#being like well im monogamous :/

[lofileatherface]

On the one hand yeah, relationship styles are agreements and actions and therefore not an inherent orientation the way sexuality and gender are, but also. Even if I were given all the resources in the world I do not think any polyamorous situation would work for me lol.

I don't think it'd be out of line to say that romantic feelings (even viewed through a narrow lense of western/American culture) vary widely in strength and occurrence between people, to the point it counts as an orientation and like. Someone who experiences romantic attraction and feelings to multiple people are probably served far better than those who feel them very rarely.

[ms-all-sunday]

when i think about it maybe i don't like monogamous interpretations of any combination of the east blue members. i just especially hate monogamous zosan for some reason. it just feels fucking absurd to me okay? it's just goofy.

if i had to guess it's because both of them are defined so heavily by how they interact with other people and how that affects their relationship that legitimately looking me dead in the eye and saying "and sanji and zoro dont have romantic feelings for anybody else..." sounds silly to me. its reductive.

ignore the fact this isn't canon under any interpretation of the text because the text all but explictly states otherwise but i cant ignore it! everybody else can and thats fine but i cant.

[ame-to-ame]

Life is weird as arospec asexual bc there's no good way to use words to describe what I feel and my experience that properly conveys it to allosexual alloromantic people

Even if I use vocabulary meant for this there's no way to grasp what it truly feels like, what the lived experience is like for me, because the allosexual doesn't experience it doesn't understand it

And so it's like trying to convey colors to someone with a different perception of color. They experience a reality different to mine. And maybe perception and sensation is the wrong allegory to use, even. Maybe the stimuli we experience is different in the first place. Maybe the sensation is different. But perception is definitely different. And it's hard to tell at which point do things start to differ.

But either way it's hard and I find it increasingly hard to explain myself or want to explain myself. It's so much easier to adopt that language and that culture aside from the gaping feeling that it's not exactly what you're experiencing. I can co-opt the term crush but what I feel. I know. Is not romantic attraction. Maybe some elements are the same but it's definitely diverged somewhere. But is there really a point in explaining the differences or clarifying that it's different? As long as the final goal is achieved does it really matter? Why am I doing this again.

[nyancrimew]

oo if we’re doing queer confessions i got a bit of a long one

first relationship, classic story of not realizing we were into eachother for the longest time, even after regularly kissing and cuddling for almost a year lol (calling him bf 1). went really well actually after we properly got together

after about a year or so, bf 1’s ex (not on any sort of bad terms INITALLY) (calling him bf 2) who was my best friend asks if we wanted to just be in poly relationship together since we all had confessed to eachother at once point and we say yeah sure we still all like eachother, it took bf 1 a few months to think over first which was fine by all of us, so we just continued all being close friends for a few months till then. few months later, he says yea sure that’d be fine and so we started trying it out since we had all been really happy with eachotehr up to that point

literaly the same exact night that happened, bf 2 changed his attitude towards me completely and despite being very good friends before this and loving eachother he started ignoring me and claiming he just didn’t have energy to do anything ever, while constantly showering bf 1 in overwhelming affection and hundreds of smaller things like that where i’d get left in the dust while he would get mounds of attention. he was just as unnerved by it as i was.

i was a bit dumb and so didn’t really act on this for a while despite realizing immediently it was weird, and after a few months me and bf 1 started talking about it privately and realized he was just flat out lying to both of us and expected us to like. not talk about it?? like super blatant things llike telling me he didn’t value sex in a relationship at all and didn’t want it with me while minutes later telling bf 1 that sexual intimacy is the thing he valued most and wouldn’t want a relationship otherwise

one of the worst thing though (atleast in terms of how much it damaged my understanding and acceptance of myself)) was despite him being nb (he/they) and even experimenting with being a girl for a while he started constantly hanging our own gender identities over our heads and sayin shit like “well i’m gay so if you start identifying as a girl i’m gonna leave” to me when i brought up to him, the first person i talked to it about, that i wanted to be a girl which stunted myself growth by years and similar things to bf 1 who was very openly nb (which, wow i’m relazing as i’m typing this how casually mysoginsitc he was, he made all sorts of “jokes” about how inherently disgusting traditionally feminine bodily features were)

after about a year of this (me and other bf were just too scared to leave, but we definently should of) he actually broke up with me , and tried to speak on behalf of bf 1 claiming they just both wanted me out of the polycule, also just a straight up lie as when i talked to him about it . after talking for a while and asking some mutual friends we figured out he told literally every single person a different, conflicting story and putting the pieces together we came to conclusion that he was just using me as a throwaway tool to get back together with bf 1 to squeeze himself in the relationship, and tried dumping me out so he could be monogamous with him only.

needless to say bf 1 dumped his ass less than a week later after we finally were able to decipher the literally 10 different conflicting stories, and this story actually does have a really happy ending!! me and bf 1 are still besties and kiss a lot while he found another much sweeter and nicer boyfriend, i got another girlfriend with a shared pet kittygirl shortly after that helped me through the whole thing and i’ve never been happier about my body image/self image and gender identity in my life. IM FINALLY A CUTE GIRL WITH A CUTE GIRLFRIEND WE MADE IT NYALL :3!!!

