#brain tumour symptoms

[glorious-blackout]

Daily migraines are something I really didn't need in my life, but my useless body has decided to grace me with them anyway 😭

[semiotomatics]

slept like 15 hours, which is great, but also (seemingly) spent that entire time having one long, incredibly vivid nightmare, which is. not so great

[jenjensd]

If you ever consider a job where you have to care for people, you are not allowed to be a bigot. I don’t give a shut if you’ve “always wanted to be a nurse”. Quit. Now. If you are in a position where people depend on you, you cannot be selfish.

Doctors, Nurses, Teachers. If you are a transphobe, racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, ableist, eugenicist, fatphobic, misogynist, any of that shit. Quit right fucking now. You cannot be trusted to care for people unless you are able to put aside your biases and help people.

We’ve all heard stories of that shitty bully who became a nurse and acts like they never tormented the weird kid at school. The nurses who don’t like you because you’re not a typical case. The doctors who dismiss the person with a brain tumour because she happens to be fat.

If you are a Fucking bigot about anything you can get the fuck out of your job. If you won’t help everyone no matter who they are, you cannot do your Fucking job.

[pa-pa-plasma]

hate trying to look up disorders & shit because everything is just like "how to deal with a super inconvenient idiot who has X which we all know is just an excuse to be inconvenient & stupid" instead of what i really need which is "how to tell if you have X, from a person diagnosed with X"

[bookdoctorconsultationonline]

Treatment, Causes & Symptoms Of Brain Tumor | Livlong

Get to know about different types of brain tumors, symptoms, diagnosis and treatments in this article. Visit Livlong for more information on brain tumor.

[allhealthneedsdoctorconsultation]

Treatment, Causes & Symptoms Of Brain Tumor | Livlong

Get to know about different types of brain tumors, symptoms, diagnosis and treatments in this article. Visit Livlong for more information on brain tumor.

[mesabird]

I’ve eaten more this week than I have in my entire life and I feel awful

[mazzystar24]

Being a psychology nerd and engaging in fandom actually makes my eye twitch sometimes because terms are constantly being used wrong to diss people or characters and also people will act like they know every experience a mentally ill person can have just based off a small sample of what they’ve seen and they’ll use that to disregard storylines or people’s opinions or spec

So some things guys that may be an unintentional call out or reassurance for your spec:

Hallucinations CAN be auditory and visual simultaneously (multi modal it can even be tactile, somatic olfactory or gustatory) and there is actually a very high prevalence of this in a lot of disorders and are actually thought to occur more frequently than unimodal hallucinations, and yes it can be in the form of full blown conversations with people that aren’t there and they can be extremely elaborate and complex especially if paired with delusions- so yes the possibility that Kim is a hallucination and we are just seeing it from Eddie’s pov is valid spec so stop being dismissive to people

Also for my brain tumour truthers- a brain tumour is a little complicated when it comes to hallucinations cos it really depends where the tumour is and what regions are effected because for example an occipital lobe tumour is more likely to just cause visual hallucinations- but multimodal hallucinations due to a brain tumour is also possible, a brain tumour also comes with other symptoms too but a lot can be consistent with the spec like for example impulsivity or disinhibition, delusions, aggression (if the buddie divorce is true that works), anxiety, depression, etc.

Trauma bonding is something that occurs in ABUSIVE situations where you start to feel sympathy and love for your abuser it’s not when people bond over trauma - so no what buck and Eddie or buck and Chris have is very much not a trauma bond

Gaslighting isn’t just lying to someone it’s intentionally manipulating them to the extent that they doubt their own sanity (the term coming from a play turned movie where a husband drives his wife crazy by like screwing with the gas lights in their house when she’s alone to make her doubt her memory and her perception of reality) - so no Eddie is not GASLIGHTING buck when he lies to him 😭😭

Codependency is also just not what Eddie and buck have, they don’t base their entire lives on each other and they don’t like have an unhealthy dynamic or have an imbalanced relationship, now yes they both had times when they needed the other to be there for them or help them through stuff or aid their self worth but overall they more so just want to be around each other not that they NEED to and they work on themselves separately like going to therapy by themselves while also supporting eachother by helping out while they do that

[astrobiscuits]

Chiron: where is our physical (and mental) wound?

