to you.” his movements were growing rougher and quicker. he was almost animalistic with how he was fucking you. you couldn’t stop yourself from yelling out his name over and over again. anyone that happened to be nearby would definitely know exactly what he was doing to you.

he removed his hands from under your thighs and pinned your hands above your head, leaning above you and slowing his pace as he brought his face close to your neck. you felt his fangs tease the sensitive skin, and then he bit down, blood beading from the small wound he had inflicted and you screamed his name, louder than before and louder than you meant to. skin turning red from irritation, he licked at the area attempting to soothe the wound. you loved the fact that you’d be carrying that mark from him long after this.

bringing himself back up, he returned to the brutal pace he had set before. he let out a groan as he attempted to say something, “close…” he wrapped a hand around your dick and started jerking you off and that’s when you lost it, cumming almost immediately and painting your stomach white as he continued fucking you through your orgasm.

seeing you cum was enough to send miguel over the edge and he was then filling you up with his load. he gave a last few sloppy thrusts, chasing the high, then collapsed over you, holding himself up with one arm.

he stayed inside of you for a few minutes as you both came down from everything. when he finally did pull out, you moaned as you felt his cum leaking from you. miguel looked over at you, smiling, “we are definitely doing this again.”

★

[eelfuneral]

Some of the discussion that happens within the Star Wars fandom, particularly discussion of the Jedi, can be really upsetting to observe if you have certain disabilities. In fact, I’m having a hard time even liking the Jedi right now because I can’t help but associate them with some really ableist takes that I’ve seen in their defense.

Let me explain: a lot of people with certain disabilities (such as autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and C-PTSD) deal with something called emotion dysregulation, which means that you feel emotions more intensely than the average person and that this strong emotional state sticks around for far longer than it should. When you have emotional regulation issues, an event that might make somebody else a bit sad or mildly frustrated has the ability to put you out of commission for hours or even an entire day. Emotion dysregulation is very stigmatized, even in people who go out of their way to avoid harming people or lashing out while dealing with an episode. People with this specific issue are often told that they are “dramatic”, “attention seeking”, or “future abusers” for what amounts to an automatic emotional response that a person cannot control. This constant pushback forms a metaphorical blister that can easily be popped back open when you see anything that reminds you of what caused it in the first place.

Now, let’s move on to the Jedi. While it can be argued that their teachings were intended to instruct people to reign in their BEHAVIOR as a result of their emotions, several lines in the fist six movies sound an awful lot like they are condemning having negative emotions at all. Yoda literally tells both Luke and Anakin that emotions like fear and anger BY THEMSELVES are of the Dark Side, and these lines were very difficult for a lot of people who have dealt with trauma, neurodivergence, or other issues that cause “big emotions”. These lines, intentionally or not, mirror a lot of the things that real people have said to those of us dealing with emotion dysregulation, and people have every right to talk about this in their own spaces unmolested.

Some of the defenses of the Jedi in the context of how they are instructed to deal with their emotions come off as dismissive at best and ableist at worst. Yes, if you dig through Star Wars canon enough, you can find portrayals of the Jedi and emotions that point to a more nuanced view where choices and actions are the source of evil rather than the emotions, but this does not change the fact that the Yoda lines and other emotionally repressive applications of the Jedi Code very much exist in parts of canon. A person who found the emotionally repressive variant of Jedi teachings to be upsetting due to a disability will likely feel as though you are trying to dismiss their feelings and belittle them if you “correct” them for “misinterpretation of the Jedi”. I get that it sucks to see people bash your blorbos, but if someone is doing it because they are dealing with something IRL like trauma or ableism, then it’s best not to engage and just let that person work through it.

I have also seen people who are defending the Jedi make statements that outright attack people for having intense emotions. I remember a take that basically said that you were a baby or a psychopath if you found the Jedi code regarding emotions to be “too hard”. I’ve seen people dismiss the trauma that Anakin went through and its possible effect on how he reacted to some aspects of the Jedi order in a way that mirrors the invalidation that those of us with emotional regulation issues have experienced for being “too much” for all of our lives. Yes, it is important to avoid harming others when you are in a bad place, and no Anakin was not a great person, but so many of these takes are devoid enough of nuance that they read as if they are just trashing people who have “too many”emotions.

