#because why.... why would they need to know? im sure a lot of people find pride in telling people and they should be allowed to express tha

[icarusredwings]

oooooh HELLO NEW CONTESTANT!!

Ps. Im so sorry for whoever has to see this huge chain of reblogs.

So yeah that was semi the plan love love love your thoughts except I had the idea that eventually they would find the cure BECAUSE of wade. Since wade can consent (and can restrain himself not to chomp people) he (unfortunately) would infact be the perfect test subject and because logan is definitely not gonna let some assholes test his lover without making sure its ethical and not harm him more then good, Wade would be quite accepting.

It also helps (Now don't look at me like that- you gotta understand his situation) that wade is very food and affection motivated so yes while he does still feel pain and heals slower then usual (still way faster then a human) it would only be natural for him to whine or not want hurt.

So yeah, in between shots and what not he's given pieces of meat and hugged, nuzzled, etc.

"One more and then were done. Hear me?" Logan tells them, coming to wade, Giving him some left overs and putting his arm around him.

"Just one more okay? Then we'll go see the girls."

He nods, mouth already full of the food, happy at the mention from the girls.

Another thing is Wade dosn't just wonder off in a sense of he dosn't know what hes doing or just aimlessly is leaving like how other zombies mindlessly walk around. Wade "wonders off" mainly because he knows if he dosn't eat anything soon hes going to hurt someone and he dosn't want that so he removes himself from the situation.

He also eats just about anything. Yeah he heavily prefers meat because something about the virus craves protein, its why his muscles have gotten weaker too but the virus knows of they eat their host there wont be anymore.

Most zombies die because the virus starves and has to eat the host, but because when they eat wades cancer it just keeps coming back, and eventually the cancer would whoop the virus's ass due to sheer out numbering but I like to think that before things get better (much like cancer) it gets WAY worse.

So yes, for a year or two hes off an on, randomly being feral the first year but the second year only being feral about once a month for a short period of time.

He slowly is becoming better and better as the third year rolls around to the point where he hasn't been feral in awhile, slipping up only because he hasn't eaten in 2 days, in which Logan apologizes to him because it's winter and theres not much to spare.

Wade knows he gets fed last, and honestly isn't too upset about it. He's lucky to get food twice a day simply from how scarce it is. In the summer its a lot better, much more animals come out, theres a lot of plants, hell the girls started a garden before Logan and Wade even found them so often times they have food its just... not.. sustainable.. for wade.

Yes, he'll eat it. He'll eat it all, clear his entire plate like hes been starving for months but he needs the protein. He needs the high fat content. Its why he gets a lot of beans.

Laura had even managed to trade for a chicken that first year but uhhhhhh wade ate it.... just... mauled the poor thing. Ripped it to shreds. It made gabs cry because she already named the hen "Penny". Well. No more penny. And now Wade isnt allowed out back by the chicken coop no more.

Sometimes, still 3 years later, She'll catch wade crouched down and staring at them with such wide eyes, like a cat watching a fish in a bowl.

"What are you doin? Get away from there! You know better." She'll tell him and he'll whine at her a bit because once in a great while Logan will let him pet the chickens. He'll hold it tight and let Wade run his fingers on its back with the biggest grin. But after whats happened to penny? No sir. He wasnt allowed to pet them without Logan around.

He's just so... hungry. And there's nothing really anyone can do about it. Because of this though, Wade makes a great hunter and well... sometimes.. even in the third year half of the animal will be eaten by the time he brings it home but he does infact bring home many intact kills. It sucks though because bassically anything Wade puts his mouth on or licks immediately is thrown out and cant be eaten by the girls or logan, So yeah.. Logan gets frustrated when Wade comes home with a useless deer because wade already took a chunk out of it.

By the fourth year wade is allowed to sleep in the house nightly, is allowed to hug the girls each day, and can control himself enough to even have dinner with them as a family. Year 4s biggest issue right now is that he keeps trying to kiss them. Trying to kiss the girls cheeks, trying to kiss logan, and he keeps trying to share food, trying to give Gabs more vegetables off his plate when now her entire plate is ruined because of cross contamination.

From what they know is that this virus is similar to rabies because it stems from the same family in which feasts on proteins and fat but its evolved enough to understand that the host needs to be able to do things such as swallow and walk so they do not attack the spinal cord or the ceribellum which controls movements. Unlike rabies in who devoures the brain, rendering the person not to be able to swallow and mindlessly walks around looking for water especially in heavily dense human population with zero fear. (Seen in foxes the most)

The zombie virus does attack the Broca's area though in which controls speech. They attack other parts of the brain like memory logic and processing but because of how much cancer wade has it just keeps growing back.

Some early days of being bitten he will just stare at you like a dementia patient trying to remember who you are, other days he will run into a door and then just stand there like a sim who cant move because theres a plate on the ground.

It also is better for him to NOT get bit or licked again by other zombies so after year one Logan stops letting him eat other zombies, noticing that he gets worse afterwards because he becomes reinfected. This- Has limited wades food sources to human grade stuff, aka.... a lot less.. which causes more snappiness for a few days, but after 2 weeks he improves a lot.

By year 5 he has an entire week straight where he is unconscious, growling and struggling against the chains in the shed. Logan is sitting out side of the shed on a stump, crying because he dosn't know what happened or what to do. Wade was doing so good to the point he was starting not to worry about him biting anymore and now he was at square one.

The next day he sees that the noise has stopped and wade is pased out for another good week. Logan is almost relieved. He thinks Wades body finally gave up. Finally died.

He sobs that morning, Whispering thank yous to nothing and im sorrys. He dosnt even know why hes apologizing, he didnt do it. If he could put wade out of his misery he would have done it years ago, so this is a blessing.

Laura, much like her father, has very mixed feelings, crying behind closed doors but is glad. Finally he wouldn't hurt anymore.

Being barley 18 now, Gabs still sobs. Cries that its not fair that her papa died. Cries because he was so nice to her and now he was gone for good. She would never get to hug her papa ever again.

This was until...anyway.. when 8 days later theres a soft knock on the inside of the shed. Logan couldn't bare the idea of him coming back and hurting the girls so he sealed off the shed, being his husbands forever tomb.

At first he thinks its a cruel joke. "Gabby, quit! That's not funny-"

"What dad?"

But if gabs wasn't doing that, and lauras in the house..

Carefully, he unlocks it, peeking in to see Wade awkwardly standing here. Blinking.

"...hai..?"

"....hi...??"

"...urrhhm... yor wracked meh n hare.."

Logan swears hes gone insane, he could have SWORN his dead husband just said "You locked me in here" and "hi"

His skin looking better, less open gashes and healed up, still scarred up but no longer really decomposing.

This has to be a dream right?

"..no.. No. Ha! Heh.. no."

"...no rhat?"

He stares in disbelief, wondering how in gods name he was alive still. And talking? Like.. actually talking.. Tears run down his face faster then he can think, Gabby is already crying and quickly unchaining him. "You're the worst dad ever!! Yo-you know that!?" She sobs, angry from the hurt but also so glad that he was okay.

"Ar rnow... I Sarry."

"B-but you were gone- I... I saw you.. you were rotting and everything.."

"Rhat rRh- er... h-harppins." He smiles softly, worried just how much he upset his family, and is even more worried by how tight Logan held him and sobbed into his shoulder. "You fucking IDIOT!" He cries, breaking a few of his ribs.

"Aouch! Owr" he whines, turning his head from him and everything, not wanting any of his saliva to touch Logan despite him desperately trying to bury himself in his neck.

It wasn't much Laura seen her father like this, but she has a pretty similar reaction, complete with a slap and telling him to never die on them ever again.

"Nor pramases!"

Hello there. You must be crying by now. Dont worry so am I. If anyone wishes to draw zombie wade I would be extremely happy. Different stages would be so cool to see. I might do a little sketch if I have time. Anyway. Here. You will need these.

I dont CARE that it's November 9th and "Halloweens over" ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH ILL POST IF I WANT TOO

Anyway.

Thinking about apocolpse au.

Wade getting bitten by a zombie, Logan freaking out, Wade dying, and him coming back (Again)

"Didn't you just die?? I literally fucking burried you!!"

And wades like:

"Of course. Man, God REALLY hates you dosn't he?"

And he's bassically the same person except just saying, "Rahhah har ran re" (translation: I think the devil doesn't want me either)

"What?? Oh for fucks sake... tell me you're kidding.."

"Rah?" 🤔

"Great so now you stink more and you can't talk. Fucking lovely."

"Mmmmh..." 🥺 (would you still love me if I was a zombie?)

"*sighs, blushes and grumbles how insane this is and how much of a bad idea this is* Fine! Come on...."

"Raah!!" 😄

And sometimes his limbs fall off because I think it would be funny if you just saw him stop, turn around, pick up his arm and shove it back into place like a dislocated shoulder. (Marvel Magic)

But its very obvious that Wade is still consious and so logan leads him around, puts a leash on him, ties him up when he goes to sleep the first few nights so wade dosn't eat him, sometimes luring him with a piece of his thigh or telling him he'll feed him soon to make him behave.

The only thing about this resource wise is that it seems Wade is a bottomless pit, not ever able to get enough. It's like all the nutrients just pass right through him, so he can't get fed meals daily, but Logan will share at least one bite of his food. It makes Wade so happy and way more "wade like" than zombie.

Logan has learned that the hungrier Wade gets the worse it would be, snapping at logan a few times.

"Grr-"

"Aye! That's enough outta ya"

"GggRah!"

"Hey!! I said no! Bad! Bad wade!"

"Mmmh??"

"Bad!!"

"Mmh....rahah.."

"I forgive you. But stop trying to bite me. I feed you, don't I? I hold your hand and tell you that I love you?"

Wade is actually extremely friendly for a zombie (duh) and still yaps at logan except its nonsense. Logan tries hard to understand him and talk back.

He holds his hand sometimes, even lays next to him only to scold him if he gets too bitey. This is hard because wade already had a biting issue and seeing as he practically ate anything or anybody now it was more difficult.

"...aahh-"

"Wade- No."

"Ggr.. raahh"

"Wade! No! Bad."

"Mmmh..."

"Ill feed you tomarrow. Don't bite me mkay? You wanna hurt me?"

He shakes his head like a dog shaking off from a bath, or that ate a bee.

"Then don't bite me."

"Mmh? Mrah?"

"No. No kisses right now. Im still not even sure if thats safe.."

"Mmmh...🥺 ahrrah?"

"No, not even a tiny one."

"Mm...😔"

Until Logan grunts and pecks his hand. "There. Happy?"

"🙂‍↕️mh"

"Good."

Honestly Logan felt bad, pitited him. No matter what food he ate it wasnt enough substance to sustain him and sometimes Logan would wake up to find him eating a different zombie that made the mistake of trying to eat Logan.

You ever wake up in the morning, lose your zombie boyfriend, call for him only to walk outside and see him knawing on some poor chaps arm like a happy puppy who found a chicken leg? Logan has. Many times. And he wishes his phone would charge so he could take a picture of it but unfortunately theres no electricity in the post apocalypse world.

This being said Logan is like- THE perfect guy for apocalypse au because he can smell everything and hear anyone before they even get to you, he has better wilderness survival skills then anyone I know and he'll never NOT have a weapon on him because of his claws. The only downside is that he's tired easily, needs a lot of food, and would lowkey be withdrawing from his tabccao and alchool, therefore very moody.

"Stupid fucking apocalypse having to happen when im fucking alive!! Why can't I just NOT live through ONE major historical event! Is that too fucking much to ask? One damn decade where everything is fine and dandy and- WADE! Get your ass away from that!! It's radioactive!! For fucks sake!"

"Rahahrah?"

"NO!! You can not become Spiderman! That's not how that works!"

"Aawr..😔"

The whole thing is they're on a quest to find Laura and Gabby, because when everything went to shit, they were on a cabin trip and now Logans brain is itching because he dosn't know where his babies are and its driving him insane. Once he finds them, they're gonna shack up somewhere with food and animals to hunt, and hes gonna make a little shed outside for Wade to sleep because he'll kill him if he bites one of the girls.

He dosnt care that much about himself really and he hates himself deep down for not being able to trust wade anymore but even wade dosnt trust wade, sometimes wandering off on purpose, staying about 30 feet away from him at all times, growling and giving Logan that glazed over look of unconsiousness. The only good thing about this, though, is after he removes himself from the idea of hurting Logan (because if logaj were to become infected - HA! Your all fucked. Utterly fucked. The whole humanoid species would go extinct because he'd kill anything that moved) he feels more trusting of him and it's not uncommon for them to hug after either. Afterall Wade- Some how???- is still wade and is very affectionate and sensitive when its not returned.

This whole thing also makes him think worse about himself, kicking reflective objects or staring at himself in a shop window in utter shock and disgust with a face of 'thats me..?' While logans raiding the place for supplies.

Did you know zombies can cry? Well, Wade could. Not a lot, only able to get a bit of liquid from dehydration, but sometimes Logan will catch him just... sitting there.. crying. Upset with himself for being bit. Upset with himself for trying to bite logan all the time. Upset at how ugly he is. Upset that he's starving all the time. Upset that he can't even talk to anyone, and Logan just has to guess what he's saying 90% of the time. Bro is literally

When they DO find Laura and Gabby, the girls are doing great. Laura was going to blow wades head off until Gabby ran in the shot, hugging him instantly, only to be ripped away.

"Of course my dad is the weirdo married to a zombie." Laura grunts, but is secrelty happy that wade is still 'alive'

Gabby, being as young as she is, thinks it's so SICK that her dad is a zombie now, giggling when he talks to her and holding his hand. She's not allowed near him for long, and not at all by herself, but Gabby bassically becomes Wades number one supporter, defending him when he messes up and snaps at laura.

"He's just hungry!! He's not bad! It's not bad to be hungry!" She'll say. "You wouldn't kill me if I was hungry.." she tells her bigger, more survival oriented sister whos suggested putting wade out of his misery, for his own sake. "I tried that... he found me again 3 days later." Logan tells her with a pang in his chest. It had taken everything in him to kill him the first time, and sobbed himself to sleep the next 2 days. By the third when he noticed Wade following him from a distance he couldn't believe it.

Not even the apocalypse could keep them away from each other..

[littlest-bugz]

Does anyone else go thru phases where you don’t want to talk to anyone?

Like,,, I love you so much, but I just need to RECOUP. I need my alone time so I don’t have another breakdown.

[autisticlee]

i'm aroace, sex repulsed and don't get traditional romance or find the need for it, but I still often think how it would be neat to have a gf/partner for other purposes that arent romance and sexual. but it seems impossible to make someone want to date you if you take out those things????

sometimes I think it would be nice to have a gf to do cute gay cosplay photoshoots with. there would be mouth smooching and you usually can't do that with a friend and I don't really want to either, so a gf would be useful for that.

then there's hating showers because they exhaust me and it would be nice to have a gf to wash my hair and stuff for me??? can't call up a friend to do this every time I need to shower. that won't work and I doubt they'd want to/be comfortable doing that.

most friends will end up putting all their priority into their partner and/or family they create. I want someone that will make me their priority and not run off with someone else they start dating and abandon me??? something like that. their priority is cleaning our home together, hanging out together, going shopping and other domestic/partner stuff. they don't do that with someone else or use me temporarily until they can find a partner. so it's essentially dating/being partners. but it looks different from your typical expected romance and partnership.

doesn't matter how aroace I am, I have accepted that a relationship is beneficial in many ways and there's certain things that you can't expect friends to cover and they can't fill. but I have zero interest in looking for a partner in traditional ways that requires small talk/flirting/dates/etc. so that makes me realize i'll most likely not trick someone into partnering with me lmao

the internet seems to call this kind of thing "queer platonic relationship" (did I remember it right?) and you just need to find another sroace person to do it with. but either way, there's no textbook to study for how to get that and where to find these people. it seems harder than the puzzle that is regular dating tbh.

there's that saying "there's other fish in the sea" but i'm a worm in a puddle the other worms got out before they drowned. there's no fish here lmao. my options are so limited that I haven't met a single option yet in my life. there's barely any chance the first aroace person I meet irl will be compatible, or the first compatible person will accept a relationship with an aroace. you know what I mean? any other aroace that's interested in some kind of relationship/partnership and feel like you don't get that whole sea to choose from like everyone else and only have a dried up puddle? 😅

[computerpeople]

i kind of dont understandd a lot of the way people talk about asexuality

[sh1-n0bu]

♡︎ 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙪𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 ♡︎

characters: AFAB!sub!jing yuan, dan heng, blade x gn!dom!reader

warnings: AFAB characters, overstimulation, headcannon+small drabble format, praise, degrading, cock/strap traditions, dacryphilia, usage of bullet vibrator, slight brat taming, nipple stimulation, fingering, oral, cervix fucking, begging, squirting, clit pinching, cock/strap warming, size kink, belly bulge, breeding, creampie, mating press, full nelson, just a personal headcannon of how i think they would act when overstimulated

notes: someone wrote “nobody writes ahegao quite like nobu does” in one of their repost tags and im fucking shitting tears😭😭

the giggler

jing yuan loves to be overstimulated. he loves the feeling of it, the adrenaline rush, the high, the feeling of finally cumming all over your fingers, tongue, strap whatever it may be and the feeling of you continuing to move, drawing out his orgasm while also driving him into an overstimulated mess

has the cutest giggles and laughs when he gets too much pleasure. he doesn’t even try to hide or won’t even try to hide it. why would he when you were making him feel so good over and over again? hell, he even wants other people to hear it, to remind them that you were his lover and only his. and how only he gets to feel the overwhelming amount of pleasure only you can bring to him and no one else

but, it comes with a catch. he needs a lot of foreplay and/or teasing and/or orgasm denial for him to finally cave in and shake his head before starting to blabber incoherent shit about how good your cock feels inside his gushing pussy, how he could feel your tip fucking his cervix, how he wanted you to fuck a baby inside him etc etc

and i mean a LOT of it

as a centuries old war hardened general, it’s safe to say that he had gotten used to some feelings and emotions. pleasure being one of them

so if you want to get him to break and to become absolutely dumb and drunk on lust and pleasure, you have to tease him a lots before getting into it. if not, he will somehow find a way to outsmart you and take the reigns. he’s a bit of a brat and a spoiled prince wrapped up into one after all

will tell you what to do and how to do it if you have failed in getting him needy in your foreplay. he will fist your hair and thrust his hips into your mouth, making you unable to breath for a moment or two with his clit right at your nose. will push you down and flip your positions so he could ride your face, all the while chuckling at your cute attempt to push him back down. a goddamn brat and he will show it to the fullest when you fail at your foreplay

did i mention he was a brat? well now i have. a fucking brat to the max and he isn’t ashamed of it. will definitely question your power in the bedroom, try to overpower you and he will. he literally swings a 7000kg glaive in one hand like its nothing and he will show it by throwing you around. gently and consensually of course, he wouldn’t want to hurt his beloved

but fully expect him to be cocky and devious. “can you say no to my pretty pussy?”, “so sleepy. oh sorry, i didn’t know your cock was inside me hehe”, “was that all?” you get the gist. will shamelessly yawn in the middle of fucking not because he is sleepy or tired, but simply because he is a brat. a goddamn brat

so, how can you get him to be needy and won’t make him go into his bratty side? simple. shove a long distance controlled vibrator inside his cunt and leave it there for the whole day for him to suffer at work. but if you’re going to do that, be sure to mute the ringtone for your phone for the day since he will call you, send you messages, pictures, videos every damn hour. the closer his hour for shift ending comes, the more frequent the buzzing of your phone will become because he will grow much more needier

when finally he’s back home and frantically pawing at your pants when barely through the doors, that’s when you know he had absolutely no intention of being a brat. how can he when his whole pants were slowly getting stained from his multiple orgasms?

when he’s gladly bending himself over, arching his back for you as he wiggles his hips, he will ask you to come inside. jing yuan is great with kids and such a huge family man, he will ask you over and over repeatedly to breed him. cum inside him, fill up his cute dripping cunt, put him in whatever position you want and make sure to breed his pretty cunt, you can finally raise your own family together!

remember the long distance controlled vibrator i mentioned? make sure to keep it on and buzzing inside his cunt at all times when he’s away at work, or else it won’t work. during meetings or report hearings, jing yuan had to leave to the bathroom a lot of times and it genuinely got his subordinates concerned for his health. the red face, the heavy breathing and sometimes, the jolts of his body or the bleeding bruised lips of his made the cloud knights worry and some even suggested for him to leave the seat of divine foresight early to look after his health. if only they knew just how their dearest general was pathetically biting on his hand to muffle his screams in the bathroom as he squirted all over himself

“[naaammeee], ‘m mmgh♡︎! aaaaangh haah mngck♡︎♡︎ i-i’m home!” jing yuan’s voice called out, weak mewls of pleasure slipping through as he collapsed onto the floor the moment the doors of your shared home was closed. desperately humping the floor, trying to push the vibrator deeper into his gushing pussy, your lover didn’t realize that you were leaning against the wall of the kitchen, watching him with a knowing smile. there was a wet patch growing in his usual red pants, growing more and more the further he humped the air in desperation. see? your tough brat was so easy to tame.

“you feeling okay, darling?” you call out, taking out the controlled from your pants pocket and messing with the switch. flipping it up, down, up to the highest level, before going to the lowest level. it was cute to see the ever so tough brat turn into a delirious mess from just a single small toy. all because he was being so stubborn about how you weren’t the boss of him. walking over to where he was kneeling on the floor, you reach your free hand out. tilting his head up, a thumb swiping away at the drool that was beginning to pool on his lower lip, you tilt your head to the side, asking the question again with a firm hold onto his chin.

“n-no…! no no no, not at aamgh♡︎♡︎ h-hhaaaggm not at all♡︎!” he shakes his head viciously, dragging out his words and tripping over them with moans and mewls falling in between. pathetically, he tugs on the hem of your pants, trying to get to his favorite treat, the one thing he’s been missing this whole day.

“n-need you… need you right now, need your—♡︎♡︎! need yo-our..! c-cock right now...♡︎!” jing yuan mutters between whimpers, finally, his shaky hands manage to pull down your pants and undergarments just enough to have your strap out. a needy whine falling as he places slobbering wet kisses on the tip, giving it a few licks as he flutters his lashes at you in an effort to manipulate you to give him what he was non-verbally asking.

knowing full well that he wouldn’t take no for an answer and that yanqing might come home soon, you drag him up to his feet — an action that was heavily protested against as jing yuan cries out after his favorite treat being taken away. once inside the comfort of your shared bedroom, by the time you have locked the door behind you, he was already naked. clothes messily strewn on the floor and on the bed, the many orgasm’s slick dripping down his puffy cunt to his ass and to the bedsheets eventually. you could see the light trembling of his pussy lips, an action caused by the vibrator fucking away inside him still.

turning the vibrator off, you take the toy out of his puffy cunt. jing yuan let out a drawn out mewl at the feeling, clenching around nothing as he tries to replace the empty feeling for something, anything. but seeing you starting to strip, he knew what he wanted. and he knew how he wanted it.

spreading his legs open further, his hand comes down, flicking at his enlarged clit with a jolt before spreading open his labia for you to take in how he was already so needily wet and dripping for you. a drunk giggle escaping him when the tip of your cock is right against his folds, wiggling his hips enticingly.

