#because they both cling to a part of the other that cannot be destroyed

[galaxyspeaking]

Nenya wept 🍂

[ludinusdaleth]

i think one of my favorite things about campaign 3 that is so risky but has the most incredible payoff is how keyleth & ludinus are parralels that define and shape the bells hells in equal-opposite ways, almost elevated above the other npcs for what they represent.

ludinus is (rightfully) hated by the world; keyleth is lionized by it. ludinus has lived for a thousand years, ripping fey & druid energy from others to cling to life for a cause. keyleth is destined (doomed) to live for a thousand years, following the ways of the ashari druids, not wanting this lifeline. both are the guiding hand of exandria due to this power & age, ludinus shaping this era, keyleth only just shaping this one in its final century, destined to shape the next. both have such anger in grief (in large part due to the gods) that they bury as leaders but it shapes every step they take, simmering.... ready to unleash it all in war. in vengeance.

and most notably, (other than allura to some degree)... they are the only leaders in all of exandria who can see the bells for what they are. the future generation. the heralds of history.

keyleth asks them to go to war, to go behind enemy lines, to risk everything again & again. and the bells are realizing they arent sacrifical pawns who deserve to be cannon fodder. but they make the decision to do so anyway. ludinus asks them to witness the trauma of aeor with him, to bear the burden of history so few ever have. and he destroyed all of their lives before. but they make the decision to follow him anyway.

i genuinely think both are coming to a sobering realization that they need the next generation. and that they forgot to care for it, in their quest for securing it.

they ask the bells to do this because history belongs to the youth. and no one else in the war seems to realize this. and keyleth & ludinus do value them, genuinely, and that value is terrible. but it is necessary - to them, at least. and they know that. and so they cannot force that on people who are their mirrors from so long ago.

but their mirrors follow their footsteps anyway.

and is that hope or tragedy? keyleth doesnt know. ludinus pretends to know, but he doesnt either.

[naamahdarling]

Do you have a favorite musical?

If so, what are your favorite lyrics from it, and why?

ALW's CATS.

Is it a surreal mess? Yes! But I love it before everything else.

The lyrics are silly but very clever. Most are at least partly by TS Eliot, drawn from a wonderfully nonsensical book of poems.

I think my favorite song is the Invitation to the Jellicle Ball, neck and neck with Mr Mistoffelees.

My favorite cat is Mistoffelees by a lot, followed by the Rum Tum Tugger. They are in love.

But the part that makes me feel the most in my heart is Grizabella. The only cat I relate to is Grizabella.

Memory is the big number that everyone knows and I do absolutely love it, it's one of my favorite songs and probably the best in the musical as it was before CATS 2019 introduced a new song, but I feel that out of context it simply doesn't have punch. It gets trotted out to showcase a singer's skill, as a bit of a tearjerker if you're a sentimental person. It is so much more than that.

I didn't understand Grizabella properly until I was well and truly an adult and had taken in multiple cats off the street, and lived near a colony, and watched my own cats become frail, which are all painful things in many ways; AND until I had begun to really feel the weight of my marginalization as a disabled person and an ill person, which means confronting almost daily the fact that I am unlikely to come to the sort of end I would like.

Hold on because I'm going to be unhinged about this cat for a minute.

Grizabella is an aged stray, once welcomed, now abandoned and unloved, considered ugly even by others like her (who are shown to supposedly accept differences and value, or at least respect, most everyone...but not her).

She lives in a haunted, lonely state unacknowledged by anyone except to be driven away. She can no longer care for herself, she is filthy and matted and scarred and probably in a lot of pain, she is starving, and she has nothing but her memories of better times, and every single dawn is both a gift and a miserable curse. She gets to remember. She has to remember.

If you watch, Grizabella is onstage a LOT, she's just off in the background, usually poorly lit, where she tries to mirror the dances happening on the main part of the stage, dances she knows because that was once her, there in the spotlight, shining. But now she's in too much pain to dance and her body isn't working right anymore. I have no doubt Grizabella is dying. The question is whether she will get to do that well, comforted and with dignity, or do it badly and alone.

I cannot HANDLE Grizabella.

If you have even the tiniest inkling of love for cats, if you believe every cat's life is worth something, her story should destroy you.

The legendary Jennifer Hudson's performance in the movie brought a really angry and confrontational turn to her, and it was flat out amazing. A rebuke of a performance. It really hurts to watch but it's what the role has always needed. She isn't just weak and sad, she clings to the tatters of her dignity and is angry that the others don't see her as a whole person. Just a miserable shadow to be avoided. A cautionary tale. We are never told what terrible thing she did to deserve her fall, and given that most of the Jellicles are young, I don't know that any of them really remember.

I will physically fight anyone who says she should not have been selected to ascend to a new life. She was the only choice. Even Gus. Even him. He can have his turn next year. Grizabella does not have another year in her.

And I'm going to make some folks mad but I love the 2019 movie (it's bad) and the new song, Beautiful Ghosts, is amazing, and I DO prefer Taylor Swift's version as the movie version is a little more timid (fitting the role and musical way better) but TS fucking BELTS IT and I get chills every time.

The lyrics are incredible and the song is gorgeous, gorgeous. And strung together with Grizabella's song, it finishes the musical in a way that it was a bit unfinished before. It uses an actual full song to connect Grizabella to the Ball and the Choice more directly than any choreography ever did or could:

Victoria, the White Cat and viewpoint character, still almost a kitten, has been dumped in the street and into a terrifying and beautiful new life.

After being swept up into its wonder, she sees Grizabella, utterly rejected, hissed at, made fun of, despised, and aches with the injustice of it -- Victoria was snatched right up by the other cats the instant her paws hit the ground, but nobody will take in Grizabella. Not even her own kind.

Victoria sees how strangely similar they are and feels a kinship that has no pity in it at all, but wonder and respect.

So Victoria sings this new song expressing the first admiration Grizabella has heard in god alone knows how long, reminding her she has had an amazing life worth envy and renown, and she pulls this horrible decrepit old mess of a cat into the Jellicle Ball, where she is FINALLY relieved of her pain.

Like? I'm crying right now?

It isn't a serious musical, but Grizabella's story runs through it like a cold current, something real and terrible, surrounded by absolute ridiculousness. Her numbers are deadly serious, never played for laughs. And ultimately it is her story that turns out to be the most important one, the truest one, and it is dark, and it is hopeful but only in only the most painful and grief-stricken way. She isn't brought back into a comfortable life with other cats to be happy and surrounded by love. She essentially...dies and goes to cat heaven. She embodies hope itself to the others, and her ascension represents a deeply humbling lesson in humility and grace. Her suffering and her ascent represent the possible future of every one of them, and now they have to confront that, and their treatment of her. She was rewarded, and for all their beauty and charm they were not.

