#bring back the weird rooms !!
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God this old runnmaze pole climbing animation with the leg sprites is so stupid and hilarious. why did joar have to remove it. look at him go !!
if someone mods this back into the game I will love u forever
#rain world#actually fuck it just straight up mod every old unused and cut content from the alpha versions into the game#bring back the mimic beetles and bubbles !!!#bring back the weird rooms !!#we already have lizard eggs and most of the old sound fx#just bring back the cool cyan and dark purple rooms... the room with the brain tree that actually has drip animations...#please i need this#text post#image post
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Me normally: Let people love what they love
Me, after a Test Match Special commentator expresses their belief that the new All Creatures Great and Small is somehow "better" than the 1978 version: This is pure insanity and TMS can no longer be trusted on anything, how can they even be trusted to know about cricket, do they have no TASTE
#Look it's fine that this show exists and people will watch it and like it and that's ok maybe it's just not for me#But that was like a statement purely designed to piss me off#There were lots of issues with the 1978 adaptation! I still vastly preferred the books any day!#And I actually initially had high hopes for the new one because they at least cast a Scot (albeit a Highlander not a Clydesider) as James#And the actors at least looked a little bit younger than Christopher Timothy and Robert Hardy#And thank god Helen actually sounds like she's a farmer's daughter and doesn't speak RP!#But from the half hour I've seen of it I've had to write off this new adaptation#For two major reasons#First of all there's Siegfried#Siegfried is one of the key central aspects of the vibe of the books and therefore key to any adaptation#Robert Hardy was too short and too old for the part but he lived and breathed the character#The twinkle in the eye bouncing off the walls and in and out of rooms followed by half a dozen dogs utterly full of life even when angry#But this new Siegfried is just sort of... Eeyore-esque; he comes into a room and you can see the flowers droop and the set turn grey#Siegfried was angry Siegfried was happy and the historical character he was based on was no stranger to melancholy#Since Donald Sinclair did commit suicide or rather self-euthanasia after Alf Wight and his own wife Audrey died#But this slow grumbly figure in the new adaptation is not Siegfried Farnon- the book character didn't grumble more often he exploded#And why did the adaptation give him a dead wife that's so weird? What could that possibly add to the source material?#And this brings me onto my second problem which is to do with women and age#Firstly I have no idea why they aged down Mrs Hall or at least made her look younger than a woman her age would have back then#But what really drove me mad was when Heriot goes out to see some old woman hill farmer in the episode I saw#And this woman is far too clean and young-looking and you can see that she's wearing 'natural' look make-up#And a perfect set of clothes that looked like they were straight out of the House of Bruar autumn collection catalogue#Say what you like about the 1978 adaptation but old women looked like old women regardless of whether or not they wore make-up#It may be that the better quality of television screens means that the 'natural look' shows up on screen more clearly than it would have#But natural look make-up was not really a thing in the 1930s and for old women Yorkshire hill farmers I doubt they'd have much on at all#They just don't seem to be capable of allowing people to look old and wrinkled and real or have bad teeth or unattractive clothes#And everything is far too tidy- everybody looks far too perfectly country and quaint#Anyway the moral of this story is of course that I always recommend reading the books because they're much better#than any tv adaptation; but if forced to choose at least the 1970s one felt real and yet didn't have to be grim either#Ok that's my rant over please do feel free to enjoy the show I just got annoyed because the opinion was expressed on TMS
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One of my favorite things about being in my early 20s is that I'm starting to understand that I can use things not for their intended purpose. When you're growing up, you get told what an object is and what its intended purpose is, and as a kid/teen, I just accepted all of it at face value. As a young adult it's finally clicking that I can simply do things a different way if it makes me happier. Sure, I was taught that you stand to take a shower, but there's nothing stopping me from just sitting if I don't feel like it, ya know? I might have always had my medication in the kitchen, but if I'm no longer remembering to take it, I can just move it somewhere where I can remember. You don't have to specifically store all food in the kitchen, you can have a little snack cart or snack station in another room.
