#before the pharmacies closed over Christmas

[quandongcrumble]

So, my anxiety hit the roof last night at bed time. It’s after 1 am and I’m sitting in paralysed doomscrolling on the couch and I need to go to bed but I just can’t, and my heart feels like it’s trying to climb out of my throat…

I’m on the prescribed medication but it just doesn’t cut it. You know what did? Sharing a joint with my partner. We had a little smoke, got pleasantly stoned, and then I had a quick shower and fell asleep before the body stoned feeling left my knees.

And it pisses me off that I live in a country where that’s illegal. Like, if I lived in the right country I could buy some gummies from a dispensary and chew one on nights like that. I would be able to work out what dosage works for me to cut the bullshit in my head and let me get some sleep, instead of hoping the backyard weed I have is going to be about the right potency. Instead I’m debating asking my doc for a prescription for something on top of my current meds because they work wonders for the depression but don’t really cut the anxiety.

[wileys-russo]

ausenal ‘can you just not sit still?’ travelling to London

steph catley, caitlin foord, kyra cooney-cross

"one two three four, i declare a thumb war!" you chanted, hand locked with kyras as the two of you grunted and struggled. "oh my god." steph mumbled, massaging her temples as the four of you sat in dubai airport for your layover.

"how the fuck are the two of you not tired? you did not shut up or sleep that entire flight!" caitlin groaned from beside her, head resting on her fist as you and kyra ignored them.

"winner!" you screamed happily, jumping on top of the brunette. "ow! steph." you scowled as the defender harshly smacked the back of your calf. "its four thirty in the morning here and people are clearly trying to rest. shut up!" the girl warned sternly nodding to a few other passengers curled up in chairs not far from you.

"that doesn't count we're on aussie time!" kyra slung her arm around you with a scoff. "yeah! and on aussie times its...eleven thirty seven in the morning." you checked your phone and grinned, steph only letting out a deep sigh.

"how much longer till we board?" she mumbled to caitlin. "four and a half hours." the striker answered with a sigh of her own. "we could always drug them, i'm sure theres a pharmacy somewhere in here." steph muttered, both girls seeming to contemplate the idea for a moment before abandoning it with a shake of their heads.

"oh i have cards! lets play." you remembered, swinging your backpack off and rummaging through before you found them, kyra sitting cross legged on the floor beside you.

"come on!" you pinched stephs ankle as she jolted awake and shot you a glare. "works best with four people." you shook the packet at her as kyra had successfully harassed caitlin into playing.

"one game, thats it."

though with all four of your competitive tendencies kicking in, one game quickly became five, and then ten. steph tapping out as they announced your connecting flight was delayed a further three and a half hours due to an engine issue.

"oh you've gotta be fucking kidding." caitlin groaned, you and kyra quite unbothered as you packed away the cards. "ky and i are gonna go find food." you dropped your backpack on top of steph who grunted and pushed it off with an annoyed huff, the two of you racing off before she could say another word.

"do you reckon they accept aussie dollars?" kyra realised as the two of you stood in front of a vending machine, all of the food kiosks closed for another hour due to the time. "no but they should accept this." you grinned plucking your debit card out of your pocket.

"what! i thought steph took yours? caitlins got mine." kyra groaned, the two of you having had your 'pocket money' privileges revoked after you'd decided to buy out basically the entire vending machine at camp, most of which was shared with harper and harley and caused a sugar high chaos.

"sticky fingers ky, sticky fingers." you smirked, having swiped it out of stephs wallet when she was distracted. "oh like in home alone! the sticky bandits." kyra beamed, having admitted to never having seen the movie you'd forced her to watch a whole stack of christmas films over camp.

"see! and you thought you didn't need a christmas movie education."

"jesus christ we're here for a few more hours not a few days!" caitlin shook her head as you and kyra returned, arms laden with all sorts of treats both sweet and savory. "you are not eating anything that has sugar in it before the flight, over my dead body." steph warned sternly, making quick work to try and snatch everything she deemed a danger.

little did they know you and kyra had assumed this would be the case, the majority of the sweet treats hidden away in pockets, kyras bum bag or on your persons.

"do we stop them?" caitlin sighed, wedged into the chair beside steph as you and kyra took off again to explore. "no, if they run off their energy now maybe they'll actually sleep this next flight." steph pointed out, hopeful but realistic that likely wouldn't happen.

so they left the two of you to it, grateful you'd finally left them be much as they worried what the two of you were up to, the last thing they needed was to have to bail you out of trouble with security in another country let alone in dubai.

"where the hell are they? the flight boards in five minutes!" steph stressed, trying both of your phones again which rang out. those five minutes passed, then another ten, and with seconds to spare before they considered just leaving the two of you behind suddenly you and kyra skidded around the corner into view.

"sorry! we got lost and then kyra-" you started to explain but with a murderous look from both your older team mates you fell silent, accepting your bag which was shoved into your chest and silently filing onto the plane after them.

"no! you two are being separated." steph warned as you tried to sit beside kyra, frowning and moving the seat behind so you were next to steph instead.

getting through takeoff both you and kyra were quiet, steph and caitlin both praying that meant you had indeed tired yourselves out. but as the seatbelt sign went off and steph had just started to doze off she heard you moving about, tossing and turning and huffing.

"can you just not sit still?" the defender groaned tiredly, head turning to shoot you a look as you sent her a sheepish smile. "i'm not tired!" you shrugged honestly. "watch a movie or something then, just be quiet. please!" the older girl sighed deeply as you nodded.

it seemed to have worked as steph began to doze off, but the very obvious opening of a packet of something caused her to shoot back up, catching you in the act of shoving a chocolate bar in your mouth.

"give it." steph warned, holding her hand out as you sighed and handed it over. "all of them." the girl shot you a firm look as you deflated and grabbed out the bag, watching with a broken heart as steph hid them away in her own luggage.

"you know steffy you are the worst travel buddy ever." "funny, could say the exact same about you kid. now be quiet, please!"

[sageworld]

The Christmas Kids • Rafe Cameron. (part II)

“the christmas kids were nothing but a gift,

and love is a tower where all of us can live.”

he was really sweet in the beginning but then something changed

WARNINGS • Cheating, mentions of sex work, reader catches an STD, overall just a upsetting chapter

christmas kids masterlist; here

06/13/2021

it had been hours and you couldn’t stop the tears. you laid yours’ & rafe’s half full bed in your pajamas sobbing your eyes out.

1:34am

your bed side clock read, rafe still wasn’t home he had texted you saying he was going out with top & kelce to watch the football game at the local bar around 7:30 & that was the last you heard from him.

you ponder back onto the events that had happened before that. you had walked into your local planned parenthood, complaints of vaginal pain, slime like discharge & a overall smell that you’d been insecure about for about two days now.

“hi mrs. cameron, im maddy & i’ll be your nurse today. i see on file that you want to get STD tested today.” your nurse greets you while closing the door behind her.

“yes, i’ve been having some issues and i just wanna make sure.” the small talk continues on for some time before she gives you the small green lidded cup & you head to the bathroom.

as you finish your business you leave it in the small metal box in the bathroom, going back to wait in the nurses office like directed. the nerves running through you.

bing

your phone buzzed.

rafey💍🧿: hey babe, just checked your location. wyd?

y/n: just been having some cramp issues is all.

you put your phone down when the nurse comes back in, your phone binging as you do so but you choose to ignore it.

“hi again, so we got your results back & unfortunately you’ve tested positive for chlamydia.” you don’t hear much past that. trying to swallow down the lump in your throat, focusing on trying not to cry in her office.

“mrs.cameron?” she tries to gain your attention to which you look up to her from your chair, teary eyed. “you will have to alert all partners you’ve been with-.” “i’ve only been with my fiancé, they’re must be some mistake.” the tears start to fall.

“i know this is hard, you should recommend your fiancé come in for some testing as well.” she rubs your back. “i want to be tested again, there must’ve been a mistake.” you sob, feeling the headache coming.

“mrs. cameron, we can test again but i can assure you that you’re positive for it, im gonna prescribe you some antibiotic that you can pick up at any local pharmacy.”

fast forward back to now, over pondering on the events of the day. your heart aches, you knew rafe. you knew of his infidelities but the thought never crossed your mind that he wasn’t using protection.

a nervous rumble fills your belly as you hear the roar of his trucks engine pulling up in your drive way.

2:57am

your clock now reads, football game my ass.

you knew he was never really watching football, rafe had more than a few addictions. somewhere in between the cocaine and money, strippers had fell into it. there was a club about 30 minutes away on the mainland that you’d seen rafe’s location at a few times. and after a few text searches you knew top & kelce had always gone with him.

at first you didn’t think it was bad, you’d looked at other guys before while in the relationship, hell for your eighteenth girls sleepover your friends got you a male stripper as a joke. that was until you woke up and saw nearly 2900 had been withdrawn from your & rafe’s account. it didn’t say what on but you could only assume he had taken out cash.

as time went on & it got worse, you could only wonder. why them?

he was engaged to you but he always found his way back to them. why couldn’t you be good enough? it felt like no matter how many hours you spent in the gym, no matter how clean and lean you ate it wasn’t enough. you always wondered if he was bored of your body, seeing the same things over and over again. but, that’s not much of a topic you should be thinking about.

you try and contain your sobs as he opens your bed room door, stumbling over to you. it’s clear he thinks your asleep. “mm sweet kitty.” he slurs, liquor taken over him as he bends over the bed to plant a kiss on your forehead.

you don’t move or dare open your eyes even after you hear the door to your master bathroom shut & the shower water turn on.

you shove your face into the pillow and quietly sob, the pillow nearly soaked from the hours you’d spent crying, salivating & snot running onto it.

3:26 am

you quickly open your eyes to see the time as the bathroom door opens again, he turns off the light before hopping into his side of the bed, cuddling you under the covers. even though your backs faced to him you can now smell rafe and not some cheap whoreish perfume.

you debating for a bit, should i tell him or wait till tomorrow

but as soon as you get ready to turn you hear his soft snores.

6:24 am

despite the lack of sleep you’re up early & cannot stand the idea of staying cuddled up with rafe. you quietly get up and sneak away, grabbing a cute gym two piece set.

after doing a few hygiene things and grabbing the essentials, gym bag, pre work out, stanley, airpods & a small protein bar for the road you’re off.

working out was always a good way to clear your mind, just put your airpods in and focus on you.

your body drips in sweat as you’re 30 flights into your stair master. you’d done a few other things and had been here for god knows how long.

buzz buzz buzz

your airpods ring in your ears.

FaceTime call: Rafey🧿💍

you hesitate to answer but decide to anyways.

“mm kitty, why’d you run off so early?” rafe answers, sleepy voice and still in bed.

“just wanted to get out the house.” you simply answers,looking down to focus on the stairs. “should’ve woken me up i would’ve come.” rafe frowns. you shrug on the camera, “what’s wrong?” rafe asks, your attitude upsetting him.

“nothing just have somethings i need to talk to you about when i get home.” you can tell what you said make rafe anxious as his eyes open a bit.

“really kitty? about what?” his voice holds excitement. ok so maybe not nervous.

“im finishing up here and i’ll tell you when i get home.” the conversation goes on for a bit longer with rafe just wanting you to tell him but untimely he agrees for you to tell him at home, after saying your goodbyes and love yous, you make your descend off the machine.

you don’t wanna go but decide it’s for the best, packing your stuff into your gym bag & making your way out the door.

it feels all too soon as you walk into the front door of your house, the tv playing loudly. it’s a saturday so rafe’s off today, the sound off last nights football games highlights playing.

“hi kitty.” rafe smiles, man spread on the couch still in his pajama pants and no shirt. “hey rafe.” you say blandly, the sight of him disgusting you. “c’mere kitty, what’d you wanna talk to me about.” he pats his lap for you to sit. “i-i think i’m gonna shower first.” the definitely wasn’t a conversation you wanted to have with rafe.

you were sure, rafe knew you knew he was cheating. yet the one or two times you had even slightly brought it up he shut it down saying he didn’t know what you were talking about. you knew he saw your face when you once saw a hickey left on his neck that wasn’t from you. when you can smell another woman on him, when he comes home at the late hours of the night/early hours of the morning.

“no, no. i have to shower too but let’s talk first.” rafe’s voice is soft, inviting it usually is when rafe thinks he gonna get home kind of good news from you. what does he think i wanna talk about?

“rafe, have you been using protection like when you’re having sex?” the lump in your throat forms as rafe sits his body up completely, nervous look on his face. “well uh-kitty we don’t use condoms but you’re on your birth control.” he runs his hand through his hair, a tall tale sign he’s nervous or feels like he’s been caught.

“not with me rafe and, i swear to god if you’re not honest with me i will walk right back out that door and i will not come back.” you’re frustration only grows.

“i-i usually do but just sometimes i don’t but i promise when i don’t i pull out or-or-or i make them take a plan b in front of me i swear.” rafe stands fidgeting with his hands as he steps closer to you. “whyre you asking me this?” rafe stops in front of you, voice shaking.

“i went to planned parenthood yesterday & turns out i have chlamydia. we both know you’re the only one i’ve ever been with so, yeah.” you nod your head, a tear falling as you bite your lip.

“so you’re not pregnant?” rafe’s head hangs low as he reaches for you, making you step back. “why the actual fuck would i be pregnant?” is that what he thought?

“well i saw you went there yesterday and you said cramps but i knew you weren’t on your period because we’ve been having sex like everyday, so i just thought.” rafe explains, grabbing his hair in both hands before letting out a breath of air & before you know it he’s hyperventilating.

“r-rafe, calm down.” you wanna tell him it’s okay just to get him out of this state but it’s not okay, it’s not fair to you. you walk up to him and he begins to slowly place himself on the ground, one hand on his chest and one still in his hair and he tries to find his rhythm to breath. “rafe you need to calm down, now.” your tone more stern as you get down next to him.

“i’m so sorry my kitty, im so fucking sorry.” he sobs into your stomach. “rafe, stop fucking cry please and let’s talk.” you’re over it at this point. you’ve been cheated on, embarrassed & given an std by the man who’s supposed to love you the most & he’s here crying.

he looks up to you, shocked by your tone. “o-okay.” he sniffles, sitting his back up against the side of the couch.

“i’m just going to keep it simple rafe. i want you to go to planned parenthood for antibiotics, i want you to stop fucking these bitches, i expect you home by no later than 10:00pm and if you can’t do that then the weddings off.” you shrug and let out a sigh at the last part. “o-okay, i-i promise.” he stutters out when suddenly it hits him, “please don’t take away the weddding.” his sobs almost remind you of a child who’s favorite toy has been taken as he goes back to crying into your stomach.

“rafe, we’re still getting married as long as you get your shit together.” you sigh, scratching his scalp with your acrylic nails which you know he loves.

“i swear baby, im gonna ma-make this right.”

god i hope so.

[lockes-woods]

That's on Period(t)

(1/2)

A/N:

Mihawk eases your period pain in a way only he knows how. This was supposed to be a short drabble pwp, but apparently, I can't write straight smut, I have to have a plot. No request; just the ramblings of a dysphoric enby.

Mihawk x reader (x Shanks in spirit)

Content warning; period sex, dysphoria, fingering, and P in V sex.

MDNI

This low-key ended up being 4715 words (longer than most of my chapters in my other fics). This one kinda got away from me, hopefully, it's coherent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An unintentional groan escaped you as you shifted in your seat trying to find a comfortable position. Despite the fact that you had been camped out on your couch for the better part of the past ten hours nothing felt right. You felt powerless as another onslaught of cramps started in your lower abdomen. You whined as you hugged your heating pad as close as you possibly could to your lower stomach, praying to whoever was listening that it would stop. At this point, you wish you could cut yourself open and stuff it inside of you. Every sharp pain felt like your uterus was screaming to make its presence known. That paired with the breast tenderness that made it impossible to bind left you feeling like a dysphoric wreck.