(and as a nice bonus ontop, the only time i hear about him now is from other people realizing how scummy he was and cutting him off, leaving himself to rot in a hole of his own making surrounded by people jus like him. feels great to be away from that whole toxic friendgroup in general. freedom.)

(anyway thanks, “but we stay silly :3” was a quote regularly said to myself during the recovery of all this )

yipppeeee, we really do stay silly!!!

[sharpth1ng]

when stu was dating tatum (because billy told him to) did he actually like/“love” her in a romantic way ?(ik love is a strong word) because in debaser/wom he talks about how he actually liked her and all of their friends and kinda how he misses(?) all of them.

is this like strictly platonic and sexual? do you think he liked her sexually(well because they fucked so that might be a stupid question😭) like obviously he loves billy and they have a deeper relationship than anyone with anything and if he did like anyone else it’s definitely not the same as him and billy’s relationship, but is he like billy in the way that he couldn’t have a “meaningful relationship” with someone other than billy?

SORRY FOR RAMBLING ITS LIKE 1:00 AND IM REREADING DEBASER

Stu is really complicated in terms of the way he values other people, but no, he didn't meaningfully love Tatum. If she had lived long enough to threaten his and Billy's plan then he wouldn't be remembering her in a nostalgic way.

Stu is different from Billy in that he's significantly more social, he craves social interaction, so while he doesn't really value people in a normal way he does want and enjoy having friends. I don't think he really considered what the effect of killing all of his friends would be, he was so high on Billy and the idea of being together after that he wasn't really prepared to lose a bunch of social stimulation all at once. In that way he does miss people like Tatum and Randy. They were fun to him, he enjoyed their presence in his life, but he also sees them as disposable in a way that Billy isn't.

I do think that Stu has the capacity for affection and attraction to more people than Billy is, he'd probably be (unethically) non-monogamous in a world where Billy doesn't exist. Realistically I think Stu has done a lot of cheating, like he'd be dating Casey and hooking up with some random other girl at a party when she's not there. The only person he's ever been emotionally faithful to is Billy, so in that way yeah, I don't think he could have a meaningful relationship with someone else, but I do think the relationships he would have would be a little more substantial, and could at least have the potential of being a bit healthier.

In contrast to Billy, I think Stu would have more of an ability to deepen relationships over time and there's people like Leslie he's attached to in a different way. I don't necessarily think that deepening happens a lot of the time though, because he often behaves in ways that make people less willing to let him get closer.

Stu's most well-adjusted non-Billy romantic future would be something like solo-poly where he wouldn't have any primary partners, but that's really hopeful lmao. Even if he got there eventually he would still spend a good chunk of his life just being a serial cheater. He'd be the kind of guy who just wouldn't really take you seriously when you find out he's cheating. He'd be like "Aw shit, sucks you feel that way but this situation is kinda harsh now so I'm gonna dip. No hard feelings!"

I think there's some chance of him meeting people who would have the patience to teach him that there are ways to have less exclusive relationships without being such an asshole about it. But realistically even the version of him sort of trying to do it right is mostly doing that because its annoying when people are always mad at you all the time, and he's still going to be a dick about things. Other people's emotions just don't affect him as much as Billy's do, so he's often pretty emotionally insensitive.

To get back to Tatum, Stu genuinely liked her personality, found it fun to hang out with her, and yeah, was sexually attracted to her. Sex isn't always romantic, some people can genuinely just enjoy having sex as a fun activity with friends. It's fun to do the feel-good activity with people you like and I think that's how it was for Stu, and Tatum as well to an extent. Because I think Tatum was also significantly more attached to Sidney than to Stu.

The thing is that there are parts of Stu that he just wouldn't know how to share with someone other than Billy, and part of the reason he can share them with Billy is because they grew up together. Stu's very aware that he has urges and thoughts that would get him put on an FBI watchlist, things that would alienate most of the people in his life if they knew.

Billy grew up developing the same urges with him. They've been escalating together for years, and if Billy wasn't around Stu likely would have been doing it on his own. If he did have someone else I think that relationship would be a lot more like the 'peer-pressure' relationship that some people think he and Billy had. It would have been someone Stu manipulated into killing with him, because Stu fundamentally doesn't want to be alone.

At the end of the day, the events of Debaser are a learning experience for Stu. No, he doesn't value Tatum the way he does Billy, he wasn't romantically attracted to her, but a non-Billy friendship is something that did bring value to his life.

In a cynical way I think women in his life have been willing to do emotional labor that men haven't because yk, toxic masculinity and gender roles. As a result I think he really does like having a close friendship with women like Tatum and Tammy, and he doesn't need the sexual aspect he had with Tatum for it to be worthwhile for him. While he would trade that friendship for Billy, he would much rather be allowed to have both.

Im also sorry for rambling 😭 but there you go

[simpjaes]

Homewrecker! Jake and Husband! Jay universe…

Something about how arousing it would be with Jake begging and pleading Jay to share his (new) wife and Jay finally gives in one time, only for you to sneak around with Jake behind his back multiple times after that😃😃

a very short drabble bc im an absolute feral fucking mess over these two at all times.

