*record scratch*
Yup, that’s me, watching my future wife fall to the ground dead from a trap I set off. I bet you’re wondering how I got into this situation. Well, my life’s a little crazy, but it all began when my family was murdered in a political coup and I made a pact to create the first gun with a smoke demon...
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Alastor didn't just take everything from husk, he took his damn HAIR, CLOTHES, and subscription to the nearest GROOMER 😭😭
My boy lost his shirt and locks unless it’s just under his hat 🥲
Ok but fr his hair was so pretty ugh
He went from hot poker millionaire to scruffy street cat with daddy straps damn Alastor-
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do your monster boyfriends ever like to be silly and goof off??
grease struck me as the type so i got curious about hawthorne & calmo as well!
Of course! Some less than others, but they've all got some goofiness, intentional or not.
Hawthorn is a dork but usually, he'll follow MC's silliness when goofing off, such as MC gently splashing him when they walk beside a little stream in the woods or playfully tugging on the end of his fingers before he captures MC's wrist to return the gesture. Once he's more comfortable, he likes to put a leaf or two on MC's head. He'll sometimes watch MC walk right underneath a tree he's perched in and he'll toss an acorn at MC's shoulder to get MC's attention. He likes to hear MC's laugh and he eagerly turns an embarrassing moment into a funny one by playing into that stumble he just took by full-on falling to the ground and telling MC he has to kiss him back to life.
Grease is the gremlin. Though he can be a bit aggressive, he's not above licking MC's wrist just to hear a groan of disgust or sneaking up behind MC just to hear MC's breath catch in fright when MC already called out his name. He will listen to MC complain about coworkers or their work and say candidly "Want me to kill them/burn it to the ground?" and make MC laugh. He adores roughhousing with MC, and loves how MC fights back but is trying to hold back laughter or a smile because it's supposed to be serious. He tosses MC onto the couch and then playfully pounces before rolling them both onto the floor, and MC is laughing! He also teases MC the most, either with suggestive tones or genuine jests to hear MC's sharp retort.
Calmo is silly when he does not appear to be. He is the master of deadpan humor and it catches MC off guard when he makes a comment in his level voice and MC has to decide whether to chuckle or chastise him. His goofiness comes out when he gets little objects, anything from coins to dice to little beads, that he'll leave around the house for MC to wonder about and collect. Then he'll casually let MC know 25 have been found, but there are 13 more to go. Calmo will also purposely surprise MC by standing directly beside MC and startling MC with his unannounced presence. He claims it's not on purpose and MC simply is not paying attention, but MC swears a smile is pulling on his cassette mouth when he turns away.
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i like to think klarion just. stole a house and put it in his own magic pocket dimension or something.
either that or vandal just kinda got him a house so hed stop waking up in the morning, walking into the kitchen to get some coffee, only to be greeted with the sight of klarion dead asleep face down on the couch, teekl on top of the kitchen counter licking a brownie, and the kitchen looking like masterchef if masterchef allowed you to put grenades in the batter
also lowkey like the idea of klarion just. not living anywhere. once hes done doing chaos in one place he moves to another place and does chaos there, and never actually stops anywhere for long, at most around the time it takes to steal food from someone and eating it before youre caught or possibly taking a catnap. hes chaos personified, he doesnt really need magic artifacts or spellbooks to do chaos or magic, so he doesnt really need anywhere to store that stuff. if he needs something he takes it from wherever and leaves it wherever. altho def think klarion enjoys theft and stealing stuff just cus he wants it so it would make sense hes got like a lil nest of stolen shiny stuff hidden somwhere even if he doesnt live there
the point is, vandal does not allow klarion into his kitchen unsupervised (not that that helps since klarion refuses to listen) and hes NOT eating anything klarion cooks (could be poisoned) (definitely has cathair in it) (vandal knows that because he SAW teekl put her paw in the batter) (theres hazelnuts in the brownies) (vandal doesnt like hazelnuts) (or cathair)
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good, apprentice... good, but you can do better. your back foot. take it further out. more. hmm... perfect. run through the form again, do not lose focus. begin.
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Chinese darth maul head cannons
ok so i thought about a chinese version of the Brothers Opress and it's hurting me emotionally. (I haven't seen any of the mandarin dubs yet, i'm putting this out ahead of time to see if the translators agree with me.)