It didn’t help that the last time you were out you kept getting misgendered by everyone you encountered from older women needing help reaching the top shelf in the grocery store to the pharmacy tech that helped you fill your birth control prescription. The latter also dead naming you because you haven’t been able to legally change your name yet. If you weren’t so desperate to make sure you could start up on your next pack as soon as possible you would have avoided that interaction altogether. Logically you knew they were just doing their job, but it was still a shitty situation to go through when you already felt awful. You were counting down the time in hours til you could start your next pack of birth control and put a stop to this mess.

You just had to wait til Sunday at seven in the morning when you took that along with your other morning medications. You immediately regretted glancing down at the time on your phone. The countdown you had going on informed you that you still had eighty-two and a half hours of your period left. You sighed to yourself; you still have over three days to go. You were just thankful that you had off from work today. You needed time alone after all the triggering encounters you had the day before. Most of them wouldn’t even have been a blip on your radar normally, but your hormone imbalances made each small inconvenience feel life-altering. That was the main reason you hated your period, while the dysphoria and physical pain sucked, it was most annoying not being able to regulate your emotions regularly. You still felt bad about snapping at your roommate before he left for his shift.

Shanks was always annoying and a bit of a brat but his comment about how cute you looked in your Christmas pajama pants and oversized t-shirt (that you had stolen from him) was the last straw. He was always playfully flirting with you. While you knew it meant nothing to him it pulled at your heart as a constant reminder you would never be anything more than friends. It wasn’t like you wanted him to break up with his boyfriend. It was quite the opposite you often wished the three of you could be something more but you knew that was a pipe dream. You still felt sensitive about your lingering crush on him and his boyfriend. Those feelings were only amplified by your hormone imbalance.

You had told him to fuck off and threw pillows at his head til he made his way out of the apartment. While this was far from the first time you had told him to fuck off it was the first time you said it in a genuine tone; instead of your normal playful way. You knew you would just need to buy him a beer the next time you went out to apologize, but it still made you cry in frustration as soon as you were alone in the apartment. Because of the nature of his job as a firefighter you hated leaving things on a bad note before his shifts. It was in a similar vein as the old saying that you should never go to sleep angry. Despite your exhaustion, you’d probably end up staying up until he got home at one in the morning out of guilt.

Speaking of Shanks, his boyfriend, and your defacto third roommate, should be home soon from his twelve-hour shift at the hospital. You had an anxious turn in your stomach at the thought of him. You hoped that he hadn’t told Mihawk about your altercation. It was already hard to get a read on him and you didn’t know if you could handle him being mad at you while your emotions were already a hot mess. You tried not to focus on it as you queued up another episode of your comfort show and snuggled deeper into your secondhand couch. You absent-mindedly snacked on the candy and chips you had strewn about the coffee table. Your eyes began to droop as you took in the familiar storyline you had seen countless times. You had just begun to phase out into sleep as you heard the familiar opening and firm shutting of the apartment door. A groan was pulled from your throat as you suddenly shot up into a sitting position causing a cramp to shoot through you. Blinking up with bleary eyes you took in Mihawk slipping out of his shoes and placing them on the rack next to the door.

“Hey, Angel did I wake you?” Mihawk asked, staring down at you with his honeysuckle eyes, as he slipped off and hung up his work bag.

“No?” You said, shifting in your seat for a more comfortable position. Your passing grimace as another round of cramps cut through you wasn’t lost on Mihawk.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked, taking a seat on the armchair facing you.

“Not really,” you sighed, “I’ve been tethered to this heating pad all day and the Tylenol I took barely took the edge off of my cramps. I wish I wasn’t allergic to ibuprofen.” You groaned as the cramping continued.

“Have you tried any alternative methods to relieve the pain?” he asked.

“Like what?” you asked back, outside of drugs and heating pads you weren’t aware of any other methods to ease cramps.

“I’ve heard orgasms are a good method to combat menstrual cramps.” He answered casually. You immediately broke eye contact and began to play with the frayed edges of your well-loved heating pad. You could feel the heat rush to your face at his suggestion. While you weren’t a virgin, you were still kinda prudent when it came to things of a sexual nature. You were getting better at feeling less embarrassed about discussions involving sex, but it was times like these that you reverted back to your abstinence-only upbringing. It didn’t help that one of your closest friend’s very attractive boyfriend was the one prompting the conversation. You were so in your head that you didn’t hear Mihawk shift from the recliner to the cushion next to you on the couch until you felt the coldness of his hand tilting your chin upward to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable in any way, it was just a suggestion. You know we hate seeing you in pain.” He said.

“It-It’s okay, I just don’t know if the mess is worth it.” You said meeting his gaze. Your heart softened at the concerned look in his eyes. It almost made you want to cry.

“You could always do it in the shower?” he suggested.

“What about the no fucking in common areas rule?” you ask, the look Mihawk gave you was more than enough to confirm what you already suspected.

“You motherfuckers,” you started pulling out of his grasp and swinging a pillow at him full force, “You really broke the one rule I had before you moved in?!”

“To be fair we had already broken the rule before and I moved in,” Mihawk responded with a slight upturn of his lip, “I believe Shanks’ exact reasoning was that we were grandfather in.”

“You’re the only other people who live here! Who else would it be for?!” you responded raising your voice at the prospect of Shanks’ audacity. You were about to hit him with the pillow again, before dropping it once you realized what it could have come in contact with.

“Both of you are cleaning this apartment from top to bottom on your next day off,” you say glaring up at him.

“That feels more than fair,” Mihawk responded, a smirk still present on his face. You were about to lay into him more before another wave of cramps made its way through your lower abdomen.  

“Now are you going to shower?” Mihawk asked, promptingly.

“It wouldn’t work anyway,” you sigh turning your gaze back to the cloth covering your heating pad.

“How do you know before you’ve even tried it?” Mihawk asked.

“I i-it won’t-” you started, “I c-can’t” You tried again before giving up and attempting to make a hot exit back to your room. Mihawk locked his hand around your wrist in a firm, but gentle grip as your feet hit the ground. You could feel the heat of embarrassment spread from your face to your ears, back down to your chest.

“What can’t you do?” he asked calmly, keeping a steady grip on you.

“I-I, fuck,” you sighed, before reluctantly meeting his gaze, “I’venevermademyselfcum” You rush out attempting to get away, before Mihawk’s other hand grips onto your other wrist.

“Have you ever cum?” he asked, with no trace of judgment in his voice.

“I mean yeah, but only with certain partners. It’s not like I’m seeing anyone now, so it’s pointless to even attempt it.” You sigh, sliding back into your seat with a pout. Mihawk released his grip on your wrists once it became apparent that you were not going to try and run away again.

“Do you want help?” Mihawk asked. You almost laughed before meeting his gaze and realizing that his offer was completely genuine.

“But-Shanks,” was all you managed to get out before your brain stalled out. You were half a second from spirally before he gently cupped your face and pulled your attention back to him.

“Shanks will be fine with it, trust me,” Mihawk said as he gently ran his thumb against your cheek; gaze never leaving yours. “The only reason I can think of that would make him upset is the fact that I’d be with you first.”

“But-how?” you asked, still trying to absorb this new information.

“Shanks has been holding a torch for you for years,” Mihawk said, “He’s liked you from the moment you met.”

“Why’d he never make a move?” you asked after a moment.

“He did the night you met, but you just thought he was being friendly.” Mihawk explained, “He didn’t want to lose you, so he took on the role of a friend.”

“But we’ve been friends for over three years,” you responded, “He was the first friend I made in the city,”

“Trust me I know. I was jealous of you for the longest time, but after getting to know you I get why he didn’t want to lose you,” Mihawk confessed. He gave you a moment to process before continuing, “We’d love to be with you if you’d have us,”

“Wait-So is it an open relationship? Are you like polyamorous?” You ask trying to process all of what Mihawk had just told you, but your brain was too busy buffering.

“I believed it would be considered closed polyamory,” Mihawk said stroking your bottom lip with his thumb, “There would be three of us, and any of us can be together, but there would not be any additional people,” he explained, patiently. You nodded pensively, as you began to get what he was saying.

“Okay,” you reply after a minute.

“Okay? Like you’re in?” Mihawk asked to clarify.

“Yeah, I’m still not totally sure what the logistics would be, but I know I want you both.” You confessed looking up at him through your lashes. Mihawk didn’t waste a momentary second before pulling you in for a desperate kiss. You moaned as his tongue came into contact with yours for the first time, you let him lead the kiss. One of his hands remained cupping your face the other gripped your waist and pulled you into his lap. A gasp escaped you as you felt his hard-on press against your core. You let out a loud unobstructed moan as he pulled back from the kiss and began to nip down your neck, while shamelessly grinding up against you.

“Fuck, Mihawk” you whine, before his lips once again connected with yours. You instinctually wrapped your legs around his waist and looped your arms around his neck as he stood up from the couch and made his way to the bathroom. He delicately placed you on the bathroom counter, you whined at his loss as he pulled back and stripped off his top. You bit your lip to contain a groan as you took in his backside when he turned to turn on the shower. It wasn’t the first time you’d seen him shirtless, but it was the first time you felt okay checking him out. Steam began to envelop the bathroom as he stalked back towards you.

“Are you sure you’re okay going from kissing straight to period sex?” You asked looking up at him.

“Angel, I’m a surgical resident; little blood isn’t going to scare me off,” he said, with a small quirk on his lips, “Are you okay with going straight to sex?” he asked as he stroked the waistband of your pajama pants.

“Yes, Sir” you answered, a mischievous smile never leaving your lips as Mihawk gripped your chin and jerked your face upward in a firm grip.

“What did you just say Angel?” he asked with an unsettling air of calmness.

“Sir,” you responded smugly, doubling down, “That is what you like Shanks to call you right?” you asked, “Or is there someone else he’s calling out to when he cums?”

“Darling, I’d tread lightly if I were you; I’d hate to have to spend our first time together correcting your behavior.” He said, stroking your cheek.

“So, you don’t want me to call you Sir?” you asked, with an air of faux innocence. You bit your lip to contain your smile as you saw a phantom twitch in his right eye. You had only ever seen Shanks be able to warrant that reaction. You decided to reel in your teasing before you crossed to the point of no return.

“Angel, as long as you’re cumming on my cock you can call me whatever you’d like,” he whispered into your ear, nipping at it. The smirk returned to his face as an involuntary whine left your lips.

“Now, I’ll ask you again. Do you want this?” he asked pulling back to see your whole face.

“Yes,” you whined as a wave of cramps shot through you; reminding you of why you were here in the first place.

“And your safe word?” he asked.

“Peach,” you answered, “Yours?”

“Code,” he answered, “Do you have any hard stops?”

“Just please don’t touch my chest or refer to me in feminine terms.” You say trying your hardest to maintain eye contact while being vulnerable.

“Of course, darling,” he said pecking your forehead, “Is it okay if I take this off?” he asked tugging at your oversized top. You nod enthusiastically lifting your arms to help him. Once it’s off you tug off your pajama pants and period underwear leaving you bare. It takes everything in your power not to cover your chest as Mihawk takes you in; a soft look on his face.

“What?” you ask after a moment.

“I always knew you were a beauty, but I never expected you to be this lovely,” he answered earnestly stroking up and down your sides. You could feel the heat return to your face at his genuine response.

“Can we get in the shower now? I don’t want to bleed on the counter” you ask looking up at him. He nodded; your comment seemed to snap him out of his daze. He once again had you wrapped your legs around his waist as he picked you up and walked over to the shower. He shed his pants and underwear before stepping in. A pleasant sigh escaped you as the hot water graced your skin. Thankfully you and Mihawk both preferred showers that were just below scalding. He placed you down and turned you so that his front was to your back. The shower head spray was adjusted to hit your lower stomach and core. An involuntary whine escaped you as you felt his hard-on pressed against your back. You were about to start grinding back against it before Mihawk placed a firm hand on your hip to keep you in place.

“Patience, love,” he said, reaching down to rest his other hand above your mound, “I have to prep you first; is this okay,” he asked reaching between your legs. You nodded, spreading your legs to give him better access.

“Words,” he said, hovering right above where you wanted him.

“Please, Sir,” you whine, unable to grind up to meet him because of his other hand holding you stationary. He hummed in approval finally stroking over your slit. He made a few agonizingly slow passes before finally breaching your slit. He again traced your entrance twice before inserting a single finger.

“Please, Sir more,” you whined, “I can take it-” You started before a moan cut through you as he ground his palm against your clit. He looped his arm around your waist pulling you back so that you could rest your body weight against him giving him better access to your core.

“Shh, it’s okay, just let Sir take care of you,” he responded, placing a kiss behind your right ear, before kissing and sucking his way down to your shoulder. You fell lax against his sturdy frame as he slipped another finger into your core, he pulled another whine from you as his fingers thrusted and curled around your front wall. He easily hit spots you could only dream of reaching on your own. A cry erupted from you as he suddenly increased his pace and depth of his fingers. Now every thrust had his palm smacking down on your clit. His own urges reared its head as he began to shamelessly grind against your back. You moan in response as your own resolve fades quickly as the coil inside you winds tighter and tighter.

“It’s okay Angel, you can let you. Just give me one and I’ll let you cum on my cock as many times as you like,” he said encouragingly, before pulling you in for a desperate kiss. You put up more resistance than you did in your initial kiss causing him to nip at your bottom lip. Simultaneously his arm wrapped around your waist loosened and joined his other hand at your core. You moan into the kiss as he began to rub your clit in succession with his thrust. Your climax began to build as you both found a rhythm. You had just gotten used to the rhythm when he suddenly pinched your clit. Your climax snapped through you at the sudden change in stimulation. Your pussy held his fingers in a vice grip as you rode out your high on his hand.

You fell fully slack against him as you came down from your high.

“Fuck so good Angel,” he praised slowly easing his fingers out of your core, “Knew you’d be perfect.”

“Sir, please,” you whined grinding back against him.

“Love,” he said in a warning tone hand back at its station on your hip.

“I want you, please Sir, I wanna be full again,” you moan as the momentary relief from cramps lapsed and the pain in your core returned. You stretched your head over your shoulder, pulling him in for another kiss. You were so focused on his mouth you didn’t realize he had switched positions until the coldness of the tiled wall met your back. You pulled back in a daze now front to front. You were snapped back to reality when you pulled back and felt the twitch of his cock against your stomach. Your eyes widened as you took in his size. You now understood why Shanks was so loud during sex, if you were being fucked by that on the reg you’d be screaming too.

“Sir,” you say hesitantly breaking eye contact with his cock and looking up at him.

“It’ll fit,” he said, seemingly reading your mind. He rubbed reassuring circles into your hips with his thumbs, “We’ll go slow. I’ll make it worth your while if you can be patient for just a little bit longer.”

“Unless you want to stop now, I won’t be mad if it’s too much for you right now,” he said offering you an out.

“No-” You answered quickly, “I mean, I’m comfortable continuing,” You corrected yourself, trying to play off how desperate you were for his cock. Despite your efforts, a knowing smirk still pulled across Mihawk’s face.

“Are you sure?” he asked teasingly,

“Yes,” you replied much calmer than your last response. He nodded hiking your right leg over his hip for better access.

“Are you ready?” he confirmed one more time. He began to tease his tip between your folds as you said yes one last time. His cock was soon lubed up with your blood and slick as he gently pushed the head of his dick into your entrance. He rocked back and forth slowly allowing you time to adjust to his jarring size.

“Fuck,” you moaned as he bottomed out. You found it almost impossible to focus on anything other than the pulses of his member deep inside of you.

“Shh, relax darling; I got you,” he said, pressing you firmer into the wall as he once again scooped you up into his arms. Both of your legs were wrapped around his middle as he leaned into you to keep you from sliding down the wall. You were effectively sandwiched between him and the wall. You held onto him for dear life as he suddenly began to thrust into you at a slow pace.