“[nnaameeee]~ you gotta fuck a baby in me this time, owhkayyy?♡︎♡︎ hehehe♥︎”

the crybaby

the cutest out of all three of them, in my personal opinion

he just gets overstimmed so easily and quickly, it’s adorable in the way that he brokenly begs for a moment of respite. legs shaking, smaller body jolting violently at the smallest of touches like your hand ghosting over his hardened nipples. don’t even get me started on the way he cutely squeals out loud when you pinch his clit augh

maybe it’s due to his nature as a vidyadhara and not a full human but every little touch is received with so much sensitivity and sensuality, it gets so easy to turn him into a blabbering mess in record time. push his smaller body against the wall and finger his gushing pussy while rolling your thumb over his clit. in no time, his legs are shaking as he bites your hand, his orgasm washing over him quickly and violently. but don’t just stop there, keep flicking at his clit, pinch it, tug on it, push a hand on the small bulge on his belly and he’ll be left sobbing by the second or third round

he’s noticeably smaller than the other two and it carries out into his size kink so well. he just wants to be pushed around and put into impossible, near painful positions and man-handled until he’s left a blabbering idiot

make him cockwarm you while asking him to read you a story or a book under the guise that you had a nightmare and can’t fall asleep without his soothing voice and soft cunny wrapped around your cock. at first he’ll huff and puff, saying that you’re a liar and just wants to fuck him. four or five pages in and his voice is already strained, whines coming out as hiccups and sniffles follow soon after

but just because he’s a crybaby doesn’t mean he’s an idiot. he knows how much you love his pretty steel grey eyes unfocused and hazy, brimming with tears and he will use that to his advantage. will make sure to play with his nipples or push down on the bulge in his tummy when cockwarming you so he could get teary eyed quicker. the moment he sniffles and grinds himself down on you, he knows you’re a goner and would give him what he wants

he may be a crybaby, but he’s also a goddamn minx so beware of that

tugs on your sleeve so cutely, looking at you with a flushed face and stuttered words to ask you if you wanna spend time with him in his room. today’s trailblazing expedition was too long and tiring after all, “surely you would enjoy some cuddles…?” or “i just wanted to help you patch up your wounds. i was just worried”

yeah sure, dan heng. just say that you wanna get fucked until you’re squealing out like a slut with fat tears running down your cute red cheeks. thank the aeons the express’ walls are thick and soundproof. if not, who knows the amount of noise complaint you would have gotten from everyone

has slight oral fixation. slightly. but that’s only because he wants to see you crumble and give into his non-verbal demands and just ruin him. he’s a bit too shy to ask directly after all

long serpentine tongue wrapping around your strap, pulling it into his mouth. will gag and choke so loudly with the tip of the fat dildo pushed right down his throat, hitting his uvula and choking his throat. he can complain about sore throats and pained jaws all he wants but you both know that he loves to suckle on your strap with tears filling his eyes

the most messiest cock sucker and that’s saying something bc blade is the one who has the biggest oral fixation out of the three of them. he’ll place wet kisses to the weeping tip of your cock, running the slitted snake like tongue over the weeping slit of your cock teasingly before wrapping it around your dick. loves the scent and the taste of your pre, basically addicted to it as he opens his mouth wider, slipping your cock inside the warm cavern of his mouth inch by inch

but be aware that he will also try to take advantage of this position. he will try to bat his lashes at you so he can continue suckling on your strap like he would be sucking on a lolipop, all under the guise to ‘make you happy’. when in reality, he would try to make you cum over and over to try and get you overstimulated. when in such position, just fist his hair and fuck his throat. gets him crying in no time like the crybaby he is

“… bamboo whispers in the w-wind, a secret pa-aaangh! aah aaah hmgk♡︎ a s-secret pa-act... ♡︎!“ the soothing voice of your lover drawls out into a weak sniffle, hands gripping the book filled with love poetry from his home planet tightly. so tight, you feared that he might just tear the book apart with his claws. you had crawled into his bed yet again to torment him today, the dildo hitting all the sensitive spots in his gushing cunt, dan heng couldn’t help but weakly whine when your hands around his waist tightens to not let him move.

“go on. i’m listening” you coo out, forcing him to stay still on your lap while his voice continue to drawl out. sniffles and broken pleads replacing his ever so stoic mask, a voice that is usually so cold and distant, always scolding other turning into one of mindless blabber about how badly he wanted your strap to fuck his pussy. you couldn’t help but laugh.

“is that what it says on the pages? i may be still learning the strokes but the next line seems to be the stroke for two” you point at the kanji on the book he was holding in his shaking hands, the strokes of the language seeming familiar to you. it was an easy kanji to read after all. yet not to your boyfriend it seems.

“please! p-please please move! i beg you, [n-naamee]♡︎ you gotta fuck meeh♡︎ you gotta fuck me you gotta fuck me— you have to fuck meeegck—♡︎♡︎!!” dan heng squeals, shaking thighs bucking down onto your dick, trying to gain some friction. it was enough, he had read you hundreds of love poetries from his home planet. he had been taking your pronged torture for long enough, please just fuck his cunt already!

“so impatient” you huff, putting the book away with a book marker tucked between the pages before hooking your hands under his knees. pulling him up and over until dan heng was left wailing at the sudden change in position. hooking your arms under his knees, his legs are left dangling in the air with nothing to support himself but for his hands to cling to your biceps. even then, he couldn’t hold for long as he jolts about in your arms like a hopping bunny, painting your dildo in his cum when the tip kissed his cervix.

“guuchk♥︎!! d-deep! aah ah naahmg haah t-too deep♡︎♡︎ [n-name] you’re f-fucckk fuck fuck—♡︎♥︎ fucking my cerviinxx my ceerrvv—♡︎♡︎ mngh unngya♥︎!” punched out sobs comes from his pretty lips, drawling out into whiny cries when you move him up and down. you could see the bulge in his tummy appear and disappear every little moment. every jolt, every gasp, every little whiny cry making the bulge in his tummy to get more detailed. he was so adorably small.

“‘m sorry, darling. i’m sorry, didn’t mean it. didn’t mean to fuck you this deep” you coo out apologies, lifting him just a bit so your strap won’t sink so deep to the point it would kiss his cervix. as much as you loved your crybaby gasping and writhing, you didn’t want the reason for such reaction to be pain.

claws scratching at every inch of skin he could touch, jaw slack open in a silent scream, you could barely make out his shrill yell of what appears to be your name when dan heng squirts over your cock after just a few thrusts. you could see the overflowing amount of cum just dripping down your cock, trailing down to your legs and staining the mattress. with a click of your tongue, you pinched his clit, making the shorter man sniffle with a squeal.

“‘m soowryyy… sorry sorry—♡︎ d-didn’t mean to be bad... s-soowwh uunhg hyaagk ungc gugcck—♥︎♥︎!!”

the hissy bitch

alright, so i know i’m going into territory that has been charted way too many times before by blade lovers standard but he def has piercings. on his nipples, tongue and on his clit. probably got the first three by losing a drunk bet or something or maybe he just wanted it but the last one, the clit one, is definitely his latest piercing. one that he got after his relationship with you began and he had made the sudden rash decision to get one so he could see your reaction and to feel you just messing with it while fucking him

there is a REASON why he always keeps his chest bandaged up. there is a goddamn reason and that reason is his nipple piercings and the fact that his chest is generally very sensitive im being delusional

so what does that bring and why have i specified it? simple. titty fucking. nipple stimulation. seeing his pretty big, round chest jiggle every time your cock sinks back into his dripping cunt. pinch it, roll it, tug on them, suckle on them, do anything to him with his nipple piercing and he’s scratching at your back, mauling it like an animal

the reason i see him as a hissy bitch is because he likes to throw small temper tantrums when he gets too overstimulated. he’s crying, begging, hitting your shoulders, back, scratching at them and leaving deep red scratch marks, perhaps even breaking the skin sometimes. how come blade get overstimulated quickly? because he is very touch deprived. he’s been alone and immortal for too damn long and his ass is fucking touch starved. i just know it in my bones

genuinely, he is indeed very touch starved. since his rebirth as an immortal, he had felt nothing but pain, anguish and suffering and therefore, has basically gotten immune to touches. especially the violent and bloody ones. but gentle, tender, affectionate ones? find him jumping away from your soft hands like a frightened cat, it’s goddamn heartbreaking. so when he finally gets his cunt fucked, blade would be overstimmed too fast due to receiving a sudden abundance of affection and touches

will shake his head ‘no’ when asked if you would wanna stop due to his tears. you were just concerned but blade didn’t wanted this onslaught of pleasure to stop. desperately rides your fingers, mouth, strap — anything. loves the feeling of being on top of you, gives him the slight feeling of being in control. until it all gets thrown out the window when you force him to stop bouncing, hands gripping his hips tightly as a warning. will whine and try to grind down, trying to chase that high again but will only end up with a pout and hissy tears falling down his cheeks

another one who loves the feeling of being stuffed full and overstimulated. it’s almost like he gets high from the feeling. loves having his pussy fucked in any way you please until he can’t stay on his hands or feet without shaking. it’s just so cute to see him shaking like a fawn when fucking him doggy style

prepare to have yourself used as a chew toy as well as a scratcher. blade’s almost like a cat, hissy and whiny but also so greedy and preferring certain things in certain manner. will bite at your shoulders, hands, fingers to muffle himself but also to try and get his shit together. will scratch at your back, thighs, wherever he could reach. such a spoiled brat

when eating him out, be sure to give an extra care and love to his clit piercing. constantly flicking it with your tongue would usually work though, gets his legs all shaky and jolty soon enough. maybe pair it with flicking his pierced nubs and bladie will be squirting into your mouth with an embarrassing high pitched shriek. make sure to clean up all of his mess before diving right back into his gushing cunny. he may not say it but he will expect you to go back to eating him out like he’s your last meal

has the BIGGEST oral fixation out of the three of them. like, down bad, delicious, scrumptious, sloppy oral fixation. and he is happy to give it 90% of the times due to his tongue piercing. knows how good it makes you feel and how you like to see his pretty face between your legs, sucking on the large dildo like his life depends on it. not a single thought or a single moment of choking from him, it’s almost like he doesn’t have a gag reflex

you just came back from mission, from being away from him even for a single day? unacceptable. let him bend over for you, you can get your stress out by fucking his already dripping wet pussy. too tired? that’s fine. take of your pants and get comfortable cuz’ he can stay between your legs for days

not a single minute of respite has greeted you ever since you came back from your latest mission, stepping foot into your shared home with your stoic lover. perhaps the single gentle kiss to your cheek before he started to leave slobbering wet kisses on your lips was the only warning and moment of rest you have gotten. not even shoes off yet and blade was already unbuckling your belt, giving you the puppy eyes and grumbling about how you’ve been away for too damn long. whining about how much he missed you and needed your strap to fuck him dumb. how his pretty pussy had missed you so much.

“n-nnghyaa♡︎♡︎ m-missed you... missed you s’ much, [name]! f-fuck me fuck me fuck me, fuck your favorite cunt gyyuck—♥︎♥︎ a-aaanh! haah ah ah mmngk—♡︎♥︎!!” unusually docile red eyes roll to the back of his skull, jaw going slack wide open as you push his legs up, feeling your strap hit him deeper than he thought was possible. he could feel your weight push him down, keeping it still on the bed and to stop him from wiggling his hips entirely. this new position caused his cat like pupils to widen, turning into heart shapes as you chuckle at the dazed look in his eyes.

“such a needy brat” you coo out in a condescending manner, pushing his legs up in the air with your hands hooked under his knees to keep him in place. pulling out until halfway out, you sink back into blade’s dripping cunt. a squeal tearing from his throat alongside the filthy wet squelch of his cunt tightening around your dildo. it was so easy to get him dumb.

“t-too nngh much! too muchtoomuchtoomuch♡︎! fucking m-my womb—♡︎ [n-name], y-youuwrr crush— crushing my wombgg aangh ah ah! gyyuck eengh aaangh nyaagh♥︎♥︎!!” the familiar feeling of his nails scratching at your arms takes place, tearing at the skin, clawing at any part of your body he can come in contact with. a desperate attempt to ground his already long gone mind, too deep into the throes of pleasure that he didn’t even realize his shaking hands were weakly pulling your hips to fuck deeper into his warm walls.

“don’t be so dramatic, bladie. i won’t be able to crush your womb in this position” you coo out mockingly, wiping away the fat globs of tears that continue to pour of his eyes. red and yellow eyes rolled to the back of his skull, wide open mouth letting out the most salacious squeals and shrieks of your name and how you were fucking his womb falling out. legs weakly dangling in the air, jolting and bristling at every deep thrust you fuck into his velvety walls. the lewd wet squelching noises were alongside your grunts and blade’s whiny sobs were the only noise in the room. you would probably get noise complaints the next morning due to blade’s loudmouthed blabbering self.

letting go of one of his legs, you shove your fingers into his mouth. almost as if it was an instinct, blade’s tongue wet your fingers. suckling on the two digits as it his life depended on it with the most cutest heart shaped pupils staring at you. once you deemed them wet enough, you take your fingers out of his mouth. an action that blade showed his hatred towards as his pierced tongue comes past his lips, trying to chase after your fingers.

“gghcck—♡︎♥︎♥︎♥︎!!” a sharp wail taking place as blade arches his back, his whole body shaking, soft big tits jiggling when you pinched at his pierced clit. rolling, tugging, flicking at the hardened nub as blade sobs about cumming before drenching your cock with his squirting. you had thought of him to be satisfied with it, but turns out you have underestimated your lover’s neediness when his strong scarred thighs comes to wrap around your waist, legs locked behind your back when you tried to pull out.

sigh… it’s times like this that makes you glad for your amount of stamina.

[yosh-iro]

just realizing my hearing can be summed up as having a fucking nasa computer for hardware but only ever using it to play that vid of a spinning rat with a compressed version of free bird in the background

[luvyeni]

RIDIN' WITH YOU ,, 이제노

pairings ‎⸝⸝⸝ streetracer!jeno x fem!reader wc. 5.7k

genre. smut

🦢◞  including ... illegal street racing, oral ( fem. receiving ), unprotected sex

request. Can I request a biker jeno where the reader is almost ran over by him on a motorcycle and they start knocking into each other from there

「 ୨୧ authors note 」 enjoy it !

❪ masterlist! ❫

being new to the city you weren't aware of the roads you weren't supposed to take; and yeah the road was quiet which was weird, but you didn't question it.

“why didn't you just take a cab?” chaeryoung, your roommate asked , “it's the quickest way to the apartment.” she was right it was the quickest way back to your shared apartment, but being new and all you just wanted to take a look at the city. “night time surely isn't the best time to do that but all right.” she said. “i know but i'm almost home , wait up for me yeah?” she hummed. “okay.”

you hung up; continuing down the road, unbeknownst to you, the street you used wasn't always quiet, in fact it was the loudest street at night and you'd soon find out why.

jeno pulled up to the lot , street full of motorcycles and other people waiting for the show. “you're late.” haechan said. “yeah well i had a class, i couldn't just leave.” he said. “look at you trying to be all studious.” he rolled his eyes at the boy. “where's mark, need to know who im racing today.” haechan pointed to the older boy who was chatting up some girl. “renjun knows ask him.”

“jaemin and some new kid.” renjun told the boy. “new kid is over there, jaemin will probably be your only competition tonight.” he smirked. “jaemin? my competition please?” the other overheard this , his arm was wrapped around one of the many girls who'd come and watch them ride. “you scare jeno lee?” he smirked. “please jaemin when was the first time you've won against me?”

“you wanna bet on it?” jeno didn't really care about money, he loved the thrill of speeding down a road; that doesn't mean he was gonna pass up. “$100?” he shook hands with the boy. “both of you gear up , it's time to hit the road.”

the cheers were loud; the motors from the three motorcycles roared as they waited for mark’s call. “remember be careful, don't die; i won't be the one calling your parent's.” he turned to the scared newbie, turning to jaemin who was too busy making out with a girl to notice; this was gonna be too easy. “jaemin!” jisung another racer called. “i'm ready.” he said putting his helmet on.

“alright you guys ready” mark shouted over the screams, jeno focused on the road. “go!” jeno took off , speeding down the road , this is the part he loved , hitting the gas hard, speeding up down the road that no one ever used; so he wasn't suspecting someone to be crossing the road.

the loud music blasting through your headphones as you came up on the street end of the street; ready to cross the street— maybe you should've looked both ways like you were taught as a young child, or even taken the your headphones off; because if you did you would've heard the motorcycle that's was bolting down the road. stepping out into the street , the only thing finally catching your attention was the light; looking up, the only thing you could brace for was death— but it never came.

he was in the lead; coming up on the turn that would put close to the finish line. the light from his bike was bright so he could see the road in front of him; he didn't even notice you; until he did and it was too late to beep the horn or slow down, your eyes finally connecting with his , you were an actual deer in the headlights, he took a hard right, a quick turn around he saw you on the ground , shocked.

he kept going; he almost hit you and he kept going. turning the corner after almost hitting the pole, you were in shock; quickly standing up out of the street , running across the rest of the street, you were in luck too because two more motorcycles came roaring down the street , turning down the same block.

the shock of almost dying finally wore off; then the pain set in, looking down at your knees , you noticed the blood dripping from it. “that's just great.” you winced— you for sure we're taking a cab home next time, screw trying to see what the city had to offer, clearly it had jerks in leather jackets who were trying to kill you and themselves.

speeding past the line; people cheering for his victory, but he was pissed. the two bikes coming in; he hopped off his bike taking his helmet off, throwing it to the ground in anger. “whoa what fuck is wrong with you?” renjun asked. “why are you so upset you won?” mark asked , jaemin taking his helmet off. “im $100 dollars broke now thank you very much.” he said bitterly. “i almost hit some chick on the street , i fucked up the turn almost hit a pole.” he growled.

“i didn't see a girl.” jaemin said. “you sure it just wasn't an animal?” mark asked. “how many animals you know that are 5 feet and wear dressing.” he picked his helmet up, a large chip in due to him slamming it on the ground. “shit.” he hissed. “don't worry about it right now.” mark comforted the boy. “look, let's just get you a drink and girl, the night is still young and there's many races left , haechan and johnny are racing tonight.”

“haechan and johnny?” he said confused. “haechan thinks he can beat Johnny.” he laughed. “has the last three time not proven anything?” the elder shook his head. “everyone is betting against him , jisung felt bad so he voted for him , he's in for a rude awakening, let's go.” he said , the boy followed behind , completely ready to forget about the girl he almost hit.

…

“i told you to take a cab; you didn't and now look.” chaeryoung said as you walked through the campus; she walked you more so limped, the results of the fall. “how was i supposed to know they do races on that street?” you asked. “um, did the quiet road not imply anything?” she had a point, of course you weren't gonna admit it. “yeah well that doesn't matter, im never walking again.”

“i gave you the money, i still want a rematch though.” jaemin said , jeno scoffed, they were hanging around during break waiting for their classes to start. “you and haechan are gonna go broke trying to prove something.” he laughed. “hey i almost beat johnny last night.” renjun rolled his eyes. “please, he had you by 10 blocks.” jeno laughed at his friend's expense. “you’ll get him next time.” he knew he was lying but who was he to shut down his friends dreams. “i gotta go now.” he checked his phone. “gotta take my bike to the shop and get a new helmet after class.” he stood up , walking away.

“i have a shift today at the store.” you said. “you sure you'll be able to work today, what about your leg?” you nodded. “doyoung let's me sit down so it's fine.” you looked down at your knee, luck just wasn't on your side again because before chaeryoung could call for you to look up, you were bumping against a hard surface. “umph.” chaeryoung caught you before you fell. “jesus do i need to bubble wrap you?”

“you okay?” the voice of the person you bumped into said. “im fine.” you picked up your books that you dropped. “luckily my phone isn't cracked.” you finally looked at him, his eyes widening. “you.”

“yn?” chaeryoung looked at you, with confusion in her eyes. “do i know you?” you asked. “you should i almost killed you last night,” he said folding his arms. “well why are you upset with me? You almost killed me, not the other way around.” you frowned. “why were you on that road in the first place, any smart person knows what's it used for.” was he serious right now? he almost kills you and he's asking questions. “not if they're new to the city which i am.” you shot back. “you don't seem to be hurt, meanwhile my knee is messed up, are you gonna apologize for that?” he scoffed. “are you dead?”

“well no.” you said, he nodded, with a smug smile speaking. “well there's your apology.” was all he said, before he turned on his heel walking away. “what an asshole.” chaeryoung said. “he almost kills you and doesn't have the decency to apologize.” she scoffed. “who even is that?” you asked. “jeno lee, him and his group of degenerate friends do illegal street racing for cash sometimes.” she said. “you've been?” you asked. “absolutely not , i wouldn't be caught dead now there, ryujin, my friend from my class races down there , she's the only girl.” she said. “hot.” you said, she rolled her eyes. “don't let her hear you say that , it will go to her head.”

“everything looks fine, the breaks need tightening though.” johnny said after looking at his bike. “and you need a new helmet,” he said. “thank you johnny.” he said. “i thought something might've broken, i took a hard turn last night.” he said. “yeah i heard you hit a girl last night.” he scoffed. “i didn't hit her , in fact she has only a scratch.” he said. “you know her?” the elder asked. “not really, apparently she goes to the same university, she bumped into me earlier.”

“clumsily girl, she pretty?” johnny asked with a smirk. “she has a mouth on her.” he grumbled. “not what i asked.” jeno looked at the boy. “she's cute.” he confessed, he could remember your bows in your hair from earlier, he remembers one thing from that night, you had the same ones. “how cute?” johnny smirked , jeno rolled his eyes. “are you gonna fix my breaks today or do i need to call a cab back home?”

“it's not gonna take that long, i can be done in about an hour.” jeno nodded. “thanks so much.” he said , his stomach rumbling. “the convenience store is still open, go get something to eat.” johnny said. “by time you come back it should be done.” jeno nodded. “i’ll be right back.” he said. “bring me back a pack of smokes.” he left out the auto body shop doors.

“is it broken? have you been to the doctors?” doyoung, your boss asked worriedly. “i should've made you get into a cab, you're new here, you don't know your way around.” you laughed. “i'm fine doyoung, just a little pain , it will go away soon, stop worrying so much.” you said. “how can i not , you're one of my best workers, and i only have two.” he said. “and do you see haechan anywhere , i'll die if you leave.” he stressed. “try and stay off it , lord, what am i gonna do with you kids.” he walked to the back, you smiled at your boss.

“what did you get for number 13?” chaeryoung said over the phone, just as the door opened. “hello.” you didn't bother looking up at the person. “it's 12.” you said. “12? i got 2.” she said. “im not sure why— look i have customers we'll finish this later.” you said, “and redo that math, it's not correct.” you hung up, just as a lady and her daughter came up to the register. “hello.” you smiled, the lady looked remorseful. “im sorry my daughter spilled a milk in the isle.” she said the little girl hid behind her mother. “hey sweetie, it's okay.” you grabbed a loli from the counter. “here , my boss won't mind.” you whispered , smiling. “thank you.” she smiled.

“don't worry, i'll clean it up.” you said as they left the store. “thank you so much and im so sorry.” she quickly ushered her child out. “crap.” you stood up a pain shooting through your leg. “ow fuck!” you whispered shouted bending down to fix the bandage. “give me a pack of smokes.” you straighten up, “i need more than that.” you said , finally realizing who it was. “you again?”

he made eye contact with you. “for someone that's new to the city , you surely are everywhere,” he said. “or are you just following me.” he smirked. “yeah, i managed to track where you lived , and got a job within the hours.”

“i don't live around here princess, im getting my bike fixed.” he said , you gulped. “do-dont call me that.” you stuttered. “a pack of smokes please.” he smirked , noticing your red face. “princess.” you turned around, grabbing a random pack of cigarettes. “h-here, give me the money.” you said , taking his bills putting them in register. “did i break your bike?”

“why princess , you feel bad?” he smiled , gosh his smile was so charming. “we-well — it's fine you didn't do anything, bikes need fixing sometimes.” he said. “especially with what i do.” you nodded. “good.” you said , taking in his appearance. “i-i have to clean that milk up.”

he watched you walk away; he noticed you limping to the back, waiting for you to get back with the mop and bucket; feeling bad , he sat his food down, walking over to you. “move back , go sit down.” he grabbed the mop. “i can do it.” you said. “im trying to apologize princess , go sit down.” he said , you limped back to your seat , watching him , he was incredibly fit , his body flexing in his jacket , it made you hot. “the way you're staring at me , someone can come in and steal and you wouldn't even know princess.” he put the mop in the bucket , putting it to the side , turning with a smirk. “i-i wasn't staring.”

“sure.” he said. “you shouldn't walk home.” he said. “why are you and your friends racing?” he scoffed. “because of your leg.” he said. “well im not , i’ll catch a cab.” you said , handing him his food. “here you go.” you said. “let me take you home.” he said. “on your bike?” you asked. “the thing that almost killed me , im fine.”

“i'll go slow.” he said, you thought about it. “you promise?” he looked at you, doe like eyes , much like what he saw that night. “yeah , princess, i'll go as slow as you like, although faster is always better.” the underlying sexual undertones to that made your body tingle. “so is that a yes?” you nodded. “if it's not too much , i get off in an hour.”

“i just have to go pick up my bike, the auto body shop is only around the corner , wait for me outside okay?” you nodded , smiling. “okay.” you said, he returned a smile. “don't miss me too much princess.” he winked before leaving out the store leaving you flustered.

johnny was almost finished by the time he returned back from the store. “what helmets do girl riders use?” he looked through the helmets. “well your head isn't the size of girls , so why are you asking?” johnny asked. “the girl i almost ran into, she works at the convenience store around the corner.” he said , watching the elder smirk. “she hurt her leg, im giving her ride home.”

“you're buying her a helmet.” johnny said. “you haven't seen this girl, she's not getting on without one, and mine is too big, are you gonna help or not?” the boy said. “this one.” johnny handed him a helmet. “it's pink.” jeno said. “trust me.” he shook his head. “fine.” he handed the boy his card. “be careful.” he said. “please i've had girls on my bike before.”

“where's your cab?” doyoung asked closing up the store; he insisted on waiting with you. “i'm not exactly catching a cab.” just as you said that , the roar of a motorcycle came down the street, jeno stopping in front of the store. “doyoung.” he said. “tell johnny he owes me $50 dollars.” johnny nodded. “multiple packs of cigarettes a week , he's costing me my business.” mumbling making you laugh. “come on princess , we gotta go.”