The downside to finding out the various ways you can use objects is that you develop habits that would probably go on an r/relationships post where everyone says you're a little freak.
#simon says#i just developed a new habit (it's too tmi to put here) and I just know that it's some weird shit#it works and it makes me feel better so I'm gonna keep doing it#but it's some shit that would end up viral where everyone would go 'yo op you should break up with them thats weird' 😔#i was just thinking about this though because every week or so I learn that I can just do what I want#because there's no fucking object use police I can do what I want#i HIGHLY suggest getting into this habit. if you find something annoying or frustrating you can just do it differently#'I hate washing the dishes because my legs hurt from standing for so long' you can bring a chair and sit or you can break it up into chunks#like on the one hand I'm learning this because I have autism and a plethora of other mental disorders#and it's FINALLY clicking that I can self accommodate whenever and however I so please#I'm just sorta learning that if doing something makes me feel better/happy/gets the job done to do that thing#even if it requires using an object in an odd way#hell there's even some little things I've been playing with#for example: my whole life we sorta just lifted blinds only about halfway up#just sorta how we did it ya know#well recently I decided I wanted more natural light in the sunroom/my office so I wouldn't have to turn on the lamp#and I lifted the blinds all the way up to the very top#and honestly?? it fucking rules. the room looks nicer; i get natural light; i can see the forest out back and it's quite calming and nice#like for ages I just never thought about doing that because it just never occurred to me that I could#i just always put blinds about halfway up because that's about how high blinds do in my household#another little one I learned is that I can just... wash my hair#sometimes when I get too depressed or if my body doesn't need a shower but my hair is greasy#I just shove my head under the bathtub facet and wash my hair#it's just a small thing but for years if my hair needed to be washed I would just take a full shower#now I just fix my greasy hair. bc greasy hair is a huge ick for me but sometimes my body is still clean or im too tired to fully shower#like there's nothing stopping me from doing that and it doesn't hurt anyone. it's just a way of bathing that I wasn't taught#but yeah those are some recent examples of me learning I can just... do stuff differently#the free will is kicking in babes and it has decided I love finding ways to use things differently#it's why im doing a bg3 run where I just press loot all no matter what and use whatever I can in odd ways#anyways I might delete this later might not who knows
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Aaah the joys of having to start the suction the tube of your aquarium vacuum and GETTING A GOOD OL GUSH OF PLANT WATER RIGHT IN THE GOB. BLORF.
#at least its JUST plant water there hasn't been anyone in there for a few months LOL#just trying to deep deep clean everything and then re-cycle the tank fully since my last little dude was a special case#he needed special care because of his genetics but I still rather just re-start everything blank slate clean now.#let the whole tank re-cycle for a good while before bringing any new little buddies in.#pruned the plants up a lot now hopefully they spring back up nicely!#the newer plant is making weird drop roots from the tips of the leaves its so weird I wish I wrote down what kind of plant it was.#rambling thoughts#... I need to put my noise canceling earphones back on the shit my family is watching is making my IQ drop from across the room
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my brother can make me laugh without moving at all. he can make me laugh on command, just by existing, and there is no physical tell or indication that it is about to happen. it’s like he can will me to laugh and i will. of course we’re not telepathic, but we do speak in unison sometimes. we improvise like no one’s business. we could fool anyone into believing we are psychically linked. when i try to explain it, i sound silly saying it out loud, but i really CAN tell what he’s thinking. we exchange so much information just with a look. he can make me cry laughing and he doesn’t even have to move
