#because whatever he posted alluded a goodbye | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fresh-prince-of-denmark · 4 years ago

Text

New Dawn Fades — Literary References Analysis Part 4: The Id, the Ego, the Superego

Cyberpunk Spoiler Warning

Here’s part four of me going through all the endings and looking for the literary references in each of the endings, which I believe allude to what happens to V/Johnny, possibly in future DLC. If you haven’t read my other posts, you should read them here (Johnny’s Mikoshi poem, V’s Mikoshi Poem, The Star ending) first since we’re gonna loop back to them later.

New Dawn Fades was such a pain in the ass; because Johnny is such an art hoe, I found three different poems/stories scattered around. Not only that, but two of them are translated from Polish, and one of them us from Ovid’s The Metamorphoses. I studied English literature so…forgive me if this is super surface-level. Also, stuff gets lost in translation, so the original meaning sometimes gets lost. If Polish literature is anyones niche, please teach me a thing two, but all I can do now is my best! But from what I could tell, damn…paints a pretty depressing picture. Let’s start with the two Polish writers first:

Bolesław Leśmian, "Why so many candles...”

Why so many candles, these faces above me?

No more harm shall ever meet my body.

Everyone is standing - while here alone I lie -

Grieving, feigning. One must be true when one must die.

And so, buried under these wreathes of leaves, I lie -

Solemnly - Agelessly - Solitarily.

Death, gone silent, once again rushes to my head,

Though by now I know all my comprehension is dead.

How I loathe to become accustomed to this grave,

To be what I once was - that is all I crave.

This one is…yikes. Depressing. As I talked about in previous posts, V’s poem is more pessimistic: nothing we do matters, we’re all just dust in the wind, you know, the good stuff. Johnny’s poem has a very different stance; art makes us immortal, and we can change the world, etc. With this…Johnny seems to have given his larger-than-life attitude up in favor of V’s resignation that life sucks. Much like Prufrock in V’s poem, Johnny is lying “Solemnly - Agelessly - Solitarily.” Almost as if he didn’t want V’s body, not as a selfless gesture…but because he has grown accustom to his previous form. In Johnny’s version of Alt’s poem, it almost seems as if he embraces being a construct — the form of immortality it, and his legacy, grants him (remember all that hokey about being a golden bird to sing his message to the youth?). Blackwall was a kind of death Johnny knew — yet now:

“How I loathe to become accustomed to this grave,

To be what I once was - that is all I crave.”

Interesting. We never find out where Johnny is going when he leaves Night City, but it makes me wonder. Is he truly starting anew? Or hoping to fix what went wrong?

In the next room, we find another poem, this one an excerpt from Labyrinth by Wisława Szymborska:

So this way or that,

Or no, the other,

By ear or by your gut,

By your wits or by shortcut,

By any means necessary,

Cutting crooked corners.

Past whatever row in a row

Of corridors and gates,

Quickly, in the meantime

Your time grows short,

From one place to another

To one of many still open,

Of darkness and plight

But also delight, held just ajar,

Where there's joy, though sorrow

Lies well-nigh nearby,

And elsewhere, somewhere,

Wheresoever and whereabout,

Fortune in misfortune

Like a parenthetical parenthesis

Acceptance of it all

And suddenly - a fall

I’m a little shaky on the meaning behind this one. My immediate response is to compare it to the poem found in The Star — which contains a piece from The Marriage Between Heaven and Hell by William Blake. The overarching use of this poem, by my interpretation, is an explanation for what the Blackwall is: hell. But not hell how most would perceive it. In fact, according to Blake, hell isn’t so bad. Our views of heaven and hell, good and evil, are wrong. Everyone contains both good and bad within them, and neither is wrong, simply two opposites; between conformity and rebellion, art and obedience. If we were to look at it this way, V would most likely belong in “Heaven,” the world of the obedient, those who play by the worlds rules (at least, in the beginning of the story, before Johnny influences them toward the rebel path), while Johnny represents “Evil,” and would belong to Hell. In some dialogue choices, Johnny will even state that he no longer believes he is a human, and is in fact code, no longer belonging in the world of the living. In this scenario, both have found themselves where they don’t belong. Not only that — but one is supposed to be a healthy mix of so-called “Good” and “Evil.” The “Soul,” and “Body,” are one, not meant to be separated. Uh oh. The tone of this poem in Johnny’s context just seems so…lost, to me. Someone who found their other half, their perfect foil, a soul and body as one…and now it’s gone. What does one do after such a loss?

And finally, the most grim of the three stories: Ovid’s The Metamorphoses. Specifically, Book III, Narcissus and Echo. This one most likely has the greatest significance; not only is it a shard you can pick up, but an open copy of the book can be found in Johnny’s hotel room, drawing further attention to it.

If you haven’t read it, let me give you a quick and dirty summary:

At the beginning of the story, Narcissus’ mother, Liriope, asks the prophet Tiresias if her son will live to see old age, which he replies “only if he does not know himself.” One day when Narcissus is 16, he is out hunting when he finds a mountain Nymph named Echo. Echo, as one might guess, was cursed by Hera and can only repeat what is said back to her. You know. Like an echo. Echo falls in love with Narcissus at first sight and follows him throughout the forest, waiting for him to speak so she can communicate with him. Narcissus eventually gets separated from his hunting group, and calls out for them, which Echo…well, echos. Eventually Echo reveals herself and Narcissus freaks out, telling her basically he’d rather die than be with her. She hides in a cave and pines until she whithers away from hunger, and only her voice remains.

Many other nymphs fall for Narcissus because apparently he’s a straight up snack, but he rejects all of them. Apparently someone gets so salty about it, they summon the Goddess of Vengeance to do something about it. She leads him to a crystal clear pool, in which he is able to see his reflection. Remember the thing about knowing oneself? Yeah…At first, Narcissus thinks the reflection is a different person and falls in love. He smiles, the reflection smiles, so it must like him back, right? Eventually he reaches to touch it, and realizes that it’s him. He freaks out, and much like Echo, stays by his reflections side until he withers away. Having a total meltdown, he cries out “Alas!” which is echoed, by well, Echo. Her voice lived on, and she watches him die as he calls “Farewell, dear boy. Beloved in vain.” Once again, Echo repeats this. Narcissus dies and all the thirsty hoes make a pyre to burn him, but when they go looking for him they find the Narcissus (flower) instead (nooo...dont transform into a flower, you’re so sexy ahaha).

So what does this mean for Johnny/V? Well, two main things pop out to me: transformation, and reflections. Much like Echo and Narcissus are reflections of each other, V and Johnny reflect each other. As @ellitira pointed out in my analysis of the Star, V and Johnny constantly reflect each other. One of the most obvious ways is their literal reflection; if you look in a mirror during a relic malfunction, you’ll see Johnny, not V. But scenes are reflected as well; the first and last time V meets Johnny, they grab him by the shoulder from behind to get his attention as he turn to face them. The first time Johnny and V have a civil conversation, they’re sitting at a table in Tom’s Diner, Johnny’s foot on the table. This mimics their conversation in Mikoshi with Alt. Their conversation about taking a bullet for one another in the Pista Sofia where Johnny is sitting backwards on a chair while V is on the ground is also repeated moments later, as Johnny and V have their final conversation about who will stay and who will go with Alt. Johnny also mentions that he spent his first few weeks in NC laying in bed, staring at the ceiling fan. When he awakens in New Dawn Fades, what is he doing? Staring at the ceiling fan…in Pacifica, not far from the Pista Sofia. The boy who he gives the guitar to is even wearing V’s “favorite shirt”…the one we see them wearing in the first scene they’re introduced. There’s probably loads more, so feel free to share if you find any more. If you want to know more about why this is significant, make sure to read about V’s version of Alt’s poem.

So why do these reflections/echos matter? Well, what does one do with a reflection? Reflect. Johnny begins to examine himself through V, and he begins to realize he doesn’t like what he sees. If V calls him the man who saved her life, he’ll respond with “you have no idea how badly I want that to be true.” He tries his best to right his wrong only after this conversation with V, not only in Burning Love and Chippin’ In, but in other ways too. For example, it’s Johnny’s idea to call V’s loved ones to say goodbye on the roof scene, because “he wished that he had had a chance to.” Because of V, he grows, changes, and becomes a better person, just as much if not more as he seems to change V. As he leaves V’s grave, he even states that he has changed; that he’s wiser now, and won’t make the same mistakes. He states he won’t dwell on what happened, but somehow I doubt that, considering everything above.

The other theme of Narcissus and Echo is of transformation; after all, metamorphosis actually means "to change or transform.” Echo becomes, well, and echo, and Narcissus becomes a flower. V and Johnny also transform; not only physically between engram and human, but they transform one another. Both of them fall in love, and neither will move on. Echo falls in love with Narcissus, and Narcissus falls in love with his reflection. Because they refuse to transform the way they feel, they must die and transform physically. So who represents who in this scenario? In a way, Johnny is both. Johnny is a bit, well, narcissistic. He’s self-absorbed in his flashbacks, and adored by countless fans, yet ignores them in favor of his own company. He thinks everything is about him (Alt’s death, Samurai, etc.) and is willing to die for his beliefs. He is also constantly reflecting on himself through V. However, what really kills him is losing Alt; she tells him not to follow her (much like Narcissus tells Echo to leave him alone). He does anyway, and avenging her leads to his demise.

What’s especially sad about this is the way Johnny views transformation; he is very concerned with the idea of one’s individual identity, and hates the idea of turning into something you’re not. He despises that he’s going to turn V into himself by force. He hates dolls because he sees their behavior chip as something that changes them into something they’re not. He’s scared of V going to Blackwall not because it’s death, but because they “won’t be the same.” I don’t think Johnny ever wanted V’s body; again, not as a courtesy, but because it’s not him. After all, he could have just let nature take its course and let himself re-write their psyche, but instead he actively tries to save them as best he can. If V chooses to let him have their body, he hardly seems happy about it; especially compared to how happy he seems to see that part of him will live on in the way V refuses to give up should they choose to live on. By taking V’s body, he is no longer himself; rebel, rocker-boy, legend, and the guy who promised to save V’s life. Johnny in A New Dawn has lost his entire sense of self, his entire new and improved identity; one that learned from his mistakes and became a better person because of V. Johnny has The Tower tattooed on his arm, the card of (often painful) transformation and change. Yet this is what Johnny is most afraid of; not death, or even the not-so-bad sort-of hell that is Blackwall. He’s afraid of losing himself, and by losing V, he has lost a part of himself. The part of himself that was supposed to be a better person; who was supposed to save V’s life.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk2077 #cyberpunk 2077 v #cyberpunk spoilers #v cyberpunk #johnny silverhand #new dawn fades #my posts

67 notes · View notes

tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Text

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (12/17)

Summary: “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Recruitment Season.

Having been recruited himself, Levi was somewhat familiar with the timeline. Or at least he should have been familiar with it.

When he had suggested showing up for one of Mikasa’s tournaments, his end goal had been to at least get Hange out of her hole, the same way she had pulled him out of his own slump. With nothing else on his mind though leading up to the tournament, he found himself a little too surprised at the large crowd that showed up that day at the entrance of the school.

And Levi was familiar with the clipboards, the iPads and the way those particular people strode into the school with some sort of purpose.

The school so close to their largest city was much larger than the school he grew up in. Back in his old school, there were only two to five scouts at a time for at least ten different sports. There, by the entrance of Public School No. 104, the crowd was large and Levi was overwhelmed.

For a second he doubted whether or not he had read the entries on the events page right. That second became a few seconds and maybe even a minute as Levi recalled that there had been multiple events slated for that day. There was a huge possibility that he could have read it wrong.

He had thought ahead enough at least to bookmark the page on his phone. Whether or not he had thought ahead to bookmark it because of any lingering doubt or because it had been just a little too convenient to click the star on his phone was a question he quickly brushed off even before he could entertain it.

What was important then was he had something to assure him that he hadn’t been a total idiot taking Hange to that school.

If we can’t watch jumping, maybe they have diving or gymnastics or something. Levi thought to himself in that few second gap pulling the phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it.

Those were all consolations though. The grand prize was still the high jump event and he would hate himself if he had read the time wrong. The chances were small but the visit to the school had been crucial for many reasons.

For one, Hange had not gone out since her parents gave her a deadline to vacate her apartment. She hadn’t seemed completely alive since then, almost reminiscent of Levi’s own bout of isolation. She didn’t do much either to ask for help, to open up about her own turmoil.

It had been just the two of them clearing out years worth of clutter in the apartment for hours on end, which soon turned to days on end, save for those small few hours to get groceries. The silence which only further alluded to the lifelessness of the room, was deafening.

And in his own way, Levi found himself almost obliged to reignite something within her.

On top of that, Levi hadn’t written anything for three days. At first glance, that wasn’t an issue. Overtime though, with nothing much to do, with the decision to stay at home with Hange, he had started writing more, organizing thoughts on Petra, Zeke, Erwin, Farland, Isabel and he had written thousands of words, tens of pages but Levi was sure, the story was far from over.

There were glaring holes that he had dug through the deepest pits of his memories trying to fill. His documents were riddled with empty bullet points, blank spaces and sometimes even half complete sentences any other casual reader would have never made sense of.

There were inarguable truths though with what he had pieced together. Many of the people he had met had died, and he felt the raw pain with every single one of them in his dreams, only manageable by the reminder that they were all alive and were merely dead as characters in his dreams.

In his dreams and in his stories, he was a soldier. Erwin died and Hange had taken over as a commander. And somehow, they had ended up outside the walls, lying together in the forest and Levi could have sworn he didn’t want to leave.

But for what? Why?

For a time before that, he had been in the forest with that blond doctor too and Levi had hated his guts then too.

But under what context?

Keep writing and you’ll find out. Something nagged at him. But it was as if he had written everything. The dreams just replayed. The memories of familiar strangers only got more and more vivid. And the dreams he saw and the thoughts he reflected on only served to add detail to the sceneries and to the faces as Levi wrote them.

But he knew how they looked like in real life, there was no need to describe their faces any more than he already did. And what did scenery have to do with anything? From what he remembered, half of what he dreamt of was within walls anyway.

But there was a lead. Mikasa Ackerman. He remembered voices. He remembered raw care and concern. And he was sure there was still something to probe on those names. He tried describing her on paper with just the name as some sort of lead, but it proved futile.

Any description he attempted to shoehorn into his stories seemed like a lie. It felt almost idiotic and almost obsessive then and Levi was very careful with his words as he asked for directions then.

They gestured for Levi to follow and he found himself keeping a good distance from the crowd as they walked through the school grounds.

From his place behind them, he had heard the name ‘Ackerman’ mentioned a few times among the college scouts, whether they were talking about him or Mikasa, he didn’t probe. He didn’t want to know either. Watching the high jump event might be painful enough for him and he didn’t want to unnecessarily add any more salt to that wound.

“Levi, you sure this is the way to go?” Hange asked.

“That’s where the scouts are going,” Levi said.

Hange pulled out her phone. “I’ll look for a school map.”

Levi shrugged. “The school is bigger than I expected. Let’s cover some ground while you search.” He kept his eyes ahead, keeping the crowd at least in his peripherals as he scanned his surroundings.

As they walked through the main path of the school, the crowd gradually dispersed. Then for Levi who had been so religiously following the crowds since almost a minute ago, it became a game of which crowd was biggest.

Because everyone should be here for Mikasa Ackerman right? Levi thought to himself. He couldn’t wait for Hange to navigate. He pressed on, following the biggest crowd before they turned the corner and disappeared completely.

The crowd may have been for Mikasa, or it could have been for any other athlete or any other sport. He never did find out.

“Levi, I think we should turn around here… The high jump event should be---” Hange started.

“It’s Connie Springer! Connie Springer’s batting next!”

From his view along the main road, partially obscured by tall trees and bushes dotting the landscape, Levi hadn’t gotten a good view at first. And if it hadn’t been for the familiar name, maybe Levi never would have sped up, or gone as fast at least as his limp and his crutches would take him.

He turned the corner, the largest crowd forgotten. He made good distance, even on the rocky landscape that made up the smaller path.

“Levi, be careful. You might trip.” Hange asked. “Besides, where are we going? The high jump event i...”

Hange’s protests eventually faded into something unintelligible from behind him. If he had actually tried to listen, maybe he would have heard whatever else she was saying. It was as if his mind knew, anything she said was futile. He was hell bent on making that detour and he was 100% that detour which was only a few feet away, would give him enough of a satisfying answer.

