#beep beep likes comedy

[beepbeepdespair]

been watching taskmaster nz and i feel like theres a real difference in vibes between alex and paul. i mean that in a good way but like. alex is mischievous and bitchy, paul just looks so incredibly sad. looking at him feels like looking at a kicked puppy. every task feels like its the last wish of a tuberculosis-riddled victorian child. im not attracted to men in that way and yet there is something about him that makes me want to kiss him just because it might make him feel better

[catilinas]

go in the girard tag. in the girard tag? go in the girard tag

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

LINK LIMIT HAS BEEN REACHED

Jan 19th

~*~

1. hi!! itmf a fic where

a) wen wei wuxian! or even partially wen friendly fics i suppose? i've read most stuff tagged under wen wei wuxian but feel free to recommend if u have one you really like even if it has that tag!

b) modern/college aus with a similar vibe to Red Chrysanthemums for Wei Ying/A Soft Storm by AvoOwO (strongly recommend!!). doesn't have to have such dark themes necessarily but the relationship between wwx and jc & others. Lan Zhan vs the Jiang Siblings series by phnelt is another (more lighthearted) example of what i mean! sorry ik it's vague.

c) a social media fic! preferably with the whole twitter/other social media set ups and all that fun stuff like Second Wind: An Idol Survival Show by moeblobmegane

tysm for all u do u guys are amazing!!!

1A)

Scars of Lightning by The_peregrine_falcon (T, 6k, YZY & WWX, WWX & WRH, WangXian, YZY’s A+ Parenting, Canon Divergence, Not Canon Compliant, Wen WWX, zidian, YZY is a bitch, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Major Character Injury, Heavy Angst, Lotus Pier, Nightless City, Young WWX, Muteness, Hurt kind of comfort)

Loneliness Knows My Name by Jaywalker_Holmes, Treef (T, 208k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Eventual Happy Ending, Unreliable Narrator, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, mutual idiots)

Heliocentric by Coolio101 (T, 8k, WangXian, in which WWX is born as part of the Wen Sect, Mutual Pining, LWJ & JC are friends....kind of, Wen Sect WWX, Fix-It, LWJ has zero chill and is always 2 sec away from throwing hands, but that's basically canon, also WRH is still an asshole, so if you were expecting redemption!fic this might not be for you, Canon Divergence)

Sunset, Sunrise by Ariana Deralte (ArianaDeralte) (T, 59k, WWX & WRH, WangXian, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, Crack, Temporary Character Death, sorry I killed a-Yuan for a few paragraphs before the time travel, WWX is a Wen, Genius WWX, WRH gets to rewatch the series as a treat, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, in this house we acknowledge that all the sects have flaws, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, WWX Has ADHD, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Autistic LWJ, Loss of Limbs)

All Things Belong by kuroi_atropos (M, 93k, WRH & WWX, WangXian, WWX is a Wēn, Abuse, Whipping, Manipulations, Warning: WRH, Smart WWX, Possessive Behavior, Warning: JGS, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Society Level Victim Blaming, Victim Blaming)

1C)

Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation by Hades_the_Blingking (T, 75k, multiple ships, Chatlogs, chatfic, Texting, Comedy, Canon Compliant, Crack, Memes, Humour, JGY is best bitch, i am afraid of when LXC finally snaps, XY is a highly cursed person, NHS is still mvp tbh, chatroom fic, Polyamory, Lots of it, Not Everyone Dies, Additional: please do not eat or drink reading this enough people have choked x-x)

call me, beep me by myung (T, 39k, WangXian, MM/WQ, JC/WN, JYL/JZX, Social Media, Modern, Actors, Celebrity, Chatting & Messaging)

cookin' up a storm, piece of cake by livinginaworldofnoise (G, 9k, WangXian, Modern, Social Media, Baking, the dumbest comments u have ever seen, WWX being a troll for nearly 10k words, LWJ suffering the most that any recipe blogger has ever suffered, Baker LWJ, WWX is a Little Shit, Crack, content warning for absolute unhinged nonsense, told in the form of recipe comments and emails, Epistolary, Unconventional Format)

life, drama and action by Akai__hana (G, 13k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Modern, Actors, singer LWJ, actor WWX, Social Media, Fluff and Humor, Established Relationship, Crack)

r/relationships by vespertineflora (T, 8k, WangXian, Modern AU, Social Media, Viral Reddit Post, Pining, Crushes, Friends to Lovers, Awkward Flirting, Romantic Gestures, Romantic Comedy, Love Confessions, Kissing, Happy Ending, r/relationships [podfic] by someplacelikebolivia)

🔒 人過留名 | Reputation by dragongirlG, PandaReads (DrPanda99) (T, 5k, JL & LSZ & LJY & OYZZ, JL & WWX, Social Media, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, Humor, Chinese diaspora, Secret Identity, College/University, Modern Setting, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes, Mandarin speaking reader, Fic & Podfic)

~*~

2. any fics with the housewife and provider husband dynamic? (either of them could be the househusband, idrc i just want this dynamic) @ashxi-wx

crimson blue by cherrywhiskey (E, 138k, WangXian, Modern AU, Arranged Marriage, Angst with a Happy Ending, Marriage of Convenience, genius WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Supportive LQR, Bottom LWJ, Eventual mpreg, Protective WWX, BAMF WWX, caring LWJ, Soap Opera, with plenty of telenovela tropes, like scheming in-laws, sizzling drama, Angst, Romance, AND SO MUCH LOVE & DEVOTION, Power Couple Wangxian, they're smitten with each other, WWX × LQR bonding, soft LWJ, but he's also got a temper, WWXs debt & duty factor is heavily focused, it's a bit whumpy initially, but Very Very Happy ending, let me show you what WWX's love looks like)

the end of And They Have Escaped The Weight of Darkness by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Screw the Cultivation world tbh, The Lan precepts deserves better, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Social justice boyfriends wangxian, Happy Ending) link in #15

~*~

3. Hello🥰 I was wondering if you had some kind of Post-Canon fanfics comp? Or Post-Canon fanfics recs? I looked through your fic comps list but, if it does exist, I couldn’t find it. If it doesn’t exist, could I ask for you fav post canon fanfics for the next itmf? Happy endings please!!! And the cutest wangxian the better!

Thank you luv, you’re doing gods work!

Bitter Plants Bearing Sweet Fruit by Kryal (M, 83k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, canon-typical horror elements, Worldbuilding, Desert, Misuse of Historic Setting, Original Character Death(s), Case Fic, aftermath of canon, ridiculously long author notes, Established Relationship, Nothing Explicit But Shameless Innuendo)

a safe pair of hands by occultings (microcomets) (E, 11k, WangXian, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Body Worship, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Sharing a Bed, Getting Together, First Time, Curses, Intimacy, Touch-Starved LWJ)

And Yet Here You Are by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Cloud Recesses, settling down, Separation Anxiety, Teacher WWX, very light angst, Chief Cultivator LWJ)

call me home and I’ll build you a throne by anaphoricae (E, 51k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Cloud Recesses, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Self-Indulgent, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy… and then Sexual Intimacy, Lán Juniors Gossiping about Wangxian, as a treat, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Farmer WWX, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Mutual Pining, Communication, Quietly Falling Into a Married Life, Light Angst, Wholesome, POV LWJ, POV WWX, LWJ in braids agenda, Sharing a Bed, WWX’s Birthday, Semi-Public Sex, Cold Springs, Inventor WWX, Jealous WWX)

How to Keep Your Diplomatic Asset Close (and Your Wei Ying Closer) by His Excellency by misscam (M, 4k, WangXian, Getting Together, Fluff, Smut, Humor, CQL!verse, some inspiration from the novel)

hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (E, 23k, wangxian, Canon Compliant, discussion of canon character death, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Getting Together, Yearning, Literal Sleeping Together, Really Excessive Amounts of Hurt/Comfort,[Podfic of] hunters seeking solid ground by exmanhater, hunters seeking solid ground by Attila [Podfic] by Rhea314 (Rhea))

If It’s You by etymologyplayground (T, 1k, WangXian, Fluff, Reunions, Getting Together, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, Cuddling & Snuggling, Post-Canon, Sexual Tension)

I’m Going Out (Gonna Make A Name For Me And You) by cosmicmilktea (T, 16k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Power couple Wangxian for social change is my kink, People being nice to WWX is my kink, LWJ and I have that in common, Mentor WWX, intersect relations, cultivation sects, Slow Burn, Like seriously it's very slow, Sickness)

Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground (T, 39k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Case Fic, Intimacy, Curses, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Romance, Sexual Tension, Scent Kink, WWX Loves To Teach, wangxian are married, Fluff, nonsexual intimacy, Scars, Sharing a Bed, Nonverbal Communication, this is HEAVY on the symbolism, Translation in Russian)

Nice work if you can get it by deliciousblizzardshark (M, 11k, WangXian, Protective LWJ, Genius WWX, Post-Canon, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, the make people respect wwx agenda, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Soft WangXian, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, a very very small amount of smut, also a possessed squirrel)

爱不释手; never let me go by yiqie (E, 68k, WangXian, Case Fic, Blood and Injury, Demons, Body Horror, Mystery, The intrinsic horniness of wound tending, Yearning 2: The Electric Boogaloo, [Podfic] 爱不释手; never let me go by argentumlupine, 爱不释手; never let me go [podfic] by esbielle)

You’d Break Your Heart to Make It Bigger by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 32k, WangXian, soulbonding, First Time, Case Fic if You Squint, Fools in Love, soul boning, soft fools in love, Pining while fucking)

Wearing Down Every Bone by CSHfic, VSfic (E, 30k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Time Loop, Temporary Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Case Fic, Curses, Pining, Getting Together, Time Travel, Night Hunts, Hurt wwx, Mystery, Angst with a Happy Ending, Use Your Words, Mutual Pining, Depression and Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, gratuitous use of empathy)

build me no shrines by occultings (microcomets) (M, 54k, WangXian, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, First Time, Getting Together, Confessions, Sharing a Bed, Hair Washing, Sentient Burial Mounds, Case Fic, Post-Canon, CQL Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Light Angst, Flashbacks, mild body horror, foot   washing, Happy Ending, Non-Sexual Intimacy, …then sexual intimacy, [Podfic] build me no shrines by flamingwell)

~*~

4. Do you have any Wangxian fics that discuss classism? Like any that are about/mention how often Wei Wuxian is treated because he's the 'son of a servant'.

🔒 Fine Men of High Rank by Deastar (E, 3k, WangXian, Xuanwu of Slaughter Cave, Class Issues, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort)

made for each other by KouriArashi (T, 118k, JYL/NMJ, WangXian, JC/WQ, LXC/JGY, LXC & NMJ, NMJ & NHS, JC & JYL & WWX, Canon Divergence, Romance, Developing Relationship, Slow Build, Matchmaking, Mutual Pining, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Sibling Bonding, Class Issues, first half is fluffy but then, Sunshot Campaign, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Boyfriends, Happy Ending, Not Everyone Dies)

Chronicles of Sect Leader Wei Wuxian by Muggle_Diary (E, 115k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, JFM/YZY, CSSR/WCZ, MM/LXC, NMJ/QS, WQ/OC, OFC / OFC, JC / OFC, Sect Leader WWX, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Different First Meeting, Canon Divergence, Minor Character Death, First Time, First Kiss, Anal Sex, Sex Toys, Explicit Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Rough Sex, Sexual Assault, Child Abuse, Child Death, War Hero WWX, Sunshot Campaign, No Golden Core Transfer, WWX Leaves the Yunmeng Jiang Sect, Cultivation Sect Politics, Original Character(s), Wen Remnants Live, Abusive YZY, Abusive Jiang Family, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, JC Bashing, YZY Bashing, JFM Bashing, Yunmeng Jiang Sect Bashing, JYL & JZX Live, Jiang Family Bashing)

🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, Cloud Recesses, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the Madam Yu warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric)

~*~

5. Do you have any fics where Wei Wuxian is the drunk one? There are so many confessions where Lan Wangji is drunk, but I'm curious if there are any where Wei Wuxian is the one drunk.

~*~

6. Hello!! for the next ITMF, are there any modern au fics where the cultivation world is a secret? sort of like in Lan Sizhui and the Whispers of the Lost by Vulpeculate

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7. Hello! Happy 2025! I'm here for the next In the mood for! I'm craving a really angsty scene of the twin jades... I just really need Lan Zhan laying it out on Lan Xichen after the truth is out, because I think Lan Xichen is more focused on the fact that he killed JGY and helped killing NMJ and not of the big part he played on everything that went on with WWX and the Wens and also how he betrayed LWJ. @lostandmessedup

~*~

8. Itmf fics that explore the time when meng Yao hid lan xichen after he escaped cloud recesses. It feels like there should be more great fics about this but I haven’t found them. Especially for JGY/LXC falling in love and JGY making different choices!

walk away from the sun by KouriArashi (M, 107k, LXC/JGY, LXC & LWJ, WangXian, LWJ & JGY, LXC & NMJ, Canon Divergence, Angst, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Developing Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Politics, supportive brothers, supportive husbands, Canon-Typical Violence, Lan Family Feels, Everybody Lives, Eventual Happy Ending)

and he sang about the stars by hauntme_then (M, 29k, WangXian, Brotherhood, Growing Up Together, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Canonical Character Death) The MY hiding LZC part is part of a more in depth LZC POV fic, but it is a poignant and detailed part. I should also warn that the fic is dark and will not hit the last part of your request about different choices. But the LZC POV is very good and exploratory.

