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barzzal · 3 days ago

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call me crosby → part seven

summary: Young, reckless, and rash, an unplanned pregnancy causes a massive rift in your relationship with then, cup-hungry 27 year-old Sidney Crosby. As he gets caught up in his own childish and selfish ways, confused to what was once certain, he lets you struggle alone. His absence reasons a miscarriage scare that leads you to end the relationship. Years after losing you, having to live a life that’s surrounded with the families his friends have built through the years embodies his greatest regret. Now with three cups and tons of awards at his disposal, Sid is given a chance to right his wrongs and win what was once the biggest loss of his life.

pairing: sidney crosby x fem!reader gen. warnings: language and theme, co-parenting, mentions of pregnancy & false miscarriage, sexual/suggestive themes, 18+ ch. warnings: parenting, tantrums, and a tad bit of angst genre: hockey rpf, fluff, angst, kid-fic, exes to lovers length: series; 6.7k masterlist: the barn, series masterlist

note: when will i get to finish this fic? we're about to find out. quick psa, i have decided to drop the taglist. it is no longer possible for me to tag 280+ users each update. reblogs and comments still go a long way. happy reading! <3 (gif used: mine)

“Daddy, look at me go!”

A child squeals enthusiastically after finally having learned how to ride a bike. The father, who was just as elated as his son, had his hands in the air cheering him on.

It was a normal day at the park. Families roam around with little to no care to what is happening beyond the confines of the green space. So serene. The very place you’d want to be in solitude.

“Oh! look, your ice cream is melting.” said another father to his child.

It was a girl this time. About three years old. She had her hair down but a part of it was kept by a yellow bow. She hurriedly licks the cone and giggles. She looks up to her father with an angelic smile, handing over her ice cream.

“You want some, dad?” she offered.

Her father, with a gentle smile on his face, leaned over and had a bite.

He gently pats her head, “Thank you, darling.”

Daddy. Dad. He’s heard it a number of times but never had a chance to say it. He’s heard it in school, in the streets, in the diner, and in the party where he met his friends Alex and Nikita.

Is it the same as Papa? That’s what he heard from Niki, but he is uncertain. He’s only heard of it the first time from him. Well, maybe from a few soccer friends as well but he was too young to decipher anything.

In fact, if he had only thought harder, he would have remembered how you called his Poppy the same way. But insofar as his innocent years are concerned, to him, your father had always been just ‘Poppy.’

Lucas, with a frown on his face, scans his surroundings watching over every scene in front of him. He sits at one of the benches alone — waiting.

What does it mean? He has become baffled by such a term. Why hasn’t he ever used it?

His attention from all the “Dads” were taken away when he saw another kid running in his direction. This time, a caucasian boy, with cheeks flaming red from crying.

“Mommy!” he calls just as he passes Lucas. Lucas’ eyes follow the boy and he watches how he collapses in an embrace that seemed all too familiar.

Mommy. Now that’s something he knows.

Sure, others may call you by your name. He doesn’t like it sometimes, but he is fond of being the only one who got to call you ‘Mommy.’

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Lucas looks up at the direction where the voice was coming from. He is now being shaded from the sun as the man towered over him. He walks over to his side and sits with him.

“Here you go.” he says, handing him his own ice cream. Two scoops of chocolate. Boy, maybe it was his lucky day.

With his brows still quirked, Luke smiles.

“Thank you, Sid.”

“Come on now, you looked serious for a minute there.” Sidney teases. “What’s on your mind?”

He lets the child finish his first bite of the treat before he asks any further.

Once he’s through having tasted what seemed like the best chocolate ice cream he’s ever had, he looks over at Sidney, blurting out a question that caught the latter off-guard.

“What’s a Dad?”

“Oh.” Sidney looks at the boy’s doe eyes, thinking of how he’s supposed to go about such a question. “Well– a dad… is like your buddy! He’s someone who is always there for you. Someone who protects you, takes care of you, and makes sure that you’re as happy as you can be.”

Sidney looks at the child as he processes what he told him.

Lucas raises a brow, pondering. On the other hand, Sidney was beginning to sweat.