We can check the venue after. Just give me this few minutes. Levi had been in enough high jump tournaments to know they lasted a fair amount of time anyway.

The smaller path opened up to a field. There were athletes on the field clad in red, one on the field clad in green. Levi had enough stock knowledge on Major League Baseball to know exactly what was happening.

The innings were all on the scoreboard, large enough for Levi to see from his angle. Visitors were leading by three points. The home team had one more out left before the game would be declared over. And out on each base was one player clad in green.

It was a decisive possession for green. Levi surmised even if it hadn’t been Connie Springer who had caught his attention then, maybe he still really would have stopped to watch.

A lot of the crowd looked like they were thinking the same thing. Even with the game almost over, people were still approaching the field.

Connie Springer…

Levi heard the whispers among the scouts. Good runner. Mediocre Batter. And maybe he had felt a little offended for Connie when someone had joked that they should just bid the regionals and nationals goodbye.

Connie was better than that. Levi was sure.

And just like Levi had thought, Connie seemed unfazed. From his position at the side of the field, Connie approached the home plate at a steady yet rapid pace, bat in hand.

The whispers around him only started to get louder as Connie got into a position to bat.

Connie was a mediocre batter and a good runner at the same time. And Connie's hand position as he held the bat was a remnant of just that. Connie held one hand behind the mid section of the bat and he gripped it as if he weren’t going to let go any time soon.

He’s gonna bunt. Levi didn’t need the whispers for that commentary. Just as expected, that was a safe play for someone deemed a ‘shitty batter’ by the cruel audience.

Connie gripped the bat and positioned it. The pitch came a second later. And in that small span of a few seconds, Levi’s expectations were subverted, and as proven by the gasps around him, it looked like the audience’s expectations were subverted as well.

Connie had taken a risk. And in the next few seconds, everyone would find out if it were a good risk. He had swung the bat all the way through, there was a clank of the ball and the ball flew. Looking at the blue and white of the sky, Levi had to squint to see it.

It was a bunt fake. Levi soon realized. But he quickly dropped that thought as he followed Connie along all the bases. He was a great runner and Levi struggled to follow him through the bases. He felt his heart thumping as he followed Connie’s path.

He could hear screams from the audience to run. And Connie was screaming much louder as he ran even after having reached the second base.

Levi was sure he could have stopped there but Connie continued to run, screaming to the others to run as well. And by the third base, Connie could have stopped, and they could have secured a tie. The coach by the third base, held his hands up high, as if to tell Connie to take those three points.

It’s a tie game, no need to. And as Levi soon found out, any efforts to move in the next few seconds would be risky. Levi followed the ball which was already making the rounds of the bases. And when he looked back to third base, he found it empty. Connie was still running.

There were angry screams and Levi wouldn’t be surprised if it was from the coach. Levi didn’t bother to look anywhere else though to check. The next few milliseconds, he dedicated to Connie who was still dashing towards the home base.

Levi’s breath caught that split second when the catcher bent over to grab the ball.

But he still has to tag Connie. The catcher made the mistake of approaching Connie on the lane connecting the bases.

Or was it a mistake? He was blocking Connie’s path. And if Connie did anything like stray away from the path it would be an out.

He kept moving, As if fortune did favor the brave, everything started working for him at once. The catcher had bent over to dash faster. Connie was only getting faster, gaining momentum with every stride.

The split second Connie launched himself in the air and over the catcher, Levi could have sworn time stopped. That pause could have lasted an eternity. Yet everything after that could have happened on fast forward. Connie fell onto the home plate and skidded violently on the field and before Levi could take a good look, Connie was surrounded.

That scene on the field reminded Levi of his own accident months ago.

Is he okay? Levi stayed longer than he should have. He knew if he had left then and there, he probably wouldn’t be able to rest without the guarantee that the young baseball player out there wouldn’t suffer the same fate Levi had.

“Levi… Did you see that?” It sounded like Hange was struggling to breathe.

But in a good way. A good way he had missed so much, he found himself distracted enough to look away from the congregation on the home base and back at Hange.”It looked like he was flying huh?” Levi asked, taking a long good look at Hange as he said those words.

Her face was flushed. The glimmer in her eyes was still there, albeit weaker. Her eyes completely concentrated on the scene in front of her, as if in a trance. And Levi was sure she was imagining, seeing herself in that same spot only a second ago.

Was that how it felt Hange? Every single time you saw someone jump?

Levi was convinced he was right. The glimmer in Hange's eyes was weaker for sure. At first, Levi had thought it to be a remnant of the events of weeks ago, with her thesis struggles, with her parent’s admonishing remarks.

Levi ended up concluding though, that it wasn’t weaker. It was just glowing differently.

There was no desire in her eyes, no childish jealousy at lost dreams she couldn’t achieve. It was as if Hange had gained the power to so purely and innocently, so easily place herself in another's shoes, when she just thinks through it.

And absence worked to make Levi notice it more but in that new glow, that new glimmer in her eyes, Levi noticed then, there was no subtle hint of guilt at having indulged in such a trivial and useless passion her whole life.

Yet every single time he had snuck glances at Hange watching jumps before that, there was guilt in her eyes. As if she was supposed to be doing something more important: studying, working, succeeding, meeting expectations.

Is that how liberation feels? Levi asked himself then. He wanted to ask her that same thing then but he found another question, a follow up question which popped so quickly into his mind even before he had completely articulated the first one. Does she know yet that she’s free?

Maybe she didn’t. Because it had just come so naturally for someone like her.

“I wrote her like that because that’s how Hange Zoe really is.”

“Then I’ll work harder to be like her.”

“You don’t have to. The squad leader and the commander are already in you, you just have to uncover for yourself those parts.”

And she had figured it out for herself in the easiest of states, in a trance borne of passion, ecstasy, excitement and maybe euphoria.

An authentic, unrehearsed and organic smile, from Hange of all people, had left Levi with too many emotions to wrangle with: nostalgia, relief, excitement and everything in between. Too many for him to figure out for itself. Yet, it manifested in that moment, as Levi stood frozen next to her, staring at her for god knows how long. As if that Hange Zoe was something he had lost so long ago, maybe even centuries or even millennia ago. And he could have stood there forever as long she remained in that state of pure organic euphoria.

Hange’s lips widened, then curled up into a smile. “He’s okay!” She screamed, much louder than what could have been appropriate for that situation, for someone who barely even knew the guy on the field.

Levi didn’t mind though. In another story, maybe in another life, Connie was a member of their legion after all.

Hange’s outburst was a done deal and there was nothing much they could do about the eyes focused on them or the whispers among the crowd. Levi took advantage of that sunk cost, he approached Connie who was sitting alone on his bench, taking a quick drink of water.

“You did great out there.” It came out as barely a whisper and as Levi soon realized, he was still too far for Connie to have heard it. And the latter didn’t.

That whisper had completely and so easily been overshadowed by calls from his own teammates to hurry up and pack his things. Connie’s team was going to regionals.

And maybe after that, nationals. It would have been nice to send some sort of congratulations then. Reality took over and brought with it reasonable arguments, all against some sort of odd and almost stalkery approach towards Connie.

Their team would be celebrating that night. Connie was far gone and had disappeared among the crowd of red baseball uniforms. It would be an odd and completely unjustifiable effort to chase Connie down then.

“Congratulations,” Levi whispered to himself.

“Congratulations to...? The home team?” Hange asked, stepping up beside him.

“Yeah, I would have wanted to talk to them. Congratulate them myself.”

“I’m sure they heard you,” Hange said.

The murmurs among the crowd, the praises, the cries and the dissemination of rumors were ubiquitous and they were still far from dead, even as the crowds started to disperse. Behind it all, Levi heard the rustle of trees and the whistling of the winds.

And maybe the wind could carry messages for him. Just in case, Levi did whisper other words of greeting, much softer than what Hange would have heard beside him. They were generic words of congratulations and well wishes but Levi swore they were heartfelt.

And he ended it with one last personalized message. I hope we could meet again and maybe have a little more time to talk.

Hange’s voice broke through his little correspondence. “Hey Levi, we still have an hour or so before the high jump event. What about if we try other events on the way?”

Levi shrugged. “Why not? We’re here already.” The trip had proven to be filled with surprises already.

*******

"Levi, you shouldn't have gone to the toilet. You missed some amazing jumps. There's this girl…. Sasha Braus I think…"

“Sasha Braus?” Levi made sure to say her name slowly, to at least imply some unfamiliarity.

But he was all too familiar with that name already. In fact, that hadn't been a toilet break, Levi had gone to the cafeteria only a building away and bought some plastic wrapped melon bread. Just in case there would be an opportunity to talk.

"How many jumps did I miss?" Levi asked.

"Five or six but we missed the start of the competition already so I think we missed more than that. They said this was the last round… But Sasha's already winning by a lot."

"Just as expected."

"So you know Sasha?"

"I follow athletes too you know."

"But diving?"

"Maybe." Levi kept his reply short, unwilling to keep that joke of a charade any longer.

Hange had a knowing look on her face as if she never did believe him.

Levi returned Hange with a playful look of his own as if to say:

But how else would I know her name?

Hange probably suspected the recognition to have been the result of a series of deductions. But Levi wasn't that smart.

After that encounter with Connie, the names and faces just came to him much faster than ever. Even among the five athletes lined up in front of the pull, Levi could spot her from meters away, last in line

He checked the watch on his phone, thirty minutes until the high jump event. They had enough time to kill.

In the few minutes leading up to Sasha's final dive, Levi made sure to search her name.

Top diver. Top seed for college scouts. High level of diving technique.

Diving wasn't a particularly popular sport where they lived but it was enough to make waves at least on the internet.

When Levi started to watch the women dive into the water, performing tucks, pikes and twists along the way, he did wonder why it never was popular.

And with the way, Hange was looking at them, he suspected she thought the same thing.

"Let's go Sasha!" Hange's voice rang out in the indoor pool area.

Do we know her? Levi asked. Realistically, do we know her? He amended that soon after. He knew her. But was he supposed to know her. Was Hange supposed to know her?

He wasn't too self conscious either. She wasn't the only one who was cheering after all. He could have sworn the blonde in front of them was cheering just as hard.

"Was I too loud?" Hange whispered, a second later. "I think I got too excited."

"No, that's very much a Hänge Zoe move," Levi said.

That small shadow of self consciousness in Hange's voice completely dissipated and Levi was relieved to see that gentle yet excited smile that followed.

And it could have been a hint or an illusion, but as Levi looked back at the brunette who approached the edge of the diving board, he could have sworn she had given them a flicker of a gaze as she positioned herself on the edge.

She may have heard Hange's cheers. Levi wondered though, if she had heard any more of their cheers or if she had recognized them.

Levi leaned towards a 'no.' though having been disappointed a little too many times. And he considered it a done deal as she executed a difficult twist, a pike then dove into the water head first.

"The high jump is starting in ten minutes. We should go," Hänge said, glancing at her watch.

The melon bread in the inner pocket of Levi's jacket protested. He had bought it for her after all.

He had other options at least. "Psst…" Levi called the attention of the blonde in front of him.

She didn't look back.

"Historia," Levi said. He decided for himself then that it was worth the risk.

The blonde looked back at them, her eyes wide open in confusion. "I'm sorry… I don't think I recognize you…" It was just like her to still be polite to a couple of potentially creepy strangers.

"No need to recognize me," Levi said. He pressed the melon pan, into the hand that Historia had held out for a hand shake. "Get this to Sasha for us. Tell her it's from her fans."

With that, the two stepped down from their place in the second row bleachers and quickly and silently slipped out through the entrance.

*******

“Maybe we have the time for one more detour,” Levi said.

“We’re still on the way to the high jump venue. And it’s not like we’re gonna miss everything if we’re ten minutes late,” Hange added.

As they stood at the entrance of the gym along the main road, they were distracted for different reasons. Levi was distracted because he had heard that one name among the cheers loud enough to hear even beyond closed doors. Hange though looked like she had managed to at least get a glimpse of what was going on inside through the transparent glass of the door.

“Should we… go in?” Levi asked.

“You wanna? There’s only a few seconds left.”

“Why not?”

Even with both of them in a silent agreement, they still hesitated. The door opened towards the inside and from what Levi could see with a slight tiptoe, even the door was barricaded. As Levi took a closer look at Hange, he realized that that could have been one of the reasons she was hesitant to go in.

“I saw this pretty cool dunk through this window. I wish you could have seen it.”

“I’ve seen a lot of cool things today already.”

“Yeah, but a few more cool things wouldn’t hurt.”

“It’s okay, I’ll just look at them on Youtube after. You got a name?”

“I’m checking his jersey… The name is too far… Can’t see it from this shitty view. It starts with a K… And it looks like a really long name.”

“Kirstein?”

“Can’t tell…But that doesn’t sound like a long name.”

The buzzer rang loud enough that even Levi found himself jumping at the sound. Cheers followed which Levi had to admit, had been a worse ordeal for his ears than the buzzer of a while ago.

But maybe the wait will be worth it. Levi told himself and he willed himself to be patient. “Let’s wait by the side of the door. People are gonna be going out soon.”

“I wish we could have been earlier. I would have wanted to see more dunks.” Hange whined. “You know I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone dunk in real life until now.”

“Well, maybe one day I’ll take you to watch a basketball game live,” Levi said as he leaned on the wall to the side of the gym.

“The tickets are expensive.”

“Aren’t your parent’s filthy rich?”

“Well, they thought games were a waste of time…”

“After we graduate, then we get jobs, maybe we can watch together.”

“That would be nice.” Hange leaned on the wall right next to him. Leaning her head back, she looked to Levi and gave him a playful smile. “Then after that, we can go watch some Major League Baseball and some diving tournaments too.”

It was only then Levi realized he had leaned his head back in the same manner. The way she had mimicked it had been comforting and he found himself following suit. “Maybe we can watch a gymnastics competition or a skating competition?”

“And maybe when we earn more money… Let’s watch the olympics together.”

Levi smiled. “That’s the dream.” He looked at the sky above him, avoiding Hange’s gaze. With the price of the tickets and the distance of the venues though, Levi was aware that it was a distant dream.

But something inside him nagged.

Two months ago, actually making the olympics wouldn’t have been such a distant dream. His coach had talked about the Olympics many times before already, talking about scouts, about post graduation training with the national team. He wondered how pathetic he was at that moment, shifting from dreaming to make the Olympics to dreaming of just watching. It was a short episode of melancholy and maybe if Levi had indulged it, it would have lasted longer.

It was something he willed himself not to show Hange though and instead, he stared up at the sky, willing himself instead to silently admire the view. From his peripherals, he was relieved to see Hange had done similarly.

Noon had shifted to afternoon so subtly. Looking straight up at the light blue, didn’t hurt so much anymore and he suspected it was late afternoon already. He knew they should be leaving soon if they wanted to catch Mikasa’s tournament.

The melancholy weighed on him. As if Hange understood though, she was silent and she didn’t pressure him to move just yet. Levi slid back down on the ground, letting the crutches fall in front of him.

“You okay?” Hange asked, sliding down to a sitting position next to him.

No, I’m not. Levi would have answered. When he looked at Hange though, he saw understanding, as if she knew what would have only been the correct answer to that. But you aren’t okay either. Levi had to note, so it would have only served to stoke the fires of her own vulnerability to admit his own. So he went for a kind in-between.

“I know we’re both not okay. We just have to ride through this until shit gets better,” Levi said, giving Hange the best authentic smile he could muster which felt like more of a lopsided grin in the end.

Hange took a deep breath. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” She returned that smile with her own and Levi was certain her own smile had been a better rendition of what he had.

“Jean! Hey! Come back here.”

Levi had done a pretty good job of tuning out the crowds that had been exiting the gym since a while ago. When he looked back to the entrance to see Jean and an unrecognizable teammate just outside, he was almost surprised to see their surroundings almost completely empty, especially when compared to a while ago.

“You can’t just leave. Coach will kill us.”

“I said, I’ll follow. It’s just a celebratory dinner. It’s not like we’ll lose our ticket to regionals if I don’t go.”

“But you scored the winning dunk.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jean asked. “Besides I am going. I’ll just be late.”

The player next to Jean cleared his throat. “Is this about her?”

“Yes. I wanna watch her jump. Is that so bad?”

“Mikasa’s gonna have other tournaments you know.”