#i miss him so much i need him back i need him to live next to me again. i need to mooch off his wifi from my porch and invite him over#i miss him so much.#he’s only 2 minutes younger but he feels years younger. and yet i think we’re two halves of one soul#i’ve always babied him not even in a mean or diminishing way but i felt this need to protect him#because he tends to be so naive and so shy#but. i am so proud of him. i need to show him off to everyone and i need everyone to understand how funny and charming he is#it feels like i grew up and left him where he will remain 11 forever. i miss him more than moving back home can fix#i miss him in ways that have nothing to do with the distance between our locations#but. it would certainly help to be able to see him every day#i keep smelling the carpet in his room and it’s so vivid. i remember the countless hours we spent developing huge wood block cities#and we would drive hot wheels over the wooden raceways we had made. we were actually quite coordinated and autistic about it#we were always building things together#just recently me and him talked on the phone about an old mlp au we came up with. all original characters and shit#it was super extensive and very clever#i STILL think it would make a really cool book series or something#i remember watching him play army men RTS gamecube on the wii. i STILL listen to the soundtrack to that game like…. daily#i remember walking into my room once where he was watching a show. and he was crying#and he NEVER cries over tv#but he was crying because his favorite character had resigned from the organization that the series was based around#and he was so distraught that she was leaving.#i remember when all 3 of us slept in one room. i remember when me and him were in bunk beds across the room#and we would sneak out of bed right as the parents left and stayed up playing by the light of the nightlight#the way we raced back into bed when the parents were approaching 😭#my mom always says she’s sad that i seem to remember so little of my life. like every story of my youth is news to me lmao#but i feel like i remember the most important parts? i think so#i remember how mom woke me up in the night to ask me to roll over because my bro could see my face from where he was sleeping#and he was scared because there was a weird shadow cast on my face that made it look like a skull which was making it hard for him to sleep#it was. so funny. i begrudgingly rolled over#i don’t know. it’s just that there isn’t a single instance i bring up that my brother does not also remember.#no matter how tiny or specific. we shared everything growing up
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yknow what GOOD i'm glad there's a spy this server was missing espionage. everybody lip wags on and fuckin on about trust and secrets and hiding SHUT UP IF YOU'RE HIDING WHERE ARE THE CIPHERS. WHERE ARE THE RIDDLES. WHERE ARE THE CODED MESSAGES. WHY IS BADBOYHALO THE ONLY ONE TALKING IN METAPHORS. WE HAVE CELL "THE ENIGMA" BIT.
MAKE YOUR DAMN BASE A LABYRINTHIAN NIGHTMARE. my waystone is at the entrance and you can ONLY ENTER MY BASE IF YOU KNOW WHICH DOOR ISN'T THE ENTRANCE TO A ROOM WITH A FAKE FLOOR AND SHARKS or what the fuck ever. there's a hidden path amidst ghost blocks FOLLOW IT OR DIE. PLEASE friends there are so many POSSIBILITIES. not to be twelve years old on main but a book series i read a while back had a secret area that was only accessible via a crazy ass alice in wonderland set of puzzles that would dump you in a moat if you failed, the concept being those who knew the path would take less time to enter than those who didn't. COME ON. secret rooms in secret rooms. this is my library but shhh this is my REAL library behind the fireplace and then THIS IS MY REAL LIBRARY BEHIND THIS BOOKCASE. make the world's most unintuitive create factory for big daddy breakfast and hide something in the middle of it WHO'S GOING TO COMB THROUGH THAT MUCH MACHINERY. NO ONE. NOBODY.
like bruh. i want them leaving notes like it's prohibition and they're trying to find a speakeasy. i want them smuggling information like the revolutionary war. i want them to talk like truckers when a cop is on the frequency. i want "one if by land two if by sea" type shit. ESPIONAGE. IS. COOL. DAMNIT.
