#bipolartype2

[reserwrekt]

I had an angry, violent outburst the other day and I'm not proud. I've been pretty much isolating ever since.

I feel like I have no control over my emotions right now. As if I ever do have control.

My case worker texted me today after she ghosted me for the past week. She was supposed to submit my transportation aid request and she never got back with me about it. Then she only responded to one of the issues I had sent her a wall of text about, choosing to focus the conversation around the least of my worries- the jaundice.

She asked me to make an appointment with my doctor right away, but I had an appointment I missed today because she never got back with me about the transportation request- and as a result- I just want to scream at her.

She probably doesn't even realize that she's done anything wrong to warrant me being so upset, but somehow that's making me seethe even more..

In my violent outburst, someone was being ridiculous to me when I went out to get my anti depressants refilled. They didn't have my medication in stock for the second time, the only solution would be for them to transfer the medication clear across town and I had no money for gas and was already risking driving there on E, so I couldn't do it.

When I was pulling out, someone far away, was speeding and got upset that I turned when I should have had plenty of time, but they sped up because they for some reason didn't WANT me to turn? And instead of going around, they just laid on their horn. I slammed on my breaks, because they were up my ass and nearly caused them to slam into me.

I did it on purpose.

They then went around me, honking. I honked back and caught up to them. They were then just trying to get away from me, but let's make this clear: They were needlessly aggressive first.

I chased them for a couple blocks, before my partner said my name.

I totally forgot she was there.

I didn't know what I was doing.

I had no control over my body and I scared my autistic partner.

I've been sleeping a lot ever since.

I have things that need to be addressed, but everything is triggering me, so I don't want to.

Electric charged me 300$ again and I've never had an electric bill so high before. They won't show me my usage, and I fully believe they're just trying to fuck me over. Based off reviews, I can tell they're going to give me the run-around and I know it's going to make me extremely mad.

My partner can't handle it, due to her communication issues. I have no help at all. Just lots of people saying they'll help- then ghosting me.

@ kittyzibby is my ven#o if you care/are able to help. I have 10$ until my partner goes to court on the 25th to remove her abusive mother as payee. The electric bill is due the 20th. [Old post]

[bipolartypeonefeels]

What living with Bipolar Disorder is like:

I’m currently on the 16th floor of a balcony located at a hotel in downtown Miami.

My hope is gone. Every action is mechanical, choices I make are reckless, but made without hesitation. I’m just going through the motions, trying to stay afloat and survive. I’m numb to the pain, but I’m also numb to the pleasure.

Part of me has given up. For the first time in my life I feel like my future isn’t so clear anymore. I don’t want to chase after my goals, I don’t want to do anything but lose myself. I’m not coping, and I have no one.

Everything I once cared about, even my morals seem to have been thrown out the window. The world doesn’t care about me, so I’m reciprocating.

I can’t concentrate and at this point I don’t even want to try because I feel like a failure. I was a straight A student who was able to balance so many responsibilities, and I did it well. Now I can barely manage day to day.

I don’t know what I’m doing but in brief moments of clarity, I’m horrified.

Countless men all in the hope of connection, or if anything at least a distraction. I feel used but I keep clinging on to the idea someone might save me.

The same disorder that ruined my dad’s life, and that ultimately killed him, is what I’m trying to manage by myself. I don’t blame him anymore, because I know what it’s like to feel as if you’re going insane.

I feel very alone. I feel like I’m having to deal with this by myself. This disorder kills people, and it does so painfully. It’s a slow spiral descending into madness and isolation.

I wish I had someone who understood what I was going through, the loneliness is crippling.

I don’t trust myself. I don’t know if my thoughts, decisions, or ideas are the manic depression or if they’re me.

I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. Everything I once cared deeply about and had a passion for are things I no longer think about.

There’s always something wrong, I can’t hold onto happiness but for a moment.

The hardest part of all of this is that there’s no one to blame. It’s my brain that’s turned against me. I’m at war with my own mind.

I don’t care about anything. I don’t care about school, I don’t care about family or friends, I don’t care who I hurt, and I certainly don’t care about myself.

It’s difficult for me to look into the future, because all the plans I had for myself seem so distant. I just started crying as I’m typing this. I miss who I used to be. This disorder took my life away from me and I feel like I’ve been left alone to deal with the outcome.

I do still have some hope left, but I know I need to get on Lithium soon. I think that might be the key to finding some type of normal again. I want to be more than someone who’s just trying to survive.