“But we’re going to be busy with regionals. Who knows how many times I’ll be able to catch her tournaments before graduation.”

There was an awkward silence between them and Levi was almost tempted to use that moment to approach Jean. Even with some support from Hange though, it had taken Levi more than enough time to push himself to a standing position.

“God you’re such a simp Jean.”

“Cover for me Caleb.”

Caleb walked back into the gym and Jean started to jog, making his way for the main path. Levi was sure with his current state he wouldn’t be able to catch up. It was as if Hange though had read his mind.

“Excuse me!”

Levi followed at a much slower pace, only able to catch up because the two had slowed to a stop in the middle of the main path.

“Mikasa Ackerman? Yes! She’s my classmate.”

Levi noted the light blush on Jean’s face as he spoke. “We wanna watch the tournament too,” Levi added, slowing to a stop beside Hange. “Could we walk there together? This is our first time here so we might get lost.” A partial lie. It wasn’t their first time but they had looked at the map on their phone enough times to have sworn on their life that the path they were taking was correct.

Jean had looked surprised at first, but his dumb expression had quickly shifted to something much friendlier. “I’d be happy to take you two there.” He held out his hand. “Jean Kirstein.”

Hange had been the first to take his hand in a friendly gesture. “Hange Zoe.”

The pleasantries were quickly forgotten and their conversation had shifted to other things. Along the way, Levi had stopped listening as it shifted to conversations on air time and agility exercises.

Just like Hange to want to talk about that. Levi thought. That was the thesis she had wanted to do after all.

Levi allowed himself to trail behind a bit, letting the two grab a bit more distance.

That gave him a good view of the two, side by side. And they have been side by side before, Levi recalled that much. They had discussed strategies, paperwork, war conditions many times before.

Levi took advantage of that distance between them. To further indulge that little picture of a memory, Levi whispered two names under his breath. Commander Hange Zoe and Commanding Officer Jean Kirstein.

That at least added some realism to the view. And Levi was sure he’d remember enough to write pages worth when he got home.

*******

“Looks like we haven’t missed a lot,” Hange said.

“You missed the first few heights but those were too easy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Mikasa sat it out.” Levi commented. He looked to Jean who was gesturing for them to follow as he climbed up the bleachers.

And he kept his focus on Jean the whole way up. The high jump event was his domain and although he had hoped to keep a low profile during the event, a part of him knew that it would be almost impossible. Although his face could be almost forgettable and maybe unnoticeable in the crowds, the crutches only made people stare. And when people stare, they have a tendency to look at faces. And when they look at faces they recognize, sometimes they talk.

Levi had learned that lesson so many times before already. At least though, with every lesson learned, he had gotten better at brushing off the whispers. On top of the quick introductions, the familiar faces on the bleachers had been a very helpful distraction as well, one unbothered and the other, the complete opposite, a little too curious about everything.

Eren and Armin.

“You’re late Jean. Weren’t you the one who so excitedly told Mikasa you’d show up to cheer her on?” Eren asked.

“Hey, I’m here right now. Besides, I knew you and Armin were going to show up anyway. You always do.” Jean said, raising his hands defensively. He looked back at the field as if searching for her among the athletes. “So when is she jumping?”

“She got eliminated.”

Jean buried his face in his hands. “You’re kidding.”

“Eren, she sat out the easier heights right?” Levi had to note that at first glance, it did look like Mikasa wasn’t there. He suspected that the bench where Mikasa was sitting was just a little obscured from their view on the bleachers. He had done similarly too often for it to be anything but routine.

“Oh, you’re familiar with how high jump events work. Better than horseface here,” Eren gave the still recovering Jean a side glance before looking back at Levi. Eren’s unbothered face was far from menacing.

With his own store on his side and his own thoughts, Levi found himself still a little too careful. “I’m a little familiar...” Levi said, letting his voice trail off as he looked back out at the field.

“Excuse me.” Someone spoke up from behind him.

Levi was quick to look back. Compared to Hange who was already so engrossed on the happenings on the field just below, Levi was far from entertained. The heights were still much lower than what he would have considered entertaining.

It was Armin who had called out to him. “Are you Levi Ackerman?” He asked. The blonde seemed so unsure of himself that Levi had half the mind to deny it there just to play with him for a while. Didn’t Jean introduce us already?

“Why do you ask?”

Armin put a hand at the back of his head and flashed a sheepish grin. “Well, ever since Mikasa got into high jumping, I started to get a little more familiar with the high jumping scene. Also Eren, didn’t your brother talk about him?”

Zeke Jaeger.

“He mentioned that Levi Ackerman was injured, probably sidelined for life…” Eren trailed off, he looked pointedly at Levi’s casted knee. “Is that it?”

“So you are Levi Ackerman…” Armin said, a little more certainty in his tone.

“Wait, who’s this Levi Ackerman? Are you related to Mikasa?”

Levi shrugged. He didn’t know the best way to answer it either. Do I say distant relatives? He opted for a safe yet vague. “Maybe.”

The three boys didn’t ask anymore. The crowds exploded into cheers, and in their own little corner, the five of them fell silent as Mikasa made her way to the center and approached the starting line of the runway.

Levi quickly estimated the bar to be at 1.8 meters, too high for most high school students. So high that only two had cleared the height. And if Mikasa cleared it, that meant three people would be moving on to the 1.9 meter bar.

Or when Mikasa clears it. Levi corrected himself a second later as he watched Mikasa run to the take off box.

The crowd cheered as she landed. It had done little though to pull Levi back to reality. The cheers were merely fading background music as Levi replayed that jump in his mind. Everything from the run to the take off to the landing, everything from the smallest twist mid air had been seamless and Levi only noticed a second later his mouth had been wide open.

Mikasa wasn’t the tallest among the jumpers either, as if she relied as well on her own flexibility to get her through the bar.

“Levi, that’s how you used to jump,” Hange said. That had been enough at least to pull Levi out of his trance. “Now do you get how it felt to see you jump?”

Levi didn’t answer instantly. His first instinct had been to look back at the Youtube videos and the Instagram videos of himself Hange had shared to him a while back. He couldn’t have jumped like MIkasa. Back when he had watched his own videos, he never felt the goosebumps, or his hair stand up, or that sudden need to drop his jaw and leave his mouth wide open for a good few seconds.

But his view of Mikasa had been organic, it had been an experience, unmarred by camera angles, commentaries and video edits. Real life didn’t have video edits, and with his own first hand experience, he had the freedom and the convenience to continue to follow Mikasa, long after her jump was over.

He ignored the next two who had failed at the 1.9 meter height, completely eliminated. He had only surmised their own fate from the less than enthusiastic cheers from the crowd that followed each attempt. He continued to follow Mikasa, all the way until her second jump, focusing on the way her body curved so easily above the bar, the way her body twisted into a more comfortable angle mid flight.

As if she’s been flying her whole life.

“Ladies and gentlemen! We have a champion! Mikasa Ackerman!” The announcer chimed. But they weren’t cleaning up yet.

“There’s one more event: the men’s event, then after that the awarding,” Armin explained.

Levi shifted his attention once again to Mikasa who was making her way away from the center.

Towards the audience. Towards the front row. Levi followed Mikasa s gaze, to see a familiar back profile at the front row. The man only stood up from his seat, making the situation all the clearer for Levi.

“Coach Greg is here?” Of course, he’d be here. He’s recruiting.

He didn’t look like he was successful at recruiting though. From his spot towards the middle of the bleachers, Levi could see the way Mikasa shook her head, the way she had given the most apologetic smile and the way she walked back to the bench where her other teammates were, looking completely unbothered by that rejection.

He’s recruiting Mikasa? Levi thought.

In reply, Coach Greg looked back at the bleachers. He caught Levi’s gaze almost instantly as if he had known Levi would have been there the whole time. Levi had trained with him enough to know what he wanted just by the expression on his face.

“Levi, where are you going? The men’s jump event is about to start.”

It had been months since he trained with him, but years of old habits were still hard to break. Before Levi even noticed it himself, he had scrambled onto his feet and maneuvered through the crowd in the bleachers.

*******

“I saw you enter the venue mid match. Honestly happy to see you watching tournaments again and I’m sure a lot of the fans are happy to see you too.”

If by happy, you mean gossiping. “Jumping is hard to completely give up,” Levi replied.

The two had settled on a bench, only a few meters away from the emptiest bleachers. The screams and cheers were still audible and sometimes, comprehensible. But there was still enough peace and quiet to manage a fair conversation.

“How’s your knee?”

“I’m sure you’ve talked to Erwin about it already.”

Greg grinned sheepishly at it. He dropped his shoulders with a sigh. “I was hoping he would have given you a better prognosis. He told me you were gone from jumping for good… I just thought…”

“My last season is over. You’re already preparing for regionals and I can still barely walk,” Levi said as he gave a pointed look at the crutches he leaned on the side of the bench.

“With physical therapy…”

“I can barely walk right now because of physical therapy. We were going too fast.”

“So anything after college might be impossible huh?”

“I’m taking this one step at a time. It was a painful experience. And with the extent of it, Erwin had told me multiple times even post surgery, it might never return to pre injury state. With the competitiveness of the high jumping scene… my height… I feel like these were all just signs to just move on from it all.”

Greg dropped his shoulders and shook his head. “You were something else though. I didn’t think someone of your height could have dominated the high jump. It was like your body knew the exact moments to get you through the bar every time. As if it was completely used to being mid air.”

“Maybe my body is just used to flying,” Levi said. “Maybe I was born and built for these types of sports. But I'm sure you're aware, no matter how inclined someone is to sports, careers don’t last forever. We all have expiry dates. And mine was just a lot earlier than others.”

“But you could have made the Olympics with your numbers.”

“But the accident happened and I don’t think I’ll ever achieve those numbers again,” Levi said matter-of-factly, so realistically it hurt even when Levi was sure he had long gotten over it.

“So, what are you focusing on now?” Greg asked, an attempt at digression.

“Studies, submitting my thesis, passing my last few classes…”

“Maybe when studies die down a bit, you can visit every now and then. After winter break is over, maybe you could even help get the new recruits up to speed.”

Levi raised one eyebrow at Greg. “You have one in mind?” Mikasa Ackerman?

“Mikasa Ackerman.” As if Greg had read his mind, he had repeated those same exact words with the exact same tone Levi had heard it in his head. “Are you two related?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

“With the way you’re saying that, I'm guessing not close enough to talk to her.”

“Talk to her about what?” Levi asked.

“About considering Paradis University. She has that type of talent that only comes once every five years.”

“But if she’s committed to another university…”

“She’s not. In fact, she told me herself, she might not even go to university.”

“Why not?”

“She told me there was someone she didn’t wanna leave behind. You think you might know something about that?”

An all too familiar turn of events. Levi’s answer to his coach’s question had been a resounding yes. But he wasn’t telling him about that yet. ‘I’ll try to talk to her. Then I’ll see what I can do.”

The conversation ended soon after that with a quick promise to keep in touch. His coach hurriedly got back to the tournament and Levi found himself alone on the bench once again.

His knees ached, his arms were stiff from all the walking. And he decided for himself that a men’s jump event would not be worth the struggle of hobbling back to the bleachers.

*******

“There you are!”

Levi only had a few minutes of peace and quiet before it was interrupted by the familiar brunette who settled next to him on the bench. It had interrupted whatever trance he had gotten himself into. Either way, it was still a welcome sight. “You’re not watching?”

“I thought you went to the toilet or something but when you didn’t come back… I kinda realized you might have left because you didn’t wanna watch so I got worried. You wanna go back home?”

“I’m tired. So honestly, yes.” Levi shrugged his shoulders and did some test stretches. His body was aching from having maneuvered in crutches the whole afternoon. He could have sworn, he had reached well more than a thousand steps just walking the university, enough to expect an admonishing stare from either Erwin or his physical therapist.

“Well, we should be going back. We have to do some last minute packing since tomorrow is our last day.”

“Wait, before we leave. I was hoping to get some lead on Mikasa. I wanted to talk to her. Maybe after final exams or something.”

Hange gave him a cheeky grin. She held out her phone in an exaggerated manner. “That’s done already.”

“You got their contact details?”

“I had a pretty pleasant conversation with Armin, Jean and Eren, enough at least to get them to wanna keep in touch.”

“Keep in touch about what?”

“Thesis maybe? Future career prospects?”

“You’re meeting with a bunch of high school students?”

“Armin applied to Paradis University so there’s a lot to talk about and he said he could help out with my thesis. Besides, weren’t you the one who said you wanted to talk to Mikasa?”

“I’m doing my coach a favor.” Levi said, emphasizing those last words a little too much, he started to feel a little ridiculous a second later.

Hange raised one eyebrow in disbelief, only making Levi further regret attempting such a ridiculous lie. A smile played at Hange’s lips. “You know, I’m glad to see you’re reconnecting with your team again.”

Levi returned that smile with his own. “Well, I’m glad to see you’re reconnecting with your thesis again.”

*******

“I talked to the dorm. Scholars can get a good bed space for a cheap price, or maybe even free. You just have to sort out the paperwork, get some paperwork signed by your professor then the scholarship office. After that, we wait for approval. So, in the meantime, you could stay in a motel or something.``

“That’s the plan,” Hange said, her tone a mixture of despondence and exhaustion. Not too surprisingly, she was lugging boxes, lining them towards the entrance of the room as they spoke. “My parents are gonna pick up a lot of these boxes, probably put them in storage back home. And this…” Hange drops a purple suitcase in front of him. “Is all I’m bringing.”

“You’re serious about this huh?”

“Were you doubting it?”

Levi sat and stared at the luggage, his expression unchanging. “This just seems like a huge change.”

“This happens with everyone else anyway. I’m a senior in college. I’ll find a job, take out a loan then rent some cheap studio apartment just outside the city.”

“Studio apartments aren’t cheap, even if they are outside the city. Would you be able to afford that with the entry level income of one person?” Somehow, a part of Levi was still hoping Hange would make amends with her parents. Despite her having proven multiple times she was sure with her decision. She seemed happier then, more confident, more free. But at what cost?

“Then I’ll get a roommate,” Hange said.

“That’s a reasonable plan.” Levi said. “Well first things first. Fix those dorm papers, finish your thesis.”

“Thanks for the help Levi. Really, it means a lot.” From the firm determination of a while ago, Hange’s gaze softened to something else, something Levi had sworn he had only seen long ago, in another lifetime.

“You’ve done a lot for me too,” Levi said.

“You won’t be much help now since I’ll just be lugging boxes so feel free to just write or something until we’re ready to leave. Or you know, you could go ahead to your dorm. I’ll just contact you if I need to.”

“No, I’d rather stay.” Levi looked back at his laptop and opened his document. He had written a few words the night before as soon as they had arrived home.

Armin Arlert. Jean Kirstein. Eren Jaeger. Mikasa Ackerman. Connie Springer. Sasha Braus. Historia Reiss. The names had worked magic on the draft. With the names where they needed them to be, the story became more vivid than he had expected. He lost count of the amount of words he had written the night before, but he was sure he had added at least five pages.

And his head throbbed at that moment as he scanned through the file, reminding him of how much sleep he had sacrificed to get it written. At the least, he had managed to understand what had gotten them to the point in the woods, he understood why it had been he and Hange of all people who stuck together.

They cared about the younger soldiers for sure. But they had been the only two veterans remaining.

And what did you ask me back then? Levi asked silently as he watched Hange move the boxes one by one, lining them along walls from one corner all the way until the entrance.

Hange looked as if she were in a trance. But if their eyes had met at that moment as he thought of the question, would she have read his face, would she have known what he was asking then? Probably not. But Hange was perceptive and she had made some good guesses on his thoughts a few times already.

Maybe we should just live here together? Right, Levi? Levi wrote those words, somewhere at the bottom of the page, under descriptions of trees, stars and a glowing campfire. He wrote under it descriptions of the pain of fresh stitches, half opened wounds and the beginnings of a fever.

“You know, Hange. There was a war. This anti military faction took over, and we ran away to the woods and ----”

“Don’t tell me!” Hange interrupted. She dropped one box on to the wall, much harder than usual. “I haven’t reached that part. I wanna enjoy your story.”

“Sorry.”

Hange approached him and sat next to him on the wall by the window. Her voice was much softer as she spoke up again. “No need to apologize. I just wanna be in the best mood when I read it. Maybe I’ll catch up after final exams before winter break,” Hange said. “Besides last time I checked all you had were unfinished sentences and bullet points.”