“More, please” you whined desperately. You were so full of him that his tip just kissed your cervix without pressing into it uncomfortably. While the slow pace was nice at first as you adjusted it began to drive you mad as you wished more than anything that he would start to fuck you like he means it.

“Patients,” he cooed down at you with a self-satisfied look, “I don’t want you to accidentally hurt yourself.”

“Fuck,” you groaned, tears beginning to kiss at the corners of your eyes. You wanted, no need to cum. The languid pace he had set was driving you mad.

“Sir, please,” you whined desperately.

“Please, what Angel?” he asked, the stupid smirk still plastered on his face.

“Fast,” you panted.

“You want me to go faster?” he asked, with fake ignorance.

“Fuck, please!” you border-lined shouted, “I’ll do whatever you want, please fuck me” you cried as tears began to fall down your face in two lines, one below each eye.

“Anything?” He asked bemused with a smirk, speeding up slightly, but not enough to make cum any faster than before.

“Yes,” you cried. He hummed in fake contemplation before responding.

“Okay, but you owe me one,” he answered coyly before he slowly pulled out and slammed back into you full force. A sigh of relief leaves you before he leans down. It felt like the wind was knocked out of you at the new angle. He quickened his pace, stroking longer and deeper inside you at every thrust. Your nails dug into the pristine white plane of his back leaving scratched down the stretch of his upper back as you tried to hold on the best you could. All you could do was helplessly moan as Mihawk used you as he pleased.

“Fuck,” he moaned, followed by a deep groan of your name. You could feel the pleasure building up in your core as you quickly approached your end.

“Fuck, please Sir can I cum? I’m so clos-” you started before you were cut off by your own moan. Tears began to prick at your eyes again, not out of frustration like earlier, but at the pure feeling of overstimulation you were now experiencing. “I’m sooo close please Sir” you whined.

“Go ahead Angel,” he said before pulling you in for a desperate kiss that he dominated. That was all the permission you needed; your body seized up like you were possessed as your orgasm ripped through you. Your pussy milking Mihawk’s cock for all it was worth.

“Fuck,” he groaned as he pulled out seconds before his own orgasm. He painted your stomach with his release, as your empty cunt clenched around nothing. He carefully lowered you back to the floor as you both tried to get your heart rates down to normal levels. He made quick work of cleaning your body as he raced against the now lukewarm water falling against your body. He had just managed to finish cleaning both of you seconds before the water went cold. He took his time drying your body, before bundling you up in one of his towels and placing you on the ledge of the tub.

A shiver ripped through your spent form as the cold air of your air-conditioned apartment invaded the space when he opened the door. A yawn escaped you as you patiently waited for him to come back. Your eyes had just begun to droop when he came back clad only in a pair of boxer briefs. He helped you into a pair of your period underwear and an oversized shirt. You bit your lip to contain your smile as you took in the logo of his medical school across the chest of the t-shirt. He had specifically gotten a shirt from his room instead of one of the ones you had stolen from Shanks over the years. You sleepily followed him through the living room and down the hall to the doors of your bedrooms.

On autopilot, you turned left to go to your room before a gentle tug on your wrist stopped your movement. You sleepily glance up at Mihawk and tilted your head in lieu of talking.

“You can stay in our room if you want,” he offered avoiding eye contact as a blush bloomed on his cheeks.

“Oh, okay,” you say as the proposition snaps you out of your daze. You followed Mihawk in and crawled into the bed.

“Wait, what about Shanks?” you asked.

“What about him?” Mihawk asked back.

“Would it make him feel weird to share a bed with me without a heads up?” you asked, tilting your head at him.

“No,” Mihawk said, the ghost of a smile forming on his lips, “I think it’d be a nice surprise; especially after a long shift.”

“Oh, okay,” you reply as fatigue begins to overtake your body.

“Do you need anything else before we go to sleep?” Mihawk asked, leaning against the door frame.

“Um, maybe my heating pad and some water,” you answer.

“Okay,” he nodded, taking off back to the living room and kitchen. You couldn’t help but smile as you lay enveloped in their scents. You managed to stay awake just long enough to take a few swigs of water and position yourself on your side with the heating pad flush against your lower abdomen. Mihawk curled up behind you, your fingers interlaced over your heating pad. You slept better than you had in a long time, especially for being on your period. You couldn’t tell if you had dreamt it or not, but you could have sworn someone had pecked your forehead and cocooned you between their chest and Mihawk’s. The faint smell of sandalwood was the last sensation your body recognized before drifting off to the next dream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PART 2

A/N:

Hope you enjoyed this one shot! Hopefully, this can find some other baddies suffering through their period. As always thanks for taking the time to read.

-Locke

[gingerjolover]

your naomi blurb altered my brain chemistry and i need more 🥹 this is one idea that has been eating at my brain~

their gf getting ready, doing makeup + getting dressed etc while naomi is in bed bc they take approximately 5 seconds to get ready and so don’t need to be up. when they do eventually get up and see their gf they go so soft and lovey and won’t stop saying how beautiful she is��

i had to get up early to paint my brothers nails and do his makeup for his halloween parade at school so enjoy this mini fic that i typed entirely on my phone and didn’t even attempt to edit 🥳

wc: who the hell knows bc i’m on my phone :)

Naomi sleeps like a log, no matter how many times you snooze your alarm, they’re still curled into you. Even after you shut it off and get out of bed, Naomi is still snoozing away, their bare torso barely exposed by the duvet, only their nose, closed eyes and hair poking over the covers.

There’s a lot to do today, the dog needs to go to the vet, you absolutely need groceries, there’s prescriptions waiting at the pharmacy, and your friends wedding is tomorrow and you desperately want a manicure and pedicure.

Getting ready in the mornings is lonely, Naomi taking all of 10 minutes to get dressed, do skin care, and get their shoes on means you get up a lot earlier. Even if you’re just doing skin care and picking an outfit, you move a little slower, taking your time.

You’re sitting at the vanity (that Jo and Naomi so painstakingly built last christmas - never give them hammers) applying your skin care. Halfway applying your vitamin C serum you hear ruffling, Naomi readjusting in bed, the soft lights from the vanity making their way to their eye-line. Your view of their face in the mirror disappears, only their hair and upper back is showing, it takes everything in you to stay seated and not go take a bite out of your partners shoulder.

You finish your light makeup surprisingly quick, the morning sun aiding you in your lowlight makeup station. There’s a pregnant pause as you look at your closet, pursing your lips as you think about what to wear. A quick check of the weather you’re standing up, grabbing your favorite pair of jeans and a light top, LA too hot even in late October (hehe). As soon as your pajama shirt comes off you hear a huff, turning around seeing Naomi in bed, arms behind their head, upper body leaning against the headboard. You jump back, startled by their sudden position.

“You’re a creep,” you snort, slipping on a bralette, adjusting it before removing your pajama pants.

“And you’re beautiful,” Naomi counters, eyes widening and head leaning forward to get a better view of your bare legs. You toss your pajama pants at their face, Naomi catching them as they chuckle softly. “Don’t be mean,” Naomi huffs, sinking further into the bed, getting comfortable so they can watch you.

“Did you do your makeup already?” Naomi asks, yawning, hand scratching at their left collarbone.

“Yes?”

“Fuck,” Naomi whines.

“Why? What’s wrong you big baby?” you giggle, hiking your jeans up your legs and buttoning them.

“I wanted to watch you,” Naomi groans, watching you diligently as you slip on your shirt. “So pretty” they mumble.

“I still have to do my mascara,” you offer, the small playful frown on Naomi’s face makes your insides turn, wondering if you could hand them the moon right now.

“Ooh yes!” Naomi cheers, rubbing their hands together.

“You’re so weird,” you comment, putting your pajamas in the hamper before walking over to the bed, leaning over and kissing Naomi softly. Their hand immediately holds the back of your head, lips moving with yours, pulling you onto them. Their hand squeezes your ass softly, nuzzling into you, your hand rubbing their torso.

“Are you getting up?” you ask softly, kissing Naomi’s cheek.

“Mhm,” eyes shining as they stare at you. There’s a softness in them, looking at you like you pulled the sun up this morning yourself. Naomi grins cheekily, smacking a kiss to your lips with an audible ‘mwah’ sound.

“Good morning by the way,” you say finally, pushing some of their curls away from their eyes. “Mornin baby,” they say softly, holding you close in a hug before releasing you, tapping your butt as you stand up.

Naomi stands, stretching, boxers peeking above the pajama pants that hang low on their hips. Naomi’s arms flex as they stretch, your eyes running down their body. “No staring, bunny,” Naomi teases, winking and laughing as you turn away quickly, going to the vanity to apply your mascara and spray some perfume.

Naomi rubs your back as they pass you, heading to the closet to get their clothes for the day. You turn to the side, watching Naomi slide their pants up their legs, eyes burning a hole in the side of your head as they watch you fix your lashes. “You’re so fucking pretty,” they murmur, buttoning their pants.

“Shut up,” you say, eyes wide as you attempt to fix your mascara without compromising your under eyes.

Naomi comes over, still shirtless, and squats next to you, chin on your shoulder, watching you as you finish. “I can’t help it, look at you,” they say, watching your reflection in the mirror, half lidded eyes and parted mouth, they turn their head to leave a long sweet kiss on your cheek. “Beautiful girl,” Naomi mumbles, leaving a few quick pecks there before going to find a shirt and shoes.

You sit at the small bench and wait, watching them finish getting ready, knowing that it will take all of 5 minutes in the bathroom for them to use the bathroom, brush their teeth, and do skincare.

“Can I put your perfume on?” Naomi’s asking, almost sheepishly.

“Mhm,” you nod, wiggling your fingers at the small dish, telling Naomi to pick one for the day. They automatically reach for the one they got you on your birthday last year. You stand, Naomi chuckles as they spritz a few times and make you walk through it, hips moving side to side. You giggle as Naomi spritzes again, holding a hand out for you and making you twirl under their arm and into their embrace. Naomi kisses your neck under your ear before doing two half sprays on each side and a small one on the hollow of your throat. “There you go baby doll,” Naomi murmurs, tucking your hair behind your ears. “Fuck,” they say, eyes darting all over your face. “You’re so pretty baby,” Naomi groans, kissing your nose softly.

“Okay, enough, go wash your face,” you giggle, pushing Naomi away and towards the en suite.

You head downstairs and not even 5 minutes later, Naomi comes downstairs, ready and fresh faced. Your dog is instantly on them, mooching, asking for treats.

“Mama would kick my ass bud, after the vet, okay? shhh” they say softly, conspiring with your dog who’s tail his wagging at max speed.

You give Noami a look, one eyebrow raised as you grab their car keys, both of your bags, the dog’s leash and y’all’s water bottles. Naomi shrugs innocently, “What babe? I didn’t give him anything!” they say softly. You’re rolling your eyes, smiling creeping up your face as you hand Naomi the leash.

Naomi looks down at your sweet pup, kneeling down and connecting the leash to his collar, “I told you man, she’s the boss,” they say, while shaking their head.

[madameaug]

Please don’t tell me jungkook or oc cheats because they just had a baby 🥲

Jungkook would never! If anything Jennette giving birth to little Peanut only enhanced is love for her.

Jungkook During the 40 Weeks of Pregnancy

Finding Out

Jennette didn't experience the typical signs of pregnancy. No morning sickness, no excessive weight gain, no mood swings. Nothing like that at all. She was perfectly fine. She was taking down the silver and gold Christmas-themed tree in February. Still in her festive onesie, Jungkook noticed something quite odd. An open jar of smooth peanut butter.

"You bought peanut butter?"

Taking a big lick from the spoon, Jennette nodded her head.

"Babe you can't stand peanut butter. You literally gag at the smell. Now your eating it straight of the jar."

"I don't know why, but I've been craving it. The smell isn't bothering me right now."

"Are you sick?" Jungkook placed the back of his head on Jennette's forehead.

"I'm fine."

Jungkook found that moment weird, but didn't harp on it. Maybe she was giving peanut butter another chance. Surely that was just the explanation. But it didn't stop there. More peanut butter treats arrived in the house in the next few weeks. Nutter Butters, Reeses Cups, and an unhealthy amount of peanut butter jelly sandwiches.

Jungkook watched in awe as Jennette ate her fifth Reeses in one sitting. The empty wrappers were piling beside her, as she watched an old episode of Martin.

"Jungkook I can literally feel your eyes glaring holes into my face."

"Jeanie are you sure nothing is wrong? Like you aren't hiding anything from me."

"I'm not sick, Jungkook. I'm not coughing, no sore throat, and no fever. I'm literally fine- stop asking."

Six hours later while Jennette was lying in bed, Jungkook lay on his back, deep in thought. The amount of peanut butter products Jennette had been consuming in the past three weeks was absurd. How could she go from gagging at the smell of the ingredient to finishing family-size jars by herself in three days. Jungkook needed to get to the bottom of this. Slipping out of bed, Jungkook went to the 24/7 pharmacy. He went up and down the aisles, hoping to find some fancy brand to explain the eating habits shift.

Tylenol?

Advil?

Metamucil?

No no no.

Soon enough, he found himself of the family planning aisle. In front of him were three rows of Clear Blue pregnancy tests. His heart skipped a beat as he contemplated picking up the pregnancy test.

Better safe than sorry.

The drive back to the house seemed longer, despite him going ten over the speed limit.

"Jeanie... Jeanie baby, wake up." He gently rocked Jennette awake.

"Go away." She yawned turning on her side. She nuzzled into her pillow.

"I need you to take this test for me."

"What test?" Jennette's cracked.

"Just take it."

Irritated, Jennette squinted as she sat up. She slipped her feet into her slippers. She headed into their shared bathroom beside their bedroom. There, she saw a pregnancy test on the counter. Her lips ready to fire off.

"Please just take it. I can't help but think this could be why you have been acting so different lately."

Closing the door, Jennette just went with the motions. Taking the test and peeing on the stick. She wasn't even anxious about the results in the slightest. She wanted to just get back in her bed, before her spot of warmth disappeared.

"Are you done!?"

Jennette washed her hands and opened the door. Jungkook had the edge of his thumb in between in teeth. A soothing habit he only did when he was highly anxious.

Jennette adjusted her bonnet slightly, slipping of her head. She went into her nightstand and put on her signature purple glasses. She couldn't read the test because of her astigmatism in both eyes. The lines would be moving too much for her to read the test accurately.

"See, look, one line." The thin second line arrived as she turned the test to gloat in front of Jungkook.

"Oh fuck."

"Wha-. shitttt." Jennette did a double take, seeing the positive pregnancy test.

Weeks 7-10

The next day Jeannette and Jungkook scheduled an appointment at the doctors office. She got her pre-natal vitamins and an official test done. They found out that they were seven weeks pregnant. The couple wasn't actively trying for a kid, but they were't devastated by the news. They were 29 respectively and could now use the next seven-ish months to prepare themselves for parenthood.

During this time they got their first sonogram. Jungkook was moved to tears and asked for several copies of the picture. One of them going in his car, one on the back of his phone, and the other in his night stand. The picture was so precious to him

It was only one time Jennette experienced morning sickness. She blames the vertigo spell for pushing her over the edge. She was doing perfectly fine, but when she was riding in an elevator one morning. She got nauseous all of a sudden. She told Jungkook, and he ordered her to take it easy for the rest of the day.

Weeks 11-14

This is when the nickname Peanut came about. Now, reaching the end of the first trimester, Jennette and Jungkook was looking at their developing child on the screen. Jungkook could point out their eyes, and tiny toes.

"Looks like this angel is gonna be on the chunky side." The OBGYN commented.

"Their so cute, though. Look at ‘em."

Moving around the wand on Jennette's small belly, they looked at all angles.

"What are they doing doing, doctor?" Jungkook wondered.

"Oh just sucking their thumb."

Jungkook gushed harder at the screen. "Look at our little Peanut."

Weeks 15-18

Time for the long-awaited gender reveal. Jennette and Jungkook opted to keep this moment more intimate. They didn't want a crazy gender reveal party. They were going to keep the gender of their little Peanut a surprise until she was born. But they still had to create a memorable experience.