I'm currently reading a book about Chiron (did you know it's actually half asteroid, half comet? me neither), which inspired me to make this post. I'm in no way an expert in medical astrology, just a curious owl that wants to learn more about every branch of astrology out there (my Sag Venus loves it!!🤭)

DISCLAIMER!!! I'm not a doctor. If you've been feeling any symptoms described here, TALK WITH YOUR DOCTOR, NOT WITH ME

Observation: Before we dive in, i'd like to mention that the position of Chiron in the houses is important. Not every house placement suggests having a poor physical condition. The most prominent Chiron placements when it comes to having a medical condition are: Chiron in 1st house (house of self, visible illnesses), Chiron in 5th house (illnesses since birth/early childhood), Chiron in 6th house (house of health, if Saturn is also sitting there it points to chronic illnesses), Chiron in 8th house (house of death, may point to severe diseases or poor reproductive health) and Chiron in 12th house (house of the unconscious, deals with mental illnesses)

Honorable mention to Chiron in 3rd house and Chiron in 9th house as they represent accidents while travelling. If Chiron is heavily afflicted in these houses (unless it's also conjuncting Jupiter), it may point to...let's just say you're gonna be in a hospital bed in a vegetative state, but remember, nothing has a 100% possibility of happening, you're just more susceptible to it happening. I suggest checking the position of Chiron in Solar Return charts for the possible timing of it happening (look for Chiron in 3rd house/Chiron in 9th house as it activates your natal Chiron)

Without further do, let's dive in⚕️

Chiron in Aries: frequent headaches, frequent nose bleeds, teeth problems (sensitive teeth, tooth decay), deafness, skull fractures, cerebral anemia, brain tumours, hemophilia, epilepsy, BPD

Chiron in Taurus: frequent colds, frequent voice loss, thyroid problems (goiter, hyperthyroidism, hypothyroidis, etc.), tonsilitis, OCD

Chiron in Gemini: lung problems (asthma, tuberculosis, pneumonia, etc.), speech problems (stuttering, cluttering, mutism), alzheimer's disease, ADHD, OCD

Chiron in Cancer: frequent stomach pain, prone to lactose intolerance, (for girls) breast lumps, breast cysts, breast infections, nipple discharge, depression, anxiety

Chiron in Leo: prone to insolation, frequent heart palpitations, chest pain, hypertension, hypotension, arteriosclerosis, scoliosis, kyphosis

Chiron in Virgo: frequent bloating, prone to gluten intolerance, chronic allergies, diabetes, rabies, autism, ADHD, OCD

Chiron in Libra: prone to acne, frequent lower back pain, disc herniation, spondylolisthesis, chronic kidney disease, kidney stones

Chiron in Scorpio: frequent pain down there, chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV/AIDS, depression

Chiron in Sagittarius: frequent pain in the hips, prone to hips dislocation, cirrhosis, sciatica

Chiron in Capricorn: prone to knees dislocation, osteoarthritis, bone problems (osteopenia, osteoporosis), gout, depression

Chiron in Aquarius: electrical injuries, shin splints, osteofibrous dysplasia, ankle sprain, ankle fractures, poor blood circulation, schizophrenia

Chiron in Pisces: prone to break toes, athlete's foot, bunions, addison's disease, hormonal deregulation, aphantasia, psychosis, schizophrenia, anxiety

Yes, i'm aware of the fact that it's a generational planet and it moves very slowly through signs

BONUS: It's important to take into consideration all planets that conjunct, square or opposite Chiron (regardless if they're personal or generational) + the Ascendant for additional info about our illnesses

