#been on and off with that podcast for years😔

[tooth-com]

Started the Magnus archives the other day and all I’ve been thinking about are Halloween costumes themed to each episode but I fear the world isn’t ready for that yet

[delusional-day-dreamer]

First. Love. Part² - p.b

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‣ paige bueckers x oc

‣ wc: 12079 (this took me way too long but I got carried away...)

‣‣ synopsis: background on paige and jenna's relationship, how they met, fell in love, and how paige ended up becoming jenna's first heartbreak and eternal muse.

‣‣‣ a/n: So High School Part 2 will be out soon (i have no idea where to take the plot in that series 😔), this is sort of a filler chapter in between the podcast episode in part 3 to give context. EDIT: I changed Jenna's major to be Business Economics with a minor in Film, Television, and Digital Media because it's more relevant for the later plot!

June 30th, 2016 (summer before freshman year; 14 years old)

Jenna's POV:

You didn't know how much more of this stupid city you could handle. You had just locked your front door behind you as you left to go to the pool inside your new neighborhood, excited to read a book you had bought the other day while sunbathing on a lounge chair.

Your parents had just uprooted your life and moved you from San Diego, California, land of sunshine, beaches, and only a small amount of criminal activity, to middle of nowhere Hopkins, Minnesota, right before you started high school with all of your old friends.

Of course you understood that this was for the better of your family, both of your parents had gotten new jobs at a huge hospital with far better pay than their previous ones, they found a beautiful house in a nice neighborhood close to what was going to be your new school, and living in your dad's hometown meant being close to his family.

However, none of these facts soothed the bitter taste in your mouth that formed at the thought of having to be the new kid, having no friends to hang out with for the rest of summer or to start school off with, no job or classes to distract your never-ending train of thoughts, and you didn't even have a sibling to act as your built in friend.

Regardless, you tried your best to adjust to your new, albeit lonely, life by distracting yourself as much as possible. Your parents had re-enrolled you in music lessons the same week you finished moving into your house, gave you an allowance to buy new clothes and hang out at the local mall, as you very quickly realized your Californian wardrobe would not fit the Minnesota weather, despite it being summertime (although you hadn't gone yet as you hated shopping alone), and you had even been going to the pool frequently with the hopes of meeting kids close to your age.

And it just so happened that today, your prayers had been answered. As you were walking down the street, the door to a house you had just crossed by across the street had barely opened before a small boy barrels out, closely followed by a taller, blonde girl who appeared to be around your age, locking the door behind the two of them. You weren't able to put a finger on it, but there was simply something about the girl that was mesmerizing, just a quick glance at her had you wanting to know more.

You had always known you liked girls to some extent, you always found yourself gazing at the t.v. in wonder at the beautiful girls displayed upon the screen. However, it wasn't until probably a hundred, "Am I Gay?" internet quizzes later in seventh grade you recognized the fact that you were queer and were in fact attracted to girls, you just didn't bother telling anyone about this revelation.

In particular, the girl in front of you invoked millions of questions that raced through your mind: who was she, was she your age, was she going to the same high school as you, and most importantly, why was she so pretty? Her blonde hair cascaded down her back with a slight wave to them, her white oversized t-shirt and black basketball shorts draped over her tall frame, and her voice that rang out as she scolded the little boy who ran in front of her to the end of their walkway.

God, her voice was the most intoxicating thing you had ever heard, luring you into her like a siren's song to the depths of the ocean. You swore you were floating at the twinkling sound of her laughter echoing around the block as she joked with, who you head her refer to as, her little brother.

You snapped out of your stunned daze and continued walking forward as she followed her little brother onto the main sidewalk, now almost parallel with your frame. You were mentally counting your blessings that she hadn't looked up enough to see your stalker-esque figure staring at her, although you were praying that she happened to be going to the pool as well (definitely not so you could look at her some more).

Truly, God had decided to pay special attention to you today, as your blonde neighbor grabbed her little brother's hand as she crossed the street, making her way towards you. You couldn't help but glance at her as she approached you, and you were taken aback by the shockingly blue eyes that met yours. You gave her a tight-lipped smile as she stepped up to the sidewalk just behind you, hoping your internal panic wasn't apparent on your face as you faced forward once again.

Your focus on taking deep breaths in and out to not embarrass yourself in front of the first person your age you've even made eye contact with in the last month is interrupted by the little boy running past you, gently bumping into your leg as he brushes past you. His short legs are working overtime to maintain a pace faster than both you and the pretty stranger, who had now jogged up next to you to keep close to her brother.

"Drew the pool isn't gonna run away by the time we get there, you gotta slow down buddy," She called out to the curly-headed child, turning her head to peer slightly down at you.

"Sorry about him, he gets really ahead of himself sometimes," She apologized on his behalf, her eyes scanning over your face. Before giving you a chance to reply, she continued on. "Are you new to the neighborhood? I don't think I've ever seen you around?" She questions, your heart slightly speeding up at the undivided attention she was paying to your face.

"No yeah I am, I just moved here from California," you replied, tucking your hands into the pockets of your shorts to avoid any nervous flailing.

"No way, that's so cool, I've always wanted to visit. Did you live next to the beaches? One of my old friends went there for vacation and she loved it, like she wouldn't shut up about how nice it is over there. I think she went somewhere close to LA. Wait are you going to the pool too?" Her outgoing demeanor surprised you. You had only seen her for the first time a minute ago, and she was already carrying you into a conversation about your old life.

"Yeah I did and I am, I lived in San Diego so the beaches there were really nice compared to the northern part. I miss being able to go there all the time, so I guess for now the pool will just have to do," you joked back, and your heart fluttered at the smile that broke out on her face.

It had appeared that you made your first friend in Hopkins, Minnesota, and unbeknownst to you, she would quickly become your first ever best friend. Then your first girlfriend, your first love, and then slowly, your first and last heartbreak.

April 4th, 2017 (spring break, freshman year; 15 years old)

Paige's POV:

"Dude there's no way you think pancakes are supposed to be better than waffles, they're so boring," I protested on my bed next to Jenna, rolling onto my stomach towards her and propping up my elbows so I could look at her. Jenna had somehow become my best friend within the span of two months during summer, and although I was unsure of when and how her presence became so prominent in my life in such a quick span of time, I was nothing but grateful.

We had started high school together and even had a class together everyday, which was a saving grace for both of us. She came to every single one of my home games this season, even some of the closer away games. She made it to more of my games that any person in my family did, which surprised me, but she just was always there for me somehow.

I was never the best at making friends outside of basketball, the sport was my comfort zone and it was always so much easier to relate to my teammates who felt the same. Yet, me and Jenna just clicked, despite our many differences. Hanging out with her quenches a thirst within me I didn't know I had. A thirst to be seen, to be heard and known, a desire for someone to see me past all my future athletic potential and to just see me, and without fail, she did that for me. Every. Time.

One of the things we discovered early into our friendship, the first time she came over to my house to hang out, were our matching initials. PB and JS, which we affectionately coined to be our nicknames, Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich (pretend pazzi does not own this nickname). Jenna always says that our matching initials are a sign from above, a sign that we're meant to stick by the other's side. We even bought matching necklaces with our initials over winter break as a mutual Christmas present, mine was silver and hers was gold.

Our parents loved the nickname as well, joking that it's the reason they can never separate us, as you just can't have one without the other. Our families somehow became intertwined over the course of our friendship as well, trading in between carpool duties, spending long weekends and the occasional holiday together, and even coming to cheer me on at my basketball games or watching Jenna's dance recitals from the class she took instead of P.E. We all even went out to eat together to celebrate me and Jenna's small freshmen year milestones, like our birthdays.

Hers was a bit before mine, September 21st, 2001, which made her just slightly older than me. Apparently according to the Minnesota school laws or whatever, Jenna is supposed to be in the grade above, but California has different age cutoffs so she's one of the oldest people in our grade.

She confessed to me before school started that she was nervous about being the eldest out of everyone, but I reassured her by saying that it just meant she could drive the two of us around and do a bunch of other things before everyone else could. That really helped.

She even let me into her secret world of music, I knew she took classes but until she played and sang for me, I didn't realize just how good she was. She was fairly shy when it came to her talent, and almost never played in front of people she wasn't comfortable with, which is why it felt like an honor when she played a song on the piano or guitar for me, or sang for or with me, whether it was playing from the radio or something small she wrote.

But the thing that really brought us closer together was when Jenna's parents had to go out of town from time to time for their medical conferences, which left her home alone. When she was younger, she always used to go with them, as missing school wasn't that big of a deal. But now, she ended up refusing, insisting that she would be alright home alone.

This didn't fly with either of our families, and our parents eventually came to the conclusion that Jenna could just stay over at our house when needed. It wasn't like me and Jenna didn't have sleepovers all the time anyways, and both me and Drew loved having her over. She even met my Mom and my two other little siblings, Ryan and Lauren. The three of them immediately took to her the way I did, entranced by her presence. She loved hanging out with them too, since she was an only child.

There was something about Jenna that somehow attracted people to her. Maybe it was her welcoming presence, the way she made you feel like the most important person in the world with the way she looked at you, or perhaps it was something appealing about her appearance. The small makeup she put on and the way she spent extra time styling her hair was always unnecessary in my opinion, I always thought she was the prettiest person in our grade.

Sometimes I wondered if the two of us were truly best friends. I know friends hang out a bunch like we do, they don't mind changing in the same room or even in front of each other, and they definitely feel comfortable enough to cuddle together in bed or while watching a movie. Right?

But sometimes I swear there's a weird fluttering in my stomach when Jenna's bare legs drape over mine on the couch, or sometimes my heart skips a beat when we're getting ready for bed and she just pauses while changing her shirt, intent on continuing our conversation even while standing in just her bra.

But it's okay for friends to do that right? I mean, I've only ever had crushes or thought boys were attractive, so everything I'm feeling is probably just from the fact that I've never had a best friend like Jenna. Sure, I've had a bunch of friends and teammates I'm really close to, but me and Jenna spend all of our time together, and there's almost nothing we wouldn't do together. Sometimes, we just take turns showering while the other person stays in the bathroom just so we can keep talking.

Which led the two of us up to now, spending spring break sprawled out on my bed at 9pm, arguing about whether waffles or pancakes were better. We never had any real arguments, but with me and Jenna both being super competitive and never wanting to be wrong, we always had long discussions "fighting" about meaningless topics.

"Pancakes are so much smoother and like, enjoyable to eat compared to waffles, plus waffles end up crispy at the edges and they just end up tasting weird," She insisted, adjusting herself from her back to her side so she could argue with me face to face.

Her hair fell over her shoulder when she moved, leaving her shoulder exposed as her, no, my sweatshirt had slightly slouched down as it was big on her. Jenna wasn't exactly short, she was around 5'5, it's just that I happened to be even taller.

"Girls, come down for dinner please," my step-mom yelled from downstairs before I could even snap out of my distracted state to argue back.

"Coming Mrs. Bueckers," Jenna took the initiative to yell back slightly when I didn't respond in time, still in shock as to why I ended up staring at my best friend, distracted by her bare shoulder in my clothes. Me and Jenna always shared clothes, we even kept clothing and toiletry spares in each others rooms for spontaneous sleepovers. So why was her wearing my sweatshirt, in my bed, so different this time?

Whatever the reason was, I didn't have time to even think it over before Jenna got up from next to me, grabbing my hands with hers so she could yank me up as well, complaining that she was hungry. She kept our hands interlocked as we left my room, walking down the stairs hurridley. It was a miracle she didn't notice that for some reason, her soft, warm hands in mine had left a barely noticeable blush on my cheeks.

October 28th, 2017 (sophomore year; 16 years old)

Jenna's POV:

"Come on J hurry up, it's just a stupid party," Paige walked into your bathroom as you were almost finished curling your hair. "I'm on my last section P chill, I'll be done in a minute," you reassured her reflection. The two of you were invited to a Halloween party, but apparently you weren't supposed to dress up since technically it's not Halloween yet? (skinny jeans were the shit in 2017 but I can't bring myself to write that that's what they're wearing 😔)

You were both confused about it but the junior who invited you guys, Alexa, was one of your friends from math class. You were sat together on the first day and despite both of you struggling here and there, you often got the concepts a little bit quicker than her, so you always helped her when possible. And in return, she got the two of you an invite, well technically she invited you but everyone knows you and Paige are a package deal, to one of the biggest house parties of the school year.

