#being like well im monogamous :/

[lofileatherface]

On the one hand yeah, relationship styles are agreements and actions and therefore not an inherent orientation the way sexuality and gender are, but also. Even if I were given all the resources in the world I do not think any polyamorous situation would work for me lol.

I don't think it'd be out of line to say that romantic feelings (even viewed through a narrow lense of western/American culture) vary widely in strength and occurrence between people, to the point it counts as an orientation and like. Someone who experiences romantic attraction and feelings to multiple people are probably served far better than those who feel them very rarely.

[ms-all-sunday]

when i think about it maybe i don't like monogamous interpretations of any combination of the east blue members. i just especially hate monogamous zosan for some reason. it just feels fucking absurd to me okay? it's just goofy.

if i had to guess it's because both of them are defined so heavily by how they interact with other people and how that affects their relationship that legitimately looking me dead in the eye and saying "and sanji and zoro dont have romantic feelings for anybody else..." sounds silly to me. its reductive.

ignore the fact this isn't canon under any interpretation of the text because the text all but explictly states otherwise but i cant ignore it! everybody else can and thats fine but i cant.

[nyancrimew]

oo if we’re doing queer confessions i got a bit of a long one

first relationship, classic story of not realizing we were into eachother for the longest time, even after regularly kissing and cuddling for almost a year lol (calling him bf 1). went really well actually after we properly got together

after about a year or so, bf 1’s ex (not on any sort of bad terms INITALLY) (calling him bf 2) who was my best friend asks if we wanted to just be in poly relationship together since we all had confessed to eachother at once point and we say yeah sure we still all like eachother, it took bf 1 a few months to think over first which was fine by all of us, so we just continued all being close friends for a few months till then. few months later, he says yea sure that’d be fine and so we started trying it out since we had all been really happy with eachotehr up to that point

literaly the same exact night that happened, bf 2 changed his attitude towards me completely and despite being very good friends before this and loving eachother he started ignoring me and claiming he just didn’t have energy to do anything ever, while constantly showering bf 1 in overwhelming affection and hundreds of smaller things like that where i’d get left in the dust while he would get mounds of attention. he was just as unnerved by it as i was.

i was a bit dumb and so didn’t really act on this for a while despite realizing immediently it was weird, and after a few months me and bf 1 started talking about it privately and realized he was just flat out lying to both of us and expected us to like. not talk about it?? like super blatant things llike telling me he didn’t value sex in a relationship at all and didn’t want it with me while minutes later telling bf 1 that sexual intimacy is the thing he valued most and wouldn’t want a relationship otherwise

one of the worst thing though (atleast in terms of how much it damaged my understanding and acceptance of myself)) was despite him being nb (he/they) and even experimenting with being a girl for a while he started constantly hanging our own gender identities over our heads and sayin shit like “well i’m gay so if you start identifying as a girl i’m gonna leave” to me when i brought up to him, the first person i talked to it about, that i wanted to be a girl which stunted myself growth by years and similar things to bf 1 who was very openly nb (which, wow i’m relazing as i’m typing this how casually mysoginsitc he was, he made all sorts of “jokes” about how inherently disgusting traditionally feminine bodily features were)

after about a year of this (me and other bf were just too scared to leave, but we definently should of) he actually broke up with me , and tried to speak on behalf of bf 1 claiming they just both wanted me out of the polycule, also just a straight up lie as when i talked to him about it . after talking for a while and asking some mutual friends we figured out he told literally every single person a different, conflicting story and putting the pieces together we came to conclusion that he was just using me as a throwaway tool to get back together with bf 1 to squeeze himself in the relationship, and tried dumping me out so he could be monogamous with him only.

needless to say bf 1 dumped his ass less than a week later after we finally were able to decipher the literally 10 different conflicting stories, and this story actually does have a really happy ending!! me and bf 1 are still besties and kiss a lot while he found another much sweeter and nicer boyfriend, i got another girlfriend with a shared pet kittygirl shortly after that helped me through the whole thing and i’ve never been happier about my body image/self image and gender identity in my life. IM FINALLY A CUTE GIRL WITH A CUTE GIRLFRIEND WE MADE IT NYALL :3!!!

(and as a nice bonus ontop, the only time i hear about him now is from other people realizing how scummy he was and cutting him off, leaving himself to rot in a hole of his own making surrounded by people jus like him. feels great to be away from that whole toxic friendgroup in general. freedom.)

(anyway thanks, “but we stay silly :3” was a quote regularly said to myself during the recovery of all this )

yipppeeee, we really do stay silly!!!