Feel free to defend your favorite characters all that you would like, but please spare a thought for those of us who might not dig everything about them for reasons connected to disability and trauma. The Jedi aren’t real, but we very much are.

[circular-bircular]

Miscellaneous Thoughts

Alright, now that I’ve sat for a bit with my thoughts, got food, and destressed some…

Thoughts are going under a cut. This is all just ramblings and musings in regards to syscourse. Don’t take it too seriously.

I am sick and tired of the “sides of syscourse” bullshit. There aren’t sides. The sides are completely arbitrarily decided by those who tout themselves as leaders of the community, and if they don’t do so themselves, they are held up as paragons by those who regurgitate their disgusting displays in attempts at coherent thought.

I do mean that in regards to “all sides.” There are some of those who follow me who sicken me with how they attempt to interpret my words.

But then there are those who also engage with conversation, when possible. There are those who attempt to further conversations. And there’s those who are just trying their best, to understand or to learn more.

I’m… frustrated. Mostly that I can’t exist without this. It’s my entire disorder. I can either exist openly online as a DID system while participating in syscourse, or I can’t be online as a DID system. I can’t have a blog about my experiences without having to bring Endogenic systems into it, in some way.

I see my endogenic friends struggling right now due to fakeclaiming, and that’s hell. But I also see endogenic systems saying, “anti-endos have no idea what it’s like, having people tell you each day that they hate you or that you don’t exist!” And I know they mean me. Because they believe anti-endo means CDD.

I’m a CDD system. I’ve got DID. I struggle with it. And each and every day, I see more and more people who are trying to punch at the anti-endos doing things that directly impact me, as someone who isn’t a fucking anti-endo. As someone who isn't even pro-endo anymore. I'm not anti or pro anything! I'M JUST TRYING TO FUCKING EXIST.

The ToSD is real and valid, regardless of who participated in the writing and popularization of it. There’s plenty of research that supports it. Attacking the ToSD is not attacking anti-endos. It’s attacking CDD systems.

DID is a trauma only disorder. You cannot have DID without having repeated childhood trauma. You do not need to hate your system or be disordered by your plural aspects of self to have DID, and anyone saying otherwise is ignoring even the DSM. Attacking DID diagnostic criteria is not attacking anti-endos. It's attacking CDD systems.

Anyone, at all, who harasses anyone else, is either a troll, or hurting. They aren’t fucking evil. They aren’t irredeemable. They’re certainly a damn sight more than a fucking parasite — how in the goddamn insurmountable levels of hell do you think it’s appropriate to compare living, breathing human beings to parasites, and deem them worse and lesser? What gives you the right to treat others like this?

For fucks goddamn sake, I just want to live. I just want to survive with this disorder online. I want to talk about my experiences. But every single goddamn time I’ve tried, I get caught in this loop.

First, it was pro-endos, insisting I was valid while gaslighting me and harassing me into thinking I didn’t have goddamn trauma.

Then, it was anti-endos, insisting my hurt was valid while demonizing the pro-endos who hurt me first.

Then it was all of you fuckers, every single person in syscourse — yes, even you — who perpetuated these cycles. And the thing is, I’m not blaming you, I’m not upset with you; it’s just fucking impossible to avoid at this point!!

And the thing is, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to leave this place. I’ve spent a goddamn decade trying to carve out a hole for myself to hide in here. This became my home for so goddamn long because I didn’t have one of my own. And god, I have made a lot of connections here, people who I would miss. People who I DO miss.

But you all make it so damn difficult. Pro-endos hurting me more each day. Anti-endos hurting my friends and taking the battling gun approach to fighting ableism.

I’m so tired.

I’m just. So goddamn tired.

I think that’s all I’ve got in me right now. That’s all the energy I can muster for this. At least it’s words that count toward my daily total, right?

[strayheartless]

Now that it’s been pointed out to me that Genesis is ADHD when I previously read him as autistic, I now have a list of AuDHD sensory issues swirling around my head that I think he has.

So, in no particular order:

Butter. Genesis is staunchly against butter. It is evil and the minute it he hits his tongue he gags. He also doesn’t like touching it.