~*~

9. Heyo are there any fics set in the untamed universe where Wei Wuxian comes back to lan when and the juniors and its just him and Lan Zhan having so much sexual and romantic tension? Like you could cut it with a twig, like super thick in the air and the juniors are just tired of it, so they decided to do something about it or Wangxian figure it out on their own? Please let me know, and I hope you have a nice day or night😁 @yasssbassss

A Dramatic Reading by pupeez4eva (Not Rated, 5k, WangXian, Humor, Post-Canon, Public Confessions, oblivious wangxian, The Juniors accidentally write Wangxian fanfiction on a cursed scroll, Everyone suffers the consquences, Getting Together)

Far Away You Are by cqlorphan (E, 17k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, cleared up by juniors ensemble, Explicit Consent, Bottom LWJ. Top WWX, but i’m sure they switch about it, Multiple Orgasms, Fluff and Smut, with a little angst - as a treat)

Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground (T, 39k, wangxian, JC & WWX, Case Fic, Intimacy, Curses, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Cuddling & Snuggling, Getting Together, Romance, Sexual Tension, Scent Kink, WWX Loves To Teach, wangxian are married, Fluff, nonsexual intimacy, Scars, Sharing a Bed, Nonverbal Communication, this is HEAVY on the symbolism, Translation in Russian) link in #3

tell some storm by qurbat (G, 31k, wangxian, JC & WWX, LSZ & WWX, NHS & WWX, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, liberal amounts of outsider POV, the legend of wangxian, how to create a romance epic for dummies)

🔒 The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli (T, 19k, WangXian, In-Universe RPF, Romance Novel, LJY’s sense of justice, OYZZ’s sense of romance, Featuring a surprise appearance by WWX’s oft-absent sense of shame, Look the ducklings just want their sort-of dads to be happy okay?, And it’s not like WWX or LWJ are doing a good job of ensuring their own happiness, LJY rejects canon reality and substitutes his own, highly relatable actually, Post-Canon Fix-It, primarily drama-canon with cameos from novel-canon, The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli [Podfic] by Rhea314 (Rhea))

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10. Hello! I'm itmf any A) Wangxian fics that are funny, and b) good uncle lqr fics in post canon!

10A)

Once upon a moonlit night, in Gusu by naqaashi (E, 1k, WangXian, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Suffering LQR, LQR is So Done, JC is So Done, Outdoor Sex, Married WangXian, Established Relationship, Shameless Smut, Shameless WangXian, Post-Canon, LQR Metaphorically Qi-Deviates, Poor LQR, Gremlin WWX, Petty LWJ, WangXian Being Cringe, Public Display of Affection, Accidental Voyeurism) Just read this one last night and it was very funny, especially the second half. #prayforLQR

Important Distinctions by nagi_blue (T, 5k, Gen, Fluff and Crack, [Podfic] Important Distinctions by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona)

Transcend by covalentbonds (Not Rated, 7k, WIP, WangXian, Post-Canon, Fluff and Humor, Smut, YLLZ WWX is prettiest fight me)

🔒 and in the spring i shed my skin by wvlfqveen (T, 11k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Professors, Shapeshifter LWJ, Not Quite Necromancer WWX, Mutual Pining, WWX being an oblivious idiot, Fluff, Love Confessions, yunmeng trio, Family Feels, get JC therapy 2020, Kissing)

are you my wisdom tooth? because i'd like to take you out by yellowcarnations (G, 3k, WangXian, Modern, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, this is like drunk LWJ but leveled up to the max, its not ooc if u blame it on the anaesthesia)

The Late Great Custody Debate by stiltonbasket (G, 9k, WangXian, LXC/NMJ, JYL/JZX, JYL & WWX & JC, Modern, Domestic Fluff, baby a-yuan, Single Parent WWX, LWJ is a confused rabbit owner, nielan are married, nhs is: xoxo gossip girl, Custody Arrangements, engagement fluff, Confused WWX, WWX voice: if i'm the one with the kid why are you suing ME for child support?, LWJ kills his own love life in the worst way, Happy Ending)

The Bunnies and The Roomba: A Love Story by Nikki373 (T, 6k, WangXian, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Siblings, Siblings Try and Are Trying, Modern, College/University, ,It's kinda more grad school adjacent, 1 if by phone; 2 if by text; 3 if by mouth, Kisses, Romance, Falling In Love, LXC is the eternal captain of the good ship Wangxian)

Covered in Bees by ScarlettStorm (T, 8k, WangXian, Modern AU, Beekeeping AU, Meet-Cute, Comedy, Fluff, Bees, come for the flirting, stay for the bee facts, and the bee puns)

10B)

No Strings Attached by stiltonbasket (G, 3k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, NieLan, Canon DivergenceFix-It, LQR is a good uncle, wwx is much smarter than he looks, and by that I mean he's a genius, Smitten LWJ, Golden Core Reveal) Chef's kiss.

🔒❤️ Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by Glitterbombshell (T/G, 53k, WangXian, Angst with Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Teacher WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff)

Seasons of Falling Flowers by merakily (G, 40k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, LQR & LWJ, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Character Study, Introspection, In-Laws, Golden Core, Emotional Baggage, Family Bonding, Protective LWJ, Good Parent LQR, LQR has feelings, LQR & WWX become friends)

someone like you by Basingstoke (G, <1k, wangxian, Future Fic, Cloud Recesses, Teacher WWX)

Overwhelming Enthusiasm by Shadaras (M, 1k, LQR & WWX, LQR & LWJ, WangXian, POV Outsider, Aftermath of Violence, Coitus Interruptus, Good Uncle LQR, Nerd WWX, Family Feels)

Menace by MnemonicMadness (T, 7k, LQR & WWX WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt WWX, BAMF WWX, Downplaying an Injury, awkward comforter LQR, reluctant matchmaker LQR, Humor, Pining WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Self-Sacrificing WWX, POV LQR, LQR is stressed, And also secretly a softie, Post-Canon)

Inconceivable by merakily (G, 3k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, post-canon, fluff, humor, in-laws, chief cultivator LWJ)

🔒 Five Shades of Home by DrPanda99 (G, 13k, wangxian, post-canon, Chinese New Year, grief/mourning, hurt/comfort, introspection, homecoming, domesticity, JC & WWX reconciliation, good uncle LQR, dumblings)

Deeper Seasons by piecrust (G, 8k, LQR & WWX, WangXian)

I'm Sorry & Thank You by Iamnotawriter (T, 12k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Golden Core, Canon-Typical Violence, lqr's epipheny, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

11. Itmf fics which make your heart full just by reading how good of a book it is, like exceptional plot and writing with minimum or explainable ooc-ness, above 100k, for ex: Dispersing Clouds , and Twelve Moons And A Fortnight. Theres more but I don't remember. @jaywuji

The Shade of Old Trees by Kryal (T, 363k, WangXian, History, Canon Divergence, Modern, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Slow Life, Action/Adventure, Magic Returns, BAMF WWX) the author even explains all their worldbuilding and character choices

Bitter Plants Bearing Sweet Fruit by Kryal (M, 83k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, canon-typical horror elements, Worldbuilding, Desert, Misuse of Historic Setting, Original Character Death(s), Case Fic, aftermath of canon, ridiculously long author notes, Established Relationship, Nothing Explicit But Shameless Innuendo) link in #3

We Meet at the Thousandth Step by Admiranda, Rynne (T, 316k, WangXian, CSSR/WCZ, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, CSSR & WCZ Live, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Different First Meeting, Night Hunts, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Plot, Romance, Drama, Fluff, Strangers to married, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Everyone Lives, Developing Relationship, Minor Violence, Case Fic, Mystery, Flirting, WWX’s Canon-Typical Flower Flirting, Arson, There Was Only One Bed, Getting Together, First Kiss, Meeting the Parents, Resolved Sexual Tension, Resolved Romantic Tension, WWX Is a Good Big Brother, New Relationship Bliss, Chinese Mythology & Folklore, Blood and Injury, Yiling siblings, Married WangXian, Honeymoon, Wangxian’s Baby Fever)

🔒 Building it back, stone by stone and seal by seal by KizuKatana (M, 134k, WangXian, WWX & Wen Remnants, WWX & Wen Siblings, canon-divergent, post cultivation war, nobody won, WWX starts out alone as a fugitive lone cultivator, then finds a home, then finds a family, not a reincarnation fic, just alternate reality where not everyone who was in original canon existed during the war, starting the cultivation world over from scratch, Found Family, Comfort fic, carving out a new safe home, First Time)

Birthday Party by waffles_4_breakfast (E, 102k, WangXian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Canon-Typical Violence, Pining, Slow Burn, Poison, Torture, Requited Unrequited Love, First Time, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Rough Sex, Oral Sex, Come as Lube, Bondage, Dom/sub Undertones, Spit As Lube, Rimming, Consensual Non-Consent, Safe Sane and Consensual, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)

🔒 and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They’re Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 163k, WangXian, JFM & WWX, JC & WWX, WRH & WWX, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, LWJ & NHS, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Genius WWX, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Angry WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Angry LWJ, One-Braincell WangXian, Idiots in Love, Requited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Soft WangXian, Married WangXian, Soulmates, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Immortal WWX, Canon-Typical Violence, Not JC Friendly, Not Yunmeng Jiang friendly, not gusu lan friendly, Immortal LWJ)

A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Slow Burn, Getting Together, First Time, Pining while fucking, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Angst with a Happy Ending, CQL Verse, almost everybody lives/almost nobody dies, epistolary-ish, canon-ish side pairings, radishes)

Just go forward like you mean it by tawaen (M, 101k, WangXian, WWX & WN &WQ, WWX & JYL, NHS & WWX, Canon Divergence, WWx does not attend the Wen indoctrination, WWX saves Lotus Pier, Inventor WWX, No Golden Core Transfer, Sect Leader JYL, JC Has No Golden Core, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not JC Friendly, but he gets a happier ending than canon so don’t look here for bashing)

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, Developing Friendships, lots of OCs, miscommunication and misunderstandings (they’re idiots your honor), Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Slow Burn)

Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX)

the problem with authority by isabilightwood (M, 139k, wangxian, qingli, Canon Divergence, Sacrifice Summon, slightly dark!JYL, wq lives because i said so, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Mild Sexual Content, Top/Bottom Versatile | Switch WangXian, manipulative relationship (background xiyao))

🔒 Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (E, 231k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Mutual Pining, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, unreliable narrator, Found Family, First Time, novel canon relationship dynamics) Besides Madam Yu being a bit more comically evil than in cannon, I feel Wangxian were pretty in character for the cannon divergence and afterwards.

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 887k, WangXian, WIP, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Getting Together, Supportive LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It of Sorts, Supportive LXC, Canon Divergence, Inventor WWX, Possessive LWJ, Cultivation Sect Politics, Pre-Sunshot Campaign, Fluff and Smut, Burning of the Cloud Recesses, Fall of Lotus Pier, Angst, Sunshot Campaign, Not JFM Friendly, split into parts, Part 1 complete, Part 2 complete, Original Character(s)) They start off pretty in character and any deviations are pretty well explained by the situation, or can be completely interpreted as a consequence of shown off screen actions. Like I’ve read most all of this fic, and for a while now I’ve gotten the feeling wangxian wasn’t the only one affected by LQR’s rifling through the Lan’s “possibly dangerous artifacts room”. But the author’s actually really good at keeping the characters 1 feeling like human beings and 2 capturing the original feeling of the characters even when the au goes in a wildly different direction than cannon does.

~*~

12. Hello and happy New Year!! I've been following this page since it's infancy but I've never asked before, and decided to finally give it a shot. (Hopefully I'm doing it right.) :D

I was hoping you could recommend fics.

A) Any fics where WWX raises LSZ from being a baby and they have a deep connection with each other. Best if WWX doesn't die or have to leave. Similar to their relationship in "Edge of Night" by Hobbsy3. (Doesn't have to be Single Dad WWX)

B) Also, looking for any fic where WWX goes crazy. Similarly to the fic where LWJ dies and WWX goes mad trying to revive him, he does and eventually the fic ends with both of them passing at Cloud Recesses. (Unfortunately, I can't remember the name of the fic.)