Surprisingly both Jennette and Jungkook believed that they were having a baby girl. The April weather allowed for Jennette to wear a baby pink shirt and skirt set. Her bump was protruding more, especially from a side-profile perspective. Jungkook was wearing a pink button-up jacket. White t-shirt with pink pants to match. He found this really cute plushy online called 'Cooky'. It was a pink bunny, a perfect gift for the little girl he hoped to have.

"Are you ready to find out the gender of your baby?"

"Yes!" The answered at the same time.

Applying the cold gel on Jennette's belly, the doctor handed the wand to Jungkook. Allowing him to do the honors. He grasped the wand, eyes wide-looking for any declaration of the child's biological sex.

"Wait slow down, bug. Go a little more to the left." Jennette guided. The angle they were looking at they could only see her legs and stomach.

In a gasp of excitement, Jennette saw the outline of a labia majora. Stronger than she anticipated, she gripped Jungkook's shoulder and shook him.

"We're having a baby girl! OMG! OMG!"

“Peanuts a girl! She’s a girl! I’m a girl dad !!!”

Jungkook jumped up and down. The wand was long forgotten as it hit the ground. The OBGYN enjoyed watching the couple celebrate their baby girl.

Week 19- 22

Jungkook was very protective over Jennette's now obvious baby bump. Whenever they were out in public together, he walked slightly in front of her. Avoiding from touchy strangers, placing their filthy hands on her stomach. Only he could touch Jennette's stomach. His little peanut was inside, and he was obligated to protect her, and her mother of course.

On a lazy Sunday morning, Jungkook was playing with Peanut. Jennette was able to feel her kicking, and her moving around in her stomach. Her baby was quite receptive to her father's voice. Jungkook would stand on one side of Jenentte and speak. Watching the little imprints of hands and feet press against her stomach. Indiciating that Peanut was following her father's voice.

"Oh Toodles." Jennette jokingly tapped her stomach. Jungkook was coming closer to her, to do his daily quality time with his baby. She felt a flutter in response.

"Peanut. Come to me sweet girl."

"Ooo!" Jennette reacted to the sudden dart across her stomach.

"That may have been the fastest she's moved." Jennette paused in between her words. Her little Peanut was developing some speed, which always tired her. Even though she hadn't moved a muscle.

"Okay come to this side." And peanut did. Jungkook capturing the moment on his phone.

"I'm for sure showing her this when she's older." He snickered. "Okay I'm over here now."

Week 23-26

Jennette and Jungkook were sitting a frozen yogurt creamery looking at another sonogram picture of their little Peanut. They had gotten a really nice close-up of Peanut's face. Her lips and eyes were well-seen in the image.

"Peanut will be the first person in my family who is bald."

"Everyone in my family is born bald. Including me.” Jungkook commented. He dug deep into his camera roll finding an image of him when he was just a few days old.

"Oh-" Failing to hold in her laughter, Jennette's stomach shook with a violent laugh. Poor Peanut probably thought she was on a roller coaster.

"Most black babies I've seen were born with a head full of hair. It would explain why I don't have heartburn." Doing the same Jennette pulled up a picture of herself when she was a baby. She was born with a mini afro, just like her mother and her sister.

"But look I can already tell she has your eyes. I just know they are gonna be so pretty."

Jungkook agreed. "I make some pretty babies."

"I make pretty babies." Jennette emphasized.

"Can't argue with that baby." Jungkook took a scoop of Jennette's yogurt. "I hope she looks like you."

"I hope so too."

"Just because you said that, Peanut will look just like her daddy." Jungkook kissed her belly. His tattooed hand rubbed over the now darker vertical line running down her bump.

Leaving the yogurt shop, Jungkook and Jennette walked around the area, getting some exercise. Like an excited dad, Jungkook told random strangers he passed about his "twin".

"My twin is in there."

"She only has four more months left."

Week 27-30

Jennette is super clumsy. Don't hand her anything fragile that can break. She has butter fingers unlike ever before. Jungkook had to move the precious pottery to the top of the cabinets. No way would she step on a ladder to get it, so it would require Jungkook to assist you.

"Bug you up?"

Jungkook had a tough training session in the gym and was trying to take a cat nap on the couch. It was 2 am and he believed that Jennette had already been sleep.

"Huh? What's wrong? Peanut good?"

"Yes, she's good. A craving is just hitting me."

"Peanut butter is in the pantry. You can reach it." Jungkook pouted his lips, looking so adorable in Jennette's eyes. She felt bad for waking him up.

"But I kinda want something different. I'm sorry baby."

"Don't apologize. I got you." With one eye barely open, Jungkook got the sweet treat Jennette had been craving. Being the good boyfriend that I knew he would be.

Week 33-36

Peanut's baby shower was a busy affair. Jennette's side of the family flew out to Korea. Her parents, grandma, and her little sister Asia were all able to come. Jungkook's parents handled all the food matters for the party. Jennette was hanging up some decor on the walls.

Jennette felt as big as a house. She looked exhausted and greasy. New growth from her braids were taking over her scalp. The August heat was not making her feel any better. She was already constantly warm with a growing child in her belly. The external temperature of high 80s didn't help either.

It was smart for her to get dressed later in the day, as she would have sweated out her yellow sundress. Instead, she was in her comfy maternity shorts that were extra-large. Cream-colored stretchmarks ran rampant across the surface of her stomach. She hasn't been able to see her feet in the past month or so. She could only imagine what her feet looked like.

Jungkook came down the stairs. Blothes of paint on an old graphic T-shirt. "Baby, there you are. I have something to show you." Jungkook was cheery this morning despite the few hours of sleep he got. He waited at the airport to pick of Jennette's family before coming home around 2 am.

"Come look." Jungkook gently dragged Jennette up the stairs. He had been cooped upstairs with his friends for the last four hours.

"Voila!"

Peanut's crib was set up along the purple-colored walls. There were small animals along the wall. The purple went along nicely with the accent color of white. White flowers were thinly painted, creating a beautiful garden of flowers. Which all came ahead above where Peanut's crib was.

"Bug I love it!" Not wanting to cry, Jennette felt so moved by everything she saw. The nurse was so homey for their Peanut. The carpet was soft, a mobile spun slowly.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Jennette thanked Jungkook's friends, her Peanut's uncles. She would forever treasure the beautiful work that they did.

"Come on you need to get dressed. Guest will be coming in less than an hour."

Week 37-40

Jungkook is the type of boyfriend with labor emergency kits in every vehicle. So that no matter what car they were in, if they needed to drive straight to the hospital then they could. With Peanut arriving in less than a few weeks, Jungkook has become a lot more stressed.

He overreacts to any groan coming from Jennette.

"Was that a contraction?"

"Did your water break?"

"Do you feel her head coming out? Lay down, let me look."

Jungkook was getting on Jennette's last nerves. His pre-parental panic was cramping her style. She looked like a goddess. Afro out, wearing slightly form-fitting clothing. She was like Rihanna, making her bump an accessory with her outfit. Not hiding it under maternity clothing. She does several solo maternity shoots before inviting Jungkook to do a couple with her.

The afternoon of August 31st is when Jennette's water breaks. She was baking peanut butter cookies when a liquid trickled down her leg. Jungkook who was in the shower, wasted no time ushering his pregnant girlfriend to the hospital.

It was seven o'clock and Jennette was only four centimeters dialed. She bounced on a huge yoga ball. She did breathing exercises, and Jungkook was attentive the entire time.

Rubbing her back when requested. Holding her hand, kissing her forehead.

"You are doing amazing baby. I love you so much."

Jennette could FaceTime her mother for a couple of hours as she slowly dialted to eight. Her contractions were becoming closer together, and Peanut was slowly lowering herself into the birth canal.

"I don't think I could do this again." She huffed. She wasn't in pain but was in extreme discomfort. She couldn't get comfortable laying on her back. It just felt wrong.

"Whatever you say baby. Peanut is enough for me."

"Bug can you hold me up. I don't think I can lay down any longer."

Jungkook did just that. As Jennette moaned through her contractions, Jungkook rubbed her back. Trying to keep the hospital gown as closed as possible, he didn't want her ass out for any passing staff member to see.

"Thank you so much Jeanie." Jungkook was on the brink of tears. With the help of three other nurses, Jennette was lying on her back again. The doctor had declared Jennette at 10cm. She could start pushing, and her contractions were much closer together.

"AHHHHHH!"

"GET HER OUTTTT! NOWWWWW" Jennette tossed and turned her head. Her screams of discomfort broke Jungkook's heart. He didn't know what else to say but 'Thank you' and 'I love you'.

Jungkook held Jennette's hand for the entire twenty minutes she was pushing. Jennette's head hit her pillow with a soft thud. All energy left her body, as she watched the doctor hold Peanut in the air. Her lip was quivering with no sound.

"Why isn't she crying?" Jennette choked out, trying not to cry. The nurses didn't respond, wiping Peanut's face of all the mucus. Jungkook's eyes never left Peanut. Her little pink self. He couldn't help but smile and notice that Peanut was bald. Very little hair was on her head, but Jungkook didn't care. She was the prettiest baby he had ever seen. Bald or not.

The doctor smacked Peanut's bottom, eliciting a scream.

"Oh my baby." Jennette smiled, arms open, ready to hold her. Peanut was placed on Jennette's chest. Jennette nuzzled her cheek against hers. Loving the warmth Peanut radiated. Jennetted motioned for Jungkook to get in the bed with her.

"Come on, come hold her. Take your shirt off for skin to skin."

Jungkook was a crying mess holding Peanut. This was the same person scattering across Jennette's stomach as the sound of his voice. He was now face to face with his Peanut. Yeah Jungkook was crying real bad.

Her eyes were like Jungkook's. It was too early to determine her skin complexion as she was just different shades of pink and slight grey. Her nose and lips were like Jennette's. After being washed up and dressed she took a nap on her mother’s chest. Preparing for her baldness, Jungkook put on a gentle (non-squeezing) bow on her head.

Looking at the time, Jungkook smiled even harder.

"Guess it was fate for Peanut to be my twin."

"What makes you say that?"

Shaking his phone, Jennette saw the time.

12:28 am September 1st.

"You got your twin bug. You definitely got your twin."

Series Masterlist:

[iluvchick3nz]

Sometimes long distance is about the little things. And sometimes it's about the big things. But it's ALWAYS about showing up in any way you can when your partners, or partner, need you. Have some angsty, fluffy, and in-love long-distance boys. All credits to @lumosinlove :)

Leo had had a bad day, and just needed something to make him feel better. Actually, it had been a bad week, or two, if he was being honest with himself. The days were short, in December, and every day he woke up to darkness and left the rink looking at the stars. Logan loved it, the cold, the obscurity, the significant lack of thunderstorms- but Logan was in New York, not here where Leo and Finn wanted him. They had barely been able to fit in a visit two weeks ago during the Thanksgiving holidays, and they wouldn’t get a chance before Christmas, which would still only be for a few days. They had played the Rangers in October and weren’t playing them again until mid-February, and it was in these cold moments, especially, that Leo felt Logan’s absence acutely, that he missed his New Orleans house more and more with each passing day of snow and little light. 

He was standing at the stove, making some butternut squash soup. Not exactly on the preapproved meal plan, and it definitely didn’t have enough protein for professional athletes, but it was warm and aromatic, and he had just put some homemade sourdough bread in the oven to bake for the second time out of its Dutch oven. He had scored it with a little design, the classic line down the middle and the leaf pattern, but also with three little birds, like sketched seagulls, in the top left corner. Leo guessed that his longing even translated into his cooking. 

Finn came out of the bedroom just then, walking to the door to put his shoes on. He always looked so good in the winter, with his long buttoned coats and dark pants, boots, scarf, and beanie. More often than not, too, he wore his glasses in the winter. He looked so cozy, and so gorgeous all the time it was sometimes difficult for Logan and Leo to concentrate when they went out into the city together. Now, he was also bearing a little bit of winter scruff, just a day or so worth, and if Leo hadn’t been so tired and sad, he would have asked him to dance in the kitchen just to be close to him for a little while under the soft lights. 

Patting his pockets for his belongings, Finn looked up at him. “I’m going to the pharmacy, sunshine, gotta pick up some more tape for my thigh. Can’t go running without it, Layla said, after last game’s strain.” He walked over, putting his arms around Leo’s waist. “Need anything while I’m out, baby? 

Leo just shook his head, biting his lip and looking to the soup he was stirring on the stove. 

Finn looked at him with a furrowed brow. His voice was hesitant but gentle when he spoke. “Peanut, what’s wrong? You’ve been… upset lately.”

Leo lifted his gaze as Finn reached a hand to cup his neck. “Just sad, I guess. It’s dark, and it’s cold, and I miss my parent’s house, and I… I really miss Logan.”

Finn’s shoulders sagged and he looked at Leo sympathetically. “I know, baby. God, I know it’s hard.” He let out a sharp breath. “And I know it doesn’t help to say that we’ll see him in a few weeks when he’s not waking up in our bed every other day.” He kissed Leo. “How about you finish your soup, yeah? Lo said he has a late practice, but we can call him after and cuddle in bed. I’ll read to you both, how does that sound?”

Leo nodded, trying to be strong, but his voice came out small. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Finn just drew him in. “Oh, baby.” He kissed Leo’s forehead firmly. “You want me to stay? I don’t have to go to the pharmacy, I can go without running tomorrow.”

Leo shook his head. “No, no, go. I’ll be okay for a bit. Just…” Leo glanced down at him. “Hurry back?”

Finn nodded and kissed him firmly, then softly, holding Leo there by his cheeks. “I love you, Le, baby. So does Lo.”

“Love you,” Leo said. “I love you.”

With one last kiss, Finn pulled away and opened the door. As he closed it behind him, he kissed his fingers and flashed them at Leo. Leo felt his mouth tug to the side, but as soon as the click of the lock sounded, he sighed and turned back his soup. The timer went off for the bread, and after determining the crust good enough, he put it on a rack to cool for a bit before he would slice it and toast it for their dinner. Then, he set about cleaning up what he could of the kitchen before Finn got home, turning on the kettle to make a cup of tea.

As he stood at the counter, closer to the residual warmth of the slowly cooling stove, sipping his mint tea, his eye caught on the picture frames by the door. The largest was of them in the locker room after the Stanley Cup win with the Lions, Finn kissing Leo’s cheek as Logan and Leo looked at each other. Logan had his arms wrapped around Leo’s waist, backwards champion hat on his head keeping his long hair out of his face. He was smiling so widely at Leo, having said something to make Leo blush and Finn coo, leaning in to wetly press his lips Leo’s skin just as someone had clicked the camera. Leo remembered feeling invincible in that moment. He had proven himself, his first NHL season, but more than that he was so high on being in love with his two boys that it had overshadowed their Cup victory. He knew he wouldn’t have felt that happy to win if Logan and Finn hadn’t been right beside him.

Below that photo, though, there was a newer one, taken on their most recent trip to Nice, to Logan’s mother’s childhood home that she shared with her brother. It was of the three of them on the beach. Thomas and Noelle had been staying at the same time, and had suggested going down to the ocean for sunset in the boiling French evening. Never one to turn down the opportunity to see his boys by the water, Logan had gifted them new swimsuits with a sly little grin on his face. They had been almost two small to wear in public, Leo had thought, but Thomas had taken one look at the three of them, wolf whistled, said something about inseam length, and that had sealed their fate.

  They had gone to the beach in their new swimsuits, definitely drawing eyes. One particular group of girls had really gotten along with Finn, which had definitely made Logan prickly; but what had actually made him snap was a tall, dark, and handsome French man coming to flirt with Leo while he and Finn had been reading on their towels. Logan, having just gotten back with Noelle and Thomas from finding some fruity, alcoholic drink, had seen the man looking Leo’s sun-tanned body up and down and immediately given his drink to Thomas to hold. Rushing over, he gave the man a glare and plopped himself right down on Leo’s lap, grabbing his shoulders and kissing him deeply. When he pulled away after an indecent amount of time, the man was gone and Finn was laughing beside them. Logan had just scowled, pulling him in to be kissed hard as well. 

