skyechaser

[skyechaser]

I fucking did it again. I betrayed my own resolution and liked somebody again. It only took one conversation for her to stop replying. What is so wrong with me? Why won't anyone like me back? Am I as unlovable as the voices in my head say?

[skyechaser]

I though I had made two friends. Had been talking like for three days straight. One ghosted me and the other randomly blocked me. What is wrong with me? Why does everyone leave me alone? I know I had just met them but I was just excited to get some attention. By the end of January I had 4 work related projects. They all got canceled. I have no money. Can't the fucking space rock fall right on top of my house tomorrow and just take it all away? Please? Could somebody please just hold me while I cry?

[skyechaser]

And I ain't even playing. I'm just watching cause there weren't enough controllers. They just talked amongst them three and assumed I'd be the one left out. I always am. Since I can remember.

[skyechaser]

I just realized Borderlands 2 has multi-player in history mode. I'm such a lone gamer that it never occurred to me that was possible and I have like 40 hours in the game... That's kinda sad, innit?

[skyechaser]

Nobody fucking cares, don't they? I might kill myself any day now and nobody will care.

[skyechaser]

In the most unexpected twist, being a furry has literally saved my life tonight.

[skyechaser]

I want to die.

[skyechaser]

Just stop Skye. Por favor. I can't do this anymore. Why would you try? You know how it's gonna go and guess what happened? You freaked her out because she only sees you as the fat funny friend. That is all you've always been. The fat and funny legal midget that nobody could ever take seriously. Deja de intentar, Skye. Just follow the mantra: NO ONE WILL EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU. That's the only way to avoid sadness and humiliation. Don't even think about it. Just repeat it in your mind until it's tattooed on your skin. Nobody wants you. You will die alone. I hope I die soon. I really do.

[skyechaser]

I'm glad no one reads this things. It's the only safe place for me to write down how I really feel. I've been looking for a job and every single time I end up either crying or in a blind fury. How am I supposed to live with what they are offering to pay? It barely even covers renting A ROOM and you know... eating. I'll never have my own fucking place. I'll never have a home in my name. I'm stuck here. Living with my mom. Feeling more unwelcomed each day. Thinking of just leaving. Grab a bag and leave. Go to the streets, sing in cars to make a living... Somehow, that feel more free.

[skyechaser]

I've decided to quit love. I'm done trying. I'm done getting my hopes up just to be disappointed every single time. No one is ever going to fall in love with me. I need to get that through my thick skull. No one is going to flirt with me or like me as anything more than a friend that makes everyone laugh. It's been 4 years since my last relationship ended. Clearly not because I wanted it to but because my ex grew tired of my personality. I've liked people but it's always one sided and I'm just tired. I'm tired of believing something is going to happen when it won't. I just need to have that clear and repeat it to myself when I dare dream of a relationship. No one will ever be in love with me. I'm not worthy of anybody. I'm worthless. I'm too sick in the head, too much of a failure in life, not pretty enough, not steady enough.

Repeat after me: You will die alone, Skye. You will never know love again. No one will ever like you. Stop trying. Stop it. It's not for everyone and clearly it's not for you.

[skyechaser]

There's something utterly sad about going to bed at 9pm because you are starving and have no food or money.

Yeah, I'm talking about myself. 4/7 days a week, I go to bed starving. I'm 32 years old and I literally have $1 in the bank. They told me going to college would help me find a good job. They lied. They said I could make it on my own.m and yet rent is so unreachable I have to live with my mom.

I just want some food.

[skyechaser]

"edit images with AI-- search with AI-- control your life with AI--"

[skyechaser]

I want to die but I promised my dog I would be with her until her final moments. She's 16. When she's gone I'm done. I've started to think who I will leave my things to and brainstormed some letters. I'm scared but I think I'm serious. This is it.

[skyechaser]

[skyechaser]

[skyechaser]

[skyechaser]

Just in case - All RT content on this site - This link goes to the RWBY content... Please reblog this so everyone knows about it...