#gojo satoru comedy

[shintin]

The Wacky Widow's Woes

↳ Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Comedy one-shot

Summary: In a twist of fate, the most obnoxious person on Earth, Gojo Satoru, appeared by your hospital bed. Clearly, the universe had a wicked sense of humor.

Word count: 5k.

Genre: comedy, fluff, yapping (Jujutsu Kaisen au).

Warnings/Tags: humor, no angst, whipped Satoru Gojo, bitchy reader, a lot of jokes about chapter 236 of the JJK manga (my personal healing process), mention of Kitkat, prepare for Gojo's nauseating love for his wife, who's probably sick of him.

Notes: I hope you laugh your ass off while reading this.

You can read my fics on AO3. If you have any questions, don’t be shy and ASK.

On a very, very, very dull autumn afternoon, we find ourselves in a hospital room where its fancy ass curtains are just letting in enough sunlight to cast a gloomy, eerie glow.

There, on the bed, lies a woman who seems to have become one with the medical equipment—or, better to say, a high-tech octopus. Wires and tubes sprout from her body like overgrown vines, connecting her to an orchestra of beeping machines. It's like a twisted version of a modern art installation, where chaos and order collide in a symphony of medical mayhem.

The woman, blissfully oblivious to the cacophony surrounding her, snores away, blissfully lost in dreamland. It's almost comical how she manages to find solace amidst the tangled wires and the chorus of beeps. One might wonder if she's dreaming of a magical place where the cables turn into candy canes and the machines play cheerful tunes instead of somber heartbeats.

The lighting in the room sucks, perhaps to match the mood or new architectural ambiance design. For fuck's sake, who knows! Shadows dance across the walls, conspiring with the flickering fluorescent lights to create an atmosphere that's equal parts unsettling and strangely fascinating.

As if to bring a touch of irony to the scene, a sad excuse for a vase sits on a nearby table, barely holding onto life. Its wilted flowers, once vibrant and alive, now resemble a bouquet of autumn hues gone horribly wrong. It's a symbolic reminder that beauty is fleeting, just like the woman's health, and that even in the darkness, there's a twisted kind of beauty to be found.

The room carries the unmistakable scent of sterile cleanliness, mingled with a hint of despair. It's the kind of smell that makes you want to open a window and let in some fresh air (read jump out), but alas, in this hospital room, fresh air seems like a distant memory.

Well, hold on to your hospital gown because here's a plot twist for you! Picture this: you've been envisioning this serene hospital room, reading it in all its autumnal glory, and guess what? The woman lying on that bed, surrounded by beeping machines and tubes, is none other than... drumroll... you!

Yep, you're the star of the show, ready to wake up and face your second stroke. But hey, don't worry, it's not going to be as boring as your room décor. No, no, life has decided to throw you a curveball and add a dash of excitement to your hospital stay. Who needs a peaceful recovery when you can have a stroke sequel, right?

So get ready to jolt awake and embrace the chaos! Remember, even in between unexpected events, a good sense of humor can be the best medicine. Laughter might not cure your condition, but it can certainly make the hospital experience a little more bearable. So, chin up, brave stroke survivor! Your story is about to take an exciting turn!

Well, well, well.

As you wake up from your beauty sleep, feeling as if you've been smooching a cactus all night, the machines around you decide to unleash their inner DJs with a symphony of beeps. How thoughtful of them to create an auditory masterpiece that grates on your nerves like a tone-deaf choir. Ah, music to your ears, right?

But fear not, the brave warrior of hydration! You are on a noble quest to conquer the desert that has taken residence in your mouth. Summoning every ounce of strength (and probably some residual grumpiness), you muster the strength to ascend from your pillow fortress. With your hand gracefully reaching out for that tempting glass of water, victory feels within reach.

Your hand hovers mid-air as if suspended by an invisible force, frozen in a moment of pure disbelief. Just when you think the universe couldn't possibly play a more mischievous trick on you, there he was—sitting on the couch like he owns the place—the one person you would rather avoid more than a clown with a pie in hand. Seriously, is this some cosmic prank show?

Your eyes widen in disbelief, your heart skips a beat, and you can't help but let out a little groan. It's like the universe is trying to test your resilience, throwing you into this hilariously uncomfortable situation. Oh, the irony!

You: Hell no! What the fuck are you doing here?

Right in front of your very eyes sits the epitome of style and charm—a man sporting a white shirt and black pants combo that would weaken fashion gurus at the knees. No sunglasses dare cross the path of this confident fellow, for his piercing ocean-blue eyes need no protection from the sun's feeble attempts to outshine them.

But wait, there's more! Let's not forget about his head adorned with fluffy white hair that could rival the fluffiest clouds. Ugh!

Satoru: Hello to you too, love!

He strikes a pose that screams, "I'm the king of this couch!" With one leg casually crossed over the other and his arms spread wide on the back of the couch, he's claiming his throne in the most nonchalant and hilarious way possible.

Satoru: Is this how you greet your beloved husband?

You: Fuck off!

With the speed of a ninja on a caffeine high, you swiftly pull the blanket up to your chest, fully aware that the hospital gowns offer about as much coverage as a single sheet of tissue paper. Yes, those flimsy garments are the Victoria's Secret of the medical world—barely there and leaving little to the imagination! And just when you thought the situation couldn't get any more entertaining, you catch a glimpse of his famous smile. Asshole! Is he peeping on you?

Satoru: Aha! The feisty spirit lives on! Missed your sassy attitude.

He grins like a mischievous little rascal who just stumbled upon a secret stash of dad jokes, except it's a porn website!

Satoru: And, of course, your perked-up nipples!

Summoning your inner grumpy penguin, you dramatically cross your arms over your chest, shooting him a glare that could make a grizzly bear retreat in fear.

You: well, Mr. White-Haired Head with a stinky smirk and eyes bluer than a bottle of Windex, I didn't miss you AT ALL!

Satoru: Why, oh why, did you dye your hair white if you claim not to miss me, baby? Is it some secret signal to the hair gods that you're ready to experience the adventure of life without my captivating presence? Or perhaps it's your way of channeling the wisdom of Gandalf and Dumbledore, hoping that your newly snowy locks will grant you magical powers to forget all about me?

You: Hold your horses, chatterbox! My hair has turned snowy white without any meddling from me. No, I didn't secretly sprinkle it with magic hair dye while cackling like a mischievous sorcerer, you idiot!

Satoru: Whoopsie daisy! You've got a point there. Did I accidentally step on your delicate feelings, wise and experienced grandma?

In a grand display of determination, you muster every ounce of strength to grab the pillow behind your back, preparing to launch it at him. Alas, it seems the strength of a thousand paperclips has possessed your hands, rendering them feeble and incapable of fulfilling your pillow-throwing dreams. The valiant effort leaves you gasping for air as if you have just completed a marathon of pillow-tossing.

Satoru: Yowai mo!

He erupts into laughter, showcasing his undeniable talent as a professional tease.

You: Cut the crapola! Spill the beans! What on earth has brought you to this neck of the woods?

With your firm tone that could rival a drill sergeant's, the machine begins beeping faster than a sugar-rushed hummingbird on roller skates. It's as if the beeps are making their best impression of a hyperactive jazz band, matching the frantic tempo of your skyrocketing heart rates.

Satoru: I'll be rolling on the floor in laughter if you drop dead from the sheer intensity of your anger, Granny. Let's be real; finding inner peace is way more beneficial for you in the long run. Just saying!

You: Satoru!

Satoru: Yep, that's me. Breaking hearts and taking names. Can't a poor soul like me simply pay a visit to my dear wife on her deathbed?