Anyway I'm not normal about it.

The lyrics from Beautiful Ghosts that I love are:

Perilous night, their voices calling. A flicker of light, before the dawning. Out here the wild ones are taming the fear within me. Scared to call them my friends and be broken again. Is this hope just a mystical dream?

and

And so maybe my home Isn't what I had known, what I thought it would be. But I feel so alive With these phantoms of night, and I know that this life isn't safe but it's wild and it's free!

Like, come on. It's a lovely song and it took my breath away in the theater.

Ugh this musical touched me as a feral cat girl of 10 and it touches me again as a sad catguy in their 40s. Truly a very stupid work of weirdly meaningful art and one for the ages.

There are much better musicals, but none of them are part of me.

[stromuprisahat]

Though compared to other characters and ships in the books, do you think that darklina could be called toxic from both parties (Aleksander + Alina)? Sorry if this offense anyone I only read the first book.

First of all- fuck offending people. Fiction is written to be discussed among other things and asking a question without ill intent should never be something to be afraid of.

As for the matter at hand- yes, absolutely.

There's plenty written on how did Aleksander wrong Alina and although most of it could be chalked up to caution, strategy and having to deal with mentally damaged girl necessary for his plans alongside more pressing matters like war and incompetent leadership. It's undeniable his feelings got involved, so he hardly remained simply cold and calculating.

He's also a petty bitch, who won't let an offense against himself and his goals slide, if he is in position to take revenge. (See: Genya's punishment, Nikolai's volcralization, partly burning that Saintsdamned orphanage..) Plus he knows words don't cost him anything, but often could work as well as actions (threatening to skin Alina, kill Grishenka etc.).

The main issue is that neither Alina, not plenty of readers see the difference between Alina as a person and her as a strategically important figure, later a leader and figurehead of part of his opposition. Or cannot grasp that a single action rarely has just one purpose with the Darkling.

For example burning that orphanage isn't necessary to prove how far he's willing to go- Alina already sees him as evil incarnate-, but it:

Destroys symbol of the past Alina keeps clinging to, even though it's holding her back.

Destroys one of few things she truly cared for.

Lures her out of hiding, so at least the Civil war can end.

Frees Alina from her shitty mother figure.

Settles the score of dead horrible women that kept damaging their "children" even from afar. And no, I won't cry for Anne Cunt any more than for Ol' Bags.

The other way around is often overlooked. Partly because Aleksander's viewed as a heartless monster by plenty of people, partly because he's the bad guy AND a ("white powerful") man, so he "cannot be abused", especially not by the heroine, from whose POV we see the story unfold.

Aleksander's only role model regarding long lasting relationships is his toxic mother, so he treats harm as affection, therefore we never see him complain, but let's be fair- if he were the one promising Alina to join her, only to proceed trying to kill them both through her powers, he'd be judged for it even more than he already is.

Alina from the first book never saw him as a human being. She found him attractive- yes-, but denied him something as basic as ability to have feelings. and once a salvation in a form of older female figure with puritan attitudes appears, Alina embraces her lies as a word of God, and immediately flees from him, never to stop and think about wider consequences of her sudden disappearance. Her dehumanization of him in the tent scene is quite something.

Alina from following books has fleeing moments of empathy, only to slide back into her "Evil man-needs to be destroyed" attitude. She feels ashamed of wanting him, she finds funny the notion he might've been sexually assaulted, she never considers his points or losses. There's probably more, but this already got longer than I intended, so I'll drop a link to my tag on their interactions I write as I go through the books.

While his unhealthy treatment of her is a combination of centuries of losses, damage caused by narcissistic mother and desperation of a cornered leader, hers of him is about bigotry, shame and will to be responsibility-free no matter the cost.

It's rather ironic, that he keeps trying to teach her- even though it's often the "tough love" he was taught at Baghra's knee-, while she uses "wisdom" of the same woman as ear plugs

Actually, the only truly nice action from her side I can think of is her honoring his last wish.

[kurisus]

Chapter 107-2 thoughts

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

OKAY WELL!

Literally earlier, before the chapter came out, I'd said I'm not believing Hiyori is dead. They'd have to show Yato naming her to get me to believe that. And then this chapter happened. Fuck me, I guess!

It seems like the general reaction to this is that it's sad but I'm not really sad I'm just angry. As it is, we have two options: (1) this is all a fakeout, one last time, or (2) this is actually the intent and the series will end with Hiyori being made Yato's shinki.

Neither is really ideal. A fakeout this late in the game seems pointless and would likely involve an asspull of some sort, but the alternative is something that absolutely spits on the themes of the manga thus far and effectively negates the arcs of both Hiyori and Yato.

So all in all, I really wish they hadn't gone this route in the first place, but I'll take the lesser of two evils at this point. This manga has always been about overcoming tragedy, your past does not define you, the near and far shores cannot survive without one another but too much interaction disrupts the balance, et goddamn cetera. Making Hiyori Yato's shinki makes this story a tragedy, teaches Yato the same lesson he's already learned (HOSPITAL ARC), and eliminates the only near shore major character in the entire series.

Now the question remains: can they still reverse this? Like I'll take anything at this point, but is it even possible within the story's logic? I want to say yes, and I've already seen a few rumors flying--this dimension is all an illusion, the koto no ha is destroyed so the bubble is too, the gods can reverse all the people that have died from the creatures, it could be possible for Hiyori to become a god, etc.... I'm clinging on to that first one personally, but at the same time, I feel a looming dread because...Yato saw Hiyori's memories. He saw memories he didn't personally witness, which kind of makes me think this is the real deal. But I also really don't fucking want it to be?

"Ina wasn't your first fic for the fandom literally this exact concept" YES because what makes a good AU wouldn't always be good in canon, right? This was something I wanted to explore in the concept of fanfiction, because it's a different medium to play with different ideas. At the end of it, I kind of went, "phew, that sure would be bad, wouldn't it!" and went on with my life.

I dunno man. I'm just angry and sad and disappointed, and it's annoying to me as well to look back at all the other things they've resolved perfectly. I think of how flawlessly executed Yukine's arc was, and want to cry. Why can't Hiyori get this same luxury? Fakeout or not, her arc should've been her parting ways, preferably on her own terms, because that's what the story's been leading up to. Yes, her grandma told her to be with the one she loves, but I assumed that was just in the moment, and wasn't actually foreshadowing her death.

THE FUCKING. HOSPITAL ARC. SHE IS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD SHE CAN'T DIE YET. NOT UNTIL SHE'S AN OLD LADY!!!! YATO SAID SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DID HE LEARN FROM THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER LOVE ANYTHING I FUCKING GUESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At this point I'm going to deny it either until Adachitoka says sike or the manga ends. But needless to say, my reread's been postponed. I've been putting it off because of being busy irl, but if I reread now I'll just be bitching the whole time, and I don't want to do that to myself, and I don't think you guys want to read that either.