“It’ll be finished way before then.” Even as he spoke, he was typing and Levi found himself marveling at his own ability to keep two conversations at once.

“Really? Don’t you have studies to deal with?”

“I know how it’s gonna end already.”

Hange gave a hum of approval. “Then I’ll hold your word to it. I look forward to reading it then.”

If we keep running and hiding, what will that get us… I know you’re not able to stay out of the action.

Levi had ended up writing those last few lines to the disturbed rhythm of the thumps as boxes were dropped one on top of the other.

Yeah. That’s right. I can’t. He capped off that final paragraph with Hange’s one final response. Even fully wide awake with the afternoon sun illuminating the well ventilated condominium, even with the sound of the traffic down below only made louder by the windows left open, Levi still saw her, so vividly as if she were a dream. He memorized her face then, everything from the way her brow knitted, her forehead puckered. The way her glossy eyes showed nothing but a faded glimmer.

Yet it was a glimmer and in that, Levi saw desire. A desire for something else.

And then what happened? It couldn’t have ended there. He had filled in many of the gaps himself already. He had already found the missing pieces and pushed them into place. The story had ended so anticlimactically though and Levi found himself scraping the recesses of his mind for anything he may have missed, a futile attempt.

And maybe it was futile because Hange had interrupted him a second later. She had his two plump overnight bags slung over her one shoulder. She turned her chin slightly towards the entrance. “Let’s go.”

Levi pulled himself up from the window sill. “Give me one of my bags. You shouldn’t be carrying all that.”

“You shouldn’t be carrying all this,” Hange argued, looking pointedly at his leg. “Let’s go.” She went ahead, not looking back. Along the way, she had stopped, gesturing for Levi to make the distance towards the door and out into the hallway.

Levi looked back at her to see she was still standing at the entrance leaning on the door frame, leaving one hand on the open door swung inward. She made no movement, no explicit intention to leave just yet. He felt no need to hurry her either. Moving out was no easy task after all.

“I know you don’t like messes Levi ” Hange spoke up, her voice once again the lifeless drawl that never failed to hurt Levi even a bit.

“Really?” It was obvious, Levi had acknowledged that he had hated it. But he never remembered explicitly telling Hange about it. He was lodging in her place for free after all.

“You wrinkle your nose every time I leave something lying around. And you don’t think I noticed the way things magically cleaned themselves while I was away?”

“If you don’t want to, I won’t. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, I appreciate it. I think you did a lot of good for my space. Honestly, I’m more sorry that I couldn’t provide you anything cleaner…” Hange trailed off. It seemed like she was ready to say more. She looked back at him and took a deep breath, opened her mouth but stopped herself midway. ”And for a while I was a bit self conscious about it but I think I get it now.”

“Get what?

“I get now why I like messes and clutter. And I guess I just wanna point it out now, so maybe you’d understand?” Hange moved away from the doorway and out into the hallway. “Look, it’s clean.”

It was easy for Levi to put the scene of her condominium from a few months ago and the scene in front of him side by side in his mind. There were too many things he could have pointed out at once though. The room in front of him then, was much larger and more spacious than Levi could have ever imagined, especially with the boxes all lined up towards the wall. It was immaculate, any other day he could have used the picture of the room as a blank slate, something to calm him in between stressful situations.

But side by side with the room from weeks ago, hell back to the room months ago before he had started to stain it with his own brand of cleanliness, Levi wasn’t thinking of words like clean or immaculate.

It feels lifeless. But he wasn’t telling her that. Not just yet, when the fastidious side of him was still trying to process such an opinion borne out of his cleanliness-loving mind.

It was as if Hange was giving him no time to process though. “Do you get it though? Why I like my rooms with a little clutter?”

Levi gave up on processing, instead submitting to whatever tirade was coming out of Hange then.

And she was getting a little more emotional and a little more attached as she spoke. Because when everything's scattered everywhere, I always feel like I’ll have to fix it soon right? And when I have to fix it, I’m reminded that I’ll be coming back. But now…”

Levi jumped at the crack in her voice. He went forward and closed it, and it had felt like ripping off a band-aid. “Let’s go Hange.”

“I don’t have anything to return to now. It’s gonna be dorm and motel hopping until I get a job and can afford to find a new place,” Hange continued.

The two walked towards the elevators. Hange had kept her strides so slow and steady it had been a little too easy for Levi to catch up. With that, he had a little more time and space to reflect, come up with something more comforting than ripping of a band aid.

That part was easy at least. “You don’t have to have anywhere to return to.” Levi spoke up. “I think, what’s important is that people have someone to return to...”

“‘Someones’ like that are hard to find.” Hange looked at him. Then, Levi had a good view of her, her eyes glistened with what looked like unshed tears, the lines under eyes only told of pent up exhaustion, an all too familiar expression, almost a reflection of Hange that night in the woods.

It had been too easy to assume he had heard those same words as she looked at him expectantly then.

Maybe we should just live here together? Right, Levi?

But that wasn’t the time for a yes nor was it a time to echo the invitation or the words she had mentioned right there in the forest. It wasn’t a time either to tell Hange what had happened in the woods many a lifetime before.

But Levi still spoke up, his own reply tweaked for that situation alone. If he had been any more aware, any more hesitant, he would have pulled back, discouraged already by the many other arguments his mind was able to conjure.

She doesn’t remember about that time in the woods.

She’ll think you’re crazy.

Aren’t you comfortable with where you are already?

He clocked it then as a risk. A risk he was still very much willing to take. It came out of him as something spontaneous, as an explosion inside him raring to go out despite all the doubts glomping down on him.

It had been powered by something, that was for sure. But was it frustration? Regret?

“You know Hange, if you don't want me to, I won't leave. I’d gladly stay here by your side. ”

He didn’t think too much of the motivation though, what mattered was that it did come out. And in its own way, it had left him a little lighter, and maybe a little relieved.

*******

“So what happened after?” Shela asked soon after she had scrawled another few words on her clipboard.

Levi shrugged. “That’s it. That’s how the story ended.”

“Really? With a half confession in the woods? You didn’t even say yes.”

Levi had spent the past week since they moved out of the condominium trying to write in between fixing paper work for Hange’s move to the dorm, cramming school assignments and studying for finals that was looming in the month ahead. He would have loved to blame his inability to write on his shitty schedule.

But I had more than enough time to write. He had at least an hour a night to write before bed. On good days, that had been more than enough to get something written.

“Is school getting busy? Physical therapy?”

“No.”

“Then why can’t you write a more satisfying ending.”

“That’s how it ended.”

“With a half baked confession?”

“Captain Levi was suffering from wounds after an explosion. It’s a miracle he even lasted that long.”

“So you think he died?”

“Maybe.”

Shela looked out the window, her expression unreadable. “What if you two did run away to the forest?”

“That would have been a nice ending.”

“Then why not make that the ending?”

“Because that didn’t happen.”

Shela shook her head in disbelief. “This doesn’t seem believable to me. Please try to continue writing.” She turned his laptop back to him and Levi found himself blankly staring at the open google document.

And the more he stared, feeling Shela’s observing eyes boring into him as he did, the more he realized how ridiculous that last sentence was.

I know you’re not able to stay out of the action.

It sounded like the awkward dialogue that preceded a horribly placed commercial break or ad, something Levi would have scoffed at as any other viewer or reader.

“But it’s not like I’m sharing this to anyone else,” Levi said.

“You’re sharing it to me and I’m not satisfied. There should be more to this.”

Levi looked up at Shela and back at the document a few times before deciding on his next plan of action. Shela’s glare was uncompromising and she didn’t look like she would take no for an answer. The document in front of him though, that tiny blinking cursor on the screen was calling to him, the bottom part of the page was blank.

And maybe there was something, albeit little, that can be done flogging a horse that was just almost dead. There were still a few more lines of dialogue that made its way to the pages and Levi was surprised he had enough of that clearly etched in his mind for it to so easily flow into the pages in front of him.

Shoot or listen. It’s up to you.

The last few lines had all been dialogue. But as he turned the laptop back to Shela, the latter seemed at least willing to accept that. “This still looks a little too abrupt...” she commented “ You sure this is how it ends?”

“Captain Levi could have gotten shot. Maybe he died.”

Shela dropped her shoulders in defeat. “Progress is still progress. Do me a favor and please think long and hard about what happens next.”

“I really think it ended with the conversation in the forest.” Levi turned the laptop back to himself, closed the window and shut down his laptop. “But I can try to get something else written out… Maybe a few more scenes?”

“Don’t try." Shela gave Levi a knowing look. “I want you to do it.”

And that look bore holes into him, Levi could have sworn she was a mind reader with the way she followed the laptop with her eyes as he placed it back into his bag. He wouldn’t have been too surprised if she could tell the contents just by looking through the hardware.

Levi had to admit though, what Shela was suspecting, was right. There was more to the story and these scenes nagged at him from the deepest pits of his mind, pleading for their own time to let loose.

They were terrifying though. They were unsettling and Levi was in no position to entertain them.

Not just yet.

Or maybe he never would. Maybe he would be happy never entertaining them again.

So maybe captain Levi died? Maybe they ran away in the woods? There were questions that had been echoed by Shela, questions that had been so easily answered by dreams that he had forced himself to forget soon after he woke up.

The complex emotions though, were very much answerable with a simple question, a simple explanation that Levi was in no obligation to expound on.

“But… Endings don’t have to be satisfying right? What if I just don’t wanna write anymore?”

#levihan #levihan fanfiction

29 notes · View notes

scentedcandlecryptid · 4 years ago

Text

I had a dream about rottmnt and pirates of the caribbean (hey at least I’m consistent with my nonsense)

More specifically, I had a dream that I was reading a fanfiction about rottmnt and pirates of the caribbean. (Well- it was rottmnt in a pirate universe, I’m pretty sure that there was only one fully pirates of the caribbean character, and he was just a mix of the two comic relief from the original black pearl crew. The ones I can’t remember the names of rn, but they’ve shown up in every movie so far, and one of them looses an eye constantly)

I don’t remember all the specifics, but I remember being really enthralled by the plot.

It followed Leo mostly, he was swashbuckling and always one step ahead of everyone else. He sailed alone on his own ship on a search for treasure.

He made deals with other pirates to gain maps and insider information (and to get out of sticky situations). However, Leo was also hiding from another pirate crew. They had basically taken over the seas and was the only one who knew where the treasure was.

Now, while Leo mostly used his wit to convince others to do the dirty work, and gain info on things, his greatest success he figured out all by himself. There was a letter that his father gave him before he died. As well as the letter goodbye, it contained a map and a poem. Leo had followed the map, thinking that it would lead him to this great treasure, but instead it lead him to a giant cliff, no treasure in sight.

Leo was thoroughly disheartened, because this was his final lead to find that treasure. He looks at the poem that came with the map and is further depressed because it says something along the lines of “when you’re out of options, the waves will always welcome” So it seems like his father is telling him from beyond the grave to end it. But then he has an idea, what if the treasure is underwater and that’s why he can’t see it? He takes the dive.

Now, there isn’t any treasure, but he finds an Pirate haven. A bar with multiple floors, gin, and a rule against fights. The only way to get in is through an underwater cave. Leo nearly drowns trying to get in. There are pirates there that Leo has never met before, and with new faces comes new information.

Among those new faces he meets that comic relief character I mentioned earlier and Mikey.

They get along fabulously and they become great friends (I’m pretty sure the four turtle bros are brothers in this too, but they just don’t know it. Maybe that’s the treasure Leo’s father wanted him to find)

Insert miscellaneous adventure I don’t remember here for bonding purposes.

Eventually, the haven is attacked by that evil pirate crew that took over the seas. (Its not Leo’s fault, I checked) and the whole place is ransacked. That comic relief guy lost his glass eye (it’s on the second floor) nearly everyone is killed, and the whole bar is gutted for anything valuable.

Only Leo, Mikey, and that one guy make it out alive. They go their separate ways after that for whatever reason but now Leo wants revenge on this other pirate crew.

Insert other miscellaneous adventure here for timeline purposes

Leo eventually meets up with comic relief, and offers to get his eye back in return for a ship and help taking down the evil pirate crew (oh yeah, forgot to mention, comic relief guy is a captain in this). He agrees, and Leo sets out back to the secret underwater cave.

Now, while Leo was doing all that, Mikey was having an adventure of his own, at some point he met Raph, who was also a captain of a ship. Mikey was sure to tell Raph all about Leo. I truly can’t remember what their adventure was, but I remember that it ended with them fighting the Evil pirate crew very close by to the secret cave.

Something I neglected to mention, is that while the turtle bros didn’t have mystic weapons they did have mystic powers. Leo’s was that he could teleport under very specific circumstances that I don’t remember (it’s probably drowning) and he can know with certainty where something is, if he’s been to that place before. That’s how he knew where the eye was.

So Leo gets to the cliff where the cave is, and immediately jumps into the, now nearly frozen water (it’s night, and it’s winter) Mikey and Raph see this, and promptly freak out because of aforementioned nearly frozen water (also Raph doesn’t know about the secret cave, and mikey knows that it’s closed off) so they rush off to save Leo.

When they get there, Leo is pretty much unconscious in the water and his pulse is very slow, he isn’t really breathing. Mikey and Raph understandably freak out. And they do so for several moments before they’re surrounded by a glowing blue light, and the three are teleported inside the secret cave, to the second floor, right next to the eye. Mikey and Raph freak our further (raph finds out about the secret cave) but somehow Leo wakes up, they hug, Leo properly meets Raph, and he gets the eye.

All seems to be going well, until the ceiling collapses and the whole place starts filling with water. The theee nearly make it out still breathing, and see that the reason for the cave in was because the Evil Crew shot a cannon at the cliff trying to lure them out.

It’s finally time for the final showdown.

Now, before I continue, I’d like to point out how built up Donnie had been at this point in the story. He was the final missing brother, he had been alluded too in ever single arc, and the author made it clear that THIS was it. In the next chapter Donnie would finally show up. But they did so in way, that none of the readers knew in what role he would show up in. Would he save the brothers? Was he on the Evil crew? Was he pirate? Was he maGiC? Did he know where or what the treasure was??

And then I woke up.

FUCKING WHAT?!??!??!????!???

You have no idea how much it KILLS me that I don’t know how it ended. For the first few moments when I woke up, I thought the story was real and I thought “oh, I should go read that to see how it ends” but it’s not and I’m so sad.

I want to see the conclusion!!!! Do they find the treasure??? What’s Donnie’s deal???? Do they defeat the Evil Crew????? Why did Leo even care to get the eye back, was it important????? Did Leo’s father know the other brothers???? Are they brothers at all????

If you managed to make it this far, you’re probably invested as well, and I’d just like to say, I understand your pain of not getting to see how it ends. I’m sorry.

Also, sorry for the long post, I wanted y’all to share my pain.

#rottmnt #leonardo #donatello #tmnt #Rapheal #michelangelo #rottmnt raph #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rise of the tmnt #saverottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #sorta #fanfiction ideas #dream #pirates

35 notes · View notes

caffeinejournalist23 · 4 years ago

Text

Rewriting Pretty Little Liars - Part II

I didn't think my original post "Rewriting Pretty Little Liars would get as much interaction as I did (thanks btw! I'm not necessarily writing to get some kind of interaction as much as I'm writing to improve my own writing skills, but getting likes and "reblogs" helps me feel not so alone in the Tumblr community!) So, with that in mind, I thought I'd follow-up with a better fleshed-out explanation - with scenes! This post is gonna be a long one folks, so grab your popcorn and your teA, And pretend the unsAtisfying reveAl in the show never hAppened.

!! SPOILER WARNING FOR TV SHOW & BOOK PLL!!

Hate is not a vice; it's a coping mechanism. Lying is not a crime; it's a game. Mona is not a stable girl, but is her instability more excusable than the evil and torment Aria and Alison chose to exert on their supposed friends?

Allison got in deep shit with members of the N.A.T. club, along with pretty much everyone in Rosewood. The result? Mona hit Allison over the head with a shovel - and Melissa Hastings buried her. But Aria came to the rescue; Aria was planning to say goodbye to Allison before she ran away from Rosewood as Vivian Darkbloom.