Thank you so much for all your hard work in continuing this blog after Miss Mojo's retirement. (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

12A)

🔒❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst)

it’s a long road but we’re not alone by Stratisphyre (M, 61k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Parenthood, Grief/Mourning, Family Feels, Reunions, Golden Core Reveal, Getting Together)

🔒 how to make your dad fall in love with your high school teacher in five steps; the complete and bulletproof guide by ravenditefairylights (T, 90k, wangxian, modern, coffee shop au, nonbinary LSZ, hurt/comfort, trauma, past abuse, past domestic violence, healing, hurt WWX, found family, hospitalization, therapy, single parent WWX, pining, teacher LWJ, unreliable narrator, chronic pain, queer platonic relationship, genderfluid WWX, autistic LWJ, fluff & angst)

my little love by mellowflicker (T, 54k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, kindergarten teacher!lwj, Kid Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, Pining)

Picture Perfect by manaika (M, 22k, WangXian, WWX/Other(s), Past Relationship(s), Widower WWX, Grief/Mourning, Getting Together, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Stepfather WWX, WWX is the father who stepped up, LSZ is a Wei, Single Parent WWX, Asexual Character, Aromantic Relationship, Platonic Life Partners, it's all in the past and only mentioned/discussed when relevant, Sex-Favorable Asexual WWX, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Modern, Past Character Death, Food Intake Related Medical Issue (not what you think))

And They Were Quarantined by thunderwear (E, 3zun, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, NHS & LWJ, quarantine fic, Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, LXC is a total slut for his roommates and he isn't even trying to hide it, Eventual Smut, Mutual Pining, Sexual Tension, Getting Together, Single Dad WWX, Long-Distance Relationship, kind of??, Fluff, almost no angst, Happy Ending, First Time, Phone Sex, switching POV, Domestic Fluff, Rabbits, little a-yuan is the best, Anxiety Attacks, Touch-Starved, LWJ gets his hug!, And Then Some ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ), a-yuan is best boy, A-Yuan is an agent of chaos and everyone thinks its cute, And they're right …but not for long?, NHS should never be trusted alone with kids)

~*~

13. Hi again, you wonderful people, you! Thank you so much for all your hard work! ITMF post-canon fics where for some reason WWX has to perform Empathy in LWJ, and for the first time he sees the suffering LWJ went through in the 13/16 missing years. Bonus points if it causes him a ton of angst. @thegertie

~*~

14. Hi, ITMF for:

A) fics where Wei Wuxian uses other weapons apart from the sword or flute (not once off either, at least using the other weapon 2 or 3 times)

B) fics where Wei Wuxian has an animal companion, preferably crows/ravens but other animal will do as long as they are prevalent

Thank you mods and community for the hard work!! Have a lovely day <3 @nyankokoko

14B)

Your love gives me Wings by SaiaiSaiko (M, 27k, WangXian, WWX Lives, MXY Lives, Winx Club Fusion, Enchantix Form, Sirenix From Winx Club, Believix From Winx Club, fairy WWX, Witch WWX, Curses, bad health, Bad Health through Curses, Spiritual Tools are Pixies, Accelerated Aging, older looking WWX, Fairy NHS, BAMF WWX, BAMF NHS, WWX in WWX's Body, JZX Lives, NMJ Lives, JYL Lives, The following tags contain spoilers, Evil JGS, Trans MXY, Self-Discovery, Misgendering, Victim JGY, Curse Breaking) is a winx club fuion where Wei Wuxian does have his fairy animal

Tamer of Darkness and Ghosts by SaiaiSaiko (T, 16k, WangXian, WIP, Pokemon Fusion, Older WWX, Younger LWJ, Older LXC, Basically everyone is older but LWJ & NHS, Younger NHS, BAMF WWX, The Wen's live, YLLZ WWX, Burial Mounds Settlement Days) ok 14 is shameles self promotion and wierd, so take it or leave it but Tamer of Darkness and Ghost is a full on Pokemon fusion WIP

🔒 A Heart Undying by NonsensicalRambling (M, 114k, WangXian, Undead WWX, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical dead things the burial mounds, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Eventual WangXian, No Yīn Tiger Seal, Morally Gray WWX, Animals Eating People, WWX’s questionable choices, Morally conflicted LWJ, Oblivious WWX, WWX Creates a Sect | Yiling Wei, YLLZ WWX, Sect Leader WWX, LWJ & WQ have an Understanding)

Run Off The World by Sapphire_Roses (M, 336k, wangxian, XuanLi, SongXiao, WIP, Not Everyone Dies AU, Canon Divergence, Wen Remnants Live, Flashbacks, YLLZ WWX, WWX Creates a Sect | Yiling Wei Sect, Sect Leader WWX, Married WangXian, OCs, POV Outsider, Morally Grey Characters, (Do Take That Tag Seriously), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Developing Friendships, Fluff, Attempt at Humor, Yunmeng Siblings Feels, Gusu Siblings Feels, Sibling Bonding, Pining, Character Study, Tenderness, Mild Smut, POV Alternating, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Minor Character Death)

Odd Geometry by maziodyne (M, 116k, WIP, WangXian, ChengSang, XuanLi, QingLi, background NieLan, AU - WWX does not grow up in Lotus Pier, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiangs, Elemental Magic Healer!WWX, Sunshot Campaign, Post-Sunshot Campaign, Slow Burn, letter writing, romance, flirting at inopportune times, Crows, Familiars, Homoeroticism, epic divorce incoming, triple agent wq, lockpicking, communication (but does it change anything?))

~*~

15. hi! ITMF some fics in which WWX has a medical problem that impacts him a lot. Can be modern or canon. @nao13th

Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, wangxian, WWX & JYL, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Eventual WangXian, No Golden Core Transfer, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Canon-Typical Violence, Not JC Friendly, What if WWX saw the first siege of the burial mounds and said Nope to the war, OCs, OC point-of-view for one chapter for plot reasons)

The River Brought You Here by ChilianXianzi (Not Rated, 11k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, POV Outsider, Amnesia, not JC friendly, Past abuse, Strangulation, Found Family)

And They Have Escaped The Weight of Darkness by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Screw the Cultivation world tbh, The Lan precepts deserves better, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Social justice boyfriends wangxian, Happy Ending)

Work in Tandem by MimiSpearmint (E, 23k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Single Parent LWJ, when you just want disability-led sword lessons for your child, swordflight instructor!wwx, swordflight instructor!lwj, Fluff, give lwj friends agenda, Protective LWJ, Getting Together, Intercrural Sex, Choking, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Implied off-screen D/s negotiations)

misunderstood ‘verse by sysrae (M, 7k, WangXian, Modern, College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, getting hit by cars, Past Child Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Abusive YZY, Caring LWJ, Injured WWX, partial hearing loss, the real OTP is everyone x therapy)

🔒 some things go forward by everythingispoetry (T, 73k, WangXian, Modern AU, Hospitals, Teenage Drama, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending)

Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, WangXian, NieLan, Slow Burn, Kid Fic, Found Family, Modern AU, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, PTSD, Blood and Injury, Dissociation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Musicals, POV Alternating, Baking, Yunmeng reconciliation (eventually), Friend Zoning, Literal Sleeping Together, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks)

Like a Water-Worn Stone by meyari (T, 41k, wangxian, major character death, Hurt/Comfort, very little hurt, lots of comfort, Chronic Illness, Serious Injuries, Self-Medication, Disability, PTSD, Depression, Self-Worth Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aftermath of war, Aftermath of Violence, Prisoner of War, Identity Issues, Warning: Jīn Guāngshàn, enslavement (discussion of), abuse (discussion of), actually very fluffy despite the warnings)

~*~

16. heyo, are there any fics where its like modern or something and Wei Wuxian is dating Lan When but has trouble communicating with Lan When because every time he does something, he feels like he messes up but lan Zhan just loves him no matter what? Please let me know, please and thank you😁 @yasssbassss

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan are not dating in all of these but I think they have the communication issues you're describing: The Mistletoe Virgin by Vamillepudding (G, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, Romantic Comedy, Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Deaf LWJ)

Not Just Netflix and Chill (Or Lan Zhan’s Lack of Grasp of Euphemisms) by misscam (M, 4k, WangXian, Modern, Getting Together, Humor, Romance)

Grace and a tender hand by feyburner (T, 4k, WangXian, Modern, First Date, Sickfic, Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Fluff)

🔒 California Here We Come (Right Back Where We Started From) by LizzyPanic (M, 23k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, Communication, Breaking Up & Making Up, Miscommunication, Pining, Modern , America, Break Up, Insecurity)

~*~

17. Haloo!! I read accross the street to another life like a month ago and i can't get over it 😭😭 Could you pls recommend a fic similiar?? Thanks in advance!!! @for13years-i-play-inquiry-foryou

Mask by BurningTea (M, 30k, WangXian, Rape/Non-Con, Non con tag refers to activity between WWX and LWJ which WWX believes to be consensual, Bottom LWJ, War Prize LWJ, YLLZ WWX, Canon Divergence, dubcon) Lan Zhan is captured and controlled by the Wens, similar to Across the street to another life. Please mind the tags on Mask, though.

Turn Left by kianspo (M, 204k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, LWJ & XXC, LXC/NMJ, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Friends to Loverse, ventually, references to child sexual abuse, not main characters, Canon-Typical Violence, Neurodivergent LWJ, LXC is the best brother, Slow Build, Lan Family Feel, Twin Jades of Lan Feels, LWJ-centric, Twin Jades of Lan Dynamics, basically a lot of twin jades in a wangxian fic, Not Everyone Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, they switch your honor) It's similar to Across the street to a different life in that Lan Zhan is kidnapped at a young age and leads a very different life from what is expected.

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @/mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[beepbeepdespair]

thank you!!! :)

last song i listened to: by the way i listen to that lølø one a LOT it slaps you have great taste. um yeah mine isssss rule #8 otherside by fish in a birdcage

currently reading: haven't read anything that wasn't for uni in a while bc too tired but it was probably the first lockwood and co book. trying to do a reread

currently watching: nothing really coming to mind, been too busy, but i think death in paradise starts again tonight and ofmd s2 is on tv from tomorrow so that'll be keeping me busy (and emotionally devastated) for a while lmao (also again love your picks. my parents love silent witness i still need to get into it)

currently obsessed with: also bludnymph lmao. and knives. uh but yeah the magnus protocol and archives, scrapbooking, alt style, sirens and mermaids, maggie lindemann, dance and aerial arts

and now to tag the only person i have the confidence to tag lmao @stealerofthe2ndbraincell absolutely no pressure <33333

Get to know you game! Answer the questions and tag 9 people you want to know better.

Tagged by: @blinktimes182

Last song I listened to: LØLØ - u turn me on (but u give me depression)

Currently Reading: She Drives Me Crazy - Kelly Quindlen + also considering either starting the expanse series or rereading the witcher series

Currently Watching: Rewatching bbc ghosts and ghosts US (again), Taskmaster, Silent Witness and many other things

Currently Obsessed with: bludnymph, TENDER, The Witcher, queer graphic novels, knvies and lots of video games. Also probably loads of other things but my mind went blank🙃

no pressure tags: @capraclysm @reallyshychopshop09 @shaka6331 @beepbeepdespair @philbobb @phasesofamoonchild @kelsiexnicole @nellienugs @hyperay

[hanchette]

𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐌𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐊𝐘 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 ( wind breaker characters )

a/n: THAT BOOGIE BOOGIE BAM BAM MAKES ME WANNA SCREEECHHH togame my beloved <333 ty for the chibi jo @/togament!!! MWUA

consists of : fluff, comedy, gender neutral reader, established relationship — windbre boys and tiktok dance

𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐉𝐎, “jo-chan! do some tiktok with me!” he'll have to take a bit of convincing to do it, togame likes it when you pester him actually, only you can pass his 'patience' test.

“eh? a dance?” he sniffs, a small contemplating pout present on his face as he takes a sip of his ramune. you took note of the flavour, it's blueberry. “please??” you looked up at him with a hopeful look.

“that depends, lemme see it first.” togame leans on you, pressing his chin on your shoulder, looking at your phone as you scroll through your socials in a hurry to show him.

hey boogie woogie bam bam!

a slow smile is on his face, “sure, but you gotta teach me how.” well, trying something won't hurt him. togame puts his drink down beside him, head still on your shoulder as he examines the video.

it didn't take long before your phone beeps into the rhythm, togame besides you as he moves his body like how you showed him to, a few sways and sticking the butt out at the end of verses. for a first timer, he sure is good with it. it makes sense since togame is good with his body too—fighting, of course.

let's go buddy buddy boom boom—!

you ate your own laughter, watching him through your phone as he wiggled his hips, butt sticking out to follow the steps you showed him. although the exaggerated movements makes him more dramatic. the glint of mischief evident in his gaze even with the tint of his sunglasses. he looks like a duck with his moves every time he swings his hip out.

“you're good!” you comment, smiling at him.

“hmm, one of us has to be.” he quipped, chuckling under his breath as he sends you a smug look. although it didn't matched the dance he's doing, sticking his butt out one last time. “if you say so!”

you fell into heaps of giggles.

𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐘𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐄, say less, ume is by your side and ready. he's not that unfamiliar with tiktok but he never did something that's about it.

“sure!” he's ready to go! just be patient with him and teach him how to do it.

ume is not used to dancing, his body is a tad stiff and it's obvious.

you try to be patient, showing him how to move, “this is easy-peasy, i thought it'll be hard!” he mentions, swaying his hips to the beat. but the way he swings his hip out, it looks stiff as hell.

hey boogie woogie bam bam!

“right?” you decide to grant him the mercy, swallowing your laugh, how could you when ume looks so bright and having so much fun? his lips are wide and his teeth are showing, the exact epitome of joy as he enjoys it.

“what other dance do you have?” he knocks his hip with yours, and you follow, knocking with his, one bump in particular sends you down on the floor, your panicked self reaching ume as you pull him down with you.