If it ends this way, I'll be bruised and bitter for years. If Adachitoka says sike, and Father dies believing Hiyori is dead (cause what was up with him losing his eyes), I'll at least cherish this one small mercy, but man, this is a sore blow. I'm sorry that normally my thoughts are excited and this one's just angry, but I can't put a positive spin on this yet.

Feel free to send me your theories or copium. I'll devour them all until I get made a clown of once more.

[msfcatlover]

Realizing every one of my time traveling Robins has one of the others rendered completely unrecognizable to them by the change:

Steph lived through a Jokerized future, and stopped smiling & laughing as a result (half out of survival, because everyone learned to look on it with suspicion; half out of trauma, because the sensory experience of doing so became associated with her worst memories.) Jason, Tim, & Dick all saw their Stephs become more grim as time went on, but Damian’s Steph actively worked to maintain her light & humor for his sake as much as anything else. Damian cannot conceive of a Steph who doesn’t laugh in the face of every hardship.

Damian takes nearly 30yrs of experience (nearly a decade of it a seemingly endless war) back to his 5yr body & brain chemistry. Steph & Tim saw Damian worn down by war, while Tim & Jason saw Damian destroyed by guilt & loss. But for Dick, Damian is both younger & older than Dick ever got to see him; younger, brighter, more tired, & more worn simultaneously. Dick feels so lost trying to find the boy he helped raise between the true changes & the lies Damian sticks to to protect them.

Dick watched his entire family slip through his fingers like water, accident after seeming accident claiming them one after another. Damian, Steph, & Jason have all dealt with Dick’s near-manic, grief-driven protectiveness before, all know how to recognize the way Dick’s communication skills start to shut down even as he clings hard enough to leave bruises on anyone he loves. The closest Tim has come is the fallout from Bruce’s fake death, when his own grief & coping mechanisms crashed headlong into Dick’s in the worst possible way. The way Dick hovers nearby with a nearly-perfect smile & haunted eyes, the way Dick fusses & triple-checks every chance he gets that his family is okay, the seeming lack of trust in how often Dick needs to see for himself rather than just take their word for it… It makes Tim’s skin crawl, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

Tim hasn’t changed so much himself—not that far off in age from Jason’s timeline, trauma not too different from what Tim dealt with in that timeline (just more of it)—but Jason never really got the chance to get to know Tim in the first place; from Jason’s return to Tim’s death were the two worst, roughest years of Tim’s life, and Tim was either out of Gotham or avoiding Jason for more than half of it. Getting to know the absolutely insane, wild, creative, brilliant, idiotic badass that is his little brother is a roller coaster Jason is in no way prepared for.

...Which I guess leaves Steph unable to recognize Jason. I’m still puzzling out Steph’s future, so I’m not entirely sure how that works yet. (I can see how being surrounded by Joker-zombies could seriously impact Jason, obviously, but part of my point here is that they’re not just unrecognizable as the version that other Robin lost, but that they also aren’t recognizable as the person that Robin knew before their timeline went completely off the rails. It’s not, “Oh look, it’s my sibling before everything went horrible! Gosh, I almost forgot what they were like back then.” It’s “Who are you, and what have you done with my sibling?”) Still, I like this motif, so if I can find a way to make this work then I’m sticking with it.

[starry-blue-echoes]

so it has been. Literal months since I last talked about Neutral Ground but a Thought just hit me with all the subtly and delicacy of a brick and I can’t get it out of my head

so after Tonio adopts Giorno, he’s definitely going to be MUCH more aware of the danger Passione presents. Yes he knows he technically has a deal going with the Boss and Doppio, but this is the fucking mafia and he now has a kid who could be put in danger. No matter how much protection they given them, someone is always going to be after them for their connections ad Tonio isn’t going to risk his child’s safety for his mistakes

so what if he starts preparing to leave. Not obviously, of course, he treats this with more delicacy and secrecy than the most valuable ingredients because he CANNOT afford to fuck this up. It takes months of meticulous planning, of covering his tracks, of ensuring that no matter what they'll be safe. Money thankfully isn't an issue, and he and Giorno don't really have anyone to worry about leaving behind.

(and if Tonio at some point asks Giorno if he could visit any place in the world and the boy responded "Japan" well that was just an innocent question for curiosities sake)

Then finally the day comes. With all of their most important essentials packed, they flee Italy, and after taking a VERY long roundabout route filled with more fake names and IDs than either can fully remember, they make it to Morioh, Japan

The first couple years are very anxious, paranoia filled ones. Months of looking over their shoulder, of not unpacking their bags, of working small part time jobs and keeping their distance from the locals

but then they start to relax. They start to get more comfortable. They unpack their bags, Giorno starts to make friends with the neighbors, Tonio starts cooking again and even starts making plans to open a new restaurant

sure there's a small hiccup when the issue of Kira pops up, but they gain so much more in return. A community, other people with abilities, a support network they can trust, and eventually their family of two becomes one of four with the addition of Okuyasu and Stray Cat

Life is good and they're happy

but of course, not all good things can last

Passione finds them. They don't know how, but one day Okuyasu and Giorno come home to find the restaurant trashed, their home destroyed, and Tonio on the floor battered and beaten and bloody, on death's door yet just barely clinging to life

They'd had a feeling this was coming, and yet they'd allowed themselves to grow complacent

Logically, Giorno knew they should run. That Morioh wasn't safe anymore, that Passione would come for them again, that they needed to leave before any more damage was done

but they had a life here. Giorno had friends, a family, people he cared about and selfishly didn't want to leave behind. Morioh had been the happiest he, the happiest Tonio, had been in years. He'd seen his papa laugh and smile and sing, when he cooked he swayed and hummed, such a stark opposite to the methodical silence when he cooked in Italy

And Giorno was angry. Angry that Passione tried taking this away from them, tried killing his father who wanted nothing more than to live a quiet life in peace, tried tearing apart the family his father had built with his bare, bloody hands

he wasn't going to let that stand

and well....... Okuyasu certainly isn't going to let his little brother do this on his own :)

Giorno has the calculating mind, Okuyasu has the raw power, and both are fueled by protective vengeance. Needless to say, Italy was not ready for these two

(also this is. Completely separate from what I was talking about but as I was thinking I wanted to possibly experiment with somehow putting Volpe into the AU, since he's Tonio's little brother in the Purple Haze Feedback novel and also part of Passione and according to the wiki is resentful of his brother for his choices. I'm not fully sure, I just think it would be neat and add a bit of fun and some conflict.