[wandagcre]

doing an introduction about me by using the tags if anyone's interested :3

there's no way that there are no lesbians hitting up on me right now... please stop gatekeeping yourselves 👹 I'm here 👹

[simpjaes]

Homewrecker! Jake and Husband! Jay universe…

Something about how arousing it would be with Jake begging and pleading Jay to share his (new) wife and Jay finally gives in one time, only for you to sneak around with Jake behind his back multiple times after that😃😃

a very short drabble bc im an absolute feral fucking mess over these two at all times.

"Jay, listen-" Jake pleads without context, downing the rest of his beer as he grips his friend's shirt for dear life. "I'm listening." Jay says off handedly, eyes everywhere but Jake, only because his face is so close to him. Then again, his best friend always tends to get too touchy and close when he's been drinking. "Your wife." Jake whispers against his friend's face, beer-breath all but tolerable. "Just hear me out man, please. It'll be just like the college days- Just hear me out. bro- what if-"

Jay shifts his head to face him, a mere inch or so away from the other man's glazed over, very drunk eyes.

"Jake, what the fuck are you going on about? My wife? What about her?" He warns, knowing the realm of absolutely not's Jake is trying to tread. "Just hear me out man, we're best friends, i'd never do anything to-" "Anything to what?" Jay finishes for him, tensing his muscles and fixing his posture to that of someone who is....somewhat intimidating, despite his own drunk state. Still, this is his wife Jake is bringing up. "Bro I haven't gotten my dick wet since the last time we took that girl home." Jay is...arguably shocked into disbelief by that. He and his best friend never had trouble in the bedroom, in regards to finding someone anyway. "So? What? You want to fuck my wife?" "Well..." Jake offers him a crooked smile, the answer plastered on his face. "No." Jay wavers, his state allowing him to imagine the old times just for a moment. And, well, that no didn't last very long considering his friend's promises of staying in his lane, and his persistence of course. Just a week later, he's watching his best friend bury his length into his very own wife, watching you moan for a man that isn't him all while keeping eye contact. At least he had that, and your mouth, of course, to bury into with little to no fight against your gagging throat. ~ Unfortunately, a one time thing with Jay, your husband, became a thirteen or fourteen time with Jake. Always coming back. Always pleading, persistent, and approaching you with a pre-dripping cock. Jay should know, actually, that you always loved the neediness in a man. Though Jay himself, usually got what he wanted, he played along with your little kink of whining, crying, and begging from time to time. Jake though? He's not playing along. He's genuinely just a needy motherfucker, crying and whining any chance he can get you alone. Unfortunately, Jay trusts the man a bit too much in terms of leaving the two of you alone together. Thirteen or fourteen times too much. Straying hands, pleading fingers, eyes always on the verge of near tears just to get yet another taste of his best friend's wife. That's how Jake is, and you're all to willing to be wanted and needed by more than just your husband. Who are you to say no? Outside of like, you know, mostly being in a monogamous relationship and all. You think hard about it one night, dripping in wet due to Jake's consistent texts asking when you'll be home alone again. Jay wouldn't be so hard to ask. Really. For a third. ~ note: man, yall gonna fucking love the jayke threesome ill soon upload lmaooooooooooooooooooo

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "unknowingly" cheating on my girlfriend?

🤍🍇 so i recognize post

preface: yes i am, theres no excuse, i just want to hear more ppl's thought because different ppl in my life have very different opinions on this??? even though i think cheating is cut and dry?

earlier this year, i (20nb, tho i was 19 at the time) was in a purely monogamous relationship with my ex (19f). there were ups and downs, i had some issues that i really shouldve talked to her about, but overall it was the best experience. id never dated anybody before. she's the only person who ive ever loved in that way. i think shes the best person, funny, smart. i was really lucky to have her.

i have another friend, who i'll call H (21f), who has been my friend for years. we're really close, and we've shared a lot with each other. i also love her deeply, though in a different, entirely platonic way. she has told me that she loves me, and has loved me in romantic ways, even though i've never reciprocated (im fine with that, everyone in my main friend group is a little bit polyamorous).

there were two main incidents that happened between me and H. the first, i didnt really understand what was going on or that it was entirely wrong. we were cuddling, which i do with all of my friends, and she started getting really into it and getting on top of me. she asked if she could kiss me (on the lips) and i said no, partly because, well, i had a monogamous partner, and partly because i hate kissing on the lips. i probably shouldve entirely cut it off at that moment. my only excuse (which is pretty flimsy) is that, im kinda aroace so physical affection and the difference between platonic and romantic have always left me a little confused. i kinda thought this was normal, especially because H is polyamorous and in several relationships that heavily blur the lines between platonic and romantic.