"Jay, listen-" Jake pleads without context, downing the rest of his beer as he grips his friend's shirt for dear life. "I'm listening." Jay says off handedly, eyes everywhere but Jake, only because his face is so close to him. Then again, his best friend always tends to get too touchy and close when he's been drinking. "Your wife." Jake whispers against his friend's face, beer-breath all but tolerable. "Just hear me out man, please. It'll be just like the college days- Just hear me out. bro- what if-"

Jay shifts his head to face him, a mere inch or so away from the other man's glazed over, very drunk eyes.

"Jake, what the fuck are you going on about? My wife? What about her?" He warns, knowing the realm of absolutely not's Jake is trying to tread. "Just hear me out man, we're best friends, i'd never do anything to-" "Anything to what?" Jay finishes for him, tensing his muscles and fixing his posture to that of someone who is....somewhat intimidating, despite his own drunk state. Still, this is his wife Jake is bringing up. "Bro I haven't gotten my dick wet since the last time we took that girl home." Jay is...arguably shocked into disbelief by that. He and his best friend never had trouble in the bedroom, in regards to finding someone anyway. "So? What? You want to fuck my wife?" "Well..." Jake offers him a crooked smile, the answer plastered on his face. "No." Jay wavers, his state allowing him to imagine the old times just for a moment. And, well, that no didn't last very long considering his friend's promises of staying in his lane, and his persistence of course. Just a week later, he's watching his best friend bury his length into his very own wife, watching you moan for a man that isn't him all while keeping eye contact. At least he had that, and your mouth, of course, to bury into with little to no fight against your gagging throat. ~ Unfortunately, a one time thing with Jay, your husband, became a thirteen or fourteen time with Jake. Always coming back. Always pleading, persistent, and approaching you with a pre-dripping cock. Jay should know, actually, that you always loved the neediness in a man. Though Jay himself, usually got what he wanted, he played along with your little kink of whining, crying, and begging from time to time. Jake though? He's not playing along. He's genuinely just a needy motherfucker, crying and whining any chance he can get you alone. Unfortunately, Jay trusts the man a bit too much in terms of leaving the two of you alone together. Thirteen or fourteen times too much. Straying hands, pleading fingers, eyes always on the verge of near tears just to get yet another taste of his best friend's wife. That's how Jake is, and you're all to willing to be wanted and needed by more than just your husband. Who are you to say no? Outside of like, you know, mostly being in a monogamous relationship and all. You think hard about it one night, dripping in wet due to Jake's consistent texts asking when you'll be home alone again. Jay wouldn't be so hard to ask. Really. For a third. ~ note: man, yall gonna fucking love the jayke threesome ill soon upload lmaooooooooooooooooooo

[mariasklodowskastwixbar]

I was gonna wait until pride month but im too impatient

Time for my queer headcanons for the fo4 companions

Hancock- for him, any hole is a goal (or no hole at all *cough* nick *cough*). He has zero preference when it comes to gender. He's also transmasc, he takes his T from Psycho and Buffout, ghoulism also probably helps in passing as your preferred gender. I also think he's objectum in some way, he talks to his coat and hat. My headcanon is that wasn't a one time thing, whenever he struggles with his identity as John Hancock, he talks to the outfit.

Danse- Danse is a bit more reserved, due to both finding out he's a synth and due to his paladin training. He has quite a bit of body dysphoria, can he even really be a man if he's just a robot?? He really strikes me as the triple AAA, aro ace agender, though he still desires human connection so he's very happy being partnering.

MacCready- say it with me now. Trans👏man👏. As for his sexuality, I feel like even in the wasteland he gets hit with heteronormativity, he defaults to thinking about women sexually in his mind and taking superficial homophobic jabs at people like Winlock and Barnes, but he is attracted to both men and women.

Cait- aro. No hesitation. She is aromantic. No romantic thoughts in her head. Possibly because of the abuse she went through, which is kind of sad. But, like Danse, she still has a desire to be with someone, even if it's not in a romantic tone. She wants a monogamous sexual relationship, despite what she says with Piper. As for her gender, I can see her in a multitude of ways, but I particularly like her as genderfluid or genderflux. She's a performer first and foremost, in my head, the Combat Zone is just a more violent version of pro wrestling. Cait plays herself up as this sexy irishwoman character, even if she feels much more neutral or nothing gender-wise on most days.

Piper- transfem lesbian. I see the way girlie was talking to Magnolia. She isn't slick. Also like, I know Piper's voicelines and animation are the exact same for Nate and Nora, but there's a different vibe when she's talking to or about Nora, idk. Also her E comes from med-x

Preston- gay. On the other hand from Piper, I see how that man talks to and about Sturges. That is his bf. I think he is cis tho. I also think he might be interested in a closed polyam relationship with Nate as well.

Curie- pan, just pan everything. She wants to experience everything the world has to offer. Including all sexual and romantic attraction and genders. All pronouns. But she has a bit of a preference for french language pronouns. Due to her being a robot originally, I think she'd also be objectum, she feels a connection to the special objects around her.

Nick- the original Nick Valentine was probably straight. But this Nick isn't the same, even if he was built with the same blueprint. Being a synth with no genitalia probably impacts how you view your sexuality, but I don't necessarily think Nick is ace. Probably more grayace or demi (as well as grayaro and demiromantic), he's a bit more cautious, there's a mental block that prevents him from just thinking about people romantically and sexually. Possibly out of avoidance, possibly self consciousness, either way it takes a bit for him to see people in a romantic or sexual context. He also doesn't really see gender anymore, gender has evolved to surpass the original Nick's ideals about it. He sees himself as a man, but his manhood is completely different from Nate's manhood, or Hancock's manhood.