[vexingdelusions]

dear bipolar disorder,

i try to not let you affect me but the wind you carry is so strong and i’m a tree with weak roots. i fall so easily, i keep falling to the same old cycle. im constantly switching between manic and depressive episodes.

oh mania! oh how i get fooled by you everytime you visit. you constantly fool me into thinking that i’m invincible, that i’m powerful and that i don’t need the meds i’m taking. you steal away my sense of self control when you’re around. you’re addicting, like a drug. when you leave and the warmth of depression wraps around me, i start to crave you more.

depression, oh you big black dog! you also constantly fool me by making me think you’re a sense of comfort. you fill me with the darkest thoughts and so much fear and anxiety but i’m so used to you that i start defining myself by those thoughts.

bipolar, you fucked me up. you took away years from my life. i was never the same ever since you came around but i also no longer recall a life without you.

kind regards,

lisa

[blogiamboom]

Did I ever post this finished? I can't remember and I'm too lazy to check so here #BlueRose #SongMinoInspired #BeKindBeNice #UnobtainableLove #meow #BigGirlsHaveMoreFun #BipolarBeauty #bipolardisorder #bipolar2 #bipolartype2 #bipolar #KpopAddicted #tattooedgirls #chickswithglasses #chickswithpiercings #nerd #gamer #cute https://www.instagram.com/p/B84cNOwAW8r/?igshid=17j2fu3wz35gf

[traceyswellnessjourney]

4 lessons for living with Bipolar Disorder, by guest blogger, Claire Hollywell

“I realise today that I haven’t blogged since it all happened.  In 2016 I had a pretty big nervous breakdown within which I got diagnosed with bipolar type 2, emotional instability, anxiety and ADHD. It was a very long recovery. That was lesson 1. 

Lesson one: Be kind. It is ok for it to take a long time, be compassionate to yourself in it. If you shout at yourself that you should be over it…

[mymentaltalk]

Being “bad”

Personality disorders and mood disorders like borderline personality and bipolar disorders are not really talked about on mainstream media or in society at all and definitely not as much as mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. There’s no wonder why there’s so much stigma, ignorance and misconceptions about other complex mental health problems like borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder.

We are all so used to seeing words like depressed, suicidal, panic attack, self harm, etc and putting them with mental illness, but that isn’t always the case. With these types of disorders, being “bad”, relapsing or having a tough time doesn’t always mean that people with mood/personality disorders are deeply depressed and suicidal, it can mean that we’re manic, hyperactive or overwhelmingly happy. We could be absolutely furious, riddled with anxiety, of course, we can also be deeply depressed and suicidal too. Sometimes (a lot in my case) quickly changing from one mood to the other, bouncing from suicidal to on top of the world from a “small” trigger. All of these emotions are intensified by a thousand, making our “happiest” and ’saddest” both unbearable.

Why is being manic a bad thing anyway? We’re happy, really happy, so what’s the problem? People never seem to understand why it’s a bad thing that I’m manic, most people don’t even see it has part of my mental illness, they just see me being better. On the outside, I must look fine, more than fine, but for me, being manic is when I’m probably most at risk of taking part in dangerous behaviour, ie: spending loads of money, alcohol/drug use, not taking my meds because I feel good now and so on. It’s just as serious as when I’m in a severely depressed episode, but no one sees that.

I’ve been accused of “faking” my mental health problems, that it “isn’t mental health" as one minute I’m “happy and loving’ and the next, I’m anything but. Clearly I just act up when it’s convenient because I was fine a minute ago. Maybe I’m just dramatic or attention seeking because you’re either depressed or you’re not, right? How can I be off sick from work for my mental health but I’m seen to be really happy, hyperactive and quite clearly finding it easy to step outside. If I’m off work for my mental health, surely I’d be depressed in bed, in a dark room, on suicide watch or something? Sometimes, yes I am because I woke up suicidal, but by the evening, I could feel like the happiest person alive.

I understand why people would look at my behaviour and accuse me of lying, faking, being attention seeking, dramatic, using the “mental health card” and so on, I really do, but if you know yourself that you’re not educated on complex mental health problems and haven’t been exposed to them before, then please try not to make statements and judgements like that on people with complex mental health problems. We’re not depressed. We are depressed. We’re happy and we’re not, we’re sometimes angry and we’re sometimes nervous, we’re everything you are but to the fullest extent all the time and go from one to the other very quickly. You don’t understand it and that’s not your fault, but making such comments to and about someone with complex mental health problems and what that does to a person, is your fault.