then, about two weeks after that, H and i hung out again, but this time we were smoking marijuana. weed makes me highly suggestible and also incapable of remembering anything past about five seconds. not that im blaming the drugs, just describing the situation. basically, H and i were cuddling again when she decided to move on top of me and got flirty, with a lot of touching sensitive places for the purpose of getting a reaction (all above the belt). i went along with this because i respect H, ive known her for a long time, and i didnt want to say no to her. again, not an excuse, because she didnt force me to do it.

in the moment, i didnt think this was cheating. we werent doing anything explicitly sexual, we weren't making out, but we were definitely frisky and i know H was horny at the time. a couple hours later, when i sobered up, i suddenly realized what we had done and asked H if i had just cheated on my girlfriend. she also seemed to realize what had just happened and we agreed that i had cheated, that it was entirely wrong, and we should never do it again.

i decided to tell my ex about this immediately, because i thought she should know. i asked if she was in a position to hear bad news, and when she was, i was completely honest. she obviously didnt take it well, mentioning how she felt like she could never trust me again despite being the person she trusted most in the world. she loved me but this was unacceptable and a huge violation. i agreed, and after a bit of thinking, i told her that i thought we should break up. i had terrible guilt about what i'd done and assumed that we'd never recover, and it didnt seem like she could pull the plug, so i did.

she proceeded to get even more mad at me because of this, which in hindsight is completely understandable. from her perspective, i had just dropped two emotional bombs on her, and maybe i was implying that i liked H more than her. i wasnt, and i dont, but i know why it came across that way.

my other friends agreed with me that i shouldve broken up with her after that. in hindsight, i dont know if it was the right choice. i miss her dearly and wish i had worked more on the relationship.

we've since talked about it. i told her that i still loved her (bc i do, very deeply, and i dont know if i'll ever get over her) but said that i dont expect anything, dont expect a relationship, etc. she was okay with this because, in her words, she trusts me to not make it a big deal or awkward. we hang out frequently now, we watch anime together, and we get along well as friends. i feel so lucky that she is willing to spend time with me, that she still enjoys my company even a little bit.

the confusing part is that i told my dad about this and he basically said, "you were 19yo in a long distance, online-only relationship. this was inevitable and you shouldnt feel too bad about it. it was wrong but not the worst thing ever." i dont really agree with that, because it was a pretty serious relationship despite being online. we even met up at a convention and spent several nights together in a hotel. it was the happiest weekend of my life. i thought i could marry her maybe someday. and i dont think being 19yo justifies it. 13yo maybe, but i was old enough to know right from wrong, even if my knowledge about romantic and sexual relationships was underdeveloped.

basically, im looking for nuanced opinions. i fully expect the results to be YTA. im hoping ppl can give me any sort of insight in the comments.

PS: H is partially to blame bc she knew i was in a monogamous relationship but please dont hate on her too much in the comments, we've had a lot of talks about this and what happened drastically changed the way the both of us see relationships and each other. basically, she learned her lesson and she was never trying to be a bitch or a homewrecker. i know her well enough to know shes a good person at heart. she's also not on tumblr to see any of your comments. direct all of you criticism towards me, please.

What are these acronyms?

[drdemonprince]

woof. your recent posts really resonate with me especially now that im making more gay and trans friends, im meeting so many cool nonmonogamous trans people that seem to have casual sex with basically all their nonmonogamous trans friends and like. its almost giving me a complex where if i think someone is cool and want to be friends with them, even if im not attracted to them, i have a perception that the only way to befriend them is to pursue them sexually. or that if they dont wanna fuck me when they fuck all their other trans friends that means there's something wrong with me (again even if i don't particularly want to fuck them!)... i love being trans and poly, and i love having more trans and poly people in my life, but sometimes i think about this one reddit comment where a dude said he noticed his gay friend had way more fun at straight bars than gay bars bc at straight bars he wasn't worrying about his appearance/body image/validation/sexual prospects

yeah honestly i get this so much and it's a very dismaying swirl of emotions to have. i don't like fucking friends. at all. it actively makes me feel unsafe and like i'm only useful to someone insofar as i'm satisfying a desire for them. it makes me feel more disposable. plus im insanely jealous if i have an actual emotional connection with someone i'm fucking so i wouldn't do well in a whole poly queer mish mosh of dear devoted friends who also sometimes bang. i would be plotting the downfall of the people i was most primed to view as a threat and sowing discord between people and shit. not good.

i also think it is a little fucking concerning when people only date/have sex as their sole way to make friends, and are only friends with people they want to fuck. this tends to create a very homogenous friend group that is heavily restricted based on desirability politics. it's also just really objectifying and unsustainable.

now i must say!! this is very much in the minority of poly people -- poly people are generally fucking AMAZING at being friends because even as just their buddy they treat hanging out with the same degree of intention and care as they would going on a date. they can hang! they want to go out and do things! they're more practiced in building a new intimacy of *any* kind than most monogamous people are.