“Hey! My mom does all those things!” he marvels, tilting his head as he asks another question. “Is she my dad?”

“Hm,” Sidney thinks hard. Of all the queries thrown at him over the years, this was the first time he completely went blank. Maybe it’s the guilt, or the spontaneity of his son, — or maybe it’s just the simple fact that he doesn’t know how to be a ‘Dad’.

He knew of one thing though. His son was right. You were a Dad. You have been a Father to his son more than he will ever be. Ever since Lucas was born you technically played and juggled two roles. You were two parents instead of one. No one, especially Sidney, could ever deny that.

He clears his throat, “Yes. She’s a dad too.”

Sidney sees the child pout. He then knew he had yet another thing to ask.

“But…” he starts, momentarily looking over the Father and Son duo’s at the park. “Mommy’s a girl. All the dads here are boys.”

Sidney was stuck. It was either tell the child what he wanted to hear or give him a lecture on familial roles. As the afternoon sun shone on him, he just couldn’t bear the thought of Lucas wondering why he didn’t have a father.

One thing he wanted was to have you here explaining all this to Luke. He didn’t want to make yet another mistake. Telling Luke one thing could easily mean another that he did not mean to. Surely, denying and lying to his child wouldn’t be something he’d want his son to remember him by.

“They may be boys, but they’re not as amazing as your mom, aren’t they?” he says.

With a smirk spreading along Lucas’ lips, he agrees, just before he gets back to eating his ice cream.

“Yup. She’s awesome.”

Sidney, with eyes squinted at the child, silently prays that it was the end of that conversation.

Luke took a deep breath, quietly – just as he returned to his ice cream; letting Sidney finally breathe.

𖥸

Truth be told, Sidney was grateful that Luke seemed to have forgotten about the ‘Dad’ talk once he had stirred him on to talking about the only parent he has known all his life. Even though Sidney wanted nothing but for his son to acknowledge him as his father, he was fully aware that it was not the right time. He wasn’t even the right person to do it. For now, he is elated and content with the fact that he gets to spend his weekends with him.

Luke’s grip on Sidney’s hand tightens upon seeing a familiar car.

“We found it!” he says with glee, after having spotted Sidney’s vehicle.

It was quite a walk from the park and Sidney has thought of a fun way to make it worthwhile. He had been skipping said parking spot to prolong his time with his son but you agreed to have Luke home by four in the afternoon. After all, co-parenting with you has been going well. Sidney knew full well not to abuse your kindness.

“You good?” Sidney asks once Luke finished buckling himself in his car seat.

“A-Ok!” he answers with a thumbs up.

Sidney ruffles his son’s hair before closing the door, finally heading home.

“Did you have fun today?” Sidney takes a quick glance in the rearview mirror. He sees Luke’s hand deep in a bag of snacks you had packed for him.

“Yup! We should do this again.” He cheers.

A warm feeling spreads on Sidney’s chest, focusing his gaze towards the road.

“Sure thing, bud.” He says, quite fond of the time he gets to have now with his son.

As long as he had known Luke, he’s gotten a lot better in holding up a conversation than the first few times he was able to be alone with him. He doesn’t want to admit it, but Sidney likes to think he’s had a hand on such progress.

“You’re just like my mom.” Lucas takes Sidney’s attention back momentarily.

His brows quirk at the statement, “Whatever do you mean?”

“She always asks me if I had fun,” the child says, “maybe you’re a mom too.”

This made Sidney chuckle, “That’s not how it works, Lucas.”

“Because you’re a boy?” He asks yet again, circling back to an earlier conversation.

Absent-mindedly, Sidney taps the steering wheel with his finger, stopping at a red light.

He pulls the clutch up and answers, “Yes.”

Lucas marvels with a thought, “Then maybe you’re a Dad!”

“Hm. Maybe.” He treads lightly.

“Just not my Dad?”

Sidney’s heart sank to the pit of his stomach. There it was, his thin ice.

He was taken aback and could not find a way to respond. It was not the time and the place to tell Lucas anything about his father. Let alone tell your son anything coming from him of all people. Sidney could just imagine how furious and disappointed you would be if he decides so. He wouldn’t risk losing his family ever again.