It was also going to be the first party you were ever going to, and you both agreed to not go overboard on the drinks, since your aunt cristina, who was visiting, was going to pick and drop you in her car. Your mom's sister couldn't have chosen a better time to come visit, as both of your parents were working the night shift tonight and Paige's parents allowed her to sleepover at your house since your aunt was supposed to "supervise".

"See, I'm ready, let's go," you told Paige as you finished your hair with a thin layer of hairspray, moving past her into your room to grab your phone and keys. Your parents had gotten you a used Ford F-150 truck (so gay) so it would be easier for you to drive to school, with Paige of course, since they both started working longer hours now that you were old enough to take care of yourself and so that they could retire earlier.

You both made your way downstairs to your Aunt Cristina on the couch, watching tv while waiting for you to finish getting ready. "Ready to hit the road girls?" She got up to turn off the tv and grab her things from around the living room.

"Yup, thank you again for taking us, and for not telling our parents," Paige responded on your behalf as well. It was typical of adults to love Paige, she was always the most respectful and responsible kid in their eyes, even when thanking your aunt for driving you to a party so you could drink responsibly.

"No problem, I'd rather you girls be safe while having fun, no point in sneaking out if I'm here for you," She joked as you moved to get in her car, and within ten minutes, the three of you were pulled up outside the address Alexa had given you.

"Now please just remember to be safe, have fun, drink responsibly, don't leave your drinks unattended, don't try drinks from random people, keep your phone on you, don't leave each other's side," Your aunt was rambling off safety rules to the two of you in the backseat. You thought it was ironic she had to mention for you to stay together as if you ever left each other's side anyways.

"Yes Auntie C of course," You promised her as you moved to open the car door, "We'll be safe and I'll text you, love you, thanks, bye!" You closed the door the second Paige climbed out from the backseat, eager to walk into the house you could hear music blaring out of.

Before you knew it, the two of you were sitting pressed up together on a couch in a crowded living room, two red solo cups in hand with sprite and vodka. You and Paige were tipsy from the past two hours of drinking, a warm fuzziness settled into our brains, making the circle of people around us funnier than they probably were.

"No you know what we should play, seven minutes in heaven!" A drunk junior called out mid-conversation. You weren't really absorbing anything that was being said around you until that, and the loud cheers that erupted from the living room at the suggestion.

"Everybody gather around in a circle on the floor, whoever spins it has to go in the guest bedroom with the person it lands on for seven minutes," Alexa called out to everyone as she reached for an empty beer bottle behind her, before moving to sit on the floor.

"D'you wanna play?" Paige asked quietly next to you. You could tell she was hesitant on joining, and would only sit down if you went with her or dragged her with you.

"Why not, what are the chances we get picked anyways?" You decided, downing the last sip of your drink before setting it down on the floor, pulling Paige off the couch with you and into the circle.

"Before we start," Alexa loudly interrupted the conversation of the circle as she placed the beer bottle in the middle, causing everyone to quiet down and listen to her. "If you get picked to go in the room, you do not, and I repeat do not, have to do anything. The room stays unlocked the whole time, and you can't force the other person to do anything, even kiss," She insisted, making eye contact with every person in the circle before sitting back down in her spot.

"Agreed?" She asked everyone, and only allowed the game to start after hearing a response from everyone.

The game started and by the fourth round, everyone except one couple had clearly used the seven minutes to their advantage, coming out with tousled hair, bruised lips, and one girl even came out with a visibly red hickey on her neck. You and Paige had yet to be picked, and you felt a sense of relief that the two of you got to participate without having to actually play the game.

But, you suppose you must have spoken (or thought) too soon though, as you watched the next guy spin the bottle, and it slowed to a stop, the neck pointing right at you. Encouragements and cheers burst from the circle, urging the two of us to go in the room. You recognized who he was from around campus and his games, a junior volleyball player.

He got up from his seat, walking across the circle to you, and offering his hand to pull you up. You looked over hesitantly at Paige, who was barely meeting your eyes and had a small, tight-lipped smile on her face. Ignoring her reaction, you took his hand in yours and allowed him to hoist you up, dropping it the moment you stood in front of him.

You walked into the room first, sitting on the desk pushed up against the wall as he closed the door behind him and walked up to you, leaving a foot of space in between you two, presumably waiting for you to give him some sort of indicator.

"I'm sorry, I hope you don't really mind but I wasn't really planning on getting picked and I'm not comfortable, like, kissing you or anything so if you want to pick someone else I get it, I just don't want to," the nervous ramble poured out of you without constraint, the alcohol you had consumed making you more open-lipped than normal.

"Hey it's cool, you heard Alexa, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to," he shrugged, moving to take a seat on the edge of the queen bed in the room.

"Oh, thank you, I guess. I didn't think you would be so cool about your turn being wasted," You settled on top of the desk properly, turning to face the boy who was surprisingly chill.

"Nah it's whatever, I just broke up with my girlfriend like a month ago too, so I don't really care. I'm Jeremy by the way," he introduced, bringing one foot off the floor to rest over his other knee, leaning slightly back onto the bed.

"I'm Jenna, this is my first party so I wasn't really sure how all of this was gonna go."

"Jenna, I swear I've heard your name before," he paused, thinking for a moment. "Ohh, you’re the one who's friends with the basketball girl, Paige something right?" He suddenly remembered.

"Yeah I came with her tonight, she's my best friend," You smiled, talking about Paige was one of the easiest things in the world for you. You knew everything about her, inside and out, and majority of people knew you through her, since her athleticism made her quite popular around school. You never minded being known as Paige's best friend though, you knew you had your own identity and Paige always reminded anyone who referred to you as that, but there was a certain comfort that your friendship was strong enough for even a stranger to know that about you.

You and Jeremy continued small talking about school and a little bit about his ex-girlfriend before a knock rang out from the door, signaling that your time was up. He got up before you and held the door open as you walked out, instantly being bombarded with excited whoops and teasing "oooo's" as you walked to join the circle again.

"We didn't even do anything, guys" Jeremy emphasized to the circle, attempting to calm the rambunctious circle.

"Then why is she red as a tomato? The girl couldn't be blushing harder if she tried," a random girl in the circle yelled out, revving up the groups fever.

"She's like sixteen, chill out. Besides it's probably cause all of you," Jeremy backed you up as you walked over to your previous seat, but before you sat back down, you realized Paige was no longer there.

"Where did Paige go?" You asked the group before the next person could spin the bottle, causing eyes to shoot up at you.

"She went to the kitchen for a refill, so probably still there," Alexa informed you. You nodded at her before walking away, searching for your missing best friend.

You didn't have to look for long before you found her taking a shot in the kitchen with two other random girls, her face souring heavily at the alcoholic taste. You knew Paige hated the taste of alcohol and was never one to submit to peer-pressure, so why was she taking a shot of tequila with strangers?

"Hey P," you walked up to her, resting your hand on her bicep to draw her attention to you.

"Hey J," she responded dryly, but her voice was slightly slurred, moving her arm out of your hold to swap out the shot class for a full solo cup you could only pray she filled herself.

"You wanna leave soon? It's already like one ish?"

"Sure, whatever," she took a long sip from her cup, downing half of whatever she had poured in it.

"Okay, we can wait outside, let the cold air sober us up a bit before Auntie C gets here," you gently pried the red plastic cup out of her hand before grabbing her hand and leading her out to the living room, saying bye to the small amount of friends you knew before walking outside.

The two of you settled onto the edge of the curb at the ending curve of the sidewalk, just far enough from the house to get a little quiet. The stuffed house had been slightly humid, and the light breeze was a refreshing contrast to your previous environment.

"How was it?" Paige's question broke the quiet but tension-filled bubble the two of you had formed.

"How was what?"

"Your seven minutes in heaven," Paige drunkenly mocked.

"P, we didn't do anything. Like, anything anything," you were confused at her attitude, did she know something about Jeremy, or dislike him for some reason?

"You, you didn't kiss him?" The shock was apparent on her face. "The second you left everyone was talking about Jeremy and Jenna kissing in a tree, it was really annoying," she grumbled, you concluded that the alcohol she had consumed must be what was making her weird.

"No way P, I don't want my first kiss to be like that. Forced and with someone I don't even know, let alone like," you scooched closer into her, resting your head on her shoulder.

You awaited a response from her but never get one, she simply leaned her head on top of yours as you waited in a comfortable silence for your ride, which came quickly.

*small time skip*

You had just finished your short skincare routine and were finally ready to climb into bed with Paige, the long night had taken its toll on you, and you were ready to collapse into the warm embrace of your best friend. But tonight, when you laid down next to her in bed, she didn't immediately cuddle into you like she always did, remaining flat on her back, staring at your ceiling.

Instead, she turned over to face you, only a few inches of space were left in between your faces as she whispered to you, "Why didn't you kiss him?"

Her question shocked you. The two of you rarely visited the topic of romantic relationships or feelings of the sort, and both of you agreed that you weren't interested in the thought as of right now.

"I," you paused. You had never officially come out to Paige, afraid that once she knew you liked girls, your every move would be scrutinized and judged, and your relationship would never be the same. But surely, you insisted internally, Paige wasn't going to be like that.

"I wasn't really interested in the thought of kissing a guy," You quietly admitted, rolling back over onto your back to avoid her gaze.

"Oh." That was it? You basically just came out to her and that's all you got?

"Would you ever kiss a guy? Or just," she paused, the hesitation clear in her voice. "Just girls?"

"No I would kiss both, I just don't think I want my first kiss to be with one? Or at least not Jeremy," you confessed quietly, turning your head back over to look at her. She was staring intently at you, scanning your face.

"Who would you want your first kiss to be with?"

"I don't know, but at least with someone I'm close to. Have you ever," you waited a moment before finishing your sentence, taking a deep breath in between your words.

"Have you ever thought about kissing girls? Or a girl?" You whispered, watching her slightly panicked reaction.

"A few times, but I've never kissed anyone either, so I don't know," Her eyes darted in between your eyes and down to your lips. "What if you kiss me? Just so we can both have our first kisses with someone we know," in retrospect, you should've thought harder before agreeing to kiss your previously assumed straight best friend. But her offer set off a flurry of butterflies in your stomach, your cheeks flushed deeply as you nodded.

You shuffled closer to her in bed, such that there was barely an inch of space separating your lips. "Are you sure about this?" You whispered, staring down at her lips while reaching your hand to cup her jaw, the other arm bent at the elbow to support your body above hers.

"Yeah," she nodded, looking down at your own lips, slightly moving in until your lips grazed against hers. You pressed your lips a little firmer into hers, slanting your head further as your lips barely opened. She moved in tandem with you, her hand resting at the nape of your neck as she kissed you back.

Your kiss only lasted a few moments, pulling back the second you registered the taste of alcohol still prominent in her mouth. You realized it was possible that the only reason your best friend asked you to kiss her was because she was drunk, sixteen, and very single.

"This isn't gonna be weird tomorrow is it?" Your brows furrowed as a worried expression settled into your face.

"No, why would it? Friends can kiss, besides we just won't make it weird," she promised. And despite knowing it was a stupid idea, an even stupider statement, you agreed. Collapsing down back onto your pillow, you opened your arms for Paige to snuggle into you, and the two of you drifted into a peaceful slumber.

February 3rd, 2018 (sophomore year; 16 years old)

Paige's POV:

It was a relief to finally find a quiet moment to myself, even if it was at three in the morning in the middle of my living room couch. Everyone in my house was asleep, including Jenna, who was still snoring when I extracted myself from her arms. The ac vent aimed straight at me caused me to pull the blanket tighter into my body, despite the pajama pants I was wearing and one of Jenna's hoodies.

We were almost done with basketball season and were currently playing our conference games, and were thankfully on a streak. And yet, the pressure inside of me continued to build, the need to be perfect and to support and carry my team throughout our games constantly weighing down on me.