“woah!”

his lips are near yours but that's not what really matters, “you good?” he smiles in concern. you nod, the fall not really hurting as the two of you fall into bouts of laughter.

“we should probably start again.” ume says, nodding his head to gesture at the camera that is still rolling on. you nod, agreeing with him but your boyfriend didn't move, looking at you with his still easy smile, reaching, you looped your arms around his neck, pulling him to your level to press a kiss on his lips.

he's too irresistible, it's unfair. you can try again later, there's always time for it.

“alright.. maybe later.” he complies, mouthing words against your lips, his smile never fading.

𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐓𝐀 𝐊𝐘𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎, you shift on your position from laying on him to poking his side to catch his attention. you really want to see him dance with you.

sugishita peeked one eye at you, an apathetic look on his face despite you disturbing his sleep. if it were any other, he would've kicked them down to the floor already. “hey kyo-chan,” though there is no interest in his gaze, sugishita perked up at the mention of his nickname which only you can call him.

you showed him the video to which he raised a brow at you, still not lifting his head up. “can we dance this together?”

he's silent for a moment.

for a few.

sugishita closed his eyes once again. “kyo?” this was what you wanted? this is what disturbed his sleep??

he groaned in response, lifting his head up. he nods, sure, anything for you. though that is left unsaid.

one thing about sugishita is that he never half ass anything, he'd be damned if he does, plus, he's your boyfriend, of course he won't half ass anything.

what a sight it is, looking at the lanky man with you, swaying and dancing to the music that blasts through your phone, his movements in sync with yours and even with the slight frown on his face, he looks so cute!

“wow! kyo-chan you look so cute here!” you rambled, waving your phone and replaying the video again.

sugishita sighed through his nose, looking at your giddiness. well, it was worth it. his lips twitched, smiling softly as he looks at you.

yeah. it was.

𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐊𝐀, he looks away from you, face scrunching up and a prominent blush on his face. his romance sensor going haywire. doing a dance with you..

sakura trailed off from his thoughts, remembering how the dance is. it's embarrassing and yet.. “that-!” he's hesitant, gulping down the saliva stuck in his throat.

“it's fine if you don't want to, haruka.” you don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to.

sakura didn't push any further, but you can see how his lip pursed even more. maybe he really doesn't want to, is what you thought, smiling at him in understanding.

a few days later, you entered his home, for you, it has become a second home and of course, your boyfriend didn't mind you coming in and go, so you closed the door, searching for him until you hear little tap tap tap on the wooden boards.

“hm?” you peeked through his room, seeing your boyfriend, his back on you.

he's dancing..

dancing?!

and the steps are familiar, his hips swaying from one side to another, hands swinging with each movement.

“boom boom..” you hear him muttering under his breath before he clicked his tongue when his hip didn't fall to the beat, ah, it was the tiktok you showed him before.

turns out, sweet sweet sakura is performing it, perfecting it.

“haruka?” you interrupted, a smile now on your lips.

“huh?!” caught in the act of dancing, your boyfriend turned red. you can say he was caught red-faced.

“t-this isn't what it l-looks like!!” sure it does.

[boytearscore]

why can’t i hate you? — matt sturniolo & chris sturniolo.

summary: being best friends with chris and nick meant the world to you, it also meant you had to deal with their brother’s hate, rudeness, eye rolls, mean comments and coldness all the time. but that didn’t bother you, in fact, it was actually always a pleasure to annoy the shit out of him constantly.

warnings: swearing, enemies to lovers, best friends to lovers, love triangle (not threesome), toxic behavior, angst, comedy, possible smut and of course, strong female lead. TW for this chapter: mention of panic attack.)

taglist: @sleepysturniolo, @soshere, @spideylovin, @calisturniolo, @ilovecheese09, @ncm9696 , @klaus223492, @freshloveforthefit (thank you so much for the support, girls 💋)

author’s note: i’d like to say, this is by far the hardest chapter i’ve written. it was so intense and emotional but i hope you guys enjoy it. (feedbacks, comments and anything else are welcome, feel free to speak your mind) that’s it, see ya! chapter one here, chapter two here

chapter three.

after much thinking, you decided to go home and cool off, just the thought of making nick and chris uncomfortable because their brother was a dick make you blood boil.

you texted the group of you three telling them you had some stuff to do and needed to leave early, but that you’d see them soon.

chris was the first one to reply, you were still driving home when his message popped up but you didn’t want to be distracted, so you conclude it’s best to reply later.

as you passed by the tall buildings and palm trees of LA, your mind just went away with thoughts of matthew.

no guy looked at you that way before, sure, a few did hate you for past relationships and even because you always hold them accountable when they do shitty things.

but the coldness of matt’s eyes, there was so much hate, it was almost like he’s holding in something else.

jealousy? you think to yourself but shakes your head right away.

not a fucking chance.

all you know is that his attempts to hurt you didn’t and will not work in the future. the only thing bothering you is not being able to read him as much as you do to all the other guys. there’s a blockage and your curiosity to find out more was actually growing bigger now that he seemed way too angry about you flirting with chris.

finally, you get home, opening the door and throwing the keys on the couch. you go straight to bed, getting yourself comfortable on the between the sheets and buffing loudly. you hear another beep.

oh shit, chris. you thought grabbing your phone immediately, he didn’t reply on the group chat, but sent you a private message.

“did you go home because of what happened earlier?”

you frown, does he know about your argument with matt? fuck, that could not happen, things would get messy and really awkward.

but then another message popped up.

“sorry, i couldn’t control myself… you’re too tempting.”

you let out a huge sigh of relief, smiling at your phone and responding to him.

“trust me, it was very hard to leave after what you did, christopher. but there's indeed an emergency, don’t worry.”

you lied for the first time to chris and a sinking feeling weighed your heart, maybe one day you’d be able to tell him about what actually happened, but that’s not the right time yet.

“hahaha, i guess you should walk on me getting out of the shower more then. ;)”

you smile again, it was so adorable to see chris’ bold and confident side. it was also fucking hot.

“so i can win and make you blush again? pfft, that’d be boring.”

chris types for a while and then stops, then types again and you chuckled, he’s still the cute guy you knew.

“you’re lucky we weren’t in my room, the only reason why i didn’t bend you over that wall and fucked you right there was because one of my stupid brothers could catch us.”

you stare at the message for a couple seconds, the smile turning into an amused smirk. so this is the same guy who facetimes you until he can fall asleep after watching a horror movie?

an exciting feeling took over your whole body, but then you read the last sentence.

''one of my stupid brothers could catch us.”

you close your eyes and the image of matt stabbing you with his gaze is all over your head again.

this was starting to piss you off, you never really thought about matthew that much. he was just annoying and kind of there while you hangout with your best friends, but now? even flirting with someone else over text, you can’t help but think of him.

this is not over.

before you could respond chris, you dozed off.

your phone is suddenly buzzing, you open your eyes confused, the room was already pitch black and then you check the time, it’s 3AM.

“who the fuck is calling at 3AM?” you murmured to yourself but got your answer right away. ”matt?” you almost yell, getting up off the bed and staring at the contact calling.

what he could possibly want from you at 3AM? was he determined to annoy you this much? you roll your eyes and wait for it to go straight to voicemail, expecting him to give up, but then he actually sent you a voice message.

“hey…” his voice was shaken, breathless. and you frowned confused. “chris and nick are out for tonight and…” he stops again and you hear a sob. “i need to take my anxiety medication but i can’t get up. i hate to ask you this but… can you please help me?”

“i’ll be there in 10.”

you immediately text him without thinking twice, leaving your room and grabbing the keys on the couch.

on the way to the triplets house, your mind raced just as much as your heart. you forgot about the argument from this morning, all you wanted to do is get there before anything bad could happen.

after 15 minutes, you finally get there using your spare key to open the house. it was quiet, dark and you could hear low sobs and shaky breaths close to the living room wall. you rush to the cabinet, grabbing his pills and getting a cup of water, following the noise and soon finding matthew on the ground, hugging his knees to his chest, you bend over touching his shoulder and he grabs your hand abruptly, looking at you with a terrified expression. his eyes were swollen and moist, his lips were red from biting it hard and you could feel his whole grip shaking around your hand.

“do not touch me.” he yells but loses strength, leaning over the wall still holding your arm which makes you fall next to him. his eyes widened and he almost looked like he was about to apologise but then he glared at your hand holding his medication. “how did you know where it was?”

“nick.” you reply, and he stays quiet for a while. his grip still on your hand, but you didn’t even notice it. “he told me about what happened years ago…”

he remains quiet, just breathing heavily, his gaze focused on the ceiling of the living room, you also stayed quiet. the pain in his lost eyes made your heart ache, suddenly he loosened his grip and you watched him stretch his hand. you frowned and he rolled his eyes.

“the medication.” he says and you give to him, he takes the cup of water from your other hand and shug all of it after putting the pill into his mouth.

and that’s when shit happens.

you don’t know why, but you feel the urge to hug him. all these years of anger, annoyance and rudeness meant so much less when you just saw how much pain he was feeling. sure, nothing excuses his behaviour, but you imagined the way those kids treated him, the reason why he changed so much and why he refused to talk about it even with the people he trusted the most.

he was just a little kid, for god sake.

and so you do it.

you wrap your arms around him and he tries to push you away. “what the fuck are you doing?” he yells, and you hug him tighter.

“it’s not your fault, matt.” you whisper.

“what are you talking about? get off of me!” he still protested and you repeated again, this time a little louder.

“it’s not your fault. none of this is.”

and then he stops fighting against your hug, you hear loud sobs, his body shaking and his arms squeezing around your waist, he lets his head fall on your shoulder. your hand reaches his hair, gently caressing it and the other rubbing his back.

“i…” he tries to speak but all it came out was loud whimpers, and you hug him even tighter.

“i know…” you tell him quietly.

both of you stayed that way for a while, your arms and hands giving him warmth and comfort. he eventually calms down and when you feel him lift his head up loosening the hug, you look at him and he stares at you, a few tears still falling and you can’t help but wipe them with your fingers. the contact of you skin makes matt close his eyes, he puts a hand over yours and let a huge sigh out.

“why?” he asks, still with his eyes closed.

“what do you mean?” you tilt your head to the side, confused.

“why are you being nice to me when i'm nothing but a jerk to you all the time?” he opens his eyes and stares at you with an expression you’ve never seen before on his face.

you think for a second, biting your lips. matthew is staring at you intensely waiting for a response.

“i don’t know…” you confess. “i just don’t like to see you in pain, that’s all.”

“but why?” he questions you again, this time, he pressed your hand harder against his face.

“because i know how it feels.” you blurt it out without thinking and he doesn’t react, nodding his head quietly.

“fuck…” he finally speaks, avoiding your gaze for the first time that night. he huffs looking at you again, slowly getting closer, now you are inches from each other faces. “you’re the worst.” he mutters, shutting his eyes hard and keeping your palm against his cheek. he lets out another huff of breath and then speaks. “you make me feel... weird."

you grab his face with both hands and make him stare at your eyes, he was still crying.

“tell me how you feel, matt.” you whisper, at this point your chest was about to explode with strong heartbeats. “open your heart to me, i’m not gonna hurt you…” you continue, looking at his teary eyes. “i promise.”

matthew place both of his hand over yours and hesitates a little, you fingers gently rubbing his cheeks and he finally open his mouth to speak when you hear the front door opening.

“matt?” a yell makes both of you turn to the front door, chris and nick just arrived.

they stare at you on the ground and nick rushes over to see what’s happening, while chris is just staring at your hands on his brothers face and his over yours, feeling a mixture of jealousy and worry.

“the fuck happen to you?” nick asks, and you get away from matthew like you just woke up from a trance. you glance at chris by the front door and notice his weird expression, but decide to not think about it since a lot is happening at the moment.

“just had a panic attack.” he shrugs, getting up from the ground and looking at you. “she helped me, i’m okay.”

chris and nick turn to you with eyebrows raised, like they just heard the most absurd thing ever.

“now that i’m not needed anymore…” you pick up the keys from the counter and head to the door not wanting to explain things not even you understand, but chris grabs your arm, you could see his jaw clenched.

“you should’ve called us.” he’s still holding you, but staring at matt who seemed to be back at his usual nonchalant self again. “not her.”

“thought you said you guys were staying the night there. didn’t want to bother your little vacation.” you feel the grip on your arm getting tighter and that infuriates you.

“are you done?” you ask chris angrily and he finally looks at you, immediately letting your arm go. “that’s what i thought.”

you turn to nick waving goodbye, he mutters “i’ll text you later” and you leave without looking at chris or matt.

what the hell just happened?

it’s all you could think on the way home while your phone was blowing up with messages from chris.