Air on any skin but his face. Most people believe Genesis wears the coat glove combo because he wants to emulate Sephiroth. The actual reason is he can’t bare to have his skin exposed to the elements. You’ll never catch him dead without something covering his arms, not even in the summer. The gloves depend on the day.

Corduroy. It’s a crime against fashion anyway but the feel of it on his skin makes it crawl.

Cotton wool. You just have to say the word cotton wool to Genesis and he looses his composure. Zack takes great pleasure in pulling it apart just to watch Genesis squirm. Mostly because Genesis makes fun of his sensory issues

Full fat milk. This is something Genesis didn’t know about until he met Cloud. His mother had always had fully skimmed milk in the fridge because she was obsessed with diet fads so he’d never had it. He knew he didn’t like creamy things, but he once drank a cup of coffee that Cloud made him that had full fat milk in it and couldn’t swallow it.

Pears. They are grainy and not like apples. He hates them.

Bananas. They make his teeth itch.

Tags, sequins, itchy wool etc. anything that is itchy is hell

Hats and Earmuffs. Angeal is the one who discovered this. He once placed his own hat on Gens head and then watched Genesis get fustrated and upset for twenty minutes because he didn’t like it touching his ears.

Blocked noses. The biggest reason Genesis hates being sick is because he can’t cope with his nose being blocked or stuffy. He genuinely forgets how to breath through his mouth sometimes.

Cold hands. If Genesis’s hands get cold he may as well be dead, it would be preferable to this hell.

White noise emitters. Because quite frankly fuck them.

Marching bands. The drum beats mess with his heart rate. He doesn’t like it. The made parade duty very difficult.

Genesis can deal with pain, what he can’t deal with is how itchy wounds get while they heal. It would be funny if it didn’t wind him up so much he cries in frustration.

Cold sink water, especially if it’s had something greasy in it.

Avocado. Angeal made him Avocado on toast one morning for breakfast and Gen put it in his mouth, looked panicked and Angeal said “do you need to spit it out?” And that was how Angeal struck Avocado off of all future meal plans.

Genesis will 100% tell people he doesn’t have sensory issues. He’s one of those “nobody would ever guess I’m Autistic” people and then you’d put a fear food in front of him and he’d panic and not be able to swallow it.

He’s also the kind of person who will poke fun at Zack and Sephiroth for having extreme sensory issues but then gets rudely reminded that the only reason he seems to not have them is because he avoids everything he hates like the plague and has some truly elaborate work arounds to avoid them.

[topazy]

Inside, outside

Pairings: 10k x reader, Addy Carver × sister reader

Warnings: Mentions of injury

Chapter: 5.04

During the funeral for all those who had died the day prior, 10k had disappeared, worrying you, Red, and Sun Mei, but after thinking about it, you quickly realized where he would have gone. You walk into the doctor's lab to see 10k people staring at his hand in a glass tank surrounded by blue fluid.

Sun Mei rubs his back. “How are you doing, 10k?”

“How soon can we get out of here?” He asks, deliberately avoiding her question.

“Once you’ve recovered, we can leave and go wherever you want,” you say softly. Since cutting off 10K's hand to save him, you’ve hardly looked him in the eye. You blame yourself for him being in so much physical and mental pain, and 10k blamed himself for Sarge’s death. It didn’t help that you were also keeping a massive secret between the two of you.

“You need to take time to recover,” Red adds. “You don’t want an infection.”

In an unusually snappy tone, he says, “The longer we stay here, the harder it’s going to be to get out.”

It killed you to see him so frustrated.

Sun Mei reaches over to him and takes his arm. “Let me take a look at your arm. See how that cauterization is doing.”

When 10K lies up on the hospital bed and takes your hand in his, you can tell he’s burning up by how sweaty his palm is. Suitably, you move your hands so they're leaning against your stomach. He gives you a small smile before wincing in pain.

“Just focus on me.”

10k nods and does his bed to keep looking at you, but his eyes occasionally drift towards his stump, which had turned black and was leaking. The smell coming from it indicates infection, but Sun Mei tries to not cause him any more upset and lies, “It’s healing beautifully.”

“It’s not.” He gets out of bed and points at his hand. “This is my hand, right?”

“Yeah, Red went back and found it."

“I want you to sew it back on.”

Sun Mei laughs, “It doesn’t work like that.”