Maybe Volpe was one of the people Diavlo sent after Tonio after doing a bit of digging and learning about their connect? Maybe there was a bit of non consensual drugging, which led to Tonio being landed in the hospital in a way that Crazy D couldn't fix and could then lead to Giorno and Okuyasu's loathing of drugs and add more to the desire for revenge upon learning that guy was their uncle)

[frazzledsoul]

I'm thinking of the parallels between Jess and Lorelai throwing their last ditch Hail Mary pleas to cling onto Luke and Rory two years apart, in seasons four and six, and how they are both catalysts for destruction, in diverging directions, and also for positive change, again in diverging directions.

Rory rejects Jess's plea to run away, because it's impractical and wrong and she doesn't want what he does: she wants to forget him, to go back to the person she imagined she was before all these dangerous, confusing feelings entered her life. Maybe before all of that she wants an explanation, an apology, a reason to trust Jess, not an assumption that all of her unanswered questions can be ignored by his sheer will to override them. She is not wrong, but she is perhaps crueler than she needs to be. She seeks refuge in Dean, because she was always safe with him and he won't hurt her and even as he's lying to her and manipulating her into doing his bidding and being too passive aggressive to actual leave his deteriorating marriage, she seems more eaten up by the shame and guilt of it than by losing any opportunity to be with him. She does the damaging, and ignores the gravity if the situation until it's over.

One could easily forgive her this, even though many fans don't. She's nineteen, practically still a child, who didn't realize she was messing with grown-up things, who realized too late she had outgrown Dean a long, long time ago. She got drunk on nostalgia and it didn't last.

And as for Jess? It seems he needed to get shut down like that to realize Rory wasn't going to save him. He gets his life together, comes to her again when she's unhappy, inspires her to get her shit together, makes a space for her if she wants to have a place within his life. In order for him to be good for her, he had to be good without her. She's forgiven him by then (we don't know why or how, that's for us to imagine) and when she hurts him again, the door doesn't completely close. He's not a force of destruction, he's someone who deserves an apology when he's hurt. She's not the beacon he rushes towards when all he sees is darkness, she's just a confused girl he can ask for an apology from when she hurts him.

Can they be friends after this, can he be someone she turns to the next time she needs help. Yeah. And until then, he's not exactly destroyed by what she does or doesn't do.

Lorelai is different, and I cannot talk about it unemotionally, or really forgive what she does. She feels she's losing the life she wanted and doesn't see a practical way out, so she rages, she issues demands, she threatens him, she proclaims that unless he loves her more than his daughter and does exactly what she wants she's giving up. Luke, to his credit, does not give in: he can't make major life decisions on a whim, and he has other people to think about besides her. A large part of the fandom will consider him irredeemably evil because of this, and insist that an elopement would have solved all of their problems.

Lorelai punishes Luke in the most savage, malicious way possible, and does the one thing she knows he'll never be able to forgive: she runs to Christopher for comfort, knowing that he's weak and he wants her and if she comes asking for sex, he won't turn her down. She wants to be safe, and she doesn't care who it hurts: Christopher, Luke, Rory, her relationship with the town, Rory's relationship with her two father figures.

Or maybe she does care, and the intention is to hurt Luke as much as possible. She stood by his side two years before and told him "you don't deserve to be cheated on", and then went and inflicted the same wound on him. She knew how much it would hurt and she still went and did it. It's difficult to believe it wasn't intentional. Shippers do not care. I have been told over and over that Luke deserved to be hurt this way, and if that's what Lorelai needed to feel better, that's all that matters. He got in the way of her perfect wedding. An unforgivable crime. Lorelai deserved to do the damaging afterwards if she didn't get what she wanted.

Luke rages for a day, realizes he's got a pregnant sister, a business to run, and a child to care for, and decides to rationalize to himself that the whole relationship with Lorelai was a bad idea and he has to move on. He tells Lorelai he'll be civil and moves on with his life. His entire world doesn't revolve around her and by the time they're ready to reconcile, both he and Lorelai can offer the apologies they both deserve.

It's not a change that fans appreciate, but I do. I find it interesting, decades after the story is over. The girls turn into destructive forces as a means of finding their way out of the chaos, and hurt innocent people through finding a means to dull their pain. The boys are hurt, but take their pain and use it to become forces of good for the girls in the future, paving a path that makes forgiveness easier the next time around. In order for them to find a space for the girls within their lives again, they have to reorient their worlds to allow other people in. Not everything is about Lorelai or Rory, or the hurt that they caused.

[chysgoda]

September 03 Tempest

Spoilers: Endwalker

Or how Bel gets her sassy purple parrot friend after Endwalker.

Once the flow of souls entering and leaving the life stream had something like a gentle breeze on a summer’s day. Now it was a tempest, waves of souls that came and went constantly. It made Hythlodeaus quite dizzy to watch all the soul lights that seemed to blend together into a white brilliance. Perhaps it wasn’t proper that he had not yet laid himself down and let the life stream carry him back to the star, but he was curious about this new world.

“There’s no point in watching with so much interest,” Hades sneered from behind him. “Lives too short to have meaning and too cruel by magnitudes.”

Hythlodeaus frowned as he turned to face his husband. Hades had always acted older than he was. Here and now though he was not sure he had ever met someone who had aged so poorly as his love. “What I’ve seen doesn’t seem so bad on the whole. We could hardly have claimed to have the purest virtue.”

“What could we have ever done that is a fraction as horrible as these half things?” Hades hissed.

“The convocation turned a blind eye to rumors that Lahabrea had murdered his wife-”

“Lahabrea’s report clearly stated-”

“It was two of our peers that caused both the final days and the sund-”

“A pair of malcontents cannot be used to-”

“All of us in the capital dismissed and abandoned those that fell to the horrors first because-”

“YOU HAVE NOT LIVED WITH THEM! YOU HAVE NOT WALKED AMONG THEM, HYTHLODAEUS!” Hades roared. For a moment his shape wavered and Hythlodeaus could see the shadows of two massive arms, “I have. I have seen how easy it was for them to be led to their own destruction and to destroy everything around them.”

“And who was leading them?” Hythlodaeus asked quietly.

They stared at each other as the never ending tempest of souls parted around them. Hades heaved a sigh and turned away, “Go and see for yourself if you're so desperate to be disappointed.”

“Would that I could,” Hythlodaeus turned away as well.

“Far be it for me to bar such fervent wishes. Just remember that I warned you.”

Hythlodaeus spun around in time to watch Hades raise a hand and snap. Aether bawled him over and carried him in a jumble of senses, faster and faster until Hythlodeaus had to close off his senses until everything came to a rest. Slowly physical senses returned to him. His bones ached and his skin felt prickly. He could hear shouting and clanging metal.