[warpcoreweirdness]

i'm not unpacking the whole "freaks" thing in 'Much Ado About Boimler' because it's not trying to be that deep, but

gotta give credit to Lower Decks for the one second of screen time showing that Captain Pike's beep chair-ification is

a) the starting point of his journey post-accident, not the end

b) not a horrible fate worse than death where your life is not worth living or full of meaning and fruity little drinks.

like yeah it's played as comedy and the implications were probably an accident but somehow it still beats out Strange New Worlds on this front?? idk

(Image description in alt text)

[drabbletron]

Stand up Comedy:

|| Stand up comedy on the lost light has got to be the funniest thing, especially concerning human/cybertronian relations. ||

Comic on the topic of a human and a bot dating: “How the hell are you going to date someone on the same ship as you and not be the same height? You’re telling me you chose the tallest person on the ship and said ‘yep, I want that one!’ That’s a long-distance relationship right there! It’d take you five business days just to give him a kiss, and if you do it wrong, Ultra Magnus is gonna hit you with an OSHA violation. Your boyfriend isn’t even in the same atmosphere as you!”

“Being with a bot gives a whole new meaning to ‘junk in the trunk’. I was behind one of them in line and all I hear is a 'BEEP BEEP BEEP!' I'm scared as hell and the only thing I could think to do was yell 'Look down, LOOK DOWN!'”

“Breaking up has got to be terrible because not only are you out of a relationship, you’re also out of a ride to work in the morning!”

“These mechs out here don’t even have to try to get a human woman. The only thing they have to do is walk up and say ‘it vibrates’ and we’re cooked! That’s it! Be tall and vibrate – BOOM – you have a wife now, idk what to tell you man.”

"Do you think that having a fork lift certification is sexy to those guys? Like 'Oh you can handle heavy machinery? Well have I got some news for you!'"

"Or like knowing how to handle a power tool? Walking into an ACE hardware must be like walking into an adult store for those guys! Them older bots must love wd-40!"

|| i watch a lot of stand up comedy and i don't see a lot of content for that audience. this might actually go well with the First Contact AU ||

[beepbeepdespair]

im late this has probably been done already

[have-you-seen-my-sanity]

Movie night with oscar isaac characters of your choice. Who’s gonna grip you on jumpscares?

Now that's cool!

Movie night

Featuring: The moon boys, Miguel O'Hara, Nathan Bateman, Poe Dameron, Blue Jones, Santiago Garcia.

Nathan Bateman: Big flatscreen, check. Surround system, check. His androids with snacks, check. Fluffy pillows and snugly blankets, check.

Nathan definitely chooses science fiction, perhaps something about ai going rogue.

Smiles as if he just saw the funniest thing when you get scared or flinch.

Man will have a blast having you grip him for comfort. Definitely likes to tease you about it.

He most likely will jump during a jumpscare.

Poe Dameron: Goes for action or science fictions. Keeps BB-8 on your side if you need extra comfort. Wraps you up in his arms.

Incase of jumpscares, he will maybe flinch. When that happens BB-8 straight up throws giggling beeps at him, indicating he's laughing at poor Poe.

His grip around you occasionally tightens at intense scenes.

Sleeps like a baby happily after you had to comfort him after a scary scene. <3

Miguel O'Hara: He's mixed. Could go for anything you're in mood for. But prefers scary movies, he likes having you cling to him.

Man will not jump during jumpscares. Just sits there, completely chill with unimpressed expression. That was it? Lame...

Did you flinch? Aww, so cute seeing you like that! <3

Loves having you in his lap with a blanket wrapped around you. Could get cheeky and pretend to bite you.

Blue Jones: Man will go for horror movies, trust me. This lil shit absolutely loves seeing you get scared just so he can tease you.

He probably has seen the movie already so he knows the jumpscares, therefore won't jump.

Loves telling you when you get scared you have to walk through the Asylum at 3 AM. Just grins like shit at your reaction.

Jake Lockley: Would definitely choose thriller. But not without getting you hot chocolate so you're all set.

Gets excited everytime there's a shootout happening in the movie. Sometimes he can't help but chuckle.

Embraces you when you need it. Likes resting his chin or cheek on top of your head.

Will most likely dream of the movie with a happy smile on his face in his sleep. :)

Marc Spector: Definitely would choose John Wick, and if you're cool with it, you two will watch them all.

Snacks is a must have for the action they deliver. Takeout is probably his preferance. A nice pizza with alot of action.

Smiles everytime John gets his revenge and looooves the club scenes.

If he flinches during a jumpscare, he'd let out a "Oh fuck me!" swear under his breath and then nudges you with his elbow or playfully throws a pillow at you for laughing.

He will get you back for it!!! >:(

Steven Grant: Pillows! Alot of them! Your favorite snacks and a big blanket for cuddling. <3

He mainly chooses comedy or even action. If you however want horror, he's okay with it but please hold him.

During scary scenes there's the possibility of him squeezing you. Please comfort him. :(

He loves wrapping you up in his arms.

Occasional kisses here and there. <3

Doesn't even want to get up and tries to convince you to just sleep with him on the couch.

Santiago Garcia: He's chill with anything you want as long as it involves you, him, a cold one, blanket, pillows and food.

Prefers having you sprawled out on him so he can hold you nicely.

At jumpscares there's a good chance he might get scared but shakes it off quickly and grumbles when you laugh.

---------------------

Tags:

@nekoyin @iolaussharpe-24 @steven-grants-world @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @buckyssugarchick

@krakenkitty @autismsupermusicalassassin @silvernight-m @alexxavicry @mochiitoby

@faretheeoscar @tokkiwrites

Wanna get tagged?

[rayclubs]

HxH Genei Ryodan is such a masterclass in humanizing villains, honestly to a ridiculous degree. They're legitimately terrifying, their crimes are cruel and inexcusable, the violent acts they commit are nearly always played seriously and condemned by the narrative, and yet I find myself rooting for them in every scene they're in.

It's not even the sad backstories some of them have, it's much deeper than that. I think I'm just fascinated with the intricate and peculiar friendship they all share. It's easier to get attached to comedy rather than drama, as a rule of thumb, and they're just endlessly funny.

I've been searching for examples of the interactions that stuck with me and was going to include screenshots but there are just way too many things. Like, okay, in no particular order:

Shizuku wearing Phinks' coat after her sweater gets torn in a fight.

Phinks tucking Kalluto under his arm like a chicken and carrying him out of an exploding building.

Nobunaga getting trapped in a pocket dimension and everybody agreeing that he should just stay there awhile because they've just taken a hostage and now there isn't enough space in the car.

Machi and Nobunaga hanging out like normal people, drinking beer and serving cunt effortlessly in stylistically matching outfits.

Kuroro getting a prediction that "the spider will lose half of its legs" and immediately going "nope not losing any of my men out there let's pack it"

Hisoka actually fucking saying "I can't tell you that. If I told you that, I would be telling you what I can't tell you. This is why I can't tell you that. That's all I can tell you." and they believed him. Maybe it's more normal with English subs, I dunno.

Everyone playing cards while Uvogin is fighting, all while talking about how good Uvogin is at fighting.

Uvogin giving Shalnark a little kissie. I don't even ship them, I think he just kisses all of his homies like a real man.

Franklin getting sent after a crate of beer. Like, that's just so funny to me. Errand boy.

Feitan and Shalnark calling Phinks "very feminine" and giggling.

Franklin and Nobunaga just fucking going at it, sword on gun violence, for no reason whatsoever. It seemed like they were having fun.

Nobunaga asking rhetorically how strong he is compared to the rest of the gang and them replying "7th or 8th idk" you fucking know they debated this.

Uvogin getting his dumb sexy ass captured and everyone showing up for him awww

Everyone being supportive of Shizuku being fucking stupid. Not even in a sweet way or anything, just kind of acknowledging that she has zero thoughts in her brain. "Shizuku why didn't you use your left hand" because she was spinning a vacuum cleaner in her mind, what's not clicking

Dunno what they call Kurapika in the English version but in the Russian subs they all collectively only ever refer to him as "ублюдок с цепями" or "the asshole with the chains".

Nobunaga immediately inviting two twelve-year-olds to join because he thinks they're hilarious, and everyone going "yeah okay as long as the boss is cool with it". You go Nobunaga, everybody grieves differently

The kids refuse and escape, go spying on the other members again, get caught again, and when Nobunaga sees them he's all "Wanna be friends now? ^^" <- nobody has anything against this

Feitan having his arm broken in a fight and Phinks going "HA!"

Literally every single time they toss a coin, but especially when Phinks and Bonolenov were arguing over who should fight Zazan if Feitan fucking dies???

Shalnark being a fucking gamer and inviting everyone else to speedrun Greed Island with him. Franklin going "no thanks" next shot he's in the goddamn game

Tossing the phone around. Can't remember whose phone it originally was but passing it around was hilarious every time. "We already killed the hostages" beep beep beep "Sorry I lied"

There are so many moments and I'm not even halfway done. Supreme quality villains. I need more of them. I need to inject them directly into my brain.

[luvvictoria]

The chaotic Valentine

+ pairings. johnny "soap" macavish x f!reader

+ tags. romance, comedy, soap.

+ summary. Soap planned the perfect Valentine’s evening—romantic dinner, flowers, and a cozy night together—but everything spectacularly fell apart.

Soap had a plan.

And, in theory, it was a damn good plan.

Cook a nice dinner, surprise you with flowers, maybe even put on some music—something smooth, something that would make you melt right into his arms. He’d sweep you off your feet, have you looking at him all starry-eyed, and by the end of the night, well… he had plans for that, too.

Except, well. Things didn’t exactly go that way.

It started with the dinner.

Soap wasn’t a terrible cook. He could handle the basics—fry an egg, toast some bread, maybe even throw together a decent meal when the occasion called for it. But tonight, his luck had run out. And it had run far.

The steak? Burnt to a crisp. Not just a little overdone—no, this thing looked like it had been recovered from a house fire. It was blackened through, a tragic husk of what once could have been a beautiful, medium-rare masterpiece. The potatoes? Somehow both undercooked and charred, as if defying the very laws of cooking. And the sauce—well, the less said about the sauce, the better. It had started as a creamy garlic butter reduction and ended up as something resembling hot tar.

Then came the fire alarm.

Smoke curled from the pan in thick, ominous tendrils, slithering up to the ceiling with malicious intent. The smoke detector, sensing an emergency (which, to be fair, it wasn’t wrong), shrieked to life like a banshee.

"Shite—hold on, love, I got it!" Soap yelped, grabbing a dish towel and frantically waving it at the alarm like a man possessed. His other hand flailed toward the stove, turning off burners at random as if that might somehow undo the disaster he had just orchestrated.

You stood in the doorway, wide-eyed, watching the chaos unfold.

And then, despite yourself, you laughed.

It started as a small chuckle, but the sight of Soap—his face smudged with something suspiciously dark, his hair slightly singed at the ends, wildly swinging a dish towel as if he were fending off a swarm of bees—was too much. You doubled over, giggles wracking your body as tears pricked your eyes.

"Johnny," you choked out between gasps for air, "please tell me that’s not our dinner.”

He shot you a look, somewhere between defeated and desperate. "...Might’ve gone a bit wrong."

You tried—really, really tried—to keep a straight face, but the combination of the smoke still lingering in the air, the fire alarm’s dying beeps, and Soap’s entire existence in this moment had you biting down a laugh.

And then came the flowers.

A bouquet, hastily pulled from behind his back, slightly crumpled from what was probably an ill-advised last-minute grab at the store. They were lovely, truly, except… well.

They were lilies. The funeral kind.

You raised an eyebrow, inspecting them with barely concealed amusement. "You do know these symbolize mourning, right?"

Soap blinked. "What? No, they—" He frowned, looking down at the petals as if they had personally betrayed him. "Aw, bollocks."

The sheer defeat in his voice sent you over the edge. You snorted, barely stifling your laughter as you took the flowers anyway. "It’s the thought that counts, Johnny."

He groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "Yeah, well, my thoughts can piss right off tonight."

At this point, it should have been clear that fate had it out for him, but the universe wasn’t quite done yet.

Somewhere between trying to salvage the mood with soft music (which, of course, refused to play properly, stuttering between static and some godforsaken remix of ‘Careless Whisper’), and him tripping over his own feet when he went to grab a drink, the night took another unexpected turn.

One moment, you were teasing him, his ears red from a mix of frustration and embarrassment. The next, you were outside—bundled in his jacket, your boots crunching in the fresh layer of snow.

"Alright, alright, laugh it up, sweets," he grumbled, watching as you doubled over, clutching your stomach from sheer amusement. "Glad I could be your entertainment for the evening."

"Oh, Johnny," you gasped between giggles, "I love you, but this might be the worst date in history."

"Oof," he clutched his chest, mock-wounded. "Right through the heart, that one."

"You’ll live."

"Aye, but will you?"

You barely had a second to register the challenge in his voice before a solid snowball smacked against your shoulder.

"Soap!" you shrieked, whipping around to see him grinning like an absolute menace.

"That’s what you get for slandering my efforts!"

Oh, it was on.

Without hesitation, you bent down, grabbing a handful of snow and launching it straight at his chest. It hit dead center, sending little flakes scattering across his hoodie.

"Oh, you cheeky—"

Before you could react, Soap lunged, tackling you straight into the snow. A squeal escaped you as the world tilted, cold powder flying up around you as he rolled you beneath him.

The impact wasn’t harsh, cushioned by the fresh snowfall, but it still knocked the breath from your lungs. You gasped, blinking up at him as he hovered over you, his weight pressing you into the ground.

His breath came out in soft, misty puffs against the crisp night air. His blue eyes, always so full of mischief, gleamed as they roamed over your face, his grin still lingering—but softer now, tinged with something else.