You shoot her a look. 10K was being deadly serious; he would have done anything in that moment to have his hand back, but because of a decision you made, he would never have that again. You feel tears starting to pool in your eyes, so you excuse yourself from the room and run into the bathroom down the hallway.

As soon as you lock the bathroom door, you let the tears fall freely. None of it was fair; 10K didn’t deserve to lose a limb, but it was better than him dying.

You had already lost him once; you weren’t going to go through it again.

—

“There’s a film playing tonight that might take your mind off things,” Red says.

10k shrugs. When the brunette offers to make him his favorite meal, he declines it. Sun Mei had already mentioned how little 10K had been sleeping, drinking, and eating since he lost his hand, and if he continued going this way, his body would become weaker, making him more vulnerable to different infections as the wound heals.

You abruptly stop walking, and whatever look is on your face causes him to turn pale and Red to excuse herself. “Tommy, I know you’re hurting, but you need to stop this. It’s one thing to start isolating yourself, but refusing to eat…”

“You don’t need to apologize again,” he says before you have the chance to finish. “I know you only did what you did so you could save my life.”

“I’m not sorry.” You have to fight to keep the tears from falling, not wanting to break down again. “I had to choose between losing you or saving you."

10k wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of your head, and says, “I know, I know.”

You look up at him, holding his gaze. “I love you, Tommy, no matter what, so whatever you’re going through, I want you to tell me. Even if it’s that you hate me, I want to know.”

He lets out a sigh and quietly says, “I can’t sleep because I’m worried about how I’m supposed to protect my family. I never missed a shot; I always got my target, but now... what if a Z gets close to the baby and I don’t make the shot?”

“I promise you, you’ll always make that shot. You’re the most selfless person I know; it’s just one of the many reasons I fell for you, including your badass zombie-killing skills. It just might take some time for you to get used to it.”

10k’s gaze is full of adoration as he leans down to press a soft kiss to your lips. “Thank you for saving me.”

[gunilslaugh]

There's No Us Anymore

Lee Jooyeon

Summary: You and Jooyeon used to be best friends, but now you can’t even talk to him.

WC:1.4k

Warning:grammar, angst (no happy ending)

photo not mine credits to owner.

If someone told you two years ago that you’d be avoiding Jooyeon, you would’ve never believed them. What could have possibly happened to make you avoid your best friend? Jooyeon kissing you, telling you that he loves you. Only to turn around the next day and say that it was all a mistake. He was wrong, he doesn’t love you like that and he regrets kissing you.

You and Jooyeon went from best friends to lovers to strangers all in the span of twenty-four hours. Although you can’t be complete strangers since you share the same friend group. You still see each other at group hangouts, but you don’t talk. The two of you can hardly look at one another. Gunil, Jungsu, Jiseok, Seungmin and Hyeongjun all try their best to keep business as usual, but it’s undeniable that yours and Jooyeons’ fallout has created a lot of tension. It feels like there’s a cold war going on between you and Jooyeon. The members wish the two of you could work things out, but given the fact that it’s been five months since your guys' fallout or what they call it, the great pod break (you and Jooyeon were often referred to as two peas in a pod.) and neither of you will even stand within three feet of the other they’re beginning to give up hope. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to him?” Seungmin asks. The both of you are currently hanging out in your room doing a puzzle. You quickly got annoyed letting out a frustrated sigh.

“If someone told you that them saying they love you and kissing you was a mistake. That they don’t love you. They regret kissing you. Would you want to talk to them?” You retorted. 

“I understand why you’re so upset. You have the right to be, what he did was horrible, but do you really want to throw away your friendship? You guys were best friends. The type of best friends people wished they had. You miss that don’t you?” Seungmin questions. 

Of course you miss your friendship with Jooyeon. It was one of the most important things to you, but it’s gone now. Even if you did talk to Jooyeon and sort things out your friendship would never be the same. It’s only a memory of the past now. You’ll remember it fondly and you’re grateful to have had it. It breaks your heart that you’ll never have again.

“Yes, I miss it. I miss it terribly, but that friendship is gone, Seungmin,” you say.