Ex. Let's take me as an example. My Chiron is in my 10th house in Capricorn squaring Saturn in 4th house (so double Capricorn energy) and Aries Ascendant. Guess what? I've got TMJ (basically a jaw disorder affecting the joints) and i've got it from my fam -_- (Saturn rules tradition i love my fam)

I also believe that having a heavy afflicted Chiron in general makes someone prone to having a medical condition, even if it's not in the houses mentioned previously (like in my case). However, these people are more focused on the main meaning of the house, not their health problems. They tend to ignore their health problems or they just don't care

I hope you enjoyed my post and found it insightful :)

What's your wound? Lmk in the comments your placements and your illnesses

Kisses xoxo

[thatsonemorbidcorvid]

“An 11-year-old girl who was misdiagnosed with sickness bugs and migraines was assessed by doctors about 30 times before they found that she had a brain tumour, according to her mother.

Tia Gordon, from Northampton, was admitted to hospital as an emergency despite previous visits to GPs, A&E and calls to 111.

Imogen Darby, Tia’s mother, said her daughter’s glasses prescription had also been changed four times before the tumour was found.

Darby had sought help regarding Tia’s migraines and vomiting for more than three years, before being told that the wait for an MRI scan would be at least eight months. It was only when Tia’s balance and ability to walk were affected that she was given an emergency scan, which found a brain tumour measuring about 3.5cm.”

Darby said: “I was told Tia had stomach bugs and migraines. The first thing I was told, because it was the summer, [was that] she just needed to drink more water.

“After probably a year, she got diagnosed with migraines and they gave her paracetamol for that. She was also given another medication for that and her final diagnosis in January from paediatrics was migraine with sickness.

“Over more than three years, I took Tia to doctors, she was refused MRIs, she was refused to be seen by emergency paediatrics, I called 111, I went to A&E. She had her glasses changed four times, she was given medication and she had a consultant, but it took for her to be unable to walk for her to get the care she needed.”

Darby first noticed Tia’s symptoms in March 2020 when she started vomiting with increasing frequency. Darby twice tried to get her daughter referred to emergency paediatrics, but was declined both times and told it was not an emergency.

Later, Tia began holding her neck in an unusual way and complained about stiffness, for which she was referred to a physiotherapist.

Despite several visits to A&E and calls to GPs and the NHS’s 111 service, Tia’s remained undiagnosed. From November 2023 to January 2024, Tia was vomiting violently every day, and began to lose her balance. “She was tipping her milk out in the kitchen sink,” Darby said. “She was standing there and … she didn’t notice she was doing it at all.”

After a phone call from Tia’s school, which said Tia was holding her neck and was off balance, Darby took her to Northampton General Hospital. While there, Tia was unable to walk in a straight line, and a CT scan revealed a pilocytic astrocytoma — the most common type of brain tumour in children.

Tia was taken to Queen’s Medical Centre in Nottingham, where she had a ten-hour operation to remove the tumour. “It was quite a horrendous day,” Darby said. “They managed to get 96 per cent of it out.”

Tia called the growth her “astronaut tumour”. Since the procedure, she gets very tired and can sometimes lose her balance. Her recovery will consist of an MRI scan every three months for the next five years, and she is having regular physiotherapy and meetings with neurologists.

She is keen to get back to her hobbies. Darby calls her “Dr Doolittle” due to her love for animals, and added that Tia is a keen reader and enjoys playing dodgeball.

Cameron Miller, director of external affairs and strategy at the Brain Tumour Charity, said “We wish Tia all the best with her continuing treatment and thank Imogen for sharing her story.

“Sadly, it’s one that we often hear. For many brain tumour patients, it simply takes too long to be diagnosed — and this is one of the reasons why we’re calling for a National Brain Tumour Strategy.”

[elliott-the-creature]

pt 2 of making conditions for different tribes!