Warmth, affection… hunger.

Your chest rose and fell beneath him, and you huffed out a breathless laugh. "Alright, I surrender. You win."

But Soap didn’t move.

He just looked at you—really looked at you. The teasing melted away, something deeper settling into the space between you. His hands, still warm despite the cold, slid up your sides, his thumbs grazing over your ribs, slow and deliberate.

"Maybe," he murmured, voice rough. "But I still think I owe you, sweets."

The air shifted.

The playfulness was still there, lingering beneath the surface, but it had taken on a different edge—something heavier, something that sent warmth curling low in your stomach despite the icy ground beneath you.

His fingers traced higher, over the fabric of your sweater, over the dip of your waist, as he leaned down, his nose brushing yours. You could feel his warmth, his presence everywhere.

"Johnny…"

"Shh," he murmured, lips ghosting over yours, just barely there. "Let me make it up to you, aye?"

Slowly, deliberately, he leaned down, his lips grazing yours—featherlight, teasing—before sinking into a kiss that stole the breath straight from your lungs. His weight pressed into you, solid and burning, even as the snow beneath you bit into your skin. His hands roamed, leaving trails of warmth where his fingers slipped beneath layers of fabric, tracing, teasing, claiming.

You shivered, not from the cold, but from the way his lips ghosted over your jaw, down the slope of your neck, his breath hot against your skin.

"You’re freezing," you whispered, barely able to get the words out as a full-body shudder overtook you.

Soap hummed, the sound reverberating against your throat. "Aye, well." His voice was a low, wicked murmur, laced with something that sent heat pooling in your stomach. "Guess we’ll just have to warm up, won’t we?"

And warm up you did.

By the time you made it back inside, your cheeks were flushed, your breath coming in ragged little gasps, and Soap—Soap had that grin. That devastating, up-to-no-good, you’re-in-for-it-now grin.

You barely had a second to regain your bearings before he was on you—tangling you up with him on the couch, hands greedy, mouth eager, his body slotting against yours like he was made to fit there. His fingers skimmed under your sweater, slow but insistent, drawing out every little reaction like he had all night to unravel you.

"Still think this night was a disaster?" he murmured, lips brushing over your skin between kisses, his voice edged with laughter, with promise.

You barely had the breath to answer—not when his hands were pressing, coaxing, burning—but as you clutched at him, your laughter tangled between stolen kisses, the answer was obvious.

Not in a million years.

[crystalsoobin]

burnt toast! ➤ c. beomgyu

#. pairing bf!beomgyu x reader

#. synopsis gyu tries to cook you breakfast in bed and fails… miserably.

#. genre romance, comedy, fluff

#. warnings mild swearing, gyu almost causing a fire 😃

#. author’s note i’m back??? im taking a creative writing class in uni this fall so i thought id get some practice in lol

a small smile lays across beomgyu’s face as he admires your sleeping frame one fine morning. he had woken up quite early that day, eager to surprise you with breakfast in bed.

he gets up silently as to not wake you, and makes his way to your small apartment kitchen. not sure what to make, beomgyu opens the fridge and stares inside as if the idea would just present itself in front of him.

he finally settles on making eggs and toast, an oldie but a goodie. only problem was, beomgyu never cooks.

it can’t be that hard to fry an egg, right?

at least he knows how to toast bread, so he starts there first. grabbing some bread from the pantry, he walks to the toaster where he suddenly stops, a little confused on how to work it.

shade?? hmm, i think 8 is good.

he drops two pieces of toast in the slots and pulls down the lever, stepping back to the fridge to pull out some eggs. he grabs a pan and puts some oil on, maybe a little too much oil.

beomgyu cracks the two eggs, one by one. satisfied, he puts it on high heat so that — in his mind — it’ll cook faster and he won’t have to wait too long.

he then reaches over to the cabinet and pulls out your favourite mug, which was a gift from him. then going over to the coffee maker, listening to the loud crackle of the eggs on the pan.

when he’s done making the coffee he turns around to find the toaster smoking, and a nasty burning smell coming from it. in panic, he runs over to it and tries to take out the toast, almost burning his fingers.

“dammit!” he exclaims, disappointed by the burnt toast and realizing 8 was way too high. he finally succeeds in pulling out the burnt toast, the smell remaining throughout the kitchen.

as he returns to check on the eggs, his eyes widen, also finding them burnt and smoking, a lot. he panics, trying to blow away the smoke with his hands as to not set off the fire alarm. in his panic, he obviously forgets to turn off the heat, making it worse for himself.

and as if the morning couldn’t possibly go more horribly wrong than he imagined, the fire alarm does in fact go off.

“no no no! fuck!” is the first thing you hear as you walk into the kitchen after being woken up by a loud beeping noise and your boyfriend not in bed.

you watch as beomgyu finally remembers to turn off the stove, sighing disappointedly with his face in his hands as his back towards you.

“what. the fuck. did you do.” you finally speak. beomgyu yelps and turns around, surprised at your presence in the kitchen.

“i- i didn’t mean to baby, i swear! i was just trying to make you breakfast!”

“gyu, i really appreciate the sentiment but you know you can’t cook!”

“i know, i’m sorry,” your boyfriend leans into you for a hug, saddened that he couldn’t surprise you with a nice breakfast, “i thought i’d at least be able to make eggs and toast.” you wrap your arms around him and give him a small kiss, suddenly you bursting out into laughter as you look around at the mess your poor boyfriend made.

“why are you laughing?” he asks. “i actually wanted to surprise you, im serious.” he pouts.

“i’m sorry,” you chuckle, “it’s just so funny when i think about it.”

beomgyu hits you playfully on the head as he steps back and stares at his mess.

“hey, at least i made the coffee right?” he handed you the mug. you grimaced as you tasted it.

“i think you forgot milk, and sugar.” setting down the mug, you get an idea, “you know what, why don’t we clean this up and the i teach you how to cook eggs and toast.” you smile.

beomgyu chuckles in agreement, “sounds like a good idea.”

© crystalsoobin / do not steal

[imaginethesepages]

say my name.

What do you mean you don’t know when she’ll wake up?

Captain, please, the impact on her head when she fell from the attack did a damage to her skull, leading to her current state. There is nothing much we can do but wait.

Huh? What— what’s going on? What are they talking about, and is that… Captain Narumi?

Nothing? No. We have the best facilities and the best equipment. What do you mean there’s nothing we can do!?

Captain Narumi, stop! Let go of the doctor now!

Master Moron, you need to calm down.

Wait— what is going on? Nothing is making sense.

I’m sorry, captain. We did our best; it’s all up to her now.

Every day, I hear them come and go, the soft clicks of a door closing, the tiny creaking noise of a dragging chair, and the constant beeps copying the rhythm of my heart. Sometimes, I can sense the cold wind on my skin or calloused fingers brushing my cheeks and grazing my hand. But I’m not too sure.

Everything is reverberated with dullness, like how I can hear the voices but never make out the words. It’s all muted and unclear.

How long will you keep sleeping? You’re worrying everyone, you know.

I don’t know, I want to say. I’m trying — really, I am. But everything is so heavy, like my muscles are too lazy to function, and every fiber is on a strike, not wanting to do its obligations.

You need to wake up, you hear me. You promised to follow me into battle, to have my back as I have yours. I’m holding you to that promise.

I remember. I did promise him that. 

My finger twitches, and I hear a gasp. Already, moving a single finger feels like lifting an enormous boulder with my entire being only an inch off the ground. But the same calloused fingers grab my hand, warm and encouraging — cheering me to push forward and out of the abyss.

You need to wake up. Who else would pull me away from my games if not for you? Who else would control my impulsive buying? Who else would I listen to? 

Ah, he’s right. Who knows what may happen if I leave the captain alone? He’d probably make Hasegawa-san want to pull out his hair — and that’s saying something when he’s already bald.

I chuckle. It probably sounded like a concerning wheeze. But it doesn’t matter, for all I can think of as I forced my eyes open is, “I cannot let Captain Narumi down.”

And what a sight for sore eyes he truly is.

How bad were my injuries? Did you really try to hurt the doctors who took care of me?

Can I still fight? Will you still let me stand beside you?

Did we succeed with the mission? What else did I miss?

Have you set the First Division up in flames yet? I pray and hope not.

How long have you been waiting, captain? Did I make you wait long?

I’m sorry for worrying you. Though, I can’t promise I won’t do it again.

I want to say so much and ask so many. But all that comes out is…

“He-hey, Gen.”

jeuel, did you just write a 500+ word drabble? well, yes. yes, i did. and let me tell you, it shocked me as well.

if you're new to my inconsistent and random drabble posting, i normally write for whatever fandom i feel like with whatever concept i can think of — mostly angst, not much on comedy. and usually, they only end up within 100 — 300 words, never 500!!

so this, for me, is a monster drabble 🤯

idk what happened, i just kept writing. and when i was editing it, i just couldn't keep it within my preferred word count range. when i took some paragraphs out, they didn't make sense without them. so, i just said, "screw it!! leave it like that."

anyway, enjoy xx

[whereserpentswalk]

It’s fascinating that you think trans people’s names come to them like wands in Harry Potter, you can’t just culturally appropriate bc you’re trans

Ok, this is about comments I made like a year ago on a comedy bit. While I stand by my feelings that the bit was bad and transphobic, my reasons why are a lot diffrent.

When I first wrote the comments my arguments were very thermian. I treated the story the comic was telling as if it was real and objective. Which feels right for most people, because stand up comedy is often presented like conversation, where we do treat stories like that as real things. But that's not how comedy works, comedians don't tell stories the way we do in conversation, they're creatives, the stories they tell are basically fictional, the art form might look like real conversations but it's not.

Comedians want to make you laugh, and sometimes want to send a message or make you think about things in a new way, but they have no reason to want to portray events accurately. They might be basing some things off of real experiences, but that's true for everyone, Tolkien might have chosen to explore his experience in world war one in lord of things, that doesn't mean we have to argue about orcs as if they're real entities when we're talking about if those books were racist.

So let's actually look at the skit, and analyze its outlook on trans people keeping in mind its a story that a cis man is telling, and not actual events: So the summery of the skit is that a white trans man comes out to his to his family, and he picked a name you'd expect a black person to have. He has older black relatives (who are implied to fully accept him, which would make him possibly the only trans person on earth with a fully accepting family) who refuse to use this name, and instead call him "the boy". The sketch ends with the comedian saying he should pick a name like Kevin, because even if he's trans he's not interesting (keep your thoughts on that last one).

Now, ignoring how this would play out in real life, what does this as a peice of fiction say about trans people:

First off: it's creating a plausible but unlikely situation where the woke thing to do is to not respect a trans person's identity. A lot of political humor exists to call ideas into question with hypotheticals, and the idea being questioned here is the idea that trans people's identities deserve respect.

Second off: it's creating a situation where a trans person is entitled and arogent for wanting his identity respected. In the fiction this trans person is that. But it's promoting the idea that they are in real life. Transphobes will show you a lot of spooky examples of trans identities that are unreasonable to respect, but that's not useally ever what it's like in real life. (An otherkin robotgirl isn't going to demand you communicate with her through beeps and boops, she probably just wants you not to laugh at her.)

Third off: it's pitting minorities agaisnt eachother. Conservatives love this, but it's super common when people try to convince progressives to a specific group from their advocacy. It shows us a world where trans rights and poc rights are at odds with eachother, in the real world they aren't, in the real world they're part of one larger struggle and diminishing one is diminishing the other. A lot of people do this with different identities, lgb types do it with gayness, terfs do it with womanhood, class reductionists do it with class, trscum do it between trans people. But it doesn't help one oppressed group when you shit on a diffrent oppressed group in their name. It's white conservatives who love it the most when trans people and poc at pit agaisnt eachother, and it's trans poc who suffer the most.

Fourth off: it's feeds into a very old myth amoung queerphobic progressives, which is the idea that queer people are privileged people looking to pose as the marginalized to get special rights. This is a myth we really have to get over, because its been internalized by a lot of people, and we get these hunts for fake minorities. This is why the "you're not interesting" line sticks out to me. Most trans people don't give themselves inappropriative names, but trans people as a group constantly get accused of trying to steal other people's struggles. This is a myth that preys on the fact that white skined white colar queer people are more visible, and its one that is based on treating that disparity in visibility as a fact. We have to cut this out, nobody fakes minority status to get privileges because minorities aren't privileged. It's not true for queer people, even the queer people other queer people hate like bi people and ace people. It's not true about mentally ill and ND people, or converts to non Christian religions, or East Asian people, or anyone who gets accused of this. Stop it dearly.

Fifth off: this entire sketch is based in the idea that families can accept their trans kids, but only conditionally, only if they prove themselves to be doing it for the right reasons, and they please their family's whims. This is a transphobic idea, it's a transphobic idea most neolibs hold. Comedy bits are a lot like story books (no shade at either) where a problem is presented at the beginning, and a solution at the end, that the audience is expected to take for their own problems. And the solution here is a form of transphobia, the idea that trans people aren't owned acceptance, they need to earn it. I've seen a lot of trans people tormented by their families over that idea. And when a person of color goes and stage and wraps that idea in racial justice, it's young trans poc who get hurt by it the most.