You: Hell to the no! You can't just waltz in our life whenever you please! Sorry, but you lost that VIP visiting privilege when you—

Satoru: Oh, and on that note, could that charming chick who graced you with her presence earlier be our beloved daughter?

You sigh, exasperated, and gently rub your forehead as if trying to coax that headache into submission. Ah, the joys of a headache that seems set on conquering you before any actual sickness does. With a dramatic sweep of your hand across your face, you channel your inner drama queen and then grab your neck.

You: Oh, please, for the love of all that is awkward, just tell me that you didn't try to work your "smooth moves" on her.

Satoru: I was this close to making a move, you know? She's like a spitting image of when I was head over heels for you! It's like you've managed to clone yourself or something. Should I be worried? Did you secretly stash away all my precious genes and hoard them for your own amusement? Well, I guess I can't blame you for wanting to keep all those sperms to yourself! But seriously, she doesn't look like me at all. I am hurt!

He pouts like a baby, forever stuck in his eternal state of immaturity, but you aren't about to let that deter you. With an air of defiance, you casually lean against the hospital bed board, gazing intently at the serum making its grand entrance into your veins. Oh, and that obnoxious machine chiming away? You can't help but wish it could just shut up.

You: It's actually better for her, you know. At least she doesn't have anything that serves as a constant reminder of her absent father, who couldn't even be bothered to be present during her birth!

Your words are like a sarcasm waterfall, cascading with vicious wit. You've mastered the art of tongue-in-cheek remarks, and while you're fully aware of their potency, you couldn't care less. It's like you've got a license to sass, and you're not afraid to use it, even if it makes the world say, "Well, ain't you a delightful ray of sunshine!"

Satoru: Let's not paint the picture as if I had some glamorous options! Nope, I was bestowed with the honor of being the designated problem-solver, the one expected to handle it all while gracefully tiptoeing through—

You: Oh, pretty please! If it's not too much trouble, continue your reign as the honored one through heaven and earth, while sparing me from any additional bouts of annoyance. I must say, it's quite the talent you possess—being both honored and a master of irritation. Quite the balancing act, I must admit!

As you clench the blanket in desperation, that rebellious needle gleefully plunges itself into your hand. Fuck unexpected pain! And there, decorating your arm like a chilling masterpiece, are the bruises—trophy marks from your encounters with the needle army. Who knew injections could become an avant-garde art form? With tears welling up and the air growing thinner, it feels like the room is leaving you gasping for breath just to have a twisted sort of fun. Bravo, universe, for your fucked up sense of humor! A standing ovation for this macabre spectacle.

Satoru: Love?

You: …

Satoru: Baby?

You: …

Satoru: My Wondrous Whipped Cream Warrior, the Caramel Crusader, the Sprinkle Spritzer, the Marshmallow Maestro, the Treat Tornado, the Sugar Rush Superstar, the Jelly-filled Joy Bringer, and the Sweetness Sorceress who turns my world into a Never-ending Dessert Buffet! The Honeyed Pussy of—

You: WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT, SATORU?

You are wheezing like a chain-smoking asthmatic, desperately gasping for air, and his attitude is about as helpful as a wet matchstick. You and the mysteries of poor life choices! What possessed you, in that twisted moment of madness, to willingly plunge into the depths of infatuation with him? It's a dark, twisted enigma that not even the Grim Reaper could decipher.

Satoru: Are you still mad?

As you tilt your head, there he is, looking at you with those big, blue eyes, like a lost poppy desperately trying to win the "Most Heart-Melting Flower" award. What a sneaky trickster! He knows exactly what he is doing, employing his secret weapon of irresistible gazes, and darn it; it works like a charm! You can't resist the powers of those eyes, and you reluctantly surrender, cursing his effective tactics while secretly admiring his diabolical brilliance. Well played, Mr. Blue-Eyed Mother Fucker, well played.

You: I never stopped being mad at you!

Satoru: Fair, but you have to know that—

You: Spare me the creative excuses, please! You pulled off the greatest magic trick of all—knocking me up—and then poof! You disappeared into thin air, leaving me with a growing belly and a bewildered expression. Good job, Houdini!

Satoru: You're welcome, baby. But you've got to cut me some slack here! My job description practically has "Accident Enthusiast" written all over it. It's not like I wake up in the morning, rubbing my hands together, thinking, "Oh boy, I can't wait for another mishap!" So, let's blame it on my occupational hazard, shall we?

You: Oh, well, then, thank you so much for gracing us with your presence again! You chose to go down that path because, of course, you believed you were the one and only capable being in the universe. And oh, how lucky we are that you decided to leave me and our daughter behind. It's truly heartwarming to see you saunter back into our lives after years like it's just another casual stroll in the park. I mean, who needs a father figure during precious moments like birth, first words, and first steps, right? Clearly, you had more important things to attend to. Our daughter has grown up and gone through school, and I've had the pleasure of explaining why her dad couldn't be bothered to pick her up like those "normal" dads. Graduation, dating, first job—she did it all without you, and we couldn't be more grateful for your consistent absence. Now you have the audacity to—

You start coughing, and each painful gasp feels like your lungs are being ruthlessly ripped apart, leaving behind crimson stains on your once immaculate sheets and hands. And there he stands, towering tall, as handsome as the day he first stole your heart. It's just not fair that he still looks so good while sickness has mercilessly drained the life from your weary soul. He approaches you, the lingering scent of vanilla clinging to him, a bittersweet reminder of what you once cherished but now resentfully long for.

Satoru: Take a sip of water. Do you want me to help you?

Oh, he's all worried now, isn't he? But honestly, after enduring all that post-him misery, you're not about to let him off the hook just because he's offering a glass of water. Come on, you might be a little dumb, but you're not "drink-water-and-forget-all-the-pain" dumb! Nice try, buddy, but you'll need more than H2O to wash away the mess you left behind.

You: I DON'T NEED YOUR GODDAMN HELP! How about you kindly take a flying leap back to wherever you've been hiding all this time? I'm sure you've perfected your disappearing act by now. And don't forget to leave behind a trail of glittering resentment as you go, just to keep things spicy. Ta-ta, farewell, and may you step on a thousand Lego bricks on your way out!

Satoru: Listen up, partner in crime! I've had enough of leaving you to your own devices. It's been tough for me, too, and I sincerely apologize for piling on the hardship. But I learned my lesson! Starting right this very moment, I'm making a solemn vow never to ditch you again. Consider me your loyal sidekick, ready to tackle life's challenges together, even if it means enduring endless reruns of your favorite TV show or subjecting myself to your cooking experiments. We're in this for the long haul, love!

You use the sleeve of your flimsy, ridiculous gown to clumsily wipe away the blood from your mouth, all the while shooting him a perplexed look. Seriously, how on earth does he still manage to gaze at you with those doe eyes, all lovey-dovey, when you're rocking the vampire-on-a-sunlit-day aesthetic?

You: So, you decided to grace me with your presence just because I'm sick?

Satoru: Yes.

You: I see how it is! You're not here because you missed me, huh?

Satoru: Uh-oh, am I about to witness another round of your infamous anger? But hey, before you explode like a volcano, let me enlighten you that I didn't write the rulebook on how things work. Nope, not my area of expertise. Turns out, the universe didn't consult me when setting up the whole system. It seems they left me out of the committee meeting where they decided the rules of life. Classic!

You: Does it hurt?

Satoru: It hurt me badly because I snapped in half like a Kit-Kat bar. And no, there wasn't a delicious wafer filling in between, just pure pain and emotional wreckage.

