#being alone despite not being alone
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I want pain.
#what is the worst is to have someone but know they don't fucking care#being alone despite not being alone#i fucking wish i was actually alone#I wish i wasn't ignored#I wish i was someone else#I wish.... I wish i was fucking slutty person so people would pay attention to me even if that means lust#because that's all i can get and maybe for the best#i wish i could go and have ons and be fucking happy#I wish... I wish i could abandoned myself and turn into something else#I wish.... But who cares right#People don't care#People only care if you're pretty or less fucked up#People are selfish#i wish i was like them#Maybe then i wouldn't be suffering like this#personal
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The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic
#bloodweave#baldur's gate 3#bg3#gale x astarion#astarion x gale#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual#the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max#I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together#toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable#I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him#and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale#and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually#helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god#at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale)#anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again
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ok spoilers but
the way Idina and Kristen interacted with Elphaba and Glinda in their cameos is exactly how i would see their characters react to viewing their younger selves
#golden years Glinda being tired of her younger self’s shtick lmao#meanwhile older Elphaba being gentle and kind and sweet to her younger self because she remembers how terrified she was#and how alone young Elphaba felt despite gaining new friends#but yeah#wicked 2024#wicked#wicked movie#wicked spoilers#tagging spoilers for this because of the cameos
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Having bpd to me is like I'm the loneliest person on the planet, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter how many connections I make or have, I'm a lonely void who will die alone. I have to be talking to someone or with someone every second of every minute of every day. I love people so much, I need people. There's so many people out there with different things to teach you. And then, if I have to talk to one person for more than 6 seconds today, I'll kill them. I'll kill myself. I need to be left alone for the rest of the day, I need no one but myself to be happy. I don't want to partake in anything with anyone because it's all draining and taking out of my alone time. Everyone is the same, they're all boring and self-absorbed. Every conversation feels like I'm forcing myself to be actively present. I just want to be alone in my room with nothing or no one. I don't see a future where I'm happy with anyone other than being by myself.
#bpd#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#actually borderline#bpd splitting#lately I've just been slowly moving away from all my friends too#haven't spoken to anyone on insta for days despite usually talking to at least 2-3 friends every few days#irl sent me a video a week ago...never responded. I haven't even been feeling lonely really#I just KNOW when my period creeps up on me I'll be a whining sad piss baby who's openly pathetic about needing human connection#like I wish I just felt no need for it ever. it feels SO good to be alone and not have any obligations as a person#then the crippling loneliness of forever being alone seeps in when tbh I'm fine with it currently actually
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The Dragon Prince started off their sibling dynamics with “haha look at these pairs of siblings! How they laugh and tease each other!”
And now its “what if you watched your sibling go down a path you can’t follow. What if your sibling, who once held and cradled you in your darkest moment, turned their back to you. And you still have all this love in heart for them that you dont know what to do with anymore.”
#jelly tarts#the dragon prince#callum ezran im gonna hold both of your hands when i say this#it is NOT looking good for the siblings in this show keep it together#tdp soren#tdp claudia#tdp janai#tdp karim#janai and soren havr ever so subtle parallels and it HURTS whenever I see them#golden warriors watching their homes crumble being helpless to only watch as their family member dies alone up in the castle#by the hands of a startouched elf and yet they must go on they have to get people to safety despite the heaviness of their heart despite#the fire itching underneath their skin#then their siblings causing death and destruction going towards ancient forces for power and guidance being consumed whole by them#The Golden Boy of Katolis and The Golden Knight of Lux Aurea
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I know the concept of more supernatural/paranormal elements is cool but it will never stop being funny to me that in every series ever, when a ghost shows up the main characters have to do rituals & research the history of the haunted item or house or even whole town & use specific items like salt & incense & talisman to banish the ghost all dramatically & supernaturally, but in Danny Phantom this kid just shows up with nothing but his fists, a thermos, & pent up aggression. put em the fuck UP, you ectoplasmic son of a—
#Danny Phantom#i'm watching caped crusader & i can't stop thinking. if Danny was here he would've beaten the shit outta this ghost 5 minutes in#also this is why whenever someone throws a ''who would win Danny or X'' scenario at me i always say Danny if he was being serious#cuz this kid has the perfect combo of superpowers. he only seems like a loser because all his villains ALSO have those powers#if he went up against anyone else & had adhd medication he'd win laughably easy#i know it's easier to write him as so incompetent any normal human villain can take him out despite his powers#but realistically by s2 i feel like unless they have anti-ghost weapons or some kind of mind control going on#they simply could not even touch Danny let alone fend him off or take him down#Danny could literally just possess them for 1 second & when they're having a possession hangover cuff em. easy peasy lemon squeezy
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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gonna say, something or someone being misogynistic is on its own a good enough reason not to like it or not to spend time with that person. It's not just that misogyny is so normalised that not watching a show or not spending with someone just because of misogyny is treated as not enough of a reason - it's also that as a woman, you are under constant scrutiny and constantly thrown tests to show that you are 'not one of the difficult ones', that you can 'take a joke'.