➡️ pt 1 ⬅️

HiveWings

walking corpse syndrome is a genetic condition possessed by HiveWings that works somewhat like cordyceps. when a HiveWing has this condition, they will seem somewhat sluggish and groggy, and their speech and behaviour is usually underdeveloped. their eyes are usually milky white, and their body is very thin and malnourished. those with walking corpse syndrome seem to not need food or water, and don’t even seem to notice their body’s senses and needs. but as they grow older, the behaviour and appearance of a HiveWing with walking corpse syndrome will diminish even more. they will seek out high places and stay there, often remaining motionless for days on end. they will also develop brain tumours, and their ability to function will slowly decrease until they eventually die.

SilkWing

failed metamorphosis syndrome (FMS) is a mutation occurring in SilkWings that is only made present after metamorphosis. before metamorphosis, SilkWings with this condition will seem mostly normal, except their wingbuds will be slightly smaller than average. however, after metamorphosis, their wings will be small, crumpled, and underdeveloped. SilkWings with FMS will never be able to fly, and have to be grounded for their whole lives. this condition doesn’t affect their silk glands, so many Silkwings with FMS end up being weavers and artists.

LeafWings

autumnal syndrome is a genetic condition characterized by autoimmune disorders, breathing difficulties, and an unusual colouration. LeafWings with autumnal syndrome are not green like normal LeafWings; instead having orange, yellow, and/or brown scales like autumn leaves. those with autumnal syndrome have a higher chance of contracting sicknesses and other diseases, and often have worse symptoms and a longer recovery time than regular patients. their breathing can also be affected by pollen, stress, and exercise—similar to asthma and other respiratory conditions.

[slayingfiction]

Writing Body Pain: Headaches

There are two types of headaches: primary and secondary. 

Primary headaches have no underlying cause. You may be able to figure out what is making it happen or get worse, but there’s no definitive answer as to why it’s happening, or why now. Meaning, it is the main medical issue. While there are hundreds of different types of headaches, here are the most common:

Tension headache: usually felt as a band around your head. Or can follow typical muscles trigger point patterns (as discussed in previous post). Often felt as a dull aching pain and is often accompanied by muscle soreness or stiffness.

Cluster headache: This type can also be a sole condition itself. Pain typically felt on or around the eye, usually only one side at a time and can be characterized not only by pain pattern, but also their occurence pattern. Additional symptoms can include tears, leaking nose/ congestion, face swelling, or redness and heat. Part of the most painful conditions known in medicine.

Hypnic headache: a full or throbbing pain during the night when sleeping. It often happens at the same time and can cause sensitivity to light and sounds or nausea.

TMJ: pain felt in jaw and/ or temples as dull and aching. These are sometimes caused by teeth grinding.

Hypertension: caused by a sudden rise in blood pressure and is typically felt at the back of your head. You should usually seek medical attention if you are experiencing one of these.

Sinus: caused by infection or congestion. Makes an X or ‘butterfly pattern’ around the bridge of your nose.

Migraine headache: Migraines are neurological conditions and are typically felt only on one side of the face and head. Can feel like a throbbing or pulsing sensation, and may be accompanied by headaches, irritation, extra sensitivity to sound or light, vomiting, nausea, stomach pain and diarrhea. Some migraines can be felt without head pain at all. Part of the most painful conditions known in medicine.

Some migraines present with auras. It’s not often, but not uncommon either. Auras are light based disturbances like seeing flashing lights or wavy lines. These can cause problems speaking, numbness and tingling or motor problem like weakness in arms and legs.

Possible causes: hormones, dehydration, muscle tension, infections, alcohol, some foods high in nitrates, nicotine, lack or poor sleep, poor posture, skipped meals, constant coughing, sneezing, or blowing nose, or crying and laughing, etc.

Secondary headaches are a symptom of an illness or condition.