Hythlodaeus lifted an arm and stared at a purple wing. This is petty even by your standard old friend, Hythlodaeus sighed and started to work out how to move in a bird’s body. He peered out with the sight and croaked a pleased sound, there was a teal and purple soul nearby he recognized. Perhaps he would have a guide on this adventure. For all his hateful vinegar his husband at least retained enough compassion (to him at least) to send him somewhere there would be help.

The ancient soul shook out his feather and began to sort himself out quickly so that he could begin his travels and see why Hades clinged so desperately to his hate.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Opinions on a dark!Solihn story line. Like, say both have been betrayed so badly that they reach their breaking point and decide together that the only way to fix the elven is to first destroy it, then build anew.

Like basically everything: I think there's a lot of potential, depending on what you do with it. It's all in the execution.

A big part of storylines like this is staying true to the characters, so I think the challenge of this one would be to create a believable, plausible set of circumstances that would shape Sophie and Linh into the kind of people who would genuinely and passionately work to bring down the world. Because if you jump right into it, it's not going to feel like them at all.

Linh, I think, can be most easily hurt and molded through her brother--perhaps he's been a casualty of something, and that's what starts her down this path. Sophie, I think, could be motivated by something to do with the humans. Perhaps in order to ease the "human problem," the council makes a decision she cannot tolerate. With a length of time of her sincerely trying everything in her power to do things legitimately and being rebuked and shoved away at every turn, until she becomes so desperate she does something she can't turn back from.

With this set up, it could work well for each of them to separately having this breaking, then at their low points find each other and cling tight, hoping the broken pieces of who they are can be shared and fit together to form something whole. But perhaps they excuse each others grieving, desperate actions because if they acknowledge the other isn't right, that acknowledges they aren't right. So instead they feed into each other, which can take their original outlashes to the more dangerous, world destroying territory. They create each other, in a sense

This, of course, doesn't factor in which friends are still alive and how they're impacted/what they do to try and stop/help them. Same with their families, but it's a start! Essentially, I think you could do a lot with a dark!solinh story, but you'd have to be careful with their characters. Sophie and Linh are two of the people you really wouldn't expect to become that, so getting them to that place will take effort--but it's not impossible!

[adragonsfriend]

Wonder Woman and Letting Go

I rewatched Wonder Woman recently, and first of all, it's such an excellent movie, and I appreciated it even more on my second watch. This time I watched it while also thinking about star wars, because I am always thinking about star wars right now, and I had some new thoughts.

Steve

After he finds Diana when she believes she's just killed Ares, Steve clearly wants to stay, sit down and argue with/explain to Diana so they can go do things together, and so she won't see him as one of the corrupted people, but he lets go of both of those desires, so that he can go and have a chance to stop the gas from being deployed.

He doesn't stop caring about her or believing in her in the least, but he's able to function despite his disappointment and hurt, not letting them rule him.

Ares

Ares sees humanity's imperfection, and he cannot accept it. He cannot prioritize anything except his mission to destroy them, even for a minute. He feels betrayed by his father's attentions to humans and the way his world changes when they inhabit it, and he seeks vengeance, unable to even decide to avoid/ignore humans or try to find any good in them. He kills his whole family in his bitterness and anger, and then spends presumably centuries on Earth, among the humans, and he is still utterly unable to look past his feelings to find anything good in them. Even faced with Steve, a human selflessly trying to do good, nothing like the awful politicians he spends most days with, he is unable to see that good as anything other than a tool to manipulate Steve and Diana with. He tells Diana that Steve is weak and cruel for dying and leaving her in pain, while she is able to see his choice as incredible strength and true selflessness.

Diana

After she sees the plane blow up with Steve on it, Diana is overwhelmed by rage, and for a minute, it seems to empower her, helping her fight. But very quickly, it becomes evident that Ares is controlling every aspect of the fight. She loses ground every second she stays in that state. She very nearly does decide on destruction, because of how overwhelmed she is by grief. It's only after she figures out what steve was saying to her that she finds the strength to appreciate the purpose of his sacrifice, over her pain at losing him. She repeats his words, "It's not about deserving, it's about what you believe," taking the best of what he gave her, and honoring both his wish that she save the world and her own desire to help people. She can only do that by letting go of her pain.

Diana still mourns, still remembers him. Her love for him still exists, it's a part of what inspires her to do good in the world. It isn't the pain of losing him, or a desperation to avoid more loss that drives her, those things would make her destructive to herself and others, or unable to act at all. It's the light she saw in him, and her own moral backbone that have her helping people, forever. Pain may have been a part of that journey, but it's not what helps her honor Steve or herself, or humanity, so she lets it go. If you understand why she chose not to hulk smash Dr. Maru (Dr. Poison), then you understand letting go of pain and vengence.

In a more general sense, she does what Ares refuses to, and she lets go of her desire for perfection. When she does, she doesn't lose her outrage at their cruelty, but she is no longer tortured by it, no longer trapped in inaction or driven toward destruction. In letting go, she's able to see clearly where her naive faith blinded her before. If she'd still been clinging to that, then after she actually killed Ares, she would've still been hoping everything was suddenly fixed--but she doesn't. What she does do, what the camara tells us the audience to do, is open our eyes to the simple camraderie of the flawed people around her, and its worth.

In conclusion

This has been a spot of character analysis through the lens of jedi philosophy (i'm not saying it's the only lens to look at these characters with, but it is a powerful one). Letting go of pain, anger, grief, people and things we cannot get back, are things every human has to do at some point. The Jedi practice doing this before they actually lose the thing, so that unlike with the situation Diana ends up forced into, it's not a toss up of whether they'll be able to do it in the moment. Like Diana, they hold great power, power they can't give up because it's in their blood, and like Diana, they learn to manage their emotions and personal desires so that they don't hurt people they don't have to. It doesn't mean they don't feel emotions or have people they care about, it means they don't allow these things to control them.

"It's not about deserving," or what you feel you and others deserve, "It's about what you believe."

Or, to take a page out of Spiderman's book, "with great power comes great responsibility."

[snortingcocacola]

I've had Human Resources ships on the mind today so I thought that I would compile and post some of my thoughts both on canon ships and some that I would like to see in cannon, also just a couple crack ships I think would be funny.

Rochelle/Dante: I liked their arc in the first season but I wish they had gotten at least one more episode pre-get together because as is, it felt a bit rushed. Dante being into Rochelle makes enough sense, she's beautiful and sees through his bullshit which is probably very refreshing, but I think he should have had to work harder to impress Rochelle. Rochelle had seen how terrible he can be and that little wedding speech he did was NOT good enough to erase that. I know Rochelle can be selfish but she isn't stupid by a long shot, I don't buy that her feelings would turn around as quickly as they did. Definitely rooting for them to break up in season two. I feel like they both rushed into saying they love each other; Rochelle out of guilt and wishful thinking and Dante because he seems like he doesn't have much experience actually caring about his partners at all so the first taste of genuine connection feels like true love.

