#blog on my actual blog lol

[skellish]

Alright, so I don't usually do stuff like this, but today is a very special day to me: My 1 year mark of HRT! So I figured I would write a little and show my progress, to have a record for myself, but also because one of the most helpful things in my journey was seeing posts like these, showing me that things actually can change, and giving me hope for the future. So I wanted to maybe do that as well for anyone else struggling with their gender/identity like I was.

So, I wasn't the type that always knew who i was. I was a very awkward "boy", never quite felt right in my skin, but never considered that that wasn't normal. I spent my whole life shifting into and out of different identities and presentations, always doubting myself about who i wanted to be and who I was supposed to be. But about a year ago today (October ish 2022) my "egg" finally busted open. It was honestly pretty painful, having my whole life be flipped all around in somewhat of an instant, but also so relieving. I finally found the issue! I could fix my problem! That didn't stop me from still doubting myself, panicking about my future, wrangling internalized transphobia for the next few months, but something FINALLY actually felt right.

So, I went a little faster than most people should honestly. I immediately sought out some kind of gender clinic or what have you, to pursue hormone replacement therapy. (Ended up with planned parenthood to begin with. Wonderful people.) This is, of course, not necessary to be trans, but I reasoned in my head that this would be the easiest way to tell if I was wrong or not. I highly recommend you do not rush these things like I did, and that this was just my experience, but I digress. I figured If I was wrong, I would live with whatever consequences there were, but with the knowledge of who I am. If I was right however, then like. Hell yeah lol. It was scary for sure, and most of my loved ones thought I was rushing and not thinking clearly (fair points tbh) but I was right, and here I am!

This was me one year ago today

And this is me just a few days ago

I have gained weight, life is still very difficult, and it wasn't a miracle solution, but I can now at least say I know who I am. I'm beginning to like what I see in the mirror, be shaped in a way that is congruent with my soul, and be seen the way I want to be seen.

I don't know if these words will be seen by anyone, but if even just one person sees this and is helped like I was, then I've done my job here. See yall same time next year!

[persicipen]

₊ ˙ ⊹ .

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[persephonaae]

TERFs die mad: you just reblogged a nasty transgender person with pronouns and all who did this historical look to explore their cultural history as well as express their own nonbinary identity in a way that resonates with them. An edit I wish I didn’t have to make on this post

I’ll try to post the actual pictures I took soon, but I was bored today and wanted to shirk some other responsibilities, so I decided to do some general vague Minoan or Mycenaean look since it’s been on the mind and also my hair was looking really good today and I wanted to take advantage of that haha

[bacchuschucklefuck]

class swap design masterpost for convenience (from top to bottom: bard!riz, cleric!gorgug, sorcerer!kristen, barbarian!fig, artificer!adaine, and rogue!fabian)

[bioethicists]

'recovering' or 'healing' by starting to hate your former self + shame or mock others for being the way you used to be isn't actually very healing. you can acknowledge + be grateful that you have changed without transferring all your self hatred/shame onto others.

[fene4ka]

man this mecha Jazz au by @keferon is doing things to my brain

Jazz and Prowl teaming up and befriending each other even though they have no clue what the others says or what they even are is so cool and fun hahahaahshdad

they just have this unexplainable connection with one another u know

also im curious what was Jazz first time reaction seeing Prowl transform lol. he must have been so confused hahfhdha

[bewarethetooth]

HEYY I'M ACTUALLY ALIVE AND IVE TOTALLY BEEN ALIVE SO HERES MY FAVORITE THING EVER DRAWN TODAY:

Now excuse me while i sleep until 5pm because the sun IS rising and i AM so tired

[kaiserouo]

New raid mechanic just dropped guardians go back to your math class

disgusting stuff below.

ykw if the warlock remembered just enough about the relation of fourier series with function inner product space he can indeed do that in his head.

we define our function inner product space C[0, 2π] with a set of functions continuous in range [0, 2π], and the inner product of two functions in this space f, g ∈ C[0, 2π] is defined as ∫f(x)g(x)dx (integrated in [0, 2π]). note that the functions in set S = {cos(nπ) | ∀ n∈ ℕ} ∪ {sin(nπ) | ∀ n∈ ℕ} are orthogonal to each other in this space, and all of them has squared norm π, so you can just match the terms with the same function and sum them up. in this case only 6cos3x on the left and 5cos3x on the right can match, along with the divide by π, the final answer is 6 × 5 = 30. another example is ∫ (3cos(x) + 4cos(2x) + 6cos(3x))(-cos(x) + 5cos(3x) + 18cos(5x)) dx (integrated in [0, 2π]) = (6 × 5 + 3 × (-1))π = 27π.

don't actually do that tho it's just a trivia.

[wispurring-moss]

sometimes i feel like i'm really exaggerating their height difference when i draw them but then i have to remind myself that, no, they basically Are just Like ThatTM actually and it guts me every single time............. x'3c

[softgothbabe]

Messy

[nichelleladonna]

lindsay? more like lindslay

[rival-the-rose]

Man I have gone thru every emotion with this project but it finally has ended happily!!

This is 2 oz of the 4 that I got at Black Sheep this year, first spin on my new (to me - she's 35 years old!) Schacht Matchless wheel. I really had a hell of a time with this fiber - it was very well prepared but with my health problems I had a really hard time keeping it consistent. It's overspun and under spun, overplied and under plied, slubby thru some of the silk portions and suddenly way thinner thru the purple. Which is why I was shocked that it was perfectly balanced when I took it off the noddy. I'm thrilled bc I was giving up hope on it being suitable for the intended project - I think it'll make a beautiful warp! I was intending to have the other half be the weft and make a fun weird plaid but seeing it in the skein I think that will be too busy and I'll use plain black alpaca instead. It's 282 yards so it'll have to be a pretty big shawl but that's hardly a problem! I'm just so relieved that it's actually balanced.

[scourge-sympathiser]

SCOURGE SUNDAY 025/???

BLESSING leader of WATERCLAN