"Oh my God are you kidding me?" Allison sulked, dirt staining her yellow top as she held her hands to the sore spot on her head. "Loser Mona?! She really thought she could just get rid of me like that - when I tell my parents our lawyers are gonna make the rest of her life a living hell -" "No, Alli," Aria interrupted sternly, gently wiping dirt from Allison's shoulders as they quickly sashayed through the yard between the DeLaurentis' and Hastings' households. "We can use this, we need someone to take the fall when we take our game for a test run." Allison rolled her eyes. "Jeez Aria since when did you find something to obsess over besides Noel?" Allison asked asked curtly, clearly annoyed. "Trust me on this Alli, this will work. It's what Doctor Sullivan calls 'Refocusing my rage into something productive.' And besides," Aria stared glassy-eyed into the stormy sky for moment, her eyes seeing fantasies she couldn't disclose to anyone other than Allison. "They deserve it," Aria continued. Allison scrunched her lips, not sure exactly what to think. "I like this side of you as much as the next bitch, Aria, but I'm starting to think maybe you're taking it too seriously - it's just a game, and yeah the other three aren't as cool as us but that crazy bitch Mona just tried to kill me!" Allison shouted. "And that bitch took my phone." Aria felt for the pink flip-phone snugly buried in her back pocket before she stopped suddenly and gently gripped Allison's arm, causing her to stop also. "It'll all go according to plan," Aria chided, "and it's gonna be so worth it." A dark car pulled up their street suddenly. Aria looked to try to make out the driver, but it was too dark for her to see who it was - perhaps the driver was wearing a hoodie or something. "Do we know this person?" Aria asked looking between the car and Allison. Allison smoothed down her hair a bit. "Not 'we' - just me; he's a friend," said Allison softly. She turned to Aria, who passed her the brown wig and red coat. "This is where we say goodbye," said Allison. "For now," added Aria with certainty. The two friends hugged briefly, Allison looking at Aria in a similar way she occasionally looked at Emily, then Allison entered the passenger seat of the dark vehicle. Aria watched the car pull away before heading back to the barn. She thought she saw another blonde in a yellow top dart behind the DeLaurentis house, but Aria assumed it was a delusion; she was starting to spiral in her head a little, like another episode was threatening to occur - maybe it was the alcohol, or the stress of watching a psycho loser hit her best friend with a shovel and then watching another friend's older sister bury said best friend. Allison's "friend" sped the car smoothly towards Radley sanitarium as Allison smoothed the brown wig over her throbbing head. "What took you so long Ezra?" Allison spat bitterly to the driver. Ezra Fitz swallowed nervously. "And good evening to you too," Ezra said; nervous and intimidated as he was by Allison, the sarcasm couldn't be helped. "Long night?" asked Ezra dryly. "I told you not to talk to me, Ezra; you do me this last favor, or I shove a sharp third-degree-rape lawsuit up your ass. Not to mention the obsessive stalking." Allison barked bitterly. She thought back to Aria and her obsession with the anonymous texting app they found; Aria had texted Allison a creepy "I'm watching you" message from the app last Halloween as a prank, and ever since Aria was obsessed with how someone could use the anonymous texting app for good or evil. Allison rolled her eyes and shook her head at the silly similarity. "You know, I have this friend - obsessive and a super writer geek. You two would be perfect for each other," Allison says scornfully. Ezra swallowed again. "I doubt she'd be as interesting as you," Ezra whispered, alluding to the book about Allison he had been drafting. Allison thought for a moment, her need to be on top competed with her curious feelings for her female friends. "People can surprise you," Allison shrugged.

So as we can see, Allison and Aria had a dysfunctional dynamic - I guess when you can't fight fire with fire, you make the whole town burn. Soon after Ezra helps Allison hide in Radley (pretending to be Aria), Aria and her family temporarily relocate to Iceland because Byron and Ella Montgomery are warned that the case regarding the death of Toby's mother in Radley has been reopened, and because the time and occurrence correlates with when Aria was there regularly before she convinced her psychiatrist that she's recovering enough to go back to school and "normal" life. Aria's psychiatrist Dr. Sullivan had been worried while Aria was in Radley; she thought that Aria's friend Allison seemed to be encouraging Aria's psychosis and erratic behavior. Meanwhile, Hanna befriends Mona at "fat camp," and together they coach each other to replace Allison - Mona is convinced Allison is dead, so she feels confident replacing her despite Hanna worrying Allison could come back any day. "There'd be hell to pay if Allison suddenly came back and just saw us trying to be her," said Hanna anxiously as Mona curled the ends of her hair. "That's 'if,' Hanna, why would she come back to this godforsaken town," Mona asks passively. "yeah, you're right," Hanna chuckled shyly, rolling her eyes. "I bet she just ran off to a boujie island or something with some hot guy." Mona paused in thought for a moment. "I bet she did." Melissa continues to work with the N.A.T. club - primarily to ensure there was no evidence of her burying Allison's body to help Mona. Mona continually annoys Melissa about it, terrified she will get caught - that it was just an accident and it just happened too fast. Melissa checks the N.A.T. club cameras - cameras secretly placed/tapped into several places throughout Rosewood, funded by Jason's share of the DeLaurentis fortune/stake in the industry company (I can't remember the name of the company, but it's the same one Cece claimed to have used as A). Melissa is certain she literally got away with murder, and fabricates a confession video for Spencer if the investigation got too close to her and she needed Spencer's help to cover herself. Emily continues to grieve for Allison, wondering if she'll ever be found, or if she just ran away with some guy - typical Alli. Spencer feels relief with Alli gone; less rivalry and competition, and the secrets Allison had on her couldn't be weaponized - right?

When Aria returns from Iceland, she's furious to find that the other friends had "moved on" from Allison; Hanna tried to take Allison's place and befriended Mona (who Allison totally despised), Spencer admitted she was relieved that Alli was gone, and Emily dated [that one guy] and disregarded her feelings for Allison. These conditions are the perfect justifications for Aria's torturous experiment; the girls need to remember Allison is still there - one day Allison will come home and everything will go back to how it was, and her friends will be who they used to be before Allison went away. Aria confronts Mona about the night she "killed" Allison, and threatens to bear witness against Mona unless Mona does her bidding. Mona agrees to do whatever Aria asks her to do. Now that "Allison's body" has been found, Aria promises Mona will never be caught for "killing Allison" if Mona uses her wits and skill in her plan to "remind the girls closest to Allison that she's still in charge" - and Mona manifests it into a game.

Who is Mona playing the game against? The N.A.T. club (and Big A). Aria and the N.A.T. do not exactly work together, but they know of each other and compete with each other through Mona. This is why later on the Halloween train members of the N.A.T. club try to murder Aria, as a means to play against the A(D) team (Aria, Mona, Cece, and Allison). Aria had killed Garrett after Allison texts her that Garett realized Aria was A, but Allison actually manipulated Aria to kill Garrett because Garett realized Cece was still feeding them (Allison and Aria) info from the N.A.T. club. Members of the N.A.T. club are slowly killed off by the A Team. Allison kills Ian for moving on to Spencer. Ian was going to make Allison the subject of a movie he wanted to make, but he moved on to Spencer/Melissa as soon as Allison disappeared, which infuriates Allison's self-absorbed ego. Jason is injured by Cece in the elevator because she's pissed he developed an interest in Aria, and he starts connecting dots together between Cece and Allison still being alive (around this time the A Team hits a fork; Cece and Allison versus Aria/Mona)..

Mona is sent to Radley sanitarium after being caught as A by Spencer; Mona thought she could reveal herself as A and convince Spencer to join the team, but Spencer refuses. When every other girl she gets tangled up with (Aria, Allison, and Melissa) is motivated by secrets, Mona assumed that the allure of secret info would be enough to convince Spencer. Mona continues playing the game while in Radley, but she realizes she rather be part of the group than win the game, so after she's released she starts victimizing herself by "A" (her accomplices Toby and Lucas). Aria finds out Mona went behind her back to recruit help for Mona's sake of winning the game and victimizing herself, and confronts Mona at the movies and whispers to her, "you'll never be part of the group, especially if they learn you killed their best friend" - which makes her cry.

After stealing Allison's diaries from Spencer (season 4?), Aria dissects the diaries and reaches out to someone recurring in Allison's diaries; Cece. Aria realizes through Allison's diaries and Cece that despite her unwavering loyalty, Allison kept secrets from Aria - and that just didn't sit right with Aria. Cece is still mad at Allison for jeopardizing her spot in the N.A.T. club - and her relationship with Jason (she was hoping to get a cut from his stake in the DeLaurentis fortune), which motivates her to spill anything she has on Allison to Aria - including Allison's secret relationship with Ezra. Aria visits Allison in Radley, who is anxious to go home, but when Aria confronts Allison about Ezra, she lies, which severs Aria's tie to her. Aria dissociates with her rage and tells Alison she'll never be able to safely escape Radley and go home. After this confrontation in Radley, Allison snaps and has a mental breakdown; she rips off the brown wig and insists she's not Aria but Allison DeLaurentis - the most popular "It" girl in Rosewood. Radley then treats Allison as a "Jane Doe" after confirming with Dr. Sullivan that Aria has been released, and Allison's body has been found so this can't be her. Allison is getting fed up with Aria for stranding her in Radley for years and works with Wren, one of the new hot doctors at Radley, to get fake IDs for her and Cece. Allison continues to pretend to be Aria and visits Mona, asking for all the info she has on the girls and the A game; Allison is ready to take over. Allison promises Cece a cut of the DeLaurentis fortune if she can help her escape. Cece agrees; Allison tells her about the A game, and if "A" kills Jason they can inherit his share of the wealth. Finally Allison can escape Radley for good and steal the A game from Mona/Aria.

Allison and Cece escape Radley and hide in New York [soon] after Mona leaves and steal the game from Mona/Aria. Allison recruits new A team members, including Shawna. Allison as A also inadvertently recruits Jenna, who has no clue A is Alison and Cece. Later, Aria realizes Allison and Cece came back are roaming around Rosewood in red coats and starts the fire in the cabin when she thinks Allison and Cece are nearby to kill Mona - yes, Aria used Mona as bait to bring in Cece and Allison and planned to kill them. She rescued Emily, Spencer and Hanna because to take Allison's place she needs them - the group; Hanna saw Aria in a red coat and an Allison mask. This is why Aria and Cece fight in the warehouse; Cece and Aria used to be chill but now Cece is team Allison (for the money obvi), and Aria tries to save Cece saying she can "be Allison" and give Cece the same money when she fully becomes Allison, but Cece slips and Aria leaves her for dead. Cece resents Aria for leaving her for dead and plays A against Aria.

Allison reveals she's alive to the rest of the girls but she can't come home yet; it's not because of A she can't come home, because as far as she thinks she stole the A game from Aria - she can't come home because of her mom and the family secrets. Jessica DeLaurentis did not want Allison to come home - by assuming Allison was dead she inherited Allison's share of the DeLaurentis company stake, and Allison blackmails Jessica when she learns of Mary Drake - Jessica's deranged twin. To free herself from the restraints her mother poses (she thinks her mother really would kill her), Allison kills Jessica as A. The group is still suspicious of Allison being A, and because she's running out of cards to play, Aria relies on these suspicions to get the game back from Allison.

However, Allison throws a curveball (to Aria) and convinces Cece to reveal herself as A to the girls; Cece is guilty of killing Wilden for Allison and of course Allison has proof. This lands Cece in Radley. Cece learns Allison killed Jessica through the N.A.T. club cameras (because she was allies with Jenna and [Allison's fiance (can't remember his name)] while in Radley), so she threatens to convict Allison with the video footage if Allison does not advocate for her release from Radley. So Allison fights to get Cece released by creating this narrative that they are deranged relatives/half-siblings. Cece is released but Allison hates that Cece has the footage of Jessica's death on her, so she kills Cece. Aria uses this as the perfect means to steal the A game back, but this time she plays it as AD; AD for Alison DeLaurentis, and Aria believes she is Alison DeLaurentis. They play the final game and Aria shoots Spencer near the heart because she's Allison now, and Allison was "heartbroken" Spencer stole Ian from her. Aria/AD abducts and tortures Hanna for trying to take her/Allison's place as HBIC. And the eggs with Emily? That was because Aria was jealous she and Ezra couldn't have kids, and she believed Allison and Emily were supposed to be together in the beginning anyway; Emily did nothing wrong, so Aria's rewarding her by getting her with Alison.

Damn that took me almost 3 hours lmao. Any unanswered plot points this rewrite fixed? Let me know your thoughts! Who do y'all think would've made the most sense to end up as AD? Thanks for reading this far lmao. Wishing y'all the best.

#pretty little liars #aria montgomery #thefinala #whoisad #ariaisa #alison dilaurentis

10 notes · View notes

genericdragon · 5 years ago

Text

Aperture Tag Analysis (Part 15)

OKAY WE’RE FINALLY AT THE LAST POST!!!!!! THIS ONE IS ABOUT THE ALTERNATE/”GOOD” ENDING!!!!!!!!

This is true for both endings, but I chose to talk about it in this post because the other one was too long already. We do earn our Citranium that Nigel promised us right before the very end of the test. The cryptic codes in the secret areas were never really a huge part of the game’s story but they do allude to things not being what they seem. And in both endings we learn that Nigel cares about us and did everything he could to help us.

When we bounce off the wall, some panels fall off and Nigel complains about the structures being fragile. This is done to draw attention to the broken wall on top. Nigel doesn’t notice that though.

So what you do to get over there is you go like this

And then you’re over here

And then you just sorta bounce off the wall and then go in the hole.

Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong, Nigel...

Hmm! That’s not great!

Bloop.

There. I like this a lot better.

Nigel doesn’t seem too concerned. He doesn’t realize what we were actually doing back there.

The rest of the chamber is the exact same as the other ending, up until...

Nigel is very obviously confused that there isn’t a fire pit here. He says this out loud, and then realizes that he shouldn’t have told 18 that she was supposed to die. I would assume that it’s against the rules to tell the test subject about the testing protocol, but Nigel tends to break this rule quite a bit, usually on accident. Still, he is relieved that 18 doesn’t have to die after all, but he consults with his boss because he doesn’t know what to do next.

Subject 18′s personality is similar to Chell’s, i.e. she has extremely high tenacity. And we all know that Chell has done nothing except cause problems for Aperture. There’s a reason why GLaDOS completely gave up on trying to kill her. GLaDOS knows that test subjects like this are more trouble than they’re worth, so she tells Nigel to just let Subject 18 go. This is where it’s confirmed that Nigel works for GLaDOS, which is important in understanding why he acts the way he does, especially in Chapter 4.

Even though Subject 18 doesn’t have to die, Nigel is still emotional about saying goodbye to her. Notice how in both endings, Nigel says that she was his first test subject and that she means a lot to him. He must be sincere about it if it’s the last thing he says to her, regardless of whether she’s about to die or just leave the facility. He wants her to know how he feels. He gets more choked up about it in this ending though, presumably because he isn’t trying to suppress his emotions anymore now that he doesn’t have to kill her.

Once we go up the elevator, we find ourselves here.

Wow! Outside!

Oh no!

So I haven’t exactly figured out why the outside is fake. I know that a lot of people think that it’s Nigel’s doing, which is understandable, but he wouldn’t have had time to set all of this up since he didn’t expect 18 to survive. My best guess is that GLaDOS wanted to hold on to 18 for whatever reason, she gave up on killing Chell but maybe she wants to keep 18 around because she thinks that she’s too valuable to let go. But really, the ending is vague and open-ended so you can interpret it however you want, there are no right or wrong answers. We will never know what actually happens to Subject 18.

But anyway that’s the end of the game and this analysis liveplay whatever series!!!! Thanks for sticking with me till the end, hope you enjoyed reading and that this helped you appreciate Nigel and/or Aperture Tag a bit more. I’ll stop clogging your dashboards with this now. One final note, the ending song (”Ending and Staff Roll” as it’s called in the official soundtrack) is actually just a small portion of a different song that I didn’t even know about until I was looking through the game files. It’s called “All These Walls” by Abarax, and I could make an entire post about it and how the lyrics connect to Nigel, I probably won’t but. Please listen to it. It’s so good.

(Index) - (First) - (Previous)

#aperture tag #aperture tag liveplay #aperture tag analysis #long post

15 notes · View notes

skyechaser · 6 years ago

Text

Silence in Atlas 18/?

Once more, this is a dark take on Volume 7 from a Bumbleby standpoint. It has scenes of graphic violence. If there are any specific trigger warnings I will specify it.