The traffic light turns green, signaling Sidney’t turn. He looks at the rearview mirror one last time to see Lucas laser focused on the red car beside them.

He clears his throat just as he stirs the car towards the route home, “What else do you like about Mom?”

“She reads me bedtime stories!” Lucas tells him instantly. He begins listing the things he liked about you: Cooking him pancakes for breakfast, or that one dish your mom had taught you whenever he’s sick, fetching him after school, kissing him on the nose endlessly, and the fact that you are the Best Mom in the world.

“She also takes me to the place that has the best waffles.” He says dreamily.

With a smile on his face, Sidney replies, “Is that so?”

“Yes! Mom always helps me build my waffle fort.” Luke says, looking at the road.

“When was the last time you’ve gone to that place?” He asks.

Luke, who was deep in thought, replies, “When was Wednesday?”

Sidney breaks a smile, “Three days ago, bud.”

“We had lunch there last Wenzday.” Luke tells him stressing on the way you taught him to pronounce the word.

“Hm. That’s nice.”

Silence sits as Sidney finally pulls over your driveway.

“Wait! I have an idea!” Luke beams just as he successfully unfastened his car seat.

“What’s that, bud?” Sidney replies, looking back from the driver seat.

“You can come with us next time!” he beams.

“That’s a good idea. Should we ask Mom now?” Sidney quirks his brows to which Luke met with approving glee.

“Yes!”

In a heartbeat, Luke held Sidney’s hand when he helped him get out of the car. For a few weeks that have gone by, the Saturday time at the park was becoming a routine, not only for Sidney but mostly for Lucas too. It may be a time that the child was just happy to be in, but it was a whole lot more to his father.

𖥸

After two more knocks, you have finally managed to come to the door.

“Hi– wow!” Luke exclaimed the moment he saw you.

“You look so beautiful, Momma!”

“Why, thank you, my sweetheart.” You crouch to give him a small kiss atop his head.

Once you get back up, you meet Sidney’s stare.

The promise of waffles and pancakes, now long forgotten.

You noticed despite knowing he’s trying his best to hide it. After all, you’ve seen that look from him countless times in the past.

He sees you wearing a brown midi dress with a sheer black shawl draped effortlessly over your shoulder as you stand in a pair of black slingback heels from Yves Saint Laurent.

If only you knew how badly he wanted to wrap his arms around your waist just so he could bury himself in your scent. He had pictured it numerous times since the two of you reconnected. Your wide yet shy smile, the way he could easily lift you off your feet and make you instantly giggle.

You had your hair down and make-up on whilst wearing a perfume which he could only assume to have cost at least $200. You smelled exactly like he remembers.

After all those years, it amazes him how you’ve never failed to catch him off-guard so effortlessly. Of all the innovative ways you’ve come up with to be cruel, this was the least he could tolerate. How could he manage to be this close to you without falling apart?

“Hey, how was he?” you asked once the boys entered.

With ears ringing, your muffled voice moves past him like a spring breeze.

“I was well-behaved!” Luke playfully chimes in, eavesdropping.

You and Sidney share a friendly laugh. It still felt weird being in close proximities knowing the two of you were now in amicable terms. You said you were friends, but it’s rather obvious that that is not the case. With the thought of what is good for Lucas, you and Sidney meander your way through co-parenting exchanging nothing more than reserved glances and approving nods. A glance reminding not to cross the line. A nod for a job well done.

Sidney confirms, ruffling the boy’s hair, “You were, bud.”

Luke props himself down on the couch, letting the adults talk.

Once certain that the child is no longer amused by the exchanges happening between his mother and his coach, you and Sidney try to become better friends.

“You look good by the way.” Sidney says, trying to downplay a compliment.

You give him a reserved smile as you ignore the strings he had managed to pull.

“Thank you.” you say, “and thank you for today. I could tell he’s been having fun with you.”

“You’re welcome.” Sidney says with a soft grin, “Thank you for letting me.”

You roll your eyes, failing to mask how you have expected his reply.

Sidney chuckles, feigning a defensive reply. “What? Why?”