Sixth off: not a huge point, but I feel like a cis black man, of all cis people, should be the most likely to understand that calling a trans man a boy is dehumanizing and insulting. I guess this goes to show he's not interested in thinking about how trans people's struggles are like his, he stands alongside a lot of marginalized trans people there.

Finally I kind of don't know how to end this. This is long. Really long. I don't know whose going to read this, because its a lot. Hopefully you got a bit of media literacy from reading all of this. Early on in my tumblr career, when I had just moved from Brooklyn to Manhattan, I had read an essay by @wifelinkmtg about a concept called the ditch. The idea was we often argue about media wrong, talking about things in hyper literal cannon obsessed terms, and that was the ditch, the ditch we dig for ourselves when we ignore things like themes and audience experiences. Hopefully this series of words dug less of a ditch than my words did a year ago. Sorry I don't have the actual sketch on hand. Mabye I'm wrong, but if someone wants to prove me wrong I'd rather they do it outside of a ditch. Mabye the ask wasn't even about that post. Mabye I'm tired. Maybe you should be tired too.

Sorry for the long post. Media literacy matters. Black trans lives matter. Goodbye, enjoy your night well.

[shintin]

The Wacky Widow's Woes

↳ Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Comedy one-shot

Summary: In a twist of fate, the most obnoxious person on Earth, Gojo Satoru, appeared by your hospital bed. Clearly, the universe had a wicked sense of humor.

Word count: 5k.

Genre: comedy, fluff, yapping (Jujutsu Kaisen au).

Warnings/Tags: humor, no angst, whipped Satoru Gojo, bitchy reader, a lot of jokes about chapter 236 of the JJK manga (my personal healing process), mention of Kitkat, prepare for Gojo's nauseating love for his wife, who's probably sick of him.

Notes: I hope you laugh your ass off while reading this.

You can read my fics on AO3. If you have any questions, don’t be shy and ASK.

On a very, very, very dull autumn afternoon, we find ourselves in a hospital room where its fancy ass curtains are just letting in enough sunlight to cast a gloomy, eerie glow.

There, on the bed, lies a woman who seems to have become one with the medical equipment—or, better to say, a high-tech octopus. Wires and tubes sprout from her body like overgrown vines, connecting her to an orchestra of beeping machines. It's like a twisted version of a modern art installation, where chaos and order collide in a symphony of medical mayhem.

The woman, blissfully oblivious to the cacophony surrounding her, snores away, blissfully lost in dreamland. It's almost comical how she manages to find solace amidst the tangled wires and the chorus of beeps. One might wonder if she's dreaming of a magical place where the cables turn into candy canes and the machines play cheerful tunes instead of somber heartbeats.

The lighting in the room sucks, perhaps to match the mood or new architectural ambiance design. For fuck's sake, who knows! Shadows dance across the walls, conspiring with the flickering fluorescent lights to create an atmosphere that's equal parts unsettling and strangely fascinating.

As if to bring a touch of irony to the scene, a sad excuse for a vase sits on a nearby table, barely holding onto life. Its wilted flowers, once vibrant and alive, now resemble a bouquet of autumn hues gone horribly wrong. It's a symbolic reminder that beauty is fleeting, just like the woman's health, and that even in the darkness, there's a twisted kind of beauty to be found.

The room carries the unmistakable scent of sterile cleanliness, mingled with a hint of despair. It's the kind of smell that makes you want to open a window and let in some fresh air (read jump out), but alas, in this hospital room, fresh air seems like a distant memory.

Well, hold on to your hospital gown because here's a plot twist for you! Picture this: you've been envisioning this serene hospital room, reading it in all its autumnal glory, and guess what? The woman lying on that bed, surrounded by beeping machines and tubes, is none other than... drumroll... you!

Yep, you're the star of the show, ready to wake up and face your second stroke. But hey, don't worry, it's not going to be as boring as your room décor. No, no, life has decided to throw you a curveball and add a dash of excitement to your hospital stay. Who needs a peaceful recovery when you can have a stroke sequel, right?

So get ready to jolt awake and embrace the chaos! Remember, even in between unexpected events, a good sense of humor can be the best medicine. Laughter might not cure your condition, but it can certainly make the hospital experience a little more bearable. So, chin up, brave stroke survivor! Your story is about to take an exciting turn!

Well, well, well.

As you wake up from your beauty sleep, feeling as if you've been smooching a cactus all night, the machines around you decide to unleash their inner DJs with a symphony of beeps. How thoughtful of them to create an auditory masterpiece that grates on your nerves like a tone-deaf choir. Ah, music to your ears, right?

But fear not, the brave warrior of hydration! You are on a noble quest to conquer the desert that has taken residence in your mouth. Summoning every ounce of strength (and probably some residual grumpiness), you muster the strength to ascend from your pillow fortress. With your hand gracefully reaching out for that tempting glass of water, victory feels within reach.

Your hand hovers mid-air as if suspended by an invisible force, frozen in a moment of pure disbelief. Just when you think the universe couldn't possibly play a more mischievous trick on you, there he was—sitting on the couch like he owns the place—the one person you would rather avoid more than a clown with a pie in hand. Seriously, is this some cosmic prank show?

Your eyes widen in disbelief, your heart skips a beat, and you can't help but let out a little groan. It's like the universe is trying to test your resilience, throwing you into this hilariously uncomfortable situation. Oh, the irony!

You: Hell no! What the fuck are you doing here?

Right in front of your very eyes sits the epitome of style and charm—a man sporting a white shirt and black pants combo that would weaken fashion gurus at the knees. No sunglasses dare cross the path of this confident fellow, for his piercing ocean-blue eyes need no protection from the sun's feeble attempts to outshine them.

But wait, there's more! Let's not forget about his head adorned with fluffy white hair that could rival the fluffiest clouds. Ugh!

Satoru: Hello to you too, love!

He strikes a pose that screams, "I'm the king of this couch!" With one leg casually crossed over the other and his arms spread wide on the back of the couch, he's claiming his throne in the most nonchalant and hilarious way possible.

Satoru: Is this how you greet your beloved husband?

You: Fuck off!

With the speed of a ninja on a caffeine high, you swiftly pull the blanket up to your chest, fully aware that the hospital gowns offer about as much coverage as a single sheet of tissue paper. Yes, those flimsy garments are the Victoria's Secret of the medical world—barely there and leaving little to the imagination! And just when you thought the situation couldn't get any more entertaining, you catch a glimpse of his famous smile. Asshole! Is he peeping on you?

Satoru: Aha! The feisty spirit lives on! Missed your sassy attitude.

He grins like a mischievous little rascal who just stumbled upon a secret stash of dad jokes, except it's a porn website!

Satoru: And, of course, your perked-up nipples!

Summoning your inner grumpy penguin, you dramatically cross your arms over your chest, shooting him a glare that could make a grizzly bear retreat in fear.

You: well, Mr. White-Haired Head with a stinky smirk and eyes bluer than a bottle of Windex, I didn't miss you AT ALL!

Satoru: Why, oh why, did you dye your hair white if you claim not to miss me, baby? Is it some secret signal to the hair gods that you're ready to experience the adventure of life without my captivating presence? Or perhaps it's your way of channeling the wisdom of Gandalf and Dumbledore, hoping that your newly snowy locks will grant you magical powers to forget all about me?

You: Hold your horses, chatterbox! My hair has turned snowy white without any meddling from me. No, I didn't secretly sprinkle it with magic hair dye while cackling like a mischievous sorcerer, you idiot!

Satoru: Whoopsie daisy! You've got a point there. Did I accidentally step on your delicate feelings, wise and experienced grandma?

In a grand display of determination, you muster every ounce of strength to grab the pillow behind your back, preparing to launch it at him. Alas, it seems the strength of a thousand paperclips has possessed your hands, rendering them feeble and incapable of fulfilling your pillow-throwing dreams. The valiant effort leaves you gasping for air as if you have just completed a marathon of pillow-tossing.

Satoru: Yowai mo!

He erupts into laughter, showcasing his undeniable talent as a professional tease.

You: Cut the crapola! Spill the beans! What on earth has brought you to this neck of the woods?

With your firm tone that could rival a drill sergeant's, the machine begins beeping faster than a sugar-rushed hummingbird on roller skates. It's as if the beeps are making their best impression of a hyperactive jazz band, matching the frantic tempo of your skyrocketing heart rates.

Satoru: I'll be rolling on the floor in laughter if you drop dead from the sheer intensity of your anger, Granny. Let's be real; finding inner peace is way more beneficial for you in the long run. Just saying!

You: Satoru!

Satoru: Yep, that's me. Breaking hearts and taking names. Can't a poor soul like me simply pay a visit to my dear wife on her deathbed?

You: Hell to the no! You can't just waltz in our life whenever you please! Sorry, but you lost that VIP visiting privilege when you—

Satoru: Oh, and on that note, could that charming chick who graced you with her presence earlier be our beloved daughter?

You sigh, exasperated, and gently rub your forehead as if trying to coax that headache into submission. Ah, the joys of a headache that seems set on conquering you before any actual sickness does. With a dramatic sweep of your hand across your face, you channel your inner drama queen and then grab your neck.

You: Oh, please, for the love of all that is awkward, just tell me that you didn't try to work your "smooth moves" on her.

Satoru: I was this close to making a move, you know? She's like a spitting image of when I was head over heels for you! It's like you've managed to clone yourself or something. Should I be worried? Did you secretly stash away all my precious genes and hoard them for your own amusement? Well, I guess I can't blame you for wanting to keep all those sperms to yourself! But seriously, she doesn't look like me at all. I am hurt!

He pouts like a baby, forever stuck in his eternal state of immaturity, but you aren't about to let that deter you. With an air of defiance, you casually lean against the hospital bed board, gazing intently at the serum making its grand entrance into your veins. Oh, and that obnoxious machine chiming away? You can't help but wish it could just shut up.

You: It's actually better for her, you know. At least she doesn't have anything that serves as a constant reminder of her absent father, who couldn't even be bothered to be present during her birth!

Your words are like a sarcasm waterfall, cascading with vicious wit. You've mastered the art of tongue-in-cheek remarks, and while you're fully aware of their potency, you couldn't care less. It's like you've got a license to sass, and you're not afraid to use it, even if it makes the world say, "Well, ain't you a delightful ray of sunshine!"

Satoru: Let's not paint the picture as if I had some glamorous options! Nope, I was bestowed with the honor of being the designated problem-solver, the one expected to handle it all while gracefully tiptoeing through—

You: Oh, pretty please! If it's not too much trouble, continue your reign as the honored one through heaven and earth, while sparing me from any additional bouts of annoyance. I must say, it's quite the talent you possess—being both honored and a master of irritation. Quite the balancing act, I must admit!

As you clench the blanket in desperation, that rebellious needle gleefully plunges itself into your hand. Fuck unexpected pain! And there, decorating your arm like a chilling masterpiece, are the bruises—trophy marks from your encounters with the needle army. Who knew injections could become an avant-garde art form? With tears welling up and the air growing thinner, it feels like the room is leaving you gasping for breath just to have a twisted sort of fun. Bravo, universe, for your fucked up sense of humor! A standing ovation for this macabre spectacle.

Satoru: Love?

You: …

Satoru: Baby?

You: …

Satoru: My Wondrous Whipped Cream Warrior, the Caramel Crusader, the Sprinkle Spritzer, the Marshmallow Maestro, the Treat Tornado, the Sugar Rush Superstar, the Jelly-filled Joy Bringer, and the Sweetness Sorceress who turns my world into a Never-ending Dessert Buffet! The Honeyed Pussy of—

You: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT, SATORU?

You are wheezing like a chain-smoking asthmatic, desperately gasping for air, and his attitude is about as helpful as a wet matchstick. You and the mysteries of poor life choices! What possessed you, in that twisted moment of madness, to willingly plunge into the depths of infatuation with him? It's a dark, twisted enigma that not even the Grim Reaper could decipher.

Satoru: Are you still mad?

As you tilt your head, there he is, looking at you with those big, blue eyes, like a lost poppy desperately trying to win the "Most Heart-Melting Flower" award. What a sneaky trickster! He knows exactly what he is doing, employing his secret weapon of irresistible gazes, and darn it; it works like a charm! You can't resist the powers of those eyes, and you reluctantly surrender, cursing his effective tactics while secretly admiring his diabolical brilliance. Well played, Mr. Blue-Eyed Mother Fucker, well played.

You: I never stopped being mad at you!

Satoru: Fair, but you have to know that—

You: Spare me the creative excuses, please! You pulled off the greatest magic trick of all—knocking me up—and then poof! You disappeared into thin air, leaving me with a growing belly and a bewildered expression. Good job, Houdini!

Satoru: You're welcome, baby. But you've got to cut me some slack here! My job description practically has "Accident Enthusiast" written all over it. It's not like I wake up in the morning, rubbing my hands together, thinking, "Oh boy, I can't wait for another mishap!" So, let's blame it on my occupational hazard, shall we?