Pete/Rochelle: These two are cute and I could definitely see them having a very sweet relationship but I do wonder how much they actually have in common. Not that people have to have all of the same interests but I could see them struggling to connect in an actual romantic situation. That being said, I like Pete and would like to see him get a win.

Rochelle/Emmy: These two are not love interests as of yet but they could be! Season one was very kind to the lesbians and I believe Rochemmy has the power to become canon. Emmy and Rochelle had their ups and downs over season one but at the end of the day they love, respect, and admire each other. Most importantly, they make each other want to be grow and be better and that's what love is all about baby!!

Emmy/Cat Stevens: I don't have extensive thoughts on them but I want to see more

Simon Sex/Walter: another couple that I'd like to see more from but if not, at least we'll always have the Radisson in the sky over North Korea

Connie/Maury: My OG ship from this franchise, I love them; they're funny, they're sexy, they're an absolute mess. I really loved their arc throughout season one but I hate that they resolved Maury's pregnancy in Big Mouth instead of waiting for season two of Human Resources. I get that they wanted to use Montel as a character for Big Mouth season six but they treated the conflict between Maury and Connie entirely as a joke and just really dropped the ball imo. It was funny in Human Resources too but it was ALSO a legitimate character conflict and we lost that in Big Mouth.

Petra/Lionel: Okay hear me out, this one is insane but I think they could be fun. Petra could absolutely destroy Lionel and he would love it. She could also help him grow a backbone and with that he could become an absolute powerhouse of a shame wizard. In turn, Lionel could team up with her to shame and bust their clients balls into conquering everything. This one honestly doesn't even have to be romantic I just want to see them interact more.

Pete/Dante: They would be so toxic lmaooooo this is mostly born from the most caveman part of my brain going "kiss? They're gonna kiss???" Everytime Dante feels on Pete's abs or when Pete pulls Dante out of the hole and he lands on top of him. I cannot see these two in a relationship but I crack up thinking about them both sulking in the bar after getting dumped/rejected by Rochelle and then having a drunken one nightstand and then never speaking of it again. Or possibly Pete attempting to never speak of it again and Dante rebounding hard and trying to cling to him, even platonically, because he's never been dumped before and can't handle the idea of being rejected twice in a row. I don't see this going canon at all but it's entertaining to think about.

That about sums it up, I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on these or other ships. :P

[acourtofthought]

I saw recently that as a part of the “True Mates” theory the antis are clinging to, that Azriel’s ability to smell the Elucien bond is proof it’s fake because Az “shouldn’t be able to”. That Amren could smell Feysand’s because she’s something other. But didn’t both Tamlin and the King of Hybern smell Feysand’s? Did Ruhn not smell Quinlar’s? Adeion smell Rowaelin’s? Has it not been established that the fae have an extensive sense of smell?? Like…

Every piece of that theory is a reach. This, the “spells = threads” descriptor (Bonds also have thread descriptions), the claim that Koschei was waiting for Azriel (it was Cassian he was actually referring to), the supposed Rowaelin parallel (Won’t happen for them since it already exists for Elucien), etc etc etc.

But what I really think is the most interesting part of all of this is that antis know. They know Elain is tied to Koschei, and they’re jumping for any and everything which could discredit Lucien and the BoE being involved as well. That’s why they claim spy lovers E/riel will go to the Dusk Court to destroy Koschei’s soul, and the mating bond between Elucien is Koschei’s spell. Acknowledging the very blatant canon ties between Elain and Koschei leaves them with a taste so bitter they cannot bare to swallow 🤷🏾‍♀️

Once again we have E/riels conveniently forgetting what SJM has written about nearly every other couple in her series.

All three Archerons describe their bond as a thread, every Fae (or half Fae / Angel) pair that is aware that a bond exists between them is a bond that can be scented by other Fae, and only Elain can't end up with Lucien because she expresses discomfort around him. 🤔

I don't know how these arguments still circulate.

And it is pretty amusing that they completely cut Vassa, Jurian, and Lucien out of the Koschei equation to make room for Azriel and Elain together 😂. That would be like leaving Mor entirely out of it and having Nesta head to the Hewn City to get rid of Kier. Or having Lucien deal with the Illyrians in place of Az.

[memoriastellarum]

I reallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreallyreally need to talk about Kaname during his recovery.

I mean... after the first bit. The excruciatingly slow progress of consciousness. The amnesia. The hallucinations. The endless tests. You know... more or less expected post-coma progression. It's hard in all but the best of cases. The thing is... the "worst of cases" are like... a couple weeks. A month or two at most. Certainly not years. The longer you're out, the less likely you are to be able to come back at all, nevermind fully, and that timer starts the moment you first go down. My ability to roleplay him at all is a huge stretch of the imagination, so I felt like I wanted to get some things down. This is not really going to be focusing on the medical side of things (although I certainly do mean to go more in depth into that sometime, too.)

I think he remembers a little bit from his time comatose. If nothing else, I think he remembers his brother talking to him, touching him, things like that, if vaguely. I don't think he remembers specifics, just that this person he loved was there. However, when he first wakes up, I'm not sure he even recognizes his brother.

Being told he has been in a coma for two years is alarming-- understandably. Who wouldn't be upset to learn something like that? It's an unreal amount of time, especially because to him, it doesn't feel like two years. It feels like a while. Maybe a day or two, if he's asked to put specifics. That takes some getting used to.

But I think it's utterly unbearable to him at first to find out that his brother has been living as him all this time. Once again, anyone would be upset by this, but he was already sensitive about his worth in his place to begin with. It downright destroys him to learn that someone else has lived as him-- someone else has successfully lived as him. Sure, he already knew his brother was capable of it because they were already kind of sharing the identity to begin with. But it's so different when it's one's entire life, not just a few hours out of the day here and there.

And I think it hinders his healing progress a lot at first. He just doesn't have the will to bother. Because in the best case scenario, he still won't be able to dance anymore, he won't really be able to sing anymore. He can't be an idol. HiMERU cannot ever be his identity again.

He feels a lot of things about the entire scenario. Horror and fury, mostly. Despair. There's a small part of him, though, that he won't be able to get in touch with until further down the line, that does recognize and cling to the fact that this was an act of love. Someone loved him enough to try to save his place while he was away.

It's just that it's not his place anymore.