“You’ve been saying that for almost a month, Sid.” you say, indulging in a familiar banter.

“This is your Saturday now. You don’t have to thank me.”

“My Saturday?” He raises a brow.

“Well, yeah. That’s how this arrangement goes.” you remind him.

He continues to gaze upon you like he had never done in a long while. A thick lump or regret sits in his throat for letting go of the woman meters away from him. A couple of things run in his mind – most of which he feels guilty about for being so sinful. One thing was apparent, he wasn’t off the hook as he thought he would have already been.

He had been preoccupied by his son that he had lost attention as to how he felt about you. At least, how he still feels for you. Right now, he’s going to have to put a pin on that.

He could not help but think of what you could have possibly meant by what you said. Were you happy that he was in Luke’s life? Were you happy he was back in yours?

Needless to say, Sidney knew not to ask questions he didn't want to have a definitive answer to.

“Are you… going somewhere?” He shoots a query.

How long has he been waiting to ask that? You think.

“Well- yeah, actually, give me a second.” You declare, almost dismissively.

You then grab your phone and head towards the other room. You’ve never told him what you do on your own time ever since he came back, not all things have to change just because you decided to let your guard down.

Sidney couldn’t do anything but give you a nod of retreat. He overestimated himself with such a question despite being framed in the least intrusive manner possible. He should have known that none of that matters so long as it came from him.

He watches you disappear into the other room, letting go of a sigh. He still has a long way to go.

In the meantime, Sidney decides to sit beside his son who was rather busy building blocks from his lego-box.

𖥸

It didn’t take a while for you to come back. Sidney sees you easing your way into the family room as though you had something weighing on your mind.

“Hey,” you call for him, “Can I have a word?”

Sidney nods, “Yeah, sure.”

He hands one of the lego pieces back to Luke, telling him he’ll be back shortly.

“What’s up?” he said just as he was able to gather himself up and meet you at eye level.

“I just checked with my babysitter and she informed me she wouldn’t be able to come.” you tread your way lightly. It was so unlike you to be asking him for a favor, let alone the kind you’re about to.

Sidney reads your mind, “Do you need me to stay with Luke?”

“Would you? I mean- only if you don’t mind me asking.” you tell him.

“I’m his dad, y/n.” he replies. “You don’t need a babysitter. You have me.”

You hesitate. You did not want to owe him anything.

As for Sidney, he only wanted more time with his son.

“C’mon. It’s me. I’m here now.”

Now. You do have him now.

What does that supposed to mean?

You blow past what he had just said, instead try to confirm, “Are you sure I’m not keeping you from anything?”

He takes a step closer, his hand gently caressing your arm for assurance.

“You’re not.” He tells you, “Besides, it’s a Saturday. What do I even have to do?”

Unknowingly, the both of you look at your son immersed in his own activity to even care about what you and Sidney have been discussing.

You move away from him, crossing your arms to your chest.

“Yes, it’s a Saturday. But you’re Sidney Crosby.” you kid.

You see his brows quirk as though there was an impending retort to your sentiment. Sidney was about to reply when the doorbell rang.

“Oh, shoot.” You say looking at the doorway, “I need to get that.”

Unbeknownst to you, Sidney follows. He sees you walk towards the door and open it with a giant smile the moment you saw who was at the door.

Just like that, Sidney’s guts turn at the sight of a man a few inches taller than you, holding a bouquet of flowers at your front door. Lilies.

Now he understood why you were all dressed up. You have a date. He figured that’s why you didn’t answer when he asked. Why would you anyway? You did not have to let him know.

He watches the man lean over, Sidney’s eyes falling onto the hand maliciously snaking its way to your back just as he watches you plant a small kiss on the man’s cheek.

Sidney was taken aback, stoned to his feet at the sight of you in another man’s arms.

With the same smile he’d seen from you several years ago, you invite said man inside your home.

“Sid,” you call his attention.

He wanted to reply but couldn’t. His throat was dry — nary a word to utter.

Sidney, however, kept his gaze at the guy walking just behind you.

“I’d like you to meet Dean,” you say gracefully as if it wasn’t thinly veiled with caution.

