#bucks abandonment issues

[stagefoureddiediaz]

They are finally finally going to snap buck like a glow stick and make him actually face up to his abandonment trauma and I cannot wait

[theatrical-penguin]

Buck is suddenly competing on baking shows to get attention

Eddie: I’m moving back to El Paso to be near Chris.

Buck: EDDIE. I’m gonna be supportive but do you know HOW MUCH MORE BAKING I’m gonna need to do now.

Eddie: uh.. so…

Buck: I think Maddie needs a second wedding cake.

Eddie: what?

Buck: (manic) Do you have a copy of the Guinness book of world records?

Days later, Eddie and Chris watching tv in El Paso

TV Announcer: Again, our top story is that a strange bisexual man has built a full size replica of the Eiffel Tower- made entirely of lemon tort. Six people have died. And it has drawn back the swarm of killer bees from before.

Chris: Dad… is Buck ok?

Eddie: Chris, I can’t be honest about that and still stay here in El Paso.

Chris: oh.

[mid-knight-black]

Does it ever drive you crazy…

…just how fast…

…the night changes?

🫠

[muleumpyo]

The day Eddie left for Texas, Buck made a mistake—the biggest of his life.

And that's saying a lot for a kid who was born a failure.

—

The realization had hit the moment he sat down on Eddie's couch, tablet in hand, head still ringing with the words "El Paso" and "leaving" and "Chris." The words hadn't made sense when Eddie had said them, not at first. He hadn't understood what they really meant.

I'm moving back to Texas.

Buck's own response had come out automatically. He could tell what Eddie needed in that moment—the awkward tilt of his head, his hands squeezing tight, his whole body radiating nervousness—and it wasn't whatever clawed, cold thing had suddenly tightened its grasp around Buck's heart, forcing it still.

Eddie wanted encouragement, so Buck had given it, smiling wide, his voice suddenly too loud in the small space.

It wasn't until he strode over to the couch and dropped himself onto its familiar cushions, that he realized that soon, he wouldn't be able to do that anymore. Eddie would find a place in El Paso, hire movers to wrap up his furniture, and start packing up the little house Buck had come to know as a second home. This couch wouldn't be here anymore, and everything else around him—the art on the walls, the pictures on the mantle, the plates they had eaten off a thousand times together—would be gone.

And Eddie, too. His best friend, his partner, the person he thought he'd see basically every day for the rest of his life. He'd be gone.

Nobody ever stays, Buck thought.

That was unfair, he knew. Of course, Eddie had to be with Christopher. There was no question. Eddie had been miserable these last few months without him. But Buck had always thought—had hoped—that Eddie would get through to Chris, or Chris would realize how much he missed his dad, or how much his dad loved him and wanted him home.

Home. Here, in LA.

Here, with the family they had built with the 118, and Maddie, and Jee, and Karen, and Athena, and all the people he and Eddie both loved...

Love.

For a second, Buck wasn't even sure he was breathing.

It was only when the couch dipped next to him and a familiar hand had landed on his shoulder that Buck realized how long he had been sitting there, frozen. When he looked over, he caught Eddie's relieved smile and his warm brown eyes, crinkled in the corners, all the tension from the kitchen gone.

And his heart, which felt like a stone in the center of his chest, restarted. This was Eddie, and Buck would do whatever he could to make sure he was happy. No matter what it took.

And the thought came then, so familiar it was as if he'd had it a thousand times before, although he never had. Not like this.

I want to kiss him.

But he couldn't do that. Eddie was leaving, and Buck wasn't going to do anything to mess up their friendship before he left.

—

The thought followed him around for the next month, as Eddie found a place (close but not too close to his parents and Christopher, with a pool already in the backyard) and put in an offer, as he put in his resignation and packed up his things and said goodbye to everyone, one by one.

Everyone was emotional about it. Buck's weren't the only tears shed at the goodbye (for now) party. That made it a little easier. It wasn't just him that loved Eddie, even if he was 98% sure nobody else there loved him in quite the same way.

But the thought followed Buck all the way out the front door with Eddie on that final morning, carrying the last boxes from the quiet, empty house. The weather had endeavored to comply with his mood, sending a rare storm through southern California the night before. In the pale morning light, rain silvered the edges of the trailer and the messy strands of Eddie's hair.

This was it.

They put the boxes in the trailer and Eddie pulled it closed, the metallic clank of the latch echoing in Buck's ears like some screwed up record playing the same five seconds of a song, over and over again.

Eddie turned to him, awkwardly clapping his hands together, an uncertain smile pressing into his cheeks.

There was now nothing left to say or do but make their goodbyes.