it's just that there are some weird culty up their own ass bad boundaried polycules out there, in the same way there are abusive, codependent, jealous, miserable fucking monog couples.

but even tho most queer and poly people are more ascended than that, yeah, there is a weird unsettling constant self-evaluation that can happen in spaces where fucking almost anybody is theoretically on the table. some of that is a problem in how people treat one another, and some of that is just insecurity in between your own ears.

i get it fully. im hyper conscious of myself and how i imagine im being perceived and how people are seeing me when im out in queer spaces. and most of it is me being fully insane and making myself miserable based on nothing. because literally who cares who is attracted to me in that space and who isn't??? what matters is what i want in that moment, and my behavior, which i have control over. i should be able to just float around smiling at people and dancing and chit chatting and if someone is feeling my energy and we can talk, great, if they try to make it sexual when i dont want it to, i can just walk away. like it fully does not need to be that deep.

but it's a hard internal hurdle to overcome and every time someone hits on you, ignores you, misreads your identity, etc it can be used by your mind as fodder for The Narratives and The Insecurities and make things worse and it really has to be an intentional practice to not do that to yourself.

if you can bounce along carelessly in the straight club because you're not worrying about how people see you, you can bounce along carelessly in the queer club and not worry about how people see you. literally treat queer people the same way you'd treat straight people who seem perfectly fine but are not your problem and not a focus for you. you can stop trying to mind read the intentions of every queer person and stop sizing yourself up in their eyes and not worrying about who is fucking who and who is in love with who and who is secretly jealous but pretending not to be. and just. hang out. and feel things out. and exist in your own body and pay attention to what interests you and what you are experiencing rather than how they are experiencing you.

i say this as a reminder to myself!!

[she-her-cuntboy]

Fantasizing about having a cis boyfriend who talks me into kinkier and kinkier sex, secretly laying the foundations to start detransitioning me. When I realize, im scared, and I go to a friend to talk about my worries. He's trans like me, and agrees that it might be something to keep an eye on, but give him another chance - maybe it has an innocent explanation, and he's not trying to detrans me. Maybe im projecting my own kinks - when's the last time I had sex that wasn't catered to a cis penis? He convinces me to have sex with him, casually, as friends, we've known each other a long time and used to mess around sometimes before I met my boyfriend. It feels so good, but the whole time I feel guilty - what if my boyfriend sees it as cheating? We haven't talked about exclusiveness, and I tend to lean towards polyamory, but if he's monogamous I wouldn't want to do this behind his back. So the moment I come home to him, I break down and confess tearfully.

He listens gravely, and carefully keeps his expression neutral, but I can tell he's hurt. He asks who it was with, and I tell him - he knows my friends. "Oh!" he says. "That's fine, babydoll. Well, I mean- I would have preferred we talked about it before, so I'm honestly still a little hurt, sweetheart... but I don't have an issue with you, uh, having sex or whatever with other people, as long as it's not another real- I mean cis man." I eagerly agree to his boundaries, and reassure him that I've never been into other cis men and he's the exception, the love of my life. I easily ignore his awkward wording - he's not as familiar with queer terminology and talking about sex can be a little weird to put into words anyway.

What he's carefully avoiding scaring me off with is his true opinion that he's slowly going to acclimate me to, which is that queer "sex" doesn't count without a cis man's penis. It's not cheating if it's two transmen, because that's just lesbian sex and there's no real man claiming his property. He thinks it's cute when I call ftm4mtf "straight sex" as if I'm a boy, because he knows my tgirl friend is still penetrating my needy submissive pussy. And eventually, I start to question my gender, especially in the bedroom. My boyfriend is always so much more affectionate and into it when he's feeling up my curvy body, and he loves when I act like a girl. I tentatively break the subject with my ftm friend who I talked to at first, and he's very accepting of my "gender weirdness", and respects my request to be treated like a girl in the bedroom, and then anywhere private, and then in public. We spend a lot of time together, talking about sex and kinks, and he's naturally empathetic and seems really touched when I talk about how good it feels to be a good girl for a real man. I'm barely aware of how convincing I'm being, because I don't know the sappy playlists my boyfriend makes me are full of subconscious conditioning and affirmations behind the music - good girls make more good girls. I'm a good girl. Good girls need cock in their cunts. My needy cunt makes me a girl. Brains are for boys and my thoughts are just noise. Good girls make more good girls.

Eventually my boyfriend is my husband, I'm his favorite submissive housewife, and all my old "trans" and "lesbian" friends are playthings for his entertainment. We love having lesbian sex and putting on a show to earn his cum, and I dont remember any reality other than this, or any reason I wouldn't want to be right where I am.