Of course my teammates, coaches, family, and my other friends were supportive of me and encouraged me to try my best, and that no one expected perfection of me. But for whatever reason, I couldn't get rid of the anxiety that was constantly taking over my brain, sending me into spiraling panics over my future and my performance.

But throughout the past few months, the only person I felt like I could truly breathe around was Jenna, my lifeline. Despite not being involved in basketball in any way, she understood me and what I was feeling. She confided in me about her having chronic anxiety (GAD) the first time I slept over at her house, when I saw her medication on the dinner table.

She taught me breathing exercises and calming methods, held and comforted me when I cried in the middle of the night from the constant mental pressure, and even told me that I should slide around my initial charm on our matching necklace since it was a better nervous habit than biting my nails.

Even besides that, her presence in itself was a comfort to me, even if I wasn't yet sure of how deep my feelings for her went. She was the first friend I ever said "I love you" too, and I think the same goes for her. And it is true, I do love her with my whole heart, I would do anything she asked or needed of me, I just wasn't sure to what extent this love went.

Along with that, I was still unsure of where I stood with my sexuality. Before Jenna, I never thought about girls in a more than platonic way, but from the first few months of getting to know her, to our first kiss together (still the only time I've ever kissed anybody), to even now, where she was cuddled into my chest a mere thirty minutes ago, I felt electrifying sparks course through my body at her touch, she could make me blush with the most innocent of looks, and she made me giddy in a way even basketball didn't.

But despite all that, it's normal for best friends to love each other? It doesn't automatically mean being gay or being in love, you could just deeply care for the other person. Besides, Jenna never brought up the kiss again, which meant it had probably only happened due to both of our inebriated states.

It was as if my deep train of thought about her cause her to miraculously appear, I knew it was her just from the footsteps upstairs, the way she gently walked down the stairs to avoid a creaky step, and the way her sock-covered feet padded over to the couch, grabbing a throw blanket for herself before taking a seat in the corner end of the couch next as me.

We sat in silence as she reached over to the side of the couch, pushing the button to recline the seat back, unfolding the blanket and covering her bottom half before patting her lap for me once she was fully adjusted.

I all but threw my head into her lap, facing her body, as I extended my legs out onto the rest of the sofa as I moved my arms up hug the tops of her legs as her hands came up to gently scratch at my scalp, playing with my hair in a way that immediately relaxed me into her.

"M'sorry if I woke you," I whispered into her stomach, even though I wasn't actually sorry. I was selfishly happy that she came downstairs for me and would give up anything for us to have more of these quiet moments together, her attention solely focused on me.

"S'okay P, you technically didn't. I felt the bed was empty and then my spidey senses told me you were thinking too hard again, so I came to convince you to come back to bed, but then this beautiful couch looked way too comfortable, so we can just spend the night here," she sleepily mumbled, looking down at me sprawled out onto her lap.

"Tell me who or what is stealing our sleep so I can beat their asses," she joked quietly, her hands coming to rub at my temples.

I sighed, it felt as if her hands were physically melting the pounding in my skull, my headache nearly subsiding just from her touch.

"Just stressed out about everything again y'know? Basketball, school, life, kind of everything," I admitted quietly. The one thing I hated doing, was talking about things that bothered or upset me, it always made me feel weak.

"Hey, we are all so proud of you P. We all know how hard you're working and even though you feel like it, I promise that it's not all up to you. All the people around you love you, and we're all here to help if you need it. You just say the word and we'll all line up for whatever you need," she reassured me, only slightly teasing as her fingers moved to pinch my cheek lightly before moving back to my hair.

"Yeah I know, God really blessed me with you guys. Especially you, I don't know what I would do without you," I murmured up at her, smiling at her sleepy but happy expression.

"Yeah yeah, just say you love me Paige," she poked fun at me quietly, letting her head drop onto the cushion behind her without breaking eye contact with me.

"Hey I do love you J, I say it all the time," I retorted, using my fingers to draw small shapes on her pajama-covered thighs.

"Well I love you too P," her hands smoothed over my hair as she bent down to press a kiss on my hairline before reaching back up to settle into the couch.

"Just trust me, you just need to do all you can so God can do all you can't," she muttered, closing her eyes as she leaned her head slightly onto her shoulder to get comfortable, all without stilling her hands' movements in my scalp.

"Hey that's a sick quote, I'm stealing that from you for my interviews," I teased groggily, the lack of sleep slowly overcoming my voice.

"You can have anything you want from me P, you already know that," she didn't open her eyes when she said that, but I could hear the sincerity in her tone even without looking at her.

The two of us slept the whole night in the exact same position, unaware of everyone waking up to us cuddling on the couch together. My eyes only fluttered open at the sound of quieted laughter and the shuttering of two cameras pointed at the two of us.

As I rolled my head out of Jenna's lap to look at whoever had caused the disturbance, I squinted my eyes to see my dad with his polaroid and Drew using someone's phone. I groaned, burying myself back into Jenna, I probably would never hear the end of this, but it was alright, because it was with Jenna.

July 4th, 2018 (summer before junior year; 16 years old)

Jenna's POV:

"Jenna you need to slow down, I don't want you to throw up or anything," Paige insisted as she walked up to you, pulling you away from the living room of the house party you were in, preventing you from throwing back another shot. The party was hosted by a senior at the end of your neighborhood, just walking distance from both of your houses.

"What's your problem P, I'm just having fun," you argued back, doing your best to enunciate your words to prevent having a slur, knowing she would cut you off immediately if you got too drunk. You were pretty good at holding your liquor, somehow being a natural heavy-weight when it came to drinking.

"Come on Paigey, just lighten up a little, it's the fourth of fucking July, have fun with me. Ooo, we should do a shot together," you elbowed her side jokingly, looking up at her hesitant expression with your best puppy dog eyes.

Her concerned expression softened, you knew it was wrong of you to take advantage of the fact she could never say no to you, but she was the reason you were adamant on drinking to the point of memory loss tonight.

As shameful as it felt to admit it, your best friend had been haunting your every waking moment for the last few months, and you were desperate for an escape from your own thoughts. You always knew you felt something deeper than friendship for Paige, the way your heartbeat would speed up at every touch of her hands, the way you found yourself unable to tear your eyes off of her, on and off the court, and especially, the way you could not escape the mental replay of your kiss.

The press of her soft lips against yours, the slight vanilla taste from her chapstick you so often borrowed, the way the skin of her jaw felt so soft in the palm of your hand, and the way your body melted into hers, pressed against her warm figure.

So, like any reasonable sixteen year old, you were determined to get absolutely shit-faced tonight, to the point where you wouldn't even be able to remember your own name. And the only way that would happen, is if Paige stopped monitoring your every sip of alcohol.

"Okay fine, one shot, but that's it. We can't both be super drunk," She relented, allowing you to pull her back into the kitchen to pour yourself shots.

And just to your luck, Paige had run into a few friends and teammates, leaving you alone with a few class friends for what she intended to be only a few minutes, but ended up being a little over half an hour. Those thirty ish minutes were all you needed to take two more shots, chug one whiteclaw and two beers, and finish a cup of a vodka sprite.

By the time Paige came back, still mostly sober, she was pissed to see that you were plastered, hanging off the shoulder of some guy she could recognize, but was too mad to focus on. She couldn't figure out why you were drinking so much tonight, despite her warning, you were practically making yourself sick for the next day, and you wouldn't even tell her the reason you had been off lately, brushing it off with some bullshitted excuse of school or your parents.

"Yo, who's the blonde chick staring at you?" The random guy you were talking to asked, nodding his head towards Paige, who was leaned against one of the kitchen counters and boring holes into the guy's head.

"Paigeyyy," you called out, lifting your now very heavy head from his shoulder as he pointed out your best friend who was now within eyeline, a deeply annoyed expression settled into her otherwise soft features.

"Hey me and Jenna are gonna head out, it's already past two and she's clearly done drinking for tonight," Paige announced to the group of friends you were hanging out with as she moved towards you, gently guiding your arm over shoulder and pulling you away from the other guy.

"Hey she's fine," the guy you were previously all over slightly slurred, "What are you her babysitter or somethin?"

"Dude worry about yourself, you look like you’re two seconds away from passing out," she snapped at him before walking away, supporting around half of your weight as the two of you exited the house.

"You're always so good to me Paigey, always my taking care of me," you drunkenly mumbled into her shoulder, pressing yourself further into her in an attempt to warm yourself up with her body heat. The summer night in Minnesota wasn't too bad, but your lack of a jacket wasn't helping.

"We'll reach your house in like five minutes, you just gotta walk till there okay?" She spoke firmly, avoiding glancing down at your slouched figure attached to her.

"You're always my best girl," you continued your drunken ramble.

"Always there fo' me, you cuddle me and you kiss me, and you even walk me home," for some selfish reason, she didn't have it in her to stop you. She knew it wasn't fair to you, letting you pour your innermost thoughts or feelings out to her when you weren't in the right state of mind, but she couldn't bear to stop the compliments gushing from your mouth.

"No need to date anyone in the whole wide world when I have you. You're so much nicer than the other girls. Or boys. And prettier. You're the prettiest out of all of them. So pretty, even when you're all sweaty and gross in basketball. You even kiss nice, don't wanna kiss anyone else after you kissed me," she finally cut your mindless babble into her neck off.

"We're here, I need your keys," her voice was curt, almost like she didn't want to be with you anymore. You lifted your head out of the crook of her neck to fumble around the pockets of your jeans, finally pulling out your lanyard and holding it out for her.

She took it from your grasp quickly, unlocking your house and helping you in to take both of your shoes off and lead you up into your bathroom, sitting you on the closed toilet as she went into your room to grab a change of clothes for you.

You leaned your head back in the two minutes she had left, closing your eyes and barely drifting off when she re-entered the bathroom, waking you up so she could help you change and take off your makeup.

It wasn't until you were sitting against the headboard of your bed, watching her move around your room to collect stray clothes from the floor into your hamper that the two of you finally spoke again.

"Paigey are you mad at me?" the nickname slipped from your mouth once again as you questioned her quietly. Paigey was something that usually only Drew called her regularly, but for some reason it was the only thing you referred to her as when drunk.

"Yes Jenna, is that what you wanna hear? That I'm fucking pissed off at you? You've been acting weird for the last like, two months. And no matter how much I try, you won't open up to me, it's frustrating me," she exclaimed pausing her movements around the room to rant to you despite her better judgement telling her she shouldn't talk to you about this while you're drunk.

"And then tonight you're all over some random douche, pretending like everything is fine when you know it's not. Then you start spewing that bullshit about me I know you don't mean because you're drunk."

You stayed silent for a few moments before you responded, "'M sorry, I shouldn't have shut you out for something you didn't do. But saying I don't mean what I said? That's not fair and you know it."

"Stop it Jenna, I think that you should just go to sleep. You're so drunk, you're not even coherent anymore, and I don't want to have this conversation with you like this,"

"What if I just wanna tell you how pretty you are, or how nice you kiss? Or that I love-"

"Stop Jenna, please just stop," Paige shut her eyes, her voice sounding nearly painful.

"Please J, you're drunk and you don't mean it. You can't say things like that and not mean it to me, I can't take it," she begged.

"If I say it to you tomorrow will you believe me?" you whispered, hesitating before continuing.

"If I tell you I love you tomorrow, will you say it back? Will you mean it the same way I mean it?" you pleaded with her, desperate to hear that she felt the same way you did, that you weren’t the only idiot who had fallen in love with her best friend.

"I'm gonna sleep on the couch," she muttered, walking out of your room and closing the door behind her. You could feel your heart sinking, the tears burning in your eyes, threatening to pour out at the smallest movement.

You stare at the door for a few minutes, praying that Paige would change her mind, burst back in and say that she did love you too, that you weren’t alone. She would pull you into her, kiss you stupid, and cuddle you for the rest of the night.

But she didn't and you eventually cried yourself into an uncomfortable sleep, tossing and turning the whole night.

***the next morning***

Your eyes fluttered open from the sunlight beaming through my half-closed curtains. Your head was pounding, threatening to split in half as you turned over, burying yourself into the pillow underneath your comforter.