Neither of them spoke for a long moment.

"Have a good drive," Buck said suddenly, the words coming from somewhere outside himself. "Let me know when you get there."

The smile on Eddie's face shifted slightly, through some emotion Buck couldn't quite read. "Of course."

Silence drew long between them again, awkward in a way it never was. Buck's stomach twisted, his throat tight with some emotion he couldn't name. Was this it? His goodbye with Eddie?

"Well, I—"

"You should—"

They both stopped, each waiting for the other to continue.

This whole thing felt so wrong and it couldn't just be because he didn't want Eddie to go. It was wrong. But he couldn't keep him here, either.

Finally, Buck tried again, attempting to inject levity into his voice that he didn't feel. "You should probably get going, before traffic gets bad."

Amusement lifted the corner of Eddie's lips. "It's LA. Traffic is always bad."

Buck's heart curled up inside his chest. Why couldn't he do this right? "Yeah, I know, I just—"

"I know," Eddie interrupted quietly, stepping closer, his hand warm on Buck's shoulder. He looked... unhappy. "Sorry. I just—" he let out a low breath, shaking his head "—thanks."

Buck wanted to say it was okay, he understood, but he couldn't seem to speak. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Eddie and pulled him in close.

He tried to keep the hug light, friendly, but it was Eddie who squeezed him in closer, until they were fully pressed together and Buck couldn't help but hold him tightly in return.

They wouldn't have this again. Not in the same way, he was sure. The scent of Eddie's shampoo, the solidity and strength of his body in Buck's arms, the press of his face, so briefly, into the crook of Buck's neck. They fit so perfectly together, Buck never wanted to let go.

But eventually Eddie pulled back slightly, his grip loosening, and Buck made himself do the same. His heart felt like a fatal weight, pulling him underwater.

He didn't know why he did it. Perhaps it was that last second close together, their faces inches apart, the weight of Eddie's hands on his shoulders, or the way he hesitated when Buck went to pull away.

Or maybe it was the fear that he wasn't going to see Eddie again, not for a long time.

So Buck made the biggest mistake of his life: he leaned in and kissed Eddie.

The kiss was perfect, small and soft, Eddie's lips warm against his, the rain falling cool against his cheek. He felt suspended in space, his whole body lifted free from gravity's pull for just a moment. But it was wrong.

Eddie wasn't kissing back.

Fear slammed him back into himself, and his heart clenched painfully in his chest. Of course, Eddie didn't feel the same.

Fuck. He had screwed this up, worse than any other screw-up.

He pulled away, mind reeling with excuses he couldn't quite get out of his mouth. But when he opened his eyes, it wasn't to accusations, or anger, but to tears on Eddie's face. Buck's whole body went cold.

"Eddie," he said helplessly, "I'm—"

Eddie shook his head, something painful stealing across his expression. 

The silence between them felt heavy, pulling at Buck's heart. But before he could ask, or continue, Eddie wrapped a hand around his arm and pulled him in again.

And this time, Eddie kissed him. 

If the first kiss had felt perfect, this felt better—and worse. Eddie pulling him close, lips soft on his, breath fanning across his cheek. The small sound he made when Buck leaned further in, the way he rose into the kiss, like he couldn't get enough. 

Perfect, and just—Eddie. 

But it was worse when he pulled away. It was worse when he met Buck's gaze, that pain from before not gone, but even more deeply embedded. 

"I'm sorry," Eddie said, his voice rough. "I have to go." 

Buck swallowed around the lump in his throat, unable to do more than say, "Y-yeah. I know. Have a safe drive."

Eddie nodded, eyes tracing over Buck's face like he was afraid he'd forget it. "We'll talk later."

Buck nodded, unable to speak. 

Eddie gave him one last look, and then he was gone.

[chronicowboy]

can't believe i was so focused on eddie husband diaz contributing context to buck's insane spiral story meanwhile his first line in that scene is literally when can he be back at work with me. i'm paraphrasing but barely. cmon man. when can i take him home please mr doctor man? i want my partner back

[lover-of-mine]

Buddie Countdown to Season 7:

34 days.