Ok so in Chinese there's multiple ways of saying "brother", denoting different levels of closeness and familial bonds, so my headcannon is that Maul goes through ALL of them one by one as his relationship with savage develops.
headcanon Opress Bro's ages:
Oldest- Savage 36 yrs
Middle - Maul 34 yrs
Youngest- Feral 17 yrs
Savage calls Feral 弟 [di] "little brother"
Feral calls Savage 哥 [ge] “big brother" at the start.
When Feral is being strangled by Savage, he begs for his life and calls Savage 哥哥 [ge ge] "big brother" it's got childish connotations, e.g. something a kid would say which makes it Uniquely Painful.
After Maul regains his sanity, he insists on being called 师傅 [shi fu] "Master" and refers to Savage as 徒弟 [tu di] “Apprentice", completely rejecting all familial ties. (it's also got a bit of that twisted Journey to the West vibes, but instead of going to India to find Budda and Enlightenment they're going to Mandalor to find Violence and Mental Illness.)
After their near-death experience where Savage gets his arm cut off, Maul refers to Savage as 兄弟 [xiong di] which means "brother" in a comradely sense, e.g what monks call each other, and that's how they introduce themselves to the Deathwatch.
the first time Maul calls Savage 哥哥 "big brother" is when Sidious kills him. From that point on, until the day he dies, Maul only refers to Savage as 哥哥. There's something slightly childish about it which speaks of his unresolved trauma at the hands of sideous, that he was denied something critical to him and he's forever emotionally stunted.
Ok that's enough Pain for one day here's some funny shit:
Had Feral survived and met Maul, he would have to switch to calling Savage 大哥 [da ge] “eldest brother" and Maul 二哥 [er ge] "second eldest brother" . If I wrote CWs, there'd be this hilarious scene where Feral's like "Ai ya, forget about the revenge, intergalactic wars and spider legs. Let's talk about the IMPORTANT stuff! which one of you is older??? because I need to address you correctly, I can't just call you Maul it's RUDE." and then they start counting on their knuckles being all like "hang on are we going by the luna calendar or solar calendar?"
BTW here's no "age neutral" way to say brother in chinese and you know it would make Maul EXPLODE if savage slipped up and called him 弟弟 "little brother" instead of 二哥 “second brother “ by accident。
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it’s sort of saddening to see people regard jack as “savage” and a bad person to me. he was 12 (i think?) i don’t think applying our modern lens is accurate, especially since the society that raised most of us is the one they all lost unexpectedly
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Thinking about how canon wise Raph has the most Control over his body, and seems to be the most balanced among his brothers because he’s so much bigger than his bros that if he’s not careful he could really hurt them so hes constantly holding himself back 90% of the time even when he’s upset at them his anger is controlled 
Also I like to think hes the one who does the most meditating maybe as children splinter spent more time with Raph training him to control his more feral behavior. That’s why they’re so close splinter teaching him meditation as a toddler so he could calm himself when he needed it most >>>>
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i fear i am endlessly predictable (writing new dps au which is once again fantasy with Arthurian elements)
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in the early 2010s (sorry to describe them this way) i listened to a lot of slam poetry & due to the autism some of it lives in my head forever now which means i'll be going about my day n my brain'll go "strength starts the 'it gets moderately more tolerable' campaign" and then i'll be sat in the break room at work thinking about how actually disgustingly offensive it was of dan savage to tell lgbt kids "there is no improving your current circumstances! but maybe one day you'll escape"
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Since some of you suddenly looked for that starfish content on blog after I planted that post- and there's not too much- i figured I should leave these here as a gift.
(Last post I'll do unprompted art of em on this account LOL go follow my main art Tumblr cause I'll prolly drop more stuff there.)
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OOOH~<3!!
kinda can't wait for butcher to free the animal in homie~<3
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do you think you’ll ever write about the scene where Grease introduces MC to his home, because that’s absolutely hilarious and i’m dying at the mental image of this scary oil demon proudly displaying what appears to be a murder basement from Silent Hill, all like “this is my home ;) do you like it ;) ;) ;)”
Oh, absolutely. I have a loose plotline but that's a scene that unfolds to poor MC's detriment.
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(Justice League Task Force #29)
It's the fatherless behavior, Ray.
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My brother after looking at a picture of the real Boys in the Boat: “Whoah… those shorts don’t cover much, do they? I see what people mean now.”
Me: “And to think that was the 30s…”
Nolan: “At first they don’t seem so bad but once you get to Roger… If you look closely— don’t you look closely! I can look closely but you shouldn’t; they’re pretty bad.”
Me: 🤣🤣🤣
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