[mommyghostface28]

are you and gob dating or is it still a dom/sub dynamic? im not sure i grasp the difference? like if you're not dating could you or they date someone while still being in the sub/dom or is it monogamous only no matter the situation?

me and gob are definitely dating now! We’re also still in our D/s dynamic as well. I would consider us both monogamous as I’m not dating or sleeping with anyone else. I partake in my kinky asks on tumblr (with some mindful limitations) however that’s been discussed between the both of us. There are some dynamics where either Dom(me) or sub can date others or play with others as long as it’s discussed and agreed upon. But that’s not the case with us. I absolutely will not be sharing my sub/partner with anyone lol and vice versa.

[vriskaserketdaily]

i see u like vrisjade .. would you be willing to explain what u think their dynamic would be . i want to like it but ive never been able to wrap my head around what they would be like

theyre not my otp i just draw them for clout

my understanding is that the appeal lies in a bit of wishful thinking. "what if vriska learned to be nicer?" and "what if jade went a little apeshit?" i do think they would work well as kismeses (or, more likely, one-sided blackrom crushes because jade has other things going on and can't be bothered to spend her whole life obsessing over the girl who gave her narcolepsy as a kid), but pretty much all the stuff you'll find for them is redrom vriska rehabilitation fluff (which is CUTE and WHOLESOME and FUN, and i ENJOY DRAWING IT, but . . . i like it when vriska is kinda balls to the wall insane instead of all niceys).

SO! that being said, i do think their dynamic would be really interesting even in a non-shipping context because they DO definitely need to clear the air re: the whole narcolepsy and viciously insulting your teen grandpa within 5 minutes of officially meeting him thing. i stand by what i said in this post about their dynamic, noting furthermore that vriska does mention and talk about jade a lot in the comic despite never having a canonical conversation with her (it's implied; she is in jade's trollslum on pesterchum after all), so . . . vriska definitely thinks about jade more than jade thinks about vriska, and probably projects a whole lot onto jade as a sort of kanaya-aradia amalgamation proxy. she totally fumbled those two, but SURELY she can stick the landing on this smart and silly genius who CLEARLY needs a good blackrom bucketing to loosen up. right???????? human romance isn't that complicated and it's not like her dating pool is super wide what with the rest of the humans either locked in monogamous relationships (with trolls, narrowing vriska's competition further) or being "in families" with jade.

it would be really funny for them to end up in a quasi-auspisticeship (likely candidates for the third wheel being karkat, john, and regrettably kanaya im so sorry bbg) or for vriska to have an aneurysm upon finding out about human polyamory and the simple fact that jade has more positive and developed dynamics with Many other characters before she even thinks of vriska.

tl;dr i'm the wrong person to ask if you want to be sold on vrisjade i just think they're neat individually and dont mind drawing them together

[justanotherhh]

@girlbossradiodemon: Queerness as an insight into humanity. I am curious what that means.

heya, hope it's ok to move your question to a new post, because it gave me an opportunity to ramble about something I've been thinking about -- so we'll call this post:

hazbin hotel, aroace alastor, and complicating redemption

cannot remember how i phrased it in the original post, but the main crux of the idea about queerness as humanising is "when does horror and villainy use queerness as a shorthand for Other/deviant and when are those thing subverted"

in terms of alastor specifically, aspec identity (especially the kind that is on the repulsed side of things) is often used -- without people knowing they're even describing real experiences and identities -- as a way of describing a lack of feeling, a lack of empathy, a lack of connection with other human beings, as a way of signposting "this is going to be a Bad Guy, look at this person who can't engage in the Universal Human Experience Of Love (sometimes with the prerequisite desire for sex, and sometimes it's the just-wanting-sex-but-not-love that's the Evil Code)"

note here, of course, that a lack of empathy also shouldn't be a shorthand for evil! the word "psychopath" generally needs to be put on a high shelf for anyone writing anything unless they can prove they know what in the world they're talking about!!

with alastor, when reading with the aroace hat on, we get an insight into how he does relate to other people. rather than going "he's so evil he can't love," it's opening up questions about what sort of connections he does form with people, and how those are complex, and possibly there's a lot of backstory there -- that's part of the whole story we're seeing with pretty much all the main characters: "misfits who have struggled to form connections because of their specific brands of Weirdness (and also they're in hell)"

now something im interested in with him being aspec, is how the show also to an extent deconstructs the ideas that being alloromantic and allosexual are necessarily indicators of goodness, and could go a lot further in future, if it wanted to -- this works better because almost all the characters in this show are queer (and tbh, until niffty is confirmed to be allorom, i am hc'ing her as aro), and so there's much less risk of falling into the trap of "deviant sexualities vs normal sexualities" that even some shows with queer characters fall for, because they still set up monogamous, allosexual relationships as More Correct vs Other Kinds Of Queerness That Is Bad

in the hellaverse, being kinky isn't semiotics for evil, being poly isn't semiotics for evil, being arocoded isn't semiotics for evil, etcetc.