But 'your friend keeps saying degrading things about women' is a good enough reason not to hang out with that person or not to go to a gathering. 'i read the last book by his author and it was deeply misogynistic' is a good enough reason why you don't want to read things by that author anymore. 'This comedian specifically makes a lot of mean-spirited jokes about women' reason enogh not to watch that or see that show, even if your friends want to go. 'This content creator keeps going on weird tangents about women' reason enough not to watch their stuff or support them.
and it is especially a very good reason not to date someone.
#last night i rewatched hbomberguy's plagiarism video and I kept noticing how many female supporters James Somerton had#despite being such a giant misogynist#and this sent me down this mental rabbithole of how often it happened that we had a guy in our friend group who was rude/weird with women#but it was just an issue everyone danced around#and I feel like part of the reason is that misogyny alone is not considered a good enough reason not do something#and I can already see counter-arguments like 'so you're saying I CAN'T enjoy xyz'#I'm aware that it's impossible to cut out everything misogynistic and that you would miss out on a lot of great works if you do#but I'm trying to get out of the habit of immediately hedging what I'm saying and describing every case scenario exception#I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to do something you want to (who am I to do that)#I'm saying that IF you DON'T want to do something because of misogyny - that's reason enough#if something you do in your free time and should be for your enjoyment is so uncomfortable and becomes a chore you are doing for others#you don't have to.#and then the last one. the whole can of worms of how many women date men who hate women...
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#polls#choices made to appease me and me alone#woman adjacent as the demons and death could be argued to not be strictly women despite being played by women#spn#i can make polls too
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#this is a cry for help please i have loved this clown for over a decade#When Bruce says “I can fix him” I completely understand & not bc I want to fix him#but bc despite all the atrocities he has committed you can't help but feel compassion for him#Joker constantly struggles to not let himself be seen vulnerable but when he does oh God it breaks my heart#I wouldn't know what to do if I were aware that I'm being doomed by the narrative & i had no escape even in death#to have a fate as tragic as being forced to become a myth#a monster who abandons all traces of humanity to make sure that someone else never abandons his#A lonely man who lives in a world of the dead and must do as much harm as possible to the only living person before his eyes#After all horror and obsession leads backs to love. oh god imagine loving as much as he does#Love as something twisted as a source of tragedy and death as an addiction a wound that never stops bleeding and hurts more every day#All you want is to be free#But someone else is holding on to you and will never let u go bcz he is afraid of being alone#and without you the weight of the world he carries on his shoulders would kill him he needs u as much as u need him#both are going to drown together#anyways hahaha i luv this stupid clown#joker#the joker#batjokes#bcz i got carried away writing the tags :p
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The newest pain sharing update is literally just the post about that 6 week old kitten trying his best to take care of a couple 2 week old kittens
Its them
YEEEES, THAT'S THEM !!!!!! OMG
I personally headcanon hyrule to be 16 almost 17, four to be 15 and wind 13 almost 14, so they're all babies lmao
A kitten looking after two kittens being chased by a mountain lion lol
#hyrule noticed he was the older one and immediately adopted those kids#despite being a kid himself lol#i just think that he was alone for so long that now that he has a found family he's really attached and protective#he usually lets the fretting and fussing to the oldest links but he's the eldest link now lol#hyrule: oh i need an eldest link....wait i AM an eldest link...!#miry's ask box#lu pain sharing au
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Tried to doodle Caine for the first time and for some reason I landed on this
#he deserves to feel distress/neu#tadc caine#caine#the amazing digital circus caine#the amazing digital circus#doodle#angst??#funny????#I DONT KNOW#pls reblog#i dont have the censor bar png so imagine hes so frustrated he just. turns the censor off#caine when the 500th human goes insane despite his best efforts and nothing is ever enough he doesn't know why and he winds up being alone :
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pete has to constantly hide ted from grace so she doesn’t kill him. he has had to physically restrain her on several occasions
#npmd spoilers#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#i think this could be a fun sitcom premise post-canon#like steph moved in with ted and pete bc despite being 18 she cannot afford rent (*she probably owns her house through the will#outright. but doesn’t want to be alone)#grace is devouring pervs’ souls#and they’re all trying to make it through the end of high school#grace chasity#pete spankoffski#peter spankoffski#ted spankoffski
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Thinking about this:
So what I love about this is how completely accurate it is to describe your kink orientation as a "need". Because it's not just something I would like out of a relationship. It's not a want. It's a need. I'm actively unhappy in vanilla relationships(or that one time I spent a year trying to be in a relationship with another sub *shudder*). I need to be able to submit to my partner. And honestly I just need to be able to submit in general. Not having that feels like I'm suffocating. So Louis saying that he and Armand had figured out what they NEEDED from each other, not wanted, but needed, is perfectly accurate.
