#being alone despite not being alone
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I want pain.
#what is the worst is to have someone but know they don't fucking care#being alone despite not being alone#i fucking wish i was actually alone#I wish i wasn't ignored#I wish i was someone else#I wish.... I wish i was fucking slutty person so people would pay attention to me even if that means lust#because that's all i can get and maybe for the best#i wish i could go and have ons and be fucking happy#I wish... I wish i could abandoned myself and turn into something else#I wish.... But who cares right#People don't care#People only care if you're pretty or less fucked up#People are selfish#i wish i was like them#Maybe then i wouldn't be suffering like this#personal
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The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic
#bloodweave#baldur's gate 3#bg3#gale x astarion#astarion x gale#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual#the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max#I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together#toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable#I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him#and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale#and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually#helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god#at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale)#anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again
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some of the god designs i did over on instagram
#rlly proud of aphrodite’s despite her being my least fav myth wise#also several people got struck by lighting from that wink alone#greek myth#greek mythology#greek gods#dionysus#zeus#apollo#artemis#athena#aphrodite#tagamemnon#my art
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ok spoilers but
the way Idina and Kristen interacted with Elphaba and Glinda in their cameos is exactly how i would see their characters react to viewing their younger selves
#golden years Glinda being tired of her younger self’s shtick lmao#meanwhile older Elphaba being gentle and kind and sweet to her younger self because she remembers how terrified she was#and how alone young Elphaba felt despite gaining new friends#but yeah#wicked 2024#wicked#wicked movie#wicked spoilers#tagging spoilers for this because of the cameos
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Me when Ashton Greymoore is denied honorable and meaningful self-sacrifice, and now must face the reality that they MUST keep living after it’s All Over
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#ashton greymoore#bells hells#cr ashton#like#Tal and Ash were both so clearly ready#for Ashton to sacrifice themselves. and comparing that to Ashton’s backstory#to Ashton being left behind as a sacrifice. and becoming bitter(er) and lonely and denouncing ever growing close to someone again#to meeting letter. and learning from letters. and so much about telling letters not to self sacrifice.#but then letters does. and Ashton is ready to go to. he’s prepared to go out to save everyone#and he was so prepared for that to be where his story ends#but he doesn’t. and not through failure but through success#and now (though more trials still await) they must face the reality they must keep living after it all#and face the reality that they will not survive alone.#that they have come out the other side. alive but changed. but not in some miraculous way.#they are not healed. they did not go out protecting those they loved. and they are forced to contend#with the fact they will continue to walk this earth. as it is changed. but not miraculously fixed. but not sacrificed#and like. Ashton having to contend with the change. that the Thing is over. but they are not alone#they are alive. and have friends and a love. and a world familiar and new to love and learn#that they have a connection to but not an ancient force they are upholden to#that they and the earth will learn together#I’ll be honest only the first half of these tags was planned when I started typing about ash being forced to contend with having to live#having to live despite it all. that there’s no big change. no miracle. good or bad. but you must keep going. and how beautiful that is#for Ashton’s story and just in general for people who would resonate with him#but then like I remembered they’re gonna scare off the gods and so exandria is totally gonna change but like#consider my initial point and how beautiful it is#and how I managed to shoehorn it in to still make sense#babblestar
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Woe, my Drainfolk headcanons upon yee
All my art and rambles under the cut because it's a whoooole ramble-y mess since i'm bad at. explaining my thoughts.
features characters in underwear but no nudity i promise
Okay so I tried my best to take a swing at this while also keeping these guys recognizable to the series. sorry if its a mess nmbnvbv.
