#because they are not nor ever were exact mirrors of each other!!!

[aroacedavestrider]

anyway i was gonna make a big long post about this but its 1:30am and im tired lmao. so has anyone noticed the insane similarities between all this anti-transmasc stuff and the entire aspec exclusionist movement or is that just me on my aroace trans dude shit

like. i dunno. the misconstruing of the concepts of transandromisia and aphobia in general being made out to “oppress other identities”, or just the downplaying / dismissal of our group-specific issues altogether, or insisting that these specific issues are just the results of some broader, equally shitty concept, or saying that we have “privilege” comparable to majority groups (cis men, straight people) despite being excluded / ridiculed / persecuted by those same groups, or the fact that when we talk about these issues were reduced to like “whiny little white teenage uwu tumblr blogger” instead of taken seriously, or that while real people in our communities are getting hurt or killed people are focusing on whether the terms we use are #unproblematic enough instead

idk is that just me? am i hallucinating or am i experiencing the 2018 exclusionist movement all over again except make it #trans

[deliciouskeys]

Cozy Corner Domaystic prompt #23: Coupons.

Homelander, Ryan. 1.3k. Rated G but it’s… it fucked me up a little bit while writing it.

A/N: I’m so glad I’m posting this before s4 drops and makes much of this non canon compliant 😁🥲

There were routines Ryan really missed doing with Mom. He missed it more now that he hadn’t been doing them for over a year—he never even asked Aunt Grace because she seemed stern and Ryan didn’t want to see her facial expression if he described the little games he and his mom used to play. He didn’t get brave enough to ask Dad to recreate some of these old memories until a couple of months after moving in. Sometimes Ryan didn’t know whether he was allowed to bring up the topic of Mom. Dad always assured him there was no problem, and that he was more than happy to talk about her.

“Sure, buddy, I’m happy to do anything you used to do together. As long as it doesn’t make you sad, you know?” And Dad winked, trying to sound happy. Ryan could tell that Dad’s body language got stiffer, that some kind of shadow would pass over his face every time Ryan even mentioned Mom briefly. Ryan wanted to know why. Ryan wanted to know why Mom used to have the same exact look when Dad started showing up at their house. They seemed like mirror images of each other now, in that sense.

But Ryan didn’t ask, because he had the feeling that asking about the reaction would only make the reaction worse. Instead, he tried to introduce Mom’s little household habits little by little. Soon there was a swear jar on the long bookshelf along with several rolls of quarters, and Ryan was delighted to notice that Dad sometimes added to the jar even when Ryan was away at school downstairs. Dad seemed really honest about a lot of things, and this was just one of them.

Dad had a very big screen TV and access to just about every movie Ryan had ever heard of. So they made Friday and Saturday night official movie nights, like he and Mom used to do. Friday was when they’d watch one of the Sevenverse movies, none of which Ryan had ever seen before. Mom always seemed disinterested in them and they never watched them. Ryan still doesn’t understand why he found a whole box of DVDs and BluRays from the series under Mom’s bed when he went snooping there for no good reason other than being six years old and curious. He got scared and put the box back under her bed and never asked her about it. Now he’d never know why she had it. Maybe she watched them alone at night because they were too violent to show him. But when he watched them with Dad, they seemed pretty tame. Many of them were even kind of boring, although Ryan would never admit that to his own dad, since he starred in many of them and seemed really invested in them. When Dad would tell him all kinds of backstories about making them, it made even the boring ones easy to sit through.

Saturday was when Ryan would show Dad one of Mom’s favorite movies (she had so many, but Ryan tried not to think about how he’d eventually run out. Eventually run out, because she was never coming back…). Sometimes when Ryan would think about that fact, he’d get so lonely and sad that only hugging Dad would help. It felt so good to never worry about hugging him too tightly. No matter how hard Ryan squeezed, his body wouldn’t ever start to make that ominous crackling sound that Ryan could hear in other people’s bodies when he was on the brink of hurting someone. Dad told him it was the sound of muscle fibers getting tense and stretched, not bones starting to break, nor anything regular people could hear, like Ryan had always feared. Even Mom, who seemed so tough and smart and invincible to him, had a fragile body. He learned that early on. He learned it again when he accidentally killed her while trying to save her. “It’s absolutely not your fault, what happened in the woods. You’re the only person whose fault it wasn’t,” Dad told him again when Ryan had a nightmare about it and couldn’t go back to sleep.

They didn’t have a kitchen in the apartment and Dad didn’t ever cook any meals for them. Ryan supposed that was probably normal for a single father. The meals made by the professional chefs at Vought Tower were fancy and tasty enough, and Ryan tried to like them, but Dad eventually asked if he missed anything from home. Ryan told him about how Mom made ants-on-a-log after he’d come home from piano lessons. Dad’s face was serious and impassive, maybe even a little judgmental as Ryan was describing the ingredients. So Ryan was pretty surprised when he came back to the apartment after classes to see that Dad and not Ashley was there to greet him, and that the apartment now had a minifridge and a rolled in countertop island.

“I can’t believe you went to all this trouble!” Ryan said, so moved he was afraid he might end up crying and embarrassing himself.

Dad waved his hand dismissively. “Oh don’t be silly. It’s no trouble at all. I’ve got plenty of space in here. Maybe I’ll ask them to build an actual kitchen for us.” Dad was smiling amiably, there wasn’t even any tension in his face, and he was patiently assembling several celery and peanut butter logs before lodging raisins into the dip.

“I’m also glad you’re here and not working.”

“You’re my absolute top priority. Don’t ever forget that. If I’m not here and you want me home, just call my cellphone. I’ll always come right away if you need me.”

“Well I know you have to work,” Ryan clarified. He wasn’t a needy little child. But it was nice to see Dad in the middle of the day like this. It was nice to have a father figure who didn’t blow him off and make him feel like he was very far down the list of priorities, a burden, and a danger.

Ryan wanted the next thing he introduced to be something for Dad to enjoy rather than to do as a chore for Ryan’s sake.

“A coupon book?”

“Yeah, on Mom’s birthday and Mother’s Day and stuff, she’d give me a coupon book with chores that she wanted me to do. So if I did a chore, I’d tear it out of the book, mark it, and leave it on her bedside table so she could see I completed it.”

“I see,” Dad said, sounding very uncertain that he actually ‘saw’ anything.

“You can put stuff like ‘vacuum the floor’ or ‘clean the windows’ or ‘take out the trash’.”

“It’d take you a while to clean the windows here…” Dad said, laughing.

“I can do it! Now that you taught me how to fly, it’s not even hard. Or maybe like… dust all the picture frames here!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll think of something,” Dad assured him, kissing him good night on the forehead.

The next evening Dad didn’t have a coupon book for him. Ryan assumed he had forgotten or just not appreciated the idea. But when Ryan woke up in the morning, Dad was up and about, looking nervous. Ryan wondered how much his dad ever really slept. He went to bed later and woke up earlier than Ryan ever did. Mom often did that too, but sometimes she slept in. Especially on the days she seemed a little sad.

“I’m not sure I did it right. But here it is.”

Dad handed over a very thick booklet, with 5 coupons per page, professionally printed, perforated for easy tearaway.

“Dad…” Ryan laughed nervously. It was his own fault for not explaining that it was usually 30 coupons, not 300. He was never going to finish these… And then he opened and started leafing through it and began tearing up. “Dad!” He ran over and hugged him, even though the man looked confused and unsure of what prompted that reaction.

Each page of the book was the same 5 coupons over and over:

HUG ME

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY

TELL ME YOU LOVE ME

LET ME TUCK YOU IN AND KISS YOU GOOD NIGHT

WILDCARD (do anything together: watch a movie, go flying, play a game)

“Dad, you could have asked me to do actual chores or help you!”

“It would help me a lot if you did these,” Dad said, shrugging, but not letting go of Ryan, hugging him tighter.

(AO3 link)

[case-almost-closed]

Maybe in another life

Akai Shuichi x fem!reader Words: 2.5K A/N: Not really satisfied with this one but it won't get better

It was a beautiful day. The sky was bright blue, a pleasant light breeze was blowing through the warmed but still bearable streets and the sun was shining so brightly that not even the tinted windows of the car you were sitting in could dampen it. It was a perfect day all round and it couldn't have been more out of place.

For several minutes now, the car had been parked on the side of the road with its engine switched off, waiting for its drivers to leave, but you seemed to be trapped in a trance, unable to break free. Children and their families passed by the side of the road, laughing and playing with their parents, older couples walked slowly and leisurely hand in hand and several young couples clung to each other arm in arm, seemingly inseparable.

The sight of them drove a knife into your heart, which you had been convinced could no longer feel anything. After another couple walked past your window, carefree and happy, you couldn't take it any longer and turned your gaze forward. This caught the attention of your driver, who was looking at you through the rear-view mirror.

"Are you ready?" You lowered your gaze to your hands, which you had wrapped in black gloves to match the rest of your outfit. "No." Your voice sounded rough and hoarse, torn apart from crying and screaming, but neither you nor he cared. "But I don't think I'll ever be ready Andre."

The man nodded understandingly and got out, walked round the car and opened the door for you, holding out a hand to help you out, which you gratefully accepted. It might not have been the case yet, but you weren't sure if you would be able to walk all the way. Andre closed the door behind you and held out his arm so that you could hook yourself in.

"Let me know if you don't want any more, will you?" Shakily, you exhaled and clung to the FBI agent's arm, because right now it was the only thing keeping you from collapsing on the floor in a crying puddle.

Slowly, step by step, rather than accompanying you, Andre led you to the entrance of the cemetery and with every step you took towards the cruel reality, your heart grew heavier and heavier and tears welled up in your eyes again, even though you had been sure you had none left. Oh, what you would give to travel back in time just to feel his arms around you one last time, to see his little smile and hear the oh-so-rare laugh he sometimes gave you.

You had spent the entire flight from America to Japan in silence, immersed in memories, as if they were bringing him back to you. You could still remember the exact moment when you received that fateful phone call.

Even before James had spoken the words that were forever engraved in your heart, you had known that your husband would never come back to you, you had heard it in how softly and calmly James had spoken and yet he too had sounded choked with tears. You could still remember the feeling of all the air being squeezed out of your lungs and were still able to feel the scratch in your throat from the scream you had let out.

And even here, in Japan, you hadn't been able to do much more. Most of the time Andre, and sometimes Jodie, had sat next to you, either on the sofa, the bed or the floor, while you had burst into tears, rocking yourself back and forth and telling yourself that it couldn't be true. He couldn't be dead. He'd been through so much already, he'd hardly die from one lousy bullet. And yet he had done just that. Akai Shuichi had left his life through a bullet, an object he could handle like no other, and had taken yours with him.

You had put it off for as long as possible and yet you couldn't put it off any longer: You had to visit your husband's grave at least once to say goodbye to him - even if you hadn't been able to attend the funeral. So, with a voice choked with tears, you called Andre Camel, who arrived at your door a short time later to pick you up. And you were grateful for him. Andre had always been a loyal and good friend to you and you knew that Shuichi had made him promise to look after you if anything happened to him. He didn't push you, was patient and gentle and more than once you had caught him with a few tears rolling down his cheek. Andre Camel may look big and scary, but deep down he was a gentle soul with a heart of pure gold.

He slowly led you past the graves and you felt like you couldn't breathe. You knew Andre was looking at you with concern, but you smiled narrowly at him, hoping to reassure him. It didn't really work. "We're almost there, almost there," he murmured to you and you could feel panic rising inside you. You weren't ready for this yet, not ready to face the reality that yes, Akai Shuichi was dead and he wasn't coming back. Andre seemed to sense what was going on inside you and slowed his pace. "Do you need more time?" You gasped and looked down at the ground, hoping to catch your breath, and shook your head. "No. If I stop now, I'll never make it." That was all you could force out from between your teeth, but it was enough for him.

Andre nodded slightly and patted your hand gently and understandingly, leading you further down the path. The gravel crunched under your feet, but all you could concentrate on was your pounding heart and the tears that were burning in your eyes and threatening to spill over. All of a sudden Andre stopped and you stiffened instantly, your gaze fixed stubbornly on the tips of your feet. You were there. Your breathing quickened. You were not ready, but as you had already explained to your companion, there would never be a moment when you would be truly ready. And yet, you had never found anything as difficult as lifting your eyes and looking down at the gravestone at your feet.

It was a plain, black stone with not much engraved on it. The dates of his life. The words "A friend, spouse and great man." A quote. "Fear of death is worse than death itself." You knew it was from Shuichi, after all, he had said it to you often enough when you were worried about him. It didn't have his name on it, but someone had had some green stones set into it. Green, like his eyes. Now you couldn't hold back your tears any longer and allowed them to roll silently down your cheeks. "We left his name out. We didn't want his enemies to find out. Let him rest in peace."

Andre sounded more raspy than usual and when you looked up at him, you could see that the giant also seemed to be struggling with tears. You gently put your hand on his arm, only to let your head rest on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," he sobbed quietly. "I shouldn't be crying, I should be standing by you. He was more important to you, but…" "Shhh," you mumbled, blinking as a tear got caught in your eyelashes. "Who are we to decide which connection, which relationship is more important? He meant something to you, just as he meant something to me. You have your right to grieve, Andre. We all do."

He nodded and sniffled before defiantly wiping the tears from his face. "I'll give you a moment, wait by the car. If you need anything, call me." You nodded and only after he hugged you tightly to him once more did he turn and leave.

Silently, you listened to his shoes digging into the gravel while your gaze was fixed on the surroundings. It was a little out of the way from most graves and set right under a cherry tree. It would be a pain to keep the grave clean, but you didn't care right now. It was quiet and peaceful and you knew Shuichi would have loved it.

Tears dripped onto the headstone as you squeezed your eyes tightly shut, forcing the tears to escape your eyes. "You idiot." Your voice was no more than a whisper. "You absolute moron. I told you 'Don't go to Japan'. I told you 'I have a bad feeling about this'. But did you listen to me? No. And look where that got you." You let out a teary, agonised laugh. "You promised to slow down, Shuichi. You had promised. For me. For us."

Suddenly you could no longer hold yourself up and fell to your knees, tearing your tights, but you didn't care. An irrepressible and irrational rage spread through you and suddenly you felt the need to scream out your frustration, your sadness and your fear so that the whole world would know about your suffering and would have to suffer with you. "YOU PROMISED!!!" Sobbing, you broke down and buried your face in your hands, more or less silently cursing and swearing at him.

In your mind's eye, the last moments you had with him danced over and over again.

"Don't worry," he had said and kissed you on the forehead. "It won't take long. And I promise, after that it really is over. After that, there will be no more overseas missions and dangerous assignments. After that, it's just you and me, just us. I promise." He had put his hand on your waist and moved his hands to your stomach.

It had been no secret that the two of you had considered starting a family and after this assignment, he would have been ready to settle down. Shuichi may not have seemed like a family man at first glance, but you knew better. And after the job, he had promised to devote himself entirely to his family. Except that there would be no 'after'.

You had run out of curses, which is why you were now just trembling in front of his grave. You had no tears left as you pressed your hands to your stomach and tried to suppress the nausea that was rising inside you. "It worked." Your voice was low and bitter and you knew he couldn't hear you, but you wanted him to hear it, so desperately. "We didn't have to keep trying, Shuichi. I am pregnant." The words hung heavy in the air. When you had held the positive test in your hand, you had been overjoyed and had already imagined Shuichi's surprised face. Two days later, James called you.

The thought of raising this child scared you like you had never felt before. You were alone and not sure if you could do it. But as you crouched in front of his grave, you knew that you would make it. If only for Shuichi's sake. This child was all you had left of him. "I will raise it, even if I have to do it without you. I know Andre and Jodie and maybe even James will help me. This child will be the most loved and protected child in the world, I promise you that."

Painfully, you closed your eyes. It was time to go. If you stayed any longer, you weren't sure if you would ever have the strength to stand up on your own.

Gently, you leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to the gravestone. It must have looked ridiculous, but you didn't really care. "I love you Akai Shuichi. And I will see you again, even if I have to wait decades." You stood up with difficulty. You knew that Andre, who was the only one who knew about your pregnancy, would probably have preferred it if you had called him, but you were perfectly capable of doing it on your own. You turned round to face the grave one last time and for a moment you thought you saw a shadow out of the corner of your eye, but your subconscious must have been playing tricks on you. "See you soon, my love." You finally turned round and walked back to the car, one hand still pressed to your abdomen, where Andre was already waiting for you.

~**~ Shuichi heard you get into the car and drive away, however he was unable to move from behind the tree he had been hiding behind. He had only wanted to catch a glimpse of you before he went into hiding for good, but he hadn't expected it to be so hard to see you. He had heard you cursing and crying and he would have loved to come out, wrap his arms around you tightly and apologise for all the grief he had ever caused you. But he couldn't, not if he wanted to protect you, which is why he had leant silently behind the tree with tears in his eyes and listened to you.

And just when he had decided it was time to go, you dropped the bomb that pulled the rug out from under him and brought him to his knees. " I am pregnant." Three little words that were incredibly unimportant on their own, but together shifted his whole world. You were pregnant, carrying his child beneath your heart. At that moment, he almost let his guard down, only to regain his senses immediately afterwards. He had 'got himself killed' to protect you. If he were to reveal himself now, not only you but also your child would be in danger.

A risk he would never take. As much as it pained him to see you grieving, he realised all the more the importance of his mission. He now had one more reason to survive and to win. And these two reasons were enough for him to work himself to a real death. When he heard you murmur one last "I love you", he couldn't resist taking one last look at you. But at that very moment, you had turned to face him again and Shuichi wasn't sure if he had pulled his head away in time.

Although he was no longer Akai Shuichi, but Okiya Subaru, it didn't stop his heart from pounding in his throat, worried that you would go to him. He knew that if you stood in front of him and looked at him, he would no longer be able to resist.

You, however, didn't seem to have noticed him, but had walked on, away from him, and with every step the tear in his heart grew bigger. A single tear rolled down his cheek. "I promise you, love, I will come back. And then I won't leave your side, ever again." Shuichi exhaled and it was as if all the sadness and suffering had left his body with that breath.

Okiya Subaru pushed up his glasses and rose from the grass. He had an organisation to kill.

[mlembug]

@canonkalluzeb It's an attempt in mirroring terminology of IRC, which does not necessarily makes sense in context of Discord, and Discord knows this perfectly well because they're both internally, and also among programmers who make Discord bots, called "guilds", not "servers".

Some background: when two computer applications on two separate computers have to communicate, one of them has to first set up the connection, and so the program which listens to connections is often called "server", and the program which attempts to connect is called "client", which is an analogy of how restaurants work.

And of course it's not like two arbitrary programs can understand each other, so when one needs to make two programs communicate with each other, one designs a "protocol", which is a description of the exact rules these two programs are supposed to interact on.

Back in The Old Days (90s to early 00s) the most common protocol for chat-like applications was called IRC (Internet Relay Chat), which does follow the "client-server architecture", where someone (could be anyone, but usually it was universities or ISPs) runs the IRC server application on their computers, and people who want to chat, run IRC client applications which connect to these servers.

(it is still possible to use IRC today, but a lot of people don't because the newer alternatives provide features which people are used to, like... file upload/storage, persistent chat history, or transport encryption)

On the most basic level, a person that uses an IRC client first makes it connect to an IRC server by typing an address to connect to, and then picks the channels to join there, of which each functions as an independent conversation, in that

your IRC client usually displays the chat messages grouped together by the channel

the clients which joined a channel can send a message to this channel, which server receives...

...and then sends it to every other client which joined such channel

the clients which did not join a channel do not receive messages that are sent to the channel

if your client did not receive a message (due to lost connection, or maybe you were not in the channel in the first place), you will not see this message ever again, as IRC has no mechanisms of providing you a message history, nor retransmission of earlier messages

it may be possible for a regular user to create a channel, depending on how the IRC server is configured

Now here's how Discord works:

you are not supposed to run a Discord server application. Discord (the company) made one, and it is running on their computers (the ones they manage at least), but you can't run it on your computer (for whatever reason you wanted to do so), because they won't give it to you in the first place

the only thing you are supposed to run, is the Discord client application, which they offer to you for free

since no one outside of Discord (the company) is supposed to run Discord servers, the fact you're connecting to them specifically is not supposed to be relevant to the end user

your Discord client maintains a connection to a Discord server, which sends real-time information on stuff like "there is an unread message on guild number 253958353" or "you got pinged in a direct message by user with number 34235936984" to the client

any user can create a "guild", of which the person who created it is marked as a "guild owner", which is highest possible rank and everyone else on the server can only be a granted permission to do a subset of actions a server owner can do.

a guild has a list of channels, a list of users joined it, and a list of roles

roles can be assigned to the user, and apply within a guild only

a role controls the list of possible actions a user can do in the context of the server

a channel functions as a chronologically-sorted list of messages, of which you can retrieve a part of it by clicking on it, and other parts - by scrolling

Now take this into account that what I've just called "Discord server" is usually not something the end user needs to worry about, so it's typically not mentioned at all, and "guild" is called "server" literally everywhere else outside of developer documentation, and you can see why this feels a bit confusing.

[hayffiebird]

Taste of Strawberries, chap. 45

Hayffie Post-Mockingjay Multi-chapter, Rated M

Summary: Four years have passed since the end of the war when Effie returns in to Haymitch’s life once again. An old friendship is renewed. Will it lead to something more?

Meanwhile Panem has entered a new era. The rebellion’s over, the borders are open but in the shadows, anger and mistrust are smoldering. Something that will affect Haymitch and Effie’s life in a way they never saw coming.

Chapter 45, Take me drunk, I'm home

He staggered through the rain, wetter than a shot of whiskey dropped into a mug of beer. Nothing but thick black clouds above.

No moon. No stars. You couldn't see anything but the path right in front of you. Nothing to guide your way but the distant lights of the district.

The duffel bag was lost. Probably in a ditch somewhere. Soaked and vile. Like its owner. Or maybe he just tossed the thing in some corner of the train, after he’d finished the last bottle. He couldn't recall.

Not that it mattered. Nothing mattered anymore. Now that Effie and the kids were gone.

Where were they now? Which district? Did she manage to get them to sleep on time or was she still on rocking duty? Exhausted. Alone. While the train added mile after mile between them.

Once his family had gotten onboard back in Eleven, he was supposed to just sit back and wait. Bags packed. Ticket in hand, until his own train pulled into the station.

But he didn't. Walking up and down that misty platform. The smell of damp concrete. Distant rumbling. The unforgiving sky, overrun by storm clouds as dark as the soul of president Snow.

He couldn't stand 5 minutes of it. Hell, not even one.

If he was going to wait, might as well do it on a bar stool.