being aspec is a difficult pill for a lot of people to swallow, including other queers, especially aromanticism, and so it's neat to consider the potential of portraying depictions of love and sex that are healthy (charlie and vaggie, pentious and cherri bomb, etc) next to depictions of love and sex that are unhealthy/toxic/abusive (valentino's and vox's ways of interacting with these things) next to depictions of not-love and not-sex that are complex and (i hope) indicators of how to get to know a character better, rather than villainising or simplifying a character. that maybe initially a character like charlie (amongst others) might not get it, but that's something she needs to sort out, not alastor

it's another way the show could go a step deeper into deconstructing how we take in ideas about "goodness" in narrative and in life based on simple clichés, for example the idea that "love redeems you" -- well, what if you don't love? and what if you do love, but that's not an indicator of goodness at all? is "love" in fact an all-encompassing positive force in the first place? why do we place it on this pedestal?

in many ways the potential of alastor through being aroace, reminds me a little of how we see angel in season 1. he's introduced a Certain way -- as shallow, as someone who doesn't put the work in, as someone who "doesn't care," -- and these narratives are enforced diagetically and non-diagetically by showing that he's an addict and a sex worker. a lot of the scenes related to drugs and sex work and kinky sex are funny (crack is expensive), and/or are met with disgust by the main characters (the sex dungeon), are considered things he needs to overcome in order to be worthy of redemption (the roleplay with sir pentious)...

and then those things are pulled apart, and both narrative and characters go: "what's wrong with being a sex-worker? what's wrong with being an addict? hell, what's wrong with liking sex???" and through that "why does he need to prove himself to be redeemed?" and i predict, eventually, already heading in that direction "why even need to be redeemed when the problem is the black-and-white morality of pure goodness/badness to begin with?????"

and i think alastor being aroace could play a cool part in that. it's not love that makes alastor human, and it's certainly not sex. it's how he interacts with not fitting into those normative boxes, and how other characters, hopefully, eventually, will learn to see things from his perspective (at least, in this case)

the whole the idea of "queerness as an insight into humanity" is something both hazbin and helluva do really well, because of their portraying queerness as a given, as the thing that it simply is how these characters interact with the world -- whether good or bad or somewhere in between, the characters' queerness invites us to ask questions about them, and i think some characters offer that opportunity even more starkly than others...

i mean alastor of course. keeper of the aroace Themes.

so yeah. aroace as humanising. love doesn't mean goodness. what even does redemption mean?

[fondofcowboys]

here's my very all over the place feelings on certain aspects of baldur's gate 3 as a romani immigrant. warnings for spoilers of course. mind you i have not finished the game yet!

1. i really can't believe there aren't more people talking about the very blatant racism in astarion's questline. im quite sure it's because the game already touches on it, even giving you the choice to call astarion a racist, and also because everytime we roma talk about anything that makes us uncomfortable we're immediately shunned and "well actually!"'d.

the problem is that it feels Extra icky because the man who was the inspiration for the original dracula, Vlad the Impaler, kept romani slaves. this is the ONLY part of vampire history that, no matter how different the media, will always stay relevant for some reason.

castlevania has the seekers, a nomadic group of magic users who pass their history down orally. while they are *mostly* treated well, the first arc of the show literally shows them being hunted out of town for the simple act of existing.

vampire the masquerade... well.. that's an entire other can of racism worms.

curse of strahd has the "vistani", a nomadic group of people who are treated like third class citizens everywhere they go, and are of course, most known for being tarot readers and drunkards.

the vampire diaries have the "travellers", who get called "gypsies" explicitly as a derogatory word by other vampires.

i want you to take any vampire media you enjoy and ask yourself, "is there anti-roma racism in this?". i guarantee you, if you look for it, you're going to find it. for SOME reason, the only thing that stays consistent with all these different vampire IPs, is that romani people are hated and scrutinized at every moment of their lives.

i MORE than understand that astarion's racial insensitivity is part of him. it's part of what makes him malleable by the player. you can help him understand why he's wrong, or you can lead him down a worse path.

i still reserve the right to feel some sort of way about astarion sacrificing fantasy-romani children for power, willingly. don't get me wrong, he's my favourite character, right up there with halsin. which is why i obviously have so many feelings about this.