Deacon- heavy grayace/grayaro. He only ever felt attraction to Barbara. He's hooked up with people, sometimes as part of his cover, sometimes for fun, sometimes out of boredom. He hooked up with Doc Carrington when they were both drunk once, it didn't look pretty and he desperately tries to forget.

X6-88- synth sexuality and libido is probably turned off if they aren't programed to be spies. And since X6 is also a courser, he was probably never intended to have emotion even outside of romance and sex. But we know he experiences great admiration for Father, the Institute, and eventually the Sole Survivor. So maybe even after the Institute's tampering with a synth's brain, complete erasure of emotion is impossible. He's still probably aro and ace, but probably not completely aplatonic, maybe demiplatonic or grayapl

[wandagcre]

doing an introduction about me by using the tags if anyone's interested :3

there's no way that there are no lesbians hitting up on me right now... please stop gatekeeping yourselves 👹 I'm here 👹

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "unknowingly" cheating on my girlfriend?

🤍🍇 so i recognize post

preface: yes i am, theres no excuse, i just want to hear more ppl's thought because different ppl in my life have very different opinions on this??? even though i think cheating is cut and dry?

earlier this year, i (20nb, tho i was 19 at the time) was in a purely monogamous relationship with my ex (19f). there were ups and downs, i had some issues that i really shouldve talked to her about, but overall it was the best experience. id never dated anybody before. she's the only person who ive ever loved in that way. i think shes the best person, funny, smart. i was really lucky to have her.

i have another friend, who i'll call H (21f), who has been my friend for years. we're really close, and we've shared a lot with each other. i also love her deeply, though in a different, entirely platonic way. she has told me that she loves me, and has loved me in romantic ways, even though i've never reciprocated (im fine with that, everyone in my main friend group is a little bit polyamorous).

there were two main incidents that happened between me and H. the first, i didnt really understand what was going on or that it was entirely wrong. we were cuddling, which i do with all of my friends, and she started getting really into it and getting on top of me. she asked if she could kiss me (on the lips) and i said no, partly because, well, i had a monogamous partner, and partly because i hate kissing on the lips. i probably shouldve entirely cut it off at that moment. my only excuse (which is pretty flimsy) is that, im kinda aroace so physical affection and the difference between platonic and romantic have always left me a little confused. i kinda thought this was normal, especially because H is polyamorous and in several relationships that heavily blur the lines between platonic and romantic.

then, about two weeks after that, H and i hung out again, but this time we were smoking marijuana. weed makes me highly suggestible and also incapable of remembering anything past about five seconds. not that im blaming the drugs, just describing the situation. basically, H and i were cuddling again when she decided to move on top of me and got flirty, with a lot of touching sensitive places for the purpose of getting a reaction (all above the belt). i went along with this because i respect H, ive known her for a long time, and i didnt want to say no to her. again, not an excuse, because she didnt force me to do it.

in the moment, i didnt think this was cheating. we werent doing anything explicitly sexual, we weren't making out, but we were definitely frisky and i know H was horny at the time. a couple hours later, when i sobered up, i suddenly realized what we had done and asked H if i had just cheated on my girlfriend. she also seemed to realize what had just happened and we agreed that i had cheated, that it was entirely wrong, and we should never do it again.

i decided to tell my ex about this immediately, because i thought she should know. i asked if she was in a position to hear bad news, and when she was, i was completely honest. she obviously didnt take it well, mentioning how she felt like she could never trust me again despite being the person she trusted most in the world. she loved me but this was unacceptable and a huge violation. i agreed, and after a bit of thinking, i told her that i thought we should break up. i had terrible guilt about what i'd done and assumed that we'd never recover, and it didnt seem like she could pull the plug, so i did.

she proceeded to get even more mad at me because of this, which in hindsight is completely understandable. from her perspective, i had just dropped two emotional bombs on her, and maybe i was implying that i liked H more than her. i wasnt, and i dont, but i know why it came across that way.

my other friends agreed with me that i shouldve broken up with her after that. in hindsight, i dont know if it was the right choice. i miss her dearly and wish i had worked more on the relationship.

we've since talked about it. i told her that i still loved her (bc i do, very deeply, and i dont know if i'll ever get over her) but said that i dont expect anything, dont expect a relationship, etc. she was okay with this because, in her words, she trusts me to not make it a big deal or awkward. we hang out frequently now, we watch anime together, and we get along well as friends. i feel so lucky that she is willing to spend time with me, that she still enjoys my company even a little bit.

the confusing part is that i told my dad about this and he basically said, "you were 19yo in a long distance, online-only relationship. this was inevitable and you shouldnt feel too bad about it. it was wrong but not the worst thing ever." i dont really agree with that, because it was a pretty serious relationship despite being online. we even met up at a convention and spent several nights together in a hotel. it was the happiest weekend of my life. i thought i could marry her maybe someday. and i dont think being 19yo justifies it. 13yo maybe, but i was old enough to know right from wrong, even if my knowledge about romantic and sexual relationships was underdeveloped.

basically, im looking for nuanced opinions. i fully expect the results to be YTA. im hoping ppl can give me any sort of insight in the comments.