You: Come on, Satoru! This is not the time for your quirky sense of humor. I mean, seriously, I saw your guts out in the open, and to top it off, ants decided to take a leisurely hike on them.

Satoru: TV producers really went all out with the graphic details, huh? Sure, I appreciate high-definition viewing, but did they need a close-up of my stuff? Talk about taking reality TV to a whole new level! I hope they provided a warning. Note to self: avoid snacking while watching shows that involve anatomical explorations!

You: SATORU!

Satoru: Alright, alright, no need to get serious! Can't a man crack a joke about his own death around here? Fine, I'll hold your hand during the whole thing. You know, I once spouted that cliché line about dying alone, but let's face it, that was a load of nonsense. Nobody goes down that final road solo. It's like a grand exit party!

You: Oh, really? So, you had some company, huh? Well, you know what they say: ignorance is bliss. I don't need the details, and my imagination can take a wild ride all on its own

Satoru: Jealousy looks good on you, love.

As he bends closer, his breath tickles your lips, making you wonder if he had onions for lunch. With a dramatic flourish, he grabs your chin as if auditioning for a cheesy romance movie. And then, like a vacuum cleaner on turbo mode, he plants a kiss that sucks the air right out of your lungs. It's like indulging in a dessert buffet filled with marshmallows, caramel, and insulin shots. Who needs a thrill ride at an amusement park when you can experience a sugar rush of epic proportions? You may be risking diabetes, but hey, at least you'll be leaving this world with a sweet tooth satisfied and an unforgettable, albeit comical, memory of that last smooch.

Unfortunately, after what feels like a fleeting eternity, he decides to break the kiss. As your eyes meet, you can't help but sneak a glance downwards, wondering if his pants harbored any surprises. Alas, it appears that either he's a master of disguise or ghosts have taught him their spectacular talent for concealment. Sneaky whores!

Satoru: Are you ready to go?

Oh, snap! Once the horniness fades away, reality hits you like a ton of bricks. Holy shit! How did you manage to forget about your daughter? Leaving her behind is definitely not the best parenting move. Time to snap back into responsible mode and give that little one the attention she deserves. Parenthood: where forgetfulness meets a reality check!

You: Will she be okay?

Satoru: She's our little munchkin. She'll be alright.

You: I want to see her for the last time.

Satoru: You can see her whenever you want.

You: WHAT?

He scratches his head, messing up his undercut, desperately trying to dodge eye contact like a game of social hide-and-seek.

Satoru: Ops! Did I just spill the beans on one of the perks of the afterlife? My bad! My master plan was to witness that priceless guilty expression on your face when we reached the pearly gates. Imagine your shock when you realized you blamed me for no reason, only to discover I had a front-row seat to all your shenanigans during all those years! Oh, the things I've seen! I know how many times you've touched yourself thinking about me! No judging, though! And yes, I know you secretly fumed when our little bundle of joy uttered "Dada" before "Mama." Don't worry, I won't tell a soul... except, you know, all the other souls up there. It's the ultimate celestial gossip!

You: WHAT? YOU KNOW EVERYTHING? THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU ASKED IF SHE'S OUR DAUGHTER?

Satoru: First, just to tickle your pickle. Second, as I cunningly planned.

You: You're still a brat!

Satoru: And you're still as beautiful as the day I lost you.

You: Smooth words, my friend, but let's not kid ourselves. I won't buy into any deceit. I'm old, wrinkled, and sick. Time and disease are killing me, just as you hated. Meanwhile, you continue to flaunt that glorious chiseled chest and those rock-hard butt cheeks.

Satoru: Thank you, ma'am, for keeping my ass in your thoughts. Speaking of which, I must confess I've made some boneheaded decisions along the way. Opting for death in the name of someone else can seem like a breeze compared to the complexity of choosing to live for them. So, kudos to you for being the badass who faced life's challenges to honor my memory.

You: I hope this is not just a dream.

Satoru: We can give it a try and see for ourselves.

As Satoru reaches out his hand, something extraordinary unfolds—the machine starts beeping. You look at the device, noticing that the time between beeps gradually increases. But then, your gaze shifts to your cherished spouse, the man whose absence has left an indelible void within you. The man with whom you would have fearlessly confronted doomsday on that fateful December 24th in 2018, had it not been for the fact that you were carrying his last trace of existence, a precious legacy nestled within your very being.

You: You feel so warm.

Satoru: Some things never change.

His hand gracefully slides towards your waist, triggering a chain reaction of chaos. Those pesky wires and tubes that were so dutifully attached to you? Well, they decide it's time for a break and go on a wild unplugging spree. It's like a rebellious dance party of freedom for those little connectors! And just when you thought things couldn't get any more exciting, your feet are about to touch the chilly floor, ready to embark on an unplanned adventure.

You: Hold up! Fetch my wheelchair for me!

Satoru: You don't need it anymore.

As you place your feet on the floor, you can't help but chuckle at the fact that your knees manage to hold up, allowing you to stand upright. The machines emit a continuous beeping sound, indicating a flat line on the monitor. Suddenly, the door swings open, and a troupe of nurses storm into the room. They swiftly gather around your motionless body lying on the bed. One nurse examines your vital signs, another administers an injection into your vein, and a third retrieves a machine to deliver cardiac shocks in an attempt to revive you. Witnessing these intense moments, you hold Satoru's hand tighter.

You: I don't want to come back.

Satoru: Are you sure?

Tears well up in the corners of your eyes and trickle down your cheeks as you gaze at him.

You: Yeah. I've spent more time living with your memory than I've had the opportunity to live alongside you.

Satoru's grip on your hand intensifies like he's determined to etch his touch into your very being. He lifts your hand delicately, planting a tender kiss upon it. Drawing you closer to him, he envelopes you in an embrace, burying your face in the warmth of his chest. With gentle affection, he presses a kiss upon the crown of your head, leaning his head upon yours.

As teardrops trickle onto your head, you find yourself clinging to him desperately, as if trying to hold onto the fragments of a shattered existence. In that agonizing moment, the harsh reality of his unfulfilled roles crashes down upon you like a relentless wave. He has endured the torment of being a husband bereft of a wife, a father denied a child, and a sensei forsaken his students.

Satoru: I will never let go of you anymore.

You: Is this just another one of those "oops, my bad" promises? You know, like when you swore to be to hold me for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?

Satoru: Heyyy! I held you till death do us part. I even remember, the night before my, um, grand finale, I held you so good that you had spread your legs, moaning my name and begging me to hold you harder.

Just as you are ready to break free from his grasp and deliver a well-deserved bonk on his clueless head, the scene takes an unexpected turn. Your doctor rushes into the room and towards your bed, barking orders left and right, and proceeds to administer yet another mysterious injection into your poor, defenseless vein.

Deciding to redirect your attention, you avert your gaze and catch sight of your reflection in the nearby window. To your astonishment, your hair has magically reverted to its former glory, defying the clutches of time. Wrinkles? Vanished as if a skilled magician performed a grand disappearing act. You're suddenly transported back to the good ol' days of youthfulness. Bewildered, you inspect your once-bruised hands, only to find them as flawless as a newborn's.

You: Satoru? What's—

Satoru: I know, right? It turns out one of the unexpected bonuses of kicking the bucket is that you get to rock your sexiest form once again. So, brace yourself because I won't behave when you sashay around in that gorgeous drop-dead gown. I can't keep it in my pants till we arrive and I start making cream pies and babies with you!

You: Oh, my goodness! Does it actually work in the afterlife as well?