“you're getting on that thing?” doyoung said. “i pay you enough, you should be able to afford a cab.” he said. “he offered.” you said. “i even got her a helmet.” jeno interrupted. “see.” doyoung nodded. “don't go fast , and hold on tight , if you get hurt i can't be stuck with haechan , tell him to call in every once in a while, jeno , i don't pay him to slack off and barely come in.” you waved to doyoung. “see you tomorrow, okay?” you walked over to the boy. “here.”

he handed you a pink helmet with the tag still on. “did you just buy this?” you asked. “no i keep it just in case.” he said sarcastically. “don't worry about that , just put it on and get on.” he said , you put the helmet on , slowly climbing on the back. “okay let's go.” he laughed. “oh princess , you clearly haven't done this before.” he reached back, grabbing your hands. “wh-what?” he wrapped them around his waist. “so you won't fall off.” he said. “tighter baby.” you wish he would stop with those names. “is this tight enough?”

he smirked , taking off; you yelped , your arms locking around his waist. “you jerk!” you shrieked; he felt your head leaning on his back as he flew down the streets of the city.

you peaked your eyes open , seeing the cars and buildings fly by; you fully opened your eyes , slowly sticking your hand out to feel the wind , jeno could see you through the window , he smiled , coming to a stop light. “you like it?” he asked. “can you slow down a bit?” he heard your small voice. “it is pretty though.” you said. “and the wind feels nice.”

the light turned red , signaling him to go. “we’re almost to your dorm , hang on.” he said. “I'll go slower.” he said taking off , a little bit slower , but it was much better , he could feel your arms around his waist as he pulled up in front of your dorm. “we're here princess , you can open your eyes.”

he helped you off the bike , taking the helmet off your head. “that thing is scary.” you said. “how do you ride it all the time?” he smiled. “it's the adrenaline princess , the rush.” he said. “that's what i love about it.” you chewed on your bottom lip. “you know how your bows is your choice of drug?” you pouted , he smiled. “this mines.”

“yours is gonna get yourself hurt.” you said. “you worried about me princess , earlier you were ready to chop my head off.” you folded your arms. “well that's because you didn't apologize, now that you have , and you've been nice to me , i can't help but stress.” you said. “i can handle myself , don't worry that pretty little head,” he said. “go in and ice that knee,” he said. “my name is yn.” you said. “i know princess , i read your nametag,” he said, you scoffed. “bye bye jeno.” you waved him off. “go in princess.” he watched you go inside the dorms , before putting his helmet on , speeding back down the road.

…

“i still can't believe you get on that thing.” chaeryoung said , it had been a week since then , you've seen him a few times , he even gave you a ride home after class. “and with him nonetheless.” you both walked through the campus after class. “you don't know him he's a degenerate yn.” she said. “he is nice and even bought me a helmet.” you said. “oh well then i guess that makes it okay , you hear my sarcasm right.” she scoffed. “he goes slow.” you shrugged. “after i told him to.” you said. “you talking about me, princess?”

you jumped hearing the voice, turning around. “i don't appreciate being called a degenerate.” jeno said. “don't worry, i mean your friends as well.” chaeryoung looked to the boy on his left. “especially you na jaemin.” the boy smirked. “still upset about me not calling you back?” you could see your friend about to snap. “we're gonna go.” you grabbed her hand , turning to walk away.

“there's a show tonight, you should come.” jeno said. “and why would she do that?” chaeryoung said , he looked at you. “princess?” his gaze pierced through your skin, you chewed your bottom lip. “i-i have to work.” you said. “that's okay , it's at night.” he said. “i can pick you up, i still have the helmet” he smirked. “yn?” chaeryoung said. “well i mean ryujin will be there.” you said. “it couldn't hurt, could it?” you shrugged. “i told ryujin i did before going to one of those things.”

“i can give you a ride.” jaemin said with a smirk , she scoffed. “and it looks like i will die before going.” jeno tapped you. “i'll pick you up after work yeah?” you nodded with a smile. “okay.” you said. “chaeryoung you riding with me?” jaemin winked. “i'll take my chances with ryujin , go fuck yourself na jaemin.” she grabbed your hand , dragging you away. “bye bye!” you waved.

“she's cute.” jaemin said once you were out of earshot. “you like her?” he watched his friend stare at you until he could no longer see you. “i'll take that as a yes.” he patted his friend's shoulders. “you bought her a helmet?” jeno slapped his friends hand off of him. “shut up.” he said. “those things are like a hundred dollars, you met her a week ago, are you crazy?” they continued down the campus , as his friend teased him. “haechan is gonna love this.”

“are you crazy?” doyoung asked; he was so confused on how you met jeno when you entered the shop; so you explained to him— and you may have let it slip that you were going to the race. “yn are you trying to stress me out?” he said. “no need to panic.” you said. “no it is , those bikes are not safe, im worried.” he said. “chaeryoung, my friend she's coming with me , i'll be extra safe.” you reassured the man who became like your older brother. “you better , i'll kill jeno if you get hurt.”

“you better go slow while she's on there.” doyoung hounded the boy. “let me see the helmet she's wearing.” you put your hand on his shoulder. “doyoung , please go before someone robs the store.” he said. “be careful.” he said , before walking away. “are you two related?” he asked. “no i told you i'm new to the city.” you said. “then why is he up my ass like you are?” he got off the bike , opening the seat to grab the helmet. “here.” he said , putting the helmet on your head , helping you on to the bike. “arms princess.”

you wrapped your arms around his waist. “you can go faster today.” he smirked. “yeah , you liked the rush yesterday, didn't you?” you slapped his back. “it's okay little adrenaline junkie , i'll go faster.” he put his helmet on. “hold on tighter baby.” he said right before he turned on the motorcycle , the roar of bike making you flinch. “you're okay , i promise , i won't let you get hurt.” he said before speeding off down the street.

you had to admit , the feeling as you both sored down the street sparked a feeling inside you , you actually managed to keep your eyes open , the sun was setting , the pretty colors blurred with the passing cars , jenos sent was calming to , he checked on you every time you stopped , the heart fluttering jester made you smile , he was actually nice.

he slowed down as you came up on the empty street. “hey this is where you almost killed me.” he scoffed , “but i didn't did i princess?” you nodded. “i guess.” you said. “i haven't harmed you yet, have i?” he said , you started to hear more bikes. “no.” you said. “and i won't , i promise.” he said , you began to see people , a lot of people. “we're here,” he said.

he helped you off the bike , taking your helmet off. “it's loud here , how don't people catch you?” you asked. “luck.” he said, fixing your hair , you blushed. “well would you look at this?” you heard a voice. “when jaemin told me you were bringing someone , i thought he was joking , the bastard was right.”

“that's haechan.” jeno said, “you are the cutest thing.” he held his hand out. “h-hi.” you took it , shaking , making the man in front of you jealous , he pushed it aside , glaring at the boy. “your friend is over there , let me go get checked in and i'll bring you a drink , okay?” you nodded , walking away. “you bought her a helmet?” haechan said. “jaemin said you only knew her for a day.” haechan laughed. “you like her?” they made their way over to the check in. “what does it matter to you?”

“you wanna bet on her?” he said , jeno turned to the boy. “what the fuck do you mean by that?” he questioned. “you know what i mean , don't be dumb.” the other boy smirked. “you win , she's yours , i win — finish that sentence i dare you.” mark noticed the two , stepping in. “hey you know the rules , no fist fighting, you wanna go you use the bikes.” he said.

“what do you say jeno?” jeno scoffed. “you know you can't beat me haechan.” haechan shrugged. “a cutie like that gives me all the motivation i need.” jeno was about to lunge at the boy when jaemin stopped him. “you know he's just trying to get in your head.” the boy said. “you want race lee , let's do it.”

“this is ryujin , she's racing tonight.” chaeryoung said. “really?” you said. “who?” you questioned. “me princess.” jeno handed you a drink. “princess? didn't think you were the relationship type lee.” ryujin said , chaeryoung scoffed. “because he isn't. “who said that?” he said looking at you , your heart pounded. “well loverboy who else is racing?” ryujin asked. “haechan.” her eyebrows furrowing. “okay , you, i understand , you're competition , but hyuck , he lost to jisung.”

“haechan wanted to race me.” he said. “why?” you asked , looking at him with those doe eyes again. “because he has a humiliation kink princess , don't worry,” he said. “well be careful.” you said. “i will.” his hand coming up to your cheek , pinching it , making you giggle. “come on lover boy the show is about to start.” ryujin said. “wait for me at the finish line, yeah?” you nodded. “okay.”

“what was all that about?” chaeryoung asked. “met you only a week and he's already smitten , you got some type of love spell perfume on?” you laughed. “no.” you said , smiling to yourself. “well i see the feelings are mutual , all i say is be careful and be safe.” she said , you nodded. “racers at the mark.”

jeno kept his eyes on you , you waved at him ; he laughed, waving back. “don't let her soften you up lee , i might actually win and take her from.” haechan said , pulling down the shield of his helmet, jeno grunted , pulling his shield down. “ignore him.” ryujin said. “we both know he'll be coming in last.” “racers are you ready?” renjun yelled over the cheers. “don't die.” jeno put his foot on the gas. “please be careful.” you crossed your fingers. “go!” you saw smoke as the racers took off.

“she better be careful.” chaeryoung said , as you waited , you bit your lip nervously. “don't worry, he knows what he's doing.” she reassured you. “i guess.” you said , knowing the boy only a week , you still couldn't help but worry. “he better be.” you bit your fingers. “i hope he is.”

jeno could feel haechan at his side; he sped up , the boys words ringing in his ear, it pissed him off , making him speed up more , your voice in his head as well. “slow down.” was all he heard. “slow down.” he couldn't now , he could see the finish line , where you waited for him , all he had to do was cross the finish line.

“here they come!” someone yelled out , you both ran to the finish line. “oh i can't look.” you said , chaeryoung held your hand , as the bikes came into view. “oh it's him!” you cheered. “he's winning.” you jumped , clapping. he came speeding down the street , and past the line , everyone was cheering , as the other racers drove in.

once he sped past the line , he stopped taking his helmet off , people cheering his name , but he didn't care about that , his mind was on one thing— one person, you. he saw you in a crowd of people , you were searching for him , your eyes finding his. “jeno!” you shouted , running over to him. “you won!”

that was all you could say before his lips were smashing against yours , he held your face , lips moving. “let's get out of here.” he pressed his forehead against yours. “now.” only giving you time to say goodbye to chaeryoung , putting your helmet on and helping you on to his bike. “where are we going?” you asked , the look in his eyes made shivers run down your spine. “mine.”

you couldn't even remember the ride to jenos with how fast he was going; his need for you at the moment was strong , that's why he was taking you to his , he was closer , the closer he was the quicker he could feel you.

pulling up to his apartment complex; parking right in front of it. “come on princess.” he helped you off the bike, taking the helmet off. “let's go up.” he said , his hand low on your back , “you must want me as much as i want you.” he cornered you in the elevator. “you didn't hesitate to get on the bike when i said i was taking you back to mines.” his body covered yours , you looked up at him with wide eyes. “don't look at me like that , it makes me want to ruin you even more.”

it was fair game once he got you into his apartment; he wasted no time , picking you up , wrapping your legs against his waist , pinning you against the wall. “je-jeno.” you moaned , his hand coming up to your neck. “you like this?” he squeezed a little , a whimper falling from your pretty lips. “keep on making those pretty noises baby , makes me want to fuck you right here against this wall.” he growled. “pl-please.”

“no baby , im gonna fuck you right in my bed.” he said , lowering you down , sinking down to his knees. “but i am gonna eat this pretty little pussy right here.” you bit your lip as lifted your dress , dipping his head under , you felt him pulling your panties to the side , kissing your clit. “fu-fuck jeno.” you moaned , as he licked up your cunt. “oh my god.” you gasped.

you grabbed his hair , grinding down on his face, he moaned against your folds , his nose bumping your clit , his hands pinning your waist down to the wall , he was in heaven , this was better than anything he ever felt in his life — maybe even racing. “je-jeno im gonna cum.’ you moaned. “im cumming !” he held you up , your body toppling over as you came hard around his tongue.

he emerged from under your shirt , a smile on his face , his lips covered in your juices. “you taste so good baby.” he said breathlessly. “like fucking candy.” you whimpered; he really couldn't hold himself back anymore , he lifted you back up , taking you right to his room , throwing you on to his bed. “gotta feel you around me.” he rid himself of his own clothes ,before joining you in the bed. “gonna stretch this pretty pussy with my fat cock baby.”

slotting himself in between your legs. “you want it baby?” he dragged his cock along your folds, his mushroom tip catching your clit , making you twitch with need. “pl-please jeno i need it.” you whimpered , whimper turning into a full blow moan as you felt his tip entering your needy hole. “ oh fuck princess.” he groaned as he fully bottomed out. “your tiny cunt is sucking me in.” he hissed.

“pl-please move.” you ran your fingers down his abs as he began to move. “f-faster.” he cursed , moving at your wishes. “fuck princess , your pussy is magic.” his cock dragging along your walls. “so-so big.” you moaned , “yeah princess , but you're taking me so well -fuck- so fucking well.”

you let out a pornographic moan as he began to plow into your , folding your legs , hitting a deeper angle. “fuck baby , you got tighter.” he growled in your ear. “you gonna cum?” you moaned. “you gonna cum all over my cock?” you nodded dumbly. “ye-yes.”

his cock twitching inside you; he groaned. “fuck I'm gonna cum , want me to cum inside you?” he moaned. “flood your tiny cunt with my cum?” you nodded. “please , please cum inside me.” his hand tangled up in your hair , bringing his mouth to your ears. “cum for me.”

you gasped cumming around him. “shit.” he cursed. “i'm gonna cum.” he growled. “gonna cum inside this pretty pussy.” was the last thing he said before you felt the warmth of his cum emptying inside you. “fuck.” he groaned , his cock slipping out of you. “you felt so good, princess.” he leaned in , kissing you. “so fucking good.”

“i was worried.” you said , your chin resting on his neck chest. “i told you not to , i know what im doing.” he said. “you're such an adrenaline junkie and haechan seemed to make you really upset, how was i supposed to know?” you pouted. “just learn to slow down sometimes okay?”

“i’ll learn to go slow if you keep coming to my races?” he said , you nodded. “fine.” he smiled. “you're so cute, you know that princess?” you smiled. “but you're not that innocent you know , you're a little adrenaline junkie too , i saw you in my mirror on the way here.” he flipped you over. “it's okay though baby.”

“your my little adrenaline junkie.”

©LUVYENI

[bbyobbyo]

You don’t usually wake up at the same time as Jihoon, but he definitely makes sure that you wake up with him everyday.

content: fluff, established relationship, idol!Jihoon x non-idol!reader, domesticity, spotify as a plot point lol

wc: 1.6k

note: inspired by this reddit post which i thought was 100% something jihoon would do especially now that i know he uses spotify lol. i feel like im the only one who finds it hardest to write for their bias, i get really in my head about whether or not im portraying him in the way I want to. i’ve never written idol!au either (bc i think it’s easy to overdo) which only adds to me overthinking ahhhh but hope that you guys enjoy this one !! as always feedback or comments are appreciated 🥰 I read all of them and they make me so happy hehe

[read pt.2 here!]

Jihoon swears there's something magical about waking up to a calm and quiet morning. The sun is barely just rising, blanketing the world in a soft twilight that cuts the dark blues of the waning night. And in his bed, he finds something equally as magical: your soundly sleeping figure next to him. The world is silent except for your steady breaths, and he has to take extra caution to not fall asleep again if just to enjoy the brief moments of tranquility like this during his otherwise busy life. Eventually he gets up to start his schedule for the day, taking one last look at your peaceful slumber in fondness before he closes the door behind him.

Make no mistake, Jihoon loves his job. Having 13 members in his group is fantastic, except when you realize that 13 people requiring styling and wardrobe before every public appearance takes a lot of time. His mornings may start early, but in reality most of his time is spent listening to music in salon chairs and dozing off in waiting rooms.

In fact, it was in the middle of getting his makeup done when he discovered that around 8:20 am every day, his Spotify (which he uses to listen to his daily Bruno Mars Mix playlist) stops playing on his phone and switches to… the speaker at home? He bought a new speaker a few days ago because the last one you had was on its last legs from years of use, but if it’s malfunctioning already then he might have to look into getting a new speaker sooner than he thought.

Upon closer observation, Jihoon also notices that the song has changed — it’s playing one of his songs, your favorite one actually. Immediately he realizes what happened. He contemplates shooting you a text to tell you to disconnect him and just sync your own Spotify account to the speaker, you’re home more often than him anyway. That thought quickly disappears, however, as he imagines you getting ready for work listening to the sound of his voice and genuinely enjoying the music that he pours his heart and soul into, he can’t bring himself to disturb you even for a moment. His eyes soften as he stares blankly at the Spotify home screen, headphones now deafeningly silent. Surely, Jihoon decides, he can live without his Bruno Mars Mix for just a while longer.

-

You sometimes wonder if your boyfriend is magic. Although a good morning text has been standard in your relationship since the beginning, it's starting to concern you how perfectly timed it is.

Normally, your morning routine is simple. Wake up. Get out of bed. Bump some tunes. Check your notifications. Brush teeth. Wash face. Get dressed. Pack bag. Leave the house.

You’re usually the one to text him good morning given your later wake up time, yet he’s been beating you to it lately. Yes, he knows you set your alarm 8:15 everyday because it's “the perfect amount of time you need to get ready and still make it to work on the dot”. But that doesn't explain why “rise n shine babe :))” pops up on your phone as you brush your teeth on the days you wake up early, too.

[8:06 am] you have to tell me how you do it

[8:06 am] Do what????

[8:07 am] im onto you mister 👁👄👁

[8:07 am] 👍👍👍

You spiral through the possible scenarios in your head: he has your location, but that wouldn’t tell him when you woke up right? Does your icon move around on the map? No, the location data isn’t that accurate. Maybe when you open your phone, your Facebook status shows that you’re online? No, you know for a fact that you both haven’t opened that app in years. Hmm, did he plant cameras everywhere in the apartment? Sure, you get the security utility of it but if he did it without telling you, there would be some SERIOUS things to talk about, maybe it really is all just guesswork and coincidence?

Sigh… you’ll get to the bottom of this eventually.

-

Jihoon doesn’t plan on telling you, but rather wants you to figure it out yourself. After all, he’s been dropping so many hints already. Your chill hangouts at his studio have a gentle hum of your favorite songs as background noise. He purposely asks you about the new albums of your favorite artists that, surprise, he’s already listened to. He even makes it a point to remind you that the speaker at home is hooked to his account every now and then.

Sometimes, he swears that you’ve figured it out and were just messing with him when you make little comments about your his song choices like “Really babe, you listen to your own songs this often? Are you sure you’re not a narcissist or something?” But besides these moments, there was no indication that you knew about his secret morning routine as you questioned him regularly about his tactics.

He has to admit, it was kind of amusing to see you growing increasingly suspicious of how on earth he figures out when you wake up, being particularly fond of the cute annoyed face you make when he tells you “No babe, I did not put an Air Tag in your pajamas, you barely sleep in clothes anyway.” Even your pout is adorable as you pretend to give him the silent treatment, knowing that you wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long. His little secret is safe for another day.

-

Jihoon has been working brutal hours lately. As deadlines for the upcoming albums drew near, his days start earlier than ever and end equally as late. However, the one thing he can always count on is coming home to you waiting for him.

It was the night of the new album release and you were more excited than usual, greeting him at the door like a lovesick puppy as soon as you heard the door handle turning. “Hi love, what are you doing up so late?” he pulls you into a quick kiss as he sets his stuff down.

“I wanted to wait to listen to the new album with you so you could see my reaction to it!” your eyes were beaming with enthusiasm. Jihoon’s heart swells at the sentiment, knowing that his partner supports him and his passions with such sincerity. You excitedly motion him to join you in your shared bedroom, full of anticipation to hear the fruits of your boyfriend’s labor for the past months. “Alright, you’re not allowed to be disappointed then” he jokes as he pulls out his phone, quickly finding the recently released album and making sure the volume is high enough before tapping the first track and handing it over to you.

Only a few seconds of the song passes before an idea flashes across your eyes. “Wait, let’s play it on the speaker!” you interrupt. You’re on your feet in seconds and before Jihoon could even reach over to press pause, you’ve already commanded your home speaker to play the track out loud. The music immediately ceases on his phone and switches over to the speaker.

Shit, he’s done for, he thinks to himself. He studies your face carefully for any indication that he’s been found out but surprisingly, your attention is laser focused on the melodies now reverberating around your apartment. You’re mostly quiet during the songs but the rhythmic nodding of your head and facial expressions are a tell all of how much you enjoy each track that plays, contorting in a myriad of impressed shapes as killing part after killing part reaches your ears.

As the album comes to an end you look like you’re about to burst at the seams. Your boyfriend can’t control his smile as compliments and detailed thoughts flow freely from your lips for the rest of the night, not ceasing even as the both of you walk through your unwinding routines together. God, you love comeback days. The elaborate music show stages that you will undoubtedly watch later that evening has already been pre-recorded, giving you precious time together in the morning before his schedule whisks him away from your arms once again.

As you get ready for bed, you drift off to sleep knowing that tomorrow, for the first time in what seems like forever, you can finally tell him good morning in person before he can.

-

Your alarm rings at 8:15 am. Jihoon doesn’t need to be up this early, but he would do anything in order to be the first thing you see when you wake. You roll around in his embrace and press a kiss to his cheek. “Good morning” you both whisper to each other at the same time, sending you both into a fit of giggles as you argue who said it first.

Jihoon watches in adoration from the bed as you so naturally go through your morning routine, one that he misses out on more often than he would like. Today, you forgo your usual morning songs as you queue up your personal favorites off the new album, much to his delight. He tries his best to burn this scene into his memory as you gather your things and prepare to head out, giving him one last kiss. You’re about to unlock the door when you pause in your tracks.

“Baby?”

“Hmm?” he hums back from the bedroom.

“Enjoy the speaker, I can’t kick you off today.” you say with a smirk on your face as you exit the apartment, leaving Jihoon speechless.

[neos127]

Could you please write a story about a foreign exchange student, featuring any member of ENHYPEN, who stays at your house and gradually falls in love with you? Personally, I can see this happening with Ni-ki, but feel free to choose whichever member you like! thank you! love <33

international love

nishimura riki x gn!reader; genre. fluff, strangers to lovers and slight slight angst wc. 1.6k cw. a lot of time skips! i didn’t want to make this too long

riki was sure this was the most awkward meal of his life. his host parents were sweet, trying to make conversation and make the boy feel comfortable. their daughter was nice as well, but riki wasn’t sure why you seemed so weird around him. he knew that his awkwardness when it came to you was because he thought you were pretty. riki had only met your parents online before he came to your country, simply knowing that they had a daughter but not knowing what she looked like. imagine riki’s surprise when he saw your face for the first time.

he had a few crushes back in japan, but he was positive that you were the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in his life.

later that night, riki was getting ready for bed in the guest bedroom. he felt a bit home sick and sighed as he looked out the window, taking a mental note of the differences in the view. riki sat down on his temporary bed with a slight pout, missing his room already.

“can i come in?” you asked, knocking on riki’s door. the boy jumped up from his bed, his heart racing at the sound of your soft voice. as soon as he opened the door, you stepped back in surprise, nearly forgetting how tall riki was.

“hi. i-i just wanted to make sure that you were doing okay. or if you needed something that my parents might’ve forgotten to give to you.” you spoke up, nervously playing with your hands. riki bit back a smile, finding you to be very adorable.

“no…don’t worry im okay.” riki replied, giving you the most awkward thumbs up. you let out a chuckle before nodding your head. the two of you mumble ‘goodnight’ and you race back to your room. you heart pounded against your chest as you closed your bedroom door, face heating up as you replayed the conversation.

when you had found out who was coming to stay with your family for your school’s exchange student program, you instantly tried to find the boy on social media. when you did you were stunned, noticing how cute he was but also how talented. he posted many dance videos with his friends and older sister and he was really good.

so meeting him in person completely caught you off guard. had he seemed as tall as he was in the pictures? why was he even more gorgeous in real life? you felt silly about your feelings, trying to bury them down and simply be friendly towards the exchange student. he was new to your country and you didn’t want to scare him.

little did you know, riki felt the same way you did.

. . .

halfway through the school year, you and riki became close friends. he had met many people during his stay, a lot of girls and boys desperately wanting to befriend the boy because of how cool and handsome he was. but riki only really cared about hanging around you. you became his best friend— and the girl he secretly had a crush on.

you learned a lot about him and his life in japan as he warmed up to you. he would spend many nights with you under the stars, telling you how much he loves being in japan and how the city life is really fun. he would teach you different words and phrases in japanese and even made you promise to come visit him when he inevitably goes back.

and unfortunately when that dreaded day came, no feelings had been shared. riki had cried all night, similar to the night he first came to your country when he thought that he had made a huge mistake.

his eyes were red as the two of you embraced at the airport and you simply cried against his chest. your parents had already said their goodbyes to the boy and went to find food to give you two privacy.

riki had been a better friend to you than anyone you had ever met in your city, he understood you and never took your friendship for granted. the boy was understanding about your feelings and kept your life filled with laughter and fun—but unfortunately he lived in a completely different country and he wouldn’t be by your side as you went off to college.