You tried my best to recall what had happened last night that left you nearly dead the next morning. As you fought to focus despite a dry throat, aching body, and throbbing head, a specific moment came pouring back.

There was no fucking way.

You told Paige, presumably straight Paige, your best friend ever Paige, that you loved her. You had gone on a whole fucking tangent about how pretty she was, how nobody could compare, and the fact that you loved her.

You shot up in bed, fighting every painful twinge in your body to reach for your phone, when you saw a water bottle with two advils on your nightstand. You quickly chugged them as you reached for your phone, unplugging it from the charger. That was something you had most definitely not remembered to do last night.

At 7:21 in the morning there was only one text from Paige.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peanut Butter 💜: Hey, my step-mom called me over to help her clean some stuff up. You went pretty hard last night so I left some water and painkillers for you, make sure you take them and eat breakfast. I'll see you later yeah?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck, did she not remember what had happened last night? No, that wasn't possible, she barely drank. Did she want to pretend like it never happened? Was it because she didn't feel the same about you? As it was, she didn't allow you to finish saying you were in love with her, and it wasn't like she said it back. Was she trying to avoid ruining your friendship?

She had texted you almost three hours ago, which meant your parents had to already be back from their night shift and everyone in her house was probably awake.

You threw your phone out onto your bed, slamming yourself back down and under your covers.

What were your options here? Either pretend like it never happened and continue hopelessly pining after your best friend, confess your feelings only to get rejected and ruin your friendship, or the least likely of them all.

You told her and she felt the same.

You thought long and hard about what to do. As much as it would hurt to only be something, continuing to hide your feelings, it would be worse to be nothing to her, right?

But if it had slipped out of you once, wasn't there the chance it could happen again? What if it was even worse the next time, what if it was in public and everyone ended up finding out.

It would be better to own up to the truth now, right? Right? Right, you decided.

You finally mustered up the courage to leave the safe haven of your bed. dragging yourself to the bathroom to freshen up (ESPECIALLY BRUSHING YOUR TEETH) before quietly exiting your house, walking across the street to hers.

You knocked on the door firmly, knowing the Bueckers weren't the biggest fans of using the doorbell.

"Jenna," Drew exclaimed as he opened the door for you, allowing you into the house you had quickly claimed as your second home.

"What's up little man," you greeted him while taking off your slippers, "Where's your sister?" You asked him.

You had made it a habit to call Paige, Drew's sister, when talking to him. You felt bad that people always mentioned him as Paige's little brother instead of taking two seconds to learn his name, so you always made the effort to make sure he felt seen.

"She's in her room, she said she was feeling weird when she came home and she won't leave her room," he told you.

Shit, that meant she did remember what had happened. Well, it was now or never.

"Thanks Drew, Hi Mrs. Bueckers," you waved to her in the kitchen as you made your way to the stairs, bounding up two at a time to reach Paige's room faster. Her door was shut when you reached, and you knocked lightly on the wood.

"Hey P, it's me," you called out through the closed door, waiting to hear her mumbled, come in, before turning the knob. She was laying down in her bed, putting her phone down as she looked up at you.

"How you feeling Jelly? You drank a lot last night," she asked quietly, her hands fiddling with the top of her comforter, something you knew she did when she was nervous.

"Not that bad," you moved to sit down next to her lying figure, gazing down at her exhausted face. You could tell she hadn't slept well last night either, surely from your intoxicated confession.

"Listen, I know I was really stupid last night, but what we were talking about in my room," Paige cut you off before you could finish.

"Hey it's fine, I get it. You were really drunk and you get kind of emotional at that stage, so it's not even a big deal-"

"Oh my god Paige will you let me even speak? I meant what I said last night," you interrupted. There was no way you would allow her to brush this under the rug the same way you let her pretend your kiss had never happened.

"You're not just my best friend, you're my everything. You mean the literal world to me, there's barely anything I wouldn't do for you, because I'm in love with you. I have been for a reallly really long time now, that's why I was trying to keep my distance. It hurt, being around you and pretending like my heart wasn't going to explode at nearly everything you said or did with me," you professed, watching her expression morph from faked nonchalance to shock, and slowly, a small smile broke out.

"You, you love me love me? Like, you're in love with me? In a more than friends way?" She sat up to face you fully as she questioned you, tucking her bottom lip into her mouth as she waited for your response.

"No shit Sherlock Holmes, it's almost like I said it like four times now, and you're still not-" she didn't let you finish your exasperated sentence before pulling you into her, pressing your lips firmly into hers.

You closed your eyes as you sighed into the minty kiss, melting into her hold as she moved her lips against you slowly, the rest of the world faded away as the two of you found peace in each other's embrace.

"You know you still haven't told me you love me back," you mumbled against her lips as the two of you separated a minute later, a wide grin stretched out across your face.

"No shit I love you too Sherlock Holmes," she teased, using the nickname you had come up with against you. "Have been for a while now, glad you finally noticed," she pulled you into her as she flopped down to lie down on her side, facing you.

The two of you continued to exchange light pecks and languid kisses, reveling in the comfort of your intertwined bodies in Paige's warm bed.

"Does this mean we're dating?" Paige pulled back to watch your face as she asked.

"Yeah P, this means you're my girlfriend now. Just mine, kay?" You beamed, caressing her cheek with your thumb.

"Got it, as long as you're only mine J."

December 23rd, 2019 (Winter Break, senior year; 18 years old)

Paige’s POV:

"I have no idea what that's supposed to mean," Jenna giggled at my response, her laughter rumbling her body against mine. She was currently sprawled over my body in tiny pajama shorts and a cropped tank top, her head laying on my chest as she wrote random words onto my left arm for me to guess, my other hand wrapped tightly over her waist, eliminating any space that may have been between us.

Jenna had finally finished all of her college applications and we both took our winter finals two weeks prior, leaving us to peacefully enjoy our Christmas and New Years together.

We had already been dating for over a year now, and if I wasn't completely and irrevocably head over heels for Jenna Smyths before, I most definitely was now. The two of us were already inseparable even before we started dating, but since last July it was almost like we couldn't spend go more than twenty-four hours apart, which our families had slowly started picking up on.

We never really told my family that we were dating, just slowly started leaving hints here and there. Spending more time together, being more cuddly or touchy with the other person (all pg of course), and we went to our most recent school dances together, as friends, but still.

Even at school or in public, we basically acted the same as we always did, and despite the rumors running rampant in the many gossip circles, no one had any evidence to prove any allegation, and when prompted, we always gave the same answer, "She's my best friend".

But with Jenna's family on the other hand, only her mom knew after a really awkward walking-in incident. It wasn't too bad, it just so happened that one night when I was sleeping over at her house in March, we were innocently making out in her bed, as any seventeen year-old couple did, when her mom walked in to tell us that we were going out for breakfast the next morning. We quickly separated, but not fast enough to evade her mom.

Needless to say, the two of us had to endure a very, very embarrassing conversation of being safe and responsible together, and the only reason she didn't rat us out to Jenna's dad or my family to stop our sleepovers was the fact that neither of us could get pregnant from anything we may or may not do.

Unfortunately, our "separation anxiety problem" proved to be quite the difficult challenge when I had to leave for the team USA basketball games and Jenna went on college tours with her parents. The two of us managed to get by through near constant texting and nightly FaceTime calls, which I've accepted may be the norm for our relationship in the future.

I already committed to UConn back in April, but Jenna still hasn't decided where she wants to go. She's applied sort of everywhere, California, Washington, Michigan, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, New York, and of course, Connecticut. She hasn't told me what her top pick is out of all of her applications, but I had a feeling she was refraining from telling me because it was going to be one of the furthest ones from UConn.

I didn't mind having to do long distance, as hard as it would be, I would take that struggle over losing Jenna any day. But there was a sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that Jenna didn't agree, that she would rather break up than have to deal with long distance.

But that couldn't happen to us, we were Paige and Jenna, Peanut Butter and Jelly, and there was no way that we would break up because of college. I mean sure, we had real arguments every once in awhile, one of us got a little jealous, or we were tired or annoyed and accidentally took it out on the other person. But those never lasted long, both of us being too weak to remain mad at the other for more than a day.

One of the biggest arguments we had was over one of my newest and closest friends, Azzi Fudd. We met through team USA and got really close really quickly, which Jenna wasn't the fondest of. We never talked about her until I had gotten back, and Jenna finally burst when I paused our conversation to text Azzi back.

It wasn't until after I assured Jenna that Azzi was straight and was definitely not interested in me in anyway since she had a crush on a boy at her school, that she was my girlfriend and the only one I had eyes for, and she met Azzi in person for the first time that she understood just how platonic our friendship was and also formed a connection with the younger girl.

To be fair, Jenna wasn't the only one with slight jealousy issues, or as she called it, me being "territorial", which I wholeheartedly disagree with. I just think that some of the guys and girls she's friends with don't need to be all over her all the time, but Jenna was just a naturally affectionate person who made everyone around her feel loved and seen, and I understood that doesn't necessarily mean in a romantic way.

Which is all to say that despite any minor bumps in the road, our relationship was as steady and strong as ever, and there was no where else in the world I would rather be right now than in bed with Jenna's body covering mine.

"I wrote bball doofus, okay there's no way you don't get this next one," she remarked teasingly. I pinched her side as she stifled her laughter, adjusting herself over me before going to write her next phrase on my bicep. I was wearing a similar tank top to hers, but with warmer, full length pajama pants. Jenna always refused to admit when she was feeling cold, which was always, instead choosing to intertwine her legs with mine, absorbing any body heat radiating off of me.

I closed my eyes and focused on her fingers fluttering over my arm, concentrating on the words she attempted to spell out. It was a phrase so familiar to us at this point I had figured it out before she had even gotten to the last word.

I smiled down at her, watching as she moved her gaze from her writing to my face, a wide grin and blush present on her features.

"I love you," I whispered to her, admiring at the way her cheeks flushed deeper at my statement. She never used to be the type of person who got easily flustered or shied away from a challenge, but when it came down to the sweetest moments like this, her body was almost constantly some shade of red or pink.

Jenna wasn't the most openly affectionate person, she often got shy when it came to dates, romantic gesture, even verbally expressing her feelings. But by driving me around all the time when I didn't have my car or even my license, helping me with homework last minute, doing my hair for games, cooking and baking food for me, and remembering the smallest details about me, she showed me how much she loved me, and that was always enough for me.

"I love you too," she whispered back, resting her chin on my chest as she continued to gaze up at me, deep adoration present in her eyes, and without a doubt, I was sure I was looking back at her with either the same or deeper level of infatuation. I moved my hand around her waist to draw small circles on the sliver of skin that was exposed, relishing in the sweet intimacy.

Moments like this were my favorite, relishing in the presence of one of my favorite people on earth, quiet and at peace with no distractions, just the two of us enjoying our time spent together.

"Wait I wanna switch, it's your turn to be the big spoon," I patted her waist to guide her to flip over onto her back, so I could lay my head down on her this time.

One of the things I loved to do with Jenna was listen to her heartbeat, it was the beat of a song I would never know the name of, but it was my favorite. To me, it proved the tangibility of the connection between our souls, the love we held for each other. It was listening to the sound that kept my life force breathing, that allowed me to keep my rock and anchor, the person I loved the most and showed me that everyday was worth living, no matter what, because it was with her.

May 22nd, 2020 (End of Senior Year; 18 years old)

My heart sank at the silence I received from Paige, she was sitting across from me on my bed and kept switching from quietly scanning over the letter on my computer screen to changing the tabs, looking over all the schools I had received acceptance letters from.

Despite getting into UConn with Paige, and even universities close to her on the East Coast, like NYU and UPenn, I was choosing to commit to UCLA, my dream school since I was seven. It was safe to say Paige wasn't thrilled with my decision, evident through her lack of a response.

"P? Please say something, literally anything," I begged, her silence was unsettling, and her face was stoic and near emotionless, which meant I had no idea of the thoughts running through her head right now.

"I don't even know what you want me to say. Or expect me to do," she paused before continuing, "I am so proud of you and everything you've done and accomplished to make it this far, but I feel so," she stopped, collecting her thoughts and emotions before continuing.