Aneurism / Brain tumour / Meningitis / Injury 

These are all possible causes for secondary headaches. Often the symptoms include the following:

Pain came on without warning

Pain pattern is different than you’ve ever experienced

Worse headache pain you’ve ever felt in you life

Headache causes fainting or seizures

You feel very weak on one side of your body or have trouble walking

If you become dizzy, confused, feel numbness, or have trouble speaking or seeing

Any of these symptoms are medical emergencies and the person should be brought to a ER or call an ambulance. Use discretion when it comes to thinking if they should go to the hospital or not, but if it really is severe or worrisome, it’s best to be safe.

This is just an intro to headaches as body pain for writing purposes. If there is additional information you would like me to add, or see that someone is not true, please let me know and I will edit right away.

Follow so you don’t miss my next post on questions to ask your alpha/beta readers!

Happy Writing!

[starlightseraph]

on two of the most controversial episodes of house md

the asexuality episode:

mixed feelings. it’s often brought up a lot as a total swing and miss but idk about it being completely wrong. i’m a-spec myself (demi) and the way he talks about it is weird, but this is something that genuinely happens. one of the symptoms of damage in that area of the brain is lack of sexual feelings, and some people will simply never develop a sense of sexuality, completely unaware that they actually have a brain tumour. nearly all asexual people are just ace without any particular cause, so there’s no reason to worry unless you have other concerns or health issues.

so anyways. i think that it was a plausible medical story, because it does happen. traumatic brain injuries, seizures, tumours, certain medications, hypoxia, pregnancy/birth complications, strokes, all of these can lead to absence of or reduced sexual urges.

my issue is the way he reacts to it, as if this guy has to have some illness and he can’t just be asexual. i know that house only acts that way because his immediate reaction to everything is to be as offensive as possible, and he wants to find something interesting to make a bet on with wilson, but it’s still uncomfortable.

i guess it turned out alright for the patient? it’s good that he finds out about the tumour and can get it treated, because even a benign tumour can be life threatening or become cancerous. still, though, not great.

the (first) intersex episode:

yeah ok no justification for this one. what was going through the minds of the writers?? like the basic story had potential but they went and made it creepy as fuck and wrote house’s reactions in a way that’s harsh, even for him. his insults are generally just defensive and clearly not meant in a discriminatory way. he treats everyone badly all the time, so his words are almost never based in actual bigotry. but his treatment of the patient in this episode is extreme, and he goes way beyond his normal limits. it doesn’t even fit well with his character, it’s just so purely mean spirited. so yeah fuck this one.

[k-dokja]

just finish re-reading samuel and yn being chaotic. now im begging for more crumbs of them if you don't mind 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

You occupy the living room, spreading out on the couch like you own the place. You don't, he does. You act like it's your house. He wants to drop his briefcase on you for that alone.

"Ack!"

No reason to not listen to his impulsive thought when it comes to you. "Why didn't you come to the office today?" He glares down at you and it would be far more effective if you aren't wearing that tiny tank top that shows him your cleavage and stomach. Not that you notice where his gaze strays.

"I was sick!" You protest. "I didn't feel good this morning so I stayed home, what's wrong with that?!"

He nearly rolls his eyes backwards into his skull. "What's wrong is that you're meant to send in a notice." He glowers. "Did you know how much I had to do to make up for your absence?"

"Aw, does that mean you need me? Why Samuel, you only need—Ack!"

You clutch your head where he flicks your forehead. If you wince then good, it's meant to hurt. "Stop messing around, I expect overtime once you recover." With that, he leaves your presence after he makes his point known. Knowing you, however, you probably stick your tongue out the moment he shows his back to you.

He turns back sharply, catching you in your act. You quickly whip your head away, pretending to focus on the television. That puts a slight smirk on his face, but you won't know about that.