“i’ll come visit you…i swear.” you cried, squeezing the boy harder. riki nodded, his hand still on your held as he held the back of it.

“i lo-i’ll um, i’ll miss you. i’ll be waiting for you.” riki mumbled, his words having more meaning than you understood at the time.

“we’ll talk, okay?” you asked, trying to wipe all your tears away once you pulled back. riki smiled, gently wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks before softly poking your nose.

“of course. i’ll see you soon.” he replied, giving your hand one last squeeze before backing away. with a sigh he grabbed his suitcase and gave you one last look before turning around. you began to cry again, attempting to hide your sobs as much as possible. you watched him until he rounded a corner of the airport— and then he was completely out of your sight.

. . .

riki hadn’t left your mind. you stalked his socials at night before bed, updated him on your day and even looked through the many pictures you two took together. a part of you felt upset that you hadn’t made a move on him. there was definitely a spark between you two, you were just too scared.

but as a couple years passed and you finally saved up to take your big trip to japan, you realized that you were tired of being scared. if riki had waited for you like he said he would, you were positive that you weren’t going to let him go this time.

“what are you doing right now?” you asked on the phone once you arrived. you were sitting on your hotel bed and staring out at the tokyo skyline, your stomach knotting with nerves. riki simply thought that you were calling him before you went to class like always, not knowing that you were in japan. you wanted to surprise him, hoping that he’d be happy to see you after so long.

“sitting at my favorite park- the one i told you about a couple years ago. it’s such a pretty night, i wanted to appreciate it and take some pictures. i’ll send them to you.” riki explained and you could practically see the smile on his face.

“enjoy yourself, riki.” you smiled, already typing the address into your phone’s gps. you had remembered the name of the park, wanting to visit ever since riki told you how beautiful it was. finally getting to see it with the boy you were in love with definitely had to be some sort of dream.

you kept pinching yourself on the way there, wondering how you happened to get so lucky with riki. he was the best person to ever walk into you life and it was painful not being able to see him or touch him for so long— you were practically jogging to the park as your desire to see him grew.

once you walked past the entrance, you wandered the place, searching for a tall boy with dark brown hair— different from the blonde style he had when you first met him.

“y/n, what the hell?” a deep voice spoke, causing you to gasp and turn around in surprise. you were met with the boy you were looking for, who seemed to have grown even more since you two last saw each other.

“what are you doing here?” he chuckled when he saw your surprised expression, his wide smile hard to contain. he never expected you to visit him so soon, but when he saw you wandering around his favorite place to get away, his heart began to beat out of his chest and all the feelings he harbored for you came rushing back even stronger.

“i wanted to surprise you.” you whined, your next words getting caught in your throat when riki pulled you into a tight hug.

“i’m still very surprised. and so so happy. i missed you so much, my y/n.” riki mumbled, taking in your scent and realizing that you still used the same perfume. the smell was nostalgic and comforting, it made him feel complete again.

“please don’t ever leave me.” he begged, still hanging onto your body while the two of you rocked back and forth in each others arms.

“i’m going to have to go back to [your country] eventually.” you sighed, burying your head into his hoodie.

“no, please stay with me. i mean it. i love you too much to let you go again. you could move in with me, we could be roommates. we can figure out the details since i know you’re not in school right now.” riki rambled, causing you to abruptly pull away and look at his face. he didn’t want to meet you eyes until you forcibly grabbed his face.

“you’re in love with me?” you asked timidly, the sound of your heartbeat filling your ears.

“definitely. i’m so in love with you that it hurts.” riki replied, dramatically clutching his chest and stumbling backwards. you giggled, feeling like the same lovesick eighteen year old that first met riki.

“i love you too, riki.” you spoke up, a big smile on your face. riki smiled as well before quickly scooping you up into his arms and kissing you. it didn’t last very long considering that the two of you were practically smiling into each others mouths.

“so you’ll consider staying?” riki asked, moving to place a few kisses along your neck and face. you giggled, running your hands through his fluffy hair.

“well when you ask like that…”

[lynnlovesthestars]

Why?

Pairing: Astarion x Reader. Genre: Hurt/comfort, angst, fluff. Warnings: mentions of past abuse, self-harm, astarion is a little bitch that can't accept someone can take care of him, blood sucking, lots of pulling and letting go i guess?, messy emotions for messy people, self doubt and insecurities. Anxiety, panic attacks, nudity but not sexual. (if i missed something, please let me know. Summary: night is that moment when you can take care of yourself, but what if you find someone that needs more care than you? WC: 4.4k

Author notes: omg i finally finished this one, i've been working on it for a while now and initially it was supposed to be published before i started getting requests, which by the way im loving and im diligently working on<3, anyways this was a small challenge for me, i've been trying to work with stuff i wasn't entirely comfortable with to push my boundaries and learn something new, and this came out.. I hope you'll enjoy this read while I work on the next draft<3 love you lots!

When the moon finally made its way in the sky, and dinner had been consumed, you knew you finally had some time for yourself.

You’d take that time to scrub away the blood that stuck to your skin and the filth of the day. Traveling along a river had it’s pros: you found a nice spot along the bed of the Chionthar that seemed perfect for a bath. 

That night the place was particularly silent, the wind was blowing between the leaves and it was the only sound that you could hear until you passed that  funny rock shaped like a bear.

Initially you thought it was an animal, or at worse a beast, but as you delved closer rhe sound became much clearer. 

Heavy breathing.

It was a sound you could recognize everywhere, because it was a sound you’d make on those nights when anxiety would take over and you felt helpless. Since you went through all the hardships of your life, you promised yourself you’d do your best to help people in need, and in that moment there was definitely someone that needed help.

Your stomach was churning as you followed the shallow breaths that reverberated in the silence of the undergrowth. It led to a small clearing where the moonlight was free to enlight as much as possible of your surroundings. On the opposite side from where you came from, someone was coiled on himself, exposing their bleeding back your way.

The slender fingers clawed at their own flesh leaving deep marks, but it was the whimpering that helped you recognize the person in front of you.

Astarion.

Astarion that was completely naked, his nails were digging into his shoulders, and trembling like a beaten puppy. His clothes were scattered around the clearing, they were ripped in the haste of the panic, you assumed.

You rushed to his side, dropping your bag next to him as you crouched and cradled him to you.

“‘Starion” You whispered as you scanned him, from the way he hid his face, to the red streaks along his chest, the pale skin stained with tears and his glassy, raw eyes.

His whole body was a trembling mess as he couldn’t hold back tears. The slow wails were filling you with anguish as you tried to calm him down just enough so he could make out a few words.

“Who did this to you?” You whispered softly, as you slowly dried his cheeks. The question awoke something in him, he slipped out of your arms before you could object and he tried to sit up.

His arms were shaking as he rested his palms on the leaves-covered soil. “No one.” He turned his head away, his eyes subsequently diverting from yours. “It doesn’t matter anyway.” He breathed out as he tried to stop his eyes from getting more and more teary, yet failing at each attempt.

“Yes, it does.” You insisted, raising your palm and reaching for his cheek. Gently you guided his eyes back to you making sure he knew you cared. Making sure that he knew you only wanted to help him.

The pit in your stomach felt like a dark hole in you, swallowing everything with it. You’ve never seen him like this since you two met, not even when you learned his vampirism while he was starving. 

Even when you learned small bits of his past, like how he got turned, he always kept composure, though you knew he was hurting. Now instead he was so vulnerable.

You felt a pang of guilt hit you, you were invading his personal space and he probably wanted to run away, yet he was growing on you, and if there was something about you, it was that no one hurt the people you cared for. 

“Who did this to you?” You repeated still gently yet firm. You caressed his cheek with your thumb, taking your time to wipe away the remnants of his previous tears.

For a moment he hesitated, he wanted to hold back, but then his body gave out, almost slumping on yours. His eyes were duller, his lips were quivering, and he wasn’t sure he could ever form a full sentence properly, but you were there and you were trying to help him. No one ever tried to help him.

For so long he wished someone would waltz in and come to his rescue. He desperately wished someone would shake him awake from his worn coffin to drag him out of those filthy kennels. He wished someone would dry his tears and heal his wounds, yet for 200 years he suffered alone.

Instead you did much more than what he expected: you insisted, you didn’t recoil disgusted or gave up. You sat there trying over and over to patch him up, to find answers, and to find who hurt him so deeply that he’d end up bleeding alone in a forest.

You knew, of course, that he didn’t tell you his whole story when he opened up, it would have been foolish of him to do so since you were a stranger. He didn’t mention the scars that covered his back, or the constant nightmares during his reverie, cause of course elves couldn’t live without over analyzing things, or the true extent of his master’s punishment. You couldn’t have known yet.

His voice was shaky, broken, a whisper as he muttered Cazador’s name, afraid that even saying his name out loud would be too much, like that would make the monster materialize in front of him, but once he muttered his name, he couldn’t stop his words from being vomited out of his throat like sharing all of this with you was a new compulsion bestowed upon him.

“I was meditating when my brain decided to gift me an old memory” He sighed shakily. “And of course the memory was related to whatever is carved in my back. The pain was so vivid it felt like I was back there, hunched as that bastard was having the time of his life.” His voice was feeble, broken, it was so raw you were not sure how to react.

“When I woke up I was covered in blood and everything was hurting.” His eyes widened for a moment like he could rewatch those images over and over again, right there in front of you.

“My body was clearly not mine anymore, I was taken over by this fear that you’d all hate me for whatever this is, so I ran looking for a spot to hide.” He lowered his gaze.

“I guess before I could look around me, I sank on my knees. I felt like I was suffocating, Tav.” He was trusting you with something that he was running away from, something that terrorized him, something that you knew went opposite of his survival instinct. It was something that made him so fragile that he had to run away from a place that he should have considered safe, your camp.

Despite the gushing wounds he still ran, and yet he allowed you to get a piece of his mind, he didn’t kick you away like he’d usually do.

“My clothes were too much, the pain was too much, everything was too much. I'm not gonna lie. I literally ripped everything off before I could even process what I was going to do to myself. The only thing I knew was that the old scars were open again and they were gushing. I could feel it, Tav. I could feel the blood dripping down my fucking back.” His eyes were brimmed again with tears that he couldn’t hold back even if he tried, it was such a haunting feeling he wished he could erase the memory. “I couldn’t stop.”

He looked at his hands, his fingers were covered in blood and specs of his skin were hidden under his fingers. He was so disgusted at the sight that another sob quivered from his lips.

“You’re safe, nothing can hurt you now.” You leaned forward wiping his cheeks with your palms. 

The remorse in his eyes was vivid, he just had trauma dumped on you and he knew you were going to hate him for it, but then you said his name so gently, so caring, that he allowed you to caress him.

You gave him time to ragain as much control as he could muster before you helped him up. He did look in need of a bath undoubtedly, and you had to go to the river anyways, so you asked him if he wanted to join you. You offered to clean his wounds so he could avoid infections, though you weren’t so sure vampires could get infected like that.

You both took your time standing up, his head was pounding so hard that his balance faltered. Your arms were there for him before he could hit the ground.

How was it possible that whenever he'd be deep in shit, you saved the fucking day? Just that day you did it twice and he would have sworn he didn't deserve any of it.

“I’ve got you” You made sure your arms were anchored on him, steadying his movements, and taking the opportunity to ask him if you could clean his wounds. He wanted so bad to refuse but his body felt so heavy, and his eyes pleaded for help no matter how much he’d try to hide it. Astrarion couldn’t recall a single person that cared for him so tenderly.In the past 200 years all he got was beatings, starvation, indifference, it was all so foreign to him, so much that the words you told him bounced in his head incessantly for days. “I know you can handle it yourself, but it doesn’t mean you should have to do this on your own.” I know you can handle it yourself, but it doesn’t mean you should have to do this on your own.” 

It was like a second nature to you, you could read his eyes like no one ever did. 

Yyu guided him towards the river, in that secluded spot you liked. 

You settled down your bag on a stump, and along with it Astarion’s clothes. You decided you were going to clean those after you were done with your baths, and afterward if your fingers didn’t feel too sore, you’d work on fixing the tear along the back of his blouse.

You picked up the small bunch of bottles, and one of the small towels you usually carried around to clean your wounds. 

Astarion let go of your hand only when you picked up those things, and even in that brief instant, his legs could barely hold him up. It was like he was dragged back in the kennels, like he had not fed in goddamned ages, and he lost too much blood to even breathe.

You didn’t notice it until you turned towards him, his body was quivering like a leaf in the middle of a tornado. 

Despite the tremor and the blood, there was still something about him that leaked confidence, like the hurt that was encompassing him was not making him look smaller, or weaker. It was.. real. 

If you thought you saw through astarion when you first met him, this was the moment you realized you were wrong. When you were slammed in front of this raw sight, you knew.

This was the closest you could get to the real Astarion, and it hurt. You didn’t understand why it hurt so much, but it was much worse than any other pain you could recall. It was a feeling that was eating you from the inside cause you knew his wounds were much deeper than what he shared with you so far.

Nevertheless, you didn’t hesitate to throw the bottles closer to the water and pass to astarion the towel, then before he could even understand what was going on, you whisked him up in your arms. 

He wanted to complain- he wanted to rely only on himself-, but his body didn’t agree. It was like it was screaming at him, screaming to tell him that he needed help and that even for a moment, it would have been okay to let someone patch him up.

You sat him right at the edge of the river, where a log was already propped nicely so travelers could clean themselves without the risks of the flowing water, then without thinking too much about it, you stripped off your own clothes, discarding them quickly. You weren’t embarrassed, or rather, you were, but he exposed so much of himself already, that you felt safe to do it as well.

You joined him, sitting yourself in a spot that allowed you to slip in the water effortlessly, while still being close to Astarion. 

The towel was the trick: you dipped the cloth in the water just enough that you could wipe away the blood without soaking the skin, then you’d gently run it down Astarion’s body to wipe it all.

You worked one small patch at a time, starting with his right shoulder and working your way through his scarred body.

His back was towards you, exposing the carving, which you identified as infernal runes. You cleaned him slowly and with a softness you didn’t know you had in you. 

Everytime you’d move away to dip the cloth in the water, his body would soften, even if for a moment, before the towel grazed again on his scars, and he couldn’t help but flinch ever so slightly.

“I’ve got you” You whispered under your breath as you pressed the cloth on his neck, causing a long shudder to run through Astarion’s back.

He wasn’t sure what if was anymore: whether it was the towel still startling him or your words that seemed to mend him like tiny plasters putting his wounds back together. What you were doing for him.. it was nice. You soothed his skin, while whispering supportive words as you took care of him.

“I won’t let him hurt you again” You whispered while taking a moment to squeeze the blood off the towel, before resuming your slow descent. 

As you worked on another patch of the runes, you couldn’t help but stare at the way the moonlight shone on his skin, it was a sight that otherwise you would never see.

Your eyes took in all his form as you cleaned and cleaned, and you could feel your heart running an extra mile.

The slow passing of time started to affect him after a while, his back slowly hunched under the heavy weight of his thoughts, his breath hitched as you diligently traced his back. No one was ever allowed to touch his back before you. He could feel the tears swelling again under his eyes.

You were so concentrated on cleaning that you didn’t notice until he was almost curled up again, and you helped him up. 

You kept your arm around his waist so he couldn’t fall prone as you started working on the wounds on his chest, and that’s when his eyes met yours, the crimson was shining as the tears piled and piled on them, the moon only served the purpose of highlighting them.

Then when you scooted him closer to you and allowed his back to rest against your chest, he was a crying mess again.

This time his lips were moving before his brain could process his thoughts, for a moment you could see his sanity slip away hidden in the drops of his tears. 

“Why?” He pleaded. “Why? Why? Why?” His voice rose between choked sobs.

“Why now?” The more he would ask, the more his voice would raise, until it finally broke in a whisper again.  “Why didn’t you show up earlier? I could have been plucked from...” His words felt like a stab right through your chest.

"Shh" You whispered as you left the bloodied rag on his thigh, and you wrapped your other hand around his waist. 

"I might have not made it in time, but I promise you I'm not leaving your side now" You pulled him on your lap, leaving a soft kiss on his temple. You knew that if he was still alive, you’d feel his chest pound incessantly as everything became overwhelming, but the only sound you could perceive was the rushing of the water. In any other occasion you would have hated the closeness of your naked bodies, you would have been weary of such intimacy, yet it felt different. It felt right.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” He asked when his breath finally set down again, and the only memory of it was the long streaks of tears still sulking his skin. 

“Cause you don't deserve this” You still held him close as you lowered your voice, making sure the sound of the water could shield you both if you needed it, like a bubble around you.

“Liar” His tone matched yours, but with much more spite. “I've done awful things” He shook his head, it was something that heavily plagued him, he’d often have flashes of some of the horrible things he did, and that moment was one of them: he could hear the echo of the screams of the poor victims he’d bring back to Cazador.

“That doesn’t mean you deserved torture.” You cooed. “You didn’t have a choice.” You traced small soothing circled on his hip as you still held him close.

He sighed deeply, he knew you were right as much as he wanted to say that he could have ran away. The memory of the darling boy and the consequence of his action were a fierce reminder of it, everyday of his life.

“You are a fool.” He sneered. “I have stabbed in the back everyone I got close to, and you are still doing…” He pointed at the two of you, at the position you are sharing, at the rag on his thigh, at your arms around him, and the words you just told him. “This.”

“I like taking risks.” You chuckled softly.

“This is not a risk, you are doomed to fail and you are a dimwit” He rolled his eyes, evidently it was obvious for him, unlike you that still believed fairytales.

“Am I?” You didn’t falter, in that moment you felt confident in your choice.

“Are you forgetting the knife I held at your throat darling? What makes you think I wouldn’t do it again?” He retorted trying to make you waver, it was his survival mechanism at the end of the day. If he was able to slither in just enough doubt, he wouldn't’-

Your words caught his attention again right away, as you started counting on your fingers. 

“The fact that we’ve been traveling together for 3 weeks, that I let you feed off me several times and you have not sucked me dry, the fact that you told me about your past, and that you allowed me to just wipe away blood from your back.” You stopped for a moment, building up tension and to perceive what went through his mind in that moment. “..and the fact that you are literally crying in my lap.” You finished.

“Okay what if i'm just manipulating you? How would you tell?” What was the game he was playing? 

“I don’t think that what i witnessed tonight could be faked, ‘Starion” You finally sighed, relaxing your shoulders. You didn’t even feel your body tense up, that’s how much you were absorbed by this conversation between you two, cause it was so confusing.

He didn’t answer anymore at your last remark, he just allowed you to finish your work diligently as he was lost in thought again. 

You made sure his wounds were clean before leaving the rest of his body up to him, and then you finally took your time to properly clean yourself as well as your clothes. 

Drying your skin was by far the hardest step since you carried only one big towel with you: you opted to pat your bodies dry before slipping in your clean clothes, then you’d give him the towel to cover himself, since his clothes were in heavy need of repair.

The walk back to camp was fairly silent, since Astarion was still affected by the blood loss and you were lost in your thoughts.

You left your wet clothes next to the fire where they could dry while you’d rest, and then you started to walk back to your tent.

When you were just a few steps away from your little nook, you remembered.

Instead of sneaking directly into your tent, you made a beeline towards Astarion’s. He was still outside, sorting a few empty containers he had around, while his frustration was palpable in the air.

“‘Starion” You called quietly, avoiding to wake up everyone else.

“What? Are you here to give me your pity?” He scoffed as he was still fixated on the conversation you just had.

“Actually, I was wondering if you needed to be fed.”Your voice betrayed your worry which was loud and clear. “Earlier I noticed you were struggling, and your eyes are.. dulled” You explained, you wanted to pat his shoulder but you stopped just a moment before you touched him.

“So? Are you going to make fun of me if I am?” His walls were back up, the vulnerable elf you saw earlier rushed away behind this mask he carefully handpicked to push you away.

“No, you can feed off me though” You suggested encouraging. “If you want of course, take 

your time, I’ll be in my tent” The last thing you hear was a muffled ‘thanks’ as you made your way to your tent again.

Astarion finally made up his mind, he strode quickly toward your canopy. “Darling?” He brought your attention to him. Your tent’s entrance was wide open, offering zero privacy to you as you were nose deep in some tome.

“Hey, come in.” You smiled, you were glad he was no longer avoiding you. “Can you please unhook the flap?” You asked while you moved the book away from the two of you. “I don’t wanna make you feel too exposed” You clarified.

“I appreciate it, but are you sure you want me to feed off you? I mean I know it’s not the first time, but it’s-” He hesitated, sure he wanted you to stay away, but at the same time that thought made him flinch away, like he should have felt differently.

“Yeah I’m sure” The apple of your cheeks warmed up at the nervousness, especially when you noticed he was fidgeting with his fingers. “You lost so much blood and the shock.. you definitely need to get your fill” 

“Thanks” He avoided your eyes before sitting next to you.

On the other hand you took your time readjusting your little reading corner, making sure it would comfortably hold both of you. 

“Just relax, I’ll take care of everything” He finally gave you the closest thing to a smile after a whole evening of tears. His arms wrapped around your middle as he helped you to lay with him. His touch was impossibly gentle: he moved away your hair and tilted your head to expose your neck, but he didn’t bite right away.

His teeth grazed your skin, sending a shiver down your spine as he held you to him, just like earlier you held him to you. He traveled down your neck with his lips, looking closely for your pulse, or so you assumed, then when he found a nice spot, he sunk his teeth in your flesh. Your body tensed for just one moment as you could feel his lips press around the wound, and your blood slowly leaking out.

Then you became putty in his hands, the dizzying sensation rocked you sweetly as you let it take over you.

He was slow, tender. 

He held your head gently and pulled you impossibly close, almost as he wanted to fuse your bodies.. His legs naturally tangled with yours while he sucked and sucked on your skin like his life depended on it.

It took everything of you to repress the whimpers that would build up in your throat, it was different from all the other times he drank from you: in the past you’d just be very tense, but in that moment you felt like air was directly pulled out of your lungs, like your body was being set on fire. 

He wasn’t in any different condition, he was barely  repressing the moans as your warm blood rushed against his tongue, and his breath was hardly regular. 

Even your blood tasted different, sweeter than before taking over all his senses. It was madness, it was like your blood suddenly turned into a drug he couldn’t resist, making his head spin.

He stopped only when he noticed you were starting to slump in his arms, a sign that you were getting too close to a no-going-back point.

He took time to lap away the blood that was still leaking from the pinpricks, sending jolts down your limbs, and stealing a sweet mewl from your lips. He didn’t concentrate on the sound he coaxed off your lips, cause he knew that if he did he’d probably spiral into insanity, so he focused on the wound he had inflicted, leaving a few kisses right where the pricks of his teeth made home, before reaching for your blanket and covering you with it. 

He didn’t let go of you, or move at all for what it mattered, he had to internalize all those feelings that were overwhelming him before he could walk out. He knew that if he didn’t stop there until he was back in himself, he would have felt dizzy as well, and he wasn’t fond of the idea of passing out on the floor.

Was he blood drunk? Whatever feeling was cursing through his body, he wasn’t sure he could identify it, but moving was not an option anymore when he noticed you were still nudged in his embrace. He tried to sneak away, but you were cradled on him, ‘peace’ crossed his mind before it got swept away by something you’d mumble, he had to wait for a bit to catch what you said since you murmured something he couldn’t quite comprehend, until your voice became clearer.

“I wish I could have saved you sooner” You murmured under your breath. “Stay, i’ll protect you.” Your arms around his waist pulled him closer to you, slotting your bodies together like pieces of a puzzle. Your warmth, your sweet flowery smell, your surprisingly gentle snore slowly lulled him in, closer and closer until he felt safe, and quietude took over him.

[marsupials-of-mars]

Was thinking about @ckret2 's bill when i wrote this, but it applies to bill more generally. I think the main thing people pick up on, maybe subconsciously, about their bill that makes him feel so accurate is that he feels.

A lot of people (and most people are guilty of this including me whether they mean to or not) tend to write him as a tragic immortal? In the sense that he's been beaten down by time and learned never to care about people, and has lost the ability to care.

And the first part of that is true!

He HAS learned never to care about people! In the tbob love page, he says its stupid to tie yourself to a mortal in a way where your happiness depends on them. He's LEARNED this. But he has NOT lost the ability to care. And he DOES care despite knowing he shouldn't.

He interacts with people genuinely, he legitimately enjoys the company of "lesser" mortal species, he has fun, he thinks about people when they're gone, he's taken lovers, he speaks in phrases hes picked up from past earth decades because he likes how they sound (ya dig?).

And some people are frustrated when he's written suave and unfeeling for this reason, because he is a goofball. But the thing is, he DOES act, in a way, suave and unfeeling when it comes to situations like Ford and Dipper. He plays up his "immortal deity" persona, constantly reminding them of all the knowledge he knows, PROVING his value to them.

But he gets mad! He falls in love! He jokes around because its fun! He gets stupid and reckless when he's upset! He burns bridges when he doesnt get his way! These are all insANELY short-sighted things for a trillion-year-old to care about!

