#becoming a working mom from home
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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Happy STS Elli!
What inspires you to write? Are there things that you know that you can get inspiration from or does it just come randomly?
Happy STS!
For me, inspiration doesn't mean "to write".
There are, and always have been, a lot of stories floating around in my mind - ideas, scenes, vibes, outlines. I get inspiration from literally everywhere, from talking to my friends, and video games, and scrolling past images or prompts, and reading books, and spending too much time on reddit, and…
Many remain daydreams, or character backstories, eventually lost to time.
Now for actually being able to sit my ass down and get words on the page? I don't know. It comes and goes as it pleases. Having a beehive where a brain should be does NOT help, let me tell you that.
I just. Can't focus on shit lately. Can barely make it through a chapter when reading. Every day is just suddenly over, and I got nothing done, and I am so tired. I have a completely outlined short thing I have been trying to write since Nov, and it's like pulling teeth.
I could do with several months off work while everyone leaves me the fuck alone. How would that be.
#salad-ask#aria-benedetto#sts ask#I cried new year's because after having 1 (one) day of my vaction actually completely to myself#Which was after I already didn't get any quiet time on my LAST three attempts at taking time off because someone was sick at home#And spending most of all that time just working (in my time off) and cleaning the depression piles#My mom berated me for instantly refusing to come over for some 'if I die you need to know where stuff is' talk#(note: there's no reason to think she might anytime soon and she was talking about like... a cd collection)#'You always have something!!!'#I don't know anymore how to get people to understand how fucking exhausted I am.#I'm about to let the stupid paint course voucher from work lapse because in a year I didn't find a motive I like and the energy to even#consider wasting 3 hours of my life after work to produce some physical object I have no room for while having to run to get there on time#Not to mention people!! A room full of people!!#I've just become sooo sensitive to noise lately I can't even stand to be in the kitchen when the fridge hums#And you're always always always the bad guy if you close the door in someone's face because they're whistling or watching tv or calling#It's cool :) Sorry I was being unsocial :) Lemme just quickly slam my head against a wall until I pass out :)#So uh anyway happy STS writing has been going well
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i think everything and everyone is conspiring to keep me from trying to stop being a hermit
#julia.txt#i was ljke omg midterms over i can Go Places noe#turns out. i cant even go to the gym. because of insurance problems like there was a mixup with the papers#and my dad doesnt want me taking the car until its fixed 😭😭#and i cant ask my parents to drive me bc theyre busy and i cant take the bus bc it would take me like an hour to get there hashtag suburbs#okay but this whole insurance thing is so. explodes#like apparently since both my parents work from home (my mom only goes to work jn person once a week)#and i go to work Twice a week#if my dad updates the insurance now and tells them i use jt to go to work twice a week#then id become the primary driver EVEN IF I DONT USE THE CAR THAT MUCH#but its only work that counts. and if i become the primary driver then our insurance fees double bc im younger 🔥🔥🔥#love it here forever
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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thinking about nora again
#fallout#okay first of all her full maiden name is lenore dubrovhsky#she's somehow related to the russian diplomat who is the grandfather of natalia dubrovhsky#maybe his niece? idk but she immigrated to the us after meeting nate during his tour because she claimed she was IN LOVE#i imagine she was in her late teens and nate was in his early 20s#and she falls for him and he promises he'll help her with going to college in the US and they'll have an equal marriage yadda yadda#so they get married and nora becomes a lawyer#so they've been married around seven years and she's doing her training as a legal secretary when oops! she becomes pregnant#(nate sabotaged her birth control but shhh she doesn't know that)#so nate persuades her into putting her career on hold just for a little while until they can start putting their son in daycare#(shaun takes heavily after nora's side of the family to the point nate jokes about whether his DNA had any say at all)#(he also later joins the army and dies in action)#so nora's being kept at home all the time. taking care of the kid. cooking all the meals. cleaning the house. barely any time for herself#and she gets so frazzled she gets into a minor car accident while taking shaun home from the doctor#nate freaks out and confiscates her car keys so now she can barely get out of the house without him on her arm#barely any adult social interaction and any family she could have had keeping her company was all the way over in russia#so she has a quickie with a door-to-door salesman and when her next kid pops out with red hair#the lack of resemblance to nate stops being funny#he agrees not to leave her but says he can't trust her at home alone anymore so he gets her a job at shaun's elementary school as a teacher#this happened around when shaun was 11 and he's harbored a hatred for his mom and his sister ever since#nate promised to raise the girl like his own but he's distant with her which rubbed off on shaun#so the girl. i'm calling her annabelle. TOTAL mommy's girl. wants to be just like her#so when shaun's seventeen he fakes his enlistment papers so he can be enlisted early and dies in combat#i imagine nora misses the baby boy she raised and is utterly upset he turned out this way#and by 'this way' i mean i imagine him as a patriotic misogynist and nora does not hold kind feelings towards the US for various reasons#nate was proud of his son for dying for a cause he believed in#so when annabelle's six nora gets pregnant again and that's when i imagine the bombs drop#the school nora works for is a really privileged private school (nate comes from old money) and that's where the cryo pods come in!#i imagine it would be like a 'saving america's youth for a brighter tomorrow' thing idk#also the day the bombs dropped nora killed nate before heading off to work. woulda been totally caught had the bombs not dropped HEYOOOO
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dc brain rot anon here just to recommend @thepandaredd on tiktok for their batfamily content because I think you’ll appreciate the chaotic energy 😂
Nooooo omg I LOVE panda his batfam content got me through campaigning for REAL. My fave is the Batman who laughs meeting the batbros. Truly a piece of cinematic excellence. The timing, the angles. "Joker's wet dream?" Glorious.