In that moment, Leo had watched them, in the light that was just beginning to set over the Mediterranean, and thought how he had probably seen nothing more beautiful. Finn had pulled away laughing, pinching Logan’s side and making him smirk, then smile sheepishly with a blush. With a shout from Noelle, they’d all turned, Logan moving slightly sideways in Leo’s lap and Finn’s head resting on Leo’s shoulder, to smile for the camera. That was the last time Leo had remembered feeling truly warm before coming back to not only play ice hockey again, but to see Logan off to New York for another season.

He didn’t know how much time he had spent staring at the photographs, but his tea had gone cold in his hands. Sighing, he put the kettle on to boil more water, even if only to pour into a mug to hold. He checked his watch. Finn had been gone for a long time, longer than a trip to the pharmacy required. He tapped at his phone screen, but there were no new messages. He supposed Finn had just gone to another store, maybe to get some more dirt for their windowsill garden. They were running out of soil.

Just as he was pouring his second mug of tea, the sound of keys scratching at the door reverberated through the apartment. Leo closed his eyes and sighed, grateful for the time alone, but desperately wanting to collapse into Finn’s arms. He would understand the ache Leo felt in Logan’s absence more than anyone. 

He was just finishing adding honey to his tea, about to turn to the stove again to heat up the soup for dinner, when footsteps echoed as they walked through the door.

“Bonjour, soleil.”

Leo’s head snapped up. There, standing in front of him, was Logan, smiling widely. He had one of his hand’s laced with Finn’s, who was also grinning at Leo and carrying Logan’s bag, and was dressed in one of Leo’s sweatshirts and Adidas pants. He looked a bit tired, a Rangers hat on his head to tame what were undoubtedly his wild mid-season waves. Leo thought he’d never looked more gorgeous, waiting for him with Finn in the light of their apartment. “Oh.”

Logan took a step forward, and that was all it took for Leo to meet him the rest of the way, arms wrapping hard around his waist to lift him up. Logan’s legs were clutching his hips hard, arms encircling his neck and hands cradling the back of his head. When Leo had regained some of his sense he realized he was crying, making the edge of Logan’s sweatshirt- his sweatshirt- wet and salty. He knocked Logan’s hat off of his hat, hearing it hit the floor, and threaded one hand through his hair, the other underneath his thigh. Finn had come up and put a hand on each of their backs. “Surprise, nutter butter.”

Leo inhaled Logan’s scent and leaned back. “I mean- how… you had practice? And your car, did you drive here? The snow, Lo, you guys just got quite a bit the other day-”

Logan just shook his head, smiling at him. He tugged Leo’s hair a little to bring their mouths together, and Leo instantly relaxed. The tension left his body, and he let Logan’s fire, always bubbling, completely consume him for a few moments. Logan was warm, Finn’s hands on his back were warm, and he finally felt so warm he didn’t know what to do. His kisses grew desperate, trying to make up for lost time, and he felt Finn’s mouth on his shoulder, probably watching them together with his gorgeous brown eyes. Leo loved them endlessly.

Eventually, their kisses grew softer, Logan pulling away with a few more light pecks. “Oh, soleil, j’taime. I missed you, mon couer.”

“I- I missed you, too, sweetheart. I love you.” He jerked his head a little bit, mouth parting. “But how- what about practice?”

Finn laughed at Leo’s lingering confusion, and Logan just leaned in to kiss him again, smiling into it. “Non, no practice. I never had practice.” He looked up at Leo through his dark lashes. “And my car’s in for inspection, so I flew.” His eyes turned somber. “Finn said you’ve been sad.”

Leo looked at Finn, who was staring at him, maybe a little guiltily. Leo just kissed his forehead and then touch their temples together. “Yeah, yeah I’ve been sad. It’s just been-” He could feel himself starting to cry again. “It’s just been the cold, and the darkness, and missing my parent’s house, and- and missing you.” Leo took a shuddering breath in. “I really, really missed you sweetheart.”

Finn’s arm squeezed around his waist, and Logan made a small noise in the back of his throat and tightened his limbs around Leo's body. “Ouais, I missed you to, soleil. Missed you both.” He leaned towards Finn for a light kiss, then placed one on Leo’s mouth, too. “Finn told me, and I figured I could surprise you. We have a couple days off after our roadie, and I’d rather be here with you than in my apartment.” He looked up at him, green eyes searching. “Une bonne surprise?”

Leo smiled at him and closed his eyes as Logan leaned their foreheads together. “Ouais. The best.”

“Oo-ways.”

Logan and Leo laughed at Finn, Logan drawing him in for a few sloppy kisses. “Oh, mon rouge. Ton français est terrible.”

Finn winked, kissed him again, then kissed Leo firmly. “Happier now, peanut?”

Leo tiled his head, gazing at Finn’s eyes behind his glasses. “Yeah. Yeah, thank you. I love you.” He turned to Logan. “I love you both.”

Logan just hummed and laid his head on Leo’s shoulder for a brief moment before Leo squeezed his hip and moved to place him on the counter, parting with a kiss. Finn replaced Leo between Logan’s legs, his back to Logan’s chest and Logan’s arms around his waist, hands clasped in the front. It made Leo’s heart jolt to see them together like that again in their kitchen. 

Logan peeked out at him over Finn’s shoulder. “What did you make?”

Leo smiled. “Butternut squash soup. I’ll toast the bread in the oven, too, I made sourdough. Even made a design, see?”

He picked up the loaf and showed it to them. Both Finn and Logan hovered their fingers over the crust, eyes going to the three birds. Finn looked up first, grinning. “Aw, you cut us into bread.”

“Scored, sweetheart.”

“I don’t know about bread scoring, but you can score tonight if you want, peanut.” Finn’s eyes sparkled, then his nose crinkled. “Butternut. You’re our very own butternut squash!”

Logan snorted quietly, pressing a burst of kisses to Finn’s neck. Finn just smiled sharply at Leo, who was shaking his head in fondness. “I try and do something sentimental, and this is what I get.” He kissed Finn’s cheek. “You’re all trouble.”

Finn just winked at him. 

“I like them, soleil,” Logan interrupted, reaching out to bring Leo’s face to his to kiss him. “Les trois oiseaux.”

Leo smiled. “Oui.” 

“You know, French is a lot sexier when you're saying it in my ear, I gotta say.”

Logan smacked Finn’s hip lightly and Leo leaned back, laughing. As he heated the oven up and sliced the bread, he couldn’t bring himself to slice through the three birds. He smiled down at them as he listened to Logan and Finn’s bickering, at the feel of Finn’s hands on his hips, Logan’s warm body at his side watching his hands work the knife. He would freeze that section, he decided, and take it out and toast it on another cold day.

Because today… today he was warm.

[cabinofimagines]

The Automaton Mash

Last part from Halloween of the year! Hope y'all enjoyed our brainwaves. Pairing: A lot platonic, both MCGA and TOA, x gn!reader Word count: 2.9k Warnings: only our humour I suppose Happy Halloween! - Danny & Asnyox

Lester is the next guy to come up to you in a frantic state. “Have you seen Hecate?”

You stare at him without understanding. “Yeah, plenty of times. Not today though.”

“Very funny. Seriously, I thought I had handled that yesterday but I could’ve sworn that I saw her like three minutes ago and I keep hearing these scratching noises coming from the vents…”

Your heartbeat picks up at his statement. “Eh, what now? Are you sure it isn’t the music echoing through the vents? We’d never held a party indoors before, maybe that’s it?”

“No, no. I tell you, Hecate is here,” Apollo winces. “Maybe I should stop using her name. Anyway, if you see her tell me right away. Gods, you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to keep her from showing up at your parties since the one you held years ago at her house, now she keeps saying how she’s so eager to see it first-hand but if she realizes there are no large campfires with dancing witches all over and that you’ve also invited people from other realms she’ll be so disappointed that she’ll forbid you from making parties!”

You frown. “Is that the reason why you’re always around during Halloween? Wait, what do you mean other realms? Is this about the undead, because I don’t know who invited those guys, Nico didn’t.”

“Klaus is literally right there.” He gives you a look pointing at the entrance. “Why else would I be here every freaking year?”

“Because you love and miss us?”

Lester brushes it off. “Yes. Lots and lots. Anyway, we must find Hecate—”

“It’s not Hecate,” you sigh heavily. “I know what the noises are, but I don’t think we can do much without halting the party. I could use your help, though.”

“Oh. Doing what?”

“We need an expert at dressing up to judge the costume competition and you are our guy,” you smile. “So in about twenty minutes or so go meet Calypso in front of the stage, pretty please?”

Lester glances at the hallway again but gives in. He hopes nothing bad happens while he sits back and enjoys the party.

Percy was looking for Alex. He felt bad for whatever Klaus and possible-real-santa had to put up with on a yearly basis. Starting the preparations for Christmas during Halloween? That’s just insane. But he also knew that he had approximately 20 dollars, a half pack of gum, and a pharmacy receipt in the pockets of his costume. 

If only he could recall what Alex was dressed as- he hadn’t seen her yet, but he knew that Annabeth told him before, in one of her costume planning rambles. With a little chance she might have more money on her, and if not he could try Piper too. 

In Percy’s searching frenzy he wasn’t really looking out where he was going, until he bumped into someone. Percy quickly looked and saw blonde hair, pointy ears and-

Oh gods there were three of them. Did all the elves have to go to this party? Did they have nowhere left? Was the world that far gone? Without a second thought he blurted out a quick “I’ll get you money!” to the closest elf, before running off in a different direction. Said elf turned to his two fellow Legolase’s. 

“What’s Percy’s problem?” Magnus asked, as Jason shrugged. “I think it has to do with Klaus again,” Will said, and Jason seemed to understand. Magnus, however, was left in the dark, for only a moment, before Will sighed and started explaining the saga of Klaus and Percy’s obsession with Christmas.  

Percy figured he would simply give his earthly possessions to Klaus immediately- he can always do a fundraiser next Christmas for the elves. With this mindset he went back out to meet with Klaus and his friend. Before Percy could come close enough to see what they were doing, Klaus’s friend pointed at him. Klaus turned around and smiled widely. 

“Ah Percy, found any gifts?” He said, as he made sure that Percy stood in front of both his friend and him. Percy squinted his eyes as Klaus seemed to be using sign language, but he didn’t question it. 

“I have twenty dollars and some gum-” he said and he felt himself get flustered. Klaus’ friend was staring intensely at his face while he was talking. Percy sighed, “I couldn’t find Alex, but I promise I’ll raise more funds soon!” 

“Oh, but twenty is plenty right now,” Klaus said, “Let’s go get some resources for our workers- I know just what candy they need.” 

And without question, Percy followed the two elves to the nearest store. 

Alex saw her newest target- a Latino on the smaller side. She simply knew that he would be an easy scare- he was already looking extremely anxious. Besides, he was clearly dressed as some sort of dwarf appropriation, and Alex figured he should get a good scare for daring to do so. 

She also figured he was probably unaware of his crimes, but that didn’t matter to her.

So, slowly, she stalked her way to the boy. She didn’t need to try too hard to be silent, as the noises from the party would cover any footsteps.  She was hovering right next to the Latino’s shoulder as he turned around and screamed, high and shrill, for only a moment, as the ghost in front of him started cackling. Leo regained his breath for a moment. 

“Geez, are you one of those undead that are visiting?” he eyed the ghostly figure in front of him, which casually nodded. “Sure am.” she answered, like a normal person and not at all like what Leo imagined La Llorona to sound like. At his scrutinizing gaze Alex felt like she should elaborate, “This is just a costume though.” 

Leo nodded slowly, before properly looking at the costume. 

“Sick costume! Did you have help from Blitzen making this?” he asked. “How do you know Blitzen? Either way, this is all homemade by yours truly.” she answered and Leo whistled. 

“I just met the dude, uh, are you joining in the costume contest?” he asked and Alex shook her head. “Why not?” “If too many people see the costume I can’t freak anyone out anymore.” Alex shrugged, “Besides I have seen what Blitzen has made and there’s no way I am winning, it’s unfair.” 

Leo eyed La Llorona for a moment, before casually looking to the side. 

“If it’s unfair, you know you can bust the awards ceremony.” he suggested, “I live here, I know exactly where you could come from to scare everyone in the audience, if you aren’t a pussy at least.” It barely took a second for Alex to answer.

“I’m in.”

As you sit down between Calypso and Lester at the judges table, you look around searching for Jason or Leo, but neither is within sight. Holding back a groan, you put on an easy-going smile and signal to Calypso so she goes upstage and speaks to the crowd, announcing the costume competition.

As the contenders quickly gather backstage, Calypso explains what they’ll be basing their ratings on and how the crowd is allowed to interact with the process. The prize is, of course, a bag of drachmas and the opportunity to host next year’s Halloween party if the winner wishes to.

Calypso goes back to her seat giddily and calls out through the mic. “First contestant, you may come out now!”

While the competition comes through, you have one eye on the costumes and the other on the vents. If only you had a set of security cameras set up on this stupid table to switch channels every so often and see if the animatronics are getting closer or further away, now that would be helpful and certainly not scary at all.

When Annabeth comes up on the stage she’s holding a large, worn cloak over her body, and you all stay silent whispering about her strange choice and why she deemed it competition-worthy. That is, until she swirls the fabric with a dramatic flare and twirls, tossing the large cloak aside and revealing a highly realistic armour underneath. 

Gasps are heard everywhere, and in the back you hear a girl squeal. “Oh gods, she’s Chappell Roan!”

Annabeth sighs. “I knew that would happen,” she raises her voice. “I’m Joan of Arc, guys, not Chappell! Love her music, though!”

Calypso, Lester, and you lean your heads closer together and whisper. “Okay so that is a pretty cool costume,” Lester starts. “I love Joan of Arc! She was super funny.”

“Mhm, not to be that guy, but if Annabeth wins she’ll get to host Halloween next year and you guys weren’t here to see that, but let me tell you, if she hosts that means Percy and Grover host, and you do not want to see how things go when they’re left in charge.”

“Yeah? And how’s it going for you tonight, hm?” Lester raises a brow.

“What?” Calypso looks slightly concerned. “Is something happening that I don’t know of?”

“Nothing, my sweet, stay in your bubble.” You pat her head distractedly. “Now, Lester, in my defense I’m not hosting, Leo and Calypso are. And the bad side of things is all Leo. However, you may’ve noticed Leo is nowhere to be found, so maybe he already fixed things while everyone was gathered here in a safe space!”

A dreadful high-pitched scratching comes from the ceiling and the vents when two dozen automatons fall out in a cascade of rusty old bodies. You wince, staring at the chaos as three of them fall too close to Annabeth.

“And that’s our queue to stop arguing!” You claim already halfway out of your seat and jumping over the table to fight the machines.

Lester makes his bow appear and Calypso pulls out a dagger from her ankle. You have no idea if she’s got any more hidden and if she also had them on while chilling and watching movies with all of you, but now there are worse things to worry about.

Annabeth stumbles back in shock when the automatons all start crawling towards her, and then a male voice shouts her name, getting her attention. “Your costume!” Blitzen shouts. “It works as real armor, you can fight!”

Annabeth seizes the banner she’d carried to the stage and twists it. It splits in half, creating two medium-sized spears with shiny silver points. “For le goulash!” She shouts before stabbing one of the robots in the head.

Your eye catches a glimpse of something squirming over your head just as you decapitate an automaton and you gasp. “Holy shit, is that a ghost bride?”

Lester squeaks out. “It’s Hecate!” 

But you pale when the girl falls directly over an automaton and cuts right through his middle as if it were made of butter. “That’s not Hecate, that’s one of the undead!”