(yes, the Gur were written inspired by romani people, if you were not aware)

2. the anti-immigrant sentiment is such an inherent part of the story that i did not think was going to stick around for SO long. i dont really have much to say about this, i think i should've expected it. as a fan of dragon age (i know, tragic) i'm quite used to unnecessary fantasy racism everywhere i go, i just hoped it wouldn't be part of the main crucial story.

3. larian studios i am so so so thankful for the halsin romance. eternally. forever and ever. he's my pookie bear and i'm so grateful some extra time was made to create a romance for him.

can i ask you why the hell does halsin want to LEAVE. At The End. i've noticed how much he contradicts himself throughout his questline and i just... I don't know. i've seen some other people complaining about how non-chalantly he talks about being a sex slave and i understand too, but i think it's part of his character to not take the horrible things that happened to him seriously like he does with others. that, or someone at larian took an unknown substance that led them to make halsin Very inconsistent.

with the poly situation, some people are strictly polyamorous! some people are strictly non-monogamous and do not feel comfortable being in a monogamous relationship. i understand the frustration everyone, but that's how halsin is. i dont know if that was the writers' intention, but that's certainly what he comes across as to me; strictly non-monogamous.

what i DONT understand is why he says he only wants you, calls you "my heart", is so fondly and lovingly attached to you, and then he just.... Dips? Whatever. I'm ignoring that part forever. it's not canon to ME!

anyways. yeah. feel free to Engage in some Friendly conversation. emphasis on friendly, for the love of g-d

[objectum-confessions]

"Im not objectum," I say, as I proceed to blush and giggle and get excited over a CHAIR in one of my classes at school. 😮‍💨 Like, bruh, why am I doodling this guy on sticky notes surrounded by hearts???

(RAMBLE AHEAD. APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE)

Ohh but he really is my baby though,,, I need to confess this here cuz idk where else to put it!!! But anyway, one of my teachers collects a lot of unique chairs. Every chair is different. She has old wooden chairs to gamer chairs to literal couches. Its awesome. At the beginning of the year I sat at this one table, and there was this chair I really liked. Hard white plastic adorned with soft blue cushioning, the type with the teeny tiny holes in it that give it that kind of smooth but grainy texture. Its also a chair on wheels. Anywho, I didnt feel anything towards it at first. At first it was just a chair! But I got really used to it being MY chair. I developed a routine with it (which makes sense because im autistic.) Id move that chair (as far as I was allowed to anyway), every day just so I could sit in it. Then the assigned seats change, as they do, and I didnt get to sit in it for a long while. Really just a month or so. Now its important to note I was never ASSIGNED the seat with that chair, I cheated and moved it around because I felt like it. But recently the seating chart changed again, and guess where I was assigned. I was assigned the exact spot where my handsome chair was.

It sounds so stupid, but in that moment all I could feel was excitement and adoration for my chair. I was hoping in my head, "please, i hope i sit near it enough for me to use it again." I didnt expect to be ASSIGNED it! In my head, it felt like my chair did it on purpose because it missed me. It missed me so much that it set out to be my next seat on purpose. I was so giddy and in love that day. I think thats when the actual attraction started.

Its all still kind of stupid in my head,,, its not that i actually want to be in a relationship with it or anything. At least nothing fully committed or monogamous. Im not the hardcore type of objectum whos able to personally understand that concept. But oh my god. I cant deny that im 100% crushing on that chair. Im ganna be so sad when my seat moves again,,, I just hope my chair doesnt get too sad as well. The chance I get assigned that seat thrice or more is kind of slim, so Im going to enjoy my time with him while I can. The other day before leaving class, I actually snuck a really quick kiss to his head rest. It made me feel so giddy its unbelievable.

Agh, this got long. I needed to share this somewhere where other people would understand. If someone knows who I am IRL,,, no you dont.

Anyways, sorry for typing so damn much!!! LMK if you want to see my beautiful chair. B3 hes so cute, really.

PLS SEND IN PICTURES!!!!!!!! WE WANNA SEE!!

[mihai-florescu]

Mihai do you think there's any enstars characters that are totally aro/ace to you? Or at least on the spectrum. Like himeru is totally aroace to me and shu is at least asexual or just incredibly sex repulsed. Idk I wanna hear your thoughts I like conversing with my friends :)

Hmm a few years ago i wouldve said shu too based on the sex repulsion but his arc has been discovering and embracing his desires. Oremeru tho yeah im team aroace too, theres something appealing to me about a character known in universe for his sex appeal being ace. But i can also see him as repressing his own desires to become the embodiment of a perfect idol. I dont think he really knows what his own orientation actually is underneath all the masks he put on. Hmm im not sure about anyone else? I can see souma being demi? Aspec adonis? Then i know i joke about eichi being like if a very jealous monogamous person wishes he was poly, but if im being serious, i see him as aspec too, only interested sexually in wataru. I just remembered youre a minor, im gonna end this train of thought here. Im not sure if i view many characters as fully aroace, more on the spectrum... oh kohaku actually, i see him as aroace, leaning between sex and romance neutral to repulsed. Oh sora is aroace sex and romance neutral to me too