Despite that, Sidney couldn’t help but notice just how familiar this guy was. Sidney was sure he had seen him somewhere, but could not place him. This guy had an effortless charm coupled with a grin Sidney has only gotten used to seeing from the younger players in the league. It was akin to Mathew Barzal’s, being one to have the same grin. A grin that can irk and get the best of him so easily.

“Sidney,” he offers his hand, which Dean politely accepts, “Nice to meet you.”

“Uh-” Dean chuckles, glancing at you and Sidney.

“Actually, we’ve met before.” he states.

Shocked at the information, you ask, “Really? When?”

“You do look familiar.” Sidney affirms, ignoring your query.

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Dean says with a grin again, just as he turns over to you with an answer, “We met at the hospital when you were visiting Claire.”

The “holy shit, you’re Sidney Crosby” guy. Sidney thinks to himself.

With a hand in his pocket, and the other placed on the back of his neck, Sidney says, “Right. I remember now.”

It was probably that one time Claire had told you Sidney just showed up at her office unannounced.

“Isn’t this crazy? I didn’t know you were also friends with Sidney Crosby?” Dean turns to you.

“Yeah,” you confirm reluctantly as you exchange knowing looks with Sidney, “he’s a family friend.”

Sidney doesn’t say a word after having been caught off-guard by the sight of you and a stranger.

Dean, on the other hand, seemed to have thought he just happened to be in a conversation with a girl who happened to be close friends with a hockey superstar.

You could not help but feel the intense gaze Sidney puts upon you. It was as if he was waiting for you to give him some sort of assurance or a sign that what’s between you and the guy he just met is nothing compared to what he is trying to rebuild with you. As if.

To say the least, there was indeed tension. Although not between Dean and Sidney.

So, you try to laugh it off. “Anyway, I should probably let Luke know I’m going.”

You exited the scene as fast as you could have and went your way to the only guy that mattered.

“Hey, you.” you say as you sat in a bean bag across from him.

You found Luke still in his own little bubble building legos.

“Hi momma.” he acknowledges you in a heartbeat. “Are you going now?”

“About to.” you say, “but not without a kiss and hug.”

He beams at the notion and quickly gets off his feet to launch himself at his poor mother.

“Wow, I’m surprised you’re letting me go easily.” you tell him.

Even when you’ve said it in jest, you were really not expecting him to let you go without batting an eye. Most of the time, you received endless questions interrogating you about the where’s, when’s, and whom all of the questions you’ve answered will be done with. It seemed as though you had underestimated your son yet again.

Luke shrugs, “It’s ‘cause I know you’ll come back.”

You tilt your head, “Really? How so?”

“Because Sidney did.”

A smile creeps in your lips. It’s true. Sidney did come back. You promised your son he would. And that’s exactly what happened.

Despite knowing that Lucas is yet to comprehend the weight of what he had just told you, you were glad to see how confident your son has become at the thought of having someone like his Father.

Said smile however, drifts away just as fast as you caught yourself having such thought. Father. Your son is slowly becoming accustomed to the normalcy, that is, his friend Sidney. You were leaving albeit temporarily but your son is already pushing you out the door because he had someone else to be with him. Sidney is slowly fitting into a role you have not even thought of giving him. You feel petrified because Sidney might actually be able to play the part and you can no longer keep him out of your life.

The inkling that you might lose control of the things in the palm of your hand scares you more than you like to admit. For now, you bask in the reality that as much as Lucas is concerned, to him, Sidney is just Sidney.

“Sidney’s gonna be with you while I’m gone, is that okay?” you tell your son as you hold him in your arms.

“Mkay!” Luke cheers as he innocently gazes upon you.

“Oh, my sweet boy.” You caress his cheeks just before you plant a small kiss atop his nose.

“I love you.”

Scrunching his nose, he replies, “Love you too, mom.”

𖥸

Luke told Sidney he wanted to watch The Jungle Book after he had gotten into his pajamas. Sidney has tuned out much of the film for his mind was clearly somewhere else.

It had been at least three hours since you left. And even though he does not want to admit it, he could no longer wait for you to return. He wanted to know who he was. He wanted to know if it was just a one time thing or if he was someone you have been seeing for quite some time. He wanted to have the chance to ask you about it, but he knows he’s better off not asking at all.