“That’s my friend Alex!” A short man runs past you smiling from ear to ear. “Mess them up, my friend!”

“Isn’t that…” You squint, but Lester tackles you before you can finish your thought.

From the ground you watch as a large guy dressed up as a bear tears the costume off his body and, in what can only be described as an act of pure madness, sticks a pumpkin over his head. A lit, real-life pumpkin.

You get up to help him but a guy, looking extremely similar to Jason but speaking in a more high panicky voice, urges you to run to the other side. “He’s fine he’s just excited, keep moving!”

“And who are you?” You demand, feeling like you’re suffering some kind of mass hallucinating from smelling Leo’s half-baked goulash.

“I’m Magnus!” He responds while his sword flies all around him slashing robots. You’re not very sure, but every time that thing flies past you, you could swear its humming the Monster Mash.

“Oh, Annabeth’s cousin! Didn’t know she invited you! So you must be the undead Nico sniffed!” You retort after tripping an animatronic and slamming it’s head against the ground.

The human Jack O’Lantern runs past you with the remnants of his costume now also on fire, but he really must have some thick skin, because it doesn’t seem to bother him. Next to him a red-haired girl dressed as Merida shouts instructions at him so he knows where to hit next, given that his vision sucks at the moment.

“Demigod life, am I right?” Magnus says with a hint of dry humour. 

You smirk. “Dude, and you didn’t see our last year’s competition of cabin decorations for Christmas.”

“You guys celebrate Christmas? Aren’t you pagan and stuff?” Magnus pauses. “Oh no, am I the racist Legolas?”

“Duck!” You exclaim, slashing your sword just an inch above his head and cutting through a robot’s arm.

“Here’s the elf candy!” Percy comes through the main entrance holding a tote bag.

Hearthstone and Klaus stop behind him, the three of them coming to an abrupt halt when they see the carnage of metallic limbs and oil stains scattered across the room. 

“What the hell happened?” Percy scowled, locking eyes with Leo. “Dude, I know your waiters were glitchy but you didn’t have to butcher them!” He walks up to one of the bodies and picks up the head. “The off switch is right there!”

You and Jason share the same infuriated look. “Would you like me to hold the goulash while you strangle him with your wig?”

“No need, I’m gonna choke him with the goulash,” he grumbles, walking away to get to Leo.

“Your prize,” Calypso comes up to Annabeth holding a small bag of drachmas. “Your costume is awesome. Good luck hosting Halloween next year, don’t ever ask me to do it again.”

“I don’t wanna host Halloween,” Annabeth scrunches up her nose. “I share a house with Percy!”

“Leonidas Valdez.” 

Leo gulped- he had really hoped that Jo and Em wouldn’t notice anything amiss. They said they would be gone for most of the party week out of respect, but here they were, at the end of the party. He turned to his moms, trying to not look as guilty as he felt. 

“What is the one thing we said you were not allowed to do?” Jo’s voice was strict, and Em was standing next to her with the same look on her face. “Go see the automatons, lest they activate.” Leo admitted, knowing there was no way out of this. “And what did you do?” Em asked. “I went to see the automatons, and they activated, BUT-” Leo took one second to see no interruptions from his moms, “We dealt with the problem now! Nobody got hurt, and you don’t have to worry about the automatons anymore!”  Em and Jo looked at each other for a second, before looking around the mess that was the Waystation currently. “You’re off the hook for tonight, but you will face consequences Leo.” Jo said, before she and Em joined hands and walked off, probably not wanting to see the aftermath for much longer. Leo hoped he could convince the party goers to help clean up. 

“Wow, I’ve never seen them that strict, even with me.” “HA!” Leo jumped up, only to come face to face with Lityerses, “Ah, sorry Lit. Didn’t hear you coming this way.” Lityerses shrugged. “Anyways, Jason is looking for you, something about wanting to dump goulash on your head. I would go to him before he gets to you.” 

As the chaos settled down, Blitzen reunited with Hearthstone, asking why Hearthstone was here. 

Klaus is a childhood acquaintance of mine. He also hates Alfheim. He invited me.  

Blitzen nodded as he looked around the room, only to be interrupted by Hearthstone getting his attention and pointing at Leo- still dressed as a dwarf. Blitzen turned to Hearthstone with a questioning gaze, as his friend had mischief in his eyes. He’s just like you. Hearthstone signed. Blitzen glared at him, as he pointed to the guy dressed like an elf next to Leo, holding a pot of food. He’s just like you. Blitzen signed, and Hearthstone hit him softly. I don’t even like goulash. His friend signed back. 

Before Blitzen could react, Halfborn, still partially on fire with the jack-o-lantern pattern, went up the stage. Somehow this sight of him alone quieted the room, as a manical grin was on his face. “HEY,” He started, loudly, “IF THIS IS HALLOWEEN EVERY YEAR, Y’ALL ARE INVITED TO VALHALLA NEXT YEAR.” 

Nobody cheered, and the next sound was TJ, still impeccably dressed as Sherlock, getting on the stage too. 

“Uh, Halfborn, love the enthusiasm, but most people here are not dead. So maybe Boston will do?” he suggested, and it took a split second for Halfborn to nod. Before he loudly made a new statement. “Y’ALL ARE INVITED TO HALLOWEEN IN BOSTON NEXT YEAR. NOW CHEER.” 

That seemed to do the trick, as reluctant cheering broke out in the crowd. What just happened? Hearthstone asked Blitzen, who seemed a bit disappointed. We’re hosting Halloween next year. Blitzen answered.

[deadweight-at7am]

This summer feels so strange. It's usually miserable for me but I've been having a great summer.

The catalyst is that I've also lost about 25lbs and I am at the lowest weight I've been in many years. Probably not since before I had Vincent. Just through hard work and calorie restriction. I priced out meds like Ozempic and Wegovy and none of them were even close to affordable for me, even through a compounding pharmacy. So I just said "OK well, I guess it's the old fashioned way". Calorie counting and moving more has done the job. I've been pretty strict and stayed on track. I think I'll be fine though, I seem to have hit my stride this time. I want to be 30lbs down by the end of summer which I think I can do easily. Also, eating one meal a day has been great for the budget. So much less money spent on food.

I've also loved and really enjoyed going to the pool frequently. It's been insanely hot (BWI hit 100 degrees today) but made less miserable by the pool. It's weird for me to say this but I think I might actually miss summer when it's over? I do enjoy Halloween and Christmas though, so I'm glad there are things to look forward to.

Also, my resting heart rate has reached the low 60's. It was 64 last night, the lowest I've recorded was 59 but might have been a fluke lol

[traumacatholic]

UK Support Services Numbers and Websites

NHS 24 Phone number: 111 (Open 24/7 every day of the year) Website for Scotland: https://www.nhs24.scot/ Website for England: https://www.england.nhs.uk/urgent-emergency-care/nhs-111/ Website for Wales: https://111.wales.nhs.uk/

The service is available 24 hours a day, every day of the year and is intended for 'urgent but not life-threatening' health issues although 111 operators in England are able to dispatch ambulances when appropriate using the NHS Pathways triage system. If needed, NHS 111 can book patients in to be seen at their local A&E / emergency department or an urgent treatment centre, emergency dental services, pharmacy or another more appropriate local service.

SAMARITANS Phone number: 116 123 (Open 24/7, every day of the year) https://www.samaritans.org/

Samaritans is a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in emotional distress, struggling to cope or at risk of suicide throughout the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland, often through its telephone helpline. Its name derives from the biblical Parable of the Good Samaritan although the organisation itself is not religious.

BREATHING SPACE [SCOTLAND ONLY] Phone number: 0800 83 85 87 (24 Hours at weekends - 6pm Friday to 6AM Monday - 6pm to 2am on Weekdays (Monday - Thursday) https://breathingspace.scot/

Breathing Space is a psychological counselling service in Scotland for people feeling depressed, or with other urgent psychological problems. It has a telephone helpline, a web interface, and a British Sign Language webcam interface, all staffed by trained advisers who offer guidance and referral. The service is funded by the Scottish Government Health Directorate and NHS 24, and is operationally managed by NHS 24. It is their belief and hope that by empowering people, they will have the resources to recover. Breathing Space complements the work of other phonelines and agencies which are endeavouring to reduce suicide rates in Scotland.

AGE UK Phone number: 0800 678 1602 (Open 8am to 7pm, every day of the year) Website: https://www.ageuk.org.uk/

The over-60s is the fastest-growing group in society and there are more of us than ever before. Ageing is not an illness, but it can be challenging. At Age UK we provide services and support at a national and local level to inspire, enable and support older people. We stand up and speak for all those who have reached later life, and also protect the long-term interests of future generations.

CRUSE BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT Phone number: 0808 808 1677 (Monday - Thursday 9:30AM to 3pm. Closed Friday to Sunday. On Christmas and Boxing Day 10AM to 2PM. Closed on New Years Day) Websites: cruse.org.uk // hopeagain.org.uk // crusescotland.org.uk // cruseisleofman.org

Cruse Bereavement Support is the UK's largest charity for bereaved people in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, with a sister organisation in Scotland. Cruse offers face-to-face, group, telephone, email and website support to people after someone close to them has died and works to enhance society's care of bereaved people. Cruse has a freephone national helpline (0808 808 1677) and local services throughout England, Wales and Northern Ireland. Cruse also has a specialist website for young people, hopeagain.org.uk. Cruse services are provided by trained volunteers and are confidential. Cruse also provides training and consultancy for organisations and for those who may come into contact with bereaved people in the course of their work

SHELTER Phone number: 0808 800 4444 (Monday to Friday, 8AM to 8PM // Weekends and bank holidays: 9AM to 5PM) Phone number for Wales: 08000 495 495 (Monday to Friday, 9AM to 4PM) Phone number for Northern Ireland: 028 9024 5640 (Monday to Friday 9:30 AM to 4:30 PM. Closed on public holidays) Website for Scotland: https://scotland.shelter.org.uk/ Website for England: https://england.shelter.org.uk/ Website for Wales: https://sheltercymru.org.uk/ Website for Northern Ireland: https://www.housingrights.org.uk/

Shelter is a registered charity that campaigns for tenant rights in Great Britain. It gives advice, information and advocacy to people and lobbies government and local authorities for new laws and policies. It works in partnership with Shelter Cymru in Wales and the Housing Rights Service in Northern Ireland. Shelter helps people in housing need by providing advice and practical assistance, and campaigns for better investment in housing and for laws and policies to improve the lives of homeless and badly housed people.

NATIONAL DEBT HELPLINE Phone number: 0808 808 4000 (Monday to Friday 9AM to 8PM, Saturday 9:30AM to 1PM and closed on Sunday) Website: https://nationaldebtline.org/

National Debtline is a debt advice charity run by the Money Advice Trust. We are a free and confidential debt advice service for people in England, Wales and Scotland. We have helped millions of people deal with their debts. Our team of expert debt advisers care about improving your situation and will help you to take control of your debts. You can call, webchat or use our Digital Advice Tool to get free advice. If you haven’t contacted us before and want to know what the best way to deal with your debts is, see our Getting ready for advice fact sheet first. Our debt advisers come from a variety of different backgrounds. All of them are dedicated to helping you tackle your debts.

DOMESTIC ABUSE HELPLINE (This service is for women only, please see the below resource if you are a man seeking support) Phone number: 0808 2000 247 (Available 24/7) Website: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

We are a team of highly-trained, female advisers. We won’t judge you or tell you what to do; we are here to listen. We will empower you to understand your options and support you to make any decisions about the future. We can support you to increase your safety. We can help you find a refuge place, or other specialist services. We can talk in confidence, in many different languages, 24-hours a day, 365 days a year, for as long as you need.

MEN'S DOMESTIC ABUSE ADVICELINE (This service is for men only, please see the above resource if you are a woman seeking support) Phone number: 0808 801 0327 (Monday to Friday 10AM to 5PM) Website: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/

Men’s Advice Line is a team of friendly Advisors who will listen and believe you. Our team are available to offer you non-judgmental support, practical advice and information. Men’s Advice Line is for men who are experiencing or have experienced domestic abuse, and for those supporting them: concerned friends or family members, Frontline Workers assisting male victims, are all welcome to call us for information and support. We are strongly committed to offering a high-quality service. The Men’s Advice Line was accredited for the fourth time by the Helplines Partnership in June 2022.

SHOUT CONFIDENTIAL TEXT SERVICE Phone number 85258 (Available 24/7) Website: https://giveusashout.org/get-help/

Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, anonymous text support service. You can text us from wherever you are in the UK. If you are struggling to cope and need to talk, our trained Shout Volunteers are here for you, day or night. They can help with a range of issues such as anxiety and stress, depression or sadness, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, panic attacks, loneliness or isolation, abuse and bullying. Texting the word ‘SHOUT’ to 85258 to start a conversation with a trained Shout Volunteer, who will text you back and forth. You only need to share what you feel comfortable with and our volunteers will work with you to take your next steps towards feeling better. We will always try to respond to messages as quickly as possible, however our responses will be longer at times of high demand. We will always respond to high risk texters as a priority. Please take a look out our online resources while you wait.

MIND INFOLINE Phone number: 0300 123 3393 (Monday to Friday 9AM to 6PM, closed on bank holidays as well as on the 25th and 26th of December as well as the 1st of January) Website: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helplines/

Calls from UK landlines are charged at local rates. Charges from mobile telephones vary. The charge for your call will depend on your mobile phone provider and the contract that you have with them. Mind does not get any money from telephone calls. You can ask us about: Mental health problems Where to get help near you Treatment options Advocacy services Welfare benefits (ask to speak to a welfare adviser) Our Infoline is an information and signposting service. We don’t provide a listening service or a crisis service, but our crisis helplines page lists many services that do. We want to reassure you, you won’t ever be without a place for support. As well as our Infoline, our email or web chat service, there are lots of other ways to get support.

YOUNG MINDS TEXT SERVICE (This service is for 11 - 25 year olds. If you fall out of this age range, please look at the other resources available). Website: https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team

Our trained team provides help for young people aged 11-25. This Mix isn't just about young people and mental health, we also provide support for relationship issues, working life, school life, housing, depression and any other issues all year round. Call our support helpline, email us or chat one-to-one online 4pm-11pm Monday to Friday, sign up for free counselling online or text our 24/7 crisis line. If you feel like you can’t cope or are worried about how you are feeling, you can contact our crisis messenger 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by texting THEMIX to 85258. Our text messaging support service is free and for any issue. We provide in-the-moment support and problem solving when you need it most. This service is delivered in partnership with Crisis Text Line and Shout. If you’re aged 11-25 and need help but don’t know where to turn, call us for FREE on 0808 808 4994. We’ll explore your situation with you and find organisations that may be able to help you further. We're open from 4pm to 11pm Monday to Friday. Please note that this service is closed on weekends. The helpline will be closing between the 25th December and 2nd January (our email service will still be running).

[fitgothgirl]

Yesterday I decided to take my bike to get my prescription. My pharmacy is only a mile up the road but I’ve never done that before. It’s a fairly busy road but it’s got a good sized/well marked bike lane. Since it’s so close so it was only just over 6 minutes each way! I’ve never ridden my bike to that shopping center, plus there’s another shopping center in the other direction from my house that’s even closer (like, twice as close lol); I really should just take my bike more. Honestly it isn’t even much slower. Probably not slower at all for that closer plaza.

I have a basket I’ve been meaning to put on my bike forever too, plus this past Christmas I got a more cushioned seat. If I want to be taking my bike to the store, it’d be good to have that basket. I don’t trust myself after looking at the install stuff for either of those things, so I think I’m going to take it to this mom & pop bike shop soon and let them take care of it lol.

[my-thoughts-make-me-a-slut]

How do taxes work again? (Naughty or Nice #2: Sexting) 

I know I said that this one was gonna be a sweet story about decorating for Christmas with Loki, but I got a little far ahead of myself and wrote this story the other night. I can't get it out of my head and I've reread it about 50 times now and each time it gives me butterflies. This one is shorter than the last few stories have been.