After his shower and a fresh change of clothes, Samuel returns to the main hall of his penthouse with an easy stride. From where he stands in the kitchen, he can get a good view of you and the show you're watching. Some medical drama, he reckons, you have been into those lately even if you don't understand the head or tail of the medical side of the show.

Briefly, he wonders if half of the appeal of it is because you can't understand anything. Better to turn your brain off and let others do the thinking. After the day he had, maybe that's what he needs at this very moment. With that in mind, he grabs a drink with rocks that'd soothe his temper and coasts over to the couch.

"Scoot over," he commands and you comply with a face that he ignores you were making. Samuel sits down at the other end of the couch where your feet once laid. The moment he hits the cushions, you immediately throw your legs over his lap.

Samuel ignores it and favours savouring his alcohol over you. "Did you even manage to learn anything from watching these?" He asks absentmindedly, not really caring for the answer.

"Yeah, of course," you say, "I learned about symptoms, tumours, and viral infection. Like you, for example."

He arches an eyebrow, "Me?"

"Yeah, you're infected by the bitch-itis," you grin, "not contagious and very dangerous to everyone around you."

Samuel contemplates, but only for a second, before the corner of his lips raises, "No, I think it must've been contagious because you're infected with it, too."

"Hey!" You throw a stray cushion at him. It's only by the gift of his reflexes that he catches it easily. Samuel sets it between your legs and his lap, before making himself comfortable.

"So what are we watching tonight?"

"We?" You ask pointedly but when he doesn't elaborate, you return to your attention to the TV. "House's on. You might like him, he's so... what's the word, sardonic."

He doubts that, but he can't deny your statement piques his interest a little. "How so?"

"Wait, I'd argue he's better than you," you giggle, "at least the man is helping people, while you only ever help yourself."

Samuel clicks his tongue, unfazed by your statement, "That's not true," he says, "you benefit from my actions, too."

You snicker, "Yes, but that's collateral, not intentional. Because otherwise, it would've meant you care about me. There's no way that would be true, right~?"

Samuel only grunts and takes another sip of his drink. There's nothing left of the alcohol except the residual ice water left behind. However, it proves to be a distraction because you don't end up looking at him like you've said something right. He doesn't need that tonight, not after the long day he had.

All he wants to do is turn his brain off and watch the TV.

[melrosing]

I'm sorry if this is a horrible insensitive question to ask but how long did your father live after diagnosis and when did you first start noticing his symptoms of glioblastoma? My uncle was diagnosed in May and I don't know anyone who has had this illness before. It's really frightening and I'm so sorry for you and your dad and your loved ones. I am thinking of you.

firstly, I am really so sorry to hear your uncle has been diagnosed with the same. getting that news was the worst day of my life, I wish I didn't recall it so vividly but it's like I can remember it all by the minute. I'm thinking of you and yours too, and pls reach out if you ever want to chat.

and no worries, I don't really mind talking about it all. like honestly for the last 12 months it felt like there was nothing else to talk about, so I guess I got used to it lol. dad was diagnosed with a brain tumour 1 year + 2 days prior to the day he died, though the glioblastoma diagnosis came a little under two weeks after that. still, the shorter end of the prognosis was essentially true for him.

as for when the symptoms first started showing up, that's a bit more complicated... we noticed his first seizure in August 2022, which was 13 months before diagnosis, but we didn't recognise it as a seizure because it was like... a minor focal I think it was described in hindsight?? and bizarrely, my dad didn't experience any severe seizures until the last few days of his life.

but we do think looking back that he could've had the tumour for much longer. won't go into it all in detail but there were subtle differences in his personality and energy levels since maybe 2020/2021, and I've since heard it's possible for glioblastoma wildtype to lay kind of dormant but present for a while, before they go ham. I still don't know much about the disease and at this point I don't feel I really want or need to, but yeah. either way it doesn't matter, because there's no curing these things.