You: Oh, well, then, thank you so much for gracing us with your presence again! You chose to go down that path because, of course, you believed you were the one and only capable being in the universe. And oh, how lucky we are that you decided to leave me and our daughter behind. It's truly heartwarming to see you saunter back into our lives after years like it's just another casual stroll in the park. I mean, who needs a father figure during precious moments like birth, first words, and first steps, right? Clearly, you had more important things to attend to. Our daughter has grown up and gone through school, and I've had the pleasure of explaining why her dad couldn't be bothered to pick her up like those "normal" dads. Graduation, dating, first job—she did it all without you, and we couldn't be more grateful for your consistent absence. Now you have the audacity to—

You start coughing, and each painful gasp feels like your lungs are being ruthlessly ripped apart, leaving behind crimson stains on your once immaculate sheets and hands. And there he stands, towering tall, as handsome as the day he first stole your heart. It's just not fair that he still looks so good while sickness has mercilessly drained the life from your weary soul. He approaches you, the lingering scent of vanilla clinging to him, a bittersweet reminder of what you once cherished but now resentfully long for.

Satoru: Take a sip of water. Do you want me to help you?

Oh, he's all worried now, isn't he? But honestly, after enduring all that post-him misery, you're not about to let him off the hook just because he's offering a glass of water. Come on, you might be a little dumb, but you're not "drink-water-and-forget-all-the-pain" dumb! Nice try, buddy, but you'll need more than H2O to wash away the mess you left behind.

You: I DON'T NEED YOUR GODDAMN HELP! How about you kindly take a flying leap back to wherever you've been hiding all this time? I'm sure you've perfected your disappearing act by now. And don't forget to leave behind a trail of glittering resentment as you go, just to keep things spicy. Ta-ta, farewell, and may you step on a thousand Lego bricks on your way out!

Satoru: Listen up, partner in crime! I've had enough of leaving you to your own devices. It's been tough for me, too, and I sincerely apologize for piling on the hardship. But I learned my lesson! Starting right this very moment, I'm making a solemn vow never to ditch you again. Consider me your loyal sidekick, ready to tackle life's challenges together, even if it means enduring endless reruns of your favorite TV show or subjecting myself to your cooking experiments. We're in this for the long haul, love!

You use the sleeve of your flimsy, ridiculous gown to clumsily wipe away the blood from your mouth, all the while shooting him a perplexed look. Seriously, how on earth does he still manage to gaze at you with those doe eyes, all lovey-dovey, when you're rocking the vampire-on-a-sunlit-day aesthetic?

You: So, you decided to grace me with your presence just because I'm sick?

Satoru: Yes.

You: I see how it is! You're not here because you missed me, huh?

Satoru: Uh-oh, am I about to witness another round of your infamous anger? But hey, before you explode like a volcano, let me enlighten you that I didn't write the rulebook on how things work. Nope, not my area of expertise. Turns out, the universe didn't consult me when setting up the whole system. It seems they left me out of the committee meeting where they decided the rules of life. Classic!

You: Does it hurt?

Satoru: It hurt me badly because I snapped in half like a Kit-Kat bar. And no, there wasn't a delicious wafer filling in between, just pure pain and emotional wreckage.

You: Come on, Satoru! This is not the time for your quirky sense of humor. I mean, seriously, I saw your guts out in the open, and to top it off, ants decided to take a leisurely hike on them.

Satoru: TV producers really went all out with the graphic details, huh? Sure, I appreciate high-definition viewing, but did they need a close-up of my stuff? Talk about taking reality TV to a whole new level! I hope they provided a warning. Note to self: avoid snacking while watching shows that involve anatomical explorations!

You: SATORU!

Satoru: Alright, alright, no need to get serious! Can't a man crack a joke about his own death around here? Fine, I'll hold your hand during the whole thing. You know, I once spouted that cliché line about dying alone, but let's face it, that was a load of nonsense. Nobody goes down that final road solo. It's like a grand exit party!

You: Oh, really? So, you had some company, huh? Well, you know what they say: ignorance is bliss. I don't need the details, and my imagination can take a wild ride all on its own

Satoru: Jealousy looks good on you, love.

As he bends closer, his breath tickles your lips, making you wonder if he had onions for lunch. With a dramatic flourish, he grabs your chin as if auditioning for a cheesy romance movie. And then, like a vacuum cleaner on turbo mode, he plants a kiss that sucks the air right out of your lungs. It's like indulging in a dessert buffet filled with marshmallows, caramel, and insulin shots. Who needs a thrill ride at an amusement park when you can experience a sugar rush of epic proportions? You may be risking diabetes, but hey, at least you'll be leaving this world with a sweet tooth satisfied and an unforgettable, albeit comical, memory of that last smooch.

Unfortunately, after what feels like a fleeting eternity, he decides to break the kiss. As your eyes meet, you can't help but sneak a glance downwards, wondering if his pants harbored any surprises. Alas, it appears that either he's a master of disguise or ghosts have taught him their spectacular talent for concealment. Sneaky whores!

Satoru: Are you ready to go?

Oh, snap! Once the horniness fades away, reality hits you like a ton of bricks. Holy shit! How did you manage to forget about your daughter? Leaving her behind is definitely not the best parenting move. Time to snap back into responsible mode and give that little one the attention she deserves. Parenthood: where forgetfulness meets a reality check!

You: Will she be okay?

Satoru: She's our little munchkin. She'll be alright.

You: I want to see her for the last time.

Satoru: You can see her whenever you want.

You: WHAT?

He scratches his head, messing up his undercut, desperately trying to dodge eye contact like a game of social hide-and-seek.

Satoru: Ops! Did I just spill the beans on one of the perks of the afterlife? My bad! My master plan was to witness that priceless guilty expression on your face when we reached the pearly gates. Imagine your shock when you realized you blamed me for no reason, only to discover I had a front-row seat to all your shenanigans during all those years! Oh, the things I've seen! I know how many times you've touched yourself thinking about me! No judging, though! And yes, I know you secretly fumed when our little bundle of joy uttered "Dada" before "Mama." Don't worry, I won't tell a soul... except, you know, all the other souls up there. It's the ultimate celestial gossip!

You: WHAT? YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU ASKED IF SHE'S OUR DAUGHTER?

Satoru: First, just to tickle your pickle. Second, as I cunningly planned.

You: You're still a brat!

Satoru: And you're still as beautiful as the day I lost you.

You: Smooth words, my friend, but let's not kid ourselves. I won't buy into any deceit. I'm old, wrinkled, and sick. Time and disease are killing me, just as you hated. Meanwhile, you continue to flaunt that glorious chiseled chest and those rock-hard butt cheeks.

Satoru: Thank you, ma'am, for keeping my ass in your thoughts. Speaking of which, I must confess I've made some boneheaded decisions along the way. Opting for death in the name of someone else can seem like a breeze compared to the complexity of choosing to live for them. So, kudos to you for being the badass who faced life's challenges to honor my memory.

You: I hope this is not just a dream.

Satoru: We can give it a try and see for ourselves.

As Satoru reaches out his hand, something extraordinary unfolds—the machine starts beeping. You look at the device, noticing that the time between beeps gradually increases. But then, your gaze shifts to your cherished spouse, the man whose absence has left an indelible void within you. The man with whom you would have fearlessly confronted doomsday on that fateful December 24th in 2018, had it not been for the fact that you were carrying his last trace of existence, a precious legacy nestled within your very being.

You: You feel so warm.

Satoru: Some things never change.

His hand gracefully slides towards your waist, triggering a chain reaction of chaos. Those pesky wires and tubes that were so dutifully attached to you? Well, they decide it's time for a break and go on a wild unplugging spree. It's like a rebellious dance party of freedom for those little connectors! And just when you thought things couldn't get any more exciting, your feet are about to touch the chilly floor, ready to embark on an unplanned adventure.

You: Hold up! Fetch my wheelchair for me!

Satoru: You don't need it anymore.

As you place your feet on the floor, you can't help but chuckle at the fact that your knees manage to hold up, allowing you to stand upright. The machines emit a continuous beeping sound, indicating a flat line on the monitor. Suddenly, the door swings open, and a troupe of nurses storm into the room. They swiftly gather around your motionless body lying on the bed. One nurse examines your vital signs, another administers an injection into your vein, and a third retrieves a machine to deliver cardiac shocks in an attempt to revive you. Witnessing these intense moments, you hold Satoru's hand tighter.

You: I don't want to come back.

Satoru: Are you sure?

Tears well up in the corners of your eyes and trickle down your cheeks as you gaze at him.

You: Yeah. I've spent more time living with your memory than I've had the opportunity to live alongside you.

Satoru's grip on your hand intensifies like he's determined to etch his touch into your very being. He lifts your hand delicately, planting a tender kiss upon it. Drawing you closer to him, he envelopes you in an embrace, burying your face in the warmth of his chest. With gentle affection, he presses a kiss upon the crown of your head, leaning his head upon yours.

As teardrops trickle onto your head, you find yourself clinging to him desperately, as if trying to hold onto the fragments of a shattered existence. In that agonizing moment, the harsh reality of his unfulfilled roles crashes down upon you like a relentless wave. He has endured the torment of being a husband bereft of a wife, a father denied a child, and a sensei forsaken his students.

Satoru: I will never let go of you anymore.

You: Is this just another one of those "oops, my bad" promises? You know, like when you swore to be to hold me for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?

Satoru: Heyyy! I held you till death do us part. I even remember, the night before my, um, grand finale, I held you so good that you had spread your legs, moaning my name and begging me to hold you harder.

Just as you are ready to break free from his grasp and deliver a well-deserved bonk on his clueless head, the scene takes an unexpected turn. Your doctor rushes into the room and towards your bed, barking orders left and right, and proceeds to administer yet another mysterious injection into your poor, defenseless vein.

Deciding to redirect your attention, you avert your gaze and catch sight of your reflection in the nearby window. To your astonishment, your hair has magically reverted to its former glory, defying the clutches of time. Wrinkles? Vanished as if a skilled magician performed a grand disappearing act. You're suddenly transported back to the good ol' days of youthfulness. Bewildered, you inspect your once-bruised hands, only to find them as flawless as a newborn's.

You: Satoru? What's—

Satoru: I know, right? It turns out one of the unexpected bonuses of kicking the bucket is that you get to rock your sexiest form once again. So, brace yourself because I won't behave when you sashay around in that gorgeous drop-dead gown. I can't keep it in my pants till we arrive and I start making cream pies and babies with you!

You: Oh, my goodness! Does it actually work in the afterlife as well?

Satoru: You're referring to my... um, dick? Let me tell you, it still has the same old magic, if not a little extra pizzazz! It's like a fine wine, aging gracefully and delivering peak performance in the afterlife. Who knew there would be such perks beyond the grave?

You: No, idiot! I mean babies!

Satoru: How should I know? I made sure to wear a condom during my frisky encounters with angels.

You can't help but release an exasperated breath, causing your ears to turn as red as a tomato in a sauna. The thought of giving him a good old-fashioned strangling and sending him off to the after-afterlife has you chuckling at the absurdity of it all.

Satoru: Would it tickle your funny bone if I threw caution to the wind and played a game of "heavenly roulette" with unprotected encounters, potentially earning myself some out-of-this-world STD souvenirs?

With a masterful brow raise and a world-class eye roll, you are all set to deliver the ultimate "exit stage left" move. But he pulls off the ultimate surprise maneuver and hits you with the "Hold up, wait a minute" move. He has a secret superpower to freeze you in your snarky tracks! Goddammit! Those puppy eyes again.

Satoru: I was joking, okay? I just jerked off while watching your showering or self-exploration activities. I mean, fingering yourself while calling my name. That's it! Okay? Also, we should have a talk about that dildo you named Hollow Purple!

You: So, it seems you shamelessly watched everything, hm?

Satoru: Yes. Absolutely! I had a lot of spare time to slay, and, hey, let's not divert our attention from the Hollow Purple subject, you dirty little mouse!

You: God! Kill me already!

Satoru: Why? You're just itching to infiltrate the kingdom of my pants, aren't you?

You: You know what? I've had a change of heart. I'd rather try my chances with cosmic sickness than spend an eternity with your delightful company!

Satoru: Goodness gracious! You and your fiery temper! How on earth did you manage to cast a spell on me, making me fall for you?

You: It's common knowledge among our friends that everybody should bow down to your shameless expertise in the art of begging!

Satoru: Is that so?

He displays a smug smirk, his arms crossed firmly over his chest.

Satoru: Well, we can ask when we see them.

Your eyes go from their regular setting to full-on "wide-angle lens" mode, capturing the world in all its wide-eyed wonder. It is as if someone presses the "zoom" button on your peepers, revealing a comical level of astonishment.

You: They are there, too?

Satoru: Oh boy, buckle up for Nanamin's epic rage when he discovers our fashionably late entrance!

You: Well, chop-chop! Time to hit the road! We wouldn't want to unleash the wrath of the entire afterlife just because your chatty ass decided to go on such a long monologue!

He leans in and gently kisses your forehead, intertwining his fingers with yours as he guides you towards the door. As you both stand at the doorway, you cast a lingering gaze upon the nurses and doctor, who seem to have thrown in the towel on their attempts to revive you.

Satoru: I can't wait to spook everyone alongside you. You'll forever be my always.

Author's Note: I had an absolute blast writing this.

@enchantedforest-network 🤍