One of the local pubs was just around the corner. Chaff told him as much. Back when they were passing a bottle between themselves, he described the way in detail. The shops. The landmarks. Which road to turn and when.

“We’ll go there someday”, he said, the last time they ever spoke to each other. “Bring the little lady. If we survive this blasted war, drinks are on me.”

The bell above the door gave a merry tinkle when Haymitch pushed inside, 10 minutes later.

Just like Twelve, he thought. The one Sae and Ripper put up at the Hob made the exact same noise.

In the end, he didn’t mount a bar stool. Place was far from empty, despite the bad weather. Or maybe because of it. He couldn’t sit and wonder which ones of them mourned Chaff. Or – worse – if no one was even left besides Pearl, still alive to do so.

“A bottle of wine please”, he said and set the duffel bag on the counter. “Red. Whatever looks good. Or better yet, make it two. And the amber one over there.” He gestured to the rows by the mirror. “No need for a glass.”

The barkeep recognized him. One glance told him as much. But then again, who didn’t?

Must be Bernard, he thought. Unless the owner of this place had changed since the end of the war. Lean fellow. Same skin tone as Chaff, but his hair was grayer by the temples.

At least he didn't tell him to get the fuck out of his pub. The man simply reached for the desired bottles and set them on the counter, one by one.

“Will I have my work cut out for me later?” Bernard’s voice – if it was Bernard – was neither merry nor hostile. Just practical. Matter-of-factly.

“No”, Haymitch said. “I'm not staying. Not for long.” He got out his wallet, handed over the last of the ruffled bills. “Keep the change. Can you remind me I need to leave in an hour?” He glanced at the wall clock. “Hour-fifteen minutes? There's a train I gotta catch. Can't miss it.”

“Sure.”

Bag clunky and heavy, clinking with bottles, he found his way out into the beer garden. Dumped himself by the first available bench. The moist which had collected in vast continents on the painted wood, instantly soaked through his underwear.

More of the stuff trickled inside the collar of his shirt. Tepid as a cup of tea, forgotten on the mantelpiece. Summer rain, the kind that made you sweat even more.

Whatever. Here he was alone. The leafy trees growing around him offered some shelter but still: No one dumb enough to loiter out here today.

He unzipped the bag. Twisted the top of the first bottle he encountered. Didn't even hesitate before he had the first sip.

What for? Effs and the kids weren’t here. Amy. Ian. God only knew when he’d hold them in his arms again. No. He couldn't think of one good reason why he should board his train stone-cold sober.

Just don't get too deep in your cups, you ass, he warned himself before the second mouthful. Or else they won't allow you on.

He had to go home. Couldn't – wouldn’t – embarrass June and Annabel in front of their friends and neighbors. He'd been enough of a pest whilst under their roof.

Talk about wearing out you're welcome.

Half a bottle. Then the train.

And so he drank. Watched by no one but a ruffled mockingjay hiding in the trees and the occasional pair of eyes through a window.

His recollections thereafter were hazy. Nothing but bits and pieces – the passage of time.

Birds like black confetti, high in the sky. A lone dog barking. The splatter of water through a downpipe. The aftertaste of wine. Fruity and sour.

But the barkeep must have kept his promise because hours later, in the dead of night, the mentor of District 12 staggered out onto his own soil once again. Tanked to the gills. Again.

Home.

Shoulders sagging, rain dripping down his hair, his hands, his eyelashes, he hardly ever looked up. No need. He could walk this way blindfolded.

The ground felt soggy, slippery under his clumsy feet.

Different district. Same downpour. He swore it followed him from place to place. Taunting him.

Not that he didn’t deserve it.

He staggered through puddles as deep as his ankles. Didn’t bother to swerve off his path much. Only mindful of people’s windows. Their vegetable gardens.

Last thing he wanted was to ruin someone’s future dinner or frighten the kids in their beds with the sound of his squelching boots.

Lights were on in maybe one in ten houses. The Goat Man, who had a history of insomnia. Delly Cartwright’s youngest cousin who couldn’t sleep without a night light. Bristel and her husband. Naked and tangled in bed perhaps?

Most were dark though. Doors bolted shut against the night.

Not all of them. Up ahead, he saw the open window. Just slightly ajar to let the air in, on a warm night like this.

Someone was awake. Golden light spilled through the curtains of the living room. As he approached, he could just make out the soft rattle of cutleries against china over the pattering rain. A cup of tea perhaps. Or maybe a bowl of soup.

Half-blinded he rubbed his eyes, his soaked face. A pointless attempt. More than a little round under his feet he made a slack fist and knocked. Once. Twice. Or, in his state, it was more like pounding.

Eyes downcast, the first thing he noticed when she opened the door was her house slippers. Woolly and soft in a quiet pink color. A birthday gift from Hazelle.

Hand against the handle, she wore the same simple robes her mother wore before her. His gaze lingered on the small baby blue flowers around the hemline and the hems of her wrists.

Effie’s work. She stitched them onto the fabric, back during that summer she spent with them after her overdose.

Peeta loved the details and Nella loved the very texture of the little leaves and blossoms. Used to follow them with the tip of her finger.

Forget-me-nots.

Throat choked up, his dull, blood-shot eyes finally met her gray ones.

Seam gray. Like the eyes of his mother. His brother. His son and daughter.

Sae gave a quiet smile. As if expecting him.

“You better come in”, she said. “Before you catch your death out here.”

Haymitch’s face crinkled up like a worn tissue. He couldn’t help it. Couldn’t hide it. Not from her. The tears he’d carried within, for hours and hours – just below the surface – finally welled up.

All at once.

His old babysitter spoke nothing further. Water soaked through her slippers, but she paid it no mind. Just stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him.

He tried to speak. Tell her how sorry he was about the hour, the fact that he was drunk, that he didn’t know where else to go – but no words came out. Only sobs.

The old woman held him. Her small frame so frail and yet so strong. She caressed the back of his head, just like when he was a toddler, speaking soft, soothing words in his ear.

And Haymitch clung to her. Like a child to its mama, while raindrops tinked against the sphere-shaped porch light.

[twistedmusings]

I'm not going to request it now because requests are closed, but that Savanaclaw petting scenario was really cute and like,, Octavinelle petting and examining them

(,,• W •,,)

A/N: If you can pinpoint the exact moment I started to slowly doubt my writing ability and how to write these characters, I will give you, the reader, 100 points. Cause man this was rough to write when you have writer's block q wq But anyways, this was when my requests were closed BUT I WANTED TO COME THROUGH WITH IT! I would like to dedicate it to @kirayamidemon since I read their comic and it was...excellent.

But in other news, I found out that eels like to be petted!

Warnings: Eel petting, Octopus petting and all three Octavinelle members feeling a certain way when you finally give them those pats.

[Floyd-Senpai: Shrimpy~! Meet us in the mirror room tonight! Azul says he wants to give you something!] 

Your eyes look down at your phone before pocketing it back into your jacket, taking another sip of the Coral Pink drink Floyd had made for you before you left Monstro Lounge as you reminisce back on the day you just had. 

Today has been probably the most successful day the Monstro Lounge has had in a while. You had offered up the idea to Azul while you two walked to the cafeteria, mentioning touching a manta ray once and how you didn’t expect them to be so slimy. He had looked at you curiously and asked if you had just been a curious child when you were growing up, but you told him that you used to go to a lot of aquariums and how you would go straight to the petting exhibit. 

And the moment you said petting exhibit, Azul already had cashed the idea in. 

Aquariums had been placed elegantly among the tables of Monstro Lounge tonight. The smaller aquariums on the tables were closed lid, giving the customers a chance to enjoy the little ecosystems Jade had personally made for the creatures Azul had brought in while partaking in their drinks and meals. It made for a killer Magicam picture and Azul had predicted with Vil’s and Cater’s attendance the hashtag #MonstroLoungeExperience would be trending by the time they reached the dinner rush.

It trended faster than they thought. 

Most foot traffic, however, came from the piece de resistance. 

In the middle of the Lounge, a large aquarium had been placed at foot level where various customers could reach down and pet larger animals such as sting rays, sturgeon fish, starfishes and sea cucumbers. All of them with little placards stating fun facts as well as little sections with a bunch of coral that made for another perfect Magicam photo opportunity. 

It had been an amazing experience and you felt like you had almost grown closer to the three Octavinelle students, which was always an ‘A+’ in your book. 

You were pretty sure you saw Azul smiling from ear to ear by the time they closed and Floyd and Jade looked physically exhausted from having to deal with so many customers. They had been busy from opening to closing with no breaks in between so you figured that they would want to rest. 

So getting a message from Floyd so late at night had been somewhat confusing. 

But you didn’t question it, the fact that Azul wants to give you something making you ever so curious. 

Who knows, maybe if the sea creatures were still around Azul could let you pet them some more? 

Out of everyone you had probably been the most excited for the petting exhibit and you had given him the idea so the possibility of playing more with the starfishes and manta rays pushed you to move faster. 

Finishing the last of your drink and throwing it away in the nearest trash can, you push open the doors to the mirror room with a smile--!  

Only to find nobody. 

“...huh.” 

You look around, not daring to call out either of their names since, technically, you weren’t even supposed to be here. The only thing you could do was take a few steps further, looking around as you try to make some sense of the situation. 

Why wouldn’t they meet you in Octavinelle? The Monstro Lounge was there, as well as all the creatures. Azul’s office was there as well so if he wanted to give you something he could have given it to you there, so why had Floyd asked to meet them in the Mirror room? You look around for a moment before frowning as the realization set in. 

It was a prank. 

“Dammit.” 

Of course. Why would Floyd even act this nice towards you if it wasn’t to lull you into a false sense of security? The table you had sat in today had a beautiful aquarium with a bunch of little shrimps floating around and the mereel, more than once, had opened the lid and stuck his hand inside to grab one of the shrimps and hang it over his open mouth. 

You thought he was just acting this way because he was stressed from working so much but he probably had just done it to tease you! With a huff, you pull out your phone and open up his contact number to give him a piece of your mind--! 

“Aha! Shrimpy is here!” 

Only to gag as the back of your jacket is grabbed by a slimy aquamarine hand, pulling you into the nearest mirror and leaving nothing but your phone laying on the ground. 

Floyd’s hands pull you into a hug the moment you are pulled into the water, laughing as he sees you thrashing around and pulling at the arms keeping you pressed close to him. 

“Ahhhh! Shrimpy stop moving!” 

The mereel squeezes you tight, smiling as he looks down at the moment you realize who is holding you and what you are able to do. 

He grins and wraps his tail around you, the fins brushing your fingertips as the shock slowly starts to die down and the curiosity starts to set in. Floyd’s eyes shine brighter under the sea, your hand going to your chest as you expected to drown immediately but finding it simple to breathe in and out. 

“What--?!”

“Finally!” 

“There we go~ Breathe in--”

You take a deep breath. 

“And out~” 

Your chest relaxes as Floyd giggles at how wide your eyes have gotten, letting you go with his arms but his tail wrapping around one of your legs and pulling you close to him once again. He smiles when your hands go up to inspect the fins on his ears but stop as if the situation was still highly unreal for you to believe. 

He guessed humans rarely got to see the sea during the night, but he was glad he got to show you this sight. Even if it was Azul’s idea in the first place. 

Looking around, you notice that you had been here before. 

It was the Coral Sea. 

You look back at the mereel as Floyd tilts his head at your confusion, smiling as he sees the shining in your eyes get brighter when you notice that the veins in his arms and the ones going up his neck are all shining in the moonlit water. 

“Floyd…” 

Ah. You really looked too cute. Especially when you were looking at him with so much wonder. Maybe he should just take you out further and hide near the corals, somewhere Jade nor Azul would look as he preens under your attention. 

He blinks as you break out of the spell long enough to point a finger at him. 

“You--! Why did you call me to the Mirror room so late! The last thing I need to do is get in trouble with the Headmaster!” 

Floyd frowns, “You didn’t get in trouble! I pulled you when I heard your voice! Why didn’t you call out to me!” 

“Because I couldn’t see tail nor fin of you!”

Both of you stop talking after your dumb joke, looking at each other with surprise before a giggle escapes your lips first, turning into a full blown laugh between you both as he takes your hand and presses it under the fins in his ears. 

“Shrimpy was so mean today. Petting all those creatures and ignoring everything else. It made me want to eat all of them up.” 

You smile and rub right under the juncture where fins meet skin, Floyd shivering as he pulls you closer to him. 

“Eels don’t eat any invertebrates, right? You guys are mostly carnivores.” 

He grins and gives you a small squeeze. You even knew of his diet? Why hadn’t you mentioned you knew some things about sea creatures. If you had, Floyd would have dragged you to the Coral Sea way before this! He smiles as your hands go all the way down to his neck, tracing each vein slowly but not going any further than his clavicle and choosing instead to run your fingers from his shoulder blades all the way to his Adam's apple. 

“Shrimpy is being too shy. Here!” 

You gasp as Floyd grabs your hand and helps you swim over to a pair of rocks, sitting you down on top as the bottom of his tail wrapped around your legs to keep you anchored. He laughs as he practically sits on you, choosing instead to lay the top half of his tail on your lap as you look down at the shiny, swishing fins. 

“Now you can touch as much as you’d like!” 

Floyd was ready to make a joke about how this would a much better petting experience for you but his eyes widen when he sees the wonder in yours, the smile in his face disappearing as he watches your fascination with his fins, running your fingers through his caudal fin and rubbing the edges with your hand. His hands twitch as you run yours up his tail, taking in the slimy but firm feeling before looking up at him and reaching out to cup his face with one hand. 

He presses his cheek against your palm, smiling as you scratch right over his ear fin and almost jumping up from the rock as you start to rub the appendage. 

“Shrimpy wait--” 

Shit, he almost bit his tongue. He could barely look into your curious eyes as his heart sped up, the most sensitive area of his body being played and inspected with being a far too new feeling for him to just laugh it off. 

Floyd bites his bottom lip as his tail squeezes your legs, closing his eyes as he felt several shivers go up his spine. It felt too good--

“Floyd?” 

The mereel slowly comes down from the high as he glares at the intruder, clicking his tongue as he saw who it was. 

A pair of identical eyes to Floyd’s turn in your direction, your hand pulling away from the other as you turned to greet Jade. 

“You certainly took them farther than I thought you would.” 

He chuckles as his brother turns away, clearly not wanting you to see the blush on his cheeks. Nevertheless, his attention immediately goes back to you, swimming over to your side and sitting on the opposite of where Floyd was situated. 

“Did you have any troubles finding us?” 

You shook your head, “Floyd grabbed me and pulled me in before I could leave.” 

Jade nods and looks down at how Floyd had situated himself, a brief pang of jealousy overtaking him as he scoots closer, takes your hand and presses it on his chest. You immediately try to pull back but Jade’s eyes lid as he tugs you in closer, the veins in his chest shining even brighter than Floyd’s as he immediately feels you relax in his touch. 

“Do you know what this is, [Y/N]-san?” 

His eyes take their time to take in all of you as you nod your head, whispering the word ‘bioluminescence’ as Jade licks his lips. 

How strange was it to see you so focused. Jade had taken his time during the lull of the Monstro Lounge hours to watch you near the petting tank, your fingers running over the manta rays and tapping at the carapaces of the horseshoe crabs. And like his brother he did feel a certain sort of jealousy for those creatures, but he also saw an opportunity. 

An opportunity to get your guard down. 

His eyes look over at Floyd, the other pouting as your fingers start to trace Jade’s chest all by themselves.

“Uhm--” 

Jade’s attention goes back to you, “Yes?” 

“I didn’t think that moray eels had bioluminescence.” 

He smiles and takes your hand again, guiding it from the middle of his chest all the way to his cheek making sure that your fingers feel the light travel in his veins as you start to wriggle out of Floyd’s hold and into Jade’s. 

“Our kind is a mixture of many eels types. While our exterior is that of a moray eel, our interior is also made up of certain eels that use this feature as a way to communicate with other animals, warn predators…” 

The mereel decides to keep the ‘lure prey’ part out of his explanation. 

Jade’s eyes immediately went to Floyd’s as the other was about to speak up, glaring at him to keep his mouth quiet for he had his turn. His eyes soften when they go back to you, your eyes still taking in all of the small trails of light decorating Jade’s body as your hands trace against the caudal fins on his arms. 

They were rougher than the ones near their ears…

Slowly, your hands go to the fins on the side of Jade’s face, the mereel tensing up but keeping his eyes on you as you start to tug and rub at the appendages. 

“[Y/N]-san…” 

His nails scratch against the rocks as he feels your fingers trace every line they can find, his fins giving a little twitch as you push them back only to watch them slowly move back to their original spot. You had no idea what you were making him feel, what you probably made Floyd feel. 

And if his dear brother wanted to keep it a secret, then he would keep his mouth shut as well. 

Having someone touch them so freely, especially that area, was an act reserved for mates only. Even during courtship this was prohibited and if any other merperson happened to swim by it would be as if they just tumbled into the merman equivalent of someone shoving their fingers in between someone else’s legs. 

But your curiosity was so endearing and Jade just couldn’t find it in himself to pull you away. In fact, that look of yours full of innocence and naivety was so cute that if he let his instincts run wild you would find yourself being dragged to the Leech's home--

“What--you two!” 

His reason kicks back in as Jade smiles and turns to look at the new visitor. 

The octomer’s face is bright red as he locks eyes with you, your hands letting go of Jade’s fins as he smiles and waves at Azul. 

“I’m glad you decided to join us, Azul.”

He wants to say something about what the hell he just saw but he decides to save it, knowing full well that Jade nor Floyd were going to give him a straight answer. Instead, he decides to address you directly. 

“Inferring from our conversation from early this morning as well as your actions during the Monstro Lounge opening hours, I figured you would like this sort of surprise." 

He clears his throat, sneaking a peek at your face and quickly looking away as he saw your eyes staring straight at him. 

Humans like you are still curious about the different types of merpeople, especially those like Jade and Floyd, so after much consideration I decided--” 

"Azul, you're beautiful." 

Oh no. He bit his tongue. Fuck, fuck, fuck he bit his tongue and now it hurts like a shell clamping down on his hand--why had you gone and say something like that so suddenly?! 

"Excuse me?" 

The spell Jade had you in was completely broken as you pulled out of the brother's hold and swam over to him, stopping when you noticed him backing away. 

Azul stared at you and you stared back at him. 

He couldn't help it. After all the things he had to deal with, it was hard enough for him to even appear in front of you like this. And it wasn't like he was doing it as a showing of any sort of affection towards you, he just didn't want to owe you any favours from the idea you had given him! 

All he had to do was just...reach a tentacle out-- 

"Huh?" 

Azul notices you swimming back a tiny bit, smiling at the tentacle shyly reaching out to you. 

"You can turn back, you know. I don't want you to feel forced to do this." 

You point at him, your eyes still wide with curiosity but keeping your distance. 

"The fact that I get to see you like this is enough." 

Azul can feel his heart skip a beat, tentacles unfurling even more as the need to hide melted away. 

But...he owed you a favor... 

"Honestly. Thank you so much Azul." 

For the Sea Witch's sake, he really couldn't pin you down, could he? 

The octomer swims over, floating right in front of you as one tentacle shyly brushes against your fingertips. They twitch in interest but you do not move, looking up at Azul expectantly. 

You really were too nice for your own good, waiting for someone to give you the okay when he clearly wanted you to at least inspect that part of him. 

"Go...go ahead." 

Your touch is soft, pressing your hands right against his suckers and chuckling at the small noise they made as they attached themselves to your skin. Azul moves in a bit closer as some tentacles start wrapping around your ankles and wrists, his natural instincts taking over as his tentacles wrap around the person he really liked. 

Well not like as in like like but a like he had yet to put a definition to. And it's not like it needed a definition, you certainly weren't asking him what sort of like it was and the thought of what kind of like it really was didn't keep him up at night at all. 

"Oop!" 

Azul almost wants to screech at the tentacle going in between your legs and hoisting you up, offering you a sort of makeshift seat as the other appendages start to press against your neck, leaving behind little sucker marks in their wake. 

This situation was not only testing his boundaries but also his patience. 

"I didn't think they would be so slippery...and so soft!" 

Please don't look so curious about him! It's going to give him wild expectations! 

The tip of a tentacle rubs against your cheek, Azul's face an almost red tomato as he hears you chuckle and push the appendage back but for some reason his tentacles weren't listening to him so the thing only pushed forward even more--

"Ah! No fair!" 

Floyd comes up behind you, wrapping you up in a hug as he points a finger at Azul. 

"No hogging Shrimpy to yourself!" 

Azul swims back in alarm. 

"I wasn't hogging anyone!" 

Jade laughs as he swims right up behind you, a hand on your shoulder as he pulls you back. 

"Azul you might want to look down." 

The octomer blinks only to look down, seeing that one of his tentacles had stubbornly wrapped around your waist. 

"Ahh...ahhhh….!" 

You, Jade and Floyd blink as dark ink fills the water, Azul covering his face and letting you go, swimming to the nearest hole and curling up inside as he strangles one of his tentacles. 

Of all the things to embarrass him it just had  to be himself, huh?! 

"Azul? Wait come back!" 

"Shrimpy tell me I'm beautiful as well~!" 

"Floyd let me go! There's ink everywhere!" 

"Not until you tell me I'm beautiful!" 

"Jade!" 

"Azul is more than okay, I can assure you...although I would also like the same compliment as well, [Y/N]-san." 

The next day, you woke up with a high fever due to swimming all night, a present from all of the Octavinelle students at your doorstep with an apology card neatly placed on top. 

[radicalxgirl]

it’s a win-win for me

☇. eren x reader | nsfw

☇. summary: you guys hate eachother. so why were you letting him fuck you in a bathroom?

☇.

Eren Jaeger. 

The golden boy, and basketball phenom of shiganshina university. Loved by everyone and admired by so many, to outsiders he seemed to have it all. The looks, the talent, the popularity, oh and not to mention the countless girls practically begging at his feet to give them a chance? Yeah, he was definitely livin’ the life.

Though something... or rather someone always seemed to be in the way of his absolute success. ‘Fucking witch’ he liked to call you, not because of how you looked(god, no. you were absolutely beautiful) but because his thoughts were always filled of you. You, you, you. That’s all he could fucking think about throughout the day and as sad as it was, he also thought about you during his practices whenever he was supposed to be paying attention to his coach. 

Eren didn’t understand why his thoughts were so clouded by you. It’s not like you were the prettiest girl he’s ever seen, of course not! Your pretty plump lips... your beautiful e/c eyes… your as--ahem--yeah, no way did he think you were the most gorgeous girl to ever exist. No fucking way.