PS: H is partially to blame bc she knew i was in a monogamous relationship but please dont hate on her too much in the comments, we've had a lot of talks about this and what happened drastically changed the way the both of us see relationships and each other. basically, she learned her lesson and she was never trying to be a bitch or a homewrecker. i know her well enough to know shes a good person at heart. she's also not on tumblr to see any of your comments. direct all of you criticism towards me, please.

What are these acronyms?

[velvetvexations]

i know you dont usually get caught up in polyamory discourse super often but good fucking lord, anti-polyam people are so insane. "if someone im dating said they wanted to be polyam, it must be because im Not Enough For Them and i'd [describes graphic suicide and/or murder]" like. wow. one: your romantic partner should not be your sole emotional support, and two: if you were "not enough for them" they would probably just. leave you?? asking to be polyamorous means knowingly and willfully preserving their relationship with you in a world that tries to force monogamy on everyone. it really should be interpreted as an act of continuing commitment because they weighed the options between breaking up w u to pursue someone else and still trying to stay with you while adding a third person and still chose to stay with you. speaking as someone who made that decision once in my life, i chose to be polyam because i loved two people with equal intensity and the idea of being forced to choose between them made me want to die.

the way these people speak in such violent and hyperbolic hypotheticals just really makes me think of conservative parents who talk about beating their kids if they turn out gay/trans. like seriously. anti-polyam people are so drenched in jealousy that they imagine killing themselves at the mere THOUGHT of having a polyamorous partner and it drives me insane that people will say shit like that and then turn around and try to eject polyamorous people from queer spaces on the grounds that polyam ppl aren't oppressed or mistreated. like. polyam ppl cant get married to all their partners. huh. it's almost as if the right to get married to those you love isn't considered an important fundamental right in society any more the moment the assimilationist gays got their gd white picket fence fantasy bullshit.

sorry but i just see so much hatred for polyam people and it gets so fucking old. societally enforced monogamy IS oppressive, some people just refuse to see it as such because they're personally monogamous and knee-jerk hate anyone who isn't. almost like theyre, yknow, bigots or something.

Yeah, that's all fucking bullshit anon. I'm polyam as well and we kick ass. <3

[valyrfia]

people playing morality wars with f1 drivers is so funny. "all f1 drivers cheat EXCEPT MY FAV!!" no babe your fav definitely cheats too

tmi time - i dated a pro athlete (not motorsports sorry) when i was in my early 20s and like...... it's the kind of thing where if you go into it knowing it's essentially an open relationship it's not bad at all, i don't think there's anything morally wrong with it. i'm sure that sounds a little bleak to people who love the idea of pure monogamy but it's not the same when you've already established when you're apart you're going to be spending time with other people 🤷🏻 the issue is only if they lie and say they won't but then they do it anyway, but i've honestly never met the partner of an athlete that seriously thought this. everyone i met during that period was actually really mature and understood what the open relationship meant (even though a lot of them were influencers and came off as vapid, i was humbled by how smart most of them actually were negl)

you also need to be capable of separating your love for the other person from your personal desires like with any open relationship.... which i have a feeling a lot of people who like formula 1 are too young to fathom (and to be fair some f1 drivers probably *are* too immature to pull off a stable relationship like this, but i wouldn't hazard to guess who - we just don't know them like that and i find people guessing usually devolves into low-key fandom wars)

we love personal anecdotes on this blog thanks for sharing anon! if you ever want to share more insights…..im fascinated to know more just ab culture/inherent power imbalance in WAG/athlete relationships….

I agree a lot of people in the f1 fandom still have a very fairytale view of relationships—which I argue the WAGs/drivers are also trying to sell you because it increases their PR power. Open relationships are more common than people realise (whether it’s handled with maturity….well that’s another thing entirely) and you can still afford a partner dignity and respect while being in one (whether all pro athletes are good at doing it is a separate thing). The realisation that physical intimacy and emotional/romantic intimacy are two entirely different things is a realisation that comes with age, and some people ARE very naturally monogamous and some people just….aren’t. There’s no wrong or right way to go about it so long as all parties know the expectations. I think the only place where I would apply morality/criticism to it is if a driver is very obviously humiliating their partner with their actions because their partner wasn’t aware. Otherwise who careeeees your honour.

Last point quick that I think sometimes people care so much esp in fandom spaces/spiral into fandom wars because it shatters a fantasy. Which, people are entitled to their fantasies but I also think one has to have enough self-awareness to know they’re being sold a fantasy. Which maybe comes with age. But either way I don’t really give a shit if let’s say Charles or Oscar or Max is cheating (apart from the natural titillating nature of hot goss) because no aspect of my moral ‘worth’ is based off my support of them, all I need out of them is good racing and rpf.

[madockisser]

Can I ask you something?

I've been thinking about this for a long time and I'm really curious, but I'm not that sure. You're way better at this type of stuff, so I wanted to ask you.

Ok, so-

If Eva did NOT become pregnant with Vivienne and did NOT have a romance with Justin and if she wanted to leave Elfhame (because the faeries were cruel to her and she's a human there, even if she's Madoc's wife) would Madoc let her leave?