Satoru: You're referring to my... um, dick? Let me tell you, it still has the same old magic, if not a little extra pizzazz! It's like a fine wine, aging gracefully and delivering peak performance in the afterlife. Who knew there would be such perks beyond the grave?

You: No, idiot! I mean babies!

Satoru: How should I know? I made sure to wear a condom during my frisky encounters with angels.

You can't help but release an exasperated breath, causing your ears to turn as red as a tomato in a sauna. The thought of giving him a good old-fashioned strangling and sending him off to the after-afterlife has you chuckling at the absurdity of it all.

Satoru: Would it tickle your funny bone if I threw caution to the wind and played a game of "heavenly roulette" with unprotected encounters, potentially earning myself some out-of-this-world STD souvenirs?

With a masterful brow raise and a world-class eye roll, you are all set to deliver the ultimate "exit stage left" move. But he pulls off the ultimate surprise maneuver and hits you with the "Hold up, wait a minute" move. He has a secret superpower to freeze you in your snarky tracks! Goddammit! Those puppy eyes again.

Satoru: I was joking, okay? I just jerked off while watching your showering or self-exploration activities. I mean, fingering yourself while calling my name. That's it! Okay? Also, we should have a talk about that dildo you named Hollow Purple!

You: So, it seems you shamelessly watched everything, hm?

Satoru: Yes. Absolutely! I had a lot of spare time to slay, and, hey, let's not divert our attention from the Hollow Purple subject, you dirty little mouse!

You: God! Kill me already!

Satoru: Why? You're just itching to infiltrate the kingdom of my pants, aren't you?

You: You know what? I've had a change of heart. I'd rather try my chances with cosmic sickness than spend an eternity with your delightful company!

Satoru: Goodness gracious! You and your fiery temper! How on earth did you manage to cast a spell on me, making me fall for you?

You: It's common knowledge among our friends that everybody should bow down to your shameless expertise in the art of begging!

Satoru: Is that so?

He displays a smug smirk, his arms crossed firmly over his chest.

Satoru: Well, we can ask when we see them.

Your eyes go from their regular setting to full-on "wide-angle lens" mode, capturing the world in all its wide-eyed wonder. It is as if someone presses the "zoom" button on your peepers, revealing a comical level of astonishment.

You: They are there, too?

Satoru: Oh boy, buckle up for Nanamin's epic rage when he discovers our fashionably late entrance!

You: Well, chop-chop! Time to hit the road! We wouldn't want to unleash the wrath of the entire afterlife just because your chatty ass decided to go on such a long monologue!

He leans in and gently kisses your forehead, intertwining his fingers with yours as he guides you towards the door. As you both stand at the doorway, you cast a lingering gaze upon the nurses and doctor, who seem to have thrown in the towel on their attempts to revive you.

Satoru: I can't wait to spook everyone alongside you. You'll forever be my always.

Author's Note: I had an absolute blast writing this.

@enchantedforest-network 🤍

[thepersonperson]

Gojo, running on 3 hours of sleep and self-medicating with RCE and sugar: So you know the other day the higher ups had me running around Miyagi, which contains the hometown of Ishinomori Shotaro, the guy that created one of my favorite mangas and TV series—Kamen Rider, who died from heart failure at age 60 after publishing over 128,000 pages across 770 titles across 500 volumes and I started wondering if I should just kill them on the spot.

Sukuna, completely smitten: I shall make our rings from their scapulas and grow hydrangeas in their chests.

[epickiya722]

How different the imagine spots Nanami and Mei Mei have about Gojo is too funny because while both are thinking about how crazy strong and unhinged Gojo can be, these are the images.

[slvttyplum]

˗ˏˋ✩ˎˊ˗ bad teachers

writing with no end goal is so fun, but there’s more grammar mistakes that come with that… sigh. i got this idea from a tiktoker @/sarajamss lol

“mkayyy, fushiguro and nobara.”

your face scrunches up snatching the pen from satoru, “absolutely not.”

you draw two names and suguru leans over satoru shoulders reading it, “wow that’s new.”

satoru turns around squinting his face and coking his eyebrow, “what? where’ve you been? maki and yuta definitely flirt with each other.”

you snort writing another name but suguru snatches the pen from your hand, “no, two names at a time.”

he walks over scribbling some names on the paper as the two of you watch intently.

for the last week during breaks, the three of you would cramp inside a classroom locking the door, and write names of the students who you guys think will get together or are already together.

you must admit, unethical but god was it fun. it was a teeny tiny fun secret between the three… well four of you including shoko but she wasn’t there.

“fushiguro and nobara?!” satoru yells out snatching the pen from suguru, you tilt your head looking at the sheet of paper.

“man, are you even trying?” satoru says as he writes down two names in all capital letters.

you and suguru both read it out in unison, “nobara and itadori.” you sigh slumping your shoulders snatching the pen from him.

“you’re the one not trying, nobara said it herself she doesn’t like him.” you start drawing branches connecting the names from earlier.

satoru scoffs adjusting his blindfold, “listen, people call me the love master.”

suguru scrunches his face leaning on the desk in front of him, “no… one calls you that.”

satoru looks down at the paper then at suguru stuffing his hands in his pocket, “i work with the kids, how’re you going to tell me?”

suguru chuckles looking at you draw the branches, “you’re not good at that man, just leave it alone.”

satoru’s eyes widen and his jaw drops, but quickly picks back up when there’s a rattling at the door.

“shit!” you whisper shout as suguru and satoru scrabble helping you, tucking the supplies away and hiding the paper.

yaga walked in with a binder under his arm and a stack of papers in his hand. his smile dropped down to a frown as he looked at the three of you.

“what’s going on here?”

your mouth opens like you want to say something but nothing comes out, satoru puts his hand on his hip smiling.

“heyyyy mr.” yagas face scrunches up and slams the papers on the desk.

“tell me what’s going on now.” suguru clears his throat scratching the back of his neck.

“quite frankly… um it’s none of your business.”

you suck your breath in winching at the words that came out his mouth.

“none of my business?!!” yaga shouts, you quickly fold the paper behind your back slipping it in your back pocket.

“that’s… uh.” nothing comes out of suguru’s mouth and both you a satoru stare at one another.

“tell me what’s happening right now!” he shouts. you slip your hand in your front pocket and sigh.

“satoru made a list of student names who would date.” satoru’s eyes widen and his jaw drops, yaga does the same and the binder slips from under his arm.

“he what?!” he shouts looking at satoru. you and suguru both walk out the classroom waving satoru off.

“wait! wait!”

[winternet-s]

BEGIN,BEGINING - g.satoru

(synopsis): [name] living creature of Frost, a planet where girls have little to no rights decide to leave after hearing the story of a woman who escaped the planet to live on Earth. And this one night [name] also tried.

notes : i've been inspired by xg's storyline/music videos - might see some typos / grammatical errors. pardon my writing skills i'm working on it 🫡

━━━ 𝓓rop by drop, drop by drop, they came one after the other, forming a perfect harmony. The recital continued at a steady pace, but suddenly the wind came and blew the rain with passion, harmonising with each other. That’s what was witnessing the white-haired man while looking through his window, it’s been Satoru was assigned a mission that was without doubt the least usual but also the most abnormal - his eyes had been through a lot but he would never have believed it.

Yet the proof was there laying in his bed, the person was sound asleep it was her most active phase since he took her in. Everything about her was off, if we took off the bruises that were marked on her forehead. It was a truth that fashion was now advanced but not that advanced, plus the place where he found her was strange too. In what kind of mess did I put myself in he thought, his gaze turning on the new figure.