#qsmp#shut up vic#block game brainrot#LIKE IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR THE ENTRANCE TO ORDO THEORITAS TO BE MORE COMPLICATED#LIKE FUCK IT MAKE A BIG DAMN HALLWAY WITH GRAND WATERFALLS POURING FROM THE SIDES LIKE A DAMN BANK ENTRANCE IN A MOVIE#AND THEN AT THE TOP OF ONE OF THOSE WATERFALLS PUT A HOLE THAT LEADS TO AN ELEVATOR AND THAT'S THE ENTRANCE#BIG DAMN HALL ROOM WITH WATERFALLS AND A MEETING TABLE OH WOW LOOK AT THE ORDER BUT ACTUALLY THE R E A L ORDER-#HOLD MEETINGS OF MINIMAL IMPORT IN THE DECOY ROOM AND REAL IMPORTANT MEETINGS IN THE REAL ORDER#GRRRRRRRRRR I WANT ESPIONAGE#NOT ENOUGH ENCODED MESSAGES FOR A SERVER WHERE THEY ARE FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES TRYING TO OPERATE UNDER THE RADAR OF A SURVEILLANCE GOV#CMON#YOU'RE JUST SAYING THIS SHIT IN THE OPEN????#CAN I GET A BOOK CIPHER OR SOME SHIT AT L E A S T#CAN THEY BRING BACK THE WEIRD FUCKING GOOP CONSTITUTION FOR THAT LMFAO#LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE THEY TURN THE FUCKING JOKE CONSTITUTION INTO THE KEY FOR A BOOK CIPHER LMFAO#(i can't explain a book cipher in tumblr tags but it's cool look it up!)#ESPIONAGE DAMNIT#oh and for clarity i'm not twelve the book series was for that age group#i am in fact of legal drinking age (everywhere)
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I genuinely feel like I dont have a right at all to complain or talk negative about Japanese fans but like……..the evident cliqueish-ness of honestly what looks like a very unfortunate larger chunk of them ……😮💨
like i gotta be honest the concert was a lot more isolating than it actually already was in itself because of the vibes at least a couple of clusters of fans gave me
#ramblin but not a gamblin man#like there’s a point where the pretty fixed staring or being like….physically distanced by everyone just gets…..unnerving#like the train back was completely fucking packed#except for in the space in front of where i was sitting…..lol#there was room for at least two people to stand if only people had actually consolidated and scrunched#like they had been doing the entire motherfucking way through transit and back#but i guess fuck them they can wait for the next train??? sure that makes sense#like i have never felt MORE uncomfortable and self-conscious being a smap/takuya fan#he’s the only piece that actually matters at the con tho 🫰#i probably should have brought merch but i actually was not crazy about the con’s theming (it’s…giving a bit too parasocial for my taste)#and I didn’t even consider bringing gwtf or next destination merch but i probably should have#but it’s not actually /mine/ so then i would think about how everyone that has theirs maybe probably ACTUALLY went to the concerts#that was another thing tho which is absolutely stupid because the whole point of a con is to SHOW OFF the stuff#but it was actually like……..off putting to me…….#idk maybe it’s cuz i innately have a weird ‘relationship’ with smap/individual members in that they aren’t normal-level interests#it just wasn’t sitting right with me seeing hoards of fans with bags..shirts..hats..all kinds of stuff lol#and it’s so hard NOT to have a defense mechanism like ‘I wonder if that person likes smap or /just/ takuya….’#and ‘did you actually want to come to the concert or mostly/just because you think he’s hot/cool/etc etc?’#esp validating seeing TWO people yawn during the con which was genuinely pretty disgusting/distasteful lmao#like that’s worse than leaving early why are you EVEN HERE#sorry okay i could probably vent more but i actually shouldnt and also i might end up talking in circles but#he was genuinely…………so amazing im eternally grateful that i had the opportunity to see him live#and if there is a smap reunion………..#….i genuinely think smapchat should storm it#be our own ✨clique✨#(but like…actually nice and kind and probably how takuya would want his fans to be ie not thickly-layered judgment [heehee :3])#(im also actually kind of so serious ???)
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lent my chair to someone in the building i don’t know about 4 hours ago so presumably i’m never seeing that again
#they said they’d bring it back after dinner#it’s almost 11pm now#i talk and its probably something weird#should have#didn’t even ask what their room number is
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oh i made myself sad thinking abt amadea. like her best friends in the inquisition are.
solas (left). varric (barely remembers shes a person). cole (returned to the fade). dorian (left).
she gets to talk on the fantasy phone w dorian but legit the only person who might canonically spend any amount of time w her is blackwall.