But he wasn’t the only one who had such intrusive thoughts. You had found yourself thinking of the hothead more than you would’ve liked to admit. Yeah, he was attractive, to say the least-- dark, shoulder-length hair that was usually pulled in a sloppy man bun, god-like sculpture, and piercing green eyes that always seemed to look right through you, he was attractive-very attractive, but he had the attitude of a damn mule.

You just had to be a part of the same friend group he was in, you just had to. You couldn’t even remember a civil conversation you’ve ever had with him, you two would always end up in arguments spewing snarky comments about one another to see who would break first. Sometimes you would break first, other times he would. Your friends had tried to make you two get along, sometimes having you guys hang out with just each other or making you two go run errands but the same outcome would always be one of you on the brink of tears. To put it simply,

Eren Jaeger didn’t like you and you didn’t like him.

So why were you in a dingy bathroom watching the way he took his bottom lip in-between his teeth to quiet the grunts and moans slipping out every time he thrusted back into you.

You don’t remember how you ended up in this exact position. You just remember the lingering stares and touches throughout the night and how Sasha had commented that the sexual tension between the two of had risen.

“Fuckk, baby. You feel s-so fucking good,” Eren groaned, relishing in the way your gummy walls sucked him right back in. Breaking his gaze from where you two connected and peering up into the mirror, he was able to see everything. From the way your tits bounced with each thrust, to the lewd expression your face wore whenever he hit your sweet spot, he saw it all. God, you’re so fucking hot.

“Ca-can’t believe I’m fucking a worthless whore li-fuck—like you,” Eren hissed, taking one of his hands and wrapping around your throat in a harmless but firm grip.

“Look at yourself, baby. You could’ve had this dick a long time ago if you weren’t being such a bitch,” Eren continued, picking up his pace where the sounds of skin-clapping became evident for the people outside. But you didn’t care nor did Eren.

You two were supposed to hate each-other. You two were supposed to be arguing over something stupid. You two were supposed to push one-another until the other broke down. You two were supposed to hate each other. So why was there so much passion and longing between two people who supposedly hated each other.

“Eren, ‘m gonna cum!” you moaned, gripping the counter edges tighter bracing yourself for your release.

“Me too,” Eren panted, placing kisses up the side of your neck, and softly nipping the skin wanting to leave a mark. You were his now. And he had to show everyone who owned you.

Feeling a wave of release wash over you; you closed your eyes and let out a moan, throwing your head back onto Erens shoulder.

Eren thrusted a few more times before spilling his cum and filling you up to the brink, you had never felt so full. A couple seconds went by before Eren slowly pulled out, hissing from the over-sensitivity. All that could be heard was the sound of pants and the scuffling of putting your clothes back on.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Eren questioned, taking a few steps back, not bothering to put his clothes back on.

You put your underwear back on before pausing briefly muttering out a low ‘leaving’ not bothering to make eye-contact with him.

“I never said we were done.”

☇. I intended on this being longer but i procrastinated so i’m sorry for being such a lazy fuck <3

[ohnominamino]

An Essay on Love in Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time

Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a movie about love in all its forms. From the love of family, friends, and neighbors, to the compassion we feel for people we have never met. The movie reminds us that love is something we continuously gain, lose, and choose, again and again. Which love is greatest? In my opinion, the answer to that question is left up to interpretation. In this essay, I will give my own personal interpretation on certain character interactions and what I believe we are meant to take away from their Rebuild portrayals. 

The character I will start with is one I’ve noticed the most outrage over from people who haven’t seen the movie and read out-of-context spoilers: Kaworu Nagisa. 

Kaworu is a beloved character among many Evangelion fans, especially those who are members of the LGBT+ community. He is a canonical love interest of Shinji Ikari and I want to reassure people that this final movie does not change that fact. However, it does not make the couple blatantly endgame either. This skirting around the couple might make some fans upset, and while their feelings are completely valid, I do not think they fully understand the difficulties faced by LGBT+ people in Japan, nor do they understand the way that romance is typically conveyed in Japanese storytelling. (I recommend watching “Is ‘Yuri On Ice’ Good Gay Representation?” by James Somerton for more about storytelling nuances.) 

What have we been shown about Shinji and Kaworu’s love? The good news is, anything you read into the original TV series and End of Evangelion is completely true for the Rebuilds— because Kaworu is the same Kaworu. This movie proves Evangelion is a single universe set on repeat, and that Kaworu and Shinji meet each other every loop, and in each, Kaworu is trying to make Shinji happy. Within the final movie, Shinji becomes aware of the loops and chooses to break the cycle and free Kaworu from his pain. 

What does the relationship between Shinji and Kaworu teach us? I believe the purpose of their love is to show the audience that first, in the words of Kaji, “love has no gender.” Second, I believe Kaworu’s love in particular is a warning about basing your own happiness solely upon another person. There are parallels drawn between Gendo/Yui and Kaworu/Shinji. Gendo could not exist without Yui, and so he was willing to destroy the world to be reunited with her. For Kaworu, it was not the destruction of humanity, but the destruction of himself that defined his tragedy. What’s important within the final movie, in my opinion, is that Shinji does not reject Kaworu’s love. With the insight he’s gained from remembering past loops, he sees Kaworu’s love and appreciates him, but he also sees his suffering and wants to ease it. He helps Kaworu into a new world where he can seek his own happiness and find balance in his life (something his father did not have). 

While Kaworu and Shinji are not seen as an explicit couple at the end of the movie, it’s significant to note that, when he sets Kaworu free, Shinji holds out his hand to Kaworu as a promise to stay together. Over the course of the movie, Shinji comes to accept his connection to others through accepting touch (in the form of hand holding and hugs from Rei, Misato, and Gendo); however, Kaworu is the only character in the movie who Shinji initiates physical contact with and that speaks to how much Kaworu means to him. This simple gesture, in my opinion, keeps the door open for Kaworu and Shinji to be a couple one day, after Kaworu has found more balance in his life. 

If I were to write an entire essay about Kaworu, it would be titled, “Out of the Coffin: How the Resurrection of Kaworu Nagisa Buries the Tragic Lovers Trope” because this movie truly does just that. 

Another potential love interest for Shinji for many years was Asuka; however, unlike with Kaworu, the nature of this relationship is not left up to interpretation by the end of the movie. Before her big final battle, Asuka tells Shinji, “I think I loved you back then” (regarding their time in middle school) and Shinji, during Instrumentality, tells Asuka, “Thank you for saying you loved me. I loved you too.” It is past tense. 

What does this relationship teach us? It’s a beautiful way of showing that we can love people, and grow and learn, and let go when we no longer fit each other. Letting go is an integral part of life. Whereas other Instrumentality scenes involve touch, Asuka’s, mirroring the ending of End of Evangelion, has a distinct lack of touch. Shinji sits with his arms around his knees and Asuka turns her body away from him. He gives her his thanks and he sends her off to find her peace. Asuka and Shinji teach us that it’s okay to grow out of relationships. You can appreciate what they were to you at the time they happened and move on. 

What about Rei? To be honest with you, this movie is less about Rei’s relationship with Shinji, and more about her relationship with the world. Rei teaches movie viewers about the simple pleasures of living. While Shinji is in mourning for the first quarter of the movie, Rei (as “Sokkuri”) is learning about crop growing and community, the wonder of babies and kittens, the joy of the bath after a long day of fruitful work, and the power of words and picture books. At the end of her life, she only regrets not having more time to spend with the people she loves. In Instrumentality, Shinji accepts her hand when it is offered to him, which I hope signifies he is ready to see life as she had come to during the final movie. 

Rei teaches us that we can love living and to not take our limited time for granted. 

Next, we move on to parent figures: Gendo and Misato. I think they both represent people ill suited to the role, who do the best they can despite it. Gendo, as mentioned for Kaworu above, is a warning about defining yourself by your relationship to another person (Ikari, afterall, is Yui’s name). He is also a lesson in how people mourn and how they can lash out. Misato, like Gendo, felt herself a poor parent, and while mourning the loss of Kaji, she gave up her child to be raised by other people, but, unlike Gendo, went forward to put all her energy into protecting humanity. Both of them reach out to hug Shinji within the movie and he accepts them where they are. 

While I wouldn’t say the movie shows that Shinji forgives Gendo, it does show his making an effort to understand and make peace with what others have done. For Misato, it is fair to say we can still hope for a better future, even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us. Her self-sacrificing love for her son and the whole of humanity is what enables Shinji to then save the people he loves (via the spear of Gaius). 

In the movie, we are also shown friendship. Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke are important members of their community who maintain open communication with those around them and respect others’ boundaries. They are patient and kind and represent the importance of being present. They teach us to meet people where they are and support them how we can, whether it’s giving them a warm meal or giving them space when they need it. 

There are many more characters that could be talked about, but today I am going to end on Mari. Mari’s love is physical. She enjoys being in people’s personal bubbles. She cuddles Asuka and helps trim her hair, she gets into Gendo’s space at college, and at the end of the movie, she reaches out her hand to Shinji to help him stand up from his seat. Upon first glance, some viewers might take Mari and Shinji’s final scene to be romantic, but the reality of it is this: We do not, and cannot, know what kind of love she is meant to represent in his life.

We do not know Mari’s relationship with Shinji because they hardly interact in the movie. She clearly cares about him, but in my opinion, it comes from a place of duty and compassion— Mari was friends with Gendo and Yui. She has been there since he was born. (If we take the manga to be canon, then Mari even had romantic feelings towards his mother. Her hairstyle and glasses are from Yui. At the end of the movie, Mari has changed her hairstyle, which to me implies she has moved on, and “getting” with Shinji would be a thematic break.)

Additionally, their conversation, while flirty, is very much one that implies they haven’t seen each other for a while. Mari is someone who is very physically affectionate. With everyone. If someone ignores that and focuses on the fact she gets into Shinji’s space and claims that’s romantic, they better acknowledge it’s possibly romantic with Asuka, who we see far more intimacy with. When Mari flirts, Shinji flirts back and her initial reaction is surprise, “Wow, you’ve learned to talk back!” Her purpose is clear. She is there to remove the DSS choker from his neck. 

Personally, I love that Mari is the one to close the movie, for the exact reason that we do not know her relationship with Shinji. For Mari to have an assigned role would be to say, “This kind of love is most important,” when the entire movie was spent showing us each love is of equal importance in the balance and building of our lives. (It’s wonderful to see those types of love embodied across the platform from Shinji at the end of the movie: Rei and Kaworu, who, just like in End of Evangelion, could signify the ability to connect with others and be loved.)

If you view Mari as a romantic love interest, then I think it speaks to the value that you as an individual give to romance rather than what the characters themselves are feeling. To me, Mari, the character who was created to “destroy Eva,” is a symbol of all love. When Shinji takes her offered hand and then pulls her to run into the new world, it’s a symbol of balance. The give and take of any kind of relationship. 

We are the product of every relationship we have ever had, from our parents to the people we once loved, from our friendships to any other person we want to stay connected to. Evangelion: 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time is a story about these relationships. It is a story about love. 

[shoutogepi]

Pink Handcuffs

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𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 6.7k

[ ✘ (𝐧𝐬𝐟𝐰!), ☀︎ ]  smut

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : switch!shouto, power play, bondage (cuffs), temperature play + food play, teasing, 69, begging, praise, baby/master dynamics, squirting, and a little aftercare <3

𝐛𝐢𝐨 : The only time you can tame your pro hero boyfriend is when he’s bound beneath you in pink, fluffy, quirk-cancelling cuffs.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 :  sooo u guys always are requesting sub sho, and i finally delivered hehe. this is my first time participating in a Sewer collab, ty to the mods who have been so sweet & welcoming to me even tho i’m shy and don’t talk too much 🤍 also i’m so sorry this is late, my bf decided to take me on a surprise vday trip!

𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : i actually think white chocolate is the inferior chocolate but i wanted it to look like cummies bc that’s hot soo… yeah this is the only acceptable situation to eat such an abomination imo ☺️

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 ─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the ravioli you ordered, nor the appetizer that preceded and the dessert that followed. If anything, each dish was divine in its own respect— as they should be, coming from perhaps the most exclusive, romantic restaurant in the city. Especially on an occasion like today. But the thing was, you didn’t harbor much of an appetite for such luxuries. Not when your boyfriend was casting heart eyes directly at you all night, not even batting an absurdly long eyelash at the longing gazes of the other restaurant-goers.

You were hungry, alright. Just… for something else.

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The leather of his loafers had been slowly rubbing against the exposed top of your foot throughout the meal, your heels not offering you much protection from his affectionate game of footsie. He had the nerve to reach across the linen tablecloth and lace your fingers with his, playing with them as he leaned in and allowed the flickering candlelight to wash his face with a romantic, warm glow. Ever the gentleman, he had offered you a spoonful of his risotto, and when you had returned the outstretched offering of your own meal, he locked eyes with you and allowed his tongue to wander out to caress the cutlery before he closed his lips around the silver, two-toned eyes glinting dangerously. You were sure your cheeks turned a temperature high enough to achieve the perfect sear of the wagyu on his plate.

It was criminal for him to be acting like this. To be giving you his undivided attention, to be looking at you as if you had hung the moon and all the stars. As if you were the moon and all the stars.

And for him to have shown up in such a devilishly handsome ensemble— a dark, charcoal suit with a crisp dress shirt, rolled up so that the lean muscle of his forearms was exposed to your ravenous eyes. The muted turquoise tie around his neck only made his left eye jump out at you, something he damn well knew you were defenseless against.

But it was that smirk that really got you going. That satisfied little curl to his perfect, pink lips. He knew what he was doing. He knew that he was going to be inside you in just a matter of time, however long it took for the pair of you to finish eating and get back to his apartment. And he thought he was going to ravish you as usual— and there was nothing wrong with that, really— you loved when he had his way with you. However, that wasn’t what was going to happen tonight. Tonight, he was yours, and he was going to be completely at your mercy.

So you let him have his fun at dinner. You let him fluster you and play with you, let him think he surely had the upper hand.

Because it would be that much more fun for you when he finally realized what he was in for…

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You sat on the edge of the cloth sectional, upright and on guard as you awaited Shouto to return from the bathroom. Half of you had expected to be pressed against the wall the second you entered the premises, smothered in a passionate kiss and his hands messing up your styled hair. Instead, he’d taken the time to pour you a drink and freshen up from dinner, promising to return in a moment before he disappeared down the hallway. Little did he know, he had given you the perfect opportunity to hide your surprise underneath one of the couch cushions— the fuzzy, pink pair of handcuffs completely concealed underneath one of the many pillows that littered the area.

The music from the sound bar across the room was low and pleasant, the melody soothing to your frayed nerves. Your fingers played with the tassels on the corner of the pillow behind you, busying yourself as you allowed another gulp of wine to coast down your throat. This would be your first time… taking charge, so to speak, in your relationship with Shouto.

The dynamic between you was equal back and forth in all other aspects except for your sexual relationship— although sometimes he managed to sneakily pay for more of your dates than you liked to admit. You were still getting your footing as a couple, still in that unbelievable, all-consuming honeymoon phase where the pair of you were so obsessed with each other that your heart felt like bursting whenever his lips pressed against yours. So, taking this step— leap, rather— was quite a bold move.

Shouto returned from down the hallway, a gentle smile turning the corner of his lips upright. You could smell the cologne that wafted off of him as he moved to sit beside you on the couch, his arm naturally reaching out to lay behind your shoulders, allowing his warmth to spread and seep into your side.

“Would you like to watch something, love?” he inquired. 

It was unfair of him to look that good while he was just asking you a simple question.

You fake-pondered the suggestion for a minute, entertaining him as the lust in his gaze only increased by the second. “Hmm… not really,” you replied honestly. “I kind of had something else in mind.”

He mirrored you as you tipped back the rest of your glass, setting the thin-stemmed crystal to the side. “Oh?”

His voice had dropped an octave, his eyelids drooping as you watched the salacious intent sharpen within his brilliant irises. It was almost too much, being the target of his desire— it made you forget for a moment that you were the one taking charge tonight. Only for a second, though.

“Yeah,” you whispered in the most wanton tone you could muster. You scooted closer to him, pressing up against his side fully, and placing your hand on his far shoulder. That took him by surprise, if the flicker of the emotion across his features was any indication. It was gone as soon as it came, but that was fine— you were just getting started, after all.

Shouto’s eyes met yours as your hand trailed up to cup his jaw, your heavy gazes locking just before your lips captured his. He was still for a moment, savoring the feel of your lips on his before he pulled you closer to him, his arm wrapping tight around the small of your back. It wasn’t long before the innocence of your initiation melted off, and his tongue greeted yours as you parted your lips for him. He tasted like the confection you had split for dessert, mixed with the tang from the wine you’d both just downed. His sweet tongue was a welcome flavor, brushing against yours as his hand moved to caress the back of your head. Time seemed to warp as you drowned each other in kisses, and you found yourself almost losing track of your plans once again. But you forced yourself to remain conscious of the situation— managing to take off his shirt and tie, revealing his sculpted torso to you.

Knowing that Shouto was just as consumed with the kiss as you were, you took the opportunity to sneak the handcuffs from underneath the cushion, balancing them on the top of the sofa skillfully. He sighed as you let your fingers slide through his silky locks, his breath hot on your slick mouth before his lips covered yours once again. Then, you trailed your nails down his forearms, grasp tightening around his wrists and pressing them up beside his head. You peeked at him through low-lidded eyes, reassured when you saw his eyes were shut and brow scrunched— seeming to enjoy your little power play, completely oblivious. A thrill struck through you as you swiftly transferred his wrists to the awaiting fluffy cuffs, the telltale click too fast for him to realize what was happening, for both his hands were secured in the device in under a second.

Shouto stiffened, his body jerking as he tried to move his hands to your sides. His eyes snapped open, looking to you in confusion before he glanced at his wrists, the pure shock blooming on his face, plain as day. You moved in to kiss the soft skin on his throat, taking the chance his surprise gave you as the wheels began to turn once again in his brain. Once he seemed to recuperate, his jaw hung open as he tried to find the right words— any words, really. But your lips on his neck only slowed him further, your hands slipping up to rub at his chest while you continued your ministrations. He tried to say your name in admonishment, but you crawled onto his lap at that exact moment, and it turned out sounding more like a moan instead.

“What… what is this, love?” He finally managed to ask, his voice deliciously low and gravely, rumbling against your front as you shamelessly pressed your body against his. He tipped his head back as you sucked at the skin beneath his jaw, holding in another moan while he inspected the cuffs further. “Where did you manage to get these?”

He was, of course, referring to the restraints around his wrists. He was right to question it— the cuffs around his wrists were the very same ones he saw on the daily, thanks to his profession. They were of professional grade— high caliber, quirk-canceling cuffs— identical to the pair that laid in the pack of his hero suit in his bedroom closet. He tried to activate his ice just a little, but wasn’t surprised to find his powers did not answer his request.

You stirred your hips around his lap, causing his attention to return to you instantly. His gaze grew more desirous as he inspected you, your insides fluttering with a quiet relief that he seemed into the whole charade. “I have my ways~” you replied vaguely. There was no way in hell you were going to bring up how you had to beg your friend Bakugou for months on end to get your hands on a pair of these babies. You could tell him that later, when your sexy-time was over. Instead, you kissed him again, brushing his corded neck with your thumbs on either side, cradling his face the way you knew he loved so dearly.

Shouto dropped it immediately, not wanting to push it when you were grinding on top of his lap, taking the reins and smothering him with your soft, sweet lips. “They’re pink,” he managed to observe, his breath getting choppy as you stole all of it away.

It was true, the cuffs boasted a fuzzy, pink material around the insides so that the restraints wouldn’t be so harsh against his pretty skin. The color looked simply divine on him, a perfect mix between the two shades of his hair. You had hot-glued the plush cloth to the cuffs the other day, and while it seemed like a ratchet method, it was the only way you could get the damn things to stick.

“They are pink,” you confirmed, brushing your lips against his ear, your teeth gently scraping on the outer shell. “You wanna know what else is pink?”

His hips bucked and his strong thigh pressed against your core through your clothes, pleasure shooting through you at the sudden stimulation. He answered without hesitation, “Yes. Yes, I do.”

You smiled at his honesty, confidence leaking into your veins from his agile reply. “Ask me nicely, and I’ll consider showing you.”

His eyes rolled back as you pressed down harder onto his lap, his slacks now forming a rather tight looking tent at the front, which you took full advantage of rubbing yourself against. “Please show me, Y/n. Show me what else is pink baby, please, I want to see…”

There was no way you weren’t going to oblige after that, so you smirked to yourself and got off his lap, moving to stand before him. Shouto scooted forward slightly, his legs spreading to showcase the length trapped between them as his eyes burned into yours. You took your time fiddling with the back of your dress, sliding the zipper down and then carefully slipping the garment off your shoulders and down your hips.

“Fuck.”

And there went the eloquence he was so renowned for.

Shouto’s tongue wandered across the bottom of his teeth as his eyes flicked up and down your body, taking in how the pink lingerie clung to every dip and curve on your body. The pure lust on his face made another wave of confidence surge through you, and you turned as you stepped out of the dress, making sure to shake your ass for him a little as you bent over.

“Get over here and take these off.”

You looked back at him, a mix of amused and aroused at his sudden change of inflection. He didn’t sound all that complacent now, his voice deep and demanding— the one that you were accustomed to whispering nasty things into your ear while he rearranged your guts.

“I don’t think so, baby.”

His brow rose the quickest you’d ever seen, the surprise evident on his face yet again. “Excuse me?” he balked.

You stood upright and turned to face him, unapologetic and unafraid as you stalked closer to his sitting form. Spreading your legs so that you were straddling him, you leaned into him, your face was right in front of his as you whispered, “I said, I don’t think so, baby.”

If he tried to stop the shiver that coursed through his body, it didn’t work. His eyes closed and he inhaled sharply as you rubbed yourself against his lap, your cunt dampening the lace that separated your core from his slacks. Your hands crawled down his torso, taking your time to knead the taut muscles that lined his front. When you reached the top of his slacks, you smirked and thumbed over the well-kept trail of red and white that disappeared underneath. You helped him maneuver so that he was rid of the luxurious clothing, leaving him only in a pair of boxer briefs that looked rather tight at the moment. His cock was visible through the dark material, a long and thick temptation to stray from your agenda.

“One sec,” you nearly giggled as you ran over to the kitchen, taking the bowl you had prepared when he was in the bedroom earlier from the microwave.

Shouto watched you from the couch, still trying to devise a plan to get out of his restraints and take his revenge on you. But that all slipped away the moment you returned and stooped to your knees in between his legs, and he could see what the contents of the bowl in your hands was, exactly. It looked like… milk?