[kevjeanyves]

thinking about how christopher diaz stole his dad’s entire personality…the attitude and the wit are the most obvious. but the scene in s5 where chris asked “the things that make you sad, am i one of them?” or something very similar…or any scene where chris is worried about eddie because eddie worries about everyone (that scene in particular Got Me, i can’t even explain why it reminds me of eddie it just Does). even the scene in s6 where the entire 118 is on a joint call and eddie’s half listening because he’s playing a video game. or running as far away as possible from your parents the moment you’re able…lord

anyway there are two main thoughts i always have when i think about how similar chris is to eddie

1) eddie tries so so so hard to be nothing like his own father. he also said once that he doesn’t want chris to be like him (in terms of hiding his emotions, which eddie does because of ramon…eddie’s trying so hard to break that cycle). but chris is just like him, like exactly like him, in so many ways, except eddie describes chris as a fundamentally happy person on multiple occasions, which like…eddie broke the cycle. chris is like if eddie had been a happy, emotionally vulnerable child, with little responsibility 🙁 and that’s so deeply beautiful to me

2) god i hope eddie’s parents are looking at that kid right now and seeing just how much he’s like their son. because EDDIE raised him, single handedly. like no shit chris is just like eddie, who else would he be like? i hope they look at chris and see eddie, in the teenage rage and in his smile and in most of his mannerisms and in every time he rolls his eyes at them. i hope it reminds them who’s child that is. because chris sure as hell isn’t theirs

i am so fucking tired, i’m sure this makes so little sense, but god. chris is just like his dad :(

[mags-yaps]

bucktommy after their first big fight since getting back together

buck, crashing out at tommy for leaving in the middle of their argument: —YOU CAN’T JUST SAY STUFF LIKE THAT TO ME AND THEN LEAVE, EVER, YOU KNOW—

tommy, understanding in that moment how much his leaving affected buck: evan…where else am i gonna go?

[theredrenard]

Incorrect 9-1-1 + text posts (part 19/??) prev || next

[thestarwarslesbian]

Tommy, on the phone to Buck: I'm leaving you- Buck: You can't! I am having your baby! Or should I say babies? I just found out they're twins. Do you really wanna leave me alone with two kids? Tommy: Okay, first of all, I was gonna say I'm leaving you home alone tomorrow as I’m going to my dentist's appointment. And second of all, WHAT? Buck: I just panic every time you say you're leaving Tommy: Baby, do you want to talk? Buck: Yes. Tommy: I'm coming over, I love you. Buck, mumbling: Love you too.

[gayofthefae]

I'm thinking about him.

And you know what? Thinking about him.

Thinking about him too.

We know what he looks like being left. But we also know what he looks like without Eddie.

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Buck: So I guess we both have daddy issues, huh? Tommy, in a hurry: I don't have daddy issues. Buck: But you think I do? Tommy: I hope you do. Buck: Sorry to disappoint, but I had a great mother figure in Maddie and a great father figure in Bobby. I do have abandonment issues, though. Buck, smirking: But you denied having daddy issues way too quickly. Tommy, looking around: Because I don't. Buck, tilting his head: C'mon baby, out with it. Tommy, blushing: Fine, I do have daddy issues. Buck: Lucky for you, I can help you with that. Tommy, still blushing: Yeah? Buck: Yes. Let me just get my clipboard while you prepare for your punishment for lying to me.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

I’ve been wondering if maybe Ortiz’s plan to split up the 118 will actually play out in some fashion - that after Eddie leaves we’ll see the 118 being divided up in some way (perhaps Gerrards cast iron plumbing isn’t so cast iron and causes the 118 to flood and need to be refitted so everyone gets temporarily reassigned) and Buck doesn’t take this well - on top of Eddie leaving. So instead of reverting to Buck 1.0 who sleeps around, we actually get the Buck 1.0 who went travelling - that he’s going to literally run in an attempt to escape the feelings he’s feeling - that his abandonment issues will manifest in him abandoning his firefam and actual family (as in the Hans) before they can ‘also abandon him’.

That we’ll see buck on the road and that will lead to him realising he’s in love with Eddie and end up with him turning up in El Paso - without a plan but needing to see Eddie - and confessing his feelings.

[anders-holmvik]

buck: love dog

[rimatsu]

i would give an arm and a leg for another abby cameo where she runs into buck and tommy at the farmers market or something after visiting patricia's grave and realizes her ex-fiancé and ex-boyfriend know each other. biblically. intimately. domestically

"well this is incredibly awkward."

"tell me about it. we broke up over it once."

"that's not why we broke up and you know it tommy."

"was it because he ended things out of the blue with some cryptic explanation followed by months of ghosting?"

"heh... not far off the mark, actually. but people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

"this is getting catty and i hear life's too short to hold grudges"

[thesunoficaruss]

ravi is so much braver than me because if I was relatively new to a station and a firefighter who I barely knew walked through the station yelling "HEY PROBIE!" loud as hell while also seemingly threatening me with a chainsaw I would've thought I somehow got teamed up with a complete and utter maniac and my ass would've been up and out of that station in 0.5 seconds.