SO YEAH HERE IT IS :D Took a bit longer than expected because it’s been very busy days. I broke my rule of not publishing the chapter until the next one is done so now I am writing and posting as I write. Two updates a week still seem managable though :D Thanks to all the people out there supporting SIA. Means a LOT y’all. And to the haters: thanks for the publicity jajaja. ONTO THE CHAPTER!

----------------------

Doctor Yu arrived at the hospital shortly after he was called. He had been sound asleep next to his wife when his scroll woke him up. As soon as he heard the word “Blake” he stood up and began dressing himself. Yang was really glad he was so committed to her girlfriend’s case. She really didn’t want any other doctor to see her. When she learned he wasn’t at the hospital she worried there would be no other choice. Seeing the man coming through the door was a relief.

“Good day” Yu said with a smile. It was four in the morning but somehow he looked well rested.

“Hey” Yang said standing up from her bed to shake the doctor’s hand. “Thank you for coming so quickly” the blonde added with a gentle curve on her lips.

“Thank you for calling me” he walked towards the bed slowly, trying not to overwhelm his patient. He had treated her wounds so he knew what she had gone through. “Hello, Ms. Belladonna, I’m doctor Yu, your main doctor. It’s so good to see you awake”. Blake stared at him for a while. He looked kind and it was a sight she had forgotten. Still, she felt uneasy. “I brought this scroll tablet so we can communicate better” he said, holding the object in front of her. She grabbed it. “You just use it to write or draw or whatever you prefer” the faunus nodded in response. “Are you in any kind of pain?”

“Just my head” she wrote.

“Can you move your body comfortably?” she moved her head sideways.

“I feel weak”

Doctor Yu asked several more routine questions before moving on to the physical exam. When he approached Blake to check her eyes she flinched back with a terrified look on her face. Yang stepped in, kneeling next to the bed and holding her hand.

“Baby, it’s okay” she said. “Doctor Yu is the best. He just wants to help”. Blake looked her girlfriend in the eyes and her breathing came back to normal slowly. When she calmed down she turned to look at the doctor.

“I’m sorry” she mouthed, her ears flat on her head.

“Don’t apologize” he replied “Your reaction is perfectly understandable”

With Yang holding her hand and telling her everything was going to be okay Blake managed to get through the examination. When it was done the doctor was happy to tell them everything seemed to be going fantastically. Her aura was considerably stronger, not completely back but able to help with the injuries. Most of them had already started healing. Her vitals were pretty good as well and they disconnected her from all the machines.

“I’d like to keep you here until the injury on your neck heals completely” Doctor Yu proposed. “I don’t want that burn to get infected so we need to clean it constantly until the skin grows back”. Blake looked at Yang and they both nodded lightly.

“Okay, doctor” the blonde replied. “We trust you”.

-----------------

Ruby hugged Blake the minute she walked into the room. Weiss waited behind her to do the same. Just like Doctor Yu, the team had rushed to the hospital as soon as they heard their friend was awake. They were both excited and worried about the challenges she would have to face during her recovery. On the way to the hospital, Nora had admitted she was was feeling uneasy about talking to Blake knowing that she couldn’t speak. The redhead didn’t want to react in any way that would make her friend uncomfortable but it was hard no to be upset or just cry at what had been done to the faunus. Ren told her to hold his hand firmly and smile. Blake needed their support.

“I’m so glad you are awake, kid” Qrow said, gently placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder. She wanted to move away from his touch but managed to control herself. It was Qrow. Nothing bad was going to happen.

“You’re looking better already” Jaune added, smiling. She smiled back. Blake remembered Jaune being in the airship when she was taken from Staub so he knew what he was talking about. She was glad she looked better.

“So, how long are you going to stay here?” Ren asked, holding Nora’s hand firmly in his. She didn’t say anything.

“Doctor Yu wants to keep her here until the wound in her neck is fully healed” Yang replied from her chair.

“Makes sense” Ruby said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “If there’s anything either of you need call us” she added looking at her sister. It was pretty self evident Yang wasn’t going to leave this hospital without her girlfriend.

“Thanks, sis” Yang smiled as she looked around the room. She was so glad to have her friends. Her family.

“It is a nice day to be awake” Maria said as she opened the curtains to let the the natural light inside. “The sun’s come out”.

Blake looked outside and she felt the wind hit her face. The sky was blue and cloudless. It was a beautiful sight. When she was captive she forgot how freedom even looked like. She took a deep breath. Her friends were with her and she was healing. The nightmare was over. She opened her mouth to say something, forgetting for a second they had stolen her voice. When no sound came out she remembered she’d never be free of what they had done to her. She looked down.

“Hey, everything okay?” Yang asked, noticing the change in the other girl’s demeanor. Blake nodded as she wrote on the scroll tablet.

“I’m just tired”.

“Well, maybe we should let you rest. It hasn’t even been three hours since you woke up” Weiss said. She was so glad that Blake was getting better. However, she couldn’t stop looking at the bandages on her wrists and neck. There was still a long way to go.

“We’ll get going then. We have a meeting with Ironwood in a couple of hours so we should get ready” Qrow added. The rest of the team seemed to agree with him and started saying their goodbyes. Blake was sad to seem them go but, at the same a time, a little relieved. She wasn’t feeling well enough to interact with so many people at once, even if they were her friends. When they started walking towards the door Jaune stopped to look at the ceiling.

“Why are the lights on though?” he asked. Now that Maria had opened the window the room was pretty well lit so it seemed unnecessary.

“I’ll get them” Nora said walking towards the wall where the light switch was. Yang didn’t notice what was happening. She was sitting next to the bed staring at Blake as she looked through the window with sad amber eyes. Then they heard it.

Click.

Blake tried to control herself. She knew it was the light switch. She knew she was no longer wearing the collar. She new she was safe. It didn’t matter. As soon as the click made its way to her ears it was done. Her body reacted on its own even though her mind knew it made no sense. Her blood burned.

“What happened?” Ruby asked, walking back into the room and kneeling besides her sister. Yang held Blake’s hand firmly.

“It’s okay, baby” she whispered in her ear. The girl shivered, an expression of horror captured in her face.

“Is she okay? What happened?” Weiss asked, visibly alarmed.

“She’s having a panic attack” Maria replied. “Everyone just shut up!”

Silence.

“Breathe” Yang said in a calm tone, looking into Blake’s eyes. The faunus didn’t move. She was paralyzed by fear. The wound in her neck burned. “I’m here. It’s okay”. With those words Blake finally snapped out of it and looked back into lilac eyes. Her breathing started to normalize. Yang moved a hand to cup her cheek.

“What was the trigger?” the old woman asked. One didn’t get to live as much as her without learning a few things about trauma.

“The light switch” Yang said and Nora felt like shit. “They used a shock collar on her and the sound is very similar so it makes her body react”.

“I’m so sorry, Blake I didn’t know…” the redhead tried to apologize but she was interrupted by a calm voice.

“You had no way of knowing” Ren told her holding her hand. She looked at her feet, tears at the corners of her eyes.

“Let’s get going then” Qrow said, leading the team out the door. He didn’t want to make a big deal about what had happened. He felt it would only make the situation more uncomfortable for Blake. He looked at Yang and felt a tug in his heart. She was holding the faunus’ hand as she caressed her hair gently. They had a long way to go before things could be close to normal and he knew his niece was going to suffer. Love did that sort of thing.

“Are you feeling better?” the blonde asked once they were all gone. Blake moved her head sideways and picked up the scroll tablet the doctor had given her.

“I freaked them out” she wrote.

“You didn’t freak them out” Yang replied. “They’re just worried about you”. The faunus looked down. She knew her friends cared for her sincerely and that itself made her feel blessed. And yet the looks of horror in their faces as she came out of the panic attack had made her feel so broken. She used the scroll tablet once more.

“I want to get better”.

“And you will” the blonde said. She knew what dealing with trauma was. She had been chased by dreams of Adam ever since he had cut her arm in Beacon. She recalled how some noises would freak her out, how she would wake up from nightmares sweating and alone. She wasn’t going to let that happen to Blake. This time she was going to be there for her. This time they’d be there for each other.

“Blake” Yang called and the alluded one raised her eyes to look at her. She placed a hand on the back of the faunus’ head and pulled her in for a kiss. Blake closed her eyes and somehow the world was okay. Nothing else mattered but the feeling of lips moving against her own. Yang broke the kiss, moving back abruptly as if she suddenly remembered something. “Have I told you how much I love you?” she said with a look in her eyes that made the faunus’ heart race.

Blake blushed. She knew. A part of her had always known. Sometimes it scared her, knowing Yang cared so much about her. It had put her in danger. It had cost her an arm and yet she was here, saying that she loved her. Blake wanted to say it back. She was so in love. She thought of writing it in the scroll tablet but it felt so empty, so impersonal. How could she say those three words for the first time through a screen? This time it was her that pulled the other one in for a kiss. She promised herself the first thing she would do when she got her voice back was telling Yang she loved her.

Ruby and Weiss went back to the hospital after their meeting with Ironwood. They made their way towards Blake’s room but, once there, they couldn’t bring themselves to enter. The picture in front of them was both sad and heartwarming. Blake was asleep in her bed and there was something in her face that seemed peaceful. She looked considerably better than the first time they had seen her in that hospital room. Next to her was Yang, resting in an impossible position on the chair. In her hands she held a book. Ruby thought maybe she had been reading something to the faunus but at a closer look she realized what her sister’s intention actually was. It seemed Weiss noticed at the same time as her. They exchanged a bittersweet look and left, neither of them able to say anything.

The book on Yang’s hands was entitled “Sign language for beginners”.

#silence in atlas #sia #rwby #bumbleby #blake and yang #blake #yang #fanfiction #fanfic #skyechaser #yes #hello it's me

128 notes · View notes

pug-bitch · 6 years ago

Text

That’s not why I’m going (11)

Forgiving yourself

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: Drake Walker x Amara Suarez

Rating: some foul language, some extremely suggestive, and not one, but 2 VERY steamy scenes, around 60 diamonds each :D. (Yes, it got a little out of hand) This is absolutely NOT appropriate for people under 18. This also alludes to pretty disturbing content, regarding Amara’s backstory (trigger warning: death - if I say anything else, it will spoil the end of the chapter, but if you feel like this could trigger you, you could stop before the last section of the chapter!).

Word count: 4,130 (let me know if the ‘keep reading’ cutoff isn’t working well!)

Notes: This picks up pretty much where we left off, during the last night in Lythikos, starting with Drake’s POV.

I know I said yesterday that I wouldn’t be able to write much this week because of work, and it’s still true. The next chapter will probably come later this week or even during the weekend. I’ll keep you guys posted.

Also, I wanted to add a disclaimer. I disagree with Drake, I think Monster-in-law is an awesome movie and I love Jane Fonda.

*****

They had been standing there for a while, watching their friends have fun, and then Amara joined in for a couple minutes to try out a skating move taught by Hana. She had left her phone with Drake, not wanting to risk shattering it in a fall. Drake was holding it in his hand, when it suddenly started vibrating.

Afraid to see the dreaded name ‘Michael’ pop up, he carefully looks at the screen.

No Michael this time, it just said ‘Papi’.

‘Suarez,’ he yells out, ‘your phone’s ringing!’

She stops smiling and skates back towards him, visibly stressed out. ‘Who is it?’

‘I think it’s your dad.’

She sighs and says ‘I should take this. He never calls, it could be serious.’

He nods as she holds onto his arm to remove her skates and get back into her boots.

She adds: ‘Do you know where I can find a quiet space to call him back?’

‘Yeah, hold on a second.’ He waves to Liam, not wanting him to shit a brick again when he disappears with Amara.

Liam approaches, and asks ‘Is everything ok?’

‘Yeah,’ Drake replies, ‘I’m gonna take Amara to a silent place, she needs to call her dad back, ok?’

Liam, visibly relieved that Drake is now sort of asking him permission to spend alone time with her, acquiesces and goes back to his ice skating routine.

‘Alright Suarez, let’s go. Is it still ringing?’

‘No, he’s probably leaving a voicemail, but I’m gonna call him back. He had a minor heart attack about a year ago, so everytime he calls, I always expect the worst, you know?’

Drake smiles and nods, gently taking her hand, now that they’re out of view.

‘Here we go, this should be quiet and still within wifi range. I’ll leave you to it.’

She grabs him by the forearm. ‘No. Stay, please?’

He didn’t expect that. She was so private that the fact that she wanted him to be next to her while she calls her dad truly made his heart flutter.

She hits the FaceTime button and her dad picks up immediately.

‘Mija!’ he says enthusiastically.

‘Papi, are you ok?’

‘Yeah yeah, don’t worry! I left you a voicemail, I knew that you would worry otherwise. I’m all good, sweetie.’

‘Papi, this is a FaceTime call, please stop showing me the inside of your ear.’

Drake chuckled. Dads.

‘Ohhh, so I can see you? Wow, qué bonita eres, mija! What’s up with the snow? Weren’t you supposed to be in Italy?’

‘I’m in Cordonia, Papi. It has several climates, and now we’re in the North, near Switzerland. Isn’t it pretty?’

‘Oh it sure is, honey. Look, I don’t want to keep you from your friends, I just wanted to tell you something, ok?’

She sighs but her smile never falters. ‘Tell me, Dad.’

‘I talked to Michael. He said your last phone call did not go very well. He made a mistake sweetie. He didn’t mean what he said, and Lord knows I don’t agree with what he said to you either.’ Her dad’s voice cracks. ‘We miss him every day mija, but I also miss you. Please stop punishing yourself.’

Amara’s eyes fill with tears. Drake has to fight his urge to dive in and hug her tight. ‘Papi, stop… Please…’

Tears stream down her face, and her dad is audibly crying too. Drake wonders if he should do something. ‘Mira Amara, it was not your fault. Those things happen, unfortunately. It’s been two years. Please start forgiving yourself. Please baby. I miss seeing you smile. Michael regrets, too.’

Amara tries to collect herself. ‘I know, he apologized. I just can’t look at Callie’s little face without...thinking of Sergio.’

Drake hears her dad muffle a sob. ‘Me neither baby. But Nancy and I are worried about you. So is Michael. Please start living your life again. Can you promise me?’

Amara takes a deep breath. ‘Te prometo, Papi. Voy a vivir de nuevo.’

‘Gracias, mija. Te amo mucho.’

‘Te amo también.’

Drake can’t speak a lot of Spanish, but he understands that this is a private moment, and he should walk away. But as soon as he turns around, Amara calls out for him. ‘Drake! Can you...stay for a sec?’ She whispers, ‘Say hi to my dad?’

He’s taken aback, but moved that she wants them to meet. She probably wants to show her dad that she’s not alone in the snow, but still, it creates a warm feeling in his chest. ‘I’d love to.’

He walks in front of the camera, as Amara introduces him. ‘Dad, I want you to meet my friend Drake. He’s been an amazing support here, and I want you to know that I’m not alone, ok?’

‘Nice to meet you, Mr. Suarez,’ Drake says with a wave and a charming smile.

‘Nice to meet you too, Drake, please call me Jorge.’

‘Deal. How are you doing, Jorge?’

‘Good, better now that I know my daughter has people to look out for her, you know.’

‘You can count on me, I got her back, ok?’ He wraps Amara in a hug, and Jorge shows a relieved smile.

They say their goodbyes, and start walking back to the group, in silence. Drake knew there was something dark in her past, but he had no idea Amara was feeling so guilty about something that had happened two years ago. Seeing her break down had broken his heart, and he wanted to help her overcome whatever had happened. He definitely didn’t want to pry, but he also hoped she would open up to him. Trusting him with meeting her dad was a good start. Drake breaks the ice. ‘I see where you get your looks from.’

Amara bursts out laughing. ‘Oh my God, you did not just say that my dad is hot.’

‘Well, he’s got your dashing smile, that’s all I’m saying.’

‘Shut up, Walker. Thank you for humoring me. I didn’t mean to drag you into my family drama.’

‘Please. It was my pleasure. Your dad sounds really sweet.’

‘On top of being hot? Yeah, he’s amazing. I lucked out.’ She pauses, and stares at the horizon. ‘I hope I didn’t scare you off. Meeting the dad pretty early on was probably not a sexy move.’

‘I like that you asked. And you were right to, because now your dad knows that you’re not alone out here, and that you’ve got me.’

She gives him a playful smile. ‘Oh yeah? Are you gonna protect me from the evils of this world?’

‘Well, I think you can defend yourself just fine, Detective,’ he whispers. ‘But what I’m here for, is to remind you that you’re amazing and that, just like your dad says, you should live your life on your terms.’