"I almost want to hate you for choosing to go so far, for choosing to leave me and be so far away from me when we both know this kind of long-distance won't work," her voice cracked, at the end of her sentence. Rather than continuing to talk, she raised the collar of her t-shirt to her eyes, tucking her head under to hide the tears that had begun to spill out.

You moved your laptop away so could close some of the distance between the two of you. You gently cupped her face, coaxing her to let go of her t-shirt so you could look directly in her eyes.

"I know, and I'm so sorry, but I can't not go Paige. I need to do this for myself and I know that if I don't go, or at least give it my best shot, I'll regret it for the rest of my life," her heartbroken expression was painful for you to watch, only making it harder for you to refrain from crying.

"If I asked you to even consider, not even coming to UConn with me but like, NYU or something, literally anywhere closer to make the long distance work, would you?" Her eyes bore into yours, searching for the answer she dreaded hearing.

You waited a moment to answer, not to think over your answer or consider her question, you already knew the answer. But to compose yourself, holding in the pain you felt from hurting the only person who would ever love you like this.

You dropped your hands from her face before responding, "No."

You could see, practically hear, her heart shatter at your response, not expecting you to be so cold and short with her. She was openly crying now, her voice now shaky and slightly higher-pitched.

"So all the times that you told me that you couldn't imagine living without me, that you needed me, that you felt like you could only breathe around me, that was all bullshit? Or you just, what, changed your mind?"

"I never lied to you about that Paige, all of those things are still true. But this is my dream, I obviously didn't go into this whole process expecting to get into one of the top universities in the nation. If I asked you the same thing right now, to give up UConn and accept one of the recruitment offers you got closer to UCLA, would you?"

"Don't turn this around on me and make me the selfish one right now. That's not fair and you know it Jenna. Getting recruited is different, it determines whether or not I can go pro in the future, it makes all the difference in the world when it comes time for me to get drafted in the W."

"I'm not trying to accuse you of anything Paige, I'm just trying to make you understand that I can't give up UCLA. And selfish, really? Trying to make a life for myself, going to the college of my dreams, that's selfish?"

"That's not what I meant," she sighed, rubbing her hands over her tear-streaked face.

"You have to understand what it feels like to be in my position right now. You're my everything, my best friend, my girlfriend, the one person who knows me better than anyone, even my parents. And you just dropped a bomb of information on me. From day one, I have always been clear about where I wanted to go to college, and I signed as soon as I got the offer. But you never said anything about that, and on top of it, you were always the one who talked about our future together, and now it's like you're taking all of your previous statement back."

"I'm sorry Paige. I'm so sorry that I'm doing this to you, that I'm hurting you. That was never my intention with this. You're my everything too, but that's not right and that's not how it should be. One person can't be my whole life, and I can't be yours either. No matter how much I love you and need you, I also need this for myself."

Paige's eyes were bloodshot at this point, and you hadn't noticed when, but somewhere during your conversation you had given up on trying to hold back your own tears.

"I've already submitted a housing application, the apartments open from June but usually students don't go until July or August, so I'll still be here for a little while," you sniffled.

As much as your decision hurt Paige, you knew it was the right thing for both of you. Paige had to focus on basketball and you needed to focus on school and your own future, and maybe the time apart would allow you to grow together rather than apart.

After all, isn't distance supposed to make the heart grow fonder?

a/n: thank you for reading all the way through, any and all support is greatly appreciated!!

[ohbabydollie]

MORE MUTUAL BREAKUP 🙏🤲🧎‍♀️

i need a break from trying to write smut 😔

moments of u two!!

a lil comp of silly scenarios, dialogue, etc. i think would apply to reader n schlatt

— — — —

a guy who asked to do a podcast interview with you obviously flirting while schlatt is sitting along side the camera man, sucking his teeth and biting his tongue, staying quiet

you ignore the flirting until you notice schlatt is getting jealous by the second and a few more flirty remarks away from punching the guy

so you do the only thing you can think of

“it’s a little cold in here” you say rubbing your arms

“really? i think it’s kinda hot” the guy says taking off his jacket about to hand it to you before schlatt sprints into action

he takes off his hoodie and hands it to you

“thank you honey” you say grabbing it and receiving a small peck from him and putting it on, completing the rest of your interview with the hoodie on, all warm and cozy in schlatt’s jacket

———

you held a volleyball tournament (very similar to the dodgeball tournament)

everyone showing up in shorts and shirts meanwhile you were in your highschool volleyball uniform, fitting you tighter in some places than it used to

everyone sees the way schlatt’s brows raise when you first arrive

everyone noticed schlatt not taking his eyes off your ass whenever you would bend over, go retrieve the ball, receiving and in general doing anything

during breaks he’ll take you into a corner when he thinks a camera can’t see and kiss you, parting with a smile and slapping your ass as you walk off with a dopey grin

———

“my favorite song right now? it’s probably that song from juno” you say smiling “here is the church and here is the steeple”

“we sure are cute for two ugly people” schlatt chimes in

“i don’t see what any one can see in anyone else but youu” you both sing smiling

“she plays it all the time, it’s so annoying” schlatt teases as you stick your tongue out at him

———

schlatt talks about you when asked or if you’re even referenced

“y/n, she is genuinely the best most incredible person i know, the way you see her on camera is the way she is in person, just that she’s softer and sweeter. I am her biggest fan, genuinely, she’s the most perfect person i know and i love being with her, not even just sex, i like being around her as a person, they make me a better person and it’s like every time i have to leave her, i feel empty. a piece of me is filled when im with her. She could ask me to get back with her in five minutes, tomorrow, fifty years in the future, i wouldn’t care, i’d get back with her in a heartbeat”

———

“my gum is out of flavor” you say looking around for a place to throw it out

“hand me it” schlatt says putting his hand out before you spit out the gum softly onto his palm, schlatt wastes no time putting it in his mouth almost immediately after causing you to look at him with wide eyes

“Schlatt! that’s disgusting”

“eh, i’ve had your tongue in my mouth before” he says blowing a bubble

———

“hello?” you ask putting your phone on speaker for the chat

“hey toots”

“oh hey schlatt”

“so, jambo has been cryin, sittin in the spot he always sat down next to you n he jus’ misses you” schlatt says sadly “i was wonderin’ if you could come over n comfort him since he jus wants his mommy” he asks softly

“yeah, i’ll be over in a few” you say before quickly ending your stream and going over to schlatt’s

“oh my poor baby jambo” you say picking up the mewing cat “you missed your mommy, didn’t you” you ask the cat softly, sitting down next to schlatt and giving jambo small kisses

eventually you fall asleep with jambo in your lap and schlatt carries you both to his bed, laying you down gently and he takes a photo

it’s his background for the next few months

———

“you got any sauce for this?” you ask schlatt as you bite into your fries before he goes into his pantry and fetches a new bottle of your favorite sauce

“schlattie” you chirp “you hate this sauce” you say opening up the bottle

“i know, i just had it left from when you lived with me” he lies

“i took the last bottle with me when i moved out” you say downwards smiling “you bought a new bottle for me”

“whatever” he huffs, knowing that you were right, he hated that stupid sauce but found your reaction to him having it adorable

———

“yeah, i’ve always wanted a surprise birthday party, but i’ve never gotten one” you say softly as schlatt makes note of it

a few months later on your birthday, you realize that very few people have said happy birthday, one of the few being schlatt

it’s a lonely day, you spend some of it alone before you get a text from schlatt at 2 pm

cat babydaddy: get ready, i’m picking you up at 5

you happily get ready, showering, shaving, everything

once he arrived he has a large bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear and a box of chocolate covered strawberries, smiling at you lovingly

“you look great toots” he says handing you your bouquet and bringing your gifts inside, you thank him with a few kisses before he tells you to hurry so you won’t be late for the reservations he made

you giggle the whole way there, holding his hand as the both of you talk before you notice that he’s going past a bunch of restaurants before he makes you put on a eye mask which you do confused

he leads you out of the car and in through some doors, gently he takes the mask off of you to reveal a beautifully decorated venue

your friends and family jumping out to yell happy birthday at you as you feel yourself tearing up, turning to schlatt with tears of joy

“don’t cry, happy birthday toots” he says wrapping an arm around you and planting a kiss on your lips

lmk if u guys want some more, i gotta feed my mutual break up lovers

[monarchisms]

so this is the unintentional part two of that summary post i made with geoff talking about the end of achievement hunter. for this post, i'm going to try my best to sum up what michael, trevor, and joe (but not alfredo because he was sick at the time 😔) have said about what will happen in the future on the penultimate episode of off topic, #403. there won't be a transcript this time as i am busy with schoolwork and stuff, so i'll try to make this summary as filled with as much accurate information as i can to make up for it :)

so basically,

trevor starts off by saying they'll be doing the last of various series to wrap everything up. he also notes that some of these finales will be "more nostalgic"

one of the series finales that's up right now is vs episode #150: joe vs BK. the game they played is cooking mama!

after the series finale of off topic (#404 lol), the final AH video ever will be a let's play in the remastered version of burnout paradise, and the cast will consist of geoff, jack, trevor, and michael. this is a callback to the first ever AH video they did back in 2008, and it's already been filmed! trevor says it was more emotional then he thought it would be :')

michael explains that the video will essentially be a ~70-minute podcast. in it, they'll talk more about the end of achievement hunter, where the cast members have went/what they've all moved on to, and new projects that they'll working on. he also says that he thinks that people will call this video "cathartic" while comparing the vibe to their old gta v series, sunday driving

not as important, but michael said that he was mindlessly driving and turning in burnout paradise in the same way that he'd run and jump in minecraft because he "fucking hated" playing minecraft lmfao

as said before, they decided to close AH and start something new with dogbark instead of continuing like they used to. michael acknowledges that in the last few years, most of the crew had already left rt in some way or moved on to other stuff within the company, leaving just michael, trevor, alfredo, and joe as the most consistent on-screen talent by the end. *bonus bit that wasn't mentioned until later, but alongside these 4, jarren from the post team will be their channel manager for dogbark :)

as this group makes videos for dogbark, michael says that their stuff will be both "tonally different" and "very fluid" as they're still figuring it out as they go, noting that they were balancing it and AH/let's play content at the same time

michael also talks about how he's been doing what he's wanted to do at AH for a long time, but there were some things he still couldn't do within the constraints the AH crew had put on themselves

while there will be some gameplay stuff on the dogbark channel, as mentioned in this episode and the channel trailer, they will primarily focus on live action content. trevor makes a point by saying that the style/theme in the trailer will "not be pervasive throughout the entire brand", and michael adds on to that by saying the trailer "is at 100, but every video won't be at 100"

michael and trevor make a point by saying that there will be more variety, as in "a dozen little formats", not necessarily like the shows/series they made at AH, with joe saying that they're not trying to "tie themselves down" to strict uploads and such, like they were when they were previously fitting into a mold at AH

trevor says that he has seen achievement hunter, and rooster teeth as a whole, having a unique challenge ahead of them. he refers to making content that appeals to an audience who had been following them since the early days while trying to also find new faces, both out there in the audience and internally at the company, in order for AH to stay around

he also points out how difficult it is to do that with a long-standing brand that has had different eras of content, since there would be an audience with differing expectations for them. with that, it became hard for the AH crew to balance said expectations with the authenticity they tried to show in the content they created. the crew has changed as people alongside their audience, and the stress that came with it was challenging

michael stresses that the group not only chose to make a new channel completely, they also had to fight for it for a while, and wanted to slow down on AH content before properly closing/archiving the channel to create dogbark. beyond the struggles of creating something new from scratch, they now have the challenge of preparing the audience for the jump from AH to dogbark while thinking about all the pros and cons before going forward

this week (the week of september 18th) and next week (the week of september 25th) are the last weeks of new AH content. after that, there will be a 1 or 2-day break before dogbark properly starts making new content on october 2nd. trevor feels like people will get a better idea of what dogbark is after a month or two of them uploading content

finally (subject to change, of course), they want to aim for full uploads every monday and friday, with patreon-like exclusive videos with rt first every wednesday and saturday. one of the confirmed things to expect is a first-exclusive podcast. the first week dogbark officially starts, all that content will be public as a sample of what to expect, and every week after that will follow that schedule

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Jesus fucking Christ I fucking hate "The Doll Community" especially Monster High and g3 monster high, I really do...