I headcanon drainfolk the result of generations of normal humans warped from the influence of the drain which, similar to the rift, has properties that augments the creatures that exist near it, though the drain is much slower and a generational effect instead of the immediate- rapturous effect from the rift. Since the original population has been here for a good many of hundred years, they look incredibly different from average ggg humans (which also are unique against irl humans. looking at those inhuman skin tones) while still being directly related to them. Many traits developed were essential to help them survive their new lives in the drain ( claws, arm strength + length, growth cycles) since the place was incredibly hard to live in. Anatomy:
Drainfolk have very little sexual dimorphism - most of them all share the shorter and stout build and are covered in hair. the main differences are actually the fact AFAB individuals lack retractable claws and they tend to (usually) be taller and fuzzier on average). Drainfolk also display pads on the entire palms of their hands and slitted pupils. Development:
Drainfolk physically develop into adults at a very different pace than normal humans, while mental development stays the same. Staying incredibly small for most of their childhood with smaller growth spurts before entering a rapid period of growth close to adulthood. The sudden change in size causes a sudden shift to higher caloric intake and the occasional VERY CONFUSED teenager. The need to stay small for prolonged periods of time is because many places in the drain require you to climb in VERY dangerous areas, and the solution was to stay small as long as possible while your parents carried you until you were strong enough to climb around yourself.
Metamorphs:
Outliers in the drainfolk population- They tend to be around double the height of their compatriots and trade a lot of the heavier fuzz for a lighter coat and thicker skin. Their claws also grow longer as a form of defense.
Metamorphs are the term for drainfolk who after reaching adulthood, undergo a secondary growth spurt. This is caused by being thrust into various forms of responsibility and power- similar to how a dominant male orangutan will become larger or the dominant male fish will change size/gender if the large leader female dies. Either sex can become a metamorph, though its slightly more common in Afab individuals because of child rearing. This is also commonly seen in leaders of established groups of varying legality and in the eldest of a gaggle of an orphaned group of drainfolk after reaching adulthood. Any spot where the role of responsibility is shouldered is a role that can cause a drainfolk to become a metamorph.
Bonus:
Drainfolk even into their adulthood tend to climb up on people they deem close to them as a sign of affection or when they are scared / stressed for comfort. It is very common to see a drainfolk climb onto another the same size to the absolute annoyance or acceptance of the one being afflicted with the behavior. The behavior is very normalized in the drain but may come off as weird to people not aware of it.
#great god grove#ggg spoilers#ggg hector#ggg capochin#ggg alexei#ggg grujaja#JUST TAKE THIS POST.I HATE THIS POST ITS EVIL. TAKE IT#TAKE MY HOMOSEXUAL MONKEY SPEC BIO.#the intro image was gonna be sweet but then i realized i could channel the divorce energy and sicko mode happened#this feels very basic alone for the fact a drainfolk will just suddenly double in size if their body decided they need to protect the weak#but i like it despite me feeling absolutely insane#drawing normal sized hector felt like a crime#hope any of this makes sense. i feel insane#anyway uuuuuh.... [walks off into the distance]#this killed me to make it was evil#so sorry if its a mess#also shoutout to the random group of drainfolk i drew as an example. <3#also thanks to grujaja for being my little guy model
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Having bpd to me is like I'm the loneliest person on the planet, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter how many connections I make or have, I'm a lonely void who will die alone. I have to be talking to someone or with someone every second of every minute of every day. I love people so much, I need people. There's so many people out there with different things to teach you. And then, if I have to talk to one person for more than 6 seconds today, I'll kill them. I'll kill myself. I need to be left alone for the rest of the day, I need no one but myself to be happy. I don't want to partake in anything with anyone because it's all draining and taking out of my alone time. Everyone is the same, they're all boring and self-absorbed. Every conversation feels like I'm forcing myself to be actively present. I just want to be alone in my room with nothing or no one. I don't see a future where I'm happy with anyone other than being by myself.
#bpd#bpd vent#actually bpd#bpd thoughts#actually borderline#bpd splitting#lately I've just been slowly moving away from all my friends too#haven't spoken to anyone on insta for days despite usually talking to at least 2-3 friends every few days#irl sent me a video a week ago...never responded. I haven't even been feeling lonely really#I just KNOW when my period creeps up on me I'll be a whining sad piss baby who's openly pathetic about needing human connection#like I wish I just felt no need for it ever. it feels SO good to be alone and not have any obligations as a person#then the crippling loneliness of forever being alone seeps in when tbh I'm fine with it currently actually
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The Dragon Prince started off their sibling dynamics with “haha look at these pairs of siblings! How they laugh and tease each other!”