This is why he can relate to people, and why he acts like a kid sometimes. I firmly believe that he stopped aging the day he destroyed his dimension (which is basically canon i think) not only physically but mentally. He legitimately cannot mature, cannot gain wisdom no matter how much he tries.

He has a lot of INTELLIGENCE and KNOWLEGE, but its like giving a child the library of alexandria and infinite time to explore. Sure theyll probably learn some things out of boredom or curiosity, but theres no curriculum. They COULD read it all, but why would they? That's boring and dumb and they want to climb the shelves and make book forts instead.

Now, more specifically about ckret2's Goldie:

He describes himself as a consumate extrovert. He hangs out with mabel and watches tv and goes to the Rainbow club. And while he does these things, he isnt thinking "this is so below me, why should i care about any of this?" He's just trying to have fun, and is knowingly fulfilling his social needs. He believes he and ford WERE friends.

And the most important part of this that im always thinking about is Bill claiming that being friends, enjoying peoples company, loving, playing, and all that is not mutually exclusive with being an all powerful god of destruction to be worshipped by all.

Which makes sense! Because he is INTELLIGENT and he knows that he's more powerful than these people, and he SHOULD be a being that demands their worship, and he needs to find something that lasts, and makes sense in the wake of INFINITY. But he also has the mind of a mortal, and he thinks the same way he always has. And with both of these insights, the ONLY thing that MAKES SENSE is to have his cake and eat it too. Focus on the big picture while also enjoying the present, SIMULTANEOUSLY.

Manipulating ford to his own end that leads him closer to his forever plan, while also bringing him to karaoke and falling in love. Securing his rule and reputation over the nightmare realm, being feared throughout the multiverse, having his fingers in as many pies as possible-- while partying with his henchmaniacs, drinking out of solo cups and flashing the cops.

Its the only thing that stops him from going crazy. If you have a mortal mind thats built to love and lose and feel and party and wisecrack, and you relinguish it to the horrifying prospect of timelessness, if you're always looking at the existential...you are not going to last a trillion years.

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Hopeful

Soft! Jackson Joel Miller x Neurodivergant/ ADHD F!reader

Summary: Joel hasn't felt hopeful since before the outbreak, that is before he meets you when he arrives in Jackson. Hes falling for you, but you couldn't possible fee the same way, could you?

Soft! Jackson Joel miller x Neurodivergant\ ADHD reader AU

MDNI 18+ NSFW

Warnings: unspecified age gap (i wrote this with reader in her early 30s and Joel in is early 50s but no ages are specifically said) soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, Neurodivergant, audio overstimulation, anxiety. He falls first. Match maker Ellie. Smut. Oral (F! receiving) Fingering, heavy make out sessions. Joel's chatty. body imagine issues, low self-esteem. Swearing, dirty talk. Praise.

A/N: Man this story really got away from me! what i thought would be a short story turned out to be rather length but im proud as hell of this story and i hope you enjoy!

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color and mentions of curves/ plush but they can easily be changed.

Hopeful.

Hopeful wasn’t something Joel felt since before the outbreak. But when he met you, it started brewing slow and low just below the surface until he couldn’t deny it anymore, couldn’t push it away any longer. You made him feel hopeful.

“Dude if you stare much longer the whole town is gonna notice.” Ellie teases as she jabs Joel with her elbow.

“Oh stop it, I wasn’t staring”

“You’ve been looking at her for like 10 minutes, just go sit with her”

Joel turns away quickly feeling his face getting red. He thought he was doing a better job of keeping his fondness for you hidden. He figured there was no way you’d share the same feelings, why would you like a guy like him? Old, beat up, and someone the whole town talked about. He figured there just wasn’t any way.

“She don’t want me bothering her” Joel shrugs

“Im not lying when I say she asks about you when you haven’t been to the stables yet.”

A slight smile tugs at Joel’s lips, he always asks Ellie about you too.

“Go sit with her”Ellie nudges him

Joel let’s out a nervous sigh and makes his way over to your table.

You’re fully engrossed in your book that you don’t notice Joel standing there for a moment.

“Is this seat taken darlin’?”

You don’t even have to look to know it’s Joel, you’d know his voice anywhere.

You chuckle, looking up at him with that smile and those big beautiful hazel eyes he loved so much.

“What’s funny?”

“Unless Ellie and Dina are sitting with me, that seats never taken”

Joel frowns at your comment.

“You want some company? It ok if I sit?”

“I’d love some” you say trying not too seem to eager but your bursting with butterflies over Joel wanting to sit with you. Your smile happens automatically, like it always does with Joel.

You’d been fond of Joel since him and Ellie arrived in Jackson. Despite all the whispers about him in town, his presence always calmed you in a way nobody ever had, you couldn’t explain it even if you tried. You absolutely adored Ellie from the moment you met her, Joel always telling you she trusts you in a way he’s never seen before.

The two of you fall into comfortable small talk as you both finish breakfast.

“Didn’t see you at the town dance last night”

“That’s because I didn’t go, you went?”

“Well Ellie and Dina wanted to go cause they’re always reading about dances in the diaries they find, so I went too. Plus Ellie’s always teasin’ me that I need to get out more”

“I don’t normally go to stuff like that, I’m too awkward and I don’t want people asking me to dance because they feel bad.”

“Now I’m sure there would be lots of people who’d like to dance with you” Joel has all he can do not to tell you he’d show up to dance with you everytime if he knew you’d be there.

“That’s really kind of you to say, but incase you haven’t noticed the people here don’t really know how to take me.”

“You headin to the stables?” Joel already knows the answer. He knows it’s not your day to work at the stables but he asks anyways because he doesn’t want the conversation to end.

“ No, today I’m working on getting the little town library set up, now that you and Tommy are finished building the shelves, I’d like to open it soon.”

“Y’need any help? I’m off my normal duties today”

“Oh no, it’s ok. You don’t have to do that. I don’t want to bother you on your free time”

“It’s really no trouble at all, I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to help” Joel’s jokes, smiling at you.

Your laugh.

He’d give anything to hear your laugh over and over again.

“And I guess I wouldn’t accept if I didn’t want help and company” you teased back, trying to stifle the giggle that bubbles up.

She wants company, my company?

The two you you load up the first wagon full of books and wheel across the center of town to the little store front soon to be the The Jackson Town Library.

“Here we can unload them. Then I can keep making the trips back and forth with the cart while you set them up in the shelves”

“Sounds like a deal to me. Why don’t we make like 3-4 trips and stop for the day. Because if not we’re both the type of people to work on our whole day off.”

“You got yourself a deal sweetheart”

Joel can’t help but smile as he turns to make the second trip. There was just something about the way you made him feel at ease, that he couldn’t get over.

When Joel returned with the second load of books he found you and Ellie chatting as she was helping you.

“What was it like to have a birthday party and sleepovers?” Ellie asks you.

“What makes you ask that?” You ask chuckling a little.

“Well I’ve been reading about them in the people from before the outbreaks diaries but I never had either of them”

“They were fun for a lot of people, I um didn’t really have a lot of friends, so my birthday parties were always mostly family. And I only ever went to a few sleep overs. I was always so excited to be included when I got to go to them.”

It breaks Joel’s heart listening to you and Ellie talking. It wasn’t fair that Ellie never got to experience what life was like before the outbreak, never really getting a childhood. Hearing you talking about how hard and lonely your life was even as a child tore him up. You were different sure, but you had a heart of gold. You were so caring, always supporting everyone who needed something and all you wanted was love and care in return.

He wanted to be that person for you so badly, the one who made your heart soar with all the love and support you never had. To be the one to make you laugh on the good days and take you into his arms and take the pain away on the bad days.

He’s not sure exactly when he started to fall for you, but it was coming on faster and stronger by the day.

“My birthday is next weekend, could I have a birthday party?”

You looked up locking eyes with Joel

“Of course you can, we can throw you a birthday party Ellie” you smile at him as you answer.

We. She wants to help me throw a birthday party for Ellie? There’s no bounds to how wonderful and caring this woman is.

“ I of course want to invite you, Dina, Jesse, Ethan, uncle Tommy and Maria. Ooo can I have a sleep over?”

“No boys are sleeping over”

You can’t help but laugh at Joel’s abrupt response.

“Eww no of course not, but Dina and (y/n) could stay over couldn’t they?”

“ yes if they want to they are more then welcome”

“Oh this is awesome, I gotta go tell everyone!”

“Wait, shouldn’t you ask if (y/n) wants too?” Joel’s looking at you to gage your reaction

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world”

Ellie smiles wildly as she runs out of the store front.

——————————————————————

The day came for Ellie’s party, and you loaded up your wagon with all the supplies and headed over there early to help set up.

“Jesus you’ve got a lot of stuff, you didn’t have to go through all this trouble”

“I know but I really wanted to make this as special as I could for her. She deserves to have the experiences she never got too”

Your big heart made Joel’s soar, you were so kind and thoughtful.

“ I do have a big surprise for her, for all the kids really”

“Oh yea? What do you have up your sleeve?” Joel teases.

“So I went through some boxes that had been in the house in one of the closets. I never bothered to before because it’s not like I really have a lot of stuff so they weren’t in the way. But I wanted to see if there was anything I could use for Ellie’s party and man I hit the jackpot”

Joel just smirks and raises a eyebrow signaling you to continue.

“Well one I found another Will Livingston pun book, which she’s going to love and I found a Nintendo console with a bunch of game cartridges. I figured we could teach the kids how to play and then Ellie can keep it”

There it is again, we. Maybe I’m reading into this to much. But I can’t help but feel like she actually likes spending time with me.

“Shit, they’re all going to love it! Man I haven’t played with one of these in ages”

“Me either, I was never any good at them and the sounds drove me crazy”

Joel relished moments like this, when you pulled back the curtain you shielded yourself with and let him see you.

You sat there completely content and full of joy watching Joel teach the kids how to play each game before he joined you on the couch as they went crazy battling each other.

As the kids cheer and the Mario music blasts Joel looks over to see you struggling. Your eyes shut tightly, chest rising and falling quicker than normal

“Hey, want to have a drink in the kitchen?” Joel whispers as he places his hand lightly on your arm.

“Please” you whisper, embarrassed that Joel saw you like that.

You sit at the kitchen table while Joel takes out two glasses with ice and pours whiskey doubles into them.

“Everything alright darlin’?” Joel ask as he takes his seat sliding your glass over to you.

“Oh..yea..everything’s alright” you say staring down at the amber liquid. Embarrassment flooding your system.

“I ain’t gonna push you if you don’t want to talk and I know I probably ain’t your first choice of someone to talk to, but just know you can talk to me.”

Joel desperately wants to know about your struggles, what makes you the way you are. He wants to be the one that helps you through life, the one who makes the bad days good and the good days better. But he pushes aside the thoughts that you’d want to be more than just friends, if you even considered him that. Because after all why would a girl like you like someone like him, could he really be that lucky?

You think about your answer for a few beats, and realize there’s no use trying to lie to Joel. There was just something about Joel that was comforting, that made you feel safe, but in a different way than the way you felt with Tommy you just couldn’t put your finger on it.

“No its not at all like that. I like talking to you.” You don’t miss the way Joel’s eyes light up a little.

“It’s just….I usually just retreat into myself, it’s easier that way. Most people don’t want to hear about my weird issues that can’t be solved with a why don’t you just ignore it?, why can’t you just change? Can’t you be a little less weird?” You said with a defeated shrug.

You wanted to talk to Joel, but part of you hoped he would just change the subject and move on. Because your quiet sure he doesn’t actually want to hear about your ADHD and all the weird idiosyncrasies that came with it.

“Well I’m not most people” he drawled as he lightly touched your arm. Nodding his head to encourage you to continue.

Truthfully he wanted to hear anything you wanted to tell him, Joel wanted to be your comfort point, the person that you went to for anything. To be the person you felt the safest with, to let your tired shoulders relax from holding up that wall around yourself. Letting your true self shine, free from judgement and surrounded by the love you deserve.

“I have sensory issues, especially with audio and textures. It’s hard to explain and it’s been along time since anyone wanted me too, so bare with me because some of this isn’t going to make a whole lot of sense.”

“You take all the time you need sweetheart, there no rush or pressure. I’m here for you”

Joel can’t help but notice your eyes soften and body langue relax a little when you realize he’s got you, that he’s hear for you and truly listening.

“I get overwhelmed easily by a lot of sounds happening at once, like in there with the sounds of the game and all the yelling and cheering at the same time makes my brain feel scrambled up. Like I can’t sort any of it out, it just sounds like one big mixing bowl of sounds. And when that happens I get anxious, my heart starts to pound, my ears ring and sometimes I lash out coming off to aggressive in the moment to try and make it stop.”

“ you’ve been around enough at the stables, you’ve probably heard me come on a little to strong with a razor sharpe tongue when it all gets to much. I always feel so bad, I never mean to snap. But sometimes when it’s so overwhelming it’s like I have no control of my tongue and I just blurt it out before I even realize I’m saying anything.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Ask me anything you’d like and I’ll do my best to answer”

“I don’t want this to come out wrong, I’m realizing now this might sound a little weird. But I’ve noticed you fuss with your clothes, like your pulling them away from your skin constantly, is-is that part of the sensitivity?”

You can’t help but look at Joel for a few beats to long, stunned by his question. Not because of the way he worded it but because of the context of his question, that fact that he’s picked up on your discomfort and is curious about it instead of just asking why you can’t just deal with it like everyone else ever has.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean t’make you uncomfortable” Joel says taking your silence as a bad sign.

“No, you didn’t at all. I just got lost in the thought of you being so observant but always wanting to know.”

“I always want to ask if your alright but I never want to pry, I know you like your space”

You can’t help the smile that dances across your face.

“You can ask me anything Joel, if I’m not comfortable answering I’d tell you.”

“But yes, the clothing thing is part of it. The texture of some fabrics against me make me want to crawl out of my skin. It’s hard sometimes for me to fall asleep too because the way the blankets and sheets touch my skin doesn’t feel right. I know it’s weird, I can’t really explain it.”

“It’s not just with clothing or fabric either, it’s physical touch too, which is the worst to get people to understand. I hate being touched, the feeling of most people touching me makes my skin crawl. And they love to brush it off by being like oh well I’m a huggy person or oh I’m just a touchy person so it’s ok.”

“I’m sorry, I know Ellie hugs you all the time and I know I touched you earlier”

“See now this is the most frustrating and complicated part about this. There are people like you, Ellie and Tommy that are in my bubble that I’m comfortable with, that I trust, that that kind of contact is welcome from.”

She likes when I touch her? Am I a welcome presence for her? I’ll drive myself crazy thinking about this too hard, but maybe just maybe she’s trying to tell me she feels the same as I do?

“Then the flip side of it is that there are also sounds that bring me so much comfort, like songs that I could listen to on repeat without batting an eye. The sound of someone’s voice that brings me back to earth when the anxiety is unrelenting. A scent that soothes me beyond explanation.”

Joel can’t help but let his thoughts run wild, indulging in the thought that you might be talking about him. He’s about to ask about your comment when Ellie barges into the kitchen.

“Oh sorry to interrupt” she says when she realizes you two are deep in conversation.

“Oh no it’s ok, you probably just saved me from really embarrassing myself” you chuckle

Joel doesn’t miss the way you stiffen up, as if you feel like you’ve said to much.

“ I’m ready to watch my birthday movie but I’m also really ready for the guys to leave so it’s just the four of us, could you kick them out?”

“ course I can do that, we’ll be right in”

You quickly get up from the table to follow after Ellie.

“Hang on, sweetheart” Joel says softly as he reaches for your arm.

“Can-can I give you a hug? Or rather would you like a hug?”

You can feel the embarrassment really take hold as you pull your eyes to the floor. He had no idea how much you wanted a hug from him and you had no idea how badly he wanted to hug you.

“I would like that” you said meekly as you nod your head. If Joel wasn’t listening intently, hanging on your every word he would of missed it

He takes a few steps closer to you hesitating for a couple beats before he wraps his arms you.

As if you’d been waiting for this moment, your entire body relaxes under his touch. Joel can’t help but notice they way you bury your head into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tighter. The way you stay there in his arms for longer than he expects, like your completely at ease in this moment.

“Thank you….thank you for listening. For letting me talk.” You whisper

“Thank for trusting me, for letting me in” he whispers back.

——————————————————————

It had been a few months since Ellie’s birthday party and Joel couldn’t help but boil over with happiness at seeing more of you. You started coming around often and listening to him play guitar on the porch after your walks with Ellie. You started joining them for family meals more in the mess hall, though Joel couldn’t tell you he called them that- not yet anyway.

Because honestly he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to decide he wasn’t the type of person you wanted to spend alot of time with. It’s why he didn’t press you on wether or not you were coming to his birthday gathering at the tipsy bison tonight that Tommy was putting together. He didn’t want you to feel pressured.

You slip into the dimly lit tipsy bison about 45 minutes before Joel’s party is supposed to end. You were so nervous to come, that it took alot for you to actually leave the house. You realize as you slip into a table in the dark back corner that you also forgot his present at home too.

Somethings seriously wrong with me when I remember to bring my security book and not this man’s damn present.

You scan the room and see Joel and Tommy talking to a few people at the bar. Nervous about interrupting you open up your book and try to block out all the loud chatter.

Joel scans the small crowd hoping to see you when he over hears Caleb talking to Tommy.

“Why would she come to something like this if she’s not going to speak to anyone?”

Joel follows Caleb’s motion, feeling a tugging in his chest when he lays eyes on you. You’re sitting in the dark corner of the Tipsy Bison hunched over your book, rubbing your finger back and forth on the cover. Something Joel picked up on that you do when your anxious as a way to sooth yourself.

“Sorry we can’t all be rays of fucking sunshine like you” Joel hears Ellie snap back as he’s making his way over to you.

The closer he gets to you the more his heart pounds. When was the last time I ever felt like this if ever. Joel doesn’t know when it started happening but he can’t fight it any longer, he’s falling for you hard and fast like a fright train. You consume his every thought, which terrifies the hell out of him but he can’t turn back now, not even if he tried.

“Hey there sweetheart, you came” for one fleeting moment Joel feels nervous, maybe you don’t want to be bothered because after all you didn’t even tell him you were here. But that all melts away the moment you look at him. The smile that touches your eyes, the shimmer of happiness that dances across your face.

“Hey!”

“It ok to join you?”

“Of course, I’d love that. As long as I’m not taking your time away from anyone else?”

“There isn’t one person in here I’d rather talk to”

The way you beam up at him as you quickly but your book back in you’re bag says it all. This is another sign of yours that Joel’s picked up on, you only do this when you’re comfortable and want to talk to someone. You always do this when you see him, he trys so hard not to read into that but at this point it’s impossible.

The two of you sit and talk for a bit. You can’t help but be consumed by all things Joel when you were around him, and you loved that. The way he looked at you like you were the only other person in the world or the way he made you feel when ever he was near was both to much snd not enough. Your feelings for him charging full steam ahead, there’s no way you’d stop them even if you had the option.

But could he really feel the same?

“Well I should go I don’t want to take you away from your friends to long”

“Oh, let me walk you home”

“No no it’s ok, I’ll be alright, it’s your party” you say frowning, not wanted to inconvenience him in any way.

“Sweetheart…I can promise you most these people ain’t here for me”

You pause for a few beats

“Ok, in that case I’d love that” unable to control the sincere wild smile that dances across your lips at the thought of Joel Miller walking you home.

“Um ah- would you like to come in for a minute? I ah have a gift for you but I forgot it when I left for your party” you smile sheepishly up at Joel as you reach your little house.

“You have a gift for me?”

“Yea…I made you a birthday present”

Joel follows you inside your house, and instantly the scent of you is filling his senses. He watches as your disappear down the hall and into a room, unsure if he can follow you mixed with not wanting to scare you has him staying in the kitchen.

“Here it’s not much, but I wanted to do something” you say nervously handing him the small gift wrapped in a scrap piece of fabric.

You lean back against the counter as Joel takes the gift, unwrapping the corded string holding the fabric around the gift like wrapping paper.

You’re overcome with anxiety watching him, making it near impossible to look at him. What if he doesn’t like it? What if it’s to much? Joel doesn’t miss the way your fidgeting around nervously.

As Joel pulls back the last fold of fabric he reveals a smallish leather bound note book. As he turns it over in his hands the light catches right for him to notice stitched into the cover in a slightly different colored string than the leather is his name.

“You made this for me? Christ it must of taken forever” Joel asks as he runs this fingers over the the letters.

“D-do you like it? I hope it’s not to much?” You say sheepishly, retreating into yourself as your wrap your arms around yourself.

“No no, it ain’t like that. I love it, I’m just surprised you took the time to make something for me of all people.”

“It took me about two months to do, because I worked on it when I had the energy after rounds at the stables. But I wanted to do something special for you, because.. well because your special to me. When I heard you saying your note book for your patrol and maintenance notes was almost full I got the idea to make this without knowing how to go about it”

“Nobody’s ever done anything like this more me before. Is it ok if I give you a hug sweetheart?”

When Joel takes you into his arms he expects you to be tense before you relax like the few times before,but not this time. No this time was different, this time you melted under his touch immediately burying your face in his chest. He can’t help but think maybe you’ve been needing his touch, his comfort as much as he needs yours.

You feel him pull back from the hug, making you painfully aware you held on to him for a few beats to long. You’re anxiety takes over as you pull back, you’re gaze dropping to the floor immediately.

“Sorry. Sorry, I made that weird”

“Give yourself some credit sweetheart, you never make anything weird. I just wanted to look at you, that’s all”

Pulling your gaze back up, your met with his beautiful deep brown eyes. They’re filled with a soft tenderness as he reaches up caressing the curve of your cheek.

Joel’s large warm hand comes to cup the side of your face, smoothing his calloused thumb back and forth over your cheek bone. His heart thunders in his chest when you lean into his touch, looking more free than he’s ever seen you. Almost as if you’re letting him see a glimpse of yourself from before the world fell apart. He also sees a lightness in your body language that he only notices when the two of you are together.

His eyes flicker between your lips and your eyes a few times, trying to search for any fear or discomfort.

Fuck it.

Your eyes flutter closed as Joel’s lips connect with yours in a soft and tender kiss. Your mind in desperately trying to process everything as Joel takes your stillness as hesitation and pulls away at the exact moment you brain catches up.

“Sorry I misre-“

“Wait, Do it again” you whisper

Joel grabs both sides of your face as he lowers himself back down connecting with your soft lips again. Only this time you don’t hesitate, you return the kiss as you bring your hands to loop round his neck, your fingers sinking into the hair at the nape of his neck. Joel skims his hands down your sides resting them on your hips, a action that makes you gasp as you tilt you’re head up.

“Is this ok?” He whispers as he pulls back enough to rest his forehead against yours.

“Yes” you whisper back, running your fingers deeper into his dark graying hair. This action unlocks something deep inside Joel as he hooks his one hand around your lower back and the other around the back of your head pulling you closer to him. When you resume kissing it’s more passionate and frantic than before and as Joel licks along the seam of your bottom lip begging for entrance you tilt your head up immediately allowing him to deepen the kiss. As your warm wet tongues dance together the grip you two have on each other tightens. Neither of you wanting to show the other how terrified you both are of the other slipping through your fingers if you not holding on for dear life.

As you both pull back to catch your breath you can’t help the giggle that escapes you.

“I guess it’s safe to say you liked your present?”

“It’s safe to say I like more than just the present sweetheart”

He can’t possibly be saying what I think he’s saying can he?”

“I’d invite you to watch a movie but I moved the only tv into the bedroom because it helps me sleep alone and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable”

What I wouldn’t give to spend every night next to her. I never want her to feel alone.

“I’d be more than comfortable with that but only if you are”

Christ I could get lost in the big hazel eyes of hers.

“I honestly would love that” youre trying to hide your smile not wanting to come off too eager but it’s impossible.

You lead the way to your bedroom, once inside you gesture to the bed, “you can pick the movie and make your yourself comfortable I’ll be right back.”

You beeline it for the bathroom, splashing some water on your face and looking at yourself in the mirror. You take a few deep breaths trying to tamp down the anxiety.

Did I really just invite Joel Miller to watch a movie with me in my bed and he accepted? When did I get so bold?

Making your way back to the bedroom you see Joel sitting up with his back against the wall with the few pillows against the wall next to him.

The way your smiling at him makes him feel like it’s just you and him in this world, I feeling that nobody has ever given him before.

“Why don’t you have any pillows you rest your back on?” You say as you settle in next to him.

“I just want to make sure your comfortable, I’ll be fine”

You laugh, that beautiful laugh Joel has come to love so much.

“Well I certainly don’t need all of these, you should be comfortable too” you say as you hand him a couple.

Joel absolutely melts at this action. It speaks volumes to him that your advocating for his comfort as well as your own without even thinking about it or being asked too.

As he’s settling back against the pillows Joel notices you rolling one of your shoulders back as it’s it’s bothering you.

“You alright sweetheart? I’ve been noticing you rolling youre shoulder a lot this week, it botherin’ you?”

“Oh yea… it’s fine, I just tweaked it at the stables. Shimmers stables doors been sticking and the saddles are a little high for me sometimes, but it’s fine. I just gotta go easy on it for a bit”

Joel feels a wave of concern mixed with anger, but not with you with himself.