I think that he'd probably beg her to stay and swear that he'd kill anyone who dared to hurt her, but what if she was really insistent on going home?

I think he'd let her leave in the end, even if he was heartbroken, but I really want your take on this

No pressure though, thank you!

Would madoc have allowed Eva to leave him?/ madoc and his development toward humans/eva x madoc analysis

ok so i wrote this then tumblr crashed and now im fuming bc i have to rewrite it but ill do my best (bashing my head against the wall) also this is so messy im just warning you now

OKAY. so Eva and madoc. First of all: can we just picture madoc, glamoured to be a human (and looking terribly uncanny) but also courting Eva in the 80’s/90’s. 😛

This pic is from Taryn’s novella, and it’s her take on madoc and Eva’s relationship. We don’t know if it’s canon or not, bc how would Taryn know, she could just be assuming.

but i imagine that madoc was better than vivienne in the sense that he told Eva early on what he was.

Edit: I’m not sure he could’ve hid it very well. Madoc is a goblin, his skin is green and i always assumed he was pretty giant. can you IMAGINE how his glamoured human illusion would’ve looked lmao. scary! But also sexy (sorry)

It’s pretty much stated above that Eva knew he was different, that he smelled of blood and scared her family and friends.

but for whatever reason, she looked past the red flags and loved him more for it (ig we know where jude gets her delusion from)

anyway, seems like she vastly underestimated how her life would change upon being whisked away to elfhame, bc she soon became homesick and left, burning his house down and a pregnant human corpse in its wake.

Eva seems to me to be used to getting what she wants, according to Taryn’s pov and based on how madoc has described her, she was beautiful and clever and cheerful. Lots of fun. She didn’t like dwelling on the past.

she sounds a lot like vivienne. But also like jude in Taryn- willing to risk everything for happiness.

anyway, imo, it was clear that she wasn’t gonna be happy in elfhame, and cling to whatever familiarities she could. Including another human man.

Now idk if she loved Justin. I assume she did, and maybe loved his attention too. Whereas madoc could only be there with her briefly before leaving her. (I assume she came to love Justin, as they had kids together and she helped him sell shit on eBay)

I saw someone once say that she left bc she was afraid of madoc finding out abt their affair which could make sense, but idk. The fae aren’t often monogamous, BUT, Eva is a human, and the way Taryn describes, he sounds like a traditional sort of husband. He probably expected her to remain monogamous despite being around the fae.

BUT. We also don’t know if she was even seeing Justin at this point. She could’ve started seeing him after she left. Maybe he followed her back home bc he was in love with her. who knows.

Now onto the ask:

(I misread the ask and finished the analysis so the first half is me answering if Eva were in fact preggo w Madocs baby and wanted to leave, but the other half is if she wasn’t preggo and wanted to leave- SORRY)

this is interesting, and i have thought about different ways madoc may react to Eva and her feelings,

but… if Eva were pregnant with his child, and she wanted to leave him, idk, i think he MAY allow it, but im sure he’d insist on still being a part of the child’s life.

In the darkest part of the forest, another holly black book in the tfota universe, there is a changeling boy named jack. he’s fae and his bio family and him still communicate, all while he lives w his human family too. i think that would be like how vivienne would’ve grown up should madoc have allowed Eva to leave.

Madoc is very devoted to family, and i don’t think he’d just knowingly allow Eva to be miserable as his wife in elfhame. i think he would let her leave, maybe he’d be devastated, bc in his words “his life was reduced to ash”(especially seeing as he cannot lie, Eva and vivi were his whole life to him) when the mortal woman’s remains were left at his estate.

you’re right abt him sorta freaking tho, stomping around threatening to hurt anyone that may hurt Eva, mirrors how he was when jude actually was hurt in tcp.

i think he’d be like that, SAYING how he would fix the problem, but not actually LISTENING to Eva or her wants and needs.

but i doubt he’d allow her to be miserable in elfhame. maybe he’d be blind to it at first, but eventually see Eva’s pain: that’s kinda how i assumed their canon relationship was. him leaving for war and not knowing how much Eva missed him and didn’t want him to leave her alone.

Edit: madoc seems kinda air headed lmao. he was oblivious to how jude was being treated, and i assume he was oblivious to however Eva was being treated as well.

it took great lengths for madoc to understand human nature, even with his human daughters, he was still learning more and more after the exile, and in the prisoners throne, when surens human sister was in elfhame.

but he allowed Taryn to marry Locke, knowing that it was a betrayal to her family, knowing that she would be miserable. He allowed her to choose her own life, even if he didn’t agree or want it. (It is to be noted that he could’ve just allowed Locke to marry Taryn bc Locke gave him the ghosts true name for it)

But Taryn is his daughter while Eva was his wife; maybe he wouldn’t have shared those reservations? he also may not have known at this point to allow Eva her own happiness and life choices. maybe he learned that from Eva after she left him.

Now I’m not entirely sure if he would allow Eva to leave WITH Justin. like if he found out that him and Eva were gonna raise vivi together in the mortal world. i don’t think he’d allow that, not for jealousy reasons (entirely), but bc i don’t think he’d want his former human worker to raise his daughter.

in his eyes, his daughter is of high status and is his own blood.