Meanwhile you were still asleep, your consciousness was awake, taking in account the pain you could feel in your arms and the pounding in your head was telling you to stay laid down. Every thoughts was taking steps, leaping and twirling with each other, leading you to wake up physically.

You woke up the way hospital patients do, it hurts you thought while grumbling. Cursed to wake up with waking up with pain, your eyes opening greeted a new place, unfamiliar to you. 

At first sight it was pretty minimalistic. There were not much decorations put into that place, the white color was the master ruling the room with his inseparable sidekick being there at some places. Sitting now on the bed, you finally realized that you were in some new clothes. Clothes that were way bigger than your frame. 

Continuing to scan the room with your curious eyes you mentally captured every new item in your mind. Until your eyes locked with a pair of blue eyes, slate outer rings with teal all the way to black, those blue eyes were beautiful yet intimidating, they were staring at you with amusement.

The man in your sight nonchalantly sat on a chair, but what caught you was the type of beauty he radiated. He was the type of beauty you could witness once and never see again. That beauty he got outside could capture anyone’s attention, so how would it come when we got to know him? 

Messy hair looked good on his head, for it flows upon his face every time he would tilt it, a thing that didn’t tilt you. The strands moving in synchro with his head movement, “Your staring is starting to creep me out,” the man said owly blinking at you, his comment woke you up for the third time usually a woman would say that to a man.

“I’m sorry my intention wasn’t to make you feel uncomfortable!” You quickly apologized, avoiding his eyes to focus on playing with your hands, “But you’re a beautiful being!” You continued, this time you directly looked at him, a shy smile adorning your face. 

“It’s refreshing to see someone acknowledging it,” His overconfident side spoke before realising, “Wait you can speak our language– No actually could explain to me what happened to you? And who are you?”

His childish side quickly turned on something odd, which surprised you. But once again you were in a place where you didn’t know anything you didn’t know what he was capable of - “U-Uh I’m [name] from Frost,” You introduced yourself with your eyes still on his frame, noticing his puzzled expression. That very expression could be a sign that you've actually arrived at your destination, or it could just be a sign of something else. The last few minutes of memories you had of your journey was pretty eventful in the worst possible way. 

“That would explain why I found you in that destroyed spaceship..”

“I guess yeah... Also may I ask who you are?” 

“Gojo Satoru, and may I ask what exactly happenee to you?" The white haired asked curiously his eyes analyzing yours, that were avoiding his.

The wind outside murmured secrets through the night, whispering tales of distant lands and forgotten dreams. Satoru’s gaze softened, taking in the fragile figure before him, her presence a delicate ripple in the fabric of his world.

[name]’s eyes flickered like distant stars, struggling to make sense of the swirling memories that danced just out of reach. Pain and confusion clouded her mind, yet there was a fierce determination in her gaze, a will forged in the cold fires of Frost.

"Gojo Satoru," she repeated, the name tasting foreign yet familiar on her tongue. "I... I was escaping. Our planet, Frost, it’s no place for freedom. Especially not for someone like me."

Satoru leaned forward, his interest piqued. "Tell me more. What drove you to risk everything?"

[name]’s fingers tightened around the edge of the blanket, her voice a fragile thread weaving through the silence. "There was a woman, a legend among us. She spoke of Earth, of possibilities and rights, of a life where a girl could be more than just a shadow. I had to find that life. I had to escape."

Her words hung in the air, delicate as the rain outside, each syllable a testament to her resilience. Satoru watched her, the light in his eyes dancing like the moon on water. "And the ship? What happened?"

"I... I don’t remember everything," [name] admitted, frustration flickering across her features. "There was a storm, not unlike the one outside now. I thought I was lost, that the universe itself was swallowing me whole. Then, nothing but darkness until I woke here.

Satoru nodded slowly, the pieces of her story forming a mosaic in his mind. "You’re safe now," he said, his voice a soothing balm. "But Frost, it’s not just a place, is it? It’s part of who you are."

[name] met his gaze, her eyes reflecting the depth of her journey. "Yes, but it doesn’t define me. Not anymore. I want to learn, to grow, to be free."

A silence settled between them, thick with unspoken promises. Satoru’s lips curved into a rare smile, a hint of admiration in his eyes. "Then you’ve come to the right place. Earth has its own challenges, but it also holds the keys to the freedom you seek."

[name] took a deep breath, the weight of her past slowly lifting. "Thank you," she whispered, her voice trembling with hope and gratitude.

Satoru stood, offering her a hand. "Rest now. Tomorrow, we’ll start anew. The journey you’ve begun is far from over, but you won’t face it alone."

As she took his hand, the room seemed to brighten, the first rays of dawn breaking through the darkness. Outside, the rain continued its symphony, a gentle reminder that even the stormiest nights give way to morning light. Together, they would navigate the path ahead, bound by the shared promise of a future filled with endless possibilities.

[name] lay back, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts. Sleep came fitfully, but when morning light spilled into the room, she felt a strange sense of calm. She rose, dressed in the oversized clothes, and stepped out of the room, guided by the sound of voices.

Satoru was in the kitchen, moving with an effortless grace, preparing breakfast. He glanced up as she entered, offering a smile that seemed to light up the room. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

"A bit better, thank you," she replied, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. "This place... it’s peaceful."

"It’s home," Satoru said simply, handing her a plate. "Eat. You need your strength."

They sat in companionable silence, the food a comforting contrast to the starkness of her recent memories. After a while, Satoru broke the silence. "You mentioned a woman who inspired you. Tell me more about her."

[name]’s eyes softened, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. "She was a rebel, a beacon of hope. She spoke of Earth as a sanctuary, a place where dreams could flourish. Her words were a lifeline in the darkness."

Satoru listened intently, his expression thoughtful. "And you believed her. Enough to risk everything."

"Yes," [name] said firmly. "I had to. For myself, and for others like me. Frost is a cage, and I refused to let it define my fate."

Satoru nodded, respect shining in his eyes. "You’re brave. Braver than most. But now that you’re here, what will you do?"

[name] looked out the window, the city beyond a maze of possibilities. "I want to learn, to understand this world. To find my place in it."

"You will," Satoru said with conviction. "And I’ll help you. But first, we need to make sure you’re safe. There are people who might not be happy about your arrival."

[name]’s heart skipped a beat, fear mingling with determination. "What do you mean?"

"Frost isn’t the only place with secrets," Satoru explained, his tone serious. "There are those who would see you returned, or worse. But you’re not alone. I’ll teach you, guide you."

A flicker of hope ignited in [name]’s chest. "Thank you, Satoru. I won’t waste this chance."

He smiled, a hint of mischief in his eyes. "I know you won’t. Now, let’s get started. We have a lot to cover."

Together, they stepped into the new day, the world before them a canvas waiting to be painted with the colors of freedom and possibility. For [name], the journey was just beginning, but with Satoru by her side, she felt ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead.

winnie's thoughts : here another one and longer hopefully you'll enjoy it let me know in the comments <33

[quinnyundertow]

I’m so excited to finally get to introduce this co authored fic with @indiewritesxoxo formerly indieotterxoxo. Will format and post to tumblr soon.

This is a romantic comedy with multiple endings. Adding tags as we go. Don’t expect anything accurate when it comes to law lmao.

Your Honor

Summary: You were able to finally open your own law firm even if it was a dump in the shady side of town. Everything had been going smoothly until an encounter with real estate heir Satoru Gojo.

“I'm not going on a date with you,” You frowned. Sex was one thing. But getting emotionally involved with him?

“I wasn't asking you on one,” He complained, heat rising to your face at your wrong assumption. Although, it's not like anyone could blame you when he was showing up uninvited bearing treats just for an excuse to get in your pants.