I think the complexity of his feelings about it, actually, are overwhelming. He wants to make his brother leave him alone because he can't bear to look at him, but nor can he stand the thought of being alone. He's someone who needs a lot of emotional support, but he just cannot get that from his brother for a good long while.

So, I think his primary motivation actually is seeing progress of both Jun and Tatsumi, and perhaps a few other former classmates. It's bittersweet to see them doing so well; he'd want this for them, but it's never easy to swallow the thought of someone moving on without you. (To which, he remembers again that they don't know it's without him.)

I've mentioned this before, but he chooses to keep his hair long. It's grown while he's been comatose, and for the moment, this is something he has that his brother doesn't. This is his. But even though it starts as sort of a childish way of reclaiming something, anything, he does come to enjoy it genuinely.

Furthermore, of course he eventually forgives his brother. He is someone who is shaped in love, always in love. He loves his brother, and he knows his brother was only trying to do the best he could for him, in his own way. Of course he forgives him. What else can he even do?

The two of them have a lot of talking to do at that point. His brother may have been living as him for two years, but he doesn't know him. He knows trivia-sheet facts about him and has imitated him to the best of his ability, but there's only so much he could have known. And then there's the fact that Kaname knows even less about his brother. Does he even know a name? There's a chance he doesn't. He wants desperately to grow closer, and finally, at last, that door is open.

Just one problem. His brother's identity is him. He has lost so much of himself to the charade, this one and previous acts before it, that there just isn't a whole lot of dialogue that can even occur.

So, in a way, the final act of Kaname's recovery is to reinvent himself-- and for his brother to do the same. What is Kaname's favourite food? He has no way of knowing, because he's not who he was. What is his brother's favourite food? He hasn't considered in years and years. What is known is HiMERU's favourite food, which is an easy answer... but in reality, neither of them is HiMERU.

Kaname created HiMERU, but his brother breathed real life into HiMERU. More than any other idol's persona, this is a piece of artwork that simply got away from them, an entire person born from a little bit of each of their spirit. HiMERU is both of them, but neither of them is HiMERU. It's easiest for Kaname to think of HiMERU not as an identity, but a role. A costume that simply comes with his former life attached. HiMERU's backstory is identical to his-- is his-- but everything that was his still is. It's just a role he isn't playing anymore.

And that's it. This line of thinking, this understanding and acceptance, comes from months-- maybe even a whole year-- of anguish and frustration. By comparison, relearning how to talk, walk, etc., is almost easy. Almost. Never let it be said that dropping almost all of your weight and experiencing near total muscle atrophy is anything but grueling.

[panglossesanddiadorims]

The Party and the Illusion of Guilt - Part 7

Hannah Arendt states, the target of totalitarian rule - and I would like to add totalitarian minds - is to convince ordinary people that, “the distinction between fact and fiction, true and false, no longer exists”. This milestone is easy to be attained in societies that individuals cling to pre-concepts, dogmas, rhetoric and conspiracy, focus on their individual well-being and refrain from questioning and logical reasoning and resorting to reliable sources of information. These Animal Farm audiences are Orwellian hens and lambs who just change their colors and sides according to the circumstances. As Aristophanes also quoted, “Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.”

Nevertheless, rhetoric, hubris and virulence are not a monopoly of the radical Left at all. The extreme Right also subtly abuses of innuendos, deceptive arguments, conspiracy theories and superficial reasoning, being a reflection of the toxic Left; by paraphrasing Oscar Wilde on the use of Shakespeare’s The Tempest character, one might suggest both extremes hatred for each other is Caliban’s rage to seeing his own monstrous face in the mirror, since both represent the same deformed principles and twisted tactics. In fact, the opposing extreme ends of the political spectrum feed on each other’s passive-aggressive fascism to exist, apply rhetoric to thrive, elevate political adversaries to enemies of the country and never relent to self-criticism. Their passionate but sinister co-existence is a Catch-22 intertwined dilemma: each extreme proves a person to be sane by supporting and advocating its ideals; however, if anyone does side with either, it is concrete proof of traces of insanity. Political activism is a major disruptive force that destroys reasonable, civilized debates and ends in no one’s’ complete victory. In addition, whenever activism joins forces with morality, either driven by radical left or right, the result cannot be more damaging to society. All of a sudden, it looks as if society is being strictly and diligently supervised by a both politically-correct and fundamentalist Nurse Ratchet, the domineering, perverse and destructive character in the book One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey. Anyone who does not abide either by the approved thought and language of the “woke” society or by prudish biblical interpretations is excluded from inhabiting civilization or participating in its development. This combination resembles the Titanic sinking with the hubris, neglect, righteousness, ignorance but with additional features like her sinking so fast that everyone drowns and the band does not even have the time to play God save the King.

Every single process in nature is never 100% efficient, no matter how advanced a system is. In science, and specifically in thermodynamics per its Second law, this inevitable, but beautiful phenomenon is known as the abstract concept of entropy. In lain words, no matter how hard and efficiently an individual uses his energy to attain a certain work, part of the dispensed energy will be transferred elsewhere, for availability will always play a major role. For instance, after exerting energy on cleaning the house, a person will indeed accomplish the goal, but he will feel exhausted and dirty himself mostly because while performing the task, his metabolism was functioning to maintain his temperature within acceptable levels while transferring the body temperature with the surroundings. During sexual intercourse, huge amount of energy will be transferred to achieve pleasure satisfaction, mutual or not. Entropy is a property and its magnitude change is identical for all processes between two states. One may certainly improve the efficiency of the process by doing the cleaning with the air conditioning on, therefore reducing the temperature gradient, or using a vacuum cleaner instead of sweeping the floor to expedite the process. At the end of the day, the final work will be the same, but other entropies will emerge due to the applied equipment. It needs electricity and the transformation to this most noble form of energy may require, for instance, burning fossil fuels in thermal plants. If the country relies on coal-based plants, the amount of pollutants resulting from the combustion will add enormous amount of carbon to the atmosphere; other forms of energetic matrix such as natural gas and hydro plants will definitely improve the process/ operating under steady-state or not transient also adds value to the cycle, but neither ends entropy. For example, a Rankine-cycle system or vapor-turbine ones, is basically a closed cycle that generates electrical and mechanical power through vaporization and condensation of the working fluid, the vaporized water. In sum, fuel is burned in a boiler to heat water running in internal coils to achieve high-temperature and pressure saturated state, so that the vapor mass is expanded in vapor turbines generating work. Afterwards, the vapor is cooled down and pumped into the boiler coils to be submitted to heat transfer again. Even if system is optimized optimizations by increasing the boiler pressure or reducing the condenser pressure to improve heat efficiency, or adding re-heating or regenerative cycles, the system energetic efficiency, the ration of generated work and the applied heat will hardly ever exceed the order of 40 percent. If combining the vapor cycle turbine with a Brayton gas-turbine based cycle, the efficiency will be limited by the laws of nature.