She smiles at him earnestly, and they peacefully rejoin the group.

*****

‘The bouquet of this one is very interesting!’

Drake, Amara, and Olivia were rolling their eyes throughout all of Kiara’s descriptions of each wine they tasted. Maxwell, wanting to stir shit as always, made sure to ask her for her opinion every time she took a sip, because he got a kick out of watching his friends cringe.

Amara had tried what felt like fifteen different wines and was starting to feel it. She was a tad dizzy and even the cheese Olivia had put out for them to nibble on wasn’t helping much. Everyone around was quite drunk, which she suspected was exactly Olivia’s plan. Liam especially was getting extremely giggly, and Olivia was all over him. The only person keeping it together was, unsurprisingly, Madeleine, whose stick up her ass was as stiff as ever.

‘We should play a game,’ says Maxwell excitedly.

‘YES!’ Hana yells, barely able to stand on her feet.

Olivia sighs but gives in. ‘Alright, what do you have in mind, Beaumont?’

‘Well,’ he continues, getting giddier by the second, ‘we could play Never Have I Ever.’

‘Oh shocker,’ Olivia replies, ‘that’s all you ever want to play.’

‘Because it’s FUN!’ he says loudly.

Olivia concedes and asks who wants to start. Obviously, Maxwell is the first to raise his hand. ‘Never have I ever...seen Liam’s butt!’

He giggles so hard that even Olivia has trouble remaining serious. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the nobility of Cordonia. (Plus Drake and Amara.)

No one drinks, except Drake and Olivia. Amara squeals ‘Are you kidding me guys? You’re drinking to this?’

Drake shrugs, ‘We’ve played sports together. We’ve seen each other’s butts.’

Olivia adds, ‘And when you’re three years old, butts are not that big a deal.’

Amara cannot believe this is the state of Cordonia right now. ‘Alright, drink away! I guess it’s your turn, Olivia.’

She clears her throat and carefully announces: ‘Never have I ever had sex in a swimming pool.’

Madeleine sighs with disgust, turns around and leaves. Maxwell says sarcastically: ‘...and she was never seen again!’

Everyone bursts out laughing, and most of the crowd starts drinking. They go another round, and it’s Olivia’s turn again. ‘Never have I ever had sex with a cop.’ She holds Drake’s gaze as she finishes her sentence, watching him drink. Jeez, Amara thinks. Olivia was really enjoying her newfound information.

Liam raises an eyebrow. ‘When have you ever had sex with a cop, Drake?’

He coughs. ‘I don’t tell you everything, Your Highness.’

The crowd oohs, and Hana’s turn comes again. ‘Never have I ever had a sibling!’

Amara knows this was an innocent way to make people drink, but her heart drops. She reluctantly drinks, as she watches Drake take a sip too. Hana couldn’t know how much this sentence had hurt her, of course, but still. She takes another big gulp, hoping for the pain to go away.

And it does, for a while; it even gives way to more fun, as she enjoys the company of her new friends. It was nice hanging out with these guys, and to forget about the competition. They go a few more rounds, until people start to scatter before dinner. Penelope and Kiara go back to their rooms to change, and Liam goes to Olivia’s study to reply to some official emails. Not sure it’s a good idea in his drunken state, but he’s the boss.

The rest of them continue to play for a bit, drinking more and more wine. Amara can’t keep her eyes off of Drake, and his muscular arms every time he takes a sip. She flashes back to him pulling her back into bed that very morning, begging her to wait a bit before getting up. She thinks about his kiss, his smell, his touch. God, she’s drunk. She’s not even trying to hide the fact that she’s staring, but why should she? It’s just Max, Olivia and Hana. They don’t care.

Drake excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Amara waits a couple of seconds, and makes up an excuse about having to call her roommate. If only Mia knew she was her alibi, she’d be proud.

She follows Drake down the hall, and waits until he comes out of the bathroom. She pushes him back in, a hand on his mouth to muffle his gasp.

‘Shh,’ she says. ‘Be quiet.’

‘God, Suarez,’ he whispers, his words slurred, courtesy of the wine. ‘You scared me.’

‘Not my intention,’ she says, unzipping his pants.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Nothing,’ she responds playfully, before planting a deep kiss on his lips.

Her hands roam inside his jeans, as he quietly moans. She finds his already hard dick, and strokes it enthusiastically.

‘You’re crazy,’ he slurs. ‘What if someone notices…’

‘Shh, everything’s good… we’ve got some time…’

She gets on her knees, not even thinking about the fact that this is a bathroom floor. She sets Drake’s cock free, and runs her tongue across his length. He moans, his eyes closed. ‘Mmm Amara…’

She wraps her hand around his balls, drawing more moans and groans from him, and takes his tip in her mouth. God, he tastes good. She’d wanted to do this all day. His breathing quickens as she takes him in her mouth, still massaging his balls. His hands stroke her hair, and follow the movements of her head.

As he is getting harder than she thought was possible, he guides her back up, kissing her deeply and unzipping her jeans. He quickly puts his hand in her underwear, caressing her already wet slit. She lets out a moan, muffled by Drake’s kiss.

He pulls down her pants and underwear, and props her up on the sink. After teasing her entrance with the tip of his cock, her moans let him know that he’s welcome to enter her. He pushes himself inside her, as she grabs on to his ass, guiding him in and out.

‘Fuck me,’ she whispers in his ear. His rhythm accelerates, and Amara feels waves of pleasure invading her. She’s still sore from their previous encounters, but she doesn’t care. She just wants him inside her, as deep as possible. She wraps her legs around him tighter, pulling him deeper.

‘I’m so close,’ he whispers, and so is she, she feels like she’s about to explode. She kisses him more passionately, their tongues enmeshed together, when she finally feels her orgasm rush through her body. She tries to remain quiet, but her panting does not leave any room for doubt. Drake follows suit right away; he tries to pull out, but Amara’s legs are still firmly wrapped around him, and he comes inside her.

Still out of breath, they clean up and put their clothes back on. ‘God, Amara, that was amazing.’

She kisses him on the lips, and says ‘So amazing. Thank you.’

‘Are you kidding? Thank YOU. Is it ok that I didn’t pull out?’

‘I’m on the pill, don’t worry. I just really wanted to feel you…’

He smiles and kisses her deeply. ‘Ok. Let me come out first. They must think I’m pretty sick by now.’

‘Ew. Go. I’ll fix my hair.’

*****

No one had noticed how long they’d been gone, thanks to Olivia’s bottomless wine collection. Dinner had been pleasant, they’d all been in a terrific mood, again thanks to all the wine. Madeleine had come back, and they’d all steered clear of any sexual topics so as not to scare her away again, even if the perspective of scaring her away was very tempting.

Fortunately for Drake and Amara, everyone was very tired and eager to go to bed, so they didn’t have to wait very long until they had their alone time. Drake was looking forward to being able to just be with her, and relax. Maybe also have sex again, although he didn’t want her to think he was a perv.

They get settled in Amara’s room this time, and she immediately gets comfy in her pyjamas, which are basically glorified underwear. Drake doesn’t complain.

‘Mind if I get comfortable too?’

She raises an eyebrow. ‘Suit yourself.’

He takes off his jeans and button-down shirt, leaving him in his boxers and T-shirt. Amara’s eyes light up. ‘Are you gonna think I’m an insatiable ho if I tell you you look really hot?’ she asks.

He chuckles. ‘I was gonna ask you the same thing.’

They get into bed, comfortably snuggled up in each other’s arms, and Amara turns on her computer. They briefly argue about what movie to watch, and even if he really doesn’t want to watch Monster-in-law, Drake enjoys the very normal, very intimate banter. So, this is what would happen if they were openly together? They’d have a normal life, punctuated with tiny fights about horrible rom coms starring Jane Fonda? Life could be a lot worse.

They settle for Hitch, which isn’t much better, but Drake likes Will Smith, so he agrees. About five minutes into the movie, he starts kissing Amara’s neck, stroking her stomach under her pyjama top.

‘Mr. Walker, is that a boner on my lower back, or are you just happy to see me?’

‘I don’t think that’s how the saying goes. Because the answer is, both.’

She laughs. He runs his hands higher under her top, and finds her breasts. God, he loves her breasts. Big, round, perky, the exact ones he would draw, if he was asked to draw his ideal breasts. He kneads them in his hands, gently pinching her nipples, which draws a few moans from Amara, who is starting to wiggle her ass on his erection. They truly couldn’t get enough of each other. They had started having sex not even 24 hours ago and they were already beginning round 5. He couldn’t help it, though. Not only did she make his heart skip a beat, she also gave him a boner every time she moved.

‘Do you want me to stop?’ he asks, not wanting to initiate if she was too tired.

‘Mmm,’ she moans, ‘please don’t stop.’

God, they were horndogs. He slides one of his hands off her breast, down towards the waistband of her little shorts. He knew she was going commando under there, and it drove him crazy. He slips his hand in her shorts, and as he finds her pussy and starts caressing it, her moans become more intense. ‘Oh, Drake,’ she whispers. She is so wet, still. He wants her so much. He loves her body, her curves, her skin, the smell of her hair...he couldn’t get enough. His cock is so hard it’s starting to hurt. He continues rubbing it on her ass, and she pushes hard against it.

He circles her clit with his finger, and slides one finger inside her. She lets out a faint gasp. ‘Two fingers,’ she says. He complies. His fingers enter her again and again, as she moves against him. Then, it looks like she can’t take it any longer. ‘Slide inside me…’ she whispers, turning her head slightly to kiss him.

She doesn’t have to tell him twice. He swiftly pulls her shorts aside, frees his cock from his boxers, and slides it into her dripping wet pussy, as instructed. She groans loudly. ‘Fuck… it feels so good…’

He realizes they’d both forgotten about their responsible behaviors as they had forgone condoms. Amara was on the pill though, and they’d had a conversation this morning about being tested after their last partner.

God, she feels good around him. He loses himself in the moment as he gently fucks her from behind, still caressing her breasts with one hand, and her clit with the other.

She turns around to kiss him deeply. He fucking loves her lips, the way she kisses him, gentle and sexy at the same time. Her kiss becomes more eager, and she whispers, ‘Get on top of me.’

He loves that she’s bossing him around like this. He would basically do anything she wanted him to do to her, and he finds these instructions extremely endearing and arousing.

So, he complies, and she gets on her back, her legs spread. He pauses for a second, to admire her. He pulls her top off, and gives more attention to her breasts before slipping back inside her.

He makes love to her for a long while, both of them very much entangled in each other’s kisses, and their bodies as close as possible. Amara holds him tight, still wrapping her legs around him to push him deeper inside her. Drake has to regroup and avoid coming too early; he wants the moment to last.

Finally, she asks him to go faster, as she’s getting close. He makes her come, and he loves feeling her contracting around him. It drives him over the edge, and it’s not long until he loses control too, exhausted and satisfied.

They fall asleep in each other’s arms, Drake being the big spoon. Before drifting off to sleep, Drake showers Amara with a million neck kisses. He thinks about how lucky he is to have found her, and how important she’d become in just a couple of weeks. He didn’t know much about what he wanted out of life, but he knew one thing: he had no intention of losing her.

*****

Amara woke up in a sweat, out of breath, with horrifying images running through her head. She calms down when she sees Drake next to her, his arms around her, and a worried look upon his face.

‘Amara, are you ok?’

She thought she was. They’d had an amazing, intimate night. When she fell asleep, she was so blissfully happy that she’d never thought that she would have the nightmare again, especially not tonight.

But the subconscious was a complex machine. Even though her night of lovemaking with Drake was on her mind when she drifted off to sleep, her demons regained control of her brain during the night. Probably because of Olivia’s little discovery about her past, and, most importantly, her talk with her dad about forgiving herself.

What she realized was that she couldn’t run away from it. Even in the happiest of moments, as she was entangled with the man she was falling for, her past was catching up to her.

‘Amara? Please say something. You were having something like a panic attack. Like you did on the plane. Are you ok?’

She’d have to deal with her subconscious. Maybe it was time.

‘I’m fine, I--’

She chokes up. She can’t even control it. She’s just so afraid of what he’s gonna think of her once he knows what she’s responsible for, and she doesn’t want anything to change, ever. The way he looks at her… She’s never experienced that before. And, despite her best efforts, she is convinced that she doesn’t deserve it.

‘Amara, don’t cry...what’s going on? Is it about your talk with your dad?’

She can’t do anything but nod, tears streaming down her face. She realizes she’s naked, and she wraps herself in the sheet, as if to protect herself.

‘Baby please, talk to me…’

He hugs her tight, and strokes her hair. How did she get so lucky? Was he going to be disgusted by who she really was, and leave her?

‘Drake, I...I have nightmares. PTSD.’

He nods, an understanding look on his face. ‘I figured. Did something happen when you were in the NYPD?’

She nods, unable to stop the tears.

‘You can tell me anything, Amara. I promise.’

She remembers the promise she made her dad, just the previous afternoon. To forgive herself and live. She has to tell him. If she can’t tell Drake, she can’t tell anyone.

She takes a deep breath. ‘My brother. He--he died.’ She pauses, and more tears flow out of her eyes.

Drake is still holding her tight. ‘Was your brother named Sergio? Is that who you were talking about on the phone?’

She nods. Damn, it feels weird to hear his name out of Drake’s mouth. They would never be able to meet. Sergio would have loved him, though. ‘Yeah. He...he was a cop, too. My partner was out sick that day and I--I’ She exhales. ‘I needed someone to go interrogate a suspect, and I asked him to go with me. It was supposed to be a routine interrogation, and we didn’t--didn’t gear up.’ She sobbed. ‘The perp had a gun. Tried to run away, we chased him into a corner. Pulled out his gun. Shot it. Sergio leapt in front of me to protect me.’

That’s all she can handle. She breaks down. Drake is stroking her hair, and kissing the top of her head. ‘I’m so sorry, Amara, that’s horrible. I’m so sorry.’ His voice cracks. She’s afraid to look at him. What if she sees something different in his eyes?

Still, she’d have to know. She sniffs, and takes a look at Drake. He has tears in his eyes. ‘I’m so sorry, Amara. I can’t even imagine what you must have gone through. But it’s not your fault.’ He kisses her forehead. ‘Your dad’s right. It’s not your fault. You have to forgive yourself.’

There is so much kindness in his eyes, so much understanding, so much compassion, when she expected him to push her away. He gives her a soft kiss on the lips, and wipes her tears away.

She takes a deep breath. ‘Michael was his husband. They have a daughter together, Callie. If it wasn’t for me, she’d still have two daddies.’

Drake wraps her in a tight hug. She feels just as shattered as she has felt for the past two years, but now something else had sprouted.

Now, wrapped in the arms of this man, whom she was falling for, under a flurry of his kisses, lulled and reassured by his kind words, she wanted to heal.

*****

Taglist:

@andy-loves-corgis , @drakewalkerwhipped , @drakxwalker , @drakewalkerrosenberg , @drakeswalkers , @drakelover78 , @silviasutton1989 , @jovialyouthmusic , @drakeandcamilleofvaltoria , @mariahschoices , @drakesensworld , @thequeenofcronuts , @notoriouscs , @drakewalkerisreal , @nikkis1983 , @simsvetements , @alesana45

Thank you for your encouragements, everyone! Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist :)

#that's not why i'm going #drake walker x amara suarez #drake walker x mc #drake walker trr #drake walker #trr drake #trr #trr choices #the royal romance #the royal romance fanfic #trr fanfic

34 notes · View notes

id-rather-be-an-outsider · 6 years ago

Text

It’ll Never Work

Pairings: Edmund Pevensie x Reader, Prince Rabadash x Reader, Reader’s S/O on Earth x Reader

Warnings: ANGST, ANGST, ANGST, all the way through, alludes to smut but it’s more like a slight brushing over of it so like, don’t worry it’s not gonna hurt your innocent eyes if you are so lucky as to still have a shred of innocence

A/N: Hey ya’ll! This is the first time I’ve posted something that can be considered “fanfic” I guess... I don’t really know what I would call this, but I hope you enjoy it, or get the feelsies when reading it. Special thanks to my love @lucypcvensie for pre-reading and encouraging me to post it <3 I would love some feedback on how I did from anyone who reads! Quick note that this takes place during the time of The Horse and His Boy, so it replaces Susan being coveted by Rabadash and all those fun things, and the reader has been in Narnia for a few years now.