sorry this message sounds so bleak, and I hope you don't take it to mean that things will be exactly the same for your uncle. things are different for every person. dad didn't get a lot of time but he had some blessings others who live longer don't get, which is that he never experienced pain from the illness, and he retained his longterm memories till the last days of his life. there were also other personal factors that made his cancer harder to control, i.e. his lynch syndrome, and hydrocephalus from the surgery. anyway, it's hard, but I try to be grateful for the blessings and the time I had with him.

i don't know if you want advice, but if I have any for you, I think it's just to take each day as it comes. people said this to me all the time in the beginning and it sounds trite, but I really learnt that it's all anyone can do. celebrate the daily victories, love that person as they are now, and be glad that you're with them today. all my best to you x

[firewalkzwit]

runt // jonathan crane x reader. (27)

Chapter 27

cross-posted on AO3

masterlist.

Y/N recalled ever since she last saw Bruce Wayne that her character had suffered a major change, turning her into a lethargic slob. Usually, she tended to be proactive and although an avid sleeper and naturally slow paced, she was always high with initiative. Lately, especially since Crane's latest visits had signified growing disappointment and himself displaying early signs of growing distant, she was not ignorant to the fact that Crane wasn't unconsciously drifting away, but rather making a deliberate choice to keep distance, in an attempt of avoiding further attachment. It was completely contradictory, for a man incompatible with love to ever fall victim to it. Besides, he obviously prided himself of being too knowledgeable in the field of psychology to ever fall for those tricks of the brain regular people do. Obviously he also deliberately ignored the fact that he was just as much of a prisoner to other silly desires of the brain rather than his own, such as the growing, throbbing and palpitating desire to possess her that had installed on his brain like a hot tumour.

Crane's hypocrisy reminded her of how he had completely forgotten about her papers, and even though she had become significantly more indolent, she still felt incredibly keen to the world of sociology. It was unfortunate that although she was undeniably haughty and capable of facing bigger threats, such as Crane himself, she was still irredeemably shy, enough to be unable to ask him about her long forgotten projects of which writings he kept in his apartment. In her mind, he'd probably dismissed them as subpar, and as a consequence discarded even wasting his time in affording her his precious feedback, but it couldn't hurt to return what was hers.

With his growing distance and her lack of contact with Bruce Wayne, it was as he drove her in silence to Arkham once again that she could feel what could only be described as a preying Armageddon* slowly approaching, pressuring her to straighten her affairs and making sure anything she had in abeyance in the living realm were addressed immediately. This had her thinking of Crane again, and about how her own small Doomsday clock continued to ask if she was ready to finish what she had started with the Batman.

She was unsure of whether she loved Jonathan Crane or not, which prompted her to assess the circumstances of her infatuation, and the symptoms of withdrawal that slowly begun to reveal. Frankly, any relationship the two had fostered until then could be hardly described as love, even if it disguised itself as such, no man like Crane could love a woman like her, and a mind so determined to fulfil a single purpose like hers could not afford to waste time in even trying to convince Crane that he is a man capable of experiencing love. She finally decided Crane was not a part of such important affairs, and discarded the absurd idea of blurting out how much she loved him in that very moment.

Besides, it was unfair to assume she had enough experience to even reach such a complex conclusion. Eventually she gave up on it, even if she could see how his hand hesitated on whether to rest on her thigh like a married man expresses his affection to his wife of many years or remain on the gearshift. She knew his hesitance was also paired with a repression of impulses, and she could picture the battle in his mind which eventually resolved the ongoing dichotomy by simply not touching her. This only further aided her in indulging in the idea that she had dodged a bullet by keeping her irrational impulses to herself, after all what is a woman who can't keep her thoughts caged if not a mere animal?