I should of asked sooner, she shouldn’t be getting hurt at work because of something I could of helped fixed. I need to go down there and fix something.

“ let me take a look at it sweetheart”

You’re embarrassed, your sure he thinks your the biggest idiot as you turn facing your back to him.

“Where does it hurt?”

“It hurts kind of along my shoulder blade”

Joel starts feeling along your shoulder blade applying light pressure.

“Ugh right in there” you quietly groan

“It’s a little swollen, maybe a pinched nerve…I could rub it, try to work it out for y’ou if you’d be comfortable with that.”

“Wait…really?”

“Please don’t feel like you have too, it’s ok”

“It’s no trouble sweetheart”

Joel helps you settle back between his legs as he slips his hand into the neck of your shirt messaging his thumb along your shoulder.

Joel doesn’t miss the relaxed sigh you breath out as your eyes get heavy and you slowly fall back until your back is completely flush again his chest, your head on his shoulder.

He wraps his arms around you tightly, looking down to see you completely asleep in his arms. He leans down softy placing a kiss on your forehead. Warmth slowly creeps up his spine, over his shoulders and deep into his chest. This is what safety feels like, you- are what safety feels like. Joel doesn’t have to have his walls up with you. He can relax, let his guard down, not have to be in a constant state of fight or flight around you. The more Joel let’s this realization consume him, the heavier his eyes get and before he can stop it he starts dozing off.

He snaps awake 10 minutes later to the feeling of you squirming in his arms followed by the sounds of mumbles and whimpers in your sleep. You cry out briefly before you roll over, clutching him with your head buried in the crook of his and your chest flush against his own. Joel can feel your heart pounding against his chest.

“Shhhh baby girl it’s ok, I got you. You’re with me. Your safe” Joel speaks softly rubbing his hands up and down your back.

The moment you hear his voices, the tension drains from your body and your cry’s stop as you fully relax against him.

“Don’t leave me please…I need you ” you’re soft voice speaks against his neck

Joel holds you tightly, unable to shake the memory of you telling him that someone’s voice was soothing to you, that it made you at ease when ever you heard it. He’s 100% confident that you were talking about him.

“Im not goin’ anywhere sweetheart” Joel says as he squeezes you tighter and kisses the crown of your head.

Your so incredibly raw and vulnerable in the moment as you look up at him, your eyes swirling with comfort mixed with fear as you sleepily sit up.

——————————————————————

The next time Joel opens his eyes it’s early morning, your curled up to him, your head on his chest. He can’t help but think he won the lottery. The idea that a women like you would take comfort in him, that you’d want him by you’re side. Joel will make it his mission to make sure you never feel alone again, that he’s by your side for the rest of your life. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve you in his life because he sure as hell didn’t feel like he deserved it.

Joel’s pulled from his thoughts by you sleepily stretch and sitting up. His hand is firmly on your lower back keeping you steady.

“You sleep ok?” He asks slipping his hand under your shirt to rub your lower back.

“I don’t think I’ve slept that deeply since before the outbreak, I’ve never really been a good sleeper”

Christ she’s so beautiful first thing in the morning, givin’ me that cute sleepy smile as she tells me how she slept well next to me.

“Where you able to sleep?”

I can’t tell her I slept better than I have In 20 something years.

“I did get some sleep”

“You hungry? We could go grab Ellie and get breakfast in the mess hall”

Ellie. Fuck I have no idea if any of this is ok with Ellie. I can’t do this to her. I don’t want to drive a wedge between her and Joel or her and I. She’s been though enough I don’t want her to think I’m trying to break up there family.

“ Oh, no it’s ok. You go a head I’m sure you and Ellie have stuff to do today” you say as you you stiffen to sit up straight, the feeling of panic crashing in like a wave.

“No it’s no trouble at all, she should just be over Dina’s anyway” Joel feels your body going ridged, he can tell by your eyes that somethings changing.

“ I have so much to do at the library still before it can open, I’m really not hungry. I’ll just grab something before breakfast ends.” You say swinging your legs over the side of the bed and hurriedly looking for clean clothes.

Joel feels it, he sees it your body langue that somethings wrong. He doesn’t know what flipped the switch but he’s desperate to fix it.

“You should take it easy on your shoulder, rest it so it don’t get worse”

Your body relaxes, your eyes softening briefly at him being protective, showing concern for your health before going ridged again.

“I promise I’ll go easy on my shoulder, I just desperately need to get some projects done. Everyone’s counting on me to get it done and open soon.” Your voice sounds strained and pleading like your trying to convince yourself and much as you are him that you believe what your saying.

“Can I at-least walk you there?”

The walk into town was quiet, neither of you saying much. Just the silent sound of you both battling your own inner self doubt.

“You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“I’m sure….I’m not very hungry” your voice is soft and strained, almost as if your trying to hold back tears.

Joel cups your face pulling your gaze up to meet his.

“You let me know if you need anything sweetheart, can’t have you hurtin’ your shoulder worse.” Joel drawls before leaning in, closing the gap and placing a soft kiss to your lips. You return the kiss briefly as you run your fingers over his patchy beard.

“I promise I’ll go easy on myself”

Joel can’t shake the feeling that somethings wrong. You never skip breakfast because you get very hangry if you don’t eat in the morning.

Did I scare her? Did I move to fast? Did I make her uncomfortable in some way?

It hits Joel like a ton of bricks as he turn onto his street.

Ellie. She’s worried about how Ellie will feel about us. She’s worried it will drive a wedge between her and I or with them.

Joel stops up the steps and frantically grabs his tool bag.

“Your to old to be staying out all night and then doing a terrible job sneaking back in the next morning” Ellie teases behind Joel.

“I gotta do some extra work in the work shop and at the stables but when your done with your green house shift, we need to talk”

Joel’s never had a way with words like most people, he’s never been eloquent speaker. His love language more came in the form of acts of severance or in words of affirmation. He spends the next few hours building a safe sturdy step stool for the saddles, fixing not just Shimmers stable door but all the horses stables doors so none of them had the possibility to stick and tinkering around and fixing up anything he could find.

You stay at the library for several hours trying completely the simplest tasks, but without much success. Your just going through the motions as your mind is a mile away, thinking about Joel.

Resigning to the fact that you were getting nothing done, you decided to go home to take a hot shower to sooth your racing mind.

As the hot water streams over your body and the steam fills your lungs your mind drifts to Joel. You haven’t stopped thinking about how you can still feel his lips on yours. How he makes you feel seen and heard without any judgement what so ever.

Youre heart aches from how deep your feelings for Joel go, even if it feels like you don’t deserve having him in your life. But you need to apologize to him for how abruptly you retreated back into yourself when the feelings felt to real this morning.

Joel’s nursing a glass of whisky when Ellie gets back from her shift at the green house.

“What’s up Joel, everything alright?”

“Yea, nothin’ bad I just, I like someone and wanna talk about it”

“Oh congrats, your getting soft in your old age. Did you finally become friends with your horse”

“Jerk, no I like a woman. I like a woman, I wanna date her. But are you ok with that?”

“Your so bad at this, why are you being so awkward?”

“We’ll Christ, I’ve never done this before, had this kind of talk. I never brought anyone around Sarah. I don’t know what I’m doing”

“Wait… is this about Y/N?”

Joel nods cautiously

“Man you really are dense aren’t you?” Ellie playfully pokes.

“What’s so funny?”

“Joel.. I’ve been trying to set you up with her since we got here. Tommy’s been helping too”

“What? Really? You’re ok with it?”

“You guys are perfect for each other, it’s so obvious you two really care about each other, at least it is too me because I get to spend time with you guys together away from everyone else.”

Joel just stairs at her stunned

“Look I never wanted to admit this because it sounds stupid, but the times when it’s just you, me and her…it’s feels like we’re a family, like I actually have the family I’ve been dying to have my whole life. She got to know us and excepted us the way we are without listening to all the whispers around town and I think that’s fucking beautiful.”

“I gotta go see her”

“I swear to god Joel don’t fuck this up, she’s the happiness we both deserve, but yes, go to her, go right now”

Joels out of the house and down the street before his brain catches up.

Your scrambling around the house trying to get dressed as fast as you can before you get to anxious and decide not to go to Joel’s when you hear a knock at the door.

“The book drop off box is on the porch” you yell down the hall, figuring someone was trying to pick up or drop off books they borrowed since you weren’t at the library. But you hear who ever is is knock again.

“The book pick up is also on the porch” you yell again hoping the person hears you and gets the point,but they do it yet again. Completely flustered at this point you rip your shirt down over you head and pad angrily to the door.

“The book drop off and pick…” you aggressively swing the door open, stoping dead in your tracks at who’s on the other side.

“Joel” you whisper in surprise. All you can do is stare for a few beats to long at how the evening light highlights his already beautiful features.

“Sorry, this a bad time sweetheart?”

“No…sorry I just thought you were someone else”

You immediately pick up on his change In body langue and quickly follow up with “I just thought it was someone trying to pick up or drop off books” you watch as he relaxes right away again.

“I…I um was actually on my way over to your place”

Before either if you know it your smashing together in a kiss like two magnet’s. The kiss is all teeth and tongues, it’s desperate and awkward, messy and beautiful. Your both clutching on to each other like the other might fly away as Joel walks you backwards through the door way as he pushing the door closed with his foot.

As you both pull back for air Joel cradles your face with his large hands, caressing your cheek bones with the rough pads of his thumbs. His deep brown eyes lock with you hazel ones ands it’s as if they rest of the world doesn’t exist, like it’s only the two of you left on earth.

“I’m so sorry about this morning, I wasn’t trying to be weird. I-I I just…I scared myself with everything”

“It’s ok sweetheart” Joel says as he kisses you softly.

“I talked to Ellie, she’s ok with us being a thing. Honestly quiet excited about it”

You’re speechless for a moment, as you eyes start to well with tears.

“Joel, you didn’t have to do that, I’m sorry if you felt like you had too”

“I did have too, because it’s important to me”

“It’s…it’s important to me that you did”

At hearing that Joel lunges forward again capturing your lips in a kiss pulling you flush against his chest. He swallows the gasp that escapes your lips when he takes your bottom lip between his teeth. You snake your arms around his neck tugging the hair at the nape of his neck. The growl that, that action elicits vibrates through your chest.

“Bedroom?” Joel grits out, his deep voice drips with desire mixed with love.

Joel can’t convince himself otherwise any more, he loves you.

“Bedroom” you echo

Joel’s walking you backwards down the hall to your bedroom when he turns slightly pinning you against the wall just outside your bedroom.

“Are you sure about this sweetheart?” He pulls back just enough to lock eyes with you.

You nod your head yes.

“I need to hear you say it sweetheart. I don’t want to push you farther than your comfortable going because i thought it was ok.”

“I’m sure about this Joel, I want it…I want you”

Joel let’s out a low groan as he attaches his lips to your jaw, nipping his way long it until he reaches that soft spot where your jaw meets your neck. He sucks hard and then soothes the spot with his tongue as his hands sneak inside the hem of your shirt squeezing your plush sides. This earns him another tug at his hair as you let out a whimper. Joel’s head spins from how breathless you are already for him and he hopes you can tell how breathless he is for you.

Joel rips his shirt off at the feeling of you raking your hands up and down his chest. He’s been touched starved for so long that the desperate need for your touch, to feel your skin on his takes over.

Most people wouldn’t describe Joel as beautiful, but you always found him to be. You thought as you took in the sight of him shirtless.

Joel watches you nervously as you trace over old scars on his chest. He’s afraid you’ll want to run and hide from him bearing his soul to you in a way he never has or ever wanted too. But the moment you press your lips to the scars on his chest this worry melts away. You pepper every scar you can see across his chest, arms and shoulders with kisses before you make your way to his neck. You sneak your hands around him to slide them up his back as you reach his ear.

“Every part of you is beautiful” you whisper as you kiss along his jaw.

Joel feels dizzy from your words as your lips make it back to his. Never in his life has anyone ever called him beautiful much less been this tender and sensual with him. He can’t get enough, as he grabs at your waist again. Pulling you tightly to him as he presses you firmly again the wall causing your shirt to ride up.

“It’s ok… you can take it off” you breath

Joel wastes no time ripping your shirt up over your head.

“Your so fuckin’ gorgeous” he growls as you arch into him so he can unhook your bra.

You let the straps slide down your arms until it falls to the floor between the two of you. You’re mind goes blank from Joel’s intense gaze. Slowly he slides his hands up your torso to your breasts. They barely even touched you and your nipples are already hardened peaks. The sensation of him rolling them beneath his slightly calloused thumbs as he’s squeezing your breasts hits you hard. Your eyes flutter shut as your head falls back against the wall, if your not carful you might just climax from this alone.

“Fuck…your skins so soft” Joel growls as he pulls you away from the wall and into your bedroom, not stopping until your legs hit the end of your bed.

His eyes burn right through you as you slid your pants down, leaving yourself in just your panties as you climb on the bed.

The two of you hold each others gaze for a few beats as Joel undoes his belt and steps out of his pants. You instinctually spread your legs to make room for him as the bed dips down. He doesn’t care how long he has to draw this out, Joel’s not stopping until he’s explored every inch of your body. Making you feel like the goddess that he sees you as.

Your eyes flicker from his eyes to his hard outline straining his boxers and back to his eyes. The way he playfully smirks at you makes you realize just how exposed you are to him, making you start to wrap your arms around your body to cover yourself.

“You ok sweetheart?” Joel asks rubbing circles into your thighs.

“Do you want me to cover up some?”

“What?”

“Wait why would I want you to cover up?” He half huffs, confused

“Im not the skinniest…I don’t look as good as you”

Joel hates the idea that someone(s) made you feel like you weren’t worthy because your body isn’t their ideal body. He’s loves your curves, the plushness of your skin.

“Everything about you is gorgeous, and if it s’ok id like to show you just how gorgeous I think you are.”

You frantically nod and with that Joel dips his body down kissing right above your clothed clit, pulling a whimper out of you. He then moves to your hips, kissing them both before kissing all the way up your stomach til he reaches your breasts.

He licks along the swell of your breast, pulling your peaked nipple in between his teeth as he palms the other one with his free hand. Then does the same to the other.

“So fuckin’ sexy” Joel whispers against your breast as he swings his leg over to straddle one of your legs.

He crashes forward, his rock hard bulge pressing into your hip to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. Your hands automatically plant firmly in his hair as his tongue dances with yours. Making his way down your neck sucking the soft skin where your shoulder meets your neck between his teeth, then sooth it with his tongue. You know it’s going to leave a mark, you want it too. Even if this is just for tonight, you want Joel to mark you as his. But you had no idea how much he wants that too. To make you his.

Joel plunges his tongue back into your mouth as he dips his free hand where you need it most. His finger grazes your clit has he slips it through your slit, deep into your core with a audible squelch. You both swallow each others moans.

A breathy moan escapes your lips as he gathers some of your wetness to your swollen clit with tight circles.

“Christ baby…y’so wet. This all from me?” Joel breathes, as you pull back. He wants to see the pleasure he’s giving you.

“All day…a-always” you breath unable to get more out.

“Fuck” Joel groans as he pulls down your panties, seating himself back between your legs.

“Fuck..baby you feel s’good around my fingers”

Joel’s trusts his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace.

“J-Joel…it’s feels s-s good” you say through a stifled whimper.

“Don’t hold back baby. Lemme hear ya. Wanna hear how good I make you feel.” Joel purrs as he’s stroking that soft spongy spot so well.

Your climax crashes over you like a wave against a rocky coast. You couldn’t stop even if you tried.

“Fuu- J-Joel…it feels so good”

“Thats it baby let go”

You clench around his fingers perfectly as you fall over the edge.

“Doin’ so good for me sweetheart. Soundin’ so beautiful.”

Joel leaves a trail of kisses and praise in the valley between your breasts and down your stomach.

“Can I taste you sweetheart?” He growls as he nips at the insides of your thighs. Pupils blows wide open when you lock eyes with him.

“Please” you whine

Joel gives a few kitten licks up your center to watch you squirm, then dives in like a starved man eating his last meal. You thrusted your hips forward grinding into his face desperately chasing anything he’ll give you. Joel’s harder than he’s ever been before, head dripping with pre-come at the feeling of you grinding on his face to chase your release.

He’d give you this every single day if you’d let him. He doesn’t even care about his own release. He could drown in between your legs and die a happy man seeing the pleasure he gives you from his tongue on your face.

Tag List:

@vee-bees-blog @vie-is-punk @musings-of-a-rose-writes @iamsherlocked-1998 @frecklefacelm @thatoneobsessedlinguist-writes @alyhull @sj66 @merci-killing @whenmondaycomes @ellishamae25 @romabloo @jennaispunk @elizabeth4th @runningmom94 @closetedconsumer @alongfortheridereader @thegingerlily @starlite41 @sirensheartbeat-blog @pedropascalfan221 @vivian-pascal @mads198-9 @f1shb0nez @almodovarispunk @pedroslittlelady @collection-of-fucking-chaos @megjohnston23 @pascalispunks-blog @skully-skeleton-bone0106

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[gilverrwrites]

Im back on my supernatural shit, can you please do TFW + Gabe and anyone else you wanna do reacting to finding out the reader had a dirty dream about them?

Author note: Me too Boo, me too. I added lucifer, just cause I wanted too. Hope you enjoy! I also switched things up with gifs for each instead of one image for everyone. Lemme know which one you guys prefer.

Rating: M/18+

Please remember: that it is enough to exist as you are.

Dean

You’ve never seen a bigger shit-eating grin in all your life; he looks like he hit the jackpot.

No matter how much or how little you tell him, he won’t stop making jokes or bragging how bad you want it.

Dean I need you t- “Yeah you do.” Stop it! “Bet you weren’t saying that in your dreams last night.” *Gesturing at something even remotely suggestive* “Hey hey hey, did we do that?”

He promises to stop if you give him the full run down.

And when you do, he’s like Christmas came early.

All wide eyes and dopy smiles, occasional blushing.

He’s got a million and one questions throughout, but the final and most is obviously: “You wanna go at the real thing?”

Sam

Immediate shuts down for like 5 minutes. His brain has to comprehend and then reboot.

He won’t joke or make fun of you, at least not in front of other people.

But as soon as you’re alone, he’s got questions, lots of detail-oriented questions.

He’s not outright asking what your dream was, just teasing you with meticulously detailed fantasies of his own posed as questions.

“Did I make you beg for it? Did you make me beg?” “Were you completely naked, stretched out underneath me? Were my hands around your throat?” “What did I say? Did I tell you I would ruin you? That you deserved it? Did you want me to?”

Castiel

Angels don’t dream. Primarily because they don’t sleep.

So, he’s not really sure what to make of this confession at first.

Queue the signature furrowed brow and head tilt.

“Why?” I don’t know, I didn’t do it on purpose! “That’s true. I suppose this is your mind’s subconscious way of informing you that you are sexually attracted to me."

Boy, he doesn’t beat around bushes.

He would need time to stew on it from there.

It could be hours, days, maybe weeks before he brings it up again.

“I am curious about your dream.” What dr- oh right. “I am flattered. Should you be willing, I would like to discuss this more. For example, which of us…”  

Gabriel

You can sense the raised brows and the satisfied smirk before he even does it.

“Reeeeeally?”

Gabe’s reaction is very similar to Deans, just like a Trickster in a candy store.

Only he’ll wait to get you alone before he starts bombarding you.

If you won’t tell him outright, he’ll keep guessing.

And every new guess is accompanied by a costume and/or scenery change.

“Maybe we filmed the newest instalment of casa erotica?” “No? Maybe you paid Dr Sexy a visit?” “Mile high club?” “No? Kinkier? You into a little BDSM?”

I’ll let you fill in the visual blanks. 😉

Lucifer

His reaction is a lot more subdued. 

That doesn’t make it any less dubious. You can feel the smugness radiating off of him.

He’ll ask earnestly enough to start out.

“Do you want to tell me about it?”

When you refuse, he doesn’t push. Doesn’t joke, or tease.

But the smile he keeps giving you.

The way he watches you, totally engrossed but poised, is enough to drive you crazy.

When he finally asks again, later on, in that low, relaxed tone:

“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me all about your dirty little fantasies?”

Temptation really is his game.

[sugrhigh]

BOY NEXT DOOR 2 - ( c.s )

part one

summary- you and your roommates live beside a bunch of senior hockey players, one of them being the infamous team captain chris sturniolo. he’s effortlessly flirty and undeniably attractive, but he’s also a pain in your ass. you find that you have to fight between lust and hatred as you finally get to know the boy next door, whether you want to or not.

warnings- swearing, kissing, that’s it i think

neighbor/hockey!chris x fem!reader

a/n: PART TWOOOOO!!!! i hope u guys like this series i’m having a lot of fun with it (and s/o to my girl @cutenote for letting me use her name). self-indulged this chapter and made the reader a flyers fan so SRY but anyways, enjoy! next thing im putting out is a matt request and then i’ll be working on this series and the tattooartist!reader x matt series. if you have other reqs, questions, confessions, etc, my inbox is open 🫶🏻

@cutenote @mattsmunch @mattybsbitch @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss

your stomach flips as you stare in the mirror, twisting and turning every which way to make sure you look alright. you’re in one of chris’s jerseys, repping the scarlet and white colors of boston university, complete with the little ‘C’ emblem for captain.

he left it in your mailbox earlier on his way to the arena, demanding that you wear it instead of the BU sweatshirt you had planned on going in. so you listened to him, even though you’re not really sure why.

your hair and makeup are all done, contrary to the last time chris saw you, when you were in his house threatening to call the cops. it feels performative, getting all dressed up for something you don’t even want to go to.

but what the hell, you hadn’t seen the team play at all this year, and if you look your best you’ll feel your best. at least, that’s what you convinced yourself would happen.

“are you done up there? we need to leave, games gonna start soon!” one of your roommates calls from the living room.

you sigh and turn away from your own reflection so you can head for the stairs. cassidy and ramona are both waiting for you on the couch as you round the corner, also decked out in BU merch.

you’re just lucky you had been able to convince them both to come with you, so you don’t have to stand by yourself.

“took you long enough.” cassidy mumbles under her breath as she stretches her legs and stands up.

mona mimicks her movements, but not without shooting her a glare. “be nice, she’s obviously nervous.”

“no i’m not!” you protest, and now they both give you an eye roll as they pass you to get their coats from the closet.

“your voice just went up ten octaves.” cass snarks.

you are anxious, but it’s just because of the unknown. you still haven’t figured out what chris is angling at, besides maybe sleeping with you, which isn’t gonna happen. well, probably not at least.

no, not ever. oh my god.

“i’m not nervous. i just wish i could back out.” you double down, turning to see them both pulling on their big winter jackets.

“you used to love hockey, you just don’t like chris. one game won’t kill you.” ramona replies.

“and you also didn’t have to agree.”

this accusation makes your face flush, in embarrassment and in denial. “he wouldn’t have stopped that party if i didn’t. and you know i could never actually call the cops.”

ramona stays silent as cass laces up her shoes. “whatever you say babe. you look cute in his jersey either way.”

“cassidy!” you whine in exasperation.

“i’m honestly not sorry.”

the entire walk to the get to the game is spent harassing you, which is a solid twenty minutes because you live off campus. ramona does try to keep it to a minimum, though you can’t really blame them for the questions. you have them too.

it’s always been weird with you and chris. you hate his attitude, how people fall to his feet like he’s some sort of god. you can’t stand the way he talks to you like he can read your mind, or how you always catch him staring at your lips just so he can pretend like he wasn’t.

he does it to every girl, and you don’t know why he’s taking all of these extra steps to try and get you into bed.

maybe because you see through it, and you don’t want any part of him. he said it himself, he doesn’t want a relationship, and you’re not looking to get an STD, so you don’t know why he’s bothering.

you finally arrive at the facility, and your stomach flips. tons of people are out tonight, of course. the sun is long gone with it being winter and all, so the lights are extra overwhelming as you step inside.

you head through security and scan your passes, ones that are specifically right beside the student section in the very front. chris gifted them to you for free since you didn’t get season tickets, right by the glass so he knows where you are.

even when you were a pain in the ass and insisted you needed two more for your roommates, he made it work. it was a little impressive.

you find your seats, and the boys are already on the ice warming up. you spot chris from the jersey number, 3, and you can see his long hair poking out from underneath his helmet.

he’s focused on taking a practice shot, but as he skates by the glass afterwards you see him looking, like he isn’t sure if you showed up. but then he finds you, and you can actually see his stupid smile.

he waves, just a tiny one, before he goes right back to drills. you’re thankful he didn’t make it dramatic, because you know there’s plenty of girls in the stands who want him, and have probably already been with him.

you each take your coats off and hang them on your chairs. you know the fact that you having his last name plastered across your back doesn’t help the attention, but people can think what they want.

you don’t give a fuck. cassidy was right, it’s cuter on you anyways.

they head into the locker room quickly after your arrival, and even more people fill in to watch the show. the student section is loud as the facility finally goes dark, and the team skates back onto the ice moments later.

spotlights flood the stadium, highlighting different players as both teams line up along the neutral zone. you cheer extra loud when they announce the starting lineup and call chris’s name, even despite your vendetta against him.

no use being a shitty fan if you’re already here.

they get ready for the face off after the national anthem, and BU gets the puck. it’s back and forth for a while, and you find yourself groaning and cheering with the rest of the crowd during every play.

the first goal of the game is scored within fifteen minutes, by one of his other roommates ben, of all people. you and your friends are jumping around like maniacs, and you can see him laughing at you guys after they’re all done celebrating on the ice.

it makes you wonder if chris told them you’d be here, but you force yourself to eat the popcorn cass bought and stop thinking about it.

the second period begins and BU keeps possession for most of it, pretty much dominating their opponent. in the final thirty seconds, chris drives down the rink to score another goal.

you throw your hands up without thinking, and you let the excitement take over. “fuck yeah!”

cassidy and ramona are screaming too, shaking you by the shoulders wildly.

he comes skating over, pointing right at you as he does a lap near the student section. heads turn, and you can literally feel people staring at you now, even despite the noise and the chaos.

but you’re alive, and you can’t get enough of this environment, so you keep cheering for him regardless of the burning feeling of eyes on you.