Two young monarchs, both unattached, stand on one of the many balconies of Cair Paravel. Their Royal Highness y/n has just returned from Calor, where they were courted by Prince Rabadash, the heir to the throne, and is to return the next day to continue their courtship, and quite possibly marry the crown prince. King Edmund wants to know the true nature of why they’re moving so quickly with the courtship, and why their words and their actions in regards to himself don’t match up.

“Edmund... I’m not gonna lie, I care about you, and I like you... but this? This can never work. What happens when we get sent back? You know it’ll happen and so do I. We’ll either go back by mistake, or, best case scenario, we get married, raise a family, live to see our grandchildren and great grandchildren, and then we die, and all of that disappears and we get sent back to the real world, where I’ll be nineteen and you’ll be, what, 90? You’ll have great grandchildren by then and I’ll be in college, and that’s another thing - we’ll be an ocean apart!” I ramble on and on about how we’ll ultimately fail until he stops me.

“But what about after that?”

“What do you mean?”

Edmund says, “After Earth. When we die here, we’ll go back there, but when we die there, we’ll be in Aslan’s country together.”

I hang my head in guilt. “Edmund, I... I get what you mean, but there’s no point in you waiting 70 or 80 years for something that isn’t going to happen.”

Ed’s turn. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t say anything before, but back on Earth... I’m in love with somebody. My main goal here is to complete whatever tasks I need to complete and learn whatever I need to learn, then go back and be with them. They’re the one. I’ve never been more sure about anything than I am about them, so if that doesn’t tell you how I feel about them... then I don’t know what will.” I look up at him. “No matter what I feel for you, it will always be him. I’m really sorry, Ed. I’m not okay with being with another person from Earth when I know I’m going back to the person I’m gonna marry. Narnia is an amazing place, but I need to be home, with him, so I can get going with my future and making that world a better place, because that’s what’s real for me. Narnia is too, but it’s different here than it is there.”

“So... so you... so this whole time... why haven’t you told me? It would’ve saved us both the trouble.”

“I don’t know, okay? It’s- it’s a lot, and it’s complicated. I didn’t know how to explain that to you. It’s why I’m letting myself be courted by Prince Rabadash. That’s a safe man to fall in love with while I’m here, because when he dies, he goes to Aslan’s Country, and when I die, I go back to Earth... and then Heaven.”

“Hang on, so you don’t even want to see Aslan’s country?” Edmund asks, flabbergasted.

“Honestly? No,” I say, “I talked to Aslan and told him that I wish to remain a friend of Narnia, but that I would rather go to Heaven instead of Aslan’s Country, because that’s where my future is. Haven’t you figured out by now that he’s God?”

“Uhhh... no. I haven’t figured that out. But thanks for letting me know.” Edmund looks at me, calculating.

“What?”

“There’s no way I can change your mind? Nothing I can... do?” He asks me.

“I know what you’re thinking, and no. That’s not gonna work, and no matter how deprived my body is I am not giving it to anyone here.”

“But Rabadash-“

“-is a last resort, best to keep him on his toes,” I interject, “Plus I can make Narnia richer tenfold through some simple manipulation.”

His brows furrow. “So you’re just scheming?”

“Precisely. I am an awfully cunning person, you know, though I try to only use my skills for the collective good. Makes me less bad.”

“So how exactly does leading me on contribute to the collective good?”

“Do you think I tried to do that?” I ask him. “I have been trying my absolute hardest to stay away from you, Edmund Pevensie. I spent two weeks in Calor with someone that most definitely is not you and I’m leaving to return there tomorrow, yet you think I’m trying to lead you on?”

“But you came back. I know you feel something for me, y/n. I don’t even care about Rabadash. He stands no chance against me. What I care about is you - and I know I’m not alone when I say that.” He grabs onto my arms, eyes pouring into mine, searching me for the truth. “Just admit it! Please!”

I look away. “I... I can’t. I won’t. This is what’s best, Ed, I love you, and I don’t want to see you get h-”

He cuts me off with a firm kiss and it’s only then that I realize I had said the exact three words I told him I wouldn’t say. I relax into the kiss and cry, knowing that what we are is an impossibility, and things such as this will only prolong the inevitable and be as a stinging cut, so small yet so very painful.

He pulls away, and I look up at him. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I couldn’t not know what that was like.”

“I’m sorry too,” I murmur. “... I wish we could always know what that was like.”

He steps back. “Goodbye, y/n.“ He pivots, but before he goes I call his name. He turns back around. “Yes?”

“I... For the record, if I could, I would. But I can’t, not knowing I would lose you twice.” I fidget with my hands nervously, knowing that my excuse to leave him for Calor come tomorrow sounds much more like a reason to stay and enjoy this time for as long as I can. He nods, sorrow in his eyes, and leaves me alone on the balcony, safe to wallow in my own misery.

#outsider writes #narnia #the chronicles of narnia #the horse and his boy #edmund pevensie #edmund pevensie imagines #edmund pevensie x reader #prince rabadash #angst #angsty #imagine

37 notes · View notes

acelucky · 5 years ago

Text

Patchwork

Summary - Hitomi has a wish for her final night in Gaea. A reunion between herself and all those she has grown to love round a campfire to share stories and toast to the future.

This was written for the 2019 Escaflowne 'Pic n Fic' the theme is memories. Thank you to @radical-rad1986 for telling me about this years pic n fic! Whilst I haven't been active in the Escaflowne community for some time (life and other fandoms etc.) this was so nice to write for and was a joy to be writing about these characters I love once again. In fact I've been inspired to write a little more Escaflowne content from doing this. This has also been posted on Ao3 but wanted to post it here too as I posted so little of my writing on main.

This is written for @numbersoftoday

A campfire was where it begun and where it ended. Campfires were, Hitomi reflected, one of the best places to share stories. Far away enough from buildings and the distractions of a busy world full of busy people and noise, a campfire was a good place to escape if started in the right location. Tonight the location had been picked by Van, it was Hitomi’s final night in Gaea and he had gathered together those who had come to know her and become in a fashion, an extended family, to say their goodbyes.

Van, Hitomi and Merle were the first to arrive in the clearing. On the ground there was a round circle of ash, a place where previous campfires had been built and memories shared. Around this were logs strategically placed for seating.

Van placed a hand on Hitomi’s shoulder, “Sit, relax, I’ll build the fire.”

Hitomi who was always so eager to help and wanted to do everything she could to not be a burden, was grateful for once to sit and watch the others at work. She decided to sit on the soft, green grass whilst the fire was being built, her fingers lazily trailing across the blades and twirling a few round her index finger. She stared up at the night sky, admiring the constellations. Though different from home, no matter where you were, the stars always looked beautiful and held the secrets of the world they watched over.

Hitomi had been thinking of the memories that each of them had woven both individually and collectively, whilst certain tales excluded certain people, by hearing the words alone, they were able to live on. Her grandmother had been so fond of story telling and ensuring that legends didn’t die. So, in the aftermath of the war and before she returned home, she had a final wish, that they would reunite for one final evening, around a campfire and share memories, honest and true.

She watched as the fire came to life, providing much needed light in the darkness so that she could see the faces of those she loved. She watched as the flames licked higher, as the wood started to glow and the element took hold, sturdy and ready to warm their small gathering. She remembered the last campfire she’d had with her grandmother, sat under a patchwork quilt that her great grandmother had made whilst pregnant. They had cuddled up under it, embracing a part of her history, a woman she would never know and yet in that moment, felt so close to her that there was an undeniable warmth. A pull on her heartstrings from beyond the grave.

Her grandmother had taught her of the importance of ancestry, no matter how far back. She had also taught her the importance of those who come into your life, no matter how small or for how long. How all these individuals were a sum of the person you are and you become. When she was younger she struggled to understand what her grandmother had meant. Her close friends and family, they were the people who made her who she was. But now Hitomi realised what her grandmother had meant, no amount of distance between two people could ever break a bond so strong once it had been established.

Hitomi leaned back, pressed her palms flat against the ground and inhaled sharply, the smell of the earth and pine trees heavy in her nostrils. It made her feel light, free and as if for a moment that she was sat on a field with Amano and Yukari after school, enjoying the warmth of sun on her face.

She watched through the woods as shadows moved, growing closer, not enemies but the friends she had made and woven into their tales. Allen and Celena arrived first, shortly followed by Millerna, Dryden, Gaddes and the rest of the Crusade Crew.

She pulled herself up from the floor and dusted her school uniform down before going to greet them, warm embraces all round. As Allen greeted her he kissed her cheek, for a moment she felt herself go a little red and knew Van’s eyes would be on them. She recalled their kiss in the rain, the warmth of his lips, the fact that the rain didn’t bother her, rather soothed her in a moment of such unimaginable tenderness. And for the first time when thinking back on that kiss, she didn’t feel guilt.

Once they had all all gathered, they took a place round the campfire to sit and talk. Hitomi now sat on a wooden log on a blanket that Van had laid out for them, Merle sat curled at his feet.

The campfire was so large that from the other side of the trees you could make out the unmistakable glow of orange in the sky. Hitomi watched the flames rise and closed her eyes, listening to the crackling of wood, thinking of home now and the memories she had from there. The memories that she would take home with her from Gaea.

The mood around the campfire wasn’t sombre as such, but it was quiet and reflective. Reeden poured drinks for all, they toasted and then waited for another to take the lead.

To the surprise of the others, it was Celena who spoke, “I remember…running through a meadow, the feel of the soft grass on the soles of my feet. All the colour splashed in front of me from the wildflowers, the smell of salt on the air from the sea. There was a breeze blowing, catching my hair… I remember you brother,” she looked across at Allen who nodded and smiled.

Merle’s eyes were wide with curiosity as she watched Celena recount the final memories of her youth before she was stolen away.

“The ships were beautiful that day,” added Allen as he closed his eyes to picture the scene, “There were so many of them in the harbour, you wanted to stand on the hill and count them but got distracted.”

“By a snail,” Celena finished and gave a laugh.

Allen chuckled, “Yes by a snail, you always loved small creatures.”

Celena smiled but said no more, her expression changed a little, melancholy in her reflection of her younger days and time lost.

“My younger sister loved all manner of insects and bugs,” Gaddes said, joining in to fill the silence.

Celena immediately looked up from the ground, happy that someone other than Allen wanted to engage, “Which were her favourites?” She asked.

“Butterflies… but she had a soft spot for stick insects, always wanting to keep them as pets. She named one of them Violet.”

“My friend, Amano, he kept stick insects as pets when we were younger,” Hitomi smiled fondly at the memory.

A few of the others round the campfire laughed, “Eww who’d want to keep a stick insect? Isn’t that right Lord Van?” Merle wrinkled up her nose.

Van shrugged, “I guess whatever makes people happy.”

Merle quickly changed her reaction to the thought of stick insects and nodded in agreement.

“What made me happy as a child,” Van begun, “was playing at sword fighting and duals with my brother. He was everything to me, I idolised him and always felt I’d never be able to match up to him, always standing in his shadow.”

“I think you did a grand job,” Hitomi said, her hand on Van’s knee.

Van sipped his wine, “Months ago I’d have hated you for saying that. But now, he did something far braver than I could ever imagine.”

“Redemption is a beautiful thing,” Dryden quipped.

“What was your favourite memory of him?” Hitomi asked

“My birthday one year, he got me a wooden sword, but it was carved so intricately I knew he must have spent an age working on it. I loved it because he made it. Because he had poured a part of himself into it, so in a way, even if we were apart we would always be together. That made me feel brave,” Van gave a low chuckle, “I feel now that sounds so childish.”

Hitomi and a few of the others shook their heads, Hitomi especially thought of her great-grandmother’s patchwork quilt and she knew exactly what Van meant.

He continued, “We went out to practise, stood on a meadow at the side of the woods. The sun shone brightly above us; eagles circled in the air high above. If I close my eyes, I can still remember the scent of the daises and buttercups. I recall the way my brother smiled at me, his words of encouragement when I fell. If I think hard enough about it, it’s almost like I’m back there.”

“That’s a lovely memory to have,” Hitomi said squeezing his hand.

“I remember Ellen, my oldest sister, she always wanted me to teach her how to fight,” Gaddes recalled.

“And did you?” Millerna asked.

There was a moment of silence as Gaddes sipped his wine, “Of course.”

Hitomi smiled and listened intently as Gaddes cast out his memories of Ellen and his sparring days. He stared into the flames as he spoke, his hands gripped tightly round the goblet, alluding to the fact that although this part of the story had been happy, there was a sorrow there.

“She was so feisty, so reckless in so many ways but her heart was so pure. She managed to protect my family from bandits one afternoon while I was out in town, I’d never been more proud of someone. Her hair smelt of honeysuckle and she had the brightest smile, the kind that drains all darkness from the room. She was able to mimic me and my movements so perfectly. I miss her terribly,” Gaddes’ eyes filled with tears as he wiped under one of them.

The campfire was silent for a moment as the others gave Gaddes the room he needed to reflect and a moment of silence for his sister.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised.

“Don’t be, we all have memories that make us both happy and sad,” Millerna put a comforting hand on Gaddes’ shoulder, “That’s what makes us human, that’s what connects us all.” She smiled sadly as Gaddes reached up and placed a hand over hers and mimed, ‘thank you.’

Millerna took a deep breath, her eyes caught Allen’s and before she spoke he knew what she was going to say, “Marlene…I think of her often. In fact, I think Eries and I would have been closer had Marlene still been alive, had things of worked out differently. We’re trying and slowly we’re building a sisterly relationship again, but Marlene will always cause a space between us that can never be filled.” Millerna smiled sadly, now avoiding Allen’s gaze.

“I have a few memories of us three sisters together and I am grateful every day that they are happy memories. Playing by a stream, mimicking the song of the birds in the oak trees. Planting seeds, drinking fruit juice as we sat on rocks, our feet cooled by the running water. Happy memories, as I said.”

Reeden went round the group with more wine, ensuring that their goblets were well filled for the night ahead.

The other’s continued to tell tales of their youth, they recounted stories from years past rather than reflecting on the recent, violent and bloody war. Those stories, both the good and the bad could wait for another day when the memories had begun to fade.

The final story before they said goodnight came from Hitomi, “My grandmother…the one who came here, she had a patchwork quilt that belonged to her mother… She had made it, whilst pregnant. It took me years to realise the significance of it, even though my grandmother taught me all about it and how each section represented a different part of her mother’s life, of her adventures, those she met, the terrific highs and heartbreaking lows… That was why it was so important, it reflected all life, because to live is to feel it all and that includes the bad. That is what we have done, that is what we have lived through, survived, together… The quilt represented all the lives that had touched her and now those threads can never be broken. “

All eyes round the campfire were round her now, slightly teary and waiting for her final words. “I’ll miss you all terribly, but I’ll remember you all, always,” Hitomi said fondly, though her eyes pricked with tears, misty with memories and love for those she met.

Van held her hand tightly and placed a kiss on her cheek as she finished speaking, Merle even shifted her weight so she could hug Hitomi’s legs.

Gaddes then stood and held his goblet up, staring into the flames and across to Hitomi he spoke, “A toast, to our dear friend Hitomi.”

Allen stood, the others following suit, all lifting their goblets in agreement, “To Hitomi!”

Hitomi then stood, “To friendship,” she added, “to love and to the memories we have made and those that are yet to be made.”

“Here here!” Dryden cried and then downed the rest of his wine, the others lifting their goblets once more and doing the same.

They said their farewells, though they had all agreed to say a final goodbye to Hitomi the following day in the same place but during the day when she would leave Gaea and return home. Before she left, Millerna pulled her close, she had been an unlikely friend and alley but now Hitomi found herself sorrowful for the friend she would have to say goodbye to.

Hitomi watched the fire die so there was just the faintest glow of orange, Van reached down with his hand to help pull her to her feet and in doing so embraced her.

“We still have the night,” Van said as he brushed the hair from Hitomi’s face.

She gulped, trying to swallow the tears that couldn’t so easily be fought off, “Yes, I should be grateful to sleep by your side and watch the moon and the earth for the last time from the window.”

“To sleep in it’s light by your side will be one of the best memories I’ve ever had,” Van said before pressing his lips against hers.

#Escaflowne #The Vision of Escaflowne #Hitomi Kanzaki #Van Fanel #allen schezar #Millerna aston #Gaddes #fanfic #esca 2019 #pic n fic #my writing

13 notes · View notes