"Everything's looking great, we should be able to let it fly in say... two to three weeks?" Even though he asked a question, it was clear he was talking to himself. She hated when men did that, as if completely dismissing the presence of her company right beside him, as well as her ability to provide a perfect answer that was possibly even better than whatever his rhetorical question had offered. Not that she wanted to answer anything though, she couldn't care less about his toxin project and whatnot. Not because it wasn't interesting or an undeniable fuel to an immensely captivating source of study, being needless to add that it was connected to the Batman. But rather than since it was his project, not an ounce of it could belong to her even if she wanted to, naturally culminating in strong aversion.

"How can you be so sure the Batman will come?"

"Please, he wouldn't miss this."

"And if he does?"

"He won't."

"What about me? If he does." And then, he cracked.

"There will be plenty of other opportunities to catch him if he does if this is successful." Caught.

"So you're admitting you're unsure."

"Are you seriously going to pick a fight over this, out of all the things?"

"I fail to see how this is not the most relevant of all the things."

"There is no such thing as an infallible bait for someone as unpredictable as the Batman, this is as good as it gets." He was right, horribly right. It ached her to know that even if her intuition battered on her chest to warn her of an approaching disgrace, she still could not be sure if he was going to be there. The Batman seemed to have a knack for being inconvenient, and the last thing she wanted was for him to not appear when his presence is far more indispensable than it was in a dock where drugs had passed in and out thousands of times, with the only difference being the presence of her brother at that unfortunate time and place.

"Will you take me to dinner after this?"

"Sure, why not." His monotone irritated her immensely, and it was as they sat face to face that she refused to eat her food for as long as she could, waiting for him to notice. It was as the steam that elevated above her dish began to dissipate that he perceived that she had not even stirred the soup before her, but the only observation that came from him was merely a slight gesture with his eyes that went back and forth between her face and the food. A crack on the head is what you get for not asking, and a crack on the head is what you get for asking.

They barely spoke, and the tension between them was bigger than what she could take. In retrospect, she was far more normal than he was, and her tolerance to such friction was significantly less than that of a man who coexisted with the sound of silence ever since he was a child. Quiet dining table as the only sound that bounced between them was the silverware clattering against the porcelain dishes, and the unpleasant wet sound of their mouths opening and closing as their tongues wrapped around the spoons. To her, such sounds were merely human, but he always found himself profoundly appalled by them, as if they were one of the many sounds humans tend to reject for their intimate nature. Not that he hadn't noticed her discomfort, clearly wanting him to notice by not touching her plate, he finally decided it was no worth to torture her with silence any longer.

"You and Mr. Wayne haven't gone out in a while, have you?"

"I haven't called him, no." She began to stir her soup.

"And I see he hasn't called you either."

"He's a busy man I'm sure."

"There's no need to defend him, I'm not attacking him."

"Fine." She let go of her spoon, indicating an end to the conversation.

"Have you thought of anything you'd like to wear for the downfall of Gotham?" In any other circumstance, she might have been more appreciative of his humour than at that very moment, where she found herself painfully unamused by his dark and tone-deaf irony. However she found her curiosity picked more by the strange nature of the question. Who asks that? The last thing on her mind with such impending anxiety by his power-hungry project.

"I have no idea."

"Good, wear some rags. You musn't attract too much attention from the Batman." Her frown displayed her indifference at his distasteful remark, meticulously planning out even the slightest details further stripping her from any opportunity at even choosing what she'd wear for the Armageddon. Still, it was as soon as she arrived that she began to look through her closet for what she would wear, as if it were Fashion Week, the theme being annihilation of public sanity.

*Armageddon: biblical prophesied cataclysmic location where a war between good and evil will be disputed.

its as i work on this fic (the closest to completion ive ever written) that i wonder why can't i ever write a MC that doesn't develop some sort of hatred for the male protagonist at some point, i know i'm a little too keen on possession, the bell jar and the trope of loving someone so much the line that divides it from hate blurs but does it have to be so transparent??? i wish i could write a jane austen but i end up just pulling an ottessa moshfegh, besides its cill's scarecrow for gods sake!! who could ever hate him?? (me)