As if you could read his mind, you drizzled some of the melted liquid off the spoon and onto your finger, offering him a taste. Like he had done in the restaurant, he made sure to keep your gaze as his tongue curled around your finger, lips closing and sucking the food in question off. His eyes lit up at the distinct sweetness, his mouth following your digit slightly as you pulled it back.

White chocolate.

You laughed to yourself, happy that he seemed interested— his cock jerking against his thigh when you took a spoonful and began to drizzle it over his chest. It was hot, the chocolate molten so that you had to trace over the lines you made swiftly with your tongue, ensuring it didn’t harden and stick to his skin.

Shouto started moaning as you licked up and down his body, watching as your pink muscle trailed around his body, all the while avoiding the one area he really wanted you to pay attention to. A dark spot had started to form at the tip of his cock, and he was painfully hard.

You suckled at one of his nipples, a spot which you knew he was especially sensitive to. He groaned as his head fell back against the cushions, rutting up against you with measured precision. It was hot having him under your complete control, having him squirm and moan beneath you, desperate for your touch. You were sure your panties were drenched by now, there was no way you weren’t with the way he was looking up at you.

Finally you moved your attention to his thighs, his ass moving off the couch instantly as your fingers curled into his underwear, dragging them down his legs and depositing them onto the floor. You couldn’t help but lick your lips at the sight of his erect cock, looking full and beckoning. The fucsia tip was engorged and shining with precum, evidence of his arousal that glistened in the low lighting and left a thin path down the length of him. The cool air of the room must have felt intense for him, for his length reached forward on its own, begging for your touch.

Shouto said your name lowly, gravel in his voice as he watched you eye his cock. He damn well knew that you were thinking about how good it would feel to just slip your panties to the side and press him inside of you, how amazing it would be to have him stretching your cunt with his cock. He was sure that he would slip right in, too— he didn’t have any doubt that you were wet from teasing him like this.

You kept his gaze as you spooned around the outline of his flushed member, from one thigh to the other, along the bottom of his abs and over his prominent V. The fire in his eyes only ignited further as he watched your tongue move across his skin, the white liquid pooling against the muscle and gathering in your mouth. His cock strained as it tried to reach for you, wanting for you to milk its own white liquid from it instead of the melted chocolate. Then, you were climbing onto his lap again, offering the melted candy to him while you gripped his shoulders.

His tongue met yours with enthusiasm, sweeping off the chocolate and collecting it into his mouth. You moaned as he eagerly took the liquid from you, taking his time afterwards so that his tongue mingled with yours, enrapturing you in another kiss. Once again his hips jerked up against you, his cock dragging across your clit through your lingerie. You tried to scowl at him, but it felt too good and you ended up letting out a soft mewl instead.

Shouto looked pleased as the noise slithered out of you, his arms straining to reach for you but the cuffs stopping him from doing so. He growled at the restraints, the short chain clinking as he fought against it futilely. “Y/n, please,” he huffed, irritated. “Just take these off and I’ll reward you.”

Shaking your head, you gyrated across his lap again, eliciting a groan from him. “What if I just take the reward for myself?” you purred, getting up and pushing him down to lay back onto the couch.

He was about to object when you slipped your panties down your thighs. Voice caught in his throat, he watched a strand of slick stretch between them and your cunt before he shut his mouth and leaned back, complacent. He seemed to understand what you wanted, keeping his arms still above his head as you slipped your legs between them, then planting your knees beside his neck. He clicked his tongue at your demand, but he didn’t wait long before he split your folds with it instead.

You could feel him smirk against your cunt when you moaned, the direct stimulation strong enough to make your toes curl already. The position allowed him to cup your ass with his hands, fingers digging into your plush flesh as he moved the skilled muscle to trace along your clit. He switched between kissing the bundle of nerves and sucking on it, savoring the way your legs began to shake on either side of his head.

All the while, you busied yourself with kissing down his chest, slowly getting closer and closer to his cock that was leaking onto his toned stomach. You didn’t bother with the chocolate any more, and you didn’t care to tease him either— you wrapped your hand around him and took the head into your mouth, moaning as your lips pulled tight around him.

“God— so good, baby” Shouto gasped, throbbing in your hand as his fingernails dented the skin on your ass. He moaned into your pussy, pushing his tongue inside your entrance and moving it feverishly against your velvet walls. His hips drove up and you gagged around his cock, which only made him pull your body tighter against his face, working harder against your cunt. The pre helped him slide into your throat easier, your spit beginning to drip down his length as you struggled to pace yourself, head bobbing as best you could.

He continued to slurp at your entrance vigorously, even with the restraints making it hard for him to hold onto you. You could feel his smooth hair tickling the insides of your thighs as your hips swung back and forth over his mouth, your fingers cutting shallow grooves into his thighs as you slid his length along your tongue.

“Fuck, just like that,” you paused, saliva shining on your lips as you glanced down at Shouto, his tongue rubbing at your clit with steady licks. You took a moment to enjoy the view, his chiseled jaw protruding as he ravaged your sex, having abandoned any defiance he previously harbored. You luxuriated in another minute of his sensual efforts before you moved your hips back, carefully taking your legs out from between his arms and moving so that Shouto was sat upright, and you were hovering over his lap again.

A silvery sheen covered the bottom half of Shouto’s face, his eyes blazing into yours as he wiped his chin with the back of his cuffed hand, then licking his lips. Even if you were the one in charge here, he knew how to rile you up, and he certainly knew how to deliver as well. You just didn’t expect for him to try to fluster you.

“Did that feel good, Master?”

You sputtered at the sudden title, eyes wide and body still while you lingered above his lap, his hard cock grazing your slick thighs. Your mouth hung open as you tried to formulate words, the shock evident on your face. “I—”

Shouto seemed charmed by your lack of response, your brain still buffering as you tried to process what he had just called you. He raised his cuffs over his head, settling into the couch while he thought he had managed to snag the upper hand from you.

Like hell you were going to pass him the reins.

“That felt so good, baby,” you purred, enjoying the shock that suddenly appeared in his vibrant irises. You dragged your hand down his chest, fingertips bumping over one of his rose-colored nipples. “You’re such a good boy for me.”

His cock smacked against your thigh, your eyes glinting down at him as his body betrayed him in his fleeting attempt to hide his response to your praise. Suddenly the mischievous look in his gaze had dissipated, melting into longing instead. He seemed confused by the sudden change of emotion, but you didn’t give him long to contemplate it— you lightly drew your nails down his abdomen and grasped his cock, a startled noise sounding from his throat. Tracing the swollen head against your slit, you doused him with your arousal, teasing the pair of you as you dipped the tip just barely inside before rearing back. You half expected him to thrust up and sheathe himself inside of you, but he only laid there beneath you, watching your core glide against his length in assent. His legs twitched with the urge to feel your silky cunt around him, but he remained still, athletic thighs strained while his hips wiggled just barely. His eyes widened as you turned around, presenting your bare ass to his gaze and allowing your cunt to part, dragging it along the vein on the underside of his erection.

“Aha—” he sucked a breath in through his grating teeth, brow furrowed and gaze focused on where your bodies connected on his lap. “Please Y/n…”

You looked over your shoulder at him, catching how his pupils were dark and full of lust. There was nothing you wanted more than to stuff him inside you already, but you had to hear him utter it one more time before you allowed the both of you to sink into pleasure. “Please, what, Shouto?”

His gaze lifted from his lap to meet your eyes, full of desire. He whispered, this time much more shameful than the last, “Please sit on my cock… Master.”

You smirked, straightening your hips over his, arching your back, and sinking down onto his awaiting length. Impaling yourself with his cock always hurt at first, the girth of him stretching your sopping core like nothing else— no one else— could. It was impossible to stop yourself from crying out, agreement coming from Shouto in prefect harmony. The cuffs clinked as his hands flew down to grab your waist, awkwardly placing them on your lower back as he couldn’t grab you as he desired, thanks to the pink, fuzzy restraints.

“Good boy~” you moaned, ass jerking back to swing your hips down onto the tops of his solid thighs. There was a ridiculous amount of pleasure that coursed through you with each rut of your hips against his, beginning to find a rhythm as the lewd smacks interrupted the soft music humming from the other side of the room. His cock jumped in response to your praise, stretching to press into a spot nestled deep inside your gummy walls.

Shouto watched you shiver through hooded eyes, feeling your cunt clench down onto him as your hips pushed down to get his cock to press harder inside of you. “Fuck, that feels so good,” he groaned, head tossing back over the back of the sofa, a long moan following.

“Oh God,” you whimpered, knees pushing into the cushions so you could find an arch that allowed the very tip of him to relocate the same angle, again and again. Your slick started to drip down your thighs and onto the tops of his, his cock sliding in and out of you with ease. You felt like your stomach was on fire with how turned on you were— having him at your complete mercy made your cunt tighten around him, lust clouding your head.

One of your hands moved behind you and planted on his abs to help leverage your weight as you bounced on his lap, the other hand sneaking between your legs to toy with your neglected clit. Shouto whined when your fingers touched the sensitive nub, your pussy squeezing his cock even tighter at the stimulation. It felt amazing to rub yourself with his cock plunging deep inside of you, your slick bountiful enough to spread across your clit and aid your efforts.

You kept up the pace, your thighs beginning to tremble as the pressure in your stomach continued to heighten. All the while, Shouto was moaning from beneath you, trying to hold his noises of content back, but failing each time. His large, rough hands trailed up and down your spine while you humped his lap, the metal of the cuffs a sharp contrast on your skin from the soft, pink cloth you fixed onto them.

“Slow down, love,” he choked out, the words heavy in his throat. There was no way he was going to last at the pace you were setting, not after you had handcuffed him, sucked him off, and started throwing your ass back onto his lap. You didn’t want to stop, but you knew that if you ignored his plea he was going to cum too soon. “Wait—” he whined when you got off his lap, standing up and turning around, letting him watch as you unhooked your bra.

You didn’t make him wait long, though. Your knees sank bank into the cushions on either side of him, but this time, your front was facing him. Shouto took in the sight of your naked chest gratefully, taking it upon himself to slip one of your nipples into his mouth. Guiding his wet cock back between your legs, you exhaled as you lowered yourself onto him again. Teeth grazed across your chest, your fingers winding through the short hairs at the back of his neck and carding through them. The new position allowed him to reach new depths when you fully sat on his lap, your toes curling at the edge of the cushion. You rolled your hips in slow and precise circles, grinding his length inside of you brazenly.

Leaning in so that your teeth could pinch at his bottom lip, you forced him to look up at you, savoring the fucked-out expression painted across his handsome features. “Fuck baby, your cock feels so good inside me,” you whispered, lips trailing across his cheek so that you could nip at his ear and test your newfound discovery another time. “You’re such a good boy, Shouto~”

Pure euphoria crashed through you as he bucked his hips up, slamming his cock balls-deep inside of you. You knew that you were supposed to be the dominant one right now, but it was impossible to keep the moan his action induced inside.

“Anything for you, Master,” he grunted, a sinful crackle in his tone as his tongue traced over your collar bone.  

It didn’t help that his voice was so damn deliciously low— he was already sexy enough on his own. But when he had you all to himself, he stepped it up another level that none could ever imagine existed— the side of him that was devoted to your pleasure, the side of him that was dedicated to pulling orgasm after orgasm from your body until you were left boneless and breathless.

Shouto began to bounce you on his lap slightly, meeting you each time your hips fell down so that he could push entirely inside of you every time. You didn’t want to let him take over just yet, but his hips never seemed to tire, even now when yours began to tremble with exertion. That familiar pressure was back and building again, faster than last time in between your hips. Shouto was well aware of your declining energy, his hands cupping your breasts and thumbing over the hard buds on each one, the cuffs digging into your middle with each thrust.

“Take the cuffs off, Y/n,” he murmured, fingers twisting at your nipples gently. Then he started to suck a hickey into your cleavage, his cool breath making goosebumps appear on your skin.

“No,” you gasped as you dropped particularly hard onto his cock, silky inner walls spreading especially deep as his length pressed inside of you. “I can’t— have to make you feel good —agh, fuck!”

He flashed you a short smile, huffing as you continued your efforts on his lap. “I feel good when you feel good,” he replied, pinching at you harder, relishing the sweet moan that tumbled from your open mouth. “Please, I’ll behave, promise.”

You didn’t need to hear anything else from him, leaning back and swiping the key from underneath the book on the coffee table— where you had stashed it when you hid the cuffs in the first place. As soon as the cuffs were off, Shouto tossed them to the other side of the room, the pink restraints clattering as they landed somewhere on the floor. His hand immediately gripped your waist, fingers spreading out across your lower back, and tilting you back slightly while he leaned forward, thrusting up into you with fervor. The other hand made a makeshift ponytail of your hair, pulling it so your throat was exposed with your head thrown back.

The sudden change in angle elicited a pathetic mewl from your chest, his cock hammering into your g-spot at such a pace that you were instantly brought to the brink of an orgasm. You clung onto his shoulders for dear life, his head buried in your neck while he sucked his mark into your skin, the wet, quick slaps of your fronts meeting repeatedly echoing through the apartment rhythmically.

“S’That feel good, Master?” His tongue trailed up your throat and he nibbled at your ear, just as you had done to him just minutes ago.

You could barely think, your cunt pulsing as you got closer and closer to cumming right around his cock, your fingernails digging into the thick muscles that lined his shoulders. “Y-Yes, fuck— so good— such a good boyyy~” you cried, tears gathering to dot along your lashline, your body overwhelmed with the ecstasy rushing through your entirety. “God, Shouto— I, I’m gonna—”

“Do it, love,” he ordered, hands dropping so that each cupped an ass cheek, spreading your legs even more so that each thrust was ensured to drive as deep inside of you as possible. He could feel your pussy clamping down on him, squeezing his cock hard enough that you must’ve been right on the edge, just needing that extra little push. “Please— ahh fuck, I— I want you to cum on my cock. Cum for me, Master.”

That was all it took for you to be creaming on his length, your body quivering in his hands as your cunt fluttered with bliss. It felt like the world was crumbling away and that Shouto and you were the only two people on the planet, like he was pouring oxygen into your veins just as you were about to run out of breath.

As you were still in the throes of your orgasm, Shouto maneuvered you so that your back was pressed up against the top of the coffee table in front of the couch, falling to his knees and throwing your shaking legs over his shoulders. The bowl of white chocolate and the magazines in the corner of the table fell down onto the hardwood floor, but neither of you were paying attention to the sound of the ruckus.

He began fucking you then, his hands clasping your thighs so that your body stayed close enough for him to slam his hips into yours without mercy. “Fuck Y/n, you’re so sexy, look at you, baby,” he hissed, taking a moment to examine your puffy cunt, spitting on it crudely before a thumb began to rub at your clit earnestly. “I’m your good boy, huh? See how good I fuck my Master?”

“Oh God— oh, fuck Shouto, yes! Don’t stop!” you exclaimed, and somehow, even though you were still cumming from before, another pressure started to build in your stomach, gathering faster than you could comprehend.

A heightened euphoria rushed through your nerves and tickled at the ends of your limbs, different from before. You whimpered when you realized what was happening, but by then it was too late to warn him— Shouto was pounding into you relentlessly, and his thumb steady on your clit only made your high arrive even faster. A strangled moan slipped out of you as clear liquid splashed across his abdomen, your body shivering and convulsing as it struggled to handle the pleasure he delivered to you. You had certainly orgasmed before, but this was as if the pleasure you had felt increased tenfold, leaving you truly wrecked and exhausted.

You were still squirting as you came to, and when you were finally able to look at him, you watched as he stroked his slick cock with ferocity. His eyes were focused on your soaked thighs before they closed and he groaned deeply, ribbons of white spurting past his hand and splattering across your breasts and stomach. His palm slapped onto the tabletop beside your waist while he hunched forward, out of breath as pleasure wracked through his fit body, the muscles that lined his torso heaving while his pink cock throbbed in his hand.

Your head fell back onto the table as you recuperated, shocked that he had just made you squirt all over him, and then he proceeded to cum at the sight, painting you white with his spend. Another minute passed and you were still trying to find your breath, coming down from your high, even though Shouto had already recovered from his.

A warm hand cupped the back of your neck, and you opened your eyes, realizing suddenly that you were secure in his arms, moving past the messy living room and down the hallway to his bedroom. His lips pressed against your forehead softly when he entered his room, your heart skipping a beat in your chest as you took in the dozens of lit candles that lined the walls and windows. It only continued when he turned into the ensuite, the bath filled with cloudy pink water, flower petals floating on the still surface and littering the surrounding tiles.

“Shouto— this is…” you tried to sit up in his arms, but he only held you tighter against his chest. There was a proud look that lingered in his eye, yet he only offered you a soft smile as you looked between him and your surroundings. No one had ever committed such a romantic act for you before, and you sure as hell hadn’t been expecting such a suave move from your boyfriend of a couple months.

So this is what he must’ve been doing when you had returned from dinner.

“There were bubbles, but someone distracted me and they must’ve popped while we were preoccupied,” he explained, fingers brushing a strand of hair to the side of your face.

“I— it’s perfect, baby,” you chirped as enthusiastically as you could, your body still drained from the exertion of two consecutive orgasms. “Thank you, I love it.”

He hummed as he shifted your weight to one arm, reaching out and activating his quirk to heat the water to the right temperature again. You sat in his arms, satiated and more content than ever as you surveyed his handsome face. Surely there would be hearts in your eyes, with how loved you felt in this moment.

Once he was satisfied with the warmth the water offered, he stepped into the tub, slowly submerging the two of you in the pleasant-scented bath. The warmth flooded into your tired bones, your body happy to be swaddled in his embrace as he held you close. You hummed as you rested your head against his chest, hand coming to rest beside your face.

“How’s the water? Just let me know and I’ll fix it to your liking… Master.”

You scoffed and slapped at his chest, the pink water splashing across his pale skin. He donned a genuine smile at the sound of your laughter, calloused fingers stroking down your spine. “Shut up,” you managed, cupping his neck and pressing a kiss to his throat to show your words held no real intent, “It’s perfect, I mean it. Thank you, Sho.”

Shouto’s smile remained, his eyes soft as his leg curled around one of yours beside the porcelain of the tub. “You deserve it,” he murmured, thumb swiping across your cheek to rid you of a water droplet that had splashed onto you from your attack. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.”

 ─── ・°* ﾟ✧:* • ｡ﾟ:*･☽･*: ｡ﾟ•*:✧ ﾟ*°・ ───

.

.

happi belated vday babes!! <3 once again, sorry it’s late~ I hope you all had a good one tho!! :3 love y’all <3 <3 <3 

➥ masterlist

𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 © 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐩𝐢 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏 . 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐝.

[sleepingdeath-light]

reading the crossover headcanons for TOH was amazing!

i wanted to request a crossover with TOH and Steven Universe if possible! (also with Hunter x Reader) You can decide between reader being half-gem, like Steven, or fully gem! If you can't or don't want to, that's okay! Aand I really love your headcanons! You make them long and detailed! It's truly amazing.

Crossover Headcanons | SU x TOH [Hunter x Gem//Hybrid!Reader]

thank you for requesting, anon

These are written with a gender neutral reader in mind and have a general chronology from the reader’s last moments in little homeworld until they end up with Hunter, so apologies if this gets long!

Note : this is the first time I’ve written for the SU canon, so I’m not as experienced with that universe. Also my portrayal of these characters is still pretty rocky, so I may rework this in the future.

The first few months you spent in Little Homeworld had felt almost like a dream come to life; freedom to be yourself and explore a world full of organic life without the restrictions placed on you by the diamonds? It was fantastic! However, that feeling of unrestricted feeling soon started to grow stale as you realise that the growth of the small colony had already started to stagnate—and that not all humans were welcoming of intergalactic immigrants like your kind.

So to ease your mind you opted to take the warp to the next star system over—craving that same sense of excitement that you had during the gem war

Simply standing on the warp again was enough to get your blood pumping with a reignited vigour for exploration

A feeling so palpable that you failed to notice the array of spindly cracks that spanned the surface of the device, and the way that a sickly dull light pulsated beneath your feet (the sight accompanied by a warning hum far too low for you to notice)

Though you couldn’t ignore the way the warp didn’t immediately go off like usual, nor could you neglect the searing pain that spread through your veins and constricted your throat; leaving you in so much pain that you couldn’t even move or scream before your vision was engulfed in a glitching, sickeningly bright light

It must have been several hours later when you woke up, based on how high the sun was in the sky… was the sky that red before?

Your head was pounding and although your vision was blurry, yet you couldn’t ignore how different your surroundings were from the earth you were used to

The sky was a faint red and the ground beneath your feet was dusted with deep maroon grass—it was soft and warm under your fingertips but with how much organic matter there was you knew that this wasn’t a colony

Hell, you didn’t even arrive on a warp on this end, so either you had been transported to somewhere else because a malfunction (unusual, but likely) or someone had taken you from the receiving warp and dropped you off in the middle of a clearing (far less likely)

Suddenly struck with worry, you sat up and moved your clothes to get a good look at your gem, letting out a relieved sigh when you saw it undamaged (clearly you’d landed where you woke up as most organics would have tried to remove it from your body before dumping you)

Realising that you were mostly safe you slowly rose to your feet and decided to explore your new environment, hand hovering near your gem in case you needed to defend yourself from whatever creatures had made their home here—trying to make yourself appear as small, quiet and unnoticeable as possible as you went

However, your efforts seemed to be in vein as you were quickly greeted by an excitable and loud human girl who practically screamed her welcome to you

You were torn between fleeing and fighting her when she offered her hand and introduced herself as “Luz the human”, her demeanour quite closely mirroring what you’d heard about Steven when he was younger from his mothers—it was almost endearing how much she tried to hold in her joy at seeing another “human”. You almost didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth as she walked you back to her home.

You were accosted at the door by an organic tube with an owl’s face that quickly and gleefully introduced itself as Hooty—the creepy, but rather friendly, house demon

Luz made an effort to hastily brush him off and hurry you both inside where you met with the other two inhabitants of the home as well as Luz’s “awesome girlfriend”, Amity.