“that was cute.” ramona nudges you with a genuine smile, and you’re fighting your own grin as you shake your head.

“whatever.”

the rest of the game is swift. your goalie makes a couple great saves, and a guy named dylan, who you’ve met before at parties, scores the final point of the night.

it just twists the knife further, because it’s a total shutout. the fans go wild as the final buzzer sounds, and you’re right there with them. you relish in the lights, the feeling.

you really did miss watching hockey in person. and you can’t even say you necessarily hate watching chris anymore. there’s just something about the way he skates, so locked in on the game.

he’s a threat, to be completely honest, and you kind of love it.

“that was fucking crazy.” cassidy is beaming happily as you guys gather your things ten minutes post-game, and ramona nods along.

“we’re gonna have to do this more often.” she glances at you with hope.

“hey, don’t look at me. i’m in it for the free tickets, and i’m not sure how long that’ll last.” you’re lying through your teeth, because you enjoyed it just as much.

but again. who knows what he’s really trying to do here.

“you could give him the benefit of the doubt.” mona suggests dryly.

“does he really deserve it? he’s going to think he’s the shit either way.” you point out, and she goes quiet.

“maybe that’s true, but i’ve never heard of him doing whatever that celebration was with other girls.” cassidy takes over, and she’s honestly check-mated you.

it is strange, because when you watched games last season, before you had chris as your neighbor, before you even really knew of him, you hadn’t ever seen that. and from current knowledge, you’re pretty sure he had a short term girlfriend during one of those months.

“touché, i guess.” you grumble, and as if right on que your phone vibrates in your pocket.

chris

wait for me, 15 mins max

ramona and cassidy take the bus home, leaving you on your lonesome as the crowd clears out slowly but surely.

you can hear girls whispering about you as they walk by, but it’s not even worth it. you’re not scared of what they have to say. maybe when you were younger, you would have reacted, but it’s just displaced jealousy anyways.

they don’t even know the truth.

finally, after what feels like a painful amount of time, you get a text from chris with directions toward the locker rooms.

it’s far more quiet now as you make your way to the ground level of the arena, headed to the section of the rink you know is closed off to pretty much everyone else. there’s a guy standing there, dressed in his black shirt with the facility logo on it.

he goes to stop you, but chris comes strutting through the hall, out of uniform now. his brown hair is all messy, and he’s dressed down in a matching black sweat set.

“she’s cool, i have a pass for her.”

he walks right up to you, looping a red lanyard over your head. his fingertips brush the skin of your neck as he collects your hair with his hands, flipping it out from underneath the string for you.

it’s a small thing. his touch is barely there, and yet it still burns.

the security guy smiles at you as you follow chris down the hall. you’ve never been back here before, and you have to admit it’s kind of cool.

you can see where the arena workers go on and off the ice, and the large garage type doors that let the zambonis in and out.

“so.” he breaks the silence, and you almost jump at the sound of his voice.

you were in your own world, and you kind of forgot what was actually going on here.

“so.” you parrot, waiting for him to continue as he leads you around a corner.

“looked like you actually had fun for once.” chris jokes, and you shove his shoulder half-heartedly.

“shut up, i’ve always liked hockey. you though? i’m not so sure.” you give him a look and he opens his mouth like he’s shocked.

“come on, i pointed you out after my goal and everything. you’re telling me you didn’t like it even a little?”

you liked it more than you care to admit, so you don’t. “it’s gonna take more than that to impress me, christopher, but i will say it was a good game.”

“you might just be our lucky charm.” chris glances at you out of the corner of the corner of his eye as he slows to a stop in front of the locker room.

you cross your arms over your chest. “now you're just patronizing me.”

“always assuming the worst.”

“well, you make it easy.” you tease.

he pauses to look down at your defensive stance, at his jersey all scrunched up around your body, and you can tell by his smirk that he’s loving it a little too much.

you clear your throat to try and alleviate some of the tension and chris snaps out of it, turning to head through the little entryway.

“i’m gonna grab my bag, don’t go anywhere.”

“you’re my ride, dumbass.” you remind him, and you hear his chuckle reverberate against the walls as he disappears.

a few players head out as you wait, ones you don’t recognize, and they nod at you politely as they chat amongst themselves. it actually takes you by surprise, but you try not to show it.

chris comes back into the hall a minute later, bag slung around his shoulder. he’s got a black bruins beanie on now, and you raise an eyebrow instinctively.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, waving his hand so you follow him further down the wide corridor.

“your hat.” you point, and he looks offended.

“what’s your problem with it?”

“not everyone who goes to school here is actually from boston, genius. i’m a flyers fan.” you smile at him sweetly, and he literally groans.

“how did i not know this?” he asks as you guys reach the door that leads to the team parking lot.

“because you don’t know me.” you reply swiftly.

chris pushes the door open and holds it for you, another move you don’t expect. “i know more than you think.”

you shiver slightly as you step past him into the cold, wrapping your coat around yourself a bit tighter.

“if it helps you sleep at night.” you chirp over your shoulder.

you know his car, a black jeep grand cherokee that you’ve always been a little jealous of, and it’s sitting in the middle of the lot. not many others are still here, and you can hear both of your feet kicking up gravel as you walk.

chris picks up his pace so he can beat you there, swinging the passenger door open before you can do it yourself.

“wow, chivalry’s not dead.” you say blankly, sliding into the seat so he can close you in.

“what can i say, i’m a real gentleman.”

the interior smells like a pine air freshener, which actually isn’t a bad touch. chris walks around so he can toss his bag in the back and get behind the wheel, starting the engine and peeling out of the spot.

it’s quiet for a moment, aside from the music, and you can’t help but peek over at him sitting across from you. the shadows accentuate his striking features as he mumbles lyrics under his breath, nodding his head along ever so slightly.

he looks pretty, and you don’t like it one bit.

“i can feel you staring at me, you know.” chris turns to glance at you for a brief moment before he puts his eyes back on the road.

it makes your palms sweat, because he caught you in the act and now there’s no shying away.

deny, deny, deny.

“just wondering why your face looks like that.”

“what, devilishly handsome?” he smirks.

“i was thinking gremlin-esque, but sure.” you deadpan, and he just shakes his head and laughs lowly.

“so scared of your own feelings. it’s cute.”

it’s a major call-out, and it normally doesn’t phase you. but tonight it’s different. he’s being so fucking strange, and it’s clearly been messing with your head.

“i’m not scared of shit, because the only thing i feel is sorry for all the girls who have actually fallen for this.” you retort, and the frustration is clear in your voice.

“other girls don’t get the princess treatment like you do.” his self-satisfied demeanor doesn’t falter for a second, even despite your low blow.

“yeah, right. i’m sure i’m really special.”

chris grips the wheel tighter as he turns onto your street, and you have to rip your eyes away from his long fingers.

“well you’re the only one who’s ever worn my jersey, so that’s something.” he admits, scratching his neck absentmindedly.

you’re not sure whether you believe it, but this time he actually does sound genuinely nervous. well, nervous for chris.

“and i wear it best too.” you brush some imaginary dust off of your shoulder as he pulls up into his driveway and puts the car in park.

“won’t argue on that one.” he shrugs, shooting you an easy grin.

“that’s surprising.”

you step back out into the crisp night air, slamming the door shut behind you. you meet chris at the front of the car and try to move around him, headed for your own place.

he takes a step to block you, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “where are you going?”

you put some distance between your bodies, because he’s once again too close for comfort, and it’s hard to focus on your words when he’s inches from your face.

“home, obviously.”

“why? i thought we were going to hang out.” he frowns.

“nothing good ever happens in your house past nine p.m.”

this makes him smirk. “very good things happen in that house past nine p.m.”

“your charm is irresistible, truly.” you bite back sarcastically, maneuvering around him as you try to ignore the fire burning in your stomach.

you’ve only taken two steps before chris grabs your arm, pulling you back into his chest quickly. his other hand goes to hold the side of your face, tangling in your hair as he leans in close.

his lips ghost over yours, just barely. you can smell the cologne he must have put on after the game, can feel his slight stubble scratching your face, and it’s all too much.

you haven’t been kissed in so long, and right now it doesn’t matter that it’s chris, and that it goes against everything you stand for. your eyes flutter closed and you fill the gap, pressing your mouth against his hard.

it shocks him, so much so that he almost forgets how to do this properly. chris can taste your berry chapstick, and your lips are so much fucking softer than he even imagined.

his tongue slides against yours skillfully, deepening the kiss as he presses his body flush against yours. you can feel his thumb brushing your cheek as your mouths clash together continuously. its passionate and angry and intense, and you can’t believe it’s happening.

why is this happening?

the thought snaps you out of it, and you put your hand on his chest to force him away roughly. chris is surprised, and you’re both slack-jawed and breathing heavily as your body tries to catch up with your brain.

“i…i’m gonna go.” you mumble quietly, because you have no idea what else to say.

“or you could stay.”

“i don’t want to.”

“you’re a terrible liar.” he counters, and you can see how raw and red his lips are even in the moonlight.

you shake your head and turn toward your own front porch. it’s too hard to continue meeting his fiery gaze, because he’s looking at you like he actually needs you.

“goodnight, chris.”

“this isn’t over, you know. one day you’ll finally admit it.” he calls after you, and you don’t gratify him with a response.

there’s nothing that’ll change his mind, especially after you had actually caved in during that moment of weakness. it was so unwarranted, and you’re angry that kissing him didn’t feel as wrong as it should have.

you take the steps two at a time and hurry through the door, closing it behind you and pressing your back to the wood.

your fingers dance across your lips, and you swear you can still feel his mouth on yours.

[la2yn0va]

Yo! I hope that you are good and i hope that you get feixiao! Can i request some Yandere Genius Society members, seperately plus Ratio with a Male reader who is smarter than them? However he declines their invation to join them as the reader is independent and doesn't really want any special attention of any sort, as he values a lot of their private time, making him a solitary individual to the point that is adnormal

Look at that! I personally whose willing to give me they’re luck for me to get feixiao. (Lmao)

———

Herta

Herta first finds you on one of her expeditions. She finds you in a dark cave surrounded by rare crystals thought to be long lost!

She immediately takes interest in you! Why’re you alone? What’re you doing in this secluded planet? And how fuckin dare you not give her these crystals!

So, she watches you and even helps around. You’ve gained her curiosity, and now it’s up to you to satisfy her curiosity. She watched as you morph these rare crystals into an endless energy supply with some long lost alchemy

She couldn’t believe it! Not even the people in the genius society could do this! Oh and congratulations, her curiosity had been satisfied, and had evolved into interest in you!

Hell even SHE couldn’t do this! But.. that’s only because she didn’t have these crystals! If she did, she’d have made thousands of these…! Well… she might’ve needed your help…she didn’t know anything about your ancient alchemy— but she’d still do it in a scientific way!

Herta would invite you to the genius society and even to her spaceship. You’d have much more resources available, helpers, and her— “No”

Your voice declined in the same, cold and monotone voice. The two letter word shot through herta’s puppet body and shattered it completely. No? What do you mean. NO?

“I don’t like being surrounded by others. They’re a bunch of annoyances. Accepting your invitation would bring that dread into my life, along with recognition throughout the cosmos. So no. I’ll decline your invitation”

She listened to you explain yourself. Apart of her found this reasoning idiotic. How could you possibly say no?!

You’d have better accesses to resources, assistants, live in a comfortable Spacestation with the perfect temperature, WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY DECLINE!!?

But apart of her felt… joyful. Why? You had just rejected her! She discarded that feeling at the moment and flicked away

“Fine! Do what you want! But IM taking some of these crystals!” “Sure” you said dismissively, not even facing her. She clicked her tongue and stomped away.

A whole month later and she hasn’t forgotten about you. You and that strange feeling of happiness she got when you rejected her.

She decided to go and visit you, wanting to strangely be around you. You don’t mind, Herta isn’t annoying and she’s a genius, so she can stay.

Herta keeps one of her puppets with you, talking and helping you out while trying to understand this feeling. Eventually she does find out that she had fallen for you, HARD.

She tries to reject it, but ever since that realization, she had been much MUCH happier. She also realized the reason why she felt happy when you rejected her invitation.

Because no one would know who you are! She can have you all to HERself! It was a euphoric feeling, knowing that no one would try to take you away from her OR make you think differently!

Slowly she begins to act like a lover, treating you to delicious treats from ruan mei, worrying about your health, all that jazz.

She also sends a more adult-figured puppet to you. She knew you weren’t attracted to her due to her puppet looking 60% of what she looked like as a child. So for now, you’ll make do with this adult puppet until the REAL her comes and takes you.

Veritas Ratio

Ratio has heard of rumors of a genius that declined an invitation from the genius society. That had gotten him curious.

So, he tracked you down. Finding you in a desolate planet, in a cave that… had long lost technology from eons ago!

You didn’t look back to face him, already knowing that someone was behind you. “What’re your intentions” you said which snapped dr ratio back into reality.

He began to explain himself in 2 short paragraphs, much to your liking. You shrug and let him stay, as he wasn’t annoying or stupid.

Ratio watches and lends a helping hand. He watches as you manage to make the ancient technology functional once more.

Weeks later and ratio has grown infatuated with you. Your intelligence, your competence, your appearance.

Ratio knows that this feeling is.. dangerous. So, he leaves. Having such feelings would do nothing for him, it’ll cloud his judgement.

But, months later and it becomes completely UNBEARABLE. He simply can’t get rid of you. EVERYTHING reminds him of you.

Whenever he’s teaching, he’d see you in the corner of the room. Taking a bath, he sees you in the same tub. Reading his book, he sees the letters morph into your name!

He eventually accept that these feelings. He accepts himself and you. So he goes back, bringing your back to his place. He promised you that he wouldn’t mention you to anyone, a plus for him, and you.

Ratio begins to slowly act like a lover. His every move would be more meticulous and planned but with you? He just can’t plan out his moves.

Until he eventually confesses to you. And you accept. Ratio in your eyes was the perfect partner. Not a dumbass, overbearing, and he didn’t shout your name out to the cosmos.

Ruan Mei

She finds you on a planet that’s supposed to be abandoned. She was curious to who you are and why you were on this ‘no man’s land’ of a planet.

She followed you like a lost puppy, and watched you make life! She was surprised at your prowess in biology, looking around to see your little creations.

She decided to stay, she needed to find out more about you. Your goals, your accomplishments. Oh and she’s attracted to you… guess that also plays a role in this.

She’d try to help you with creating life, but you declined, saying that her way was ‘inefficient’ which feed her curiosity.

She also began to feel something towards you. This new and alien feeling made her want to stay with you some more.

She stays with you and as you feed her curiosity and indirectly help her understand these feelings, she finds ways to reward you.

Ruan Mei begins to get desires. The desire to touch you, feel you, hold you. It’s strange. Why is she feeling these emotions? What ARE these emotions?

After a good few months, she offers you to come with her, as she wants to study you some more AND keep you close. But you… decline…?

“Not Interested” “Huh…why’s that..? A partner ship with someone so similar to—” “I get that. But, it’ll attract attention. TOO much attention. I don’t need that”

She still didn’t understand, it’s not like she was a people person either. But then you explained how simply being associated with you, a member of the genius society, would directly attract attention.

She saw the logic but she.. couldn’t accept it. No, she wanted you to BE with her… is this… possessiveness? No. No, she just wants to study you.

She continues to push you to accept, but you decline. Over, and over, and over. It annoyed her, just come with her! The risks were nonexistent where she was going!

Eventually she’d just tie you and drag you with her. She can’t let you go, your to valuable to be left in this desolate planet. Of course, you struggle and fight back. But it’s no use.

Weeks later you finally cave in and decide to go along with Ruan mei’s plans. But you make sure to keep yourself low key.

Ruan Mei will take longer than ratio and Herta to find out she’s in love with you. All she knows is that she wants you to stay with her and only her, and that she hates when other people even look at you.

End

[holllandtrash]

haunted | daniel ricciardo

pairing: daniel ricciardo x driver!reader (part 2 to fragile line)

Can't breathe whenever you're gone Can't turn back now, I'm haunted

you're racing. daniel isn't, but he's not gone either, is he? word count: 7.6k (im so sorry) warnings/tags: angst really, more incorrect f2 stats but whatever, time jumps again, platonic love all around, not as big of a rollercoaster as part 1 but just wait till part 3 lol

“Do you know?”

“Do I know what?” You asked, wondering why that was the first thing your teammate said when you opened the door to your flat. 

Lando didn’t even bother with a ‘hey, how was your day, what’s up’, he was just straight to the point, only you had no idea what the point was. 

He was still on a high after coming in second place the other day, so you let the impoliteness slide. Usually Lando didn’t look like a mix between a sweaty mess and a confused child, but you assumed he was like this because whatever was on his mind was important.

“You haven’t- did you-” Lando stammered over his words. “When’s the last time you checked your phone?”

You felt around in your pockets and glanced over your shoulder with a bit of a shrug. If you were being honest, you hadn’t looked at your phone in a few hours. Your morning was spent training and running errands now that you had some time and were home for a little while before the next race. You were still carrying a lot of energy after your successful finish in Silverstone that sitting still and scrolling through your phone was the last thing you wanted to be doing right now.

“Can you just find your phone, please?” Lando asked, because he didn’t want to be the person to break the news. He came over to talk to you, to walk you through it, to be someone to vent to if you needed it, but the last thing he wanted was to be the one to say it. 

It took a minute, but you found it in your bedroom, the screen lighting up and vibrating with each notification. As you walked back towards Lando, you scrolled through them all, trying to see which was the most important. 

Eventually, you landed on one from the official F1 app.

Daniel Ricciardo Replaces Nyck de Vries

Daniel Ricciardo was returning to the grid.

Daniel was coming back. 

But did he ever really leave in the first place?

You hadn’t spoken to him since that day in Monaco, almost a year ago now. The day your relationship fell apart, crumbling to pieces around you. 

You thought maybe, maybe, he’d call you before the next race or at least try to find you somewhere in the paddock to have a civil conversation but that didn’t happen. 

Of course, neither of you had time for a conversation anyway.

Daniel released his video 24 hours before media day in Belgium, announcing he would be leaving the team. It broke your heart watching it in your hotel room, knowing he was only a few floors up and probably struggled to record it. You could picture him retaking it a few times, just to get the words right, his tone right. He didn’t want to paint McLaren as being at fault for this decision, even if that was the case. 

If you weren’t the driver who was set to replace him, you would have been there in that room giving him encouraging nods and telling him to just speak to the fans. You would have been there when his head fell back against the wall in defeat, eyes closed as the weight of his unknown future crashed down on him. You would have crawled onto his lap and held him, telling him that another team was going to be desperate for him. 

Instead you were in your own room, watching the video like the millions of other followers he had. The only difference was, none of those followers asked themselves if they were to blame. 

It was just you, wiping the corner of your eyes and asking yourself if this was your fault. 

Surely when your news dropped, people would start pointing fingers, people would talk. 

Daniel Ricciardo trained her, they would say. He helped her get to this point and now she’s taking his seat. 

They’d throw assumptions into the wind about how this was probably your plan all along. 

It wasn’t, of course. Your plan was to get a seat in Formula 1 and see Daniel as friendly competition when you stepped onto the grid. You wanted to keep the support system alive when you moved up, knowing you had someone watching your back when you climbed out of the car. You wanted to be able to go home with him at the end of the night on Sunday and watch the race back with him, playfully critiquing each other's moves and ideally celebrating your victories, together.

You never wanted to leave him without a seat. 

But part of you must have known he wasn’t driving next year, right? You never brought up the contract, he never talked about leaving, nor did he talk about potentially moving to another team, which seemed like something you’d talk to your partner about. 

Daniel said nothing. You said nothing. And in the back of your head you knew he wasn’t signed to another team, you just didn’t want to accept it. 

You didn’t want to admit that part of that was your fault. 

Zak Brown put you in the worst position possible. He was giving you the chance to make your dream a reality, but in doing so, you were losing the one person who shared that dream with you. 

It shouldn’t have been hard to put on a smile during that post-race interview in Spa. You finished second, your hot streak had continued despite the turmoil your heart was going through. So not only was the adrenaline pumping through your veins from the podium, but McLaren had decided that morning was the perfect time to announce you were replacing Daniel. 

They didn’t word it like that, though. They just stated that you were to race for McLaren for 2023. No mention of Daniel, even if that was all anyone had questions about. 

“Second place in Spa, how are you feeling?” The reporter asked as you struggled to get comfortable in the white leather chair, your trophy at your feet. 

You weren’t surprised he, Richard from the official FIA reporting team, jumped directly to you, bypassing any questions for Liam Lawson who finished third. No one had yet to get a comment on your official move to F1, not having any time this morning since the news was announced. 

“It's exciting, it’s good to be back as well,” you nodded, turning to Felipe on your right who nodded as well. “A break is always needed, but there’s really no better feeling than getting back behind the wheel.”

“You’ve never podiumed here before,” Richard pointed out, “There’s quite a difference in performance from last year to this year, we’ve all noticed.” 

“Is there a question in there somewhere?” You laughed, not caring at all if it sounded forced, and you knew it did because Liam raised his hand to mouth to hide his chuckle and tried to play it off like he was just scratching his jaw. 

“Well it’s just no wonder that McLaren has snatched you up for the 2023 season, with how much you’ve shown this year what you’re capable of. Care to comment on that?” 

There it was. The first official request to talk about McLaren. 

“I mean, we’ve all seen the news at this point,” another laugh but this time it was more out of discomfort. 

You looked at Felipe, he nodded again but it was short and encouraging, silently telling you it was okay to take the spotlight even though it was him who had won this race. 

You cleared your throat, thinking about what the PR team from McLaren told you. You’re focused on Prema. McLaren knows this. McLaren is supporting you while you finish your F2 season and by all means, shut down any topic regarding Daniel Ricciardo. 

“Really, I’m just focused on finishing the season off strong with Prema,” you told Richard, feeling your smile start to slip because how could you be excited over that or a trophy when you knew what he was thinking and what the whole world was thinking. 

You prayed he wouldn’t bring it up, but the media world was hell. 

“And Daniel’s departure-

Liam promptly lifted the mic to lips, cutting off Richard before he could finish that thought. “We’ll all miss her, I think that’s safe to say. But maybe it’ll be a bit easier for the rest of us to podium when she’s gone.”

Quiet laughter spread through the audience and you just turned to Liam and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’. He didn’t say anything back, just dropped his head to your shoulder for a second and smiled, playing up the whole we’ll miss her statement. It wasn’t an act, though. Most of the guys you raced with had stopped you at some point this morning sharing their congrats and giving you a hug, telling you that you deserved that spot in F1. 

Even Felipe said it and meant it, and he was on the fast track to win this year, also eyeing a spot in F1. You had a good support system in this series. 

He dropped his head to your other shoulder and your lips fell into a playful pout, raising your hands to the sides of both driver’s faces. It made a cute photo. The F1 social media team really played into the love you had from your competitors. 

You had a lot of support in the paddock, surprisingly, from other drivers. 

Mick found you before his own race started. He was your first teammate during your rookie season in F2, it only made sense he was the first current driver to congratulate you.  

“You deserve it,” Mick told you, arms tightly wrapped around your body as he gave you a comforting embrace that almost compared to the one you were craving from Daniel, but still something was missing. 

Mick’s contract was up at the end of 2022, and no one knew where he was going but he assured you that no matter what, he’d be on your side. 

You sort of interacted with Lando on Sunday after your feature race. When you passed him in the paddock, he held his hand out for a fist bump and gave you a wide smile. The cameras caught it, they caught everything apparently, and it was the first photo you saw on social media when you got to the airport late Sunday evening. 

First of many celebratory fist bumps, McLaren’s caption said. It was a nice photo, truly. 

Too bad the comments were anything but. 