Madoc is a man of honor and of high status, it looked bad for him to have his blacksmith steal his wife and child away and brag about it. Maybe he would’ve let them leave, but in typical faerie nature, Justin probably would’ve met a cruel end. (turning into a rock, or mermaids plucking his eyes out, or some terrible fae misfortune)

that end could’ve also been of madocs hand or not, (i recall in twk when someone sent rubies to the injured courtier to gain cardans favor) maybe someone that wanted madoc to owe him would’ve sought out Justin to attain some power over madoc, for killing the man that stole his wife and child away from him.

and if this were public knowledge in elfhame, meaning that if Eva publicly left him for the mortal world, I’m not sure it would take long for some sort of revenge to take place. The fae dont like when humans one up them. or steal from them.

OKAY onto the ACTUAL ask: Would madoc have let Eva leave if she WASNT preggo and Justin wasn’t in the picture?

tbh, i think he’d really work to try to make her stay. He’d probably shower her with riches and luxuries and everything she could’ve wanted. but obviously, madoc cannot help what he is, and if faced with the choice: rekindle marriage w human woman he loves OR go to war for the high king to sate his bloodlust … well.

(This also sets the scene for madoc x oriana in future books. Madoc is no longer the grand general. He has blood lust to sate, sure, but no longer can he go out and just murder. i think he can finally be happy with oriana)

im not entirely sure. i dont think he’d give up his position as grand general for Eva. Despite him saying that “his life was reduced to ash” when Eva and his baby were “burned alive” im not sure. he craved power over family, we see it time and time again.

(Edit: madoc MAY have given it up. He didn’t for jude. But she’s not blood, she’s Justin’s child. Maybe he loved Eva more than he loved her. Harsh, but that’s how the fae are. That’s how cardan is with jude imo. No one else but her.)

madoc literally stabbed jude to be high king, BUT in his eyes, he also did it for oak? He also later says in the prisoners throne that “if it were not for all of my mistakes, i would not have the family i do now”, so pretty much he views his treatment of his family as a mistake, but is happy that he has them, so he’s come to terms w the fact that he killed his wife and her husband, and also stabbed Jude and stuff.

ugh. he’s terribly complex so i don’t really know. But like i said, he did allow Taryn to go w Locke. he also allowed vivienne to come and go from the mortal world, to do as she pleases. he allowed oak to be half raised in the mortal world and also elfhame. he seems to do what he thinks is best for his family to be happy, so long as they align with his goals and don’t get in the way of his plans.

The madoc we saw from Jude’s pov during her life, would probably allow Eva to leave, but the madoc that did not have the familial experience, maybe? We have no way of knowing how different Eva’s madoc and Jude’s madoc are. If that makes any sense at all. it’s complicated lol.

what i mean is that Madoc learned a great deal from Eva leaving him. but before that, when his wife and child died and he mourned them. and then he found them alive and with another man. those things change a person. grief changes people. so does betrayal.

but madoc once did say that he wasnt particularly changeable ? yeah i mean overall i think he would’ve let Eva leave, bc he loved her and wanted her to be happy, even if he didnt understand that humans would risk much for happiness. maybe he acknowledged that she was not happy in elfhame but thought she would get over it?

Asha did once say that humans get homesick in elfhame. maybe he thought the same, maybe he thought it would pass.

if he let her leave he probably would’ve kept an eye on her, him or his spies. To keep her safe from his opps who probably would’ve loved to use Eva against madoc. they have dark romance potential (sorry) but like imagine stalker madoc (sorry) 😍

random add on after looking at the ask: I’m not sure Eva was TOO poorly treated in elfhame. she had a high status, higher than the twins, and yeah they were treated like shit but privately yk. bc everyone feared madocs wrath. and if she got sick of elfhame maybe her and madoc could’ve continued their relationship off of the isles of elfhame? Madoc coming and going while she lived her normal life? some characters (human and faeries in relationships) do that in other holly black books. even tho they age and will eventually die. not sure madoc would like that tho. i can see him sparing himself the agony by not seeing her at all.

right- sorry for that HOT HOT mess. I’m emptying drafts and feel totally bad for not answering any asks in such along time. anyone else get awful anxiety when thinking about picking up a book? i get that way for some reason 😐 also im so busy last night i was up til 7am doing work

Like i mentioned in the beginning, my tumblr crashed while i was revising so this may be extra messy. Sorry!

anyway i hope that made sense. i think abt them too often tbh. let me know if i missed anything (or if anyone sees a typo)! thx love u 🫶

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!

[infizero]

sorry this just reminded me of a tweet i saw a bit ago that kind of annoyed me that was like "grian isnt a serial cheater, he only did that in double life because he felt trapped and he wouldnt cheat in any other scenario" and like while yes i agree that grian cheated because he felt smothered by being forcibly paired with scar (as well as in my hcs at least, being forced into ANY kind of monogamous relationship) i think it's a bit silly to act like grian didnt at all enjoy cheating. like that guy was giggling to himself skipping over to bigb and ren's going "thats right im sneaking into your base, im gonna steal your man!!"