I was just watching a video of this big name doll youtuber reporting on doll news, as they do, and they were covering the new Beetlejuice Skullector Two Pack, but what got me is they how said some pretty Anti leaning shit that was just unnecessary?

Like they literally said: "Obviously NO ONE ships Beetlejuice and Lydia so NO ONE would promote this as a romantic thing.. But if it's a wedding set that's set to release Valentines day then la de dah blah blah!"

And like? I honestly didn't know if this person was just saying this to just like, cover their own ass so THEY didn't get harassed by other tenderqueers because they were young, or if *they* genuinely believed what they were saying? Because from what I've watched from their channel, they're young and don't seem to know or care a lot about horror as genre in general? Like I don't mean to gate keep, but they're one one those obnoxious Monster High fans I made of fun of in my one post where it's like, "knows nothing about horror, just learned who Elvira is, only got into mh as a kid as the 'alternative' to their conservative ass parents who already believe pokemon is The Devil letting them experience Actual Horror and just never stopped consuming the dolls and Skullectors regardless if they're even familiar with the source material" kinda people? And yeah, that gets really annoying?

But I obviously didn't want this to be my cutting off point for watching their channel because ... Doll news?

So, I just wrote up the most, civil. neutral comment I could possibly articulate explaining how the Beetlejuice fandom's been practically built off of nothing but shipping for 36 years and how people can think whatever they want but Winona Ryder does ship it and it was quite frankly unprofessional of them to alienate Beetlebabes who might want to grab the two pack by implying there's a right way and a wrong way of interpreting the movie and the relationship between these iconic characters and they should respect the older fanbase and all the history that came before the musical?

And I was about to post it, but then I got nervous when I remembered, that I once purchased a doll from this person, which meant that they had my address at one point, which meant if they didn't like what I was saying, they could like, maybe dig it up and dox me? Or at least threaten to and I'd have cause to panic over it being like, legit or not? And I tried to brush it from my mind like nuh nuh they're cool they're cool... They're not on *that* level of Anti...

So then I just tried to check and refresh the comments to see any more overt ship bashing was taking place and of course, I just immediately find this:

So then I do this little blackout thingy for the usernames so that none of this can get back to youtube, and I go to screencap my comment so I can at least post it here in a vent, but I lost my comment trying to get the screen cap thingy to work and accidently clicking the youtube refresh button... 😔

... I just...I hate having such a lil' ghost face moment right now, but just like... I hate you legit fake horror fan Monster High collectors who can't appreciate horror having romantic subtext when that's the entire point yet you keep hoarding all the dolls anyway, I hate you little faggity boys with broccoli haircuts and split dyes who pressure girls into sending you nudes and the retired Mommy Vloggers who enable you, I find you extremely annoying XCanadensis, I hate you for your extremely annoying editing and intros zombiexcorn, I like you Lookin' Bratz but I hate your bratzline podcast cohost for fully admitting to doing a binge watch of all the Harry Potter movies in the franchise for "the first time ever" in fuckin' 2024 with absolutely no disclaimers or acknowledgment of the elephant in the room there and thinking that was a good idea to disclose something as quite frankly as disgusting as that and ruining what could've been a nice gothic doll chat for me and putting sour taste in my mouth about listening to the rest of your podcast...

And I especially hate that one dude with the ugly live action beauty and the beast dolls with the pink hair and the bowl cut and the glasses who for some reason keeps insisting every time she's brought up that Ghoulia Yelps can't be disabled/autistic because she's supposed to have some type of racial coding...

They're HEADCANONS!

They're PIECES OF PLASTIC!

GROW UP! 💀

(I love you weirdo OOAK Doll Artists, you're the only Real Ones left! ❤🫶)

[rosenkranz-isnt-dead]

Wait wait wait... You've been cancelled for your art? Is that a story you're willing to tell? Bc I can't believe that would happen to you, you seem so genuine, honest, and kind <3

haha thank you! so in one podcast fandom a group of people didn't like that I changed the way I drew a character and one person even wrote a long post about why my art sucks but I didn't read it because they blocked me before I could do that. other people tried sending me screenshots but I didn't bother with those because if op didn't want me to read it, I wouldn't lol. in another podcast fandom it was just because of my choice of a favorite character (it was Basira from tma). the fandom really hated her because she used to be a cop, and they really were so serious about it, so me talking about and drawing her pissed some people off. yeah I really have a knack for annoying people 😅 and the most recent case (2 years ago) was because I read a certain book before most people got a chance to, and - o horror! - drew a character wearing a t-shirt which wasn't mentioned until the last chapter or so. the shirt has no plot relevance. it spoils absolutely nothing. these books are impossible to spoil even if you directly talk about what happens there. but it's the shirt that did it for some people. I got a callout post on twitter for that. so yeah apparently I'm not really all that genuine honest and kind 😔

[didyousaykfc]

So I finished knitting my blanket!!

it’s longer than me… might be two metres😮‍💨😮‍💨

been working on it about two years off and on?

five balls of a cotton blend (came with the gradient)

has a really nice weight to it but still relatively cool for the hot weather here :))

I listened to SO MANY podcasts while doing this ahaha

two hundred stitches!! at least at the start lol I’m pretty sure I’ve dropped quite a few judging by the random holes in the blanket

if I ever make another one ill probably use 300 stitches bc I think it could have been a bit wider, and stitch markers 😔🙏

apparantly my siblings have been using it a lot which aaaaaaaaa 🥺🥺💜 really really happy i made it

I also switched from English to Continental style bc I heard it was faster but uh clearly I didn’t achieve the right tension bc they look pretty different (above)

you can tell how bad I was at continental just by looking at the picture I think 😭

idk if it was faster but interesting to learn anyway!!!

[she-ismysun-archive]

The Rookie 6x03 Live Blog

Trouble in Paradise eh? I’ve been betrayed by so many social media notifs. It is time to watch now at the ripe hour of 6am ET.

AI JUMPSCARE? IN MY ROOKIE?

Lucy: nononono. That’s exactly right, though. See? Because I can only control me so *I need to be perfect*

Tims taking a shower smirk. MAYEB I COULDBTAKE A BREAK????

Jump to Aaron. Being rejected by Celina was EQUALLY? As traumatizing?? As being SHOT????

ONLYFANS? Is this why Eric and Roselyn keep bringing up onlyfans on their podcast 😭??

Me when Aaron doesn’t know how to apologize without throwing money at the problem?

Lucy Oral exam time. SMITTY PLEASE.

Celina and Bradford team up episode :D and also Lucy in the backseat

Creepy ass mask update. JOHN BEING SO GUNG HO ABOUT HIS VLOGGING.

Nolan: and don’t worry. I’ll make it sound like we’re old and no fun. By the time im done, he won’t want to be anywhere near us.

BAILEY DUBBING HIS CONVERSATION??

Both of you OUT NOW EHHSJSNS

First Chenford Juarez scene

I don’t know my name??

Juarez laughing at him dropping all of his stolen goods

She just puked on so hard

Why the hell is their door open. Haha. So funny. I don’t like the horror aspect of this episode so far. STOP PLEASE THE. THE TIMELAPSE OF THEM SLEEPING.. AN HOUR?? A full HOUR of this man watching them sleep.

A little tired of Aaron being the first thing anyone brings up when they talk to Celina.

And now the dead body from promo has washed up on shore 🫡 OH ITS THE HOUSEKEEPER? Literally his DAUGHTER I THOUGHT.

Does Lucy still jump every time Tim says Boot?

Tried to get a gif but it’s not .. helping my case LOL

John and Bailey remaining our little trouble magnets. Can’t wait for Nyla and Angela to show up

Wait ok the housekeeper is different from Elise. I am REALLY not loving this horror/jump scare episode.

Hello there fine ass Tim. Letting Lucy sleep in except the test randomly moved up. Celina’s first “good work” of the damn episode.

Man in the wall. Hrmmm.

God she is the last damn person in that waiting room to take her exam. After they “moved up her exam”. Recently you failed to secure a crime scene. Agony agony. SHES DOING SO GOOD. SHE IS ANSWering SO good

Unfortunately I already spoiled her rankings before I got to watch the episode I think.

WHY WOULDNT THEY WAIT? WHY WOULDNT THEY WAIT TO SEE HIS FACE EBEFORE RUNNING OFF ⁉️😭😭😭

He SHOT HIMSELF?? Threw the man into a mirror - 7 years of bad luck john

😔

17th L. Chen HEHEHSHA 17th PLACE TROPHY TIMOTHY BRADFORD

Lucy: you really thought I was gonna come in first??

Tim: of course I did

Lucy: I’m sorry for disappointing you

Tim: you could never disappoint me

AND THEN THEY KISS.

[every-single-day]

Well you’re in for a treat (I’m sort of any of this sounds weird or like I’m crossing a line-I don’t mean to sound creepy since it seems some of the fans are…yeesh.)

First off Alan’s Great Expectations at the beginning took me OUT-then Brody being like “you should sing that”-I don’t know why that was funny to me but it just was. But it was a little too relatable when he started talking about moving to Georgia because I had a huge move when I was 8 or 9 (forgot what he said) cross country so I kinda related to the “not knowing where to fit in” bit. It was kind of funny to me too how he seems to have a very…specific memory? I’m not finding the right words but he remembers so many hyper specific things (His teacher who asked him to sing a solo wearing a yellow sweater, his uncle getting him a Darth Maul action figure at Burger King like those are SUCH random and hyper specific memories and it honestly kind of just makes him a little more relatable? In a sense? But the fact he said “boy soprano” was jus funny to me (Also I will not ignore the “for sureski” thing because that was beyond random lol) Also the fact that he had quit singing for a few years simply because he made some grown men cry like that kinda just made me feel bad haha

I remember being a socially awkward teen too so hearing him talk about that kind of gave him that extra dimension. I kind of took solace in the fact that he was also able to be vulnerable and get into darker topics-I’ve dealt with similar issues and it made me see him in a different light almost? Not in a negative way at all, just in the light that here’s a guy who’s letting himself get vulnerable on a podcast because I do know there’s that stigma and double standard around men being vulnerable and it’s nice to see that he’s able to get real like that. It made me feel so awful for him honestly, especially when he mentioned feeling low confidence, and honestly I cannot think of a negative thing to say about him.

I didn’t know he was casted as Sodapop originally! That was interesting-I would’ve loved to hear him singing Soda’s part in Throwing in the Towel or Grease Got a Hold! Or even Soda’s letter, just his take on Soda would’ve been so interesting to see (I do agree he was destined to play Pony though). But it was pretty awesome how he talked about the rest of the cast-him and Sky seem to be really close which is so super sweet. They’re literally IRL Johnny and Ponyboy. I love his little silly jokes like “my mom was there with her platoon of first grade teachers” “i was a little boy among Trojan Warriors” stuff like that, like he seems like a very well rounded person! Also the way he explained how he knew he was nominated was honestly very sweet-I’ve never heard a Tony nominee talk about how they found out so this was certainly new and I’d love to listen to the other podcasts. (Again, if it wasn’t Jonathan Groff he was up against he would’ve won and you can’t convince me otherwise)

The thing that was my favorite though was his Wizard of Oz recap-it honestly reminded me of the “So this is basically” series on YouTube-his little Defying Gravity thing too like I need to hear a full version-but the little “What da heck” thing he kept doing kept making me laugh-then at the end when he started CACKLING like full on belly laughing-he has a very contagious laugh, I’ve realized-was that him at the end laughing or Alan? Because I could not tell, like the cackling was that him or Alan? I think it was him but I cannot be sure. Anyway. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk and I may come back and have a similar essay for when I listen to Emma’s podcast lol

(This got way too long-it might actually be 500 words, feel free to ignore this-)

658 goddamn words. Just say you want to take my job 😔 All jokes aside this was beautiful (and submitted an hour before the deadline!) 👏👏 A++ work anon

I genuinely sing Alan’s rendition of Great Expectations more times a day than any human should 😭 I sing it almost as much as I quote “what the heck?”