#did i buy the pandaredd plushie yes and what of it#mans lowkey kept me alive in 2022#the panda is dating my deadpool bear btw#'oh that? that's the red light district's version of a joker/batman cosplay'#~S*t~o~R*y t~i*M*e~#i was very passively suicidal during my campaign#it was stressful i was working a full time job that was already stressful a part time job becoming increasingly transphobic and running#no one was helping me at all and i knew i wasnt going to win but i wanted to put effort in yaknow?#anyway when i got home from work i would sit in my car for 30ish minutes and i would either make tiktoks watch tiktoks or disassociate#and the thing is!#when you're that level of depressed the looping feature is a godsend#because you look up and realized you survived another ten minutes#and you feel a little better#because the video about clark Kent's secretary or two lesbian moms or the batfam on stakeout#distracted you for a little. made you LAUGH holy shit free dopamine#anyway i would just zone out and watch the same video like six times in a row#did that with dr glaucomflecken too lol#anyway yes i think panda is pretty neat#i survived 2022 through spite and tiktoks and clothing purchases#we are ALL on cassie patrol ALL the time she is a LITERAL fucking ninja GOD DAMN IT#same vibes as WFA#anyway have i made it weird yet?
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The sims 2 is so funny because you can do everything right, you can make your sims study cooking and go to work on time and micromanage everybody so that they don’t die in stupid ways, and then the goddamn nanny burns your house down
#AN NPC CAUSED THE FIRST FIRE IN MY NEW NEIGHBOURHOOD I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS#so i’m playing the prosperity challenge right. which is basically where you randomise some families and play them in rotations#i’m on the third family atm and it’s a single mom with a teenage son; child daughter and twin toddler boys#she has an ltw to become media magnate but i got her a job as an EMT in the meantime because it didn’t show up in the paper#and hired a nanny to take care of the kids while she and the oldest son were out#nanny was fine at first. she just made sugar cookies and made sure the toddlers didn’t get taken away by social services which i massively#appreciated. but then my sim came home from work and immediately got a promotion#to paramedic; which meant she had to switch over to nights right away. so the nanny came again a few hours later and immediately proceeded#to set my kitchen on fire#thankfully they have a smoke alarm but she sent the two older kids into aspiration failure. SHERYL WHEN I CATCH YOUUUU#bizarrely the person who is absolutely coming in clutch for this family is none of the family members and nor is it the nanny#it’s gerald who is the grandpa of a different family i created in the neighbourhood. he works with the mom (although he’s an intern now)#and she brought him home from work and he has just been here all night#it’s 4:20am and he’s sat playing with one of the toddlers helping him learn words with his bunny 🥹#gerald we looooove you. platinum aspiration for gerald. GOOD THINGS FOR GERALD#the most annoying people in this challenge so far are sheryl the nanny who burns stuff down and jackson; a kid in one of the other houses#who keeps calling everyone at 2am even if he barely knows them. and also at 10am on school days#jackson’s mom also irritates me because she came to pick her daughter up who was just playing chess on a porch at 8pm; bothering nobody#but doesn’t stop jackson from spamming everyone with calls. where is the logic#personal
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grah my head feels like it might explode
#this essay prompt makes 0 fucking sense#love this teacher. fucking hate how she teaches tho#we're supposed to have a rough draft by the end of class tomorrow#okay not too horrible#IF MOT FOR THE FACT SHE KEEOS CHAINGING THE ALREADY FUCKIBG CONFUSING ASS PROMPT#i can write essays about whatever stupid fucking novel you need me to#but myself??#a significant memory i have??? that i learned a stupid fucking lesson from?????#i have like 0 significant memories from before the age of like. 10. and still not all that many after thay <3#should i talk ab how my dad fucking died? would you like that you asshole?????????#what fucking lesson would I have learned from that? dont become a fucjibg alvoholic?#shit i feel like im gonna fucking cry again i cant do this shit#i have the general vibe for each paragraph listed out ill work on it more in homeroom tomorrow#we wont even have the full fucking class for this tomorrow cuz she's a fucking asshole who gives us like five fucking seconds in class per#assignment#fucking hell dude#especially since half the class said they hadnt even started writing by like halfway through our (shortened!) class yesterday#im gonna fucking explode#my stuff#alex is not vibing.#also pjysicially too my dumbass forgot to eat dinner cuz hehe haha omg i can sing and suddenly uts 10 and i havent showered yet and my mom#will be getting home soon so i need to shower then rush my gay ass to bed#which i am in currently.#so im also feeling the forgor to eat feeling too <3