Summary: After the Blip, the reader is living in a newly restored pharmacy in Midtown Manhattan and Loki is working with Valkyrie in New Asgard. For Christmas, the reader bought Loki a cell phone to communicate better while being far from each other. After a few weeks, Loki gets quite a few surprising messages from the reader early one morning.

Warnings: Sexting, descriptions of masturbation (M&F)

Bing, Bing.

I picked up this block-shaped object that (Y/N) had told me was a 'cell phone'. It was a new gift for Winter Solstice a few weeks ago but I still hadn't quite gotten the hang of it yet, she said it was for us to communicate more easily while she was in New York and I was in New Asgard. I picked it up from my cherry oak wood desk and read the message she had sent me. It was early here, but practically the middle of the night where she was. She must have been lonely.

'Hi, love. I miss you a lot right now, you've been on my mind all day.' I smiled reading her sweet message.

'I miss you too, darling. I'm sorry I can't be there with you right now.' I sent back, putting it back down on my desk, face up with the message still open. I picked up some tax documents, something that was becoming very trivial to me.

Bing.

I picked back up the phone.

'What are you doing right now? I'm sure you're probably very busy.' Even though these simple words were on this little screen, still she was adorable. It was like I could hear her saying these things to me, right now.

'Indeed, I still don't quite understand this concept of "taxes"' I sent back with a smile. My thoughts lingering to her laying in bed with her familiar, cuddled up under the sheets. It was still quite cold in New York, and since the Blip, her services were needed there more than ever before. Her powers were growing by the day, and she had become one of the most powerful witches in the world.

'Well, I had quite a long day, so many people came through the shop today, it was quite draining.' She replied.

'Oh no, I'm sorry. Do you need anything?' I asked, feeling bad for her.

'No, I'm fine, really. I was just considering taking a hot bath, like the ones you used to run for me in Asgard.'

"Fuck," Then my mind was flooded with those images of us together. The way we would bathe together, how soft her skin felt against mine as I ran my hands over her body. How warm our bodies would get when we were close, and the steamy kisses that followed.

'You know I'd do it for you right now if I could,' I sent back, trying to hide my embarrassment at what I was thinking.

'I know, that's alright, lover.'

Then she sent a photo of herself, standing in front of the bathroom mirror. I saw her reflection looking into the camera, smiling. She was wearing her usual silk robe and had her hair up in a ponytail. She looked absolutely beautiful, and a little tired.

'Oh, there's my sweet angel.' I typed it out hitting send.

Immediately another message came through,

'I was just thinking about the last time you were here. How you had me bent over this counter, fucking me hard. You made me cum so hard that night.'

My mouth fell open as she sent another photo through, this time she was naked and had her back to the mirror yet it was arched slightly. Her head was turned to the side to look over at the phone in her hand, her perfect jaw and shoulders lined up. Her ass rested barely against the marbled countertop. I couldn't believe she had just sent this to me.

'Indeed, I remember that night well also. I love watching you cum around me, knowing I am the one making you feel that good.' I responded immediately, unable to wait any longer.

I opened the photo and zoomed in on her body, the display on the screen making it look extra sexy. I could see every detail of her back and ass. How I wished I could be there with her right now.

'I wish I was under your desk right now, with my lips wrapped around your cock. I know this must be driving you insane.' She sent back.

The blood rushed to my dick and I dropped one hand to my pants to adjust the zipper's position before they became too tight against it.

'You always drive me crazy, darling. I can't help myself when you're like this.' I replied.

'I bet you're hard right now. So naughty, you're supposed to be working my King, am I distracting you?'

Then another picture, this time she was laying on the bed, her bottom lip between her teeth, and her free hand pinching the nipple of her left breast. Her eyes looked right at the camera as if she could see me through it.

'Gods, you're killing me. I want you so bad right now.' I typed back.

She didn't respond for a moment, and then I saw her next message, 'My cunt is begging for you to fill it, Loki.'

That sent me over the edge, and I was quickly pushing my chair back from the desk and crossing the room to lock the door. The last thing I wanted was for Valkyrie to walk in and see the depraved action I was about to perform.

Bing.

I returned to my chair, picking my phone up from the desk, and this time, there was a video. I loosened the button and zipper of my dress pants, and pulled my cock from my briefs, before hitting play on the video.

She had propped up the phone on her bedside table, and I could see the way her body was laying diagonally across her bed. With a pillow behind her head and her legs bent at the knees, showing off her pussy to the camera.

"This is for you, my love." She said.

Her fingers reached down and parted her folds, exposing her glistening pink cunt to the lens. My mouth watered at the sight.

"Are you going to watch me?" She asked out loud, knowing I absolutely could not take my eyes away from this sight.

Her fingers dipped into her wet slit, and I watched as she slowly started rubbing her clit.

"Yes, baby. I'm watching you." I said out loud, my fist tight around my cock.

I watched as (Y/N)'s eyes closed and her fingers sped up their movements inside her. I could tell she was getting close to climax.

"I've been thinking about you all day, how badly I want you, need you," She said, her voice thick with lust.

Then she began to moan, and her hips bucked into the air. I knew she was close to cumming, and I was dying to see it.

My hand worked quickly the only thought running through my mind was this wicked video that I knew would haunt my already torturous waking dreams of her.

'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' She cried out, her body jerking and shaking, her back arching off the bed, but her fingers continued to work against her clit. Her moans rang in my ears, and I felt myself building toward an orgasm of my own.

'Oh, Gods, Loki! Fuck yes, oh!' She screamed.

And then she exploded, and so did I. I shot my load into my hand, attempting to save my shirt from becoming soiled, and I collapsed back into my chair.

I heard her laugh, and then I saw her face appear on the screen. She was still lying on the bed, her hair a mess, and her eyes sparkling with mischief as the video ended.

I caught my breath and took a second to clean myself up before I buckled my pants back on, and adjusted my attire. Smoothing my hair back I heard my phone ringing, I picked it up, accepted the call, and held it to my ear.

"So, how was your first experience with sexting, love?" I heard (Y/N)'s sultry voice and the sound of water running in the background.

My breathing was still heavy, "Fuck, darling. I could have made a mess all over my office."

I heard her laugh, sweet and melodic, "Next time you're here I'll have to show you what FaceTime is, I'd love to see you spill yourself all over that gorgeous desk of yours."

I groaned, and she laughed again, "Now, don't you go ruining my fantasy, I'm sure you'll do much more than just that."

I chuckled, "I’m sure I will."

"Miss you, Loki," The sweet break in her voice had my heart pounding in my chest.

"I miss you more, love. I promise to make it up to you soon, okay?"

I heard her make one of my favorite noises, a half laugh, and a half huff, "I'll hold you to it."

"You better get back to your bath, I don't want to hear about how it overfilled again because you got distracted," I said in a more serious tone.

"Yes sir," She responded sweetly.

"My queen, I love you, thank you for earlier, get some good rest and I promise I'll be back out there to see you as soon as I can sneak away," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.

There was a pause, and then I heard her say, "I love you too, Loki. Have a wonderful day, my king."

I hung up the phone and stood from my chair, walking to the door. I opened it and stepped out into the hallway, "Val, I think you need to explain how taxes work to me again!"

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Mind Mirror (Part 19)

Maybe this is karma. 

Maybe the universe has to check off every single box. Pay her back for ever little moral infraction including those tactless remarks about how Little John should show some restraint at the buffet and how Emma eats like a child.

Maybe she needs to suffer for even the slightest misdeeds and harsh remarks. Maybe she deserves all of this. 

It runs through her head as she steps over fallen branches and bumps in the sidewalk. It is terribly cold out and Emma had wanted to take the car. But she has eaten very well this morning and she would be significantly more comfortable if she could do a bit of walking. Even if her cheeks sting and her fingers go numb. 

She should have let Emma use the car and meet her at Dr. Hopper’s office. Emma’s face is a vivid red and she keeps dabbing at her nose with the back of her hand before sniffling. 

She insists that she doesn’t mind. 

Regina knows better. 

It is just one of the many many ways that her lifestyle is inconveniencing Emma and it is entirely unfair. Emma shouldn't have to deal with the discomforts that Regina is content subjecting herself to.

"I can teleport you there. I don't mind walking alone." She can have her way without making Emma miserable too. And maybe if she gives her enough alone time with Dr. Hopper the truth will come out. She can take the chance to tell the man exactly how she feels without having g to be so delicate and careful. 

She could swear that she senses Emma coming to the same conclusion. And she is pondering it very seriously. "But I do, Regina. I mind you having to walk alone. I told you that you wouldn't have to."

Regina nods. She musters up a half smile. Even after all of this time it still feels so very surreal to have someone refuse to leave her side. 

They cross a lonely street, late morning snow swirls around their ankles. It sails into Dr. Hoppers office before he can close the door.

Today sitting in that room feels suffocating.  Regina clasps her hands tightly in her lap.

"How have you been, Regina?" Archie asks. "Did you have good holidays." 

"They didn't go terribly..." 

"But they didn't go well either?"

Regina shrugs. "Well they can't go perfectly, can they? Thats not a very realistic expectation." Especially considering her pattern of lonely, longing, and hollow holidays. Of Christmas miracles that refused to happen and New Year's resolutions that she never bothered to make because it was all hopeless anyways.

This isn't hopeless. She can achieve this one…

"No, I suppose not." He agrees. "The holidays can be an extraordinarily stressful time."

"I don't need statistics to know that I should dread the holiday season." She replies stiffly. And she doesn't need them to know what kind of futures lay before her. 

"Have you been taking your medications regularly?"

Regina nods.

"She has." Emma confirms. 

"Great!" Dr. Hopper grins. "Would you say that they are helping?"

Regina furrows her brows and purses her lips. "I haven't been anxious." Without them she would probably be queasy and on edge right now. She probably would have snapped at him thrice over. 

"But your depression is…?"

"Getting worse." She fills in quietly. And really she can only blame herself. She can't imagine that there is a drug in the pharmacy that can make hunger less taxing.

"Alright, so why don't you tell me what has been bothering you since we last spoke? And lets talk about how you handled those things."

"Nothing in particular. I just feel…how I always do."

Next to her Emma bristles. There is something on the tip of her tongue. Something that she has to physically hold back with her teeth. Something that causes her to shift. 

"Regina, I can't help you if you aren't open with me. And I can't help you if you aren't honest with me."

Regina inhales deeply.

"What is something that upset you during the holidays? Christmas, new year's?"

"Christmas was fine everyone had a nice time."

Apparently Emma’s tongue outmatches her teeth. "Until Zelena decided to call her fat."

"She didn't."

"Okay yeah she wasn't that on the nose about it but she was pretty damn blunt." Emma grumbles.

"Ah…" Dr. Hopper nods. "I am aware that that's a raw spot for you."

"I'm dealing with it?"

"How so?"

"The same way I deal with everything else."

"Bottling it up." Emma quirks a brow.

"Getting over it."

"So bottling it up." Emma confirms. "You know that that's not good for you."

Oh, but what she is actually doing is much worse. "I made my new year's resolution so I won't have to worry about that soon." She straightens her posture.

"Presuming that weight loss is your resolution, how are you approaching it?"

"I…I decided to walk here today."

Dr. Hopper nods. It is one of his meek, almost wincing nods. "Regina, its only nine degrees out."

"We made it here just fine…" he opens his moth but she continues. "And if we got too cold I have my magic. Perfectly safe."

Archie hums in thought. "Yes that is true. But…given what I know about you and the lengths you go to achieve your goals…" he pauses. "I want you to be careful. Don't push yourself, that's very easy to do especially if you're new to working out and…"

"I have Emma."

"Who you haven't once even mentioned the gym or exercise to." Emma folds her arms across her chest.

"It has only been a week." Regina excuses. "Why are you…" she gestures to the woman's slouched posture. 

"I'm tired of you lying!"

Regina flinches. "Im not–"

"Right. You're doing what you do best; withholding crucial information." She pauses. "Honestly, at this point, I think that that's worse."

"Alright." Dr. Hopper speaks up. "Perhaps it would be best to have separate sessions. I understand that Emma helps you feel less anxious but it might be good to have a few more one on one sessions."

"We can't end it like this!" Regina protests.

Emma sighs more deeply than she has ever heard a person sigh. "Look, I'm not mad. I'm frustrated and I'm worried about you, ok. And I don't know what to do and I wish that you would let me in."

Regina rubs her hands over her face. "Emma, you have your own problems and your own life. I don't want you to worry about mine all of the time."

"But I do."

"I can take care of myself." She squeezes Emma’s shoulders. "Can you trust me to do that? Please."

It breaks her heart when Emma says, "alright, I trust you."

She shouldn't.

She really really shouldn't.

And when she finally realizes that, there will probably be fragments of regret and confusion scattered within the unsalvageable wreckage that she will have to come to terms with. 

[kalira]

I was on an antidepressant you are absolutely not supposed to stop cold turkey when I was hospitalised as a teenager (due to another psychiatric medication, btw; I nearly died and had to have a major surgery because of it) (I saw a doctor the day I was hospitalised who sent me home saying I was fine and to try the medication again) (there was a major lawsuit over that medication/against the manufacturer later but I digress) and . . . I wasn't allowed to take my antidepressant, of course.

Naturally you can't just . . . take meds you bring with you from home, the hospital pharmacy has to have orders and the nurse bring your meds at the appropriate times (sidenote: I take meds every 4 hours these days, at my worst if they were 10-15 minutes late I would wind up barely able to swallow, or completely unable, among other things the medication fixed - hospitals give nurses an hour before or after the noted time to get the meds to a patient).

For the entire time I was hospitalised I was never allowed/okayed to take the antidepressant I'd been on for some time, was in all my records, that you should definitely never stop abruptly and also that was, you know, controlling my suicidal depression. I'm sure that certainly had no effect on my body or my mental health/reactions to being hospitalised and everything that came with it.

I do remind folks when it comes relevant of that emergency partial refill possibility; I've been fortunate enough not to need it myself, mainly because both I and my doctor are on top of those things. (IV meds . . . well. There's no such fallback for that. Unfortunately.) I've definitely had some major anxieties about my meds around holidays, though, especially ones like Christmas-New Year's which are whatever for me but lots of people and businesses close for or have unpredictable hours or-

psychiatrists: You can’t stop this medication cold turkey. You need to stay on your meds no matter what. If you don’t stay on your meds I won’t treat you as my patient anymore

psychiatrists when you need your meds refilled: yeah I can do that in about 10 business days. oh you need it right now? or you’re going to end up hospitalized? meh I don’t care. good luck idiot

[rainwolfheart]

look not to be insensitive about retail work and religious holidays but it feels like essential services like grocery stores and pharmacies shouldn't be closed on holidays. especially ones like easter and christmas where there's multiple days in a week that are holidays, and that not everyone actually celebrates. reduced hours or overtime pay for employees on those days? sure absolutely. but being totally closed when you primarily serve a working-class and student neighbourhood and you're the only grocery store in the area? nah man.

i worked nearly 50 hours this week and was totally unable to go to the grocery store or pharmacy on any days *except* good friday and easter sunday, because i was totally exhausted. and i'm back at work on monday. tuesday i have to go to the pharmacy *before* my 9:30 call time to pick up my meds that i'm already having to take half doses to carry me over, because the pharmacy was out when i called to refill and can't get it until tuesday. my cats are nearly out of food; i had to buy them friskies at a corner store so they don't starve because i probably won't be able to do groceries until wednesday. i can't afford to pay for delivery, i'm barely making rent, and it would take half of my only day off to find another store that is open.

[pregnanttangerine]

Birth of a little bird

So the last month of my first pregnancy was very full but mostly uneventful in the lens of the pregnancy itself. I finished my linear algebra class with an A (although I had cautiously taken it pass-fail so that A did nothing for my GPA, but I was happy enough with it). We did Christmas. I took my insurance license exam and passed on almost no sleep on New Years Eve . We did New Years. I took my leave from work coinciding with the new year. I spent a week very antsy and bored yet tired? Just waiting around for a baby to come. The doctor set up an appointment to induce just in case. I waited.