The cackling was him!!! It makes me cry laughing every single time man I love him

[sapphireglyphs]

*shyly waves*

tagged by @shineyma & @thestarfishdancer! thanks for thinking of me, friends!

name: Jan

pronouns: she/her

where do you call home: Southern California. I don't currently live there and the prospect of moving back there is growing more and more bleak as cost of living continues to rise every day but the thought of calling anywhere else home hurts too much. So, even if it's just in my dreams, SoCal will always be home to me.

favorite animal: If you know me, you know I love otters! 🦦 And cats but mostly otters.

cereal of choice: If I want a treat, I really like Reese Peanut Butter Cup and Cinnamon Toast Crunch but most of the time, a good granola cluster based cereal will make me happy.

visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner: Mostly Kinesthetic but I do find that I enjoy group discussions, podcasts, audiobooks, and that I have a knack for languages, therefore I'm probably an Auditory learner as well.

first pet: My first pet that wasn't a family pet was a hamster named Chip.

favorite scent: So after getting Covid, my sense of smell has never been the same. I usually love all types of clean and fresh scented perfumes but I think my favorite scent used to be freshly washed sheets. And now, everything smell off or muted and I kinda feel like I am experiencing the world a little less. 😔

do you believe in astrology: I kinda hate to admit it, but I sorta do. Like, I am very aware that it's so unscientific and not based on any substantial research at all but it's also kinda fun to think about. Plus, there is a level of cultural elements of astrology that I subscribe to (especially Lunar Astrology) that influences how I view certain things about the world. All in good fun.

how many playlists on spotify/apple music: Oh so SO many. Never too many... always just the right amount of many. lols

sharpies or highlighters: I am a sucker for stationary of all types but pretty pastel highlighters make my knees weak.

songs that make you cry: "Home" by Micheal Buble. "Fix You" Coldplay. "Spring Day" by BTS. "When You Come Back Down" by Nickle Creek.

songs that make you happy: "Feels Like A Dream" by Emilee. "Spells" by Cannons. "Super Shy" NewJeans.

do you write/draw/create: My days of fanfic writing are so far and few between nowadays, my time being filled with only research papers and essays. This was literally the last thing I wrote in March of this year for a Genshin Impact fic I had rattling around in my head:

Clear skies greeted Eula as she stepped out from the front doors of the Kamisato estate and onto the courtyard. The grass beneath the lacquered sandals that Lady Ayaka had lent her glistened with the morning dew that sparkled upon the blades of pristine greenery that lined the perimeter of the outdoor seating area where the family often dined for meals. Kneading the shoulder that the Fatui agent shot at the day prior, Eula's bruised muscles protest under her firm fingers as they worked at the rawness there. She would literally shrug it off for the time being, though, as she took in the morning weather and breathed in a deep lungful of crisp Inazuman air. She smiled wide then; the scent of snow danced on the breeze, and not even a sore shoulder could dull her mood at the thought of winter approaching. As much as she enjoyed the warmth of southern islands offered in the summer,

And that's it... didn't even get to the good stuff I had planned. *sigh* Maybe someday I'll finish it...

tagging but no pressure: the usual suspects? You know it! @meghan84 @ilosttrackofthings @batsonthebrain @missbreephoenix @safelycapricious @doiloveyou-myohmy

[armando-triplepapito]

I read an article where the actor who plays Hugo says they just grew apart after working long hours on set (and they barely had any scenes together) and there was no cheating involved. It's in Spanish though, but he basically says she did have a relationship but it was after they had separated. The cheating rumors have been going strong for years though, and at some point it's what we all believed. So who knows, maybe he just didn't want to keep adding fuel to this story and this was just the polite thing to say at the time, but I don't see why we should doubt his word either. I'll leave the link to this article below in case you wanna read it.

Speaking of another fallout / behind the scenes drama, I wonder what happened between Jorge and Lorna. They were crazy close, even starred in a play together, but after that I noticed they were no longer following each other on IG and nowadays they don't even acknowledge the other's existence.

https://elpopular.pe/cine-y-series-tv/2022/07/16/betty-fea-cuales-fueron-motivos-ruptura-ana-maria-orozco-julian-arango-set-telenovela-colombiana-139795#amp_tf=De%20%251%24s&aoh=16921591314826&csi=1&referrer=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.google.com&ampshare=https%3A%2F%2Felpopular.pe%2Fcine-y-series-tv%2F2022%2F07%2F16%2Fbetty-fea-cuales-fueron-motivos-ruptura-ana-maria-orozco-julian-arango-set-telenovela-colombiana-139795

If AMO actually cheated I wouldn’t be surprised that Julian Arango denied it and would try to minimize damage to her reputation probably because of his love for her and to not disclose their privacy. I did hear that AMO started a relationship after they separated but idk if that means after their divorce was finalized or when they filed for divorce. I’m assuming they separated when they filed for divorce and she then started a relationship with the photographer and that’s how all the cheating rumor started maybe? (Am I talking in circles cause I feel like I am😭). Whatever happened during their marriage one thing for sure is that it left Julian Arango bitter for a while cause he was tough on AMO when they had to work together. I saw a clip of Jenny’s actor mentioning how Julian Arango would throw insults at AMO during their scenes together. So those insults we see Hugo throwing at Betty were real, they came from the heart🤣 I think one of those scenes was when Cecilia Bolocco visited Ecomoda, he called her miss moco, miss mamarracho, miss moscorrofio 😬🤭 The good thing is that they’re now in good terms and you could see them hugging during their interview for Betty en teatro!

Now that I think about it I did see a few videos of them together where Lorna was all happy trying to interact with JEA about he was not having it😬 I brushed it off as him being tired but his vibes were off it kinda looked like he was annoyed by her and was keeping his distance but idk maybe I’m misinterpreting his reaction. I think those videos were around the time they were involved in Betty en teatro. If they were still friends around that time let me know cause now I’m invested in the chisme!

Also random but a few months ago I saw a video where Jorge Herrera (Don Herme’s actor) went on some interview for a radio station or a podcast (something like that) and talked about AMO’s history of substance abuse. He mentioned that AMO confided in him that she was struggling with drug abuse. Idk if what he said is true but I think it was messed up of him to talk about that during some interview. Makes me wonder if AMO saw/heard about that interview but if she did she definitely lost trust in him 😔 Wouldn’t trust him either! How could he bring up such a delicate topic! I would send a link for the vid but I can’t seem to find it. I follow so many Betty La Fea accounts that I have no idea who posted it!

One thing I would like to talk about is on Natalia Ramirez and Lorna’s friendship! It’s crazy how they’ve been best friends over 20yrs!! It’s like they’re soulmates ❤️ I’m not sure but I think Julio Cesar is also part of that friendship! I get so emotional when I see them post videos of them hanging out and having fun! I love seeing strong friendships between actors so when you mentioned that JEA and Lorna had a fallout it got me depressed! They used to be besties when filming ysblf! Ig some friendships weren’t meant to be🤧

[vacantgodling]

2022 Year in Review Tag!

thanks so much @magic-is-something-we-create i feel like this year has been a huge jumble ngl but let’s be positive about it lol :’)

also this is just a general list not top 5 cuz i didn’t do much this year

5 movies i watched

in terms of new movies:

american psycho — i actually enjoyed this movie a lot but it’s genuinely bc this movie is much funnier than i thought it would be. all deeper meanings and commentary aside patrick bateman is a fucking specimen

kwaidan — obsessed with this movie ngl. the first three segments are top tier (kurokami, yukionna & HOICHI THE EARLESS ESPECIALLY IF YOU WATCH NO OTHER PART PLEASE WATCH THIS ONE I CANNOT PRAISE IT ENOUGH). however the last one was super lackluster in comparison to the other three. tbh i feel like if the last one was the first one it would be a really good progression from okay to the best bc you really can’t follow hoichi the earless with anything imo.

tales from crypt (1972) — watched a lot of old horror this year (bc my partner is a horror movie buff and has been getting me into them for awhile now lolol) but this movie was a lot of fun! i want more ridiculous anthologies and movies tbh. make movies fun again tm.

jeepers creepers — never seen it before and MY GOD was screaming the whole time i was watching bc no?? we do not need to investigate you KNOW it’s a creature. all of this might’ve been avoided if y’all just minded your damn business 😔

then off the top of my head i rewatched my comfort movie sherlock holmes bc fuck iron man, rdj’s sherlock is his best role to me. i definitely wanna watch more movies next year.

5 shows i watched

ah i mostly just watched anime this year

chainsaw man — stressed. everyone is sketchy and i’m stressed

rewatch of demon slayer with my friend bc demon slayer is the only thing that matters :) finally have hulu so i can fucking watch season 2 i just haven’t gotten around to it yet 😭

way of the househusband — finally got around to watching the anime this year and just as the manga, it’s perfect

jujutsu kaisen — i love it but at what cost. also i’m a simp for nanami oof

death parade / nana — i’ve only watched the first episodes of each but nana stresses me out (lovingly) and i think death parade is fascinating i just need to make more time to watch shit lol

5 songs of 2022 (*separate from spotify wrapped*)

odo — ado -> got introduced to this song recently and just absolutely obsessed with it. it’s the song that may be sparking a change in one of my wips that i mentioned lol

devil — max changmin -> came out in january and this song owns the whole fucking year idc idc idc

go back — se so neon -> UGH THIS BAND their songs slap so hard but go back is genuinely just so good

濁 (daku) — the gazette -> this whole album. but i want this song directly injected into my veins.

better — boa -> CRACK. THERES CRACK IN THIS SONG. but boa >>>>>>

5 albums or artists of 2022

i don’t have 5 but these three specifically:

devil (the 2nd mini album) — max changmin -> this album owns my ass. cannot believe he started the year like this. how fucking dare lol.

the gazette, always my beloveds

lowlife princess: noir — bibi -> she snapped with this one. every song and mv snapped. bibi vengence & animal farm especially

5 books i read

definitely didn’t read 5 books lol didn’t have time or space mentally. however i will say i started to read bram stoker’s dracula this year, got stuck on the part about paprika, thought it was hilarious and never finished chapter 1. it’s super good from the bit i read so far, i’m just easily amused and don’t have patience 😔

5 characters from media

nanami (jjk) — feral about a man a single man

like everyone in demon slayer but tanjiro komado my fucking BELOVED 😭

hanzo (ovw) — 6 years strong obsessing over this man pff

link — i am once again pointing at my botw self insert au side blog lmaoooo

gojo / rengoku share a spot only bc i love them but ow pain :)

sorry i don’t listen to podcasts lol

and finally

5 positive things that happened in 2022 no matter how small:

got conveyor belt sushi for the first time! i wish it was closer by but maybe it’s better i’d be there every day

created a new writeblr so i could start getting more confident talking about my stories. i think it’s marginally worked! i’m working on myself still but i feel like i’ve been more open and indulgent this year

5 years with my partner!

had a pretty good birthday for the first time in years

despite the struggles working from home has done a lot for my mental health and i want to try and secure another wfh job in the future.

this is an open tag! i hope everyone had a decent year to some extent 💛

[f-agagegea]

It was the album that was supposed to be released after Set Me Free (2007), and there haven’t been any solid reasons as to why it got shelved. Allegedly, Eleven Seven, the record label that Marion was on at the time, went bankrupt, but I can’t verify if this is true. The only source that implies this is most likely true is where an article talks about the label going through a new name in 2019. Marion, herself, has actually also talked about Nevermore in a Norwegian podcast, but a reliable translator who used to be part of the fanbase mentioned that she was extremely vague. So unfortunately, there’s not much to go off from that actually explains why Nevermore got shelved. But regardless of the reason, it is such a shame that it never got to be officially released. After Nevermore, Marion released Songs from a Blackbird, which meant we never got a sendoff for her rock career. And Nevermore could have been that. Allegedly, again, Marion wasn’t happy with how Nevermore came out, but for me, I think it’s still a great album. It showed Marion’s range in not only as a singer but a songwriter too. If she was given more time to do some revisions and replace some of the weaker songs, this could’ve been her best body of work. Some of the weaker songs were actually the ones that managed to be released, Flesh and Bone and Found Someone, but they’re such a misrepresentation of the rest of the album. Flesh and Bone has a more electronic, pop sound, meanwhile Found Someone can be described as a Christian song. They just don’t fit with the hard rock/post grunge songs or darker themes. Some of these songs are the hardest she has ever gone in any of her discography. The most obvious one, Backstabbing Bitch, has a guitar riff that’s very reminiscent of early 2000’s post-grunge (think of Meant to Live by Switchfoot but harder.) It’s a song that probably wouldn’t do well with today because of the lyrics, but I really enjoy how Marion belts out here. Very melodic chorus too. We Are Dead is also a great hard hitting ending to the album. It does seem like it’s a commentary on society—it actually is VERY relevant today still—lyrics like “We have silenced ourselves” and “Just change the channel til you’re comfortable and numb” remind me that Marion has a lot more range than people think. Another great song—and my FAVORITE song Marion has ever made—is Rosemarie. This song was inspired by the Rosemarie Fritz case, which to summarize the song, it’s about how Rosemarie turned a blind eye to her husband’s horrible doings to their daughter. It’s such a dark topic, and it’s the second time she had written a song about a famous case—the first time was For You I’ll Die, which was inspired by the girlfriend of The Door’s frontman Jim Morrison. It shows that Marion can actually be a very interesting songwriter when she wants to be, and it’s a shame she hasn’t wrote such a unique song like Rosemarie since then.