Eda, an older witch with grey hair that hardly suited her age, greeted you with muted suspicion, not even taking her eyes off of you as she addressed the human at your side—seemingly unsure of your motives but trusting herself to be stronger than you (if her grip on her staff was anything to go by)

King, however, was much more brazen and blatant in his distrust of you, stomping over and pointing an accusing claw up at you as he threatened you in every way he could muster (even if all that got him was a halfhearted coo from you that left the creature more frustrated and downtrodden than before)

The guest, Amity, meanwhile, looked over at you with disinterest before she caught a glimpse of your (colour) gem peeking out from your clothing—immediately pointing it out and questioning you about it, much to your chagrin

This inevitably led to a very long and semi-complicated conversation discussing the intricacies of your species and how, no, you’re technically not a human

No you weren’t trying to deceive Luz, either, you just felt too awkward to correct her

But when all was said and done (and you were all out of steam after a several hour session of intense questioning and frustration at miscommunications) they seemed much more relaxed around you—even willing to let you stay with them, at Luz’s request, so long as you pulled your weight around the house and helped to keep them safe

And, really, how hard could that be? You fought in an intergalactic war so taking out a few organics should be a piece of cake (as Steven would say)

After spending a few weeks in this strange new world you had come to realise one specific thing; it wasn’t easy. It was, in fact, the exact opposite.

If you had to bubble one more guard you were going to scream

What had they done to make this Emperor hate them so much?

It felt as though half of your time was spent bubbling, blocking or disabling people that had made their way to the Owl House—and the rest was spent painstakingly explaining your abilities and species to Amity, Lilith and Luz

Granted, that wasn’t the most stressful part of your stay

No

That was hands down the stresses that came with visits from Luz’s friends from Hexside: the endlessly kind and protective Willow and the ever-curious and annoyingly quick witted Gus

That being said, you did appreciate their enthusiasm to learn about and accommodate you—even if the look Willow gave you when you spoke about the empire’s treatment of organic life did leave you rather shaken

So what little free time you had was spent learning about the local culture and sharing your experiences with them

Training with Amity and Eda

Helping Willow with her plants in whatever way you can based on your gem

Creating gem clones to help Gus perfect his illusions even further

Teaching Lilith and Luz about your abilities as well as those of your fellow gems, even helping the latter learn to write using gem glyphs

It was heartwarming to see others so passionate about your home, even if their insistence on pushing you to your limits could be rather frustrating (especially early in the mornings when your patience ran thin)

However, the longer you spent there the more members of the Emperor’s Coven (amongst others) you ended up coming across. One particularly memorable instance occurred when you were escorting a fretting Amity through Bonesborough with the twins (who’s presence you had grown rather fond of as their visits became more frequent).

Ed had dragged Em back to the library a good few minutes ago, leaving you and Amity to your own decides as you weaved in and out of the foot traffic—only to stop completely when the youngest Blight suddenly froze before grabbing your hand and darting off to an adjacent alleyway

As you went to protest, she promptly clamped one hand over your mouth and gestured rather violently for you to stay quiet before nodding towards a figure just a bit away from you

From the golden mask and white cloak you knew they were a member of the Emperor’s Coven—but you’d seen them before, on the posters littered around the city, each exploring passersby to join their coven

Golden Guard

That was a definite threat

So you passed the girl a spare cloak and did what you could to mask your own appearance before carefully making your way back home, shopping be damned—one hand over your gem just in case he happened to notice you

Though thankfully he didn’t

Not that it stopped you from filing him away as someone to be wary of anyway; he was the emperor’s right hand man, after all, so there was no such thing as being “too cautious”

And for a while that’s exactly what it was, not that you saw much of him that is, but from what you’d been told about Luz and Amity’s run ins with him you were glad to have never seen him face-to-face. If you had, you were almost certain he wouldn’t come out unscathed—teenage protege or not.

So with all that in mind, the last that you were expecting to see on a relatively peaceful Saturday evening was the unmasked Golden Guard practically unconscious and leaning on Luz and Eda for support as they burst through the door

Completely ignoring Hooty as usual as they carefully laid him down on the seat beside you (after you’d hurriedly gotten up, that is)

He looked to be in an awful state, with his visible skin bloodied, bruised and scarred whilst his usually pristine uniform was tattered and caked in dirt and what seemed to be even more of his blood

Seeming to notice your distress, Eda briefly addressed you and her sister before sending you all off to gather supplies (or heal if your gem allowed it)

“The kid’s been through a lot, but he’s with us now. Trust me, I wouldn’t have carried him all this way if I had any doubts about it.”

And that was that

It took Hunter (as he introduced himself) over a week to even be able to get out of bed and walk around unassisted—and whilst he actively avoided speaking about what had happened to him, you had a feeling that Belos was somehow involved

Though things were still rather tense for a month or so after he arrived, no matter how hard Luz tried to integrate him (and no matter how polite and welcoming Willow and Gus tried to be)

And you didn’t even want to recall the shouting match that occurred when Amity saw him in the living room with Luz….

It seemed as though he was just more content to shut himself away with L’il Rascal and only interact with Luz and Eda; the former to learn from her and the latter because she wouldn’t let him get away with anything but

That wasn’t even mentioning the palpable tension between him and Lilith (she would only say that it was from their time in the coven—and Luz suspected he’d annoyed her a bit too much—but nothing else would come of it)

But the others were worried about him, so you were sent in as a neutral party to talk with him about… things. You weren’t really told what and you didn’t have the time to ask.

Initially he was incredibly closed off and would only address you briefly, barely even acknowledging your presence as he gave his full attention to the scattered papers on his desk, each depicting a different spell and each ever so slightly off

So, as gently as you could you took the quill from him and drew a simple glyph on a spare scalp of paper, carefully leading him through the motions before leaning back and activating the spell (and smiling at his much more openly interested expression)

That then sparked a deep conversation about different types of magic—specifically wild magic and glyphs—as you shared what you knew about the topic with one another, every so often breaking off into laughter or patient silence as he’d run across the room to show you his notes or books he’d found

Naturally this would lead to him asking you about where you came from and you discussing your origins with him

Homeworld

The Diamond Authority

The gem war

Colonies

Soldiers

Shattering

The Crystal Gems

Everything

He was incredibly easy to talk to as he listened with a genuine intensity to what you said, nodding along and even asking well thought out questions about your world where appropriate

Depending on how close you were, he may even ask to see your gem and ask about its purpose

If you let him touch it, he’d be so very gentle, almost treating you as though you were made of glass—maybe even sketching it down and noting down your abilities and weaknesses in his personal notebook and apologising if it was weird

This mutual interest in magic and your shared experiences of either having to conform to a specific role your whole life [full gem reader] or feeling out of place and weaker because of your shortcomings [half gem reader] would be the basis of your friendship turned relationship. The transition between the two would be so incredibly seamless and slow that you wouldn’t even notice it happening—one moment you two were best friends sparring and the next you were hiding your blushing face in his neck as he hugs you and apologises for hitting you a bit too hard with his magic.

Your relationship would be sweet and slow and genuine

Hunter is new to receiving any kind of affection, so you’d probably have to teach him a thing or two—but he’d learn quite quickly so don’t worry

He’d spend hours studying your culture and language just to write you notes or offer you affirmations in ways unique to your culture, even calling you “my (Y/n)” after a while

Likewise, the first time you called him “my Hunter” he was left red in the face for the rest of the day (he loved it, though, so don’t stop)

But the moment someone makes a teasing remark about how soft he’s gotten (usually one of the Blight siblings or his own younger sister figure, Luz), Hunter will partially revert to being cold in public (whilst still being affectionate and openly touch starved in private)

In short, your relationship with him would be built on a foundation of mutual trust, affection and understanding that sprouted from friendship and honest conversations about your passions and pasts

[jokingmaiden]

interests and identity

what is an interest to you? what do you believe it means to love something so passionately, so dearly, to where you crave its knowledge like the fruit of a blooming tree? where do you believe interests come from? they are the labors of love, pieces of the encounters around you. there must be a way you learn what you love, and it is always directly or indirectly through another. whether it's the excitement of a cherished friend, a device offered by a guardian, the sight of someone pouring their soul into their work, it comes from others. there is no such thing as originality in love; it is a beautiful thing, to know the love you feel is shared in its purity. what i mean to say is, every inkling of interest you have ever felt for a topic is shared.

this is no terrible thing!! to share love is a beautiful, beautiful truth. every interest you've ever had is a part of someone else: handed to you so delicately and wrapped in silk; or perhaps worn and tattered, clearly used many times over the years and laced with generations of affection; maybe sunkissed and molded, not touched for many years but passed to you as the revitalization it deserves. humans are creatures of mimicry by nature. to gain an interest in something through mirroring the people you admire is to exist in the tenderness of the human condition. there is nothing shameful about gaining your enjoyment from those around you; sharing love is the path to joy.

similarly, we are made of experience. each individual detail of your life makes you: your personality, your strengths, your weaknesses, your identity, all of your likes and dislikes through the years, everything. each single building block, in turn, has been in the hands of another, handled in millions of different ways by millions of different stories, like a trope peppering the tones of several stories through several centuries. no single trait has ever been individual. no one person has been the only one to ever experience something in a single instance. each individual spot of every isolated dimension has been, is, and will be interacted with.

no, what makes you you is not any one trait. it's not your love of your interests, nor your pain, nor your gender or sexuality. what makes you who you are is the combination of these pieces, like a puzzle spanning several trillions of bits to come together as you. while every piece of you has been experienced before, there is no other being in all of existence who has experienced the exact array of life you have. nobody with the same ecosystem in your body keeping you alive, no copy of your arrangement of experiences forming who you are, nothing. you will never be recreated again; even if you were to be cloned exactly as you are, said clone would immediately start having different experiences. you, in this way, will never be remade. and that may be lonely to some, but in reality, it is absolutely beautiful. you are a universe. treat yourself with respect. it takes a long time for a being so intricate, so complex, to be fully and wholly loved. we are all little universes, trying desperately to understand each other with our whole beings. you cannot feel truly loved without first understanding why you are so beautifully unique.

you do not need to break the mirror to see yourself. you simply don't need to stare at it, y'know? and if it offers any solace, i see your constellations, your combinations of beautiful starts and space and life and chaos, and i see love. i see someone who will not become loved, but is already loved far more than they understand. they simply need to see it. and, for what it's worth, i look into the stars in your eyes, and i love them. tenderly, genuinely, and fully. your story is a beautiful one; please, don't try to erase its value simply because a string of characters within it has been used before. you are so much more than a single page.

be gentle; you have galaxies within you.

[matsbarzal]

everything has changed - matthew tkachuk

summary: everything has changed, but is there a possibility of getting past the 'what ifs' that plague every important decision? a lifelong friendship in jeopardy because of an innocent game of never have I ever. will that friendship stay on edge, or become something more?

notes: this was originally written for another player, but due to their actions I made the choice to delete and rewrite it. best friends to lovers, enjoy! let me know what you think!

warnings: soft!matthew, oblivious!reader, female!reader, angsty

word count: 3.6k+

Never have I ever been in love with my best friend.

How was it possible that 11 words could change the entire course of a friendship? A party meant to celebrate your best friend’s newest steppingstone in life had turned into an absolute disaster, and the exact reason as to why could be pinpointed because of a stupid party game.

It was meant to be a small get-together, conscious to the global pandemic going on outside, it was close friends and nothing more. Somehow small get-togethers always resulted in party games, whether it be drunk Jenga, or the ever-so detested never have I ever. That’s how you found yourself, pressed against the side of one of Matthew’s friends on a couch that was far-too small for five people to try and fit.

It was the fourth consecutive comment aimed directly at Matthew, unbeknownst to you previously, this one had been directed because of you.

“Never have I ever been in love with my best friend.”

Pressing the cup to your lips immediately, you allowed the liquid to fall against your lips and down your throat, not paying attention to the people around you.

“Chucky, get that cup the fuck away from your mouth. I’ll make you drink the King’s Cup if you keep fuckin’ lyin’.”

Your eyes shot to the face of the man in question, his own widening at the comment that dropped from Patrick’s lips. You barely noticed the other eyes in the room turning to observe your reaction, the look of confusion crossing across your features as you tried to wrap your brain around the statement.

“Fuck off, Pat,” rolling his eyes at his friend, Matthew quickly pressed the cup to his lips as you watched on warily, not noticing the look the others were giving one another.

“You were literally obsessed with Y/N in high school. Oh, she’s got a new perfume, oh her hair smelled so nice today, oh I miss her so much whenever I��m not at home, oh Y/N this, oh Y/N that.”

Patrick and Gavin pressed into each other as they mocked their friend, Matthew’s cheeks slowly getting redder and redder as the taunting continued. You could feel your own cheeks warming as the comments went on, not being able to wrap your head around what they were saying.

“Y/N shouldn’t be drinking either, should’ve heard the stuff she used to say after Matt left for London,” whipping around to glare at the source of the voice, the brunette grinned back at you, her eyes glazed over with joy, not realizing the weight of her words.

Both yours and Matthew’s faces mirrored each other, grimace’s evident as you tried to avoid making eye contact with the other.

There was a time, or multiple times, where you could admit that you possibly had a crush on Matthew Tkachuk. Just a crush. He was your best friend and had been for years. He was unabashedly kind, he was always the first person you could call when anything went wrong, or when anything went right. It didn’t help that he wasn’t ugly to look at, mix it in with the friendship he had blessed you with for years, it was hard not to develop a crush.

But in love with him?

Things had been uncomfortable since that night, neither you nor Matthew wanting to step into the conversation that was dwindling on the edge of necessary. You both had been tiptoeing around each other, not going out of your way to hangout in a one-on-one setting like you had been doing for years, barely texting, barely even talking. Things were awkward, and neither of you knew what to do.

“We really didn’t realize it was going to cause any issues. I kinda thought you and Matt knew that there were points in time you could’ve dated. Like two summers ago? When you spent every waking minute with each other at the lake house? You guys even slept in the same bed; you can’t seriously tell me nothing happened.”

Shrugging your shoulders as you pushed at the salad on your plate, your appetite dwindling as you tried to wrap your head around your friend’s words. It wasn’t that anything hadn’t happened, it was just that neither of you chose to acknowledge it afterwards. Couldn’t even call it a summer romance because a few decisions made in a drunken haze couldn’t fall under the category of ‘romantic’.

“Matthew and I are just friends, why can’t anyone understand that?”

Sighing, all your friend did was shrug as she went back to the food in front of her, “Whatever you say, Y/N. But don’t expect me not to tell you I told you so when something inevitably happens.”

Her words had remained at the front of your brain throughout the rest of the day, eventually being the only thing you could think of as you tried to do everything you could to get your mind off it. This wasn’t the first time your group of friends had tried to gang up on the both of you, trying to convince you that you were made for each other and that it was inevitable. Sure, there were times where you thought it possible, but Matthew spent less than a quarter of the year back home, and he just… didn’t think about you that way.

You barely registered the beep that came through on the phone beside you, your mind elsewhere as the texts started piling in.

Matthew 🐀: can i come over?

Matthew 🐀: if not that’s ok just wanted to see u feel like its been awhile :/

Mulling the question over in your head, you started typing out a message just to delete it. Since when did he ask to come over? Since when did he not just show up, unannounced, usually with a bag of whatever junk food he could find that would make him ‘have to work out extra hard tomorrow’ as he always said?

Since when do u ask to come over??? lol but yah of course doors unlocked whenever

All you got was a thumbs up in return, an indication that he was probably already on his way. You tried to not let the anxiety rule over you, trying not to focus on the conversation that was bound to commence the moment Matthew finally made his way here. He was your best friend, and you’d be damned before you lost that friendship because of a stupiddrinking game.

You heard the footsteps approaching your apartment door, the quiet pat of Matthew’s feet the only sound heard outside. It was a quiet area, and an even quieter building. Some older people, a few younger families, but no one that ever caused a ruckus, half the time it felt like you were the only person in your entire building with how quiet it was.

Your front door opened and closed, your eyes never leaving the television screen in front of you as you waited for whatever Matthew was about to say. Hearing his keys clutter on the island in the kitchen, he made his way around and into the living room, stopping slightly in his tracks when he saw you curled up on the couch. You were in an old London Knight’s hoodie, a blanket covering your legs as Schitt’s Creek played on the television in front of you.

Moving forward, he gently leaned down to press a kiss to the top of your head, his typical style of greeting for you, before making his way around the couch to sit to the left of you.

“I brought Taco Bell. The Taco Bell is for you, if you want it, but not like… all of it, you have to share.”

Shaking your head in silent laughter, you turned to look at Matthew. He still looked the same as he always did, the curls at the back of his neck pressed closer to him because of the baseball cap adorning his head, his shorts riding up his thighs as his shirt clung to his upper body. He still looked like your Matt, but the uncomfortable look in his eyes, the awkward aura that surrounded him, that was new.

“Pretty sure I’ve never shared shit with you, Matty. I’ll take what I can get, I guess,” grinning as you pushed your hands out in a gimme motion, Matthew smiled as he gleefully placed the Taco Bell bag in your hands.

He pushed his elbow slightly into your side as you began opening the fast-food bag, peering inside to see what he had picked up on his way over. It was your typical meal, the few things that he liked on top.

He took his portion from your gratefully, the content of his pockets ending up on the table in front of him so he could pull the blanket covering your legs over his as well. You could feel the heat of his leg pressing into yours, personal space forgone as it usually was between the two of you. That’s just how you were, that’s how things always were before. You were comfortable being touchy with one another, you were comfortable being in close proximity with him. But things seemed… tense. His body wasn’t as calm as it usually was, his shoulders pressed up and square, you could feel the tenseness radiating from his thigh.

“Matt, I—”

“Two summers ago, when we slept together… like slept together, slept together… I thought like… I had ruined our friendship. You didn’t talk to me for two days after the first time, and then we slept together again… and again. But you never mentioned it after that last week we spent at the cottage, seemed like it just didn’t affect you. Things felt different after, I felt like I had done something wrong, that I had pushed you or ruined our friendship or—”

Shaking your head, you dropped the Taco Bell bag on the table in front of you and quickly grabbed his thigh, squeezing your nails into the side of his knee to emphasize you wanted, no needed him, to stop talking. Obligating, he looked at you.

“I thought I had ruined our friendship. I thought it was just a few drunken mistakes that you regretted, so I forced myself to regret it, forced myself to acknowledge that it was just a mistake. I didn’t want it to affect our friendship, I didn’t want it to ruin anything between us. You’re my best friend, Matt… I didn’t want that to be ruined, so I just never mentioned anything about it.”

Sighing, you watched as Matthew’s shoulders slowly deflated with every sentence you spoke, his eyes solely focused on the pen in his hand. “There was a point a few years ago, my second year with the Flames, where I was convinced, I was in love with you. It was the first time I had ever said it out loud to anyone. Johnny thought I was insane, said that he figured we were just doing long distance and didn’t realize it was such a shock that I was in love with you.”

Oh. Oh.

He continued, his hands wringing together as he tried to steady his nerves. “I knew you didn’t feel the same way about me, knew you probably hadn’t even thought of me like that. Two summers ago, I thought there was maybe a chance. Maybe you had some feelings other than friendly one’s for me, but I never said anything, Patrick always told me I was being stupid, Emmy too, both of them said I was being stupid.”

“The things Pat said the other night, he wasn’t wrong. I am in love with you, and I have been… for a long time, I think. There were days where all I wanted was you, there still are, when my heads not in the right place, or the media is pushing me into another hole, you’re always the person I want there with me.”

Your eyes were practically bugging out of your head at this point, your mind trying to mull over the complete confession Matthew had just directed towards you. This wasn’t what you were expecting when he asked to come over, maybe a conversation about how the other night was a joke and it was just Patrick being stupid, maybe a conversation to just try and dispel the awkwardness. But this? This was unexpected.

Although, you weren’t sure what the conversation was going to entail anyways, this definitely wasn’t it.

“Matt… I—”

“No. I don’t want to hear you reject me or pity me or anything. I just… I needed to tell you this. You’re my best friend, and just because I’m in love with you doesn’t mean I want our friendship ruined. It’s probably ruined anyways, but you’re my best friend.”

“Can you let me speak, god damnit?”

Putting his hands up in mock surrender, you could immediately see the shake in them, the shake of his arms and the tenseness of his thighs even more proof of how anxious he was to have this conversation.

“Matt, I don’t just… sleep with anyone. There’s been times where yeah, maybe I’ve had a little crush on you, or yeah maybe I thought there was a possibility we could’ve been something. Especially that summer when everything was going on. But you never mentioned it either, never even brought up the topic, you just made it seem like everything was going back to normal. I never really put any thought into what we could be… like other than friends. I didn’t think it would ever happen, so why would I bother?”

You were both at a standstill at this point, both of your feeling’s laid out on the table. He was in love with you, and you didn’t know how you felt. Sure, he was the person you wanted to see every day, and yeah, he was the first person you called when every good thing and every bad thing happened, and yeah there were mornings where you wish you could wakeup next to him, and times where you wanted to cuddle up on the couch with him and watch some sappy movie. He was your person and had been your person for more years than you could even remember. But were you ready to push it forward? Were you ready to consider the possibility that you could be more?

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But ever since Pat opened his trap, you’ve barely talked to me. You didn’t even comment on my Instagram photo the other day,” Matthew pouted with the last sentence, a mock look of sadness directed towards you.

Shrugging your shoulders, you nudged his knee with yours, “I thought we were just in an awkward spot. You barely talked to me that night after Pat and Emmy decided to run their mouths.”

“Matthew, it’s not that I don’t have feelings for you. I just… I don’t know if I’m in love with you, I don’t know if I can be that person that you’ve coined in your head, that person that you’re in love with.”

A bark of laughter dropped from his lips at your words, “You’re not magically a different person with me than you are with everyone else. I’ve seen you at your worst, and I’ve seen you at your best. It took a lot out of me to realize what I’ve realized, but the person that you are in my head is the same person you are, sitting right here beside me. I’m not going to beg you for a relationship, but I figured if our friendship was already ruined, then I may as well tell you the truth.”

“I… our friendship isn’t ruined, Matty. I don’t know what it is… but it’s not ruined. Will you just, will you give me some time? Just give me some time to really process everything you’ve told me? Let me figure out where my own feelings are.”

Nodding his head quickly, Matthew shoved the end of a taco in his mouth as he eagerly nodded in your direction, “Hey, I came here with the full intentions of probably being kicked out and told to never speak to you again. If you’re willing to sit here and indulge my craziness then please, take six years to think if you need it.”

Things hadn’t been completely awkward since that night, but things still hadn’t been the same. Matthew was shiftier than usual whenever you saw him, not going out of his way to get close to you or invade your personal space like he usually did. You parents had inquired about why he hadn’t been around much since he got home, or why they hadn’t seen him since he got home from Calgary.

Things were different, and you still couldn’t even wrap your head around your feelings. Was it worth it? Contemplating, even considering a relationship with Matthew? Was it worth the possibility of your friendship being completely decimated if it didn’t work out? Was it worth ruining years and years of something the both of you had built from the ground up?

Did it change the fact that even if you did end up with Matthew, that everything had changed regardless? Things weren’t ever going to be the same again, not when he had so blatantly admitted he was in love with you, and that you were the person he wanted to be with. Everything had changed, and who was to say everything couldn’t keep changing?