And now its “what if you watched your sibling go down a path you can’t follow. What if your sibling, who once held and cradled you in your darkest moment, turned their back to you. And you still have all this love in heart for them that you dont know what to do with anymore.”
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#jelly tarts#the dragon prince#callum ezran im gonna hold both of your hands when i say this#it is NOT looking good for the siblings in this show keep it together#tdp soren#tdp claudia#tdp janai#tdp karim#janai and soren havr ever so subtle parallels and it HURTS whenever I see them#golden warriors watching their homes crumble being helpless to only watch as their family member dies alone up in the castle#by the hands of a startouched elf and yet they must go on they have to get people to safety despite the heaviness of their heart despite#the fire itching underneath their skin#then their siblings causing death and destruction going towards ancient forces for power and guidance being consumed whole by them#The Golden Boy of Katolis and The Golden Knight of Lux Aurea
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I know the concept of more supernatural/paranormal elements is cool but it will never stop being funny to me that in every series ever, when a ghost shows up the main characters have to do rituals & research the history of the haunted item or house or even whole town & use specific items like salt & incense & talisman to banish the ghost all dramatically & supernaturally, but in Danny Phantom this kid just shows up with nothing but his fists, a thermos, & pent up aggression. put em the fuck UP, you ectoplasmic son of a—
#Danny Phantom#i'm watching caped crusader & i can't stop thinking. if Danny was here he would've beaten the shit outta this ghost 5 minutes in#also this is why whenever someone throws a ''who would win Danny or X'' scenario at me i always say Danny if he was being serious#cuz this kid has the perfect combo of superpowers. he only seems like a loser because all his villains ALSO have those powers#if he went up against anyone else & had adhd medication he'd win laughably easy#i know it's easier to write him as so incompetent any normal human villain can take him out despite his powers#but realistically by s2 i feel like unless they have anti-ghost weapons or some kind of mind control going on#they simply could not even touch Danny let alone fend him off or take him down#Danny could literally just possess them for 1 second & when they're having a possession hangover cuff em. easy peasy lemon squeezy
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And I just have to tell you that I
Love you so much these days,
#homestuck#dirk strider#bgd#brain ghost dirk#jake english#dirkjake#hs2#homestuck^2#homestuck 2#hsbc#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck epilogues#candy epilogue#admin draws#fanart#i cant even pretend im normal about my own art or this song im sorry#im tryna think of something to say abour this and i keep thinking about the lyrics and i GRGRHHHHFHFJG#i dunno man. i love plastic beach. i cant say anything here that is not gallbladder-achingly cheesy#but just. i dont know.#jake keeping a little bit of dirk in his heart all those years. even if bgd is 'all' jake hes still in the memory he carries#when i listen i find myself stuck between which singer/verse should be jake and which should be dirk. but the answer is simple#theyre both both.#jake thinks hes the one singing abour getting abandoned. but really hes the one losing himself in the substance#and dirk. dirk is the one watching him lose himself. but since hes just a part of jake. yeah.#'i have to tell you that i love you so much these days' both as something jake is saying to dirk and what jake wishes dirk was there to say#hes so alone in that reality. even if he might not admit and go so far as to imagine dirk saying it. its something that deep down#he aches to hear. the man who has deemed himself unlovable and incapable of love. he still wants to hear it despite himself#he still wants to say it despite nnot being able to bring himself to even process that emotion#sigh. see what happens. i cant talk aboht it bc a single line turns intoTHIS
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photos being something so important to stan that he has them framed throughout the shack..... mabel being confident that he loves them when she sees that photo in the lab despite everything she had learnt in nwhs.......
(+ that one photo that makes me so emotional constantly)
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#stan hiding literally all the ones of ford as he got older tho.....#did his mindscape memories of them begin to shift into being an empty swingset when he made that choice....#gravity falls#stan pines#stanley pines#the fishing trip really being one of the best moments in stan's life im gonna cry!!!!#he spent most of that day being miserable and bitter and alone!!!!#mcgucket getting the kids to sympathise with stan along with creating the two essential components to end weirdmageddon#truly the mvp here shfdhjffhj#unrelated but that early mr mystery design having his hair still be noticeably long despite cutting it....#him likely doing it himself.....