This post is already so long, but one more thing that I do want to bring up, which is the song Heartless. It was leaked years ago at the time, and it was /allegedly/ supposed to be on the Twilight soundtrack (I have some random facts about Marion and Twilight, but I’ll share them in a different post eventually.) But since the Twilight soundtrack was under Atlantic, Marion’s chances were pretty much zero. Which again, another unfortunate blocking of Marion’s career launching. Sometimes I wonder how Marion’s career would have gone if she was on the soundtrack. Give her an actual high quality music video and then follow up with a single that might appeal to Twilight fans (in this case, I think Vital Signs would have been a good option), and promoted herself and show off her personality, and she might have a chance. But as a stands, the album remains extremely underrated and known mostly to fans. 😔

There’s two more songs from this album that I want to talk about, but I’ll save it for last ranking. I have so, so much to talk about for the last one. I hope everyone has enjoyed it at least learned something new.

[letsgetrowdy43]

My Jamie Baby—

Jamie Drysdale x podcast host!reader

Ynofficial just posted!!

Liked by emergencyintercom and 108 837 others

Ynofficial new episode of @pennyforyourthoughts just dropped! Go listen now!

Tagged: @tchalamet & @pennyofficial

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User92 this was your best episode yet!!

User37 I’m still so in love with the Timmy and Penny dynamic

User19 I’m still confused on how they know each other

User37 Penny (y/n’s roommate/business partner) went to Colombia University at the same time he did and was in the same program as him!!

Emilyuribee you got him a cake with his face on it!?

Ynofficial you can’t tell me you would want to eat a slice of his face!1

User94 Penny is so pretty 😫

Ynofficial just posted!!

Liked by iblowurmind and 89 837 others

Ynofficial NYC ✈️ LA

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Penny_official all I am is a table to you 😔

User47 bones and all was so good!!

TrevorZegras put me in the pod!

User37 … trev bbg? What are you doing here??

Penny_official @trevorzegras can you do a backflip??

TrevorZegras I could try?

Ynofficial you’re formal request will be taken into consideration.

Penny_official just posted!!

Liked by Jackhughes and 92 827 others

Penny_official Go watch the new episode!! It consists of me bullying Trevor and Y/n blushing like a madman (yes we all see it, she had heart eyes)! Anyways… GO LISTEN OR WATCH NOW ON ALL PLATFORMS!

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User73 but did Trevor do the backflip??

Penny_official he definitely did something…

Jamie.drysdale the something in question was nearly breaking his neck.

User83 Jamie just sat there like 🥴 THE. ENTIRE. TIME.

_quinnhughes welcom to the Trevor hate club 🤝

Penny_official can I be the vice president?? I have a lot to bring to the table 🙇‍♀️

Trevorzegras LET ME LIVE PLZ

User74 I just know Jamie went home and immediately yelled out "YIPPIE!!"

User63 Jamie def rewatched the episode and was giggling and kicking his feet the entire time

Ynofficial I did not have heart eyes??

Tchalamet you: 😍

Ynofficial choke.

Ynofficial just posted!!

Liked by hunterschafer and 102 827 others

Ynofficial a little life lately 🌷

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User92 YOU GOT A CAT

Penny_official we’ve been had that pissy bitch for like a year

Ynofficial you’re bitter cause she rips up your furniture

Penny_official Yes? And? Do I need more of a reason??

User83 secret romance 🤭

Jamie.drysdale ate?

Ynofficial you need to say it with a little more enthusiasm 😁

Jamie.drysdale ATE!

Like by @ynofficial

User02 is that Timmy??

Penny_official Timmy T has the body mass index of a stick bug, THATS A MAN 💪

Masonmctavish23 do you need a man??

Trevorzegras 📣GTFO📣

Jamie.drysdale just posted!!

Liked by tterry19 and 20 928 others

Jamie.drysdale off szn 🫡

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Ynofficial bf material 🤭

Penny_official 🤨

User83 I hope his gf knows she’s living my dream

User63 this just proves that Jimbo Drysdale is the most bf, bbg even, man in the nhl

Penny_official Trevor looks busted.

TrevorZegras you just love to hate me 😼

Penny_official I just hate you.

_quinnhughes I’m loving this 🥲

User37 she kinda looks like @ynofficial

Ynofficial just posed!!

Liked by anaheimducks and 110 928 others

Ynofficial my Jamie baby 🫶🏻

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TrevorZegras this is disgustingly cute

Penny_official for once I agree 😫

User32 YESSS

User63 I'VE BEEN ROOTING FOR THIS

Drewphillips this is a purr moment!

Jamie.drysdale ❤️❤️

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The “hoe 4 drysdale” meme was found on Pinterest by @/hermeskid101

[fahrni]

Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning y’all. It’s raining this morning, a repeat performance of last weekend. I did manage to get the steps completed in the garden now we let the rain test my work.

This week I had to get a tooth and removed and a bone graft due to a 20 plus year old root canal failing. I don’t recommend it. 🦷

Time to go lay down in a field and have Kim throw some dirt on me. 😂

CNN

On Monday, it was Nashville’s turn to join the roster of cities made notorious by a mass shooting epidemic much of the country seems prepared to tacitly accept as the price of the right to own high-powered firearms. 

No words. 😔

Microsoft Design

Today marks the debut of the new Microsoft Teams app, released in public preview for Windows customers.

This redesign of Teams looks extremely thoughtful, well planned, and well executed. I’d like to get my hands on it and run it through dumpbin and other tools to see just how it’s put together.

It’s my understanding it’s a native app — no more Electron — with an HTML/CSS/JavaScript filling using the new, Chromium based, WebView2 control

It also means no Mac or Linux client until they can get those items ported to Mac and Linux. You can write C#/.Net code on Linux and Mac today, but as far as I know WebView2 hasn’t been ported. Heck, who knows, the shell around the app could be written in C++? I’m not really clear on that bit, it’s why I want to get my hands on it. 😁

Wired

The US Republican Party has become increasingly authoritarian and extreme in recent years, and it doesn’t seem likely to moderate that in the foreseeable fut//rob.crabapples.net/uploads/2023/2a91fcbb58.jpg](https://mastodon.scot/@SteveHynd/110091906801062582)

Red States are becoming more and more radical. The entire anti-LGBQT, anti-woman, anti-education, movement is in full swing.

Next thing you know women will have to walk 10 paces behind their husbands in their modest to the ground dress with their eyes on the ground. Disgusting.🤬

Dave Winer

In September 2004, the activity we called audioblogging was starting to gain traction.

Neat little story about how podcasting got its name. 👍🏼

The Guardian

A dispute between the Florida governor, Ron DeSantis, and Disney over control of the company’s Florida theme park district hinges on a clause referencing King Charles III and his descendants.

The authoritarian was outwitted in this story. If you haven’t heard about this yet go read it. 🤭

John Nunley > This year is supposed to be the year of the Rust GUI. So why is it still so unsafe?

This discussion focused around handles in Windows is quite interesting.

Having written a lot of Windows code that uses handles everywhere — HWND, HINSTANCE, HANDLE, anyone(?) — because that’s the way the Windows API works I don’t see it as an issue.

A HANDLE is a persisted thing that allows Windows to shuffle the underlying object around if needed. It’s a remnant of 16-bit Windows days, because 640k of memory was a precious commodity. It’s a safe thing to the developer as I see it but I do not fault anyone wanting to make things even safer for developers. 👍🏼

John Scalzi

Trump is and has always been the sort of person who believes that laws are for the little people, and has acted accordingly.

I love John Scalzi’s books and prior to Twitter becoming a worthless piece of poo I really enjoyed reading his tweets. In case you don’t know he’s had a blog for many years and it doesn’t disappoint.

Judo Blog

We believe that designer-developer handoff is broken and to solve this problem well requires software that is familiar to designers and developers alike—software that makes building an app’s user interface a collaborative process instead of handing off files back and forth.

I’d really like to take a look at Judo to see how it could improve my own coding efforts. Stream for Mac could use some help. It’s been a slog for me and I keep switching between AppKit and SwiftUI. I really need to focus on SwiftUI going forward.

Los Angeles Times

Only two centuries ago, a shallow inland sea dominated California’s Central Valley.

Tulare Lake is fascinating. California Highway 41 runs right through the lake between Lemoore and Kettleman City. I’ve heard tale in the olden days one had to catch a barge or take a boat from Lemoore to Kettle City.

We drove that route all the time when we lived there. It’s one way to get from the San Joaquin Valley to the Central Coast and all the lovely towns and beaches we fell in love with. Places like San Luis Obispo, Avila Beach, Cambria, Morro Bay, and Pismo Beach.

As it is today you’d have to go out to I-5 and loop back to get to Kettleman City.

https://rob.crabapples.net/uploads/2023/469a502af1.jpg

[destinyc1020]

“That's why I still to this day think they got back together in late 2020.... which would make them dating each other again for over a year already. 😉”

Count me in on the late 2020 reunion! I’m gonna go so far as to say that the insanity of the pandemic and being apart for as long as they were and having seen/dated other people briefly really really made them mature even more and understand/realize what they truly wanted out of life and that they were all in it before Atlanta. When you are that close with someone on a very deep level prior to going months without seeing them and being intimate, it’s a whole other animal getting back together especially if there was no real dislike or animosity. Reminds me of Tom taking about Z’s Malcom and Marie performance in that Vanity Fair podcast - just the way he talked about her and that he’d watched the film with her and the praise and adoration. And all those zoom interviews of his from ATL hit different when you watch them - he’s a different man there and he’s talking and sharing from a dudes perspective that was still madly in love clearly and his priorities were changing for everything. Their bond is pretty intense you can see that too. They know each other so so well, everything is on a deep scale because it’s who they are as people so it’s like falling back into bed would be second nature, literally lmao! lol I feel that is the same for a lot of couples who go through a split or a time out period prior to fully committing and saying ‘your it for me, I want all of this’ ya know? I mean sheesh Atlanta saw some things I can just imagine ;) and thank goodness they had a huge ass beautiful house cause oooh man how the entirety of filming went during non filming hours and days off when not doing zooms from the spare rooms haha…especially with Tom looking like a WHOLE SNACK…

Omg ALL OF THIS!! 🤣😅🤣👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾💯

You and I are like this >.<

I 1000% agree with everything you said. I really think that the pandemic, the time and distance, and everything else that happened in btwn with them helped to really clarify what it was they wanted, and made them realize what they missed with each other.

Not that the other people they were dating in the interim were horrible, but just that they realized that it wasn't the same FEELING with those other people... and when you realize that you still have feelings for your ex, it's best to own up to that fact, and tie up any loose ends. 😊

You're right, they seem to have matured a lot just in that short year of being apart. 🙂The change with them has been significant. The pandemic alone was life-changing for most of us, and made a lot of us take a cold hard look at ourselves and our lives, and made us all "grow up" in a sense. 😔