#i dont do wip Wednesday or anything but kicking my feet and giggling abt the last thing i wrote tonight#which is amadea knowing her kids are worried about her bc. they watched her get fucked up by ghil. like they think shes dead.#and she wants to go get them and bring them to the lighthouse and solas is like 'you are very injured do not go thru the crossroads rn pls'#and she yells at him for the first time ever that her kids are the only people who love her back and she will always prioritize them#ariel sitting at the dining room table eating strawberries: damn. i think that was directed at you dude.#anyway i hc that blackwall stayed with her when sorin was a newborn. he didnt know she'd adopted a baby#he had pre-planned to visit and he shows up and shes got a screaming newborn#and he just stays a little longer than intended. its weird. not-quite domestic. lifestyle he never thought he was cut out for.#i enjoy some unrequited love that just becomes devotion. he loves her and wants her to be happy. doesnt think he deserves her anyway#but it creeps the closest to requited love in those few months. teehee.#ok im going to bed!#carly.txt#carly's ocs#oc: amadea
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hate coming back so late, i miss watching the sunset and getting to sit on the porch until im too tired or have smth creepy happen
#logbook#i come up here when its already late and its usually fine but its just me and im still getting used to it. . .#housemates dont get back until later. which ig is good to have some of us get back late so its weird timing for stuff#plus they can scout out later at night too when im def crashing#and then i get up early so i see early morning stuff. and am here midday on weekends and them on some week days#idk it works out. it sucks bc we barely see each other but it works out ok otherwise#i finally remembered to bring tea up here so im planning to have a cup in bed and crash so hard#migraines slowly kicking in but i know why. . .i even slept in today too. didnt help.#tmrw i'll be cleaning and organizing the room finally. plant maintenance. maybe do smth abt the outdoor plants b4 it gets hot.#but i sure do miss sunset watching. at least i can dawn watch most mornings. kind of.
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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hmmmm idk how i feel about the way the game handles khura'in.... i'll keep playing and observing....
#idk the whole....phoenix is in a foreign country but barges into the courtroom and disrespects their way of handling things#i mean they did have a defense attorney there before they said so themselves so it's not unprecedented#but idk it still is so weird to me like.... sure in the context of the game it's like. yeah we know it wasn't the little boy#and we know phoenix can't just sit idly by in the face of injustice like this#but idk it just rubs me a little wrong 😭#feels so much like. “i bring progress to you” yknow? even when we know in the game context that yeah i guess#it's unfair to not have a defense attorney#put a pin in that. is it defence or defense....#anyway .#cas.aa#these tags may not make sense if u dont have context#phoenix is in khura'in to visit maya. the boy who shows him around and is a friend of maya's gets arrested#the khura'inese court system doesnt have defense attorneys they do some sort of séance#which shows what happened or sth idk the details abt the séance yet#and the plot is that phoenix just runs into the courtroom and insists on being the boy's defense#while everyone in the room is like PREPOSTEROUS...!#bc well. he's literally just a tourist#also. the bailiff back in phoenix's country are unarmed or at least it's not mentioned if they're armed#maybe they've pistols by their sides or sth. but the khura'in bailiff has a big viaible machine gun so. idk#it's just.......it feels weird. you get me? maybe im overthinking it
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Thought about it and man,
We really made Viktor Vallakovich a visual novel protagonist last session.