Also look at the love in their eyes!!!! You'll NEVER convince me that they weren't in love in Dubai.
#it's moments like this that make me be like#okaaaaay#maybe the writers DID know what they were doing?#but then I think about them having Armand betray Louis despite being his sub who was in love with him and I go back to#those writers don't know what the hell they're talking about#it's like#pick a lane y'all#either know what you're talking about or don't#my heart can't take this#interview with the vampire#iwtv#louis de pointe du lac#the vampire armand#armand#my little amber-eyed pumpkin#iwtv meta#loumand D/s meta#loumand meta#my meta#loumand#otp: i want you more than anything in the world#I'm not interested in hearing from people who don't ship Loumand#or people who are going to shit on their D/s relationship#leave me and my post alone#also don't make this post about l*ustat or DM#stay in your own corners of the fandom#just let me ship my loumand in peace
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[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]
Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.
And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.
Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#the prison dimension is horrifying on its own#add in a monstrous being that towers over you and has vowed to ensure your suffering?#god I can’t imagine how scary that is#Mikey opening the portal was a miracle because if he hadn’t managed it there#it’s really up in the air what could have become of Leo#personally I subscribe by the theory that you straight up can’t die in the prison dimension#so it’s a prison in all ways#but the thought of a Leo who manages anyway who adapts and continues to have hope despite it all…#Leo saying he’s nothing without his family is a double edged sword really#because the thought of his family alone is all he needs to live. to hope.#to smile#nothing without them…but they’re EVERYTHING to him#and maybe he doesn’t realize it but…the feeling is mutual#one thing too is that hope that comforts Leo so much is not just that#should he think his family needs help - that hope can turn into determination#I’m unwell about this family#actually on my point of their powers - I truly do think the abilities tie in not only to their personalities#but to their relationship to family and love in general#kinda like love languages in a way#Mikey with his chains and time abilities values being around his family the most - he wants them to experience living in the moment togethe#Donnie is someone who is 100% a gift giver to show his love - his constructs are exactly that aren’t they? gifts of his mind#Raph is someone who willingly bears the weight of the shield - he protects his family like the best big brother possible#and Leo - he goes off on his own a lot but his mind is constantly on his family anyway#like a sailor at sea no matter how far he travels the compass always point in one direction - and for him that compass points home#even if he can’t make it back - it’s still there#and that’s enough
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When you absolutely despise something a lot of people like, and no matter what way you look at it you cannot see the appeal, but you know you can’t talk about it in public or else you’ll get dogpiled to hell and back, so you just kinda sit there frothing at the mouth like this
#spaghetti speaks#minor blood#I know this image is typically used in positive contexts but it felt fitting here too#Also you probably know what I’m talking about if you’ve spoken to me before#The AM speech but aimed toward this one particular series because the rage it causes is GRAHH#it had so much potential#it could’ve been so so good#YOU COULD'VE KEPT THE PILOT PLOT INSTEAD OF INSTANTLY ABANDONING IT IN FAVOR FOR ONE OF THE WORST ROUTES A STORY CAN GO IN#I’m so mad because I WISH I could like it#I WISH I could make art for it- the character designs are fun to draw#but I’m not a fan of it#I have a visceral hatred of the series and its creator#but I’m alone in the opinion#minus my friends who agree with me#but I just#I don’t understand#I feel like if it was made by a bigger studio- people would hate it as much as me#Steven Universe was written significantly better than it- I’m sorry#SU got so much shit for years- this is praised everywhere I see#I could explain every single problem I have with this series and people will defend it#it’s so popular despite nothing being resolved or making sense#The people behind the studio were revealed to be shitty to employees but no one cares because this series got a new episode#GRRRRRGHGGHH#I hate the characters- I hate the nonsensical plot- I hate the plot holes- I hate the villain- I hate the wasted potential#I’d hijack this series and make a Snoot Game type thing if I could- my autistic ass will make this better#I'm not arrogant I’m just saying the writing is on the floor and it doesn’t take much to just fix it up and make it pretty#I’m ranting#sorry#I’m very passionate about things like this#Inorganic killers
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