“Suguru and I are going out for drinks, thought you could use a break,” He huffed, pretending to be wounded as if he wasn't itching to pull down the zipper and slip his hand down.

[jabibi-the-beef]

im no fanfic consumer but i might just have to pull out the ao3 when jjk ends guys

[cinderella-ish]

this was so funny omfg

[a-local-cataclysm]

The burning question.

Geto x f!reader x gojo

Shoko & reader

After abject failure to protect Riko and a very near death experience, you decide to transfer to Kyoto in hopes that you can evolve your techniques and shed the trauma you’re carrying. Over ten years later you’ve been called to return to the Tokyo campus and to the faces you haven’t spoken to in just as many years.

Geto didn’t become a cult leader in this. He’s a lil manipulative, a lil controlling, a lil toxic. Gojo is a little shit, arrogant, abrasive but hey that’s Gojo. Also Shoko because she’s an angel and I love her

So reader may come off as an ass/selfish but I’m trying to write with the perspective that her mind suppressed the memories of the event so she doesn’t really remember what happened. Also, she’s going to try and act overtly normal to compensate for how shattered her mind is, but when those unwanted flashbacks hit her it’s an entirely different story.

Chapter 1: In Bad Form

—————————-

“I’m gonna ask them.”

“Absolutely not, that is a terrible idea.”

“Come oooooon how else are we gonna find out the answer to our burning question?” You ask waggling your eyebrows at Shoko suggestively. She gives you a less than amused look and sighs the longest sigh in the history of sighs.

“Your burning question.” She corrected, with heavy emphasis on the your.

“I want nothing to do with this future train wreck you’re setting yourself up for. Honestly, some things are better left unsaid. Trust me.“ Shoko turns her attention back to the body laying on the gurney in front of her. You couldn’t help but watch in reverence as she made the first incision. Her movements were so meticulous and efficient that the thought of seeing Shoko in any other setting seemed unnatural.

You sat and pondered what she said from your spot on the neighboring table. Really wracking your brain as you kick your feet back and forth, playfully trying to catch her lab coat with your shoe. Shoko would fuss later about unsanitary conditions, but since when has that ever stopped you? Plus, you know she’s all bark and no bite. You’ve learned something throughout the years in this friendship. And it’s that you and Shoko are always on the same wavelength. On the surface the two of you seem confusing and unviable, but go a little deeper and you’re as compatible as the gust of wind that kicks up a wildfire. Your bubbly and sarcastic attitude compliments her quiet and calculated one.

She’s the yin to your yang.

It’s also because of this perfectly balanced friendship that she’s sitting here actively trying to advise you against asking Satoru and Suguru if they’re fucking each other.

And come on, everyone knows they are. Sure people will whisper about it to one another. But no one outright asks them. I mean yes, you’ve heard the rumors of Nanami catching them on Yaga’s desk after he pissed Satoru off exceptionally bad one afternoon. Also it’s not like you don’t catch the lingering looks they give each other when they think no one else is observing, and you’re certainly not going crazy when you hear the slip of wet skin slamming together coupled with throaty groans that curl out onto the steam of the communal showers late at night.

Hell just the other day you spied them locking lips and, being the depraved person you are, you got so caught up in the show that you didn’t realize they saw you watching them until a certain pair of cerulean blue eyes locked with yours. So flustered you were that you didn’t notice the devious look they shared with one another while watching you skitter away more embarrassed than ever.

They’re the worst kept secret on jujustu high campus. Hell in jujustu society.

“But whyyyy?” You throw your head back and whine. You may sound like a petulant little child right now, but the tension between you three is borderline unbearable. They know you know, and you know they know you know. Not to mention you’re almost positive they hate you now. Not that you can blame them. It’s all just one giant clusterfuck of a headache and you’d really love to move past it because unfortunately, you do have to attend the stupid Goodwill Event alongside them next week. The worse news being that after the event you’re to move back to the Tokyo campus until further notice. So yeah, diffusing this horribly awkward tension between the three of you is on the top of your to do list.

Shoko graces you with another one of her signature sighs before looking up from the corpse and pointing her scalpel at you threateningly. She ends up giving you a 10 minute speech on the reasons why saying anything to them would be a terrible idea.

“-and finally, you do realize they are two of the strongest sorcerers in modern society. You don’t think that maybe confronting them with a potential scandal would be detrimental to your fucking health?!! Especially with whatever bad blood there is between the three of you.” She grits out, waving the blade haphazardly in the air to enunciate how awful your no good idea is.

You’ve never seen Shoko like this and it has you a bit taken aback so you raise your arms in mock defeat “ok ok i yield! I won’t ask the wonder twins if they’re fucking each other on Yaga’s desk every Tuesday!”

“Oh my god I really wish you hadn’t given me that mental image.” Shoko shudders.

You hop off the table and carefully smooth out the wrinkles in your shirt before you look to Shoko with a menacing smile. You bolt for the door shouting over your shoulder “IMMA STILL ASK THEM!”. Cackling gleefully as you dart down the halls to find your students and start the day. Faintly in the distance you hear Shoko shout back “DON’T YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”

———————————————————

Satoru watches you successfully pin one of your students to the ground in a simple takedown. You demonstrate to them the importance of mastering hand to hand combat while the group gathers around you in a semi circle. One student, the feisty blonde, complains about why they would even need to learn these techniques.

“I don’t think I need to worry about pinning a curse down into submission sensei”, her words punctuated with an eye roll directed at you.

You just shrug it off, plastering on your famous crooked grin, and tell them with your sing songy voice that they never know when they may need it. And to “trust me~~”.

But you don’t expand any further.

Satoru thinks back to the day over ten years ago when you nearly bled out in Suguru’s lap. It still feels like yesterday to him. They were different people then, and as much as he likes to think Riko’s death didn’t change him much. Looking at you right now makes him realize that maybe the loss burrowed further under his skin than he thought.

You transferred to Kyoto shortly after Toji nearly severed your arm off in The Main Hall of The Tomb. Citing the reason as a chance to further develop your technique, but he and Suguru know the real reason why.

He remembers opening his dorm door and being met with the sight of your puffy eyes and tear stained face in front him. The watery apologies that tumbled from your soft lips, how your voice cracked with every inflection. He certainly remembers the tightness in his chest, the way it felt like all his heartstrings were knotted together before you pulled them taut with your bitter goodbyes. You promised to keep in contact with them, vowed the distance wouldn’t change things.

You kept your promise. At first.

Calling or texting at least one of them everyday. If only to check in. Then it was every other day and they chalked it up to Kyoto being a more bustling campus.

Then it was once a week, and by then Suguru was on the verge of a mental collapse.

Being a sorcerer had taken its toll on him heavily. He took leave, started seeing a therapist regularly and eventually the old Suguru started to creep back. But you never contacted them during this. When they were at their lowest you left them out to dry. Though something good did come out of your abandonment. They discovered new ways to love each other and flourished together without you.

So maybe Satoru is a little bitter, maybe Suguru is too.

Maybe when he was eavesdropping on the higher ups he caught wind of your name along with the words relocation, Tokyo, and tenured, and maybe that ignited something within his chest. Though he hasn’t decided whether or not he likes it yet.

The sound of screaming students and your bubbling laughter rips him from his daydreams. He looks out at the scene before him and can’t help the small chuckle that escapes him.

Your students tried surrounding you in an attempt to end the training sooner but your technique caught them one by one. Each student frozen in a more ridiculous position than the last. One kid has his face in the dirt, while his feet are suspended in the air, a hand is braced against the ground and the other is pulling at his pants. Gojo quirks a brow, he doesn’t remember you showing him this technique. Interesting.

