#but Barty loves it

[doomedtokill]

Barty shamelessly walking round with marks down his neck, bite marks over his shoulders and scratches all up his back

[regulusblock]

teen Regulus: what's an orgasm?

teen Barty: when you fold paper to make birds and shit

also teen Evan: that's oregano, bitch

[spiritstar477]

Sirius: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Remus: baby, I’d make you a lovely little enclosure with all the dirt and compose you’d ever want. I’d hold you and take you places in my pocket and kiss you good night. I’d—. . .

vs

Remus: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Sirius: *thinks* yeah, I’d fuck a worm

Remus: *looks at the camera like in the office*

—————————————————————————————————————

James: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Regulus: it depends… were you always a worm or were you transfigured into one? The former, no, we’d never have met. The latter, then yes, and I’d figure out how to turn you back.

vs

Regulus: would you still love me if I was a worm?

James: yes !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—————————————————————————————————————

Barty: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Evan: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you

vs

Evan: would you still love me if I was a worm?

Barty: I’d cut you up so I could have a bunch of you

(bc they’re both batshit insane)

[etherealriver]

Evan: *Whispering French into Barty's ear*

Barty: *Literally can't breathe*

Regulus, who's sitting next to him on the couch: *Fighting for his life not to laugh because Evan's not saying anything remotely sexy, he's just complaining about the weather*

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Evan: why is Regulus crying?

Barty: well, James got drunk at a party so Regulus took him to their room

Barty: When he asked James to come to bed with him, James said “No, thanks. I’m sure you’re lovely but I have I boyfriend and I love him very very much” and went to sleep on the floor

Evan: so he’s crying because his boyfriend is too good?

Regulus: shut up you wouldn’t know about good boyfriends

Barty (said boyfriend): *Offended*

[beataylorsversion]

why can't gay people flirt normally

like "ur cute," "no ur cute," isn't that hard

it doesn't have to be:

"finally the flesh reflects the madness within,"

"well, you'd know all about the madness within wouldn't you remus?"

[icedcoffeebabyy]

Judge: do you swear to speak the truth and nothing but the truth.

James: I do.

Judge: what are your relations with regulus black.

James: omg dare.

[yourgalgremlin]

Creep hitting on Regulus @ the bar:

GUY: What’s your body count, beautiful?

REG: That depends.

GUY: On what?

REG: Wether you’re asking how many guys I’ve “taken home” or how many I’ve taken out ☠️

REG (whispers): Both are higher than you’d think.

JAMES: …I want him in a way that’s concerning to my life expectancy.

[theprettieststar87]

rosekiller idk

[starsmacabray]

“how can you hate snape but love barty crouch jr?”

first of all snape isn’t cunty OR babygirl

[norry-yippee]

New Regulus Black variant just dropped

[melstinybrain]

sirius: you look familiar

barty: so do you, where do I know you from?

*long pause*

both: jail.

[el-amor-que-perdimos]

i used to think my lil harry potter phase would stop when i got older.

then i crossed over to the gay side. oh boy. oooooh boy. this is now an integral part of my personality forever i'm pretty sure heh

and i'm so here for it.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Barty: give a man a fire and he'll be warm for one day. set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Regulus: Barty-

Evan: Smart

[fiasco95]

(Jegulus, Rosekiller, Wolfstar!) MODERN AU where the 3Bs heard someone disrespect Regulus and the outcome of it is well..

Regulus, putting his jacket on:

Dorcas: Oh, where are you off to?

Regulus: To bail out the 3Bs.

Pandora: 3Bs?

Regulus: Brother. Bestfriends. Boyfriend.

Dorcas & Pandora, sighing and getting ready to go out as well: Fuck’s sake.

Bonus…

Regulus: I’m not mad that you did what you did. I’m mad that you got caught.

Sirius, James, Remus, Barty & Evan: Sorry.

Dorcas: Can’t believe you didn’t invite me.

Pandora: Exactly. Then you guys wouldn’t have been caught if we were there to help.

[urfavsherlockholmeskinnie]

Barty: I’m a reverse necromancer!

Evan: Isn’t that just-

Regulus: No. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You are literally so fucking unfunny that it hurts. It physically hurts my body knowing that people still think murder is funny. I cant believe im saying this but do you guys know how chronically online you all are, thinking that saying “oOh iM a rEVeRsE nECrOmANcER i LOvE tO kiLL pEOpLe” is genuinely funny and will get everyone in the room shitting themselves from laughter?? cause its not. It’s fucking not. In fact, its the unfunniest fucking joke ever. Not just any joke about killing people. This one specifically. Its so unfunny and stupid. Nobody is fucking laughing at that, Barty. It makes you look like a greasy emo kid who has never been outside once in their life and uses tumblr religiously. Like not even the funny side of tumblr. the fucking unfunny side filled with overused jokes about murder and illegal acts. Honestly, youre so unfunny, Barty. Fuck you.

Barty:

Evan:

Barty, whispering: What happened to him?

Evan, whispering back: I think he saw James being nice to a girl in his class this morning and he got jealous