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gonna say, something or someone being misogynistic is on its own a good enough reason not to like it or not to spend time with that person. It's not just that misogyny is so normalised that not watching a show or not spending with someone just because of misogyny is treated as not enough of a reason - it's also that as a woman, you are under constant scrutiny and constantly thrown tests to show that you are 'not one of the difficult ones', that you can 'take a joke'.
But 'your friend keeps saying degrading things about women' is a good enough reason not to hang out with that person or not to go to a gathering. 'i read the last book by his author and it was deeply misogynistic' is a good enough reason why you don't want to read things by that author anymore. 'This comedian specifically makes a lot of mean-spirited jokes about women' reason enogh not to watch that or see that show, even if your friends want to go. 'This content creator keeps going on weird tangents about women' reason enough not to watch their stuff or support them.
and it is especially a very good reason not to date someone.
#last night i rewatched hbomberguy's plagiarism video and I kept noticing how many female supporters James Somerton had#despite being such a giant misogynist#and this sent me down this mental rabbithole of how often it happened that we had a guy in our friend group who was rude/weird with women#but it was just an issue everyone danced around#and I feel like part of the reason is that misogyny alone is not considered a good enough reason not do something#and I can already see counter-arguments like 'so you're saying I CAN'T enjoy xyz'#I'm aware that it's impossible to cut out everything misogynistic and that you would miss out on a lot of great works if you do#but I'm trying to get out of the habit of immediately hedging what I'm saying and describing every case scenario exception#I'm not saying that you aren't allowed to do something you want to (who am I to do that)#I'm saying that IF you DON'T want to do something because of misogyny - that's reason enough#if something you do in your free time and should be for your enjoyment is so uncomfortable and becomes a chore you are doing for others#you don't have to.#and then the last one. the whole can of worms of how many women date men who hate women...
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#polls#choices made to appease me and me alone#woman adjacent as the demons and death could be argued to not be strictly women despite being played by women#spn#i can make polls too
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#this is a cry for help please i have loved this clown for over a decade#When Bruce says “I can fix him” I completely understand & not bc I want to fix him#but bc despite all the atrocities he has committed you can't help but feel compassion for him#Joker constantly struggles to not let himself be seen vulnerable but when he does oh God it breaks my heart#I wouldn't know what to do if I were aware that I'm being doomed by the narrative & i had no escape even in death#to have a fate as tragic as being forced to become a myth#a monster who abandons all traces of humanity to make sure that someone else never abandons his#A lonely man who lives in a world of the dead and must do as much harm as possible to the only living person before his eyes#After all horror and obsession leads backs to love. oh god imagine loving as much as he does#Love as something twisted as a source of tragedy and death as an addiction a wound that never stops bleeding and hurts more every day#All you want is to be free#But someone else is holding on to you and will never let u go bcz he is afraid of being alone#and without you the weight of the world he carries on his shoulders would kill him he needs u as much as u need him#both are going to drown together#anyways hahaha i luv this stupid clown#joker#the joker#batjokes#bcz i got carried away writing the tags :p
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The newest pain sharing update is literally just the post about that 6 week old kitten trying his best to take care of a couple 2 week old kittens
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Its them
YEEEES, THAT'S THEM !!!!!! OMG
I personally headcanon hyrule to be 16 almost 17, four to be 15 and wind 13 almost 14, so they're all babies lmao
A kitten looking after two kittens being chased by a mountain lion lol
#hyrule noticed he was the older one and immediately adopted those kids#despite being a kid himself lol#i just think that he was alone for so long that now that he has a found family he's really attached and protective#he usually lets the fretting and fussing to the oldest links but he's the eldest link now lol#hyrule: oh i need an eldest link....wait i AM an eldest link...!#miry's ask box#lu pain sharing au
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Tried to doodle Caine for the first time and for some reason I landed on this
#he deserves to feel distress/neu#tadc caine#caine#the amazing digital circus caine#the amazing digital circus#doodle#angst??#funny????#I DONT KNOW#pls reblog#i dont have the censor bar png so imagine hes so frustrated he just. turns the censor off#caine when the 500th human goes insane despite his best efforts and nothing is ever enough he doesn't know why and he winds up being alone :
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