#viktor vallakovich#curse of strahd#dnd#I FIND THIS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS FOR THE RECORD#my pc: -breaking into Viktor's room- hey I'm also into the same weird shit take my hand#we'll exchange spells and I'll introduce you to two other magical people the likes of which you've never seen#lavinia (monk) thought this was hilarious and was very excited to meet him#evangeline (cleric) was much less enthusiastic about quinn bringing back a necromancer#evangeline being insufferable but unfortunately correct is becoming a theme
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my roommate’s gf doesn’t like me and doesn’t talk to me. and yet sleeps over at our house every single fucking night. i am a prisoner in my own apartment
#if i bring it up / ask him not to have her over as much then i’m the asshole. and he’s already like weird and sensitive about everything.#but i’m pissed that i essentially have a second roommate i didn’t sign up for ………. like.#at some point the ‘hey gf is coming over (1-2x/week) is that cool’ stopped and now she’s just here Every Night#they’re moving out together May 1st too like can y’all chill the fuck out for 2 months . please . jesus christ#pegasus speaks#the worst part is I DID THIS TO MY LAST ROOMMATE LAST YEAR. i’d bring my fwb home like every night. we’d be up doing rails til like 6am#and being noisy in my room and going back and forth to smoke on the balcony#i’m complaining about this ^ meanwhile i was an actual fucking terror and didn’t realize it#unintentionally conducted psychological warfare against my best friend and now i get to be on the other side
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realised the reason my heart issues freak me out is partly because unlike any of my pain it’s harder to just deal with it or find ways around it and also it could be a lot more dangerous than most of my other day to day medical stuff and also it was one of my cancer symptoms
#we brought down my medication dose and im still having issues#we could bring it down again but my doctor wants it high to decrease any chance of recurrence which is slightly higher for me#i haven’t had any caffeine amounts other than a little bit of chocolate since 10 am this morning#maybe im just tired or overtired or whatever but if i stand up im immediately tachycardic#it’s. like ive never fainted or anything but im recording higher and higher heart rates in response to exertion that shouldn’t be producing#that at all. like i took it manually so maybe i was wrong but i went up a slight hill and some stairs that usually leave me around 120-125#not great but whatever. and i also used to be a runner so i make sure to control my breathing so that doesn’t have a big effects#this week? went to class up that hill and those stairs. sat down. took my pulse. i recorded 148 bpm#i live in a single room and stuff and im a little nervous about this potentially getting worse#plus like. im usually chill abt my cancer bc all they had to do was whip my thyroid out and that’s been it and it hadn’t been an#easy process per se but it wasn’t as intense as it could have been and im very lucky#but there is a chance of recurrence and treatment decisions were less ‘what will make it less likely the cancer returns’ and more ‘which#cancer chances do i wanna take’#it was between radiation induced bone or breast cancer vs recurrence of my cancer (comes back most often as bone or lung)#and i. would not like to have to deal with that el oh el#im mostly fine it’s just been an off day and simply standing and getting an average bpm of 108 (the thing i use averages it out) is weird#not to mention showering was hellish bc I could feel my heart pounding#vent tw#cancer tw
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guess who finally got to go to a therapist again today after losing their other one
ME!!!!!!!!!!!
#im so sorry that happened youre really strong#o get through it#afterwards i had to walk back to my mums which was around 20 mins#i just ended up playing fine by lemon demon on repeat to calm me down lmao i didnt have earbuds so i just played it out loud while walking#stayed at her work for the rest of the day helping her and got back home at dark#the appointment went well i think. i fumbled my words to an ungodly amount and couldnt think properly#i barely could keep eye contact and just ending looking all over the room and then just wall. ty wall. was just slumped in the chair adsfgh#it was weird having to tell someone about myself#and whats happened in my life#while i was talking i was just like damn huh that did actually happen to me#i guess ive just repressed a lot of stuff and then having to bring it all back up again and trying to explain it as well was just weird#like when i told her about some of the stuff that happened to me during school she was like etc and it was weird because i dont really see#t but i just feel like she shouldnt be saying that to me. i dont know it just feels weird. i dont see it as anything even though it is some#hing i guess. like when she asked about me self harming i just said how it is because i guess to me its just nothing. even though i know se#f harm is not good to me it kinda doesnt feel like anything. its just yeah i do/did. nothing of it i just yeah. i need to figure out how to#feel again. thinking and understanding as well i suppose.#okay skaluli shut up i dont care stop talking.
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