[allofcam]

um okay, hi.

okay i RARELY make my own posts anymore so idek what to say. but if there’s anyone educated or experiencing anything listed in these tags, can you please message me or like this & i’ll message you. i have questions with nobody to ask b/c i’m not allowed to talk to my doctor about this type of shit. (also be prepared for a slight rant bc i’m a fucking talker)

[clouds-of-lythiium]

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” 
VINCENT VAN GOGH 
The silence of the night deafened out the deepest of thoughts. I was in a bad way, torn between the past in my back seat and the future in the front. But despite the madness in my mind, the stillness of the night sky softened the sadness and simplified the situation. 
It was all going to be ok. 
Clouds of Lythiium 
🚶🏽‍♂️📸✌️🥾🎒✨🌑🚗🏔🤩 
“Make Living Fun” 
#travel #astrophotography #nightsky #underthebridge #stars #camping #roadtrip #adventure #escape #intothenight #makelivingfun #cloudsoflythiium #straydog #bipolartype2 #barbarian #blogger #newzealand #mountcooknationalpark (at Aoraki/Mount Cook National Park)
https://www.instagram.com/p/B2JEt6YBqpe/?igshid=1itz8rplspptw

[happyafricaorg]

Repost •@borderlineandbipolarjourney Awareness for Borderline personality disorder. @what.is.mental.illness Drop 💜💜💜 to raise awareness about Borderline Personality Disorder! You’ve probably saw and heard a lot of stereotypes and misconceptions about BPD from people you know or from the media. People with BPD face the struggles of the condition on a daily basis, and on top of that often experience stigma, discrimination, isolation and insults. Most of what’s written about BPD doesn’t sound overly positive with many being portrayed as manipulative, hopeless and dangerous, which is NOT TRUE AT ALL. BPD is still highly stigmatized so here’s a chart to help you know what BPD actually is! It’s important to note that not all people with BPD are the same. Just because you had a bad experience with someone with BPD doesn’t mean you’II have a bad experience with other people with BPD. 🤍 Source: Borderline in the act • • • #bipolardisorderawareness #bipolarawareness #bipolardisordertype1 #bipolardisordertype2 #bipolardepression #hypomania #mania #psychosisawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #mybpdlife #mybipolarlife #bipolartype1 #mentalillnessawareness #eupd #bipolartype2 #borderlineandbipolarjourney #trauma #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #eupd #depression #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #eatingdisorderawareness #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #livingwithmentalillness #understanding #bipolarsupport #borderlinepersonalitydisorderrecovery #cptsd (at South Africa) https://www.instagram.com/p/CSlooY3syVU/?utm_medium=tumblr

[fabianolflucas-blog]

#Repost @bipolar2andme • • • • • • Educate yourselves okay! If only it was “happiness and sadness” 🙄 #bipolar #bipolartype1 #bipolartype2 #bipolarmemes #bipolarawareness #ihavebipolar #itsmymentalhealth #educateyourself #mentahealthawareness (at Miramar.BsAs) https://www.instagram.com/p/CC8_QLjj27x/?igshid=1d5rcu9zzklar

[depressivelonelykitty]

Just my normal mental health meme dump load ya know the usual #keepyourheadup #dontletanyonebringyoudown #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderline #bipolar #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorderrecovery #bipolartype2 #bipolardisorderawareness #cptsd #cptsdrecovery #cptsdawareness #psychosis #psychosisawareness #psychosisrecovery https://www.instagram.com/p/CCIeIklgT3u/?igshid=1s4fp9fx2mjz1

[just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms]

#destigmatizementalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #speakupaboutmentalhealth #anxiety #depression #bipolartype2

[cyprus59]

This is my first book ever. Check it out, and maybe leave a review. 18 readers only.  Thank you for your support.

[vexingdelusions]

in too much pain to process anything right now

[blogiamboom]

I can't 😛 like everyone else idky. I think my tongue is too short. 😐🤔 #IsThatAThing #😛 #BigGirlsHaveMoreFun #BipolarBeauty #bipolardisorder #bipolar2 #bipolartype2 #bipolar #KpopAddicted #tattooedgirls #chickswithglasses #chickswithpiercings #nerd #gamer #cute #IDK #IKnow #ImWeird #LateNightThoughts https://www.instagram.com/p/B78NPYvg5_G/?igshid=qmxtfqo5mogw

[lilmoonshine21]

Some days, I feel everything at once. Other days, I feel nothing at all. I don’t know what’s worse, drowning beneath the waves, or dying from the thirst.

an excerpt in an essay I wrote about struggling with bipolar disorder.