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Feeling kind of hollow today
#it was my birthday#which as an adult has generally not gone well so I’ve become very neutral about it#and everyone at work was so lovely#which put how my family was in contrast#so I had a lovely lunch at work with a card from all my coworkers and a cake and crumbl cookies#but in the afternoon at my desk it sunk in AGAIN that I feel more cared for at work than I do at home#not that I care about an actual celebration just being kind and acknowledging it#but when I heard ‘happy birthday’ from each colleague today it felt so genuine#everyone asked how my day was going how old I was turning#and I didn’t expect or ask for anything#didn’t expect or ask for anything at home#but it’s the fact that my mom only decided last minute to get a cake because my brother asked her if we were having cake#I would’ve been fine if she hadn’t gotten a cake I don’t even like cake that much#it’s the fact that it was an afterthought#if she had like actually asked me ‘do you want a birthday cake’ it would’ve been one thing#but she called me and said ‘your brother asked me if we were having cake so I guess I’ll see what they have at the grocery store’#when she does something nice for me on purpose she uses it for a guilt trip#and when she does something nice spontaneously it’s always in a way that makes me feel like an inconvenience#and I need to move out of this fucking house
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#its always the fucking chemistry projects that ruin my life#not ready to go back to school ... getting home late & eating the same food everyday & having less free time & hanging out with the same few#people i honestly! don’t even like that much.. zzz i don’t wanna receive my test results either – esp not for math#and i KNOW it gets 100x worse in a college/uni/work environment i think i’m just being a bit of a crybaby but i can’t bring myself to#look forward to anything at all. pass my exams & graduate yay ^__^ -> immediately go back and study some more#then i’ll have to get a job and afhjdkf... maybe i’m thinking too far ahead but it all feels inevitable anyways so does it matter if i am?#i don’t know why i’m struggling so much compared to my peers who don’t see any of this as an issue at all#was i cursed to be sad since primary school#i can’t even talk to anyone about it because my dad [ though he has good intentions ] almost always ends up feeding me a variant of#think about your future Or thats just how student life is. meanwhile my mom will begin a competition of Who Has It Worse?!#my sister has her own stuff going on and my religious aunt will say something along the lines of [ have faith & go with the flow ]#i wish i had someone to confide in but i only ever really have myself i think. it sucks cuz no one seems to get it at all#i know objectively thats probably not true but. ahh i feel so disconnected from everyone#cw negative#cw vent#i didnt intend for this to become a whole thing but i got carried away#💭
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#oh boy oh boy i love being backed into a fucking corner and unable to escape#i love that i have to live with a mother who every time she gas a bad day it becomes “yell at kes” time#because im available and dont fight back#i love that i get yelled at for a messy room thats not even that messy#i love having to rely on my parents for a car so i can go to work and for a house so i have somewhere to live be ause i have no money#and it seems like no one wants to fucking hire me in or out of my desired career path#i love dreading going home from olaces because i hate being at home#i love wgen my mom comes home and says to her 2 mentally ill kids that “if she had a razor blade she would've committed su1c1de at work”#because someone hit and ran my sister today#i love this i love it so much#fucking hell i hate it here#personal#suicide cw#Suicide tw
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Did yall know that I fucking love Empoleon? Like--
There's a reason that her contest outfit looks the way it does--
#she's technically retired from doing contests! like they enjoyed doing them and they found them very very fun but after a while it started#affecting her really bad mentally so she retired when she was like? 18 or 19? idr I'm still reworking their lore doc#but yeah! lived in sinnoh with family for 4 years and pretty much lived/breathed the contest hall and sent money to her mom constantly#she'll occasionally pop out of retirement for a day or two if she wants to do a contest or if some of her pokemon want to#oh! and they're a beauty contest specialist!#God I've gone through like... 3 different designs for the contest idol outfit lgjwoeheie#I live for her “does the best performance she has ever done then disappears from the contest scene without a trace” arc#and then moves back home to become just Some Guy who works at the family ranch and helps kids get better at raising and battling pokemon#data log: personal#s/i: amanda (pkmn)