Your friendship with Matthew throughout the years had been domestic, there had been nights full of cuddling, nights of just spending the entire time together, weeks of just doing everything with the other. For so long, you were adamant it was just platonic love. You were adamant you loved him like a best friend, and the little crushes here and there were just that, little crushes.

It took you days of awkward encounters and uncomfortable conversations to realize that regardless of the decision you made, things were probably going to be different. Matt didn’t want to overstep, he didn’t want to push you, or force you to decide, or make you try to understand your feelings faster. But he didn’t want to go back to your previous domestic bliss, didn’t want to sit there and look at you, and cuddle up next to you and know that although you were his, you weren’t actually his.

It wasn’t until a conversation with your Mom that you were finally able to grasp what was going on inside your head, where you were finally able to make a decision on what you were going to say, how you were going to approach Matthew.

“It’s easy with him, isn’t it? Everything’s easy with him. He’s the first person you think of when you have news to tell, he’s the last person you think of before you go to sleep, and the first person you think of in the morning. I don’t know where your brain’s at, Y/N. But I promise you, your heart knows what it wants.”

“I just… what if it doesn’t work out? What if we break up and our entire friendship is destroyed? Is that really worth it?” Groaning, all you did was look at her as you slammed your head into your hands. It was the same excuse you kept going over, the same thing you continued to say to everyone.

“Things aren’t ever going to be the same, sweetie. That boy is head over heels in love with you and has been for years. Pretty sure since before he left for London, and I think you’ve felt the same for just as long.”

That’s how you found yourself outside the Tkachuk’s front door, your knuckles eagerly knocking against the wood in front of you. If you didn’t do this now, say the things you wanted to say now, you would chicken out and let everything fall into place the way your brain was so eagerly screaming at you to do.

The door was thrown open, Matthew looking at you in confusion as you hadn’t told him you were coming over. Before he could utter out a word, you started.

“Okay, maybe I am in love with you, and maybe I do want to see where things could go. But what about us? What about our friendship? What if we don’t work out, and we breakup and all our friends have to tiptoe around us, I can’t survive if we hate each other one day. I literally cannot, it’ll kill me, Matt.”

Your annoyance grew as loud beats of laughter started to leave his lips, his shoulder pressing into the door as he looked at you. “If we don’t already hate each other by now, I really think it’s impossible that it’ll ever happen.”

Throwing your hands up in the air, you tried to not cry out in annoyance at his words.

“Yeah, but what if?”

“Stop with the what ifs. If you live your life constantly wondering ‘what if something happens’ you’re going to be a miserable person, and quite frankly, I’d rather not see you go down that path.”

Sighing, your hands dropped to your side as you looked at him. He was right. Your mom was right. Hell, even your friends were right. Everything had changed and living with the lingering possibilities of what ifs preventing you from ever taking a step forward would make it impossible to live your life the way you wanted to.

“I get Pat if things go south. He was my friend first.”

“My God, you can fucking keep him forever if you want.”

Matthew surged forward, his hands cupping your cheeks as he pressed his lips to yours. It felt right, it felt perfect even, as your lips moved against each other’s.

What if everything worked out for the better?

[es-kay-zee]

Double or Nothing | Lee Minho & Han Jisung x Reader

pairing: jisung x reader x minho

genre: smut

warnings: non-idol au, dom! minho, sub! jisung, sub! afab reader, established polyamorous relationship, fingering, oral sex (f and m receiving), cum eating, humiliation, hair pulling, degradation, praise, pet names, sir kink, choking, swearing, edging, overstimulation

requested: nope

word count: 5.2k

proofread: yes :)

taglist: @bxngchxn @jisungsplatforms @hyunsluvv @qtieskz @etherealeeknow @arohabangtan @channelhan @minholuvs

(can't tag): @doyoungsjohnny

____________________

as soon as you read the message that your package was out for delivery, you were excited, practically waiting at the front door for it to arrive. you’d bought it four months ago, and when it was taking so long to show up, you’d started to think you’d wasted your money on something you weren’t going to get. but here it is, finallyarriving. you watch the postman place it on your doorstep, waiting for him to drive away so you can swing the door open and grab it.

as soon as you have the package in your hands, you rush down the hallway, almost running to the bedroom in excitement. you place the package on the side of the bed, shaking jisung’s sleeping form in an attempt to wake him from his sleep. it doesn’t work, you’re slumbering boyfriend continuing to snore away, barely even stirring.

“wake up!” you shout, grabbing one of the pillows and smacking him with it. he begins to move slightly, and you can tell it’s working. you hit him again with the pillow, over and over until he eventually sits up.

under normal circumstances, you’d take a moment to laugh at jisung’s bedhead, but right now, there’s too much excitement running through your veins to even notice the way his hair sticks up at odd angles. instead, you pick up the package again, holding it up and smiling widely at jisung, waiting for him to notice it. but alas, he doesn’t notice, moving to lay back down and go back to sleep.

“hey, don’t you wanna know what i’ve got?” you ask, waving the package slightly.

“what have you got? just tell me,” he mumbles, eyes already closed once again.

“the outfits arrived,” you answer, and that finally wakes him up properly.

he sits up again, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before looking at the box in your hands. he grabs it from you, impatiently prying it open and carefully pulling out the contents.

“i forgot we actually ordered these,” he says, holding one of the matching maid outfits up to look at it.

“are we sure minho’s gonna like them?” you ask, a small bit of doubt creeping into the forefront of your mind.

“well, if he doesn’t, then that’s his problem. either way, we’re gonna look so fucking good,” jisung says, smiling wide as he continues to look at the item in his hands. “where is he, anyway?”

“he went out for lunch with his parents, remember?”

“oh yeah, that’s right.” he pauses, turning his head to you, and you can tell from the look on his face exactly what he’s thinking, especially because you’re thinking the same thing. “how long before he’ll get home?”

“not sure, i can text him and ask,” you say, already pulling out your phone and opening the messages between you and minho. you start typing, asking him how long before he might get home. it’s only moments before your phone buzzes with his reply.

minho <3: maybe an hour. why?

y/n: we just miss you, that’s all

he doesn’t respond, and you know that he’s aware of the real reason you’re asking. he can tell that both you and jisung are needy and waiting for him to come home.

“we have about an hour,” you say, turning to jisung, and he drags himself out of bed at your words. “where are you going?”

“to shower,” he replies, walking towards the bathroom. “because i’m not gonna be stinky when our boyfriend gets home.”

“ah, that’s a good idea,” you reply, deciding to scroll aimlessly through various apps on your phone.

“are you saying i stink?”

“always.”

he scoffs, but you can tell from the upturn at the corners of his mouth that he’s just pretending to be insulted. “well, you’re always stinky as well.”

“am not.”

“are too.”

it’s childish, the way you and jisung always banter with each other. but you wouldn’t change it for the world.

“just go shower,” you say, shaking your head.

“wanna join me?” he asks, a cheeky grin on his face.

“nah, your hands like to wander, so i’ll just shower after you,” you reply. “just don’t use up all the hot water.”

it takes almost 40 minutes for jisung to emerge from the bathroom, a towel loosely hanging around his lower half. but you don’t even take a moment to complain about how long he took, only opting to glare at him as you zoom past him and into the bathroom.

you shower faster than you ever have before, stepping back out of the bathroom, clad in a towel, in record speed. 10 minutes to be exact, which is quite quick for you, who usually showers for upwards of half an hour. as soon as you step into the bedroom, you’re greeted with the sight of jisung, already dressed in his outfit. he spins around upon hearing your soft footsteps, and the view of him is even better from the front.

you love it, the way his strong arms stick out from the short sleeves, the way the skirt rests around his thighs. the fabric hugs his torso perfectly, accentuating his tiny waist.

“how do i look?” he asks, and you respond with an approving nod and a thumbs up.

jisung smiles at your reaction while you grab the other maid costume. you quickly dry off the rest of your body, excited to put on the new clothing. if you look anywhere near as good in it as jisung does, then you’ll be super happy. you pull the garment on, turning to face the mirror once it’s in place, jisung walking to stand next to you, also looking at the reflection. he was right, about what he said earlier, you both look so good.

“what now?” jisung asks.

“now, we wait for our hot ass boyfriend to get home,” you answer, moving to sit on the bed. he follows you with a soft whine. jisung’s the impatient one, always getting himself worked up then complaining when no one helps him straight away.

you begin scrolling through your phone once again, jisung doing the same. and you can tell he’s getting himself worked up, judging from the way he keeps inching himself closer and closer. you, however, ignore him, determined to wait patiently for minho to come home. you fall into a steady rhythm, scrolling aimlessly, and the time ticks by quietly. or, at least, it was quiet until jisung lets out a frustrated groan.

“where is he? he told you an hour, and it’s already been an hour and a half,” he huffs, and you’re not surprised at his response. nor are you surprised when you face him and find his cock hard, pressing against the front of his skirt.

“he’ll be here soon, just be patient.”

“but i’m tired of waiting,” he pouts, placing a hand on your thigh. “what if we had some fun before he gets here?”

“you’re too horny for your own good, sungie,” you reply with a slight eye roll, feeling the way his hand rises up. a content sigh leaves your lips when his hand finally reaches your pussy, a lone finger running through your slick folds, already dripping with arousal.

“see, you’re just as turned on as i am,” he huffs, continuing to move his finger slowly, teasingly. and he’s right. while you’ve been waiting for minho to show up, your mind has been wandering, thinking up all the different possibilities for what he’s going to do when he sees you both, and you’ve been getting more and more worked up with every passing minute.

“but i, at least, know how to behave myself and wait patiently,” you retort, trying to hold back the whines bubbling in your throat.

“well, i don’t see you stopping me right now,” he says, his finger beginning to rub small circles into your clit.

“oh, shut up,” you say, voice somewhat breathless as you bring your hand up to jisung’s aching cock.

it’s almost instantaneous, the moan that he lets out when you wrap your hand around his length, slowly rubbing your thumb along his slit. you slowly pump him, and his hand stills against your clit, his brain momentarily short-circuiting at the stimulation you’re providing him. it only takes a few seconds for jisung to regain control of himself, moving his hand so that his fingers prod at your entrance. he slides the digit in, quickly adding a second while you continue to jerk him off leisurely.

he curls his fingers inside of you, causing you to let out a particularly desperate sounding moan. you pump jisung’s cock faster, losing yourself in the feelings of the moment, loving the way his fingers drag along your walls. you can feel the beginnings of your orgasm starting to grow, the knot forming deep in your stomach. but you can tell from the chorus of shameless whines and moans tumbling from jisung’s parted lips that his orgasm looms much closer. his cock twitches in your hand, so close to a release, but a voice speaks up from the doorway, halting your movements.

“well, well, well, what do we have here?”

you pull away from jisung, his fingers leaving you while you ignore the irritated whine he lets out from his orgasm steadily fading away. you stare at the doorway, eyes wide as you look at minho standing there, his arms folded across his chest and his expression none too impressed.

minho walks towards you, each step somewhat menacing, and it’s obvious that he’s not very pleased with what he found you and jisung doing. he brings his hand up, gripping your chin tightly between his finger and thumb, forcing you to maintain eye contact with him.

“tell me, lamb, which one of you was the impatient one?”

he doesn’t have to ask; he already knows the answer. it’s jisung, it’s always jisung. but you tell him anyway, finding some joy in telling on jisung. minho shakes his head in disappointment, frowning at the younger boy.

“was my pretty boy too horny to wait just a little bit longer,” he says, and you watch as jisung’s ears grow redder and redder. he cowers slightly under minho’s stare, the older man being entirely unimpressed with jisung breaking the rules. “what do you have to say for yourself?”

“i’m sorry,” jisung says, his voice quiet, meek, and he keeps his eyes trained on the bed underneath him, unable to look minho in the eye. minho just tsks in response, saying nothing more about the disobedience, knowing the best way to punish jisung is with actions, not words.

“do you like our outfits?” you ask, kind of annoyed that you’re not getting enough attention.

minho’s eyes scan over you and jisung, and you can tell that he loves the way you both look.

“of course i do, you both look so cute in your little matching outfits,” he smiles, gently cupping your face and rubbing his thumb along your cheek.

he leans in, pressing his lips to yours, and you smile into the kiss, enjoying the gentle moment. but it’s interrupted by jisung’s soft whines. he pouts his lips, silently asking for a kiss as well. minho rolls his eyes slightly, but you can see the soft smile on his face before he leans over to jisung and kissing him. minho steps back, grabbing the chair from the corner of the room and placing it at the end of the bed, ignoring the confused looks from you and jisung.

“now, my pretty pets wanted to play with each other, so you’re gonna keep playing. but you’re gonna do it the way i tell you to,” he says, sitting down. “so, y/n, as adorable as you look all dressed up for me, i want you to strip.”

“yes, sir,” you say, eager to please. you slowly stand up, reaching behind you to undo your outfit before slowly sliding it down your body, being sure to sway your hips enticingly as you do so.

“that’s my good little lamb,” he says, making you smile at the praise. “now, sungie, sit with your back against the headboard, and y/n, i want you to suck him off.”

you wait for jisung to settle into his spot before you move into your position between his legs, lifting up the skirt of his outfit to reveal his still throbbing cock. just as he did before, he moans the second you take him into your hand, slowly pumping him a few times before bringing him to your lips. you press a chaste kiss to the tip, relishing in the soft hiss he lets out at the minuscule contact. you can’t see minho, but you can tell that he’s smirking at you both from his seat, enjoying watching the way you tease the desperate boy in front of you.

“p-please don’t tease me, y/n,” he whimpers out, bringing his hands to tangle in your hair.

“shut up, sungie. you’re lucky i’m not trying you up in the corner to just watch,” minho spits, and jisung’s mouth instantly closes at the words.

you place another kiss along his slit before finally, licking a stripe up the underside of his cock. your tongue moves slowly against him, painstakingly slowly, and he lets out the most pathetic whine you’ve ever heard. it’s a beautiful sound, and you want to hear it again. you pause, waiting a few seconds before licking another stripe, moving just as leisurely as the first time, and you’re rewarded with another desperate whine, jisung wanting to ask for more, but knowing minho will stop you if he does. you lick once more before finally taking him into your mouth.

the only sound better than his whines is his moan upon finally getting to feel the warmth of your mouth. it’s low, guttural, bordering on being a groan. and it sounds like heaven. it sounds like a sinful delight that you’re all too happy to indulge in. you hollow your cheeks, sucking harshly on the tip of his cock before bobbing your head once, taking as much of him as you can before pulling away. you release him with a soft pop, swirling your tongue around him twice before moving back down his length, setting a calm pace with the bobs of your head.

you can feel him twitch in your mouth, his earlier lost orgasm already beginning to return. you hold your head down, feeling him deep in your throat. you moan around his cock, loving the way the vibrations make him rut his hips upwards, causing you to gag slightly. jisung’s legs start to tremble, his moans rising in pitch, and you can tell he’s getting close to his release.

“oh f-fuck, i’m gonna-” he stutters, eyes screwed shut and his hands tugging softly on your hair, a weak attempt to keep himself grounded.

“cum on their tits,” minho’s voice speaks up, and you’d almost forgotten he was even there, watching, observing the way you swallow around jisung’s cock.

“b-but-” jisung whines, wanting to cum down your throat.

“but what? you should be grateful i’m even letting you cum at all,” minho responds.

but, just like jisung, you also want him to cum down your throat. you want to taste him, want his release to coat your tongue. so, you don’t stop, continuing to bob your head up and down with new vigour, trying to make him cum before you can be stopped. but minho gets there first, moving from his chair to you in the blink of an eye, moving jisung’s hands from your hair and harshly grabbing a fistful of it himself, yanking your head back so that jisung’s cock falls free from the confines of your lips.

jisung is quick, taking his cock into his hand and pumping quickly, not wanting to lose his orgasm for the second time. minho presses one of his hands against your back so that you arch it, your chest protruding outwards. jisung pumps himself once, twice, before you feel the warmth of his release hit your tits. you hang your mouth open, tongue out in an attempt to taste at least a drop. but you’re out of luck, his cum only splattering across the expanse of your chest.

you watch jisung’s hand slow down, jerking himself off until he comes back down from his high. he lays limp against the bed, breathing heavily as he tries to catch his breath. minho lets go of you, moving towards jisung. he gentle strokes the younger boy’s hair, telling him how well he did. but the softness only lasts for a moment, minho yanking against jisung’s hair, pulling his head back so that they’re looking each other in the eye.

“lick it off,” minho orders, voice stern. jisung goes bright red, blood rushing to the surface as his face heats up in embarrassment, and you can practically feel the warmth radiating from him from where you’re sitting.

the look on his face is a marvel to behold, a perfect combination of humiliation and desire. so utterly embarrassed at the mere notion of it, but also so devastatingly turned on at the idea of licking his own cum from your breasts. he nods his head, moving so that you can take his place. you lie down, your head resting upon the pillows, jisung hovering over you.

minho stands up, returning to his chair at the end of the bed, watching as jisung’s head lowers to your breasts. jisung looks up at you through his eyelashes before pressing his tongue flat against the soft flesh of your chest.

there’s something so filthy, so dirty about watching him lick his own cum from your skin. something so entirely erotic about the trails of saliva he leaves behind. you moan softly when his lips wrap around one of your nipples, sucking softly on the sensitive bud. he’s quick to let go, though, moving his lips and tongue across, wrapping his lips around your other nipple as well. and it’s not long before his cum is cleaned from your tits, jisung turning to face minho, waiting to be told what happens next.

“good boy, sungie,” minho says, and jisung perks up at the praise, loving to hear that he’s doing a good job. “what do you say to y/n for making you cum?”

jisung turns back to face you, and it’s adorable, the way he looks so shy. but he says his thanks to you anyway, his cheeks a soft shade of pink.

“it’s your turn to give, pretty boy. y/n made you cum so now you can do the same to them.”

“yes, sir,” jisung says, moving so that his face is in front of your pussy. you’ve ignored the throbbing between your legs for long enough. and it’s only now, with jisung’s breath delicately hitting your dripping folds, that you realise just how desperate you are for some kind of stimulation. for any small amount of contact that can bring you the release you need.

his tongue darts out of his mouth, quickly swiping up from your entrance to your clit. you let out a broken moan, your hands flying to tangle in his hair and your eyes closing tightly. jisung’s always been good at this, making you feel good with his mouth. and as his tongue dips into your hole, you can’t help but feel as if you’re floating amongst the clouds.

he only adds to your pleasure, however, when he brings his fingers to prod at your entrance while he sucks at your clit. he curls his digits, working your g-spot for the second time today and it makes your back arch. you tug at his hair, pressing his face harder against you, greedy for more. and jisung is happy to provide. he thrusts his fingers into you faster, humming against your clit. and the vibrations feel like electricity, setting off every nerve ending in your body.

you slowly open your eyes, and you’re greeted with one of the best sights. minho sits on his chair, clothes in a pile on the floor next to him, his hand wrapped around his hard cock, jerking himself off to the sight of you being eaten out by jisung. jisung’s fingers pumping in and out of your walls feel divine, but the addition of knowing that minho’s watching, and that he’s getting off to it as well, is enough to make the knot in your stomach grow faster.

you look down at jisung, and you love the way he looks. his maid outfit still covering him, his eyes closed as he relishes in the taste of you. his hands wrap around your thighs, grip firmly holding you in place, and you can see the way his hips rut against the edge of the bed.

the knot grows, steadily coiling tighter and tighter until you’re waiting, with bated breath, for it to unravel. with a particularly delightful curl of jisung’s fingers, you’re cumming, your legs shaking on either side of his head. he works you through it until you’re only left trembling with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

minho stands up, signalling for jisung to do the same, and the younger boy does, standing beside the bed awaiting instructions.

“strip,” he says to jisung, and he does, quickly ridding himself of the maid outfit, tossing it unceremoniously into the corner of the room.

jisung stands still, cock hard once again, and you can see on his face how much he’s struggling to stop himself from wrapping his hand around himself. minho ignores him for a moment, helping you manoeuvre yourself so that you’re laying sideways across the bed, your head hanging off the edge. he climbs on the bed, positioning himself between your legs before finally acknowledging jisung once more.

“you’re gonna fuck their throat again, sungie,” he says and is quick to continue when jisung pouts. “and don’t complain. if you were good earlier, then you might’ve gotten to fuck their pussy, but you weren’t. so, you’re gonna take what you get and be grateful for it.”

jisung huffs slightly but says nothing further as he lines himself up with your opened mouth. he takes himself in his hand, rubbing the head of his cock along your lips, his breathing uneven from the knowledge of the pleasure that is in store for him. minho does the same, sliding his tip up and down your entrance, gathering your wetness. and only when you whine softly, a quiet beg for more, do they finally both push into you.

it’s kind of funny, the way they both simultaneously pause when they’re bottomed out, catching their breaths, needing a moment to recover from how good you feel wrapped around them. it feels like a lifetime before they begin to move, and it’s immediate euphoria, the way minho’s cock drags along your walls, every single one of his thrusts deep and purposeful. his hips move slowly into yours, wanting to truly feel the way you clench around him. and jisung’s thrusts are the same, calculated, determined, savouring the way your throat constricts his cock in just the right way.

you keep your eyes closed, just letting yourself feel the way they’re making you feel, the almost overwhelming pleasure you’re being provided. you can feel the drool dripping from the corners of your opened mouth. you can hear the grunts and groans from both of your boyfriends, you can smell the unmistakable scent of sex in the air. and you can taste jisung’s precum on the back of your tongue.

you’re careful of your breathing, being sure to take breaths at every opportunity. you lift your hands, gripping tightly onto jisung’s thighs while minho’s hands do the same to your hips. his fingers dig into the flesh, and you know that the skin there will be littered with a bunch of tiny bruises. but you don’t care, bruises are a small price to pay for total pleasure, especially when they don’t hurt at all.

jisung’s hands cradle your head, and he watches the faint outline of his cock in your throat. the sight alone draws a moan from his lips and sends a shudder through his body. your attention is brought back to minho when he begins to slowly rub at your clit with his thumb, and your body jolts slightly from the pleasure. you clench tighter around him in response, making his hips stutter for a moment before he regains his steady rhythm.

“fuck! c-can i cum? please? i n-need to,” jisung pleads, his thrusts into your mouth growing sloppier and sloppier as he gets closer to his orgasm.

“of course you can, sungie. go ahead and cum for us,” minho says, and you pick up on the tone with which he speaks. you can hear the almost sinister undertones in his words, but it’s obvious jisung doesn’t, because he releases down your throat with a moan.

he thrusts a few more times until he comes down from his high before stilling inside your mouth. he’s panting, trying to catch his breath before minho speaks up again.