He could not bear to think about the possibility of someone else – some other guy in your life; even more so his son’s.

Co-parenting with you has been tough but that’s something he can soldier through. In spite of all conditions and demands, nothing stood a chance because Sidney only wanted to see you and his son every chance he could get.

He can bear every hurdle you throw at him if that’s what it takes to fight for his family. You can even treat him like a rug and he still wouldn’t bat an eye. However, after seeing you with Dean, and the thought of you going on dates and meeting new people, that’s something Sidney could not stomach.

He was scared, terrified to his core.

He didn’t want to lose you back when he had you, but he still did.

How could he possibly lose you now?

But just like Sidney’s, your mind was with him and your son back home.

You wanted to go back the moment you sat down for dinner. Dean was going over the menu, talking about how starved he felt after a long day at the hospital but you were thinking about whether or not Sidney was able to get Luke ready in time for bed.

Nevertheless, you still paid attention for the entirety of the date. Well, you still tried.

You learned much of the basics about Dean. He was an only child born and raised in Cleveland. He wanted to move to a place close but far away enough from his folks hence, the move to Pittsburgh.

He had this cheeky “doctor” smile comparable to that of Chase’s in House MD. Same blond hair and blue eyes. Perhaps, the only box unchecked was that he wasn’t Australian.

“So… “ he starts, a hand inside his coat pocket, the other holding the umbrella that was shielding the both of you from the drizzle. Dean insisted on walking you to your door despite the fact, clearly wanting a bit more time before the date officially ends.

“What’s with you and Sidney?”

“Huh?” You flutter your eyes, clearly distracted.

“Was he a client?” he adds.

“Oh, us? No– yeah, he’s an old friend.” You debated between lying and telling the truth.

“Are you… a fan of the Penguins?” you tread carefully, wanting to be nice.

He thinks a moment before answering, “Not of the team nor Sidney per se, just hockey in general.”

“Luke seems to be real close to him,” he noticed.

You give him a reserved smile, wishing he would let go of his curiosity. “Yes, they are awfully close.”

A brief silence passes by before he asks yet again, “Am I getting in the middle of something between you two?”

“Huh– what? No, of course not.” You reply in an instant, way too fast; way too rehearsed.

Dean nods slowly, letting it pass. It dawned on him that maybe he really was.

Nevertheless, your response was followed by a reassurance. “You’re not. Don’t worry about it.”

Dean stops at his tracks, looking past you and straight to the front door of your home.

“Well, this has been nice,” he says. “I had a great time. Thank you.”

“I enjoyed the evening too.” you say, looking up at him. “Thank you.”

He leans towards you– closer than usual, planting a small kiss on your cheek.

Warmth spreads on your face, feeling giddy at the thought of what it was like in your 20s when you used to date and meet people before you met Sidney.

You wrap your arm around him, holding him in a friendly embrace. “Good night, Dean” you say.

“Good night.” He says it back along with your name. “See you around.”

You turn on your heels and finally head home.

𖥸

The low light of the television grazed over Luke’s face just as Sidney’s chest and breathing lulled him to sleep. Sidney had no idea what time it was. Between reaching for his phone tucked in his back pocket and accidentally waking up his son, he knows that he’d rather just stew in silence and wait for the sunrise.

It was the first time Sidney got to spend such a long time with Luke. Despite the guilt he felt as he cruised in what was only a mere fraction of your life as a single parent, Sidney did fondly enjoy being a father even if it meant doing it unbeknownst to the very person he wanted to know the most.

Luke was nestled in his arms, soundly asleep. Oddly enough, his father’s chest made a very comfortable make-shift pillow. Maybe the child didn’t really care whether it was or it wasn’t. Sidney’s scent was new to him— something that didn’t remind him of anything. It was a new scent Sidney would now be associated with.

For as long as he remembers.

His pondering was cut short the moment he heard the fumbling of keys on the other side of the front door. You were home.

He reaches for the remote, and shuts the television off.