A hand rests on his back before moving up to his shoulder, squeezing it gently. Out of his peripheral he can see Suguru watching as you laugh at the compromising positions you’ve put your students in.

“That’s new.” Suguru muses. He glances at Satoru, seemingly lost in thought.

“Yeah, so far it’s my favorite. The sheer terror on her students’ faces is hilarious.” Gojo cackled.

On the field your ears perk up and you turn your head to the direction of his laughter and lock eyes for the second time since you returned to campus. Finally you break contact and see Suguru standing next to him. A foreign emotion flashes across your face. To them it looked like something akin to sadness or regret. Gojo makes out a subtle clenching in your jaw before the mask falls back into place making it look like nothing ever changed.

Suguru and Satoru watch as your students clear the field and make their way to the lunchroom. Hesitation sits idly by in their chests as you leisurely stroll behind the kids with your hands shoved in your pockets glancing at your left arm every so often, it seems to be the focal point of your attention now. Then they catch you periodically bending, rotating and flexing said arm experimentally. Like you’re trying to reassure yourself that it’s still attached to your body.

[materialgworlas]

Drug Lord Gojo- Jujutsu Kaisen Cast x Reader

Synopsis: Yall bullying Gojo's rich ass

warning: none

☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

if u think of any more drug lord gojo shit tag me in the comments😭

taglist:

@jordanahart

@txdxrx

@rayrayredpanda

@anitatvd

@mariealexa

ainandra

@spongebobsquarepants2

@d1gita1

@marvelous-maxi

@bigpoosygyal

@chairokuno

@tremendouspuppybluebird

@scenteddreamlandarcade

@snemera

@thesunkissedfool

@bigfwatklet45

@cutthroatmari

@v1rghoe

@bulkacynamonowa

@satanbloop

@vedede

@tbzwife

@suprisedbutnotdisappointed

@patchi-chi

@slowlikeasloth

@jaehyunsonly

@gojosleftpinkytoe

@massiveangelflower

@royalmuffinsworld

@chocolate-scoups

@apricotjellyjam

@dellalyra

@dajanae77

@klementime

@shuxjodie

@myymelancholyy

@xjup1t3r

@mowochii

@thedxvil

@cristalys

@daffodilpetals

@materialgworlas

@gloryous51

@syynnaaah

@stupendouscowboyparadise

@destinyisastar

@hoef42dmen

@buuunnniiii

@kinize20

@snootthesimp

@tailsoflightning

@cxpids-wxrld

@ecwashburn1129

@evalynanne

@00scigarette

@maddienotsograceful

@jspenft

@empress-pug-pug

@gojos1nonly

@2downbad4dilfs

[animationabundance]

Tons of Gold [JJK + Road to El Dorado Animatic]

Will definately post more of this AU...

[shintin]

Apologies for the delay in the Gojo Satoru fic. Unexpected circumstances arose, and I ended up in the hospital. However, this fucked up situation has sparked my desire to write a short dark comedy centered around Gojo.

PS: To be included in the tag list for these one-shots, simply send me a DM or leave a comment.

UPDATE: READ IT HERE: FORBIDDEN FLAMES

I'll update the other one next week ❤️

[shunshunrika]

We KNOW who tops lmao

ALSO

WHY IS GOJO BUILT LIKE A BABYGIRL I SWEAR

ASKING TO BE RAILED BY SUGURU

[winxanity-ii]

GOJO SATORU

╰❝𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓗𝓮𝓪𝓿𝓮𝓷 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓔𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓱, 𝓘 𝓪𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓪𝓶 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝓷𝓸𝓻𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓷𝓮!❞

🇰‌🇪‌🇾‌: 🔞 = smut | 🔥 = heated/spicy | ✿ = fluff | 🕷 = angst | ✰ = personal fav

FICS

ONE-SHOTS

𝐎𝐇, 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐑𝐘𝐈𝐍'? | Gojo x Fem!Sorcerer!Reader / Jujutsu Kaisen!AU | Prt. 2: 𝐒𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐓

𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒𝐘 | 🔞 ✰ | Gamer Boyfriend!Gojo x Fem!Reader / Non-Sorcerer!AU

𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐈𝐓 | 🔞 | Gojo x Fem!Empath!Reader / Jujutsu Kaisen!AU

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐄𝐄?| 🔞 | Fashion Designer!Gojo x Fem!Model!Reader / Jujutsu Kaisen!AU

𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄 𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 | 🔞 ✰ | Gamer Boyfriend!Gojo x Fem!Reader / Non-Sorcerer!AU

𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓, 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄 | 🔞 ✰ | Incubus!Gojo x Fem!Virgin!Reader / Non-Sorcerer!AU | Prt. 2: 𝐒𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐃, 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄

HEADCANONS

𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔! | 🔞 | Cheer Captain!Gojo x Fem!Co-Captain!Reader / College!AU

[thotin12years]

I laughed so hard a mysterious whistling noise escaped me…

[winternet-s]

𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃 𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 - g.satoru

summary : in which [name] is the cupid of her after helping tons of students with their relationships or crushes, satoru included - but who could fool cupid in terms of romance ?

genre : fluff - comedy.

wc : 1.97k

notes :fem!reader - not proofread - inspired by that cupid girlie from monster high - more comedic than fluff but still have cute moments.

───── Waking up at last for the day that awaited her with open arms, [name] sat staring into space for another two minutes before getting up and heading for the bathroom. There was little energy in her body, but what little energy she did have was for the advice she would be giving today. 

The [skin color] was known for her advice when it came to romance - all of which had worked for those who asked. This led her to create a club at her high school to help anyone in need. Fixing her hair and primping, the teenager immediately put on her uniform before setting off for the station, headset on, walking with confidence. 

Her ears didn't capture the sounds of her surroundings, her body certainly did. A hand came to rest on his shoulder, and with a start [name] turned around, mouth and eyes wide open. Shoko, a short-haired brunette who certainly looked tired, but was nonetheless pretty, had a mocking smile on her face.  “There’s a reason why I’m wearing my headphones.” grumbled the [hair texture] while glaring down at the brunette.

“Sure, but I’m your best friend.” Shoko replied, reaching into her pockets and pulling out a cigarette and lighter as her friend looked on in disgust. [name] always thought of bringing her a pack of chewing gum because of her unbearable breath when she smoked. 

“I will never understand how you can put that thing in your mouth so early in the morning and not this,” exclaimed the exasperated teenager as she pulled out a packet of cake from her handbag and shared it with her friend, who gladly accepted. "Maybe your breath will be warmer!" she laughed under her friend's pout. Who teasingly nudged her.

“Smoke on the side, spill me the drama.” Shoko asked curiously, so the two of them walked in step with each other in the direction of the station, [name] telling her about the anonymous people who had sent her messages.

"Are you serious? What's going on in guys' heads?" 

“And it’s not finished, now her sister is pregnant.”

A little later, they finally arrived at their high school, continuing their journey together as they chatted. A little further on, two young men approached them - Getou Suguru. The black-haired man had long hair that had taken the time to be tied up in a low bun, with a lock on the right side of his face that kissed his face perfectly. His uncluttered face showed off his intimidating cat-like eyes, then his unstuck ears decorated with earrings. He was walking alongside his best friend Satoru. 

A very tall young man with a slim build, his pale complexion and the white hair crowning his head made his eyes stand out. They were such an intense blue that they sometimes terrified the young girl, but she eventually got used to them. 