The combination of political activism and morality, on the other hand, will never achieve any efficiency, even if assessed under the second-law, or exergy, analysis approach, for it is the product of pure entropy through endless and heated debates. The modern hostile tribal mentality can push society to the edges of a tyrannical and false moralist precipice. How has Western modern society spiraled itself into this dystopian and dysfunctional world of sheer dichotomy and polarization where huge amount of energy is squandered on irrational and idiot debates over morality, culture war, sexism, gender equality and race privilege? In fact, I say irrational and idiotic because they are based on self-righteous intuitions, generalization, rhetoric and baseless data and supported by idiots who favor conspiracy theories over facts, internet influencers over books, and victimization over hard-work and religious dogmas over science and fanaticism over reasoning. They are meant to never converge to a rational solution, but simply diverge by alienating people and different ideas and to make them feel guilty and responsible for having been branded outcasts.

Both Left and Right impose their family values, ideological principles and moral beliefs through guilt, morality and righteousness despite the fact both may be quite identical in their discourse and actions. The rationale behind the acts of the Christian Coalition, Tea Party, Cancel Culture and Politically Correct movements’ activists resemble those perpetrated by the thugs of the SS, SA, Revolutionary Red Guard, Ku Klux Klan, when, rather than discussing and debating diverging ideas and beliefs, they violently silence audiences, chant slogans, intimidate speakers, mar the individuals’ character, ban artists’ works and smear with fallacies, rumors and innuendos anyone who does not share their ideals and prefer to embrace diversity, but of ideas and opinions. Finally, these groups can also be self-contradictory when banning the same books and movies and smearing personalities, but for different reasons. In sum, both are self-proclaimed moralists who possess the monopoly of truth and final decision to determine moral and behavioral conducts. Because these minority groups are on a safe pedestal observing the rest from immaculate heights they can understand nothing beyond their own egotistical minds, fanatical voices and delusions of grandeur. These elements are like the mob in Monty Python’s The Holy Grail; they simply decided a woman is a witch without any evidence, but when asked reasonable questions on how they concluded her involvement in witchcraft, they falter to respond but then bellow in one single voice to “burn the witch”. ��The mob does not want to debate or reason over their moral beliefs; they just want to impose them. The scene is intelligent, hilarious and ironic, as anything from Monty Python, differently from the left or right–wing moralists, who are only silly.

In a despotic society where freedom of speech and press is curtailed, information is manipulated, individual memories are eventually forgotten, brain-wash doctrines prevail and individual thought is exterminated, the idea of questioning the Party’s verdict is absurd. As a result, Parsons docile acceptance of his guilt and effusive defense of the Party’s decision is a result of the context. Consequently, citizens under a totalitarian rule may passively accept their guilt, for they are not entitled to think otherwise. Nevertheless, there are cases in history of individuals who underwent persecution by totalitarian regimes and religiously dogmatic societies but vehemently maintained their plea of innocence and kept their beliefs and ideas. They never relented like Parsons, despite also deprived of basic human rights. In addition, individuals living in democracies can also be targets of domineering movements disguised as paladins of universal ideals of equality and justice that apply identical intimidating tactics. Both aim at focusing on an objective, suppressing different opinions, smearing opponents and making anyone not on their side to feel guilty or isolated.

[ephemeralzenith]

ok but unironically the lyrics fit in so well for both parties! esen and altan would love it too if they weren't! well!!! <3:

Remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light / Now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

yeah i think this one is pretty self explanatory!! like ughhh the way that the light and dark juxtapose each other, almost as if taking off the rose-tinted glasses that got them there in the first place. and both chaghan and ouyang sit in the dark, not willing to move because of the light that was once there, but no longer is - and won't ever be again. :(

Do I throw out everything we built or keep it? / I'm getting tired even for a phoenix / Always risin' from the ashes / Mendin' all her gashes / You might just have dealt the final blow

again, it's just. this is more chaltan to me (because of the phoenix lyric duhh!!) but also fits for esen/ouyang! i think the indecision of 'throwing out everything [they] built' is so chaghan and ouyang - like the way that it was BUILT, there was struggle to make the trust and love and affection because they are all fundamentally broken people, especially altan trengsin pookie. and yet, it's not enough - because, even though, it's the right people, it's the wrong time, wrong universe. like chaghan and ouyang are always trying to fix things and the phoenix is a symbol of constantly rising above, being better, hope. but they get tired. and angry.

Every mornin', I glared at you with storms in my eye / How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

man.

My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

the mf ROSE TINTED GLASSES. the way altan and esen cling onto their silly boyfriends, because it's love, but it quite literally destroys everyone. altan knows chaghan is tired, that there is something about them that crushes chaghan, but he clings on - because the one selfish part of him wants to keep chaghan, to cherish him and to be cherished, even though it's destroying both of them. ughhh

And the air is thick with loss and indecision / I know my pain is such an imposition

THE WAY THAT CHAGHAN AND ESEN'S PAIN IS PUSHED ASIDE BECAUSE ALTAN AND OUYANG'S ARE 'WORSE' AND NEITHER ONE OF THEM WILL FULLY UNDERSTAND THE OTHER BECAUSE IT SIMPLY ISN'T THE RIGHT TIME OR PLACE TO JUST.

How long could we be a sad song / 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life? / I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy / And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier / Fighting in only your army / Frontlines, don't you ignore me / I'm the best thing at this party

cannot NOT mention this bridge. peak. perfection. i cannot articulate what i feel it's just. mwahh. oh my god. THE FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY AND BRAVEST SOLDIER PART. I SWEAR TO GOD.

And I wouldn't marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her

see this lyric is interesting because it's quite literally a juxtaposition of itself. a people pleaser is always hiding their true self and their authentic wants/desires/personality, and yet all they want is the other to see them - the real them, beneath all their lies and people pleasing. i think that fits both ships SO well. like, the way it's just fundamental misunderstandings after fundamental misunderstandings. and also 'and i wouldn't marry me either' is SO ouyang PROVE ME WRONG LMAOOO - it's SO much more bitter from his perspective because esen IS married, he has several wives, and yet he will not marry ouyang, he can't. and. mfndfjjsfjdshjfjs.

And I'm fadin', thinkin' / "Do something, babe, say something" (say something) / "Lose something, babe, risk something" (you're losin' me) / "Choose something, babe, I got nothing (got nothing) / To believe / Unless you're choosin' me"

yeah!! that's. oh man. yeah.!

general ouyang 🤝 chaghan suren

would listen to “you’re losing me” by taylor swift thinking about their (dead) boyfriends