“So you’ll just continue like this forever?” His voice is hushed. You know this is hard on Seungmin, it’s hard for everyone. A part of you feels like maybe you are being a bit stubborn. Maybe you should try to talk to Jooyeon. However despite the fact that it’s been six months since it happened the wound on your heart is still as fresh as the day it happened. That’s what makes you avoid talking to Jooyeon. You know that it would just result in another fight. 

“I’m sorry. I know that we made everything awkward. I can just stop coming to group hangouts, so you guys don’t have to walk on eggshells,” you told him. They were originally Jooyeon’s friends first anyway. It wouldn’t be fair to make Jooyeon be the one that’s left out.

“We don’t want that y/n,” Seungmin quickly states. 

“You want me and Jooyeon to be friends again, but there’s no me and Jooyeon anymore,” you pointed. “I get that you’re just trying to help Seungmin, but if you’re gonna keep talking about this just go home. I’m done talking about it,” you tell him. The puzzle was long forgotten anyway, you got up from your floor and moved to sit on your bed.

“Wanna watch a movie then?” Seungmin asks, sitting next to you on your bed. 

The next group hangout was at their dorm and it was going as the new normal, with you and Jooyeon staying on opposite ends of each other. At least that was until Jooyeon approached you. 

“Can we talk please?” His eyes were filled with desperation. 

“About what?” you said coldly. 

“I want to apologize and explain,” he can’t look you in the eyes.

“Fine,” is all you say. Jooyeon leads you both to his room for some privacy. It’s weird his room looks no different than the last time that you saw it, yet being in it feels really foreign. 

“I miss you y/n, I miss us,” Jooyeon states. You scoffed, almost rolling your eyes.

“There’s no us anymore,” your words were harsh. “Us ended seven months ago when you-” the words got caught in your tightening throat.

“I regret what I did everyday, y/n. I know what I did was wrong and horrible and I beat myself up for it all the time,” he reveals. Tears are spilling from his eyes. He reaches out for your hands, but you pull away.

“Then why did you do it?” You raised your voice. “You knew how I felt about you Jooyeon and then you did that. Just to play with feelings? You were bored that night? Why?” You couldn’t control your anger. 

“I never wanted to hurt you y/n. I love you, I do, but-” Jooyeon sobbing at this point. Tears are falling from your eyes as well. 

“It was a mistake. You regret kissing me,” you reiterated his words from that day.

“When I said I regret kissing you I meant because I shouldn’t have done it. I shouldn’t have done anything I did that night,” Jooyeon tried to explain.

“Then why did you?” You cried out.

“It was true. What I said that night was true. I love you,” again Jooyeon reaches out for your hands, this time you let him.

“Then why was it a mistake?” Your voice has gone soft. It’s full of vulnerability. 

“I can’t be the man you need. As much as I want to be I know I’d only end up hurting you, just like I did. We’re better off as friends,” Jooyeon voices.

“I don’t think I can be friends after this,” you pull your hands from his and move away from him.

“Y/n, please! Don’t leave me please. I need you, I don’t know how to live without you,” Jooyeon begs as he halts you in a backhug. 

“You’ll learn how to. Being around you hurts too much now Jooyeon. I’m sorry, but I can’t. Please let me go,” you try to pull his arms off you, but he only holds you tighter. 

“No, y/n we can work something out. Don’t leave me,” Jooyeon pleads, you can feel his tears hitting your shoulder and the shaking of his breaths.

“Don’t make this harder Jooyeon. It doesn’t have to be forever, but I need space to myself. I need to figure things out. I need to be away from you,” this time you're successful in pulling his arms from your frame. I’m sorry Jooyeon. I love you,” are the last words you say before walking out of his room and rushing from the dorm. 

“Y/n! Y/n! Wait!” Seungmin calls after you, chasing you down the hallway. You turned to face him. 

“Seungmin please don’t. Jooyeon needs you guys right now, so go to him,” you tell him. Tears are still running down your face.

“What about you?” He asks, concerned.

“I’ll be fine. I’m sorry things turned out this way. Thank you for being my friend. I’m thankful for all of you guys. Take care of Jooyeon and yourselves,”

“Y/n that sounds like-” Seungmin begins to say.