Then on the evening of 7th of January, I started getting contractions. They were crampy, like my whole belly was tightening up for a few seconds, but not unbearable. Boyfriend and I played Call of Duty for an hour or so. We timed them. They were still pretty far apart and it started getting late. I told him we should go to bed. He fell asleep and I dozed, waking up when I was gripped with a particularly strong contraction. At about 1am I was starting to get them pretty close together, so I woke him up and told him we should make our way to the hospital. We got the bags and made our way to his car and got in. Just before we left, he realized that he wasn’t wearing the right shoes (sidenote: this is very characteristic of my boyfriend both to have a proper pair of shoes planned for the delivery of his child, and to have forgotten to wear them thus needing to run in and change at the last second). So he ran inside to correct his footwear. As I waited in the passenger seat of his Jetta, my water broke. So after he got back in his proper shoes I sent him back once more to get a towel, and then we were finally off.

We arrived at a quiet middle-of-the-night hospital. We had previously toured so we would know where to go, and went straight for labor and delivery. At this point the contractions were pretty strong and getting uncomfortable, but I was able to breathe through them and felt much better when I was able to walk than I had sitting in the car.

They took me into triage and laid me on my back which made me pretty uncomfortable. The admitting nurse checked the fluid that pooled around my feet and confirmed that my water had broken. She checked my cervix and was surprised to see that I was already at 6cm, and noted this baby was probably coming soon. They took my blood pressure and it was high. This is when things went sideways. Because my blood pressure was high, they wanted to do a blood draw, and they also wanted to get me on an IV. I was having pretty significant swelling at this point, and I will give these nurses the benefit of the doubt that it was me and not them, but they could NOT find my veins. Proceed with fifteen minutes of various women sticking me with needles over and over in various locations while contractions racked me in the most uncomfortable position possible. I was in pain and I wanted to move, but they wouldn’t let me until they hit those veins that were alluding them. Finally someone called in the anesthesiologist, and bless his talented heart he got that IV in where it needed to go

At this point I was clearly in pain writhing on my back and groaning like a heifer in heat, and the staff are telling me they will get me something for the pain. As the doc finally gets my IV in yet another nurse stressfully announces that communication is down with the pharmacy and they are unable to get whatever opioid relief they had sent for. One of the nurses tells me they can just get my epidural now instead and in desperation I agree.

I didn’t talk about my birth plan in my previous posts, but I had decided on delaying the epidural. The reason being is the opposite of what I had been experiencing: being able to move is good for labor. It is good for getting the baby into position, it is good for working through the pain, and it let’s you do things that can give relief like get under a soothing shower or curl up in a child pose or whatever makes you feel better. When you are numb from the waist down, you can’t really do any of that stuff.

While I was desperate to ease my discomfort, I had been told this baby was coming soon. Everything in triage had been rushed. So much urgency to get me hooked up on my IV, get my blood tested, get me into the delivery room, it all felt like this was about to happen NOW. So while I went along without question when the epidural was suggested, I didn’t really feel like I wasn’t delaying it either.

I barely remember the epidural. I remember them swabbing me with numby stuff and telling me to be really still. I had so much fear of this big shot in the backbone during the months leading up to my labor, and it turns out it was the most insignificant part of the whole thing.

The epidural worked its wonders and I went numb. I was flooded with relief. I could no longer feel my contractions. The pain ebbed away and all of the adrenaline and stress melted off of me and suddenly I was in a nice dark room with my boyfriend in the earliest hours of the morning and I was exhausted. We called my parents and my best friend to let them know it was time for baby, and I slept.

I lose track of time here. I don’t know how many hours I slept. My parents showed up at some point. Brittany drove down from LA and came in the morning of the 8th but I don’t remember what time. My boyfriend got a migraine. He ate crappy Carls Jr from down the street, and vomited in the delivery room bathroom. Their presence is a blur. Only three people were allowed in the room at a time, so sometimes it was my parents, sometimes one of them with Brittany, my boyfriend was always there of course. They hovered and would sometimes be at my bedside, rubbing my back or my leg. I was comforted by having them there, but also they seemed far away, almost like I was scary to them and they didn’t want to get too close. I yearned for someone to hold me, but I’m sure it wasn’t easy with me being hooked up to wires and tubes and all.

In between it all I was visited my nurses and doctors. I wasn’t allowed to eat, but I could have popsicles. They would turn me from one side to another to keep the epidural from pooling on one side or the other. They would take my blood pressure, they would take my temperature, they gave me medicines. At one point a nurse checked my cervix and said I was 4cm. This still confuses me to this day. Did I reverse? Was the first nurse wrong in her estimate? How did I go backwards in dilation? The epidural had lessened my contractions and this lovely nurse told me with unveiled contempt that I wasn’t even in labor and if my water hadn’t broken they would have sent me home.

After awhile someone came in and noted that frequent checks of my cervix increased the chance of infection, and since I hadn’t progressed in my labor they recommended starting on Pitocin. While I had heard nothing but horror about Pitocin, I was feeling tired and oddly guilty that I had been taking up everyone’s time to nap in the delivery room, so I agreed.

A few hours later I was having contractions again and I was feeling them. I kept smashing the epidural button and at some point it maxed and I was still in pain. An anesthesiologist came in and topped me off. More hours of contractions. Slowly I progressed again up to 8cm. The epidural wore off. I was topped off again. They upped my Pitocin. My contractions started getting very strong. They were having trouble monitoring my baby from the belly band and placed an internal monitor. 

Somewhere in the late hours of the 8th I was back in pain again. The pressure in my pelvis was tremendous. I felt like I was holding in the largest poo I had ever needed to take and I just wanted to go. I had been stuck at 8cm for hours but everything in my body was telling me to push. I didn’t think I was pushing but I kept getting scolded to NOT push and that if I did push I risked rupturing my cervix. For some reason I correlated the pain with the internal monitor. I was sure the thing was making my contractions more painful. I begged for them to take it out. Around this time I began to run a low grade fever of about 100. 

Another anesthesiologist came in and told me that the doctors were recommending an emergency C-Section. My fever meant I was risking sepsis, and I was still sitting at just 8cm. My baby was positioned backwards, with her spine up against my spine, when ideally her spine would be up against my belly button. We were both under tremendous strain but she wasn’t budging through my pelvis at that angle. The anesthesiologist told me that the epidural would be less and less effective since I had already been topped off so many times. I cried and nodded. She let me know that the anesthesia for the C-Section would feel different, and might feel like I can’t breathe because I wouldn’t feel my lungs expanding, but she assured me as long as I could talk I could breathe. She got down beside me and held my hand. She put her face close to my face and she told me to think of a calm spot where I would feel safe. I told her I thought of the beach. She asked me if I liked margaritas and I told her I do. She told me to picture myself on my favorite beach with a margarita in my hand. She told me to think of the smell of the sea and the taste of the drink and the cold glass in my hand. She pulled my mind out of the room and onto the beach and I began to ease in my pain and lose the unbearable feeling of helplessness that had gripped me. I wish I knew that doctor’s name. I would have loved to have sent her a thank you note and I would send her Christmas cards forever. She was an absolute angel when I needed one badly. 

I remember describing this to my best friend later, and she had noted that she looked around at the rest of them in the room with me and they felt she was calming them down too. I didn’t voice it because I had no interest in guilting anyone, but I wondered if that doctor wasn’t looking to them to tell them THIS is what THEY were supposed to be doing rather than spreading around the comfort.... I took a birthing class and in the first one I had my mom with me and the doula leading it taught this exact technique for the partner of the pregnant woman. I went home and told my boyfriend about it (he had to work that night) and it was reviewed the following class. Yet neither my mom nor my boyfriend did anything like this during all those hours. I don’t blame them when suddenly in that stressful situation, and I certainly wouldn’t expect bestie to know it, but damn that shit WORKS. If I ever end up in delivery with a friend I’m jumping right in and doing the damn thing because as intimate and awkward as it might be feel it really is effective. I only wish I could have had my own wits about me to understand and voice what I needed at the time.

So shortly thereafter parents and best friend were ushered back to the waiting room, while boyfriend and I were prepped for surgery. We were separate while he was washed up and given scrubs, and I was wheeled into another room. I was introduced to my surgeon and yet another anesthesiologist. He explained that I needed a spinal rather than an epidural because I needed to be numbed further up my abdomen than the epidural had done but that he could administer through the same port. He gave me the medicine and waited a few minutes. After awhile he tested for sensation and I still had feeling on my belly. He seemed astonished that I would feel anything, gave it a few minutes more and tried again, and I felt it. He poked me with a needle, saw me jump, and shook is head in disbelief. I needed yet more drugs. My labor and delivery nurses painstakingly propped me into a seated position and barely kept me from wobbling as the anesthesiologist administered the spinal.

Then I was NUMB. I lost all feeling in my abdomen. Then my neck. Then my face. I could feel nothing. I was wheeled into the operating room and met back up with my boyfriend who sat just behind my head to the right of me, with the anesthesiologist sat directly behind me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move anything. I couldn’t feel myself breathing, and mentally ran over the angel anesthesiologist’s words over and over like a mantra in my head to avoid falling into a complete panic. I cannot describe how awful this type of paralysis is, to be fully conscious but unable to feel or move anything. The anesthesiologist asked how I was doing, and with horror I realized I couldn’t talk. Suddenly my mantra seemed shaky since I couldn’t talk maybe I wasn’t breathing??? With tremendous concentration and effort I mouthed that I can’t talk. He couldn’t understand me, I tried again. His eyebrows wrinkled in concern and he assured me I was alright.

I was so exhausted from the effort of trying to stay calm. I don’t really remember much about what was happening during the surgery. I vaguely remember my boyfriend looking anxiously back and forth from the operation to me. For some reason I remember a sheet being laid over my face, but that might have been the anesthesia/paralysis instead of an actual sheet? At one point the anesthesiologist seemed to notice my effort and let me know it was ok if I fell asleep. I think I dozed then, but probably not for very long.

Then I heard her cry. A tiny high pitched sigh of a noise in the middle of conversation and machine beeps and I was flooded by relief. My boyfriend left my side and I waited in my drowsy immobility for them to bring her to me. The moment didn’t come. After a few minutes my boyfriend’s worried face reappeared in my vision. He told me that she had come out with fluid in her lungs and they were taking her to the NICU. He asked me if he should stay with me or go with her, I whispered for him to go.

And then I was alone with a room full of strangers. I had no more worry or panic left in me. I was filled with a lonely apathy as I dozed in and out of consciousness.  I remember the casual work-place conversation between the surgeon and attending nurses and doctors as they chatted about the colleges they attended. It seemed so surreal and a part of me was sure I was dying, that I had exerted all I had to give and was slipping away and that it was ok because my daughter was born and alive her dad was with her and he would do whatever needed to be done.

After however long I had been sewn up and was wheeled to yet another room for recovery. Slowly the anesthesia wore off enough that I was able to speak and move my head to look around me. I was in a long line of empty beds and one of the nurses that had been with me sat typing at a computer. The nurse let me know I was to rest there for some given amount of time while she monitored me and then I would be taken to my room. I asked when I would be able to see my daughter or if she knew anything about her condition. She told me she wasn’t sure but it would be awhile until I could see her because they had to wait for the anesthesia to wear off completely. After what seemed like an excruciatingly long time, my boyfriend came in to see me.

He showed me a picture of my baby. The first time I saw her was an image on my boyfriend’s cell phone. She was so tiny with a surprising amount of dark hair and big alert dark eyes. She had tape across her face holding a breathing tube in place. My heart ached to see her. It didn’t seem real seeing a photograph of her. I was supposed to be with her. How could she be ok in some other room on some other floor far away from her mother. I cried with joy in seeing her and sadness at how far away she seemed. We looked at each other and we both agreed that we now knew what to name her. All of her hospital labels and plaques said “Baby Girl Phelps,” but her birth certificate would eventually read Rosalie Jenn Enriquez.

I had to wait a full day before I was able to see her. I was taken to my recovery room with a massive TV and was revisited by my parents and best friend. I was told with amusement how my mother viewed the photo of my daughter the first time and squealed with delight, “a little Mexican baby!” The day dragged on, I gained sensation and then discomfort but wasn’t in too much pain. I was only anxious to meet my kid. Eventually a nurse said I should be able to see her soon, but they had to find someone to take me down in a wheelchair. This maybe took a half hour to an hour? I’m not too sure, but it felt like forever. I remember being irritated that my boyfriend couldn’t do it since he had already been down to see her several times and was perfectly capable of pushing a wheelchair, but some protocol required a professional to do it.

Finally, a nurse came in to wheel me down. I was so anxious going down the elevator, rolling down the hall, getting checked into NICU, getting a name tag... just let me see my baby already! At last I was wheeled into a tiny room with a little plastic crib and encountered a male NICU nurse holding my daughter. He handed her to me, I know he told me that she was doing great and should be released to be in the room with me soon, that she had been drinking a bottle, encouraging me to nurse, etc, but all I really remember was the shock of seeing her for the first time. 

It’s impossible to put into words. To say it was a “rush of love” in the way I so often hear described by new parents falls flat. That sounds too cuddly, too mushy, too soft. This feeling was fierce. My life revolted away from everything it had been in an instant. In one moment my whole world tipped on its side and revolved around this one tiny person. I was faced with all of the joy and love inside me and all of the fear and anxiety inside me all at once, with a deep knowledge that this was to be the way it was for the rest of my life, and she was looking up at me and SEEING me. She was laid on my chest against my skin and I was so overwhelmed with relief that we were finally together I could have stayed there in that tiny room holding her like that for an eternity. 

I don’t remember what roused me into leaving eventually. I know it took about another half of a day for them to release her from NICU to stay with me. My boyfriend and I alternated carrying for her, making our novice attempts at swaddling her and changing her diapers. She wouldn’t latch and I began what would become a grueling 8 week journey of constant pumping and an eventual frenectomy in my determination to breastfeed that eventually paid off. 

We had a few visitors, friends and family from both sides. All were taken aback at how CUTE she was. I kept thinking I was obviously biased but I heard it from everyone. Nurses would pop in unscheduled just to look at her. I was told over and over that she was the cutest baby in the hospital. One nurse in particular was so doting I joked with my boyfriend that we had to keep an eye on her or she’d walk off with her one of these stops.  I forget that often newborns spend their first few weeks rarely opening her eyes, because my daughter was constantly looking around her. It seemed like she was able to see much more than newborns are able to, because she would snap her eyes in the direction of sounds and voices like she could see across the room. She had a musical high-pitched cry unlike how most newborns cry as well. When the resident pediatrician made her first visit, my daughter cried at the touch of the cold stethoscope, and the doctor gasped, “she cries like a baby sparrow!” From that moment on she has been my Little Bird.

It was nice having the staff to assist in taking care of my baby while we were there, but it became apparent pretty quickly that the hospital stay wasn’t going to be restful. Of course I had a newborn to feed every few hours and tend to, but I also had nurses stopping in every few hours to give me medicine, take blood, take blood from the baby, take my blood pressure, etc. After four days I couldn’t wait to go home. They told me I could stay for a few more days, but I politely declined and was so so so happy to finally get back in my boyfriend’s car and take our baby home.

Now that it’s a few years later and I’m facing a second delivery, I’m just opting for the scheduled C-Section. Of course every labor is different and my doctor has assured me that the risk is minimal should I choose a VBAC, but I given the shock, pain, and trauma of the first one, I’d rather just skip all that and deal with the recovery I’m familiar with. As hard as it was, it was worth it of course. My daughter is a constant delight. Watching her grow and learn and develop her own personality is just a never-ending amazement. I am looking forward to finding out how similar and different her brother is going to be.