[she-her-cuntboy]

Fantasizing about having a cis boyfriend who talks me into kinkier and kinkier sex, secretly laying the foundations to start detransitioning me. When I realize, im scared, and I go to a friend to talk about my worries. He's trans like me, and agrees that it might be something to keep an eye on, but give him another chance - maybe it has an innocent explanation, and he's not trying to detrans me. Maybe im projecting my own kinks - when's the last time I had sex that wasn't catered to a cis penis? He convinces me to have sex with him, casually, as friends, we've known each other a long time and used to mess around sometimes before I met my boyfriend. It feels so good, but the whole time I feel guilty - what if my boyfriend sees it as cheating? We haven't talked about exclusiveness, and I tend to lean towards polyamory, but if he's monogamous I wouldn't want to do this behind his back. So the moment I come home to him, I break down and confess tearfully.

He listens gravely, and carefully keeps his expression neutral, but I can tell he's hurt. He asks who it was with, and I tell him - he knows my friends. "Oh!" he says. "That's fine, babydoll. Well, I mean- I would have preferred we talked about it before, so I'm honestly still a little hurt, sweetheart... but I don't have an issue with you, uh, having sex or whatever with other people, as long as it's not another real- I mean cis man." I eagerly agree to his boundaries, and reassure him that I've never been into other cis men and he's the exception, the love of my life. I easily ignore his awkward wording - he's not as familiar with queer terminology and talking about sex can be a little weird to put into words anyway.

What he's carefully avoiding scaring me off with is his true opinion that he's slowly going to acclimate me to, which is that queer "sex" doesn't count without a cis man's penis. It's not cheating if it's two transmen, because that's just lesbian sex and there's no real man claiming his property. He thinks it's cute when I call ftm4mtf "straight sex" as if I'm a boy, because he knows my tgirl friend is still penetrating my needy submissive pussy. And eventually, I start to question my gender, especially in the bedroom. My boyfriend is always so much more affectionate and into it when he's feeling up my curvy body, and he loves when I act like a girl. I tentatively break the subject with my ftm friend who I talked to at first, and he's very accepting of my "gender weirdness", and respects my request to be treated like a girl in the bedroom, and then anywhere private, and then in public. We spend a lot of time together, talking about sex and kinks, and he's naturally empathetic and seems really touched when I talk about how good it feels to be a good girl for a real man. I'm barely aware of how convincing I'm being, because I don't know the sappy playlists my boyfriend makes me are full of subconscious conditioning and affirmations behind the music - good girls make more good girls. I'm a good girl. Good girls need cock in their cunts. My needy cunt makes me a girl. Brains are for boys and my thoughts are just noise. Good girls make more good girls.

Eventually my boyfriend is my husband, I'm his favorite submissive housewife, and all my old "trans" and "lesbian" friends are playthings for his entertainment. We love having lesbian sex and putting on a show to earn his cum, and I dont remember any reality other than this, or any reason I wouldn't want to be right where I am.

[softpine]

brandi ik this sounds crazy but its abt dan and phil and ur the only person i could ask abt this but have they ever like explicitly said they were together? im like firmly on they are besties until they out their mouths say they are together or anything. and ppl are like "oh they live together and are gay" but i'd live w my bff we are gay too ?? i feel like a larry if i start speculating. i watch them but im not in tge fandom so im not well versed in phan lore SORRY IF THIS IS CRAZYDHDISISJSJ

this is your phan correspondent clocking in 🫡

i love answering this question because NO ONE is doing it like dan and phil 😌 there are people who think they never dated, who think they're exes, who think they're married, who think they're queer platonic partners, who think they're monogamous, who think they're polyamorous, who think they're something in between, and the best part is that dan and phil will probably never give us an outright answer because they loooove a bit of mystery.. it's like a game to them. it's all the will-they-won't-they fun of being queerbaited except they're actually queer. it's great

but they AT LEAST dated in 2009 because in dan's coming out video he says this about phil:

so one has to believe:

A) they dated for a few months 15 years ago and then broke up, but proceeded to: move in together (and have continued to live together ever since, despite moving to multiple places where they'd have every opportunity to live alone), merge their careers together in such a way that they become nearly inseparable, share friends and family as their own (phil's niece calls dan uncle dan...), travel the world together, share a bed for months on their tour bus (not speculation, they confirmed that one recently), designed and built a house for themselves which they share a mortgage on, have never dated anyone else since 2009, and to me this is the most compelling one, they've supported each other through numerous medical emergencies and chronic health problems. and that they did all of that as EXES....

or

B) they've been together for 15 years

i won't tell you what to believe (and i think the exes theory is beyond hilarious so i'll never be mad about it) but one option is objectively more likely than the other lmao

at the end of the day, i think "more than just romantic" is still the best way to describe their relationship. they're best friends in every sense of the word, and their friendship clearly takes precedence for them in everything they do. they really found their person and they make me believe in love every day and it's GROSS it's disgusting i hate it 😐

i didn't bring up anything related to a certain video posted on a certain holiday but i'm sure you've already heard of it if you're even mildly engaged with dan and phil stuff. i hate to include it as "proof" because it was actually just a traumatic outing and invasion of their privacy, and even without it, we have enough of their own words (words that were actually meant for us to hear) to draw our own conclusions! just thought i'd give that disclaimer