“Goodbye,” you cut him off. You bring up a hand wiping away your tears and put on a smile. “Maybe we’ll meet again another day. After I’ve healed and grown, but until then, goodbye. Tell the others I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell them. I wish you all well and I’m sorry,” you turned back around and walked away. Seungmin’s now crying too. He knows you're not coming back. Seungmin trudges back into the dorm. He finds the members comforting Jooyeon in his room. They look up and see Seungmins state. All Seungmin does is shake his head and now they know too, you’re gone. There was not a dry eye left in the dorm. There was no more you and Jooyeon. There was no more you and Xdinary Heroes. There truly was no “us” anymore. 

A/N: I'm sorry for two angst posts in a row. I was gonna write fluff today, but then my favorite character on the show I'm currently watching got killed and I wasn't the mood to write fluff anymore. This is the outcome.

[bunmellos]

One of my friends really likes loona, tho I don’t really follow them. And the articles I just searched up after reading your posts don’t really give the full story. Do you mind summing up what happened to someone outside the community? Totally fine if you don’t btw! But I wish there was a source that doesn’t sound like they’re forced to sell a certain pov

sure, here’s a brief summary. i’ll probably get a couple things wrong because i’m doing this mostly from memory, but here we go:

- loona debuted one member each month from 2016-2018, and debuted as a group with hi high in 2018. notably, the last member to debut only trained for 1 day before being thrust into the spotlight

- after that, comebacks were slow coming, especially considering they were a popular new group with a lot of potential.

- at some point, staff reveals that they haven’t been paid since debut. this includes the girls. bbc (the management company) also claims severe financial debt, and orbits (the fans) come together and mass buy merch to pull them out of debt. it was honestly pretty amazing

- a couple of members begin to stand out from the rest of the group. this includes heejin, the first member to debut, who begins getting ad appearances and a lot of center time. the other is chuu, the tenth member to debut, who is known for her bubbly and cheerful personality. she starts doing a lot of work outside the group- guest starring in reality shows, MC-ing, etc. we learn that, despite pulling bbc out of debt, they still haven’t paid the staff or idols.

:readmore:

- chuu begins to inexplicably miss a lot of group schedules. rumors say she might be planning to move to another company.

- in 2022, the kpop industry starts touring again. loona (minus chuu, of course, as she’s busy with other events) does a world tour with a very harsh schedule. members begin breaking down one by one until eventually only 7 or 8 are able to perform.

- chuu sues bbc to get out of her contract and wins, somewhat. she can now freely do solo activities but bbc still profits from her efforts. there’s silence for a few months. then, suddenly, on november 25th, bbc announces chuu’s removal from the group. they cite her abuse of the staff as their reason and make a lot of really weird statements. one of these is that “the rest of loona do not do this for personal gain”, which is very very odd considering chuu just wanted to be paid for her efforts. lol

- immediately, people start coming to chuu’s defense. one of these is hyunjin, her own group member, who expresses her frustration over chat despite risking getting in trouble for it. sunmi, a senior idol, posts a selfie of the two together in support. in addition, all kinds of staff for the different shows chuu has worked on share their stories of how kind and considerate she is. basically, the rest of the industry comes together to call bbc on their bullshit

- at this point, people have been speculating for a long time. one theory is that bbc is a money laundering scheme that’s kept loona as nugu (new group, despite being 4-6 years old depending on the member) as possible to avoid drawing attention. because like… if nobody’s being paid and they’re committing tax fraud then where is all that money going…? it’s kind of weird because bbc is the bottom of a chain of command that eventually leads to ilgwang group, which mainly sells weapons to the government and has gotten in trouble for corruption before (take that how you will)

- the rest of the group members are expected to continue with their activities like nothing happened, and are forced to do one on one video calls with fans. most of them are visibly upset. especially hyunjin, who’s always been one to express her real feelings. also we find out that the bbc ceo is suspected of evading over $37 million usd in taxes

- bbc releases another statement telling fans to stop speculating and let the members do their jobs

- almost immediately afterward, news comes out that 9 of the members (excluding vivi and hyunjin, probably because vivi is in korea on a work visa and hyunjin is busy doing some stuff for fifa) have filed injunction against bbc to terminate their contracts. chuu has now joined by4m studio

- and that’s about it, assuming nothing else has happened since i was asleep. tldr: loona was a group with a lot of potential but their company fucked it up and kicked out a member over bullshit claims, leading the rest of the group to quit too