When he hears you come in, he closes his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

You quietly close the door behind you as you come home to a house fast asleep. You take off your coat, and your heels before threading your way lightly towards the living room.

Upon entering, you see a sight that easily tugged at your chest. Sidney holding your son who was deep in sleep right on his chest. He had his arm wrapped around the boy’s back, the other resting by his side. Luke, being the child that he is, was close to drooling over his father’s shirt.

You recognize the quilt your mother made Luke covering both of them. You ease your way in as you sit on your knees beside Sidney, unaware that your faces were inches away from each other.

You softly graze your hand over Luke’s head, accidentally waking up Sidney.

He clears his throat, the moment he laid eyes on you.

“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?” you whisper.

Sidney only shakes his head. He had been awake the entire time.

He gathered the courage to ask while you were busy admiring your son, “How did the date go?”

You absent-mindedly smile, “It went nicely.” you say.

Sidney’s heart sank.

“I haven’t really gone out in a while. It did feel good to be out in the city.”

Before Sidney could even respond, you’ve already put your attention on your son.

“I hope he wasn’t too much to handle.” you say.

“Too much?” Sidney can’t help but grin. “He’s wonderful.”

You continue admiring the way your baby looked so peaceful, even if it meant it was in his father’s arms. Caressing his cheeks, ever so slightly.

“How come?” He asks again.

“Hm?” you respond, meeting his eyes in a second.

You break away but Sidney keeps his gaze on you. He watches intently as to what the answer could be. He searched for any glimmer in your eyes, but they weren’t there.

A hollow laugh escapes as you feel sorry for yourself. You have never given it much thought, but perhaps you have neglected yourself putting everything else first, one way or the other.

“Well, between work and being a mom, there really isn’t enough time left for just myself.”

“Do you think you’re going to see him again?” He asks, biting the inside of his cheeks. He was afraid to know the answer. However, what choice does he have? He needed to know.

Saying one thing would easily mean another.

A ‘yes’ would mean his chance of mending ties with the family he once had, would get even slimmer than it already was. It means having to live a life of endless Saturday’s dropping off his son’s in the hands of his mother’s husband. It could mean a life lived by the side lines. Luke gets to live a life with a father that wanted him the very first chance he could get. And you, you finally get to move on while Sidney lives with the thought of losing you each time he sees you.

A ‘no,’ – well, isn’t much of an assurance either. He might walk the halls of your home, but he knows all too well you can easily keep him out of your home altogether.

The only thing he could do is hope that you’d tell him the truth.

You gaze at him, trying to decipher the look he had on his face muddled by the night light.

You shrugs, “I don’t—”

Luke fuzzes, awakened by his parents’ talking.

“Mommy…”

Sidney could only think of how that phrase could have ended.

“Hey, baby.” You softly call him.

“You’re late.” He murmurs.

You failed to stifle a laugh, “Am I in trouble?”

“Mm. No.” He says, voice laced with sleep.

“I’m glad.” you say as you plant a small kiss on his forehead.

Sidney caresses the back of his son, admiring the bond you had with him.

“Do you want to sleep in your room? It’s more comfortable.” You offer.

Luke, lazily nods. When Sidney feels him move, he props himself up and says, “I got him.”

True to his words, Sidney got Luke.

𖥸

“He’s finally down for the night.” You inform Sidney as you close the door to Luke’s bedroom.

“I really appreciate you spending time with him.” You earnestly tell Sidney. “Thank you.”

He gives you a nod, overwhelmed by how your words meant to him.

“As long as you let me.” He says, filled with glee.

What you say next almost sent him into a spiral.

“You’re his Dad, I don’t have to.” You answer, despite knowing what made him say such a thing.

Sidney was able to compose himself, absorbing what you had just said. He didn’t want to misread anything especially when the manner you said it, despite being sincere, was still guarded– calculated.

Sidney smiles, at a loss for words.

Your eyes were torn away from Sidney towards the window. He follows your gaze. The rain is pouring harder than earlier, steady and rhythmic, lulling the city to sleep. Once the sky grumbled and a thunder roared from a distance, Sidney knew the traffic would get worse and it meant him needing to go home.