“now, keep going.”

“huh?” jisung’s confused, it’s written all over his face. and there’s slight fear in his eyes. he’s well aware of what minho’s order means, but he doesn’t want to believe it.

“you wanted so badly to cum earlier, even breaking the rules to try and do so. so that’s what you’re gonna do. you’re gonna cum again.”

jisung’s frozen in his spot, and you press your hands harder against the back of his thighs so that he can’t step away. you take the chance to catch your breath as much as you can, taking deep breaths in through your nose while you wait for him to move again. but he doesn’t, each time he tries to thrust again his body shivers in overstimulation, and it stops him. minho takes matters into his own hands.

he thrusts into you with more force than before, causing you to moan around jisung as well as lurch towards jisung. you swallow around him and the younger boy whimpers from the overstimulation, his knees almost buckling beneath him, but you can tell he loves it.

minho grips your thighs, lifting your legs so that they wrap around his torso, and he’s able to thrust into you better, the slight change providing the perfect angle for him to reach deeper inside your tight walls. you can hear his breathing getting ragged, the warmth of your pussy starting to get to him, and his hips stutter every few thrusts.

minho lets out a shaky moan, and you clench around him as tight as you can, beginning to grind your hips up against him for some added friction, while jisung finally regains control of himself, managing to restart shallow thrusts into your throat.

all the nerves in your body are alight once more, and you can feel the knot forming again. you continue moaning around jisung’s cock, and the vibrations are sending him hurtling towards another release of his own. you can tell that minho is also nearing his end, his breathing is heavy, his thrusts are getting sloppy. but he doesn’t want to be the first to finish. he slides one of his hands up your body, leaving goosebumps in his fingertips’ wake before reaching your neck. he wraps his hand around your throat, and jisung’s the first to feel it. he feels the way your throat envelops him tighter, and he lets out such a desperate whine before cumming down your throat without warning. you swallow around him, feeling the way his thick cum slides down the back of your throat. his legs shake when he steps away from you, and he’s quick to lay down on the bed beside you.

minho’s hand stays around your throat as he continues to thrust into you, and he rolls his hips expertly. you’re close, so damn close to your orgasm. but you need something more, anything more, and jisung and minho can both see that. they both know what to do, minho leaning down and bringing one of your nipples into his mouth, while jisung wraps his lips around the other.

they both work in tandem, almost in sync as their tongues flick and swirl over your buds and it’s mere moments before they have you right there, standing on the precipice of ultimate pleasure, teetering on the cliffside, so close that a small gust of wind could push you over. but you fall, of your own volition, into an earth-shattering orgasm.

your entire body moves on its own, writhing, trembling. your head is thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, legs shaking and twitching around minho’s torso. your back arches, your hips buck up and down over and over again. you’ve never had an orgasm so good, so exquisite, before. minho can tell from the way your walls grip his cock tighter than ever before, the way your mouth hangs open in a silent moan that just can’t seem to escape the confines of your throat.

the almost unbearable tightness of your pussy sends him over, triggering the orgasm that he’s been fending off for longer than he’d like to admit. you’re still lost in the pleasure, blissed out from the best orgasm of your life when minho releases inside you, painting your wall white. it’s only when you both have come down from your highs that both boys detach from your chest, jisung flopping back against the pillows while minho gently pulls out of you.

“you guys good?” minho asks, leaning back, propped up with his arms. you and jisung nod, happy smiles on both your faces. “good, then i’ll go grab us some water.”

he slowly stands up, catching his breath before heading out of the room. you use the moment to quickly go to the bathroom to clean yourself up. and by the time you return to the bedroom, minho is already there, two glasses of water in his hands and one more in jisung’s. minho hands one to you as you sit back down on the bed. it’s not until you drink the cool liquid that you realise just how much your throat aches. it’s faced a lot of use over the course of the session, but you know a scratchy throat is only temporary.

“i really liked your outfits,” minho says, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled in the room.

“thank you,” you and jisung say in unison. you both giggle before you continue.

“i bought them months ago and started to give up hope that they’d even show up.”

“then it’s a really good thing they did because they just might get a lot of use,” minho replies, smiling. “did you both have fun?”

“of course! it was really good,” jisung responds first.

“yeah, i really enjoyed it,” you say.

“i’m glad.” minho grins wider, happy that you both enjoyed it. it always makes him happy to know you both had fun. “what shall we do now? get in the hot tub or watch a movie?”

“who says we can’t do both? hot tub and then a movie,” jisung says.

“i second that motion,” you add.

“alrighty then,” minho replies. “then that’s what we’ll do.”

all three of you make your ways out of the bedroom, stopping to grab a towel each on the way to the backyard. and as you all reach the hot tub, jisung and minho both pulling back the cover, you’re just excited to sink into the nice hot water with both of your loving boyfriends.

[barzzal]

take me as i am

summary: like he always does, sidney picks you up after work. the only thing he didn’t expect was to see you kissing one of your workmates. the one he’s been jealous of, to be exact.

↳ pairing: sidney crosby x you

↳ warnings: jealousy, make up sex, and the whole narrative of sidney learning you love him for the first time, minors dni*

↳ genre: angst if you squint, fluff, smut, pre-established relationship (you’re not there yet but almost), +18

↳ length: imagine; 5.9k

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: skin, drunk on love by rihanna

note: this fic has been in my drafts for a while and i’m just happy i get to share it with y’all now! a lil nervous putting this out but as always, feedbacks are very much appreciated! <3

Sidney has never gripped a steering wheel so hard in his life not until he spent the entirety of waiting outside the café of your building, watching the innocent touches and laughs you share with a colleague that he has been secretly observing every time he comes and picks you up after work or your usual work brunches such as this.

You hadn’t been dating officially which is basically the reason behind why he didn’t want his petty issues out in the open. But Sidney has got to admit that even though the obvious age gap between the two of you didn’t bother him, the sight of you hanging out with guys your age– someone who could potentially connect with you in levels he knew he never could, scares the shit out of him. 

So, when he sees you give that guy a kiss goodbye and a smile that he knows he only brings out of you, that’s when he lost it. 

As soon as you get out of the café, you immediately see Sidney’s car parked at the usual spot he takes. His car was fairly tinted so he makes it a point to come out and greet you with a quick kiss before opening the door for you. However, this time, (the first time for the matter) instead of Sidney’s well built arms, what welcomed you were the car’s flashing lights beaming your way, signaling you to walk over where he was.

You didn’t mind, thinking that he must’ve been just tired from practice. Once you’ve snuck in the car and got settled, you turn to Sidney who was already turning the engine on without even bothering to give you the one thing he’s never failed to do ever since you two started going out. Kisses.

“Hey, babe.” You greet him, hand already massaging his nape as you lean in to plant a small kiss on his cheek. When you feel his jaw clenched, that’s when you knew something was definitely wrong. With furrowed brows, you were utterly bemused at his strange behavior. 

“What’s with you?” You ask him, hand still placed on his nape, now running your thumb on top of it endearingly to ease out the stress you thought he was under. Sidney didn’t bother answering and instead turned his eyes onto the rear view mirror, finally pulling off the parking spot and into the main road. 

He mumbles something which you didn’t quite hear. “What?” 

Sidney only shakes his head, dismissing the attention you have been giving him. “Nothing.” 

You decide not to push him further so you just took your hands away from him and closed your arms. You look outside the window, watching the normal busy day of the city rush before your eyes. 

It’s safe to say that you and Sidney spent the whole ride sitting in an uncomfortable silence. You try and steal a couple of glances, evidently clueless as to what caused his sudden change of demeanor. You were sure the two of you were fine because you had woken up real good this morning and even shared a steamy shower before heading for work. You sat the remainder of the car ride listening to Sidney’s heavy sighs that comes every time he stops at the traffic light. 

“Baby, come on. What’s wrong?” You ask him. This time, fueled with the desire of learning what could have possibly upset him. 

“Nothing.” He repeats only now with his voice distant and inattentive as his eyes were still pinned hard on the road.

Your gaze tread onto his veiny hand holding on the steering wheel. His brief movements whilst he maneuvers it, and his Rolex shining under the golden sun, were more than enough to send your mind miles away from where you are. You clear your voice, practically turned on by the man who’s busily ignoring you, “When you’ve done nothing but ignore me, it’s definitely not nothing.” 

Sidney is a fairly quiet man. A man that’s secured and guarded. A man that thinks about how he should react to certain situations. A man with certainty— a man that knows what he wants. That’s at least what you’ve learned from going out with him for almost a year. Sure, you haven’t had the talk about making things official after said given time, but you absolutely see yourself committing not just to him but more importantly to the relationship you have been able to build with him.

You were still working your way with having a full grasp of his sudden mood changes although this time, you just know it’s different. You see, Sidney may not be that talkative compared to his teammates but he still treated you differently. He moved around you differently. Perhaps, it’s even safe to say that the only time he gets to be himself is whenever he’s with you. His connection with you was just undeniably surreal that he’s even certain himself that he has never been this comfortable and so at home with someone who was probably still cruising through life when he got drafted in the NHL; let alone, connect with her on so many levels that no one, not even a shit ton of girls from his dating track ever did. 

However, given said time, and possibly even the age difference, Sidney does tend to get all dominant towards you that it even intimidates you at one point. That being said, that intimidation would later on ignite a fight that’s usually composed of blank stares, cold shrugs and treatments as the two of you ignore each other for the rest of the day. 

“Hon, come on. Tell me what’s wrong. Please?” You ask for the hundredth time as you tugged on the hem of the sleeves of his shirt.

You keep persuading Sid to tell you what has been bothering him that it finally got into his nerves, resulting in him involuntarily snapping at you with the sudden rise in his voice. 

“Stop it, y/n! I said it’s nothing. I’m tired. I just want to go home.” He finally breaks, causing you to take your hands off of him in an instant as if his words burn your skin. 

Lo and behold, “Alright. Fine.” were two words that rang in his ears all the way home. You did what you’re told and shut up and ignored him the whole time. You would often see him taking glances in the corner of your eye but your ego was far too stepped on to even care. You did care. He was just too much of a prick to acknowledge it. Now that he’s made his bed, he can lie on it as long as he pleases. 

Much to his realization, he immediately regretted having to raise his voice. He didn’t mean to, of course. It’s just that the image of you and the guy you’re working with was the only thing running in his mind all throughout the car ride. He couldn’t bring himself to tell you because who was he to begin with?

He didn’t have the right to tell you these things because he wasn’t exactly in the place to do so. He would never order you to quit seeing that man nor will he ever ask for more than what you can give. He just hated himself for feeling insecure and quite possibly terrified of the idea that he’d eventually lose you to a man that’s far better than him. However, out of all scenarios playing in his head endlessly, you realizing that you’re better off without him was what scared him the most. 

As soon as he pulls over the driveway, you get out of the car without uttering a single word. A thing that Sidney knew will cause him another night of sharing a cold bed with you.

𖥸

Sidney follows you into his home and watches as you head towards the stairs. The cold dead air settles quickly between the two of you whilst you continue to ignore him completely. Sidney frustratingly sighs and tosses his keys onto the accent table. He ran his hand through his hair as he followed after your steps, knowing full well that he was clearly the one in the wrong.

He sees you sitting at the end of the bed whilst you take off your red pumps. “I’m sorry.” he says at once, voice still soft amidst the fact that he was still testing the waters.

Without an ounce of thought, you stood and walked over his closet to get rid of your work clothes, sparing not an ounce of attention for the man. As you walk further his huge closet, you hear the sliding doors glide all the way as Sidney follows after your track.

“Baby…” He coos, the familiar tone in his voice that was missing a while ago now hits every nerve in your body. Although, despite feeling the same effect he’s always had on you, you still manage to let out a wild scoff while you start removing your white button down shirt in front of the mirror that stretched all the way to the ceiling, revealing nothing but your black laces that held your breasts underneath. A mundane sight that’s always left Sidney’s throat high and dry.

“Oh, so now I’m baby?” You snarked, eyes darting on him through the giant mirror.

Sidney didn’t break off contact as he approached you but once he did, your skin was the first thing his hands found the moment he wrapped his arms around your waist before you could even protest. He then plants a small kiss on your shoulder before he rests his chin on top of it.

The biggest mistake you’ve made however, was to turn your gaze on his apologetic eyes because not only did it make your heart beat faster, but it also made you realize that you can never win with this man. You were done for for good.

Besides the sight put forth exclusively for him, you brush your hand on his skin, making up for the time you’ve spent ignoring each other.

“I’m sorry.” He concedes with a pout and the little voice he makes when he’s done arguing with you; enough to make you let out a quiet laugh whilst the two of you rest in each other’s arms. You just roll your eyes and bite back a smile. A thing that lets Sid know he got through the fight even if it barely was one.

“Why were you having a fit anyway? Rough day?” Your hand finds his cheek to caress it while Sidney presses feather light kisses on your now exposed skin. 

“No. I’m just– tired.” He lies again, losing count on how much he’s told you that he was just tired. Or that it was nothing worth worrying about. But he should’ve known better. You weren’t that gullible to believe it. So, you just arch your brows and watch him stifle a tight smile upon having caught on his lie. 

“Come on, tell me.” You persuade him.

“I saw you with that guy earlier.” He starts, treading his way lightly on what’s been bothering him. His voice leaves vibration on your skin as he speaks.

You hum and asked, “Who? Mike?”

Great. He even has my back up name. He thinks but only resorts to nodding his head, admittedly enjoying how your hand brushes on his muscular arms, making it difficult for him to argue his case.

“What about him?”

“I saw you kiss him—” were just the words you needed to hear to understand the whole point being Sidney was a big jealous man himself. “You’re jealous.” You confirm with a smug smile on your face. Now having a full understanding of his unusual quietude. 

“Honey, there’s nothing to be jealous about.” You guarantee him. You then turn your back and face him. You put your arms around his neck whilst his arms fitted well as it embraced your middle. You plant a small kiss on the tip of his nose, sending heaps of the same immeasurable feeling through his system.

Sidney lets go of a sigh. Amidst his knowledge, and frankly, even the certainty of you not breaking his trust, he had nothing just as much as the guy you’re working with. The only difference, however little, was that he’s the one who’s able to take you home. Other than that, he wasn’t really sure if you were feeling the same thing as him. Or if you’d even reciprocate what he’s been trying to tell you. 

Despite that, you know best that Sidney was a clueless man and was frequently teased by his constant miss on the more important things. (Other than getting that puck inside the net.) That being said, you were just as scared as him when it comes to dealing with where your relationship with him was headed. Or if it was even headed somewhere.

“I know you would never do anything and I trust you. It’s just that– I can’t help it. It bothers me.” He confesses. The man of the ice that everyone has looked up to crumbles before your eyes— and all that because you kissed a friend goodbye. 

You giggle at the sight of a jealous Crosby unravelling before you. You wrap him in your arms whilst he buries his face on the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, savoring it as much as he could.

“You’re so cute.” You tell him the moment you break off the hug. A wide smile printed on his now reddened face, quite smitten and shy to be put under your gaze.

As you inevitably drown in his scent whilst he cages you in his embrace, the next words slipped off your tongue as fast as it recoils your way the moment you heard it yourself. “You know I love you, right?” 

To say that you were nervous was an understatement. Horrified would not even suffice what you felt the moment your eyes locked with Sidney’s. His dark round irises looked through yours as if he knew what’s going on inside your head. If only you could move past this and save it for another fight, but you know you couldn’t. Not when his arms were still wrapped around your middle. Thus, for lack of a better term: you’re screwed. 

You were frozen to your feet at your sudden profession. Sidney, albeit having dreamt of this moment, was just as startled as you, feeling his throat dry whilst he tries to utter the right words. Both of your rapid and yet seemingly still breathing serves as the only constant exchange between your bodies.

Finally, Sidney gathers himself and speaks, “Now I do.” 

Before you could even break a smile, Sidney’s lips was what welcomed yours in an instant. The urgency and desire overflowing with every move his lips make as if to drown you deep in the pool of his voracious thirst, letting you know that what you had just told him is exactly what he’s been feeling towards you. Perhaps, even more. 

“You love me.” He breathes, both your teeth clashing just as you both gasp for air, perceptibly choosing to deluge yourselves in each other’s kisses than to take even just a second to catch your breaths. You take all might you still have left and nod your head, you’re hasty at how his kisses felt more than enough to tell you he felt just the same. 

Once you caught up with his pace, Sidney finds support by pinning you up against the giant mirror. His hands, roaming on the hem of your skirt before pulling it up just above the middle of your thigh. His hand then moves to your back, pushing his body closer to yours. He breaks away from your lips just so he could make his way onto your jawline and down to your neck, leaving sloppy and wet kisses in every corner he could get into. 

Without a word, Sidney takes you in his arms, busying himself with your lips yet again. Your arms wrap around his nape just as he makes his way towards the king sized bed. 

Once the bed is beneath the two of you, he carefully lays you down, letting his physique tower all over your body. The sight of your half-nakedness burns before his eyes— sending shivers on his skin, the fervent wanting to have you all out for him and him alone circles his now empty mind. Empty, being that there was nothing else cruising it other than the thought of having you take him through and through.

You watch him take off the shirt that mirrored the color of his irises, revealing his strong athletic built. Your eyes travelled from his flushed torso, down to his well-sculpted abs, before finally settling onto the thickness of his jeans that was hindering you from seeing his bulging member. Sidney lets you take him all in, his eyes grim and filled with lust once it meets yours. Not long after, clearly not needing to mutter any word, he dives on top of you, claiming your lips as if to seal a dance that ought to fuel the burning desire kindling in your veins with every touch he floors you with. 

You have gotten used to how Sidney takes you in the bedroom. Slow and steady at first, clearly holding himself back from all unimaginable pains and pleasures you know he would take no second guesses inflicting on you. This time, however, the only thing he wanted was to give you all that he has to offer. You two have always connected in ways more than just for the sake of satisfying each other in the bedroom. Or occasionally, in the passenger seat. Nonetheless, every kiss and every touch he leaves you with wasn’t meant to send you such insinuations. This time, what Sidney wanted from you was to be his alone. All for him— just like what you have told him. 

You know I love you, right?

The two of you gasp for air, evidently aroused by your deep desire to claim each other. Sidney’s fingers found your neck as his lips sought resort on your clavicle, leaving marks all over your skin just as his free hand went to unclasp your bra.

Once your breasts are out of the only material covering it,  Sidney assures no second is spared as he takes one bud into his mouth, letting himself feel your muffled moans through the vibration on your neck, resulting in him tightening his grasped onto it just before letting go so his hand could tend to your other bosom.

His kisses then moved to the center of your body, enough to make you arch your back for him, meeting him in between whilst his hand got busy with discarding all the remaining material that has irkingly caged the part of you he certainly needed most. Sid’s hands grazed every line, every curve, and every inch of your nakedness. 

You feel the firmness of his skin graze from where your neck meets your shoulder, to the skin parting your breasts, down to your stomach before stopping onto the hem of the last undergarment you were wearing. You watch him savour the sight of your black work underwear, the undeniable truth of Sidney wanting to rip it all off exuding off his demeanor. Nonetheless, he stopped himself, trying to sustain his breathing and keep his mind straight.

“Sid…” You moan under his touches.

As an effort to make things easier for Crosby, you part your legs voluntarily, giving him all access to the thin fabric covering your now throbbing core. And just like that, once he sees your moistness through your laces, a muffled groan escapes his lips, making him grip onto your thigh all the more tighter than he already did. 

Sidney throws himself on top of you just so he could kiss you once more. His lips moving slowly as he stops to take the sheer material of your panties in his mouth, getting a whiff of your now damped sex whilst his eyes were pinned on yours, savouring how you sheepishly return his gaze; visibly still shy to be put under his sole attention. Despite that, you watched him strip the clothing off. You lightly push your back upwards so he could get it under the curve of your ass before he finally succeeds in letting it slide down your smooth skin, the material falling onto the floor like the rest of your clothes.

Full, wet kisses was what welcomed your body next. It was gentle— yet firm as Sidney presses his lips onto your thigh, his hand lightly grazing the other in an upward motion. Your hand finds Sidney’s hair once he’s knelt in his desired position. He feels you tugging his head onto your center, silently pleading what you have been wanting him to do the moment he laid a hand on you. 

He hushes at his needy pup, “We have all night, my love.”

Sidney returns his attention back to your inner thigh with a smug grin. He makes sure to place whole kisses to every corner but your core, leaving you wanting, aching and more.

His breathing didn’t do much help either. It made the yearning much worse as Sidney’s touch becomes so addicting that you find yourself fighting for more than what he could give. 

Thankfully, Sid finally obliged. 

He takes pleasure in getting a whiff of your scent. Overwhelming his senses, sending jolts of adrenaline up his spine. He wanted to take you right then and there. Only taking you whole wasn’t the only thing he had in mind. He wanted to own you— mark you. Even if it meant having to do it all night so no one else would be worthy enough to even dare to share a bed with you.

One single stroke sent you to madness. The tip of Sidney’s nose, already doing wonders you’ve never once imagined. “Sid, please.” You beg in a muffled whimper. To which he only reciprocated with pressing his lips on top of your slit, humming. Not long after he takes his tongue out and lets himself taste your wetness. 

Your fingers weave through his midnight colored hair, pulling him closer as he stuck his tongue inside you, the humming he occasionally makes sends overwhelming pleasure through your walls. As your endless moans and whimper covered the room sinfully, Sidney pushed his fingers inside your center. Letting himself bask in your warmth, curling it so he could finally fuck you while he endowed himself with the treat that is: eating your cunt. 

As you mount your high by grinding your hips against Sidney’s lips, his name was the constant thing you utter— almost as if it was a prayer for the gods responsible for having such a man kneel down before you; taking all you could give him with every mouthful of liquid dripping out from your now tightening and pulsating sex. 

You were close to your high upon the continuity of Sid’s teasing strokes, switching from circling his tongue on your bud to the nibbling he does that surely floods you with ecstasy. Sidney knew you were close, so the only thing he did was to keep going, curling his fingers inside you as he keeps hitting the right spot over and over again— and once he feels your pussy throb in his mouth, he positions himself down on your opening just so he could take all of your juices, his arm wrapped around your hips to secure his wedged head in between your thighs, making you squirm and yell all the words you could even utter, your fingers sinking onto his duvet sheets.

Sidney takes his fingers out of your already spent pussy, fixated on watching your heaving chest, breasts spread out beautifully for him whilst you still drown in the bliss of meeting your high. He then takes both fingers into his mouth, sucking all that’s left of you on his skin, your distinct taste waking up the beast in him. 