Aro/ace hcs used to be something i was comfier with proudly talking abt years ago, but now i realise... well, im aspec myself, it's all *i* know, but im trying not to let that cloud my judgement. But i think a lot of characters end up being aspec too in my head just because thats the only experience i personally have and can project. But i dont want my understanding of characters to be just based on my own projection, yknow? I think the tldr is im uncertain about everything, about my own stupid baka life being in the way of me becoming the perfect spectator (that's a goal i strive to achieve as a story lover and find myself straying further and further from, frustratingly).

[softpine]

brandi ik this sounds crazy but its abt dan and phil and ur the only person i could ask abt this but have they ever like explicitly said they were together? im like firmly on they are besties until they out their mouths say they are together or anything. and ppl are like "oh they live together and are gay" but i'd live w my bff we are gay too ?? i feel like a larry if i start speculating. i watch them but im not in tge fandom so im not well versed in phan lore SORRY IF THIS IS CRAZYDHDISISJSJ

this is your phan correspondent clocking in 🫡

i love answering this question because NO ONE is doing it like dan and phil 😌 there are people who think they never dated, who think they're exes, who think they're married, who think they're queer platonic partners, who think they're monogamous, who think they're polyamorous, who think they're something in between, and the best part is that dan and phil will probably never give us an outright answer because they loooove a bit of mystery.. it's like a game to them. it's all the will-they-won't-they fun of being queerbaited except they're actually queer. it's great

but they AT LEAST dated in 2009 because in dan's coming out video he says this about phil:

so one has to believe:

A) they dated for a few months 15 years ago and then broke up, but proceeded to: move in together (and have continued to live together ever since, despite moving to multiple places where they'd have every opportunity to live alone), merge their careers together in such a way that they become nearly inseparable, share friends and family as their own (phil's niece calls dan uncle dan...), travel the world together, share a bed for months on their tour bus (not speculation, they confirmed that one recently), designed and built a house for themselves which they share a mortgage on, have never dated anyone else since 2009, and to me this is the most compelling one, they've supported each other through numerous medical emergencies and chronic health problems. and that they did all of that as EXES....

or

B) they've been together for 15 years

i won't tell you what to believe (and i think the exes theory is beyond hilarious so i'll never be mad about it) but one option is objectively more likely than the other lmao

at the end of the day, i think "more than just romantic" is still the best way to describe their relationship. they're best friends in every sense of the word, and their friendship clearly takes precedence for them in everything they do. they really found their person and they make me believe in love every day and it's GROSS it's disgusting i hate it 😐

i didn't bring up anything related to a certain video posted on a certain holiday but i'm sure you've already heard of it if you're even mildly engaged with dan and phil stuff. i hate to include it as "proof" because it was actually just a traumatic outing and invasion of their privacy, and even without it, we have enough of their own words (words that were actually meant for us to hear) to draw our own conclusions! just thought i'd give that disclaimer

[angstics]

dr odyssey is genuinely interesting as a response to the last decade or so of "queerbait" discourse & shipping going mainstream & the weird position of gay representation in 2024. like it is obviously investing a lot in the relationship btwn the main three on every front while pretty much definitely remaining heterosexual (& monogamous on top of that). besides the fast track love triangle explicitly happening (it is so intense already and we are only in episode 2), like... a lot of attention is being put on the same sex relationship in the triangle as well. and in one sense, it continues the beautiful tradition of same sex relationships that are too close in both a sincere and comic sense (think HOUSE and WILSON). but HOUSE and WILSON were from 2007. we are not in 2007. a lot has happened since. so im not really speculating whether it's "gonna happen" bc i really dont think it is. but i am interested in how they are navigating this same kind of half serious half joke same sex relationship in 2024. they really are going down a bold route which could be constituted as purposeful queerbait.

i guess there is more of a hope than usual since it's a new show and you really dont know what'll happen ... though id venture a threeway would be set up more heavily, the way throuple relationships in tv the last few yrs have been set up from introduction veryyy heavily (ie half-bad, gossip girl). id guess it would be even HEAVIER on a NETWORK tv show since those shows were both streaming shows (and both for young adults rather than a full 18-49 demo as it is on network). if they ARE doing throuple, they are using a very nice light touch. im enjoying it either way. there is a Lot to read if you want to read it as a threeway. maybe that's the true goal