“I should probably get going.” he tells you with a steady voice. Disappointed that his day with you and Luke was over.

You look at him with a puzzled expression painted on your face. Driving at night in such a weather condition isn’t a good idea. Nevertheless, you brushed away the thought and let him take the stairs.

Silence filled your home, leaving only the rain dripping down the windows and the sound of your footsteps witnessing you debate with yourself upon the obvious, that is, whether or not invite Sidney to stay the night.

You watch him take his coat, eventually wearing it to prepare for the road.

You fold your arms close to your chest as you let him get to the door. With lips agape, you hesitate.

Something made you unsure. You didn’t really know for whose benefit you were doing this for. You didn’t want to weaken your defenses, nor send Sidney the wrong message at the expense of a mere gesture.

A faint grumble spreads in the sky yet again, this time with lightning illuminating a part of Sidney’s face. His coat was already damp just by holding the door ajar.

He gives you one final smile just as he closes the door behind him.

Your hand catches the doorknob before he could manage to do so.

“Sid,” You call his name, instantly making his heart twist.

He could barely hear anything because of the weather, but his name coming from your lips cut through clear enough.

Sid. It had been a while since you last called him that. It was always Sidney, or nothing at all. Surely, it was enough to stop him in his tracks, forgetting about even wanting to go home.

“You don’t have to go,” you say the moment he faced you. You open the door for him, avoiding his gaze.

Sidney was inches away from you that he could barely mask the abrupt change in his breathing. He didn’t want to seem too excited, but no matter how much he denies it, he simply was.

“Are you sure?” He genuinely asks.

You nod, “I am. You can stay. The rain isn’t letting up anyway.”

Sidney studies your face for a moment, searching for the faintest sign of insincerity – or even regret as regards having to invite him in the first place. But alas, your silence and inability to meet his eyes made him certain that you wanted him around.

So, he no longer fought with what he felt and instead went along with the words you have for him.

He gives you a nod, quietly taking off his coat to put it back where it was a minute ago.

“Thanks.” was all that he could utter.

“You can take the couch in the family room,” You suggest. “It’s more comfortable.”

“Sure.” He answers with a gentle grin, not wanting to impose.

You didn’t bother to waste one second of silence shared with your ex-boyfriend and head towards the linen cabinet to get him a fresh sheet and a blanket.

Sidney, stoned to his feet, watches you disappear down the hall, still dazed at the thought of the moment earlier. He couldn’t put into words how he felt. He was filled with hope, overjoyed, and overwhelmed at once. Neither could you for you were feeling the exact opposite. You were scared, confused, and regretting the crippling indecision that led you making the call anyway.

Upon returning, he sees you carrying an extra pillow along with the white sheet and duvet earlier promised. It was late at night and the rain hadn't eased at all. Sidney was glad he wasn’t spending it on the road.

You hand him the pillow and sheets which he takes off of your hands immediately, brushing skin to skin for a brief moment.

You don’t say another word. You turn on your heels and aim towards your way upstairs.

He wanted to thank you once more, but chose to let you go. After all, all this could mean nothing short of a kind gesture. A friend helping out a friend. An exchange unworthy of being read too much into.

As Sidney settled in for the night, nestled in the sheets that smelt like the bed he used to share with you, he stared at the window – deep in thought. Who knew after all these years that he’d get to sleep again under the same roof as you. Walk the same halls, even if it’s short-lived.

One thing still couldn't escape him. Tonight meant something. Even if it meant something far fetched or surreal. It meant he had reasons to be hopeful. Tonight, he lets himself sink in the present as he closes his eyes, warmth spreading in his chest, content with the thought of finally having his family nearby.

note: hi! i made the decision to drop the taglist for the remaining chapters. the tags aren't really working anymore considering the tag limit and it's honestly time consuming. apart this, i wanted to remove the reason for me waiting for feedbacks bc oftentimes, y’all like but do not rb grrr! i want to be able to write with the little time i have now and i don’t want the lack of feedback/s ruin what i enjoy doing in my free time. i hope you guys understand. rest assured, this series is going to be completed (for my own peace of mind) ♡

i appreciate all kinds of feedback

#icymi #timezone rb

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