Sidney was eager to spend the night worshiping you. To give you the love and affection you deserved even when he still feels like he’s no good for you. All he wanted to do was to prove himself to you. Not just as someone who would gladly concede before your needs, but as someone who’s worthy enough to spend what remains of your waking days regardless of it being good or bad.

No matter the circumstances. No matter the highs and lows. Sidney wanted to be the one holding your hand through it all. He was ready, and willing to give it all up if that meant having a chance at a life spent with you. He wanted nothing else but you alone. 

The odds must have taken his side for when Sidney looked into your eyes, he knew you wanted the same thing too.

Before Sidney could hover back on top of you, you were quick to pull yourself up which startled him for a bit, clueless as to why you were getting up not until he met the suggestive look on your face whilst you crawl your way towards the end of the bed. 

Your hands find their way to the thick fabric of his jeans, teasingly creeping up to his belt buckle without breaking your gaze off of him. He doesn’t say a word and lets you do what you do best. He watches you work your way through, the sound of the cold metal on your hand echoes in your ears as it further builds up the anticipation of finally getting your hands on Sidney.

He helps you get his pants off and once it was on the floor with the rest of your clothes, his hands then take rest holding your hair, gathering it all in his fist whilst you busied yourself by stroking his far too hardened dick along with the pre-cum that’s already dripping on its tip. 

Sidney’s flushed chest heaves the moment you take the head of his cock in your mouth; looking up at him as you continue teasing his end, licking off what remains of his pre-cum. You take time just like what he did a while back, ensuring that no part of him was left untouched by your lips— that his massive build will be taken by your mouth down to the very last inch. 

“Fuck.” He groans, his grasp on your hair tightening as he pushes his length further into your throat. 

Nothing but sloppy and wet noises of your mouth taking Sidney whole was what can be heard in the room. Every moan that slips off Sidney’s tongue makes you feel alive more than ever before. The muffled praises he gives you whilst he watches you devour him whole was all that ran in your head. The beads of sweat on his temple, the hoarseness of his voice, and the way his Adam's apple moves the closer he feels he is to coming signaled you to continue whatever it was you were doing not until seconds after you take his hardened balls into your mouth. 

“Baby, no.” He didn’t want to but it is what he had to do. He pulled himself off of you when you started sucking on his balls. Your tongue was doing too much with the build up thickening in his region. He didn’t want to spoil the evening by cumming sooner that he intended. The night was still young and if he’d let you devour him all the way, he knew he only had seconds left before he fails in stopping himself from cumming all over your face. 

You shot him a puzzled look and quickly rose to meet his eyes, “Why? Is there something wrong?” 

He breathes, taking both his hands on your shoulder, steadying you under his softened gaze. “Nothing. It’s just- I don’t wanna cum yet.” He sheepishly admits, enough to make you bite a smile and rest your head on his chest. 

You whisper an assuring “Okay.” and wrap your arms around his nape to lock him in another kiss. His rough hands grazed your naked body so beautifully. Tucking some of your hair at the back of your ear before travelling down the line your back as it finally takes rest on your butt, the other brushing on your nipple first before it goes down just below your breasts and your waist, pulling you closer to him.

Sidney tread to the corner of your lips as he lightly presses small kisses, working his way down from your jaw line onto the crook of your neck before finally settling down on sucking onto your clavicle. Once he breaks away, you both look deep into each other’s eyes, completely enthralled and enamoured to be in each other’s embrace, drowning in what seems to be the night you’ll never forget. 

“I love you.” He professes, the words finally leaving his chest out for you to hear. 

You always thought you’d smile when you hear it but you just didn’t. You were happy, sure. But for once, throughout the time you’ve spent in Sidney’s arms, whether in bed or not, you were so sure that none of the scenarios you’ve played in your head endlessly came off as right as caging him in your hold, sealing his words with a much needed passionate kiss. Pretty much like how he did when you’d told him the exact words you needed to hear moments ago back in his closet.

Sidney brushes his thumb on your cheeks and looks deep into your eyes once you break off, “What do you want me to do, y/n?” he asks, voice husk and yearning.

Without even giving it much thought, you chase Sidney’s lips and let out words enveloped with the same wanting and desire he had already been feeling from months on end, “Take me, Sid.” was the only thing you tell him. “I only want you.” 

Sidney wasted no second and claimed you with his lips once again. This time, lustful and needy— like the kind of kiss that takes your mind off where you actually are but not so much as to let you fly far off his reach so he ensured keeping you close to his skin whilst the two of you basked in a much heated kiss. 

His hands squeezed every inch of your skin he could find and with just one swift motion, Sidney props your legs around his waist as he finally takes you down the bed, allowing you to feel him in your middle, hard and heavy for your core. 

“I’ll go get the rubber.” He says, aiming for the bedside table instantly but you lightly grabbed his nape and planted a kiss on top of his nose, “No, don’t. I want to feel you.” 

“Are you sure?” He asks you, concern evident in his eyes. It’s not like you needed him to have it anyway. You were safe after having met with your gynecologist for an appointment a week ago. You give him an encouraging nod and smile, taking his lips as an answer. 

Sidney gladly does what was asked of him and delivered. His mouth travels from your chin before nestlin’ down one of your buds just as his hands roamed your body before landing on your thigh, positioning himself in front of your entrance. 

Sidney hovers back on top of you, meeting your lips yet again, finally thrusting inside you. Your walls overwhelming his senses in a snap as you choke his thick length, making the two of you gasp in between each other’s mouths. 

“Sidney, please.”  you beg underneath his weight. He pulls out just to push back slowly, easing himself through your tight walls. “Always so fucking tight for me, eh?” 

He rests an arm just above your head the other entwined with your fingers, sinking both your bodies in his sheets once his thrusts progressed at a pace both your bodies exactly needed. 

Your wails went in sync with Sidney’s antagonizing groans. Admittedly not helping you straighten your mind for it did nothing but worsen your hunger to have him. He rests his forehead on yours, sharing beads of sweat whilst he continues to pump himself through you. In and out, just like you need him to. 

As he further himself inside you, hitting your end over and over again right on the very spot that only shows how much he knows you and your body and how you communicate with him without having to say a word other than your moans and his name leaving your lips as a curse. 

Your fingers ran and dug on his back the closer you feel yourself reaching your own high. Your eyes swell with tears, overwhelmed with the feeling Sidney has been pouring you all night with. Letting his touches resonate within you, sending you a well-received message of how much you mean to him. Perhaps, more than you will ever know. 

You were it. And for once in his life, after all the years he’s spent alone; nights spent with his arms wrapped around the wrong people, he finally found someone that was able to make him feel so much more than he thought he could ever do.

“I’m coming.” You breathed out just as you finally let yourself collapse beneath him. Your legs shaking with ecstasy whilst you let Sidney pump himself inside you faster now that he feels nothing but your throbbing walls retching him whole. 

“God, y/n.” He grunts, biting his lower lip as you feel his body tensed up, his jaw clenching, and his biceps filling your palm like stones.

“Come for me, baby.” You pant, meeting his gaze before he shuts his eyes once he finally lets go and fill your walls with all of his juices, coating it all and letting it sit as he lets his body collapse on top of you. 

You let out a small laugh at how flushed and hot his cheeks were once he buries himself on the side of your head. You sweetly plant a kiss on his cheeks and he meets your irises with a gentle gaze. 

He makes his way down shortly, pecking on your shoulder before pulling himself up again to release his shaft from your core. 

“Wait for me, okay?” He says at once, savoring how his cum spills from your lips, fashioning your slit with a sight that only leaves Sidney wanting for more. 

Nonetheless, he knew you were tired. He strut his way back to the master bath to get a warm cloth that ought to clean you up. You, on the other hand, propped yourself up, letting your weight sit on both your arms as you admire the scenery of Sidney Crosby’s ass. 

He walks back towards you with a smile, his face glowing with the post-sex rush, holding a white gentle cloth that ended cleaning you down your clit, making you gasp instantly upon contact. 

Sidney then throws the cloth with the pile of mess you won’t bother cleaning up until morning. Once he was settled with you in bed, he takes you in his arms with the same gentleness he’s never failed to give you whenever you’re in his embrace. You rest your head on his arm, your hand safely placed atop his chest, content and satisfied in each other’s presence.

Now with both of your breathing settled and steady, exhaustion slowly catching on, Sidney places a soft kiss on your temple as you bask in each other’s arms, finally letting yourselves drift off to sleep.

[wrenhyperfixates]

My Heart is Your Canvas

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: Loki hadn’t been planning on confessing his love for you, but he’s glad he did. Warnings: a whole lot fluff A/N: For my bestest best friend @lokistan! Hope you all enjoy :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02​ @frostedgiant​ @lunarmoon8​ @twhiddlestonsstuff​ @lokistan​ @lowkeyorlokificrecs​ @gaitwae​ @whatafuckingdumbass​ @castiels-majestic-wings​ @kozkaboi​ @cozy-the-overlord​ @birdgirl90​ @myraiswack​ @mythicalgarlicknot​ @what-a-flammable-heart​ @marvelouslovely​

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

“It is useless, brother,” Loki lamented, shrugging off his tuxedo jacket and dropping the bouquet of roses on Thor’s bed. “I will never be able to tell them how I feel and playing dress-up like this is ridiculous.”

“It is not playing, nor is it ridiculous. You want to woo them, right?”

Loki frowned, feeling like he was about to almost be sucked into yet another of his brother's hair-brained schemes to get him to confess his true feelings to you. And this latest one had barely even ended! Still, he did want to, as Thor put it, woo you, and his brother’s intentions were pure. So, the trickster god sighed and nodded.

“Then trust me; all you must do is don this tux, hand them these flowers, and have confidence in yourself.”

Loki looked in the mirror. He looked ridiculous, he was sure. Then again, Thor did know more about Midgardian culture than Loki did. Unless he was just trying to get revenge on Loki for the countless pranks he’d played on the older Odinson in their youth. But no, the brothers had turned over a new leaf and were truly supportive of each other, even if Loki still had to remind himself of that often. After feeling lonely and ignored for so long, it was easy for him to forget he actually had family to turn to, looking out for him.

“That is easy for you to say,” Loki finally responded. “Everyone practically threw themselves at your feet when you arrived. Everyone has always wanted to be your friend. Me, not so much. No one has ever really liked me, especially not here. Even you took a while to come around.” They both winced at his unintentionally harsh words. “Forgive me, brother, I did not mean it like that. I only mean I cannot afford to lose them. They are my best friend.”

“But they could be your beloved.”

Loki’s face went scarlet. Even if, by some miracle, you liked him back, there was something about that word, about calling someone his beloved, that felt so intimate to him. What would you think of it, he wondered? It didn’t really matter, considering he made up his mind. With a snap of his fingers, Loki was once again dressed in his Asgardian tunic. He saw his brother slouch in defeat.

“They could, in theory... But not today. I am sorry.”

“Brother, there is nothing to apologize for,” Thor reassured, clapping Loki on his back. “I am in your corner. Just promise you will think about it some more?”

After a promise to do just that and a sincere thank you thrown his brother’s way, Loki headed back to his rooms to wallow in his failure by his lonesome. That plan was quickly tossed out the window when he saw you standing outside his door, art supplies in hand.

“Darling?” he said. “Is everything alright?”

“Oh! There you are,” you said, spinning around. “It is, thanks for asking. I was just looking for you, and here you are. Do you, um, think you can you do me a favor?”

“Of course,” he nodded, sensing some sort of anxiety from you. He didn’t care what the favor was. If it helped you calm down, he’d do it. He opened the door for you. “Will you come in?”

“Thanks again,” you said, as he followed you in.

“It is no problem, darling,” he replied, brow furrowing a little at your perpetuating nervousness. “What may I help you with?”

“See, so you know I’ve been painting a lot recently, right? Well, I ran out canvases and Tony says I can’t paint on the walls. This is probably kind of stupid, but can I paint on you? Like just on your back?”

“Is that all?” he chuckled. “Of course you can. It would be my honor to be of service.”

Loki felt a light blush coat his cheeks as he took off everything covering his top half. At least you were busy setting up your paints, so he didn’t think you noticed. Sitting down with his back to you, he kept his face turned down just to be sure you didn’t see. Still, he knew the exact moment you realized your plan involved him being half-naked because you let out a little squeak. He would have laughed if he wasn’t so flustered himself.

Loki held as still as possible as you rested your hand on his shoulder and began to paint, the strokes of your brush on his skin tickling a little. Eventually he calmed down and relaxed a bit, though he was still hyper-aware of every time your skin made contact with his.

“Hey, Loki?” you hummed after a while of companionable silence with some small chitchat sprinkled in.

“Yes, darling?”

“Just... thank you so much for doing this. Even if you don’t, err, like the finished product, I still really appreciate it.”

“Of course, darling. It is no trouble, really,” he promised. “Anyway, I shall love whatever masterpiece you create.”

“M-masterpiece? You really mean all that?” you squeaked out in flattered surprise.

“Naturally. After all, it is made by you. How can it be anything less that wholly amazing? I love everything you do,” he sighed in content. “I love you.”

Loki’s eyes suddenly went wide once he realized what he’d just confessed to. Darn you always being on his mind and making him feel all soft and squishy inside. But more importantly, darn him for not having a grip on his emotions and his mouth. And now he was going to lose you, his best friend. He would have stood up and pulled away, but you were still painting, and he didn’t want to ruin it.

“I-I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expect that,” you giggled. “But I love you, too.”

“No, darling. You do not have to say that to make me feel better,” he reassured you. “Truly, we can just forget the whole thing if you like.”

“Loki, I’m not faking it, I swear. And I can prove it,” you said, stepping back and taking one final look at your handiwork.

Taking Loki by the hand, you led him to the full-length mirror he kept on his wall. He craned his head to look at his now colorful back reflected at him. You’d painted a heart in his colors, with a few sunflowers around the border and his helmet in the center. At the bottom were words that made his heart stutter. Even though they were reflected backward, he could read them. My beloved. You’d written, “my beloved”. That was him. He could hardly fathom it, but a huge smile spread across his perfect pink lips.

“Believe me now?” you shyly looked up at him.

“Yes, my clever darling,” he replied, realizing this had been your plan all along. Seems like you were just as shy as he was. “I do.”

With an impossibly wide grin, a perfect match to his, overtaking your own features, you cupped his face and brought him in for a kiss. As you both stood there, sealing your confessions with locked lips, Loki didn’t even care that he’d have to listen to Thor gloating about how right he was for the rest of his life. No, that didn’t matter now. In fact, the rest of the world and his problems drifted away, as the only thing that mattered was you. Because if he had the honor to be your beloved, he most certainly knew you would want to be his too.

[capricorn-stark]

Smoke and Mirrors

pairing: jason todd x reader, childhood friends

warning: language, slightly heated towards the end but it’s very mild, smoking - i’m not a smoker nor do i condone it, don’t do it kids

a/n: references some early stuff from RHATO (2011)

“The girls at the diner used to call those cancer sticks.”

You thought it was pretty ironic for him to say that when he plucked the cigarette you were holding right out of your hand, leaning against the railing of the balcony and seeming utterly unabashed. You hadn’t even heard him landing beside you until he started speaking. 

You made a face at him as he unlocked and slid his helmet off while grinning at you in a typical self-satisfied fashion, bringing the cigarette to his own lips. 

“Let me guess,” you started dryly, watching a plume of smoke swirl out of his mouth as he took a drag. “That’s why you took their warning very seriously and told yourself to never, ever smoke one.” 

“I never said that,” he protested with another obnoxious laugh as he turned to glance over at you. “You made that shit up yourself. Not my problem.” 

You rolled your eyes at him before moving to fish out your pack and lighter out again, half-heartedly settling another one between your lips and lighting it up. Jason’s eyes followed the smoke back to you, his own expression unreadable.

“And I thought you said you quit this shit.” 

You shrugged, not quite looking at him when you opened your mouth to answer. 

“People say stuff all the time, Hood. What did you expect?” Your words were directed towards a little more than just smoking. A beat passed before he shrugged it off. 

“Hell if I know.” 

You both sat there for a while in silence as you smoked, watching the grey clouds stray towards the hazy glow of the setting sun on the horizon. The city beneath you was beautiful tonight, a seemingly endless stretch of dark gleaming buildings reflecting the pinks and oranges of the sunset. You wanted to relish that moment more than anything for a while, and you did. 

You closed your eyes and let the cigarette leave your mouth, clouds falling from your lips, nicotine buzzing in your bloodstream.

It would be a beautiful night. You could tell.

When you opened your eyes, you felt Jason’s eyes on you again and your turned your head to meet them. In the sunset, they really did glow a strange hue of green - yet another marker from his swim in the Lazarus. You hadn’t seen those eyes in quite a while.

“What, you want to take a picture?” you started in a somewhat jestful tone at his expression. “It’ll last longer.” 

“Would you let me?” was his rather cocky comeback as he took his own cigarette out of his mouth, another smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “‘cus I don’t have anything against that idea, per se-”

“I was joking-”

“Right, totally.” 

“I was!” The look on his face was infuriating enough to let you know that he didn’t believe shit. You let out a rather long and weary sigh. “I thought you weren’t planning on coming back anytime soon.” And at last, the disdain you had been trying so hard to contain from him was surfacing in your tone.

And clearly, from the way he was staring at you, he seemed to notice.

His latest adventures with his new friends, dubbed The Outlaws, hadn’t exactly been on the down-low. You knew one of them, Roy Harper, from being his best friend from a long time ago, and you had seen the glowing orange alien chick who accompanied them for the past few months on the news after he had taken off from Gotham. 

You couldn’t deny the fact that you had been more than a little dismayed by the fact that he hadn’t even bothered to give you some sort of goodbye before they left, either - no visits, no phone calls, no letters, not even a poorly placed sticky note on the front of your apartment door left to get swept away by some janitor when it fell off. 

You woke up one morning and heard from his brother that he wasn’t around Gotham anymore, no real explanations as to why the hell that was. 

He just disappeared. 

“You’re not thrilled to see me?” he attempted with mock hurt, and you gave him a very unimpressed look. “Sure, doll. I see how it is.” You acted like the nickname didn’t affect you as much as it did, because he didn’t deserve the satisfaction of otherwise.

“You know what I mean, Jason.” 

“I thought it was Hood?” He caught your look again. “Jeez, I’m just fucking around.” The silence stretched on and he at least had the sense to look a little guilty when he spoke again. “Y/N. Listen, I’m - I’m sorry.” 

You didn’t say anything for a while, your eyes still fixed ahead on the horizon. What did he expect you to say?

“I didn’t plan on leaving like that, I just - shit happened. And I didn’t want to stay in this shithole of a city for longer than I had to, anyways.” 

Of course. He was bad at goodbyes, so he never said them. You were above chasing after him, so you never did.

“You could’ve at least made a call after you left.” The cigarette was still burning in your hands, the white filter crumbling away in the wind. “Or, I dunno, sent a text, or even a damn email or something. Anything.” Even you were surprised by the contempt lacing your voice with every word you spoke. You had told yourself he had to have had his reasons for leaving and that you wouldn’t waste your own time being angry at him. But somehow, you couldn’t help it. It had hurt more than you chose to realize. “It’s been months.” For once, his passive expressions and sarcasm had been replaced with something else. 

Remorse. 

“I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal to you.” You almost let out an incredulous laugh at that. 

“Not a big deal to me? Are you serious?” You turned back to face him and he pursed his lips, clearly having realized that he had said the wrong thing. “After you came back - from the dead - and after everything that happened, you seriously thought I wouldn’t care what happened to you?” Jason opened his mouth, then wisely closed it while you tossed your cigarette down to crush it beneath your heel. “Wow, Jason, you knew me way better than I thought you did.” 

“I didn’t mean to leave,” he tried again after a beat, taking a half-step towards you. “I wasn’t - I was on a mission, and this submarine thing with the dudes I was dealing with blew up, and then I woke up like a week later on this island thing with a Tamaranean alien princess who thought I was Dick, and then I found out Roy was gonna get executed, so-” He seemed to realize how incredulous that sequence of events sounded from the look on your face. So he let out a sigh, wringing his hands. “Okay. Yeah. I was kind of a douche.”

“Kind of?” 

“I was definitely a douche,” he amended with another sigh, running a hand through his dark hair. He took a breath. “But I did mean it. I’m sorry.” 

And you knew he meant it when he said that. Even back in his unruly days as a Robin, when your friendship had first formed, you had figured out that it was ridiculously hard for Jason Todd to let go of his pride and apologize for basically anything. When he got older, it admittedly hadn’t gotten all that much better.

Until now, apparently. Just a little. And you could never stay angry at him for very long, as much as you might have tried.

You let out a sigh yourself, glancing up at him. 

“When did you even get back?” 

Jason made a show of fishing his phone out of his pocket and taking a look before answering. 

“About - twenty minutes ago.” He cleared his throat a little. “I wanted to see you.” There it was again - that infuriating feeling in your chest. 

“Did you?” You tried to keep your tone as neutral as possible as he rubbed the back of his neck, somewhat awkwardly glancing away from you before he spoke again. 

“Yeah. I missed you.”

Well fuck. That was a big one. 

“I guess I missed having you around. Sometimes.” He chuckled at your attempt to be nonchalant, stepping even closer to you. 

“That’s it? That’s all I get?” You rolled your eyes at him, refusing to say otherwise. You weren’t about to give in to him.

“Yeah, that’s all you-” Before you could finish, he had cut you off with a kiss. And in another moment, after his arms wrapped around your waist to pull you in closer, you realized your entire train of thought had been derailed completely because your best friend was kissing you.

“Get?” he offered when he pulled away again, another rather smug smile playing at his lips when you managed to look at him again, clearly flustered. “You sure about that?” 

You appropriately told Jason to fuck off before you pulled him down towards you again for another kiss. And that kiss turned into another, then another, and another. 

Your seemingly blasé attitude towards him and his constant teasing towards you had always helped you both shy away from whatever it was that you actually felt towards the other. It was easier to laugh at each other, or flirt, or push each other away than to actually move past your pride and admit how you felt. 

But then again, between tender caresses and heated kisses, you didn’t think there was a need to really say anything out loud. Where his hands were on your body alone could tell anyone what was going on in his head.

You had missed him more than you could express in words, and it was increasingly clear that he had felt the exact same way. Your relationship had always toyed at the fine line between friendship and something more, and your actions in that moment had firmly moved you both past the former. 

For so many years, your respective egos had provided a cover from a truth neither of you had been ready to come to terms with. But now, beneath the haze of cigarette smoke, sheets, and Gotham sunsets, you could finally see what exactly that was. There had always been something more underneath all of your smoke and mirrors. 

And although it wouldn’t be right then and there, eventually, you’d clear all of that smoke away.