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I really wish my mom would just fucking. respect the fact that I have no desire to be religious and that I don't know if I ever will be because it feels like she's subtly trying to convince me to come back and idk. I just kinda wish she'd respect the fact that I don't want to have anything to do with it
#like. when i first left the church she encouraged me to go to therapy to Get Everything Worked Out and i did !!#i went to therapy. did all the work. took a look inside and went ''yep. still queer. still nonreligious''#and left a more emotionally healthy + put together guy.#and when she asked me about it and i said i still was quite sure i didnt want to go to church#she was wringing her hands like ''oh...winter youre so twisted up and confused inside...you need to get all this figured out..''#and for a while i TRIED. but eventually i put my foot down and was like. Mom. i am not confused. i am not twisted up inside.#and she looked pretty upset ans flabbergasted because HOW could HER KID possibly FALL AWAY from the church and become a HERETIC!??#or something idk#so now we've reached a sort of impasse. where im semi happily living at home w them and not having to do religious shit#and she lets me. but idk she always brings up god and church and shit in conversation#and i dont even think she's TRYING to !! its just a really big part of her life and its important to her#so she tries to use it to comfort me or whatever. but it falls flat because its not important to Me. and she just cant comprehend that.#and idk. idk#im just rambling at this point but i also feel like. i cant really be the person i am around my family#because she's pulled me aside and made me promise i wouldnt do or say anything that could Lead My Siblings Astray#so i cant really talk about queerness. or my own experiences as a queer person. or how people should be able to choose for themselves#what they believe in.#and since im living in their house when im old enough to not be im afraid that if i break the rule she'll kick me out#and i do NOT have the money for my own place rn#and throughout it all there's this underlying feeling that she doesnt want my siblings to Be Like Me#which only reinforces the feeling ive had all my life of being the family black sheep. lol#anyway. sundays are particularly shitty in this regard because theyre Church Days.#so idk. im just thinking out loud rn#winter speaks#personal
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Slight Flutter dust redesign!
Bonus forbidden Flutter dust eyes
#keese draws#oc posting#oc art#oc#ocs#girlie who is sooo normal (lying)#for context on her eyes when ari was beheaded and the council tried to extract its power it didn’t quite work out as it pretty much#immediately tried to find a new vessel as soon as they crossed into their home world#it didn’t immediately because ari wasn’t technically fully dead so it was ready to go back to them if they lived#but since it was fully cut off it just moved to its next random child around the right age#which happened to be flutter dust in this case#this sort of power is not at all the sort of thing the folk of this world are built to handle so flutter dust had a pretty rough time#she generally just had a hard time controlling it and she was stuck with the ever present fear of being labeled a threat and disposed of#now somewhat luckily for her with magic becoming more common she wasn’t immediately clocked as the person who inherited this power#but she was still under threat by local government and after her mom mysteriously died her paranoia got to her and she ran away from home#she would have been around 10 at the time so she was very much. not equipt to handle all the shit she was going through#pretty early on she ran into a teen who had also ran away from home for magic related reasons and the two ended up sticking together#they both fed into each others paranoia a Lot and while they genuinely cared abt each other the teen was. not the best person#he was incredibly controlling and spiteful and saw flutter as the only support he had left and treated her as such despite her being a Child#he himself was like 15 but still not at all an excuse#flutter dust and daisy actually met when they were like 11-12 so like abt 3 years before their main stories start#the two rly got along and would go pick plants and look for bugs and such#but after the teen found out he freaked the fuck out over it thinking daisy would report them both (he was 11 reminder)#and he threatened daisy in front of flutter dust and forced flutter to promise to not see him again#abt 2 years after that the guy started to get way more impulsive and that meshed poorly with his general spitefullness and protectiveness#flutter dust at this point was getting rly scared of him especially with how much more powerful his magic was getting#and in a desperate attempt to keep her only friend tried to confront him which lead to a huge argument that got violent#she tried to use her magic to take one of his magic focuses away from him but accidentally badly injured him the the process#this caused her to freak the fuck out and run away and swear to herself to never use her magic again#that didn’t rly work out though as her magic wasn’t built to be contained and this elad to sharp finding her ad taking her in
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