Not McLaren hyping up the fact that Danny’s girlfriend is replacing himIsn’t she only fourth in the driver standings in F2 lol We don’t want her we want the honey badgerEven worse when you think about the fact that they are literally in a relationship and she’s taking his seatNo class from any of them

No one seemed to know that you and Daniel were done, but how would they know? Your relationship was private, your break up would be too. 

Your break up. 

And then it hit you. Right there in the airport. After the adrenaline of a podium had worn off. After the excitement of signing with a new team had passed. After you were finally left alone after being surrounded by your team and drivers and press all day, you broke down. 

It was embarrassing. The only saving grace was the fact that you were sat in the corner of the premium lounge, facing the windows, so at least no one could see you cry. You weren’t quiet though, you knew your faint sobs could be heard from anyone within a 3 metre radius.

And you knew how immature this was, crying in an airport. But when you felt things you felt them with every fibre in your being. You were overjoyed beyond words, shaking when you got first podium in F2, and then feeling that multiplied by fifty when you won in Monaco. 

You were madly in love with Daniel, despite only dating for a year. It wasn’t young love, puppy love, a whirlwind romance, or any of those sappy headlines. You were head over heels, ready to spend your life with the man who lifted you up above the rest of the world. Who not only put you on a pedestal, but made sure other people did too. He was always in your corner, even before you started dating. He loved you long before you even realised you could also love him. 

As an athlete, as a future world championship contender, as a friend, Daniel loved you. 

The day you knew you loved him, you knew you were screwed, you both talked about the risks. 

Fragile line, you called it, walking a tightrope, he joked. There was such a huge margin of error, so many things that could go wrong by falling in love with, not only a driver but the driver who mentored you. 

The media would turn against you. Sponsors would shake their heads. Your future could have been jeopardised. You’d be labelled as a poor role model for girls in motorsport. 

You walked a dangerous and delicate line with Daniel, but you didn’t think it would snap beneath your feet. You never thought you’d be the one to break it. 

So yes, you were full on sobbing in the airport as you waited to board your flight to Amsterdam. 

“Pretty sure podium winners aren’t usually this distraught.”

You heard the British accent and immediately sat up, wiping your eyes and sniffling to at least try and make it seem like you weren’t crying. You turned your head and watched as Lando sat down next to you on the dark blue chair, resting a leg over his knee. 

You didn’t say anything, you just stared at him, worrying that if you did try to talk, all that would come out would be more cries. 

Lando reached into the front pocket of his backpack and pulled out a travel size pack of tissues, tossing them to you without so much as a word. He waited a few minutes as you composed yourself, using some of the tissues and pocketing the rest for later. 

“You okay?” Lando asked, sounding concerned for your well being because he had a point, podium winners aren’t usually this distraught. 

“Am I okay?” You repeated back followed with a playful scoff. “Do I look okay?” 

“You look awful.”

“I feel awful.”

Lando nodded, clearly unsure what to do in this situation. His current teammate, his friend, was leaving at the end of this year and his new teammate, a girl he had barely had 5 conversations with, was having a breakdown in the airport. 

Lando, whether he liked it or not, knew he would be caught in the middle of whatever this mess was for the next few months or so. 

He knew you and Daniel were an item. Daniel told himself shortly after Silverstone, and only because Lando had asked, simply curious.

“You and Y/N,” he started off, hesitantly, seeing the two of you interact much more flirtatiously then you had before. “You two are..” he didn’t know how to word it. 

Daniel just winked, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

That pretty much confirmed it. And then when you started showing up in the back of the McLaren garage during race weekends, Lando sort of accepted it, quickly getting used to seeing you around. 

You were always friendly with each other, but your attention was always on Daniel, too. Lando saw the way you were quick to rush to his side after a difficult race. How you were the first one Daniel looked for when he stepped out of the car, eyes searching the sea of orange for you. Lando heard the way Daniel talked about you, the way he praised you, telling everyone who would listen that you deserved a spot in Formula 1. That man had a note saved on his phone of your stats, race wins, qualifying times, records broken, all of it. 

Daniel loved you. Everyone who knew him saw it, and Lando was no exception. 

So one could imagine the uncertainty he felt as he approached you in the airport. Surely you and Daniel weren’t together anymore, right? Or were you somehow going to work through this? Could you work through it? Taking his seat?

Lando, like everyone else, was dying to know. 

“Has he said anything?” You asked him before Lando had a chance to get a word out. That question alone confirmed that you and Daniel weren’t on speaking terms at least.

“About you?” Lando asked and when you nodded, he saw the devastation hit your eyes as he shook his head. “Honestly he wasn’t very talkative today, left right after the post race stuff.”

“How is he?” You then asked. “Has he- is there any word on him finding a seat next year?” You pulled your knees up to your chest, staring hopefully at the British driver. 

It pained Lando to shake his head again, “Not yet, but it’s still pretty early. I’m sure he’ll find a seat.”

You nodded, praying that Lando was right. When you dropped your chin to your knees, averting your eyes when you felt the tears well up again, Lando’s chest grew tight. He felt bad for you. This was a hard position for you to be in. 

“It’s not your fault, you know,” Lando assured you. “Danny’s one of the best there is, but the results just aren’t there. Zak didn’t see any point in continuing if it’ll just end up being more of the same.”

Lando tried to be encouraging, really, and you were thankful for that, but he got the hint after a while that you just didn’t want to talk about it. Before leaving you alone, he gave you his number and told you that if you needed anything, to just reach out. 

You were always friendly with Lando, but that was the start to your friendship.

It was Lando who shared your picture when you claimed first place in Zandvoort, celebrating your success with a cheeky caption stating how he better see you bring the hot streak to McLaren next year. He was the one who interrupted your post-race interview in Monza, spotting you in the paddock being interviewed by Will Buxton. Lando, despite needing to follow his own pre-race schedule, came and draped an arm over your shoulder and playfully interrupted whatever Will was trying to say.

“Look at that,” Will laughed when you struggled to shake Lando’s arm off of you, “Future teammates. Lando, how excited are you to be working with this incredible talent next year?”

“Oh extremely excited,” Lando answered, leaning into the mic gripped between your fingers. “She won’t be able to keep up with me though.”

And that it was it. He ruffled his hand through your hair and took off again.

He checked in on you between races, whenever a new headline was trending, whenever someone from social media had the audacity to compare yours and Daniels stats and pin you against each other as if there wasn’t already enough you were struggling with.

Lando didn’t want you to come into the new season already feeling defeated. He was still friends with Daniel, he always would be, but he had a kind heart. He wanted you to know that he wasn’t on anyones ‘side’, but more importantly, he saw you as a driver, as his next teammate. He didn’t see you as Daniel’s ex who was now stealing his seat like half of the world did.

It was also his car that you drove during the practice sessions in Austin and Abu Dhabi. Lando happily stepped aside for you, giving you a supportive pat on the back and strategically blocking your line of sight towards Daniel as he got ready for his sessions as well.

You still hadn’t spoken. You hadn’t even looked at each other. You tried, honestly, to catch his eye but he refused to even glance your way. He was in and out of that car so quick, finding any excuse to leave the garage while you were there.

It hurt. You knew his mind was made up. He was upset, he was hurt, he wanted nothing to do with you and seeing you in his garage sent him spiralling.

All you saw was Daniel turning his back on you, but what you didn’t know was this situation was giving Daniel constant headaches. He couldn’t look at you, the girl he loved, and watch you climb into the McLaren knowing that you’d be doing that throughout the entire next season and he wouldn’t.

All he ever wanted was to see you in a Formula 1 car, but not like this. 

You stood in Lando’s side of the garage during the last race. You wore your McLaren jacket, you had the orange headphones on as stared up at the screen. Your back was towards Daniel’s car, so you missed the way he did actually look at you. It pained him to see how well you blended in with the team, his team. He almost told himself it looked like you belonged there, but he quickly put his helmet on and climbed into his car, gearing up for the race.

He finished 9th. Lando finished 6th. And with that, the season ended.

Daniel was done.

You watched him celebrate with those closest to him. You stood off to the side and thought about how if things were different, you’d be clinging to him, sweaty race suit and all, waiting to congratulate him in your own way back at the hotel. You would tell him you loved him, that he didn’t need McLaren. You’d joke and say that you two could form your own team, because that’s what you should have been till the end, a team. 

But that wasn’t the case anymore. McLaren was your team now.

It was only a matter of days until Daniel spoke to the media about his departure. 

“I can’t speak ill of her,” Daniel said, shifting uncomfortably on the couch. He knew that coming on this podcast that he’d be asked about you and your contract. He was advised against it but the second his working relationship ended with McLaren, he agreed to talk, to share his side.

“But she’s the one who took your seat,” Jaycee so politely pointed out. “As happy as I am to see a female in Formula 1, it’s bittersweet knowing a driver such as yourself is left without a spot.”

Daniel sighed into the mic in front of him, “McLaren handed her her dream on a papaya platter and she grabbed it. I think a lot of drivers would do the same in that scenario.”

“But it stings a little more, doesn’t it?” Greyson, her co-host asked. “Because you two were-

“Friends, yeah,” Daniel interrupted. “Yeah we were close.”

“You mentored her,” Greyson pushed for more of an admittance as to what their relationship was. “You were seen with her and the Prema team during a handful of weekends. She even said you were her mentor.”

Daniel naturally hesitated, “I saw her potential early on and I wanted to help her grow. I really did want to see her in Formula 1, despite what anyone says about the situation she’s an incredible driver.”

“Everyone who follows Formula 1 knows you have a strong connection,” Jaycee said, subtly trying to pry for more as well. “After her Silverstone crash in 2021 you were in her garage. And then you were seen in Monaco together a few weeks later. You two weren’t just friends in the paddock, you worked closely together outside of race weekends too-

“Did your girlfriend take your seat or not?” Greyson blurted out, earning a glare from Jaycee on his left, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He wanted to know, the whole world wanted to know what was going on between you and Daniel now that you were signed for McLaren. 

And you had to give props to Daniel, he played it off about as smoothly as he could. 

“McLaren sees more potential in her than me,” he said, still smiling because that’s who he was. A people pleaser, always grinning, always a breath of fresh air. “If they can give her what they promised me, then that’s good for all of them. Do I like how the situation went down? No, but that’s the reality of Formula 1. You’re not safe unless you’re winning and I wasn’t winning.”

“And your relationship-

“She doesn’t need a mentor anymore, does she?” Daniel asked, disregarding any ideas of the two of you dating. “She made it to Formula 1. That was what she wanted. I wish her well.” 

That was the closest thing to confirmation of your break up that anyone would get. 

And the interview ended shortly after that, doing wonders on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. You listened to it also, just waiting for Daniel to say something horrible but of course he didn’t. That wasn’t him. He was the good guy. He was the hero. He got you to Formula 1 and was holding his head up high, wishing you well and thanking McLaren for the last 2 years. 

You wished it ended there, the conversations surrounding you. It should have ended there. 

But fast forward to the awards dinner at the end of the year, just shortly after the last race of the season. 

You sat with your mum at a round table with Felipe and his partner and few other people involved in Formula 2. 

You had finished second in the standings, not first like you had dreamt of, but Felipe told you that first place in the championship would come in F1, don’t worry. 

And you weren’t sure who had made the seating chart, but from where you sat, you could easily see Daniel at his table, only a few metres away from your own. He sat with some of his friends and some people from his personal team. He was also purposely avoiding looking in your direction, knowing that if he did, he’d be making eye contact for the first time in months. 

He’d see your stunning features and bright eyes standing out among the rest. He’d see the low cut, thinly strapped black dress, showing off the collarbones he used to mark with his lips, the trail between your breast and down to your navel that he used to make with his tongue. If he looked at you, he’d think of all the ways the night would have ended if things were different. 

If he looked at you, he’d be reminded that the girl he loved was the one who broke him. He’d be reminded that as hurt as he was by your actions, by taking his seat, he couldn’t forget the memories you made, the moments he shared, the way he used to admire you. 

He didn’t love you anymore, though. He couldn’t. He forced those feelings out, replacing them with regret for ever deciding to help you because if he hadn't helped you, it wouldn’t have been you that took his seat. 

So Daniel looked at the stage, his friends, his food. He didn’t look at you. 

He didn’t even look at you when you walked up to collect your trophy, choosing that moment to be the perfect time to walk up to the open bar. He ordered a few more drinks and a shot on a whim, downing it back before walking to the table, 2 freshly poured glasses of rum and cokes in hand. 

Daniel got drunk that night. He didn’t mean to, but it helped him deal with all he had going on. It was a good way to end the 2022 season, to put it behind him. You, McLaren, all of it. 

Someone should have stopped him when he noticed you about to leave at the end of the night, a white coat draped over your shoulders. That should be my blazer, Daniel thought, thinking of the countless nights he had given you his jacket for warmth. 

You were in the middle of a conversation with someone from Prema when you felt a tug in your arm. When you looked up and saw it was Daniel who was pulling you off to the side, your heart sank. There were no butterflies anymore, just a lot of anxiety and guilt eating you from the inside. 

You could tell he hadn’t thought through what he was going to say. For a split second, his gaze was soft, almost like he thought about congratulating you for a successful season. For a moment, proud Daniel was back and for a moment, you got your hopes up. Maybe this line you broke could be fixed.

It was a bad sign when his eyes grew cold, features hardening along with them. This man, who was all you wanted, stared at you like you were a stranger, and maybe you were now. 

He opened his mouth and the room around you fell dark and quiet. It was your mind playing horrible tricks on you, putting a spotlight in this moment in time so it would haunt your memories after tonight. You knew the earth was still spinning, that people around you were still moving, but you couldn’t trust anything, frozen in this space with Daniel. 

“I hope you’re happy,” Daniel spoke softly, but his words cut through you like a knife. If someone told you that your heart was bleeding, you’d believe it. That’s certainly what it felt like.

He didn’t want you to be happy. He didn’t want you taking his seat. He didn’t want to see you live out his dream. He put on a beautiful charade for the press, but deep down you knew, he saw you as nothing more but a mistake. He no longer wanted you to succeed, despite telling the world he wished you would. 

"Daniel-"

You automatically reached for him and he flinched backwards. It hurt, seeing him react how he was. He didn’t want you touching him, he just wanted to get one more word in, wanted you to know that he was still bitter and would be for a while. 

You stood there and watched him walk away, haunted by the pain and broken trust in his eyes, a look that would become burned into your mind during your restless sleeps. 

And then there was the week where you just didn’t sleep. The week after Daniel’s contract with Red Bull was announced. 

He wasn’t driving with them, but he wasn’t leaving Formula 1 either. 

He’d still be around the paddock during selective race weekends. He’d be there, putting on a show for the fans because everyone loved him. Everyone wanted him on the grid, and if he couldn’t race, at least he was still there in the garage as a reserve driver. 

The same excitement couldn’t be said for you. 

Despite forming a close bond with Lando really early into the pre-season, it helped that he was only two years younger than you, you were not met with open arms and loud cheers. 

You had some supporters, a lot actually, but nothing compared to Daniel’s fans. You were pulled alert and critiqued for every move you made. You could understand the questions that circulated when you didn’t even finish the first race in Bahrain, retiring early because of an engine problem. Did Zak really make the right move by replacing Daniel with you? What could you bring to the team if this was how you started the season?

But it was the talk about what you did off the track that really got to you. You didn’t care if people weren’t a fan of your driving, you knew F1 fans had their favourites and you knew you weren’t everyone’s. 

However social media had a way of spinning everything. You lost count of the ridiculous rumours. Apparently, you were now replacing Daniel with Lando because that playful interview you did talking about red flags in relationships really gave away the fact you were sleeping together. 

Oh you were also sleeping with Mick Schumacher, because you had a thing for reserve drivers, it seemed. And the way he found you after your second race without points again in Saudi Arabia made it so obvious that you were with him. 

And you couldn’t forget about how big of a bitch you were, choosing to not acknowledge Daniel in Australia when you walked past him in the paddock. It was his home race, he was the reason you were even racing, and you couldn’t even stop and give him a smile? 

These rumours were truly getting annoying.

Of course, you couldn’t come out and tell people that Lando was seeing someone because it was so new and private and not your story to tell. No one cared that Mick was your teammate at Prema in 2020 and you guys had always been friends. No one would believe you if you said that you didn’t even see Daniel in the paddock, being too engrossed in your conversation to notice that the Australian was walking past. 

You grew to hate seeing him during race weekends. 

It was a constant reminder of what could have been. 

What if you had waited a year and signed with McLaren then? Would Daniel still hold this hatred towards you if his contract played out like it was supposed to? 

What if you signed with a different team like Williams instead, and someone else replaced Daniel? If Oscar Piastri had taken his spot, would Daniel be this resentful still to see you driving? Or would he happily walk by your side in the paddock, him in Red Bull polo, you in your Williams racing suit? Would he have accompanied you during the race weekends when he didn’t have Red Bull duties?

Was there ever a scenario where he stood in your garage and watched you race? Cheering you on, despite what place you finished? Despite where he was in his own career?

Or was that just a far fetched dream? 

Because let’s face it, if Daniel was still racing this year, it would be hard to support you and focus on his own season. How could he be happy if he DNF’d and you finished in the points? How could you be happy if the media would say that you were only using Daniel to get ahead? 

If you had signed for Williams and Daniel was still replaced, it would be difficult for him to watch you race, to watch you do what he loved. How could he be in your corner when he no longer had a corner of his own to stand in? 

Maybe you were doomed from the start. Fragile line, you said. How true that was. It was always going to snap.

You heard through the grapevine that Daniel had said you taking his seat before his contract was even up was the worst thing you could have possibly done. 

Was that in regards to McLaren? To your relationship? From a sportsmanship standpoint? You had no idea. You just knew Daniel wasn’t impressed that you were racing and he wasn’t.  

You hated seeing him during the few races he attended. You were petrified to run into him in the paddock, in the pit lane, in the hotel for christ sakes, you didn’t want to see him. At one point, you were desperate for even just a smidge of attention from him and now you felt sick whenever you heard he would be in attendance.

You went five races in a row without scoring any points. You could practically hear Daniel’s smug expression when you crossed the finish line each time. He was probably eating this up, knowing you were the one struggling now. 

The only difference was, you didn’t have him to turn to after a shitty run in the McLaren. 

Lando tried to be helpful, but he was struggling too. People called the car a tractor and honestly, so did you and Lando in private. You had a group chat with your personal trainers and the four of you called yourselves the farmers. The jokes made and lighthearted conversations shared were the only silver linings during this depressing start of a season.

Monaco was better, sort of. 

You finished 10th, so at least that was a point under your belt. 

But Daniel was everywhere. 

He loved Monaco, he lived in Monaco, of course it was no surprise he was there that weekend.

You found yourself jogging past his flat the Thursday before the race, and you didn’t do it on purpose but it was the same route you had taken all of those times you had spent days on end at Daniel’s. Sometime he joined you for those morning runs, sometime you’d return and he was making breakfast.

But you came to a stop on the opposite side of the street and stared up at it, recognising his balcony instantly. You saw the plant in the corner that you had given him a few months into your relationship and despite him claiming he wasn’t a plant guy, he managed to keep it alive.

Your heart felt heavy. All you wanted was to knock on his door and be welcomed in with wide arms and that stupid smile of his. You wanted to not feel anxious when you saw him in the paddock. You wanted to not be holding your breath every time you got out of the racecar, wondering what Daniel thought of your run. 

You were simultaneously on edge at all moments while also still dying to make him proud. You didn’t think that would ever go away.

Even during the weekends he wasn’t there, you were looking over your shoulder constantly. Even if you knew that he was on the other side of the world, he was still on your mind. He haunted your thoughts from the moment you walked into the garage to when you got out of the car at the end of the race weekend.

Lando called you out on it that Thursday in Silverstone.

“You’re in your head,” he told you, seeing how your main focus wasn’t racing, it was Daniel. You were unsure what he was referring to though and Lando just rolled his eyes, “Well actually, Daniel’s in your head. And he’s keeping you from being the driver I know you can be.”

That was all he said on the topic. 

And he was right.

You were so worried about Daniel. About what he would think of your races. About trying to avoid him during the weekends he was there. About still trying to make him proud but not too proud where he resented you more for taking his seat. About the hundreds of scenarios that could have happened if you had made a different choice.

Because of all of these thoughts, that seat at McLaren was still very much Daniel’s. You allowed it to be.

You needed to stop telling yourself you took his seat because that’s what it would always be then, his seat. Lando stood up, patting your knee after dropping those few words and you decided right then and there that it was your seat. 

You wouldn’t let Daniel haunt you anymore. 

And qualifying was where this new mentality really showed. 

You were buzzing with energy when your engineer told you that you had gotten P3 and were starting on the second row for tomorrows race. You climbed out of the car in parc ferme and ran directly to Lando. He hugged you, he was proud of you. 

“That’s the driver we all know,” Lando said when he pulled his helmet off. His hand was on your shoulder, both of you were wearing identical smiles of pure joy. “Where the hell has she been all this time?”

You didn’t even have an answer, too excited about what this meant for you, for the team. You post-quali interviews went by in a blur, your hands were shaking the entire time. You blacked out during it, still trying to process the fact that you had finished third in qualifying, but you did remember Lando reaching over at one point and dropping his hand to your knee. It was polite, it didn’t mean anything more than a playful stop shaking you’re making us all look bad, but god did the media run with it. 

You didn’t let anything on social media get to you, telling yourself that you had to stay focused for the race. In fact you even gave your phone to your trainer, Oliver, asking him to take it for the night and to just wake you up in the morning.

And Oliver was a good trainer, he had also become a good friend since you joined McLaren so you trusted him with your phone. 

Which meant he knew your password. 

So when he saw your phone light up that night with a text from Daniel, Oliver panicked. He knew the right thing to do would be to just leave it alone, you’d see it in the morning. You’d see the message. The short but seemingly sweet;

P3, nice job

But a text like that would send you spiralling and you didn't need that before one of the most important races of the season for you, Oliver knew this. He knew you were supposed to be getting over Daniel, he knew how much the Australian just being in the paddock messed with your mind. He knew you had to focus on racing.

There was so much uncertainty with the text. Was this him extending an olive branch? Was he genuine, or was this supposed to be taken with a bit of salt? Oliver could read it both ways. Either Daniel was truly happy for you, or this could be dripping with sarcasm. P3, sure, but remember who’s seat you’re in.

Oliver decided to delete the text. There was no trace of it when he handed the phone back to you the next day. 

Maybe that was for the best, no one knew. 

All you knew was you were starting third today.

All Daniel knew was you had ignored him, and now you were walking right past him down the paddock, side by side with Lando as you talked about today’s race. Daniel turned his head and saw the two of you, drawing his own conclusions. 

Whatever was going through his mind, one thing seemed certain. You didn’t need him anymore. You had the seat, the team, someone new supporting you, why would you still need Daniel?

You went about your day, the same pre-race rituals. Lando checked in more than normal, it was an exciting day for both of you, but he knew he was also a good distraction to keep your mind off of Daniel, he knew you would be struggling to keep from thinking about him. 

“It’s you and me,” Lando told you right before the race. “It’s our day, yeah? We’ve got this.”

Lando was in your corner. You were in his. 

Which meant you were there to celebrate after the race when he took home second place. You had claimed fourth, which was also something to be proud of, and you were, but you were also craving that podium. You could almost taste it, it was so close. 

“Next time,” Lando assured you, having full confidence that you’d be holding the trophy at the following race. He handed you a bottle of champagne, telling you to drink up and enjoy and for once, you did. 

You were happy. You finally felt like you could accomplish something amazing at McLaren, despite the horrible start. Lando had gotten a podium, yours was coming, you could feel it. 

You didn’t think about Daniel at all that night. It was the first night in a long time where you didn’t see his face when you closed your eyes. 

And you would have loved to keep celebrating after that night, to keep the high of Lando's podium and your 4th place finish last until the next race, but all good things must come to an end. 

You stood in front of Lando now, unsure how to take the news about Daniels’ return. Were you allowed to be happy for him? Of course you wanted to see him in a seat, this was the ideal situation, both of you driving this season. What would this mean for the two of you moving forward?

But he had done the exact same thing you had done by replacing a driver before their contract was up.

Daniel made you feel awful about that decision and now here he was, making the exact same one. He was no better than you. He was no hero, he wasn’t the good guy. He was a driver, desperate for a seat, as were you. As was every single person wanting to race in this series. 

You were on the same playing field now.

He was going to be at every single race for the rest of the season, as a competitor on the grid. Something you once dreamt of, both of you dreamt of, was finally coming true. 

But that’s all he would be. A competitor. Another driver. Another car to overtake. You always thought that when this moment came, you’d still be a team when you left the track at the end of the day and that just wasn’t the reality you found yourself in. 

“He’s back,” Lando said, hands shoved in his pockets trying to gauge your reaction. 

Daniel was returning to Formula 1, but you knew he was never actually gone in the first place.

He was in your thoughts, your dreams, your memories, he was everywhere all of the time. Even when you crossed the finish line in Silverstone, there was still a part of you that was wondering if Daniel was watching. As much as you tried to avoid him, your eyes still scanned every single crowd for him.

And now you didn’t need to look anymore. 

part 3 gone

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