“So, how do you plan to ask her out?” The black-haired man asked his friend while waving to the girls. 

Once reunited, the group began chatting together as they walked to their first class, which happened to be gym sports education. Walking alongside Satoru on her right, the teenager could feel his gaze on her form causing her to turn. Her eyes now connected with his, she frowned in confusion. 

"Do you need anything?" she began softly under the young man's doubtful gaze - "Because your eyes are a bit scary- I mean intimidating!" She corrected herself when she received a nudge from Shoko.

Rubbing her ribs, she couldn't see the half-amused and half-saddened look on his face. The [skin color] was known for her great help in terms of romance, but also for her great frankness. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, and this scene didn't escape Suguru's notice, who snickered while shaking his head.

"You find my eyes frightening [name]?! I think me, Gojo Satoru has finally unlocked an insecurity. ." And lo and behold, his boyish personality reappeared in the blink of an eye.

"To be honest, yes doesn't stop them from being beautiful. Just scary."

"I really like the end of your sentence minus the first part!" 

"Seen like that, [name] is right." Shoko declared, much to the delight of her tall friend, who wrapped her arm around the brunette's arm. Arm in arm. The foursome headed for the gymnasium with a beautiful atmosphere surrounding them. 

End of class, [name] emerged without her friend, who happened to be in a different class to her, and walked slowly, mirror in hand, rearranging her make-up. Eyes riveted on her mirror, a figure she knew only too well stood behind her. 

“Oh ! Sato-” 

Cut off in his sentence by the latter's dramatic act of grabbing him by the shoulders. "I need your Cupid skills," he declared.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Murmur from the students, all grouped in a duo ready to get a good mark for this practical physics assignment - [name] and Satoru together. Concentrating both on their work and on the white-haired girl's heart problems, the young woman wasn't quite sure where she stood.

"Pass me that, and so a spontaneous girl with confidence eh..." 

Instrument in hand, she picked up the white powder and placed it on a watch glass, concentrating on the scale - her duo noting the number on their sheet of paper, eager to know what advice they would receive from her. 

"I see, well, you might as well start by getting to know her a little better than that. Ask her out on a few rather simple dates..." Dragging on her words, the young girl analyzed the sheet on which the calculations were made.

"If you're as attentive in class as you are with her it would be miraculous, look at that it's all wrong." Giving a sulky pout in an attempt to soften the threatening look his classmate was giving him, the youngster looked away with a puffed cheek. "Anyway, thanks for your advice [name]!"

He stood up suddenly, taking her in his hands and rubbing his cheek against the top of her head, but received a pinch in the ribs. "If there's one thing I hate, it's having my hair undone, write that down in your skull!" cried the [hair color] but in a low voice, amused the teenager could only chuckle. 

"Noted!"

Satoru waved to [name] as she left the classroom, and found Shoko waiting for him against a wall in the corridor, playing with her cigarette box. She rushed over to her friend and took her by the arm, telling her everything from A to Z. It had already been a while since Shoko and the head [hair texture] had noticed the attraction he had for her. 

“How do you plan to deal with him ? We’re talking about Gojo Satoru.”

“Well he’s not that annoying when he wants to actually, he was, well, a tiny bit helpful today with the assignment. Plus, does my hair look okay ?” 

Cupid asked in a panic while stroking the top of his head - his friend, showed him a thumbs up - "Top as usual, anything left to eat?" The brunette asked under [name]'s exasperated gaze.

"Here, I've got either chocolate muffins, paprika potato chips or chicken and raw vegetable wraps left."

"Muffins it is."

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

The next day arrived, and the teenager found herself in the middle of a discussion with a friend of hers, barely aware of the presence of the young man, who seemed to be nervous. Most of Satoru's evening was spent catching up with her brunette friend. The young man was not very good in the kitchen, but he did try to do a few things for her. 

"Right now she's got this weird obsession with hello kitty dim sum." He recalled the messages, took a deep breath before striding towards the head [hair texture]. Sensing a presence behind her, as well as the embarrassed expression their comrade wore, she guessed. 

"Gojo Satoru, to what do we owe your presence that put an end to our discussion?"She asked without curiosity, gesturing between herself and the girl. 

The atmosphere surrounding the two was highly comical in the eyes of the girl, who observed the scene with a small smile on her lips. She stood up, not forgetting to greet [name] and Satoru.

"You made her leave... . Her case was important too." 

Sighing as she crossed her arms, [name] glared at him as he sat down beside her. Being himself, the young man brought his head close to hers with a smile before exclaiming - full of joy - "Tadam!" - Blinking like an owl, she now faced him with a plate of Hello Kitty dim sum.

"I made them myself! And I bought us slices of strawberry tartlet!" 

". . . I've been wanting to eat them for a while," Satoru then passed her a pair of chopsticks which she accepted, first bite and she couldn't lie, "it's really good Satoru, surprisingly." 

"You're so mean [name]!" 

"Shut up and eat it before it gets cold." She took a piece from the dish and held it out in front of her mouth, taken aback Satoru stopped in his act and felt his face burn. His embarrassment showed, but [name] said nothing, admiring the smile on her face, his cheeks puffing out like a squirrel, as he ate with pleasure at being in her company.

"Wait, but that's an indirect kiss." He suddenly stopped chewing, looking at the girl with wide eyes.

"I mean, if you want something concrete between us, you shouldn't get excited about this kind of thing." The girl pinched his plump cheek. At her words, he looked at her even more astonished than he had been after the meal, he wanted to ask her out to the movies. Somehow he felt reassured, reassured to know it was mutual.

"I knew you'd fall under my spell." 

"If you keep looking at me with your eyes I'll end up leaving too." 

A moment of silence passed before he opened his mouth again - "How long have you known and how did you know it was you?" He swiveled his head to the side watching his crush eat his dessert - "I'm the high school cupid my dear, there are signs that don't deceive and then the dim sum proved my point. Only Shoko knew."

“I see, so um. . Are you free this Saturday? There's this movie out from Fibli Studio !” 

Nervousness set in, but that didn't stop the girl from accepting. A breath of relief escaped her mouth, then a laugh irritated her ears, which turned red, and Suguru and Shoko were present in their classroom, all smiles. The black-haired boy couldn't help teasing the white-haired.

"Who'd have thought you'd be nervous about this sort of thing."

"Coming from the guy who makes girls run and not after him."

"Look at those two," the brunette rolled her eyes at the interaction of the two best friends, who began to argue to the accustomed eyes of some of the students-" Otherwise you, frankly do you think you could get away with it?" She asked again to reassure herself that Satoru wasn't necessarily the best boyfriend material, but in [name]'s eyes he'd proved his worth.

"If he can keep me away from your smoking breath I'm sure." She immediately had her cheeks pinched by the brunette, energy. Her cheeks stretched the [skin color] tried to speak with the best of her ability - “I have gubs in my bug.” She added before being free from her friend’s friend thanks to Gojo.

“Two more points, Satoru, you can come by 4:45 pm tomorrow.” 

She said, rubbing her cheeks under the gloomy gaze of Shoko who held out her hand, she immediately handed him a chewing gum - "I note, see you Saturday!"-She waved her hand while leaving behind a happy teenager ready to tell his best friend about the joy he felt.

ᝰ.ᐟ winnie's note : oh hii everybody first of all thank you for reading this - it took me three days to finish it because of how busy i'm but i'm so glad it is finished ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ plus i loved the bond between shoko and reader so much hahahaha it was the funniest part (hopefully nobody was offended it was not my intention !) but yeah please like & re-blog it would help me plus i would love to read your comments too ! see ya ૮ • ﻌ - ა.